oh god, this is really happening

Spring Cleaning.

2012-03-04T14:37:00.005-06:00

It's strange not having some massive impending doom to be stressing about. Not really doom, but scary, stressful things. Like I previously said, I took care of some huge things in January and February and am quite proud of myself. I got a 14 year old Volvo to pass emissions and run well (with the help of Kyle the Great), taxes (which I've realized through Kathy the Great isn't that stressful, but I've gone without filing for a bit, had a kid, and have been working as an independent contractor, those things equal terror!), made it to St. Louis and back for my sister's wedding (which was stressful for me, as both Owen and I were in the wedding party, we took a long train ride for the first time and Owen is unpredictable), all among other things that weren't as stressful, but added up.

Now I'm left with really nothing to stress over. How novel!

Yesterday Filip was extracting a window to be fixed, which he broke playing soccer in the house, and the curtains were being annoying. It's been nagging me for a while anyway. I think I've snarked about cleaning them since before the holidays. So without thinking of the massive chore ahead, I yanked every curtain down and got to it. It ended up sucking up a whole Saturday. Because of course I couldn't just clean them all, I had to hem them as well. And then they needed to be pressed. And did I mention that four of those curtains had been tucked behind a radiator that the cats somehow squish themselves behind causing those four curtains to shift from their nice, luxurious chocolate color to a matted, dense, opaque grey? Yeah, no. Not an easy task and had I have thought about everything that would have went into it, I most certainly would not have elected to take that on yesterday.

I've had a bit of a cold through the week so beer has been off the table for me. But it was Saturday! And I was engrossed in a furry curtain mess and needed something! So while Filip was helping with the ironing and I was de-furring, I concocted a delicious little cocktail. We call it the Ironed Curtain.

A couple cubes of ice, roughly 2 ounces of gin. Fill the glass 3/4 with tonic. Splash of green Chartruese and grapefruit bitters. Seriously delicious. A perfect beverage for Spring Cleaning.

I must say, even though it's not a huge difference, the curtains do look much nicer, and they aren't going to be harboring fur and dust colonies any longer.

A typical Sunday. Owen's napping, soccer, Filip's napping. But look how much cleaner it looks with those short curtains!

Spring cleaning is super motivating for me this year. I've got a few more little projects around the house I'm excited about, and excited that I have the time for them! If I get my hands on a power sander this week, there will be more exciting posts and hopefully cocktails to accompany them!

In the spirit, I've also spruced up the old Etsy shop and am offering a 25% discount on all purchases this week. Get it! And help me move out winter stock and make way for amazing new finds!

Now I finally get to start working on my project for Erin's wedding. I'm excited to embroider again!

And excited to help out because I'm actually very, incredibly, super bummed out that we'll be traveling when Erin and Benny get married this May. This is one wedding I sincerely don't want to miss. So in the meantime, I'll help as much as I can in lieu of being there.

Sounds like the man-folk in this house are waking up from naps and seemingly on the wrong sides of the bed and couch...

Hiya! Leap!

2012-02-29T21:15:00.007-06:00

Hi. It's been a long time! Happy New Year.

We went to Superdawg today, and it was a big day for Owen. He had his first, very own, Supercheesie. Pretty exciting.

Many a cause for celebration lately! Last Friday, February 24th, Owen pooped on the potty for the first time. Pretty awesome. He was doing a funny little dance, we moved into the bathroom, started reading Everyone Poops and there you have it.

My sister was just recently married in Saint Louis. Owen's first train ride too! He loved it, obvs. It was a pretty hectic weekend as both Owen and I were in the wedding party. I didn't get to take many pictures at all, but the ones I did manage to snap you can see here. Even though Owen crashed and burned in a big way early on Saturday evening, it was a fun get together and I'm happy for my sister. Congrats!

Many big, major things that needed to be taken care of early on this year, but thankfully, those are all out of the way. For now, all that's left to do is look forward to our trip to Poland! Finally! Stress is out of the way, everything TCBed, and in 2 months we'll be on the other side of the world for a much needed break. I'm a bit nervous about being away from Owen for an extended time. Mostly nervous for myself, not for him, but it's really not a major concern. Major concerns are going here and here and here among other things. Going to the sea, going for coffee, going for walks, and going everywhere being lost and not at home.

In the meantime, looking for more places to see and things to do. Spending time working on etsy and am excited about new listings and things for the shop! Busy with work, busy with Owen, all things per usual. I'm exciting to be doing more of the things I want to be doing. I'm excited about being motivated about writing and having encouragement to write and somewhere to go with it, which has, in turn, encouraged me to work on writings and things that I've always just pushed aside and never mustered up what I've needed to do it.

Anyway, these are the types of things I say quite often on this blog and then six months go bye without another post. Along with other things that nag me when I'm trying to fall asleep, this is on the list of things I'm regularly going to tend to. 2012 is looking good. Today's February 29th, leap year! And I've already packed about a year's worth of stuff into this year already. It's easy and awesome from here on out!

I'll leave you with this, even though a couple months old, because it's February 29th and your mind should be blown even further.

franksgiving

2011-11-24T12:00:00.000-06:00

I had already started drafting up a post about how I was thankful that Owen started calling me mama.
I went home last weekend for my little sister's bachelorette party.

my mom, sister and I, bachelorette party

Before heading out, I spent some time with O on video chat and just before signing off he so clearly said Bye Mama.
We were all shocked, as I've been commonly referred to as Diwut (Filip). I got teary-eyed. How awesome, right? I leave for a couple days and bam, now he's finally calling me mama!
Except no. Yesterday I asked Owen if he wanted to talk to grandma on video and he ran over to my computer all excited yelling Mama! Mama! Mama!
So grandma is mama. Womp, womp. Back to Diwut.

But yeah. Still thankful for that little jerk even if he calls me Diwut. Thankful for many things.

"There comes a time when it just doesn’t make sense to keep on fighting. It’s not that you’re being a quitter, it’s just that you’ve got the sense to know when enough is enough."

I thankful that the good lord gave me enough sense to know when enough is enough. Many times over throughout the year enough has been enough, and finally putting those things to rest has made everything so much better.

Work is busy, Etsy is busy, Owen is busy. I really kind of don't know what to do with myself today not having anything to do. I mean, there are things to do, but forcing myself not to do them is tough, but necessary. I'm thankful for busy-ness.

I'm thankful for friends. Thankful for Tinkey and Nicole and Jeff, without whom I'd be more insane than I already am, if that's possible. Thankful for family. Thankful for my little family. Thankful that everything is lining up in place and things are working out just fine. Thankful that I'm happy in everyday and not looking to the future for better times or regretting things because I'm more fond of the past. I like everyday, I'm happy with everyday, I'm okay with everyday and I think that's what I'm most thankful for. No, it's not actually, I'm most thankful for Owen's amazing dance moves.

Two Years Old.

2011-10-13T14:40:00.000-05:00

Two Years Old for Owen today. Two amazing years.

When I woke up early to start making Birthday Breakfast I found this:

Bacon & Sausage & Eggs & Waffles & Ice Cream.

Followed by Presents.

We're heading to the train yards on the Southside in just a bit. More ice cream and snacks. More trains. More Birthday. Weekend with Grandma and aunts and uncles and the City Museum.

I obviously flopped on posts about my dad last month, but things just get so busy without even realizing. There's a few stories I'm still going to get around to posting.

The past month has been the beginning of a much needed new era. And I'm really excited to be at the start of it with a gorgeously handsome, hilarious and incredibly smart two year old, new work prospects, a pretty damn awesome relationship, and a blindingly bright future. The time is now, this is how it's going to be, and I'm putting my foot down with this one. Amazing, awesome, and super fun times, there's not enough time for anything else.

I'm really humbled and incredibly lucky to have such an amazing kid. Even if his favorite past time right now is breaking things without me knowing and telling me after the fact, "I goke it!"

Earliest Memory

2011-09-09T20:32:00.000-05:00

I never got around to writing anything last night as I was busy, busy working until wee hours. I guess I have that on my mind which is kind of influencing this evening's topic.

I was working on some interviews with women in a rehab center. They were all asked the same questions, mostly about their upbringing, their parents, their relationships with their parents. It's curious as you can see obvious similarities, but then sometimes, not. Very curious how we all get to where we are and in some cases there's so much blame, and other cases there's so much thankfulness and perception is the key. Such fine lines. Ah, anyway, I get too intimate with work sometimes.

She asked each participant the earliest memories of their mother and then their father. It's so fascinating because I totally relate to all of them in one way. I don't know if it's maybe a mama thing or being closest with your mom or what, but I can't remember an earliest or first memory of my mother. It's my mother, she's always been there. She's always been number one. But with my dad, I have a very clear memory, probably one of the firsts, if not the first. I don't have a very particular instant with my mom. So funny. I've been racking my brain the past 2 days trying to pinpoint something, but I haven't been able to yet.

Okay. So, the first memory I have with my dad. It's spotty, but you'll get the gist of it.
I think I was maybe 3 or 4. Not in school yet.
There was a baby shower. I honestly can't even remember which aunt it was for, wait a minute. Maybe it was for my mom when she was pregnant with my sister. That might be it. Or maybe it was for an aunt pregnant with one of my little cousins. I really don't remember, but I remember that it was at my mom's house.
I remember everyone prepping for the party. Decorations, snacks, drinks. I remember being in a powder blue dress. I remember that my dad was assigned to go to St. John's Liquor's, which is no longer in business, to get ice and drinks or things of the like.
I remember climbing into my dad's truck and going with him. I followed him around the liquor store. The check-out counter was really tall. I had to stand on my tip toes to make myself eye level with the ledge of the counter.
On the counter was a basket of Dum Dum suckers. I wanted one, sure. What kid wouldn't? But I was an incredibly shy kid. I typically hid behind my Mom's legs in public and in this instance, I was with my Dad, so I knew better than to ask. The woman behind the counter asked me if I wanted one. I nodded yes. She told me to take which ever one I wanted. I grabbed one.
My dad paid for his selection. We walk out of the store. I climbed back into the truck, and before my Dad started the truck he noticed that I had a sucker. He didn't realize that the lady behind the counter told me I could have one. I didn't understand how he missed the entire interaction between me and the woman behind the counter. He didn't believe me that she said I could have one. He told me I stole it. I cried. I went to my room and missed out on most of the party because I was so upset.

That's basically all that I remember.

It's so funny. I was so small, such a tiny kid. And looking back, I have a handful of memories throughout my childhood and adolescence where I felt as upset as I did over the Dum Dum because one or both of my parents didn't believe me when I was telling the truth.

That doesn't make my Dad a horrible father, nor my Mom and awful mother. By any means. They did what they knew how to do and what was natural for them. How did that become the earliest thing I can remember about my Dad?

What is going to be the earliest thing Owen remembers? Has it already happened? Will it happen this year? Next?

I whole-heartedly believe that this memory has had an impact on the way I handle things with O. I talk to Owen like a regular person. Which I know can sound really weird especially when I'm in Target and someone overhears this adult conversation I'm holding and then I turn the corner with Owen. I only mention this because I've received a lot of strange looks in public when I realize I've been talking to Owen for a while. Lots of stuff like that, so on and so forth.
Anyway, everyone wants to be taken seriously no matter their age.

