Office of doom

First day of a new job.

noreply@blogger.com (Kristi) — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 22:12:00 +0000

First days are weird for most people, right? A bit stressful wouldn't you say? You really don't know what to expect. You wonder what your coworkers will be like. The first day of a new job is like starting your first day at a new school but worse because you could get fired.

For one thing, employers expect you to live up to all your resume and interview hype. Plus, you have to try and fit in with the cool kids. It's like high school all over again.

Today was my first day at a brand new OOD. I think it could have gone a tad better. I'm just praying they don't regret their decision to hire me. It wasn't a complete disaster and I'm sure I'm hypercritical of myself but it just felt off. Anyway, here's how it went:

...I showed up on time - thank you! I went through security to get my little badge of temporary access and off I went. First, I was shown to my desk loaded with nice new equipment waiting for me inside my cube. Two computer screens people. What the hell. Not expecting that - nice! Upon deeper investigation - that was it - just the computer. No pens or sticky notes. Not even a trash can. Good thing I brought my own pad and pen with me. Next came the office tour and the super fun new employee introductions. Someone pointed out that I got the "bathroom cubicle." Yep, I sure did just like my last gig. Not much has changed. Everyone seems really nice even the person who kindly pointed out my desk is next to the crapper. I'm sure she meant well.

After all the introductions, it was back to the desk to get to work. First item on the agenda was to get set up in the computer system. I had to log in and set up a user name and password so I could access my computer. Easy right? Nope. Apparently I was assigned the same security system the FBI uses. What is up with security systems these days where you need some magic password that makes absolutely no sense and like hell you'll ever remember it? Still, it shouldn't take the length of time it took me to get mine right. After the 10th attempt and error message, I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. And with my boss standing over my shoulder surely wondering how he could have hired such an idiot only made things worse. I finally gave up. Clearly, I'm incompetent and should just go home. What the heck am I doing wrong. Nothing really. The computer was just being a total asshole and when I changed one little thing it was like a veil had been lifted. Passwords continued to haunt me the rest of the day.

The phone also had a good laugh at my expense. It seems my new OOD just got a new phone system. Nobody really showed me how to operate the phone. I didn't make a big deal of it thinking surely I can figure it out myself. I have used a phone before. Still it would have been nice for a quick tutorial seeing that phone systems are unique but hey let's skip it and let me teach you 20 other things at once instead. Cool? Sure. But later the phone reared it's ugly receiver at me and had a good laugh. While trying to install a new program on my computer per the instructions from the IT department, something went wrong. No big deal. The email warned something might go wrong and in the event that it did just dial the help line for assistance. That's when the phone became possessed each time I picked up the receiver making loud repetitive beeps. Nothing I pushed made the beeping stop. Hadn't we used this stupid thing earlier I thought? What the hell have I done to screw this thing up! So, with my tail between my legs, I had to go ask for help on how to make my insane phone stop beeping. Turns out it wasn't my fault at all and there were a lot of people having trouble but it was just one other thing that I felt I was not doing right. At least the IT guy took the time to tell me how to make an outside phone call. Dial 9, people. Duh.

Once I got past being humiliated by both the phone and my computer, it was time to tackle learning the actual duties of my job. Did I mention how nice everyone seemed? I just want to preface that at least the people are nice. I just wish there was an instruction manual for my job.. I'm thinking my manager has not trained anyone before so the process might be a little painful. I'm sure my manager knows how to do the work. I bet it's like when you know exactly how to get from point A to B because you take that path everyday but you don't know the names of the streets but you still know how to get there. And then someone who has never been to point B asks you for directions on how to get there but shit you don't know the street names. Or maybe I'm just a moron and need a GPS. We'll see how tomorrow goes. I think it will be better.

One of the lucky ones.

noreply@blogger.com (Kristi) — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 19:52:00 +0000

I did it! I found a job. Finally. It's not my ideal situation but beggars can't be choosers, right? Right. With all of the job cuts happening daily, I feel extremely lucky to have found something. Anything. Under different circumstances, I probably wouldn't have accepted this position but these are the times we live in. You take what you can get. At least this buys me some time.

