Dear Office Politics,

As a director of marketing, I manage a great team of nine in a large organization. Lately I’m experiencing some challenges from a senior member of the team (let’s call her Sharon). Based on her proven and potential ability, I have sent Sharon on a major conference, provided financial recognition for work well done, been supportive in some interpersonal issues, and given her the lead on important projects. However, considering she reports to me, her behavior towards me has increasingly felt dismissive, disrespectful and arrogant.

Some recent examples: Sharon has repeatedly shown up late for group meetings I or others have set. I’ve spoken to her about this, and she has been either apologetic or defensive, saying she feels ‘picked on’. She did not show up for two individual meetings I set with her, due to other meetings with colleagues I assume she felt were more important than me. She has not made a team presentation that all team members are expected to do after a major conference. She has accused me of trying to ‘take credit for one of her ideas’ when I mentioned I would be referring to her project in a presentation I was making. I have tried to take the high road and discussed the importance of time management, pointed out that it is my role as department manager to showcase the lead projects of my team members, and discussed the importance of treating others with respect. This has not resulted in any significant change.

I recognize that I’ve probably undermined my own authority by providing too much positive reinforcement (downplaying weaknesses and emphasizing strengths) and not enough constructive criticism, and being more informal in my manager-employee interactions (with all my team members) than I probably should be. Sharon is on a two week vacation and I want to meet with her when she returns to clarify that this behavior is not acceptable and needs to change. Any tips?

Finding the Balance

OFFICE-POLITICS ADVISER ERIKA ANDERSEN

Dear Finding the Balance,

I’m convinced that giving corrective feedback is one of the most challenging parts of the manager’s job. How do you let people know they need to change without making them defensive or damaging the relationship?

Fortunately, I do have some tips. And, at the risk of sounding self-aggrandizing, I might also suggest that you get a copy of my book, Growing Great Employees – there’s a whole section on how to give corrective feedback that expands on the ideas I’ll share here.

Focus on behaviors

First, I’d suggest that you focus on the behaviors (late to meetings, not making a presentation after a conference, missing appointments with you) that aren’t acceptable, vs. talking about how it feels to you (dismissive, disrespectful, arrogant). It’s much easier for people to hear about behaviors that you want changed; if you tell someone they’re being “disrespectful,” it feels like you’re saying they have a character flaw – and they’ll simply become defensive and tell you all the reasons it’s not so.

Start by listening

Second – and this may be the most important – when you sit down with her, I’d recommend you start by listening. This may seem counter-intuitive, but we’ve found it extremely helpful. Here’s how this works. You ask to meet with Sharon after the vacation, letting her know you’d like to discuss the difficulties the two of you have been having lately. Then when you meet, begin the conversation by saying something like, “I want to share my point of view about how we’re working together and some things I’d like to see change – but first, I’d like to hear how you see it. From your point of view, what are you doing that’s working in our interaction, and what do you think you could be doing differently?”

Then really, really listen.

A number of things might happen: Sharon might try to deflect the whole thing by saying some version of, “What about what YOU should be doing differently?” In which case you can get it back on track by responding, “I’m happy to talk about that later, but right now, I’d like to focus on you.”

Sharon might also say, in effect, “Nothing. I’m doing everything right.” In which case, you’ll know where you’re starting from – AND you’ve given her the courtesy of listening, which is a powerful statement of respect, and tends to lower defensiveness a lot. If she does this, I’d suggest you summarize (“So, from your point of view, your interactions with me don’t need to change”) and then share your feedback. (“I see it differently. Here are three behaviours that I want you to work on changing….”)

She might also acknowledge part of her contribution to the problem, in which case you can build on what she says (e.g., “Thanks for acknowledging that – I agree. And there are two other related things I’d like to mention…”)

Sharon might also share new information – about how she sees herself, you, or the relationship between you that gives you insight into her and will help you share the feedback in a way that’s more acceptable or meaningful to her.
And, she might surprise you by giving herself the feedback – acknowledging what you’ve seen. In this particular situation, it doesn’t sound likely – but it’s possible! Then you’re in the enviable position of simply coaching her to decide how to behave differently.
In any case, the critical thing is that you listen without interrupting – really focus on understanding how she sees the situation. This will, as I mentioned, lower her defensiveness and provide you with critical insights. Then, once you’ve summarized her point of view to make sure you’re clear and to let her know you’ve heard her, you can give your feedback, making it as behavioural as possible. (You may then have to listen and summarize through a round or two of explanation and defense – do that sincerely, while staying on message when you respond.)

Finally, once she seems to have heard the message, go on to next steps. And I’d suggest that you first ask her how she’ll change, vs. telling her how to change. If she won’t respond (e.g., “I don’t know what you want from me,”) then you can say what you’d like and get her agreement – but it’s preferable if the suggestions come from her; she’s likely feel more ownership of the action plan if she says it.
And the ‘next steps’ should also include an agreement to check in at some defined point (2-4 weeks away) to see how things are going. This will help to make it clear to her that you’re serious about requiring change.

Overall, if your approach is respectful, practical, hopeful and firm, you’ll have the highest likelihood of success. It also helps if your mindset going in is “I’m Sharon’s boss; it’s perfectly legitimate for me to require these behaviors.” Then you’ll be less likely to be apologetic or unclear.

Hope this helps – keep us posted! Thanks for writing to OfficePolitics.com.

Warmly,

Erika Andersen, Author

Erika Andersen is the author of BEING STRATEGIC (May 2009). Talk of strategy abounds in business — but moving from thinking strategically to acting strategically is an enormous leap. BEING STRATEGIC is a roadmap for consistently making choices that best move you toward your desired future. What’s more, it explains why being strategic is worth the time and effort required, what’s involved, and how to do it. The book explains the core skills and practices needed at each point of being strategic and provides simple models, real-life examples and self-directed activities for learning and applying them.

Erika Andersen is founder of Proteus International, where she has served as consultant and adviser to CEO’s and top executives around the world. She is the also the author of Growing Great Employees, published by Portfolio in 2006.

This letter was originally published in 2009.

Dear Office-Politics,

I work in a fairly small office (staff count is somewhere around 15-20). About 3 years ago, my boss at the time asked for help in getting a vacant position filled. He asked if I had any sisters up for the task. (He knew that I had come from a huge family). To make a long story short…. my sister ‘Katty’ got the job and I moved on to another department. My greatest fear was that Katty hadn’t grown up and did not have proper work etiquette (knowing when to keep personal matters at home, and generally loudly voicing her opinions). I did warn the former boss and the woman who would soon be her supervisor that she is very vocal, and not at all like me. And said that I would understand if she wasn’t hired.

Fast forward, Katty works here and has been making my work life miserable ever since. She constantly says inappropriate things in the office (anyone in earshot can hear), and has no trouble voicing her displeasure with almost all of the staff save a couple of people. I used to think that people regarded me in high esteem, and yet recently I am feeling that she has tainted their view, or perhaps because of others dissatisfaction with her as well, they are avoiding me. I have made it clear to some of the people here that I don’t agree with her behavior. Katty has told me point blank that she will not quit and yet 9 out of 10 days she walks around in misery.

Katty recently (at a family function) told me that our co-workers find me difficult to work with and I am unapproachable…and this only makes my time at work even harder. I did approach some of the workers…even though this is so petty, and was assured that she was not telling me the truth (they had no issues with me). At this point I feel I need to find another job in order to get away from her, and yet, I do love my job. Please let me know if you think it is appropriate to speak with my supervisor, or the HR manager regarding this. I feel that it is tricky because we are related. I don’t want to jeopardize any working relationships, but I need a resolution to this. At this point, either she needs to go or I do.

Sisterly Misery

OFFICE-POLITICS REPLY BY FRANKE JAMES

Dear Sisterly Misery,

Clearly your problem is not just office politics, it’s family politics too. Unfortunately, family politics can be even worse because it can last a lifetime. You can’t ‘fire’ a family member. Even if you personally disown them you can’t stop them from popping up like sore thumbs at holiday events, birthdays, weddings, funerals, etc. In your case, if you have a bad falling out it will be pretty tough to avoid your sister for the rest of your life. How you handle this situation could have big implications for your work life and your long term family relationships.

So let’s look at your options. You’ve said you’re prepared to lay down an ultimatum to HR. Either Katty leaves the company or you do. It sounds logical and decisive but is it smart politically?

Before you speak with HR or your supervisor, I want to share a strategic thinking exercise with you that you can use now, and may also help you in future conflicts. It comes from my training game-book, Dear Office-Politics. Let’s get started.

THE POWER ANALYSIS

The first question to ask yourself: Who has power in your company? Is it visible power (by title and position) or invisible power (through relationships)?

Draw a basic organizational chart that identifies power in your company by title. (I’ve drawn it as a corporate ladder for fun). Then add lines which show the invisible relationships between people. For example no one looking at this ladder would know that Katty is your sister. What other relationships exist that are known, but not obvious to outsiders? Understanding these hidden forces can give you insight into office politics, and can help you identify the best pathway to get ideas or projects approved.

You can do this Power Analysis exercise just with written words. Or you can use simple shapes like circles and rectangles. Either way works. The important concept is to represent your organizational structure, identify who has power, and what type of power it is. (You could also do a power map on your family. Who has the most influence over Katty…?)

For background on visual thinking illustrations see English business consultant Tony Buzan’s classic How to Mind Map and Dan Roam’s The Back of the Napkin: Solving Problems and Selling Ideas with Pictures. Both books teach non-artists how to express ideas visually using simple, hand-drawn geometric shapes.

Looking at my ladder on the left, many people would assume that Katty doesn’t have much power because she is on the bottom rung. But they would be wrong.

Katty leveraged your power (as her sister) to get her foot in the door and get hired. Since then she has developed power in other ways that may not be obvious to you. Yes she is on the bottom rung but she has power in at least three ways. Which is why you have to be very careful how you play the office politics game with her. Political power can be used positively, or it can be used negatively. For me, being a ‘good’ office politics player means acting with integrity and always in the best interests of the company.

So let’s look at Katty’s power on three levels.

#1. Katty is an aggressive communicator
Katty’s ability to broadcast her version of events at work and throughout your family network gives her power to influence others. (You’ve already had a taste of it as she’s spread bad word of mouth about you, at work and at family events.)

#2. Katty is family
Katty knows there are lines that you will not cross simply because you are her big sister. She has a big hammer (family opinion) to clobber you if you do step out of line.

#3. Katty has employee rights under the law
As an employee, Katty has many rights and protections under the law. HR will not want to do anything which would set an unfair precedent for other employees, or which would attract a wrongful dismissal lawsuit.

So, before you rush to HR and lay down your ultimatum, let’s consider what might happen if you did go to HR with a demand, “Fire Katty or I’m leaving!”

What if? scenario: Katty is Fired!

In my diagram below I’ve illustrated a few of the ways that Katty could lash out at you IF you are successful in having her fired. Take a look at it and draw variations of your own based on different “What if?” scenarios.

What if? scenario: Katty is NOT Fired!

However, it is quite likely that Katty will not be fired. She has the power of employee rights and the law on her side. By complaining to HR about her, you will be placing them in an awkward position. You will be asking them to choose between you and Katty. But most companies don’t work that way. HR will not want to terminate her employment without good cause – they will be afraid of a lawsuit for wrongful dismissal. Also, it sets a precedent for other employees. “Don’t like your coworker? Complain to HR and we’ll turf him or her out the door.”

But perhaps there are good grounds for dismissal that you didn’t share with us? If HR does fire Katty, you’d be getting what you want. You’d be able to keep your job. And you wouldn’t have that annoying sibling around. But human nature being what it is – you would ‘wear the blame’ at work for getting her fired. And you’d also have to answer to everyone in your large family as to why Katty was forced out and why you got to stay. I know in my big family, we often don’t agree on each other’s actions and decisions. Family can harbor grudges for decades. You want to be careful that this situation doesn’t ignite a family feud.

