Observations from an Overworked Momma

2012-11-20T10:47:00.001-08:00

Dr. Suess Birthday Party

I just wanted to take a quick minute to share the babe's 2nd birthday party pics....

Cake made by one of my awesome friends...

Cookies made from a local mom ....

Inexpensive wall stickers from EBay...

The goldfish bowl!

Made water labels too...

All of our signs for the food and tables...

My favorite, and by far most time consuming project-the three cheese trees that three fleas flew through! Toothpicks, foam cones, cheese cubes and a whole lot of patience required. Helpful hint-the pre-cubed cheese is way too small for this project, buy blocks and cut them yourself in larger chunks, it will go much faster!

Eating local...and letting go of the "list" and winging it.

2012-07-16T10:17:00.001-07:00

We participated in this challenge...well we tried to anyways. I never realized how hard it really was to "eat local". We have always been big supporters of our local farmer's markets, grabbing our fresh fruits and veggies religiously every Saturday morning...it's kind of my ritual with the boys on Saturdays so we can get out of the house and let Dada sleep after working all night. Sometimes it's quick, and sometimes we are there for hours...just depends on how that crazy toddler is behaving at the time(think entire table of oranges spilled-yep, my kid did that).
But I never realized how hard it is to be a busy family, and still stick to the challenge. These days, so much of our food is processed crap, because it's EASY, and I, like many other Moms, crave for ONE easy thing in our day...unfortunately the easy comes in the form of food full of ingredients that we can't even spell. That's not good.
So we embarked on our challenge to see how well we could stick to eating local for a month. We hit the farmer's market on our usual day, and stocked up on the usual stuff...tomatoes, onions, peaches, basil, etc... and got it home...just to stare at it and wonder, what the hell am I supposed to do with all of this?
Usually, we just pick at what we have gotten from the market-it doesn't really make it into a meal, unless we are having a meal that calls for something I have purchased. It's hard to plan around what's at the market, because you never know what's going to be there, what vendors will show up, etc...
I didn't take that into account-I am a list-maker. Big time. I have to be, we are on the run constantly, and things need to be planned out, otherwise total chaos ensues and mommy needs to drink(kidding...maybe;-)
My attempt at eating local (and eating better) miserably failed.

This past Saturday, I went into the market with a different attitude. I'm going to get what I can and make meals as much as possible based around it-not go in with a list of meals that I want to make..And I didn't care that the baby was acting like a complete fool...maybe because they had free beer samples from a local brewery...hey, it was good! But I went in with an open mind, and got very lucky that TONS of vendors showed up..our haul was ridiculous. And the shrimp guy was there..I was a happy lady.

Once again,
What am I going to do with this?
I can't possibly be the only one with this quandry every week right?
So, as much as I can, I'm going to post what we did with our farmer's market finds in an effort to share what we are doing, and hopefully spread the word that it IS possible to eat local, and HEALTHY, in a flash...

SO, Sunday for lunch, I made this:

Shrimp and Okra Stew...It.was.delish. And all from our haul.

How I made it:

Now, I know peeling shrimp is a pain in the ass, learn to do it fast, or see if your local seafood peeps will sell them peeled.

That would be the only time-consuming part of this dish.

I started with the rice-plain white Creole rice, in the steamer, with a cube of chicken stock in the water.

While the rice was cooking: Sauteed some garlic, and diced onions, bell peppers and celery(the Holy Trinity plus 1 down here in New Orleans) until the onions were clear-about 5 minutes. Then I took about half of our gallon sized ziploc of okra that we got, chopped those and threw them in(for those of you that have issues with the slimy-ness of okra, if you cook it hot and fast, it helps)...after about 5 more minutes..oh, and don't forget to salt and pepper here!!!...Threw in the shrimp(about 2lbs of head on came out to a small bowl of peeled), and sauteed a few more minutes intil just barely pink...Then threw in a bay leaf, and 4 chopped Creole tomatoes, sprinkled with about a tablespoon of Tony Cacherie's seasoning, stirred, and put a lid on it on medium. After 15 minutes, the rice is done, and the stew is nice and thick.

Done.

Serve your stew over your rice, sprinkled with a little fresh chopped parsley.

It was yum.

And about a half an hour. And in that half an hour I was being stalked by a midget who wanted juice constantly-so I'd say that's pretty damn quick.

And today, I have leftovers for lunch, and took a pear from the haul, and sliced it up over cottage cheese for a snack.

So it's possible...we can do this. Stay tuned for what we make tonight-I have a london broil defrosting!

2,000 and counting....

2012-06-27T11:43:00.000-07:00

So I hit 2K today(thanks to the help from some of my fab fellow bloggers)...not a huge deal in blog land, but still pretty damn cool to me. When I started blogging, I didn't know where it was going to take me or how long I would do it, but I am truly grateful to have the outlet.And thank you all for the support.

There are thousands of blogs, many of which I love, many with higher numbers, many who are funnier, and many who are really, REALLY good writers...I'm glad to be part of all of this and hope to continue it for as long as possible.

I have made some great new friends, and lost some friends. Made enemies and allies, and gotten myself into trouble on a few occasions, but with no regrets. It's all in the name of speaking my mind. Sometimes people don't realize why the mommy bloggers do what they do...I'll tell you why I do it: I live kind of an isolated life-yes we are running around to ball practice and shit, and I always have SOMEthing I need to be doing, but as far as social interaction, I don't get much. The hubs works nights, so he's never home, and I spend most of my time out in public chasing my toddler down so he does not destroy anything or hurt himself. So I blog about it and yak on Facebook- It's nice to have a place to talk about my life with like-minded people. Not everyone has to agree with me, but at least respect it.

And boy have I learned some shit over these months! Here is my hugely smart-ass laced list:

*Someone will always think that your sarcastic post is most surely about them and throw a fit. It's the nature of the beast-carry on.

*My kids are actually NOT the grossest boys on Earth-I have decided this after everyone else sharing their kid's shenanigans, and mine are forever banned from Facebook so they don't get any ideas.

*The Mommy Wars suck and I'm over it-just let each other be please. No one is intentionally trying to fuck up their kids, we are all doing what we think is right, and so long as it's not dangerous, leave it be. Do not assume that your way is best and that you must save everyone from their stupidity-it's insulting frankly. If I get called ignorant one more time, I will seriously slap the shit out of someone.

*Google is not always fact. You are not a doctor/lawyer/blah blah blah just because you looked something up on Google. It does not make you an expert in shit other than reading. I can't say in comprehension however, because I see people post shit all the time from parody websites that they think is true. Stop diagnosing each other over the internet, and trying to be something you are not. Be ok with who you are-nobody cares about your Dr. Google MD...

*If people don't want to hear your point of view/opinion/or experience because it doesn't match what they are saying, the deleting starts. Stop doing that. It's childish.

*So many people insist on knowing everything about everything. Ya know what, it's OK not to know something-and it's not OK to tell people they are stupid because they don't know something. Stop doing THAT too. You don't have to be a know it all-we were all born with varying brain capacities and that's what makes the world go 'round-different people doing their thing in different areas. I would rather be really good at a few things, instead of trying to be superwoman. Nobody is. And those that claim to be have issues.

*I am sick of conspiracy theories. People...the government is not out to kill us all with vaccines, and bio hazards, that shit is ridiculous. They are too busy worrying about how to waste money than killing off their taxpayers, or genocide, or all the other shit that gets posted. Nobody is trying to kill you. Take off the foil hat, be comfortable in your own decisions(whatever they may be), and go enjoy your kids. Call me ignorant, but I want to remember my life with my kids was as happy as I could make it-not stressing out about un-proven heresay.

*Someone is always ready to spin your stuff into a bunch of drama. Again, go enjoy your kids. Quit worrying about what everyone else is doing.

Anyways...that's my dumb list.
Thanks again to everyone for all the laughs, the tears, the jokes and the funnies. Looking forward to many, many more!!!

Buffets.....Where all manners are left at the front door...

2012-05-21T11:46:00.002-07:00

So on Sunday, I was not feeling the whole cooking thing.Half of my kitchen is at the new house, everything is frozen, and I just don't effin FEEL like it!..What does one do when they have a mischievous toddler and a tight budget? Buffet. Yep...should just stayed home.

Off we went to our local Golden Corral-don't judge, we gotta get in, and get out, it's the fastest-plus they have a chocolate fountain now-that shit is GOOD. Worth the ten bucks all by its self...

We got there around 4:30...thinking we would beat the usual Sunday crowd. Should have left when we pulled in the parking lot-it's full. Ok, no biggie, it's just busy, we can handle that. So we get in line behind a party of 16....again, should have left. The place is a zoo, there are huge parties everywhere..But decided to stick it out (the steak smelled REALLY good). None of them knew what they wanted to drink, who was paying, the whole nine yards-total chaos. Hubs looks at me, and we're like-let's go. But in comes ANOTHER huge party right behind us, so we are stuck in the cattle call line. Great. Meanwhile, the babe has managed to get his shoes off, and is now trying to swing like a monkey from the partitions. And throws a fit when I picked him up. Lovely. Now it's complete and utter chaos in this place...and adding to it is an employee/hostess who found herself a megaphone, and is announcing congrats to the wedding party on the left, birthday party to the right, and the FOUR graduation parties in line. It's fucking graduation day. OH.SHIT.
By now we are through the line finally, having managed to pay before the three parties behind us could confuse these poor girls any more, and after fighting with the hostess that we did NOT want to sit in the middle of the aisle-picture getting smacked in the head with people's plates as they walk by-no thank you-finally got to a decent table, and managed to get settled and off to the buffet.
Well, not really off to the buffet, more like off to the herd of cattle rushing to get to the buffet-by the time we got settled, the three parties behind us have paid, and all three have made a mad rush to the buffet line like they haven't eaten in weeks.
Still trying to go with the flow, we try our damndest to merge into traffic and get in line without touching anyone or being rude..... Except there's no line-it's become a dodge in-dodge out kind of thing. And people touching me with their plates, and elbowing, and giving me dirty looks as I get to a food before they do. The Boy, after very patiently waiting his turn, only to get almost knocked over by a very large and in charge rude lady, is using his height to his advantage by dodging under the adults fighting over the last piece of fried chicken, and managed to get him some grub pretty quick. I can hear the employees bitching that people are f'ing greedy and wondering if they ever saw food before. All the food is gone in a matter of minutes. The poor waitresses are running like crazy. The place is a WRECK, and wouldn't ya know it-they are plumb out of plates.
It was probably the worst experience we have ever had as a family in ANY restaurant-including the time when the babe knocked an entire pitcher of Blue Moon all over the table. Yep. That bad.
So I am taking a few minutes to rehash the rules of the buffet based on the horrific behavior we saw-it's called manners and decency people-use it:

1. I know it's not required to do so, but it would behoove you to call ahead and let them know that you have a large group coming. And if you don't-don't bitch when they take forever to get you situated.

2. Figure out the whole who's paying for who and what BEFORE you get to the cash register-it's the nice thing to do. Nobody wants to stand behind you and listen to you bitch about how your old man never pays for shit, or your cousin owes you 4 bucks, so they need to pay your 4 on their bill and deduct 4 from your bill-It don't work that way.

3. When in a large group, don't make it your mission to suck down your first drink before the waitress is even finished giving everyone their FIRST drink. And if you do, give her a minute to get you another one-you are not her only table, and sixteen of you just sat down and started demanding bread, more drinks, and a stack of napkins because your cousin let their kid crawl on the table and he spilled half a table's worth of drinks. In fact-keep your kids OFF the table period. That's just plain retarded to let your kids do that. It's so not cute.

