Off the Wagon Shop - Off the Wagon Blog of Funny and Useless Gifts

Mustache Pacifier for Babies!

Michelle Sahr — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 03:17:34 PST

Now Babies can Stache too! It sure is hard to be stylish with a nice lip of dark thick stiff facial hair when you have trouble growing any hair at all even on the top of your head. This is a way for babies to instantly be stylish! No need to wait 30 years or so. It works great for girl babies too. Mustache Pacifier.

More Zombie Gifts!

Michelle Sahr — Mon, 02 Jul 2012 02:50:15 PDT

I can never say enough about Zombies. Even though it is a favorite among our customers, we assure a safe shopping experience , and free from flesh eating conundrums. (At least online.)

Here are some of our favorite Zombie gift items...

1. Abraham Lincoln Zombie Oil Paining! I'm told he really posed for this one.

2. Zombie Family Stickers for your car. Show off how truly degraded your family is.

3. Zombie Jerky. Delicious and beef.

4. Remote Control walking and groaning Zombie!

5. Zombie key covers

Find all of our fun Zombie gifts on our website at www.offthewagonshop.com.

See our previous featured Zombie Gifts.

Dear Off the Wagon: Too much facial hair

Michelle Sahr — Fri, 25 May 2012 07:30:59 PDT

Dear Off the Wagon,

I am having trouble with facial hair. As a woman, this is not good. Ever since I turned 35 I have these dark black hairs that keep popping up. I hate plucking them (hurts!), and I refuse to shave.

Help!
Too much facial hair

Dear Too much facial hair!

We often get this question. What you (and others like you) fail to realize is just how much facial hair has come to be embraced these days. The sheer amount of fun mustache gifts that we sell is a testament to this fact. So we say, why fight it? Why not let it grow?

Because the in between times are tough, we have an excellent temporary solutions. Just use our stick on mustaches while you cultivate your mustache. These come in a variety of colors and shapes. You can use a different color each day. Lots of fun and you will be making the fashion statement of the year!

Sincerely, Off the Wagon

Dear Off the Wagon.... Too Sleepy

Michelle Sahr — Sun, 18 Mar 2012 06:30:42 PDT

Dear Off the Wagon,

I'm worried I may be fired soon. I am falling asleep at every meeting we have at work. The problem is that our meetings are far far to mundane. I don't need to hear the information to effectively get my work done, yet my boss requires me to be there. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Sleepyhead
-----------------------------------
Dear Sleepyhead,

Fortunately, due to a recent addition in our shop, we have the perfect solution for you. Our Anime Eyes glasses have a wide open eye printed on the front. Your boss will believe you are the most attentive listener whenever you have these on. And, on the rare occasion when you do wake up, you can still see perfectly fine through them. (We don't recommend the blue hair pictured here.)

Sincerely,

Off the Wagon

Dear Off the Wagon,

Michelle Sahr — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 05:24:22 PST

Dear Off the Wagon,

I have been smoking since I was 13. A friend of mine's father died recently of lung cancer and I am feeling convicted to quit. I have tried and tried to stop lighting up, but it just isn't working. The cravings are too strong. I need some help but I can't afford those expensive treatments. What should I do?

Help!
Addicted

Dear Addicted,
You have made some great first steps in deciding to quit and reaching out for help. Years and years of habit are difficult to break without some assistance. Sadly, most of the assistance out there comes in the form of costly treatments. I am thrilled to offer you an amazing and low cost solution. Our new "Doctor's Choice" cigarettes are sweet and mild and completely nicotine free. You can enjoy the taste and feel of a cigarette without all the nasty cancer causing additives and tobacco. These cigarettes are actually recommended by nine out of ten doctors. At $2.49 a pack, these are well within any budget.

Wishing you a long healthy life,

Off the Wagon

Just Goofy

Michelle Sahr — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 19:15:52 PST

We have a time-clock adjustment log that our staff fills in when they forget to log in or out. I was reading through the list of excuses under "reason" and it gave me a few laughs so I thought I would share some of the highlights with you.

"Clocked in late"
"forgot to clock out"
"Apparently I didn't log in..."
"Grrr."
"Ate a bad cheeseburger. Slipped my mind as my stomach was ravaged by pain."

these ones all in a row
"oops"
"OOOPS"
"OoOoOPPs"
"OoOoPs"
"Hurrah!"
"OOOOOOOPs"
"whoopsies"

Funny Pictures

Michelle Sahr — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 06:30:07 PDT

My staff likes to play with our little lucky pigs and little figures. Here are some funny little scenes I have found on the counter recently.

