A few weeks ago, we found out that Daniel’s Grandpa was very sick. With cancer spread throughout his body, and little to no chance of making it through any type of treatment, we made a weekend trip to Maryland so we could spend time with him once more before his inevitable passing.

It was a wonderful trip in that we got to spend time with family, made memories, and even had sword fights at each stop along the way. But as we sat in Grandpa’s living room, it was bittersweet. Daniel and I had a lively conversation with Grandpa and thank goodness we did because he started on morphine that evening and his personality immediately changed. Obviously, he was very sleepy from that point on but he also just appeared to be withdrawn and uncertain of what to say or think. Perhaps that was his last lively conversation. I’m certainly treasuring our words together.

Daniel and Harry playing a puzzle in the dining room.

Oliver and Hobo being adorable. And having a few moments of quiet before that loud and crazy five year old dashes by again.

Quite unexpectedly, we had a birthday celebration for ME on Sunday. I turned 31! We also made time for more sword fights in the castle at the park behind their home.

When we first drove up, I gasped because everything was in bloom and since we normally visit the Bergeys at Thanksgiving or Christmas, I never see it in Spring. In fact, I think I have only been there in Spring one other time and it was after we got engaged.

Everything delightfully green and bloomy.

We explored every nook and cranny around the woods and relaxed with family.

The geese were adorned as usual and Cassidy, Sarah, and I had an absolutely wonderful time catching up, painting, and watching Once Upon a Time (I got them hooked).

Drew and Sarah found a “cat-a-pillow” and Cassidy’s little Oliver melted my heart. If we weren’t in an apartment, I would be nagging Daniel like crazy to get a dog. I realize we aren’t really pet people but UGH Oliver is so cute and cuddly.

The one thing that I could kick myself for is that I didn’t take a single picture of Grandpa.

In 2007, I took this picture of the four generations of Bergey men and I so wanted to take it again this month but each time I went to visit Grandpa I was more focused on him and my time with him and just didn’t even think about pictures.

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I have been quiet since we got home. It always takes me a few days to handle re-entry into our normal but this time it has taken me a bit longer.

I’m working on a secret project (I’ll blog about it in a few weeks) so my hands have been busy but my mind has been overwhelmed with my last conversation with Grandpa.

Here is a man in his nineties, on his deathbed, who in saying goodbye to his family members is worrying that he may be doing something wrong in God’s eyes.

His first wife died because her family thought seeking medical help would anger God. He tells the story and I feel the rage building in my stomach. He has fears about starting morphine because he’s always been taught that God talks to you through your pain and how will he hear if the pain lessens? But he’s hurting and with wide eyes he says, “maybe science is right? Maybe morphine is okay? I disagree that God will be angered.”

We attempt to calm his fears only to hear his murmurings on whether he’ll have wings when he gets to heaven. I don’t know what to say because now is not the time to explain my lack of faith so I smile and say, “I wonder.”

He says God has told him to stop reading certain books because it portrays life in a way that it is certainly not and he worries that he has been too caught up in it.

We give him our love and walk away and I’m overwhelmed at how religion is so afraid of science. And I wish so much that Grandpa wasn’t afraid of doing the wrong things and that he could just relax peacefully in his last days.

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Harry texted me today that hospice thinks Grandpa only has 24 to 48 hours to live so everyone there is focused on making him calm and comfortable.

Daniel will be making the trip when it happens but Drew and I are going to stay here. We already said our goodbyes and now Drew and I are gingerly talking about death. So far, that means walking through our apartment and looking at all the things that Grandpa carved and made for us. And Drew quietly saying, “I’m going to miss him.”

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Edit: While typing this, I got the news. Grandpa is gone.

We loved you so. We’ll keep your memory alive.

Twenty minutes later he army crawled into his room and stuck this picture on the door and said, “ATTENTION MOMMY. I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT. THIS IS A SIGN FOR YOU.”

He informed me that it says Mommy, don’t come in the door. Because you can’t come in. I need to play in my room. No mommies in my room.

I think he wants his room back.

Down: Being woken at 3am from our neighbors throwing furniture and screaming. It really shocked us (and scared us) because we’ve never heard them make noise. We ended up having to call the police because it escalated and we were worried for their safety.

Up: We are heading to Maryland for a visit in a few weeks.

Down: The reason we are going is because Grandpa is very, very sick. And we want to spend some time with him.

Up: My brother-in-law Ben just got engaged to the lovely Allyson and they are getting married in August!

Down: I have a bright red V on my chest. From sunburn while at the zoo. Ugh. I didn’t even think of putting on sunscreen and my pale skin just screams “OH SUN, BURN ME RIGHT NOW. PLEASE. I LOVE LOBSTER PINK.”

Up: The FDA is for the first time “publicly reassessing whether foods like Jell-O, Lucky Charms cereal and Minute Maid Lemonade should carry warnings that the bright artificial colorings in them worsen behavior problems like hyperactivity in some children.” This is a constant topic of conversation in our home.

