Is CoDependency A Problem In Your Life?

How codependency and struggle are linked.

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly.
One day a small opening appeared in the cocoon.
The man sat and watched the butterfly for several hours
as it struggled
to squeeze it's body through the tiny hole.
Then it stopped
as if it couldn't go any further.

So the man decided
to help
the butterfly.
He took a pair of scissors and snipped
off the remaining bits of cocoon.
The butterfly emerged easily
but…
it had a swollen body and shriveled wings.
The man continued to watch it,
expecting
that any minute the wings would enlarge and expand enough to support the body.
Neither happened.

In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life
crawling around the ground.
It was never able to fly.

Here is what the man in his kindness and haste didn't understand:
The butterfly can fly only because it has
to struggle
to come out of the cocoon.
The pushing forces enzymes from the body to wing tips…
strengthening the wing muscles, and reducing body weight allowing it to fly.
This process started with struggle and ended with the butterfly flying the moment it came out of the cocoon.

One of the messages in this story is that the struggle was part of what the butterfly needed to do in order to fly. Without the struggle, the butterfly was destined to crawl around on its belly and probably die an early death.

Life is full of struggles, which I like to call challenges. They hone our skills and make us strong. People who enable other people take this away, and perpetuate codependency…unknowingly. They are well meaning but their intentions create a lot of harm and rarely result in good outcomes. It is painful to watch a loved one struggle with drugs, alcohol, and/or life's daily challenges. However, our job is not to do their work and thus keep them in codependency. That is their job. It is the butterfly's job to beat its wings against the cocoon until it emerges and flies away. Our job is to stand by in support and love remembering that…experiencing dark times can be necessary for transformation out of codependency.

Are You Feeling Overwhelmed?

Here's an interesting tool to put into your tool-kit-of-coping-skills when feeling overwhelmed with life's challenges.

I have recommended this tool to many individuals who have come to my office feeling overwhelmed and anxious. It's called What's On Your Plate?  Here's how it goes:

1. Take a sheet of paper 8 1/2 by 11.
2. List all the major "things" that make you feel overwhelmed, e.g. not enough time for myself.
3. Leave a few spaces after each line.
4. Cut each line into strips. So, if you had 10 items that caused you to feel most overwhelmed, you would have 10 strips.
5. First, take the 3 most important items that have a time constraint on them, i.e. that need to be taken care of soon.  Mark the back of each  one with a big red checkmark or some symbol that will alert you that this one has a time factor.
6. Then fold each strip into a small piece making sure that the red shows.
7. Get a paper plate or plate and put the red marked pieces on it because you want to deal with those first.
8. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and concentrate as you put your hands over the plate. You want to draw to you the one strip that you need most to work on.
9. Pick a strip, open it up, and read it.
10. You will concentrate your efforts on this one strip and do what needs to be done to bring it to complete resolution or to enough resolution so that you no longer see it as a major concern and your mind will be at ease. (Remember to look for your motivation!)
11. When resolved, put that strip into a container marked "completed." And, go back to your plate and pick another.
12. Continue to do this exercise until all of the strips have been completed.

There are  some of life's circumstances that may not be easily handled in this manner. However, for the most part, most situations where we feel overwhelmed can be. What's On Your Plate? is a powerful and effective tool for managing being overwhelmed. Its purpose is to teach us that when we break up our problems into bite sized pieces they are easier to chew and digest.  And, you will find that once your feeling of being overwhelmed has decreased, then your anxiety levels will decrease, freeing up your energy to be even more effective in coping with your challenges. Remember, there is usually something on a deeper level that you love that can be manifested and used as motivation to overcome feelings of being overwhelmed with life's challenges. Don't forget to look for it.

So put this in your tool-kit-of-coping-skills and don't forget to use it. It really works!

Life's challenges which often create anxiety can be overwhelming.

Here's a tool for coping with anxiety due to feeling overwhelmed.

Are you overwhelmed with life's challenges? If so, don't worry most people have been at one time or another. It's a factor of life. Feeling overwhelmed creates anxiety when you remain in a constant state of being overwhelmed. In this state you often feel you are losing your ability to feel competent to meet life's daily challenges.

I have a story I'd like to share that may be helpful in coping with anxiety due to being overwhelmed. As you will see, feeling overwhelmed can be a result of many little unattended  things piling up.

The story began in my studio the other day when I wanted to begin an art project. When I entered the studio and looked around, I became overwhelmed by the clutter. Storage containers and boxes full of stuff were everywhere. There was no room even to sit down and write in my journal. I wondered what I could do with all this stuff that was not only getting in my way of doing some creative work but was also creating anxiety in me. Where will I put it? 

