Off The Beaten Trek

God Bless...

2012-02-10T08:43:00.000-08:00

“What sorrow for those who say that evil is good and good is evil, that dark is light and light is dark, that bitter is sweet and sweet is bitter.” – Isaiah 5:20 (NLT)

Looking through the inmates’ eyes as they tell me “God bless you!” I am always careful when to respond back or not. Someone can sense the sincerity or lack of it if certain words are spoken.

Working for 12 years now in a correctional setting, I used to pass medications in a particular facility for almost a year. There, I learned through inmates what their “lingo” meant.

“Be careful, Nurse Rcubes,” warned one long ago.

“Others who tell you ‘God bless you’ doesn’t mean it is what they hope for you…They will say that with you thinking how respectful of them to you...but the meaning was the opposite...So,they won't get in trouble..."

“What do you mean?” I probed after he downed the prescribed pills I handed to his open right palm and as he quickly took a sip of water from his small, brown cup, he tried to explain…

“Well, it can also mean that they are cursing you by saying that…”

“Ahhh…Okay…I got it. Thanks!”

“Look who’s here!” exclaimed one from the back of the line as everyone slowly got up at the wee hours of the morning to get their pills from me.

“It’s the pusher!” he joked around.

I kept giving the medications to those ahead of him until it was him who was in front of me.

“What did you say about me?”

“I was just joking, Ma’am.”

“Well, I don’t appreciate it. I’m not a ‘pusher’. I want you to know that I am doing an important job of giving prescribed medications to all those who need it. Including you. There was nothing funny about what you said.”

He smirked. Got his pills. Thanked me. And said….

“God bless you…”

I kept silent. He didn’t expect that. As one tall man behind him with closed fists whispered to his neck, “You better apologize to this nurse.” He turned around, ready to fight back. Only to find out that he was facing a giant. A lot bigger than him. He cowered and apologized immediately. My protector was one of the long-time incarcerated male who happened to have a heart problem. I made sure that he always got his pills on time and before they would run out, I made sure the doctor already had reordered them. Expected role I needed to accomplish. But a big thing to him who was in need and learned to appreciate that.

Good and evil simply don’t mix. God is holy and righteous…

“Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are good, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are bad, your body also is full of darkness.” – Luke 11:24 (NIV)

“See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness.” – Luke 11:35 (NIV)

“You have wearied the LORD with your words. "How have we wearied him?" you ask. You have wearied him by saying that all who do evil are good in the LORD's sight, and he is pleased with them. You have wearied him by asking, "Where is the God of justice?" – Malachi 2:17 (NLT)

Wrong Weapon

2012-02-08T05:20:00.000-08:00

“⁸ Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. ⁹ Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:8-9 (NIV)

I was still trying to finish a particular inmate’s medical chart after seeing him when I saw the Charge Nurse opening an envelope that had the ER doctor’s orders in it. I knew that another inmate had just arrived from the hospital.

“Let me just finish my charting and I can see her,” I told the Charge Nurse.

Seeing I was so busy, it was nice enough for her to take the inmate’s vital signs and so I didn’t need to do anything but just take care of the orders. Except…I still wanted to see her and make sure she was okay because the charting of our observations would fall on me then. I didn’t want to write “inmate without distress and doing well” without even seeing her even though the other nurse had seen and already talked with her.

She went out for vaginal bleeding. 3 months on the way. 9^th pregnancy as I recalled. Looking tired, she was dressed up in those blue paper gowns except her back was not showing. Everything was paper even her shoes.

“What happened? Are you okay?” I asked as she looked up and gave me a weary smile.

“I’m fine now, Nurse. I bled a lot earlier,” she replied.

“Are you still bleeding a lot now? Are you still having pain?” I asked with deep concern knowing how the Charge Nurse had passed on to me that she felt that ER had returned her to the prison so soon.

“I’m not bleeding as much now, Nurse. My tummy is okay,” she reassured me instead.

“Any stress from your unit or from home that could be the source of your worries?” I asked (It became my routine to ask any inmates this kind of question to probe more as sometimes, the true source of their sufferings which are the not so obvious ones are not known).

Photo Credit

Her calm demeanor was replaced with a hint of reserved anger. Her smile faded away.

“It’s my first time here, Ma’am. Do you know that it’s an assault to use that Mace?”

“If not used properly, yes, I know…”I paused to give her more room to allow her to vent her anger if she wanted to.

“My niece and I had a fight and she was about to attack me. So, I had to defend myself and I pressed on that Mace to ward her off from hurting me…Guess who got arrested? Of course, me!” she uttered with disbelief.

“I’m so sorry that happened. Thank you for telling me. I know it’s easier said than done but I want you to concentrate on healing and focusing on what is in you if you want this baby.”

“I do,” she quickly replied.

“Just be careful next time and while you’re in here, I want you to know that you can ask your unit to call us if there would be any further bleeding or other symptoms you feel are not right. Even if you’re not sure.”

“Thank you,” she replied with a wave of calmness coating her words.

As I had been going through a tough battle regarding my career in the prison against some of the highest seated people who wanted to end my career without any valid reasons, I almost had the tendency to use the wrong weapons at the beginning to repel them. I could have been gossiping, remained angry, and unforgiving. Wrong weapons not provided by God in such unseen battles. It had been a little over a year now and even if I awaited some help from another agency, God reminded me all this time that the battle had been on His hands and the weapons were readily available for me to use.

Using my own strength will never accomplish anything. Keeping God’s weapons inside will just leave me vulnerable to the enemies’ attacks. But used defensively, the enemies’ darts of lies, doubts or temptations are actively repelled. (Glory be to God!).

“¹¹ I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and wages war. ¹² His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. ¹³ He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God.” – Revelation 19:11-13 (NIV) –emphasis is mine…

“¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”

– Ephesians 6:17 (NIV) – emphasis is mine…

The Inmate With The Heart Problem

2012-02-05T11:38:00.000-08:00

"Do you know what that means?" I asked the Charge Nurse last night at work.

"That was embarrassing. That whatever reason I sent the inmate for, he was treated for something else."

She just smiled but knew where I was coming from as she also went through that somehow, as our county hospital sometimes fails to evaluate the sick inmates further. The hospital sometimes doesn't understand that our prison is not equipped with other medical stuff needed to treat the sick inmates.

I saw his figure disappeared behind the restroom in the waiting area. Upon emerging, he was fixing the strands of his dark hair with his hands on each side of his head. His hair very wet from the water he doused it with.

He was only 24. Well-built. Tall. Scanning his medical chart prior to his arrival in Infirmary, I gathered he often came complaining of chest pain. Always demanding that he needed to have a cardiac echo done because someone told him he had some heart issues. Evading the symptoms and the demands he started whining about, I explained that I was not ignoring his complaint of chest pain but I was trying to rule out if there were any other possible causes as no cause was ever found out anyway from the last time he made a trip to ER.

"You know, like what were you doing prior to having this pain?" I continued...

"Were you exercising heavily or some other games in the yard?"

"I told you, Nurse. I was just resting on my bed." Then, he paused as if he didn't want to spill the next words.

"2 days ago, yes, I did 200 burpees...But I didn't want to go to the hospital so I didn't complain," he softly uttered though it was only him and I chatting in front of the Exam Room I already opened and with the EKG machine nearby.

I asked him to urinate and tested his urine for presence of blood. The urine dipstick came back positive for a large amount of blood. I sensed he could be having Rhabdo. So I decided to send him out with the help of our Transportation Deputy.

When he got back from being treated in ER, most of written notes were about his heart. Nothing was addressed regarding the symptoms I suspected. He probably demanded for his heart to be examined more that all the doctor's orders were about having cardiac echo and that he had a history of Congestive Heart Failure. Yet, all the exams they did were marked normal, including his urine dipstick.

"How could that be?" I asked the Charge Nurse.

"Either there was something wrong with my eyes because I saw the result or there was something wrong with our test strips." She didn't know what to say.

As I talked to the inmate prior to sending him back to his unit, he thanked me and that he said he felt much better. I reassured him but couldn't help and asked him if they said anything regarding the "burpees" he did. He didn't say anything but..."Oh yeah, the nurse there did tell me that I had a little bit of blood in my urine but it should be okay."

I already knew. He didn't say anything about those exercises he did and kept on insisting regarding his heart condition though nothing was previously found at a well-known hospital.

As I kept writing about all my observations and the inmate's statement in his chart, I noticed how the ER doctor had noted that he was diaphoretic (sweating profusely) when he wasn't as I examined him. It dawned on me that he went to the restroom twice and kept wetting his hair. I warned the other nurses because of the possibility of him always coming down for complaints of chest pains. I left a note inside the chart to observe him if he would do that behavior again to make it look like he was in distress.

Just like that inmate, we all make demands in our prayers to God. We want things to happen our way without understanding first that He has the best reasons even when we don't understand why things happen in our lives. We often think about ourselves and always forget to think about what God wants from us. What we want seems to be complicated at times. What God wants from us is one and plain simple:

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." (Mark 12:30 NIV)

It is only by putting Him first in our hearts that our lives will be in order.

"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."
- Matthew 6:33 (NLT)

Bad Cupcakes

2012-02-02T08:20:00.000-08:00

“Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path.”
– Psalm 119:105 (NLT)

“I feel bad now…I shouldn't have asked you to go there...” commented a friend on the other line.

