Occasional Musings n Ramblings

Yesterday was tough

2021-01-05T15:19:00.002-05:00

N2's daycare teacher tested positive last week so he was at home for 7 straight days.

Yesterday being Monday, I and DH had work and N1 had School (though remote). N2 was a very good kid - wanted me to dance to Fortnite dances, go to the basement, do laundry, play ball etc. DH and I took turns to do that.

But when it was night time I wanted them to be in bed at 9.

That is when the issues started. N2 wanted to watch more TV - he has his favorite shows/songs etc. so I told N1 to get into bed but then he wanted to read.

I finally said, OK guys, this is IT!! Let's go to bed. And all hell broke loose. N2 started bawling and I got upset at N1 because he got up from bed and started sitting up. When I spoke angrily to N1, he started crying about how I am always mad at him and that he is trying to reduce my burden by going to dad for all his questions.

That broke my dam.

I cried so hard and for so long. Motherhood is tough as it is without piling a load of guilt on oneself. But I do have guilt and anxiety.

Guilt about not being able to spend enough time with N1 due to N2's high demand on my time.

Anxiety due to the fact that I am deathly afraid of turning like my parents.

Guilt about not having my emotions and temper all under control in front of kids.

Anxiety about messing up in my job, making sure the laundry is done, the kids are fed, they are on time and are rested.

Guilt about not having enough time for DH, for having these mental breakdowns, for not having enough time to keep playing and spending time with kids.

Anxiety about measuring up to my own idea of what sort of mother I should be and should have been, about my kids growing up and saying they were never happy that I was emotional or that they needed more time with me that I never gave them.

Guilt about needing alone time for myself when kids need me.

Anxiety about what will be N2's progress with ASD. Though this has reduced a great deal for me. I just enjoy him now.

DH has been a rock for me in all these circumstances. He is in Neurology and so am I but he looks at it from a Science perspective. He is very chill and relaxed about N2. He doesn't involve his emotions which has kept me sane.

I keep telling my team to be kind to themselves but what about practicing what I preach?

New Year, New Me?

2021-01-01T12:07:00.002-05:00

Happy New Year to all of you!

We survived 2020!! Henceforth known as, the-year-we-don't-talk-about. Hopefully 2021 treats us more kindly and the maskless people all realize what fools they are.

I have no resolution for myself this year apart from couple of items that I wanted to stick with. These I have been following a bit most of the time but I haven't been adhering to as much as I would have liked to.

1. I want to read MORE. I have been reading 20 books or so a year. I want to do it a book a week. So I have to read around 52 books. I don't know where I am going to find time with the work, household work, blogging, watching shows/Netflix and the reddit sites that I follow!!

2. I want to be kind to myself. This year showed me that I have issues too. Anxiety issues. The scary what-ifs that plague me all the time - especially with N2's diagnosis of ASD. I have made peace with it and I enjoy him more than worry about him. But there are days where I have to ACTIVELY manage my worries and anxiety which is where point #1 comes into picture. I need the distraction. I need the part where I forget this world and immerse myself in a different one until this world calms down in my head. It seems to have worked. It is not "ostrich therapy" where I bury my head in the sand but actually reinforcing the windows of my home and sheltering myself from the storm that is brewing outside.

3. Journal/Write more. Even if it is akin to screaming into the void. Helps me formulate my thoughts.

Hope 2021 is fabulous and healthy for all of you too!

Changes in life - restarting

2020-12-19T11:20:00.001-05:00

I used to write to be seen.

I have now come to a point in my life where I have to write to understand myself.

People might think it is pretentiousness but I hope everyone comes to this point in their life where they have the time and maturity to understand themselves to understand the world a bit better.

Pandemic has struck and I have been working from home for the past 9 months. I could have gestated a baby in this time and birthed it too! I have liked it for what it offers - DH with me at home, my older one at home remote schooling (2nd grader!!) and the younger one in daycare.

The younger one has to go to day care as he has been assessed as mild to moderate ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). He needs social time. He needs the distraction. With the assessment being done I realized how much the shadow of expectations of an ideal life was chasing me and following me quietly.

I am working on letting go of those expectations and working on being the mom my kids needs rather than making the kids I thought I needed/deserved. That is a huge change and I struggled a lot.

I realized that I am a talker and I would still need to shout things into void if I don't have anyone listening to me. Fortunately I don't need to worry about that - DH and sis have been so good and generous to listen to me worry, cry and struggle to let go of my expectations and conform to the new standard of parenting.

Restarting to write this seems like a good outlet even if I don't have the same readers I had a decade ago. This will serve like my diary (think of John Watson's diary in Sherlock) towards understanding myself better - good and bad.