"A Pig Revolution"

"Run away.. run away!"

"Show me the money"

Over the Hill Gag Gifts - Great for 40th & 50th Birthdays

Michelle Sahr — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 05:01:42 PDT

Here are our favorite gifts for your next 40th or 50th birthday bash.

1. Roman Candles - Let's face it, these are much more efficient.

2. Frozen Smiles - This frozen denture ice cube tray says it all. You can never have too many teeth after all.

3. Panic Button - It IS time to panic, this button sends off a blood curdling scream for you (and saves your vocal cords).

4. These Instant Underpants are sure to come in handy. Keep them in your purse of pocket... and you're all set for those unmentionable emergencies.

5. Emergency Inflatable Brain - We aren't getting any smarter... but we can if we add a bit of extra brain power.

Top 5 Funny Gifts - Kyle's picks

Michelle Sahr — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 05:00:10 PDT

I asked our staff to pick out their top 5 funniest gifts in the store. Here are Kyle's picks in no particular order.

1. Nunzilla -It's a bird, it's a plane... no it is NUNZILLA, the walking, mouth sparking, plastic nun toy. Mouth sparks (really!).

2. Zing! - launch your lunch. The best tool for your next food fight. Bend it back and bam... this spoon makes food fly.

3. Just Like Dad! Candy Cigarettes - Kid's do love to imitate Dad. This really brings that idea home.

4. Fingerstache - temporary mustache tatoos for you fingers. Makes a great instant disguise.

5. Gobo Puppet - Gobo is a character from fraggle rock. He certainly is a funny looking guy!

Game Spot: Gotcha Party Game

Michelle Sahr — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 05:08:14 PDT

We had a lot of laughs playing this game at our last staff meeting. Gotcha is a party game for 3-8 players. The rules are fairly simple, but following them is another story. Each player is dealt a few cards and the rules are set initially. Players are trying to follow the rules and at the same time trying to catch their friends breaking the rules. It gets tricky because the rules keep changing. Rules might includes things like all females have to use their last name before speaking. Or all people wearing socks have to use finger quotes before speaking. Or all people with red on have to play the air guitar before playing a card. With the rules always changing, someone is bound to get confused. When a player breaks a rule you hit the gotcha button and you move ahead while they move back. The first person to the finish line wins.

Because players can place a new rule during their turn, players can change a rule they don't like or add a rule they do like. We were picking on Kyle this time. "Players with facial hair must use air quotes", "males must not speak unless it is their turn". (I wonder if they have a players with dreads card?).

We give this game a thumbs up for a fun game that will add a few laughs to your evening. The game is easy to learn and easy to play (if you can follow the rules). Play time might last anywhere from 15 minutes to 30

Emma's Picks: Rubber Ducky

Michelle Sahr — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 16:16:40 PDT

"Rubber Ducky you're the one! You make working so much fun!"

Emma's LOVES our new styling bud luxury duckies. They come in an assortment are wild styles like the cowboy duck, the tennis duck, the USA duck, Indian chief duck, the cube luxury duck, bloom duck, and so many more. Stop in and find out why Emma is in such a pant over these.

Emma's Picks: Chillin'

Michelle Sahr — Sat, 24 Sep 2011 08:41:39 PDT

Emma's pick this week was our collection of unusual ice-cube trays! She just likes the idea of chillin'.

Chillbots- bot shaped
Cool Shooters- shot/glass shaped ice you can drink out of
Ice Palace- well a palace of course
Chill Pills- cause we all need to chill
Gin & Titonic - Titanic shaped cubes with boulders
Cool Beans- shaped like coffee beans
Cold Fish- looks like Koi shaped cubes
Frozen Smiles- dentures anyone
Cold Blooded- Fang shaped cubes

New 2011 Toy- Airbolt is the highest fastest air rocket

Michelle Sahr — Sun, 18 Sep 2011 18:38:38 PDT

We had a ton of fun trying out our newest air powered rocket, the Airbolt. This one is the fastest and highest flying air powered blast pad on the market. It goes up a good 4 stories high. The remarkable rockets sure are durable! They are likely to last longer than that new pair of shoes you are wearing.

New Squishables

Michelle Sahr — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 08:15:45 PDT

I've been buying toys for our stores for about 20 years now. I'm not sure that I could even pretend to count the number of times I've been told this or that toy is going to be the new big trend, or a huge hit for the holidays. Mostly I just ignore those comments completely and judge for myself. I also don't go looking in other peoples stores to try to glean off them what is selling.

