OCD Sanctuary

Practice And Training

2006-07-22T16:39:00.000+01:00

People often speak about life being divided into three compartments, the physical, the mental and the spiritual. A lot is said about how the modern world is obssessed with the physical and the mental aspects of living but casts no more than a cursory glance at the spiritual. By the term "spiritual" I do not mean religion per se, though many may use religion as a tool to fulfill this need.

What I mean by spirituality is wisdom or ignorance of things as they truly are. It is the knowledge of one's identity and place in the whole scheme of things. It encompasses our relations with others and allows us to proceed through life causing them the least amount of harm. In understanding the ways that we are connected with the outside world, we learn about the paramount importance of the mind and its views in the creation process of our daily lives.

The Buddha realised that people had these three modes of existence, the spiritual, mental and physical. He also realised that these three modes were fundamentally interconnected with each other. Our wisdom, which can also be thought of as the collection of our spiritual views or principles, is the forerunner of our mental thoughts. In turn our mental thoughts are the forerunners of our actions which will themselves eventually return back to us in the form of happiness or suffering.

The Buddhist practice essentially comprises a training programme to address each of these three areas. We seek to take out those things which hinder us on the path to peace, and to augment those things which remove the thorns of suffering from our sides. For the physical aspect of our lives, there is the training in moral conduct. For the mental side, there is the training in concentration. Finally, for the spiritual part of us, there is the training in wisdom. The aim of this whole training is to bring about the end of suffering and to allow the realisation of Nibbana.

Each part of the training is meant to be done in conjunction with the others. They are like the three legs of a stool. The stool can only be strong when each leg is firmly in place. The training allows us to see through the layers of conditioning which have been built for us throughout our lives. Conditioning from our environment, from other people, from ourselves and from our OCD. The goal of Buddhism is to train ourselves to remove the last vestiges of our conditioning and to enter into the "unconditioned state" which is another name for Nibbana.

Metta,
John

"A moment's insight is sometimes worth a lifetime's experience."

"Most of the things we do, we do for no better reason than that our fathers have done them or our neighbors do them, and the same is true of a larger part than what we suspect of what we think."

Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.

Peaceful Warrior

2006-07-11T11:02:00.000+01:00

Beginners to Buddhism may ask what comprises Buddhist practice. They may also ask what the goal of Buddhism is. Most of the other major world religions have a final destination such as Heaven which their followers strive for. The goal of Buddhism is the end of suffering. Some teachers also add that Buddhism is the vehicle which gets us to the goal, and once we reach our destination, we no longer need the vehicle. In this way, Buddhism is the raft which gets us across the river. Once we are on dry land on the other side, we can leave the raft behind. There is a famous saying that life is a journey not a destination. In the same way, Buddhism is the name given to the path and practice which leads to the end of suffering.

There is a word which the Buddha used to describe the end of suffering, that is Nibbana (also sometimes written Nirvana). Nibbana cannot be described by words, it is something to be experienced by each one of us. Words can only tell us what it is not and where not to find it. I suppose some people think of Nibbana like Heaven. It is not quite like Heaven because it is not a place somewhere else. Nibbana is everywhere, even in the space inside the atoms which make up our body. Also Nibbana is something which you can experience in this very life. The Buddha realised Nibbana at the age of 35 and then proceeded to devote the rest of his life to showing other people the way that he did it. The Buddhist teachings say that everything in the universe falls under the law of cause and effect except two things, space and Nibbana. The Buddha encouraged his followers to attain Nibbana quickly to escape from the incessant law of cause and effect which leads to our suffering.

As an analogy, imagine an untidy room cluttered with many useless objects so that we can barely move around without tripping over something. Now we begin to clear up this mess by throwing things out of the window. With every object that gets thrown out, we feel a little better as spaces start to open up inside the room. There will come a time when we won't be able to throw anything else out the window and all we have left is space. No matter how hard we try, we cannot throw space away. The same applies to the room of our minds. Normally, our minds are filled with such useless clutter that we can barely have a moment's peace. The Buddha says that all the content of our minds is fabricated by causes and conditions. So we begin to throw these fabrications out the window, unwholesome things first (especially that OCD!). There will come a time when we will have thrown out everything possible. This is emptiness, this is Nibbana.

In order to reach Nibbana, we have to overcome what the Buddha called our defilements. These defilements are like large armies arrayed against us in our minds. They block the way to peace and the end of suffering. We have seen how two of these armies are those of craving and aversion. Another defilement that we have to be aware of is the army of delusion. It is through the mask of delusion that we see our cravings as our "necessities" and our anger and aversion as our "justification". Thus our enemies are disguised as our friends. OCD is like a gifted general in this army of delusion. It is a supreme tactician and seems to know where our weak points are at every moment. It marshals its forces in such remarkable ways that we always seem to be in reaction mode. The untrained mind is weak. With such vast armies in front of us, how are we going to prevail?

A long while ago, I asked in this blog why people today honour a man who lived 2,500 years ago in a remote corner of the world. It is because this man spent the majority of his life establishing a training method that enables ordinary people like you and me to face and conquer these enemies within us. He is our trusted advisor in the matters of our spiritual well-being. Nibbana, or the end of suffering, is not something which is given to us as a gift by some higher power. It is through our own diligent efforts to defeat our defilements that we attain Nibbana, nothing else. We will gradually begin to understand that we have no true enemies out there, whether people or conditions. The only true enemies are the ones which are inside our minds. In the next few weeks, we shall explore the path that the Buddha taught to enable us to experience Nibbana in the here and now. So we arrive at the third of the Four Noble Truths:

"Suffering has an end (Nibbana)"
The Noble Truth of the Cessation of Dukkha (Skillful Effect)

If a man should conquer in battle a thousand and a thousand more, and another man should conquer himself, his would be the greater victory, because the greatest of victories is the victory over oneself; and neither the gods in heaven above nor the demons down below can turn into defeat the victory of such a man.

The Buddha

This Buddha statue shows the peaceful smile of the Buddha who had attained the bliss of Nibbana. The Buddha statues around the world serve to remind us that we too can attain Nibbana by practicing according to the Buddha's instructions.

Keep The Peace

2006-05-28T11:56:00.000+01:00

I have been in the company of OCD these past few weeks. I have made a little progress in my struggle with it. Hopefully others here have done the same. A step in the right direction, no matter how small, has to be a good thing. Even standing still against the force of OCD trying to push us back is an accomplishment. I have noticed that for me, there are two quite distinct components to my OCD. First, there is the uncomfortable feeling that something is not quite right and needs addressing. Second, there are the ruminating thoughts about how and what I should do to alleviate the uncomfortable feeling.

I find that if I sit calmly and try to clear my mind by meditation, the ruminating thoughts gradually decrease and disappear. Then I am left with just the uncomfortable feeling on its own which is then easier to withstand. The thing to do is to just observe without getting in the way of the feeling. We ask ourselves questions about it like what does it do to our body? How long does it last for? Does it keep the same intensity or does it vary? Which part of the body exactly does the feeling originate from?

Trying not to react to the uncomfortable feelings in this way can provide some interesting insights. We can think of the feelings as being similar to unwanted noises. Once a group of monks couldn't get any rest or meditation because the villagers nearby were throwing a loud noisy party well into the night. So they went to their senior monk who was called Ajahn Chah to ask him to tell the villagers to be quiet. Ajahn Chah, who was a great Buddhist master and teacher, asked them if the party noises were disturbing them, or whether it was the monks who were disturbing the party noises. This great gem of wisdom can be a useful tool for us in our situation. Does the uncomfortable OCD feeling disturb us, or are we disturbing the OCD feeling? This is something to bear in mind as we sit with the feeling to see where it leads us.

