Obuls Daddy Blog

Mortgage Loan Referral - Nimalya Modak

2009-11-07T13:09:00.000-08:00

I recently refinanced my home through Nirmalya Modak in Bank Of America. He provided me with outstanding service - thorough in explaining the options, getting the best possible rate, prompt and very friendly and professional responses, and working quickly and hard to get through a problem at the corporate/escrow office. I was completely satisfied with his service. I am very pleased to refer him to anyone on the lookout for a mortgage loan. He can be reached through this link.

Book Review - Cut to the chase and 99 other rules

2009-10-31T15:55:00.000-07:00

Cut to the chase and 99 other rules - Stuart R. Levine. A quick and easy to read guide book on managing corporate career. It has 100 rules, each with 1-2 page description with examples from his consulting experience. The rules span about how to manage time, how to deal with difficult boss, stuck careers, be highly productive, strike a balance and so on. I liked rule 59 the most -"Look at the big picture" - which talks about doing a personal SWOT analysis to examine our Strengths, Weakness, which are internal factors, and Opportunities and Threats which are external factors in managing our career, and taking action to move ahead. Another one that I liked suggested we focus on leveraging our strengths, rather than fixing weaknesses, which is right opposite to the typical feedback managers use during performance reviews.

Husband is an ATM machine - by law in India

2009-10-29T22:18:00.000-07:00

I wrote about loose-ended divorce laws in India (Divorce laws poles apart), causing only more distress to both men and women, in the name of solving societal problems. Just read some news that husbands took to the streets about paying 50% of their pay as alimony - felt sad that the saga continues even as years roll by. It is not so much about 50%, but the fact that it is open-ended (no time line) and discriminatory (husband pays 50% even if the wife is working). The news article also indicates suicides among distressed husbands is more than distressed wives. Unfortunately, the law makers are not there yet to make sensible changes, or demonstrate fairness as opposed to revenge, or pay attention to detail when writing laws or providing guidelines. It also doesn't appear that the society gives a damn, since the affected are still a minority (even if few hundred thousands among a billion people). They say, nature doesn't ensure evolution doesn't go the wrong way - it is up to the species to make choices about it's own future. It will be a long while before something sensible happens with Indian divorce, dowry or domestic violence laws - until then, best for a man or woman is to stay of trouble, and second best is to pray for those in trouble!

Shock Treatment Varieties for Mental Issues

2009-09-29T21:31:00.000-07:00

I was reading this news article in The Hindu, describing a ritual where 2000 women were given whip lashes to remove "evil spirits" that possessed them. It sounds very cruel and unscientific, and speaks ill of the society. There are actually many such methods, including a place in Kerala called Chotanikkarai, where they nail the hair of insane people. Other less cruel methods include putting them under the Kutralam waterfall in Tamil nadu for a cold and swift shower.

They are not able to explain, but I think the underlying principle is to provide shock treatment, with the hope that the brain works differently (or normally!) after the shock. The nerves obviously will get triggered, and some inert ones may start functioning as well with these nasty surprises. Even psychiatrists may resort to shock treatment with electricity, so the principle and practice is not without substance. The psychiatrist will be able to explain better that it is a "mental disorder", instead of "evil spirit". Even today, it is said the brain is the least understood part of the human body, and it is not clear yet which nerves to trigger, what they control or how they work. Until we can fully explain the brain, the psychiatrist is taking a chance with electric shock, and these ritualistic "doctors" are taking a chance with their version of shock treatment - both hope that something good will happen!

Sometimes "evil spirits" denote infections like bacteria or virus. I had a relative who had high fever, and her mom took her to a country doctor who tried to ward off the fever with neem leaves, holy ash and such - again, I think the principle is to provide a setting that triggers the immune system to kill the bacteria or virus.

I don't support these approaches, but if they are largely harmless in providing hope, I think they are OK - especially when the science is not fully understood. What is clearly wrong however, is blind faith putting people in more danger. Like this homoepathy lecturer in Australia who killed his baby suffering from eczema (news) - he refused other medicines insisting only on homoepathy, and I don't think he understood how or why they work or don't work. Or worse yet, the Wisconsin parents that just prayed to God instead of calling a doctor, and let their diabetic child die (news).