My view is that the ultimatum route is very dangerous.
If you do get her fired you’ll pay a steep price, at work and at home. And if they ignore you and do nothing, you’re no further ahead than you are now — except you’ve shared with HR the uncomfortable news that you are so unhappy with your sister you are ready to exit the company if she stays around.

So how can you fix this situation?

Option #1: Ask HR for Mediation Help
The best answer may be to ask for mediation help. The strategy would be to go to HR and tell them the difficulties you’re having with your sister.

Don’t ask for her to be fired. Don’t lay down any ultimatums.

Instead take the attitude that your company wants both of you to be productive at work. Point out that the conflict between you is interfering with your productivity and the smooth and harmonious workplace that you enjoyed before Katty showed up. Tell HR that you want to work out a plan that will help both of you.

i. You could make the observation that Katty is very unhappy doing ‘x,y and z’ tasks. Suggest brainstorming ways to shift Katty’s tasks to those that suit her personality better. (Of course HR may just realize that she is a misfit in the job, but you didn’t point it out. You are trying to help her be happier.)

ii. Ask if there is a company enrichment course she could take that would identify the best fit for her talents? What are her strengths? (See Marcus Buckingham for information on finding the right job that maximizes strengths.)

iii. Discuss the need to raise Katty’s awareness about appropriate professional behavior in the office. Perhaps other employees would benefit from a class designed to teach etiquette, increase compassion and stamp out gossip? If there was more awareness, then Katty’s foot-in-mouth comments would be less tolerated.

iv. Be ready to open up and communicate with Katty. Ideally the mediator will be able to listen to both of you, and suggest ways that your working life can be more harmonious.

In the event that mediation goes nowhere, you will still have achieved something.
Katty may still be miserable at work, but your coworkers, bosses and even family members will know that you tried your best to help her out (as any big sister should).

Option #2: Look for another job
You’ve suggested you are willing to look for another job. But the economy is in tough shape now and growing tougher. Another job may be the best route for you. But land the new job before letting go of this one.

Option #3: Patience
If Katty is as unhappy as you say — and if she rubs a few more people the wrong way — her time may be very limited. You may weather this crisis best by focusing on doing your absolute best at work – and ignoring your pesky sister.

You demonstrated good intentions when you recommended your sister for the job, and it is probably not the last time that you will help out family by recommending them. However, one thing I’ve learned is to always think of the downsides. How will I feel if my brother, sister, nephew or niece screws up? Opening doors for relatives is a wonderful thing to do but it can really turn out badly if the relative doesn’t share the same work ethic and talents.

Good luck. Thanks for writing to Office-Politics.

Franke

Franke James, MFA
Editor & Founder, Office-Politics.com
Inventor, Dear Office-Politics

_________________________________________________________

Franke James, MFA is the Editor & Founder of Office-Politics.com. She is also the Inventor of Dear Office-Politics, a dilemma-based social game that teaches you how to play, and laugh, at office politics. It’s used by HR departments, and corporate trainers worldwide. The Office-Politics Dilemmas have been inspired by the hundreds of letters submitted to Office-Politics.com.

2011: This is a repost of classic Office-Politics letters from the past.

Dear Office Politics,

I work as a Graphic Designer and while I love my job, I hate my work environment.

I occupy a cubicle at the back of a large area and my problem is the people all the way on the other side of the room. They scream constantly and tend to get very personal, they are always yelling my name out and trying to involve me in conversations that have nothing to do with me.

My job involves a lot of focus so I need a professional atmosphere. It’s a mother/daughter team and you hear conversations from what’s for dinner to who they don’t like. I complained once and the person told them everything that I said and it created a lot of drama and stress for me. I’m at the end of my rope so I need advice on how to handle this very delicate but frustrating situation.

Thank You

End-of-her-rope

OFFICE-POLITICS ADVISER ERIKA ANDERSEN

Dear End-of-her-rope,

I feel your pain! I was just sitting in a coffee shop today, working on my computer, and there were two people in the corner yukking it up and talking really loud. It was frustrating and hard to concentrate — and I wasn’t even at work!

So, what to do? First, let’s talk about the difference between complaints and requests.

A complaint is a negative description of someone else’s behavior, and the negative impact it has – often exaggerated for effect. (“You are so inconsiderate by leaving dirty dishes in the sink all the time .”)

A request is a neutral request to change a behavior, often including a rationale for change; that is, why you’re making the request. (“Could you please wash your dishes? It seems fair to me that we each clean up after ourselves. ”)

Complaints generally create resistance, defensiveness, ill feeling. Requests, on the other hand, often result in change – especially when they’re combined with an “offer.” (I’ll explain that in a minute.)

It sounds as though you haven’t actually requested that these folks behave differently – you’ve simply complained to a third party… which never works well. It’s usually even less effective than complaining directly to the person involved.

Here’s what I suggest.
Think about how you’d phrase a request to these folks to change their behavior – be neutral, and focus purely on describing the behavior you’d like to see. How about something like, “I’d like to ask you to talk more quietly when you’re at work. When you talk and laugh loudly, I have a hard time concentrating.” It might be a little embarrassing to say (and to hear), but it will work a heck of a lot better than complaining.

And if you combine it with an offer to do something for them, they’ll be even more likely to fulfill your request. (That’s where the “offer” part comes in.) What’s something you might be doing that’s bugging them, that you could offer to do differently? Once you think of it, here’s how the request/offer might sound: “Hi, Mom and Daughter such-and-such. I’d like to request something of you: could you talk more quietly when you’re at work? When you talk and laugh loudly, I have a hard time concentrating. Now, in return, I know that when I ______, you guys don’t like it very much. So, how about a trade – I’ll stop doing ___ if you talk more softly.”

In my experience, when you approach people in a respectful, neutral way like this, it’s unlikely to make the situation worse. In fact, I suspect it will improve. And if it does improve, remember to acknowledge and thank them for complying with your request… that will make it more likely they’ll continue to do it.

Let us know how it goes. Thanks for writing to OfficePolitics.com.

Warmly,

Erika Andersen, Author

Erika Andersen is the author of BEING STRATEGIC (May 2009). Talk of strategy abounds in business — but moving from thinking strategically to acting strategically is an enormous leap. BEING STRATEGIC is a roadmap for consistently making choices that best move you toward your desired future. What’s more, it explains why being strategic is worth the time and effort required, what’s involved, and how to do it. The book explains the core skills and practices needed at each point of being strategic and provides simple models, real-life examples and self-directed activities for learning and applying them.

Erika Andersen is founder of Proteus International, where she has served as consultant and adviser to CEO’s and top executives around the world. She is the also the author of Growing Great Employees, published by Portfolio in 2006.

2011: This is a repost of classic Office-Politics letters from the past.

Dear Office-Politics,

…I have one big problem in my new job: I have no idea what I’m doing, and no one will answer my questions.

I have found myself in an unfortunate pickle. In my haste to get a job after moving to a new city, I took a job that seemed perfect at the time. I had been in residential real state for 3 and a half years, and an investment banker with a small staff hired me to work on a special project that would make use of my skills in residential property evaluation, to aid him in the pricing and acquisition of mortgage loans. I was excited to learn a little more about finance.

Well, the project never took off and while I am grateful that he has kept me on staff, I am doing nothing but making cold calls regarding commercial real estate loans all day long. Sometimes I get a filing project, but all of those are literally done now. I have tried to go into it with gusto, but given that I have no background in finance or commercial real estate (and majored in art history), I have a lot of questions. I am literally learning a new vernacular, and also a lot of slang, and doing it pretty much on my own.

There are two other staff members, and the CEO and principal of the company is out of the office most of the time. While he is communicative in terms of accessibility, he is not willing to teach me, and give me all of the background I need. He is dismissive, and has told me that no one expects me to know anything at my level anyway. I have tried very hard to communicate my ability and eagerness to learn by reading or taking classes in basic finance, but he does not encourage any growth and mocks my enthusiasm. The VP is in the office, and is stuck in the position of having to deal with a very inexperienced colleague, and makes no effort to hide his frustration with me. He is impatient, and often condescending in tone. The CEO’s assistant is usually busy with stepping and fetching for the CEO, and takes everything very seriously. She sighs a lot, and does not smile or talk much. The same for the CEO.

I am in a very quiet, very tense office with nothing to do but one task all day long, and no opportunity for growth. I get paid well, and have health insurance. I was able to lighten the mood in the office for a few weeks, but one afternoon the VP got so irritated with one of my perfectly logical questions (regarding a faulty software issue, completely out of my control) that he threw a bit of a tantrum and now has not spoken to me at all in three days. I have tried to reach out and acknowledge how frustrating it must be to have to assist someone like me with no finance background, but he literally ignored me. He often ignores me. I have long stopped bothering him.

I have gone from a job managing people in a thriving, communicative environment to being spoken to like a child in a silent chamber. I am looking for another job, clearly, but how do I deal with this in the meantime? It seems as if my relentless positive attitude, no matter how unoppressive, really makes things worse.

Help me before I jump.

Thank you,

Feeling Jumpy

OFFICE-POLITICS REPLY BY FRANKE JAMES

Dear Feeling Jumpy,

I’m replying to your letter at 11pm — reading through it quickly you’re doing lots of things right, but the culture and fit aren’t right for you. I’m glad to hear you’re looking for a new job.

I strongly suggest you read some books that will help you determine:

- Your key strengths
- A dream — and a roadmap to get there.

To help you figure out what your strengths are and what your big dream is (and how to get it), go to the library — or to Amazon and get these books:

1. Dreamcrafting — I love this book. I recommend it highly.
2. Erika Andersen’s book Being Strategic — it’s all about imagining your castle on the hill — and crafting a plan to get there.
3. Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath

Also, do you use social media like Twitter or Facebook? Both of those sites can help you to network into a better job — but whatever that job is — make sure that it’s really something you LOVE and you’re PASSIONATE about. Life is too short for a dead-end job.

Get your foot in the door in the industry you want to be in — and then work like hell…. And have fun.

Good luck — happy reading — keep notes in a journal — you have a lot of work to do to but there’s a wonderful opportunity out there for you if you go after it.

Thanks for writing to Office-Politics.

Franke

Franke James, MFA
Editor & Founder, Office-Politics.com
Inventor, Dear Office-Politics Game

_________________________________________________________

Franke James, MFA is the Inventor of the award-winning Dear Office-Politics Game a dilemma-based social game that teaches you how to play, and laugh, at office politics. It’s used by HR departments, and corporate trainers worldwide. The Office-Politics Dilemmas have been inspired by the hundreds of letters submitted to Office-Politics.com.

Dear Office-Politics,

I am hoping for some advice. I am a high school librarian. I left my previous position for a position that offered $20,000 more a year. The extra income is a big deal for me.

I am a single parent and I have struggled to provide for my child. I was at my previous job for 6 years. I left with a good reputation, an excellent work record, and an offer to come back. I love my work!! I love turning kids on to books!! This new position was fine in the beginning.

I found out from my co-worker that the reason the former librarian left was because she was “difficult to get along with.” Everyday, for the past several months, I heard about how awful this former coworker was, sometimes several times per day. My coworker knows where her former coworker is employed and is now starting a hideous gossip chain about her to her new employer. What does this have to do with me? In meetings, my coworker, humiliates me in front of everyone, she says demeaning comments to my face. She has sabotaged me with other teachers by telling them that I do not know what I am doing. She tells everyone I am a “dingbat.”

I have a masters degree and have raised myself since the age of 15. I just bought a new car out of necessity and she tells everyone I am on “debtors’ row.” I became sick last night because I was scheduled to go to a meeting with her today. I didn’t go. How can she humiliate me if I am not there?

If I get a phone call or make a phone call she asks me who I the person was, why did they call, and almost always comments that it should have been her handling it. My supervisor sent me a book to review and she commented that it should have been addressed to her. When I write emails, she hangs over my shoulder wanting to know all the details. She has point blank asked me about my salary.

She is constantly calling me “poor Petrova” as if I am some pathetic loser. She asked me about my living situation. After Katrina, I lost my house. To save money and avoid the trailer situation, I took a small apartment. She totally misconstrued my situation. And she brings up my living situation in front of people I don’t know. She asked me if I was ever on welfare (never, I have always worked).

