O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

Pray for Bennett's Family

2013-04-30T06:41:00.001-05:00

Sweet Baby Bennett born with Trisomy 18 passed away 4 hours ago. Please stop and pray for his family. They had him in their arms for 24 days.
www.caringbridge.org/visit/bennetttomlinson

Matt Maher - Lord, I Need You

2013-03-26T17:40:00.001-05:00

Prayer!!

2013-03-15T08:50:00.001-05:00

Friends, In the last two weeks I have learned of three mothers whose babies will be born with Trisomy 18. Because you have traveled this journey alongside me, you know it's not an easy one. God has a special plans for these little ones. Please pray for peace, strength, and courage for these mothers.

Max's Birthday

2013-01-26T22:09:00.000-06:00

Our newest member, Max (the dog), had his first birthday! Walt (ok, I have to admit I was really excited too!) was so excited to have a birthday party for him where Max's cousins (Walt's cousin's dogs) came over to celebrate Max. This precious dog has our family's personality and fits right in with us. The dogs had a special birthday cake just for them, and I made my first cookie cake for the humans at the party. The dogs were allowed to bring their human siblings.

Dog cake

The honored guests

Max got some great gifts!

Human cake

So proud his dog is 1 year old!

Remembering Her

2013-01-12T18:47:00.002-06:00

Four years ago today, we didn't know that it would be Magdalena's last hours on earth. We knew that she was sick, and we were taking shifts staying awake with her. I went to bed early planning to wake up at midnight, and then, Noah would sleep. As I fell asleep weeping I prayed out to God for more time, and even as I prayed I knew that He was saying "I have not left nor forsaken you" (Hebrews 13:5).

These are the last few pictures we took of Magdalena. Just days before she went to be with Jesus, she joined her cousins for movie night watching Horton Hears a Who (how appropriate might I add - "a person's a person no matter how small" - Dr. Seuss) at Loli's house. I remember that I was basically still in my p.j.s looking terrible so there are no pictures of me. But I love these pictures because they embody how much Caroline and Emma loved Magdalena. In one you see Emma patting Magdalena's booty gently, and Caroline was so proud that she got to be the one to hold Magdalena in the group picture of the kids. They loved her like a sister, and that meant so much to me.

On January 13, 2009 our Magdalena went to be with her Jesus. I picture her wearing a pink tutu and dancing with a healthy body as a way to praise Jesus.

I hold it true, whate'er befall;

I feel it, when I sorrow most;

'Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.

-Alfred Tennyson

One of Magdalena's favorite snuggle spots

Emma patting Magdalena's potty while watching Horton Hears a Who

Thank goodness this camera was fast because this pose did not last long. Landon weighed about as much as Emma and quickly fell backwards.

Two precious girls. This is one of my favorite Magdalena pictures.

These two songs have really been an encouragement for me, especially through my grief. He has healed her and throughout my short life here on this earth, His Love will not let me Go. Let us praise His name for all of our days, and maybe the day when I am reunited with my Magdalena she and I will wear a matching tutus and dance together!

Family Pictures

2012-11-30T07:00:00.000-06:00

I have not been so good about posting updated pictures of all of us, so here it is! Of course, Max, as a member of the family, joined in the picture too!

Thanksgiving Traditions

2012-11-28T21:03:00.001-06:00

My mom taught me to have and enjoy so many traditions, which is one of my favorite things about the holidays. We are so blessed to all be together this Thanksgiving Day, and I adore my sweet family!

Pumpkin Pie!

Blueberry Muffins with Chocolate Milk!

Watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade!

Walt attempting to take a big bite out of the turkey!

Cousin Fun!

Had to share!

2012-11-23T11:10:00.001-06:00

$10 for $20 Worth of All Toys, Games, Electronics, and Kids’ Clothing at Toys“R”Us and Babies“R”Us http://gr.pn/T2vHmi

Thankful

2012-11-21T22:03:00.004-06:00

I am so thankful for my sweet family...

