When you shop for a car – do you research?
Do you check stats, safety reviews, mileage?
Do you make spreadsheets with the pros and cons of the various models that meet your needs?
Do you ask friends, family, neighbors?
Do you scan sites and post questions on message boards?

Let me tell you how I buy a car.
First – I find out when my Dad is free.
Then I sorta know the shape car I like.
It is usually required to have a third row of seats.
For some reason this is always something that I think I need.
The car has to be white or black.
I thought about silver this time, but it was sort of a gray area for me since in high school I dated a guy with a dark silver car and people constantly hit it. I was totally convinced the damn thing blended into the color of the road and so no one ever actually saw it. He ended up replacing it with a red one – he figured everyone would see a red one right? Well, actually, red is supposed to be a color that goes into some sort of blindspot and you should buy a yellow car – which is why they make school buses in yellow. And NYC cabs, but that is more so that you can see them coming and have a chance not to die on the road if you are a pedestrian in The Big Apple.

Anyway yellow was not available, and Wiki would probably walk rather than ride in a yellow car.
So yesterday they only had black and silver in the SUV model I was looking at.
The lady at the dealer explained the car was not just black, but a Tuxedo Black.
Not flat black or matte black.
Tuxedo Black with metal chips in it.
I asked if the metal chips made the paint stronger (I mean what do I know?)
And you know what she said?

No, when the car goes out in sunlight – it sparkles.
Sparkles.
Like a vampire
The words just tumbled out of my mouth .. yes, she thought I was a bit strange.

The deal was done.
I signed all the paperwork, and drove my new vehicle home.
I explained why I picked this one to my oldest.
The sound of ‘Motherrrr’ from her is still ringing in my ears.

I did not test drive it.
I have no clue what mileage it gets.

My new ride is called Edward.
Edward sparkles.

and as always,

PS …. be sure to check out the awesome line up for 20 BLOGGERS May 8th

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So it is 61 degrees and cloudy right now in Chicago,
and this is where I find my self today, in a manner of speaking.
Cloudy and grey, which is probably quite appropriate for this post
over in my dear friend Tracy’s bloghome.
Fits right into my ‘Doom and Gloom’ category
which has been so much in the spotlight these past few months.

The post is called Suddenly Single – Without the Glam.
You will find it right here.
Please take a moment and head over and show it some love …
Its that kind of day, I need some love.

And always,

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It is with an enormous amount of excitement that I finally get to divulge
something wonderful in my little part of the blogosphere!
A Mothers day meme link up opening on May 8th and running until the 18th.

Sharing our stories to raise awareness for global vaccinations because
every child deserves a shot@life

This week is World Immunization week,
the perfect time to talk about the importance of global vaccinations.
As many of you know, I went to Washington DC as a Champion for shot@life.
You can read about it here.

I was blessed to meet up with  an incredible group of women all flown there by
shot@life and the United Nations Foundation.
They looked beyond themselves to see what they could do in the world …
It made my heart happy and I felt in just the right place hugging and
squeeing (totally a word) with the many I already knew & counted as friends.
But I knew that I had more friends, just like these …
changemakers, women with huge hearts and delightful prose.
And so this idea was born and we invite you to join us on this journey.
And just who are WE? And what is this quest?

With a mantra of,
Every twenty seconds a child dies of a preventable disease.
Only twenty dollars saves the life of a child.
Twenty bloggers are making a difference!

It gives me great pleasure to introduce you to these amazing twenty bloggers.
I am proud to say that I consider each and every one of them a friend.

Supported by shot@life and The UN Foundation

When I called in this favor, not one of these huge hearted women hesitated.
In spite of their very busy lives, they signed up for this cause in a heartbeat.
I hope that you find it in your heart to do the same!

May 8th, each picture will take you to the posts on these 20 bloggers own blogs.
Set aside some BIG chunks of time over those ten days – they are a fab group of writers.
You will want to share them all!

Supported by shot@life and the UN Foundation

Usually it is color me thrilled … but today just color me GREEN!
And as always,

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It is that time of the week …
Where you share a picture, a quote,  a moment.
Something special that means something to you!
The link up will be up and running on the first.
Then I have something super special for y’all on the 8th.
But it will be business each and every Wednesday after that!
Mark your calendars, tell a friend, share away xxx

What shall I share this week?

Since we are cruising and life is all things Disney …
And all things are possible if you just believe …

And as always,

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All aboard …
Cannot wait to hear those words as
we head off on the Disney Wonder out of Miami.
The girls are pysched to be boarding this …

Disney Wonder.
Sisters From Another Mister’s home for the next week!
(photo credit – Disney)

Instead of donning a pair of these …

Minnie Style
Sisters From Another Mister
(photo credit – Disney)

I may wear one of these. All week.

Cosmos Aurora Borealis Tiara.
Featured on glamour.com, but every girl should have one!

