Of Suitcases and Dreams

Spring Forward

2012-03-13T13:00:00.000+08:00

I have been doing some spring cleaning.

As winter transitions to spring, so does my life. Collections change at the start of the new season, and we set aside everything that is from the past. I see ‘Le printemps’ gleaming as I pass by a retail window. Gray makes way for color. Signs of winter fading. Past may be from a few days ago, but nevertheless, it doesn’t belong here.

My room is starting to have more space. Throwing bottles that remind me of nights I spent seeking absolution. Pillow sheets have been washed to remove invisible stains of tears absorbed. I feel much lighter.

The sun is peeking through my window. It promises to stay longer as long as I move forward. I give in.

My clock jumps an hour early.

Wake up and step outside, brave one, your days will be prettier from now on.

2012-01-29T14:36:00.001+08:00

In a cafe that creates good vibes, music, art, and novelty, I escape in search of equanimity. My mind can’t contain all it has taken in.

I now live in a strange place where the east meets west. The fusion seems vaguely familiar to home yet it is totally different. The bars and sports pubs that stay open ‘til late, the lingering smell of Korean barbeque, the sound of karaoke, the sudden whiff of hookah or probably ganjah when the wind blows, the thriving hiphop scene characterized by the headphones, hoodies, skateboards, pimped rides and pumped up kicks, the artfully plastered walls, the colorful graffiti, the hundreds of smiles that try to welcome you to a place which is not entirely their own- this is my home now.

I walk these streets every day and take in as much of it as I can. Los Angeles leaves you dazed and confused. Hollywood might be to blame. You meet real people but get to meet fake ones, too. The latter just makes your eyes roll, but the former makes you feel a deep connection to this place like palm trees to SoCal soil.

Over cocktails and beers, I've met different people to whom I've exchanged conversations with. Each one has an interesting story. Some tell it through their eyes; some through their strategically- placed tattoos.

Most would talk about where they're from and what they're doing here. I guess everyone has a love-hate relationship with this often misunderstood city. Like me, their real love is somewhere else but there is just this mysterious gravitation pulling us back.

We resolve to stay another day and try to learn more of the many facets of LA. The city is fun, vibrant and alive, but it can be too much. It has the nasty habit of biting you in the ass.

Emotions can run high on both directions. Fun, drunken nights will turn into a morning of hangover and loneliness. Bright, sunny mornings can turn into a cold night in bed filled with emptiness. There will be those that will abandon you and those that got your back. Such is the story of this city where bright lights, fake tans, plastic smiles, and excessive drama are the flourishing industry. You have to be careful on who you trust. You have to be cautious of giving your heart away.

With reckless haste, I have allowed this city to capture my heart, and because of that, it has taken me on such an emotional roller coaster ride. I’ve seen so much, and I felt so much, but I have only scratched the surface.

It excites and scares me to know what this big city has yet to offer. The question is not whether I can handle it but rather if it is worth it. Despite the heartaches and the occasional mind fuck, I still wouldn’t trade a single day that I’ve been in LA for the world.

My mind is a bit clear now. I just needed to reflect and write.

In this café where they played Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros, I know- at least for now, no matter what, this is home.

Oh Mon Dieu.

2010-09-25T03:18:00.001+08:00

Parlez vous gossip? If so, I think you'd understand how to describe love the French way.

Napoleons. Eclairs. Manet.

Oh how everything becomes more romantic in the city of love.

Current obsession: Gossip Girl season 4 as S&B plus Chuck add sizzle to Paris.

Latest download: Ces bottes sont faites pour marcher

Bisou Bisou.

Delusion Angel

2010-09-18T03:06:00.000+08:00

Poem from one of my favorite romance movies of all time "Before Sunrise"

by David Jewell

Daydream delusion,
limousine eyelash,
oh, baby with your pretty face,
drop a tear in my wineglass,
look at those big eyes,
see what you mean to me,
sweet cakes and milkshakes,
I am a delusioned angel,
I am a fantasy parade,
I want you to know what I think,
dont want you to guess anymore,
you have no idea where I came from,
we have no idea where we're going,
launched in life,
like branches in the river,
flowing downstream,
caught in the current,
I'll carry you, you'll carry me,
that's how it could be,
don't you know me?
don't you know me by now?

Emerging from the deep

2010-06-26T13:44:00.003+08:00

I long for the breath of fresh air when the sun's up and everything is alive.

Oxygen can only last for so long when submerged in water.

Hands that have worked tirelessly are still bound to wrinkle.

I was not built with fins, nor was I meant to hold Poseidon's trident.