2012-11-09T09:41:00.002-06:00

Happy 40th Birthday to an amazing father and husband! We love you bunches and forever!

Our New Friend

2012-10-24T14:52:00.000-05:00

I don't believe you have met the newest member of our family. He is so much of a member that I wanted to put that as the header to this blog post, but I feared that so many of you would think that we had been chosen as parents for a baby out there. (We are still waiting on the child that God's has planned for us.) But Max has joined our family! Walt and Max are the best of buds, and we are so glad that they have each other. We had discussed getting a dog, but we weren't really interested in moving forward with the idea of it, yet. Then, someone offered to give us Max. Having him was one of the best decisions we made!

Millie (on top pillow) is Max's cousin, and they spent the day together

Max driving to spend the day with Gigi and Millie (Max's dog cousin)

Nothing like having a good buddy to play with on a sunny day

Walt is learning to love and care for Max

Happy Birthday to My Little Man!

2012-09-28T20:07:00.001-05:00

Three years ago today we met one of God's greatest gifts to us. After nine months of heartache from losing Magdalena, God reminded us of His love through the life of Walt. God shows each of us His love and mercy in different ways, but for our family, it was the gift of Walt. In the middle of pain, I had a protruding belly that reminded me that God has not left nor forsaken us. And with Walt's lively personality we have stayed on our toes and had a fun three years with him. I love my sweet little man! Happy 3rd Birthday! Thank you God for blessing our lives with him!

Pray Extra

2012-09-01T09:43:00.001-05:00

Please pray extra for Battley and her family as her breathing becomes more strenuous.
She was so alert and fun when I got to snuggle with her 2 weeks ago.

Walt and Daddy at the Chick

2012-08-28T08:00:00.000-05:00

About a week or so ago, Julie needed some time without distractions, so she arranged for me to take Walt to our local Chick-Fil-A for some free food (coupons!) and guy time. She told me to get Walt a kid's sundae to go with his free chicken sandwich because the last time they had gone together, Walt discovered that chicken strips dipped in ice cream is delicious, in his words. Because our coupons were for free sandwiches, not strips, I was hoping that Walt would simply dip his sandwich into his brownie sundae, but he did not like that idea. In fact, he said that he didn't want the sandwich at all. So I took the bread off and cut the chicken in strips in hopes that he would find them more appealing than the sandwich. While I was doing all this, he was eating his sundae up, but when he saw the chicken now cut in strips, he told me that he wanted to eat them too. I was happy that he was going to eat some of his chicken because I did not want to have to go home later and report that Walt's dinner was just a brownie sundae while I ate my chicken sandwich and his. I expected Walt to grab a piece of chicken and dip it in the remainder of his brownie sundae, but instead he began spooning the largely melted ice cream (with plenty of chocolate syrup) on top of the strips and spreading it all around thoroughly. I really had my doubts that he would eat his much of his creation, but he ate a bite and announced that it was, "Delicioso!" He went on to eat all of it and then got up to hit the playground with ice cream, chocolate syrup, brownie, and chicken breading on his hands, face, and shirt. Only with Daddy...

Walt's brownie sundae-covered chicken creation... "Delicioso!"

Noah

Walt and Nemo

2012-08-27T08:00:00.001-05:00

Yes. I. am. excited! I can't wait to take Walt to see Nemo in 3D! It is one of our favorite movies! In preparation of the moving coming out on September 14th, we are going to begin doing little Nemo activities. Walt has never watched the movie, but he knows Nemo. After Magdalena passed away a friend sent me a Nemo stuffed animal as a sweet reminder because that was the first movie she watched. The colors got her attention! This stuffed animal is one of Walt's favorites now, which is always warms our hearts. Not only do we love Nemo, but it has such a sweet memory for us.