Because really …

You have to remain calm when feeling regal right?
(photo credit – redbubble.com)

And to keep it all in the mood … how about you take a trip back in time with …

I apologise for the song now reverberating around your head as I sip on something yummy.
After all, its five o’clock somewhere.

And as always,

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and a little trash talkin’ …

Hey y’all, I have a post up over on the Expat Blog … great website for ‘world news’ with a homegrown honest flavor. Many writers from around the world, writing about their life experiences, some serious, some funny … and always an interesting point of view. They are running a competition and I wrote a little humorous piece for it on the ‘culture shock of my arrival in the good ol’ US of A … would love if you could head on over and read the post.

Apparently it is judged by ‘crackbook likes’ and the comments left rather than the content so LOVE is the order of the day!

You can find it right here … Trash Talkin

I will give you a hint … kinda …

Now head on over and leave some comment love
And as always,

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This afternoon I posted this for World Moms Blog as a status update …

Yet another senseless tragedy in The US, and the world we raise our children in. Our hearts and prayers go out to those in Boston, the families, the community and the terrible loss … I have no words, so I turn to another … “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.
Mother Teresa.” May we teach our children … Nicole

I made dinner and sat with my girls. The news was on, interviewing the people whose lives had been shattered, young children who were there, ambulances, sirens, and destruction.
My youngest asked me – ‘Why? Why would someone want to make a bomb?’
Why indeed? I realised that she didn’t even question why someone would choose that marathon, those athletes, the innocent bystanders, that event, that city, this day, that time …
She merely asked why someone would want to make a bomb.
No good comes of a bomb.
It is merely destructive.
A vicious tool to kill.
To maim.
To bring harm.

The dictionary ranges from ‘an explosive device fused to explode under specific conditions’ to ‘something unpleasant and unexpected.’
I watched the news, brought to tears, to explain such inhumanity to my children … simply watching the news here in their own country, the country of their birth. I usually try and keep the news hidden away on my computer screen. I feel the need to safeguard them, to shelter my girls from the world that just today brought news stories of rape and photographs going viral, of teen suicide, of abuse, of mistrials … I avoided all that ugliness and pain in my house today until breaking news made me turn on a big screen. There we saw the reality of this world that we live in. This world where I am raising my girls, a world that somedays just makes one cry … when I cannot shield them from the harsh realities of the changes in our home, how can I ever protect them from the world outside?

How can one’s heart not break little by little.

I type through tears …

So much sadness, so much hate, such much pain and fear all around.

Trust me, I really am grateful for this country, where for the most part I feel my children are protected. Our prayers go out for the troops and their families, the soldiers who brave an unkind reality, the one you and I are lucky to only read about. Their families, their children, they live a truth every single day that they cannot escape. My wish is to bring change in the hearts of my children, for them to have compassion for those that are not as fortunate … the many around the world that need our support for vaccinations, for education, for a chance at a better life … and yet right here in our land of the free, the land where democracy reigns … I still fear for our safety.

Here where we are blessed with so much, yet so much is taken for granted.
This great land of America.
And so I humbly ask you …
Rise up, teach the children.
Let us make a difference.
Blessed with this world that we hold in our hands.

Because I do believe in the words of Mother Teresa …

“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other …”

Let us remember.
Let us pave the way for change.
As we watch the news, as we see this terror, let us pledge to make a difference.
Each and everyone.

And as always,

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Last night was unchartered territory, this new path on this unfamiliar journey …
Those of you who are up to date with the goings on in my life will know that we had a family dinner scheduled. People have family dinners all of the time, right?  
Well, we have not had one since sometime last September.
This would be shortly before the one previously known as Mr 51%, btw he picked that name himself – sort of left the building.
Since then we have had many family dinners, but without someone looking over my shoulder … damn that Delia Smith and her methods that I apparently cannot adhere too. Altho on the flipside, it did leave me to be a wine drinking bystander which certainly had its own advantages. I am the first to admit being a long way off track when it comes to culinary know how, but now I get to slice, dice, roast and broil with two very willing helpers who add much hilarity to the kitchen with some mad cooking skillz.  I would not trade these moments for the world, but let it be said I am acquiring a little Martha ‘tude when it comes to getting it all done.

As usual I digress. Imagine that.

So last night, we were celebrating the birthday of our youngest (you can read about my concerns here) She picked her fav spot, the restaurant is beautiful, the food is fab … and the company, well, the company was something new for us.
Sitting down to have a family dinner when you are no longer a family – is different.
You make polite conversation initially, but then you relax, and chat and joke …
Because this is familiar territory.
This is what you know.
This is what you lived for nearly twenty years …

The girls chatter, they have inside jokes now, and little things that have occurred over the past few months … that now put their Dad a little on the outside.
They have been places, had conversations, made plans … that have not involved him.
Classes, grades, projects … special awards, new clothes, new rooms, new experiences …
They miss him, they love him … but they still don’t understand or accept his new.
His new job, new home, new life.
So many new things they are not a part of.

