Most reviewers have focused on Being Strategic for its value in business planning. But I’d like to talk to you about reading it to help you achieve your life’s dreams — to build your Castle-on-the-Hill.

Erika Andersen is a familiar name here as she has been an Office-Politics Adviser since 2007. What I have always loved about Erika is her knack for getting to the heart of the matter and giving genuinely helpful and innovative advice. Clearly we’re benefiting from her years of experience at Proteus International, where she has served as consultant and adviser to CEOs and top executives around the world. Erika has also shared her management lessons in Growing Great Employees — an award-winning book that is one of my favorites of all time. She has a great writing style that is a pleasure to read.

So the bar is set pretty high.

I think Being Strategic is an inspired companion to her first book. Whereas Growing Great Employees used the analogy of gardening to teach coaching skills, Being Strategic uses the building of a castle to explain the value of strategic thinking to businesses, and individuals.

Let’s look at what Being Strategic can do for you as an individual.

Have you ever looked at someone who is successful and wondered how they got to that idyllic place? Was it talent, hard work or just luck that propelled them into an enviable career?

While all of those factors do play a role, I believe that long-term success is directly related to an individual’s ability to think strategically. The successful person consistently makes the right choices to get them closer to their “hoped-for future” (a favorite phrase of Erika’s). It’s like they have a built-in homing device that helps them make the right decisions.

Hindsight is 20/20

In hindsight it’s easy to look back and connect the dots. We can see that by accepting one opportunity — and turning down another — we changed the course and direction of our life. But we can’t rewind our lives and record over. We’re always moving forward. So, how can we make decisions that in hindsight are going to appear “correct” because they have in fact led us to our “hoped-for future”?

That’s where Being Strategic comes in. This book can help you to master strategic thinking. While some people have the ability innately, it is also a skill that can be learned — and put into practice daily. This isn’t about writing a strategic plan and then putting it on a shelf to gather dust. This is about using strategic thinking on a daily basis, to help you make the right life choices.

What can Being Strategic do for you?

Being Strategic offers you a step-by-step model and skills for strategic thought and action that are broadly applicable and thoroughly practical:

1. Create your vision of success: Your Castle-on-the-Hill
2. Identify the obstacles (Erika calls them the trolls under the bridge)
3. Create an action plan (the path to your castle: your core strategies and tactics)
4. Re-evaluate your strategy and your tactics as conditions change

Erika says about her book, “It’s a way to make sure you achieve your dreams.” Watch the CBS Morning interview below to hear it from Erika firsthand. And then read Being Strategic.

Erika Andersen interview on CBS Morning

Watch CBS News Videos Online

Being Strategic: Plan for Success; Out-Think Your Competitors; Stay Ahead of Change
By: Erika Andersen
Published: May 2009
Format: Hardcover, 288pp
ISBN-13: 9780312553982
Publisher: St. Martin’s Press

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Franke James, MFA is the Editor & Founder of Office-Politics.com, and the author/inventor of Dear Office-Politics: the game everyone plays. In addition to answering letters sent into the site, Franke often writes book reviews and  collaborates with book authors on replies, for example: Robert Sutton, Dan Pink, Amy Sutherland. Franke brings 20 years of real-world business experience to her role as an adviser on OfficePolitics.com… Since 2002, Franke has been quoted and featured in print, radio and TV on the topic of office-politics by the New York Times, Chatelaine Magazine (December 2009), Inc. Magazine,  the Globe and Mail, Job Postings Magazine, CBC Radio, CTV News and other media. Franke’s bio continues

Dear Office-Politics,

I have been in my job for a little over a year. I am approximately 15 years older than most of my colleagues. I am younger than my supervisor and her supervisor. They are both very happy with my performance and I love what I do.

The problem is that the group I work with (8 people) is made up of early to mid-twenties (except for one my age) who are gossipy and attached at the hip. They eat lunch together nearly every day. They discuss those not at lunch. When confronted with an issue at work they discuss it as a group and fear voicing their opinions in meetings (two queen bees rule the roost). I can handle most of this just fine. I stay out of gossip and focus on performing well. The issue for me is that they have the mentality that there needs to be group socialization outside of work. I have never felt pressured in my nearly 20 years as a working professional to socialize with an entire group outside of work. I’ll respect you and work with you at work but don’t want to sacrifice time to be with people who I would never socialize with in the “real world.”

What’s the solution? Do I create more separation by not participating in these outings (dinner, mini-golf, bowling, etc) or do I have to suck it up and attend every once in a while? I don’t think my boss or the vice president realize the atmosphere that this creates in the office. Do I tell them that new hires instantly feel pressure to conform and don’t realize that other offices don’t function this way (many have just graduated from college). I have just declined an event with an excuse of previous plans (they had made a decision as a group before sharing the date, time, location with me). I would love to tell them that this is work not a fraternity or sorority but know I need to be more tactful. Help!

No Honey Bee

OFFICE-POLITICS REPLY BY JENNIFER GLUECK BEZOZA

Dear No Honey Bee,

First of all, it’s great news that your supervisor and her supervisor think highly of your performance. And it’s also good news that you focus on your job and “stay out of the gossip,” as you say. Ultimately, you’re doing the right things and can feel good about your contribution and integrity.

That being said, building relationships with colleagues, even those you wouldn’t choose to socialize with in the “real world,” (as you say), is a necessary responsibility and a politically savvy choice.

It is indeed, unfortunate, that this “clique” operates so tightly and exerts so much pressure on you (and others) to socialize outside of the office. It’s also unfortunate that particular group members fear the “queen bees” and hold back their opinions in meetings for fear of upsetting the “popular” voices in the group. This is emblematic of one of the most common dysfunctions of a team—avoidance of productive conflict — as referenced in Patrick Lencioni’s bestseller, Five Dysfunctions of a Team.)

Here are my recommendations for you.

1.) Look to get to know individual “group” members on office time. While the clique seems to move in a pack, make an effort to get to know each individual when you can. For example, drop by each person’s work area and say hello in the morning. Ask them about their plans for the weekend and/or if there’s anything interesting they are working on right now.

2.) Find something you appreciate about each person. Even if you don’t want to socialize outside of work, I would encourage you to find one thing you appreciate about each person, whether it is a talent, skill, interest or hobby, and leverage this in relating to team members on a daily basis. For better or worse, individuals can sense how we feel about them through subtle verbal and non-verbal cues.

3.) Join for lunch during the business day. Since you prefer not to socialize on personal time, I would recommend joining (or even initiating with them) for lunch or coffee occasionally. Continue to avoid the gossip and steer the conversation in more positive directions when you do join them. As the experienced professional in the group, you have the potential to be a positive role model for these millenials.

4.) If you want to raise your concerns with your boss, focus on team/business implications. If the climate is negatively impacting your work experience, I think it is appropriate to raise the issues with your boss. I would recommend focusing on examples that highlight how team decision-making has been compromised by social pressure and “group think.” Look to identify a couple potential solutions prior to talking with your boss as well. (For example, maybe your entire group would benefit from a structured norming and team building session with an outside consultant). You want to demonstrate you’re thinking like a leader and being part of the solution in addition to raising the problem.

I definitely agree with your intuition around not calling the group out on their fraternity behavior. Unfortunately, that approach would end up backfiring on you entirely and make them all the more defensive and antagonistic when it comes to dealing with you.

Here’s the good news. According to Jennifer Deal, a generational researcher at Center for Creative Leadership, one year of work experience typically goes a long way in calibrating young peoples’ expectations and norms in the workplace. So, hopefully it won’t take too long for the culture to “graduate” to a more professional environment.

Thanks for writing Office Politics! Wish you all the best in your career.

Warm regards,

Jennifer Glueck Bezoza, MA

Jennifer Glueck Bezoza specializes in leadership development and career coaching. Through her work in Organizational Development at the Visiting Nurse Service of New York, Jennifer designs leadership development programs, and coaches teams and individuals. Previously, Jennifer led GE Commercial Finance’s employee engagement initiative and also served as an HR Generalist at GE. In addition, she worked as a consultant at Towers Perrin.

Jennifer holds an MA in Social-Organizational Psychology from Columbia University and a BA in Psychology from Stanford University. Jennifer is continuing her education through an executive coaching program at New York University.

Dear Office-Politics,

Help! My husband and I founded our business together over 25 years ago. We have been actively involved in the business together as partners. I am well qualified with vast business experience, including being a legal secretary. The company grew steadily and was profitable.

Flash forward: We started a new company when we were swindled out of our former business. Our growth has necessitated hiring more help – 2 friends, and our daughter-in-law. One woman is extraordinarily intelligent, and very capable. She apparently thinks it is her job to run the office completely and seems annoyed whenever I’m involved. She knows that I am her supervisor and “boss.” She has defined part time hours. My husband told her in a joint meeting that she was the office manager (my title) without speaking with me about it.

I often work at my home office. I’m at the office about 3 times per week to get a ‘pulse’, and telephone nearly every day. In addition, I have regular meetings with this woman to discuss office issues. She was hired for the job and also to help bring in some fresh ideas.

We seemed to have created a monster! My husband and I have repeatedly told her she cannot stay past her shift. She does anyway (one to two hours) – even though the time slot is covered. I was looking forward to an office meeting we were getting ready to have to discuss issues and get comfortable with each other. She had the meeting WITHOUT me. I called her on it, and she told me it will likely happen again – because she doesn’t “understand” my point of view. I have tried to make her recognize that even if she doesn’t agree with the way we do some things – she still needs to honor my instructions. However, she has disrespected me – challenging my authority and fighting me (in her “nice” way). We had what I thought was a great meeting recently, but the same issues arose again anyway.

This gets complicated because our husbands are best friends. Although a friend, she is even a closer friend to my husband. They work together every morning, even praying together! My husband refuses to talk about this issue and says it’s “no big deal.” He and this couple are going on a week’s vacation together soon as I stay to run things.

Thanks much,

Office Manager/Boss

OFFICE-POLITICS REPLY BY FRANKE JAMES

Dear Office Manager/Boss,

Running a family business is a double-edged sword – I know because I’ve run a creative design business with my husband for 20 years. It can be a joy – because you can be “Master of your own destiny.” But when employee issues like yours crop up, it can impact your job and your marriage, 24/7. So you have to find a way to diffuse the situation at work before it wreaks havoc on your romantic relationship.

To me, the central issue in your letter is power and fairness. You have power as one of the owners of the company, but the employee (let’s call her Hilary) has power too. Before we talk about the power Hilary wields, I’m curious whether you have established an equal partnership with your husband. Are you listed on legal documents as 50% owner of the company? I hope you are! And if you’re not this issue might be the time for you to assert your rights and claim them.