I don't think I could have submitted one more resume or gone on one more interview. It's so degrading - the whole process. Recently, our local tv station just showed footage of people attending a job fair. The line was wrapped around the building. They reported that this was the largest group of people attending a job fair in over three years. It's crazy. What are people supposed to do? Something has got to give.

The gift that keeps on giving.

noreply@blogger.com (Kristi) — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 16:17:00 +0000

Maybe you can wear this on your last day on the job or secretly under your sweater. You can snicker privately all day long!

Get yours at Print Liberation.

Looking back: Why I didn't get offered the job.

noreply@blogger.com (Kristi) — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 19:13:00 +0000

During my recent job quest, I have received several rejection letters. Nearly all of these rejections were based on qualifications (I assume) and not a result of a poor face-to-face interview. The face/face is pretty hard to come by these days. However, I did recently receive word that I was not selected for a job where I did have a face/face opportunity(s) and I have been assessing the situation.

The hiring process of this particular company was rigorous to say the least. I suppose I should be proud of the fact that I almost made it through their twisting maze of interview warfare but it is difficult not to feel disappointed and wonder what happened. What did I do wrong? What could I have done better? How can I improve the next time I am presented with such an opportunity? I managed to get some feedback from the hiring manager and felt pretty shocked at the response. "Not polished enough for their clients, could have been better organized" were the two biggies. I remember thinking, "What!?!" during the phone conversation and wondering is this person for real. Funny thing about the feedback is that I've always considered myself to be a great communicator and if anything I over prepared for this interview and worked diligently to be organized. So what gives? I guess the other candidates were just better. Maybe I was too relaxed. I've always been told to mirror the body language and communication style you are faced with and that is what I try to do. In other words, you don't want to be the energizer bunny when the person interviewing you is barely breathing. Right? Am I wrong here? I welcome any thoughts on the subject.

Anywho...I know I'm not making a complete fool of myself. In doing a google search on how to handle employer rejection, I came across this great web site called Not Hired. It is "dedicated to those who wonder why no one has called to set up an interview" and is designed to show you exactly why you are still unemployed. I am amazed at some of the bonehead moves people make during an interview. At least I can honestly say I'm not doing anything this stupid. Here is an excerpt of what you'll find on Not Hired:

* Said he was so well qualified [that] if he didn’t get the job, it would prove that the company’s management was incompetent.
* Stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.
* Brought her large dog to the interview.
* Chewed bubble gum and constantly blew bubbles.
* Candidate kept giggling through serious interview.
* She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to the music and me at the same time.
* Balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later wearing a hairpiece.
* Applicant challenged interviewer to arm wrestle.
* Asked to see interviewer’s resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate.
* Announced she hadn’t had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and French fries in the interviewer’s office.
* Without saying a word, candidate stood up and walked out during the middle of the interview.
* Man wore jogging suit to interview for position as financial vice president.
* Said if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
* Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions.
* Wouldn’t get out of the chair until I would hire him. I had to call the police.
* When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around my office.
* Had a little pinball game and challenged me to play with him.
* Bounced up and down on my carpet and told me I must be highly thought of by the company because I was given such a thick carpet.
* Took a brush out of my purse, brushed his hair and left.
* Pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him.
* Candidate asked me if I would put on a suit jacket to insure that the offer was formal.
* Said he wasn’t interested because the position paid too much.
* While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping longest at the centerfold.
* During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate’s briefcase. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview.
* A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: “Which company? When do I start? What’s the salary?” I said, “I assume you’re not interested in conducting the interview any further.” He promptly responded, “I am as long as you’ll pay me more.” I didn’t hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer.
* An applicant came in wearing only one shoe. She explained that the other shoe was stolen off her foot in the bus.
* His attache [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, revealing ladies’ undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume.
* He came to the interview with a moped and left it in the reception area. He didn’t want it to get stolen, and stated that he would require indoor parking for the moped.
* He took off his right shoe and sock, opened a medicated foot powder and dusted it on the foot and in the shoe. While he was putting back the shoe and sock, he mentioned that he had to use the powder four times a day, and this was the time.
* Candidate said he really didn’t want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one.
* He whistled when the interviewer was talking.
* Asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security.
* She threw up on my desk, and immediately started asking questions about the job, like nothing had happened.
* Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk.
* Asked if I wanted some cocaine before starting the interview.

