Of Course, I Could Be Wrong...

MY DOG

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Mon, 28 May 2012 11:47:00 +0000

My eldest dog, Glenna, (she's thirteen now), has got to that stage in life when getting up the stairs is becoming difficult for her. It takes her a long time to climb them and from the look on her face it seems each step causes her great pain. However, this is only when I tell her to go upstairs when she doesn't want to. Otherwise she runs up and down them like a puppy.

I've also noticed that she is finding it very painful to "get off the furniture!" when I tell her to. But apparently, it causes her no pain whatsoever to get on the furniture when I'm not in the room.

It's a bit like the intermittent, profound deafness that married men develop as they get older.

ROME BLAMES WOMAN - NO SURPRISE THERE

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Sun, 27 May 2012 22:59:00 +0000

Yes, the pathetic men of Rome are still
blaming Eve for everything that goes wrong.

From RAW STORY:

The Vatican is hunting for the masterminds of leaks that have enraged the Holy See, with few believing the pope’s arrested butler was behind the scandal, Italian media reported on Sunday.

La Repubblica said a woman could have been to blame, splashing across its front page the headline: “The butler speaks, the Vatican trembles, the chase for masterminds: There is a woman.”

“A woman is among the moles in the Vatican, a secular one who works for the Apostolic Palace” where the pope lives, a young married woman who also has a job outside the Vatican. In March she accompanied Benedict XVI on his trip to Mexico and Cuba. She started working at the Vatican with John Paul II and was confirmed by Joseph Ratzinger," the paper reported.

Oh, wouldn't it be lovely if she turned out
to be the Blessed Virgin Mary.

MADPRIEST'S THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Sun, 27 May 2012 22:49:00 +0000

If you want to kill a man quickly use a knife or a gun.
If you want him to suffer and die slowly, betray him.

THIS WEEK'S NEW ARMAGEDDON

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Sun, 27 May 2012 16:33:00 +0000

From CHRISTIAN TODAY:

Apologist and author Josh McDowell launched Just1ClickAway.org, a new website to raise awareness about online pornography which he says is a problem big enough to cause the downfall of the church.

"The greatest threat to the cause of Christ is pervasive sexuality and pornography," said McDowell.

What?! I thought it was President Obama or teh gay agenda or women having abortions because otherwise they are going to die. I wish these people would make their minds up. I'm having real trouble keeping up.

However, I think this new website is going to be very popular. There's a video up that they have made themselves.

It features a boy, who looks below 10 years old and is seated on his bed with a tablet computer in the privacy of his bedroom. "Doing your homework?" asks a young woman, portrayed as a tempter. The boy, seeing her in his imagination, nods to say, "Yes." "Can I ask you something?" the girl says. "What's your favourite part about me? Do you wanna see more? I can show you whatever you want." Just then the mother comes into the room and tells him, "Honey, dinner is almost ready." Seeing her child's surprised reaction, she asks, "What's wrong?" "Nothing," he replies, pressing his laptop against his chest. "Finish up what you're doing and come on downstairs," his mother says.

The video later portrays each consumer being tortured by their addiction to pornography.

Sounds a bit too hardcore for me. But sado-masochistic evangelicals will probably love it.

WORSHIP AT SAINT LAIKA'S

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Sun, 27 May 2012 14:56:00 +0000

A SERVICE OF HOLY COMMUNION

THE DAY OF PENTECOST

All are welcome to join me in taking communion.

The order of service is posted beneath the audio file so that you can join in with the service. The words in bold type are the ones we say together.

If you want to physically partake of communion you will require a small piece of bread and a small amount of drink (preferably made from grapes and containing alcohol). How you view the nature of this part of the service is completely up to you.

The order of service is posted beneath the audio file so that you can join in with the service. The words in bold type are the ones we say together.

Click on the arrow on the player to stream.

Download via the MP3 icon below the player.

Download podcast via iTUNES.