Based on your statement “My husband told her in a joint meeting that she was the office manager (my title) without speaking with me about it.” I would say that your husband is viewed by employees as the “Boss.” And that his word is the final one. That doesn’t seem fair, especially if you are equal partners. So what can you do?

You have to step forward and assert yourself.
You have to tell Hilary, and your husband, that you are not a doormat.

For example, why on earth is your husband, plus Hilary and her husband going on a week’s vacation without you? Why are you being left to “run things”?

It seems to me that Hilary is your employee, and she is the one who should be left to run the shop, while you enjoy a vacation. By allowing this threesome to go away together while you mind the shop, you are setting yourself up as the “odd man out”. When the trio gets back they will have bonded further. And you may feel resentful. How does this make sense? There must be good reasons why you are not going – but surely you can find a way to accompany the three of them (or leave Hilary behind). Can’t you hire someone for the week? Or even (and this may be hard to fathom) shut the office for one week while you are on a “company retreat”?

The threesome’s vacation undermines your power
So aside from the threesome’s vacation – which is only going to undermine your power — what are your options in dealing with Hilary? By your account she is a problem. Probably if you could wave a magic wand you would fire her. But all employees (even ones we don’t like) have legal rights. If you are thinking of firing her (and are willing to suffer the friendship fallout), you’ll need to build a case that can stand up in court. It doesn’t sound like your husband would support that action – but if he understood your viewpoint, he might realize that for the happiness of your marriage, Hilary has to go. I don’t think personality conflicts are strong grounds for firing someone, so you’ll want to document through written performance reviews why she is not a suitable employee any longer.

Flip this problem around
But let’s flip this problem around and think… Is there a way you can use Hilary to your advantage? You say she’s “extraordinarily intelligent, and very capable”. That would indicate she’s helping your business be more profitable which is in your best interests. But she’s treading on your territory, which makes you annoyed and causes stress all round. So how can you make the most of Hilary and yet enjoy peace and harmony at work and at home?

One answer – and this may be difficult for you to consider – is to let Hilary be the “office manager.” If you stepped back totally how would that change your life? You’d still be 50% owner. You could maintain the power of decisions on big issues — but you would be free now to do other things. Perhaps you have always dreamed of doing something in life – developing a hobby into a business, or helping a charity, or learning a new skill… whatever. This might be the perfect time to make that happen.

Even if you won’t seriously consider stepping back – it could be a good negotiating tactic with your husband. The vacation scenario sounds like you are being taken for granted. Has the thought ever crossed his mind that you might not want to stay? The fear of you leaving might make him sit up and take notice – and work harder to give you equal decision-making power in the office.

The problem is if you do issue an ultimatum, you have to be willing to walk.

To wrap up: I think your issue is with your husband, not Hilary (you will always have employee issues no matter who you hire). You need to get agreement from your husband that you are equal partners (by law and in practice).

If you agree with this line of reasoning, I suggest you call a meeting. Ask your husband to speak to Hilary – with you present – and let her know that you share power equally. And that your directions carry as much weight as his. And then give her written instructions, with time-lines, deliverables and follow-up meetings to check her performance.

If you don’t use it, you lose it.
If you are equal partners with your husband, I suggest you exert that power starting now. That “company retreat” might be the opportunity to do just that. It sounds like a nice reward for all your hard work and dedication.

Here is another reply letter on family politics which you may find helpful: It deals with the classic dilemma: How do you deal with a husband who overrules your directions to staff?

Animal training to solve office politics problems
http://www.officepolitics.com/advice/?p=314

I hope this helps. Please let me know your feedback! Thanks for writing to Office-Politics.

Franke

Franke James, MFA
Editor & Founder, Office-Politics.com
Inventor, The Office-Politics® Game

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Franke James, MFA is the Editor & Founder of Office-Politics.com. She is also the Inventor of Dear Office-Politics: the game everyone plays a dilemma-based social game that teaches you how to play, and laugh, at office politics. It’s used by HR departments, and corporate trainers worldwide. The Office-Politics Dilemmas have been inspired by the hundreds of letters submitted to Office-Politics.com.

Dear Office Politics,

As a director of marketing, I manage a great team of nine in a large organization. Lately I’m experiencing some challenges from a senior member of the team (let’s call her Sharon). Based on her proven and potential ability, I have sent Sharon on a major conference, provided financial recognition for work well done, been supportive in some interpersonal issues, and given her the lead on important projects. However, considering she reports to me, her behavior towards me has increasingly felt dismissive, disrespectful and arrogant.

Some recent examples: Sharon has repeatedly shown up late for group meetings I or others have set. I’ve spoken to her about this, and she has been either apologetic or defensive, saying she feels ‘picked on’. She did not show up for two individual meetings I set with her, due to other meetings with colleagues I assume she felt were more important than me. She has not made a team presentation that all team members are expected to do after a major conference. She has accused me of trying to ‘take credit for one of her ideas’ when I mentioned I would be referring to her project in a presentation I was making. I have tried to take the high road and discussed the importance of time management, pointed out that it is my role as department manager to showcase the lead projects of my team members, and discussed the importance of treating others with respect. This has not resulted in any significant change.

I recognize that I’ve probably undermined my own authority by providing too much positive reinforcement (downplaying weaknesses and emphasizing strengths) and not enough constructive criticism, and being more informal in my manager-employee interactions (with all my team members) than I probably should be. Sharon is on a two week vacation and I want to meet with her when she returns to clarify that this behavior is not acceptable and needs to change. Any tips?

Finding the Balance

OFFICE-POLITICS ADVISER ERIKA ANDERSEN

Dear Finding the Balance,

I’m convinced that giving corrective feedback is one of the most challenging parts of the manager’s job. How do you let people know they need to change without making them defensive or damaging the relationship?

Fortunately, I do have some tips. And, at the risk of sounding self-aggrandizing, I might also suggest that you get a copy of my book, Growing Great Employees – there’s a whole section on how to give corrective feedback that expands on the ideas I’ll share here.

Focus on behaviors

First, I’d suggest that you focus on the behaviors (late to meetings, not making a presentation after a conference, missing appointments with you) that aren’t acceptable, vs. talking about how it feels to you (dismissive, disrespectful, arrogant). It’s much easier for people to hear about behaviors that you want changed; if you tell someone they’re being “disrespectful,” it feels like you’re saying they have a character flaw – and they’ll simply become defensive and tell you all the reasons it’s not so.

Start by listening

Second – and this may be the most important – when you sit down with her, I’d recommend you start by listening. This may seem counter-intuitive, but we’ve found it extremely helpful. Here’s how this works. You ask to meet with Sharon after the vacation, letting her know you’d like to discuss the difficulties the two of you have been having lately. Then when you meet, begin the conversation by saying something like, “I want to share my point of view about how we’re working together and some things I’d like to see change – but first, I’d like to hear how you see it. From your point of view, what are you doing that’s working in our interaction, and what do you think you could be doing differently?”

Then really, really listen.

A number of things might happen: Sharon might try to deflect the whole thing by saying some version of, “What about what YOU should be doing differently?” In which case you can get it back on track by responding, “I’m happy to talk about that later, but right now, I’d like to focus on you.”

Sharon might also say, in effect, “Nothing. I’m doing everything right.” In which case, you’ll know where you’re starting from – AND you’ve given her the courtesy of listening, which is a powerful statement of respect, and tends to lower defensiveness a lot. If she does this, I’d suggest you summarize (“So, from your point of view, your interactions with me don’t need to change”) and then share your feedback. (“I see it differently. Here are three behaviours that I want you to work on changing….”)

She might also acknowledge part of her contribution to the problem, in which case you can build on what she says (e.g., “Thanks for acknowledging that – I agree. And there are two other related things I’d like to mention…”)

Sharon might also share new information – about how she sees herself, you, or the relationship between you that gives you insight into her and will help you share the feedback in a way that’s more acceptable or meaningful to her.
And, she might surprise you by giving herself the feedback – acknowledging what you’ve seen. In this particular situation, it doesn’t sound likely – but it’s possible! Then you’re in the enviable position of simply coaching her to decide how to behave differently.
In any case, the critical thing is that you listen without interrupting – really focus on understanding how she sees the situation. This will, as I mentioned, lower her defensiveness and provide you with critical insights. Then, once you’ve summarized her point of view to make sure you’re clear and to let her know you’ve heard her, you can give your feedback, making it as behavioural as possible. (You may then have to listen and summarize through a round or two of explanation and defense – do that sincerely, while staying on message when you respond.)

Finally, once she seems to have heard the message, go on to next steps. And I’d suggest that you first ask her how she’ll change, vs. telling her how to change. If she won’t respond (e.g., “I don’t know what you want from me,”) then you can say what you’d like and get her agreement – but it’s preferable if the suggestions come from her; she’s likely feel more ownership of the action plan if she says it.
And the ‘next steps’ should also include an agreement to check in at some defined point (2-4 weeks away) to see how things are going. This will help to make it clear to her that you’re serious about requiring change.

Overall, if your approach is respectful, practical, hopeful and firm, you’ll have the highest likelihood of success. It also helps if your mindset going in is “I’m Sharon’s boss; it’s perfectly legitimate for me to require these behaviors.” Then you’ll be less likely to be apologetic or unclear.

Hope this helps – keep us posted! Thanks for writing to OfficePolitics.com.

Warmly,

Erika Andersen, Author

Erika Andersen is the author of BEING STRATEGIC (May 2009). Talk of strategy abounds in business — but moving from thinking strategically to acting strategically is an enormous leap. BEING STRATEGIC is a roadmap for consistently making choices that best move you toward your desired future. What’s more, it explains why being strategic is worth the time and effort required, what’s involved, and how to do it. The book explains the core skills and practices needed at each point of being strategic and provides simple models, real-life examples and self-directed activities for learning and applying them.

Erika Andersen is founder of Proteus International, where she has served as consultant and adviser to CEO’s and top executives around the world. She is the also the author of Growing Great Employees, published by Portfolio in 2006.

Dear Office-Politics,

I work for a government agency where the Executive Director is a political appointment, rather than a hire based on knowledge and experience.

Since this Director started, it has become obvious that he holds in small regard employees who have advanced program technical knowledge and skills, unless those employees are in a management position. This I firmly believe stems from his lack of experience in what we do and how difficult the work is. The cultural climate at our agency has become one that revolves around the power of management and the “executive team” (the new name for our top administrators). The book our Executive Director most often quotes from is “From Good to Great”. The concept that appalls me the most in this book deals with management “shaking things up” by getting the wrong people off the bus, and the right people on. Bus being our agency. “Wrong people” seems to be me!

