Lately, it seems that I have had more and more of my male clients coming in to see me to discuss issues relating to paternity.  There are so many myths out there about what needs to happen to establish paternity and the possible outcomes of failing to do so, that it never ceases to amaze me!  Perhaps the most serious outcome that many people are unaware of is that a “putative” father can have his child adopted out to someone else without his consent if the appropriate action has not been taken.

In Ohio, a person is presumed to know that if he has had sexual relations with a woman and she becomes pregnant that the child may be adopted without the father’s consent once the child is more than a month old.  As a way to counteract this result, the Ohio State legislature mandated the creation of the Ohio Putative Father Registry.  The purpose of the Registry is that a person who believes that he may have fathered a child can now establish the legal right to be notified of any hearings where the mother either voluntarily or involuntarily gives up custody rights to the child.  The “putative” father may register at any time during the pregnancy up until thirty (30) days after the birth of the child.  After that point it is too late.

This Registry only applies to people who are unmarried and in situations where the father has not established paternity.  If the father is married to the mother and a child is born, he is the legal father of the child absent some other Court determination. If an unwed person establishes paternity, then the “putative” father becomes the “legal father”.  That father is then a necessary party to any proceedings involving custody or adoption of the child.

If paternity has yet to be established, the first step to protect your rights is to obtain a Putative Registry Form either online or by calling the Ohio Department of Job and Family Services.  This form will ask for your name, current address, and other personal information for both you and the mother.  In the event that you do not have the entire mother’s information you should do your best to fill out what you can.  Likewise, if the child has not yet been born, you should give an estimated date of birth based on when you believe the date of conception occurred.  You must then sign and have the form notarized in the presence of a Notary Public.  Once the form is completed, it must be mailed in to the Ohio Department of Job and Family Services, and be received by them no later than thirty (30) days after the birth of the child.

Once you have submitted the form, it is your responsibility to update the information anytime you move.  Additionally, this is not a one-time deal.  Placing your name on the Registry once will not cover you for other children.  What this means is that if you have additional relationships with the same woman, or with other women, you must complete an additional form each time to properly be placed on the Registry.  There is no cost to the person for filling out and completing the form.

For a link to the Ohio Putative Father Registry online registration document, please click here, or call 888-313-3100.  If you want to obtain more technical information about the Registry, click here to read the Ohio Administrative Code section about it.

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In a recent analysis of census data, the Pew Research Center found that the institution of marriage has undergone significant changes in recent decades as women have outpaced men in education and earnings growth. The study examined American’s 30 to 44 years old, a stage of life when typical adults have completed their education, have gone to work and gotten married. “Men now are increasingly likely to marry wives with more education and income than they have, and the reverse is true for women,” said Paul Fucito, spokesman for the Pew Center. “In recent decades, with the rise of well-paid working wives, the economic gains of marriage have been a greater benefit for men.” Clearly, these unequal gains have been accompanied by gender role reversals in both the spousal characteristics and the economic benefits of marriage.

I personally enjoy reviewing statistics. For those that don’t, be sure at least to read my conclusion at the end of this piece, especially if you are a woman contemplating entering into a marriage.
Here are some of the significant findings in the study, clearly demonstrating the new economics of today’s marriage:

• In 1970, 28% of wives had husbands who were better educated than they were, outnumbering the 20% whose husbands had less education. By 2007, these patterns had reversed: 19% of wives had husbands with more education, versus 28% whose husbands had less education.
• Only 4% of husbands had wives who brought home more income than they did in 1970, a figure that rose to 22% in 2007.
• The national economic downturn has hurt employment of men more than that of women. The income gap has grown even more in the latest recession, when men held about three in four of the jobs that were lost. Women are moving toward a new milestone in which they constitute half of all the employed. Their share increased from 46.5% in December 2007 to 47.4% in December 2009.
• Women now are the majority of college graduates. Their earnings grew 44% from 1970 to 2007, compared with 6% growth for men. That sharper growth has enabled women to narrow, but not close, the earnings gap with men. Median earnings of full-year female workers in 2007 were 71% of earnings of comparable men, compared with 52% in 1970.
• Unmarried men’s household incomes fared worse than those of women. Unmarried women in 2007 had higher household incomes than their 1970 counterparts at each level of education. But unmarried men without any post-secondary education lost ground because their real earnings decreased, and they did not have a wife’s wages to buffer that decline. Unmarried men who did not complete high school or who had only a high school diploma had lower household incomes in 2007 than their 1970 counterparts did.
• There is an important exception to the rule that married adults have fared better than unmarried adults from 1970 to 2007. Married women without a high school diploma did not make the same gains as more educated women: Their household incomes slipped 2% from 1970 to 2007, while those of their unmarried counterparts grew 9%. The stagnant incomes of married women without high school diplomas reflect the poor job prospects of less educated men in their pool of marriage partners. These less-educated married women now are far less likely, than in the past, to have a spouse who works — 77% did in 2007, compared with 92% in 1970.
• Among college-educated adults, married men are markedly more likely to have a wife who is college educated — only 37% did in 1970, compared with 71% in 2007. College-educated married women, though, are somewhat less likely to have a college-educated husband — 70% did in 1970 and 64% did in 2007.
• Americans are more likely than in the past to cohabit, divorce, marry late in life or not marry at all. There has been a marked decline in the share of Americans who are currently married. Among U.S.-born 30- to 44-year-olds, 60% were married in 2007, compared with 84% in 1970.

To read the full study, which includes many more findings along with excellent graphs and charts, click here.

CONCLUSION:

In my practice, I am seeing these “gender reversal” situations almost every day. It is not at all uncommon for divorced women to be ordered to pay spousal support to their ex-husbands. Also, men’s previous reluctance years ago to “accept” spousal support has seemed to have changed as well. I don’t hear, “I am a man and I don’t need any woman to support me”, like I once did. Yes, perhaps it is a good time for a reprise of Bob Dylan’s “The Times They are a-Changin”!

Another trend is that more women contemplating marriage are recognizing the benefits and importance of obtaining a well-written prenuptial agreement before they “tie-the-knot”. As many men had been doing for decades, we now see these successful women trying to protect themselves and their assets in the event of a subsequent divorce.

To learn more about Prenuptial Agreements, click here. I had the pleasure of being interviewed by “Big George” on BBC London radio in July 2009, to discuss the use of Prenuptial Agreements in America. It was lots of fun! Click here if you want to check that out!

I am also in the process of writing a follow-up article indicating how the local statistics in the Dayton area support the results of this Pew Research Center study. Keep an eye out for it!

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One of the most difficult things you will ever have to do as a parent is tell your children that their parents are breaking up. It is important that you shift your focus from your loss to your children’s loss. Divorce is about the dissolution of a husband-wife relationship. It marks a change in the parent-child relationship. Staying aware of this difference will help you effectively support your children. In talking with your children, stay focused on their feelings about this experience. If you focus on the spousal relationship, your own feelings may get in the way of good parenting.

Here are some tips for explaining the divorce to your children:

• If possible, both parents should be present. This illustrates to the children that you will still be able to co-parent.
• Tell them close to the time that one of the parents is planning to move out. Telling them months in advance doesn’t “prepare them.” It will only make them anxious and worried.
• Tell them calmly.
• Keep it age appropriate. Don’t give them information that is over their heads.
• Keep it short and sweet.
• Explain that divorce is between the adults and that parents do not divorce children.
• Ask for questions. Answer honestly with age-appropriate information. Don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know the answer to that. When I do, I will tell you.” You don’t tell your children about marital issues, like your sex life or money problems. The details of divorce should also stay between the two of you.
• Explain to your children the ways the divorce will affect them directly, i.e., will you move, will they stay in the same schools, and so on.
• Remember that divorce begins for the children the day the living situation changes. On the day one parent leaves, that is the day their parents’ marriage ends.
• Allow for your children cry if they need to. It is important to let them grieve.
• Reassure them that you will not leave them, even if you are angry (which is some children’s biggest fear).
• Reassure them that you will always love them.
• Notify their teachers, scout leaders, karate instructor, and anyone else who has contact with your child, so they can be aware of and sensitive to your child’s needs.
• Be prepared for any and all reactions from, “that’s too bad, what’s for dinner?” to crying and yelling. Stay calm and be reassuring.
• Remember your children will be as healthy about this as you are. They will take their cues from you.
• Behave yourself! Keep your thoughts and feelings about your spouse to yourself. Recent research shows that it isn’t the divorce itself that damages children as much as the fighting, stonewalling, tension and icy silences between the parents.