They hugged him goodbye, gave him kisses … and ran to the car … ready to head home.
He kissed my cheek. A simple gesture.
We walked to the car and my mind suddenly, unexpectedly, drifted to the thoughts of dating. Putting something out there and taking the first step on a different path.
It took me completely by surprise.

The girls jumped into the car, they giggled and chatted.
We discussed a trip I am supposed to be taking to California, but not sure what I will be doing with them.
Wiki says, we will be fine … we can take care of ourselves …
We won’t go all Lord of The Flies.
What is Lord of the Flies? asks The Princess.
It is where I eat you … Wiki rolls her eyes at me, at the joke she knows her sister doesn’t understand.
I laugh. She leans her head back against the seat, and winks at me …
I think of him, alone in his car, the hour drive to his empty apartment with his ocean view.

And I cannot help but wonder how he does it.
How does he miss this?
How can he not want in on this lighthearted reverie … these moments of silly.
This sweet joy of their childhood.
And I know … that I am indeed blessed.
I have them for every minute that I want to spend with them.
I kiss their sleeping heads goodnight … I help them make their beds in the morning.
We talk of classes, and camps, and trips for the Summer, a house swap … plans abroad.
The future.
Our future.

Making memories that I hope will last a lifetime.

Finding peace.
In the here.
In the now.

Simple moments.

Be still … breathe.

They are by my side …
I am living in this moment.

And as always,

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The Princess thinks that turning 11 is a big one. Is there some sort of code that says she is now officially a tween, a BIG kid? Apparently this is the second of the two digit numbers she tells me, so she is not a beginner two digit person, but a pro. Hence the room redo and the sassy new green walls, and tween/teen makeover. (the room, not her)

I try and remember back to turning 11, it escapes me completely …

But once upon a time, in that other life of mine, there was a little baby born in a state far, far away. In the 11th hour we found out that she was destined to come home, yes, home – and complete our little family. Just this 5lb little thing, that screamed when we put her down, wanted to snuggle against a neck at all times, and looked like the teeniest plucked chicken when she was nekkid. This was the plan, predestined for sure, because I do believe that God knows our path, and am sure He smiles while we are treading water and fight to make a new one.

When I wake up in the morning, that little Princess will be 11. The years have flown in the blink of an eye and she is so very excited to have this birthday.  She even thought it would be better if she was turning 12 … Lawd have mercy, and all I want to do is stop time for these little moments we have. They sift through like sand in an hourglass, there is no slowing them down.

Every year, at this time, on this birthday, my thoughts are drawn to another. The other mom, the real mom, the tummy mummy who gave birth to this blessing, the one who chose us to raise her and trusted us with her care. She gave me the greatest gift there is to give and every single year I wish that I could sit with her, and tell her what a wonderful child she gave to the world. What a great blessing she is to us and how she completes our family.

But this year … my heart is torn thinking of lighting a candle for her in the morning. My heart is sad, I cannot help but feel as though I have let her down. This is not what she wished for her precious baby who she entrusted to our care. A single Mom, who wanted nothing more than to know her child was growing up raised by two parents who loved eachother, who would be the greatest role models and provide a home, a life she felt she could not provide – a family.

Now here I am … a single Mom, would she deem me to be a failure?
It hurts that I have not made good on my promise.

I look into the eyes of this sweet princess and see her trust. She truly believes that the one man in her life that she loves more than anything in the world will not fail her. Any day now, she believes he will walk right back in and it will be no more than a bad dream.  Her birthday night – she has just one request. Not gifts, not outings, nowhere she has asked to be … just a dinner with her family. For the first time in six months – the four of us will sit at her favorite restaurant – this is her one birthday wish.

Just her little family, the one she cannot understand right now.

As I thought about this dinner, I realised that I didn’t want a cake at the table.
A cake, and a candle … and a birthday wish.
I know what she will wish for.
I know what her heart desires …
Last night, I put her birthday bag together, packing and folding gifts in tissue, and a little poster. I made it for her to let her know that she is going on her very first Disney cruise, something she has talked about for a very long time. It suddenly dawned on me that when she opens it, there at her birthday dinner, she will believe the four of us will be going together.

Her dream come true.
Sigh.
Right there, the magic will be gone.

My sweet princess, Happy Birthday.
I wanted to give you the world … but instead I give you my promise. There are fairytales and forevers, and there are happily ever afters. There is joy and there is love all around us. We get to plan our journey, decide our paths and find our happiness – all we have to do is look deep inside of ourselves, true happiness has been there all along, we just need to look within and trust … trust with all of our hearts that what we give, we will receive tenfold.

I promise.

And as always,

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