I used to be highly respected for my knowledge and ability to problem-solve & craft policy & procedure to guide our work processes. My co-workers still have this respect, but they are not management. Now I am being shuffled off to a position doing quality control audits of lower-classed workers – because I “know everything”.

They’ve hired a new “Operations Analyst” to represent our work section who has no technical knowledge of our complex programs, but lots of management experience. I applied for this job, but was not hired – was told our agency wants to hire people for management who have the “people skills” (translate: prior management) because these skills are inborn, whereas technical skills can be “taught”. This person is now taking classes & spending most of her time trying to learn what I already know inside & out. I have been our team leader in every way but actual title for the past 8 years, and this situation is a bitter pill to swallow.

I can’t leave for a variety of reasons, mostly because I have my entire career centered around this work, and I can retire in 4 years. And my pay hasn’t been cut – just my job duties and any shred of respect for me as a learned professional. How do other older workers handle these kinds of professional disappointments and not go insane? Thanks for any suggestions on inspirational books or comfort of that nature. I just want to be able to survive these next few years with my dignity intact.

Thank you.

Shuffled off to a lesser job

OFFICE-POLITICS REPLY BY FRANKE JAMES

Dear Shuffled off to a lesser job,

Thanks for writing to Office-Politics. You probably thought your letter dropped into a black hole, however I have been musing about it since you sent it. What would I do? How would I handle this situation? Before I step in with a possible solution for you to consider, let’s step back and acknowledge two things.

1. A new broom sweeps clean
As you have noted, you’re not on the “A” team any longer. The old phrase “a new broom sweeps clean” may be somewhat of a mental salve. Remember that the shift in your job functions is not your fault. Don’t take it personally. But recognize that you have little control over the shift in power (for now).

2. You’re not quitting now
You’re going to retire in four years and you’ve already made the big decision that you are staying, no matter what.

Creating an Action Plan
So how can you make those fours years worthwhile and actually pave the way to a great post-retirement career? To do that, I think you need to shift your attitude. You have a great opportunity in front of you. Probably at this point in reading my response, you’re shaking your head and saying, “Great opportunity? What is Franke James talking about?”

Let’s recap… You’ve said your new role is this:
“Now I am being shuffled off to a position doing quality control audits of lower-classed workers – because I ‘know everything’.”

A Simple but Profound Idea
The idea to turn things around for you is quite simple but profound. And it’s based on true leadership. You need to look for the opportunities in your new role to promote others so that they rise above you. To some people that idea will sound crazy. The counter-intuitive logic operating in this idea is explained beautifully in a book by Steve Farber called “Greater Than Yourself.”

Farber says, “Your own greatness as a leader lies, paradoxically, in your ability to cause others to be greater than yourself. Said another way, your (and my) best way out of a leadership challenge or crisis is not to focus on your own peril or rut, but, instead, to reach out and try to boost someone else over your head. The idea should sound familiar. It’s really just a variation on the “do unto others” sentiment of the Golden Rule, a philosophy that exists in virtually all religions, schools of thought, and philosophies on the planet. And in none of those versions — not one — will you find a footnote saying, “Does not apply Monday through Friday between the hours of 9 to 5 or in any situation where a paycheck is involved.”

Instead of wallowing in your own despair, pick someone at work to invest in, with the intent of making that person greater than you are. Be a coach, guide, or mentor in the truest, most personal sense of the words by choosing someone to be your GTY (Greater Than Yourself) project, and see what that does to your own predicament, your own state of mind.”

The core of this idea is as Farber says, “to reach out and try to boost someone else over your head.”

Many other authors, including Dale Carnegie (How to Win Friends and Influence People), Dr. David Schwartz (The Magic of Thinking Big), Bob Burg and John David Mann (The Go-Giver) have promoted variations on this idea. Schwartz says that we are “lifted to success by others.” That simple phrase has stuck in my mind for decades.

By helping others to achieve their career and life goals (with no immediate reward in sight) we are rewarded many times over. It may not be a direct reward from that person — it may be as a result of their positive word-of-mouth, or other people observing and quietly making a mental note that you are someone who acts as a connector and coach to help others grow. This can lead to opportunities that you cannot even imagine now — but when you look back you’ll be able to connect the dots and see that it was because you helped that person with no reward in mind.

What’s the thinking behind this? When someone helps us, selflessly, with no immediate gain, it is human nature for (most of) us to want to give something back to them in return. That return gift can take many forms. In a job situation, where they are being coached by you, they may not think they have the power to give anything of “value” back to you. But the desire to return the favor is inside them. They may try to repay you by speaking well of you — thereby influencing others. They may get promoted to other work and companies — and when they are, they may use that opportunity to lift you to success.

However it’s key to keep this in mind: Whether or not you are ever rewarded by anyone, you will be rewarded on another more important level. You will grow as a person and you will derive great satisfaction when you realize how much you have to offer, and how it can transform someone else’s life. Bob Burg and John David Mann explain this philosophy in The Go-Giver. Here are their five rules:

1. The Law of Value:
Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than take in payment.

2. The Law of Compensation:
Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.

3. The Law of Influence:
Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people’s interest first.

4. The Law of Authenticity:
The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.

5. The Law of Receptivity:
The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.

It could be that you will have a wonderful and challenging post-retirement career as a director of a non-profit organization. Who knows what the future holds for you? I’d like to suggest that you work on developing a plan. Imagine how your skills could help others. There are so many worthwhile projects (and social problems waiting to be solved) that a talented and skilled person like you could be kept busy 24/7.

You also asked for reading suggestions. In addition to reading the books mentioned above, I’d like to recommend two others.

1. Office-Politics advisor Erika Andersen’s Being Strategic: Plan for Success; Out-think Your Competitors; Stay Ahead of Change
2. Paul Levesque and Art McNeil’s book Dreamcrafting: The Art of Dreaming Big, the Science of Making It Happen.

Both books can help you to craft a life plan to achieve your dreams — I’ve seen it happen. Good luck! Please let me know if this advice is helpful to you. Thanks for writing to Office-Politics.

Franke

Franke James, MFA
Editor & Founder, Office-Politics.com
Inventor, The Office-Politics® Game

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Franke James, MFA is the Editor & Founder of Office-Politics.com. She is also the Inventor of Dear Office-Politics: the game everyone plays a dilemma-based social game that teaches you how to play, and laugh, at office politics. It’s used by HR departments, and corporate trainers worldwide. The Office-Politics Dilemmas have been inspired by the hundreds of letters submitted to Office-Politics.com.

Dear Office-Politics,

I’m currently in a 8-week internship and have 2 weeks left and need to finish strong and gracefully. During my internship, I was assigned to someone who’s supposed to teach me about the experimental methods and data analysis of my project. Nevertheless, he has consistently delayed me and made me wait on several occasions. I understand that he’s busy, but the delay got so great that I confronted him about it and he self-corrected and made an effort to show me some of the experimental methods.

My suspicion is that he’s in self-preservation mode and doesn’t want me to come in, perform well, and potentially take his job; even though he has a PhD with respected publications and I only have a BS. Also, he’s a foreigner and doesn’t have good English skills.

Recently, he told me that one of probe tips that I calibrated is the only one that I could use for obtaining data. However, my boss told me that all of the probe tips were calibrated because that’s what my trainer told him.

How should I proceed? Next week, I want to ask my boss for a reference, but am concerned that my trainer potentially sabotaged my efforts. Furthermore, it seems my boss believes him more than me.

Regards,

Sabotaged

PS: My boss is well aware that I didn’t have that much progress and seemed fine with that. Also, my progress ultimately depended on my trainer because I’m new to the field and the lab didn’t have any standard operating procedures to guide me. Also, I’m Hispanic and my trainer is French. Furthermore, I believed I played my cards right by being professional, positive, and cracking jokes here and there with my trainer, who was very responsive to them.

OFFICE-POLITICS REPLY BY TIMOTHY JOHNSON

Dear Sabotaged,

Definition: Fact
1. Something that actually exists; reality; truth: Your fears have no basis in fact.
2. Something known to exist or to have happened: Space travel is now a fact.
3. A truth known by actual experience or observation; something known to be true: Scientists gather facts about plant growth.

Definition: Assumption
1. Something taken for granted; a supposition: a correct assumption.
2. The act of taking for granted or supposing.

I just wanted to make sure we were clear on those definitions before we proceed further. Your trainer’s lack of time is fact. Self preservation suspicions are assumption (unless he’s come right out and stated as much).

It could just be that he really is that busy. It could be that there was a communication misunderstanding about the probes. It could be your boss is on your side after all. It could be that cultural backgrounds have no bearing on your relationship.

With that being said, it could also be that your suspicions are correct. With 75% of your internship complete, you will want to end on a high note. Since internships are – by their very nature – temporary, you just need to make it through the next two weeks and get your desired outcome so you can move on with your career.

You’ve made both your trainer and your manager aware of the training delays. It sounds like your trainer has made some effort toward a course correction when you brought it to his attention. It also sounds as though your manager is aware of the delays and, in your own words, is fine with it.

Your goal at the moment should be thinking about the final outcome of your internship; specifically, you want a good recommendation. Because there have been some speed bumps over the past eight weeks, have a frank discussion with your boss.

Your “sale” should go something like this:

“I’d like to talk about my internship. I know some things have run as smoothly due to conflicts in my trainer’s schedule. My goal is still to get a good reference from this internship and to end it strongly. I have a couple of ideas on how to make that happen, but I would really like to hear some of your suggestions so we are in agreement on how to make this experience a win-win for all of the parties.”

By taking this approach, you are being a good scientist and separating fact from assumption. You’re not accusing your trainer of anything. He’s had schedule conflicts (whether self-imposed and malicious or simply unfortunate and out of his control). You didn’t say anything about who was right about the probes. Your goal is to get a good recommendation. You want to make it work for all parties as well. A rational and good-spirited boss will see this for what it is, and work with you to make a good strategy to end your internship well.

Even in the event this internship does not turn out well and you don’t get a good recommendation, you’ve probably received something even more valuable: lessons in human behavior. Office politics happen in ALL environments (laboratories, factories, schools, and churches). You will have an experience to add to your arsenal which can serve you well the rest of your career. The knowledge that people don’t always play nicely in the sandbox is better learned at a young age in a “safe” environment than when you have tenure or a million dollar grant at stake.
I hope this helps.