Rethinking, reorganizing

2019-08-02T15:36:00.000-04:00

It always feels like it is a new day and new life.

I want to rethink what I have been utilizing this blog for. I have been blogging on and off for the past 10 years? I could see my own growth and changes in personality and liking.

May be it is time for this blog to grow up as well?

It may not be possible for me to write the reviews of the book as much as I used (though I still read a lot) but it does help me put my thoughts into words and just voice my feelings/opinions out into the void. I may or may not get any responses but I am not expecting anything.

It feels like I am writing my first post all over again. I have to put training wheels on my writing to see how it feels "penning" my day again. It will take some time and few more posts to feel like it is flowing naturally rather than being forced.

Bear with me until then, please.

It's a new world and it is stressing me out

2018-08-25T13:03:00.000-04:00

Hello folks!

It has been quite a while since I posted anything here. Life has changed a lot since then.

My son #2 is 10 month old already and the older one is heading to kindergarten in a week and a half. Where did the time go?

The best part is motherhood but the worst part is the work that is part of my/our everyday life - doing the dishes, thinking about lunch boxes, planning dinner etc.

As if this wasn't enough, the very first full week of N's kindergarten, DH will be in Venice. So I am basically thinking of the ostrich pose "if I don't think about it, the problem might disappear".

Other than that - I am loving the books that I have been reading on my iPad. I discovered Overdrive recently and have been pimping it out to everyone that I come across. Check it out and you'll also be thrilled!

My work has been great and there has been too many things to update you folks about so I will probably take some time to map it out.

Meanwhile enjoy your summer!

Hello?? crickets

2017-06-01T10:37:00.001-04:00

Hello there blog world!!

Things seem to be happening now and I want to share those events with you!

My sister gave birth to a baby girl!!!
Can you imagine how elated I felt?? The baby (let's call her A) is cute as a button, was very nice and quiet when aunty visited her. She is gaining weight amazingly well and is cranky when she has a poopy diaper! :-D My parents are in Michigan helping my sis out during this time.

In similar news... I am going to be a mom again! Also it is a BOYYYYY!!! N is so excited that he is going to be a big brother soon! He keeps kissing my tummy. I am due Oct 12 and he cannot wait for "my belly to pop" hahah!
This one too was IVF. But holy smokes! So much easier than the previous saga!! There were no Progesterone injections - just Progesterone inserts that too just twice a day. No muss, no fuss! Suffered the Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome yet again and a it was a little more intense than before.
After skipping two months, for my ovaries to be normal, the first embryo transfer was successful. I was sure that it didn't take as I didn't "feel" pregnant - may be I was steeling myself for a negative result? Who knows...
The entire world was having baby girls, my sis' friend, all my cousins, my brother in law's 2nd kid was also a girl, my sis herself, our friends... all of them! So I started thinking may be I too will have a girl. N was sure that he wanted a brother - otherwise how can he play Power Rangers?? :-D It was an amazing surprise for us that it was a boy. DH and I noticed the "pee-pee" a split second before the ultrasound technician declared that it was a boy!! Hahah!

Now the hormonal ups and downs are what is irritating me. Some feelings/ anger are justified and some are irrational. One thing I know for sure is the fact that since I have seen my parents' behavior with my sis when she gave birth, I know that they are going to be more trouble than they are worth. So I am not inviting them. My in-laws got the visa so they are going to be the ones helping us out. Or at least that is what we have planned as of right now.

As if all these are not enough, we are going to India end of June for my final brother-in-law's wedding. We will be there for 10 days. Just this morning my 2nd BIL texted us saying that the house that he is building will have the "house warming ceremony" also during the time when we are there. I appreciate the fact that they scheduled it so that we will be there to attend the function. But I am so worried that I will be exhausted to the bone.

All this is happening when it is monsoon season in India!!

There are more irritations in my life right now than I would like but it is not related to my immediate family - i.e. DH, N or myself. It is all a reflection of how I feel about the decisions taken by in-laws and parents. They do affect me tangentially - ex: ignorance of how certain decisions show favoritism towards other daughter in laws, parents' irrational expectations of everything and how nothing that I do is good enough.
On a side note - I feel mentally I am at a good place with my parents' behavior. I have just stopped caring. I have also stopped fighting others' fights. That has put me in a good mood and basically "don't give a shit" attitude.

Now only if I can do that for my in-laws *sigh*

Just keep swimming...

2016-11-07T12:41:00.000-05:00

Indians are well known for their belief in astrology. One of the strongest advice that Indian parents receive from astrologers is that "there is danger from water".

Just that. No details accompanying that doomsday statement.