I reject your rejection! Fun with Rejection Letters.

noreply@blogger.com (Kristi) — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 17:49:00 +0000

I've seen my fair share of rejection letters lately. The most fun rejection letters come from places that never even invited you to interview. How is one rejected when one did not actually interview? Confusing, no?

The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer, just send them the following:

To Whom It May Concern:

Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment at this time.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite [Name of the Company]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately.

I look forward to working with you. Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.

Sincerely,

[Your Name]

(Originally posted here)

Ten Things You Wish You Could Say At Work

noreply@blogger.com (Kristi) — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 17:43:00 +0000

Ten Things You Wish You Could Say At Work

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.
2. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a hoot.
3. How about "never?" Is "never" good for you?
4. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
5. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
6. Ahhh, I see the mess-up fairy has visited us again.
7. You are validating my inherent mistrust of co-workers.
8. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
9. Are you coming on to me or having a seizure?
10. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

Share your stories with us!

noreply@blogger.com (Kristi) — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 05:29:00 +0000

Now you can share your own personal office of doom stories any time you want. Simply use the the comment box found at the top of the blog and we'll post your experiences anonymously.

Christmas is canceled.

noreply@blogger.com (Kristi) — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 05:45:00 +0000

*Couple who didn't get the memo.

The economy is in the toilet and everyone I know is getting screwed for Christmas. And not screwed in the good way. Companies all over are putting the kabosh on the company holiday party (face it, you know they don't call it a "Christmas" party). And if not being able to get drunk with your coworkers and dance to some Journey song isn't bad enough, a lot of people are even having to (gulp) Work on Christmas eve or the immediate day after Christmas. What the hizzle?

Thankfully I don't have to worry about any of this since I still don't have a job. Things are looking up though.

Stay tuned..

Not too far from this.

noreply@blogger.com (Kristi) — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 22:44:00 +0000

I'm going to need to see some ID.

noreply@blogger.com (Kristi) — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 16:58:00 +0000

Looking for a job is a pain in the ass. Being asked to authorize a background and credit check before you've even been brought in for your first interview is a bit much, don't you think? Perhaps this would be acceptable if you were being considered or actually being offered the job but checking your background and credit history before you have even taken a single step inside the potential Office of Doom's doors just doesn't seem right to me. Not that I have anything to hide - ok, maybe a bill that went unpaid or something (for good reason, I am sure) - but it all feels like an invasion of privacy. I'm supposed to turn over my social security number to a company/individual that I've never even met?

Shouldn't we, the potential employee, be able to make the same request? Too bad their isn't an 'Asshole Check' or an 'I'm a Horrible Boss' check for us job seekers. I'm sure I would have run for the hills at least once had that been an option.

I did a Google search on this topic to see if this has become the norm. It appears since 9/11 background and credit checks by employers in general have risen. I guess we should send a Thank You card to the Department of Homeland Security.

In addition to the background/credit check, this potential employer has stated that they "will be contacting people with a complete application and resume on file to come in for a 5-10 minute first interview in the next few weeks" followed by a 2nd interview that "will consist of a short math test and a simple essay to get to know you better".

Why so many hoops? It's not like the pay is even that great. It's an office job for crying out loud.

What do you think?

My summer vacation.

noreply@blogger.com (Kristi) — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 21:51:00 +0000

With school back in session and plenty of time on my hands, I thought I would join in on that old tried and true first day back-to-school writing assignment, What I Did on My Summer Vacation.

What I Did on My Summer Vacation by Lola Newstead.