Thanks for writing to OfficePolitics.com

Regards,

Timothy Johnson, Author & Consultant

Timothy Johnson is the Chief Accomplishment Officer of Carpe Factum, Inc. His company is dedicated to helping individuals and organizations “seize the accomplishment” through effective project management, strategic facilitation, and business process improvement. His clients have included Harley-Davidson Motorcycles, Wells Fargo, ING, Principal Financial Group, and Teva Neuroscience. Timothy has managed projects ranging from a $14 billion class action lawsuit settlement to HIPAA compliance, from software conversion to process reengineering, from strategic IT alignment to automated decisioning, from producing a training video to creating a project office environment. He is currently an adjunct professor at Drake University in Des Moines, Iowa, teaching MBA classes in Leadership, Managing Office Politics, Creativity for Business, and Project Management.

An accomplished speaker, Timothy has enthusiastically informed and entertained audiences across the nation on the topics of project communication, office politics, creativity, and meeting management. He has written two books, both business fables: Race Through The Forest – A Project Management Fable and GUST – The Tale Wind of Office Politics.

Dear Office-Politics,

Recently I was unlucky enough to lose my job. Then after around three months of interviewing, I landed another job. I am young and have been reasonably successful so far in my career. The problem is another executive’s assistant who sits just outside my new office. I have known “Virginia” for 3 years from my previous job, although not well, we were friendly when we saw each other.

On my first day she told me not to get too excited about my office as it was “supposed to be hers.” I have joined the company as a VP and she has been there for at least 8 years and is an assistant/coordinator (and is older than me).

Every day Virginia makes some kind of barbed remark, even though I am trying my very best to be extra friendly and polite. I hear her on the phone all day speaking to other members of staff and she is rude, often shouts and even scares the interns that sit near her with her phone manner. She also seems emotional (on the first day she was crying on the phone, it was business rather than personal related). Her manager, however seems to like her (they have been working together for 8 years).

Virginia has even told another senior member of staff that I bark orders at her and have asked her to make me coffee. She is NOT my assistant and I have done neither of these things. I want to know how to deal with this situation before it gets even more ugly. When I try and be inclusive and friendly she treats me with disdain and in any case I am not sure how to deal with her starting rumors in a new company where I am trying to make a good first impression.

Please Help!

Thank you.

Feeling like a pin cushion

OFFICE-POLITICS REPLY BY… YOU!

Can you imagine stepping into the role of Office-Politics Adviser?

Well, here’s your chance! In the comment box below, submit your advice for Feeling like a pin cushion. We’ll select the best response and feature it alongside the “official” answer from one of our expert advisers.

WIN: The best response (in the opinion of the Office-Politics site founder) will win a free copy of Dear Office-Politics: the game everyone plays. (If you’re selected we’ll email you for your mailing address and full name, so please submit a valid email address.) Read the full contest rules here. The winning response can be chosen at any time. Once a response has been selected the contest will be closed for this letter reply.

Use the evaluation tools from the Dear Office-Politics game book to assess the quality of your advice:

	POWER ANALYSIS: Did the Adviser correctly analyze who holds power and explore different types of power? Did they suggest ways to leverage that power?
	THE OTHER PERSON’S SHOES: Did the Adviser put themselves in the other person’s shoes? By doing so, did they gain new insight or discover a compromise solution?
	COMPANY’S BEST INTERESTS: Is the advice in the company’s best interests? Or does it serve the interests of one employee or a special group of employees?
	THE TV NEWS TEST: If a TV news station were doing a story, what would the reporter say? Would they give a thumbs-up or thumbs down to the advice?

About “Dear Office-Politics”

Dear Office-Politics is the dilemma-based social game that teaches you how to play (and laugh at) office politics. Invented by Office-Politics.com site founder, Franke James, with reply letters by OP Advisers Erika Andersen, Rick Brandon, Ph.D., Dr. John Burton, John A. Challenger, Jennifer Glueck Bezoza, Timothy Johnson, and Marty Seldman, Ph.D.

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Dear Office-Politics and The Office-Politics® Game were invented by Franke James, MFA
Office-Politics® is a registered trademark of Nerdheaven Ltd.
© 2000-2009, Nerdheaven Ltd. All rights reserved.

Dear Office Politics,

At the end of my internship, a wealth of job opportunities will be open to me. I already have two solid job offers that my current organization cannot compete with. The problem is that the Director of my organization and my immediate boss have both told me that I cannot leave, because they have invested too much time and money on training and “mentoring” me. The worst was a phone call from my Director where he said “You understand that you are not allowed to leave, right? We do have an understanding?” I laughed nervously and said “Okay, bye.” I was in utter shock.

I also received an email from my boss that stated “I told [Blank] that they cannot ask you to come work for them while you are there, and I hope they uphold their promise.” They did not uphold their promise and scoffed at his comments.

My immediate reaction is that I want to run for the hills from this organization. Their comments make me feel like a commodity rather than an employee. As for the training, I feel “volun-told” to participate. I was pigeon-holed into a position that I have no interest in, because the other people in my department cannot pass the training.

The “mentoring” I’ve received has been comments like “you’re career is here” and “don’t get married right now.” I don’t want to sound like I don’t appreciate all of the training and opportunities I’ve been granted. However, if I had known they came with the price of my soul I would have turned it all down. Now, I don’t know what to do when I take my next job (which is inevitable). I was considering staying; but, after these comments, I cannot wait to leave.

By the way, I work in HR.

Sincerely,

Pigeon-Holed

OFFICE-POLITICS REPLY BY JENNIFER GLUECK BEZOZA

Dear Pigeon-Holed,

Typically, the “intern-employer agreement” is that the employer receives a dedicated, low (or no)-cost temporary employee, and in return, the individual receives valuable training, experience and references.  It seems you were operating with assumption that this was like any other typical internship, while individuals in the organization were operating with the assumption that you were starting a career with them.

You do not mention what type of internship role/program you are in, nor the upfront expectations that were agreed upon at your start, but you imply that you did not make any type of commitment, verbal or otherwise, to this organization.  Therefore, comments such as “Your career is here,” and “You understand that you are not allowed to leave,” are not professional and respectful, whether for an intern or a full time employee who has been with the organization for 10 plus years.

In addition, the fact that most other people could not pass the training you attended indicates the skills you gained are highly valued and short in supply. Assuming there was no job offer discussion/contracting that preceded your attendance of this specialized training class, you needn’t feel any guilt for pursuing other compelling job offers.

At the same time, I will ask that you reflect on your role in this situation and take responsibility as well. Were there any “red flags” or signals you might have picked up on before you started the internship?  How is that you attended a training for a role you had absolutely no interest in pursuing? Might you have said or done anything differently to be in a different situation? What, going forward, might you do differently to ensure you are following your desired career path, and being true to yourself?

In closing, here are a few tips to keep in mind in this interim period with the organization.

1. Continue to come to work and do a great job with your assignments through the very last hour of your internship.
2. Be professional and appreciative of all you are learning/have learned and experienced on the job.  You may need references from this organization down the line, and also, the world can be a very small place, as you go forward in your career.
3. Avoid going to a direct competitor to this organization, if possible.  Going to a competitor may add flame to the fire, and may backfire on you, should legal action be taken against the hiring organization.
4. Be grateful that so many individuals appreciate your work and want to keep you with the organization.

Thanks for writing Office Politics, and I wish you great success in your career.

Warm regards,

Jennifer Glueck Bezoza, MA

Jennifer Glueck Bezoza specializes in leadership development and career coaching. Through her work in Organizational Development at the Visiting Nurse Service of New York, Jennifer designs leadership development programs, and coaches teams and individuals. Previously, Jennifer led GE Commercial Finance’s employee engagement initiative and also served as an HR Generalist at GE. In addition, she worked as a consultant at Towers Perrin.

Jennifer holds an MA in Social-Organizational Psychology from Columbia University and a BA in Psychology from Stanford University. Jennifer is continuing her education through an executive coaching program at New York University.

Dear Office Politics,

Last month I was written up at work for tardiness, I was given a few days off from work as part of my write up. Since then I am trying to lay low. I have straightened up and don’t want any problems. There is one coworker Eric (pseudonym) that told lies to my supervisor Jim, in an attempt to get me fired. Jim dismissed it and told me to forget about. Eric ignores me while on the job and I know he is trying his best to get me fired or in trouble. He keeps spreading lies. All I want to do is show up for work and go home. I hate all this childish behavior. I don’t want to tell my boss because I am trying to stay off of his and everyone’s radar for a while.

I can’t transfer anywhere. I am nervous and it is causing me great stress. I have tried to be friendly but all efforts are nil. I work a high profile and dangerous job and I am scared.

Help!

The Lonely Scapegoat

OFFICE-POLITICS ADVISER RONA MAYNARD

Dear Scapegoat,

I know how it feels to be the target of a colleague’s vicious lies. When I faced a similar challenge early on in my career, I too kept quiet about the smear campaign. Like you, I was trying to prove myself to a skeptical boss. Like bosses everywhere, he had more urgent things to do than listen to the worries of staffers who were not in his good books. So I hoped I was smart to keep a low profile. Bad idea. While I stewed, the lies kept reinforcing the boss’s lack of confidence in me.

Here’s what I didn’t understand. A smart boss will listen to a staffer who is trying to improve performance. You sound to me like that kind of staffer. Ever since that write-up for tardiness, you’ve focused on pulling up your socks. Now you aren’t sure how your supervisor, Jim, perceives your work. Why not be proactive and find out? You have the ideal opportunity to request a meeting with him. Keep the tone forward-looking and positive, starting with your request. You’re not asking for a chance to set the record straight (don’t even mention your lying colleague). What you’re asking for is feedback that will reinforce your efforts to be your absolute best.

Although you’re not about to say so outright, you also have another agenda: to brush up your image with Jim. This meeting is your chance to review all the steps you’ve taken to do better (don’t assume he already knows), show an interest in the challenges facing your group and position yourself as a team player who stands ready to meet those challenges. You’ll do this by listening to the supervisor, not just by talking about your own contribution. Be alert for two things: additional ways you can help, and clues to how your work is seen. If your boss’s view of the facts is based on Eric’s dirty tricks, keep your cool. Project confidence and calm, no matter how anxious you may feel, and do your best to leave Eric out of the discussion. “I’m surprised to hear that,” you might begin. Then tell Jim why you’re surprised. No emotion, just the facts.

This meeting may last 20 minutes or less. But if you keep the tone constructive, that could be all the time you need to put a dent in Eric’s negative portrayal of you and start building a new image based on your supervisor’s personal observation. You don’t have to say, “Eric is spreading lies about me” if you can prove that he’s lying with your actions and your attitude.

Still, you shouldn’t expect your troubles to be over then and there. Look on this meeting as a turning point, not a one-stop solution. What you initiate with Jim must be supported every day with your colleagues, who remember your former ways. Look for opportunities to go the extra mile. It’s said that healing an overuse injury takes just as long as creating the injury in the first place. You may have injured the trust of your teammates. Be patient and give them time to see that you’ve changed.