Mama's here to listen.

Feeling Crummy

2011-09-07T20:14:00.000-05:00

I feel really crummy today. Laid on the couch most of the day praying that Owen would quiet down and it never really happened, nor did he take a nap.

If I was in elementary school today would be a day where I'd insist that I had to stay home sick. Sick days were awesome when we were kids. If my brother, sister or I stayed home sick from school, my Dad would bring us a two liter of Sprite and a king sized Hershey bar on his lunch break. He'd eat a sandwich and watch either Sanford And Son or All In The Family and go back to work. I don't know why, but he did it every time until high school, really. Those were the days.

Lawn Mowing, Dave Ullrich Style

2011-09-06T20:48:00.001-05:00

This one's going to be short and sweet (and hilarious- well, to me at least) because I'm sleepy and want to watch netflix all curled up in big blankets.
Dag, I wish there were some Duraflame logs laying around. I'm so ready to kick up the jams in my fireplace!

Anyway, no pictures tonight, sadly, as I don't believe any exist. Which is a very sad story, but maybe not. Maybe best in my memory. Who knows?

So, dads mow the lawn, right? My Dad had a very interesting lawn mowing outfit. And no one really knows where or why. Maybe he did this to annoy and embarrass my Mom? Maybe it just felt right? Maybe he want to make me, my brother and sister laugh hysterically? Part of me thinks it's a little of all of that, but most of me sort of thinks that he just had his own motives that he'll never tell, and even if he did, we'd never understand.

He wouldn't wear his lawn mowing outfit every time he mowed the lawn, but when he did (unannounced) my Mom would see him out front and close the front door and all the blinds. Seriously, so funny. We (my brother, sister and I) would be screeching gleefully.

My dad would be trucking along the front yard, on the busy-ish street that my parents live on, with all the neighbors looking on, wearing denim shorts that he cut super short, his big black work boots, a large wicker cornucopia turned backwards on top of his head, no shirt and sunglasses. On occasion he'd wear those oversized novelty sunglasses. He'd mow the entire front and back lawn like this, then come inside as if nothing had happened. Totally straight faced, totally puzzled at the questions we'd ask him about what he was wearing and continue on with the day like nothing was out of the ordinary. Again, this wasn't every time he mowed the lawn, but until the age of about eleven or twelve, this happened at least a couple times every summer.

It hasn't been brought up in years, but I'm almost positive that if I mentioned it to him he say to me in a very, very quiet monotone voice, as serious as could be, "I don't know what you're talking about." And maybe he'd kind of mutter something to himself or shake his head and snicker a little.

Really, what a nutter. Definitely an amazing Dad Moment.

My Dad and His Cars

2011-09-05T22:15:00.000-05:00

Obviously, when I said EVERY DAY in September, I meant every weekday.

So, I just spent the past 2 hours going through my old hard drive and thousands upon thousands of photographs, and I don't have a single frackin' photo of either of my dad's Pontiacs. I swear, I've taken tons of photos of them. I'll dig further and update with more pictures later.

My Dad's first car was a 1966 Pontiac LeMans. He bought it from my grandpa when he was 16ish for something stupid like $400 or something along those lines. He still has it.

It's a sparkly gunmetal with gorgeous chrome. Black leather interior, bucket seats and the whole nine. I'm sure my brother and sister have the same feelings about the Hot Pink Led Zeppelin Houses of the Holy eight track that I do, that will forever be associated with a Pontiac LeMans for me. The ignition was never right. I'm not sure exactly why it didn't work like every other car, but the ignition dangles below the steering wheel and he'd put the key in there and get it started. I think he's fixed that, but I'm actually not too sure.

My Dad's LeMans always had a smell to it. Nothing weird, it's a combination of an auto mechanic's shop, turtle wax and Swisher Sweets mostly. Maybe some other things mixed in.

He only drives it in the summer time. He's never let my mom drive it. Who knows why, but he will not let my mom drive it.

When I was fifteen and a half and had just gotten my driver's permit, it happened to be Friday Night, which was Dairy Queen Day.

Quick side story: I don't know when, or how or why, but at some point during our childhood my Dad decided that on Fridays, only if we reminded him, he would take us to Dairy Queen. We still don't forget. He would begrudgingly take us to Dairy Queen. I usually opted for a Peanut Buster Parfait or sometimes a Dilly Bar. Sometimes my Dad would play some hilarious hijinks on the poor high school kids that worked the drive-thru of that Dairy Queen. I'll tell those stories later.

Anyway. My brother, being 3 years older, was off with his friends, doing high school boy things. So my sister and I remind my dad that it was Dairy Queen Day. My dad asks me if I want to drive. I say yes. Then I realize he meant the Pontiac. I knew my mom was going to be so pissed if she found out, and I knew I really wouldn't be in trouble, but I felt like I'd be in trouble, and then I knew I'd feel bad because really, my Dad would be in trouble. But whatever! My eyes lit up, sister in the back seat, Dad in the passenger seat and we're heading to Dairy Queen! Except I had to back out of my parents driveway, which is gravel, narrow, really long. And I was nervous, and in the LeMans! And I needed to get out of there fast before my mom figured out what was going on.

But I wasn't fast enough. By the time I made it to the side door of my parent's house, my mom flew out the door screaming god knows what and I was quickly ushered out of the driver's seat. My dad was in trouble. We still went to Dairy Queen though, and I got a Peanut Buster Parfait. I kind of remember my little sister being mostly silently frightened the whole time. I've driven my Dad's LeMans about 15 feet. Never been behind the wheel since.

Just after I moved to Chicago, my Dad found and acquired his "dream car" at the time. A 1965 Pontiac GTO Convertible. It's sweet. Like, it really is, but to me, it's not the LeMans. But it is really fuckin' badass.

Now, even more recently, about November-ish of 2008 my Dad purchased a car that I wholeheartedly love and think is hilariously amazing in every way, shape and form.

An elderly black woman from the North Side of Saint Louis, which is a total ghetto, called up my Dad because she wanted to sell a car that was her husband's (I think). She called my dad up because the car used to be serviced at Bert's. A 1968 Cadillac DeVille. Gold. Soft Top. And seriously, seriously, for $1200. Nigga, please!

My mom had informed me about the whole ordeal, in a rather heated tangent and as much as I would love to quote her right now, it wouldn't be fair. She hates it. HATES the Caddy. And I understand why, totally. But I love it. I think my favorite part is that I had heard a ton about this car, and in December, not long after he bought it I took the Amtrak back to St.L for Thanksgiving. Expecting my mom to be at the train station get me, I see this SEVENTEEN foot long Golden Caddy roll up, stopping all traffic and turning heads. That's my ride. HA! Definitely one of my most favorite homecomings ever.

The Pontiacs are a part of our childhoods. So many nostalgic feelings surfacing right now. I'm seconds away from buying a pink Led Zeppelin 8 Track on ebay right now. I always talk about getting a LeMans tattoo. I will someday. Maybe soon. I think I've hammered out the details perfectly now. A Catfish driving a '65 LeMans, puffing a Swisher Sweet. Back shoulder probably. I don't know, we'll see. Always toying with that idea.

Me with the '68 Cadillac DeVille, upon returning to my parent's house from my most memorable ride home from Amtrak ever. December, 2008.

September 1st - Intro to my Dad

2011-09-01T20:53:00.000-05:00

In my typical fashion, I haven't written a damn thing, even though I planned to dedicate a whole month's worth of posts to stories about my pops. It's all up here. I got it and will do my best to stay on track.

So, as previously mentioned last week, my dad is something special. I suppose I decided to do this for a few reasons. I must share these stories. I've shared many of them with lots of friends before and I just feel like they have to be written down. They're just too good. Too good.

Not completely unlike my chihuahua tattoos, which were done prior to Totti passing, both dogs were alive and healthy, this is just something I want to do while my dad's around. And not completely unlike my chihuahuas, he won't realize what I've done. Ha. I'm serious.

My dad is middle age, but on the younger side. He's an auto mechanic and has been his entire life. He owns Bert's Auto Service. Bert was my grandpa. He passed away in 2000. My dad is a practicing Catholic. He likes Mizzou basketball. He fishes a lot. The seldom occasion that I talk to him on the phone he asks me about the weather and sometimes he'll ask me when the last time I went to church was. More recently he asks me when I'm going to baptize my son. The only time my dad has ever called me, all on his own, after asking my sister for my phone number of course, was on November 29th, 2001 when George Harrison died. My dad is not social and rather quiet. Some could say he's hard to talk to but I guess that just depends on how much you need the other person in the conversation engaged because most times there's nothing you can do or say to elicit any response from him. But it's nothing personal, that's just him.

The first time my Dad met Owen, December 26th, 2009. He was forced to hold him for this photo.

There are a lot of stories I have to share involving a cornucopia, Technotronic's 'Move This', cockroaches, Dairy Queen and Pee Wee's Big Adventure and many more random things. There are lots of things I'd love to write about, but it's not the right time or place and I'm not sure that there ever will be a proper time or place.

My dad has never been mean or abusive. He's never been a negligent parent, I wouldn't say. He may not be the best at being a dad, but he's the only one I got and I appreciate him in many ways that a lot of people would think crazy of me for.

On the agenda for tomorrow, cars. Specifically 60s Pontiacs. And a Caddy.

2011-08-23T23:08:00.001-05:00

Like many things so far this year, this blog is another thing that I'm constantly feeling guilty about neglecting.
Other things that belong in that category are my good friends whose calls I regularly do not answer and forget to call back, my own hygiene most of the times, feeding the pets, my etsy shop (but I must pat myself on the back for tending to that more in recent weeks) and sometimes my kid, etc.

He was looking through one of his word books a few weeks ago. We hadn't studied it in a really long time. He's flipping the pages, pointing and vocalizing what he was pointing at. I about shit my pants. Holy jeebs, this kid is growing up! And he never stops talking. Never. Even talks in his sleep. A while back I was woken up in the middle of the night from hysterical laughter piped into my bedroom through the baby monitor. I don't know if he was asleep or awake and I didn't know whether to laugh or get really creeped out. A little of both happened, if I remember correctly.

Anyway, a little down time in August is good. Enough down time that I'm catching up on this and have tended to a lot of things, not my hygiene yet. I think it's been three days since I've showered. Obviously, that's not very important.

It's been a nice summer. Really, really busy for a bit followed by a lazy August. Again, I have to remember that this is a good thing and appreciate it in the moment.

I feel like it would be a bore to try and catch up since the last post where Owen and I almost died seven months ago. So I'll just touch on a few recent exciting things and keep going like nothing happened.

Being that Owen is nearing the ripe old age of Two, he was swiftly moved into a Big Boy Bed last weekend. It's kind of the cutest, stupidest thing ever. Transitioning could be worse. He's kind of a nutball with the new freedoms that having a Big Boy Bed entails, but he's getting the hang of it. The first nap after the first night of sleeping in the Big Boy Bed was insanity. Ha, which I guess I should point out was just yesterday. Straight refusal, just "going drazy (crazy)" as he would say. Today was better by tenfold.