I wish I could say I spent my summer sipping margaritas on the beach in Mexico or backpacking through Europe but alas, my summer was not filled with sunny beaches and drunken nights - maybe the drunken nights but I spent them nowhere near the beach or Europe. Instead, I've mostly been at home watching the Olympics and discovering Gossip Girl. My summer has been filled with many ups and downs. Ok, mostly downs but I'm trying to remain hopeful.

The beginning of my summer was spent leaving my job at the OOD to go work for the crazy Not Boss at the HOOD (Home Office of Doom). I gave the Not Boss a good two and a half solid months of working my butt off and putting up with her nonsense before the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back well, was emailed to me in true Not Boss "I've completely lost my mind" fashion. After some deliberation, I took the train from Crazytown where the Not Boss is Mayor and quit. I'll be lucky if I even get paid all the money I'm due - so far, I haven't been.

Since quitting the HOOD, I've spent several lazy weeks enjoying being unemployed - seeing family, friends and basically rubbing it your face that I slept 'til 10am because I didn't go to sleep until 1 after staying up all night reading the Twilight books (the last one is lame btw)....anywho, my bank account is dwindling rapidly and I really want to go shopping but I can't even drive within a mile of the mall without breaking into a cold sweat. So. I've been looking for a JOB. Looking for a job is not only boring but humiliating as well. I've spent hours on craigslist and I'm beginning to hate craig and his list. There are more bullshit job postings that you would believe possible. Tons of scams, links to recruiters and other crap. I realize that I'm either going to be way overqualified and make min. wage or I'm not qualified enough so why bother submitting a resume. Why don't I know PowerPoint, QuickBooks, PhotoShop, InDesign? How about SalesForce? Nope. And the crazy part is that they want you to know all this stuff but the pay is peanuts! There is no value to being a skilled employee anymore. I don't get it. I went to college yet I'm not qualified to do anything!

So how will Lola's summer finish out? I'm not sure. Oh yeah, in the first paragraph I said I would "remain hopeful" so I should probably get back to that part. Hmmm...I got nothing so give me an F.

Out sick

noreply@blogger.com (Laura H.) — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 02:36:00 +0000

So I really don't call in sick to work very often. But I did today And I'm actually sick (don't worry, it's just a summer cold). I could probably count the number of sick days I've ever taken on one hand...and one of those days my tonsil was actually bleeding!
I'm crazy, I know. We should use those days (questionable health or not). But I have a hard time calling in sick even when I really am. I blame my parents because they would never allow me to stay home from school unless I had a fever...and if I had a fever then I had to go to the doctor....so it was worse than school. My husband tells me that his mom (who was a teacher) would let him stay home just because he didn't feel like going to school that day...wha?
Some people can easily call in sick, complain of some fake symptoms and just play around all day or veg in front of the TV. If you can do this without feeling guilt, I applaud you. I'm a wimp.
I also blame my sicko work ethic on my old boss. She would come to work even if she was bleeding out of her eyeballs. She'd come in, complain about how lousy she felt, cough all over the place and make everyone else sick. But if you attempted to call in sick you could just hear the disappointment and disbelief in her voice. So working sick happened often.
Today, I woke up, called my boss, left her a message about how "whatever is going around now has a hold on me" and I needed to stay home. She actually stayed home sick the day before so I knew she would understand. And she did.
I spent the day sleeping, watching Oprah and playing Wii. It was awesome.
Although I still do not endorse playing hooky, there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking a day to chill even if its for your mental health.
To quote one of my favorite movies about the art of calling in sick, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

Happy Friday!

noreply@blogger.com (Laura H.) — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 00:50:00 +0000

This is Dedicated to all those Cubicle Workers Out There

noreply@blogger.com (Laura H.) — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 05:02:00 +0000

Escalating bull shit.

noreply@blogger.com (Kristi) — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 03:03:00 +0000

Today might have been the worst day ever at the HOOD. It is also probably one of my last.