Then there’s Eric. Your “enemy.” What do you do about him? You may not be his only victim. And although you don’t say so, he may be one of those poisonous characters who excel at impressing higher-ups while undercutting their peers. All the more reason not to go head to head with him in a meeting with your boss. The HR department is better positioned to help you because they have no vested interest in Eric’s view of things and will know his history with the company. So make sure you meet with HR, not just your boss.

Good luck. And here’s to the new you—punctual, focused, respected. Thanks for writing to OfficePolitics.com.

Regards,

Rona Maynard, Author

Rona Maynard is the author of My Mother’s Daughter a memoir published by McClelland & Stewart in September, 2007.

Rona Maynard’s career as an award-winning journalist, leading magazine editor, acclaimed author and inspirational speaker owes much to the lessons she has drawn from coping with difficult people, both professionally and personally.

Rona edited Chatelaine, Canada’s number one magazine for women, during a decade of growth and innovation in which she attracted a new generation of readers to the franchise. While meeting every benchmark of success, she contended daily with complaints from readers, directives from corporate brass and the strong personalities on her creative staff, who ranged from seasoned baby boomers to Gen Yers with sharply different expectations. The team Rona built was honored internationally for journalism, design and overall editorial excellence. A dedicated mentor, she groomed five people who went on to edit national magazines—among many others who are now viewed as leaders in their industry.

When Rona had fulfilled her vision for Chatelaine, she stepped down to write the memoir her readers had been asking for. In My Mother’s Daughter, she tells the no-holds-barred story of how she became her own woman because of—and in spite of—the enthralling but domineering woman who formed her. From her struggles with a crazy-making boss, an undermining colleague and an alcoholic father, she draws a road map to living with integrity, purpose and joy. Alice Munro has called My Mother’s Daughter “wonderfully honest and enthralling.”

Rona continues to share her hard-won wisdom on her award-winning interactive website, ronamaynard.com, and at the podium. Her most sought-after speech is “Life-Changing Lessons from Difficult People.” Audiences say that Rona’s message brings them energy, hope and pointers they can use to transform their own lives.

Rona’s personal honors include a YWCA Woman of Distinction Award, a National Champion of Mental Health Award and a Woman of Action Award from the Israel Cancer Research Fund, as well as numerous writing awards.

Dear Office-Politics
I work for a very large world-wide distribution center. My location, however, is a very small “off spring” branch that has only two employees, myself and the branch manager.

Let me start by saying I love my job! I love the people I deal with over the phone, the few walk in customers and the work load.

My problem… My Manager. I am at my wits end. I honestly don’t know where to turn. I know that if I were to do the things my boss does, I would have been fired!

He spends most of his days surfing the internet and posting in chat rooms. When he’s not playing on the computer he’s on his cell phone. He is a part time police officer and many a time he is called away for police related work. He has left our store to go to court. I am told that if upper management calls, I’m to say he is on a sales call. Upper Management is aware of his part time position, but has little knowledge of his leaving our office for his police duties. Several days at work he is so tired from his night shift that he will go into his office to sleep for hours. I am told not to disturb him.

Since I’ve work at this company, a little over a year, I have seen him go through four different relationships where his relationship problems have always been brought into the work place. I have witnessed arguments over the phone where he has gone off in a tirade of insults and swearing, while I’m left praying that a customer does not come into the store. His latest fiancee arrives at our store every morning for an hour of talk and coffee. He will leave our office every day between 1 to 2 hours earlier than his scheduled departure time.

Whenever anything goes wrong… it’s always my fault. Even when I show him that the error is his, he is never to blame. He is a very moody person prone to mood swings. He has been on several different medications for his depression and is ALWAYS sick! He always has a concealed weapon on his person. I once asked if this was allowed since our building has a strict No smoking/No weapons… and I was told that he is above the law… he is a part time police officer who does not have to answer to our building code. He’ll smoke at our front counter without hesitation. He has been rude to our customers. He is very lazy. Rarely will he pick up the phone, knowing that I will take the call. He truly does not want to be at our company, but he is paid very well. Our store is doing very well and makes a good profit… especially within the last year.

If I were to go and complain, he would know where the complaint came from. He would make my work extremely difficult. He has a terrible temper, and I don’t trust him when he’s angry. I’m frustrated that his manager does not come into our branch more often. I feel that I’m all alone and no one will help me. I love my job. I want to continue learning, but my boss has no desire to teach. I don’t know where to turn or what to do. I want to keep my job. I HAVE to work. My family depends on my incomes. My husband was recently laid off and my boss knows this. I work hard for my income and have no complaints of the work load. However, I need to feel safe. I’m afraid if I complain I will not be protected by Upper Management. After all… it’s only he and I that work at this branch and he will know that the complaint was initiated by me.

Please…. Please… any advice you could provide would be greatly appreciated and strongly taken into consideration. Thank you in advance for your time and help! I write to you in the strictest of confidence!

Working Scared

OFFICE-POLITICS REPLY BY DR. JOHN BURTON

Dear Working Scared,

You are indeed in a delicate and difficult situation. You are right to be very cautious in how you deal with it.

The first consideration is your personal safety, both physically and psychologically. Dealing with your manager may provoke a retributive response from him. Even if he did not become violent, it appears likely that he would do all that he could to make life unpleasant for you if he was aware that you were behind any disciplinary action from upper management.

There are three possible course of action that occur to me.

1. Confront your manager directly
2. Report his behaviour to his manager
3. Leave your job

A fourth possibility is to continue with the status quo, but that is obviously not sustainable. You will reach a breaking point at some time. You are wise to be seeking a better option.

Examining the first alternative (Confront your manager directly), I do not suggest this is an appropriate way to approach the issue, nor is it likely to succeed given the nature of your manager. Following this course of action would call for you to sit down with him, telling him how his behaviour is affecting you and seeking to develop a course of action that will allow the two of you to work towards a mutually agreeable resolution. To say that this is unlikely to go well with this personality is putting it mildly.

Clearly this situation is one of inadequate managerial supervision. Given that your store is doing well in sales it is not totally unsurprising that upper management has not been watching more closely. Many firms are content to let matters go along without adequate oversight if the numbers are good. It may be that upper management is more aware of the situation than you imagine, but feels that if the store is profitable they are willing to put up with it.

In pursuing the second option (Report his behaviour to his manager) you need to proceed with great caution. The first thing to do is to keep a careful record of your manager’s behaviour for at least a month, several would be better. You don’t need to tape his conversations or make notes right at the moment. In an unobtrusive way, however, you should write down everything that seems out of line to you. Note down the time he arrives and the length of each personal phone call. Make a note of the swearing, the smoking and the carrying of a firearm. Times and dates are critical.

The next step is the really delicate one and it depends in part at least on the nature of your relationship with your manager’s supervisor. If you really don’t know the person then you need to proceed with great caution. Call the person and ask for a private and confidential appointment at a location away from your store, perhaps in another town. Tell them that you have some concerns about the working relationship with your manager and ask if they are able to provide some support so that the problem can be addressed. You should present yourself as seeking advice and willing to work with the company to address a mutual problem, rather than presenting a list of demands that will make the supervisor feel defensive.

At this point the ball is really in the supervisor’s court and your next move depends on his/her response. If your read is that the concerns are being taken seriously and that you will be supported and protected during the process, then proceed. If not, if you feel that the supervisor is not going to act appropriately or may take your manager’s side, then thank her/him for their time and leave. At this stage you may have burned your bridges and the only reasonable way forward may be to leave your job.

If, however, the supervisor appears to take your concerns seriously and offers the sort of support that you feel will protect your interests and safety, then I would suggest that you share with them that you were advised to take a note of your manager’s behaviours that are of concern and here they are. The next step will be up to the supervisor.

The challenge here is that the supervisor is not doing his or her job adequately. They are not exercising their managerial role. You are not, however, in a position to tell them what to do, or even to coach them very effectively. If the supervisor is not willing to do their job, then I do not see any way forward that is not fraught with the same, if not more, trials and tribulations than you now face.

That brings us to the third option: Leave your job.

One of the things that makes a difficult situation untenable is the sense we often have that there is no choice. If you really need a job and you like much of what this one involves and there are few other opportunities nearby, then you are likely feeling really stuck and powerless. One way to change that is to find yourself an alternative – even if you don’t take it. Sit down with your spouse and work out what the two of you might do if you left your job. Could you move somewhere? Could you find an alternative position, even if at a lower salary, even if it was less pleasant in some of its details?

If you have no option you have no bargaining power. A colleague of mine working in a professional position faced a somewhat similar dilemma in that he felt trapped in a job he did not like. Part of his response to the dilemma was to look around the small town he lived in and see what other work was available. The only thing he could identify was a job at the local supermarket stocking shelves. He and his spouse sat down and did the budget and figured out how they could make that work. He did not, as it turned out, take the grocery job, but realizing it was available and that they would not starve if he did gave him a renewed sense of empowerment that helped him feel better about his original job.

My suggestion is that you begin with that approach. Develop an alternative to continuing in this position. And then, seriously ask yourself if it is not in fact a better alternative. If you would prefer to try to work things out where you are, you do so from a position of increased power, which is always helpful.

A final note, your manager sounds like an irresponsible, perhaps violent and certainly unpredictable character. Before taking any action that might alienate him you need to assess very realistically whether it is worth the risk. Based on what you have described my instinct is to say your best course of action is to leave, but I know that is not an easy thing to contemplate.

I wish you well in this difficult situation. Thanks for writing to Office-Politics.

Yours truly,

Dr. John Burton

Dr. John Burton LL.B. M.B.A. M.Div. Ph.D. is an ethicist, mediator, lawyer and theologian. He has taught alternative dispute resolution at Queen’s Law School and Ethics at the Schulich School of Business. John was recently located in Prince Rupert, B.C., Canada, working with Canada’s aboriginal communities. He is now teaching at UBC, Okanagan Campus.

The first five minutes of any job interview are critical in the selection process. For candidates seeking employment at a job fair, an initial interview with a company may last only five minutes.

BY JOHN A. CHALLENGER

A job seeker has to be qualified in order to get the job but there will always be several other people who are equally qualified as far as the interviewer is concerned. In the end, you will be hired because the interviewer personally likes you the best, not necessarily because you are the most qualified in the field of candidates. And many interviewers, especially in a job fair situation, will know whether or not he or she likes you the best within the first five minutes!