Continue to talk with your children about the process. As it is with discussions about sex or drugs, you do not just have one conversation and feel you have done your job! This conversation is only the introduction. An ongoing dialogue and open attitude will go a long way in minimizing possible negative effects. Be there for your children through this difficult time. As uncomfortable as this may be for you, your children need your guidance and support.

Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC is a psychotherapist in Connecticut who works with families in transition. This article is adapted from her book, Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life: A Woman’s Journey through Divorce which was awarded Honorable Mention in the self-help category by the Independent Publishers Association. Her second book Profileactics: A Guide for the Prevention of ill-Conceived Personal Ads was just published in October 2009. For more information, click here to go to her website.

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Jason C. Brown, the publisher of the Minnesota Divorce and Family Law Blog, recently posted a very practical article outlining some important steps to take if you are anticipating filing a divorce action. I am grateful that he has allowed me to repost it here. I concur with his wise “nuts and bolts” type suggestions. Remember the old adage, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure”.  Plus, this “ounce of prevention” might well save you thousands of dollars in attorney fees!

Once you break the news of your desire to dissolve your marriage, interesting things may start happening at your house. Critical records and valuable items of personal property may suddenly vanish. It pays to be proactive to ensure that you have all the information you will need to move forward as efficiently as possible.

The wasted time and cost associated with hunting down missing documentation can be staggering. We’ve handled cases where everything from an expensive diamond ring to boxes of business records have taken a “vacation”. We almost always find them, but not without substantial effort. In cases where they are not found, the Court will impose substantial sanctions and assume the missing evidence is favorable to you.

To help avoid the mess, we’ve assembled a list of 12 things you should gather to ensure that you have all critical information in hand before your spouse has a chance to conceal, transfer or sell items. These include obtaining:

To help avoid the mess, we’ve assembled a list of 12 things you should gather to ensure that you have all critical information in hand before your spouse has a chance to conceal, transfer or sell items. These include obtaining:

Investing some time in gathering these items will ensure that your spouse cannot take advantage of you during the divorce process. The denial of the existence of an asset is a fraud upon the Court. Once your spouse knows that we have all of the key information in hand, they are far less likely to engage in bad faith conduct and be honest in their disclosures throughout the process!

If you believe that it is prudent in your case to copy a computer’s hard drive to preserve information, be sure you have a qualified professional undertake the task. It is very easy to accidentally run the “ghost drive” backwards and, in so doing, wipe out the original hard dhard drive! Not good at all!

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Recent articles and news programs have focused upon active duty military members who have returned from overseas tours of duty (often in the Middle East) to find themselves engaged and involved in “custody battles” with former spouses who are arguing it would be in the “best interests” of the minor child/children to remain with the parent who has provided care and custody during the year(s) the military parent was deployed overseas.

Michael R. Turner, R-Ohio, a member of the House of Representatives, has been trying for the past three to four years to pass an amendment to the National Defense Authorization Act (“NDAA”) which would provide military parents child custody protection while they are serving out-of-country on active duty with any branch of the military service.  To read Turner’s proposed amendment, click here. In a pointed letter directed to the Secretary of Defense, Robert M. Gates, on September 30, 2009, Representative Turner wrote:

“What is particularly troubling (to me) is that the Department of Defense has misplaced priorities with regard to federal protections for service members.  It has no objection to the FY10 NDAA House language allowing service members to cancel their cell phone contracts without penalty after orders of deployment, yet it opposes protecting the child custody rights of these same service members.  Surely, custody rights are at least equally important!”

I shall now discuss three (3) representative court cases that have attracted some national notoriety over the past few years:

1. Lt. Colonel Vanessa Benson, a Kentucky resident, was deployed to Afghanistan in December of 2008.  She executed a Family Care Plan wherein her former Husband would have temporary custody of their son during her overseas deployment.  When she returned from Afghanistan, she expected to be reunited with her fourteen (14) year old son.  This was not to be as her former Husband filed a suit in Florida asking that he be designated as the primary residential parent based upon a “substantial change in circumstances”.  Father argued that it would be in the child’s “best interest” for him to be granted “custody” as he could provide more “stability” for the minor child.

   Lisa Davidson, a Brevard County Florida Circuit Judge, recently ruled that Lt. Colonel Benson be awarded “temporary custody” of the minor adolescent son so that he would spend Christmas 2009 with his Mother and her new family at Mother’s place of residence.