Navrathri kolu and Betel leaves

2009-09-23T22:39:00.000-07:00

It is Navrathri Kolu week, and my wife is calling her friends home for "vethalai paakku" (vethalai = Betel leaves), as well she is visiting her friends' homes to receive the same. It's all fine and good fun, except that the betel leaves are expensive and difficult to find in the Indian grocery stores. A similar hunt for coconut happens during "Varalakshmi Pooja" - I think even Lucky or Safeway stores now track those dates when coconut demand goes through the roof!

A couple of months back, I was talking to my aunt in India who is now in her late seventies. She was describing her life as a child, living in the villages, families clustered among a group of homes with plenty of back yard trees and other fauna. During festivals, they would pick these betel leaves from their backyard, or coconut from the trees, and give them away as gifts. Likewise, much of the food habits involving rice, vegetables, spices also were due to what grew in the backyard - including banana leaves used as plates. There wasn't much need for money, and people didn't have much of it anyway, so buying things for gifts was out of question.

So, the right equivalent to do now is to go to the backyard and pick some edible leaves and fruit and give to people! Instead, we religiously want to absolutely buy betel leaves, even if they are ridiculously priced!

Book Review - The Millionaire in the Mirror

2009-09-10T21:13:00.001-07:00

The Millionaire in the Mirror by Gene Bedell: This book is meant for those who seek Outstanding Success (Gene emphasizes the capital O and capital S) in career - going beyond happiness at work, to really make it to the top 1%. I am really happy I read this book, and unhappy that I never knew about it earlier in my career. Gene has been there and done that, and it is also amazing he is willing to mentor so well from all the wisdom gained from his distinguished career. He is very methodical, thorough in defining what he means by Outstanding Success, how some one can become a "Heat seeking missile" and shoot for such a lofty goal, what pitfalls to watch out for, and how to coach oneself to get ahead, get unstuck and navigate the corporate world. He also provides a different perspective on entrepreneurship - why it is not as glamorous as it is projected to be, and why working for large corporations is not as bad as it is touted to be either. If there is one book I'd recommend for career oriented individuals in 30s and 40s, or those just starting out in early 20s, this is it.

Dikshitar krithis and Learning History

2009-08-09T07:57:00.001-07:00

Sri Muthuswamy Dikshitar's compositions include many historical or mythological anecdotes that make an excellent poetic or literary effect, and a good learning for the rest of us. The song "Pannaka Sayanaa Padmanabha..." in raga Madhyamavathi is a classic example. I had a feeling it was dedicated to Sri Padmanabha Swamy temple in Thiruvananthapuram, Kerala, and Dikshitar confirms it in "...Pandya Kerala Nivasa...", an historic reference to the part of Kerala ruled by Pandya kings. On closer observation, Dikshitar also mentions "...Parashurama Kshethra Prabhakara..." in the lyrics. Legend has it that Sage Parashurama and his followers settled in parts of Kerala, and Dikshitar has wonderfully used this history to his advantage, and subtly indicate Kerala.

In the same composition, there is another historical or mythological reference in "...Parama Bhaktha Prahladhaadhi Vinutha...", which alludes to the story of Prince Prahladha, the child worshiper of Lord Vishnu (or Padhmanabha) that brought the impending doom of his evil father and king.

It's a great way to learn history taking a closer look at Dikishitar's compositions, and doing a little bit of research. Dikshitar's krithis are a feast to the intellect.

Dikshitar Krithis and learning Sanskrit

2009-08-09T00:43:00.000-07:00

Sri Muthuswamy Dikshitar's krithis are a good way to pick up new Sanskrit words. I was listening to the following composition:

Pura Hara Nandana Ripu kula Panchana
Sikindra Vahana Mahendra Paalana

This song is set in Mohan Kalyani raga, and I used to wonder to which deity Dikshitar has devoted this song. I felt "vahana" meaning vehicle should provide a clue, since each Hindu god is associated with a particular animal as vehicle. But, "Sikindra" was not an obvious animal name. Looking up, I found "Siki" is another word for Peacock (the more common word we know is "Mayur"), and that essesntially meant the deity that Dikshitar is referring to is Lord Muruga. Every time I listen to a Dikshitar krithi, I am amazed by his knowledge and rigor in applying them to his compositions.