I am now thinking that SHE was the problem, not the former librarian. She has done and said other things as well, but I think you get the gist of the situation. I have never had to deal with this before. EVER. I respect others and I hope to get respect in return. Please advise. Please. Thank you so very much.

Thank you,

Masters in Survival

OFFICE-POLITICS REPLY BY FRANKE JAMES

Dear Masters in Survival,

I bet by the time you finished writing that letter you knew what you had to do. But just in case you have any doubts let me tell you the message I’m getting loud and clear.

Your coworker (let’s call her Teri) is a bully. You’re a smart lady and you’ve faced some very tough situations — and not wallowed in self-pity. So don’t do it now.

You’ve recognized the bully for what she is. You know what her tricks are. Perhaps now that you know who and what you’re dealing with, she will have less impact on your emotional health.

But let’s clarify what your choices are. The way I see it you’ve got three:

1. Ignore her and rise above her taunts. (You’ll need a skin like rhino. But if you’ve got determination and grit that she is not going to force you out of this job, you will be able to do it.)
2. Document her abuse in a daily journal and file a report with your supervisors.
3. Find another job (possibly go back to your last job even though it paid less).

It is very hard (some would say impossible) to change an abusive colleague like Teri. Why are you putting up with her nonsense? Because you’re earning more money. Now, twenty thousand dollars is a lot of money, but it’s not worth the grief you’re experiencing in my opinion.

Teri is making your life miserable. Your mental health and happiness is too important to let this continue. You need to take control. I have faced bullies and in my case (everyone’s situation is different) the best thing I did was to resign myself to the fact that I could not change the people I was dealing with. So I moved. It was the best and most positive action I could take. It was a gigantic improvement. It was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and I was free. It opened up new doors for me that have helped me to this day. But the experience taught me an important lesson: Do not work with people who are abusive.

Although you are dealing with an adult coworker, this situation is also like the torment that kids face in school playgrounds. Let me tell you briefly about my son (at that time in grade 3) who was being bullied. It was ruining his self-esteem and making him miserable. He didn’t want to go to school anymore. We met with his teacher several times. Finally she told us (confidentially) that if we could afford to move him we should. We had suspected that it would come to this, but hearing it from the teacher was our signal to take action. We switched him to another school — even though it required moving him at Christmas break. He is now grown and happily employed. He has told me many times that the best thing we did was get him out of that destructive environment.

My view is that you are in a destructive environment and you need to rescue yourself. Review those 3 choices I’ve laid out for you. The good news is that you love being a librarian. The economy is obviously in dire straights right now, so I strongly urge you to be careful if you do switch jobs. Secure any new job in writing (and if possible have a lawyer review the contract. Ask in advance for an estimate of the lawyer’s fees. You’ll be buying a service and you need to know the price tag).

You can also find a good stress reliever like an after-hours hobby. Write. Paint. Cook. Knit. Garden. Hike! Any of those activities may help you feel better — and you never know. Perhaps you’ll write a “fiction” book about this bully, and in that way earn additional revenue.

You may decide that it is too financially risky to find a new job. If so, then you’ll have to proceed to do battle. There are many books on bullying you can read. I suggest you read some and then plan very carefully how you are going to disarm this bully.

Best of luck and please let me know how things work out.

Thanks for writing to Office-Politics.

Franke

Franke James, MFA
Editor & Founder, Office-Politics.com
Inventor, Dear Office-Politics Game

_________________________________________________________

Franke James, MFA is the Inventor of the award-winning Dear Office-Politics Game a dilemma-based social game that teaches you how to play, and laugh, at office politics. It’s used by HR departments, and corporate trainers worldwide. The Office-Politics Dilemmas have been inspired by the hundreds of letters submitted to Office-Politics.com.

2011: This is a repost of classic Office-Politics letters from the past.

Dear Office-Politics,

I am writing on behalf of a group of diverse and hardworking coworkers among whom morale is at an all time low. Our often bumbling managers have a history of granting knee jerk behind the doors promotions, creating new positions without posting them and making surprise staffing changes. Some of us have had four different supervisors in five months. After a recent escalation of this behavior the office crab complained that these job changes were never posted. Alas, when a management job opened up, this time upper management briefly posted the job but quickly gave it to the complainer.

The office crab is a highly opinionated snob who glowers and sulks and spies, tells tales and criticizes everyone in writing to upper management. She glowers, e-mailing unsolicited and scathing critiques to peers about their conduct and work product. This individual who is highly disliked has a pattern of making herself superior by contrasting herself to the rest of us.

We have tried to ignore it but now we face certain sabotage, both individually and as a group. Short of hiring a hitman or spiking the coffee with Xanax how do we deal with this? We find ourselves already dodging bullets right and left; people with sterling reputations are being undermined and find their work product and peace of mind attacked in new and startling ways.

Help!

Victimized by a Crab

Dear Victimized,

The answer to this letter is the same as to every question in our workshops when someone raises a “What should I do about…” query, and that answer is…. “It depends.” Of course, there is no way we can truly know the power structure of your company, the behind-the-scenes dynamics, whether your antagonist is respected or just put up with by her superiors, the consequences of various action options, etc. So, I will share impressions, but they are only meant to map out options, not prescribe solutions. Still, often the perceived lack of options creates entrapment feelings, so hopefully the following is at least a bit liberating…

A Rose is a Rose is a Rose, and a Pig is a Pig is a Pig.
Sorry to be so crass, but “the Office Crab” clearly is a destructive, overly political, sabotaging, dark cloud, loud-mouth and under-performing know-it-all. Other than that, she sounds like a great gal! The knee-jerk reaction with such bullies is to either give in and “put up with” it or “put down” the jerk right back, but these extremes will just make you a perpetual victim (if you meekly accept the abuse) or part of perpetuating the toxic environment and culture of incompetence (if you stoop to her level of maturity). Also, if you reactively strike out, you may earn a reputation of being the real saboteur and negative force. This even happens in sporting events in which the first athlete fouling another is often not penalized–– instead, it’s the retaliator. So hard as it is, try to practice verbal discipline and restraint (at least in public) so that you can better assess the landscape, analyze the possible reasons her outlandish behavior is being allowed, and strategize accordingly. But rest assured, you’re not crazy. This person is a clearly disturbed tyrant and you have a throng of people who can provide testimony to that sad fact. So at least grab some peace in that knowledge. Now what??

In Your Dreams: A Coaching, Training, or Organizational Development Approach.
In companies with competent top management, the first line of defense with this kind of person is for the organization’s management and human resources department to bring in a coach or counselor to work individually with the abrasive person who has now risen so high, her behavior is now too visible to be overlooked. Serious consequences can be laid out, and the person’s job is put on the line. We know we’re now back-pedaling to think this old dog can learn new tricks, but who knows? Maybe her sad life and own sense of being burned by life has creating her lousy life script in which she now dumps on others as she’s felt since she was a tiny crab.

If we can crack through her obvious cynical crab shell, perhaps she could be impacted to think before she writes a trash-mail:

(a) does this help the company?,
(b) does this help our clients/customers?
(c) does this help the person I’m writing/telling? and
(d) does this help the person I’m writing about?

Obviously, most well-meaning people can be coached and trained to filter their actions through these screening questions to realize if the answers are “no” to a question, then perhaps the email or memo is not appropriate. But your antagonist clearly most likely won’t bite; still, you never know, and I’d be remiss to just assume her behavior is impervious to common approaches until tried.

A second route is for individuals around the offender to develop strong feedback and interpersonal skills to manage the buffoon as well as positively impact the team and enterprise in many other ways. So communication skill-building need not be positioned remedially, but as developmentally needed for all to benefit. This approach is a bit subversive, since the intervention’s real purpose doesn’t even get named as far as the Crab is concerned. The needed learning objectives are communicating skillfully about any workplace destructive pattern of behavior, how to forge clear agreements about inter-employee treatment, and conflict management. The best book we know for teaching this set of assertive, constructive confrontation skills and conflict management actions is People Styles at Work: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better, by Robert Bolton, and there are many excellent consulting firms that address workplace toxicity through team focused communication skills training and open discussion of problems (e.g. Ridge Training, the Forum Corporation, and others). Finally, effective company management often handles workplace morale problems by assigning external or internal Organizational Development experts to implement serious interventions such as structured confrontation meetings, mediations, employee surveys to tap and understand attitude and morale, and other team-building strategies.

Understanding The Truth About Top Management is Critical.
But you imply or state conditions that lead me to be skeptical about such approaches as ever being “in the cards,” since such positive solutions demand enlightened management, and yours seems to be lacking in one or both of these next ways:

Old World Habits and Worst Practices (versus Best Practices)
You describe management as being so incompetent or old-school, that I’m reminded of the days of the Industrial Revolution, before participative management, quality circles, or even suggestion boxes. It’s always amazing to hear of such anachronistic work cultures still existing where employees live in fear, darkness, and autocratic atmospheres to the detriment of productivity and morale, but it sure sounds like that’s the case. So top management may be too unskilled, complacent, or unevolved to see the need for change. Your seemingly traditional management probably needs a wake-up call or some new and healthier blood before they are likely to bring in a coach, install company-wide communication improvement programs, or launch wide-scale interventions to address such problems. Sad but true.

An Overly Political Shark Tank
Sounds like this downward spiral has gone on a long time. The complaining and “squeaky wheel gets the grease,” which means that management is either in denial and turning the cheek because they are too unskilled or too weak to take action (Old World and Worst Practices), OR they are colluding with the bully as part of a highly political, cut-throat company political environment. If that’s the case, you must consider what possible hidden agendas and private alliances might be going on. Is the Crab being allowed to continue un-monitored for a darker reason? We’ve seen everything from bribes, threats, blackmail, affairs, unethical or illegal behavior being hidden, and worse. We’re also not clear how large your company is, but if it’s a smaller, family oriented scenario, you’re into a whole Pandora’s Box of possible dysfunctional dynamics that can fester for years because the organization is so insular. Am I cheering you up??

So depending on your answers to what’s really going on (is it mere management stagnancy and incompetence or more conniving fueling of this overly political behavior and culture?), make decisions about possible next steps. If the super political scenario is percolating, you are on thinner ice and may make lots of enemies, so only act in numbers and after very careful weighing of the risks. Network to see if anyone in human resources can be trusted to sort through the options. You’ve been around long enough to hopefully have enough direct knowledge or input through a trusted network to diagnose the situation.

Is It Safe to Play Hardball with the Crab?
If it’s not a Shark Tank scenario, but merely old school, incompetent management, it might be safe to gather data with others to approach HR and management with a request as described above to either censure, train, coach, move, or terminate the Crab. Consider petitioning management openly or anonymously about the need to protect yourselves and the company from this dangerous person. After all, from the looks of things, it’s really tough to imagine Crabby ever getting any real work done herself during his full-time espionage, so you may be able to make a strong case for how little she contributes and where the company would be without the people she targets. Couch anything that could be interpreted as a threat under the umbrella of wanting to protect the company. Remember, you must first be sure you all are solid, strong workers with a stellar reputation as delivering product and results, and not just whining complainers. You must also document every foul deed verbatim by the Crab, and all be willing to suffer the consequences if it turns out she does have management in her hip pocket.

I once discussed with a person his planned launching of a crusade by writing a letter under the auspices of rescuing the organization from a similar misguided cross between Napolean, a KGB spy, and the Emperor’s New Clothes’ impotent but self-important ruler. He was writing that he was concerned about company welfare since in his graduate studies he’d read many times that helpless workers revert to unions, work slowdowns, or sabotage. He would describe the days of the Industrial Revolution, when the French word for “sabotage” gained special meaning from its literal translation, “to throw in one’s shoe,” which is what factory workers did to the factory machines to cause a massive breakdown. The abused letter-writer also wanted to reference modern times, when to deal with an injustice in the face of helplessness, workers have often banned together to take action. A few years back, the top 60 financial advisors in the Fixed Income Division of Credit Suisse staged a mutiny against a command and control top manager by defecting to rival Barclays, taking the firm’s key accounts and clients with them. It cost John Mack, at that time CEO of Credit Suisse, millions in inflated pay packages to woo back those who jumped ship.