I decided that I would take the stuff to the garage and store it there. I went into the garage, saw what a mess it was and once again became overwhelmed. I had been planning on moving a few months ago and had collected about fifty or more empty boxes for packing. They were everywhere. In addition there were all kinds of stuff in boxes that needed to be sorted and/or discarded. My anxiety barometer was peaking. In order to organize my studio I now had to organize my garage.

The previous owner of the house had built on the east wall of the garage sturdy storage shelves from floor to ceiling. The shelves, however, were already loaded with "stuff!" I did notice though that if things were moved around and reorganized I could possibly make some room for the boxes in the studio to be stored there. So I got on a ladder and started moving things around. I folded tarps that were strewn on a shelf taking up a lot of space. A few things had to be discarded but the majority of the stuff just needed to be rearranged and stacked to tighten up the space. It only took me an hour or so to do that which brought my anxiety level down a notch or two. When I was done I had not only made space for some more stuff but I had put some order to the stuff that was already there. Now I knew what was in the boxes that had been there for so long! I then returned to the studio and brought the storage boxes and the boxes with stuff into the garage and placed them in their new location on the shelves. And… there was some immediate gratification that went with this process. The east wall looked great! What was a disorganized pile of stuff was now organized and very accessible.

There are a couple of points to this story which may help you understand how to cope with feeling overwhelmed and its consequent feeling of anxiety. The first is, I broke up a seemingly overwhelming project into a small piece. I didn't organize the entire garage (which by the way really needs it); I merely took one piece of it, the east wall, and organized it so that I would have enough space to store the stuff from the studio. The second is that my primary motivation was not to clean and organize the garage. My primary motivation was to organize my studio so that I could be creative there. That's where my real interest lay. Getting the east wall of the garage organized was a secondary but necessary goal for me in order to get my primary goal of organizing my studio accomplished. I used the energy that my primary motivation generated (wanting to do creative work) to clean an area in one place (the garage) so that I could clean an area in another place (the studio) so that I would have space to do my creative work.

The challenging task is to find your motivation that will drive you to accomplish a task that can be overwhelming and anxiety producing, so that a higher or deeper desire can be realized. The challenge is finding the motivation to manage the overwhelming feelings and having the tools to help you do so. In my next blog, you will find an exercise called What's On Your Plate? This tool is highly effective in helping you to cope with feelings of being overwhelmed with life's daily challenges and in developing a more serene approach to life.

Thinking About Gluten Reminds Me of What George Bernard Shaw Suggested “Better Keep Yourself Clean And Bright: You Are The Window Through Which You Must See The World.” 

Gluten = Glue….

Gluten is derived from the Latin word for glue and is one of the many proteins found most especially in wheat but also in rye, barley, oats, kamut, and spelt. It can also be hidden in foods such as soy sauce and even in French fries.

Research has shown that gluten is inflammatory and has been shown to damage internal organs and tissue. Celiac disease (CD) is a serious result of gluten intolerance. It is a genetically inherited sensitivity to gluten. When people with this disease eat gluten-containing products, their body’s immune reaction damages the mucosal lining of the intestinal tract resulting in chronic inflammation of the cell lining of the small intestine.

Potential Damage From Gluten…

Celiac Disease often manifests with the classic GI symptoms of diarrhea and weight loss due to mal-absorption of nutrients (vitamins and minerals). Depression is common in Celiac Disease patients, perhaps due to these nutritional deficiencies. Celiac Disease sufferers are also known to be low in key mood regulating neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin.

A multitude of other diseases and conditions are associated with Celiac Disease. Listed here are only a few: anxiety, ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), autism, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, headaches/migraines, IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), schizophrenia, thyroiditis…and many more. When the small intestine is damaged as it is with Celiac Disease, nutrient deficiencies (vitamins and minerals) occur. Even though Celiacs may overeat or binge on such foods as pizza, bread, cookies all containing gluten, their intestines are not absorbing necessary nutrients. As a result, these nutritional deficiencies lead to cravings and the potential of reoccurring alcohol or drug use.

So let’s keep our windows clean and gluten free.

In Recovery? Clean Your Windows Through Better Nutrition

Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world. ~ George Bernard Shaw

When I read this quote the other day, it took me back to the theme of the 3-headed dragon of addiction that I introduced readers in a previous post.  There, we learned the three heads are a spiritual, emotional, and physical experience. If we think about our being the window through which we see the world, let’s think about how clean is my window and how does it aid in my recovery?