For those of us who are afflicted by compulsive behaviours, it can seem that we are like slaves to the mean OCD master. Our bodies are chained to the post and we must do whatever the master bids us. Most times we do the compulsive rituals just to make the whippings stop. We spend such a large part of the day worrying or doing these rituals until we end up exhausted. We spend all of our energy bending our will and our backs to accomodate the wishes of a master who really has no authority over us. If only we could see this clearly. The following quote I really like and I think is extremely helpful in our case.

Whatever action is done without mindfulness and clear comprehension is ritual.

- Bhikkhu Pesala

If we have struggled against OCD but in the end are forced to do a ritual in order to make it stop, then let us do the actions with as much mindfulness and clear comprehension as possible. In this way, we put our dignity or human nobility inbetween the OCD and our resultant actions. Even though we are performing a slave's work, we need not be slaves in our minds. OCD can take many things away from us, but it cannot take away our dignity without our consent.

How do we develop mindfulness and clear comprehension? We practice using skillful means such as meditation. We also do it by trying to live in the present moment as much as possible. The past is gone and we can do nothing to change things. The future is uncertain and we should not expend energy on trying to control it because however we expect things to turn out, it will be different somehow. Until the next time, take good care of yourselves, and may you have the strength to see through the tough times.

Metta,
John

Less Is More

2006-04-23T18:21:00.000+01:00

Last time we saw that craving and its close twin of aversion are the main actors on the stage of suffering called life. These are the automatic reaction patterns that we have to pleasant and unpleasant feelings caused by coming into contact with objects in the world. We also saw how craving is a root cause of so much of the suffering which we have. Today I want to discuss more strategies that we can use to cope with OCD by tackling the problem of craving.

Sometimes, when we are immersed in something for long enough, we do not realise what we are in. For example, we could walk into a musty smelling room and it hits us straight away. If we spend a few hours in the room, we gradually notice the smell less and less. After a few days, we are totally accustomed to it and we do not notice it at all. It is the same with us craving and desiring things, we do it so often that we do not even notice that we are doing it. From the moment we wake up, we think how we are going to satisfy our craving for food, warmth, love, respect and so on.

Craving is what the Buddha called a mental defilement. I would say that OCD is another type of mental defilement. The Buddhist view of the mind is that it is inherently pure but for defilements or taints like these. The goal of the Buddhist path is the removal of these taints so that we are left with the mind in its pure state, filled with peace and compassion. These defilements live below the surface of the conscious mind and have to be rooted out. They normally lie dormant until an opportunity arises for them to come out of hiding. The Buddha noticed, as can anybody who practices meditation, that the more active our minds and bodies are, the more chances these defilements have to express themselves.

A few analogies will make this clear. Imagine that your mind is a glass of water. The water is clean and pure, like your true mind. Next imagine dropping a small pellet of dye into the glass. If we keep the water as still as possible, that pellet will drop to the bottom and will remain undisturbed. However if we start to vigorously stir the water, before long, that pellet will have completely discoloured the water. That pellet is like a defilement in our minds such as craving or OCD. If we keep our minds as still as possible, then those defilements do not have the chance to develop and pollute our thoughts.

Or let's imagine that we are in a quicksand. Thrashing about will only make our predicament worse. In order to get out of this, we have to keep as still as possible so that we stop sinking. Only then will we be ready to look for ways to pull ourselves out. The best way to keep our minds still is to practice the various forms of meditation such as mindfulness of breathing. However, the novice would not be spending much of his or her time in meditative states during the day. What can we do to maintain the spirit of stillness even when off the cushion?

One answer is to live as simply as possible. Over the last few years there has been a "voluntary simplicity" movement. This is a choice of lifestyle that we can make. It encourages us to make do with fewer wants in our lives. It doesn't mean that we give away all our material possessions and go live on a mountain or anything like that. What it does do is to make us question whether the latest car model or the newest HDTV screen will really brings us lasting happiness. Or whether once we acquire these things, our craving moves onto other objects of desire and we are back on square one. Our craving is an unquenchable force that seeks ever receding horizons if we let it.

I think that if we simple our lives up a little, we give less material for our OCD to sink its hooks into. The height of simplicity is where everything in the world including our own possessions are "ownerless" to us. In Buddhism, this is called anatta, which is one of the three characteristics. Let's say that we have an OCD event such as we see some dirt on our carpet. Before we start obsessing about it, anatta tells us that we don't really own that carpet anyway, so who cares? Or we have an OCD thought that we didn't close our front door properly when we left our home this morning. Anatta tells us that our house and its contents don't really belong to us anyway, so who cares? Sorry, OCD, you're out of luck this time!

Let us finish with an extract out of one of the books of the AA organisation which states the same message. In order for us to work more effectively on our mental defects and unwanted behaviour patterns, which in our case includes OCD, we have to work at reducing the mental and physical clutter caused by our craving. Thus by choosing calm and contentment over our base cravings and desires, we create for ourselves a positive feedback loop which will spiral us onwards and upwards towards the peace of mind that we all seek.

"The chief activator of our defects has been a self-centered fear-primarily that we would lose something we already possessed or would fail to get something we demanded. Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands, we were in a state of continual disturbance and frustrations. Therefore, no peace was to be had unless we could find a means of reducing these demands."

From page 76 of the 12 & 12 of Alcoholics Anonymous

Metta,
John

The message of Buddhism is that our happiness lies not in seeking to satisfy our many cravings, but that happiness lies in cultivating contentment which brings real peace to our lives.

Roots Of Suffering

2006-04-05T20:35:00.000+01:00

What a drama is acted out on the stage of life! If we aren't worrying about what happened yesterday, then we worry about what we are going to do tomorrow. We suffer like this, from one personal crisis to another. I can't think of a single play, film or book that doesn't involve one of the characters going through suffering of some description. In the media, suffering sells. No wonder modern society has so much suffering, we seem to crave for the stuff whether consciously or subconsciously.

There are two types of suffering in life. The first type arises because of our existence in this world and is natural suffering. This includes physical pain when we have accidents, pains in our bodies as we grow older and death when it eventually comes to us. There is only so much that we can do to try to avoid this kind of suffering. Suffering exists because we are alive. It's in the house rules of the party called life which we have gatecrashed.

However, natural suffering like this only has a limited scope of effect on us. We can only have so many accidents in our lifetime. We only grow old once and we all experience death just the once. In contrast to this, there is the second type of suffering which is self-created suffering. The relative size of this second type absolutely dwarfs the first type. The Buddha said that the origin of this second type was to be found within us and not in the outside world. What a challenging concept this is to our ego. How can our sufferings in some way be due to our own making? How does that sound fair?

The Buddha was not a moralist. He never said that you should do this or you should do that. He never created the Universe and the laws which govern it. He simply said that if you do this, then that happens according to natural law. The Buddha said that it was a thing called "desire" or "craving" (the Pali word for craving is tanha) which was the internal cause of much of our suffering. In expanding on this, he said that there were three kinds of craving which could cause suffering; the craving for sensual pleasures, the craving to become something and the craving to get rid of something.