I’m not suggesting such open action against the company, since management seems more like buffoons and bozos than commanders of the Evil Empire. However, you might consider playing tough with the bully by banding together and going around her to top management. Frankly, we think you may be safe fighting back even though she is manager since:

1) You say the only reason she became manager was that she complained. Perhaps decision-makes just said, “OK” to get her to shut up. I have not heard any evidence that she is truly a powerful wheeler-dealer, or in the inner circle, is she?
2) You have not cited anything bad as happening to the Crab’s targets, even those you say had their reputations trashed by her. They are still around, haven’t been demoted, haven’t gotten pay cuts, or been censured/disciplined by anyone other than the Crab, right? Could I be correct that perhaps top management takes her groaning and badmouthing with a grain of salt and you all can relax more?

Grin and Bear It?
If you ARE swimming in a shark tank, meaning it’s not only the Crab, but most of top management who are allowing or even encouraging such destructive behavior, then OUCH –– she has more power and manipulative skills than the possible “Hardball” strategy assumes. Be far more careful and consider finding ways of living with the situation until you can leave. Don’t kick yourself. It’s not as if you’re naively doing “water ballet” in the shark tank, because you see the situation for what it is and are not in denial. But you may need to “tread water” and play the game with the Crab, and fly low under the radar. Make as many connections with other powerful managers as you can and become invaluable.

Call the Crab’s Bluff? Finally, it might be a scenario in-between the above if it’s not a dangerous shark tank where this bully can take anyone out (she hasn’t, has she?), but you won’t get anywhere with appeals to HR or top management for action, so there is a window of opportunity to have fun with treading the water. Here, you use humor and provocative responses but playfully. Make it not matter. If she can’t fire you, management does not act on her diatribes, yet they are too lazy to control her, then bleed your ego from the scene and have fun. Here are a few “fun flavors” of putting up with this behavior, which you can choose from depending upon how much power she really has, and how smart she is:

1) Just ignore it and trust her trash isn’t really hurting you, so “this too shall pass.”
2) Write her or request a meeting, and thank her for the feedback, even eliciting advice on what you can do to address your performance gaps. If enough people do this, who knows? Maybe she’ll have her hands too full to have time to target her next prey!
3) Again, keeping it within the team, gather every single victim and similarly request a group meeting to all express how sorry you are about her disappointment in your contribution and BS her over-blown ego with how much you need her guidance about what to do. We’ve actually known of power tyrants so full of their own hubris that they become intoxicated by the flattery and calm down in appreciation of someone finally valuing their wisdom!
4) Gather all of her written letters and emails, bind them, and approach her saying you know a publisher of business books who might be interested in these case studies of incompetence and you’d like her to coauthor a book with you. (We actually have a client/friend, T.T. Douglas, who has chronicled a small volume of the many clods for whom he’s worked and published these under the title of One Hundred and Twenty Five Corporate Management Types, Plus Two) as a form of coping and catharsis.

Thanks for writing to Office-Politics.com.

Sincerely (and Sympathetically),

Rick

Rick Brandon, Ph.D. and Marty Seldman, Ph.D. Co-authors,
Survival of the Savvy: High-Integrity Political Tactics for Career and Company Success

Rick Brandon, Ph.D. and Marty Seldman, Ph.D. are Co-authors, Survival of the Savvy: High-Integrity Political Tactics for Career and Company Success. Dr. Rick Brandon is CEO of Brandon Partners. He has consulted and trained tens of thousands at corporations worldwide, including Fortune 500 companies across a variety of industries. Dr. Marty Seldman is one of America’s most experienced executive coaches. His 35-year career includes expertise in executive coaching, group dynamics, cross-cultural studies, clinical psychology, and training.

2011: This is a repost of classic Office-Politics letters from the past.

Dear Office-Politics,

I am writing on behalf of a close friend, “Jane,” who has asked me to help her find tactics to compete with a difficult coworker.

Jane has been in her current job a bit over two years. For the first year, she felt valued and generally satisfied with her position. Then another woman, “Laura,” joined Jane’s department. Jane’s work life has been deteriorating ever since.

Laura is something of an overachiever and, by what I hear from Jane (I do not work with them), a consummate politicker. Laura has ingratiated herself to their mutual superior, is chummy with many of their colleagues and appears helpful to and liked by all — except Jane.

In the course of her own work, Laura meddles in and gathers information on projects that are not her responsibility, including Jane’s. When this yields valuable lessons, Laura is selective in assisting her colleagues. She shares in depth with other co-workers while offering minimal, grudging (though civil) assistance to Jane. When Laura’s unsolicited contributions affect others’ projects, she communicates well with those concerned — again, except for Jane, who receives offhanded and unapologetic notice of important activities, if any.

When Laura’s interference has threatened the quality of Jane’s work, Jane has asserted this to her manager, requested and to a degree received support. However, based on the scope of these corrective actions, Jane feels Laura’s personal friendship with the manager results in a bias in Laura’s favor. Laura has begun to receive choice project assignments while Jane–despite her manager’s repeated assurances of her value to the department — is beginning to feel marginalized. Though Jane has not received any negative evaluations, she is concerned that she has fallen out of favor and may be at risk should any belt-tightening occur.

In short, Laura is well-liked, competent and appears to have set her sights on Jane as the person to climb over on her way up. Jane has asked me how to fight back.

Jane admits that she cannot match Laura’s seeming omnipresence or quantity of work. With this route closed, she sees two remaining strategies: strengthen and defend her own position, or expose and weaken Laura’s.

I’ve offered what advice I can but I’ve never been in someone’s cross hairs like this. Is the better course here to attack the chinks in her competitor’s armor? If so–how?

Sign me,

Concerned Adviser

Dear Abby (Concerned Advisor),

You sound like a caring, considerate, high-integrity contributor yourself, so firstly, please make sure that YOU don’t fall out of favor with Laura or go on her you-know-what list, since political operators like Laura are often facile at sniffing out perceived allies and enemies, and are quick to make judgments of “You’re either with me or against me.” Do not write anything to Jane, rather keep your input verbal.

Is Laura Overly-Political?

As you can detect, we assess Laura as not only an over-achiever, but also as possibly a bit Overly-Political. We say “possibly,” since she may just be “borderline overly political,” because it’s unclear whether she’s truly doing anything unethical even though she’s clearly self-serving. The tricky thing is that while she’s jockeying for position as many do, it’s tough to make a case that she is doing things that really harm the company, given that you describe Laura as very competent, hard-working, well-liked, and productive. So, just make sure that your assessment of her as over the line does not say more about you or Jane being UNDER-Political–– Yes, there is such a thing, quite common when good, humble people lump together “decent boldness” actions as being out of line. There is a balancing act of being unethical and merely striving to ensure that others in the organization see your handprint, building a power network, avoiding marginalization, becoming indispensable, networking for increased visibility, and paying attention to cultivating a corporate “buzz” (reputation and perception) as major contributor and inner circle member. Have you really examined which category characterizes Laura or have you both over-judged?

Is keeping Jane out of the loop one form of workplace sabotage?

You see, we do not view such behaviors as mutually exclusive from ethics or integrity–– again, as long as the More Political person does not become Borderline or actually OVERLY Political. We agree Laura’s behaviors of keeping Jane out of the loop on certain information is one form of workplace sabotage, since information is power. So blocking Jane from putting her handprint on important, sexy projects that possess high political stock is one way of Laura being seen more favorably. But you haven’t shared much in the way of Laura’s trashing Jane, making her look bad in meetings, or other behind-the-scenes or public sabotage; her tactics are more along the lines of just elevating herself as a clearly competitive person. So, you might advise Jane to double-check her emotional reactions to ensure she’s not judging Laura too harshly, just as we wouldn’t want to too negatively prematurely dismiss or label an aggressive salesperson without first making sure he isn’t merely being more “persistent” or “assertive” than we would be, and that perhaps he’s just committed to succeeding, as opposed to crossing the line to being manipulative or lying to get a deal like the classic, stereotypical used car salesperson (yes, I’ve gotten burned by one).

If top management were forced to choose would they opt for Laura?

Even if Laura really IS what we define as Overly-Political (we outline the behavioral clues in our book and workshop), it’s best to err on the side of not taking her on as an enemy, because you’re both acknowledging her power, alliances with key stakeholders, and her admitted substantive contribution and value to the enterprise. She’s NOT just an “Empty Suit” like a lot of extreme, truly over-the-top power tyrants, sharks, or snakes. So, top management, if forced to choose, might indeed opt for Laura.

We’d counsel playing it safer by simply advising Jane to avoid making enemies, which covers her either way (e.g. if Laura really IS unethical and Machiavellian, or if she’s simply a very competitive person trying to maneuver for her own job stability out of fears about her family, livelihood, etc.). Therefore, talk to Jane about HERSELF building key relationships, ensuring that she broadcasts her own accomplishments in the spirit of being excited about recent positive impact she was able to make versus a bragging spirit, etc. Prompt her to work on her OWN positive “buzz” rather than tearing down the reputation of Laura, and finds ways to become more involved in high-value activities.

If ya can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em”

Jane’s strategies might even include partnering with Laura!” If ya can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” is after all an old adage that may apply if it doesn’t involve compromising Jane’s core values or self-respect. Often savvy corporate power brokers heed the advice of “keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” Sure, if that opponent is too sleazy, then Jane could sacrifice her own reputation or feel out of integrity herself, but we just are not hearing that Laura is that over the top.

Are we off-base? Please let us know both of your reactions (or, dear friend, is “Jane” really you?)….

Thanks for writing to Office-Politics.

Best regards,

Rick

Rick Brandon, Ph.D., Co-author,
Survival of the Savvy: High-Integrity Political Tactics for Career and Company Success

Rick Brandon, Ph.D. is a Co-author with Marty Seldman of Survival of the Savvy: High-Integrity Political Tactics for Career and Company Success. Dr. Rick Brandon is CEO of Brandon Partners. He has consulted and trained tens of thousands at corporations worldwide, including Fortune 500 companies across a variety of industries.

This letter was originally published in February 2009.

Dear Office Politics,

I have worked in a high-stress but free-wheeling media office for more than 20 years, and am good at my job, have OK people skills and am generally respected. I received a promotion about a year ago. However, since moving into a particular department (mostly other women) about 10 years ago, I’ve apparently stepped on a few toes because I don’t quite fit in with the group and have, on a couple of occasions, voiced my opinions on ethical issues that have cropped up. As a result, a couple of co-workers are cool to me, rarely speak to me and exclude me from non-work conversations. A couple more who are close to those two are also quite cool. The rest are neutral (or so I thought).

I recently met with the guy who heads up this department (I’m actually his peer but have three employees, while he has about 10) and, in the course of the meeting, tried to defuse a comment I’d made at another meeting (he wasn’t there) about his department but which I was pretty sure someone had repeated to him. My comment was accurate and fair, but one he would not welcome. I thought that went OK but, on speaking to him about something else the other day, discovered that he had misinterpreted my attempt to defuse the situation, was really angry about my remark and basically saw my comment (or maybe me) as negative and mean-spirited.

I thought I had an OK work relationship with this man, and am devastated to discover that when I said, “There are a few clouds in the sky,” he heard, “There’s a nasty Force 10 hurricane about to destroy our city.”

We talked about all this and he apologized for overreacting to my comment. A similar thing occurred with another co-worker last week – someone told her I’d said something that I hadn’t said in that case, and she basically believed the worst of me. I’ve come to the unhappy conclusion that I have become the scapegoat, or disliked co-worker, for this group of people, and I’m pretty upset about it. I support a spouse and child, make good money, am about 15 years from retirement and there are few opportunities in my rather specialized line of work hereabouts.

I’ve tried to network with the more supportive people in this group but it is tough sledding, as most of them have their own longtime work buddies and no one is “unattached.”