MP3 File

CLICK HERE for order of service and credits
(opens in new window)

MADPRIEST'S THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Sat, 26 May 2012 22:13:00 +0000

I can't look into another person's mind, so I have absolutely no idea if when someone tells me that, "Personally, I concede that there may be viewpoints different than my own which are perfectly reasonable..." they are telling the truth. But please believe me when I tell you that if I should ever say this or anything similar to you, I will be lying through my teeth.

AND EVERYWHERE THEY ARE IN CHAINS

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Sat, 26 May 2012 13:26:00 +0000

Any job that does not pay more than what it costs for a person to survive is slavery as even slaveowners make sure their slaves survive.

One of the main reasons the landowners of the Southern States desired the continuation of slavery so fervently was because it gave them a big commercial advantage over those countries that did not allow slavery (the cost of production being considerably lower if you do not share your profits with your workers).

Most of the world's production is now carried out by workers who, although free in principle, do not earn more than enough money to survive on. Many earn less than they need. Many are actually less well provided for than the slaves of the Southern States. Countries, such as Vietnam and India, where such slavery is endemic, allow this state of affairs because it gives them a commercial advantage over those countries where the workers demand to earn more than enough to survive on. Therefore, the multi-international companies and their political enablers, who move their production to such countries are engaging in and encouraging the continuation of the slave trade. Anybody who profits from the commercial enterprises of these companies (through share holding, interest on savings or pension provision etc.) are also guilty.

Are you a slaveowner?

The Church of England is.

ALWAYS REMEMBER

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Fri, 25 May 2012 22:56:00 +0000

We are beautiful.

They are very ugly indeed.

OUR CHIEF WEAPON IS HUMOUR

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Fri, 25 May 2012 21:38:00 +0000

Thanks to Mrs Wilke for this one.

PERVERTING CHRISTIANITY

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Fri, 25 May 2012 20:27:00 +0000

From WAFB:

Scores of Maine churches will pass the collection plate a second time at Sunday services on Father's Day to kick off a fundraising campaign for the lead opposition group to November's ballot question asking voters to legalize same-sex marriages. Between 150 and 200 churches are expected to raise money for the Protect Marriage Maine political action committee, said Carroll Conley Jr., executive director of the Christian Civic League of Maine evangelical organization and a member of the PAC. Conley is also trying to drum up support for the Maine campaign from religious leaders from around the country.

There is only one word to describe these perverters of the Gospel of Christ and it is the word "evil." We're not supposed to compare people to Nazis on blogs but, come on, can anybody think of of a more apt description for these extreme, right wing bigots.

They are fascists and the United States is on the brink of becoming a fascist state. If you don't believe me check out the musical, "Cabaret" and join the dots.

THE STRANGE CASE OF BENNY'S BUTLER

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Fri, 25 May 2012 19:50:00 +0000

CONGRATULATIONS!

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Fri, 25 May 2012 15:58:00 +0000

To my niece, Jessica.

She has passed all the tests, physical and mental with "flying" colours and she will shortly signing up with the Royal Air Force.

She'll do well just as long as the RAF doesn't ever actually let her loose in one of those flying things of theres. Otherwise...

NEW KID IN TOWN

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Fri, 25 May 2012 15:19:00 +0000

Please welcome Bishop Sensible to OCICBW.... Unlike The Lord Bishops, he is a complete figment of my imagination.

AND NOW YOUR FAVOURITE SUBJECT - FOOD

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Fri, 25 May 2012 14:42:00 +0000

Father Foodie is "an Episcopal Priest who is a believer in healthy cooking, healthy living, and never opening a can." Check out his recipe blog which is called FATHER FOODIE (nice and simple for his American readers).

MRS WILKE'S LOLDOG OF THE WEEK

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Fri, 25 May 2012 14:35:00 +0000

Oh, and mucho congratulations and good wishes to Mrs Wilke (Our Tracie - The Red). This Sunday, after years of searching (simple prevarication if you ask me), she is to be received into The Episcopal Church. This is brilliant news, especially for the right wing media in the States who were beginning to wonder who the heck they could pretend to be shocked about now that Bishop Robinson has retired.

EPISCOPAL CARE - THE TRUTH

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Fri, 25 May 2012 14:29:00 +0000

I DON'T THINK SO

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Fri, 25 May 2012 13:55:00 +0000

From a diocesan website's vacancy page:

Risk making mistakes?!!!