Time causes you to swim further away. Where there used to be a diver's paradise, there is now an abyss.

This is what it's like to sink deeper. Treading in murky waters. Losing sight of the light. Losing sight of the purpose.

Herein lies nothing but vulnerability. Fear of the unknown and the discomfort of the prevalent nothingness.

Why go any further?

I do not long to get my hands on the dead pirate's chest. I could die trying to get a hold of it, or even worst, die for having it.

Ambition consumes people. Greed eats them alive.

When being underwater ceases to open your eyes to the amazing world beneath, it is finally time to trade the fins for feet.

Breathe easy. Get your feet back on solid ground.

Life on the surface is always better than discovering the scum on the bottom of the ocean.

Because I do... love staying in. :)

2010-06-15T00:02:00.000+08:00

One thing I love about holidays is sleeping in and staying in especially when the June rain finally arrives.

Here's a perfect feel-good stay-in-my-room music. Pearl and the puppets just perks me up! :)

Paris nights/ New York mornings

2010-05-16T17:57:00.010+08:00

I instantly fell in love with Corinne Bailey Rae when I heard her voice back in 2006. Heck, I loved her so much I even got my dad hooked on her music! My dad and I both love jazz, and among the contemporary jazz artists, we both agree that she is one of the best. Corinne Bailey Rae has just the right hint of soul and spice that can make you feel good about the day and the long drives!

Heartbreak and loss led to her long hiatus in creating beautiful music, but after much pain and healing, she is back with her sophomore album and I am so happy that her music is so much better than ever!

Paris nights/ New York mornings is one of my favorite songs in her new album, "The Sea" . It's catchy, uplifting and totally refreshing. I absolutely love her!!!

(And don't even get me started on her gorgeous dress, hair and glowing aura!)

Reading rainbow

2010-04-22T01:36:00.002+08:00

In those pages the words flew.

It went along with me on my escape to the brown river and accompanied me on the way back. There it stayed in the depth of my open heart where it found a new home.

It sharpened ideals and erased ordinary. It is good, but dangerous. Placed in the wrong hands, it could be poison. What was meant to set you free can make you choke. What was meant to comfort you can hurt.

Words have the power but only when it is triggered by belief. It could either make or break. It could encourage or disillusion.

As you grow older, doubting becomes a shield and belief becomes a vulnerability.

What choice do I have? I came to realize for awhile now that when you've chewed on the words for so long there is very little room for even a shadow of doubt.

There lies the danger.

I envy the young for they are fresh and spirited souls willing to believe and understand. They understand only the benefits, but never the perils.

For that, they hold the power- the kind which the lost and jaded soul should seek to attain again.

I heart Garance Dore and Elle cover

2010-04-16T12:40:00.008+08:00

I am a huge fan of Garance Dore and her work as an illustrator and fashion photographer. I get a lot of inspiration from the way she sees things: beautiful. fabulous. magnifique! :)

And thanks to her, Elle UK collectors edition cover is just that.

I'm quite sure this will be one, if not the most favorite portrait and magazine cover of Demi Moore. It exudes such character and elegance of not only the model but the publisher and the illustrator as well. :)

Kudos to Elle UK, Garance Dore and Demi Moore for such a remarkable collaboration!

Good morning, Saturday sunshine

2010-04-10T18:01:00.003+08:00

The alarm of the cellphone cries as Saturday morning arrives. A snooze button was untouched, but a stop button bears my fingerprints. The cool aircon breeze caught my exposed skin so I tuck myself back in the pink comforter. I roll towards the side with my gold satin night gown embracing me as it danced gracefully with the contour of my body. A plush purple pillow is retrieved in the waltz and squished with great desire.

With one eye open, I take a quick peek of the beautiful sun, give out a radiant smile, and hide myself completely under the covers.

Good morning, sunshine.

I am in such a good mood today, but I'm sorry, I simply won't get up and play. :)

My Perfect Weekend Plan

2010-04-03T21:04:00.000+08:00

Her Morning Elegance

2010-04-03T00:08:00.003+08:00

This song just never fails to brighten up my day. :) I love Oren Lavie!

Defining Possibility

2010-03-24T09:50:00.017+08:00

I gave a kiss that means goodbye.

No... we both agreed, the kiss meant "see you later" ."Later" is undefined. Undefined by a clock, calendar or calculator. Call it complicated math or just stupid idealism, but though the promise may be zero, the hope can go on to infinity. Hope is full, promises are empty. And in the Ninoy Aquino International airport, just as it was in Charles De Gaulle, he offered possibility, but not certainty.