4. It's a buffet-they WILL fill the bins when they are empty. There is no need to put your head UNDER the sneeze guard and bark at the attendant that their 'aint no mo fried chicken'...she knows, and I'm sure just as anxious as you are to get the bin full, so you will get your sweaty, smelly head away from the food. It's a buffet, they are constantly cooking, this is not the last food you will ever see. Chill.the.fuck.OUT.

5. There is an unwritten rule at the buffet-start at one end, and work your way down. It's not that hard. It's incredibly rude to elbow your way in an out of the line-people are in that line for a reason-to maintain order, you and your elbowing ass needs to get in line just like everyone else. You are not special. You are not hungrier than anyone else. Get.In.The.Damn.Line.

6. There is no need to fill your plate to the brim, eat half, and then throw the rest away. I cannot STAND that. Wasting food like that is shameful.

7. Touching-If you don't know someone, then touching them with that damn elbow, your plate, or any other part of your body or thing that you are holding, is inappropriate. I know you are hungry, and must get to your table ASAP, but running little kids over, and knocking old ladies out is not going to get you there any faster. The herd will not move faster if you push people in the back with your plate. And think about it-do you know the last time I washed my hair-what if I had cooties or something? Why would you push your plate in my back, with my hair two inches away, and then take that food to your table and eat it. EWWWWW. Just ew.

8. People get this mentality when they are at places like this, that they can make a huge mess and it doesn't matter because they don't have to clean it up. That's rude. And shows your lack of common sense and decency. Scooping food out and missing half your plate, spilling food all over the line, and making a huge mess because you can is ridiculous. I heard with my own two ears several people exclaim-fuck it, i aint gotta clean it up. You suck.

9. There is no 'place holding' or food holding at a buffet-just because your friend told you to watch the last of the fried okra for her while she gets another plate, does not mean you should stand RIGHT in front of it and hold the entire line up, daring people to touch it-move the fuck on.

10. And finally, I know there's a lot of debate about tipping-We tip usually 5 bucks when we do the buffet. Yesterday we tipped her 10-that poor lady had two HUGE parties that ran her ass off' and left her NOTHING. Zero. Zip. Nada. Tip your waitresses people. It's the right thing to do.

And after all of that-some idiot let their 4 year old kid play with the chocolate fountain alone, and said kid proceeded to just throw things in instead of using the sticks, then PUT HER HANDS in the chocolate to fish them out. Chocolate fountain shut down for clean out, no chocolate for me:-( That should be #11-follow the damn rules, escort the little kids to the buffet! There's a reason!

Drug Testing Welfare Recipients

2012-05-09T06:46:00.001-07:00

http://www.nola.com/politics/index.ssf/2012/05/welfare_drug-testing_bill_appr.html

...Sounds like a great idea right?? At first I was all for this, but after doing my research, I think this is a BAD idea, and I'll tell y'all why....

Read the bill. It calls for drug testing only 20% of those that receive the Family Independence Temporary Assistance Program. That's it. Not food stamps, not WIC, not TANIF, nothing else. FITAP is a temporary program in its self(max 60 months), and if you look at the Louisiana DSS website, they are ALREADY required to participate in drug screening-it says so on their checklist:
http://www.dss.state.la.us/index.cfm?md=pagebuilder&tmp=home&pid=139

Once again, our useless Louisiana politicians are attempting to put a band-aid on a gushing dam, and ignoring the real problems. What are the real problems? You got about an hour? This is how I see it...

They are going about this the wrong way. We live in a broke ASS state...Louisiana has some of the highest oil royalty payments, yet we are one of the poorest states, with one of the highest welfare rates, but also some of the richest politicians. Anyone see something incredibly alarming about that? We are a state of waste. A state of lying, and cheating, and robbing legislators. Representative so and so's brother is an electrician, so he gets a contract to install street lights, yet takes the money and never gets the job done....Senator blah blah has a cousin who is an attorney, he gets contracts to review things that he never reviews and still gets paid...And nobody does a damn thing about it. This state has rampant, and BLATANT disregard for doing the right thing and doing what you are paid to do. And everyone just looks the other way. Like it's accepted, expected, and ignored. That is WRONG. All of this money flows into our state, yet none of it gets to where it's supposed to go-our elected officials, appointed officials, all of them....are robbing us blind. Meanwhile, we have an education system hanging on by a thread, and no end in sight.

Drug testing to get welfare should be mandatory. If you want the tax payers to pay your way, you should be drug free and making an effort to get off of it ASAP. Not just 20%. And not just those getting FITAP. Because that's not really where the problem is.

The cost alone to attempt to do the 20% that they are aiming for is going to be astronomical-that $45k figure is bullshit and we all know it. Then you open yourself up to legal issues with the hows and whys of WHO gets tested. Civil suits will be rampant. All the more reason to test them ALL. And then, if you fail the test, you don't lose your benefits, you go to rehab. Anyone have any idea how much that costs??? A LOT. Like A LOT. So in our broke ass state, we will still pay for you, but we will also pay for rehab. That makes sense...spend more money.

Where is all the money for this coming from? We can't pay our teachers, we are closing schools, cutting education programs left and right, and laying people off. We drive on roads that eat your tires. Down in New Orleans, we are living in a war zone. How is there money for drug testing and rehab but not for quality of life issues? Why are we trying to waste money on this program instead of investigating the reasons why we have SO many depending on the system and fixing it? Where did this gimmee, gimmee mentality come from?? We have enabled people to be lazy and dependent on others to do what they are supposed to be doing. I get it if you need help, and you should get help, but there are hundreds of thousands of able-bodied people out there using the welfare system as their main source of income, instead of hustling to make their own way.

This bill is aimed in the wrong direction. We need to be focusing on education, and throwing money at THAT. Not some dumb, useless bill that will do NOTHING but cause problems. Test them all or none of them. Spend money on fraud investigations, and the very obvious abuse of the system that goes on here.... and all our politicians look the other way. Because noone wants to offend anyone.

Well, I don't care if anyone finds what I'm about to say offensive, because it's the damn truth...it's not a race, class, or status thing, it's a doing the right thing thing:

If you have two arms, two legs and aren't sick or hurt, your ass should be working. If you have a fancy car, jewelry, and expensive clothes and shoes, your ass does NOT belong on welfare. And you should be ashamed of yourself walking into a store covered in designer everything, and whipping out a food stamp card that I, as a tax payer, helped pay for. As I stand behind you counting my coupons and panicking if I have enough money for what's in my cart, and then load it all up in my 12 year old van, with my payless on my feet, and no jewelry on. But I have to pay for you to eat. That's not fair.
You know why I don't have much jewelry? Because I sold most of it. I did what I had to do for my family. It's just stuff....I'll get new stuff one day maybe, but my family's well-being comes first, and it's my and the hubs job to make sure our kids have what they need. Sometimes that comes with having to sell things, or pick up extra shifts, pay bills late, whatever it takes. We do whatever it takes to make it. Because we were raised properly.
Nobody should be standing in a welfare office until they have exhausted all other options. Shit, we exhausted all of ours and still can't get help, but we make it. Can't quite make the light bill this month? Go sell those rims and use the ones that came with the damn vehicle. Can't make the gas bill? Go sell some of that jewelry. Can't quite make rent? Go sell that sound system. Ask for an extra shift at work, go cut some lawns, wash cars....you are supposed to do for yourself, not expect someone else to do it for you.
On the Louisiana general application, there are areas where you are supposed to list all of your assets, major purchases, cars, etc....that are in your name or available to you. So the Escalade that you have in your grandmother's name is most definitely an asset, because it is available to you. That bank account you have full of money is an asset. All of that jewelry is an asset. So many people check that "none" box. People walk into these offices lying their asses off and nobody says a word. Our social workers are so overworked and understaffed, that they can't even get through all the applications, much less start questioning the answers on them. If it looks good, it's approved...on to the next one.
It's almost like a joke in this state. Or a point of pride. Yeah I got food stamps, and the car and the clothes...yeah me! Walking into Wal Mart, I hear all kinds of joking around between cashiers and customers about how much people lie on their applications...extra kids, sharing kids, telling them you take care of your grandma who actually lives in another state....all things I have heard with my own ears. Again, as I sit there with my coupons, ears burning because I know I have to contribute to that.
I see it in New Orleans a lot....kids are raised to work the system. They don't know anything else. They are told that you have babies, you get money...you have more, you get more. There is no sense of responsibility. No work ethic. Nothing. They aren't going to work, why should they? That's the attitude that is killing us. This mentality that the government is here to take care of you has to go. You are supposed to take care of YOURSELF and your children...YOU ARE. You are the one in charge of your life-you are the one who had these kids, you take care of them. It's nobody else's job but yours. I don't understand how we have gotten to this point.Nobody is entitled to SHIT...you work for it. You earn it. This bullshit entitlement mentality is ridiculous.
Wake up Louisiana! Get on your representatives and senators to push for change, to start spending money in the right places. We need to get a grip on waste in general, and I think it starts here.

What else?

2012-05-07T06:48:00.002-07:00

Brain.Totally.On.Overdrive.

That's how I'm feeling right now. To the point where there is so much spinning in my head, I'm kind of in a daze and lost. I need to find some direction here and hoping that writing it all down will help clear it out and move forward. So I'm warning y'all ahead of time, there's probably nothing even remotely funny in this blog today. And I apologize for that, but I need to get this out.

I have to say last week was a complete shit show. After spending last weekend working the Team AJ Cabbage Ball Tournament(again, thank you, thank you to everyone who came out, supported us, donated, everything!!!), I had a feeling something was going on with my BFF…we’ve been friends for over 15 years, you know when something is wrong. I was getting that cold, distant feeling from her. Well on Sunday night, she FACEBOOK messages me that I can’t be in her wedding anymore, because her mother told her that I called her a bitch in the grocery parking lot like SIX months ago, and if I was in the wedding, she wouldn’t be there. Yes, because my favorite thing to do in life, while wrangling kids and groceries into the car, is to call old ladies bitches across parking lots. Yep. That’s me. The woman has never liked me and she finally got me out of the way. So instead of trying to get to the bottom of it, I got shoved to the side. No let’s see if it smooths over, nothing. It was very quickly decided that I was gone. The speed and finality of the whole thing left me reeling, and extremely HURT. For the record, I did NOT do that, but the damage is done, and people are going to think whatever they want about me, I can’t control that I guess. But damn. So that was Monday.

I spent the next two days crying and trying to understand what just happened. And getting no answers, just very cold, and matter of fact answers. To say I was and AM heartbroken is an understatement. I just don’t understand.