My inclination is to go turtle – just go to work, do my job, cultivate the other more receptive people elsewhere in the office, speak as little as possible and accept that my relationship with these folks will never be warm and fuzzy. Help!

The Lonely Scapegoat

OFFICE-POLITICS ADVISER ERIKA ANDERSEN

Dear Scapegoat,

It sounds like you’re really at a loss about how to establish better relationships with your colleagues. I have some advice for you – but you may not want to hear it. So, take a deep breath and jump in.

You’ve described a pattern, one where you’re saying and doing things that evoke negative reactions from co-workers — and you’ve said it’s happened repeatedly over time.

And now you’ve decided that it’s their problem: “I’ve come to the unhappy conclusion that I have become the scapegoat, or disliked co-worker, for this group of people.”

What you’ve done is very common. Because it’s painful to think that a problem exists because of something we’ve done, we let ourselves off the hook by putting responsibility for the problem on someone else. Unfortunately, it usually doesn’t work: a mentor of mine once taught me that until you acknowledge your own contribution to a problem, you are powerless to solve it.

Let’s pretend for a moment that it’s not their problem – that they haven’t all just somehow decided to make you the bad guy. Let’s pretend it’s your problem: that you’re consistently behaving in ways that don’t work for others, that upset them and make them want to retreat from you. Yikes. Hard to acknowledge. BUT – and this is key – the good news is; if it’s your behavior, you can do something about it.

Here’s my recommendation: I believe you may be the ideal candidate for executive coaching. You’re good at your job and are generally respected. And you are clearly well-intentioned. But you are having a negative impact on people for reasons that are mysterious to you. Working with a coach could help you connect the dots. In most coaching situations, you’d get clear and balanced objective feedback how others perceive you: what people see as your strengths and weaknesses. Then your coach will work with you to figure out what to do about it; new skills or approaches you can learn and use that will work better for you and others. With a coach, if you can acknowledge your contribution to the problem, he or she can support you in addressing it.

I hope this is helpful to you…please let us know what happens. Thanks for writing to OfficePolitics.com.

Warmly,

Erika Andersen, Author

Erika Andersen is the author of BEING STRATEGIC (May 2009). Talk of strategy abounds in business — but moving from thinking strategically to acting strategically is an enormous leap. BEING STRATEGIC is a roadmap for consistently making choices that best move you toward your desired future. What’s more, it explains why being strategic is worth the time and effort required, what’s involved, and how to do it. The book explains the core skills and practices needed at each point of being strategic and provides simple models, real-life examples and self-directed activities for learning and applying them.

Erika Andersen is founder of Proteus International, where she has served as consultant and adviser to CEO’s and top executives around the world. She is the also the author of Growing Great Employees, published by Portfolio in 2006.

This letter was originally published in February 2009.

Jane Perdue, MBA, CEO and founder of The Braithewaite Group, is a leadership consultant, coach, speaker and author who challenges your thinking at the intersection of the art of leadership and the science of business. The Braithewaite Group, is a small female-owned professional development and leadership consulting firm. Jane’s career includes 20 years of executive level leadership, with 15 of those years spent as a Vice President for Fortune 100 companies. She writes a job coach column for the Charleston, SC Post and Courier and has made speaking and TV appearances discussing leadership, purpose, power and performance. Read Jane’s response: “Ambiguous Title”

Dear Office Politics, My dilemma sounds like a unique twist on a common issue. I have been with my current employer for two years and a couple of months ago my VP recognized my hard work and dedication by giving me a “promotion” with a significant salary adjustment.

I was moved to a Senior level of my existing title but was told that HR did not want to create this new “Senior” title in the HR system. I was also told I should go ahead and get business cards with the new title. My VP has not mentioned this promotion to anyone on our team but the VP’s boss has introduced me with the “Senior” title to others in the company. I suspect the VP does not want to be questioned by my peers as to why they were not offered this type of promotion.

Something doesn’t feel right. If I used the new title on business cards and email communications or post it on my LinkedIn profile, it is sure to generate questions. Generally I know the right thing to do and don’t spend time on this type of issue (I prefer to spend time adding value to the company) but this is distracting my focus and the ambiguity is uncomfortable for me. So, what do you think? Go with it and use the new title or keep the old title, put the new one out of my mind and enjoy the new-found cash?

Ambiguous Title

OFFICE-POLITICS ADVISER JANE PERDUE

Dear Ambiguous Title:

Kudos on obviously being a smart and effective employee dedicated to providing value to your employer. No wonder your boss wants to reward you! However, your well-intentioned boss has gone rogue, placing you in a no-man’s land right between your colleagues and the organization’s compensation program. No wonder you’re uncomfortable!

Bona fide Promotions

Bona fide promotions are events to be celebrated and communicated. Bona fide promotions also have three elements: a new title, a higher rate of pay and new job duties requiring greater skills and demanding more responsibility. You mention only two elements: the new “senior” title and the salary increase. So, if your duties haven’t changed, it isn’t surprising that there’s no corresponding job title in the HR system.

As you report to a VP who reports to a VP, I surmise that your employer is fairly large and probably has a formal job evaluation process as part of its compensation program. Compensation programs have a lot in common with icebergs: most employees see just the tip and aren’t aware of the significant body of work that goes on behind the scenes to create, maintain and administer pay plans that are externally competitive, internally fair and equitable, and legally defensible.

A pay plan view from the 100,000 foot level:

Work functions are analyzed, given a job title, placed in a job family, benchmarked to salary data, and then assigned a pay grade.

Perhaps a sports analogy may help illustrate this point. Pro football teams have three quarterbacks: the starter, the back-up and the third string. All three positions have a clearly defined place in the work hierarchy. Each job holder knows what’s expected of him. Individuals are recruited into one of the three titles and can move up, down or even out of the position. Pay rates are different.

Imagine the confusion that would be created if a coach wanted to call his third string quarterback a “senior third string quarterback” because the incumbent works hard, does a good job and shows promise of being high potential talent. The job titling system isn’t set up to reward good performance.

Your situation is no different. If your job duties haven’t changed, what your boss did for you was a merit pay increase, not a promotion. So you were right to place the word promotion in quotation marks in your letter. I’m impressed by your perceptiveness in recognizing the conflict that would be stirred up amongst your peers should you go public with the new title. I also understand your struggle with the ambiguity of the situation, thinking that promotions are good news that should be shared, not kept under wraps.

Now that we’ve explored the likely system scenario, let’s explore your next steps. I think a face-to-face discussion with your boss is what’s next. As this issue is several months old and is still alive in your mind, you need closure before the situation begins to negatively impact your performance and/or your relationship with your boss.

Consider these 3 options…

As I see it, there are three options you and your boss should evaluate. Part of being a good boss is being a leader – someone who will partner with you to work through difficult situations. If your boss wants to keep you on the team, he should be willing to review the pros and cons of each option with you.

Option #1 – go rogue all the way and start using the new title. Your boss must be willing to gird up for battle from the compensation folks as well as the outcry of unfair treatment from other department members. You have to be prepared for the ruckus from your peers and understand that the job title you use doesn’t agree with official company records (a really bad scene for future reference checks).

Option #2 – call a spade a spade and recognize that what happened was a merit increase, not a promotion and keep using your former job title. Find lots of comfort in the fact that your significant pay increase was approved – obviously everyone in the line of pay approvals agreed that your performance warranted an increase.

Option #3 – work with HR to determine what needs to be done to create a new position so all three elements of a bona fide promotion could apply to your situation. Perhaps there is additional new work your boss could assign to you. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I empathize with your situation – an event that should have been positive and rewarding turned out to be confusing and disappointing. Not the outcome, I’m sure, that your boss wanted to have happen. So, all the more reason to partner with him or her and devise a solution that works to everyone’s best interests.

Good luck and thanks for contacting Dear Office-Politics for our advice!

Warm regards,

Jane Perdue

About Jane Perdue, MBA
Jane Perdue, MBA, CEO and founder of The Braithewaite Group, is a leadership consultant, coach, speaker and author who challenges your thinking at the intersection of the art of leadership and the science of business. The Braithewaite Group, is a small female-owned professional development and leadership consulting firm focusing on that exquisite but rare business balance between head and heart.

Jane’s career includes 20 years of executive level leadership, with 15 of those years spent as a Vice President for Fortune 100 companies. She writes a job coach column for the Charleston, SC Post and Courier and has made speaking and TV appearances discussing leadership, purpose, power and performance. Jane works with organizations and individuals to bring a sense of fun, adventure and limitless possibility — along with creative and playful thinking — to leading people, achieving common visions, delivering results and being our personal best.

Rona Maynard’s career as a pace-setting magazine editor, award-winning journalist, acclaimed author and inspirational speaker owes much to the lessons she has drawn from coping with difficult people, both professionally and personally. Rona edited Chatelaine, Canada’s number one magazine for women, during a decade of innovation in which she attracted a new generation of readers. Rona continues to share her life-tested wisdom on her award-winning interactive website, ronamaynard.com, and at the podium. Her most sought-after speech is “Life-Changing Lessons from Difficult People.” Readers continent-wide have found themselves reflected in her memoir My Mother’s Daughter (Emblem Editions).

Dear Office Politics,

Please can someone help me sort a work situation out?

For the past year I have been covering two full time roles, my own and that of a colleague on maternity leave. This has involved a huge amount of extra hours and unbelievable pressure. To make matters worse, I have now been told that the colleague will not be returning to work and that I will be expected to cover the two roles on a permanent basis.

My boss has agreed that I have been swamped with work and promises to arrange help but it never materializes due to lack of funds. During this time I have sat opposite a co-worker who has a very low workload (she actually boasts that she has nothing to do) and so spends a chunk of every day either surfing the internet, talking or texting. It has driven me to despair and and even though other colleagues have constantly asked how she gets away with this behavior, they do not complain to our boss. My problem is that I resent her attitude so much the only way I can cope is to completely ignore her, I just want to block her out. Another colleague has now told me that she plans to complain to my boss that I blank her, etc. etc. I know this makes me sound awful but it really is the only way I have been able to deal, or not, with her.

Can you please tell me how to deal with the situation if she does complain to my boss? He is aware that she is not fully utilized and has said it will be addressed but that was months ago…

Swamped

REPLY BY OFFICE-POLITICS ADVISER RONA MAYNARD

Dear Swamped,

Nobody likes to be a snitch. Not you, even though you’ve been struggling to carry the load for two people. Not the colleagues who grouse behind Ms. Do-Nothing’s back. It seems so mean, so sneaky. It brings back memories of playground spats in which the kid who complained to the teacher was cast as a lowly tattle-tale. Maybe you were once that kid. Many of us have been at some time or other. But the time to start acting like a grownup is long overdue.

The illusion of the powerful boss to solve all problems
You’ve been counting on a powerful person, your boss, to step in and save you from frustration. But your boss has been following the path of least resistance, as bosses tend to do when budgets get tight. It’s easy to smile and nod and make vague promises, not so easy to restructure a department and all but impossible to wangle what’s been deemed an extra position from higher-ups determined to “reduce headcount,” as the corporate mantra goes. By biting your tongue and gamely soldiering on, you’ve encouraged your boss to believe that you can cope–not happily, but capably enough. These days, most bosses don’t expect their staff to be happy. They won’t take action unless a credible person rings the agony alarm bell. And now that person just might be Ms. Do-Nothing. Okay, so she’s not exactly Ms. Credibility. Not in the eyes of the staff, anyway. But the average boss has only the vaguest notion what’s going on in the trenches.

Your own worst enemy?
Do I have to say you’ve been your own worst enemy? It’s pretty clear you already know this. Giving your colleague the silent treatment makes you “sound awful,” you admit. You couldn’t think of anything else to do because, like so many (especially women), you’d rather have root canal surgery than confront someone. Have you ever asked the texting, talking layabout to give you a hand? If you perform related duties, it would be a fair and timely question–maybe even an urgent one. The stronger the collaborative spirit on a team, the faster the work gets done. You and your colleagues aren’t exactly a team, to judge from your letter. You are mired in resentment and distrust. And while you didn’t create this woeful situation single-handed, you do have the power to start turning things around in a frank conversation with your boss.