So the idealist sent off the realist accepting possibility. It was a compromise- a meeting in the middle. He is part friend and part lover, just as he is part European and part Asian. He can never be fully just one or the other. He is both.

Compromise took care of possibility. In between airports, emails, and skype calls, possibility is nurtured. The idealist becomes stronger, more clear, and more open, but the realist is enigmatic.

Ironic as it may sound, the realist remains ambiguous. Ambiguity, he claims, could protect us both.

I agree.

It could protect from pain, but ultimately prevent from feeling.

And so my protected, unfeeling heart remains vulnerable as it stays in the terminal where I test the confines of "later". Where I should wait and when it would end is uncertain, but somehow defining the kiss...defining this... could be possible. 　

-PLS

Looking Back and Forward.

2010-01-18T00:03:00.011+08:00

I don't know if it was that noticeable, but people really are more excited about 2010. I for one am.

It may not be manifested in the fireworks display that midnight of January 1st, 2010, since we are seeing less of the fireworks compared to years that have passed, but the certain glow in peoples' faces shone much brighter than the lit sky.

People were smiling out of happiness or out of hope. I think we were all just looking forward to seeing better days after coming from a bad one.

Looking back, 2009 was not a very good year. People all over the world were struggling because of the recession that hit late 2008 which led to a lot of job cuts, financial instability, personal crisis and hopelessness. Add to that are all the unforeseen disasters that just made the year turn for the worse. Although my personal struggles had nothing to do with the recession (I was blessed enough to have a good stable job and income), my 2009 was not such a good one either.

Here are some of the sad things that happened in my 2009.

At the start of the year, my beloved lola (grandmother) passed away. During the course of my lola's wake, my lolo (grandfather) developed a flu out of emotional pain and a few weeks after- a couple of days after his birthday- he also passed away.

Most of my closest friends and colleagues started quitting their jobs and left.

Despite wanting to get away, I canceled a few trips and holidays to which I already had non-refundable tickets to because of a lot of unfortunate circumstances.

I had a terrible tummy flu that tied me down to my bed, and for a time, I thought was the dreaded swine flu.

I went through some heart drama. again.

My sister and I got held up. An armed man robbed me of lots of stuff I worked hard for, and my sister still has a scar from the knife that went through her wrist.

My family was somehow affected by typhoon Ondoy, one of the worst storms to hit Manila. We were still very much blessed compared to many during this ordeal, but it was so heartbreaking to hear about what happened to a lot of good people we care for.

Overall, it really wasn't such a good year (except maybe for the last few months of the year when things started to get better). But coming from a year that wasn't too nice to me obviously makes me more excited and hopeful about this year.

I did start the year believing 2010 will be exciting. I declared it to people with such conviction that it would be. By exciting, I meant, it would be full of life, meaning and interesting stories to tell and experience. Exciting could be a combination of both good and bad. It's probably going to be both most of the time, but I really don't care. I just want to be able to go through each day, witness the months unfold, and feel more alive!

It's actually starting to happen. The year has just started and so much has been going on already. Lately, I've been having those exciting, and somewhat funny types of experiences that make you want to just go up in the mountains and scream...

Come on, 2010, bring it on!!!

I am looking forward to what you have in store and I am SO READY for you.

2010. New Year for Fashion.

2010-01-09T23:29:00.008+08:00

I am always excited about the start of the year because this is when most of the global fashion brands begin their SUPER SALE. I'd like to think I'm chic but I'm also quite a cheap-o so getting fabulous fashion finds during the end of the season works best for me! Problem is, I don't think I can say no to great deals, like a pair of boots that have been slashed off over 50% off its original price! But then again, they are sooo last season (hah. who cares?!?)

Okay, that's me. Given a tight budget for my wardrobe, I would definitely go for a great bargain anytime! It feels good, too, not having to guiltlessly swipe my credit card, plus have some money left for other things like a weekend trip out of town! yipee! :)

More than the end of season fashion steals, I'm actually excited to see the latest trends for 2010. It's been a decade since the start of this millenium, and FASHION as a form of expression, and as a show of individuality just keeps getting better and better. (unfortunately, more and more expensive too. yikes).

2010 photo from JakandJil.com

Being with French brand Promod for about 6 seasons already made me witness how fashion has evolved yet still remains the same in some way over the years. During the recent fashion trends presentation in France, I was given the wonderful privilege of taking a sneak peek at Promod's nouvelle collection.