All three kinds of desire are like young weeds in our mental garden, which the law of cause and effect will nurture into an epidemic of suffering to overrun our peace of mind. Desire in these forms is like a cancer in that it grows unabated until it blocks out the good within us. The danger lies in desire growing into attachment which means we desperately try to cling onto things, wishing them to be eternal when they are impermanent, to be ours when they are ownerless and to give us satisfaction where only suffering is to be found. To deny these three characteristics of nature is to invite suffering to come home to roost. The Buddha said not to take his word on faith alone on these matters, but to see for yourself if this is true in your own life.

What can OCD sufferers take from this. We have OCD because of a malfunction in our brains, in one of our three brains to be exact. This causes us to experience intense unpleasant feelings when certain triggers happen. Thus far, there is not a lot of difference between this and normal physical pain that we regularly experience. If we bang our knee, then we experience intense feelings for a while, then they pass. If we have a mental OCD accident, we experience intense feelings as well but they hang around for a lot longer. Up to this point, we are in the first category of suffering defined above which stops at the level of feeling.

If we are not mindful enough, then we pass over to the second larger category of suffering which is that caused by desire or craving. In our case, it is the desire to be rid of something (Pali: vibhava tanha), which are the intense unpleasant sensations which we are experiencing. What is wrong with that desire one may ask. Nothing, except that any action that is motivated by this desire, for example doing compulsions, causes us further suffering down the line. It may be wise for us to treat this desire to get rid of OCD as the true cause for our suffering and not the OCD itself. During an OCD attack, we should try to reduce this desire to get rid of it, rather than trying to make the unpleasant feelings go away which they won't do by power of will alone.

Practically speaking, this means that we should try to resist doing compulsions for as long as possible and not give in to the craving. This all sounds easy in theory but I know how hard this can be. Take heart though, you are not alone. There comes a time in life when we stand up and exclaim that enough is enough. We are no longer going to be slaves to our mental defilements such as OCD. Buddhists are grateful to the Buddha for pointing out the way to achieve the end of defilements. Let us contemplate then the second of the Noble Truths.

"Suffering has a cause (tanha)"
The Noble Truth of the Cause of Dukkha (Unskillful Cause)

But whoever in the world
routs wretched craving hard to quell,
from such a one do sorrows fall
like water drops from lotus leaf.

Verse 337: Dhammapada

Explanation: Craving is a lowly urge. It is difficult to escape craving. But, in this world, if someone were to conquer craving, sorrow will slip off from him like water off a lotus leaf.

What A Feeling!

2006-04-02T17:39:00.000+01:00

Humans are such complicated creatures! We are walking, talking bundles of feeling and emotion. How many times do our feelings and emotions win over our reasoning at the end of the day? Last time, we discussed what Buddhists call the five aggregates. One of these, the feelings aggregate, is given special attention. To recall from last time, feelings are categorised by the Buddha into three types; pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. Here, we do not use the word "feeling" in the sense of higher order emotions such as love, but just the tonal quality of those thoughts and emotions. I will use the word feeling in the Buddhist context from now on.

We saw that neuroscientists have discovered that there is a part of the brain called the R complex at the core which governs raw emotions like pleasure, pain and fear. When we have a gut feeling of fear or an intense pleasurable sensation, these do not come from the cerebral cortex, but deep down in the subconscious from the core structures. This is why we find it hard to directly control feelings because another part of the brain, independent of consciousness, is in command of them. Buddhists say that the key to unlocking ourselves from the prison of Dukkha is to let go of these learned reactions to feelings, which are produced by the core of the brain.

It is interesting to note that one of the current theories for why we have OCD is that structures in the R complex such as the caudate nucleus are in chemical imbalance. When OCD rears its head, our feelings become intensely unpleasant. Our learned reaction patterns are to perform compulsions or ruminations until we get a neutral or pleasant feeling instead. It is not just when OCD comes calling, our whole lives are governed by our reactions to our feelings. Our brains seem to be programmed to move towards those things which give us pleasure and to move away from those things which cause us displeasure. We do it automatically and without thinking. Where did this programming originally come from?

These reaction patterns are part of our inherent survival instincts from when we were babies. When we were newborn or even when we were in our mother's womb, the overriding concern in our lives was the principle of pain and pleasure. Our higher brain structures were still very undeveloped, while our R complex had the important task of keeping us alive. When we felt hungry, the unpleasant feeling in our stomachs was immediately acted upon and we start wailing for our parents to feed us. When we were given warmth or attention, the pleasant feeling caused us to display our pleasure by giving the baby noises which our parents sought. The neural circuits responsible for our reactions to pleasant and unpleasant feelings were etched into our brains before we could even walk.

For sufferers of OCD like us, these automatic reaction patterns have their work cut out for them. When OCD hits us, the unpleasant feelings are so strong that our brain circuits deep down work overtime to move us away from the situation causing the OCD. The compulsions which we perform to alleviate the unpleasant feelings often have very weak or no connections to the obsession. We might have an obsession about something which happened years ago and by washing our hands now, the pain of the obsession goes away as if by magic. In the same way, a baby moving its arms and legs and crying out produces the result of a full stomach and the feeling of hunger goes away as if by magic. The baby doesn't have to think about the whys and wherefores of how this happens, it just knows that it works. What is common in both cases is the automatic reaction pattern to move away from unpleasant feelings by doing whatever is necessary.

What I have found useful is that during an OCD attack, try to focus on the feelings and sensations in your body. Move your conscious attention from inside your head to outside onto your body. How does OCD feel to your body? Where are the unpleasant feelings located? I sometimes feel it as a tightness in the chest area. Once you have identified which area of the body the feeling of unpleasantness is coming from, try to relax that part of the body as well as you can. Keep focusing on that part of the body and stay out of your head! After a little while, the feeling will start to pass away from your body and when you come back to inside your head, you will hopefully find that your obsession is much reduced.

Most people do not realise why they sometimes act the way they do. They do not know that they are compelled from behaviours deep inside their minds, conditioned a long time ago. The Buddha said that our conditions can be overcome by following his advice. He said that we could strive to gain deliverance from suffering in this very life, which is tantamount to us rewiring our brain at the deepest level. This seems like an impossible task, but the Buddha and his followers, both past and present, all over the world achieved this goal. The way they did it has been documented in the Buddhist teachings which we have been making our way through on our journey. Next time, we will see how all this relates to the second of the Four Noble Truths.

Metta,
John

Our automatic reaction patterns to pleasant and unpleasant feelings were conditioned into our young minds in our infancy. As adults, if we have not developed enough mindfulness, these reaction patterns still hold sway over our daily lives uncontested. A Buddhist Master may gently tease us by asking how many of us in adulthood still operate as if from a cradle.

Our Three Brains

2006-03-26T11:33:00.000+01:00

One of the topics which appears again and again in the Buddhist teachings is that of the five aggregates. I briefly wrote about these in a blog last year here. Since then I have been looking for other ways to analyse them. The five aggregates are very important in the understanding of Buddhism judging by their frequency and also the meticulous way that the Buddha describes the way which they operate. To recap, the five aggregates are as follows:

1. bodies (our physical manifestation)
2. feelings (our pleasant, unpleasant or neutral sensations)
3. perceptions (our memory and our ability to identify objects)
4. mental formations (our ability to form complex ideas and mental objects)
5. consciousness (our ability to note things as they occur)

I think that one of the best ways of relating to the five aggregates is by comparing them against the different areas of the human brain. It is generally accepted in the scientific community that the human brain has evolved in stages and thus there are very clearly defined areas in the brain which come from different ages in evolution.