We had gone to a favorite cupcake shop and I had been saying “No” to her prior to our arrival that I made up my mind...I wouldn’t buy anything for me and my family so I requested for her not to buy anything for us knowing how generous she always was.

As I turned off the car’s ignition and headlights, the slight darkness of the night surrounded us but the long line of people inside the well-lit bakery didn’t miss our attention. I felt a rush of excitement came over me, anticipating what flavors were offered last night.

“I’ll just stay here in the car!” I advised my friend who already opened the passenger door. I knew it was better for me to not even go through that glass door knowing the sweet aroma of cupcakes would greet anyone. But I wanted to be with my friend. I didn’t want to let her go by herself. This was one of our times together that we always shared.

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There were chocolate ones. Some red velvet ones. I saw pumpkin. The toppings were beautiful. Sprinkles. Candied art. Coconut. Name it…

“Give me 2 red velvet and 1 dark chocolate,” I ordered.

My friend insisted on sharing with the ones she bought so I could save the ones I got for my family. I had a little bit of the red velvet cupcake she got. It was delicious. Not too sweet. Still…

“Don’t feel bad now!” I quickly replied.

“I’m just saying that my family and I are trying to cut down on sweets. Of course, I enjoy going there with you,” I reassured.

As I said “Good Night”, I thought about my own life.

How often I venture into those lit-up places of this world, mimicking His Light. Everything looks good. But actually harmful in the end. But God has given His guidance through His Word and if I don’t equip myself with His Word, that’s how I fall and head toward those kinds of guided directions but altered because of my wrong choices. If I hunger instead for His Word (guidance), by His grace and mercy, I should be able to share that with others instead who need guidance like me. I was once lost and still get lost at times. It is only by His grace I am able to finish this journey. It is only with the help of the True Light of this world...Jesus...

“Oh Lord, please direct my ways. Always lead me in Your truth!”

Thy Word lyrics
Songwriters: Smith, Michael W; Grant, Amy;

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path

When I feel afraid
And think I've lost my way
Still, You're there right beside me
Nothing will I fear
As long as You are near
Please be near me to the end

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path

I will not forget
Your love for me and yet
My heart forever is wandering
Jesus by my guide
And hold me to Your side
And I will love You to the end

Nothing will I fear
As long as You are near
Please be near me to the end

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path
And a light unto my path
You're the light unto my path

Can I Give You Anything?

2012-01-30T13:44:00.000-08:00

"We know that we are from God, and the whole world lies in the power of the evil one." - 1 John 5:19(ESV)

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." - Romans 12:2 (ESV)

"Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." - James 4:14 (ESV)

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." - Hebrews 13:8 (ESV)

"And everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” - John 11:26 (ESV)

"Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life." - John 5:24 (ESV) +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

She was one of those night nurses I used to work with. Being placed on a Per Diem status, I hardly saw her. Until Friday night…

“Hey, Rcubes! Good to see ya!”

“Hey Nurse H.! Good to see you, too. What’s up with you?” I returned.

“Remember when I told you about my son having his back surgery? It will happen this Tuesday…”

“Oh, yes! I’ve never forgotten. I know it must be worrisome for him to have this surgery but I hope that he will get relief from his back pain.”

“Can I help you with anything, Nurse H.? Can I give you anything?”

She moved her head side to side implying a “No” answer. But somehow, deep inside, I knew she was thinking about something. A few seconds that felt like eternity went by as she kept looking at me, eye to eye, still thinking…

“I don’t need anything, Rcubes…Just “prayers please…”

Her request pierced my heart. I felt her worries and her heartaches as a mother. How easily I forgot…

“That there comes a time in a person’s life, not only when facing life’s adversities, but even with a day to day routine, we discover that we are limited as humans.”

“Sure!” came my loud response as I whispered if she would like the two of us to pray together at that moment. A smile wrinkled her mouth as she accepted. We both went to seclusion in one of our exam rooms. I could see her excitement as she drew the curtain to give us some privacy as I went to one corner and turned down the lights in the room. We both sighed. We both closed our eyes. I had seen her cue that she was not comfortable giving me her hands. That was okay…Prayers did not need special words. Prayers did not need rituals…Prayers were the cries of one’s heart. I felt her defeat building up in her heart. But I also felt her increasing faith and reliance on God Who knew it all.

I led the prayer. She remained quiet. I wasn’t sure if she was praying but I kept pleading not only for her son, but also for her and the whole family. I knew the toll it would take not only on the person having surgery, but also for the rest of the family members who would be her son’s support. As I ended my prayers “in Jesus’ Name. Amen,” I opened my eyes only to feel slightly embarrassed that she still had her eyes closed and her lips mumbling so faintly. Tears formed in the corners of her eyelids. I bowed my head and closed my eyes again. This was a sacred moment coming from a person who chose to believe and I dared not to interrupt…

We both opened our eyes after that. She hugged me tightly and thanked me. I reminded her I was not the one hearing her cries. It was God. He was the One Who deserved all her thanks.

The smile I saw earlier remained on her face. As we both joined the working medical crew inside the Clinic, I heard her laughing as one started joking around. How foolish of me to think that I could really help her with anything! When in reality, it was only God Who could give everything. She needed Jesus. I did, too. Even after accepting His gift of grace and forgiveness...

Friends, while you're here, do you mind if you can drop a prayer for Nurse H. and her son, C. who's having a back surgery tomorrow in the morning? Thank you...God bless you all.

No Matter What

2012-01-24T08:36:00.000-08:00

“Give it about 60 more days,” uttered the lady on the phone…

“60?” I asked.

“Ma’am, if I had waited this long, 60 days is nothing…”

She laughed softly, as if amused by the strength and in the way those words were stated to her ears.

“I understand,” she replied…

I had been waiting for some help I needed to fight the decisions made for me by some people who sat on higher positions from my work. They were determined to end my career because I did not and could not obey their demands. It had been a little over a year now since my battle began. My working hours were reduced. I was placed on a shift that I never wanted but worked it as I couldn’t do anything at that time but waited for this help. I knew the process would be long. It could be exhausting. Evidenced by many before me who failed to state their cases. Known by others that those people either chose to quit or just accepted their fate of leaving Correctional Nursing. Slapped with wrong motives, unfair treatments, and abuse of power.

I wanted to take the same route at first. But when I asked in prayers, I was reminded that any trial that came in my journey, even this one, was never unnoticed by the Highest Authority.

There is no trial that never goes through His hands!

And I chose to believe. If I learned patience before, this process made me learn patience even more. It was tough. But at the same time, my heart and mind were like branches being pruned to be prepared for another season. I was hungry for His quick justice. Except…The answer might not come quick.

Knowing how God brought me from the hospital when I hurt my neck in 1997 and how He placed me in a Correctional setting and blessed me tremendously both physically and spiritually, I knew I must trust. No matter what the outcome would be.. I would always choose to believe that He has the best reasons why things happened. Even with those not so nice ones. This trial that I thought would be hard to overcome as if a big mountain on my path was nothing compared to the Mountain Who granted me and anyone who believed His victory!

"You don't have enough faith," Jesus told them. "I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible." – Matthew 17:20 (NLT)

I thank God I have a Mediator through Christ in every trial that comes my way. I know justice will come. Not in my time. In God’s perfect time…

“The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen.” – 2 Timothy 4:18 (NIV)

Lord, thank You for Your grace and mercy. I know that I can't do anything with my own strength. I thank You that through trials, You remind me to depend on You more and completely put my trust in no one but You. I know that I don't see things clearly and I don't see the whole picture. Grant me Lord Your eyes that I may see things the way You see them. Give me Your heart that readily forgives so I may be able to forgive those who hurt me. Thank You Lord for Your provisions despite the hardship these people tried to inflict me with. Thank You for reminding me through Your Word that no matter what people plan, it is You Who always direct my steps. I praise You Lord. And I ask that You also strengthen my family, friends, and blogging friends and help us all with all the trials we are facing. Please protect us. Empower us with Your Spirit. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

The Empty Seats

2012-01-20T08:06:00.000-08:00

I had been busy these past few days helping a sick friend. Since driving to places made it difficult for her, I volunteered to drive her and brought her to her doctor. It was a beautiful morning that day with the temperature being comfortable though the sun was shining so brightly. I dropped her off by the Clinic’s front door and veered to find a spot in the middle of the lot.

rows of empty seats in a doctor's office

As I followed to enter the medical office, I was greeted by a surprising silence. All of the seats were empty except for the one being occupied by my friend as she waited for the nurse to call her. Working at the hospital for many years in the past, I knew that must be a welcoming break for the staff working in that facility. Even their phones were extremely idle.

I took out a piece of paper and pen from my purse I intentionally brought with me since I anticipated the usual long waits in any doctor’s visits. I thought of writing about anything that came to mind to just “kill the time”, so to speak.

Nothing. At each passing minute, my attention was distracted by those empty seats. I did not know why. I had a mixed feeling. That those empty seats meant a lot. It could mean that some patients were healed. Or maybe others were still going through whatever diagnoses were found out and caused them some symptoms. I wanted to be ecstatic. But I knew there was something deceiving with those rows upon rows of empty seats. They would always be there. Waiting if not for the old patients, welcoming the new, anxious ones.

