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My response to this particular question highlights two bottom-line issues for a man and a woman in relationship to one another.

#1. What should a Christian man do in regard to the woman he loves?

• First, he needs to be boldly upfront in his faith – to fearlessly express his desire to seek and follow the Lord. When he is explicit in this, his woman can more easily trust and respect him. Simply put, if she doesn’t hear him pray or read the Bible, she worries more. And worry leads to attempts to fix, manage, and control things – not a pleasant prospect for either one!
• Second, he needs to treat his woman the way the Bible tells him to. The instructions are simple, but not always easy to follow. In fact, the Bible is pretty demanding of men (See Ephesians 5:25-30). Guys are held responsible for so much! And if his woman doesn’t feel secure, loving her as he should won’t be an easy job (see #1).

# 2. What should a Christian woman do in regard to the man she loves?

• First, she needs to love her man. However, in doing so, she must learn what it is that a man actually needs from her. Many a woman has the tendency to try to love her man by treating him the way she wants to be treated. But men* are not like women – at all – in terms of what they need and what makes them feel loved and supported.
• Second, she needs to trust the Lord. You’d think I would have put this one first, wouldn’t you? But in reality, a woman just naturally moves toward the mushy stuff. She is more inclined to believe that “all we need is to be together.” And the reality of the differences* between her and her man often makes her want to force/fix things in order to fulfill her dreams (e.g., riding off into the sunset on the back of her cowboy’s horse). She needs to learn how to pray for her man and to trust the Lord to lead him. When she does that – which isn’t easy either – she can feel more confident in her relationship with him (See Ephesians 5:22-24).

If you’d like to know more, stay tuned … or join me in Newport Beach for my next FREE Women’s Seminar!

* Men and women are equally valuable creatures. But they do think very differently – using very different logic. So they behave very differently as well. Yet they tend to interpret one another’s behavior by the same, rather than by appropriate gender-specific standards.

Men change after they’ve won the girl.

Why do they do that?

One hypothesis is that once the chase is complete, they no longer have to work at winning her attention. The hunt is over. The prize is won. They get lazy. They turn into slugs.

But first …

We have to ask if it’s actually true that all men change after they’ve won the girl. Evidence suggests this is clearly not the case!

So are some guys just more romantic than others? Or is there something about the girl they’ve won who inspires them to continue the romance?

Wouldn’t it be great if you could increase the likelihood that YOUR man won’t change into a slug? Join me on June 18th to find out how!

To the woman he said,
“I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you.” ~ Genesis 3:16

Over the years, I’ve heard lots of sermons and university lectures on this topic. But the most recent interpretation I heard makes the most sense to me. According to Pastor Mike Erre (Mariners Church), this “desire” is actually “the desire to control or to master” or “to fix” her husband. Not a pleasant proposition, is it, guys?

So Adam resisted, and from that point forward, relationships have been characterized by struggles for power.

Ladies, the challenge then is remember that we live in the Spirit. Life in the Spirit frees us from sin and death. Life in the Spirit means that we trust God and love our spouses. To men, love means they are confident of our trust and our respect. They have no fear of being controlled or fixed by us.

Best of all … when we trust that the Lord is leading him, we can honestly say,

“I love you just the way you are.”

That said – we women, we need to learn how to give honest, gentle feedback and ask for what we want in a way that affirms him and makes him want to give it to us.

More importantly, we need to learn how to pray for our men.

If you would like some help with all of this, I hope you’ll join us on Monday, June 18th, in Newport Beach for my next FREE Women’s Seminar – Prelude to a Dance: What every woman needs to know about the men in her life

FREE 90-Minute Seminar
by Dr. Debi Smith

Are you a . . .

• daughter?
• friend?
• girlfriend?
• fiancee?
• wife?
• mother/grandmother/aunt?
• woman who knows a man?

Have you ever . . .

• been puzzled by male behavior?
• wondered why men and boys do the things they do?
• wished he knew what to do to make you happy without being told?
• asked a man what he’s thinking about and only got a reply of “nothing”?

Join Dr. Debi Smith in Newport Beach as she unravels the mystery of men and our relationships with them. In this FREE 90-minute seminar, you will learn:

• Why boys and men are the way they are
• How your behavior impacts their behavior
• What you can start doing today to create more meaningful relationships with ALL the men in your life

You are invited to join Dr. Debi on Monday, June 18th, in Newport Beach for her new ladies seminar, “Prelude to a Dance.” Details will be announced this weekend, so check back here. Or better yet … like us on Facebook to keep in touch!

The world would have us focus on our pain … and a wide assortment of ways to artificially numb ourselves. However, it’s not the pain that causes us problems in relationships. It’s our defensiveness against it.

We just want our pain to go away, instead of seeking comfort from those who love us. We don’t like to be vulnerable, so we withdraw, deny, attack, criticize, and/or blame.

Jesus says,

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33b)

The Lord is near to all who call on him, so we are not alone in our struggles. We have the Lord, and we have each other. Let us then bear one another’s burdens and rejoice together that we are not alone in our suffering.

Check out the Victorian Dinner Theater on June 9th, performed by Opera a la Carte!

Our own 21st Century Victorian, Fred Judkins, tells us a little about the most famous duo of Victorian times . . .

Sir William Gilbert and Sir Arthur Sullivan are the most successful collaborators in theatrical history, founding their own school of English musical comedy in 1875, which turned into Broadway 50 years later. They were the pop culture icons of the Victorian era, creating 12 shows which toured the world for 125 years.

Gilbert and Sullivan have always appealed to professionals and brainy types, because their ridiculous plots always satirized universal human greed and political corruption, but sung to great melodies!  Besides being an integral part of the British psyche, they are also part of the American Jungian subconscious, and many of their jokes and catch phrases are woven into our Anglo-lexicon.

Gilbert and Sullivan operas are uniquely mad, conservative, zany, romantic, sentimental, and satiric, but always “G” rated and family-friendly.

. . . And for hopeful romantics, Gilbert and Sullivan’s conflicted couples always come away singing a happy ending.

This is an elegant and inexpensive way to spend a summer evening. To purchase tickets to the show, please visit www.OperaALaCarte.org

May 20, 2012
12 – 5 pm
3800 Homer Street
Los Angeles, CA 90031

Enjoy Victorian Dance and Parlour Games at the Perry Mansion as part of the 23rd Anniversary of Museums of the Arroyo Day. This is a huge event where the public can tour the five museums for free. So when you’re not dancing and laughing, you can picnic or watch woodcarving and blacksmith demos, enjoy storytelling or kids’ games, or thrill to the “Period Fashions Go to the Movies” exhibit. You can even tour The Gamble House, The Police Museum, The Lummis Home and Garden, and the Pasadena Museum of History!

Who could ask for a more perfect sunny Sunday?

I’ll always remember the song they were playin’
The first time we danced and I knew
As we swayed to the music and held to each other
I fell in love with you

[Chorus:]
Could I have this dance for the rest of my life
Would you be my partner every night
When we’re together it feels so right
Could I have this dance for the rest of my life

I’ll always remember that magic moment
When I held you close to me
As we moved together, I knew forever
You’re all I’ll ever need.