Today was also the first day in which Owen handled an escalator all on his own. Going up was easier than going down. I was super impressed. I have vivid memories of the visions I created in my head when I was probably four or so of escalators sucking me in and eating me. But it makes sense that he's a bit more accustomed. There are far more escalators to encounter in Chicago than Saint Louis. Even as a mid-twenty-something-year-old I totally flipped out that Targets in the city had escalators. I'm pretty sure Targets everywhere have escalators now, but just sayin'.

I recently trafficked an amazingly adorable chihuahua, who was incredibly reminiscent of Totti, from my friend Sarah to my good friend Jeff. Said chihuahua puppy, H.P. Stinkybuns, has a really amazing chihuahua dad and an awesome home, but by golly, I was so frackin' depressed the day I had to hand him over, and kind of wanted to maul Jeff's pretty face. Nothing personal, and after I got over the empty-chihuahua-nest syndrome, I decided that I most definitely need another dog in my life. Preferably another chihuahua, but I'm not limiting options here. Having a raucous toddler boy, a Big Boy Dog would be fun, although you'd be amazed at what good buddies Jonah and Owen are. I suppose I'm not actively searching, but if a buddy needs a home, someone let him know where to find me...

So, yeah. I've got some exciting things on the horizon. An article of mine is awaiting publishing. And all that excitement, plus the lack of work coming in for the moment, has me super excited about writing again.
I'm not making any promises to myself about NanoWrimo like I do every year and then feel like a complete loser when I don't even get a single word down, but September is going to be exciting. There will be a blog post EVERY SINGLE DAY. No, really. I've got a plan, and it's actually really incredibly near and dear to me. Well, not near, but definitely dear.

September is a Very Important Month. My birthday, ball and chain's birthday, anniversary, the month that my original due date was scheduled, back to school, which isn't that important nor does it pertain to this but I get all riled up about school supplies, and most importantly, and the reason for what's going to happen, My Dad's Birthday.

Anyone who knows me, even if only just a little bit, knows that my dad is a goldmine of confusion as well as incredibly absurd, unbelievable stories. And when I say confusion, I mean that no one can quite understand the who's, what's, why's about this man. I mean, yeah, everyone's dad is weird, but there is altogether something you just can't quite figure out with my dad. He's something else and anyone who has met him knows what I mean. I'm serious, my dad is not like your dad and every day in September will be dedicated to another whacked out, amazing, insane, bizarre story about my dad that I'm incredibly fond of and honored to have as a memory. My mom just recently, within the past year, found out that my dad was (possibly?) struck by lightning as a child. I think we all had an Oprah style Ah Ha moment when we heard the news, but who knows really...

So, yeah, this is about to get really good. I need to talk my mom into scanning/taking lots of photos for me because you really need a visual with some of the things I have in store. I am almost a hundred percent certain that my dad will not ever read a single blog post or even know that I am doing/have done this, but that kind of adds to the beauty of it all. And if he did read any of it, even if he was disgusted by whatever I had written, and even if he demanded that I remove it, in the end it would be enough for me that he even knew that it happened.

I love my dad, and you'll find out why starting next Thursday.

My dad, myself and my brother. Christmas, 1983.

15 months and We're Alive!

2011-01-25T13:50:00.000-06:00

Whirlwind of things over the past handful of months and obviously not a lot of extra time for blogging.

Owen is amazing, still, obviously. Leaps and bounds away from where he was the last time I posted. It's god damn incredible how fast everything changes. So sad and bittersweet and awesome. Walks, runs, dances, talks, eats everything, mouth full of teeth. Opinions and answers. Best manners in the world, please and thank you non stop. Dude can point out a taxidermied deer or a tattoo from miles away.

Yesterday Owen and I were at a Cracker Barrel in Lincoln, Illinois. High up on the wall, across the dining room there was a deer. He was sitting across from me and kept pointing yelling, "Duh, duh, deer, duh, deer." I was like, "Owen. Inside voice. What's going on, dude?" And I finally realized he was pointing at the deer on the wall across the room. So awesome. We hang out and talk to our taxidermied deer at home a lot, but I would have never guessed that he'd identify and holler about a stuffed deer without being encouraged to, all on his own accord. Several times every single day this baby surprises the shit out of me.

So, O and I spent the night in Lincoln. We were driving back from another low key weekend in St. Louis, hanging with grandma and relaxing as much as we could. I started getting a little nervous. Road conditions were pretty gnarly, saw an accident on southbound 55, lots of cars swerved into the grass median of the highway, that sort of stuff. I pulled off the highway in Springfield to get a coffee and chill for a minute because I was starting to spaz, and the weather just kept getting worse. The Volvo totally swerved a bit on the off-ramp and I was like, "Oh, hell no." So, I make a few calls, get the low-down on the weather and it seemed like if I could carefully truck northward through Bloomington, I'd be in the clear. So, O and I headed out again. We were about a half an hour north of Springfield, it was already dark out, could barely see even fifty yards ahead of us, and I'm assuming we hit a patch of black ice. We swerved into the left lane, no brakes, swerved to the right across three lanes of traffic and I decided to sail the Volvo into the grass in the middle of 55, thinking we'd slow down and come to a halt. No. It was like a movie, at that point I'm screaming at Owen that I loved him over and over, waiting for impact, and the Volvo clears the median, does a 180 into southbound traffic on 55 and screeches to a halt. How the shit there wasn't any traffic for me to careen into, I have no idea. I had about 5 seconds to quickly pull to the shoulder and there we were. Shaking and crying and freaking the shit out, I make the appropriate phone calls, pull back onto 55 heading back towards St. Louis and off at the next exit where we partied at the local Wal-Mart and Owen thoroughly destroyed the room at the Hampton Inn. I found his little sneaker in the toilet the next morning. Seriously. It was that kind of night.

O didn't know what was going on, obviously. He was giggling and goofing off in the back seat the whole time. This stuff is super scary, but I could have never imagined how scary it actually was having O in the car. Holy crap. Scariest thing that's ever happened. I was super scared to finish the drive yesterday. My shoulders and neck are all jacked up right now from being so tense and white-knuckled the rest of the way home. Super nervous to drive now. And obviously, the worst thoughts keep running through my head over and over, even though I know I need to just put it to rest because here we are and everything's cool, but dang.

This sort of stuff gives you some awesome motivation though. Even though I'm still in my relaxin' pants, but still. I got this banging to-do list in front of me that I couldn't be more excited about. And it's lame stuff I've been dreading for a long ass time now. Like the dentist. Oh yeah, broken tooth? I almost died with my baby so you are out of here! DMV, we'll talk this week. Taxes, you're going down, too. Shitballs, man. Scary times = TCB.

Otherwise, times have been alright since Owen's birthday. So much work, which is good. Lots of great finds for Apricot and good sales lately. Super exciting. I'd like to kick that up another notch in the next few months. Holidays were nice. Overload of friends and family that I was a little nervous about, but was super nice. So nice that when my mom left Chicago after visiting for Christmas, I decided I didn't have enough and drove back the following to day hang out over New Years. New years was super fun, spent with old friends and Four Loko, which I concluded is the closest thing you'll ever get to a Tardis in real life. Although it seems like I've been so busy working nonstop, I've actually had a good handful of super amazing hang-outs with favorite people over the past couple months that I'm really appreciative of. Scary times also equals making more time for important stuff like that, that you don't realize is important until later. So yeah. More of that. Re-evaluating what's going on, what's going to happen, what I want and what is best. I've already been sort of doing that recently, but this occasion put an entirely different perspective on it. So, right.

Also, it could definitely be a work-induced phase right now, but I'm super into Oklahoma City lately and really, really want to go check it out. Like, seriously. Sounds like the most amazing place ever. Really, no joke. I think I'm going to coordinate a long weekend to hang out. Maybe not drive, or at least wait until the temperature is above 40 degrees to do so. At first I thought it all sounded super lame, but after watching hours and hours of interviews about OK City, I'm kind of sold. Like I said, probably a work-induced phase, but yeah. On my list of things to do this spring.

Oh, also have to mention that besides keeping myself and Owen alive through what had the potential of being incredibly fatal, I definitely scored the Mom of the Year Award with this past visit to St. Louis. I seriously wanted to lay super low this weekend, just relax. We got in on Friday and I had no plans, hadn't talked to anyone. My sister came over to hang with O and I was all, "Let's just go down the street to The Waiting Room and have a drink, nothing big." So we do that, and while we're there I get word that DJ Lance Rock was hanging out at Halo. I bust out of the bathroom after reading this text and said to my sister, "We have to go now. You can come with if you want, but I have to go." She thought I clogged up the toilet or something. We leave and I couldn't possibly get to Halo fast enough. I wanted to go wake Owen and and bring him with, but yeah. He left his fake I.D. in Chicago.
I meet up with Anchovy, do some light chatting, scope the scene and am like, "Where is he?! AH!" He comes back in the bar and is hanging with his friends, you know, like people do. Took me a while to muster up the nerve, because I didn't want to come across as a weirdo, and I'm a spaz and over think every possibility, but yeah, so I finally go say hey to him after some encouraging words from Anchovy. I'm like, "Okay, I don't want to seem like a weirdo, but I just want to tell you that you and Muno bring so much happiness to my kid and our home. Like, he's at grandma's sleeping with a Muno doll that's as tall as he is right now." OMG, DJ Lance couldn't be a more awesome and normal and a sweet dude. We chat for a minute. He says, "I do it for the kids!" He, without being prompted by me, signs a glossy for O. I was like, "No, no, you don't have to do that. We're at the bar, being adults. That wasn't my intention." Although in my head I was screaming, "FUCK YES! I RULE! I'M THE BEST MOM EVER! YAY!" So, I nerd out my conversation with Anchovy, then we ride on the group coat tails and get in on shots with DJ Lance. My brother came around a little later and talked to him, saying he thought it was super awesome to sign a photo for O because he seriously rocks out to Gabba nonstop and DJ Lance hugs my brother and, as if we really knew each other or something, goes, "You're Rachel's brother?!" Haha. So cute. Best night of 2011. It's seriously awesome, like, his mannerisms are the same when he's explaining that you shouldn't bite your friends and when he's ordering shots for friends. I almost felt like I was in a dark, loud, smokey version of Gabbaland. I mean, you know. It was pretty awesome. Fun night, I do it for the kids. For O. BEST MOM EVER. Well, next to my mom, who framed the glossy by the time I woke up on Saturday.

Well, One year and One week-ish.

2010-10-20T01:15:00.001-05:00

How do I go about labeling my blog posts now? I should make it easier than last year because obviously I screwed up counting in there somewhere and at one point managed to forget how many days are actually in a year.

Can't sleep. Super late. Too many thoughts running crazy in my head and a To Do list that should be getting shorter, but somehow isn't and remains incredibly daunting.