Indian Law - Bigamy immoral, Gay sex moral

2009-08-08T11:45:00.000-07:00

India's Law Commission wants to make bigamy a cognizable offence (news). It considers it "unhealthy and immoral practice to convert to Islam in order to contract a second marriage". It also says bigamy among Muslim men is "not common and few and far between", even though Muslim law allows it. I find this mind boggling for many reasons:

If only a few men are indulging in bigamy, even when the law allows it, why bother to criminalize? If it ain't broken, why fix it?
It goes against the laws of nature to ban such behavior - nature allows men and women to mate and reproduce in many ways, and does not mandate one man one woman rule - it is just human belief that it is good for our well being. Some monkeys are known to have multiple mates, and it appears their human cousins haven't diverged as much in this aspect.
Traditional Hindu law (Vedic Smriti) accepts polygyny and polyandry. There are numerous examples of Gods (Lord Muruga has two wives), Kings (Dasaratha has four wives) and queens (Draupadi had five husbands), so changing the Hindu law will make it inconsistent with what the religion allows. Vedic Smriti allows change to suit the times, but the moral case being made is very weak - a scientific basis such as population mix of men & women might make more sense.
In recent times Tamil Nadu Chief Minister Mr. Karunanidhi is known to have three wives. This law will only relegate other Wives into a Mistress status, which actually hurts the women. Many mistresses or second wives are typically cheated into the situation since the man would have made it appear he was single. Similar to curtailing prostitution, we can go on naively writing and enforcing laws, but the problem of a few men seeking more than one woman is simply not going to go away. As well, would the Law Commission declare Mr. Karunanidhi's behavior immoral?
The country has just decriminalized gay sex. The Delhi High court ruled so, and the cabinet determined it will not appeal against the sound judgment. So, it finds it morally OK for man to have sex with another man, but it is not morally OK for a man to have sex with multiple women? Or, is bigamy more unhealthy than gay sex?
The commission cites various countries where bigamy is controlled or outlawed. It cannot take a piecemeal view of the bigamy law. For example, the US or western countries are also serially monogamous, meaning they allow only one wife at a time, but then many of them have no-fault divorce laws which makes it quick and easy to change wives. Indian divorce laws are not so liberal, and courts years to dissolve contested divorce. So, it will either breed "mistresses" or clog courts with more divorce cases or even crime, since some desperate men may try to do away with the contesting wife.

The Law Commission will do well to separate the problems, and be innovative to discourage the bigamous behavior. For example, it can mandate civil damages through payments in higher proportion to the first wife, allow courts to issue wage assignments, which ensure little money is left for the man to fool around, and discovers it was a financial blunder.

The news article doesn't state whether the Law commission thinks the immoral activity harms men, women or both, but I remember the book "The Economic Naturalist" described that men are the most impacted by polygamous behavior! If a few men take on multiple wives, it shortchanges other men who need to work harder to find a mate, assuming a roughly equal men-women population. With female infanticide also in vogue, this will be a bigger issue for Indian men!

Dikishitar and English tunes

2009-08-08T00:23:00.000-07:00

Many of us are aware that Sri Muthuswamy Dikshitar was a distinguished composer in Carnatic Music. I had read before that he was also trained in Hindustani Music, and he brought many Hindustani ragas and style to Carnatic Music through his compositions. I was surprised to read in this news article in The Hindu, that his compositions were also influenced by English tunes, thanks to Mr. Kanniks Kannikeswaran who has done a splendid job providing such insight.

Book Review - How to Win Friends and Influence People

2009-08-02T08:37:00.000-07:00

How to Win Friends & Influence People - Dale Carnegie: I got this book as a gift way back when I was in school in seventh grade or so. At the time, I was too young for it, and gave up reading after a few pages. Now, after several years, I picked it up again - it was easier to read, and made so much sense. The book can help influence our personality in many positive ways. It starts with how notorious criminals like Al Capone never agreed they are wrong, and wouldn't have done differently, making a point how environment causes people to behave the way they do, and punishments don't necessarily change perspective. It explains with innumerable examples how criticizing doesn't help and instead makes people defensive. It talks about how to make people feel important, how to admit mistakes and start with praise before pointing out others' mistakes, all of which influence positively. Examples include anecdotes or quotes from Presidents, CEOs, IRS agents, famous and infamous personalities. It also has good advice for marriages to work - some obvious such as to stop nagging (uses Napoleon's love marriage turned sour as an example), saying goodbye to husband leaving for work everyday, flowers for wife etc. It cites expert opinions from counselors and judges on top reasons why marriages fail; from number one being sex maladjustment, agreeing on how to spend leisure, financial difficulties, and lastly mental/physical or emotional abnormalities. I liked the quote from Leland Foster Wood's "Growing Together in the Family" - Success in marriage is much more than a matter of finding the right person; it is also a matter of being the right person. In order to get the maximum out of the book, I think the reader should first prepare a flexible attitude and mindset to listen and act upon advice. If that happens, this book is indeed capable of completely changing one's personality for the better.