At the centre of the human brain there is what scientists call the reptilian brain, brain stem or R complex. This core of the brain has the job of keeping vital internal organs functioning but it is also responsible for generating feelings and urges like pleasure, pain and fear. This corresponds to what the Buddha calls the feeling aggregate which consists of the basic notions of pleasant, unpleasant and neutral feelings.

Surrounding this R complex is a brain which is very similar to an ordinary mammal's brain. This part of the brain is the seat of higher order functions such as long term memory and perception. A dog or a cat would recognise objects such as toys for example and play with them much in the same way that an infant human would. This part of the brain is called the old mammalian brain or the limbic system and corresponds to what the Buddha calls the perception aggregate.

Surrounding this mammalian brain is the cerebral cortex or neocortex which is the most developed in humans. It is where our singular intelligence, imagination and creativity spring from. This is where complex mental objects are formed. The Buddha describes this process as mental formations. The most complex mental object is the self object or the illusion of self. One of the goals in Buddhism is to dispel this illusion of a self. It is the self-centred world which is the world of suffering.

I suggest that 2500 years ago, the Buddha discovered something that neuroscientists have only recently discovered in the last century, that there are different centres of our brains which act and behave somewhat independently of each other and give rise to different classes of mental phenomena. No matter how much I study Buddhism, it never ceases to amaze me.

How does the last aggregate of consciousness relate to the other ones? When an external object and one of our senses makes contact (e.g. we see a dog), consciousness arises due to this contact and the first area of the brain to be activated by this consciousness is the R complex (feeling: we have a pleasant feeling maybe). Then the consciousness flows outwards and the limbic system ponders over the object (perception: we recognise it is as our dog who is happy to see us). Finally, the neocortex gets involved and investigates the consciousness arisen (mental formations: we think about what food we are going to feed our dog today).

Thus we could list the three aggregates of feeling, perception and mental formations in both the Buddha's language and also as the part of the brain which corresponds to that aggregate. The other two aggregates are also listed for completeness.

1. bodies (pali: rupa), physical body
2. feelings (pali: vedana), R complex, reptilian brain
3. perceptions (pali: sañña), limbic system, mammalian brain
4. mental formations (pali: sankhara), neocortex, higher brain
5. consciousness (pali: viññana), unknown location, phenomenon of quantum physics

Metta,
John

The brain of a Buddhist monk at rest (left image) and during mediation (right image). One can observe increased prefrontal activity in the left cortex compared to the right one during meditation. Newberg A, Alavi A, Baime M, Pourdehnad M, Santanna J, d’Aquili E. (2001). The measurement of regional cerebral blood flow during the complex cognitive task of meditation: a preliminary SPECT study. In Psychiatry Res, vol. 106(2), p. 113-22.

Dukkha

2006-02-18T16:18:00.000+00:00

People come from all different walks of life. There are the young, the old, the rich, the poor, the fortunate and the unlucky in life. We all share something in common though. That common thing is that we all experience suffering no matter who we are. Suffering can come in varying degrees, from the intense feelings of physical pain, to a vague sense of unsatisfactoriness in life, that there is something "missing" that we can't quite put our finger on. Unfortunately many on these forums are subject to very intense mental suffering caused by OCD.

In Pali, the language used to preserve the teachings of the Buddha, the multivalent word Dukkha is used to cover the whole spectrum of suffering. Dukkha can mean suffering, stress, unsatisfactoriness, unhappiness or depression. The word "suffering" seems to be the most appropriate for when I am experiencing an OCD spike. The study of suffering and its causes is the raison d’être of Buddhism. Because of this, Buddhism is sometimes unfairly labelled as being pessimistic. This is unfair because it is also about seeking ways to come out of suffering as well. I think it could be better described as realism instead of pessimism.

What Buddhism does do by making dukkha the centrepiece of analysis is that it encourages us to develop a new relationship to our suffering by adopting a mature attitude towards it. Suffering is a fact of life and it afflicts everybody and so we are not alone even though it feels like that sometimes. Now OCD is the cause of much dukkha for us, but we must be careful not to blame it for everything bad that happens in our lives. To do so would be an unskillful waste of our precious energy.

The Buddha called us to take full responsibility for our lives and our fortunes. I know that sometimes this feels impossible because it seems that the whole universe is conspiring to make our lives a living hell. However, it is still better for us to try to raise our head above the water and attempt to swim upstream. We are always subject to the law of cause and effect. If we try to act skillfully at all times, even when the going is tough, it will bring immeasurable benefits to us in the future.

Often it is all too easy to blame our suffering on the conditions which we find ourselves in or the events that have happened to us in the past. Without diminishing the significance of these things, we must also come to realise that as long as we defer responsibility for our thoughts to these conditions or events, we will never be truly free to live. The message of the Buddha is that we are not owned by our conditioning and past experiences, but we can choose to rise above them. This will undoubtedly take energy, effort and a lot of courage. Those who can do this, are said to lead noble lives.

The word "noble" is used a lot in Buddhism. This deserves some discussion. Back in the time of the Buddha, India had a caste system as it still does today. People were born into the caste heirarchy and were looked on and treated according to their caste. The Brahmans were of the highest or "noble" caste and were given the greatest respect by the lower castes. The Buddha saw the moral inequality of the caste system and thus created an Order in which people were all equal no matter how high or low was their birth. The Buddha said that our "nobility" depended not on our birth or our family or friends, but on the way we choose to conduct ourselves in the face of happiness and adversity.

So let us stand up and bravely acknowledge our suffering and our OCD. To acknowledge is not the same thing as resigning ourselves to the situation. To overcome an obstacle, we cannot deny its existence but we must accept its true stature. Then we can climb over it. When we take full responsibility for our lives like this, it paradoxically feels like a load has been taken off our backs. In spite of our OCD, we can become free to live our lives to our maximum potential. So we come to the first of the Four Noble Truths:

"There is suffering"
The Noble Truth of Dukkha (Unskillful Effect)

We can instantly see that the man in the picture is suffering. We do not need to read a biography of this man or even speak to him to understand the pain that he must be going through. This suffering is what we have in common with everybody on this planet, even our enemies. When we see that everybody is trying to seek happiness and to avoid this thing called suffering, we want to help them to the best of our ability. This aspiration is the seed of nobility within us which we are encouraged to nurture to its full fruition. Then we will be able to truly realise the full meaning of the noble truth of suffering.

The Four Noble Truths

2006-02-16T20:43:00.000+00:00

We stand today at the beginning of our path. In fact, every single day we find ourselves at the beginning, don't we? Today is the first day in the rest of our lives. For what is past is past, that we cannot change. The victories that OCD have won over us in the past stay in the past. Just because OCD has controlled us before doesn't mean that we cannot break free from its grip. It is possible. There is a way out.

In the wider context of all suffering, this was the message which the Buddha gave his followers. Yes, there is suffering with us now, there was suffering in the past. However, suffering, as with all things has a cause. Suffering can also be brought to an end and the Buddha pointed out the path to achieve this end. Today, I thought that it would be good to start our exploration of this central message of Buddhism.

In the grand scheme of things, Buddhists do not classify things as either strictly good or bad. Nothing is inherently good or bad. The distinction which Buddhists choose to make instead is that thoughts and actions can be either skillful or unskillful from the point of view of lessening our own and other people's suffering. Skillful actions are those which are intended to lead to the welfare and happiness of ourselves and others. Unskillful intentions are those which are intended to lead to the detriment and unhappiness of ourselves or others.