Follow a plan to turn this around
You need to book a meeting, at the earliest opportunity, to talk about a work-load crunch that is undermining morale and compromising efficiency. Don’t just walk into the boss’s office and exclaim at how exhausted and overworked you are. Follow a plan. Get your most trusted colleagues involved. Document problems that could have been avoided with a fair distribution of effort. Don’t just point the finger at one person who isn’t doing her share and should be given a talking-to (or shown the door). Let Ms. Do-Nothing play the blame game while you wrap yourself in the mantle of cooperation. It will become clear enough in the course of this discussion that someone isn’t pulling her weight. There’s a saying in management circles: “You’re only as strong as your weakest link.”

I don’t mean to make this sound easy. Fact is, it won’t be. If I were in your boss’s shoes, I would certainly ask why you waited so long to tell the complicated truth. You didn’t have a good reason, did you? Seems to me you gave your colleague the evil eye because you couldn’t find the courage to do something more constructive. There’s a name for this kind of behaviour: passive/aggressive.

You’re wise to own up to your mistake and commit to being honest and direct from now on. There’s a name for this kind of behaviour, too: leadership.

In one strategic conversation, you can start to cast yourself as the kind of solution-oriented ally every smart boss needs–courageous enough to tell the truth and to admit when she’s in the wrong.

Good luck. Here’s to the next chapter of your career. I’ve enjoyed meeting you here at officepolitics.com and hope you’ll check in again to let us know you’re progressing.

Warmly,

Rona Maynard, Author

Rona Maynard is the author of My Mother’s Daughter a memoir published by McClelland & Stewart in September, 2007.

Rona Maynard’s career as an award-winning journalist, leading magazine editor, acclaimed author and inspirational speaker owes much to the lessons she has drawn from coping with difficult people, both professionally and personally.

Rona edited Chatelaine, Canada’s number one magazine for women, during a decade of growth and innovation in which she attracted a new generation of readers to the franchise. While meeting every benchmark of success, she contended daily with complaints from readers, directives from corporate brass and the strong personalities on her creative staff, who ranged from seasoned baby boomers to Gen Yers with sharply different expectations. The team Rona built was honored internationally for journalism, design and overall editorial excellence. A dedicated mentor, she groomed five people who went on to edit national magazines—among many others who are now viewed as leaders in their industry.

When Rona had fulfilled her vision for Chatelaine, she stepped down to write the memoir her readers had been asking for. In My Mother’s Daughter, she tells the no-holds-barred story of how she became her own woman because of—and in spite of—the enthralling but domineering woman who formed her. From her struggles with a crazy-making boss, an undermining colleague and an alcoholic father, she draws a road map to living with integrity, purpose and joy. Alice Munro has called My Mother’s Daughter “wonderfully honest and enthralling.”

Rona continues to share her hard-won wisdom on her award-winning interactive website, ronamaynard.com, and at the podium. Her most sought-after speech is “Life-Changing Lessons from Difficult People.” Audiences say that Rona’s message brings them energy, hope and pointers they can use to transform their own lives.

Rona’s personal honors include a YWCA Woman of Distinction Award, a National Champion of Mental Health Award and a Woman of Action Award from the Israel Cancer Research Fund, as well as numerous writing awards.

Trapped by vindictive gossip

The simmering tension between the White House and General McChrystal came to a head thanks to an article in Rolling Stone, The Runaway General.

The subtitle summed up the conflict:

“Stanley McChrystal, Obama’s top commander in Afghanistan, has seized control of the war by never taking his eye off the real enemy: The wimps in the White House.”

But the “wimps in the White House” did not respond kindly to the derisive comments from General McChrystal, and “Team America.” McChrystal’s fate was pronounced swiftly. President Obama accepted the General’s resignation and appointed his boss, General Petraeus in his place.

Was it an accidental slip of the tongue?

How could McChrystal, a brilliant military mind, whose daily regime is to sleep 4 hours, run 7km, and eat only one meal, get trapped by vindictive gossip? What was he thinking? Yesterday I tweeted about the developing story…

A few hours later, a news anchor from 750/KXL in Portland, Oregon emailed me requesting a radio interview…

“I am hoping someone with Office Politics can help me with a story. I would like to localize the Gen. Stanley McChrystal firestorm over his comments in Rolling Stone. Let’s say an average Joe gets caught badmouthing the boss (either publicly or privately), what should he or she do? What lessons can we take from this gaffe and apply to our workplace?” Colby Reade, News Anchor

Certainly casual banter and gossip has sunk many careers – McChrystal is the latest example but he won’t be the last. So, what can you learn from this? And what should you do if you get caught “dissing” the Boss? Colby’s questions inspired me to write some pointers down…

Office-Politics #101:

What NOT to Do to Get Ahead at Work

#1. Do NOT wound the King, unless you’re going to kill him.

By criticizing Obama publicly in print (and online) General McChrystal “wounded the King.” The old saying is, “if you’re going to attack, kill him, or don’t go after him.” Because the King, who is merely injured, will punish the attacker.

Clearly by lashing out in the media, McChrystal didn’t eliminate the King (Obama) – he merely made him angry. McChrystal’s insolence could not be tolerated. Not just because it was personally insulting, but because it revealed a divided team. A dangerous liability when lives are at stake.

So, if you’re spewing venom about the King (your boss), think carefully about the consequences. Are you going to kill the boss? Or simply injure him? What will he or she do in response?

#2. Do NOT badmouth. It feels good but….

It limits your opportunities.

It alerts everyone to your dislike of that person and puts up big barriers – not just between you and your “enemy” but with coworkers, too. If everyone knows you don’t like “Sam” they may go out of their way to smooth things over, and protect you from any activities (meetings, office parties, business trips) where you two are going to encounter each other. That might not sound too bad, until you realize you are being passed over for promotions and projects just because you might have to work with that individual.

It’s best to keep your “judgments” to yourself (who appointed you judge of the world, anyway??). It will give you more room to move and grow in the company. And it also gives you the freedom to change your mind about that person in the future. A very valuable option.

#3. Do NOT sacrifice your values. Take the emergency exit.

If you don’t respect your boss because you have fundamental differences, the best option may be to exit the company. A divided team cannot work in unison. Look for a team that reflects your true values.

#4. Do NOT be afraid to say you’re sorry. Groveling may help you keep your job.

Everyone makes mistakes. If you slip up and badmouth the boss, the best thing to do is to apologize. If your gaffe was public, then you should make your apology public as well.

#5. Do NOT feel sorry for yourself. Nobody likes whiners.

Zip your lips and think of the sorry fate of General McChrystal.

#6. Do NOT accept interviews with Rolling Stone Magazine.

The media is not your friend. You would think that a savvy General like McChrystal would know that. What was he thinking accepting an interview with Rolling Stone??

It doesn’t make sense…

Unless, he was just playing a high stakes game.

Maybe he didn’t think that the Afghan war was worth sticking around for and he was just looking for the quickest exit possible.

Perhaps he thought the wimps in the White House would not fire him — and he would gain power with U.S. troops, esteem with power-brokers in Afghanistan, and the adulation of the American public.

So the last tip on getting ahead is this….

#7. Do NOT underestimate your adversary.

And always have your resume ready.

Office-Politics #101: What NOT to Do to Get Ahead at Work

#1. Do NOT wound the King, unless you’re going to kill him.
#2. Do NOT badmouth. It feels good but….
#3. Do NOT sacrifice your values. Take the emergency exit.
#4. Do NOT be afraid to say you’re sorry. Groveling may help you keep your job.
#5. Do NOT feel sorry for yourself. Nobody likes whiners.
#6. Do NOT accept interviews with Rolling Stone Magazine.
#7. Do NOT underestimate your adversary.

And always have your resume ready.

_________________________________________________________
ADDENDUM:

Michael Hastings of Rolling Stone on the Story that Brought Down Gen. McChrystal and Exposed Widening Disputes Behind the U.S. Debacle in Afghanistan

In a rare extended interview, DemocracyNow speaks to Michael Hastings, whose article in Rolling Stone magazine led to the firing of General Stanley McChrystal.

“Hastings’ piece quoted McChrystal and his aides making disparaging remarks about top administration officials, and exposed long-standing disagreements between civilian and military officials over the conduct of the war. The Senate confirmed General David Petraues as McChrystal’s replacement on Wednesday, one day after McChrystal announced his retirement from the military on Tuesday after a 34-year career.”

_________________________________________________________

Franke James, MFA is the Editor & Founder of Office-Politics.com. She is also the Inventor of the award-winning game book, Dear Office-Politics: the game everyone plays. It’s the dilemma-based social game that teaches you how to play, and laugh, at office politics. In 2010, it won an AXIOM Business Book Award for HR and Training. Franke will accept the award in May, at BookExpo America in New York City.

In April 2010, Foreword Magazine reviewed Dear Office-Politics, “The dilemmas vary in seriousness, but all involve power plays as the universal theme… James’s splashy sense of humor and style catapults this book from the field of humdrum human resources exercises to an entertaining discussion of the pantheon of office types. And the game is attractively illustrated with zany color photographs and illustrations on every page of these office types. The “office crab” that is the grimacing head of a woman on the body of a crab; the luridly colored photo of a woman with a chef’s knife behind her that is emblazoned, “I have had firsthand experience with a backstabber”; and the cover of a suited woman in a shark tank are bound to attract the attention of congenial co-workers looking for an icebreaker. Winner of the Axiom Business Book Award for 2010, Dear Office-Politics is recommended for team-building meetings, as well as for pleasure reading.”

Jane Perdue, MBA, CEO and founder of The Braithewaite Group, is a leadership consultant, coach, speaker and author who challenges your thinking at the intersection of the art of leadership and the science of business. The Braithewaite Group, is a small female-owned professional development and leadership consulting firm. Jane’s career includes 20 years of executive level leadership, with 15 of those years spent as a Vice President for Fortune 100 companies. She writes a job coach column for the Charleston, SC Post and Courier and has made speaking and TV appearances discussing leadership, purpose, power and performance. Read Jane’s response to Private Patty below.

Dear Office Politics,

Your site is a great help in navigating today’s workplace! I’ve read about how you need to develop an online presence because employers will search your name to see what comes up. I’m a very private person and I’m at a loss about how to do this. I was raised to believe that your personal life was just that: personal. I don’t have a Facebook page and I don’t “tweet” whatever that is! I don’t understand this obsession to know what everyone is doing, or to tell everyone what I’m doing. Is there hope for someone like me who likes her privacy?

I have a website portfolio that I started, but it is listed under my last name and doesn’t come up in a random search. Is it enough to direct people to my homepage so they can see what I’ve done?

Thank you,

Private Patty

OFFICE-POLITICS ADVISER JANE PERDUE

Dear Private Patty,

Thank for your kind words about Dear OP – we appreciate hearing that you find our counsel helpful!

Why do people go online?

The top reasons, according to PR firm Ruder Finn’s Intent Index include learning, having fun and socializing. Those needs can be fulfilled online – or off-line. So I do think there’s hope for private people like you who don’t need or want to create a personal digital footprint. and with all the recent coverage of Facebook’s privacy controls, I understand your concerns.

According to a CareerBuilder survey, 45 percent of employers noted that they scout social networks as part of their employment process. “Social networking is a great way to make connections with potential job opportunities and promote your personal brand across the Internet,” said Rosemary Haefner, Vice President of Human Resources at CareerBuilder. “Make sure you are using this resource to your advantage by conveying a professional image and underscoring your qualifications.”

Consider how you’re placing yourself at a disadvantage with a narrow online profile:

Job searches

Unless your work requires it (PR or blogging as examples) or would be enhanced by it (an artist seeking to promote her work), there’s no hard and fast rule that requires a job seeker to have an online presence. By not having a robust social media presence, you dramatically decrease the odds of a prospective employer discovering unsavory information about you. However, you miss out on unique opportunities to showcase and highlight skills and accomplishments that would differentiate you from the multitudes of other applicants.