As I tried to scribble, the front door opened wide. In came a family of three with a baby. Followed by a mother and young son. Then, a female teen-ager toting her big purse. One after another, the seats started to be filled. Then I heard the receptionists answered the phone lines. One after another.

“Are you okay?” asked my friend I didn’t even notice already had come out after seeing her doctor.

“Done already? Wow! That was quick!”

As she made another follow-up appointment, I looked around and confirmed that those empty seats were deceiving. Being empty did not mean it was a quiet day for the staff. Being empty did not mean that patients were doing well, in fact, more came in, looking nervous.

The Bible warns for us not to “Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.” – Ephesians 5:6 (ESV)

Sins abound around us. Not all things that appear harmless will benefit us. A lot of “too good to be true” promises are spoken. Some things may appear innocent but in reality, those things are not pleasing to God. They are all deceiving. They are all empty.

However, there is an empty seat reserved by God for each of us. The seat of surrender. He wants us to make that appointment to see Him and for us to empty ourselves. That is the only way for our sickness to be healed. For our uncleanness to be clean. For our unrighteousness to become righteous. For our hopelessness to become hopeful. For our weaknesses to become strength. For our weariness to find comfort. All because of Jesus.

"Empty me, Oh Lord..."

Planting Seeds

2012-01-13T14:12:00.000-08:00

"You cannot hold on to anything good. You must be continually giving - and getting. You cannot hold on to your seed. You must sow it - and reap anew. You cannot hold on to riches. You must use them and get other riches in return." ~ Robert Collier

I had written about visiting my uncle and his family I had not seen since 1986 few days ago. Together with my son, we had a fun time reminiscing fun moments, neglecting the things that either dampened the growth of love within the family like when him and my father were involved in a court battle over a piece of land or other things that caused divisions among them. I was so glad that I listened to the prompting of the Spirit days before the anticipated visit of mine. Our reunion became our source of healing the past, buried wounds. Tears of joy washed away the many injuries inflicted in each other’s hearts, brought about by a court battle from the older generation and putting up walls of isolation between them (siblings of my father), in which, some of my cousins chose to be involved.

Tonight, it would be their turn to come over to our house and I invited them for dinner. You betcha! I had been preparing what foods to make and making a list ahead of time.

I went earlier to Trader Joe’s and I thought of getting some fruits for desserts, instead of cakes and other sweets to have a healthier option, knowing my uncle had a history of stroke, yet he was doing well with less-noticeable aftermath.

“The cherries and grapes are very sweet!” That was my text message to my husband who was still at work.

Sometimes, I’m surprised how some fruits are so sweet even if it may not be their season. I know my guests will love them. And I’m not sure if my husband will make me save those seeds again. He always wants me to save some seeds if we happen to get sweet fruits to see if they will grow in our backyard.

But in the back of my mind, our dinner tonight I know will not be about food. It is a continuation of our renewal and mending broken relationships. It is with the hope that we all will further get healed in this special get-together. My cousins are flying on Sunday, back to Australia and God knows when we will see each other again.

As my battle from workplace has not even begun and as they lessened my working hours in the prison, this trial became an advantage instead. With the more time I gained on my hands as things at work changed, priorities in my heart needed to change. God showed me during my painful moments that I actually never lose any position at work. He blessed me instead with more time for my family and He made me truly consider the steps I’m taking in this journey to gear toward healing, hope and restoration. And it starts with my own family.

As much as He knows how much I love to share my stories from work and relate it with my faith in Him to make others know Him through my posts, He is showing me little by little that though the Bible says that the “harvest is plenty,” He is reminding me that I will not be able to harvest any if I don’t start planting any seeds. What seeds?

Like those sweet cherries and grapes I bought this morning, I had already tasted His goodness and from Him comes the fruits (of the Spirit): love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

So, as I see my uncle’s family again, I would love to start planting love where there is hate, joy where there is sadness and despair, peace for any chaotic mem’ries that might surface, etc…I know our time together will end up sweeter than those fruits because whatever springs from love comes from God. It is His greatest attribute after all. It is His doing not mine...

The Smiling Inmate

2012-01-08T13:14:00.000-08:00

I observed the older female inmate who happened to be the cellmate of the other crying, younger inmate that my co-worker was assessing. She had a weird smile on her face as if she was having fun to hear what was going on, after the unit deputy called the Infirmary regarding the crying inmate who just slipped on the floor.

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“There was a puddle of water and I slipped,” she complained, pointing to her right hip that landed first but no one witnessed except the cellmate who remained quiet but just smiling the entire time. The deputy glanced at me and as if her eyes were talking, thought her complained was out of the norm as there was no visible water on the floor. Except…

I started looking down all over and under the bottom bunk of the 2-tiered beds. On the farther right side below it by its metal legs, I saw a rolled-up blanket that seemed to have been used to dry up the floor and next to it was a visibly, noticeable remaining amount that was still not completely dried up.

The other nurse started taking blood pressure on the moaning inmate. The deputy was a little surprised that I went up a little closer to the other inmate and asked her some questions.

“Did you see her fall?”

She just smiled.

“Was the floor wet earlier before we came?”

She smiled then replied, “Oh yeah! There were rats coming from this (as she pointed to the wall that did not have any holes or any vents) so I started pouring water to drown them.” A light just turned on as the deputy and the other nurse started listening to our conversation. I grabbed her ID clipped on her left, upper pocket of her orange shirt and wrote down her own booking number so I could check if she was already being seen by our Mental Health Services.

“Did you have any history of a mental health problem?” I added.

As if with a proud tone of voice, she hollered, “Yeah…I’m bipolar!”

There were no obvious signs of physical injuries sustained on the other inmate who fell. Looking afraid and sort of relieved that we discovered her cellmate’s unusual behavior, she started complaining, “I knew there was something wrong with her.”

I motioned for the deputy and the other nurse to step out of the tiny cell and recommended to the deputy that no other inmate be housed together with the smiling inmate. We asked if the inmate who fell could be moved to another cell, for her safety and peace of mind. Fortunately, the cell next door was empty and the resident on the bottom bunk was a pregnant inmate. We helped the hurt inmate gathered her belongings on the top bunk and she immediately was transferred to the other cell.

As my co-worker and I had gone back to the Infirmary, we looked at the smiling inmate’s charge and not surprised at all to see that she was jailed for “faking an emergency.” She was already being given Psychiatric medications. We advised the unit and we were all relieved that no other harmful injuries were caused by her.

This world we live in is like a big prison, full of people with different colors, beliefs, cultures, speaking different languages and because of our differences, we cannot predict someone’s behavior will always agree with what we believe in. Lots of people around us are hurting and no matter how much their values and opinions differ from us, we are all the same when it comes to feeling loved and accepted and be respected.

Next time a heart-broken person comes along, remember that he or she is the same…Wanting to be loved…Wanting to be respected…Wanting to be sympathized with…Wanting to be respected and sometimes, comforted…

"So once again, I, the LORD All-Powerful, tell you, "See that justice is done and be kind and merciful to one another!" - Zechariah 7:8-9 (CEV)

Tears

2012-01-06T05:57:00.000-08:00

I wiped my fogging up lenses and put it back on again and confirmed that the man before me who was cleaning a car in their garage was my uncle I hadn’t seen since 1986. The aged face…The movement of his hands as he continued to clean the car’s windows mimicked that of his brother’s…My father who had been gone since 2007. I decided to get out of our just-parked car and told my son that I would go ahead and ran up to him. He didn’t recognize me at first but I already hugged him tight like a bear’s grab which wouldn’t let go. And tears flowed from us. Tears of healing and joy.

Several years ago, my father and him were involved in a court battle over a piece of land from their parents. My father got involved in order to fight not for his share but for the nephew and nieces he had from their oldest brother. The fight took long and the sad part was my uncle’s kids got involved, too. My siblings and I didn’t. We knew we shouldn’t.

“D wants to see you,” my cousin called my cell phone out of the blue. For many years, I welcomed her into our old home and then with them getting involved in the court battle, she stopped visiting us. I never understood as I welcomed and opened my home to her as if she was my own sibling. Situations like that ended up hurting us. Not only her. But many others we treated with love and acceptance ended up hurting us in the end. Her phone call raised my husband’s cautious level. I understood where he was coming from. He didn’t want me to get hurt anymore.

But forgiveness was a must. I knew that if I professed I was a Christian, letting His love penetrate the wounds could only be possible if I start “letting go of any offenses” and if I wanted to conform to Jesus’ likeness. I shouldn’t say “I am a Christian” if my footsteps would not go toward the directions where Jesus’ were leading. If my footsteps would go the other way, it would be better for me not to say anything.

I never mentioned the court battle that occurred without any resolve. Our laughter were deafening as I joked around so much as my cousins and my uncle and auntie enjoyed and perhaps were baffled how much I had changed from being a quiet, naïve little girl into what they were seeing and hearing over lots of foods they prepared and some which I brought. My son enjoyed his time meeting my extended family and it felt like we all had known each other for many years.