Sound of Music

2012-08-22T08:00:00.002-05:00

Noah and Walt gave me the movie The Sound of Music on blu ray that had all of the extras with it. It's funny because if you knew me in person, it wouldn't surprise you that I love that movie so much. I wish that we could walk around singing "The Hills are Alive" all day when we are happy. This innocence and "why can't we all just get along" mentality is good in so many ways, but in some situations it is good to be able to know that it isn't reality. I think Noah helps me stay grounded and out of the clouds so much, and he never shies away from answering a question!

Walt, Noah, and I watched it together, and since it was Walt's first time seeing it, I took this picture. He loved eating apple and peanut butter while watching it. Later he requested to turn on the movie, and he wanted to keep watching Julie Andrews sing "The Hills are Alive". One of the first things he learned about the movie was the actress' name, so I think he is good to go!

It is challenging, especially in today's world, to know how much to shield my child from. I want to put him in a bubble away from all harm, but in the end would that protection cause him more harm? I am praying to know where that line is because it is more important that we do as we are called to help him become a man of God who can lead his family. That sentence is easy to write, but my mind is saying "woa!". I know I can't do that! God please give me the knowledge to know how to handle the small things, so that I can be better at the big things!.

Sleeping During Church

2012-08-20T08:00:00.008-05:00

When Noah preaches away at a different church, Walt and I enjoy going to worship with Mimi and Papa. Walt was incredibly good during the entire service, and towards the end was able to catch a little snap while snuggling with Mimi. I probably should not have had my phone out during church, but this was too adorable to pass up putting in my future photo book!

Still Waiting

2012-08-16T11:17:00.000-05:00

We are still waiting to see which baby God has planned for us to parent, and we won't have any more updates on it until we find out who he or she is! Please pray for Noah and me because it is so hard waiting. We were told from the beginning that this would be the hardest part, and our sweet social worker was right! Every time the phone rings we jump (just a little) at the possibility, and only God knows how much longer we have to wait. Thank you so much for all the prayers you send up for us!

Birthdays!

2012-08-14T09:57:00.000-05:00

Celebrating Magdalena's birthday is always draining emotionally, but this week Walt's excitement over cake made it a little more light hearted. My birthday is less than a week after Magdalena's birthday, and so we began to prep Walt that we were having more cake and celebrating again! Birthdays just don't seem the same as when I was young and innocent. That is what makes having kids around even more fun.....I get to be a kid again, even if it is for a moment. And every year my age decreases in number instead of increases! :)

The night before my birthday Walt's cousin had her birthday party. Walt's finger is inching towards that cake!

Walt and Noah made me breakfast the morning of my birthday!

Walt smiling for the picture was definitely part of my birthday present! I love this sweet pic! But it kept on getting better! We took our picture at the restaurant before we ate lunch together.

What's a birthday without cake? After lunch we went to Gigi's Cupcakes , and I got my free birthday cupcake! And sharing it with my two favorite guys made it even more fun and delicious!

I couldn't believe it! I got another smile!

Because it was my birthday, I received the biggest hugs from each of my nieces and nephew! Then, they were great helpers at blowing out my candle and opening presents!
And of course my favorite cake is made by my mom - Strawberry! Yummy!

Small Events and BIG Picture

2012-08-12T21:00:00.026-05:00

Sometimes I look down at Walt and think "You are too big to be mine!". He has grown so quickly, and I forget he is not my innocent little baby anymore. Now-a-days his imagination is running wild, and his memory is incredible. And he remembers what you said in previous days, so Noah and I have quickly learned not to say anything that we don't truly mean. At the same time he has learned series of events, so "not now" is acceptable to him....which I LOVE. I can say first you will take a nap, and then, you can go to Mimi's, and he gets it! Parenting is tough, but Noah and I have learned that the more we communicate how we handle situations individually, we are on the same page a lot better than just trying to do it on our own. We are still learning A LOT each day!! I am so glad that God doesn't give us teenagers initially because I think that it's these days that slowly prepare us for what's coming. Isn't that how God does it a lot? I can't see the big picture like He does, so I handle each of the small ones as He has called me to live, and together they prepare me for something bigger. I have been blessed the times He shows those to me, and others I continually have to trust with Him.