First, the obvious. Owen had a birthday. His very first one. We have managed to keep a baby alive for a whole year and not just that, he's healthy and really god damn happy and the both of us are also still alive, healthy and happy as well. Who would have thought? Not to mention that his birthday party was fantastic and I'm so thrilled and overwhelmed by family and friends. Seriously, so thankful.

photo by Casey Sachen, http://bluesmokephotography.com/

I suspected that I would have taken this post all sappy and gushing over key moments of O's first year, pulling up favorite photos and stuff like that, and who knows? By the end I could take that route, but for now, no. For now, I'll just leave it at the simple fact that never before in my life have I loved the way I have in this past year. I could have never imagined anything close to these feelings. I never knew. I never thought anything like this was possible. I love this baby. It is completely indescribable. There is nothing like it. And more and more. It's the most significant snowball that has ever existed.

Not just Owen. Obviously, like they all say, having a kid is life changing. I never knew exactly how much so. Like, my whole life. The way I see things, feel about things, about people, about situations and circumstances. Everything has changed and it's so much better than before. Things are worth it. Other things just aren't. It seems like now there is a very clear line. You are or you aren't. Is you is or is you isn't? Certain battles are worth it, others aren't and there isn't any doubt about what goes into either of those. I like my handle on things. I like the way I spend my time. I like what my life is. I like what we're building for O. I like what his childhood is and I'm pretty sure he's going to look back fondly on it. At least that's what all parents aim for, right?

I don't know. This shit's crazy, y'all. It all makes sense, though.

Let's move onto some real life updates though. This could go on and on and on if I let myself.

Owen is a year. He can walk. He can take steps on his own. He can stand on his own, he just chooses not to do these things regularly because his gorilla silver back 3 legged kneel crawl run is much more efficient. He eats everything, with the exception of avocado and mushrooms. Huh. Wonder where that comes from? Also wonder where his extreme love of cheese comes from? Have I mentioned that he's into pickled herring and onions, too? Yeah. Weirdo. He says stuff. He's got a bunch of words and a new kind of baby babble that has all kinds of wacky sounds and syllables. I'm going to be super sad when he doesn't babble anymore. I could seriously listen to it nonstop and it would never ever get old. He's so fucking pro at mimicking. It's alarming. It just comes out. He doesn't realize he's saying a word, and won't say it again, but he has thrown some shit out immediately after Filip or myself saying so and we've both been like, "What the?!" I was rambling about something a couple weeks ago and said something to the effect of "That shit is crazy." And instantly O blurts, "Crazy!" Filip and I were both shocked and freaking out like, "He just seriously said crazy, right?!"
So, that's fun. As soon as I get through this project with work where I'm listening to hours upon hours of incredibly disturbing ghetto phone calls, I'm going to start monitoring my use of swear words. Honestly, I can't do anything about it until then. After I put work away for the day I cannot get out of speaking much like everything I just heard. Really incredible how language seeps in after prolonged exposure without you realizing it.

Most importantly, Owen has become huggy. Like, he reaches for me and actually gives big hugs. His little tiny baby man arms cling and grasp and he clenches and wraps his arms around my neck. He holds so tight and he means it. God, it's the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, but thinking about him growing out of this phase is the most heart wrenching thing! Ah. What it is, yo. What it is.

So, right. Busy as hell. So much work has come in lately and it's awesome. I love this busy-ness, but I need a second to catch my breath. I feel like so much has just happened and I can't get caught up. A few things have managed to get checked off the list but not quite enough to not feel so nervous. Tomorrow, check list, you're going down, going down like a monkey.

As soon as I get that to do list minimized, I have so much etsy to catch up on and I can't wait! I have a few doosies thrifted that I'm excited to list, but I just want to get back to it! It's been awesome and I have to say that I absolutely LOVE etsy. Everything about it. Totally rules. I'm feeling good about it, still and rather successful, you know, on the small scale that I'm operating. Soon to be larger. I'm going to get back to forcing time for it. So much has happened over the past month that it's taken the back burner, but now, holidays are upon us, it's going down, going down like a monkey. Expect a ton of annoying facebook updates and crap like that soon.

I'm so tired, I have no idea why Phil Collins is stuck in my head. There were many other important and meaningful things I thought I could blog about while I was laying restlessly in bed and now that I'm here I can only think of Phil Collins. Damn you, brain. It never turns off when I need it to and I'm constantly tormented with crap like this.

331 days. One month left.

2010-09-09T16:35:00.000-05:00

I messed up counting days somewhere along the line. haha. I'll fix it later.

It's been busy lately wrapping up the end of summer! Like many other things right now, I can't believe it's the end of summer. Seriously.
Monday, the 13th is my birthday. Not that it's of too much importance. My birthday has never been a huge ordeal or widely recognized. And that's okay. I mean, there's a small part of me that's bummed every time around, but not really, in the whole scheme of things. Especially this year. Monday, September 13th marks the beginning of the last month of Owen's first year. Sharing the same date for a birthday as O really makes up for all the birthdays I've ever been bummed about. How the hell did this happen? I need to get shit organized! I need to get going on this dude's celebration! I'll spare you this time around, but this is your warning that the next post will most likely be an "Owen: This is your life" kind of post.

So. Yeah, lately. More lake house. O had his first trip to Lincoln Park Zoo. He loved the giraffes. Nicole and Tristan hosted a marvelous dinner party. All of which you can see on my flickr page, per usual. Lots and lots of fun stuff.

Last week Laura, Jen, Nikko and I brought our dudes together for an informal baby photo session with Michelle that was ridiculously fun. I mean, yeah. Michelle is awesome. No, really. The best.

We didn't do much for labor day, but it was a really awesome day. Finally made it to the Calumet Fisheries. Awesome. We've been wanting to go since that episode of No Reservations. So worth it. Best catfish I've had outside of what I've caught fishing with my dad. Cruising around the south side is awesome. I know Filip hates being in the car, but I could drive around and look at buildings and ghettos and lots and everything all day long and be content. We made a stop at Promontory Point, like we do. Would have stopped at the African Festival but O had just knocked out in the back seat. It was a pretty great labor day.

Man. A whole year already. I just don't know. I've never before in my entire life thought about death as much as I have in this past year and have never been this scared of it. Even now, I'm awake. It's well after midnight but I couldn't zonk out. Most nights I lay there getting pissed off that I can't fall asleep, but tonight I just felt like I was being nagged. Too many things racing through my head I guess. Filip's been suffering pretty badly from allergies lately and so the noises he's making right now aren't exactly lullabies. Laying there thinking of stupid shit I was going to say and forgot. Thinking about Finks I have to get done, that handful of weird video clips I was working on this afternoon of re-enactments of King Louis XVI in the guillotine, what my favorite breakfast is, Filip's elbow jabbing me kind of weird because he's dead to the world from allergy medication, eczema, Owen saying "Dra-da" so confidently over and over all day today and how damn cute and amazing it was, Totti, the night Owen was born. It always kind of wraps up or leads back to those. I think about Totti a lot. I know, gay, but that damn dog was tattooed on my arm BEFORE she died. And Owen being born. I feel like I can't even really remember it anymore. I mean, I can, but it's so insane how much you forget in such little time. I could spend hours on end telling you about the day Owen was born, barely breaking to even draw in a breath let alone giving you an opportunity to comment, but I feel like there's hours and hours of lost footage that I just can't place anymore. It's normal, I guess, but damn you, fleeting time. Why do I lay in bed thinking about breakfast or re-enactments or the ComEd bill? Why is that stupid shit taking up space in my brain when all I want to do is remember every exact detail from one fucking night? Nuts, man. Nuts on Clark. Where's my goddamn tardis?

I don't really know. I know in a month's time I will have had the best year of my life. What comes around goes around. Karma, crap like that. I'm totally broke, but there's no dollar amount that could even come close to what I have. Sometimes I'm all like, "Dang! When's this karma crap gonna come around and be all like, 'You're turn for good shit?'" But then I realize that's when I'm bratty for a minute, totally have clouded vision, haven't slept enough and stuck in my own head for too long because I mostly just hang out with small humans who can't vocalize anything. It is good. Right now. It's good, so good. I mean, you know, there's regular stuff that you gotta get through, and we're doing that and I'm feeling good about it. I love my family. Feels so weird to say that still. I'm super scared to let go of this first year but so super excited to see what happens next. And it's knitting season. Not that there's a season for it for me, but you know, there's that super romantic sort of feeling about knitting in front of the fireplace with spiced cider and all that. So, that means it's almost fireplace season, which is also going to be amazing! Smores all winter long! Also, not to mention that every, every last stitch in my closet, even the ones I thought would be completely hopeless and retired for the rest of my life, of tiny, regular pre-pregnancy clothes fit perfectly after ballooning to quite an incredible size this time last year. I'm not busting a hole in my blue jeans anytime soon!
Go me! It's my birthday. I mean, and really, it almost is! Which just means it's one month away from Owen's! Holy shit, dudes, where does the time go?

307 Days and Wanting an Endless Summer

2010-08-02T13:34:00.000-05:00

Guh. Back to Monday. Owen and Milo are napping-ish. I hear one of them mumbling, but hopefully that fades into nap. They're both balls-out tired as hell.

In slightly the same vein as last week's forced trip to the forest preserve, I made damn sure we made it to the lake house this weekend. Even if that meant driving up Saturday late afternoon and home Sunday late afternoon. Must get out of city even if only for a second. It ruled. Lots and Lots of amazing friends. Midnight cruise on the pontoon. Lauren made Mojitos. Carolynn wore a tie dyed wolf dress. Smores. Cut off sleeves. Owen even rode on a tractor with Uncle Kyle.

Unfortunately, I was ill prepared for the lake house. I guess all of the excitement overwhelmed me. Too much excitement and sun and dehydration and waves made for a sea sick Rachel upon boarding the pontoon on Sunday. I'm seriously so bummed. Filip took Owen out swimming and he loved it! I missed all the fun feeling like I was about to upchuck the whole time. So bummed about missing everything and not getting photos. We seriously want to get back to the lake house before the end of the summer. We love Wisconsin. This is the only photo I got just before swimming and just before the nausea really set in:

Really, so bummed. I think I'm going to force us to go to the Point this weekend to get Owen in the water again. dang. I'm a dope sometimes. Never underestimate the power of Legend Lake.

And here's where I take this post all sentimental, like I do. I have no idea how to do things. I feel like I know a lot of stuff, but really, I don't. When people compliment us on Owen and I say, "I don't know what we're doing, but whatever it is it seems to be working, so we'll just keep being normal us, I guess," I really mean that. I have no idea what I'm doing and I doubt all the things we do. I have no idea and will continue to keep trying to figure it out on a daily basis. It's scary, but he's a happy baby and he's pretty well behaved, so yeah. When we were on the boat Owen briefly fell asleep on my chest. It was pretty quiet, no conversations at the moment and Carolynn said to me, "You're a good mommy." And that seriously made me feel like a million bucks, even though I felt like I was turning green. My eyes welled up and I think I tried to play it off like it was the wind or some water splashed in my face. I don't know. I never pictured myself a mom before spontaneously deciding to have a kid with Filip. I never wanted to be pregnant. I never had any interest in having kids. I didn't like kids. I mean, I like my friends kids, but you know. So, yeah. I guess having one of my favorite people ever tell me that was one of the best things I've ever heard. Carolynn's daughter is almost 3, and I think she's a hilariously awesome mom and Audrey is a ridiculously hilarious and awesome kid. Carolynn was my first friend who had a kid and I moved back to Chicago just in time to be around for it. I don't know, that means a lot to me. Thanks, Smoot.