As we wrapped up our conversation and hugged my uncle again and took some moments to take pictures, tears flowed again from my eyes. Suddenly, I felt that my being funny was the same spirit that my earthly father had and was known for. His brother. He must have sensed my father’s love and presence through me. My cousins and my uncle and auntie must sense the love also that came from our heavenly Father Who loved us all. They must know that it required an extra-ordinary effort for me and my son to visit them despite what happened from yesterday’s ugly memories but it was possible to break that and start creating more loving and warm ones.

“I love you, uncle. I will visit you again and again and I want you to know that you can come to our house anytime and see us,” I whispered to his now slightly deaf ears. He hugged me tighter and didn’t say anything but I saw tears flowed, too from his eyes. And they felt good. They were tears of healing. They were tears of joy.

Because forgiveness frees…Forgiveness breaks heavy chains…Forgiveness heals even the deepest wounds…Forgiveness forgets the scarred hearts and wants to start anew with a new heart…Forgiveness is first received and shared. Forgiveness comes from Jesus’ scarred hands. Scarred as all the sins were nailed on that wooden cross as He opened His arms and in His death, welcomed all with those spread arms. But the best thing was that He lived…Because love is eternal. His love that does not go with outward circumstances but remains joyful and accepting.

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"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (TNIV)

Father, thank You for Your love and forgiveness. Thank You for my son and I's wonderful time of healing old family wounds yesterday and breaking down walls that separated us for many years. Thank You for the prompting of Your Spirit to look beyond the outward circumstances and letting Your love guide and lead us in that path of forgiveness. I ask that You please touch many hearts today and may You open up their hearts and minds in able for them to see the path that leads to the Cross. May they come to know Your love and forgiveness through Jesus, Your Son. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

I Don't Know His Name...Only His Choice

2012-01-01T05:20:00.000-08:00

" ⁴¹ "I don't need praise from people. ⁴² But I know you—I know that you don't have God's love in you.⁴³ I have come from my Father and speak for him, but you don't accept me. But when another person comes, speaking only for himself, you will accept him.⁴⁴ You try to get praise from each other, but you do not try to get the praise that comes from the only God. So how can you believe?" ~ John 5:41-44 (NCV)

Scanning the list of items I needed to get yesterday from Trader Joe’s, I grabbed a couple of cartons of eggs and as I turned saw a familiar stance. I still didn’t know his name but I thought of beating him first in saying “Hello.”

Crouched on the floor as he stocked some more dairy items, I tapped his right shoulder.

“Hi! Happy New Year to you!”

A little surprised at first, he finally showed his warm smile and greeted me back with enthusiasm.

When our short exchange of communication ended, I waved and left him still stocking all those items on the bottom shelf.

“Have a nice day!” I hollered. Without mentioning his name.

It all started this way.

I love shopping at Trader Joe’s. Oftentimes, I make my list every week and try to get the items that I just need for our family’s weekly meals. Until one time, I heard…

“Hi Angie! How are you today?” he greeted as I was taking some bananas. He had a smile the whole time.

I looked around me. The other shoppers were a little too far from where I was and where he was glancing.

I smiled back at him. He stopped smiling and the expression was replaced with a kind that seemed to wonder. Wonder why I never said “Hello” back but just a smile.

With the following trip early one morning, I was examining some frozen fishes from the freezer when I heard the familiar voice yelling, “Hi Angie! How are you?”

I looked up to see it was “him” again. I smiled back. Then he got quiet again.

On the third trip, with my cart filled with all the grocery items I needed from my list that day, I happened to spot an empty line for a cash register.

“Hi Angie! Did you get everything you need today?”

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It was “him” ringing the shoppers’ items.

I started laughing softly much to his surprise.

“I’m so sorry.” I started apologizing as I continued to laugh.

“You always say “Hi” to me and I always just smiled at you because I wasn’t sure who you were referring to every time. I’m not “Angie”. My name is “R.”

He joined my laughter with his.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I thought you were Angie. From now on, I won’t say a name. I’ll just say ‘Hello’.”

“That’s okay. You know one thing?”

“The most important thing is that you never fail to say “Hi” not only to me but to anyone who enter the doors. Thank you.” I uttered as he handed me the long receipt of what I just paid for.

I don’t know his name even today as I type this story. But I know the choice he makes when it comes to shoppers at that Trader Joe’s. He chooses to always give them a warm smile as he greets each and every one and he always asks if we need anything else.

As we closed the door to 2011 and welcome the very first day of another year, it is the choices we have to make each day in 2012 that will determine the outcome by the end of this year. One can be wise in making the right choices and be infants for those evil things. That is...if he or she chooses to...What's on your list for 2012?

Re-tracing My Steps

2011-12-30T07:59:00.000-08:00

As another year starts peeking through the windows of the changing seasons, my heart is settled with the thought of not looking forward and hoping for what is to come for another round of 365 days. My pen remained at rest in the drawer and perhaps, will stay that way and not write the goals I want to achieve that either are short-lived or forgotten by the middle part of the year.

As it has been almost a year now that I was being given a hard time at my workplace when it comes to my position as a Correctional Nurse, there is no new road except for me to learn more patience each day and remain focused on just One Road...Jesus'... I know that the process of defending myself is long. But I opted from day one to challenge the decisions made by those who held higher positions and expose the unfair treatments and practices that have been going on and unknown by oblivious eyes who don't work there.

As 2012 comes, I choose to instead look back and re-trace my steps I had taken in my life journey. Where wounds were given, I choose to forgive and heal. Where injustices seemed to have been done, I choose to remain patient and let God does His intervention. Where lies were hurled, I choose to bring them into His truth. Where I had fallen, I choose to see His never failing commitment to always stick by my side and His quick actions of always reaching out to help me get up again and again(I know already that I won’t be able to count those times).

The prison is a very dark place and so is this world. One thing that stands out as I start to re-discover and take some steps back, it is God’s love that has always been my place of refuge and safety with this darkness that surrounds me. I know it’s not only me who has gone through so many trials. I know some of you have gone through the most difficult treks that are hard to endure. But I invite you to re-trace your steps as 2012 comes and I pray that you will discover deep in your hearts that He is truly there for each of us, strengthening us, comforting us, healing us, and saving us. I pray that as we discover His goodness, then we will emerge even stronger, braver, and with renewed strength as we face whatever comes our way this 2012.

When the first day of 2012 comes, I don’t know what will happen but He does. So, Who better to trust but Jesus Who knows it all: past, present and future! Then, I know…in Him there is security…

“²¹ Remember, God is the One who makes you and us strong in Christ. God made us his chosen people.²² He put his mark on us to show that we are his, and he put his Spirit in our hearts to be a guarantee for all he has promised.” – 2 Corinthians 1:21,22 (NCV)

May God’s richest blessings be upon you all and Happy New Year to all of you friends!!! Thank you for your love, prayers and friendship...

We Were Not Just Co-Workers

2011-12-25T18:28:00.000-08:00

"Come with me Rcubes," invited the supervisor who had to leave early and upon my workmates and my insistence for her to leave after receiving a frightful phone call.She needed to go straight to the hospital where her father had been in for many months now and not doing well.

"Would you please give this to Nurse E. and Nurse H. and oh!" as she grabbed a small package filled with goodies I could tell she made, "This is for you..."

"Oh...Nurse C., you don't have to do that but thank you."

"Yes, I do...You always bring stuff."

"Drive safely C. and please, let us know if we can help you with anything. Be strong."

She took a few steps closer to me and with the freezing atmospheric breaths blowing upon us, she initiated a hug.

Careful not to be taken as a special favor when I first walked into the Clinic, I gave her the same chocolate candies I had ready for everyone working with me last night. As I had been going through a tough battle against many people in higher positions, I was careful not to treat her as if I wanted a favor from her, being one of our supervisors.

"Merry Christmas!" as she got up and gave me the first hug inside the Infirmary.

She had been calling in sick a lot. When I first heard about her father being very sick in the hospital, it brought many mem'ries of my own as my father was longing to go Home after being diagnosed with Colon Cancer. I could imagine the physical and mental toll this illness had not only on her father but on herself. She was one of our supervisors. Tired of those supervisors who backstabbed their own crew, she was careful not to do that. I remembered she would talk about her oldest son and how he would pray whenever something went wrong. There were nights when we were not too busy and she spoke about the Bible and God and spiritual enemies.

I let my cautious walls around me fell apart as she approached me with open arms after instructing me about her gifts.

"Merry Christmas again and I pray that you will remain strong," I uttered as I enveloped my arms around her.

And in that short flash of moment, I knew we both had let our differences disappear.

Yes, we differed in so many ways and sometimes even clashed with our attitudes. But one thing remained true, we were both in need of strength, hope, peace and joy in our hearts despite the many trials we encounter. The kind that only would come from God. The gifts from the Father we both knew and loved and Who found us both when we were walking astray at one point in our lives. She knew my battle. I knew hers.

There we were in the well-lit staff parking, as if time froze on us and I knew our hearts both felt the comfort and strength and sincere love that only would come from being a part of God's family. It might be just a "simple hug" but we knew that it became a source of strength and comfort knowing we were not alone in our battles. Suddenly, I didn't see her as a supervisor anymore as she said "Bye." And with the tone of her voice, I knew she didn't treat me as just a "co-worker below her."

I just knew...our bond was more evident. The bond of unity that only would come from God's merciful hands. We were not just co-workers. We were sisters in Christ's family.

