Octopus Hugs

Summertime is almost over

2011-08-25T18:46:00.000-07:00

...and that means that the unlucky ones amongst us have to go back to school or otherwise start being more productive. These are a few helpful things that will ease the transition from lazy bachelorhood to productive bachelorhood.

1. As the school season begins, some of us are in a position that requires we adjust our sleep cycles. No more getting up at 2pm anymore. I've found two ways to start getting up at a reasonable hour.

The less healthy version: start drinking at noon. Hard drinking. The idea being that you'll be so tired and drunk by 9pm that you wind up passed out.

The version that works: Stay up all night--until the time you want to start normally going to bed the next day. Drink a glass or two of water before bed and you've got yourself a natural, piss-powered alarm clock to get you up at a reasonable hour.

Anyway I'm busy, so that's all I've got for today. Stay slovenly.

Eat the damned eggs, Smashmouth.

2011-08-13T05:30:00.000-07:00

So, the dude from Smashmouth agreed to eat 24 eggs for charity a few weeks ago. He hasn't delivered. Feel free to remind him on twitter @smashmouth.

More on Bachelor Commandments

2011-08-11T12:14:00.000-07:00

I wish to provide simple solutions to your life's problems, hence, the bachelor advice bit.

1. No chip clip? Go get your stapler.

2. I recently bought a pair of raw denim jeans so I can justify not washing them for 3 months at a time. Seriously, look that up.

3. It's really easy to make a grilled cheese on a clothes iron. Real men iron their work shirt and make a patty melt for breakfast.

4. If you're fortunate enough to have a waffle iron, try grilling your bacon on that, then pouring the waffle batter over it.

Now, when my dumb ass finally gets the camera working, I'll try some of this stuff out for your amusement.

Remember that beer in the shower?

2011-08-10T16:35:00.000-07:00

The showerbeer is obsolete.

Bachelordom

2011-08-09T19:41:00.000-07:00

It's recently occurred to me that many single men don't know how to be a true bachelor. Many either maintain themselves in excess of necessity or cross the boundary between being a bachelor and being a fucking slob. Thus, I have prepared some helpful tips, some from personal experience, some from the goons at www.somethingawful.com, in order to educate my fellow man.

1. You can make McDonalds egg patties like on an Egg McMuffin by cracking an egg into an empty ramen noodle cup and microwaving it for 90 seconds.

2. Why should your dog be the only one allowed to pee in the back yard?

3. Beer in the shower. Just do it, you'll thank me later.

4. Remember the poncho Clint Eastwood wore in Fistful of Dollars? That's a snuggie for cool people. Get one for smoking in the cold or cooking bacon without a shirt.

Now go fourth and use this knowledge wisely and for the Lord's work.

Five Automatic Landings -- conelrad

2011-08-08T21:21:00.000-07:00

While I'm at updating this stupid endeavor I wanted to give a fellow forum-goer a plug for his supremely relaxing electronic music. I've been a fan since his second album, Sure is the Risk is Made, but the new one, Five Automatic Landings, delivered more of what I liked. It comes with my recommendation and the best part? It's free to download.

http://munchhouse.com/conelrad/