Two Dikshitar Stalwarts Pass Away

2009-07-20T23:41:00.001-07:00

I was saddened to note Sangitha Kalanidhi D. K. Pattammal passed away. As well, I came to know almost a month late that Sangitha Kalanidhi B. Rajam Iyer also passed away. Both were very distingushed in rendering the krithis of Sri Muthuswamy Dikshitar with the authentic grandeur, and a great loss for the Carnatic music community.

When I was in undergraduate college in Chennai, I had the opportunity to attend a live concert of Sri Rajam Iyer. He was rendering the concert in front of the Kanchi Swamigal Jayendra Sarawati, who had come to the college for the campus inauguration function. He rendered many krithis, including Dikshitar's Siddhi Vinayakam in Shanmugapriya, as well his own Sanskrit composition in raga Bhairavi. Obviously he knew Sanskrit very well, and had fully understood the Dishitar krithis he sang so well. I have noticed him mention Bhairavi raga's uniqueness and speciality in Carnatic music in other interviews in the news - it should have been his most favorite. The concert was a royal treat to my ears, and the depth in grammar, style and voice - the mastery and years of education and experience was evident all over. Though I had not heard much of him before, I then held him in high esteem, along with the types of Semmangudi or Maharajapuram. Also evident was his classical and majestic appearance with a broad forehead striped with vibuthi, large kadukkans in the ears, and panchakacham, that makes you quickly respect and wonder who this person might be. In front of the swamigal, he was so respectfully pre-announcing each krithi to him with folded hands, and sang through the concert without his shirt in the presence of the swamigal. Such humility with so much talent completely puzzled and amazed me - I learnt something important observing him. I still listen to his Jambupathe, Dikshitar's panchalinga krithi, and Navagraha krithis. I also had the opportunity to hear him sing Chinthayamam, during his concert on TV once.

I have also heard Chinthayamam sung by Smt. D.K. Pattammal, when my room mate was playing the Panchalinga Krithis cassette. I had not known much about D. K. Pattammal at that time, but listening to her the first time sing this Bhairavi song completely captivated me. There is simply no parallel. Again, the grammar, the style, the low voice, and managing the tempo and gamakas of Dikshitar's composition in an authentic way was bliss. I still listen to her Chinthayamam today - the format has changed from cassette to CD to MP3, but the voice and melody lives on. We are blessed that someone in her family spotted her talent and forced her dad to bring her to limelight - that wasn't as easy in those days for women, especially from brahmin orthodox families. We must appreciate and thank her husband Sri Easwaran's generous heart and broad mind in sharing with us her divine voice.

These two distinguished musicians have contributed immensely and for long time, to keep and pass on the everglowing divine compositions of Sri Muthuswamy Dikshitar. My respectful homage to these great souls.

Book review - Evolution related

2009-07-19T00:29:00.000-07:00

Mapping Human History by Steve Olson: This book is an interesting read on evolution, with a boat load of facts, and tries to establish that race is a superficial difference and we are all not too different as a species. I knew about the Mitochondrial Eve, the woman in Africa from whom all of us come from, but I learned there is also an Adam, the dad from whom all of us imen inherit the Y-chromosome. However, the book says Adam & Eve lived at different times, and some 80,000 people are the ancestors for all the human population today. It also talks about Neandertals (old men who lived in the Neuman or New man valley!) who eventually became extinct. As well it covers widely across the world, talking about even a small Israeli community that has married within for centuries, where Aunt & Niece look identical! The author keeps our attention with catchy write-up (he says both media and evolution scientists are interested in finding about sex, violence that happened!), but perhaps, there is a way to cover the facts in a more concise way.

Complete World of Human Evolution by Chris Stringer & Peter Andrews. The authors are distinguished in the field of evolution, and bring to bear their over 30 years of experience to teach all the new learnings that have happened in the recent times. It has an academic rigor, but is full of good pictures, so it is easy to visualize and understand the science. Something that interested me was that it was 70,000 years ago that humans first entered north-west part of India, and maybe 35,000 years ago started pushing into other parts of India. I think some bit of evolution must be taught in schools, given we have come far along. It will go a long way to deal with conflicts among human beings - there has to be some goodness when we learn we are descendants of one ancestor.