Because of this, neither I how to swim nor does DH. Same story with my sis and her husband... Surprisingly though my dad knew how to swim - as he was orphan for all intents and purposes (even though he had one surviving parent) so no one to scare him off of water.

We wanted to break this tradition of not knowing how to swim. So since there is a YMCA (I am trying very hard not to sing that phrase!) near where I work, I got a membership and enrolled Nik in swim lessons.

Saturday dawned and we all got into the car excitedly, looking forward to seeing Nik learn swimming...

He changed into his swim clothes and was excitedly walking around the swimming pool.

Until...

He actually got into the water and realized that there is NO floor beneath him. Then the yelling and flailing started.

The class was scheduled for 30 mins and 25 mins of it ended up consisting of trying to get Nik to get into the pool.

Next week it is going to be "tough love" session.

Seeing all this, DH also joined the adult swim class. Once he gets done with it, I am going to start.

It is about time that we know how to learn this life saving skill!

Wanderlust

2016-10-28T16:26:00.000-04:00

It is 4 PM on a Friday evening...

I am currently searching a street view of remote locations of earth...

So far I have been to Finnmark, Norway - to the very edge of the boundary... to Water St, Snooks Arm, Newfoundland and Labrador and to Norstead Rd, Saint Lunaire-Griquet, Newfoundland and Labrador

No idea why these locations.

Actually... I take it back. I think I know why.

I want to have a long drive somewhere. Just pack a couple of suitcases and head out in my trusty Subaru Forester.

I am not sick and tired of where I am and who I am with or even what I am doing, for that matter!

All I want is to head out and DRIVE somewhere...

Our drive to Burlington, VT just solidified the fact that there is nothing more freeing than being on the road and having your car with you...

Now I know how the Winchester brothers feel!

Happy dance

2016-10-26T19:47:00.000-04:00

Last Thursday DH got an iPad for himself...

I am so happy I can dance!

Do you know what that means?? Huh? Huh??

That means... I now have the Kindle Fire for myself!!

DH would never read books on Fire ("books on Fire" ha!) but he would browse his news on the crappy browser that Amazon offered.

But then one of the stores offered a fairly good deal on iPad and DH *WANTED* it so on a though-out/impulsive decision he went and got it.

This means, I pounced on the Fire. I deleted all the "emergency" movies that we had stored on it when we went to London so that Nik doesn't get bored and start stealing people's pillows or their lunches on the flight. Or God forbid - start kicking the seat of the person sitting in front of us.

Once I deleted all the movies I had almost 11 GB of memory free. So I went ahead and uploaded all my ebooks (which took only 4 GB of the memory).

One of the main complaints I had is that Amazon didn't have a .pdf extension app. This meant that I couldn't open my PDF books at all! But now it does offer it and hence I can access all the files/ books!

But now...?? Mwhahahhaha I have already started on books that were on my TBR pile from before Nik was born!

No more lugging of hard cover books and no more renewing library items!

Just another manic Sunday

2016-10-23T10:08:00.002-04:00

Last night Nik had a little accident in our bed.

I tried two different dosa pans to try pouring dosas for breakfast

Now I have to wash the sheets and the pans, with cleaning the stove area as the batter spattered *everywhere*

Cook two different items for lunch / dinner today.

It is 10 and I *just* had my day's first cup of coffee.

Still have to shower and put new sheets on the bed, give a bath to Nik (DH does that so, phew!)

I am also reading Lisa Gardner's book which I *NEED* to finish ASAP as I cannot stand the suspense anymore.

Since my ancestry is also from primates - I need to groom myself. So there...

Are 24 hours ever enough?

Book Review - The Cuckoo's Calling by Robert Galbraith

2016-09-24T18:44:00.000-04:00

Summary (from Goodreads):
After losing his leg to a land mine in Afghanistan, Cormoran Strike is barely scraping by as a private investigator. Strike is down to one client, and creditors are calling. He has also just broken up with his longtime girlfriend and is living in his office. Then John Bristow walks through his door with an amazing story: His sister, the legendary supermodel Lula Landry, known to her friends as the Cuckoo, famously fell to her death a few months earlier. The police ruled it a suicide, but John refuses to believe that. The case plunges Strike into the world of multimillionaire beauties, rock-star boyfriends, and desperate designers, and it introduces him to every variety of pleasure, enticement, seduction, and delusion known to man.

Review:
"Robert Galbraith"... I knew it was JKR's pseudonym. But I started reading this with a very open mind and also the fact that this is a murder mystery - with a private eye as the prime character. I mean, that itself is a win-win book for me. But then JKR as an author? That just sealed the deal... But to be completely honest, I picked up all the three books to be checked out at the library but then ended up just getting this first one in the series. I wanted to be sure that I would like the style before I "commit" to all the books in the series.