During Walt's snack time I gave his toy Smurf, "Brainey", a grape too!

Walt loved sharing his snack with his friend so much that the next morning Walt wanted a little bowl of oatmeal for his smurf too!

Magdalena's Birthday Celebration

2012-08-10T11:54:00.001-05:00

Our family loves to celebrate birthdays, and honoring Magdalena's day is always special. Everyone wore pink, and we celebrated eating breakfast for dinner. I am so thankful that I am able to share this day with my family. It is our way of grieving on such a special day to us. Noah and I talked all week to Walt about how it was going to be Magdalena's birthday, and that we would eat pink cupcakes! He was so excited about the cupcakes, and then, it happened. I knew it was going to happen soon because Walt catches on quickly. As we talked about eating cupcakes for Magdalena's birthday, Walt asked "Where is Magdalena?". My heart sank to the bottom of my toes, but I knew that this was it. Noah and I choked up but explained that Magdalena was with Jesus, and that she would be celebrating there. Even later he mentioned that Magdalena would be coming to the party, and I had to remind him that Magdalena wouldn't be able to come, so we would have to celebrate by eating a cupcake for her. As I ran around the house preparing, trying to continue celebrating in my heart and not break down (yet), Walt asked again "Where's Magdalena?", and honestly at that point I looked at Walt's eyes, which are identical to Magdalena's, and I responded that he needed to go and talk with his Daddy. Some times it is just hard to say aloud that she is not there with us, but at night when we read a bible story with Walt and we are discussing God, it is always easy to talk about that Jesus is our friend and Magdalena is with him now. Explaining death is not easy, but now I know that I really want to pray that God will continue to open Walt to ask all of these questions, and maybe between both Noah and me, Walt will gradually be able to trust in God.

Missing my big girl. Thankful for God's comfort.

Beuk, Barton (Beuk's fiancé), and Walt prepare apples and pink dip

Love our family picture together! My men are so handsome!

Got to have cupcakes!

Everyone looks at Magdalena's photo books

Noah made the most amazing pink, chocolate chip pancakes

The cousins always have a blast together, especially on a birthday!

A silly picture!

Mimi's Gift

2012-08-08T20:48:00.000-05:00

My mom is fantastic at floral arrangements, and she loved on her granddaughter by giving her these beautiful flowers. I am so blessed that my parents love their grandchildren so much. It means so much to both Noah and me that they do these sort of things because it helps our hearts.

Happy Birthday!

2012-08-06T07:00:00.002-05:00

Four years ago today I gave birth to the most precious baby girl.
Happy Birthday Magdalena!

Magdalena's Rose

2012-08-03T20:38:00.000-05:00

Since we are approaching the day that bittersweet day that we both celebrate the birth and mourn the loss of our sweet Magdalena I thought that I would share this picture my mom emailed me not too long ago.

After Magdalena died two friends sent us rose bushes to plant to honor her life, and since we were living in a temporary place, my mom planted the bushes in her yard for me until I was ready to take them wherever we decided to live. Just a few weeks ago my mom sent me this picture of Magdalena's rose that bloomed. My mom was sitting on her patio when she spotted it from afar, and said that it was like Magdalena smiling at her. God's creation comforting us as we grieve.

We are not professional photographers, and most of our pictures are taken in the moment with phone camera. But we hope that you are still able to see the beauty in this picture.

Dippin' Chicken

2012-08-02T08:38:00.000-05:00

Walt LOVES to eat at chic-fil-a, and that makes going even more fun! Since Noah was working past dinner time, Walt and I had some special dinner time before his swim lessons. This particular moment was priceless because he began to dip his chicken nuggets in his peach milkshake. I thought it would only happen once, but he continued this until he had finished eating his chicken nuggets! Maybe I should try this with broccoli?