Instead what I do is try to look at all the toys out there and bring in my very favorites. Sometimes I hit on something that becomes extremely popular. We were one of the first stores (in Akron at that time) to have the Ty Beanie Babies and we were one of the first (maybe the first) to have Webkinz (in our Stow store). In fact, I had both of those in for a while before they went real crazy. They were a little slow at first believe it or now. I started to wonder if they were going to sell well. Then all of the sudden it hit and from then on I couldn't keep them in stock.

That brings us to these Squishables. A fellow specialty retailer (not in this area) told me that these are blowing off the shelves. I took one look and was sold. These guys are so soft and squishy. I love the size of them... big enough to make a nice pillow! I don't think these will be on the scale of popularity with Webkinz or Beanie Babies (especially at around $40 a pop). I do think they are going to do very well though. Stop in and give one a hug.

Zombie Gifts

Michelle Sahr — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 16:44:11 PDT

I'm not sure why it is that we are obsessed with zombies. Yes, they are kinda creepy, but seldom are they truly scary. There may be those that take exception to that, but it seems to me they are always a little hokey in the movies. I think it has to do with all the crazy makeup they have to put on to look like walking dead. Maybe it is the moaning. You tell me, what is it that people love about zombies?

Here are a few of our favorite zombie gifts.
1. Remote control zombie (my personal favorite). The remote is shaped like a brain. This guy moans as he walks.
2. Zombie mints - These mints are brain flavored... a true favorite for zombies.
3. Zombie Brain Gelatin Mold - Great for your Halloween party. Make a brain shaped cake or jello, add in a few gummy worms and you are set!
4. Zombie Finger Puppets - so you can act out your favorite zombie scenes at work or in school. (Stores easily in your pockets).
5. Zombie Juice Bottle - you supply your own juice, we supply the bottle.
6. OH NO Zombies Board Game - your trapped by zombies and you have to get out.

And there is more! No we didn't list them all here. Check out our website to see more Zombie Gifts.

It's Getting Ugly In Here

Michelle Sahr — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 16:09:17 PDT

We just got a big shipment of Ugly dolls in with some of the best new 2011 Ugly Dolls! Here is a quick rundown of a few of the newest ones.

Top row you see the new for 2011 Ugly pillows. They might be Ugly, but they sure are soft.

Kram Scrammy (bottom row, dk puple) .. "love information of any kind. If knowledge is power, then Kram Scrammy is uh, power hungry. But you have to help him learn how to take it easy and have a good time.. too much of a good thing and all that, you know? If Kram Scrammy gets to become a problem, take him phone booth hunting. He's nuts about phone booths, especially those old ones with the closing doors. Watch out for beepers though. Oh man, don't let him have a beeper. No no no."

Heu Googeuy (Pink, far left) has a big heart and giant mind. Small feet though, so please wait up. He's a shoulder to cry on and a pal in times of need. Mostly because he can't run away fast enough when the tears start falling, but if you can pin him down, he'll eventually give you some pretty good feedback.

Ikoy Yoki (green/teal, third row down) are everywhere. They are all around us. Some of us out there don't believe in them, but they most certainly believe in you. When you get into trouble, you can always close your eyes and ask for guidance from Ikoy Yoki. Not when you're driving or riding a bike though. Oh and they love snack offerings. Not in a spiritual way or anything, they just like to eat.

Groody (green, bottom right) is a pretty relaxed, easy going, energetic, stressed out, moody broody mess! AAAAHHHH! Did I just close that door? It was a ghost! Did I close the garage door? Did I send that e-mail to the wrong person!!!??? You get the picture…which is exactly why Groody has chosen you to be his pal. If you are willing to help him on his quest for inner peace he will help you on your quest for whatever dealio you got going. His first though.

And I could go on and on. But I won't.

http://www.offthewagonshop.com

Games Spot: Math Games

Michelle Sahr — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 04:55:25 PDT

In honor of all of my dumb math mistakes this week, today I am reviewing some educational kids games that help improve math skills.

First up: Shut the Box. In shut the box you roll the dice and use mathematical equations to turn down the tiles. If you roll a 9, you can turn down the numbers 8 and 1, or 7 and 2, or 2,3, and 4, or just 9. You get a point for each tile you flip down. When a roll produces a number where no tiles can be turned down then the round is over. This game can be played using addition, subtraction, multiplication, division or all of them.

Double Shutter is a variant of the classic game shut the box, but adds a second row of tiles nestled behind the first row. You can't use the second row until the tile in front is turned. Both games can be played alone or with 2 to 4 players.