I had a fantastic weekend..purposefully left the HOOD email closed and while I was enjoying a fun weekend with the girls the Not Boss was doing her best "I'm a freaking wackjob" impersonation via email. Are we seeing a trend folks? Yes, she likes to go all bat-shit crazy on the internets specifically by email. I'm surprised she isn't an AOL user as I swear anyone who is still on AOL needs their head examined.

Here is the 411: basically I've been unintentionally outed by a coworker. This person has been around the block with the Not Boss and has provided some decent insight on how to deal with her and basically figure out how to be the best HOOD'er I can be. Go Army or is it Marines? Anyway back on subject..I sent him an email about how one of my customer meetings had gone (great actually) and he decided in his infinite dumb ass wisdom to pass this email along to the Not Boss. Now there wasn't anything at all in this email that would have upset any normal individual most would have been pleased actually but hey, we're talking about the Not Boss here - the one who thinks scathing emails sent in red font is the way to motivate her team. So guess who managed to read something negative into my email? You got it. The Not Boss.

So the Not Boss emails me a 4 page email cc'ing coworker and just goes OFF on both of us. I didn't even know how to respond. Everyone I talked to about it said I didn't owe her a response but I knew that wouldn't go over very well. I decided to reach out and double check our lunch meeting that was she scheduled last week. She had left the time TBD so I followed up to see when we'd meet quietly suggesting that we clearly had some things to discuss. But hey I was just making sure I was available for her as previously planned. Apparently I "refuse to communicate" with the Not Boss. What a load of shit. To my dismay she did not respond within the one hour time frame she holds me to but instead waited until after normal business hours probably hoping I wouldn't get the message until the morning which would leave me scrambling to hop to her demands under short notice.

The Not Boss made it clear that lunch would not do and that this had "escalated to a private conversation." Yeah, one that involves me telling you to F*** off.

Doesn't that sound like fun? I can't wait!

Cure for Work Blues: BEER!

noreply@blogger.com (Laura H.) — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 18:21:00 +0000

I was a little harsh about my job in my last post. I think I was just having a bad day. Because this past Friday we got BEER! Yes, it was the illusive beer at work party. They gathered all of us in a room for a "meeting" gave us some sort of pep talk about a new marketing campaign and then rolled out the buckets of beer. I thought I was dreaming. I've never been encouraged to drink on the job....pretty freaking amazing. At first I thought it was some sort of trap or test. As if you went and cracked open one of the beers and took a swig they would fire you on the spot....and just say, 'oh, that was just a test. You are an alcoholic. Pack your bags, you're out of here."
But when I saw my supervisor digging through the icy barrels of cold beer goodness...I knew it was cool.
I only took one beer...a Dos XX. I stood around a bit and sipped on my beer awkwardly....but decided I needed to actually get back to my desk (still needed to get those points, right?!).
So I took my beer back to my desk and started to work.
It felt strange. It felt wrong. But it was oh so good.
I could barely finish it because it felt kinda strange to be chugging a beer at work. But I finally gulped it down, finished all of my points and went home to gloat about it to my husband...oh, and to write this post.
Beer is definitely a motivator for workers. I would recommend all employers to spring for a beer party every now and then. Sure, you may be putting all of those on-the-wagon alcoholics at work in an awkward situation....but what the hey, your work force as a whole will thank you for it. Trust me.

Bored at Work and the Art of Looking Busy

noreply@blogger.com (Laura H.) — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 04:43:00 +0000

I was kinda sleepy again at work today....maybe I should stop staying up till 1 in the morning playing Super Paper Mario on the Wii. Oh, well, it's nothing a little espresso/mochachino couldn't shake.

How is it that I'm already in that I hate work phase only after a little more than 2 months on the job?

It's kinda sad. I guess work just sucks....no matter what it is or how many free coffee drinks and bagels they shove at you. The shiny newness of my new job didn't last long and now I find myself nodding off at the computer screen.

I'm also learning to perfect my I-look-busy-but-I'm-really-not-doing-anything-work-related dance at the keyboard.