May You Be Distracted By A Child

2011-12-23T07:32:00.000-08:00

My oven stayed cool, the door unopened and without any fallen flour dusts. I haven’t baked anything sweet this season. Some loved ones and friends already received the gifts we had given them. Gifts that were not rushed in forms of gift cards and good pastries bought from a nearby-bakery shop. Except for a few fishes my husband and I made with labor. I cleaned the fishes as he chopped the veggies and mix everything and cooked everything, only to be stuffed back into the fish. With the back side sewn, then pan fried with just a dab of oil. Some friends liked it that we opted to give them these as gifts from our kitchen.

As we remember the coming of our Lord Jesus, I pray that many who don’t know Him would be distracted by the “birth of the child”, instead of the distractions of this world. From our home to yours, Merry Christmas friends and may God bless you all richly!

"18 This was how the birth of Jesus Christ took place. His mother Mary was engaged to Joseph, but before they were married, she found out that she was going to have a baby by the Holy Spirit.19 Joseph was a man who always did what was right, but he did not want to disgrace Mary publicly; so he made plans to break the engagement privately.20 While he was thinking about this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said,
Joseph, descendant of David, do not be afraid to take Mary to be your wife. For it is by the Holy Spirit that she has conceived.21 She will have a son, and you will name him Jesus—because he will save his people from their sins.

22 Now all this happened in order to make come true what the Lord had said through the prophet,23
A virgin will become pregnant and have a son, and he will be called Immanuel (which means,
God is with us).

24 So when Joseph woke up, he married Mary, as the angel of the Lord had told him to.25 But he had no sexual relations with her before she gave birth to her son. And Joseph named him Jesus." - Matthew 1:18-25 (GNT)

What If God Wants Me There?

2011-12-19T05:53:00.000-08:00

“So, I’m seeing you guys come Sunday, Christmas?” the pastor asked my family and I as we exited the Sanctuary after our first worship service. Hugging each of us and seeing his enthused-powered smiles every time, we couldn’t help but smile back.

“Of course,” I replied with a grin to match his and that was what the three of us discussed and agreed upon when we realized as he announced from the altar that Sunday would be Christmas Day.

“Let’s go,” I told my husband who already said “Yes” anyway even before I was done asking him and my son agreed, too.

My smile eventually vanished when I remembered that I was scheduled to work come Christmas Eve, meaning that I would miss our fellowship on Sunday, Christmas Day.

“That’s okay,” my husband tried to reassure me knowing how heavier my heart grew when I told him.

“Kristian and I would still go even if you would miss it,” he added.

Of all places to be on such an important day of remembering Jesus, I would spend it on this place I had been dreading the most. I didn’t want to be there. I lost my enthusiasm ever since I was given a hard time by those people having higher positions. All because of their ill intentions to do what they want to do, showing how powerful they could become that they could do what they decided to do. It didn’t matter if people under them were not happy. It didn’t matter even if they didn’t want to announce and always surprised the staff with many changes that most of them were driven to more stressful situations on their part.

“Bummer,” I whispered to my husband and son.

At the back of the car, as my son drove to go to our favorite breakfast place, I had been contemplating about missing the fellowship. As I tried to say “I’m sorry” in my silent prayer only God could hear, I felt some comfort in my heart at the same time. The type that strengthened me and reassured me that it was okay for me to miss the service.

“What if He wanted me to be there?” I suddenly thought to myself.

“Who am I to refuse with what He wanted me to do?”

I didn’t know the reason why I felt comfortable after that thought but there was one thing sure in my heart and mind these past few days, even months and years….

“That there are lots of people suffering, both physically and much more spiritually.”

“How can I serve You God?” I sometimes asked Him, sometimes afraid I even asked Him knowing it could be uncomfortable many times.

But with His grace, I know I can… Only by God’s grace…

“³We have everything we need to live a life that pleases God. It was all given to us by God's own power, when we learned that he had invited us to share in his wonderful goodness. ⁴God made great and marvelous promises, so that his nature would become part of us. Then we could escape our evil desires and the corrupt influences of this world.

⁵Do your best to improve your faith. You can do this by adding goodness, understanding, ⁶self-control, patience, devotion to God, ⁷concern for others, and love. ⁸If you keep growing in this way, it will show that what you know about our Lord Jesus Christ has made your lives useful and meaningful. ⁹But if you don't grow, you are like someone who is nearsighted or blind, and you have forgotten that your past sins are forgiven.” – 2 Peter 1:3-9 (CEV)

Father, please forgive me for all my short-sighted visions. Give me a pair of eyes like Yours that see the needs of others around me. Give me ears that hear other's afflictions and give me hands that love to help out and reach out to others with the best I can. Give me a compassionate heart like Jesus', able to love unconditionally, even my enemies. Thank You God for loving us unconditionally and sending Jesus, Your only Son, to save humanity. This Christmas, help me remember the precious gift You had given me was not for me to keep, but also to be shared among others. Thank You Lord for Your love and mercy and grace. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

The Wounds In The Heart

2011-12-14T06:26:00.000-08:00

There he was sitting on the cold floor, in a very long hallway in one of the prison’s units. In what appeared to be a weak state, he seemed not able to get up, close to a huge metal door, some deputies from both units where he sat were surrounding and watching him until we, the medical staff, came and responded to their radio call.

He claimed that he fell earlier in the day from his bunk and his unit sent him to the Infirmary to be examined. Halfway the distance, that was when he sat down and complained of being “dizzy.”

Borrowing a guerney from the nearest unit, the other nurse wheeled him down to the Clinic, as I struggled to carry the slight heavy red emergency bag, strapped to my right shoulder, my footsteps, following them.

“Do you mind taking over?” the nurse asked me if I could take care of this inmate who fell.

“Not at all,” I replied as I gathered the vital signs machine and other things I needed to evaluate and probe more.

He seemed very anxious. With his eyes going in every direction, only maintaining a short amount of time with eye contact, he kept complaining he didn’t feel good. I saw the beads of tears formed in those slightly almond shaped eyes, surrounded with a darkness that marked a lot of shallow sleeps and perhaps, nights that he didn’t sleep at all. He was honest about his history of being “bipolar.”

“Sir, there’s more to this…”

“What do you mean? I don’t feel good.”

“I know you don’t feel good that’s why we brought you here to the Clinic to try and help you out. Do you feel like hurting yourself?”

He stopped in his marathon talks of complaints. He looked down and couldn’t maintain an eye contact with me even more. With a soft whisper, he let out an audible “Yes.”

As soon as he said that, he cried. He said that he had been constantly hearing his mother crying that it was driving him “nuts” that he felt hurting himself would end it all.

I wished we had more time so I could find out where the hurt was coming from. I knew he wasn’t dizzy physically. He was dizzy because of the confusion that was clouding his mind. He wanted to be surrounded with peace. But he was surrounded with darkness and noises only himself could hear that roused more anxiety deep within his heart. It was even worse that he was surrounded by the prison walls and the darkness that was present day and night as they only had tiny windows in each cells.

I wasn’t able to find out the true relationship that he had with his mother whether it was disruptive or a caring nature. But the bottom line was….this man was hurting deep inside. I could see the veil of anxiety covering him and despite being on some medications to help him, the symptoms were not being relieved at all. I could sense the scab of painful memories layered over the years in his heart.

I handed a piece of paper to the Deputy who would take him to our Suicide Watch. I knew he would have another long night without any possible sleep. But placing him to be monitored would guarantee his safety until he could be seen by the Mental Health doctor in the morning. It was sad that he needed to be protected. Not from others…But from himself.

A lot of times in my life’s journey, I stored what hurt me the most in my heart, especially if they were caused by others. And what a big heart I have that is capable of storing countless wounds! But in doing so, I learned to build walls to protect me and alienate me from those I suspected who would hurt me again. Sometimes, I tried to bury the painful memories to make me forget but every time I saw that place where I buried them, the pain started again. In reality, I was the only one who suffered the most, not those people who hurt me. The truth was I was hurting no one but myself.

There is no wound that God’s love cannot heal. But with the veil of darkness and pain that covered me, I had learned that I must be open to have these wounds be exposed to His light and healing. This was not a fun process but once I received His offer of love, His love replaced what was in my heart and with His help, I had put down those walls I created and let His bridge be built instead… Yes, those walls needed to come down first, in order for me to allow His grace and mercy to penetrate deep within and His Spirit to aerate the dead cells in my heart.

Because God loves to comfort…God loves us first… God wants us to be healed.

Are you willing to let those walls in your heart crumble and be open to His light and healing?

“For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior…” – Isaiah 43:3 (NIV)

The Bell Ringer

2011-12-09T15:01:00.000-08:00

"Before we can pray "Lord, Thy Kingdom come!", we must be willing to pray, "My Kingdom, go!" ~ Alan Redpath

I needed some radish and some peppers my husband liked with anything I cooked with broth. If not for these needed ingredients, I didn’t feel like dashing to the nearby grocery store as I would rather be cooped up inside our home, in my PJ, and just planned to stay that way all day. I knew the sunlight was deceiving as it shone brightly but the beautiful rays were not yet enough to warm up the blistering cold of the winter mornings.