I've learned more in the past 2 years than I have all the previous years combined. Lots of important lessons in there. Lately I keep thinking about how good it is to remember to carve out the bad parts of the apple and enjoy the rest of it instead of bitching about having a rotten apple, you know? Just carve out the rotten stuff and everything is really good. It's not that big of a deal. We're right where we're supposed to be and I don't have a single regret. Well, except for not taking care of myself and spending most of Sunday dizzy, but you know what I mean, in the grand scheme of things. I love my boys and all of our friends and really wish every weekend could be like this past weekend. (again, sans the motion sickness part, but even still, I can't really complain.)

300 days! Woah! Only 65 more! Going too fast!

2010-07-26T12:08:00.000-05:00

Oh man. Don't know how July is already coming to a close. How?!

I suspect it's because my days have been filled with many, many childrens, etsy, small projects in between, no sleep and a terribly worrisome feeling anytime there is a few minutes of quiet and I'm not working on something. All of a sudden a month has passed and I haven't even noticed.

So, yesterday I noticed and suggested that we go march around in a forest preserve for a while. It sounded awesome and the weather was finally nice enough. I can't really complain about it being a bad day. I mean, it was ok, but I left feeling like I come up with these gay-ass ideas of fun things to do and I force everyone into it. No one has fun and everyone ends up in a bad mood and when Owen grows up he'll be like, "My mom always forced us to do stupid shit that sucked." Maybe not, but you know. It was one of those days and when we got home I swore that I was never leaving the house again. Close all the windows, draw the blinds, keep the lights off and tv on and never leave again. We started off at the The Original Pancake House and headed to Bachelor's Grove Cemetery. Bachelor's Grove was super cute and fun with O.

hehe. I saw a ghost that-a-way!

So he started getting a little fussy as we were making our way back to the Midlothian Turnpike. We got to the forest preserve, had a ba-ba and continued on. At that point Owen decided he was going to melt-down the entire time we were walking through the woods. Here is where he took a brief break from freaking the fuck out:

But you totally can see the look on his face, the threat of freaking the fuck out again real soon.

Oh, well. There will obviously be many, many more freak-outs and many more awesome good days as well. When we got home, we walked to the market, Filip made a delicious dinner, I cleaned the place, Owen bathed and fell asleep and we watched a pretty good movie. In the end, it was a good day.

Almost all of my time outside of babies has been dedicated to my Etsy shop. So exciting! This is what I do. This is what I've done since I was fifteen. I've got some amazing stories from working at a thrift shop. Anyway, I'm really excited and have been super motivated and stoked and it's gaining momentum, which is awesome because I find that normally I'm super excited in the beginning, get started, start to get down about it, lose interest and eventually throw in the towel. I've got some good ideas and good plans and am really looking forward to continuing this full time. It's pretty rad to finally really make an effort to do what I want to do and in the same it makes time for myself and my own interests and I get to hang onto my sanity for a little longer.

Otherwise, Owen's been getting more and more hilarious and it rules. For example:

He's such a monkey! Things are awesome and the things that aren't are hilarious even still. He has his two top teeth and two bottom teeth and has been chewing up his crib. Not cool, but kind of funny to see his crib rail riddled in pairs of tiny tracks from his two weird teeth. Also not cool that every time we pick him up out of bed his little head is speckled with white bits from chewing the crib, but sort of funny. We really have to invest in the plastic guard rails. He's waving hello and goodbye now. He has just started standing and balancing on his own. He's gotten really, really good at lowering himself from a standing position and, with that, saving himself from major falls and head bonks. His crawling is scary fast. He likes to open and close doors, that's pretty cool. Also not funny but hilarious at the same time, he likes splashing in the toilet. He clearly says "kicius" in his weird Owen way, which is so cute and pretty close. It sounds like, "Shoosh" followed by blowing some bubbles. Also in the vocabulary right now is "ouch," which was technically his first word, "bye" and "eye." There's a few others and he's definitely picking up more and more and learning how to form more sounds. It's crazy! He likes to Dancey Dance a lot. Beets are his favorite food, next to pickles. He ate a shitload of pickled herring a couple weeks ago, which was shocking, but not. Weirdo. He'll eat anything we give him. He had a taste of goats milk and liked it pretty good. He's into his sippy cup even though he pretty much just plays with it, but even better, he likes drinking out of cups like a big person!

I've been feeling super sad for a friend yesterday and today, and will continue to feel super sad for him. With that, I'm reminded again how amazing Filip and Owen both are and how grateful I am for everything I have. I will happily take an annoying, crabby trip to the forest preserve any day and be thankful for it. Things aren't easy sometimes, but I wouldn't change it at all and am really happy for what I got.

Lastly, starting to think up costume ideas for Owen for Halloween. The list is getting good. I think it's going to be super fun! I kind of can't wait!

289 days. Push Forward & Enjoy.

2010-07-15T15:35:00.000-05:00

One last note about my beloved Totti. Today in the mail I received this:

A week after the news of Apricot, Owen and I were having lunch at Lula. While there, I received word that unless there was another 13 year old missing chihuahua with a limp, Totti was just on Re:Sound. I almost teared up at Lula but rushed home to figure out what was going on. That week's episode of Re:Sound was The Lost Show, "Looking at the intangible, what's lost and might be found." In between stories craigslist missing ads were being read. Totti's ad was read around 41 minutes into the program. I listened over and over and over. I cried and cried. Seriously, how bizarre! Joe said, "It was like the radio was talking to us." I called Third Coast Radio and sent an email, not really sure if either would be paid attention to and sure enough, the producer got back to me and said that she could send me a copy of the program. So strange, and coincidental, but bittersweet and kind of perfect despite everything. It was actually a really nice and suitable closure for me. sigh. Here's to Totti.

Since the last post I've been overwhelmed with emotions and babies! I've been busy. Lots a nannying, lots of kids. Busy, keep busy. Out of all of this, I've finally motivated myself to get my act together, do what I really enjoy and get Apricot Vintage going! My shop is set up, facebook is ready, blog, obviously. I'm just preparing to get photos underway and start cranking out the goods! Seriously, I've been scouting and stock piling some really amazing finds and can't wait to get this rolling! Lots of silk and linen. Lots of beautiful under things and perfect accessories! This is going to be utterly terrific! Here's a small preview...Items will be available this weekend, hopefully!

a serious stash of amazing silk Vera Neumann scarves!

Oh! Pure Silk! Saks Fifth Avenue! French Cuffs! Gorgeous!

40's. Bias. 100% silk. Floor length. Trumpet. OMG. I'm having a hard time keeping this one out of my own closet.

Contrast. Flawless. Style.

I'm excited. I'm happy to be busy and motivated. I'm enjoying summer and our front stoop and lots of gelato and Owen and his two front buckteeth and newly evolved mischievous personality. Today I grabbed him about to crawl into the cabinet under the kitchen sink after already clearing it out and I said sternly, "You're being a butt-butt! Stop being such a butt-butt!" And he grinned this sly little grin and went, "Buh-buh!" Ha! I couldn't maintain seriousness. Here we go!

272 days. We are all mourning.

2010-06-28T11:04:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I wonder when the hell I'm going to get a good break. I mean, I got it good considering. Things could be so much worse for me, but time after time, it's like, well, oh god, this is really happening? Don't get me wrong, I've had some amazing days that I'd never trade for anything in the world ever, but god damn it. Please. Just please.

On Saturday morning Totti was no where to be seen in the apartment. She didn't come running when it was time to go outside. There was not a puddle of pee for me to cuss her out about. I instantly knew something was wrong. I went searching. I put up signs. I talked to all the neighbors. I sent out many many s.o.s. messages. Craigslist, Everyblock. Called Animal Care and Control. Registered her on every missing dog website. I walked for hours and hours and my little girl was still not home.

I took Totti in when she was approximately 7 or 8 years old. We don't really know, but that was the estimate. She came from an abused home. She wore a shock collar suited for a large breed dog when I first met her. For weeks, the imprint of the collar remained in her fur. She was kicked and beaten by unruly toddlers. Carried around by her neck. Never fed dog food her entire life, she only had scraps and would get fast food as meals. She clung to Jonah instantly. The adjustment was tough, but she actually turned into a real dog after some time. Jonah made her feel young again. She acted like a puppy. She was happy. She lost so much weight and was healthy and such an awesome, albiet weird, chihuahua.

She was almost 13 ish. She had hurt her foot a few weeks ago and had a slight limp. I was a frantic mess all weekend. Like, really. Both of my dogs are tattooed prominently on my forearms. These dogs are my world. They were the first ones at my side when Owen was born. Like, literally O was birthed, Filip helped me to the floor off the toilet and Totti and Jonah never left my side. Holy shit, I'm crying again.

I got a call early Sunday morning from the North Avenue Animal Hospital. It was surreal. Partly because the girl who called me had a really thick Australian accent and it was seriously like a scene from Flight of the Conchords. I'm freaking out like, "Oh my god. Have you seen her?! Do you have her?!" And she said yes, they had her. She had been hit by a car and the driver of the car brought her in. They found my Craigslist post and called me. She was dead. Except, she said it like this: "She is did." and (seriously) I was like, "Excuse me? Did? What did she do? What did you say?" and she said, "Did. Your dog is did." Then I asked what I was supposed to do. I opted out of cremating her or picking her up. There's absolutely no way I could handle it. It's almost funny, but so fucking sad. I'm the most heartbroken I've been my whole life. She was my girl. Sure, she peed on the floor and smelled so fucking bad and grossed me out all the time, but jesus fucking christ. My dog is actually dead. I seriously cannot believe it. It hasn't actually sunk in. This shit sucks so fucking bad. I just constantly feel sick and terrible. My little girl. I always thought she was going to out-live all of us. Like, really. fuck.

Jonah is super bummed. He refused to leave her bed all day yesterday. On walks, he does his business and then sniffs where Totti had recently been and sort of goes all bloodhound like and looks for her. God, I feel awful. I really loved that dog so fucking much. I want nothing more than to clean up a puddle of pee or catch her eating doo-doo right now. I want my Tots.

r.i.p. totti.

259 days. Let me count the ways...

2010-06-15T12:09:00.000-05:00

On Sunday, day 257, Owen turned eight months old. All three of us had an incredible weekend celebrating.

Obviously Filip had been looking forward to Saturday for quite some time. It had been decided months ago that no matter what, Owen would be geared up and right in the middle of the action for the USA vs. England World Cup match. What a fucking amazing day.

Owen thinks Tinkey rules! Head butt!

lots of naps in between!

Small bar is the best. It's where Owen knows soccer. I mean, really, it's his home away from home. Everyone there is the greatest. Saturday couldn't have been any better. The best eight month birthday eve!