It is also the action and not the person which is either skillful or unskillful. Certainly, people are not innately good or bad. What a liberating insight this is for sufferers of OCD! Having obssessions doesn't make you a bad person. Acting out compulsions might not be a skillful behaviour, but our OCD has no right to make us feel like a bad person because of it. Let us keep this thought in mind. This is the skillful way to think which leads to our benefit.

Buddhists also believe in the natural law of cause and effect. All things happen because of a prior cause. Everything that you do will have a future effect. In this complex web of causes and effects which we call life, there are no certainties and we cannot be sure of desired outcomes. We cannot control what happens to ourselves or others with an absolute degree of certainty. This is echoed in the natural law of anicca (in fact, Buddhism is essentially the study of the laws of nature), which we have met before. However, what we can definitely control is the skillfulness of our intentions.

So in our worldly interactions, we have these two degrees of freedom to consider. Where the law of cause and effect is the latitude of our human experience, the skillfulness of our intentions is the longitude. These two dimensions combine in four different possibilities which are skillful causes, skillful effects, unskillful causes and lastly unskillful effects. These are listed below along with the usual way that they are presented in terms of suffering:

Unskillful Effects - "There is suffering"
Unskillful Causes - "Suffering has a cause"
Skillful Effects - "Suffering has an end"
Skillful Causes - "There is a way to end suffering"

These four groupings are known as the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism. They are the core of the Buddha's teachings. They are both the start and end of the Buddhist path. If we come to fully understand these truths penetratingly, then our work is done, we can pack our bags and go home. There is no further to walk. Over the coming few weeks, lets talk about each of these noble truths in turn and how they relate to the condition of OCD.

Metta,
John

Bodhgaya, India. Prayer flags and offerings mark a direct descendent of the Bodhi Tree, the tree under which the Buddha was enlightened. Shortly after his enlightenment, the Buddha taught the Four Noble Truths to his first followers.

The Journey Ahead

2006-02-15T20:44:00.000+00:00

The start of the year is often a time of reflection. Also it is a time when people resolve to better themselves in some way. This is a time when dieting manuals and health club memberships sell well I would think. It seems that far less people think about improving their mental well-being which is just as important as physical health.

If you are looking around for something to help cultivate your mental energies, then you could give meditation a go. It is cheaper than the health club and it can take less time as well. If you have never done it before, I would recommend starting gently, doing about 10-20 minutes a day. I normally do some anapanasati first, followed directly by some vipassana.

You should see some immediate benefits from sitting daily. I believe it has helped me tremendously in calming my mind down generally as well as subduing my OCD symptoms. However it would be wrong to expect an immediate cure from our mental ills overnight. This takes a lot of time, energy and patience. It is better to do a small amount consistently every day than to "burn out" doing 4 fours every day but stopping after 2 weeks.

Our OCD is so strong because it has been a part of us for so long that we almost accept it as a part of us. It is good at lulling us into a false sense of comfort while at the same time it is fortifying its defences in its shelter. Now in my case, my OCD has been doing this for well over 20 years. If I was to try to dismantle its defences brick by brick, I presume that it would take me over 20 years by using undirected thought. I would probably give up in frustration long before that.

Do not be disheartened though, fortunately if done correctly, we should be able to do the job much quicker. The key is in the way that anapanasati and vipassana works. Anapanasati leads to the mastery of concentrating the mind to a laser-like focus, whilst vipassana develops our power of mindfulness and the ability to see things as they really are. Rather than using our hands to dismantle OCD's wall, it is like using a diesel-powered bulldozer to knock it down.

Even though results are sure to come with diligent practice, we must ensure that we put in the effort with our 20 minutes every day. I know that in this day and age, every minute seems to be accounted for. But the thing about meditation is that it grows on you. After a while, you will be looking to grab an extra 5 minutes here and there to increase the time. The people with the busiest schedules make the time for their meditation practice because they know how important it is to every aspect of their lives.

"Time and again the Buddha has stressed the need for effort, for diligence, exertion, and unflagging perseverance. The reason why effort is so crucial is that each person has to work out his or her own deliverance. The Buddha does what he can by pointing out the path to liberation; the rest involves putting the path into practice, a task that demands energy. This energy is to be applied to the cultivation of the mind, which forms the focus of the entire path."

Bhikkhu Bodhi, The Way to the End of Suffering

The journey ahead is one of adventure and discovery. Whatever lies on the path ahead, I know that we can cope with it. The path won't always be through a sunny rose-filled pasture, it will sometimes feel like a neverending wet and muddy dirt track. When the dark times come, let us accept their inherent nature, that they form no part of us and that they too won't last. Dukkha! Anatta! Anicca! Will you take this journey with me?

Metta,
John

Insight Meditation

2006-02-14T21:26:00.000+00:00

In Buddhism the tool of insight meditation is called vipassana. Vipassana means to see penetratingly, with discrimination. It is a tool to effect change within oneself to make life more happy and peaceful. Vipassana is used to reprogram the mind to think more skillfully for our benefit and welfare. It is the ability to see things exactly as they are.

Vipassana is best done immediately after a period of mindfulness of breathing meditation (anapanasati) to calm the mind down and to get rid of the noise. As an analogy, imagine that OCD is safe in harbour but there is a stormy sea raging between us and that harbour. It is out of reach of us and thus hurls its obsessions and compulsions at us from its base of safety. Practicing anapanasati is like calming that storm down so that we may sail to that harbour to challenge it on its front doorstep.

To use a computer analogy, suppose that we have to fix something deep down at the BIOS level of our computer. What we have to do is to reboot the computer. This shuts down the high level operating system, so that we can gain access to the BIOS to do our work. The BIOS is the fundamental input and output system which affects all areas of the computing experience. Practicing anapanasati is like the process of rebooting the computer and vipassana is like programming the BIOS. In vipassana meditation, we have to go to a similarly deep level in the mind to do our work to bring about change from within.

So, after we have calmed our minds down with anapanasati, we are ready to begin vipassana. Up to now, our focus has been on our breathing. Now we begin to observe the whole of our experience, both bodily and mental. Our job is just to observe without interfering, without augmenting or diminishing anything. Our role is that of the "Impartial Spectator" as described by Dr. Schwartz. Whatever thoughts that arise in the mind, whatever sensations that arise in the body, subtle or gross, pleasurable or discomforting, we just observe with equanimity. Equanimity means without showing like or dislike for that which arises.

As we observe, we keep in mind the three characteristics which I spoke about yesterday of anicca (inconstancy), anatta (ownerlessness) and dukkha (unsatisfactoriness). As we observe a thought, whether it is an OCD related thought or not, we think "yes, this too is inconstant; this too is not me, mine or my self; this too cannot be counted on for satisfaction". In the beginning, you may have to express yourself in words like this silently to yourself, but with time, you will just label all thoughts and sensations simply as "Anicca.., Anatta..., Dukkha...".

Why do we do this in terms of the three characteristics? Why don't we cut straight to the chase and go with "OCD can go get lost! OCD can go get lost!"? Well, for one reason, if we get rid of one thing, we must have something to replace it with. If we shout out for OCD to go get lost, then our brains will throw its hands in the air and say "ok, so if no OCD, then what?". Nature abhors a vacuum, so does the brain. Secondly, down at this level, the brain has great difficulty distinguishing between what is OCD and what isn't. Its native language is feelings and perceptions, this is not the cerebral cortex we're dealing with here. Telling our mind at this level to pay no attention to OCD will evoke a response like "OCD? What does that feel like again?". And that is the problem in our lives isn't it?