You don’t say what the content of your website portfolio is or if it may be related to your work. So, presuming it does not, there’s no requirement to disclose it to a potential employer. But if the content helps to demonstrate your abilities, it’s a good forum for you to strut your stuff.

Networking and relationship building

By opting out of social networks, you don’t make pivotal connections that could help you secure your next position. Many creative high-end recruiters review social media sites looking for passive candidates, e.g. people who are not even looking for a job but who have the right skills. LinkedIn is another example of how you – the job seeker – can use social media to your advantage. LinkedIn allows you to reach out to people already working at organizations you might be interested in so you can check them out. What a great way to get the inside scoop!

Opportunity

Countless jobs, volunteer positions, mastermind groups, etc. are promoted exclusively online through Twitter, Facebook, etc. Who knows, the perfect break for you might exist just one click away. But for Twitter and an ensuing connection with Franke James, I would have never had the delightful occasion to offer this counsel to you. Nor would I have secured consulting work, speaking engagements, writing assignments or made connections with so many incredible people who enrich my life every day.

True Values

So how can you be true to your values — and not miss the great opportunities that Career Builder’s VP Haefner talks about? If you do decide to jump into social media, Career Builder provides these helpful tips for maintaining a positive online image:

“1) DO clean up digital dirt BEFORE you begin your job search. Remove any photos, content and links that can work against you in an employer’s eyes.

2) DO consider creating your own professional group on sites like Facebook or BrightFuse.com to establish relationships with thought leaders, recruiters and potential referrals.

3) DO keep gripes offline. Keep the content focused on the positive, whether that relates to professional or personal information. Makes sure to highlight specific accomplishments inside and outside of work.

4) DON’T forget others can see your friends, so be selective about who you accept as friends. Monitor comments made by others. Consider using the “block comments” feature or setting your profile to “private” so only designated friends can view it.

5) DON’T mention your job search if you’re still employed.”

One last caveat

While you’ve chosen to forgo being on Twitter or Facebook, remember that total privacy is elusive, if not impossible to achieve. Information that friends or companies share about you is available online without your participation and/or permission. For an eye-opening illustration of how true this is, visit www.spokeo.com (for US residents only) and type in your name. Is their information correct or totally off base? Spokeo aggregates information from a variety of online and other public sources to create their profiles. As Spokeo discloses on their website, “Since there is no human involved, the data is not verified and might not be accurate.” But right or wrong, it’s all there – and all without you doing a thing! (Of course, around the world people can also “Google” your name. Enter in your name and see what they’ll find.)

A March 16, 2010 New York Times article How Privacy Vanishes Online quotes Jon Kleinberg, a Cornell University computer science professor: “When you’re doing stuff online, you should behave as if you’re doing it in public – because increasingly, it is.” I use this good advice for my online conduct.

Patty, you need to do what makes sense for you and aligns with your values and beliefs, which appears to be opting for less online visibility. Just remember that you’ll miss out on an opportunity or two or more…and that total privacy is an illusion.

Thanks for writing to OfficePolitics.com — and you can find me on Twitter at this location.

Warm regards,

Jane Perdue
The HR Goddess

About Jane Perdue, MBA
Jane Perdue, MBA, CEO and founder of The Braithewaite Group, is a leadership consultant, coach, speaker and author who challenges your thinking at the intersection of the art of leadership and the science of business. The Braithewaite Group, is a small female-owned professional development and leadership consulting firm focusing on that exquisite but rare business balance between head and heart.

Jane’s career includes 20 years of executive level leadership, with 15 of those years spent as a Vice President for Fortune 100 companies. She writes a job coach column for the Charleston, SC Post and Courier and has made speaking and TV appearances discussing leadership, purpose, power and performance. Jane works with organizations and individuals to bring a sense of fun, adventure and limitless possibility — along with creative and playful thinking — to leading people, achieving common visions, delivering results and being our personal best.

OfficePolitics.com asked best-selling author, Dan Heath, how an Office-Politics reader (a teacher in an inner city high school) could make change happen, when change is very hard.

Dan wrote, “What you’re describing is a culture problem, and culture change takes time. I don’t have a quick fix. But I want to suggest some things that could make things better. Not perfect, but better.”

Read Dan Heath’s inspiring reply…

Why is it so hard to make lasting changes in our companies, in our communities, and in our own lives? The primary obstacle is a conflict that’s built into our brains, say Chip and Dan Heath, authors of the critically acclaimed bestseller Made to Stick.

Psychologists have discovered that our minds are ruled by two different systems—the rational mind and the emotional mind—that compete for control. The rational mind wants a great beach body; the emotional mind wants that Oreo cookie. The rational mind wants to change something at work; the emotional mind loves the comfort of the existing routine. This tension can doom a change effort—but if it is overcome, change can come quickly. In Switch, the Heaths show how everyday people—employees and managers, parents and nurses—have united both minds and, as a result, achieved dramatic results.

“Are you aching for change? Switch can help you understand what’s blocking the change you want — and how to go about removing those roadblocks and making change happen. I highly recommend it. Plus the Heath brothers have gone the extra mile. Their site is loaded with free resource tools to help you apply the Switch principles, whether you’re in a Fortune 500 company, a local non-profit group, or an individual looking to change yourself! You can also listen to Chip and Dan Heath talk about Switch in this podcast.” Franke James, Office-Politics.com founder and Author, Dear Office-Politics, the game everyone plays.

Dear Office-Politics,

I work at a small inner city high school in Los Angeles. I have been there for 20 years and have witnessed teachers do all kinds of improper things such as leaving early, talking on cell phones in the hall, showing movies and basically being incompetent by not teaching but just sitting at their desks doing nothing.

Lately, at meetings, I have been trying to shed some light on these problems and put some pressure on the administration to work on these problems. Of course, the majority of the teachers are angry at me because they have been enjoying the perks of not being held accountable. They tell me to mind my own business and to just worry about my classroom.

They say that I should be careful because in our district this is the way things will always be and nothing will change. They also let me know that someone might slash my tires or hurt me personally if I’m not careful. Of course this was a veiled threat that was meant to help me avoid problems.

I’m so frustrated. I don’t want to leave the school because I love the kids and why should I leave because I care.

Any advice would help.

Thanks,

Teacher that Cares

DAN HEATH, OFFICE-POLITICS GUEST ADVISER:

Dear Teacher that Cares,

First of all, I want to salute you for caring. Your kids appreciate it, and so do their parents, and so do thousands of bystanders like me, who are rooting for teachers like you.

Let me start with the bad news: What you’re describing is a culture problem, and culture change takes time. I don’t have a quick fix. But I want to suggest some things that could make things better. Not perfect, but better. Here are 4 things I want you to try:

1. Organize the resistance

In situations when change agents are in the minority, it’s critical that they band together. It’s also critical that they have a place to organize that’s insulated from the pressures of the majority. (For a lot more on this, Google this: “free spaces” minority) I’m sure there are a few other teachers who care as much as you do. Get them together. Find a time and a place to meet, every week, so you can share ideas and build each other up. And as new teachers join the faculty, convert them to your side before they absorb the destructive majority culture.

2. Speak to higher emotion

Right now, you are having a pissing match with your colleagues: You vs. Them. If you keep it up, you’ll burn up your own productive energy by fighting petty personal battles. Change your approach. A few weeks ago, I spoke with a Chief Medical Officer who’d managed to change the practices of dozens of skeptical doctors and nurses. He succeeded by reminding people of their mission: “We’re here for the patients. Our role is to save lives and to improve our patients’ quality of life. Can we all agree on that?” And of course everyone agreed—and that agreement was critical, because it changed the tenor of their discussions. Their debates centered on whose ideas were best for the patients (not about who’s right, me or you). So, rather than attacking the work ethic of your colleagues, appeal to their noble side: “What’s the best thing for our students?”

3. Publicize victories

No doubt you are doing amazing things in the classroom. You know it and your students know it. But do other people know it? Other teachers? Other administrators? Teachers of extracurricular activities find ways to “show off” their students. School choirs have concerts, and athletes have games and tournaments. If you teach a core subject, you need to emulate them—find a way to show off what your students can do. You need to show your colleagues and your bosses that your way of doing things pays off. The worst teachers might still throw stones at you, but I suspect there are some teachers who’d be inspired. Wouldn’t it be great if you got other teachers’ competitive fires burning? (“I won’t let that one teacher get all the glory!”)

4. Change the environment

The one part of your letter that bothers me is the way you’ve concluded that the other teachers are lazy and incompetent. That smacks of a bias that psychologists call the Fundamental Attribution Error, which means that we tend to attribute people’s behavior to their core character, and we ignore the situational influences on them. In other words, what if you imagined that your colleagues are decent, smart, well-intentioned people who are tragically stuck in an environment that leads them to behave in an imperfect way? (The same way that you and I might not act our best if we were drunk in a bar full of rowdy people—it’s not that we’re bad people to the core, it’s that the situation is bringing out our worst.)

So what I’d challenge you to ask yourself is this:

How can I tweak the school environment to make it a tiny bit easier for my fellow teachers to do better?

What if you offered to share all your innovative lesson plans with them? (That way, they could do neat activities without having to develop them.)

What if you got a local businessman to sponsor a $1,000 Teaching Prize? (That way, they’d have the financial and cultural incentive to excel.)

What if you spent 15 minutes each morning picking up trash in the hallways? (To signal to others that the condition of the school matters.)

When you change the environment, you change the behavior.

So good luck to you. There are a lot of people who will be hoping and praying for your success.

Best regards,

Dan Heath, Author

Dan Heath is co-author of SWITCH: How to change things when change is hard. Dan is a Senior Fellow at Duke University’s CASE center, which supports social entrepreneurs. He is the co-author of the New York Times bestseller book Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die. Made to Stick has been translated into 29 languages. Dan is also a columnist for Fast Company magazine, and he has taught and consulted on the topic of “making ideas stick” with organizations such as Microsoft, Nestle, USAID, the American Heart Association, and Macy’s.

Most recently, Dan was a Consultant to the Policy Programs of the Aspen Institute. Prior to that, he conducted research for Harvard Business School, where he co-authored 10 case studies on entrepreneurial ventures, and subsequently, he worked for the executive education division of Duke University, where he designed and taught in training programs for Fortune 500 executives. Dan has an MBA from Harvard Business School, and a BA from the Plan II Honors Program from the University of Texas at Austin. (For more background on Dan please visit Heathbrothers.com)

Dear Office Politics,

I try to be a nice person at work and to stay out of politics however about a couple weeks ago I made a comment about a coworker that I know I shouldn’t have and now I think it’s going to bite me in the butt. I noticed that one of my coworkers leaves for lunch everyday and then comes back and eats his lunch at his desk. I thought that maybe he does contractual work on the side during his lunch break and was curious about it. While chatting with some coworkers I mentioned it. It wasn’t to a supervisor or anyone of authority, I didn’t want to get him into trouble or anything. I felt bad right after I said it, but I guess I thought it wasn’t going to go past the room, and no harm no foul.

Well, today he loudly announced to my boss and other coworkers that we need to have a meeting about gossip mongering because people are saying nasty things about what he does at lunch. I don’t know what to do as I’m scared to admit that I’m the one that said it. Also this coworker has a bad temper and can be very mean. How should I play this? In some hot water.

In Some Hot Water

Three Advisers give their best advice to “In Some Hot Water”

Sometimes we get a letter that poses such a universal dilemma that it’s worth exploring in more depth, and from multiple angles. This letter is a case in point. Gossip is a problem that plagues workplaces everywhere. Here are three responses to the same letter from three Office-Politics Advisers: Author and award-winning journalist, Rona Maynard; Author and Founder, Skill Source, Jennifer Miller; and Office-Politics.com Founder and Author, Franke James.

RONA MAYNARD Dear Hot Water, About to bite you in the butt, you say? It already has, and hard. Your co-worker has a good notion who’s been questioning his loyalty–and now your boss does, too. The sooner you come clean and accept responsibility for playing fast and loose with your colleague’s reputation, the better your chances of salvaging your own. There comes a point in every career where you simply have to swallow your pride and say, without equivocation or excuses, “I screwed up and I couldn’t be sorrier.” For you that turning point is now….