But oh my! I am heading back to the library and getting the rest of the series!

The characters of Cormoran Strike and his secretary Robin were SO fleshed out. The moment they were introduced I was hooked on to the characters, their story line and the plot line. Cormoran isn't your usual hot private eye, with six-pack abs and swagger in his walk and manner. He is down-on-luck and love investigator with a temp secretary. The story was very nicely written with a 3rd person perspective but with an alternative viewpoint/ narration.

Before I knew, I was sucked in to the storyline and halfway through the book I realized that I don't even care who the killer was because I was invested in the story line! I wanted to see who was telling the truth and who was lying. All those emotions and those tears! The dead model's nature was never described in detail. All we know was her actions and whereabouts on the day of her fall to death. I loved the fact that "Robert Galbraith" had written such beautiful characterization of people that Cormoran interviewed. I ended up hating almost all of them and then pitying them in the same breath. You knew that it should be and will be one of these people but no one seems to fit the bill!

I honestly didn't care when the killer was revealed because the journey was so fulfilling. My sister, on the other hand, felt that it was out of the blue and that the killer had a very flimsy reason to kill Lula. *shrug*

I give this book 5 stars!

Two weeks' notice - Part II

2016-09-12T15:53:00.002-04:00

Remember this post that I had written a month or so ago?

Well, I escaped by the skin of my (our) teeth!

After we returned from our UK trip, Nik's preschool teacher texted to let me know that the employees called EEC on the Corporate Director and the center director had quit due to the fact that the checks that the corporate gave them always bounced back and for weeks they didn't have any pay!

I have no idea how they worked without pay!

The employees called in the EEC because of the sub-par food that the kids were being given (SAY WHAT?!) and the fact that the teachers had to get supplies out of their personal funds.

I had lunch with one of the parents of the kid from the old preschool. The girl is in elementary school now. The mom said that towards the end it got so bad that the teacher would order pizza from her money because the food was so bad.

I am just so glad that he is out of that place!

The new preschool (which is right across from the street from my work) is so much better! The teachers are professionals and almost all the parents are employed at my institution of work.

Even though I have to pack lunch for Nik, it gives me more control and knowledge on how much he has eaten through out the day and how hungry he would be when he ready to go home. Plus I know what he eats is "mom approved"!

Due to the fact that he is just a street away from me and now I work in a non-laboratory/ healthcare building, I bring him into my office whenever I have to stay late or if I have work and his daycare is closed. It is such a fun experience for him and for me. He gets to see his mom's office and I get to show him how NOT to touch my keyboard. :)

It also makes a huge difference with the kind of demographics that the kids are surrounded with. I have seen that Nik's sorry comes much more easily and there is very little shouting matches at home.

Kids are very impressionable at this age and I wanted to make sure he stays away from the crowd that plays Call of Duty with their mom's boyfriend when they are barely 4 years old.

At the end of all of this story, DH looks at me going "I told you so!". He had been to drop off Nik at his old preschool one day and was horrified to see kids running amok. The teachers weren't able to control them at all. The kids had nowhere to burn off their energy.

The current preschool has an attached playground with monkey bars, sand pit, lots of bicycles, footballs etc. Plus they have a sprinkler park right across! Nik is nice and tanned now with all the running outside. :)

When I was having lunch with the other mom, though it sounded like we were gossiping, it was basically us being horrified that we didn't see the signs of all of these troubles.

Like I said to DH - I was too close to see the full picture.

On that note, I hope your week started our wonderfully!

Past, present and future

2016-09-07T11:33:00.001-04:00

You guys are aware of how crazy I am about the show called "Supernatural". This year has been unique with relation to belonging to its fandom!

Two of my new colleagues watch the show. I constantly text one of them in real time when a new episode airs. One of them said it out loud what I was already thinking "I know that there is a big fanbase for this show but this is the first time that I have seen and met two people, in real life, who watch the show and are ardent fans!"

My history with the show goes as far as the first season that aired in 2005 - which meant that I was a viewer even before I married DH! I remember the late nights when I and my sis stayed up to watch the Winchester brothers tackle the monster of the week.

What was a kicker though was now Nik sings out loud "Carry on my wayward son" in the car whenever it plays. He even goes as far as to ask me to play this song on our way home.

It is a weird (but nice) feeling to know that this show has seen me through the most important phases of my life and this is just one of the reasons why I will forever be a loyal follower of Winchester brothers and Castiel.

Cinderella Story

2016-07-20T11:21:00.000-04:00

The sweetest thing happened today.