This is why we use anicca, anatta and dukkha. These three concepts are like pieces of kryptonite to hang around the neck of OCD's superman. We may not be able to kick OCD's butt directly, but the kryptonite will do the job for us just as well. So we have to observe anything which arises, both physical and mental as anicca, anatta and dukkha. This is because as I said before, the deepest levels of the mind cannot clearly distinguish between what is OCD and what isn't and also the boundaries between what is physical and what is mental also start to blur into each other at this level. Therefore, we must directly see anicca, anatta and dukkha in all things which we observe in our meditation.

Due to the low level at which vipassana works, these new ideas will start to permeate automatically into all areas and aspects of our conscious existence higher up. We will begin to understand from a deep level what the true character of our experiences are. Then in daily life, when obsessions and compulsions appear, we will realise at a deep level that they are impermanent in nature (anicca), not originating from us (anatta) and that we will derive no satisfaction from acting out compulsions (dukkha). Then OCD will die a thousand deaths every day. One day it will be utterly beaten. May that day be soon for all of us. As a by-product of our work, we will find that all other areas of our lives are enriched by our new wisdom and that the rest of our suffering and stress in life is either reduced or eliminated as well.

You will not see the benefits of meditation overnight. It must be done regularly and consistently for as long as it takes. Ideally you should set aside a quiet period once a day away from your normal duties to practice. Practice will bring benefits almost immediately however as has been demonstrated by countless people all over the world for thousands of years. I totally believe that it will too for us OCD sufferers.

It would be good if you could read some more information about vipassana. Also of interest may be this online interview which Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz gave in which he talks about vipassana. Though you can begin your practice by reading instructions, it would be a good idea to seek the guidance of a qualified teacher on a course. Here are a couple of links to some vipassana courses, there are many others in this country.

Dhamma Dipa Vipassana Meditation Centre
Amaravati Buddhist Monastery

I have been to the first one twice now and I intend to go to the second one soon. Please remember that if you are suffering from clinical depression or a debilitating mental illness such as this, then please consult a medical professional before embarking on a meditation course. Otherwise, there is no harm in trying this out for yourself to see if it can help your condition.

Metta,
John

Brain Lock-n-Load

2006-02-13T20:18:00.000+00:00

I said in my first blog about meditation that there were two main aims. The first of these aims, calming the mind through mindfulness of breathing I wrote about yesterday. The second aim is the attainment of insight into the nature of the mind and the body. The tool used to effect this is the Buddhist meditation technique of Vipassana. I will write about Vipassana tomorrow but today I would like to do a preamble on some of the concepts on which it is based. These concepts to the layperson seem a bit abstruse and I was wondering how I was going to present them.

However, the answer was right in my face. These concepts, of which there are three, are to be found in the Four Steps by Dr. Schwartz in his book Brain Lock. For those who haven't read this great book, I would highly recommend it. You can read a brief summary of the Four Steps on the OCD-UK website here. I bought this book many years ago and it has helped me tremendously.

The first concept is embodied in the 15-minute rule from the Four Steps. When you have a compulsion, you are advised to try to resist it for 15 minutes. The idea is to separate the ritual from the obsession causing it. The longer you separate the two, the weaker the compulsion should get. It is impossible for the discomfort to remain the same forever, it will decrease all on its own. In Buddhism, the property that anything which arises will eventually pass away is called anicca. Anicca states that all things in nature are inconstant and subject to change.

The second concept is to be found in the battle cry "It's not me, it's my OCD!". In Brain Lock, Dr. Schwartz encourages us to regard OCD as "false thoughts". We do not have to think of our OCD thoughts as belonging to us or a part of us at all. They are to be treated as ownerless. In Buddhism this property of being ownerless is called anatta. Our OCD behaviours are not our self and so we should not be too concerned about them just as we would not be that concerned about someone else's property and possessions.

The last concept is touched upon in the Revalue Step in Brain Lock. Over time as you begin to win skirmishes over OCD, you will begin to see that all the little thoughts, obsessions and compulsions have no inherent value or satisfactoriness. We thus place less emphasis on them in our daily lives. We begin to see that succumbing to a compulsion may provide temporary satisfaction, but that satisfaction will be gone when the next obsession arrives. Thus the nature of compulsive behaviours are unsatisfactory because they do not lead to permanent relief. In Buddhism, this property of unsatisfactoriness is called dukkha.

As I have said in a previous blog, logical reasoning makes for a very blunt weapon against the armour of OCD, but with Vipassana meditation as our artillery cannon and anicca, anatta and dukkha as our armour-piercing ordnance, we at last have a weapon that makes even OCD tremble in its boots! So let's lock 'n load Baby! Tomorrow we take the war right onto OCD's front doorstep.

Metta,
John

Mindfulness of Breathing

2006-02-12T13:49:00.000+00:00

Yesterday, I wrote about what meditation essentially is. Today, I hope to cover the area of attaining calmness of the mind. Having a calm mind is very beneficial, especially to us sufferers of OCD. As we practice to attain a calm mind, we find that the calmer it gets, the more concentrated it gets naturally. In Buddhist meditation, a calm mind is the same thing as a concentrated mind.

Imagine a wild elephant. It goes here, it goes there. It goes wherever it pleases because it has never been tamed. Its immense power is thus spread over a wide area and unharnessed. Once we have tamed the elephant and calmed it down, then we can use its power in a controlled manner to effective use. It then becomes a useful friend instead of a dangerous enemy.

An untrained, uncoordinated mind is very much like that wild elephant. We may be physically peeling potatoes, but in our minds we are on a romantic cruise down the river. We get through the day like this, one fleeting thought to the next. The funny thing is, we don't even realise we are doing it. Once we calm the mind down and concentrate its power, then we can put it to good use, for example in pulling down the walls built up by OCD one brick at a time.

The most common form of Buddhist meditation to achieve a calm mind is called anapanasati which in Pali means "Mindfulness of Breathing". This is a very important meditation technique. In fact, one of the five celebration days in the Buddhist calendar is Anapanasati Day which next year falls on November 5th. It is to commemorate the day that the Buddha first gave instructions on how to do anapanasati some 2500 years ago.

In brief, in anapanasati, we find a quiet place, sit down in a comfortable position with straight backs and start to focus our attention on the sensations caused by our natural breathing. We can choose the rising and falling of our abdomen or the sensation of air passing through our nostrils. Once we decide which part of the breathing process we wish to concentrate on, we keep our minds rooted to that spot. The mind can only think of one object at a time and here we choose that object as our own breathing.

A beginner will find that probably within a few seconds, his or her mind will start to wander away to something else, it is a natural habit. The meditator then gently coerces the mind back onto the breath and keeps it there for as long as possible before it starts to wander again. In half an hour, the mind may wander away like this dozens or even hundreds of times. The meditator must not get annoyed with himself or herself, but try to realise when wandering has occured and gently bring the mind back to the breath. After a while, a deep sense of calm and peace starts to pervade the mind.

It is good if we can practice this daily, say for 15 minutes to begin with. Over time, we will find that it gets easier and we can do it for longer. We will find that our minds become calmer, even after meditation and that it is more natural to fully concentrate on anything that we choose. This mental strength will become very useful when we go head to head against the gorilla of OCD.

Let me use another analogy to help show the point. OCD is like a wolf who has come to attack a flock of sheep in a pen at night. When the wolf jumps into the flock, the sheep scatter in all directions. To an unprepared mind, when OCD jumps into the fray, all other thoughts are dislodged and scatter in all directions. Resistance to the threat is thereby substantially reduced.