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There he was, an old man just garbed in a typical polo shirt and denim pants, ringing the bell he held tightly with his right hand. He was one of the familiar sights of volunteers for the Salvation Army around this time of the year.

“Merry Christmas!” I heard him yelled out to every person who walked into the grocery store. People either seemed to be in a hurry or were trying to avoid his way as many were hurting at this economic times, no one greeted him back. But he kept greeting everyone whether he got a response, even a smile or not. Tirelessly swinging the bells in his right hand, he kept a big smile painted on his face despite the numbing cold of air that brushed against his already red face.

Then, it was my turn to meet him on my path…

“Merry Christmas!” he smiled at me.

Unbeknownst to him, I had been contemplating on my response. Few steps before meeting him, I had already seen and heard many others who had ignored him. I always thought that even if I didn’t want to greet him, there was Someone Who could see my actions. Then again, He also could see even with what was on my mind before I acted on them.

“Merry Christmas to you, too! Thank you!” I replied as I paid back the smile he had been wearing endlessly, my steps continuing toward the entrance of the store to get the things I needed.

It only took me less than five minutes to gather everything I needed for the planned dinner as the lady from the cash register handed me back my change. I got some loose change and some dollar bills. I put them all back in my purse except for a dollar bill I wasn’t planning on depositing into that red bucket outside at first, was now intended to be given for whatever purpose it might serve, pooled with the other people’s donations. I knew I didn’t have to, but at that moment and in the verge of crossing path again with the pleasant volunteer, I was sure that I wanted to…

“I hope you get more!” I stated as I slid the bill into the bucket. His smile grew bigger and with twinkling in his eyes, he thanked me.

"No...Thank you!"

I knew it wasn’t about the dollar being donated to help others that prompted me to do that. It was about acknowledging the man’s presence, his volunteering, his smiles, his greetings to everyone who walked into his place. He didn’t have to do that but he wanted to, knowing that many were in need. He was giving a part of his heart that chose to labor for advancing the work of God.

Anyone born of the Spirit is indeed a part of the Salvation Army, that of Christ’s! Like that man, may we never tire in doing our work because for those who are willing to serve, God always has a place for them. In God's economy, nothing runs out because it is His love that is being circulated among us. Like that volunteer, what a beautiful day it will be for anyone if we all learn to acknowledge a person, greeting them from our hearts, showing them warm smiles even if they are not responding back, ringing the bells of freedom and making others who don't know Christ about the freedom He gives, tirelessly. Because no one knows what a rough time one could be going through and just that act of kindness, a simple act of kindness, coated with Christ's love sometimes, is what it takes to make someone see the love of God.

"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." - Ephesians 2:10 (ESV)

His Light

2011-12-05T08:19:00.000-08:00

It was so cold when I went to work last Saturday afternoon, coupled with the gusty winds that threatened to make a mess of anyone’s hair-do.

My spirit had been restrained and not as excited to anticipate what the day’s work would bring ever since I was given a hard time at work regarding my work hour issues. Lots of changes had been made by the one-year old Nurse Manager. There surely was nothing wrong with that. But with the abrupt changes with everyone’s assignment and work hours without consulting and warning anyone brought displeasure to a person’s heart. If anyone attempted to surely have their gripes be heard, they would not be heard until somehow, their complaints got lost into oblivion.

“Here, Rcubes,” greeted the supervisor as she placed a red raffle ticket on my empty left palm.

“What’s this?” I asked.

“For coming to work on time. We’re gonna’ have a raffle some time and this is your ticket so I hope you win,” she replied.

Without any malicious intent, and my spirit just feeling odd with the response, I asked, “Can I give this to someone else?” (My spirit perhaps was in a little wonderment as to why they started that. When was coming to work like a promo that a person needed to be given an incentive just so one could be at work on time? Wasn’t being “on time” a must for employees who took their oaths when they got hired?).

The supervisor didn’t expect my response, looking like I was not being real. But I was. I didn’t want anything from them, supervisors and those other sitting on higher positions as she was one who intimidated me, too and got involved when she shouldn’t have been. She knew that. Except, in her own wisdom, she thought she was doing the right thing that it was time for me to stop working the hours I had been doing for so many years.

One LVN came and whispered to me, “Come, follow me, Rcubes. Gotta’ show you somethin’.”

As we both opened the door that used to house the shelves of different medications for the inmates, I was shocked to see the small room was empty and the computer monitors and the black wirings with them were down on the floor.

“Woo…What’s up with this?” I surprisingly asked.

“I only found out myself, too, just a few minutes ago when I came here to work. So, I thought I’d show you. You just discover everything on your own, I guess. No one told me,” she replied with a frustrating tone.

“Well, thanks for showing me because if I needed to give some medications during sick call, at least I know where the meds were transferred.”

As I went back to where I was sitting, the more my spirit felt low. Everything saddened me to see how things were going worse. Morale was low. The place seemed to be chaotic and dirty. More complaints could be heard with unsatisfied situations they were in. People became more lazy with their work habits. I saw masks donned on faces and even saw some with mask on front of their face and on the back of their heads. As I left that night, exhausted but grateful for God’s provision of His wisdom and protection, I knew my fire was being quenched deep inside by the forceful winds of change. I could sense the evilness. The more I felt sad about people. And I know, in order for me to strive, I needed to stoke the fire in me.

The bone-chilling air was harsher when I went out the door by midnight. As I started my car and left the staff’s parking lot, I glanced once more at the beautiful landscapes surrounding the prison with its manicured lawn, lush gardens, and tall fences. “How sad!” I thought that just because it was beautiful outside didn’t mean it also was deep inside. And what a vast darkness it was in there. As I pressed more on my gas pedal and wanted to be out of that place in a hurry, one thing was always sure that cheered my spirit: “Despite all these changes, the God I trust will never change. And He is not a God of confusion.”

Yes, I needed to stoke my spirit with His Word so that He can use me to bring even a little light in that dark place. I wouldn’t quit in this battle I had been in because if my career as a Correctional Nurse had to end, the reason was it was not because those people in positions made that possible. It would be because either God would bring me somewhere the way He placed me there after working for 10 years in Orthopedics or He was teaching me to grow more in character that His light would shine brighter in me.

I Was That Leaf

2011-12-01T08:54:00.000-08:00

leaves all over our front yard

My son stood for a few minutes, with mouth agape upon the sight of wind-strewn leaves all over our front yard. The forceful gusts of wind kept coming in increments it seemed.

“Drive safely,” I cautioned as he prepared to go to his school.

I walked back into the house and heard the phone ringing. I didn’t pick up the call and let the caller leave a message on purpose. I wasn’t ready to give any answer, careful not to rush with any decision.

The winds outside blew harder. I saw the palm trees bending more and more as more leaves were scattered down the street and into people’s yards. The howling seemed threatening. Yet, I was grateful for the warmth and silence inside our house.

The red light kept blinking, catching my attention every time I passed by the answering machine, begging to be heard and be replied to. I did listen to the message. Then, decided not to reply. At least, for a while…

The powerful winds were created by people sitting in higher positions at my workplace almost a year ago. Fueled by their ill intentions to end my career, they tried to show their force. Their roaring accusations were all baseless. They were just loud. That was it…Loud and with empty promises. I wanted to quit at one point. But when I took refuge in His shelter, it became a different story. The strength, courage, peace and joy immediately surrounded me and sheltered me from these people.

“Just wondering if you’re able to come and help us out. Please give me a call back…” I played it over and over. Their intimidation to make me feel that I was useless because I couldn’t work longer hours was their main reason to not allow me to work the usual hours I worked for 11 years. It didn’t make sense. Now, they kept calling me many times just to request and sometimes beg me if I could go and help out a certain shift. It felt as if they were the ones caught in these powerful winds they created themselves.

this leaf caught my attention

I heard the flapping of the white tarp on our side yard as the wind blew again. I looked out and saw more yellow leaves fell from the tree across the street and down they went with a rustling sound as if they were marching down the street. I went out to take a few pictures and found one particular leaf right next to our palm tree in the front yard. Nestled on the frozen ground. Unmoved by the forceful winds. Displaying its own splendor crafted by the Hands above.

Like that leaf, I knew I found the truth that no matter how forceful the winds of evil men planned for me, I would be unmoved and would forever feel secure because the God of impossible was and would always be with me. The God we serve can turn around even these powerful winds into our advantage. I still was not sure where this battle would lead me but one thing was true from the start: wherever the winds had taken me and would take me, God had a purpose already planned from the start. I was that leaf, blown by the winds all over the place and down the street. Yet, I remained intact because of His grace…

And my tears flowed…feeling His love was always more powerful than any forceful winds here in this world. I was swept away. Landing on His merciful hands. Nestled on His loving arms. Unmoved because I knew Jesus’ hold never lets go.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." - Philippians 3:12 (NIV)

The Heart Bypass Surgery

2011-11-30T07:53:00.000-08:00

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.” – Isaiah 43:2 (NLT)

I recognized her face right away as I peeked through the glass partition window. Sitting comfortably but seemed bored upon the wait, she was being monitored for her morning sugar level was low. The LVN who checked her blood sugar needed to leave as her shift was done. Worried that she might have forgotten something, she asked me to do a favor to take over the care of this particular female inmate.

“I already gave her a tube of that glucose, Rcubes,” she advised.