Didn't really think we could top Saturday (even after ending the evening with Superdawg!), but we did. Can't even explain how much we love Milwaukee. We loved Milwaukee before Owen was born, but I was a little nervous about things we could do with Owen there and was a little worried about how he'd fare the trip and the whole day away after having such a huge day on Saturday. Why would I be worried about this? We have the most perfect, mellow baby ever. Our first stop, naturally, was Yellow Jacket. Although I've stopped in every single time we ever made it to Milwaukee, I haven't seen Jen in nearly four years. We've always managed to miss her until Sunday. Holy shit, I love this lady and have missed her so! But then at the same time, it's like it hasn't even been four years and everything was regular, and that's the greatest! It seriously felt like I just saw her last weekend or something.
So, right. We stopped in to see Jen. She hooked Owen up with so many new amazing vintage outfits. While I caught up with her, Filip and Owen headed down the street to start watching the Germany v. Australia match at The Nomad. So yeah, before I became pregnant, The Nomad was our place every time we'd visit Milwaukee. LOVE it. Sort of the same feel as a mini Map Room, except a soccer pub. Perfect place, the only downside was that is was a like sitting in an ashtray. Always super smokey in there so we figured we probably wouldn't be able to hang out there with O. I think neither of us wanted to say it, but we were both a little bummed. To our surprise, there was a marvelous back patio and bar set up with lots of seats and 2 screens for the game. Yay! Right?! We could watch outside! Perfect! I wrapped up with Jen for the time being and met up with the boys just at the beginning of the second half. If I'm prissy at all, the only time it really shows is when it comes to port-a-pottys. Can't do it. As the match wrapped up, I transferred a slumbering Owen to Filip's shoulder and headed inside the bar to use the bathroom, only to find that just before the World Cup they had closed shop for a few days and remodeled. NO SMOKING INSIDE ANYMORE! I chatted with a bartender about it and O is welcome to join us for any match at the Nomad. Dream come true. Milwaukee is perfect and everything is coming up Filip, Rachel and Owen!

a sleepy Owen. World Cup is exhausting!

guh! Sore shoulders! Super tough arms though!

After the game we met back up with Jen and decided to have a drink with a few friends, including Alaina who was celebrating her birthday! We met amazing people. Had fantastic conversations. Owen fell in love with all the ladies, like he does. When it was time to move on, we weren't ready to head home. So, we went back to Yellow Jacket and had a mini party in the shop. Seriously, my heaven, I think. Sweetest people ever, Owen was in an awesome mood, great music, Filip was even dancing, a huge, awesome dog named Floyd, who Owen loved! and All in one of my favorite places in the world, with the best company! I really miss the smell of a vintage shop.

We're excited to come back to Milwaukee all the time again. Owen loved it. Seriously, the best weekend we've had in so long. We really needed it. I'm still not recovered, so exhausted and sore, but it was so worth every last second. If our big plan for the next two years somehow doesn't work itself out, our Plan B is Milwaukee.

Owen is 8 months old. He's huge. He has three teeth, he eats everything, he's starting to say a couple simple words, he's really trying so hard to balance and get walking. Most importantly, he is a really happy baby. Content, chill, mellow, always game for everything, never fussy. We're doing everything we can to make sure he's happy and that is the easiest job I've ever had, really. He's just a happy baby and we couldn't be more thrilled. Not exactly sure what it is that's doing it, but we're just going to keep going the way we always have because it seems to be working.

Now, more World Cup! Owen will be waking up from his nap just in time for the Brazil v. North Korea game this afternoon and we've got to commentate to Filip while he's working!

234 Days. List of Finks.

2010-05-21T15:38:00.000-05:00

Sometime last year, before Owen was born, Filip and I were talking with our friend Andrew who had just recently come back from visiting his family in Australia. He was telling us about his niece, who was maybe five or six or something. She had started writing a list that was entitled "Finks To Do" and it was filled with pretty hilarious kid "finks" to do. I think punching her brother was on the list somewhere, either way, it was hysterical. A tiny Australian kid translates things to finks.
While pregnant, everything turns into a list of finks to do, get, remember, etc. And even though all of that preparation is necessary, you know, nesting and so on, after Owen was born, so much of it realistically seemed, and was, totally useless. So now, seven months into parenthood, after overcoming hormone changes, mood swings, and the realization of what my life now is, what it has become and what it will always be and ever-evolving, I've got a pretty good list of realistic, simple finks that have made this pretty awesome, easy and pleasing for all of us so far. This isn't everything, and it's not the ultimate guide or anything like that, just some stuff that we've been into. It's mostly going to reflect Owen's current age, but yeah, you know.

1) Sophie. Seriously. I know every other baby has this and it's not like it's a cheap baby toy. I didn't understand the hype at first either. I saw it while pregnant and was like, "Fuck that. I'm not paying $20 for a stupid giraffe." And, although I didn't pay the $20 for it, ours was gifted from the great Jen Hellige, had I have known the magic it would behold and that it would become Owen's first best friend, I would have paid ten times that amount for it. Totally weird. He didn't care about it at all until about six months, and since then it has been guaranteed to make him smile no matter what. It's the only toy he hasn't gotten tired of yet. When he's super upset or his gums are hurting, pop this guy out and he's distracted and cheers right up. I don't know. It's like baby cocaine or something. And it's super cute to boot. It will always hold a spot on my shadowbox if and when Owen finally gets over it.

2) Boon Benders. These are the only baby spoons worthwhile. They are great for many reasons. The spoon is perfectly sized and lipped for big bites that make it totally in the mouth. Every other spoon we have has made a complete mess all over Owen and a 3 foot radius around him while eating. Not only the only spoon we use for eating, the fork has seriously been a great teething remedy for Owen. He is always hanging onto it and has taken it to bed with him the past few nights.

3) Obviously, the Bumbo. Every other photo of Owen, he's in the Bumbo. It has been absolutely perfect from the minute he could hold his head up. He's just now growing out of it at 7 months. Totally worth it and has been a lifesaver. We haven't had a fancy or proper high chair that he could fit in, really until this age and size, and this buddy has served that purpose and many more. Sometimes Owen just wanted to sit with FIlip and watch soccer, sometimes he just needed to sit up and dissect a pickle. There have been many finks he's needed to do without us holding him.

4) Gerber Cloth Diapers. Yeah. We've used them as diapers, barf rags, towels, teething toys, turbans, extra padding/blankies in carriers, you can make fun games with them, the possibilities are endless. I have always had one on me at all times since day one, and I believe I will continue to have one on me for the next two to three years. Lifesavers, man. I'm serious.

5) Green to Grow Bottles. After nearly two months of super stressful struggles with breast-feeding, we made the switch to bottles and formula. We went through a variety of bottles before sticking with these. I liked the BornFree Bottles a lot, and so did Owen, but somehow Filip and I kept managing to break the caps that screw the nipple to the top of the bottle, so we gave up. Apparently we are both over achievers with screwing (oh god, no pun intended) and could never get it tight enough until it was too late. I liked the plain glass Evenflo bottles but they leaked like crazy. Anyway, we tried a handful of different ba-bas, and these have stuck with us and are great. Super easy, simple, Owen is cool with them, environmentally everything and cute, well designed. We probably would have gotten the glass bottles if the boutique we went to carried them, but the plastic ones are great, and i'm not worried about them breaking in my bag.

6) Other pregnant friends/friends with babies. Not to be a total gaywad, but seriously, This is one of the most important things for many reasons. You trade shit and you get stuff and hammy-downs. Everything and anything, food, clothes, toys, dipes, wipes, binkys, medicine, everything. Also, this isn't meant to sound shallow, and anyone else who is going through or has gone through this knows what I mean, but when things are really brutal and you think it can't get any worse and kind of want to be dead, knowing it's happening to someone else too is pretty comforting. Not that I want my friends to be suffering, but this can all be very isolating and having other ladies who can honestly relate 100% is really, really the best. Having other people in it with you and having their support really means a lot. When I was pregnant early on, Jen was like, "You should meet Laura. She's pregnant too and you're as far along as she is." And I was up for it and like, "Yeah, ok." But really, in the back of my head I was like, "Yeah, pair the pregnant fatty with another pregnant fatty. Great. This sucks." But guess what- Laura rules, and Milo is over right now. Boo-yah, bitchy pessimistic self of a year ago! I was into it, but sometimes I secretly thought having pregnant friends and pregnant club and meeting other moms was gay. I was never so wrong in my entire life. And if it is gay, If I ever time traveled and met my pregnant downer self, I'd be like, "It's gay and you're proud of it. You'll see. Don't be such an asshole."

7) Sense of humor. If you don't have it, you will not make it and your child will suffer mental illness later. It sucks and is super hard sometimes, but you will lose your mind if you don't just give up and let things be. There were countless times that I was so nuts that I was crying and then just started cracking up, because it just has to be that way and it's okay and kind of sweet anyway. You know, to be so upset and stressed and tears are streaming and seeing barf caked all over the front of you and realizing how pathetic and ridiculous you must look crying to yourself with a screaming newborn that you start laughing at yourself while you're pushing out the last of those tears and then you just pack it all up and go on with the rest of the day.

8) Acceptance and relinquishing control. I've become so much more chill and happy and laid back the past few months after finally accepting and being happy with the fact that this is how things are. I cannot expect to keep dates or schedules, cannot plan on getting X amount of finks done, cannot control most of everything and just do what I can when I can and don't put pressure on or be hard on myself or others when things fall off the radar or don't happen. It's okay. Most importantly, my behavior and acceptance has reflected on Owen and he's much happier, making it easier and making it so that I'm striving and happy to be this way. We're all much happier. Acceptance of this and everything is so important. Accepting advice and help as well as material finks, accepting Owen as himself, not who I expect him to be or who I want him to be, just who he is, as well as myself, Filip and everyones rolls and just keeping everything open. Can't change or control most things, and can't change other people so figure out how to weave it all together the way it is and just let it be. It's good.

Really, you don't need a whole lot. Babies don't need a whole lot. It's cliche, but they really just need you to love them. They just need you to be for them and sometimes that's not an easy thing to understand and accept. Totally selfless. I'm really in love with Owen more than ever. We have so much fun hanging out and interacting. I mean, I've always loved him, but it's developing into so much more and I really love him. Anyway, I never had a baby shower, not to say I didn't receive a bunch of baby gifts, I totally did, but seriously, we would be just the same with 80% less of the stuff we have. All of the shit I panicked about not having before Owen was born is really silly. really. I mean, I absolutely love all of his vintage toys and everything else, but that was my fink, not his. That was my weird way of nesting. I don't know. I guess I just wish I could have this conversation with myself a year ago, and if I could I wish myself a year ago would actually listen, even though I know I'd roll my eyes and scoff and worry anyway. I guess what I'm saying is that this shit is easy and what you make of it. There are some tough spots, for sure, but it's the best fink that could have ever happened to me and it's all worth while and I'm happy with myself and with us. I don't know what my point was before this baby was born. Now I want to really learn everything, to do more, to accomplish, to show by example, to go more places, to experience everything with him and Filip and teach and encourage and support and I'm super proud. ain't got no shame. bring it!