I had just put on my dress to get ready for work when Nik comes in and looks at me from head to toes.

He says, "Mamma you look so pretty! You look like Cinderella! I will tell Bri (his preschool teacher) to help me make you a necklace."

How sweet is my child?!?

Book Review - Black Rain by Graham Brown

2016-07-19T15:25:00.001-04:00

Summary (from Goodreads)-
Covert government operative Danielle Laidlaw leads an expedition into the deepest reaches of the Amazon in search of a legendary Mayan city. Assisted by a renowned university professor and protected by a mercenary named Hawker, her team journeys into the tangled rain forest—unaware that they are replacements for a group that vanished weeks before, and that the treasure they are seeking is no mere artifact but a breakthrough discovery that could transform the world.

Shadowed by a ruthless billionaire, threatened by a violent indigenous tribe, and stalked by an unseen enemy that leaves battered corpses in its wake, the group desperately seeks the connection between the deadly reality of the Mayan legend, the nomadic tribe that haunts them, and the chilling secret buried beneath the ancient ruins.

Review -
I have to preface my review with the note that my opinions and thoughts will seem choppy. It has been too long that I haven't written any post nor have I reviewed any book.

I am too lazy to do a summary which is why I picked it up from Goodreads *grin*

After SUCH a long time I read a non-fanfic & non-m/m book and it was refreshing! I recall the feeling of nail-biting suspense and the whodunit. It was a good book for my "come-back" to the world of thrillers and fiction. The story starts with our heroine who works at National Research Institute being told that she is now along in this treacherous expedition. NRI is basically an establishment that has its fingers in every pie of the world. Specially if it benefits the USA. The expedition is treacherous because they are going to go investigate deep Amazonia, but as an added complication it is foreshadowed that there is something that Danielle is keeping from her team of people. In a book this ALWAYS means bad news! But the reader in me is oh-so-excited. For me this means - murder (almost always), back-stabbing, betrayal and fights.
The rainy Amazon jungle and the creatures that stalked our characters were pretty realistic in the narration. I liked Danielle's portrayal too - there wasn't any forceful romantic connections and unnecessary plot deviations.
I have no knowledge of the Mayan race except that fact that their calendars were the ones that prophesied the "doomsday" of Dec 2012, which is why to learn more about their mythology and also the architecture was interesting. There were plot twists which I could predict but there were also human nature changes which I couldn't.
There were couple of instances of choppy narrations. Specially when there were interaction of the NRI director Gibbs and the millionaire and then when we were told that there was the death of one of the employees of NRI. Those scenes read as if it would belong in a screenplay rather than a book. I had to flip back a page to make sure that I hadn't missed anything - it felt disjointed. Also in the two settings of USA (terrafirma) and the Amazon jungle, the interactions and events in the jungle happened more organically and more realistically. Whereas the events in the USA kept making me feel off-kilter.

The author had paced the book well. There is neither constant action nor constant dialogues. There are happenings in equal amount to keep one hooked on to the story line. I loved the fact that this story was equally entrenched in the past and in the future as well as the present times. Being a loyal follower of James Rollins' novel - specially the Sigma series - I was impressed by how the narration went. Lots of mythology as well as interpretation of that.
This makes me a happy girl! :)

Two weeks notice

2016-07-15T13:58:00.003-04:00

It is ALWAYS tough to say good bye.

Yesterday DH, Nik and I went to his new preschool to check that out. Everyone loved it! So much so that Nik kept asking me when he is going to the "red preschool"! He didn't want to go to the "blue preschool" (meaning his current one)...

So now that we have decided to go to the "red preschool" I had to give the two weeks' notice to the "blue preschool".

For me that is always a tough conversation to have. But fortunately, this time I had DH with me and we went to the Director's office (where she was with the assistant director) and told them about Nik's two weeks.

They were understandably sad but they were laid back about it which I think made it easier for me.

But the kind of personality I have made me text his pre-school teacher, Bri. I explained it to her that I hadn't mentioned anything due to the fact that I was unsure if DH and Nik would like the "red preschool".

She has some personal problems but I would like her to be a babysitter for Nik. We have had a babysitter before. She was a young high-schooler and just there for the extra money. I was ok with her but not entirely happy (that is because she didn't even change Nik's diaper when he pooped). This day care teacher would be great as she loves him, has taken care of him and he too enjoys being with her.

The only issue to think about is whether her personal problems will follow where she goes. If it won't then I am psyched for two reasons:
a) Nik will soon be going to the "red preschool" which is right across the street from my work
b) If I can have Bri as his baby sitter then DH and I can go out more without worrying about how he is coping with a baby sitter!

Hope all of you have a beautiful weekend!!