First impressions are vital, knowing that the interviewer will be speaking with several candidates within a short period of time. If you do not make a good impression immediately, the chances are that you will not be able to recover, however excellent your qualifications are for the job. It is a sobering thought to the average job seeker. It means that you have little margin for error in presenting yourself.

If you do make a mistake or present yourself in an unfavorable manner in the interviewer’s opinion, you have erased your likability factor. If you wish to sell any product successfully, it is necessary to know all you can about the product. In respect to the job search, the selling is done at the job interview and the product you must know so thoroughly is yourself.

To maximize your chances of having a successful interview, keep these points in mind:

• Look the interviewer directly in the eyes and smile when you meet, with a firm, but not hard, handshake. You may be surprised how important those initial gestures are to the interviewer’s impression of you. If you avert your gaze, you may give the interviewer the impression of being shifty or unsure of yourself. If you give the person a “wet fish” handshake instead of a solid one, the impression may be that you are timid and ineffectual. If you crush the interviewer’s hand, the pain will dim your lustre. Smiling sounds simple but is one of the most important rules of the interview. It sets the tone for the entire session, projecting you as a pleasant person. Make it a point to look at the interviewer directly when you are answering his or her questions.
• Body language is also important. Do not fidget. Assume a comfortable posture from the outset and avoid shifting your position or crossing and re-crossing your legs. If you do, it may give the interviewer a message that you are uneasy or nervous, it can be translated into the perception you are trying to conceal something that you do not want the employer to know.
• Know your resume thoroughly and be ready to elaborate on any point contained in it. Resumes do not get jobs; interviews do but you have to be in mental command of all of your important accomplishments. You cannot take the chance of trying to ad-lib an unprepared answer to a pivotal interview request such as, “Tell me about yourself.” Interviewers are after specific information about job candidates, not generalities. That is why you should commit your major accomplishments to memory before going into any interview.
• Always try to be “up” psychologically for the interview. That is often the most difficult thing to do, especially if you have been job hunting for some period of time, but it is very important for the success of the interview. If you appear downcast or depressed, or are unresponsive to the interviewer’s questions or listless in your approach, you will rule yourself out of consideration for that job. Interviewers want enthusiastic, happy people who show a strong interest in the job. If you do not, another candidate most assuredly will.
• You must do everything you can within moral bounds to get a job offer, and then evaluate it. Do not be overly concerned about what the job is in the beginning. Get the offer and then decide if you want it! You should listen for clues as to what the interviewer wants and try to be the person he or she wants you to be, within the scope of your own skills, desires and talents. Anticipate the interviewer’s questions as much as possible and be ready with all of your homework done. Then let the interviewer pick and choose what is to be discussed in the interview.
• Bear in mind that your potential employer is operating within a limited amount of time, and will talk about what is important to him or her. Therefore, you should be non-directive: allow the interviewer to choose exactly what he or she wants to talk about. Most interviews last 20 to 30 minutes at the maximum, so that is no time for you to interject with an agenda of your own or discuss points that you think should be covered. Doing that is an invitation to an early exit.
• Be relaxed: it relaxes the interviewer. Focus all of your attention on the employer. You want him or her to feel witty, charming, urbane. Why? Because it makes the person feel good and the better the individual feels in your presence, the more likely you are to be making a favorable impression.
• Respond to the interviewer’s hospitality; accept anything that is offered. Even if you do not drink coffee, if the interviewer offers it, take a sip or two and then just leave the cup. Let that person be the host and you be the gracious guest.
• Dress appropriately: conservative business suits, shirts and ties for men; suits or conservative dresses for women. Avoid any excesses such as long hair, heavy jewelry or earrings for men, flashy dresses or excessive makeup for women. If you handle all of these matters well, you should make a favorable impression on the interviewer — but do not forget to ask for the “order” before you leave.

Win or lose in the first 5 minutes of a job interview © 2009, Challenger, Gray & Christmas;

Dear Office-Politics,

I work at a police department. I am in a “non-sworn” position. My job is to analyze crime – identify crime series/trends/patterns, do tactical and strategic analysis, etc. I am a department of one which makes things difficult as I don’t automatically have anyone who “Has my back”. And I’m dealing with different “Teams” of people – like patrol, detectives, problem oriented team -etc.

I have been told by others that they see me as intelligent and passionate about my job. But I feel some of the detectives (one in particular) stonewall me – and then the other detectives always have his back. Below is an example of a recent situation:

I identified a burglary series. I did a lot of work mapping out the burglaries, making a speadsheet, creating a bulletin with all of the pertinent information, and I also took the extra step of typing out all of the stolen property by case number so that if the detectives find out where the property is they can easily identify the property since our Records department was behind in data entry. What I did was very time-consuming. After I was done I told the property detective that we had a series going on to give him a heads up, and I told him that I was working on a property sheet, etc. He doesn’t want to hear about it because he has yet to get the case assigned to him. After he gets the case assigned (the next day) he starts being cold to me. If I walked in the room he’d turn his back to me, he stopped acknowledging me when he walked by my office, etc.

When the Sgt (his boss) is back at work a week or so later, I also let him know that I have the property sheet available (because I didn’t want to do anything to sabotage the case). Well, a few nights ago, patrol located the suspect and a house containing a lot of stolen property and the detectives get called out to the scene. Neither the detective nor the Sgt calls me to obtain the property sheet. They were able to identify a lot of the property but it would have been much easier if they had this sheet. Again, it is not my responsibility to put together this information, I just did it to be nice and helpful. When I got to work I found out they were searching a house so I asked another detective if they had this property sheet. He said, “No” but that they had been “Looking all over for it”… Again, they could have easily called me but chose not to. I called the Sgt and he told me the detective DID have the property sheet – but he really just had a couple of recent bulletins I had distributed with the most recent items stolen.

The next day I have a meeting with the detective LT and the Sgt. Neither one is my boss. The LT basically tells me that the detectives are frustrated with me because they think I can be “Pushy” and I need to understand that the detectives have A LOT of cases and they might not get to the series right away. Apparently this detective felt like by me giving him this heads up, I was trying to get him to immediately work this case. When my intention was to let him know it looks to be part of a series and let him know what I’ve done to assist (trying to be helpful). They basically want me to have empathy for THEIR work, yet nobody has any empathy or consideration for my time/work, etc. To make matters worse, the detectives are OFTEN goofing off – they play catch daily – even went outside one day and threw a football around (and no it was not their lunch). They are always sitting around chatting, while EVEN homicides will go unsolved (CSI employees are also often frustrated). So I have a difficult time having empathy for their caseloads when they have so much time to play. (But no, I never brought this part up – I didn’t think it would go over well.) When I asked the LT and Sgt what they wanted me to do differently, they had NO ANSWER. They were stumped! The Sgt seemed to “Get It” and realized he needs to educate the detectives on my role in the department – but I doubt he actually will because the culture is such that the sworn personnel rarely hold each other accountable – I often see the non-sworn become the scapegoats.

I have a difficult time doing my job – sharing information with patrol, etc – when the detectives withhold information from me. And it bothers me that they seem to try to dampen my enthusiasm. I asked them if they would prefer me to just provide this type of info to LT/Sgt and they can pass it on to detectives but they want me to go directly to the detectives – yet when I do, I get this nasty reaction. So I feel like I’m in a no-win situation.

Any advice?

Thanks,

No Clues

OFFICE-POLITICS REPLY BY TIMOTHY JOHNSON

Dear No Clues

When I first started consulting work, a wise mentor pulled me aside and reminded me that a consultant can never care more than the client. I found the advice odd, but I quickly learned how accurate it is. As the “outsider” we consultants become aware of things that our cubicle dwelling cousins don’t see because their blinders are on. Some of the issues we uncover are sacred cows, those “hands off” issues which are more sensitive. It sounds like your relationship with the detectives is similar to my relationship with some of my past clients.

I did some digging for you…

Because I volunteer with law enforcement, I was able to go right to the source for some insight on your letter. One of my good friends is a Lieutenant who oversees a role similar to yours. You mentioned your work with the Sergeant and the Lieutenant who oversee the detectives, but you never mentioned who your commanding officer is, so I’m assuming you answer up through some chain of command within the department, so let’s start there. Have you talked with your boss about “watching your back” and explained to him or her some of the challenges and frustrations you are facing? First and foremost, you need an ally within the department, and there should be nobody more qualified that the person who authorizes your existence.

Pick up clues

The second issue I saw in your letter had more to do with marketing and demand than it did with office politics. You need to demonstrate your value visibly to the detectives. Yes, it’s one thing to “be nice” and do analysis that’s not part of your job, but this gesture was not well received. I’m curious, where are you physically located within the department? Do you sit among the detectives so you can interact with them on a regular basis? Do you attend their meetings? One of the traits of an excellent detective is observation. Are you watching the detectives? Are you able to observe their hot buttons? If you are around them regularly, you can hear comments like, “I sure wish we had this information…” or “Why can’t we ever get X data when we need it?” Then you can respond to the things your client cares about, rather than making assumptions about the crimes you think they should care about. If you are physically around the detectives more, and if you listen to their needs, that should provide you with clues on how to proceed with your work priorities. If you are not physically co-located with the detectives or are not attending their meetings, talk with your boss to make these happen. And once you’ve had the opportunity to provide visible value which is appreciated by the detectives, then you can move on to being more proactive. You need to sell your skills to your customer… only then will they “buy in” to the services you provide.

Play Ball to Build Alliances

Besides your own boss, you might consider doing some alliance building. As I mentioned, I’ve been around police enough over the past two years to recognize that, for lack of better phrasing, “boys will be boys.” (Yes, there are plenty of women officers, too, but it sounds like you might be dealing with a male-dominated network.) Instead of criticizing them for playing catch during the day, join them. Often times, they may be verbally processing cases while they are out playing, and you could be missing out on that information because you are sitting inside stewing that they’re outside playing catch. There are considerable stressors for any job, but few rival what patrol and detectives encounter on a daily basis, so these outlets during the day are healthy ways for them to do their jobs. As one who supports them, you need to be fostering a spirit of partnership and camaraderie rather than antagonism. Find a detective or two with whom you already connect on some level and take them out to lunch. Let them become your cheerleaders with the one who appears not to like you.

What you want in your back pocket

Finally, documentation would be a good thing to have in your back pocket. If you share some analysis with a detective via email, save that as “evidence” you’ve shared it so they can’t come back and claim you were withholding information from them. If you share something in person with a detective, send them an email later: “Hey Detective Tom, glad we had a chance to talk about the evidence. I hope the burglary analysis spreadsheet I gave you is helpful. If you need any further assistance or more information, please don’t hesitate to contact me.” This provides you with proof that you did give physically give them the information, and it puts the ball in their court to contact you if they want more. The next time the sergeant or lieutenant call you into their offices to accuse you of not sharing information with the detectives, you will then have an email in your SENT folder to show otherwise.