It's fun to see how the likes of Nina Ricci, Givenchy, Jill Stuart, Stella McCartney, Betsey Johnson have inspired such collections which will be made more affordable for women like me. :)

My current fave is the Arty Graphic collection, which reminds me of Donna Karan's pieces. Walking in the streets of New York come springtime with this chic ensembles and famous big, dark, Jackie-O sunnies will make you feel so effortless yet very sophisticated.

Arty Graphic Collection. At Promod Head Office in France

Steve Madden Stardom Flats

Here's another fashion item to drool over. A recent fave of my shoe-loving friend. These flats with the studded silver details looks pretty laidback but very glamorous at the same time. Perfect shoe to top off your 2010 futuristic /glam/ rock star ensemble. These flats can actually go well with almost anything on your wardrobe! ;)

Photo from Garancedore.fr. Bess Minnetonkas

Studs have a cute way of glamming up items even your cute Minnetonkas especially for those winter cold start of the year parties. :)

Time to Fly

2010-01-05T02:17:00.001+08:00

(repost from my private blog, written March 2007)
A year ago, I felt like flying. Flying meant leaving the nest where I was well-fed and cared for, but more so it meant reaching greater heights and being able to experience new things. For that very reason, I wanted to fly.

I made that attempt…I tried. I almost jumped off the cliff, but I didn’t. I guess that time, I wasn’t ready yet. Something was holding me back and somehow at that point, I strongly felt like holding on. Something was telling me that I still had a lot of things to learn first before I would be able to finally spread out my wings and soar. Maybe it was the fear of the unknown and the fact that I didn’t think I’d be able to make it if I took the big leap.

I have never been a risk taker in my life. I always tried to play it safe. I was never used to taking big steps if I didn’t know what lies ahead of me. And since some of the forces have suddenly grabbed hold of my wings tightly, it became much clearer to me then that it wasn’t my time yet.

And so I stayed on while others slowly developed their wings and ventured off. I saw them fearlessly brave the unknown, and I felt proud knowing that they finally made it. Somewhere deep inside I knew that one day soon I’ll be reaching for the skies, too.

Now the time has come for me to try venturing out into the vast open skies as well. There is still that fear inside of me that I might be doing the wrong thing, but now I have a greater fear of remaining at a standstill and not being able to know what I am capable of. I know it’s not going to be easy. As a matter of fact, nothing is. But I really have to do this now, not for anyone else, but for myself. So now, it's time to say goodbye because finally, my time has come to fly.

"There's just nothing you can't do,
when you reach that part of you,
that let's you take another chance to fly.
Time is going by, I see the signs of goodbye,
Right before my eyes, I see the signs, that in my life.
It's time to fly. It's time to fly." – Annette Warner

PLS

Diary of my birthday blues and blessings

2010-01-05T01:50:00.005+08:00

"Although life may lead to where you least expect it, have faith that it is where you were meant to be" (thanks, Bugee)

November 30, 2007.
I was somewhere a plane ride away from home where I was greeted with tears and yet another heartbreak.

November 30, 2008.
I was surrounded by my favorite people who held my hand as I bravely greeted the year ahead of me, regardless if it brought tears or laughter, we celebrated.

One of my best friends (you know who you are ;) ) gave me a special French book, CD and Calendar for year 2009 as a gift knowing how I would love to fly to Paris someday. *hopefully 2009*

November 30, 2009.
I was again somewhere a plane ride away from home. This time, I was greeted with a smile and a heartwarming, unforgettable experience...

Celebrating my birthday in beautiful PARIS.

The City of Lights and The City of Love.

SURREAL.

I can't even express fully how it was such a wonderful gift to be in one of the most amazing cities in the world on my SPECIAL DAY! Such timing!
"Bonjour, Joyeux Anniversaire!" Oh Joy.

I mean, how often do we experience these cute little moments in our life? Really.

Life is full of surprises. I'm just learning to take it all in. Both the good and the bad. I guess it's what makes life beautiful. :)

Sometimes we cry, sometimes we feel nothing, but I guess, sometimes, too, we feel happy.

Why not be a little optimistic and quit complaining about the rain when the sun shines?

In retrospect, I can't help but feel that the happiness I have was meant to happen to make up for all the sadness I had. This makes it all the more worth it.

In sad moments, I should learn to remember the blessings.

And in happy moments like this, I should learn to be grateful for the blessings.

I thank God for giving me blessings that are beyond my wildest expectations.

I thank all of you, my loves, for holding my hand through the ups and downs each year brings.

There will be more drama. There will be more dreams come true.

There will be more of LIFE ... sooo thank you very much for being a part of mine. :)

I'm a year older now, and my life is much more full.

Merci Beaucoup, Much Love.

PLS