Self Care For Recovery…

The individual in recovery needs to look at the physical head of the dragon and  ask:  Do I eat well and get enough sleep? When was the last time I had a checkup or went to the dentist? Do I keep myself clean? Take breaks? Exercise? Haven't you looked literally through dirty windows wishing they were cleaner so you could see the landscape or whatever more clearly. It isn’t really any different with our selves and our bodies.

Feeling angry one day may lead to the tendency to see the world through the “anger” veil or window. People will seem to look back at us angrily and maybe in reality they will be angry in response to the anger that was expressed. Confusing? Not really.

Think about it.  A person in recovery needs more than ever to feed their  brain as well as their body.   Our brains are dependent upon healthy fats (wild fish, avocados, olive oil), vitamins and minerals (vegetables and fruits), protein (meat, fish, poultry, nuts, seeds), and grains to make the neurotransmitters that affect our mood (serotonin for feeling positive as an example). Eating bad food (refined sugar, refined carbs) can lead to feeling cranky, depressed, agitated, and tired afterward. 

To enhance recovery, eat for health, clean your windows, and feed a good mood for lasting recovery.  In future articles, you can look forward to learning more about how to clean your window nutritionally.  

A Recipe for Recovery: Mache, Apple, Raspberry, and Frisee (Curly Endive) Salad

Remembering that Good Food = Good Mood, here is a quick, delicious, and vitamin rich salad I call the Anti-Stress/Anti-Fatigue Salad. Great nutrition for those in recovery.

Anti-Stress Dressing For Recovery

2-1⁄2 tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil

1 1⁄2 tbsp. brown rice vinegar

1 tbsp. lime juice

1⁄2tbsp. local organic honey

1 tsp. Dijon mustard

salt and freshly ground pepper
 

Anti-Fatigue Salad For Recovery

3 cups frisee

5 cups mache (sounds like “mosh”)

1 sweet-tart red apple (such as Gala or Braeburn), cored and sliced

1⁄4 cup fresh raspberries (or frozen if fresh not available) 

1 tbsp. (1 ounce) crumbled goat cheese 

2-3 tbsp. toasted chopped pecans

Mix all dressing ingredients together in a small bowl. In a large salad bowl, combine frisee, mache, apple, raspberries, goat cheese, and pecans. Drizzle with about 3⁄4 of the dressing and toss gently.

This salad is rich in the B vitamin folic acid (B9). B9 is required for energy production, formation of red and white blood cells (immunity), and is considered brain food. As a brain food, folic acid assists in regulating mood (antidepressant) and sleep patterns, particularly in older persons. It also includes the other B-complex vitamins, thiamine (B1), riboflavin (B2), niacin (B3), pantothenic acid (B5), pyridoxine (B6), B12, inositol, & choline. Much of the B-vitamins are lost through drinking alcohol. The alcoholic in recovery can be certain that they are Vitamin B depleted.

The B-complex plays a vital role in maintaining a stable nervous system and a balanced brain essential for recovery. A balanced brain = a balanced mood – also essential for recovery. Deficiencies in these vital nutrients can result in: memory loss, mental confusion, nervousness, headaches, poor concentration, depression, anxiety, fatigue, apprehension, hyperactivity, insomnia, and impaired ability to create serotonin and other mood regulating neurotransmitters.

Additionally, Vitamin C, the true guardian of the immune system is found in this salad. It is no coincidence that our energy runs low in the winter. Winter is a difficult season for the body. Its more vulnerable, and our immune defenses tend to weaken. And if heavy drinking or drug use is or was present then it is for certain that the immune defenses will be down as well as the supply of B- complex. This needs to be replentished once in recovery.

Another nutritional plus in this salad is its content of ellagic acid which protects against damage to the chromosomes and blocks the cancer-causing actions of many pollutants such as in cigarette smoke. How many people in recovery are still smoking? Here’s a breakdown of the nutritional content of the ingredients:

Mache – is a small green that grows in rosette-shaped bunches. 5 oz. of mache contains 95% of the RDA of Vitamin C. Thanks to its Vitamin B9 content, mache is a food that has natural anti-fatigue, anti-stress, and anti-depressive properties. 100g of mache contain almost the RDA of 400-mcg of B9. Mache contains potassium, phosphorus, calcium, iron (it has a third more iron than spinach), and fiber. It can be found in the refrigerated packaged greens section at Whole Foods.

Frisee – or curly endive is a variety of chicory with a slightly peppery or nutty taste. Similar to dandelion greens – frisee is high in Vitamin A, C, and the B vitamins riboflavin, B6, and thiamine. Frisee is an excellent source of calcium, copper, manganese, iron, protein, choline, inulin, and pectin. Overall, the benefits of eating frisee are one of a “toning” effect on the body. The bitterness is a digestive tonic with intestinal, antiseptic, germicidal, and expectorant effects.