   This is a difficult case since the fourteen (14) year old has told the Court that he wants to remain with his Father, in part because he is not fond of Mother’s new Husband.  While Mother argues that Father has “bought” the Son’s allegiance with a motorbike and new drum set, Father asserts that the Son wants to remain with him in Florida.  There will no doubt be additional Court proceedings in this case!

2. Staff Sergeant Jessica Tolbe served a twelve (12) month assignment in Iraq.  When she returned home to Hawaii in February 2009, she expected to be reunited with her two sons, ages eight (8) and ten (10).  Instead, she found herself involved in a “custody battle” in Tennessee with her former spouse who argued that he was more “stable” than Mother/Wife. Even though Father is in the military, he is not subject to being deployed overseas.  At the present time, the two (2) sons remain in the custody of Father with Mother having rights of visitation.  It must be noted that if Mother asks to be placed in a “non-deployable position”, she would be saying “good-bye” to a successful military career, and she would be denied the opportunity for further promotions. (Note the similarity in the Fathers’ arguments: I am inherently more “stable” than the Mothers of the children because I am not subject to deployment to fight a war.)
3. Clinton M., an Air Force Tech Sergeant, received military orders to deploy to Afghanistan in January 2009.  His former spouse attempted to keep the parties’ minor child with her in California by refusing to return the Daughter to Father’s family in North Dakota.  At a hotly contested trial, the assigned Judge ruled that the child would be returned to the Father forthwith.

   In this particular case, the child’s Mother kept reporting that the parties’ Daughter was being “abused” by the current Wife of Father.  The allegations of abuse were not substantiated and added unnecessary drama and delay to the outcome of the case.

CONCLUSION:

I am in support of Michael Turner’s proposal to change the federal law to protect the men and women who are fighting for us here and overseas in order to protect us and our freedom. It does not seem fair or logical that a military member (Husband or Wife) who is deployed overseas should return home after a remote tour of duty to find that he or she is now engaged in a “custody battle” regarding the parties’ child or children.  It appears that the parent having “temporary custody” of the child or children during the other parent’s deployment is using the military deployment as a “substantial change of circumstances” in order to gain “custody” of the minor child or children.  This position is not fair or equitable to our men and women in uniform who risk their lives for you and for me while defending our country!

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Getting tired of all this? No one goes into a divorce adequately prepared to deal with all the changes and stresses. As active, high-functioning men and women, we want to do the best we can in the least amount of time. However, divorce is a process, not a single event, and it can be a long process. Even if the legal divorce takes only a few months, the fall-out (both emotional and financial) can continue for many years.

To prevent your divorce from becoming overwhelming, recognize that you cannot rush it. The legal system works at its own pace. It requires patience and energy. The emotional components also take their natural course. Each person heals in his/her own time. While there are things you can do to minimize the pain, the process will have to run its course.

Think of your divorce as a marathon, not a sprint. In a sprint, we gather all of our energy and push to our very limits right from the beginning of the race. We can exert that much energy for the sprint because it is short in duration. However, the body cannot sustain that exertion for long periods of time without collapsing. In contrast, the marathon runner must pace him/herself for the longer race. We train and prepare, sometimes for months, nurturing and preparing our bodies and minds with proper food, rest, and equipment. We must pace ourselves, knowing if we push too much in the first part of the race, we will lose our stamina.  When we do push, it is at times that maximize our position. We also know when it is important to coast. Every mile is not run with the same amount of exertion. It is wise to put more energy into the more challenging parts of the race.

This divorce is your marathon. Make sure you have good equipment (your attorney and therapist), and that you are in peak physical shape (enough rest, exercise, nourishing food). And as with the marathon, remember to strategize how you will use your energy. Some parts of the divorce require more energy and work, while others require very little exertion. Choose wisely how you will use your energy and resources; and at the end of the race, you will feel proud for having accomplished such a challenging, often grueling process. And you won’t have any regrets for a race well run.

In this divorce process, I am a marathon runner, running one of the most important races of my life. I will seriously consider how I want to use my energy, making sure I am as prepared as I can be. When it is over, I will be able to congratulate myself for a job well done. Running this race will empower me. It will reveal my strength and fortitude. This experience will change my life and better prepare me for other life challenges.