Sumoku is a newer game in which each player gets 8 numbered tiles. You roll the dice to get your key number and build a line of tiles (without repeating colors). The line of tiles needs to add up to a multiple of the key number.

Weird Squirrel Fact:

Michelle Sahr — Sun, 28 Aug 2011 02:43:40 PDT

Squirrels can fall up to 100 feet without hurting themselves. They'll use their tail both for balance and as a parachute.

On a side note: wouldn't this guy be less embarrassed if he at least had some squirrel underwear on?

Emma's Picks

Michelle Sahr — Sun, 28 Aug 2011 13:27:56 PDT

Meet Emma! She is our resident "store dog". Well, she doesn't sleep here, but wherever Kyle is, there she is. Emma is a Bernese Mountain Dog. Every week we will feature a product that is picked by Emma... the last one she chewed or maybe one the ones she pulls off the rack. This week we are featuring the finger tentacles. These fun octopus like appendices are super rubbery and knubby. They are great for adding extra surface area with some fun textures for petting Emma. Thumbs up from Emma (or rather paws)! only $1.99 ea.

Meet the Staff

Michelle Sahr — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 19:27:50 PDT

We decided we are going to be blogging on a regular basis here at Off The Wagon Shop. It will be fun and a little wacky. I thought I would start with a series introducing you to our staff. We have a fun crew, each with a unique story. There are only a few of us, myself (Michelle), Kyle (you see him in the store the most), Seth (he's new), Jenna (moving from our Hudson store to Kent), and Julia (our book and sanity keeper!). So we will start with me, and follow up in the next couple weeks with more on the rest of the staff.

I'm a mom of 3 kids, and wife of another one! At home I spend my time working mostly. Either I am cooking, cleaning (and that is spotty), taking care of kids, or I am on my computer for work. When I can carve out a few minutes I like to read out on the patio.

I came up with the concept of a quirky toy and gift store after contemplating a move to Kent Main Street for our store called My Little Red Wagon. I had been researching possible areas to move to and looked a bit into Kent, as that is my hometown. I love the concept of "Main Street" for independent locally owned shops like ours. It fits naturally that a unique downtown area, with unique and historic character would be a perfect location for a one of a kind store. My problem with the idea, though, is that I wasn't convinced the Kent was the right place for a younger kids store like My Little Red Wagon. So we made our move to a different location in Stow instead (and a store in Hudson as well). In the meantime, the folks we had talked to in Kent kept calling. They convinced me to reconsider and I then came up with the idea of Off the Wagon. I wanted to cater to an older crowd with a good sense of humor. As I continued to reflect on the idea I got excited about all the quacky products out there that hadn't quite fit into our My Little Red Wagon shop. Now that we have been open for 2 years... I am even more excited. Kent has a lot going on right now and is a super fun place to have a shop.

Bacon Vs. Cupcakes? Which is your favorite?

Michelle Sahr — Sun, 28 Aug 2011 06:14:20 PDT

Which would you choose?

VS

Cupcakes or Bacon?

We just started a contest to find out which scrumptious delectable is your favorite. Do you prefer smokey flavorful bacon? Or sweet and fluffy cupcakes? Mmmmmm.... we love them both and just can't decide.

Stop in the shop (or stop by our facebook page) and let us know what your vote is!

Next week the contest will be Pickles vs. Mustaches. The winner of that contest will FACE OFF with the winner this week. The grand prize booorah winner will be CROWNED the glorious master on June 11th in our store with a fun filled celebration.

Earth Day at Off the Wagon

Michelle Sahr — Sun, 28 Aug 2011 13:37:12 PDT

We greatly enjoyed the 2011 Earth Day festival (Who's Your Mama Festival) this past Saturday. Thanks to Standing Rock Cultural Art Center for this amazing program. At Off the Wagon Kyle engaged a number of kids in helping us construct our own toy robot out of recycled boxes, tin cans and other things we found laying around. With the help of our kits called "MakeDo" Kyle spent about 2 hours putting this masterpiece together. The Makedo kits offer various connectors and cardboard cutters that make assembling your own make do sculptures a cinch. I love the connectors that become joints because of the movement allowed in them. Here is our final product...

1 min crash course from MAKEDO on Vimeo.

Having Fun at Off the Wagon

Michelle Sahr — Sun, 28 Aug 2011 13:29:06 PDT

Off the Wagon is a great place to come and just enjoy. Here is Nate enjoying our new finger tentacles. Lots of quirky and strange things to investigate.

Hours are 11-6 Tues, Wed, 11-8 Thur, 11-9 Fri, 10-9 Sat, 12-5 Sun (closed on Mondays).