I hope these help. Thank you for writing to OfficePolitics.com

Regards,

Timothy Johnson, Author & Consultant

Timothy Johnson is the Chief Accomplishment Officer of Carpe Factum, Inc. His company is dedicated to helping individuals and organizations “seize the accomplishment” through effective project management, strategic facilitation, and business process improvement. His clients have included Harley-Davidson Motorcycles, Wells Fargo, ING, Principal Financial Group, and Teva Neuroscience. Timothy has managed projects ranging from a $14 billion class action lawsuit settlement to HIPAA compliance, from software conversion to process reengineering, from strategic IT alignment to automated decisioning, from producing a training video to creating a project office environment. He is currently an adjunct professor at Drake University in Des Moines, Iowa, teaching MBA classes in Leadership, Managing Office Politics, Creativity for Business, and Project Management.

An accomplished speaker, Timothy has enthusiastically informed and entertained audiences across the nation on the topics of project communication, office politics, creativity, and meeting management. He has written two books, both business fables: Race Through The Forest – A Project Management Fable and GUST – The Tale Wind of Office Politics.

By Steve Farber, Author of Greater Than Yourself

“Now,” Ken wrote, “for the last 4 weeks I sat at my cubicle, web surfing for 8 hours a day at the same company where I once worked 39 hours straight with my team to make things right, never going home. I’m not a quitter; I don’t want to leave. But — just or unjust — I feel stripped of everything we’ve done. So the advice I’m looking for is this: How do you get back up?”

A while back, I received a distressed email from Ken, a young manager at a high-tech company. Ken and I had never met, but he had read my first two books and had done his best to apply the ideas and practices of Extreme Leadership to the way he’d led his team. To their culture, their work ethic, their camaraderie. When necessary, Ken told me, they would band together and work hard — 10 to 20 hours a day at times — to solve a problem or meet a pressing need. Ken’s wife would cook food for everyone and bring it to the office. They felt like a family, he said, committed to doing great work and devoted to one another’s success. No one ever complained, least of all Ken. At one point, he’d even forgone his bonus so his employees could collect theirs.

And then something happened. A downturn, a re-org, a shift in the management structure — we all know the drill. Ken still had a job, but his position was eliminated. New management full of old ideas came in to oversee the department’s function and the emotional fibers that connected Ken’s team to each other and to their work unraveled.

“Now,” Ken wrote, “for the last 4 weeks I sat at my cubicle, web surfing for 8 hours a day at the same company where I once worked 39 hours straight with my team to make things right, never going home.

“I’m not a quitter; I don’t want to leave. But — just or unjust — I feel stripped of everything we’ve done” he said. “So the advice I’m looking for is this:

“How do you get back up?”

Even though I’ve spent the last 20 years coaching leaders and consulting to management teams, I was still loath to respond. After all, I had only the sketchiest of details about Ken’s situation, and it was just presumptuous of me to assume I could help him with a few pithy words of advice. Nonetheless, I did have an idea for him, and I instinctively felt that it could make a huge, positive difference in Ken’s life — and in the life of those he worked with.

And it wasn’t the kind of management or leadership advice you’d expect.

It’s already become a cliché to say that we live in unprecedented, challenging times. We all know it. But the truth is, the world of work is always challenging. That’s why they call it “work.”

No matter the industry, market, or type of company you work in, you’ve had to deal with some combination of the classic work-place obstacles, issues, and barriers to a successful leadership experience.

At some time or another, for example, you’ve reported to bosses or people in positions of “greater authority” who were self-centered at best, and idiotically egotistical at worst. They took all the credit and none of the blame and could care less whether or not you succeeded or failed. Or worse, they preferred that you’d fail, and took great pleasure in your struggles because they felt it made them look stronger.

Or perhaps you worked in a company that, even though populated by terrific human beings, was so obsessed with the bottom line and shareholder value that you were forced to make strategic decisions that compromised your own employees’ abilities to serve the customer. And as your employees grew more frustrated, the customer satisfaction levels plunged, which made you and your employees more frustrated. And so on.

You may have been in an environment that was hyper-competitive to the point of paranoid, risk-averse to the point of stifling, or so political that it made you consider running for local office just to get some relief.

We’ve all experienced some combination of these themes with varying levels of intensity. And we’ve all spent some amount of time and energy navigating our way through the challenges that come from trying to lead in those conditions. It’s just the price we pay for being managers. And human beings.

We still get knocked down from time to time. Sometimes way down.

Now, add to that the current, sucking implosion in the economy, and it’s easy to see why, with all our efforts to be positive, productive leaders, we still get knocked down from time to time. Sometimes way down.

Our knee-jerk reaction in times of crisis is to hold on tighter, to be more cautious in our actions, and more protective of our resources. We think that our way out — or up — will come by virtue of shoring up and hoarding what we have.

Counterintuitive advice in hyper-competitive times

There is, however, a much more powerful course of action, which — though counterintuitive in these hyper-competitive times — is based on a timeless reality of true leadership:

Your own greatness as a leader lies, paradoxically, in your ability to cause others to be greater than yourself.

Said another way, your (and my) best way out of a leadership challenge or crisis is not to focus on your own peril or rut, but, instead, to reach out and try to boost someone else over your head.

The idea should sound familiar. It’s really just a variation on the “do unto others” sentiment of the Golden Rule, a philosophy that exists in virtually all religions, schools of thought, and philosophies on the planet. And in none of those versions — not one — will you find a footnote saying, “Does not apply Monday through Friday between the hours of 9 to 5 or in any situation where a paycheck is involved.”

So the solution I offered to Ken was this:

Instead of wallowing in your own despair, pick someone at work to invest in, with the intent of making that person greater than you are. Be a coach, guide, or mentor in the truest, most personal sense of the words by choosing someone to be your GTY (Greater Than Yourself) project, and see what that does to your own predicament, your own state of mind.

Maybe it was out of desperation, but as surprised as he was by the curve ball I’d thrown him, Ken took my advice and agreed to the challenge.

Two weeks later, Ken wrote to say that he’d thought deeply about our conversation and had come to realize that before he could lift someone else up by sharing his knowledge and experience, he needed to be sure that he had learned the right lessons from the recent team trauma. So he’d met with his boss, and asked for feedback on how he could have acted differently, what he may have done to contribute to the problem, and how he could be a better leader in the future. “The 30 minute meeting turned into a 2 hour confessional,” said Ken, which resulted in him learning some hard, “gold lessons” about himself.

“Now,” he continued, “I’ve already started to work with a tech on my team who wants to be a manager. And I’m taking a vow,” he said, “to make the people around me better — as I continue to grow myself. I’m going to teach my children about this, too.” Ken, it seems, has gotten his energy back, and he’s well on his way to getting back up — by lifting someone else.

We’re all human, just like Ken. And just like him, we all get bashed down from time to time. Next time, try to resist the temptation to pull yourself up by the proverbial bootstraps, and reach out to pull someone else up, instead. Go find someone to be your GTY project, and ask them to do the same.

And don’t be surprised if — through your example — your whole organization, company, or team rises to establish itself as the new gold standard of leadership.

Copyright © 2009 Steve Farber author of Greater Than Yourself: The Ultimate Lesson of True Leadership

Support Office-Politics.com by ordering Greater Than Yourself on Amazon

About Steve Farber, Author
Steve Farber, author of Greater Than Yourself: The Ultimate Lesson of True Leadership, the president of Extreme Leadership, is a leadership consultant and speaker, and the author of the national bestseller The Radical Leap, and The Radical Edge. He lives in San Diego, California. His best-selling book, The Radical Leap: A Personal Lesson in Extreme Leadership was recently named one of The 100 Best Business Books of All Time. His second book, The Radical Edge: Stoke Your Business, Amp Your Life, and Change the World, was hailed as “a playbook for harnessing the power of the human spirit.” His newest book, Greater Than Yourself: The Ultimate Lesson of True Leadership, has just been published by Doubleday/Random House.

Dear Office-Politics,

I have a coworker that has done everything in her power to get under my skin and a lot of time I feel like there is very little I can say because I am afraid it will be seen by HR or others as me being the Macho guy. She promoted herself to our level and has only a high school degree. She yelled at me today in front of a lot of other people and I just walked away. But I think it is time for me to take action and register the fact in writing. Understanding that I have to communicate with her what should I do. I wish I could look for another job but the economy is not good now. How do I deal with an angry black woman?

Thank you,

You’ve Got Male

OFFICE-POLITICS REPLY BY TIMOTHY JOHNSON

Dear You’ve Got Male,

OK, let’s back up here. You mention this “angry black woman” has done everything in her power to get under your skin. I guess I’m a little at a disadvantage to know what that means. Outside of taxidermy “customers,” it’s my understanding that we among the living still control who or what gets under our skin. Is she making snide comments to you or about you? Have there been other “yelling” incidents? Does she wear obnoxious perfume? Has she made comments actually referring to gender or is that your own inference?

The reason I ask is simple: sometimes we create drama in our own mind that may or may not exist.

If her behavior is bad, you do not need to become the macho caveman and drag her around by her hair to persuade her to behave in a professional and civilized manner. My first boss out of college was truly one of the meanest and most ill-tempered trolls you could ever dread meeting. At first, I thought she was a rabid man-hater. And then I started LISTENING to her comments. While she did have man issues, her main problems were displacement and projection; her ex-husband’s name was also Tim and she was punishing me for his past transgressions. Now that she’s two husbands beyond him (and she’s numerous bosses behind me), I’ve learned that she does have issues with other men professionally. Being able to diagnose the real root cause of her issues helped me to take away some of her power. When she would make comments like “You do such-and-such like my ex-husband” I would respond by saying, “That’s an amazing coincidence. I’m glad I’m not him, though, given how you obviously feel about him.” By listening, and by redirecting her comments, I was able to keep the gender issue out of it.

One thing I would challenge you to think about is whether you personally have issues with gender, race, or education… rather than attributing them to HR or your female coworkers. Your letter seemed to hit on three sensitive areas of diversity, and without having the benefit of specific issues that your coworker has done to set you off, it can be perceived that the problem of perception lies with you.

Assuming the nature of her problem is behavioral and/or verbal, your best bet is to get on an even playing field with her and attempt to resolve the issue as adults. Do no raise your voice, do not storm off, and do not join in the fray of battle. Examples of possible responses might include, “Susan, that’s an interesting reaction to this issue. Would you mind explaining why you feel so strongly the way you do so I can understand your point of view better?” This will help defuse her volatile actions to you.