“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of her. Just go and have a great day.”

“Ms. W.!” I summoned her after a few minutes had passed to re-check her blood sugar. She was slow in getting up but that didn’t bother me. I remembered what she had gone through the last time I had to deal with her. To think that she was begging me not to send her to the hospital at that time as her chest pain was going away and all because of the reason that she was getting impatient waiting for the arrival of the ambulance in the prison, I was glad I didn’t let her refuse the treatment we initiated.

“How’s your leg?” I asked.

With a puzzled look, she didn’t know how to answer, confused that I might have mistaken her for someone else.

“Ma’am…”she shyly replied, “I didn’t have anything done in my leg. I had a problem with my heart,” her tone of voice was firm and sure.

“Yes, you did!” my long-term memory in the works uttered.

“Remember, the doctors had to use some of the veins from your left leg to help your clogged heart when you were treated for your chest pain?”

Feeling embarrassed when I brought up that point, she admitted her mistake.

“You’re right, Ma’am…”

“I’m sorry. I forgot about my leg. I’m doing okay. It healed well (incision),” she smiled big, as a much-better appreciation for an extension of her life glowed on those haggard face.

“No one even bothers to ask me about my leg or my heart. Only you,” she added.

“Well, it was because we spent a whole good amount of time, waiting for the ambulance that day and I’m glad I didn’t listen to your request to cancel it.”

“Thank you. I remember that.”

“Oh, wow!” I interrupted our conversation about her coronary bypass surgery. “Your sugar even went lower.”

“Ma’am, my breakfast in my unit is probably cold now. Can you just send me back and I’ll just eat there?”she requested, the boredom manifested on the brows when they got lifted.

“No, Ms. W. Remember what we just talked about? I won’t send you back not until your blood sugar is more stable. I’ll get some breakfast for you now and re-check your blood sugar again.”

“Okay…You know what you’re doing. Thank you,” she replied as she went back to sit again on one of the plastic chairs in the small waiting area. Propping her head up, she glanced at the TV monitor hoisted up in one corner of the room and tried to amuse herself with what was showing.

Photobucket.com

No one recognized her but me. But it wasn’t me who cared. I was in her shoes before. Impatient with what was going on in my life’s journey, wanting to bypass the valleys so I could be on top of the mountain always. But that was not possible. Driving from a local store back to our home yesterday, I saw the different mountains in front of my windshield. Down below were numerous valleys that had a darker shadow as they were lower and light was hitting fully just on the top of the mountains.I thought..."What if...God is using us to shine our little light in the darkness that covers the valleys?" Walking through any valley is painful, scary, and an exhausting process at times. But God knows that. He never leaves us alone as we walk during the lowest times in our lives. ("You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence." - Acts 2:28 (NIV)

“How beautiful!” I exclaimed to myself, only to quickly realize and ponder how incomplete that magnificent view was if it was just only the mountains or only the valleys. They were arranged in a row, like in waves. First came the valley, then a mountain and so forth. A reminder of the Hands that created them and other great things, yet, He always cared for even the littlest detail.

We grow impatient. Sometimes, we don’t see the disastrous outcome in the long run whatever road we’re walking on. But one thing never changes…Jesus is always there Who sees our life’s struggles and victories. He is concerned. He truly cares. The question is… “Are we able to recognize and remember His love and all of the good things He blesses us with?” Just like that bypass surgery that inmate had to aid her heart, Jesus provides a way out when the roads we’re walking on seem clogged up. Then, we are able to move on again and live life again except with a better appreciation after letting Him do that much-needed surgery in our sinful hearts.

^“21Then I remember something that fills me with hope. ²²The LORD's kindness never fails! If he had not been merciful, we would have been destroyed. ²³The LORD can always be trusted to show mercy each morning.” – Lamentations 3:21-23 (CEV)

Something Beautiful

2011-11-26T07:10:00.000-08:00

“Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain.” ~Author Unknown

“That’s the only thing,” I vented to one of my co-workers I used to work with when I used to work nights before my superiors had transferred me to a Per Diem position, “My process would take a very long time. Only God knows when it even starts…But I’m not going to quit!” I whispered.

She was one of our medical secretaries who saw my struggles when my battle began. Despite the grapevine, she knew the truth of what was going on with my situation. She knew because she cared and encouraged me the moment she found out.

“Just keep fighting,” she would always tell me. I felt her encouragement arose from our brief moments of “coffee breaks” after a hard night’s work. We would both pass by the nearest Starbucks and would each grab a favorite blended caffeinated drink because we both would drive a long distance from work. I started admiring her when I found out she was trying to help out her parents with their financial needs that she put aside her own dreams of marrying her long-time beau.

Smelling the aroma from the cups we were holding during one of those breaks, she uttered, “Don’t quit Rcubes. Your situation is like my dad’s. They (supervisors) did that to him too when he got hurt at work and wanted him to resign. Except my dad didn’t want the hassle and did not fight back.”

“Where is he now, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Oh, he’s working some place else. But it’s too far from us. It’s in another state. But at least he’s happier.”

“Oh…You must miss him a lot!”

“Yes, we do,” she replied with a bead of tear formed in one corner of her eyes.

When I saw her again on Thanksgiving, night shift when I went to work, she approached me right away upon seeing my shadow. Her eyes gleaming with happiness.

“How are you, Rcubes?”

“Hi, N…So good to see you. I’m doing well,” to her delight upon hearing my answer despite the what seemed to be a bleak situation I had been going through. Other ears, to our awareness, were listening. But we had the slightest care. It was good to look back and remember the heartfelt conversations we had about families and about our own struggles.

We parted that cold morning as we separated to go to our parked cars. There was no intention to get our favorite coffee but our hearts remained full of encouragement for each other’s struggles. They had never stopped caring for each other though I worked lesser hours now, knowing that we both needed to persevere in our life’s struggles. Hers. And mine.

I saw her back turned away from me as she opened her driver’s door in her car. And I thought to myself, I was looking at one of the greatest persons here on earth who knew how to persevere as she cared for her family and not even think about her own needs. She used to thank me for a cup of coffee I insisted on buying for her and that how much I encouraged her to be strong. Little did she know, she was the one who also inspired me as I looked at the accomplishments she was achieving, one by one, despite what was going on in her life.

And how true it is….that God is making something beautiful in a person’s life through one’s own struggles as one learns how to persevere. It is those who suffered the most that seem to be the greatest.

“Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NLT)

"Look At Me"

2011-11-23T07:21:00.000-08:00

“Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;

his love endures forever.” – Psalm 107:1 (NIV)

My husband and I joined our hands in prayer before him leaving for work. As we started our whispers of petitions, his one-liner praise drowned my own as I started lifting up our needs:

“Thank You, Lord for Your grace, love and mercy…” was what I heard as my heart was asking Him to heal my son’s lingering coughs since he got sick, about my work that had been discriminating me, my achy neck and other physical symptoms and the uncertain future of my career once my charge against those people in higher positions would start.

My prayers became silent feeling a little embarrassed with everything that I was asking for. Instead, I found myself asking God in which He alone would hear, “How can I thank You despite what’s going on in our lives?”

“How can I thank You if physical healing seems to be not happening?”

“How can I thank You knowing I didn’t deserve the unfair treatment at work?”

“How can I thank You knowing how those people abusing their power seem to be getting away with everything they do that makes everyone at work not happy and treat us without any regard to our needs and capabilities?”

“How can I thank You knowing a lot of family and friends are going through tough times?”

I slightly peeked at my husband who was nearing to end his prayers of thanks, thinking that he said something else to me.

“Look at Me…”was what I heard audibly, except it didn’t come from my husband’s lips. It was whispered into my heart.

And in that split second, I was taken back to that time when the Egyptians were pursuing the Israelites after leaving Egypt with Moses. Moses’ faith-filled reassurance to people about God’s help prevailed more than the fearful cries of pleas from the Israelites. With God’s help, the people were able to cross the parted Red Sea while the Pharaoh’s entire army was swept away when the waters returned. God’s providence did have a bright and pleasant side toward His people.

My neck pain? How would it compare to Jesus’ wounds and what He had to endure on the cross?

My son’s lingering coughs? They were not bad after all. The doctor must know he would need his inhalers temporarily and God had been awesomely providing for our needs. Despite my work limiting my hours and giving me a hard time, God had provided us enough to pay for our bills, food, and other things.

The unfair treatment at work? Nothing any one of us does would ever slip His justice because in the end of our journeys, we would all face God.

The suffering loved ones and friends? Relationships are His gift in the first place. Through sharing grief and other pain, the burden becomes lighter for one carrying that heavy load.

How can I give thanks when facing all these storms of life? I can…Knowing that behind those dark clouds, the Son is always shining. God’s love is never far from us. It’s always close, waiting to be accepted in a person’s heart…For what God had done to show how much He loves us, that alone is suffice to always be “thankful”…

How can I be thankful? I should be…because of Jesus…Like those Israelites saved by God out of slavery (Egypt), Jesus truly sets us free!