Then I get a call Thursday morning that my ex-husband is in the hospital with liver failure and it’s not looking good-his kidneys are starting to shut down, and fluid is building up around his heart. That call was a very grim one and the picture painted to me was that he was like getting ready to die or something. I’ll give you all the abbreviated version of us: He is an alcoholic. I spent 6 years of my life trying to help him, and trying to get everyone to help me to help him, to no avail. You can’t help someone who won’t even admit there is a problem. And he has friends that think there is nothing wrong and he’s ‘just a fun guy’. I don’t see anything fun about driving drunk, destroying your marriage, making a fool out of yourself constantly, and destroying your body. There is so much more to the story, so, so much more, but that’s just not something I need to tell the world. I emotionally checked out of the relationship after a few years, and had been planning to leave for a long time, when a wonderful man came into my life and gave me the push I needed to get the hell out of a destructive situation. I was crucified and judged and had many people turn their backs on me. Again denying that he had anything to do with why we split-It just HAD to be all me. Needless to say, I was crushed by it. I felt like no one could or wanted to understand what I went through with him. It was HELL. And I felt very alone, and very very judged. I’ll say this, don’t ever judge someone until you have been through what they have. I wouldn’t wish that time on anyone…and the fact that everyone believed his bullshit really really stuck with me and hurt so bad. Regardless, I had to go through all of that to get to where I am now-I am in a happy, and HEALTHY relationship, and have another beautiful boy. I wouldn’t change the way things went down for anything. He wound up marrying my 2^nd cousin (that’s an entire other story), and shit got really bad between all of us-there was a whole lot of name-calling and mean things said. I finally talked to her yesterday, and finally heard the words I have been waiting for for 3 years now-“You were right, now I know why you left, and I’m so sorry for everything.” I knew I was right all along, and I stuck to my guns because I knew it was doing the right thing, no matter what anyone’s opinion was of it-I was the one who lived with him, I was the one living it, not them. People like to assume they know what goes on in other people’s homes and are so quick to pass judgement. I thought I would feel a little vindicated maybe by hearing that now she(and a lot of others) understand what I went through, because he’s doing it to her now, but I’m really just more sad than anything. He has wasted his life. He has let his children down, he’s let yet another wife down. As much as I want to yell “I TOLD Y’ALL SO!!!”, I can’t..because in the end, he may die, and he will die with nothing. And that is profoundly sad. I never wished that for him, and always hoped he would find a way to get himself to a better place. Either he will get better, and turn his life around, or he won’t. Time will tell. All I know is, I did what I needed to do to get myself, and my son, out of a destructive situation. I have no regrets. I’m sure as he is lying in that hospital bed, he is full of regret and remorse, and he should be. All I can hope is that he learns from it and makes amends, and makes an effort to make it right with those he has hurt along the way.

To top all of that bull off, The Boy corners me last night and asks me why we are moving? I told him the truth, that we were told our lease would not be renewed, so we had to find a new place. He says, well I know who is moving in this house, and they told XX(neighbor kid) that we are being evicted because we can’t pay our rent. (the neighbor’s in laws own the house we are in now, we don’t get along anymore due to a horrible mis-understanding and people talking shit and changing stories, but it is what it is, now, one of their BFF’s is moving into this house as soon as we are out-how convenient right?-I think this was planned all along as soon as I decided their lifestyle and choices just weren’t my cup of tea and distanced myself-then made the HUGE mistake of writing about it, and all hell broke loose..)

REALLY people??? If I’m being evicted, it must be through telepathy, because I wasn’t aware of that! And why involve the kids in this bullshit? Assholes. Get a grip. How is it that our new house is the same money if we can’t pay our rent? Why do I even have to sit here and defend myself AGAIN?? People should just keep my name out of their mouths. Don’t presume to know what’s going on , and then present that story to everyone like it is fact. Because it is in fact NOT true. Just goes to show you what kind of people I am getting away from! Good riddance. And to you, the nosy bitch who thinks they know my business, I know who you are, I know what you are saying. Go mind your own family, because I hear that’s not doing so well! Keep out of my life, I have better things to do than spread rumors about you, like go to WORK…maybe you should try that!

Anyways, that’s what’s going on. I’m trying to get out of this fog, because there is a whole lotta packing and moving that needs to start like NOW….ready for a fresh start!

Helping out...

2012-03-12T05:45:00.000-07:00

http://www.giveforward.com/teamaj

some very good friends set up a donation account in AJ's name....surgery is scheduled for 10am this morning, and they have a very long, scary, and EXPENSIVE road ahead. Please give if you can.
Thank you everyone!

Is it really 'reality' tv???

2012-02-29T11:24:00.000-08:00

So last night was Tuesday...my one day a week where I can watch all my DVR'd reality shows in one shot in total peace...well my version of peace. My dearest happened to be home, and was subjected to the 'incessant cackling from a pack of beat up broads'(he's kind of a smartass), since I REFUSED to change the channel.
So I'm engrossed in the ridiculous drama, enjoying my peace, no toddler kicking me in the face, eating out of the cheeseball bucket like a boss, and the hubs makes a comment- 'Babe, do you REALLY think this is what really happens...this HAS to be staged right?? Who does that to their kids??'
Before I started with my speech about letting me watch my show...I stopped and said to myself...IS this REALLY real? Then I got to thinking about all the insane stories, ridiculous drama and outright back-stabbing that goes on in these shows. Like really, how have none of these moms not slapped Abby Lee Miller right in the face? Who would let their child be talked to the way she does? Who looks so perfect all the time in real life-aka OC Housewives...Who sleeps with every guy they are sharing a house with for the summer, and then acts like nothing happened and there's no 'weird' hanging in the air-aka Jersey Shore...and on and on...
The answer? NOBODY. It's not real yall, this is the modern day Soap Opera. Remember when our moms and grandmas used to watch Days of our Lives, Guiding Light, All my Children, etc... religiously? Talked about the stories like they knew each of the characters personally, got sad for them, got mad for them...the whole nine yards. These old soaps are dying off one by one...Because today's Mom needs something more. Insert 'reality' tv! Original reality tv was the first 2 seasons of The Real World...that shit was REAL. Nobody had ever done that before, acting for the cameras wasn't even thought of back then.
That one show has spawned an new era for tv shows...Almost everything is a reality show, touted as real people going about their every day lives... which is a crock of shit. Take it for what it is...this is the 21st century Mom's Soap Opera, conveniently on at times when we are actually HOME! Full of juicy, crazy plotlines and nasty crazy bitches causing chaos all over this great country! Some shows do a pretty good job of covering their made up plotlines-aka Housewives, Tabitha Takes Over, and a few others I'm blanking out on...but seriously...Mob Wives, Big Rich Texas, Dance Moms, even Jersey Shore...that shit is SO staged, and SO fake, and SO scripted. I mean really-have you SEEN 'My Big Redneck Vacation'??? WTF??? People say 'omg I love this show, you can't MAKE this stuff up!!!' oh honey, yes you can...and they did. So that's my new name for my shows, and I am now my grandmother and must watch my Soaps whenever I get a chance...except I don't have to fool with a VCR...

People are shameful....But WE WILL make it right!

2012-02-24T06:23:00.000-08:00

Check out this blog post on: http://nolafemmes.com/...about a heartless asshole ruining a beautiful child's favorite day of the year. After reading it, check out the bottom, and the movement that has started because of this idiot's stupid words. I for one want to know who he is, and who his momma is so I can tell her what a shit job she did raising this boy....

Lit Up Like a Parade

Thursday marked the end of a countdown my daughter started on January 6: Muses.
Each night, after she listed her daily gratitudes and wrote in her diary, she would find the countdown calender drawn on pink paper and dressed in white, silver, purple, and red glitter. With her very special pen, she would carefully cross off one more day, informing me of the new countdown as she called out wishes of sweet dreams. As the countdown slimmed from a month, to a week, and then to days, her excitement grew.
“I don’t know if I should wear a costume this year or not, Mama,” she contemplated in the middle of a lesson on polygons for her sixth grade math class.
“Mama. do you think I will get a shoe?”
“What do you think the floats will look like?”
“Which book should I bring with me to read while we wait?”
“Should I take pictures with my cell phone?”
“I am so excited for beads, Mama!”
She was preoccupied with the parade, the Krewe of Muses, and our Mardi Gras holiday.
Since our first parades as New Orleanians a few years ago, our Mardi Gras holiday has consisted of Muses on Thursday and d’Etat on Friday. Having a spouse working in the restaurant business, Lundi Gras and Mardi Gras were never spent together – he is busy insuring everyone else has their spirits high on these two special days. And because my daughter is a high-functioning autistic child, we stayed away from the crowds of the super krewes. Just in case.
We have always watched the parades along the extended route, sometimes called the family zone, and it has been an enjoyable experience. We have reconnected with old friends, exchanging Mardi Gras wishes while catching up with the latest changes in our lives, and have met many new friends. My daughter has played along strangers, created art while patiently waiting for the show to start, and read her first Nancy Drew book along the parade route. Through the challenges that we sometimes face throughout the year, issues dealing with social and sensory issues, Mardi Gras and Muses was the moment of the year where it all faded away, where we were a normal family embracing the culture in our new city, creating memories of our new life.
As we sat on the sidewalk along the parade route and patiently waited for start time, we talked about what we thought we would see, which bands we loved listening to best, and whether Elvis would make an appearance on his moped. We watched Pussyfooters pass by on foot, 610 Stompers in full uniform, and a few Bearded Oysters with high hair weaving through the crowd. As parade time approached, as cliche as it sounds, there was a sparkle in my daughter’s eye and a smile so big, it made me wish that she could spend her life this happy – always.
And then they came. Despite sitting on the ground, our feet on the street, they came in front of us, a gaggle of college kids holding to-go cups full of booze, cigarettes in hand, f-bombs flying out of their mouths with no care who was around them. Once the parade started, we stood, them still in the street. Then the first marching band hit the road, forcing us all to back up, my daughter getting lost in a sea of twenty-somethings drinking a little too much. Some were local, others were not. She looked at me, her eyes tense.
“Mama, I can’t see. And that guy keeps touching me with his beer.”
Despite her 5′ 6′ frame, she was surrounded by young adults too involved in gossiping about who was going to be screwing who, which picture they had on their phones that were “too epic’ to not post on Facebook, and preoccupied by the booze pouring out of their red SOLO cups.
One boy, over 6 foot, came dangerously close to starting my daughter’s hair on fire. Only one float had passed by.
“Excuse me, Sir,” I said, ” do you think you could move over a bit. My daughter cannot see, you’ve spilled some beer on her, and you almost got her with your cigarette.”
He looked at me blankly, then looked at her. He looked at my daughter from head to toe, staring at the patch on her coat that would indicate she was autistic to medical personal should an emergency arise. He sneered at me before laughing in my face.
I put my arms around my daughter, warming her up, protecting her, whispering in her ear.
The tall man with the bear hat on his head paid no mind to us. He didn’t move, either.
“Hey, man! I need to move. This woman is bitching at me because her retard daughter can’t see the parade!” he shouted to a kid a few feet away.
He turned back to us, looked my daughter in the eye, and shouted to no one in particular. “This retard is making watching the parade a challenge.”
My daughter looked at me, knowing he was talking about her, and tears formed in her eyes. I wrapped my arms around her a bit tighter and whispered in her ear that the man was drunk, didn’t know what he was saying, and sometimes the best thing to do is to know the truth about yourself and ignore what other people say.
My words didn’t matter, though. By then, she had heard what he had said, knew what he was implying about her, and she wanted to go home. Had she not been with, I may have had a few choice words of my own, but I knew it wasn’t the time and certainly not the place.
A night she had been looking forward to, planning and anticipating for a few months, had just been marred by that bad behavior of a grown person.
“Mama. please, can we go home? He told everyone I’m a retard. I’m not a retard, am I, Mama?” she asked. The grin was gone, replaced by a quivering lip. The sparkle in her eyes had dispersed, and they were now filled with a flow of tears falling down her full, pink cheeks.
“Are you sure, honey? We could walk somewhere else and watch the parade. We could move.”
“No, Mama. I don’t think that would be a good idea. People there will probably think I’m a retard, too. People don’t want people like me at parades. They won’t let us in to watch the parade. I just know it.”
I tried to comfort her with my words, encourage her, but the more I pushed, the more this man’s words hurt.
We packed up the bag holding the the goods that had entertained us for the two hours we sat on the sidewalk, waiting for our special night. The bag that held my daughter’s snacks, sketch pad, books, and blanket. I took her hand, and led her to the car to go home.
She cried in the car on the way home, having seen exactly two floats from Muses and having exactly zero throws to show for the verbal attack that she endured just trying to watch her favorite parade.
“Honey, I am really sorry about what happened. Maybe we can try tomorrow night. Maybe we can go to a different spot, ” I said, trying to encourage her and save the rest of our Mardi Gras.
“No, Mama. I don’t think I want to do Mardi Gras anymore. Not ever again.”
A year ago, I asked my daughter what she most loved about Mardi Gras, expecting her to say the throws, the beads, and the pretty costumes. Her answer surprised me: “I don’t feel like I am different than everyone else during Mardi Gras, Mama. During Mardi Gras, everyone is a little weird like me.”
That night, she didn’t want to share her daily gratitudes, shrugging her shoulders and telling me she didn’t really feel grateful for much. She didn’t write in her journal, only wanting to forget the night had even happened. Her countdown calendar peppered the floor in tear-soaked pieces. A night that he had probably already forgotten by the next morning; a night that her broken heart will never let her forget.