Now, instead of a flock of sheep, imagine there is a herd of wildebeest. Wildebeest concentrate in numbers for safety when moving. They do not scatter like sheep and even lions have to be a bit cautious lest they be trampled on. Imagine the look on the wolf's face after he has entered the pen only to find a mass of wildebeest charging at him instead of the sheep! This herd of wildebeest is like a concentrated mind stamping out the delusion of OCD.

I would suggest that you read some more information on anapanasati here and then try to give it a go yourself. Start gently without any expectations or pressure on yourself. You have a whole lifetime to master this wonderful technique! As a small caution, if you are suffering from clinical depression or a mental illness like schizophrenia then please consult a professional before embarking on a meditation programme. If you are worried about certain aspects of the technique or want further clarification then please get in touch with a qualified meditation teacher. If done properly according to the instructions, then no problems should arise.

Metta,
John

What is Meditation?

2006-02-11T20:19:00.000+00:00

Before I knew any better, I had some wonderful ideas about what meditation was. The pictures in my head were of wise old men on mountain tops or robe clad monks in picturesque valleys. Certainly it wasn't something that I envisaged myself doing or was capable of.

What I found out is that meditation is practiced by all sorts of people in all sorts of ways. Some people do it cross-legged on the floor, some sitting in a chair. Some people close their eyes, some have them open. Some people do it quietly, while some chant mantras. Meditation can be done outdoors in the countryside or it can be done indoors in a city flat. It can be done by very old people while being so simple that a child could do it.

The second misconception I had was what the goal of meditation was. I thought that it was a spiritual communion with a universal mind or something like that. For Buddhist meditation, this is most definately not the case. In fact, one could say that it is not really a spiritual exercise at all, but a set of mental exercises to improve one's mental health. It has no religious connotations and so can be done by anybody from any religious background.

Meditation is a methodical and concerted effort to develop the qualities of calmness and also insight into the mind and body. These qualities are beneficial to a peaceful and productive daily life and lead to the development of strong mindfulness. Dr. Schwartz has said that mindfulness is a key attribute to have in his four steps programme. A daily meditation session can hone your powers of mindfulness which is a skill much in the same way as driving a car is a skill. You did not start driving just like that but you had training and practice in regular sessions before it became like second nature.

If you practice meditation daily, then you will find it easier to remain mindful when OCD comes calling at your door. Beginners can start off doing about 5 minutes a day. The amount of time can then be slowly increased. Most people eventually look for ways of making time for their meditation practice as they enjoy it more and more. I find that I can do about half an hour comfortably in one sitting and up to an hour if I need more practice.

So, in summary, Buddhist meditation boils down to two main goals, which are to attain calmness of mind and secondly to develop insight into the nature of mind and body. Tomorrow, let's talk about the first of these goals and show how attaining a calm mind can help us in the fight against OCD.

Metta,
John

Metta

2006-02-10T21:20:00.000+00:00

The title of this blog entry, metta, is a Pali word. It has no direct meaning in English but is usually translated as the compound word loving-kindness. Metta is an attitude of friendliness and the genuine wish for the welfare of others. It is not selfish but is given without any thought of receiving anything in return, much like the protection that a mother gives her child. The definition that I like is:

Essentially metta is an altruistic attitude of love and friendliness as distinguished from mere amiability based on self-interest.

We are also not limited to showing metta towards people. We can also show metta to animals and also other things in Nature. It occurred to me the other day that I could show metta towards my own OCD. I had some initial doubts about this, because I have always regarded my OCD as an enemy. I shouldn't be validating an enemy should I?

I have learnt from books and I have found it true from my own personal experience that the more anger and hate I give an idea or thought the more it digs itself in. It becomes harder to remove than if I just turned a blind eye to it. The anger and heat of emotion empowers the thought. The more I despise it, the more obtrusive it becomes.

Maybe showing my OCD some metta, while not curing it, will help to at least pacify it so that it may be more easily dislodged. If I have a sore throat, rather than cursing my misfortune, I try to show it a bit of metta and kindness, then it seems to make the whole experience seem less of a pain. Maybe it will work with obssessive thoughts as well? I am going to see how it goes.

I am going to sign off now the way many Buddhists sign letters, with a simple wish for you and your family's good health and happiness both now and in the future.

Metta,
John

The Five Aggregates

2006-02-08T20:19:00.000+00:00

From the time that I knew I had OCD, I have had a keen interest in things like psychology and how the mind works. I have read many popular self-help books, most of which were about the benefits of positive mental attitude. These have been very helpful to me and I would say that they are partly responsible for keeping me on the straight and narrow all these years.

There is also much that Buddhism can offer to the student of the mind. 2500 years ago, the Buddha categorised human experience into five divisions or "aggregates". The study of these can lead to insights which may help us in our quest to reduce our stresses. In brief, the five aggregates are our:

bodies (our physical manifestation)
feelings (our pleasant, unpleasant or neutral sensations)
perceptions (our memory and our ability to identify objects)
mental formations (our ability to form complex ideas and mental objects)
consciousness (our ability to note things as they happen around us)

Buddhists believe that the key to easing stress in our lives is in our relationships to each of these aggregates. The more we identify with them as being synonymous with our "selves", the more we are subject to stress and suffering. For example, our bodies will grow old with time. If we cling to our body and think of it as a constant, immutable possession of ours, we will end up causing anxiety for ourselves sooner or later.

The same goes for the other four aggregates. If we cling to them by thinking of them as unchanging phenomena, then we experience stress when they inevitably do change. Everything changes, it is a law of nature. If we look all around us, things are in a constant state of change and flux, from the four seasons to the birth and death of people.

As an OCD sufferer, I know all too well how this process of clinging causes immense stress. When I have an obssession, I cling to a mental object and do not let go of it. It is only after maybe doing a compulsion that I loosen my grip on the object. This object can be the thought of contamination or it could be a fear that I've harmed someone. The mind clings on and won't let go.

The Buddha refers to the idea of clinging-aggregates when talking about that which causes us stress and suffering in our lives. The following quote is taken from the first discourse given by the Buddha and it is very important because it defines the first of Four Noble Truths which form the cornerstones of Buddhist practice.

"Now this, monks, is the noble truth of stress: Birth is stressful, aging is stressful, death is stressful; sorrow, lamentation, pain, distress, & despair are stressful; association with the unbeloved is stressful, separation from the loved is stressful, not getting what is wanted is stressful. In short, the five clinging-aggregates are stressful."

- Dhammacakkappavattana Sutta (SN LVI.11)

Wisdom

2006-02-07T20:41:00.000+00:00

So we are standing in front of the wash basin. The tap gets turned on and the soap bar is picked up. We scrub our hands vigourously and rinse with water. We dry our hands on the towel. Maybe we will do it a few more times just so that it feels right.

What happens if we try to restrain ourselves from doing this ritual? If we refuse to turn on the water, what goes through our minds? We know that our hands are dirty and contaminated. They need to be washed. They must be washed. Where do these thoughts come from? Did somebody tell you that you had to do this? Not usually, I can't remember the last time somebody told me to go wash my hands.

Did we make a conscious, informed decision to wash our hands? Not for me. In fact, if I stop to think about it, the rational side of me tells me that my hands are totally clean and do not need to be washed at all.

What's left then? I don't know about anybody else, but for me, the urge to wash comes from deep down in my gut somewhere. I just know that my hands are dirty. Where this knowledge or feeling comes from, I have no idea. What I do know is that I have it, and it can be very intense. Wouldn't it be great if we could supplant these wrong thoughts with correct thoughts that were more in line with reality?

