The Hive of the DollardRaptor

The Return

2011-08-23T10:48:00.000+01:00

I am back after a long time not blogging. The blog has undergone a name change so it's not so "random" anymore...as who wants to random these days?? Everyone's doing it! So I've run away from conformity and I am trying to be what should be considered "normal".

Not just the name has changed. The colour has changed to a more cornea-friendly appearance.

The content will mainly be the same kinda stuff. Little stories and maybe some drawings.

I hope you enjoy the new found mundanity of THE HIVE OF THE DOLLARDRAPTOR!

btw I am the dollardraptor :-)

Pants

2011-04-27T23:30:00.000+01:00

I haven't posted in a while

2011-03-17T12:09:00.000Z

I wish I had more time to post good articles. I'm sorry, I am sorry.

I will try to get more junk finished so I can get more stuff on here to keep you lot entertained, I realise I am your primary source of entertainment.

btw I won the 60m at the Eastern Counties and Essex Indoor Championships. Which means I am a champion. I have gold medals and everything. So now I'm going to use this as a springboard and be training even harder to make sure I win more competitions and improve to try to become the fastest man in the world.

An Interview With...

2011-03-03T10:53:00.007Z

So we're going to take a break from our usual "draw a picture and try to make it funny by writing funny things about it" lark today. I will be interviewing...Arthur. Arthur has a rare and intriguing problem. It cannot be classified as a disease as of yet because I am the only one who knows about it and I am not a doctor (...of medicine). However I've diagnosed it as a disease and, as you'll notice from the interview, he was not best pleased about it.

You may be wondering right now "OMG tells me what Arthur ailment is pls I am 1337 and too busy h4xxor1n9 to be reading your drivel". Do not fear, I will tell you. Arthur has fits. Fits of flipping into a different 'mode' if you will. Instead of being himself, his brain thinks that he is in the TV programme Blind Date. "Cilla Mode". "Cilla Mode" is what he has named it, however it is not only Cilla Black that he mimics. He also scripts the narrator, and the contestants on the show! Fortunately, for now, it stops there. But what next? The Crowd booing and chanting? The Producer in Cilla's ear telling her to tone down her awful, awful voice?!?

I met Arthur at his country residence in the Cotswolds. This way he'd be more comfortable and likely to open up about his issue. As I drove down his long driveway to his large house I began imagining what his house might look like from the inside. I imagine because of his obvious subconscious love from Blind Date he will have decorated his house with bright lights and pink furniture. This would be a short visit.

I was greeted by a man, small in stature and slicked back hair wearing a suit. I do not know his name. He took me to his 'master', Arthur. I was pleasantly surprised by my surroundings. Contemporary decor, not too flashy, comfortable and relaxing, a perfect example of a humble abode.

Arthur was sitting on a large, dark red chair, reclined. He appeared to be watching a documentary about lemurs but he quickly turned of his modestly sized TV as I entered the room. Lemur fetish? Wouldn't like to speculate. After a quick introduction I begun the interview.

Me: Arthur, when did this mode begin to interrupt your life?

Arthur: It began when I was a lad of around 12 years old. It was embarrassing and really got in the way of my social life. At school I would be bullied every day. The beatings got gradually worse.

Arthur lifted the back of his shirt to reveal scars from deep cuts and whips

Me: Wow, I can't imagine what that must have been like for you. Can you explain briefly what happens to you when you have a Cilla Seizure please?

Arthur: Erm, I don't mean to get off on the wrong foot but I'd rather you didn't call it a Cilla Seizure to be perfectly honest. The word seizure makes it sound like I have an illness.

Me: Oh. Yes, sure no problem. How do you refer to the occurrences?

Arthur: I merely refer to them as dreams. They are not a big deal.

Me: Okay. My readers would be interested in hearing about one of these dreams. Could you talk us through what happens?

Arthur took a deep breath inwards as he thought about how to begin.

Arthur: It can happen at any time. Day or Night, awake or asleep. I'm not aware of it until it is over. It feels as though I have blacked out. I remember nothing. I have one or two occurences on tape that I can show you if you'd like to follow me.

We made our way to heavy mahogany door. Arthur took out a thick, bronze key and shoved it in the lock. As he turned the door squeeked open slightly. He looked into my eyes and led me downstairs to a basement. I followed cautiously into the darkened cavern. As he pulled a lead a dull light flickered for a few seconds, then showed me the room I had entered. It was a small room, which I thought was odd considering the size of his house. I was expected a much larger basement. He ruffled through some old folders and finally held up a tape. An actual audio tape from like the 90's. He looked very pleased with himself, but the pleasure on his face seemed to turn to misery sharply.

Arthur: Here it is!

Me:Terrific.

He put the tape in a weathered Cassette Player and pressed play. The tape wasn't very clear. I managed to make out some of what was said by Arthur himself. I am unsure whether there was anybody else present. I made out such utterances as "IF YOU COULD BE ANY KIND OF NOISE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE? THAT QUESTION GOES TO NUMBER 2..." and "Well, if I was any special character on a key board, I'd be shift and 6, because when you're with me, the only way is up baby." Then I heard a strange noise from the tape. It sounded like a baby crying. Arthur slammed his palm on the player to stop it. He laughed and said:

Arthur: oh haha the rest is something else unrelated!