Now this is what's going on:
http://www.r-word.org/
a movement to stop the use of that nasty word...

and check out on Facebook...my favorite girl Fleurty Girl...and all the support coming for this little girl!
https://www.facebook.com/FleurtyGirl

The Mommy Wars and Why I'm About Done With Facebook

2012-02-17T07:20:00.000-08:00

I remember the early days of Facebook, when we used it to keep in touch, and laugh, and watch each others kids grow up. Now it feels like an all out war...every topic is up for debate, everyone has an opinion, on EVERYTHING. At simple post about being upset for a friend turns into a heated debate. People are so DEFENSIVE on everything and everything gets taken personal. News flash to those that assume everyone's updates are directed at them...get a life PLEASE.
My biggest annoyance is what I have dubbed 'The Mommy Wars'....every child rearing topic post turns into out right name calling and 'my parenting is better than yours' shit. Seriously? when did THAT start becoming ok? Why do people think it is ok to berate a perfect stranger for doing what THEY feel is best for their kids?

Just for clarification, this is me (and this ME is subject to change at anytime, because PARENTING is subject to change at any time!!!):
*I am a BIG advocate for breastfeeding- I did it for a year with The Boy, and having failed to keep up with it after the baby (I went back to work after 12 days!) , and feeling so terribly guilty about it, I try to support anyone who is struggling with it as much as possible. Try finding support for being a 'quitter'. Negative. I got a lot of 'you are a bad mom', 'if you loved your child you would make it work', etc... REALLY? Listen Miss Judgy McFatty, kiss my ass, I did the best I could. And these same people troll up and down in chat/support groups slamming anyone who doesn't do things the way they think they should. Who DOES that? And WHY????? Ladies who think it's normal to do this" you were not put on this earth to save the world from formula, you will not get a special award for it, and frankly, most people look at the mean and hateful shit that you type and roll their eyes. Get a life. Go clean your house. Do something other than berate other moms for not breastfeeding. Get over it.
*I am also a big believer in natural birth, VBAC, and NOT inducing labor. This brings on an entire other set of creeps behind keyboards...Although I do not push my beliefs on anyone, I'm always willing to talk about it...yet you have this whole other set of moms who call people stupid, uneducated, and sheep for doing their birth THEIR way. I would love for everyone to have a natural, un-traumatic birth, but shit, that just doesn't happen very often. Momma and baby's safety are always priority one, and to see someone rip a new mother to shreds for having a c section because her blood pressure hit the roof is disheartening and makes me want to punch that bitch in the throat. Who died and made you the birth queen please??? Everybody does things differently. I put up a status yesterday about how bummed I was that a friend was induced, which ended in an emergency section, and not getting to hold her baby for HOURS. that's a sad situation...and then I got jumped on by a ton of people telling me how wrong I was and THEY didn't have problems etc...etc... Whatever happened to 'sorry about your friend, hope everything gets better quick'. Why is a status now an invitation for you to tell me what you would do or what I'm doing wrong.
*I vaccinate my kids....this is a touchy one with some of the CRAZIEST people on BOTH sides of the issue. We vaccinate because we think it is the best thing for US. We are an active family, we are always at the ballpark, daycare, school, schoolbus, etc....germs are everywhere, disease is everywhere. People's kids are in my kids faces, we are shaking hands with people at work. It's the safe thing for us to do. We did our research on each and every vaccine we let our kids get. BUT, according to the crazy ladies with foil hats(NOW, this is not ALL of non-vaxers, but the loudest, so therefore the ones that stick in my memory)...I am all part of a huge conspiracy with the government to weed out the population and pay more money to 'Big Pharma'. I have been called stupid, a sheep, and uneducated about my kids. I have been told that my children will die, turn into zombies, have been injected with tracking devices, and that my kids DESERVE to die for what I have done to them. Wow. Do you have nothing better to do all day than tell people that? How dare you. Am I calling you a retard for NOT vaxxing your kids? Because I have LOTS to say about that...like how I think you are risking the safety and health of an entire nation every time you people add another non-vaxxed kid to the mix, or how I think that your 'born free' kid could very well get my baby sick. Or that I am terrified for your kids that they will catch something that they can't fight off and DIE. But I keep that to myself because it IS just a matter of opinion. Did I ASK you for your advice or opinion on vaccines? NOPE. So why do people think this is ok? Why is this acceptable behavior to sit at a computer all day and look for people to put down, and crucify? Does it make you feel powerful? I think it makes you look like an idiot.

It's insane the amount of time people are wasting being so judgemental and making it their world mission to convert everyone to their side...you know the ONLY side.
My new thing on FB is going to be only happy happy joy joy posts on my personal page...i'm so sick of getting sucked into debates. People cannot handle hearing views other than theirs. I'm not commenting on shit anymore, it's just not worth it.
Whatever happened to mind your own business? Why do so many people think that their opinion matters and is the only one that anyone should have? How about everyone mind their own business, and offer respectful, non-judgemental, and honest advice...when it's ASKED for.
Just a thought.

Trying to bring my funny back...

2012-01-13T10:59:00.000-08:00

I saw a status from one of my friends today..."I miss reading my friends funny posts, where has everyone's sense of humor gone?"... Good point. Where DID it go? I lost my snarkyness for a short while, but my girl has inspired me to get it back. Life has dealt us with some wicked curve balls these past few months...and all that while I have had such an urge to write, but can't find the time or organize my thoughts. Some really funny shit has happened in between all the bull. I'm still clouded, but I thought I would share something I've been working on for a REALLY long time... One of my girlfriends and I were talking a while back that we should write a book about the things nobody told you about being pregnant. It started off as a joke, but got my writing juices flowing. So I kinda started it.... here goes my first part....

A satirical collection of stories and advice from a few moms who thought-“yeah I wish somebody would have told me THAT”.

Disclaimer:

This book is in no way, shape, or form intended to be taken as medical advice. We are not medical professionals, and do not claim to be. We intend for this to be a funny look at some of the crazy things that happen when you’re pregnant. If you think this book is medical advice, then please, put it down and seek professional help. But we have faith that common sense will prevail…for the most part. That is all.

About Me:

xxxxxxxx

xxxxxx lives in the New Orleans area with her husband xxx and their two boys xxx, 10, and xxx., 1. She works full time,is a baseball mom, and runs a small sewing business out of her house. Yeah, she’s really bored. And also the definition of smart ass-you’ll see.

“Holy Crap I’m Pregnant”

I figured that most people who bought this book would already be pregnant-thank you for your support!!-, but wanted to add this nugget in just in case you are reading it for pure fun; in which case we thank you for allowing us to entertain you!-or for future reference.

When one says this out loud, life as we know it is changed forever, whether it’s your first or your 10^th(God bless you woman!), realizing that you are adding a member to your family is a wonderful moment in any woman’s life. And one of the scariest (we’ll get to that part later).

Let’s talk about the finding out part. There are seemingly endless choices in the whole pregnancy test department, and it can be downright bewildering. There you are, standing in the aisle of your favorite drug store, between the condoms and tampons (how funny is that they are right there, like it’s the pause between the two functions(??)) staring at rows of boxes promising you joy and happiness, and sometimes with a coupon attached! Now, we speak from experience here, they are all about the same, there is really no need to buy the top of the line tests, either you are, or you aren’t. Those little life-changing sticks are pretty freaking reliable girls. But now is also not the time to be cheap-please do not buy a pregnancy test at the dollar store. Like the real dollar store where everything is a buck…pregnancy tests just don’t belong there. Ever.

You may also spend a small fortune buying multiple tests because you don’t trust the first 5 that you took. Completely understandable and highly unavoidable. Oh yes, I took TEN for The Babe. You don’t even WANT to know the story of how I found out I was preggo for The Boy…that is long ass story that stays between me and one of my BFFers. It happens, and you’re not crazy for buying an entire shelf of pee sticks. If anyone gives you crap for it, tell them to suck it.

By now, if you have seen the two blue lines, you have frantically called your GYN trying to get the soonest appointment possible, probably to find that the next opening is two freaking weeks away. Nice. However, we do not recommend going ballistic and crazy pregnant lady on the receptionist. You will be dealing with these people for several months to come, so make nice. Save the crazy pregnant lady outbursts for later, because, trust us, there will be PLENTY of time for that. If it’s really bothering you that much, and it did for all of us…you can take a test every day until the appointment. Yep. I did that.

Sharing the News

Some women take months to spread the news of their impending parenthood, and yet others seem to be announcing before the pee is even dry on the stick. It really is all up to you and when you feel the time is right. But for the love of all that is Holy, your Mother, and Aunt Bea do NOT want to find out on Facebook. Make sure you take the time to notify important and close family members personally, before you announce to the Facebook world that your preggo. Trust us, this will save you a whole lot of bitching, and possibly save your baby shower.

You may then commence with the announcements and pee stick picture postings. Post a pic of your pee stick at your own risk-we gave a certain one of our friends a helluva hard time when she did that a few years ago. Be prepared for the ribbing if you have smart ass friends like me. It’s all in good fun, I love her.

And do us all a favor, if you’re gonna tell everyone your news like the minute after you conceive, please for the luva gawd do not post daily FB updates on your progress…”8 months, 15 days and 4 hours until we meet our little peanut!”…A weekly update will suffice if you must. You most certainly don’t want everyone to be over your pregnancy before you even have a baby bump. Or hear-“Damn she’s STILL pregnant, I thought she had that baby months ago!” Not good.

So that's my start...I'll be adding things as I go maybe....just wanted to get this out!

I'm getting to be a bitter byatch...

2011-12-15T12:19:00.001-08:00

Why I’m becoming a bitter bitch.

You know what, we’ve had a helluva month. Like really. It is a task just to get out of bed and function lately because I am so downtrodden and depressed. This morning is the icing on the cake…hubs got up in serious pain (which he has beared with for weeks now-pinched nerve or something in his neck/back) and just couldn’t go anymore. I sent him to the doc, in hopes that they can help him. Along with this pain has been a whole lot of snapping and nasty comments to each other due to him being in constant pain, and me being pissed that I can’t help him and getting tired of the constant griping.

Yeah, that’s been my week. So on top of the car getting wrecked that we have to pay for, stressing about stupid fucking Christmas(and I say that because I am a VERY giving person-it’s never about what I get, it never has been I’m always last-I LOOOOOOOOVE shopping and wrapping and seeing the smiles!!!!-and it’s been very hard to do that with little money this year)-now we have to deal with a huge office visit bill, and prescriptions with no insurance. That’s right. We don’t have health insurance. I’ve been told it’s our own fault that we are in the position that we are in by some very nasty people. I’ve also been reading blog comments on an article discussing how the census now shows 1 in 2 people are living in poverty. And now I’m a pissed bitter bitch. You can choose to read this or not, I really don’t care, I needed to get this out. Keep your negative, preachy, self righteous, know it all comments out too-don’t care about that either. I AM grateful for my healthy children, so don’t tell me to be. Don’t tell me God is watching out for us, better things will come, have faith, yadda, yadda, yadda. Because in all honesty ya’ll…I just don’t think that’s true. I’m not in any way shape or form looking for sympathy, help, or a handout. Maybe I’m looking for anyone that feels the same, or someone who knows what I’m going through. Oh, and this isn’t political either. This is a pissed off, frustrated Momma. That’s it.