Book Review - The Adsense Code - A Strategy

2009-07-19T00:06:00.000-07:00

The Adsense Code - A Strategy by Joel Comm: This book caught my eye in the library and I thought I should read it to get some ideas on improving my own blog. It does have a lot of meaningful tips for someone who is very active on blogging, that are worth trying out. It talks at length about the different choices in terms of blog layout, ad types, size, and seemless positioning or integration with content etc. Statistical data based on the author's own exerience, and case studies provided to backup the arguments, so it isn't just throwing some ideas. As well, it talks about what is allowed under Google terms and conditions and what is not allowed. Another tip was a mention about John Reese, an Internet guru, whose seminars go up to $5000, which is apparently a bargain. Check out http://www.adsense-secrets.com to learn more. I personally may not have time to give these a shot, but if you are an active blogger wanting to inprove your adsense score, it could be worth a try.

Book Review - The Art of War

2009-07-13T05:56:00.001-07:00

The Art of War - Sun Tzu: This is an ancient Chinese book, translated into English and with foreword by James Clavell in 1981. It is interesting to note Sun Tzu has thought out many strategic and tactical elements of war 2500 years back, such as knowing one's own and the enemy's strengths beforehand, knowing when and how to attack, the costs and financing of wars, and to think about preparing for peace during war and vice versa. In the foreword, James Clavell indicates he would like to make this obligatory reading for all serving military officers, Presidents etc, and if he had the authority, he would mandate all generals to read it and take oral and written examinations on the chapters. That kind of comment set high expectations in my mind, but after reading through, I beleive military officers and generals would have come a long way without this book as well. It is a good book indeed, but I didn't get the feeling that eulogizing it to that degree was warranted. I was hoping to pick some quick tidbits on strategic thinking ideas for business, but I have to relate and apply the learning myself to draw parallels of war and business. Maybe some day I will get to it.

Kalathat case - India Currents' expert article

2009-07-06T00:34:00.000-07:00

I wrote a couple of months back about the murder-suicide of Kalathat in Santa Clara. The hope was to make aware of the need to watch out for good mental health. Here is a good article from Kaplana Asok, a practicing psychotherapist in bay area, on the same topic. It was a published in India Currents June 2009 edition. An expert opinion should be more valuable and better help.

Book Review - The Ascent of Money

2009-05-29T22:50:00.001-07:00

The Ascent of Money, A Financial History of the World by Niall Ferguson: An interesting historical perspective of money, its origin to present, how it shaped civilizations, how it financed wars and all its ups and downs. It is amazing how the author has mixed world history with finance and presented the dynamics of moneyless societies and money oriented societies with cash, banks, bonds, stocks and how we continue to evolve.The mix gives us plenty of interesting anecdotes and tidbits of history. I was surprised to note that Fibonacci, famous for the series named after him didn't quite discover the series first - there was a previous mention of the series by Pingala in an older Sanskrit book. As well, Fibonacci made other important contributions that we hardly recognize him for. Then, there is mention of a Persian tablet, societies like Inca that had no concept of money or value for gold, and the South American tribe that lived on monkeys (truly monkey food!) and came into contact with civilization just 5 years back, Italian loan sharks that inspired Shylock character in "The Merchant of Venice", East India company and Dutch finance controller, US civil war and New Orleans immigration & Katrina insurance woes in North America and so on! There is lot of bad news from history, but the author also explains the importance of money and loan/debt markets as necessary instruments without which lot many things may not have been possible for our evolution into a civilized society - the moneyless societies only cared about food and fertile women!

Doctor Joke

2009-05-19T22:52:00.000-07:00

I went to the doctor last week and had a rendezvous I thought was funny. My ears were bothering me after hearing my children screaming on top of their voices.

Doctor: (Taking a peek in my ear) Your ear drum and outer canal look OK. But it is possible there is pressure imbalance in your Eustachian tube. E-U-S-T-A... I forget if it is C or T...
Me: Never mind doctor. I only know about You Tube!
Doctor: Yeah. E-Tube! (I figured he wasn't on the Internet often!) Usually it is self correcting and the problem will go away in a few days. Have you had a cold?
Me: No. But, I have some allergy, but I don't think that caused any problems.
Doctor: OK, the allergy can cause the ear problem. Let me give you this nasal spray prescription. That should help.