JENNIFER MILLER Dear Hot Water, There is a Chinese Proverb that says “What is told in the ear of a man is often heard 100 miles away.” News travels fast, especially that of a gossipy nature. What started out as rather benign curiosity on your part has quickly turned into an awkward situation with the wronged party making a public declaration of “gossip-mongering.” It’s natural to be curious about a co-worker; we’re human beings after all! Our human curiosity can lead to wonderful inventions and unique problem-solving. The challenge is, sometimes our curiosity leads us to places where we have no business being.

FRANKE JAMES Dear Hot Water, Your last line “How should I play this?” is where I’m going to start. I sense from your question, that you see office politics as a game – and that you’d like to be able to play it to your advantage. So that’s where I’ll focus my advice. Not surprisingly (given that I’m the creator of the game-book, Dear Office-Politics) I like to view office politics as a game. And like all games, this one has rules (mostly unwritten), strategies, power plays, opposing teams, a scoreboard, and ultimately winners and losers. But as in sports, you don’t need to play dirty to win…

In 2008, Franke James was an unpublished writer who walked away from a major U.S. publisher and a $20,000 book advance. Why?

James talks about her decision: “It was like a dilemma straight out of Dear Office-Politics. I can laugh about it now, but it was a tough situation. The publisher seemingly held all the power. The book I’d worked six years to create was being changed from a colorful role-playing game into a standard, gray-text, “business” book. This suited the publisher just fine. But for me, it was the antithesis of what I’d dreamed of. I’d beta-tested a new type of training book that merged entertainment and education. It got people talking about touchy office politics issues and practicing ethical decision-making. That was the book I had a burning desire to publish.

“I felt torn. So, I used the game questions to arrive at a solution. I stepped into the publisher’s shoes. I put it to the TV News test. I analyzed the power structure. And, I found a solution that was in everyone’s best interests…

I canceled the contract and paid back the advance. One year later, I self-published and started selling Dear Office-Politics on Amazon.”

Dear Office-Politics has been recognized as one of the best business books of the year, winning a 2010 Axiom Bronze Medal in the Human Resources and Employee Training category. Franke James will accept her award in New York on May 25th, and will be signing books at BookExpo America on May 27th. James is also the artist/author of Bothered By My Green Conscience, winner of the 2010 Green Book Festival Award, for Graphic Novels.

WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ‘DEAR OFFICE-POLITICS’…

“James’s splashy sense of humor and style catapults this book from the field of humdrum human resources exercises to an entertaining discussion of the pantheon of office types… Winner of an Axiom Business Book Award for 2010, Dear Office-Politics is recommended for team-building meetings, as well as for pleasure reading.” ForeWord Reviews

“A fun and informative guide to mastering those games you wish people wouldn’t play.” Ann Douglas, Toronto Star Blogs

“A wonderful tool to use in bringing sensitive issues out into the open in a non-threatening way that results in constructive processing.” Shannon Warren, Founder, Oklahoma Business Ethics Consortium

“Dear Office-Politics is a seriously fun way to make the workplace ‘thriveable’ instead of barely survivable!” Trevor Rotzien, Amazon reviewer

Seven years of research

Dear Office-Politics represents over seven years of research. Each game dilemma is based on an actual letter that was submitted to OfficePolitics.com since it was founded in 2002. The ethics game was invented by author, artist and site founder, Franke James.

Unique collaboration

Dear Office-Politics is a unique collaborative effort designed to help people play the office politics game better — and improve their ability to positively influence their workplace. Over the past seven years, author Franke James has assembled a talented roster of authors, executive coaches, HR trainers, lawyers and marketing experts to help answer hundreds of letters sent into the site from around the world. The Office-Politics Advisers featured in the game book include:

Erika Andersen is the author of Being Strategic and founder of Proteus International, where she has served as consultant and advisor to CEOs and top executives around the world.
Dr. John Burton LL.B. M.B.A. M.Div. Ph.D. is an ethicist, mediator, lawyer and theologian. He teaches Personal and Corporate Social Responsibility in the Faculty of Management at the University of British Columbia.
Rick Brandon, Ph.D. is coauthor of Survival of the Savvy and CEO of Brandon Partners, where he has consulted and trained tens of thousands, including Fortune 500 companies across a variety of industries.
Marty Seldman, Ph.D. is one of the world’s most experienced and successful executive coaches and is President of Seldman Executive Development Programs. He is coauthor of Survival of the Savvy and Executive Stamina.
Jennifer Glueck Bezoza specializes in leadership development and career coaching. Through her work in Organizational Development at the Visiting Nurse Service of New York, Jennifer designs leadership development programs, and coaches teams and individuals.
Timothy Johnson is the author of SWAT: Seize the accomplishment. At Carpe Factum, Inc. he helps individuals and organizations “seize the accomplishment” through effective project management, strategic facilitation, and business process improvement.
John A. Challenger, is CEO of Challenger, Gray & Christmas, Inc., the global outplacement consultancy. John is a recognized thought leader on workplace, labor, and economic issues.

Author, Inventor, Adviser: Franke James
Franke James is the inventor of the Dear Office-Politics Game (2009) and Editor & Founder of OfficePolitics.com. For 2010, Franke is developing Dear Office-Politics into a customizable workshop package that can be used by HR trainers around the world. Franke is an author, artist and speaker on social change and the environment. Her award-winning illustrated book, Bothered By My Green Conscience, was published in 2009 by New Society Publishers. Franke is co-founder of The James Gang Art & Design and Nerdheaven Ltd., with over 20 years experience as a creative design professional. She has a Masters in Fine Arts from the University of Victoria, and a BFA from Mount Allison University. (bio continues… )

For more information:

To contact the author for media interviews or a review copy, email: ceo@officepolitics.com
Dear Office-Politics: the game everyone plays

Dear Office-Politics and The Office-Politics® Game were invented by Franke James, MFA
Office-Politics® is a registered trademark of Nerdheaven Ltd.

BY STEVE HEARSUM

Ever been left bewildered by decisions your company makes? Curious as to what possessed the CEO to propose that strategy, when everyone knows it is barking mad? Baffled as to why you have just spent three hours in a meeting that was supposed to come up with a cunning plan, and all you are left with is a set of vague and fluffy actions requiring yet more interminably long strategy meetings?

Decisions! Decisions!

Most life changing events in our careers have at their root someone, somewhere, deciding something. Sometimes we may be present to influence that, others not. Either way, what, if anything, can we do about it? And how actually do humans make decisions? I mean, it’s a rational process, right?….

When I researched how executives bought and sold businesses, one intriguing thing to emerge was the role desire played in decision making. In other words, emotion was in full swing, not just cool calculation around facts and figures. How so? Well, behavioural neurologist, Antonio Damasio, has demolished the idea that emotion can, or should, be kept out of decision making in order to get the best results. And the more neuroscientists inquire into human decision making the greater the significance of the interplay between the emotional (animal) and rational sectors of the brain.

Gardiner Morse, a senior editor at Harvard Business Review, summarized it in ‘Decisions and Desire’:“Brain regions that respond to cocaine or morphine are the same ones that react to the prospect of getting money and to actually receiving it. It’s perhaps no surprise that chocolate, sex, music, attractive faces, and sports cars also arouse this reward system.”

So just maybe your sales team really are high?

Part of the problem is we (over) value decisiveness, and leaders who can act John Wayne style, relying on gut instinct and intuition to act swiftly. The issue, as Gary Klein – the author of several books on intuition – says, is “you should never trust your gut… you have to consciously and deliberately evaluate it.” In other words, think critically, check out your assumptions, look at what is actually happening.

So what can be done practically to ensure that decisions are made that make sense and meet the needs of all those involved?

Well, there is no guaranteed answer, but here are some suggestions that may help to improve the quality of meetings. I advise clients to work out beforehand:

• What are the questions the meeting is designed to answer?
• What outcomes are they looking to walk away with?
• How will they reach a decision? e.g. consensus, majority vote etc?
• What do people need to have read beforehand? (to avoid wasting time on briefing rather than dialogue)

Are you strong enough to value dissent?

The most robust decisions emerge from groups that are able to be straight with each other. And sadly this is one area many leaders are weak in, namely they are intolerant of challenge.

Stage the untimely demise of the Big Idea!
Hold a pre-mortem, a technique Gary Klein came up with, and one way of making it safer to voice that dissent. He describes thus:

“You say: ‘We’re looking in a crystal ball, and this project has failed; it’s a fiasco. Now, everybody, take two minutes and write down all the reasons why you think the project failed.’

“The logic is that instead of showing people that you are smart because you can come up with a good plan, you show you’re smart by thinking of insightful reasons why this project might go south. If you make it part of your corporate culture, then you create an interesting competition: ‘I want to come up with some possible problem that other people haven’t even thought of.’ The whole dynamic changes from trying to avoid anything that might disrupt harmony to trying to surface potential problems.”

It may seem counter-intuitive to focus on the negative, but what is interesting about the pre-mortem is how it helps surface issues that may otherwise lurk in the shadows and are never discussed.

Putting dissent to the test…

In writing this guest column for OfficePolitics.com, I went back and forth with site founder and editor, Franke James, many, many, many times discussing meeting strategies. She sent me this candid feedback on my article and suggested I consider Dr. Edward de Bono’s Six Thinking Hats system.

The Six Thinking Hats: WHITE: Facts and figures RED: Emotions and feelings BLUE: Control and thinking GREEN: Creativity and new ideas YELLOW: Positive constructive BLACK: Logical and negative

Franke wrote,

“On your blog post — I like it a lot… BUT I question the wisdom of surrendering the floor to the naysayers. Black Hat thinking is all around us. Corporations don’t need more encouragement to squash ideas. They need brave people with foresight who can champion innovative ideas and make them work. De Bono’s system is brilliant because it balances the forces of optimists, so-called realists and naysayers.

“In ‘Six Thinking Hats’ de Bono teaches a method for conducting meetings that I have found extremely effective. De Bono assigns a different color, and different thinking style to each of the six hats. It encourages groups of people to think in one direction at a time, to allow optimistic ideas to grow, and also negative ideas to be aired. It’s a very systematic style of meeting that can effortlessly control the naysayers in your group. The naysayers will want to speak up — but if their comments are negative they can only speak when everyone is wearing the Black Hat. This gives them an incentive to think with the full spectrum of Thinking Hats.

“Ideas that you might have missed by going through a more conventional meeting style come to the surface. Everything is considered because you are methodically going through a checklist. Everyone gets to have their say. The Six Hats system generates a wealth of ideas from 360 degrees. It works to build consensus and make better decisions.”

So there you have it. Two differing opinions thrashed out virtually across the pond.

What do you think?

Which process do you like better? The pre-mortem or the Six Hats? And why?

Let us know in the comments.

About Steve Hearsum

Steve Hearsum is a UK-based consultant, facilitator and coach. A coffee nerd and curious as to why he could never find a decent cappuccino, Steve began searching for the perfect blend of bean, grinder, milk and steam, and the best way to combine them. The interconnectedness of ingredients and process has become a governing philosophy for him. He is passionate about sensitizing organizations to the importance of human interactions for effective performance, and is writing a fascinating book on interpersonal chemistry… For more background on Steve please visit www.deboxing.co.uk.

ARIELY, D. Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces that Shape our Decisions, 2009
HEARSUM, S. Interpersonal ‘fit’ in Mergers & Acquisitions due diligence – unpublished Masters dissertation, 2008
KLEIN, G. Sources of Power: How People Make Decisions, 1999
KLEIN, G. The Power of Intuition: How to Use Your Gut Feelings to Make Better Decisions at Work
LEHRER, J. Decisive Moment, the: How the brain makes up its mind
MORSE, G. (2006) ‘Decisions and Desire’ in Harvard Business Review, Jan 2006 pp42-51
McKinsey Quarterly, ‘Strategic decisions: When can you trust your gut?’ Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman and psychologist Gary Klein debate the power and perils of intuition for senior executives. March 2010