I am turning into a bitter bitch because I know we deserve better. I know we as a family have done good, not perfect, but we’ve done the right thing. I have an education. I’m not stupid. I didn’t have kids at 16 (not that having kids at 16 makes you stupid, just seems to be the first assumption these idiot blog commenters make when a family is struggling). How can people be so ugly as to say that people who aren't doing well are “stupid and uneducated”??? That baffles me, and if that asshole would stand up and say who they really are instead of trolling behind a computer, I will gladly meet with them so I could punch them in the effing FACE!

I had insurance, I had a great job, we were doing good. Even had some money saved. Then I was laid off. No warning. No indication that business was getting bad. Nothing. I got a see ya, and a sorry. Fuckers. That one event set off a chain of events in my life that I have officially deemed at the worst day ever. In the past two years, I have struggled to find a job with similar pay, to no avail, similar career, to no avail, only to have to settle for something paying half, doing work that I don’t love, and no insurance. In that time, the savings was gone, the car is falling apart, and we are scraping by, while my poor husband works 7 days a week so we can make some attempt to pay our bills on time.

A lot of yapping has been going on lately about how the economy/welfare system/etc… has gotten into the dire situation that it has. Everyone is a legal/constitution/Occupy/blah blah blah expert. I have my own version, not that I am any expert, but I have a lot of friends in the same situation as us, and there seems to be a recurring theme: Middle class is being squashed out. How you ask?

Let me break this down with out rambling too much…or try to at least….

Our wonderful government has enabled people to abuse the system for so long. Can’t ‘supposedly’ feed your kids? No problem , we’ll look right past that Escalade that you drove here in, and the designer clothes that you are wearing, and hand you a card so you don’t have to pay for groceries. Then you can go to the grocery and fill up that Escalade with premium foods, steaks, snacks, soda pop, whatever your heart desires. Don’t worry, the taxpayers got ya back babe!-We will just overcharge everyone else to support you! Why do you think groceries are so high? I really think it’s because these big chain stores know that they have a huge customer base using food stamps and they DON’T GIVE A SHIT how much it costs, because they are not paying for it.-so no matter what the prices are, they will sell their stuff, you can bank on that. *Meanwhile, I, and many people I know-who drive beater cars, work our asses off, and struggle to make it-but deemed “rich” by the DFS people, are shopping at the discount grocery store, couponing like crazy, and using a calculator to make sure we don’t go over budget. How is it at all fair that I have to pay for someone’s premium groceries while I shop at the discount store and coupon? HOW????? I have NOTHING against helping people who REALLY need the help-that’s what this system is MEANT for-but there are FAR too many people getting help who don’t need it! If you have a luxury car, designer clothes, and IPhone, and your kids are playing with IPads in the checkout line-there is no way in hell you should be whipping out a food stamp card. THAT right there is abuse. And everyone just looks the other way.

Can’t pay your rent? No problem, we’ll look right past the fact that no one is paying child support to you that is court ordered(because we don’t feel like enforcing them), and the fact that you refuse to work . Here’s a check for ¾ of your rent in a nice, brand new housing unit, with a pool, work out room, and free internet, oh yeah, here’s a free cell phone too. All you have to do is come up with ¼ of the rent, but if you can’t do that either, we’ll cut an extra monthly check to you just to make sure. Meanwhile, the landlord’s who get that Section 8 now inflate the rental prices-because they know they getting at least ¾ of it from the government, therefore driving up rental prices all over the area, including those that don’t take Section 8. Never in my life did I think I would pay $1000 a month to live ANYWHERE. EVER. Thanks for that one.

Can’t pay your daycare? No problem, we’ll let you lie on your application and not check your so-called job references, and pay ¾ of your daycare bill too. So again, the inflated prices come again, and us ‘rich’ folk are stuck paying that ridiculous inflated price just to go to work and try to eke out a living, oh yeah, and paying for your ¾ too!

Can’t afford insurance for your kids? No problem, here’s an insurance card, go to as many doctors as you want, anytime you want, we got ya covered-we won’t really verify your income. You wanna know what happened to us? We had public insurance for the kids because it was our only option-$600 a month for private insurance was totally out of our reach. I got a 50 CENT raise and reported it. Because that’s what I was told to do. We got kicked up to the fee based program which now costs us $200 a month, which ate up my raise, and then some-it’s a vicious ass cycle we are stuck in…that’s cool, because we did the right thing. How many millions of people did NOT do that? MILLIONS. That is why the system is broken-it has been turned from into a temporary helper into a lifelong lifestyle choice. It wasn’t meant for that. It wasn’t meant for people to stay on it forever. It wasn’t FUNDED or budgeted for that. Taxes were meant to help keep our country functioning…not support people who think it’s a game to drain the system until they get caught…which they rarely do. You know, cuz the government should be happy that they are here on this earth and should pay them to exist. Don’t even GET me started on how the HELL illegal immigrants get benefits. Come to America! We don’t care if you’ve never paid a dime in taxes and send all the money you make here (by taking a job from an American wanting the same job) to your home country and not pay taxes on that either. We’ll still feed your kids and pay for their healthcare!!!

EARNING a living is going out the window. Working for what you have is going out the window. The mentality of ‘why work when I can have everything handed to me’ is taking over. The mentality of ‘uncle sam owes ME’ is crippling this country. I was raised to work for what I have, be proud of what you have, always strive to be better, to do better, as were many many people I know. But SO many people now just don’t have that in them anymore. Why? Because the laziness has been enabled to the point where our country is flat ass broke.

And again, I’m not saying that ALL people on assistance are like that!!!!!

This is the new middle class people-we don’t even exist anymore. Too ‘rich’ to use the system that we have faithfully paid into for all these years, yet the cost of living is squeezing us to death and that glass ceiling just sits on top of us like a ton of bricks. Screw it all. That’s what I got.

Things I have learned the last week.....

2011-11-28T13:30:00.000-08:00

Oh the joys of the holidays....
I have compiled a list of things that I have learned this past week:
1.Toddlers have a knack for knowing when you neeeed to get things done...insert baby meltdown for no particular reason here..
2. It is possible to baste a turkey with a baby on the hip..not recommended, but you do what ya gotta do.
3.I cannot cook small. Ever. Not in my nature.
4.Leftovers...even the good ones...get old real quick. No more turkey please!!
5.Babies and Christmas trees do not mix. Ever. Learned this from an unfortunate incident involving said baby, crazy weenie dog and a tree that I thought was out of reach. Everybody's fine...just a huge mess to clean up.
6.Babies will find a way to break the unbreakable ornament....hello munchkin with a mouth full of glitter...
7.Baseball practice in the freezing rain is for the birds.
8.I must be insane to volunteer to do it all again for Christmas Eve.
9. Black Friday is no fun when you're broke.
10. I love my family more and more every day:-)

*******
It's been a crazy week of baseball, cooking, sewing, and NOT shopping LOL....

Wishing all of you very Happy Holidays!!!!

It's that time of year again...Football drama, baseball fundraising and a little poop incident

2011-11-16T09:33:00.000-08:00

Ok so the holiday insanity has hit our house way too soon. Like seriously can I get through Thanksgiving at least? The shop has been bombarded with orders, and alterations, I'm stressing the F out about Christmas presents already, and on top of that, even though with our awesome schedule change with hubs back on days...I feel like I have even LESS time to get shit done-how is THAT possible???
So much is going on , and the babe will be 1 tomorrow. I'm so sad and proud at the same time. Where the hell did the last year go???

So we've had alllll kinds of funnies going on lately too... babe figured out how to get through the doggie door finally...we all knew it was bound to happen, but I had hoped in the back of my mind that he would eventually leave the damn thing alone. No such luck with that baby...curious little heathen he is...talk about a hawt attack looking to my left and seeing nothing but little feet going through a hole in my house. Yeah, we need to work on figuring out how the dog gets out, but the baby stays IN. Anybody got any tips on that one?

We also had a very unfortunate poop incident...remember that weenie dawg who loves to eat diapers? Well apparently the boy accidentally left said weenie dawg in the bathroom after a very hectic morning and a dirty ass diaper got left in the bathroom trash can (because some very cute little baby who shall remain nameless woke up covered head to toe in poop and needed a 5am bath). Needless to say, dawg ate the diaper, tore the diaper, tossed the diaper around and around, and make a complete wreck of my bathroom for the 6 hours he was stuck in there. I know both of my men-hubs and the boy-saw the condition of the bathroom and chose to ignore...probably because neither of them wanted to break it to me, nor did they want to clean it, therefore ignoring it makes it all go away right? Amateurs. they must think I was born yesterday-dude if you forget to flush, I know your ass has been in there since you got home, did you NOT see the destruction??? Lord help me. One hour and a bottle of bleach later, I had a ruined pair of jeans-grrrr-and a clean bathroom once again. Not that it STAYED clean. Whatever.

We were feeling a little guilty that we skipped travel football this year, as it is an awesome trip to play in the Turkey Bowl in Gatlinburg, TN, and the boy just loves it. Money, time, and patience were not on our side this year, so we took a pass until next year...I have to say I'm very glad we did that. For once the drama doesn't involve me-yay-but good GAWD is the shit hitting the fan over there in football land (we have some crossover mommas doing both sports at the same time-god bless them!!)....I'll just say this-If you advertise that you are having tryouts for an 'all star' team, collect the same amount of money from each family, and make each family sell the same amount of tickets, etc...Then you are giving people the impression that their child is an 'all star' and that you picked them to PLAY on your team. I mean, that's what all stars is all about...the cream of the crop, the best of the best, hand selected to represent our town. Well, that's what it's SUPPOSED to be anyways...Fundraising money is supposed to also go towards the team, and carefully recorded, and reported to all parents as often as possible. When you don't do that, people start asking questions...especially when you fund raise for something, then turn around and charge the parents for the very thing they were fundraising for. Just saying. It's dirty. And then to only play certain kids and bench the rest except for 2 or 3 downs...who are you trying to kiss up to fool? Ladies and gents, Gump has a replacement now, his name is Bubba...and he's a tool. My advice to those that have expressed their frustrations...enjoy the vacation, try to ignore the fact that a ton of money is missing and your kid got the shaft, and DON'T DO IT NEXT YEAR:-) Once a con artist, always a con artist. Lesson learned ladies!

Our little baseball team is gearing up for our 2012 Travel Season...the boys will be playing their first tournament together hopefully in a few weeks-please uniform company people...don't screw this up. Thanks:-) Momma's been a fundraising fool, and hustling that money...it takes a lot of dough to finance a travel team, and I have a knack for talking people into handing that dough over. Guilt trips are very effective:-) Thanks to all that have donated so far, and if you haven't yet...what the hell are you waiting for??? Kidding! I kid...we really to appreciate all the support, it costs the families a lot of money too, and any donation helps defray that. So thanks!

Shameless plug time...well..because I can...go check out my sewing business on facebook...I gotta pay for all this equipment LOL...Share with your friends, the more the merrier!
small style.
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Small-style/222069237854368

Thanks for reading my rants...I'm sure it's only going to get better...12 boys on the road, which means eating out , which means 12 boys+parents and siblings invading a restaurant of some sort...a 1 year old and a Christmas Tree....oh yeah, December is looking awesome:-)
Muah!!!!

Drama whores, Halloween fun, and the Dryer incident., In no particular order.