I thought that was weird - I come for an ear problem and get prescribed a nose medicine! Turned out, the nasal spray did help the ear!

Book Review - Tough Choices - Carly Fiorna

2009-05-10T13:51:00.000-07:00

Tough Choices By Carly Fiorna: Great autobiography of Carly Fiorna, the former CEO of HP. This is a must-read for B-school students. While aspiring B-school women could get more reading this book, I think aspiring men are plenty well served too. Carly explains how her parents ambitions primarily drove her excellence and decisions in early lfie, and how she transitioned to making her own decisions when she dropped out of law school. She explains her career progression at AT&T, which shows all the typical large company dynamics how leadership, influencing, strategy and execution works in such places, despite being slow, political and filled with frustrations. B-school students who might start dealing with senior management are well served by reading through her vivid experience and candor dealing with the multitude of what I'd call testosterone packs. She is candid about when she cried, when she was nervous and afraid, when she put her foot down, how she judged people and positioned herself over many different situations, all of which will be immensely useful for the folks who will go through the same in their career, to compare and learn from someone who has been before in such shoes. Of course, she also explains her perspective of what happened at HP - what again stands out is her candor in allowing the board to state she was fired, as well that she hasn't played her gender card through her career to her advantage or disadvantage. Rather than her media stereotype of a glamorous, stubborn, woman CEO, she comes out as a very capable, intelligent, balanced leader and role model.

Book Review - Stop Walking on Eggshells

2009-05-05T22:24:00.000-07:00

Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul Mason & Randi Kreger: If you were ever wondering, "what is the matter with him/her" - be it an overbearing mom, childish wife, irrational husband, or ever depressed child, this is THE BOOK to read. In my view, this is the ultimate book that can help anyone going through emotional turbulence in relationships understand what is really going on, and what can be done about it - whether it is husband-wife, parent-child or other loved ones. It explains potential Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) behaviors with plenty of examples that anyone going through similar experience can quickly identify and relate. Once that is understood, further reading helps how to deal or cope with it, how one can react differently, how to get treatment or support, all of which will be extremely useful to someone in such relationships, or to advise someone who might be in such a relationship. This book needs to be translated in all languages, the concept should be taught at some level in school or college so more people in all walks of life become aware and can act or react sensibly, de-criminalize what could be attributed to such behavior, and create win-win resolutions for civil disputes. For example, judges in many countries still favor the mother for child custody, without an awareness to examine potential BPD behavior - such decisions routinely affects children, who might grow up into a stressed out adult, and the saga continues.

Book Review - Socrates

2009-05-01T19:46:00.000-07:00

Socrates Ancient Greek in search of Truth - Pamela Dell: I picked this book in the library, since it looked like an quick and easy read of what could otherwise be intense philosophical stuff. And, I was very pleased. Pamela has done a great job relating 400BC system of government and practices to current terminology of democracy, courts, jury etc, so it becomes easy to appreciate history. I learned something interesting - when Socrates' father died, by law he became his mom's guardian, and she could marry only if he permitted. As well, she must marry if he demanded so! I wrote in my other blogs comparing laws on how societies or governments don't want to pick up the tab for a non-earning spouse or aged parents and instead pass laws to pass the buck - this was yet another example how society dealt with a hot potato no income individual. Any case, Socrates was a wise man, who debated well by asking good questions and positioning truth at all times, but even back in 400BC just as we see today in many parts of the world, the larger society is not always willing to go by what would be rational. For example, public officials in Athens were appointed by a draw of lots, without regard to their qualifications; Socrates questions this practice citing just as we wouldn't hire a carpenter that isn't qualified, we shouldn't appoint someone to public office without relevant qualification. Ultimately, he is convicted on charges of spoiling young minds and is sentenced to drink poison - interestingly by a jury vote 361-140. Socrates was given the option to go in exile - instead of taking it, he misjudged wisdom would prevail! Key learning, we should realize the system around us was, is, and will be driven by emotions, politics, human nature, and plenty other factors, more than just wisdom - back then and now, being wise doesn't imply being smart or savvy.