Apple – an excellent source of Vitamin C, pectin, and other fibers, potassium, ellagic acid and flavonoids (especially quercitin). Raw apples have a higher nutrient content than cooked and the nutrients are found mostly in the skin. Apple consumption is consistently associated with a reduced risk of heart disease, cancer (ellagic acid), asthma, and Type 2 diabetes.

Raspberries – an excellent source of fiber, manganese, Vitamin C, flavonoids (powerful antioxidants), and ellagic acid. A good source of B-complex ( B2, B9, niacin, pantothenic acid, and B6).

Pecans – 1 oz. of pecans contains 2.6 g of protein, 3.93 g of carbohydrates, and 2.72 g of fiber. They contain significant amounts of plant sterols, which have been widely researched for their cholesterol-lowering effects. They are a good source of the B-complex B1, B3, B5, B6 and Vitamin E. Pecans are high in manganese, copper, molybdenum, zinc, magnesium, iron, potassium, calcium and selenium.

Goat cheese – a good source of protein, phosphorous, calcium, the B- vitamins riboflavin, biotin, and pantothenic acid, and Vitamin D.

Olive oil – consists chiefly of oleic acid, a monosaturated oil that is mildly anti-inflammatory. It is one of the healthy fats that we need in our diets. This simple yet nutritiously dynamic salad is easy to make, delicious, and full of the nutrients that the body in recovery so desperately needs.  

Alcohol and Drug Addiction and Hypoglycemia

Can Good Nutrition Fight Addiction?

Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, became very interested in the biochemical basis of alcoholism and addiction. He researched this area extensively especially in the last years before his death. He personally suffered from hypoglycemic symptoms and depression and was known to consume a lot of caffeine and sugar. Once he took these foods out of his diet and added eating nutrition-dense foods, his blood sugar was stabilized and his sense of well being returned. He was driven to share this information with other alcoholics.

Bill W. self-published two pamphlets First and Second Communication to Alcoholics Anonymous Physicians (1965) and (1968). In 1971 after Bill’s death, Lois, his wife and founder of Alanon, published a pamphlet, The Vitamin B-3 Therapy: A 3rd Communication to AA’s Physicians stating that her husband, Bill, had become convinced that there was a biochemical connection with alcoholism and addiction. Hypoglycemia doesn’t necessarily go away when you stop drinking or using. It is a metabolic disorder that has to be corrected with proper diet and nutrition. My last post, Hypoglycemia and Addiction discussed this topic in some detail.

Preventing Symptoms of Hypoglycemia

Here are the top 15 out of 41 symptoms reported by 1200 hypoglycemic patients in a study compiled by a doctor who himself experienced many of these symptoms. These symptoms often correspond to addiction. The symptoms are as follows: nervousness, irritability, exhaustion, faintness, dizziness (tremors, cold sweats), depression, vertigo (dizziness), drowsiness, headaches, digestive disturbances, forgetfulness, insomnia, constant worrying (unprovoked anxieties), confusion, internal trembling, and heart palpitations (rapid pulse).

To support recovery from addiction, it is important to keep blood sugar levels balanced in order to prevent these symptoms from occurring and also to prevent sugar cravings which can lead to alcohol and drug cravings. There are some key nutrients that block the sugar cravings that come with hypoglycemia. Bill W gave one of them, B3 also known as niacin, to 30 of his alcoholic friends. After taking the niacin for a while, 70% reported they felt much better (with a reduction in symptoms and cravings).

Additional supportive evidence shows that B3 prevents the abnormal drop of blood sugar. Some other key nutrients are chromium, glutamine, vitamin C, magnesium and pantothenic acid. If all 3 heads of the dragon of addiction are fed (body (nutritional), spiritual, mental (emotional), then getting well and getting better every day in every way can be the reality of recovery.  

Hypoglycemia and Addiction: Is There a Connection?

Hope for Addiction…

Hypoglycemia is a condition characterized by low blood sugar levels in the body and brain. Refined carbohydrates – such as sugar speed up the absorption of tryptophan through the production of insulin. High levels of insulin absorb amino acids and glucose and make room for the absorption of tryptophan. The tryptophan is converted into serotonin in the presence of Vitamin B6. Then, we become happy, positive, and sleep better. Addiction to alcohol and drugs interferes with this process.

This can explain why when in recovery from addiction there is a huge demand for refined carbohydrates especially in the form of sugar. This rise in blood sugar is quick and so is the crash. When blood sugar levels crash the brain goes into a panic mode. It triggers the adrenal gland to produce adrenaline. The adrenaline triggers the liver to increase its glucose production and the pancreas to release glucagons, another hormone that increases blood glucose.