Me: Are you sure? It sounded like a baby crying as you was speaki-

Arthur: NO! No...it's something seperate.

Me: Can I take a copy of that tape with me please? I'd like to sample some to my readers.

I moved towards him gesturing for the tape, which he shielded. I put my hands up in defense. He then shoved me into the wall. He didn't push me hard yet I went straight through it. The wall seemed to be made out of cardboard. As I landed on my back in a large room. I was blinded my lights and pink/purple backdrops.

Me: What is this?!

Arthur: OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! It's nothing okay, just a project I have been working on.

Arthur walked towards me. I got to my feet and as my eyes focused I backed into the room and had a look around it. It had a dreadful odor and I could hear muffled noises.

Arthur: PLEASE COME AWAY FROM THERE IMMEDIATELY.

I continued into the room. There was a big pink board. As I walked towards it the muffles grew louder. I peered behind it and found two females and one man tied and bound to backless chairs, which he had grossly named stools. Arthur slowly walked towards me with a wolf-like glare.

Arthur: You ought not to have come in here.

Me: What's wrong with you?

Arthur: ME? WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!!

Me: Yes...

Just as I thought he was about to strike me Arthur broke down onto his knees. He began to blubber.

Arthur: I didn't mean for this to happen, I...I...

I had no idea how to face this situation. My instinct was to comfort him, then get the flip out of there.

Me: There, there. Look, I don't know if this is normal to you but you can't just take people to your basement and use them as pawns in your sick Blind Date fantasies.

Arthur: I know, I know that it's wrong. I have needs. You people don't understand what I need.

I stood up and walked away, drenched in his tears.

In a way I think he wanted me to find out, for someone to know what he was doing. Maybe he wanted me to join in, or merely accept him into society. I just couldn't do that. He is a freakazoid.

The drawings of cute Pokemon continues...

2011-03-01T13:28:00.001Z

Poor scanning job tbf.

So on the left we have Mew playing with a Togepi. Mew looks to be luring the baby egg pokemon somewhere. Wouldn't like to speculate any further. Togepi is happy though so we can assume that all is well. Right?!
Yes.

On the right we have little Mew chewing on his own tail. How adorable.

This has nothing to do with octopuses. Is there an octopus pokemon on it's way here?? Stay tuned to find out.

A WILD PIKACHU APPEARED!

2011-02-21T14:17:00.001Z

Aww he's cute let's keep him!

*Lee throws Pokeball*

*Pikachu was captured*

Ahh yey!

Never try to cook an octopus in a microwave !

2011-02-17T10:45:00.000Z

I was going to explain this, but the illustration says it all. Never try to cook an octopus in a microwave (unless it is this microwave which has proven to be octopus safe, not to mention great value for money)

You have been warned.

We do not condone cooking octopuses that do not deserve to be eaten. We know that some do deserve such an end, some octopuses can be douchebags. Make sure the eating of your octopus is justified, we beg of you.

The Squba Squirrel

2011-02-09T09:51:00.001Z

In order to protect the octopuses of the world we must monitor them closely. In doing this we can investigate the way move, we can help them if they are danger and, well, everyone loves to watch a good octopus vs shark fight.

An exciting occurence that we have noticed is a number of creatures that have begun to interact with the octopuses, perhaps socially... the one we will discuss here is a squirrel who appears to have fashioned his own scuba suit out of pen lids and shoe laces. We've aptly named him Squba Squirrel. Alliteration.

Here is what we've seen:

If anyone can interpret this animalistic behaviour, please inform us. The comments section is open.

I remain baffled.

octosnail!

2011-02-07T17:52:00.000Z

We like Octopuses

2011-02-07T12:44:00.000Z

Y'kno...we really like octopuses. It's not a secret. Tell people if you want to, we encourage you to. Seriously. It's not a big deal. And if you're questioning the validity of my grammar right now, the plural for octopus is indeed octopuses. I looked it up especially for this post.

The reasons why we like them really so much a lot is threefold.

Octopuses are magical:

Octopuses are mysterious:

And most importantly (this makes them the most lovable) they are dangerous:

One free tentacle to wrestle sharks with.

So in conclusion, octopuses: we love them.

My Mermaid Girlfriend and I

2011-02-04T18:29:00.000Z

This is a drawing I did of me and my girlfriend, she is a beautiful mermaid. However she graffiti'd it, she wrote our names on it. So she had to be punished. I turned her into a human. She is okay with it.

This is the Octopus Beam Squad

2011-02-04T17:34:00.000Z

We are named Lee and Conner. We aim to defeat the enemies of the octopus with beams of unspecified energy. But in our spare time we jot down the things that are in our minds. So we thought we'd make a blog to see what people thought of these things we jot. We think we are hilarious so this could be interesting...

Feel free to comment on anything we post, we (for the best part) try to stay open minded and not take offense. However there will be occasions when we are not feeling happy with the world and we may attack, provoked or not, there is no telling what will happen. So to save us all the stress of replacing our pencils when we (try to) snap them with rage tell us what we wanna hear okey?

WELCOME TO THE OCTOPUS BEAM SQUAD VLOG...yes, vlog

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