Hello! waves enthusiastically

2016-07-14T11:39:00.001-04:00

It has been four months of silence and to be honest I don't even remember what I wrote in my last post!

Firstly, I don't know if I have any readers anymore!

Most of the blogs that I was following are silent (stopped writing) and some of them turned out to be fake*sigh*

I, myself, don't know where to go from here... Should I be writing about the books that I read? (I have to start reading more books) or should I be writing about what is happening in my life?

May be again a mix of both? Let us see...

In my reading life, I have still been immersed in the reading of fan-fiction although I think I have read almost all of the good ones (and if I haven't then it is because of my laziness to scroll past 200th page).

But I am seriously going to pick up a paper copy of Harry Potter and start reading it. BECAUSE WE ARE HEADING TO LONDON!!!! We have already booked the tickets to the Warner Bros. studio for the three of us. Nik is so excited about seeing Harry Potter that it is hilarious and cute at the same time. He totally thinks that if he goes to London, he will be able to ride the broomstick like Harry does in the movies!

I need to pick up the oldie-goldies like Kay Hooper and Lisa Jackson etc. I need some more murder mystery fictions in my life. :)

Life has been the usual and good. I am still in the job that I started in Nov - which is... interesting. My manager has been good but he is being put under pressure for various issues and I know for sure that he might just up and leave if the situation becomes unbearable. I am mentoring/ training two people on the pre-award and post award side of my humongous grant. So that too has been interesting.

I have realized this about myself that I am ambitious in terms of job and career... I won't be satisfied with mediocrity. I will end up changing jobs and institution until I find the perfect place and people to work with. I know... I know... I am aware that it may or may not happen. So... well, I am prepared for that too. Make the best of the situation.

In other news, I and DH are going to scout a new daycare for Nik. He has been in the current day care since he was 12 weeks old. But we have noticed that he is very bright and smart and picks up things very quick. Also we have noticed that he is taking things for granted in terms of "oh well I know these teachers and I can make them work the way I want to... just like my parents!". We both want him to snap out of this habit and realize that friends will come and go. I know I sound like one of THOSE parents who overthink but we know that this would be a good change. What is better is that this day care is right across my office!

My sister moved to Ohio semi-permanently (she has to come back to sell/pack/ donate her stuff) - she just has to come back to Jersey to defend her PhD thesis!

So again lots of changes happening!

I am signing off this post with hopes that I can continue this tradition of writing random things in life + reviews of books! *fingers crossed*

My affair with Colorado

2016-03-03T23:16:00.000-05:00

It was almost decade and a half ago when I read a book called Perfect by Judith McNaught.

And I fell in love - with the story and with the setting. But mostly with the description of Colorado. Since then I harbored a burning desire to visit this state which is apparently so very beautiful.

Then in the recent years I happened to stumble up on Marie Sexton's Coda series of books set in Colorado. I went crazy reading them and again my love for this unvisited state grew!

Last year, DH and my sis both got a chance to visit. DH went to Keystone which is a ski resort (which also holds a conference every year) and sis went to Denver. When I was sitting here in Boston shivering in 20F weather, DH suggested that I accompany him there but I pooh-poohed him thinking "we are already drowning in snow here, why would I go to a ski-resort where there will be MORE snow?!" Turns out winter in CO is very fickle - it was 78F there and in Boston it was 25F. *facepalm*

Now this year, specifically this month, we had our Annual Meeting for my grants in Denver and I FINALY GOT A CHANCE TO GO! Thus fulfilling my decade and half long dream.

I flew on Monday - early morning flight and landed there at 10:30 AM - but as per my body clock it was 12:30 PM EST so I was super hungry. I was tired too due to the turbulent landing - apparently this is very common in the Rockies - due to the mountains there.

I walked around and found that the streets were nice and WIDE (compared to the teeny-tiny roads in Boston). People were just like back home in Boston so I didn't have that culture shock that I got in KY. There people were SUPER polite to the point where I kept thinking 'don't ask me about my lunch, I don't know you!'

But since I was so tired, I went to bed at 7:30 CO time and found that I couldn't sleep. The reason? This was the 1st time I have ever been alone! So I switched the TV on and kept it on the whole night! The next morning, I had the meeting and realized that I can try and call the shuttle service to see if they pick people up for ski resorts from the Downtown area. They did!

BUT (of course there will be a 'but') they were booked for the entire day next day.

I had figured out that since day 2 meeting ends at 12, I can try and catch 1 PM shuttle, spend some time near Keystone and then head back in the last shuttle of the day. Thinking this, I spoke with my manager HD who was there for the same meeting with his wife. He was really excited and booked a car so that all three of us could drive to see the mountains - even if the shuttle was full.