Book Review - The Age of Turbulence

2009-04-25T21:14:00.000-07:00

The Age of Turbulence - Alan Greenspan: A pretty thick biography of the former Fed Chairman to be read over a long time, but the time is well worth it. There is a lot of learning beyond just economics , from someone who has dealt with so many presidents, with both republican and democratic governments, and other leaders of the world. His assessment of various presidents' personalities from Nixon all the way to Bush (both father and son), how he has managed to negotiate, influence in a structured way, and navigate the political maze so successfully in Washington for decades, is all very impressive, inspiring, and educational. Obviously, he talks about the Fed and the Chairman's responsibilities, and offers insights into the economic issues he has faced and overcome through the years , but not in Fed Speak, so it is easy to understand and appreciate. While there will always be critics and debates over his tenure and decisions he made, many of us will accept him as brilliant and blessed to have such an outstanding career, and I am glad America has valued and benefitted most from his intelligence - should we call that rational exuberance?

Book Review - Evolution for Dummies

2009-04-06T01:47:00.000-07:00

Evolution for Dummies: A good reading on Evolution science, Natural selection, DNA mutations, Genetics and all that good stuff. I learned a lot of new things, despite being familiar with the basic evolution theory. For example, it dispels the common myth, "Humans came from monkeys" - rather, it clarifies how humans and monkeys just have a common ancestor. Likewise, I learned that Mitochondria hasn't changed through all these generations, which led scientists to believe that all of us evolved from one African woman - who would be our great, great..., great grandmother. Unlike many other books on creation and evolution, this one does not directly attack religions sentence for sentence, but relegates the disputes and addresses them in one chapter at the end - that allows us to read it in peace!

Murder-suicide of Kalathat in Rivermark, Santa Clara

2009-04-04T13:07:00.001-07:00

This week, Devan Kalathat was a news maker across the world, killing his two kids, his brother-in-law Ashok, as well as Ashok's wife and kid, and finally turning the gun on himself (News). His wife was also shot and is in critical condition in hospital. People all over are shocked, and reactions range from angry, sad, puzzled and surprised that Kalathat could exhibit such madness, and the nerve to kill children. One comment from a family friend that dined often and played rummy with them said Kalthat was a quiet, peaceful guy, and they were a very nice couple. Others describe Kalathat as a sharp and educated engineer, evident from his numerous certifications listed on his LinkedIn profile and engineering jobs at Microsoft and Yahoo, and financially doing just as fine. From the outside, everything looked normal.

For psychiartists, psychologists and other relationship experts, however, this may not be surprising, and they can draw a parallel with many other routine mental disorder related shooting incidents, such as Karthik Rajaram, the MBA that killed his family in LA, the recent Binghamton, NY immigrant shootings, the Canada bus killings or the Virginia university shootings..

Unfortunately, the resulting madness is not something that happens overnight, but due to mental disorder that is groomed and developed over several years - sub-consciously by those around. The victims themselves don't even realize that they have a disorder, but assume they are smart and wise since they have impressive academic record, or professionally accomplished in their chosen field. Events causing stress or trauma in younger age may have triggered an egoistic reticent behavior (usually misconstrued as just quiet and shy) - examples include overbearing parents, loss of a loved one, major life event such as rape or an accident, or recent stress from unemployment, financial devastation, dealing with a difficult relationship etc. Over time, it develops into mental health issues such as:

Depression, with unpredictable mood swings, sadness, loss of interest in any activity etc
Bipolar disorder, extremes such as talking too much or too quiet, inappropriate anger etc
Borderline personality disorder, with low self-esteem, suicidal thoughts, incoherent thinking resulting in senseless arguments etc.

The above are just examples, and I am not sure I got the definitions right - the main idea is such mental illnesses are prevalent but unnoticed or unexplained, and not treated or handled in the right way. In a few cases, it goes further into more traumatic disorders such as,

Split personality disorder, where the person relapses at times to assume he is someone else like God or the devil, or a long gone relative etc.
Schizophrenia, which is apparently the new scientific term for lunacy.

Family members, or those around in school or office fall into either of the two types below:

They have no clue that the person they are talking to has any disorder, and react in ways that will most likely aggravate the behavior. Still worse, they may seek help from an untrained brother-in-law to deal with the problem or to negotiate a settlement.
They may just have similar disorders, so it becomes a case of two people with mental disorders trying to sort things out! Most contemporary mothers-in-law in India fall into this control freak category, since they have suffered a suppressed low-esteem life in earlier years and guess what happens when they are under the same roof with an immature daughter-in-law that is suffering from mood swings!