You've got to be kidding me!

The clergy of the Church of England live in constant fear of getting the slightest thing wrong in case they upset somebody. An anonymous email to a bishop, a tip-off to the press, can lead to your life and career being completely screwed up for ever over the most ridiculously daft things and the "senior staff" aren't going to back you up. They are far too worried about getting to the top of the ecclesiastical greasy pole to risk being seen to support an unpopular decision by a parish priest. You are completely expendable, my parish based friends. My advise is that you risk nothing. Don't have any new ideas and never change anything. Above all, don't, for any reason, engage with the world outside of the church. You might end up having to use its language and that would never do.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS...

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Fri, 25 May 2012 13:38:00 +0000

... but the last time I swore was nearly seventeen years ago during all the legal stuff before my ordination. I swore before God that I believed in all sorts of stuff. I actually believe this was a sin and against the teachings of Jesus Christ, but the bishop was very old fashioned and, back then, I didn't have the courage to argue with important people.

I never blaspheme on my blog (at least, not linguistically). The nearest I get to blasphemy is an occasional, ironic "OMG!" I'm not saying that I never blaspheme off the internet but I try my hardest not to. I use "heck" and "my goodness" a lot and prefer "O shit!" to invoking the name of the Son of God when I drop and break a glass or something.

As for "bad language," I don't believe it exists. There is language, that is all. The fact that when you ask different people to list words that are unacceptable they will not agree with each other on what should be included on such a list, emphasises how nonsensical the splitting of language into good and bad words really is. To be honest, if a person believes a certain word is taboo, that's their hang-up and not my problem. However, I don't go out of my way to upset people who have done nothing to upset me and so, if I'm in the company of someone who might not like me swearing, I try not to. But that's just politeness, it's nothing to do with right and wrong. In my own home and on my own blog, in the presence of my friends I use "swearwords" freely. I like them. I like the sound of them. I like the way you can use them creatively to create atmosphere and emphasis. As I believe that sexual intercourse is a good thing, I'm not going to pretend that a word describing it is in some way a bad thing. That don't make sense.

Oh, and Jesus swore like a trooper. If anyone thinks that the phrase "you nest of vipers" is in anyway less of a curse than "you complete and utter bastards" all I can suggest is that you get real.

BISHOP OF SHEFFIELD FEEDS TROLL

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Fri, 25 May 2012 11:30:00 +0000

From THE BBC:

The Vicar of Doncaster reportedly used a four-letter word and complained about having to go to church on Sunday. A complaint about the comments was sent to senior clergy at the Diocesan Bishop of Sheffield's office. The Bishop of Doncaster intended to discuss it with Canon Shackerley, the Bishop of Sheffield's office said.

The comments began on a Saturday evening and included comments such as "I think I will put my feet up" and "I hear the fizz of tonic in my gin beckoning." The vicar reportedly went on to post: "Alas, I have religion tomorrow. At least I'm not preaching this week. Preaching next week at St Mary Abbotts Kensington though. Best make that a good one eh?"

The Facebook extracts, accompanied by an anonymous letter, were sent to the Bishop of Sheffield Dr Steven Croft and the Bishop of Doncaster the Right Reverend Peter Burrows. The canon's posts used language that was "abhorrent for a man in his position and pretty distasteful for anyone", the complainant is said to have written.

I recognise that Screwtape language, it's Trollish. This particular troll will be so pleased that the Bishop of Sheffield can be played and responds to anonymous emails.

If I was a bishop and received an anonymous email about a priest's "bad language," I would email straight back with a succinct "Piss Off!" Unfortunately I am not even a priest anymore, let alone a bishop, so the church in England carries on in its traditional, dreary, predictable way to the oblivion of utter insignificance.

Hat Tip to Thomas on Facebook for alerting me to this story.

ONE TO WATCH OUT FOR

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Thu, 24 May 2012 22:30:00 +0000

I have no idea why but I have been sent an invitation to the media screening of a new Lebanese film. I've obviously mistakenly been added to a list of important people where I have no place to be so I won't be going. Anyway, it's sure to be in London which is a bit far to go just to catch a flick.