2011-11-02T13:15:00.000-07:00

I've been getting e mails wondering if I dropped of the face of the earth...I assure you all I am alive and well, just stupid, ridiculous, ludicrous busy...
So I apologize for the sparse postings!!! Thanks for thinking of me though:-)

I'm hoping everyone had a fabulous Halloween! We sure did! We went to the little Fall Fest party with the homeschoolers, which was nice, and had PERFECT weather for it!!! Then a few of our friends came over and we walked around the corner to the 'big houses'(lol) to go trick or treat. Trick or treat has changed DRAMATICALLY since Katrina down here...nobody really goes in their own neighborhood, it's done in concentrated pockets in the areas with the larger homes...very different from when we were growing up. But still just as fun, and we do thank everyone on Corinne Drive for the hospitality!

Trick or treat was a hoot, we started off with a good group of 25...only about 10 came back with us-stopping and going got us all separated pretty quickly. One of my BFF's dear husband brought the 'Party Wagon'...*see above pic* the man is a genius and I see why she married him. We had music, cold beers, and strobe lights...what more could you ask for? The kids had a blast, we had a blast, it was a good one:-)

And I'm very happy to say that after being dryer-less for a few days, we finally got a new one! Wahoo! crap, that means I gotta wash clothes now. Shit.
That was a fiasco in itself...my landlords are ladies...and there we are...3 chicks trying to figure out why the 3 prong cord won't go into the 4 prong outlet. Why the h is this not a universal thing with these cords?? A man must have come up with that crap. After some investigation, we figured out that a quick cord swap would do the trick...easy enough right? Not. Apparently there are ground wires, and white wires, and white wires should not ever go where the black wire goes. After tripping a breaker, and my heart stopping for a sec watching my friend plug it in and then that BZZZZ noise happened, and calling in some man reinforcement, we got it done. So sometimes ladies, you really do need a freaking man. Don't ever say you heard that from me! LOL!

And then there was the horror that is the Facebook Drama Whores. I thought Halloween was on MONDAY??
We talk about a lot of random stuff on my facebook page...most days we go from kids, to bitching about husbands, to bitchin about housework, to news, to what's for dinner...it goes all OVER the place. Kind of like my mind...

I guess it was sometime last week a discussion was going about what to do with facebook 'friends' who over post, annoy everyone, preach to people...etc.a general post that spun off into a very funny convo..so somehow it was relayed to someone I know that this post was about them(not a single name or certain action was mentioned), and a shit ton of un-necessary drama has ensued. I have a pretty good idea who the relayer is too. I'll never understand why people do crap like that. What are we, in high school? In fact, I don't even remember high school being this ridiculous. You have to be some delusional lunatic to obsess over facebook posts and decide that you know they are speaking subliminally to one particular person, then go run your mouth like a yenta on a bad day like you have ANY idea what is going on.

this is what I have to say about that one:

My brain hurts. I don't really have a lot of funnies today, I just really needed to get that off my chest. thanks everyone for the sweet comments and support.

Ten Year Old Boys are so Gross.

2011-10-27T12:02:00.000-07:00

I finally found a little time to write this one down...or type it, whatever...
We cleaned The Boy's room on Monday. It was bad...and I'm still horrified.

Our bedroom door faces his door, so I pass his room-from now on referred to as the shithole-several times a day, and usually the door is closed, so I really just let him do his own thing, trusting that he's keeping things up in there...I mean I do see laundry cycle in and out, so I know it's staying decent right??? And I haven't smelled any funny smells right?? I try not to hover and drive him nuts about the room-it's his space and if he wants to live in a mess, then so be it. But I can't ignore dirty. And dirty does not even to begin to describe the horror that was his bedroom three days ago.
It started with a smell...like a moldy, dirty, ASS smell that I couldn't pinpoint...After sniffing the baby's diaper for the thousandth time, and investigating my room, and the hall bath, we could only conclude it was coming from The Shithole. Upon opening the door and actually stepping IN the room...my suspicions were confirmed...we have a moldy ass problem in here, and it's got to GO. I plopped down my munchkin in the shithole (I mean really, how much more damage could HE do???), and started yanking crap out of the closet. Well, what do we have here? A half empty Gatorade I see...after I said no more food and drinks in your room? "I forgot u told me that". I can feel Mommie Dearest is coming...I can feel it. Please Lord, help me keep my composure and not lose my shit. The digging and throwing continues....clothes that haven't fit in years-that were IN A GOODWILL BOX and then somehow ended up BACK in the closet...ok...but where's the friggin ass smell coming from???
Dude, you HAVE to have food in here...there's no way that this is just 10 year old boy smell...it's not freaking normal!! I swear Mom, no food. Hmmmmmm..... Dude, you didn't NOTICE your room smelled like ass??? No?? wow. just wow.

By now, the baby has managed to wiggle himself under his brother's bed...something must have caught his eye. I look over and see nothing but a toddler size pair of red Chucks about to disappear under the bed....pulled on those legs(he thought that was the funniest thing) and what does my dearest little peanut have clutched in his hand???? An empty GoGurt wrapper...Mommie Dearest is creeping out...she's coming... Oh Mom, that's from BEFORE you told me no more food in here...OMG dude REALLY????
So I got a broom, did a full swoop under the bed...and after hitting several speed bumps trying to get it all out...these are the contents that I can remember, because I really think my brain is tyring to block it.:
1332323233211 Lego pieces
3 more half drank Gatorade containers.
Football cleat laces
random pieces of various cereals...some of which we haven't had in the house for months
chewed gum
dirty socks and draws
paper and markers
more Gogurt containers
empty box of Lucky Charms
one of my BRAS(I know the dog is the guilty party-he's OBSESSED with bras, draws, and dirty diapers, and the teeth marks on the straps were a dead giveaway-it's disgusting!!!)
and last but certainly not least...a dead frog. Yes, a dead frog.

But still, no source of the moldy ass smell has revealed itself yet...WTF could it be? Mommie dearest finally comes out and everything is removed from the room that wasn't too heavy for me to throw in the hall...floors get swept and mopped, and the smell is gone... OK maybe it was something spilled on the floor, and now it's gone so we are good right? Not.

After everything is back in it's place, the smell returns. WTF??? Really?? Does it really smell or is the moldy ass just burned into my nose forever????
After further investigation we finally found the source-the freaking BEAN BAG chair!!! OMG that thing was so foul smelling I could have vomited. Out the door that bitch went, never to return to my house again. It now lives in the backyard. The Boy was sad about the demise of the bean bag chair, but I think he's over it now...I hope...

Our incident has taught me a few valuable things...
Never. Ever. Under any circumstances are 10 year old boys ever to be trusted. Epic parenting fail on my part...gave him an inch, he took the whole mile.

Bean bag chairs do not do well in rooms with no carpet-smells like to grow between the two surfaces-nor do they like having things repeated spilled on them and never cleaned up.

Food does not ever belong in bedrooms of 10 year old boys. Ever.

Smell-1...My parenting skills-0...
I'm trying man, I really am!!!

Ping Pong Balls and the Harry Potter Wanna Be

2011-10-24T06:35:00.000-07:00

So we have our little Fall Fest/Halloween party coming up with the homeschool group this Monday...I volunteered for halloween colored dyed eggs and ping pong balls for a few games we have set up. I hit up Ebay for the ping pong balls, bought 100 of them because they were crazy cheap, and stashed the bag on the homeschool shelf to be dealt with later...not even looking twice at what level the shelf was.
(side note: EBay thinks that, based on my recent purchase of ping pong balls, they strongly suggest that I consider the purchase of a Beer Pong table...oooooookay then..Me+Peer Pong would NOT be a good idea. Ever.. I love to drink, but not like that!)

So it's Saturday morning and of course my little nugget of cuteness has me up at 4am again, because everyone gets up at the ass crack of dawn on Saturdays for no reason. And that baby ran full steam until 6 o clock that evening..Sheesh. The Boy had travel baseball tryouts at 9, and I HAD to get a dress and a jon jon finished to get to the embroiderer for final touches, and since I put it off the night before, jumping into bed as soon as the baby knocked out, it was a must situation. I fed the baby, then let him have free reign of the sewing room so I could get cracking...usually, he likes to dump out the scrap bin and throw the pieces all over, lay in them, chew on them, etc...I have learned to not let that freak me out, as normally it would, it keeps me calm knowing that he's plenty occupied so I can get some work done...he could play in that for quite a while before deciding that he's ready for something else.
The Boy got up and wanted food too, so I busted out the grill pan and made pancakes(he had a big day coming up)...flip a cake, sew a line, flip a cake, sew a line... Breakfast is done. Back on the sewing machine, working around thousands of fabric scraps and laughing at my silly little baby who is happier than a pig in shit, while he plays in the scraps, and his brother tosses him and the dog pancake bits...yes, he's treating his baby brother like the dog, but whatever, everyone's happy at the moment.
So I gotta pee. Like really gotta go-two pots of coffee have run through me and it's time. Asked The Boy to keep an eye on the The Babe and ran down the hallway...didn't even bother to shut the door, as I knew I'd have a visitor any moment now to ask me a very unimportant question that needed an immediate answer. So I'm trying to pee as fast as possible (of course it's two pots of coffee so it felt like forEVER)..and I hear sizzling and giggling...sizzle and giggle...What the hell are you doing? I'm throwing water on the grill pan Mom...I'm summoning smoke like Harry Potter! Ok dude....
And then I hear a sound that can be none other than 100 ping pong balls spilling out onto the floor. Shit, I left those stupid balls in reach. And then the sounds of hysterical laughter as both of them proceed to throw the balls at each other. Darting down the hallway, I almost wipe out on a ball...enter the kitchen and picture this...
The smoke summoning continues by the Harry Potter wanna be, faucet on, fling, sizzle, giggle...The baby throwing ping pong balls at him...and my poor dog sitting in the middle with this 'save me' face. Dude, I thought you were watching the baby?? I was, but I had to summon smoke too, I can't do both!
Part of me wanted to lose it, but my sense of humor kicked in, and I sat right on that floor and threw ping pong balls with my kids:-)

The drama that is split shift parenting..and you forgot WHAT???

2011-10-21T07:57:00.000-07:00

Oh that man...I love him so...but sometimes I really wonder where his brain is. Like REALLY. I assume he leaves it at work on Wednesdays and Thursdays, which happens to coincide with the two days he's actually home when everyone else is. *sigh*
We have a really whacky family dynamic...I really do feel like a single mother most of the time (now for all of you actual single mothers about to jump my ass-chill the f out: I was a single mother for 4 years with The Boy so I KNOW the difference.), and most of the child-rearing and household responsibilities lie on my shoulders. Good thing I'm a big girl, cuz I have a LOT on my shoulders at any given time. And the hubs off days are in the middle of the week, so on the weekends, I don't get much of a break from the routine. Bless his heart, he tries..but there are so many things that he misses, and doesn't 'get' about the kids that drive me insane..Like when he asks me 'Why is the baby crying?'(he gets really tense when the CRY is in full force-more on that new sound later) I dunno, did you ask him?? Like I freaking know! He's a baby, he cries sometimes, it's ok... 'How do I make the bottles again?' WOW really, it's been like 11 months, come the F ON. As I'm standing in the kitchen, eating with one hand, holding the baby, and loading the dishwasher, because yet again, nobody did it during the day, 'Babe, where are my work clothes?' See the steam coming out of my ears yet?? There are a lot of snippy comments and 'looking hard' at each other when things get really hairy, especially in the mornings, when he's been at work all night and ready for bed, I've been up and down with the baby that never sleeps, and still need to get ready for work. I so enjoy trying to flat iron my hair with a 2 foot tall midget biting my ankles, and throwing random things in the toilet. Stinker. It's a hard schedule that we live. I hate it. But it's where we are right now, and I'm trying really hard to accept it. I know it's hard on him too, and I have to remind myself of that often, because he loves those boys more than life itself, and would do anything for them, yet doesn't really get to be part of their daily life. It hurts him, I know it.
We have many, many days where I get home from work and he's waiting to kiss us and leave for work. Many days where I just can't get ANYTHING done in the evenings, and just sit and stare at the wall after the baby goes to bed like some crazy lady who just took a bunch of Xanax. He does what he can, and I appreciate that, but sometimes Daddy's good intentions can have stressful, although now amusing, consequences...