Another Up: This Is Why I’m Broke. DRAGON SKULL INCENSE BURNER. SWORD HANDLE UMBRELLAS. DRAGON TOILET PAPER HOLDER. CHOCOLATE PLANETS. LABYRINTH AQUARIUM. SHARK SLEEPING BAG. Need I go on?

Daniel took the day off work and we celebrated by spending the day at the Toledo Zoo. We’d never been there and it was really quite lovely.

After 5+ hours of walking, we headed back home for dinner with cake & ice cream. And Drew answered these questions as an Important Five Year Old. ^_^

It hasn’t bothered me a bit to step away from the blog and enjoy the beginning of Spring. That is, it didn’t bother me until I started Spring cleaning Drew’s bedroom closet and sorted through his clothes that are too small and found pictures of a tiny person who is tall and knows so much about Space. Daniel and I may have spent a few evenings on the couch watching videos of our tiny offspring toddle around the house in Carlisle. I cried. There may have been squealing.

Sure, it’s annoying to hear “they grow up so fast so enjoy it” while you are rubbing your expecting tummy but Really. They do.

I love finding my son sprawled on his almost-too-small-bed with legs dangling precariously off the edge. Lego helicopters smushed under blankets and piles and piles of cars lumped under the pillow. He spends considerable time at his easel drawing “blueprints” and then pulls the tunnel from his closet, sets up blocks, activates magical powers, and then presents us his own creative Mythbusters Worthy™ unchained reactions. He uses SkyView on my iPhone and runs through the hall locating Venus, the Sun, and talking about how constellations are so beautiful because they are shapes in the stars.

So, I’ve enjoyed delving into living and my lil’ blog has yawned for a bit. And before I know it, I’m walking downtown with a munchkin who is getting Tall Like His Daddy and I stumble and tear up and think where did time go?

Chronicling our lives not only gives me incredible joy but it encourages me so much to see where we are NOW compared to where we WERE.

We had some dark days in our early marriage. Depression, heartache, pure confusion, trying to understand Asperger’s in marriage, letting go of our faith, tight finances, and discouraging days that echod the annoying drip from the kitchen sink.

And all that fighting. Ugh. I remember my dad giving me an exasperated look at the kitchen table one day and saying, “well, Jennifer, you need to grow up. Just stop fighting.” I was upset at his obvious conclusion that our fighting was just immaturity. Maybe it was that we needed to understand more about Apserger’s. Or maybe my dad was right.

All I know is that about a week ago, Daniel caught me eye and grinned and said, “hey, remember when we used to fight all the time?” I gasped! We haven’t fought in…a year or so? We can’t even remember when we stopped. Maybe we grew up? Maybe we figured out how to just let each other breathe and be human? Maybe I stopped being a control freak? HAHA that can’t be it.

But we really are so happy now. We love living in Whitmore Lake. Michigan has been way more wonderful than I could have imagined. I love seeing how fulfilled Daniel is in his career. I finally feel at peace with who I am and the choices I am making. I have fallen in love with reading again (I am carefully balancing it with Skyrim, of course) and I’m even fitting into clothes that I had packed away in a Yeah Right box.

So, I’m going to try my hand at keeping this space updated more frequently. When I’m old and gray, this silly little blog about the art of the everyday will be gold. To me. And maybe to those who love me.

Bundling up with coats, gloves, scarves, hats, boots, and applying lotion liberally so we don’t turn into angry chapped versions of ourselves – it’s too much. Waking to put on a tee and shorts and dashing into the sun? Yes, please.

We’re stir crazy.

Drew’s fists have been pummeling, his anger raging, and I’ve been exhausted trying to think of new things which will entertain him.

Watch Mommy watch the snowflakes falling. Watch Mommy cackling maniacally.

After a few weeks of CRAZY, we have finally found a bit of peace. His fists have stopped wildly flying about, his anger melts sooner, and even though I’m still horribly sick, my patience is better.

We make charts. We play Minecraft. We have a new timeout chair. And a new rule about no talking during timeout gasp and oh my, it works beautifully. We craft when he gets fidgety. We have new music for dancing. I found my patience again.

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We also put on stage productions.

{He starts this by saying once upon a time… but I didn’t catch it very well at the start of the video.}

Excuse my not-so-adorable breathiness. I’m still sick. ;)

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A few days ago, we attended a wonderful birthday party for one of Drew’s friends, Noe.

{go see the whole set}

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Our Valentine’s Day was a bit low-key and yet still perfect.

I did this Pinterest Project!

Daniel bought me beautiful roses, we gave Drew chocolates, we crafted and read Valentine books, snuggled, received a basket of gorgeous fruit from my parents, and had yummy chili for dinner (complete with cheese hearts).

Drew wore the ribbon from Harry & David for the rest of the evening and crawled up on the hope chest for pictures before bed.

{go see the whole set}

All in all, a great way to spend the day with the two people whom I love most.

Aren’t they just adorable?