However, it looks like a film that I would definitely enjoy so I will go and see it when it shows at our local art cinema. Here's a trailer for it. I think it will be right up the proverbial streets of many of you lot as well.

GETTING CLOSER

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Thu, 24 May 2012 15:20:00 +0000

Thank you James, Simon, James, Susan and Jean. Due to your generosity I can now reveal that the total raised, so far, in my Birthday Appeal is a tremendous

£560

I still need to increase this figure quite a bit if I am going to be able to purchase the items I need, primarily a laptop, to turn OCICBW... and Saint Laika's into a more professional set-up. So, once again, I am asking those of you who enjoy the stuff I put out to consider making a small to massive donation to my ministry.

All monies raised from this appeal will go towards my online ministry.
None of it will be spent on me.

Full details of the appeal can be found HERE.

And here is the button you have to click on to make your donation.

If you really don't like using PayPal, then email me and I will suggest other ways of making a donation.

AND DON'T

FORGET

Everybody who sends in a donation receives a copy of

THE BEST OF MADPRIEST

2011

completely and absolutely FREE*

* Just send money.

ANY EXCUSE TO DRESS UP LIKE A WOMAN

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Thu, 24 May 2012 12:17:00 +0000

From THE SUN STAR (The Philippines):

A man in shorts and a red strapless bra danced like a woman on one of the boats during the fluvial parade. Other men wore floral dresses and wigs, their lips and cheeks smeared with lipstick. After the fluvial parade, the men gathered in front of the chapel and shouted as they watched a fight between a kitten and a frog. In the middle of the crowd, a shirtless man wearing heavy make-up carried a basket with a signboard that said: “Pizza for Sale.” Inside the basket were lumps of manure topped with ketchup. Two men walked around with a large wooden replica of the male sex organ attached to their waists.

A banner hung at the entrance of Barangay San Vicente in Olango Island said: “Welcome to the Baliw-Baliw Festival 2012.” An estimated 5,000 people witnessed the unique event, which was the highlight of Barangay San Vicente’s fiesta celebration yesterday. No one knows the beginning of the Baliw-Baliw festival, but Erwin Eyas, the festival’s event coordinator for 14 years, said it may have started in the late 18th century. He said the festival started as a ritual by the early natives of Barangay San Vicente. Men carry phallic symbols as a plea to San Vicente Ferrer to heal the residents’ kidney ailments.

Saint Vicente Ferrer, the patron saint of Gay Pride marches.
Who'd have thought it?

WORSHIPPING THE KING

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Thu, 24 May 2012 12:02:00 +0000

From THE DAILY MAIL:

A Church of England vicar has left his congregation all shook up after quitting his job - to become an Elvis Presley impersonator. The Reverend Andy Kelso, 64, ditched his dog collar to wear a high collar and jewelled white jump suit after saying he had a calling from God. Now, the father of five has been dubbed 'Elvis Priestly' after he stopped preaching from the pulpit to belt out The King’s classics to other churches, packed-out pubs, clubs and old folks homes near his former vicarage.

GOD'S GONNA GIT YER!

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Thu, 24 May 2012 11:45:00 +0000

From THE FOREIGNER:

Former priest and vehement anti-abortion campaigner Ludvig Nessa threatened to curse politicians over Monday’s decision to abolish Norway’s official state church and religion.In an email to the entire Christian Democrat (KrF) parliamentary group, he wrote, “a last warning”, invoking Chapter 30, verse 19 of the Fifth Book of Moses:

“I call to record this day unto you, heaven and earth, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: but choose life, that thou and thy seed may live.”

I would have quoted the Bible right back at him. Something along the lines of "Go forth and multiply off!"

HEADLINE OF THE DAYAND COMPETITION TIME

noreply@blogger.com (MadPriest) — Thu, 24 May 2012 11:17:00 +0000

It's very simple. All you have to do is suggest what the "unfortunate incident" might have been. Please avoid the truth at all costs. Off you go then!