As per our agenda the meeting was supposed to end at 12 but what was not written was specifically our group had a wrap-up meeting. So again, I had to cancel everything. :(

In the end, all I could get are these pictures...

and

It is a very poor excuse for having just these pictures but the one satisfaction I have is that I have at least been to this place that I have longed to see for 15 years!

May be one day I will be truly able to see more of Colorado!

Fanfictions

2016-02-21T20:41:00.002-05:00

Currently I am fangirling about these hotties...

Look at this beautiful Elf king! LOOK AT HIM! How amazing was Lee's acting?!

And this little butterfly... *sigh* This was when Mr. Thornton (from North and South) realized that Margaret had actually been to Milton to look for him.

I really don't know what to classify this guy as - a hero or an anti-hero... He championed the mutant rights so passionately BUT didn't care about the collateral damage. But oh so easy on the eyes!

I have been reading fanfictions after fanfictions. I realized that was the best way to learn the background of the characters. And they are so fascinating! I don't even remember how I got into reading them.

I have read fanfictions of Harry Potter, X-Men universe (mostly First Class and Days of the Future Past), Supernatural (Of COURSE!), Teen Wolf, The Hobbit, Merlin and One Direction (I have NO CLUE how I got sucked into that).

But my all time favorites are from Supernatural, X-Men, The Hobbit and Teen Wolf - there is SO much to write about as each character has tremendous depth.

I practically thrive on Archive of Our Own and have downloaded stories from there to keep it in my folders! There are some amazing, AMAZING writers out there.

One thing I am guilty about is not leaving comments - I do "like" or give "kudos" but I never end up posting anything even if I have fallen in love with the stories. I want to make a resolution to change that.

Now off to reading another one of my X-Men fanfics!

New job

2016-02-18T21:18:00.000-05:00

Remember? Couple of months ago, I had written a post about how I changed my jobs - here, here and here.

I just realized that am out of my 90 days "probationary period" (which ended on Feb 8th). It didn't even feel as if it has been 90 days! Time used to drag at the previous place where I had my career "blip"! I guess this is good!

The work has been very active and it has kept me so busy that I haven't had time to worry about trivial issues.

The best part about this job (apart from a nice pay) is the fact that I am getting to travel a lot.

In Feb, there was a meeting in Boston regarding one of the grants that I am managing. The hotel was going to give us a group discount for this meeting for out of towners but since they hadn't met the quota of the number of people staying, the Program Director suggested I stay there too. So I ended up staying at a hotel *IN* Boston, 7 miles away from home, having my own king size bed to lounge on!

The first week of March, I am leaving for Colorado for another meeting. I will be there for four days sans DH and kiddo.

The last week of March, I am leaving for Iowa for a meeting for a new grant. I will, again be there for four days, again, sans DH and kiddo.

So between Feb and March I am away from home 3 times! That itself was unthinkable in my old job! I love this!

In preparation for the upcoming trips I have finally dusted off my Nook and re-loaded it with ALL my ebooks. I am hoping for no flight delays but even in an on-time plane it would be great to just FINALLY start reading.

While digging through kiddo's books, I realized I have a collection of lesser known stories of Agatha Christie! EEEEEEKKKK!!!

A decade worth of achievement

2016-02-15T18:52:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is Feb 16th, 2016.

Which means, exactly 10 years ago I got married to DH in India.

Mind blowing, isn't it?? It is for me, at least! The kicker is that it doesn't feel like 10 years - it feels more like 5-6 years.

We have both taken a day off - which makes this 4 day weekend! We will take the kiddo to the pre-school and then go off doing something on our own.

May be a breakfast outside, may be a movie. Let's see. Our day is wide-open!

When I am obsessed, I am OBSESSED

2016-02-06T17:19:00.000-05:00

In the beginning days of my blog-life, I used to follow a lot of people - most of them readers.

I feel sad that majority of them have stopped blogging and some of them have slowed down.

One such blogger was a bibliophile who was CRAZY about North and South, the British TV show. I feel ashamed to say that I don't remember if she was crazy about the actor (Richard Armitage) or the character that he plays or the show in its entirety.

I caught this bug a little late - give or take 5 years.

I first realized it was Richard Armitage who played Thorin and was immediately reminded of this blogger.

By then I was so entranced by The Hobbit trilogy that I devoured each and every installment multiple times. I became so well versed in Mr. Armitage's face that I could identify him by the tip of his (extremely) sharp nose and his (extremely) chiseled jawline.

It was during one such movie marathons, I realized that it was he who played the guy, "Fred Clemson" from Captain America: The First Avenger" - the guy who kills Dr. Erskine.