Why my posts always end up sappy like this? Just the way it is, I guess. Don't mean to be preachy or anything, mostly just so I can re-read all this myself and be all proud like, "damn, go on with yer bad self."

225 days. 7 months old tomorrow.

2010-05-12T12:37:00.001-05:00

let me tell ya. We heard Owen screaming from his bedroom after a while of quiet mumbling and play. Upon entering his bedroom, this is what we found. I felt bad leaving him there for a second, but I had to grab the camera. Dude scooted backwards under the bed until he got his head stuck. Pretty good.

We moved! yep. Let's get this baby off to the right start by moving at six months. maybe we'll move again before he turns one, and so on and so forth. My little vagabond. But really, I hope not. I love our new place. It's beautiful. Dark wood floors, working fireplace, office, huge room for O, amazing lighting, perfect kitchen. It's all very comfortable and we look good here.

tomorrow Owen turns 7 months old. what the? really? it's been 7 months already? as of Sunday, maybe as a mother's day surprise, Owen officially started crawling. like a goddamn pampers commercial or something. he's been scooting around and thinking about the logistics of it for a while, but Sunday, he put one paw in front of the other, coordinated the knees and crawled his ass right over to me, then belly flopped and started clapping. I cried, obviously. Look what I taught that baby! holy cacaballs! how does this happen?

Since we've moved in, Filip's mother came to visit us for a week. It was real nice to have her here, despite our own weird situational stresses. Like, it was real nice. I'm so glad she finally got to meet Owen. Makes me feel pretty good, like I've been doing a good job. I also feel like things are getting back to normal. Well, not back to normal, not back to anything, but like, a new thing that is on it's way to a happy medium. I'm balancing Owen 24/7, work, babysitting and now baby trading, some flowers in the in-between and almost staying sane by starting to slowly carve out little bits of time for myself here and there, which includes successfully thrifting again, knitting lace and going to see Babies tonight, all i'm so excited about. I guess having a kid has finally granted me the patience to knit lace. ha.

Just after moving, Owen had another amazing photo shoot with Michelle which you can see some of the results here. Which reminds me that I absolutely have to call the baby modeling agencies this week. I would have never imagined that our baby would have so much fun and be so happy and mild-mannered to put up with photo shoots. He had so much fun, we all had so much fun and again, I'm so fucking thrilled and thankful that Dee introduced us and that Michelle has been so awesome and generous in capturing some amazing shots of Owen for us.

Owen is officially left handed. I suspected so for a while, but over the past few weeks it's certain. Even this morning, he grabbed his mini bagel with his left hand. Filip's dad was left-handed and it's said that certain traits and things skip a generation. Pretty weird and funny. I bet he's going to have terrible handwriting much like Filip's.

How is it that coincidentally a bunch of us all had babies around the same time and that we all ended up living within a few blocks of each other? And from that there has become this brilliant and beautiful understanding and community that is so important and priceless. Never before have I understood or appreciated fully what and how important community is. And further, the thought of living this life that i'm in now, let's say even 15 years ago where the internet never existed, seems totally impossible and is mind boggling. How did people do it? How did my mother do it? seriously, jeez.

Anyway, my first mother's day was, in one, was a total success and in another, a disaster. Owen and I had a great, great afternoon hanging with Kate and Parker at smallbar. Owen had a pickle, Parker held a baby for the very first time and, I think, altogether it was a lot of love. It was really, really sweet and awesome. It was Owen's first time on a bus, too. And with his whole hand jammed in his mouth the entire ride, he fit in great with all the other crazies on the Diversey bus. ha!

So, yeah. I got a really sweet mother's day card from my mom with a gift certificate and for once in such a long time, I actually didn't need to use it for baby food or diapers. I've got a shitload of books coming from amazon that I'm super excited about. Consuming Kids, which I've been really looking forward to and sort of terrified to read, which is also our book club selection. and The Assassination of Fred Hampton, a couple Dover books and The Odyssey.

Ah, well. I should begin wrapping this up. My lists of tasks is dwindling and that's exciting, but I want to get back to that before more work comes my way. I made curtains for the kitchen last night. So now almost all of the old lady lace curtains are gone and it doesn't look like a weird Polish lady lives here anymore. The remaining crates and boxes have been taken care of and the back porch has been cleaned and organized. Feels good. I'm going to clean and finish up my sheepskin to make a small rug for Owen's room, put leather on my Bertoias to save our beautiful dark wood floors, and maybe start on this super cute vintage oriental themed gravel wall art that Adam and Angie gave me awhile ago. I have the perfect spot for it in Owen's room, but I'm not sure i'm ready to bust out the hot glue gun yet. Remember tacky glue? In that terrible gold/copper looking bottle? Does that stuff still exist? That would be perfect for this. heh.

2 last things. first, Desmond Morris said that if mothers really show their love to their babies and love them particularly in the first two years of their life, those babies are going to be good at loving later on in life. I want Owen to be really good at loving when he grows up.

and lastly, from The Tonight Show:
Tony Randall asks Johnny Carson, "Can you use the word horticulture in a sentence?" and Johnny responds with, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't lead a horticulture."

6 months old today! 196 days!

2010-04-13T10:05:00.000-05:00

photo cred: casey sachen

Owen is passing into six months like any Polish baby should! With a pickle! He devoured the whole thing, only left the rind. It was really hilarious. Filip and I were both surprised, but then not at all. I cannot believe this baby is 6 months old already. Like Angie says, the sand is falling faster than ever before.

I've got many things to report on but no time. We're moving this weekend and Sunday Filip's mom is arriving and visiting for a while. Lots and lots happening. Easier, good times on the horizon, I think.

I'll post promptly after our move, I'm sure. Ela says, "I make everything for baby," while she's here so I may be getting a nice break for relaxing and general nothingness. I'm really excited. like, really.

150 days. typing for the sake of typing while it is quiet.

2010-02-26T15:54:00.000-06:00

ba-ba. nap. coffee. chat with filip. another ba-ba. cold chilin. hanging with neighbor and her greyhound. nap. transcribe. ba-ba. nap. blog.
i would like a really decadent desert biscuit right now.
then, meet with another mama in a bit. possibly a quick breverage with brandyn. delicious dinner of italian sausages and more brussel sprouts following. then, possibly more transcribing. afterwards, a movie maybe, or more reading, whatever, accompanied by a dogfish 90 minute ipa. very later, welcoming my visiting cousin josh and his friend for the weekend. in between, more ba-bas, bumbo, laughing, desmond dekker (O's favorite), a few uh-guhs and possibly more naps.

that amounts to a pretty good day, i think.

i just finished reading a couple books brandyn lent me: twilight of the superheroes, deborah eisenberg and nobody belongs here more than you, miranda july. fantastic. well, miranda july was good albiet awkward and uncomfortable. deborah eisenberg was great. so good. i love reading a book from an author i've never read and getting so pumped about it that i want to read everything that person has ever written right NOW. although, i'm not doing that. i'm moving onto tolstoy. quite the opposite. sheesh. but i need this right now. learning all this transcribing stuff and actually making words and grammar my job now, i realize, yet again, how important it is to constantly read. i like being re-excited about it. O's kind of into it, too. until he falls asleep.

what do yall do when you have a persona non grata? just curious.

yesterday ruled, so hard. milo & owen. owen's first friend of his own age. this is something special.

after hangin with laura and milo through the afternoon, i finished a small bit of work, hung out with cesar and swung by the helliges for a little bit of catching up. E is porkin out! looking good. the whole family is looking good. i'm really, so glad they are in my life. i'm really so glad all yall are in my life. this past year, all these changes have brought so many amazing people into my life whereas we might have never crossed paths otherwise. those are the things worthwhile. seriously. imma senda showt owt to my shawty brandyn, da vetranos, mah girl hiedi and tuesday - yer blessed, nikko gurl you crazy, angie- my boo, dee- where would i be wit out you?, smoot- one word: doubleheat. i don't know what that just was, but i entertained myself, at least. you know what i mean. just keepin in mind what is the most important, thats all.

so, my cousin, josh, and a friend of his are staying with us this weekend. i'm pretty pumped. i've been naggin this kid to visit chicago forever. art school is callin his name. he's a perfect fit, i'm excited to show him around. this is good.

just got a letter in the mail from my grandma gladys. made my day!

ok. i think four is probably a good time to retire my relaxin pants for the day. i don't want to. but i got too. this is gettin ridiculous.

146 days.

2010-02-22T23:20:00.000-06:00

monday. guh. today was totally a monday.

Weekend was nice. Friday my mom came up for a visit and to soak up as much Owen time as the weekend would let her. She came with lots of things for Owen in tow, which is always awesome. She brought him some new toys and as it happens, Owen totally decided to actually recognize, play and enjoy toys while she was here. It was pretty cute. He hasn't expressed much interest in buddies until now. He has also started reaching for the pets! Really, its the most hilarious thing. He hones in, laughs and giggles when they are near him and just over the past few days he has started reaching out to touch them without us prompting him. It's really incredible.
So right, back to the weekend. Filip made the most delicious spaghetti and meatballs for dinner Friday. We just hung around chatting and hanging out with Owen. Saturday we ventured out for a Bumbo and successfully found one! Totally thrilled! This kid looks great sitting in a Bumbo!

After acquiring a Bumbo we made a trip to Whole Foods & Stanleys, and I think it was a life changing experience for my mom! So awesome! She's checking out the Whole Foods in Saint Louis! So exciting, I felt pretty good about that. That evening we hung around the house. Filip's brother joined us for a bit and we made even more delicious meatball sandwiches. Sunday morning I made a big breakfast and we lazily hung around with the soccer game on. My mom left late morning just as Owen zonked out. I know its not easy for her to leave. But, at very least, she can look forward to the next trip, right?
Sunday was spent boring and lazy. SO AWESOME. TV was murmuring in the background, Owen and Filip were napping in intervals, reading, chess, boredom. It has been a really, really long time since we've had a day like that. Quiet and relaxing and just good. Nice to forget about a few things, even if only briefly. It was much needed. Early that evening we headed to Lauren & Jason's cozy home for cocktails and a wonderfully delicious dinner! Manhattans, boeuf, rum cake, a Douglas Fir digestif, good music, great conversations. I want more days like yesterday.

So, all weekend I've been back and forth, and now waiting on, hopefully, my last round of revisions for some preliminary stuff I've been transcribing for my new job! I think I may have gotten the most ideal job, if only this opportunity would have presented itself while I was pregnant! I'm working from home transcribing and time-coding some awesome stuff for an a/v archiving company. seriously, so perfect. All that time in between ba-bas and diaper changes playing letterblox is totally paying off. It's pretty awesome all around and so perfect and ideal right now, not to mention that my nutty, spastic, slightly OCD brain is having a ball with this and I'm totally enjoying it. When I get this last bit of feedback, I get the go ahead to knock myself out transcribing to my hearts desire. It's dreamy. Go words! Hooray for working in my unders at 3 in the morning! Three cheers for being our own nanny! Yippee for never really having to see a boss in real life, because let's face it, me & bosses have a rocky past. I'm pumped about this. The past couple of days I have been so anxious to get through this beginning phase of learning and editing, I just want to get to plowing through this non-stop! But, I am thankful that I had yesterday to chill before I get into this full time.