It usually consists of reading the New York Times (which I'm supposed to do for work anyways). They just don't know I'm reading about risotto-stuffed chard recipes and new Soho boutiques that carry nothing but black clothing.

Cubicle Farming

noreply@blogger.com (Laura H.) — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 18:39:00 +0000

Yes, Anonymous, we've let The OOD slide a bit. And for that I apologize. Lola is super busy with her HOOD job and I've been concentrating on getting all of my required points in each day at my new job. Ok, I probably jumped the gun a bit when I described it as the new OOD (Office of Delight). Fact is, it's a pretty decent place to work...but the whole gung-ho corporate feel is kinda creepy.
We have this previously discussed point system and we have to fill out silly goals each quarter.

My goal is something like this: I will come to work. I will make my points each day. I will eat free bagels and flavored coffees that corporate provides me in an effort to keep me happy while making said points.

I work in silence each day in a cubicle farm and probably have uttered four words to my less-than-outgoing cubemates.

But let's just say I really don't miss Fatty and the "work" I had to do for pitiful pay. At least the Corporate Cube Farm pays well...and the mochachinos are scrumptious.

Bloody hell.

noreply@blogger.com (Kristi) — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 04:19:00 +0000

Dear Anonymous,

I'm so sorry to hear that you've been missing the tales spun here at the OOD. You see, I've been busy living in what is obviously the 3rd or 4th layer of hell. As you know, I left the OOD and am now currently employed at the HOOD (no, not Compton) but the Home Office Of Doom and it sucks. It sucks big time. The actually working from home doesn't suck completely but my "not boss" does suck and is fucking crazy. Is it possible that I'm a crazy magnet? I think it very well might be.

Correct me if I'm wrong here but when one is self-employed, HOOD style, can said "not boss" tell you how to do your job? Can the "not boss" dictate your schedule? Can the "not boss" tell you how much time can lapse prior to returning a phone call? And please tell me must the "not boss" call me 20 times a day to see if I've wiped my ass?

Doesn't that sort of violate the entire concept of being self-employeed? Am I paying my own taxes and benefits to still be bossed around by the "not boss" who is in fact acting like a boss!?!

Un-freaking-believable.

Thanks, Spike Lee.

noreply@blogger.com (Kristi) — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 16:43:00 +0000

Somebody at the OOD has been watching Do The Right Thing.

It's a blog. Don't take it so seriously - just figuratively.

So...my last day. It was good. It was a tiny bit sad but more than anything it was fun. Since I've been busting my ass for the past two weeks, my last day was pretty smooth sailing. Every thing I did was a last for me at the Office of Doom. Even the last trip to the OOD ladies room was an event. As I stared at myself in the mirror, I thought wow, this is the last time I'll be here. I know it's silly. But I've been there for EIGHT years, people. That's a long time.

The 5 o'clock whistle blew one last time for me at the OOD and my fellow Doomers and I strolled out the door to my farewell party. Everyone was so sweet. Especially Splenda which is a little ironic. She was the sweetest of them all these last two weeks. She even made me her famous dish to eat one last time just for me and she got me a card and a box of chocolates.

We went to the restaurant where Doomers go to end their OOD careers for a party. Even Napoleon showed up which was surprising. He seemed very sincere to say what a good job I've done and that he would miss me. Awe. So sweet. Why do the wait until you are out the door to be nice? It would have been nice of PAB to make a toast but he didn't.

The real surprise was when I opened the goodbye card signed by all the Doomers and the farewell gift. Yes, a gift! Hold onto your pants! PAB splurged on an iPod Shuffle! I couldn't believe it because he's always so darn tight with his money which he fully displayed for everyone when he complained about the $1.25 per Doomer cake plate charge the restaurant would give if we ate the cake they brought. To avoid further awkwardness, Loca chimed in that she would pay for the plate fee since PAB was making such a scene. I said, "No. You will not. The Office of Doom will pay for it. I've given them 8 years and the least they can do is pony up $10 to eat the cake you bought." Because, seriously what the hell am I going to do with an entire cake? (My name was spelled wrong too. Really? 8 years folks, get it right.) PAB didn't dare protest so we had our cake. Everyone shared their funniest memory of me and you know, it was a really sweet send off. Even Violet showed up! It was perfect.