“Let us look only to Jesus, the One who began our faith and who makes it perfect. He suffered death on the cross. But he accepted the shame as if it were nothing because of the joy that God put before him. And now he is sitting at the right side of God's throne.” – Hebrews 12:2 (NCV) - (emphasis is mine)

I'm Thankful Knowing I Will Survive

2011-11-17T07:56:00.000-08:00

As I battled since December 2010 against some people in higher positions at my workplace, God had been faithful with me as He promised that He would never leave me nor forsake me. From having a regular position, they had taken that away and made me become a “Per Diem Nurse” which meant I was only an “Extra Help” if there was a need or shortage with our staffing. I wanted to be angry. But He constantly reminded me not to. He wanted me to learn patience and just continue trusting on His plans. Working much lesser hours, this had turned out to be a blessing as I looked back now. My husband had been busier in his work, requiring for them to leave at the very wee hours of the morning. With me being home, I was able to help out in preparing his breakfast and lunches as he got up and made “green tea” to warm him up on cold mornings. Lacking sleep, I remained okay as I didn’t have to worry about working that day. Same thing with my son. I loved that I was able to help him out in some ways during times that he was so busy and had little time because of too much homework. I had all these time to care for him when he got sick and my husband did not need to take some time off from work when someone needed to bring our child to his doctor. I was also able to plan for a healthier meals, week after week. Earning less helped us as a family to even be more contented with what we have and don't have. One thing we never doubted at this crucial test: "God does provide!!!"

I know that a lot of people are suffering whether it concerns their health, financial status and other things. Some are just hanging on the very end of that rope called “faith”. It’s never easy when you want to believe and it feels like God is not hearing our pleas. It’s easier to doubt.

If we realize that it is not our hold on that rope that saves us but His, hope remains alive.Even if He feels so far away, He never lets go...

"Don't be afraid. I am with you.
   Don't tremble with fear.
   I am your God.
   I will make you strong,
   as I protect you with my arm
   and give you victories." - Isaiah 41:10 (CEV)

Not only on this coming Thanksgiving but in each day that comes in my life, God reminds me that there are other things in my life that have far more worth than worrying about trials I’m facing. Even in those unwanted trials, He makes it known that He surely turns them around for our advantage. That is…If we believe in what He can do.

We can look at our trials not to weigh us down but instead, as a test of our obedience to God. They help our true, inner feelings surface from the deepest crevices in our hearts: our worthiness, obedience, and faith in Christ. When we truly understand God’s ways, we can be sure that our hearts will always be thankful no matter what circumstances we are in.

“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.” – James 1:12 (ESV)

It’s almost a year now and I still can’t speak up as it’s not the perfect time. I started the initial action of bringing this matter into His light. But despite their continued intimidation and discrimination, I know I can survive…Not because of my own strength. Because of His.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6,7 (ESV)

Just a little fun to wish you all friends a “Happy Thanksgiving!” May God bless you all and I pray that He will increase our faith more and help us all see things through His eyes, in order for us to know more things about Him. He deserves our praises and thanks. Thank You Lord!

(Please silence my playlist):

The Dash

2011-11-15T08:58:00.000-08:00

"A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble." - Charles Spurgeon

We visit to remember not what we lost but what remains...(And now these three remain:faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love...-1 Corinthians 13:13)

“Hey! You wanna’ come?” asked my friend on the other line. She knew I worked the night before but I had told her in advance that if they would go to the cemetery to pay a visit, if I felt okay, I would rather go with her and her mother if that was okay with them.

“Of course…If you don’t mind…I respect your privacy, too.”

“C’mon. Get ready and come down and go with us,” she replied.

The familiar graveyard site they both visited since losing her sister came to view. The brief laughter we shared in the car was replaced with silence as I veered my car to the left and entered the huge, white metal gates that welcomed those who mourned daily for their loved ones that they lost.

We washed and wiped the marker, as her mother placed some roses in the vase secured on the ground. I saw her grief but the eyes seemed to have run out of tears. But I knew deep inside, her heart was forever marred with a hole. The size of the daughter she lost 13 years ago.

“Must I forget remembering the day she died?” my friend vented out.

I didn’t know what to say as if she had caught me off-guard. I remembered looking at those dates on her sister’s marker.

1960 - 1998…

Careful not to break her already scarred heart, I replied, “Yes.”

“But don’t forget the memories she had spent with you. I know those loving mem’ries were your connection to her love that remains…”

As I was saying those words, what stood out in my mind was that “tiny dash” from those dates. I never met her. But I knew so much about her life. I knew she was a great teacher who passionately taught her students with the best she could, always encouraging them to reach their full potential. I knew she was a loving wife and mother to her two young kids at that time, not minding all the tasks on her hand daily even if it meant little relaxation. I knew she was a loving daughter to her mother who always coaxed her to enjoy her retirement life by encouraging her to go on trips with her family. I knew she was a loving sister to my friend because she served both as a sister and a father figure on those times that they had to fend for themselves without a father. She was that strength that held her family amidst life’s trials, shown through her faith in God and love that was poured into her heart, which in return, she readily applied in everything she did. People who knew her would understand what I just wrote though I didn’t know her. People who had grown to love everything about her because she loved genuinely.

Yes, I never met her in person but it felt like I had known so much about her because of the way she lived her life. That dash…That mattered. She had left so much loving, warm mem’ries to all the people she came across with. It was because she always put her heart in everything she did. Her passion to help others…The way she looked after her loved ones… She truly left a never-ending impression because her deeds were always done with love.

If only I could see these people's hearts who knew her...I know it would be easy to spot her place in those hearts. She must have left fine prints that were etched and would not be forgotten. Only some would do that. Like her.

Dash...A short symbol…A reminder how short life is. But this is the one that would stand out because what we do here matters. It may not mean anything to some. But to God, He is recording that dash…

"And I heard a voice from heaven saying, “Write this: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on.” “Blessed indeed,” says the Spirit, “that they may rest from their labors, for their deeds follow them!”- Revelation 14:13 (ESV)

"Do you want to be shown, you foolish person, that faith apart from works is useless" - James 2:20 (ESV)

My Name Is...

2011-11-13T11:42:00.000-08:00

“That nurse over there should have sent me to the hospital! I need a second opinion. I’m still short of breath!” complained a young female, rapidly whining and demanded for her unit to immediately send her back to the Clinic because she should be sent to the hospital.

I was in the middle of another “sick call” with a male inmate and the other two nurses working with me last night were also seeing some other inmates. I quickly observed her breathing and with the way she rapidly was complaining without pausing already gave me a cue that she was not in a respiratory distress. Her trip from the unit where she was housed was far from the Clinic and if she made it without difficulty to whine at the Infirmary, I knew she could wait. I motioned for the other nurse seeing another inmate about her complaint as she was the other nurse this female inmate was complaining about.

As soon as I got done taking care of the male inmate, I motioned for her to go in on the Female side. As she was taking a seat, I briefly approached the on-coming deputy as they were having change of shift. I requested for his presence because I already knew that this inmate had a volatile behavior. It would be a risk for me to see her without the deputy knowing how her behavior could change into violence without moment’s notice. I wasn’t planning on being hit by an unpredictable closed fist.

“I’m not gonna’ hurt you,” she stated as soon as she saw the shadow of the deputy approaching from where we were.

“I never said anything,” I replied.

“You’re the one who said that. Anyway, it’s not only you, but it is our policy here to see and treat inmates with the presence of the deputy.” I explained.

Her high volume softened a little but the whining and the demands continued even as the deputy was nearby.

“Please give me the phone! I need to call 9-1-1!!!” she uttered in a higher volume again.

“We are the 9-1-1 here!” I replied.

“You need to send me to the hospital! The other nurse didn’t do anything!” she said in a much louder tone, I believed she intentionally did to make the other nurse who previously treated her hear her complaint.

I felt my energy waning at that moment as we had been busy seeing many unscheduled sick calls. Gathering the remaining strength I had, I caught her glance with my own and stayed that way. Eye to eye, her stare was piercing mine. But I didn’t want to look down. I stared at her without giving her the opportunity to wander and look away.

“Listen! From the moment you got here, you had been non-stop with your complaints! You don’t need to request to be sent to the hospital because nurses could see any obvious symptoms that would make us decide whether we need to do that or not! I would not tell you the symptoms…but, you don’t have them at this moment!”

Her boiling anger appeared it was about to burst, only to let the steam out as she saw the deputy took few steps forward and nearer to both of us.

I continued…

“We are not refusing to see you. Any time you don’t feel good, you can request for us to evaluate you. But you have to allow us to make the decisions, not you making the decision for us! Go ahead, you can go back to your unit now!” I commanded.

“What’s your name?” she demanded. (Usually, I would tell the inmates my last name. But this time, I knew it was senseless to give in to this request knowing she was unstable).

“I’m the nurse!” I replied.

“I’m gonna’ find out about your name,” she threatened. “I’m going to report you.”

“Go ahead!” I yelled back.

“So, they would know the things I told you! You can’t lie! The deputy was here the whole time,” I warned back.

Protection…I’m so grateful for God’s protection in my life. I knew I wasn’t battling with her. I was battling against unseen enemies. But they would never scare me knowing the Highest Power surrounds me.

“Though a mighty army surrounds me, my heart will not be afraid. Even if I am attacked, I will remain confident.” – Psalm 27:3 (NLT)

My name?

“But by the grace of God, I am what I am…” (1 Corinthians 15:10; NIV) (emphasis is mine...)