Though the science around these behaviors has shaped up, given the current level of awareness, there are sparingly few family members that can identify the person has such mental disorder and influence them to get professional help.

Kalathat's case was an ideal example. Going by his brother's characterization as an intelligent, quiet guy in his younger ages who apparently did not react well to stress and kept away from aggressive people, as well as his wife's call to police 6 months back that he was holding her passport, showed Kalathat exhibited controlling behavior and there was smoke without fire. Though he appeared an ideal husband and father (there was no physical violence, as well the children went to best private schools), he has been suffering from such mental disorder.

What can we do to prevent such things from happening? Most people will move on after placing flowers and teddy bears, venting their feelings on forums, blogs. Some will take an identity approach, like blaming guns, silicon valley lifestyle, claim domestic violence is rampant in malayali families, or that Indians are losing touch with their culture, or it is a south asian women vs men thing - I have seen these mentioned so far on the web. But this problem is beyond any identity such as malayali, Indian or American, silicon valley lifestyle or even guns. In India, plenty of this type of murder-suicide of families happen by consuming poison or by falling into a well for similar reasons, but don't get the same coverage, since it is not a Yahoo engineer or Rivermark community family - but a poor, illiterate family in a remote village among a billion population.The real solution lies in the following:

Awareness among the husband, wife or others, so they can identify, handle and react with the individual the right way. A brother-in-law is simply not trained to deal with such problems! We must provide brochures and DVDs that explain these behaviors at the time of wedding, or when issuing spousal visas.
The individual should recognize there is a problem and get professional help. This is difficult to pull off, but sometimes an ultimatum such as divorce might do the trick. Some companies instead send employees to a "Dealing with diffcult personalities" class, when they raise an issue with a co-worker that has such ego problems!
Having right laws to deal with the domestic issues. In this example, Kalathat's wife could have used the "No Fault" divorce laws of California to quickly get out of a non-working marriage, and saved the children and herself. As well, there are wage assignments and restraining orders that would helped get by, and keep him at a distance. Many developing countries lack sensible conflict resolution laws, and instead complicate the situation by dragging them into criminal cases even when the situation is civil in nature.
Going beyond just issuing a marriage license, and monitoring mental health of parents until the children reach 18 years of age. Right now, there is no system in place to detect and prevent such silent abuse or mental disorder build-up cases, and social workers would get involved only when they come to know of a tangible immediate threat of danger. We need a law that forces married couples (or separated parents) to submit to an basic annual assessment to show they are physically, financially and mentally fit to take care of children each year.

It will take more years for the solutions to fly. In the near-term, people will be unaware and inexperienced and will contribute to more such instances. Out of love, spouses will not easily file a divorce and continue to put themselves and their children in danger. Changes in the law are slow and will not likely be accepted, since people will care more about privacy, and the logic that these are likely to be rare cases - until then, these are only worth the flowers or teddy bears, and a few minutes of venting anger and opinions on blog comments.

I hope people become more aware of the magnitude of the problem and get the right perspective on such family situations, and influence troubled couples to seek professional help, rather than throw out an opinion based on culture, religion, the value of marriage, making adjustments and so on!

My heartfelt condolences to the extended Kalathat family.

Book Review - It's a Jungle out there, Jane

2009-04-04T12:30:00.000-07:00

It's a Jungle out there, Jane by Dr. Joy Browne: A pretty useful, entertaining and educational reading that brings out why men (or the male animals?) behave the way they do. Dr. Browne compares a lot of men and women behavior with the animal world citing examples from lions, dogs, gorillas and evolution science, to explain how behavioral evolution is slower than we'd like, to achieve the ideal behaviors we expect in today's world. Just after it appears an overdose of evolution and bias towards justifying men's behavior, she amazingly includes several paragraphs of advice for both Tarzan & Jane, that should make the relationship better, removing doubts that this is a one-sided book. A lot of new learning for me - that Bible defines adultery differently (as an affair between a man and a married woman, not a single woman), that availability of easier and better contraception methods is what triggered women's freedom and the drive for equality today (so they get grounded with babies only when they feel like), that male bears roam over a much larger territory than female bears. This is a good book to read for any man or woman about to get married, or in troubled relationships. And, those who have already screwed it all up, can also read so they can better explain why they screwed up! As well, to do better next time around!