Glucose is the only fuel used by the brain. The neural tissue of the brain does not readily store glucose, so for normal functioning, the brain depends upon a steady supply. As blood glucose levels drop, as in hypoglycemia, the cortex and other brain areas with a high metabolic rate are affected first. Symptoms such as dizziness, confusion, weakness, and hunger are early symptoms.  If prolonged for too long convulsions and coma can occur.

This spike in blood sugar and its resultant crash does not occur when the body is supplied with protein, and complex carbohydrates such as vegetables, rice, grains, whole fruits, and beans. With these foods, blood levels remain even (and so does mood) because they take longer to metabolize. Cravings are associated with blood glucose levels spiking and dropping, which in turn often result in poor impulsive food choices.

A suggested general nutritional treatment plan for hypoglycemia and alcohol and drug addiction is: avoid sugar, coffee, nicotine, and refined carbohydrates such as white bread/rice, cakes/candy, and sugary drinks.  Eat 3 meals a day plus two snacks of high protein (eggs, chicken, fish, meat, nuts, seeds) plus complex carbohydrates (green vegetables, fruits, grains, beans). Supplement your diet with vitamin B-complex (including B6, B3, B12), chromium picolinate, magnesium, zinc, Vitamin C, and omega-3 fatty acids.

This diet aims at normalizing blood sugar levels, and normalizing stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol that are thought to be responsible for the symptoms of mood-swings, depression, anxiety, phobias, alcoholism, and drug-addiction. It will also help to keep cravings at bay during recovery recognizing, for example, that the reach for that next drink is, in addition to neurotransmitter deficiencies, likely the consequence of unstable circulating glucose levels and their associated poor moods.

Recovery Through Sound Nutrition

Impacting the Recovery Healing Process

The three-headed dragon is often used in the field of addiction and recovery as a metaphor for illness of body (physical), mind, and spirit. 12-step programs help those in recovery to regain a spiritual foundation upon which to build their recovery. Counseling helps to identify the problems that led to addiction and to resolve them. The third head of the dragon, the body, especially nutrition, is less featured in recovery. This article will focus on the powerful role diet and nutrition play in regulating mood, behavior and emotions and its impact on the recovery healing process.

Substance abuse is correlated with biochemical mood problems. For example, one may drink or take drugs to relax, forget, calm down, get energy, be soothed, or just to feel better. Unstable emotions like depression may be the brain’s way of letting us know we are not eating nutritionally dense foods. This connection between nutritional deficiency, mood, and substance abuse is often missed. Not only does drug and alcohol abuse wreck the body by depleting it of precious nutrients but the brain is depleted as well. 

The Key to Recovery

Good Food = Good Mood, Bad Food = Bad Mood. 

How does this work? How does the food we eat affect our mood? How can the depression and anxiety one feels be related to what was eaten or not eaten that day? The answers to these questions lie in our brains where natural chemicals, called neurotransmitters, are found.

Neurotransmitters govern our emotions, memory, moods, behavior, sleep, and learning ability. They are created and fed by the food we eat. The health of the neurotransmitters is dependent upon the amino acids found in protein (meat, fish, eggs, poultry). Vitamins and minerals fuel the metabolic processes that convert these amino acids into neurotransmitters. Alcohol and drug abuse plus poor eating habits cause dramatic deficiencies of these precious vitamins and minerals leading to among other things, neurotransmitter deficiency and resulting depression, anxiety, and other mood problems. These deficiencies need to be replaced in order to have effective recovery.

One of the four neurotransmitters, serotonin is associated with positive mood experiences, emotional stability, self-confidence, emotional flexibility, and a sense of humor, sleep, sex drive, appetite and pain threshold. Tryptophan, the amino acid that stimulates the production of serotonin is naturally found in large amounts in turkey and milk.

Tryptophan is an essential amino acid that our body cannot make so we must get it through our food (try substituting turkey for beef in your next pot of chili. Or, how about a turkey burger?) or through supplementation. Serotonin levels also influence melatonin production, which is responsible for how well we sleep. Increasing serotonin can end insomnia. 5HTP, a source of tryptophan can be found readily and inexpensively in your local health food store.

There are 3 other important neurotransmitters that effect energy and mood. They are the catecholamines (adrenalin, dopamine, norepinephrine), GABA, and endorphins. These neurotransmitters when they are in abundance help us to have energy, motivation, helps us to cope with anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed, and our need for comfort and well being. It is important to combine a nutritional (physical) approach to recovery along with the standard psychological and spiritual approaches.

A combination of all three approaches creates an effective recovery program, which can reduce relapse rates.