I've also got lots of other things and opportunities I'm very excited about. I'm meeting with several awesome moms to talk about part-time nannying and nanny-shares in the neighborhood. Knitting class starts tomorrow night! I think Dee and I are going to treat ourselves to yummy chocolate treats to celebrate this tiny success! I'm also nearly positive that I am ready to sign a contract with a company that I'm pretty excited to be a part of, I've just been a little nervous about making a commitment just yet. I really, really want the position, but I also want to be fair and with things being a little unsteady lately, I don't want to commit and back out of something I can't take on. But yeah, I think I'm ready to go ahead! I'm going to sleep on it one last night.

Guh. But even through all of this stuff, today is a Monday, no denying. It's been kind of a bummer of a day. All of these rainy, dreary days have been exhausting me even further. I'm making honest efforts, I'm being sincere. I just want things to be okay across the board, and I think that is a pretty normal thing for a person to want. I don't feel like it's outrageously selfish to want things to be better. I feel like it would be more work to carry a grudge, and I don't really know, but part of me feels like that can be pretty selfish. It sucks, it really does. Ryan always use to tell me "you can turn this around, just turn it around." Maybe I didn't consider that enough then, but I've been considering it a lot over the past few months. I'm glad it stuck with me, it's very good advice that I appreciate. I'm doing what I can.

Enough of that. I probably don't have to say that I've been nutty over Yo Gabba Gabba lately, and Owen and I have a couple minutes here and there of Yo Gabba Gabba time. My favorite is Cool Tricks. Seriously, I love it. I've been singing the Cool Tricks song all day. COOL COOL COOL COOL COOL TRICKS! This Cool Tricks, is my absolute favorite, it tops Soko and his Theremin. Dang it! Youtubes won't let me imbed it, but it's so worth clicking this link, do it! You have to watch this, it's freakin hilarious! I love Rhys Darby!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4lVKbXQ0KI

Sweet boner! In the time I've been drafting this out, I received my approval to transcribe my little heart out!!! Here we go!!!

142 days

2010-02-18T15:12:00.000-06:00

sheesh. lots to say but no time to say it right now. i just wanted to get a quick post up and share a few things!

holy cow...look at O! Last week Owen and I visited Dee in her studio to get some planning underway, which I will explain shortly. While there, her friend Michelle popped in to say hello and to meet Owen. She also has a studio in the same building as Dee and before I knew it, we were in an impromptu photo session! She took some amazing shots. We totally had a blast! It was so awesome and sweet, and I'm so very excited she took some great photos of Owen! You can see a few of them here at her blog!

So, Dee & I have done some brainstorming and planning and have organized knitting classes!! So exciting and I'm really stoked to actually put some of this knowledge to good use, and teach my friends! We're planning more classes for the future, more advanced projects and other crafty skills as well. I'd love for more of you to join us, we have several spaces left open. Please contact me if interested and please pass this along to anyone you think may be interested as well! Here are the details:

Basic Knitting

2 week course, Tuesday Feb. 23rd & Tuesday March 2nd 7:30 - 9:30 p.m.

or

1 afternoon course, Sunday Feb. 28th, 1:00 - 4:00 p.m.

$30.00. Payment of $15.00 in advance to book your place. Remainder of payment due first evening of class.

You will need to bring:

1 pair of straight knitting needles. Size US 8 or larger, recommended.
Yarn. Worsted or bulky weight wool, recommended.

In this course you will learn all of the basics of knitting, everything you need to know to get started! This will include casting on, learning the two stitches of knitting, the knit & purl, understanding needle size & yarn size, gauge, basic patterns and variations - garter stitch, stockinette stitch, rib stitch, etc., shaping, increasing & decreasing stitches, binding off, finishing, and Pom Poms!!!

Advanced Hat Course

3 week course, Tuesday March 9th, 16th & 23rd, 7:30 - 9:00 p.m.

$45.00. Payment of $15.00 in advance to book your place. Remainder of payment due first evening of class.

You will need to bring:

1 set of double-pointed needles, size according to pattern.
Yarn, according to pattern.
Optional: Stitch holders, darning needles.

In this course, you will knit a hat from beginning to end! We will provide 2 different styles of basic hat patterns (a stocking cap or beret/tam style) to choose from, and have completed models as reference. You will learn how to begin the project, knit in the round, incorporate basic knitting variations, read & follow a pattern, understand knit construction, shaping, and finishing. This is a great, quick session to expand or refresh your knitting skills, and follows the Basic Knitting course perfectly!!!

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Classes will be held at 2846 W. North Ave, Suite 2R, enter at the side door on Fransisco. Cash & Paypal accepted methods of payment. Contact Rachel Ullrich 312.375.3040 or Dee Clements 773.957.4631 with any questions or to book your place!

127 days

2010-02-03T13:38:00.000-06:00

woah. how did i miss the 100 day mark? not sure. i know that is not the only thing i've missed recently.

so much in so little time! its really remarkable. so, as of 127 days Owen is the picture of health! weighing in at 15 pounds & 29-ish inches long (and counting, these were measured at the end of last week, so i could be off already), this guy is in the 97th percentile for height and somewhere around the 90th percentile for weight! it really is unbelievably amazing how rapidly all this is happening. two days ago he started holding his feet anytime he's laying down on his back when he doesn't feel like rolling over. its pretty hilarious. so weird that he started doing this 2 days ago. 3 days he couldn't, and all of a sudden he can. everything has been like that. its not like there are small changes that sort of slip by, and then you realize it and wonder how long its been that way. we see so many changes, daily, and they are all so intense and surprising! obviously, he's been rolling around like a nut. he rolls over, does some push ups, and either screeches a little or zonks out. several months ago, he was attempting to roll and would accidentally get there on occasion, but now it is intentional and he's really good at it. so awesome.
the other night we decided to see what he would do with a bit of cantaloupe. hilarity ensued. i really didn't think he'd show interest yet. we were both just anxious and curious to see how he would react. surprisingly, he went ape-shit. he totally 'monkey-brains-ed' that sucker. loved it! he slobbered up and gummed down a good handful of pieces. that totally geared us up and we are really excited to start cooking for him. thursday we're making a ton of baby food. most will go in the freezer for a minute. i'm really curious to see what he takes a liking to.

this is totally off subject. and angie, i'm totally excluding you from this next statement, because you're just amazingly adorable and i get a kick out of everything you do, so right, not counting you, because its different, trust me. i think its pretty weird and lame to "like" your own posts, comment on them and follow yourself via twitter, blogger, etc. really? i don't know. i don't really know anything, but seems pretty tacky. kind of like that retard with the burberry diaper bag & matching baby decked out head to toe in nova check at smoque last night. real classy. her baby probably also likes its own posts and follows itself on blogger.

well, me? i'm ok. pretty well, actually. except for, what might be a case of tmj due to excessive teeth grinding and jaw clenching. i've always had a nasty habit of doing so in my sleep. who would have thought that would get worse after having a baby? ha. i'm getting a guard and have been hot-compressing my jaw, it'll be fine in a bit, i think. no biggie, really.
otherwise, i think i'm pretty much regular again. at some point i may have mentioned that i thought i could have been going through that post-partum 6 week-ish phase of losing hair, hormones regulating, etc. and while i do believe most of that has passed (its been a minute), i think my body was a little late on finally releasing all of that extra hair it was hanging onto. holy god, the past few weeks have been gross. i thought about building a replica of myself out of hair and surprising Filip with it. literally, that could happen. i've managed to regularly* wash my hair to try and alleviate the situation. yesterday i decided i had had quite enough of my overgrown bangs so i chopped about 3 inches off in the bathroom and it turned out quite nice. but, i'm very deserving of the whole 9 yards from Mops when i get a minute to make that happen.

still not fitting back into my favorite pencil skirt or my totally torn up favorite denims, which were the first things i grew out of, but i'll get there, i'm sure. lots of my other favorite things are starting to make their way back into my everyday wardrobe, which is regular and nice.
i'm starting to realize the importance of making sure to make time for myself. its been really tough, and there's a fine line between everything. not easy. well, it is easy, but its also easy to get caught up into mini routines or something else or whatever and forget, and personally, i remember when i'm too far gone and already irritated and ready to blow my brains out. so right, i've been making a huge effort lately to avoid those situations. starting next week i'm going to be hanging out with a really amazing guy named Ceasar every thursday evening, maybe some other times in between. He's 3 and really awesome. i'm very excited. i'm still looking to start tennis lessons soon, but i think that might wait until later, because i'm totally excited to sign up for trapeze lessons. a friend of mine was posting videos of her trapeze lessons while i was pregnant and i got all pumped and excited. i'm totally doing it. can't wait! something to look forward to in the short term. i've been learning that short term things to look forward to are very important. we have some really awesome major long term things we're looking forward to, but right now things are so concentrated and intense, that those things seem super far away. the little things have been motivating. i need motivation right now. and more sunlight.

owen and i have just about had it with the winter. we've been out on walks and and have been trying to get out and about more often, as long as there is minimal snow and it is above 30 degrees. stir crazy, i tell ya. not just me either. if this kid doesn't get out of the house often we'll have a fuss-monster on our hands in the evenings.

awe. remember my last post from previous holidays? filip and i were finally able to get owen in a photobooth. he got pretty irate about the flash by the 3rd set, but they're cute as all get-out. we'll go back again soon. these are from about a month ago already. dang, time is seriously going too fast now.

my great friends matt & jen just recently welcomed their little guy, Elias Palmer into the world. so gosh dang incredible.

we're overjoyed for them. its really totally insane, and funny, because i knew it was going to happen like this, its no shocker, but its really happening. "pregnant ladies club" is drawing to a close and now its "mom club" or even better "milf club." haha. the whole range of experiences among all of us is nothing i could have imagined. i mean, i didn't really have any expectations for myself, much less for anyone else because, you know, you just can't. all eyes on nikko now...early april! since Elias came about, i've had these bizarre pangs of sadness and nostalgia. mostly now because, for the first few months at least, Elias is providing a point of comparison so i can actually see how much Owen has already developed and grown and all of the differences that will surely even out around a year or so. it hits me from time to time that i can't stop Owen from growing. and i don't want to, but he's not going to be this ever again. we'll never have this again. things will never be this way again ever in my life. its really terribly sad, while at the same time i couldn't be excited to see this guy turn 1 year old, or 2 or 5. I dunno, all part of the picture, you know? its just so overwhelming in a way that is completely unexplainable, you just have to know what i mean from experience, i guess. i don't know, or maybe not. but it really is overwhelming for me.

i always feel very accomplished after sending out lots of letters and other pieces of mail. why is that so gratifying? equally as gratifying is putting black corners on photographs. i did a ton of that yesterday too.

today is a day where my patience is really being tested. i would rather it wasn't. i would also rather like biscuits and coffee right now.

addicted to omgpop lately. its bad. but perfect because i cannot engage in anything serious or intense ever, but bad. when i fall asleep i'm spelling out words in letterblox. kind of like when you play too much tetris and your tetris-ing everytime you close your eyes.