Over the years, I have known the futility of trying to use cold reason with my OCD. I tried desisting from my rituals on the basis that they were illogical. However, logic is a blunt weapon against the armour of OCD. At the most, we can batter the monster back into its hiding place, but it will come back later with a vengeance when we have dropped our guard again.

Logic belongs in the domain of cintamaya-panna. But this is not where the OCD monster makes its den. To find this beast's lair, we must go down deeper than the surface level. We must go all the way down to where bhavanamaya-panna operates. OCD is like a submarine and we are on the surface in a gunboat. Firing our cannons will be useless, we must use the depth charges to take it out.

It is clear to me that to stand a good chance against OCD, we need to point our attention towards what is under the conscious mind. I don't know what subterranean monsters lie in wait, but I don't care, I won't let some upstart bully pull me down any more. Fortunately for us, we are not alone. Even though the Buddha is no longer here with us, his teachings are.

The three Pali words which I spoke about yesterday have the same root word, panna, which means wisdom. The highest wisdom is knowledge of the ways things really are. It is totally against the defiled view of reality which OCD paints for us. Within the Buddhist teachings, we have clear and precise instructions on how we can pass true knowledge of the way things actually are, or panna, to that part of our minds which is normally hidden below the surface.

In the Know

2006-02-06T21:06:00.000+00:00

There are some things that you know, then there are some things that you really know. Think of your closest friend. If you don't have a close friend, then think of a parent or a favourite pet. Does your friend like you? How do you know? You just know it. You don't have to recall the nice things that your friend has done for you and deduce it logically. You have a deep down gut level of knowing that it is true.

There are other levels of knowing. For example, you know that the Earth is a member of the solar system. This system has the Sun at its centre and the other planets orbiting around it. We learnt this in school from text books written by astronomers who studied these things. I bet that few of us have actually seen all the planets through a telescope. We know these facts not through direct experience, but through the wisdom of others.

Here is an analogy which I really like. A new restaurant has just opened up in town. A friend of yours, whose opinion you trust, has eaten there and tells you how good the food is. You have no reason to doubt her, so now you know that it is a good restaurant. This is the first level of knowing, that which is gained from a reliable source, such as a friend, teacher or a book.

You decide to go to the restaurant in person. You sit down at the table and look through the menu. The choice certainly looks good and the other patrons have happy faces and seem to be enjoying the food. You logically deduce from what you observe that the restaurant is a good one. This the second level of knowing, that which is gained through application of one's intellectual faculty on the data at hand.

You order a dish from the menu. You wait in anticipation for the food to arrive. When it comes, the waiter puts it in front of you. You take your fork, break off a piece and put it into your mouth. Ahhh, it's delicious! Now you really know that it is a good restaurant. This is the last level of knowing, that which is gained through direct experience of phenomena.

These three levels of knowing are described in the Buddhist texts as sutamaya-panna, cintamaya-panna and bhavanamaya-panna respectively. These words come from the ancient language of Pali which is used to record the Buddha's teachings. Buddhist monks today still chant services in Pali.

How can we apply this to our OCD lives? Well, here is an exercise for us to do. The next time we have an OCD thought, try to classify it under one of the three levels of knowing. When we "know" that our hands are dirty or that we have harmed somebody, is it sutamaya-panna, cintamaya-panna or bhavanamaya-panna? Try to do this with as many of your thoughts, both OCD and non-OCD, as possible. Let us discuss next time why this categorisation will be important in the search for a respite from OCD.

John

The Buddha

2006-02-05T13:33:00.000+00:00

At that time, I knew very little about who the Buddha was. I knew that many people had statues depicting the the sitting Buddha. In some countries like Thailand, there are huge outdoor statues like the one in the picture on the right. I thought that the Buddha was worshipped like a divine being much in the same way that Christians pray to God.

I very quickly learnt that the Buddha never claimed to be a god, or even a messenger from a god. He was a human being like the rest of us. In fact, in the period after his passing away, there were no statues erected in his image. The symbol used to honour him was an empty chair to signify that he had left. It was only after much later that certain cultures began to build statues to remind themselves of the Buddha.

The Buddha was born in the year 623 B.C. in the district of Nepal as an Indian Sakya Prince named Siddhattha Gotama. He was raised in luxury from childhood to the age of 29. He then decided to renounce his wordly possessions and title to pursue the goal to the problem of suffering which he saw around him. Six years later, sitting under a Bodhi tree, he attained perfect enlightenment and became a Buddha. He was not born a Buddha ("Buddha" meaning Awakened One), but attained this state through his own diligent striving. The methods he discovered of achieving this great goal form the basis of Buddhism which have been handed down over the last 2500 years. To get a more complete account of his life story, please go to chapter one of the link "Buddhism in a Nutshell" which I have put on the right.

As a sufferer of OCD I began to ask questions. Could the Buddha's teachings help me? Was OCD covered in the scope of suffering which was addressed in Buddhism? Was Buddhism still relevant as a cure to suffering in this day and age of medications and psychiatry? Who was this historical figure that so many people adore all around the world? Could an obsession ridden, angst-driven man today learn something from this great man who lived 2500 years ago in a remote land far away?

Was there a redemption from the madness of OCD?

My Story

2006-02-04T14:22:00.000+00:00

Hi, my name is John. I have had contamination fears for most of my life. I am afraid of contaminants getting into my home and infecting my stuff. I am also a bit paranoid that other people are out to contaminate me on purpose, though goodness knows what that purpose would be. I am a hand-washer and this is my primary ritual, though vacuuming is coming a close second I am lucky that the severity of my OCD is not absolutely debilitating and I have managed to keep it a secret from most people.

Like most OCD sufferers, I wanted a way out of this nightmare. There had to be more to life then standing next to the wash basin all day. I went to my GP who prescribed me some anti-depressants. I think I tried prozac, paxil and another one as well. He put me in touch with a psychiatrist who I went to see a few times. I felt that neither my GP nor the psychiatrist really understood what I was going through. They seemed to know hardly more than a few minutes light reading on the topic. I felt that I knew much more on both a conceptual level and of course by direct experience than either of them. So I stopped going to the pyshciatrist. Eventually I stopped taking the medications as well because I could not discern any effects, apart from that they seemed to make my pupils really dilate which made it seem kind of weird looking at myself in the mirror.

I had obtained a copy of Brain Lock by Dr. Schwartz and thought that it was highly interesting indeed. I thought that the techniques in this book held a lot of promise and I still do. It wasn't long before I started noticing the connection of the contents of this book to Buddhism. I do not recall how precisely the link was made but one day I found a website which gave a summary of the tenets of Buddhism. I was immediately fascinated. The goals of Buddhism were so congruent to my own goals at the time, namely to find a solution to the problem of my mental suffering.

Up to this point, I knew next to nothing about Buddhism. I was like most people in the UK, being that I had a broadly Christian-centric education but I never went to Church unless it was for things like weddings and such. I guess I would have ticked the Christianity box on the religion question in forms, but all in all I got on with my life with religion very much in the background.

That was about a year and a half ago. Since then I have been on a journey of self-discovery which I am very excited about. My aim in starting this blog was to have a chance to share some of the insights and gems that I have picked up from other people along the way. I believe that within Buddhism, there is a path and technique which may help people who suffer from OCD to make life more manageable.

May you experience peace within yourself and may you come out of all of your sufferings.

John