Yesterday, he grabbed The Boy, and busted The Babe out of jail (aka daycare) right after lunch, and they spent the afternoon wandering the French Quarter, visiting with friends, checking out the music, etc...and then came to pick me up from work (we had previously planned for him to get me first, then go get the kiddos and run our errands). I was so happy to see all my men there to kidnap me from my desk! We let the baby run around the office for a minute to stretch his legs and then started out to get a few things done-the boy needed a new baseball glove, and everybody needed shoes..Well the babe had other plans...he was NOT getting back in the car seat. Just not doing it. After a few minutes of what was none other than an episode of WWE Smackdown in the backseat (ok chill I did not SMACK him, he was contorting himself so I couldn't buckle him in..shithead), I got a very pissed of and screaming baby in the seat, strapped in and unable to flip himself over again. He was none too happy. So I go for the diaper bag that should be in the car for a bottle because I knew this was the I'm pissed, but really more hungry cry. No bag. WTF? Honey where is the diaper bag? He points to the daycare bag...Oh shit.
Being that he's never home and I'm always the one running with the kids, how could he know that the Daycare Bag and the Regular Bag were two completely different bags that served two completely different purposes?? FML. Then I remember that the daycare bag has bottles in it-of just water(our daycare supplies formula). Double FML. At least he remembered to grab the diaper/wipe thingy. Whew, we'll be ok..
Not.so.much.
Halfway to the sports store the baby starts freaking out, and I mean freaking.the.f.out. He's hungry, he wants his bottle, and he wants it NOW. There is NOWHERE to stop we're on the interstate...and the cry starts turning into what we have dubbed THE cry.
Remember in Dumb and Dumber when Lloyd says 'u wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world'...yeah, ear piercing like that, with a side of extra screaming. Talk about make ya get in a freaking car wreck! That had to be the worst driving experience I've ever had. Like even worse when the boy cried then entire ride home from the beach one year...
Honey where's his binkie??? Um, I forgot it at daycare. OMFG
How the H did you get away with having the baby for FOUR hours, not change his diaper, not have a binkie, and not have a bottle, have a great time and no problems???? And then bring him to me ready for a nuclear meltdown?!!!
Panic and tension have set in on all of us...I start scanning the road and remember there's a Walgreens by the sports store...hit the gas and hauled ass. Traffic. Motha fricken traffic. Dead stop. Are ya kidding me?? It's time for desperate measures here-yes people, I rode the emergency lane to get to the exit. I had to.
10 minutes and 30 flippin dollars later for formula, a binkie and a pack of crackers, we had a happy 11 month old making love to his bottle, and a freaked out 10 year old who asked us if we really couldn't send the baby back to the stork. (He later retracted that statement when his baby brother hugged his leg in the store).
And then in the store, I feel that warm wet feeling on my hip-you know the one-the diaper has exploded. Me to hubs...honey have ya changed the baby's diaper at ALL since you picked him up? Uh..no? Really? Bang.head.on.wall. Of we went to the bathroom to strip the baby and try to dry my shirt.

All was right in the world again...until we went to dinner...let's just say I left the restaurant with a beer spilled in my lap and mashed potatoes mysteriously in my BRA.

Yep, that's our life:-)

The Trolls

2011-10-19T08:17:00.000-07:00

So, this momma is relatively new to the land of bloggers, and facebook 'like' pages and whatnot...so I am still quite in shock from these things called Trolls. Now my definition of troll recently has been those that scour pages and make stupid comments on posts, start fights with people, and generally want everyone to feel like shit because they are better and you are not-mostly by overzealous (or maybe jealous) mothers who have tried to make me feel bad for vaccinating my kids, giving the baby formula, shaving my legs, having a life outside of my kids, etc...you get it-basically calling me a bad mother and they would know, because, you know, they know everything and you know nothing, so it's their job so 'save' you.. I have been a victim to many of these troll attacks...luckily having been able to block and delete because I really got tired of defending myself and frankly my feelings were getting hurt.
Apparently that's a lot harder to do on a 'like' page. And they know it.
But there is a new form of Troll hitting the waves...This kind of Troll has made it their mission in life to sit behind their computer all day, scouring our pages for 'inappropriate content' so they can hit that 'report to facebook' button 8,000 times a day. I have had friends called pedophiles for posting pics of babies sticking the bird, dangerous for joking that their kids were about to get a can of whoopass, etc...then reported for it, haivng posting abilities taken away, some even getting outright deleted. I got reported and can't tag anyone anymore...not sure what I did to offend the Trolls? Oh yeah, I had a sense of humor.
Now seriously, I get it, it's just facebook, but jeezus h christ do people really have nothing better to do? This has to be a product of the sluggish economy and high unemployment rate right?? A lot of us enjoy the shit out of swapping our good and bad stories, and I don't care if it's over the computer or not, it's comforting to know you are not alone in this world with your crazy mind :-) This is how we communicate now, it's 2011..get over it.
I have an idea in my head of what these trolls look like, and the life that they must live...so I have a few scenarios cooked up...

#1- The Unemployed/Living with Mom Troll:

This is probably the most common of the Trolls...I see a disgusting, unwashed, unshaven middle aged man with a balding head and coke bottle glasses. His room looks like an episode of Hoarders, and he smells like ass. This Troll sits behind his computer, stalking Facebook pages and clicking that report button while he gets a thrill knowing he's ruining someone's day...he makes random, senseless comments and rambles like a 2 year old on a bad day. He also poses as a young boy usually, making it all the more creepier.This Troll does not get up from his computer because his ass is stuck in his chair, and he can't get through the sea of pizza boxes and empty takeout containers. He's pissed that he's stuck, and therefore takes it out on us.

#2-The Jealous Troll:
I suspect this may be the most common of the evil Trolls, as I think this one is a woman, who is jealous of how funny we are and wishes she had something smart ass and witty to say at any given moment, as so many of us do. We can't all be as cool as us, and she's pissed about it. This Troll has made it her mission to ruin everyone's fun, because hell, if she's not having any, then nobody will. She also may fall into the Miserable Bitch category, but may have been blocked from stalking and harrassing her ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend, therefore has switched over to Trolling and taken to harrassing us.

#3- The 'Crusader' Troll:
This is another common Troll, and a pretty baffling one. This Troll claims to be a 'bully exterminator' and that they are on a mission to free Facebook from all internet bullying. This Troll is a delusional Troll, and most likely an stupid one, because they consider laughing at one another's jokes as bullying and that it must be reported and stopped immeadiately for the good of all mankind. The Crusador Troll may sometimes be a delusional teenager that may have gotten bullied a time or two, and has now lost all sense of reality and what the definition of harrassment is. He does not know any boundaries, and will randomly say two and three word phrases that make no sense before he reports you. He's either retarded or on drugs. Or both. I imagine that these Crusaders must drop a shit ton of acid before logging on to Facebook...because sometimes that is the only explanation for the irrational and off the wall things that they say.

So that is my Troll assessment for today...Please feel free to add any of your own definitions, I promise I won't get mad if you thought of something funnier than me!!!
Love you all MUAH!!!

My Sh#* Show Weekend...

2011-10-17T10:24:00.000-07:00

This one may ramble at times, as this weekend certainly was a SHIT SHOW, and I am still trying to gather my thoughts. Thank you to my friend Dan for that awesome terminology:-)

Of course the freaking Homecoming Saga continued Friday night; Gump did not bother to show up to help decorate...neither did most of our parents. Some of them got a pass because they had other things going on, and told us ahead of time, dude that's cool...but if you gonna sit there with ya bobble head shaking it up and down like you understand what time to be here, don't just not show up. That's annoying. And retarded. And disrespectful of those that are working hard for YOUR kid. You know, because I LOVE chasing my 11 month old around trying to again remove cigarette butts and markers from his mouth while you sit your ass at home and not participate. (p.s. thanks to all the mommas who felt pity on me and tried to help with the baby-you have no idea how much it is appreciated).
All crap aside, we got done fairly quickly, and our little trailer looked pretty good!
Saturday morning arrives, and my little ball of cuteness of course had momma up at the ass crack of dawn, because you know, it's normal as hell to be up at 4am and head butting me on a Saturday morning..stinker. We got all our crap together, and headed out to pick up donuts for the team. Granted, this is very early in the morning, so one would expect that the donut shop is still pretty stocked. I walk in to order, and was met with a toothless broad who looked at me like I was retarded when I asked for 120 donut holes. Maybe she thought I was coming to bring her more meth??? Who knows. After very un-necessarily loudly announcing that all they had was plain, and jelly...no chocolate WTF I am going to have some upset boys on my hands...her co-worker stepped in and took care of me. Thank gawd, cuz she was scaring me.
The parade line up was a mess as usual, total chaos, but we are used to it...doesn't even bother me anymore...probably the one thing that doesn't bug the crap out me. All the kids were so excited! We(and everyone else) were definitely upstaged by a gigantic trailer turned pirate ship complete with matching confetti-shooting cannons...somebody has waaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands. Gump drops his kid off an we never saw him until the game 6 hours later. Jackhole. Who DOES that? Only coach that didn't ride in the parade with his kids.

Whatever...we have come to the conclusion that aliens have taken over his body, and someone from space is running him with a remote control. There is no other explanation really.

After the longest game in pee wee history against one of our biggest rivals, we wound up tying. Of course we would. Then the kids start coming off the field...and inform us one of the refs told them "Quit fucking complaining' and 'you're being a bunch of bitches'. Wow. Just wow. My face is pretty f'ing hot right now, I start asking random kids-from BOTH sides-to confirm, and sure enough, looks like this guy was cursing out the kids. Oh HELL no. Needless to say it got REAL ugly-the ref denied, said all the kids were lying...dude, we are mothers of 10 year old boys, we can smell bullshit a mile away...I knew as soon as I finished asking him if he said that to my kid, that he was cooking a line of bullshit to feed me. Hell hat no fury like a mob of angry football moms-most men would rather get their balls smashed than deal with that. Dude didn't have a prayer. I heard through the grapevine that he was fired...not sure how true that is though. And I am very proud of myself for not punching the asshole in the face...and for not choking the teenager who thought it was an appropriate time to butt in an tell me and the mom next to me that we were making a big deal out of nothing. I think she may have gotten to him though...go sista!!

eff this season, eff this recreation department, eff it all. My kid is not going to watch this crap anymore.
Peace out suckas!

My hubs cracks me up

2011-10-14T12:50:00.000-07:00

I almost forgot about this one...
It's October and also Breast Cancer Awareness month, so the boys, in tune with the NFL players, change their laces to hot pink, and socks as well...some of them change the mouthpieces, gloves, etc... We do it show support for the cause. So as I was changing the laces in The Boy's cleats (becuase 'I don't know how'-yeah right), Hubs asks, Why do they celebrate BCA month anyway-no women play in the NFL...Well babe, it's a leading cause of death in women and we need to keep the awareness and prevention alive. No, I get that, but why did the NFL pick to support that? Why can't they pick something that can affect their players directly- Why isn't there a Testicular Cancer Awareness month-none of them want to lose their balls-you know they could all wear blue socks and shit. Good point babe, good point.