If she continues, you might say, “Susan, this is not acceptable behavior for professionals to engage in. Perhaps we need a third party to help us sort this out. I will schedule some time with our manager, so we can explain our respective points of view. I’m sorry we couldn’t resolve this ourselves.”

Be cordial. Be professional. Be calm and steady-handed. If she brings up the gender or the race cards, again just redirect the conversation: “Susan, I thought we were discussing accounts receivable. I don’t recall the issue of gender or race being introduced into the conversation. Let’s please stay on task with this issue.” It sounds like you are already thinking about documenting these instances, which is very smart.

I know the economy is bad right now, and it is rough for a lot of people who feel stuck in a situation and feel they cannot change. Try to provide yourself with some stress outlets in the meantime. My Office-Politics.com colleagues, Joshua and Marty Seldman, recommend yoga (yes, yoga!) at your desk. Their book, Executive Stamina, has been a wonderful resource for me personally. Other techniques include visualization or even just giving yourself opportunities to get up and walk around outside for your break. Above all, look for opportunities to prove yourself to be the professional you want others to perceive you to be.

I wish you the best. Thank you for writing to OfficePolitics.com

Regards,

Timothy Johnson, Author & Consultant

Timothy Johnson is the Chief Accomplishment Officer of Carpe Factum, Inc. His company is dedicated to helping individuals and organizations “seize the accomplishment” through effective project management, strategic facilitation, and business process improvement. His clients have included Harley-Davidson Motorcycles, Wells Fargo, ING, Principal Financial Group, and Teva Neuroscience. Timothy has managed projects ranging from a $14 billion class action lawsuit settlement to HIPAA compliance, from software conversion to process reengineering, from strategic IT alignment to automated decisioning, from producing a training video to creating a project office environment. He is currently an adjunct professor at Drake University in Des Moines, Iowa, teaching MBA classes in Leadership, Managing Office Politics, Creativity for Business, and Project Management.

An accomplished speaker, Timothy has enthusiastically informed and entertained audiences across the nation on the topics of project communication, office politics, creativity, and meeting management. He has written two books, both business fables: Race Through The Forest – A Project Management Fable and GUST – The Tale Wind of Office Politics.

Dear Office-Politics,

I‘m a recently hired college grad, and I was asked back three times during the interviewing process. On the third time I hadn’t prepared the night before, and I was on the train three stops away trying to conjure up good questions. I recalled one really good one my sister suggested. I was supposed to research it on the web, but I decided to just ask the question. So I asked “Have there been any incidences of sexual harassment?” hoping to get insight on how they would handle a situation. It was a last minute question that turned into a bad idea. I’ve been in sexually charged workplaces before. I’ve been blatantly ogled, and been told sexually suggestive things. I never reported anything. I deal with those things daily; it bothers me, but I can’t change people.

The CFO commended my bold comment that he says women don’t ask enough, and then on how well prepared I’d been. The HR manager turned pink, and then went on about how she understands. I accepted an offer, and on my first day she went on about how she was fondled in the workplace eons ago. She appeared unsettled, but understanding. Apparently, she went and told some co-workers on my floor before I started that I asked about sexual harassment, and that I was a risky hire. She said “She thinks she’s hot, and she thinks someone’s going to do something to her.” I always maintain a modest appearance and demeanor. That was character assassination.

Every office has a gossiper; ours should be a crier. Now, everyone likely thinks I’m some kind of black widow who’ll scream rape the minute a man walks past me in a dark corridor. Today, I was having a work-related conversation with a male co-worker. When we began talking about my home city he recently took a business trip to, he casually asked me about my high school. That’s when the office gossiper yells; “Watch it K***!” She had this look of worry on her face, and he looked up at her as if he understood. I’m humiliated. I was advised not to confront the gossiping HR Manager, or consult with the CFO; because she’ll get defensive and make my job hard, and CFO’s just don’t have time for interpersonal crap. I was told that those interviews were confidential. What should I do?

College-Grad-Getting-an-Education

OFFICE-POLITICS REPLY BY JENNIFER GLUECK BEZOZA

Dear College Grad,

I agree with your assessment that the HR manager committed “character assassination” towards you. When she relayed to several soon-to-be colleagues that you inquired about incidents of sexual harassment in the interview, and asserted that you have a high opinion of your appearance and think someone is going to make a move on you (with absolutely no basis of proof), she acted unprofessionally and exemplified the antithesis of “model-HR” behavior.

Since we cannot take a “do over” on your final interview, nor take back the HR manager’s slanderous words, it seems unproductive to belabor the incidents further. Instead, I will focus on how you can move forward from here.

First, let’s focus on the good news. The fact that you even know what the HR manager said behind your back demonstrates you have formed at least one ally who is willing to tell you the truth. While it’s not something you probably have thought about celebrating, having just one friend at work can make a significant difference in your job satisfaction and commitment at work (as Gallup Research shows).

I would tend to agree with the advice you have received on whether to confront the CEO and/or HR manager. I think approaching one or both at this point would only continue to highlight the unfortunate interview conversation, and the perception that you are a “risky hire.” In addition, I suspect confronting the HR manager about a lack of confidentiality would only create defensiveness and potentially lead to more slandering of your character.

I think humor might be the right antidote for convincing your colleagues that you are a trustworthy and reasonable woman, and not the “black widow (as you say), who will scream rape when a man walks past you in the corridor.” For example, you referenced an incident, whereby a colleague asked you an innocuous personal question (e.g., where you went to high school), and then he got openly chided by another colleague for potentially “taking things too far” with you.

Should this type of incident occur again, I think you could light heartedly confront the elephant in the room, and respond by saying there seems to be some false rumors circulating, and you are actually perfectly comfortable talking about your high school and even willing to go to lunch (!) with a male colleague. Obviously the humor has to feel authentic and comfortable for you. Using humor is a smart way to diffuse the tension and show your colleagues that you are not easily offended and that you are also able to respond to a situation in a positive and reasonable manner. You want to show that you put little weight on these comments and others should too.

In addition, you want to put your focus on doing good work and adding value for the organization. Over time, your colleagues will come to see that you are a very likable professional, and not the “risky hire” that was purported. That is the sweetest revenge.

I hope these thoughts are helpful. Thanks for writing Office Politics!

Best,

Jennifer Glueck Bezoza, MA

Jennifer Glueck Bezoza specializes in leadership development and career coaching. Through her work in Organizational Development at the Visiting Nurse Service of New York, Jennifer designs leadership development programs, and coaches teams and individuals. Previously, Jennifer led GE Commercial Finance’s employee engagement initiative and also served as an HR Generalist at GE. In addition, she worked as a consultant at Towers Perrin.

Jennifer holds an MA in Social-Organizational Psychology from Columbia University and a BA in Psychology from Stanford University. Jennifer is continuing her education through an executive coaching program at New York University.

Dear Office-Politics,

I‘m a recently hired college grad, and I was asked back three times during the interviewing process. On the third time I hadn’t prepared the night before, and I was on the train three stops away trying to conjure up good questions. I recalled one really good one my sister suggested. I was supposed to research it on the web, but I decided to just ask the question. So I asked “have there been any incidences of sexual harassment?” hoping to get insight on how they would handle a situation. It was a last minute question that turned into a bad idea. I’ve been in sexually charged workplaces before. I’ve been blatantly ogled, and been told sexually suggestive things. I never reported anything. I deal with those things daily; it bothers me, but I can’t change people.

The CFO commended my bold comment that he says women don’t ask enough, and then on how well prepared I’d been. The HR manager turned pink, and then went on about how she understands. I accepted an offer, and on my first day she went on about how she was fondled in the workplace eons ago. She appeared unsettled, but understanding. Apparently, she went and told some co-workers on my floor before I started that I asked about sexual harassment, and that I was a risky hire. She said “She thinks she’s hot, and she thinks someone’s going to do something to her.” I always maintain a modest appearance and demeanor. That was character assassination.

Every office has a gossiper; ours should be a crier. Now, everyone likely thinks I’m some kind of black widow who’ll scream rape the minute a man walks past me in a dark corridor. Today, I was having a work-related conversation with a male co-worker. When we began talking about my home city he recently took a business trip to, he casually asked me about my high school. That’s when the office gossiper yells; “Watch it K***!” She had this look of worry on her face, and he looked up at her as if he understood. I’m humiliated. I was advised not to confront the gossiping HR Manager, or consult with the CFO; because she’ll get defensive and make my job hard, and CFO’s just don’t have time for interpersonal crap. I was told that those interviews were confidential. What should I do?

College-Grad-Getting-an-Education

Dear College Grad,

Your analysis is probably correct that, unfortunately, the HR Manager has the upper hand at the moment. She is on the inside when discussions of people come up and she has an extensive, long standing network in the company.

So we agree that confronting her is a high risk and probably low reward action. There are, however, two proactive steps you might take that may soften the impact of these unintended consequences from your question on sexual harassment.

The first is that it might be helpful to talk with the Human Resources manager in a non-confrontational way that attempts to clarify a misperception. You could take her out to lunch and explain that you realize the question you asked was unusual and actually a last minute suggestion from your sister. Tell her that, in reality, this is not a concern for you because in the past you have always been able to deal with situations in a quiet, effective manner. That has always worked for you and you are confident you can handle situations, should they come up, in the same way going forward. Tell her the reason you are mentioning it is that upon reflection you see that you could have created a misperception. If she seems receptive, ask for her help in correcting this perception with the CFO if it exists.

This is not guaranteed to work but it has a decent chance of sending her a message about the perception and a foundation for going back to her if it persists.

The second thing we suggest is to accelerate your network building activities. It is important that people get to know you and form connections. Try to understand their roles, challenges, agendas etc and see where you can add value. It is important to take advantage of opportunities for people to form their opinions of you independent of the gossip.

Then if the “buzz” persists the people who know you will conclude you are not like that.

Regards,

Marty

Marty Seldman, Ph.D. and Joshua Seldman
Co-authors, Executive Stamina

ABOUT EXECUTIVE STAMINA
Marty Seldman, Ph.D. and Joshua Seldman, are Co-authors of Executive Stamina: How to optimize time, energy and productivity to achieve peak performance. In Executive Stamina, you’ll learn all the skills, techniques, and positive practices needed to create a sustainable path to achieve your full career potential. Renowned executive coach Marty Seldman and endurance coach Joshua Seldman will introduce you to the revolutionary training system they’ve used with great success on top executives and endurance athletes. You’ll find hundreds of tips and tools that will help you maximize your career potential, while maintaining your health, staying in touch with your values, and avoiding costly tradeoffs in your personal life.