©2009. Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC is a licensed psychotherapist in Connecticut. Her newest book, Profileactics: A Guide for the Prevention of Ill-Conceived Personal Ads is available at bookstores everywhere, Amazon.com or at www.profileactics.com. This article is from her first book,  From Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life: A Woman’s Journey through Divorce which won an Honorable Mention Award by the Independent Publishers Association. To read more about the author and her work, please visit www.donnaferber.com.

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Michael Mastracci, an attorney from Baltimore, Maryland, publishes one of my favorite blogs, “Divorce Without Dishonor.” He is a huge proponent of utilizing the collaborative law model in divorce and custody matters whenever possible. He recently posted an excellent piece, with which I agree, well worth sharing. I have added a few of my own thoughts at the end.

When I was in law school one of the adjunct professors was a circuit court judge with years of experience presiding over cases involving dueling parents arguing about virtually every aspect of their children’s lives. His advice, probably the best advice in three years of law school, was to know your judge. His Honor was not speaking about knowing the judge personally (although that never hurts) but knowing what he or she is likely to do in any given situation or factual scenario. What does that mean?

People often tend to forget that judges are people, people who likely either knew the governor or knew people close to the governor in order to get appointed. Judges are not necessarily appointed because they are smart. There is no judgeship test or certification to wear the robe once appointed (that is appointed and not anointed as some may think).

There are many judges who care deeply about the divorce and child custody litigants that come before them. There are many fine judges that have earned the respect of the lawyers and the citizens that appear before them. They may have the best of intentions and have all the good qualities one may hope for and yet they may make a ruling that will haunt you and your family for years to come. Why would you let this happen?

While judges generally receive a great deal of respect you cannot forget that they are people too and we all have shortcomings and we all have faults and areas of our lives that could use some improvement. A judge goes to work just like anyone else. For a judge, deciding the custody and child access issues of your case would be just a routine part of any given day; just another day at the office. Don’t lose sight of these sorts of things when you decide to take your business to the courthouse. From this day forward, make sure you are in the business of co-parenting.

And remember, when a court order is entered, it lasts until your child reaches the age of majority unless modified by agreement or subsequent court order. Look for alternatives to litigation and do all you can to Stop Fighting Over the Kids.

In our area of Ohio, many cases are litigated in front of Magistrates, who are lawyers working for the Court and assigned the cases by the Judges.  In most all ways, Magistrates have the same duties and powers of a Judge. What Mike said about Judges is equally applicable to Magistrates.

I always tell my clients that it is generally a much smarter approach to try to settle and resolve a case first before resorting to the trial in the courtroom.  A negotiated settlement allows the parties to craft an agreement that usually isn’t perfect but is livable. A judge or magistrate may come up with a decision that is supported by the evidence but is totally unworkable. I have seen some wildly bizarre decisions over the years that seem to have come from “left field”!  Remember that the Judge’s life isn’t going to be impacted by the decision in your case. Having input and some degree of control in hammering out the terms of a divorce or custody order, usually, just plain makes sense!

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A large body of research overwhelmingly suggests children do best when they have both a mother and a father involved in their lives. Specifically, children whose fathers participate in raising them do better in school, are less likely to get into trouble with the law, and are more likely to be better parents themselves. While more fathers are being awarded legal custody of their children, the statistics seem to indicate that the majority (between 75 and 85 percent) are awarded to mothers. Today, nearly 20 million children live in a home without a father (2002 U.S. Bureau of the Census). Recent Census Bureau child-custody statistics indicate that nearly 40% of non-custodial fathers have no access or visitation rights whatsoever with their children.  A very troubling statistic, indeed! Of those that do have visitation rights, what percentage are actually seeing their children regularly? The statistics in the studies vary greatly. But it seems clear that frequently the amount of contact the children have with their fathers diminishes over time.  A recent study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family finds that children born outside of marriage are less likely to be visited by their father when the mother is involved in a new romantic relationship. It also finds that the mother’s social decisions typically have a direct affect on the contact between a father and his child. However, like most studies which I have read, it concludes that non-residential fathers SHOULD continue visitation despite the inherent complications when mother starts dating as it is in the long term best interests of the child.

A review of the research that I have seen also makes it clear that children, especially daughters, benefit considerably when the parent they are not living with nevertheless does everyday things with the child, from shopping, reading, visiting, doing homework, watching TV together, to spending holidays together.  For a school-age daughter, doing everyday-type things together with the parent she is not living with is the strongest predictor of psychological well-being.