Now, my new adventure begins. I slept in a little late this morning and I think I'll enjoy my Friday which means I'll be cleaning. I hope you all have a fantastic weekend and stay tuned for tales from the all new Home Office of Doom!

Can you smell it, Napoleon?

noreply@blogger.com (Kristi) — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 01:18:00 +0000

You thought you had won today but you know not the force within me.
Suck on it, douche.

Team Violet Stumbles in the Playoffs

noreply@blogger.com (Laura H.) — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 04:11:00 +0000

Today was my first day back from vacay in NYC and I'm back at the scoreboard mill. My nicey supervisor informed me that it will be a real week of scoreboard input. Yay!
So I ready myself like a basketball team ready to pounce with some awesome offence.
I sail through my first 3 points, no problem.
But to get to the obligatory 40 points a week i must acquire at least 8 a day!!
Really??
Hmmm....how can I do this?
I hit a wall like no other in the afternoon (nothing that a cup of Earl Grey can ever get me through.)
I tried but only got to 5 points today.
I loose.
But maybe I can make it up tomorrow?

This sucks.

Team Violet looses today. Blugh.

Thanks for the reminder.

noreply@blogger.com (Kristi) — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 23:44:00 +0000

And that's why I'm leaving you.

Thanks for waiting until the last minute to ask me to train people. Thanks for being the douchebags you are and making other people take time out of their jobs to help you out while you piss around filling my position. And most of all, thanks for thinking that what I do can be summed up in 30 minutes.

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 21:39:00 +0000

Is it 5 o'clock yet?
Is it 5 o'clock yet?
Is it 5 o'clock yet?
Is it 5 o'clock yet?
Is it 5 o'clock yet?
Is it 5 o'clock yet?

No? Fuuuuck.

Saying good bye to Fatty.

noreply@blogger.com (Kristi) — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 23:24:00 +0000

Yesterday, I went to work at the OOD as usual. Fatty was running around like an insane person - as usual. He mentions that it's his "day off". He always comes to work on his day off. I don't understand why people who have the day off come to work and actually work. I want to scream at him to look up vacation in the dictionary or something. He starts mentioning the trip that he's leaving for in a few short minutes - you know, the one he almost didn't get to go on because his wife is a stingy, cheap ass beotch. Anywho, the Fatty family will be on the road to their annual destination in no time!!

Awesome, I say. I casually ask when will Fatty be returning and he replies, "Oh, we'll be gone for about a week." "A week?" I ask. "Yeah, we get back on the 27th," he tells me.

Cue tears.

What in the hell is wrong with me? I've absolutely lost my mind.

I say, as I sniffle, "Oh, then you'll miss my last day."

....which you know kinda sucks. Even though I hate working at the OOD I have given eight years of my life there and these people are you know, well, they are people I'm close to. I just wasn't expecting to have to say good bye yet. And the emotion just flared up inside me and well, I got all teary about saying good bye to the Fatster.

Of course, he came over and gave me a totally fucking half-assed hug and said some crap about "being happy" and "good luck" or some junk like that and then he was off doing other things like working on his day off. What a weak ass hug.

Eight years I've listened and worked next to your fat ass and all you could do was give me a side hug. You know the kind of hug where you aren't really facing someone but hug from the side. I call total bullshit on that hug, Fatty. Besides, you would have walked your happy fat ass out of the OOD without so much as even thinking that you would miss my last day at work had I not asked. All you'll care about is how you missed an opportunity to stuff you fat face with good bye cake for my going away party. You a-hole.

I hope you have a great vacation, Fatty. Maybe if you are lucky your cheap ass wife will buy you some plastic snow globe as a memento of your annual Fatty Family Vacation.