Gump and the Trailer-The Homecoming Saga Continues

2011-10-14T07:00:00.000-07:00

I am beyond annoyed..May have even hit the breaking point, or pretty close to it. Why do people insist on being stupid???
Yesterday was, of course, total insanity. Started off pretty innocent, got to work, did a few things, updated the blog, and returned to stressing the F out about this GD trailer for the homecoming parade.
We had a maybe, and a 'well I gotta call my old man's brother in law in Mississippi and he's supposed to text me any minute now'...I do not function well at all with the unknown. AT.ALL.
Now, I'm pretty spontaneous when it comes to fun stuff, but when things need to get done, and we are on a time crunch, I get really agitated with the I don't knows and maybes. I.need.to.know. That's just the way it is, that's how things get done, and get done right. (It just dawned on me that The Boy is exactly like that and maybe I shouldn't get so aggravated with him when he's trying to plan out every minute of NEXT Saturday...haha)
Around lunchtime all hell broke loose...the trailer is getting very questionable-something about rotten floorboards FML, and I get a call to alter a bridesmaids dress-for TOMORROW..well today now. Sure, I can do that-she's a good friend, she was desperate and she needed me-how can I say no to that?? And I needed to take a leotard down a size that I've been putting off all week. And get my Halloween dresses done and out the door. And check The Boy's spelling words. And football practice.
I seriously considered stopping for a cocktail before I even attempted to step foot in the house. But responsibility prevailed once again, and I haul ass home, scooped up The Babe from nursery, and hit the ground running when we got home. Well, I tried to hit the ground running, but almost killed myself tripping over a freaking spatula on the kitchen floor that I KNOW my dearest hubs and eldest walked past about 50 flipping times during the course of their eat, sleep and fart routine of the day. Mommie dearest is starting to surface, I can feel it. Ask my kids and the hubs-they do NOT like when the MD comes out of me. It's not good.
And The Babe wants nothing to do with walking at this moment. At.all. My hip is the only place he wants to be. No daddy, no bubbie, only Momma. I have learned to just adapt to these moments, as he's only this little once, so I'm getting all my snuggles in now:-)...so on to making bows for the Halloween dresses with one hand..the bridesmaid dress and that dang leotard will have to wait until the maniac toddler is sleeping.
Now this evening was one of those rare occasions that Hubs is home in the evening, so I took full advantage of it and left him and The Babe home while we went to practice to deal with the trailer situation.
As we are walking into the park, I see all of my moms standing in a circle and a few heads doing the bob-you know the one-you can tell from a mile away that some bitching is going on. I'm like greeeeeeeeat, what happened now, dreading the walk up the group. Everyone turns when I get there and says 'you are NOT going to believe this'...brace yourself, deep breath, ok 'what happened?'...Come to find out, one of our moms told our space cadet Coach Gump that she HAD A TRAILER AND A TRUCK A WEEK AGO!!!! Are you f'ing kidding me right now?? Nope. Not kidding. So when I asked him on Monday what the deal was with the truck/trailer, and I got a look like he had no idea what he was talking about, it was either plain ass stupidity, or the man really could give a shit. I think it's a combo of both. Needless to say, now MY head is doing the bob and I am PISSED. All of this stressing out for nothing. Is this dude serious?? Like does he realize I may rip his f'ing head off for being such a douche??
After we all got over the shock of the sheer stupidity of Gump, we found our table, and got to the business of decorations and gossipping....until practice is over and Gump comes strolling up.
Hey Gump, did ya forget she told ya she had a trailer? Huh? You told me that? Sure did. Oh, uh, maybe I remember somebody telling me something about a trailer, but I dunno whatever. OMFG.KILL. One of the moms tore him a new ass....awesome that I didn't have to do it, and she did WAY better than I could have:-)
So now, instead of being done, we will be decorating our trailer tonight. Friday night trailer decorating party...Good thing it's 2 for 1 at the drive thru daiquiri place on Fridays..;-)
Homecoming here we come!

Football and the Homecoming Boss

2011-10-13T12:23:00.000-07:00

Man we got the pick of the litter this year of football coaches. The boy has played park ball since he was 4, so we've been in the 'system' for 6 years now. I call it a system, because although everyone pays their dues and gets nickel and dimed to death just the same, in our little town, your child's ball experience, no matter what sport it is, depends on who you know and who ass gets kissed the most. I don't do ass kissing. at.All. And we are at the mercy of a very questionable and shady 'draft' process, and also questionable and shady referees. It all makes for a very interesting season every year. I was really nervous going into this football season, mainly because now we have a toddler, and chasing a baby around a ballpark is uncharted territory for me-I STILL have no idea what I'm doing-I spend most of my time picking cigarette butts out of my child's mouth and cleaning up coke that he insisted on drinking out of the 'big' cup-call me a bad mom I don't care, you can suck it, I'm trying here!! The icing on the cake was our 'coach'..and a say is coach in the loosest of terms- I think we got Forrest Gump this year. (Thank you to my dear friend, she knows who she is, for that reference!!!;-)) This coach has been around for a few years, so we all know him, and some have dreaded the day our kid's name showed up on his roster. This was my year. Thank gawd some of our friend's were here too, at least I have people to laugh with at the utter ridiculousness that is this football season.

These boys are good, they have spent their entire season having great practices, learning new plays, and hitting like William Perry would on a 300lb linebacker...But then we have a game. Nothing is like it is in practice, and everyone is confused. It's like Gump's brain falls out of his head when they put the uniforms on. At least that's what I initially thought...after careful observation we have come to the conclusion that Gump thinks his kid is going to the NFL, and therefore he needs to be the only one that ever runs the ball. Ever. Now, I'm not trying to pick on the kid at ALL, he is just a 10 year old boy after all...but jeezus lawd, if you keep giving the same kid the ball, and he keeps doing his twinkle toes/frogger dance in the backfield thinking he's Reggie Bush, instead of MOVING THE BALL FORWARD, wouldn't you make some kind of adjustment? Negative. Gump thinks his kid is a star, and everyone else is there to make him shine. Needless to say, our season is winding down, and we have won ONE game. ONE. With a team full of very good players. But watcha gonna do???? I've said my peace with our so called rec dept. director, and not that anything will be done, but I feel better that my opinion is known. Like I said, we are at the mercy of the 'draft' and it is what it is.

So, we have made the best of it, cheering our boys on, cutting up on the sidelines (air horns are fun!) and enjoying each other's company during what is none other than the most craptastic football season on record.

Last week, we start wondering about Homecoming. Homecoming is a big deal to these boys, they get to ride on a float like Mardi Gras rider, tossing beads and acting a fool for a little mini-parade, and then play their homecoming games after. It really is the highlight of their season, some kids look forward to it all year. Now, normally, in all of my years as a football Mom, the coach has ALWAYS lined everything up we needed and directed the parent's as to what was needed, etc..Gump has been a coach for years, he knows the drill. Days go by and no mention of homecoming still...I keep telling myself, Don't ask, you will get stuck with it, Don't do it, Don't do it. Chatted with a few of my other moms, all of us wondering what the hell was going on. Well it was now Monday, the parade was in 5 days, and still nothing. I breakdown and call Gump-who was busy hustling money for his travel football team(that explains the complacent attitude) and asked him about the trailer, truck, etc.... crickets...uuuuuuuuh I dunno, you wanna take care of that?? I freaking KNEW it. What imma say? No?? (see there's that damn NO again)...I can't say NO, if I don't then we will have nothing and our kids will be walking ghetto fabulous in the parade with backpacks of beads strapped to their chests. We can't have that.

So I rally up my other moms, the saints that they are (we really got some good parents this year thank goodness) and we got the ball rolling on our trailer and truck and decorations. I have spent my entire week freaking out about the f'ing trailer, and someone finally came through last night-THANK YOU!!! Side note: I remember after Katrina, it seemed like everybody we knew had a trailer, where the heck did they all go???? Random thought.

I'm getting our shit together at practice last night, trying to collect everyone's 5 dolla donation for decor and stuff, getting jersey numbers, and attempting to have some sort of parent's meeting...no thanks to Gump, who stood there with that blank stare again, ask him for his 5, and what do I get crickets...again. Ya mean I gotta pay too?? Are ya freaking kidding me dude?? Saturday will be interesting I'm sure I'll have a story:-)

Socks

2011-10-13T12:22:00.002-07:00

Freaking socks. The bane of my existence. I hate washing them, I hate matching them, and I hate digging them out of the bottom of the washing machine. I am convinced there is an gnome living in my house that jacks socks and pacifiers. Convinced. There is no.other.rational.explanation. I have in the past few months decided that I shall fold socks no more, so if you want socks, you have to refer to the 'sock basket' in the laundry room...that is where all of our mismatched, holey pile of feet warmth is. I am done looking for socks-don't even get me started on BABY socks. We wear them once, then POOF, socks are gone. We often wear socks of different colors, shapes and sizes...none of us really cares, nobody sees them anyways. But we have to have matching no-show socks for football-now really, if they are 'no shows' who really cares??? The boy insists on the matching socks...and he doesn't request much, so I do indulge his need for matching no shows for football-by purchasing a new pack every other week. Yesterday, as I walk in the door from racing home from Job#1, to start Job #2(had to start on a dress), to get ready for Job #3(Homecoming Boss-more on that in the next post), the boy announces in a very panicked voice that he has no no-shows, after piddling around for 20 minutes and right before we are WALKING OUT THE DOOR. Aw crap. I forgot to buy the damn socks. I start to get annoyed, then remember that I did in fact purchase a brand new shiny pack of no shows just this past Saturday-and inquired about the whereabouts of said socks. crickets then, I don't know. Seriously dude? Did you look in the basket? Yes....Did you look in your closet? um, yeah...really, you looked in the closet?? (I randomly remembered that I had seen said pack of socks shoved in there on Sunday after he threw them in there during his very suspiciously fast cleaning of his room, didn't have the energy to fuss about the fact that he shoved EVERYTHING in the closet, clean AND dirty clothes-awesome-and filed that sock sighting away for later use) Yeah Mom I looked in the closet. So the babe and I go in the boy's room and proceed to empty the closet-running late now-finding brand new jeans that he said he 'lost'...under armor shirts that also were 'lost', legos, batteries, and empty gogurt package-KILL-and wow, a pack of no show socks. Dude, your socks are here...They weren't there when I looked. Screw the wine, where's my SHOT???

Why did I think running a business out of the house was a good idea?

2011-10-13T12:22:00.000-07:00

I do not recommend this as my business has completely taken over my house. I have a friend who runs one out of her house, and she has a dedicated room for it...that's the way to do it. Me...I gotta do crap the hard way. We now have a sewing/homeschool/dress assembly/football equipment dumping room...formerly known as my dining room. I miss it so.
I work on dresses every minute that I can-when the babe is sleeping or otherwise occupied destroying something in the house. He's a fast little booger.
Lately, I've been so busy (because I can't say NO...but really, who's gonna turn money down?) that I've been attempting to work while the munchkin is still rampaging through my house like a bull in a china shop. Not the best idea ever.
Last night was by far one of the funniest and most stressful...I HAD to get a few things done to make a deadline, so I kind of let the babe have free reign...10 minutes and a whole lotta banging later(his brother was supposed to be keeping him occupado...thanks buddy), I look up to see nothing short of the aftermath of an Atomic bomb. That sucker managed to empty out the entire tupperware cabinet, pull zip loc baggies out their boxes, throw all the formula cans on the floor and roll them to the living room, pull half the school books out and proceed to chew one, and unravel an entire spool of black thread. sheesh. Where is my trusty eldest during this disaster session? Watching TV. Good lord. Where's my WINE??