Don’t Let Geographical Distance Deter You!

Perseverance may no doubt be required, but Dads need to press on to be as involved as much as they can with their children. I recently concluded representation of a father who has fought in a rural Ohio juvenile court for the last 4 years to expand his parenting time and to ultimately obtain an order of Shared Parenting for his 5-year-old daughter, despite his living in North Carolina. His perseverance was incredible as were the efforts of a dedicated Guardian ad Litem who flew two times to father’s home in North Carolina to evaluate firsthand their strong and developing father-daughter bond. This wise father had allowed his relationship with his daughter to grow naturally and gradually over the years. As much as he wanted her with him, he elected not to force any extended out-of-state visitation beyond his daughter’s comfort zone. What has occurred is that his daughter wants to spend as much time with him as possible. This child will have a much better chance to grow to become a very healthy adult because of Dad’s efforts despite a very contentious court battle. The child will be attending school in Ohio, but father has court-ordered parenting time both in Ohio and North Carolina as well as utilizing virtual visitation online to supplement his "in-person" contact. Dad continues to read books to her at night online with the use of a web camera.

I would like to share a quote by George Bernard Shaw which seems apropos:

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them."

If that one doesn’t work for you, here is one that I am sure my client would especially enjoy since it is from one of his heroes, Erin Brokovich:

"Take It From Me: Life’s a Struggle but You Can Win.”

Think outside the box. In this day and age, staying connected with a child is possible regardless of geographical distances, acrimonious litigation, work schedules or other obstacles. An excellent resource for helping parents dealing with these issues is the Separated Parenting Access and Resource Center (SPARC), a non-profit organization dedicated to promoting the best interests of children involved in custody and divorce proceedings. Click here to go to SPARC’s website. Also, you might be interested in reading my prior articles about Virtual Visitation. Click here to read the first about Utilizing Technology to Supplement Parenting Time. Click here to read the second about The Legal aspects of Virtual Visitation.

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In spite of his mom’s death from breast cancer two years ago, 14-year-old Damian appeared to be doing well. He was experiencing typical adolescent issues with independence and responsibility, but seemed to be working those out with his dad. Damian was starting to think about college, motivated by a desire to “always make my mom proud of me.”

I was a bit taken aback when I shared my impressions with his dad. He became very quiet and simply said, “our family is not right. We need help.”

I finally realized that I was focusing on the wrong client. I stopped talking about Damian and instead questioned dad about how he was doing.

Dad spoke extensively about what it had been like over the past few years. He told me the story of the first time he met his wife, the only person he truly loved. They were together since junior year in high school and were each other’s best friend. He talked about how traumatic it was when he first learned of his wife’s cancer, and the painful three years he spent feeling helpless during her ordeal.

His story was one of love, loss and sadness. I’ve been well-trained to avoid overly emotional responses regardless of what a child or parent tells me during a session. That’s hard for someone like me who gets teary eyed at Hallmark commercials.

I met with dad a few more times, and then connected him with an adult therapist who focused on counseling issues around grief and loss. There was no need for me to meet again with Damian.

It’s difficult at times to determine the real reason why parents seek help for their children. For some parents, it is just too hard to initially acknowledge that the root of their unhappiness is more due to their issues than their children’s. Other parents, like Damian’s dad, focus so much attention on their children that they fail to recognize their own depression or other serious problems.

Here are a few guidelines to determine who really needs help in your family:

• If you have any problems with substance abuse, child abuse or domestic violence, first get help for yourself. Kids living in homes with such parents show little improvement until their parents deal with those issues.
• Unhappy marriages lead to unhappy parents. It’s hard to be a good mom or dad if you are in a bad relationship with your spouse.
• Parents with major mental disorders, such as psychosis or mood disorders, generally require medication as well as therapy. Again, focus on yourself first rather than your child.
• The experience of a major traumatic event will affect you both as a person and as a parent, so be sure you deal with those concerns.

It’s common for parents to put children as their top priority, but getting professional help for yourself is sometimes the best way to help your child.

To sign up to receive Dr. Ramey’s Family Wise monthly E-newsletter, click here.

[Reprinted by permission from the December 13, 2009, edition of the Dayton Daily News, “Ask yourself, who really needs help in your family”, Family Wise, Gregory Ramey, PhD]

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