And now?

I found out the Netflix has the episodes of North and South. Ah! What a sight!

I just started the 1st episode and already I am grinning like a fool. With a sight like this who *WOULDN'T* be grinning??

I missed this feeling. Feeling of falling in love with a character.

All these days I have been reading about characters that I am already in love with. But oh, what a feeling to fall in love with someone new... :)

Dream job

2016-01-15T10:49:00.001-05:00

You know how much I love reading. How crazy about this I am.

Whenever DH would ask me what would be my ideal job, I would, in a heartbeat reply - library.

I had always kept this as a back up plan for my retirement because that is the time I thought I would have to do something which was rewarding (but might not be paying).

Yesterday's email of my town's library newsletter included a blurb which is calling for volunteers for "adopting a shelf". I was giddy about this for last two days.

The responsibilities include arranging the books and covering the circulation desk. The time is "anytime for an hour".

So I wrote to the librarian - she wrote back saying once I turn in the filled application form along with clearing the CORI check, she will call me in for an interview.

I. AM. SO. EXCITED!

One of the firsts...

2016-01-14T17:47:00.001-05:00

One of the firsts happened today.

My son told me he doesn't love me. He likes his dad more.

I was a child about it and refused to give him the cookie he wanted to eat.

On a side-note I can see why he doesn't like me.

Lifestyle change

2016-01-05T15:31:00.000-05:00

When I was pregnant one of my friends' wife told me - "having the baby isn't the hardest part. It is what comes after is what tests your metal".

Yesterday was one such breaking point for me.

Nik is a very obstinate child - I know this is very common for a 3 year old. I have seen my cousins being so obstinate that they had reduced their mothers to tears. But I have also see them transform into very soft spoken and respecting individuals (so much so that I have doubts that they have any personality at all!).

Nik is very attached to us - this means that he will refuse to even be in the bedroom if we are in living room. He still sleeps with us in our bed - which is not an issue, honestly. I co-slept with my parents until I got married - that is just the way we were raised.

But with Nik it is an issue as we would have liked to sleep at around 10 or later but due to him wanting to sleep between us, he refuses to go to bed too. That snowballs into tantrums the next morning because the boy got less than 10 hours sleep. I have the habit of leaving for work at 8 (before I used to leave much earlier but now since I drop him off, and the day care is less than 10 mins away from my work place, I leave late).

I start waking him up at 6:50 AM or so and keep on doing that till 7:30 and then he has to brush his teeth, drink his "chocolate milk", finish his pooping business and then get dressed and leave. Nothing happens as per plan. He wakes up at around 7:15 AM and then wants to do EVERYTHING on his own. This includes spending 20 mins trying to brush teeth. Then when I go ahead and do it for him the bawling starts. The AWFUL, AWFUL bawling. Then comes the physical struggle and then wrestling him into his clothes.

This happens almost everyday. Yesterday it was at a point where it was 8:05 AM and I am still trying to get him dressed. I left house in a fit of anger leaving Nik behind with his dad and then came back in 2 mins as he finally agreed to get dressed.

While driving to his daycare/ pre-school, I reflected a lot on what we are doing and how it is affecting his schedule. I came to a conclusion that we as adults and his parents, should adjust to him and not the other way around. Mind blowing, I know *sarcastic smile*. But when you are this close to the issue and your view is microscopic, it takes a little more macroscopic perspective. An ariel view of the problem, if I can say so.

I was already aware of the problems of us moving into a different house than he was used to.

I wanted to try an experiment:

I let his tablet's battery run out and hid the charger. So now he just has TV to rely on and has to pull his head out of the hypnotic glare of the Kindle Fire.
Then I went ahead and sat with him and watched "Alvinnnn!!". An inane cartoon show that he likes.
He wanted his daily piece of chocolate/ Oreo and demanded that I lift him so that he can inspect the kitchen cupboards to show that it is indeed gone and there's no more left.
When I felt that he was feeling hungry, I gave him an apple.
After DH came home at around 6, we prepared evening chai and straight away went ahead and started on dinner preparation.
We finished dinner watching Shrek on TV at around 8, waited for 30 mins and were in bed by 8:30.

It took him around 40 minutes to fall asleep as he wanted to try and get up and see what was happening. But I made DH lie down and pretend as if it was time to go to sleep. And voila! At 9:20 I hear Nik snoring away.

Guess what time he woke up today? 6:30 AM! Today's "getting ready" ritual was smooth.

I will be sticking with the same plan today too.

- No Kindle Fire

- More mom/dad time

- EARLY dinner

- sleep at 8:30

Almost everything can be better after a good night's sleep! :)