OKCupid Emails

Kinkiness

2011-05-24T11:23:00.000-07:00

Her:

rly wish i could have casual sex w/ u :/ goodluck in ur life

Him:
yes wayt but i don't understand none of that jap talk and misconigyeous stuff you talked about in your blog i'm inta furry things

Her:

me 2

Her:

'my fursona is a helicopter' etc

Him:
That's hilarious. Oooh wee girl you right up my alley! I like that first picture you got of yourself too.
You durin all this talk of the casual sex and what not and I like it!
I dont know much but you gota do it!
We's gonna get along jes fine.
You know you make me all tingly?! Damn sho you right.
If we had gals like you back home?

Him:
You need some titty pics!

Him:
Oh andpanties woooooo I loooove them panties! you sexy as hayelll!

The Competition

2011-05-20T09:56:00.000-07:00

Him:

You look like a stoned drunk zombie keith richards jesus in the winter.

Other Him:

thx. it's cultivated. want women 2 know i've lived + seen things.

Him:

Okay that's the dumbest thing ive ever heard and im going to make you famous for it.

Other Him:

thx. been waiting for this break.

Lexiconology

2011-05-11T12:25:00.000-07:00

Her:

Only profile that comes up to the search of "butt pregnant" highlighted. Nice work tiger!

Him:

Heh. Thanks.

Her:

You're welcome. However, don't be shocked if I start using it and it makes it's way into the les vocabulary. Ps . Don't let the pics or profile fool you on here. I'm feisty and scrappy enough to use butt pregnant in conversation.
M

Him:

Do it!
Don't let the nonsensical blabber fool you, I'm not as insightful and caring as my profile may make me out. I actually am full of shit and have no idea what Im talking about!
Butt fuckin' punk!
When I lived on a farm I had a billy goat, it was my friend. Me and that Billy would do everything. Likes I said, it was a Billy goat, so I named it Charlie.
We'd skateboard, hide and seek, swimming... Stand on high places...
I'd kiss him on the mouth too. Shit! I aint gay. But that's an aminal.
Anyways, one day I saw that billy goat suckin his own wiener and just'a spray all over his face. I got mad. I'm glad it got it's head stuck in a fence.

Her:

Wow you are full of shit;)

Him:

True story
just not mine.

Her:

Sadly, its a story that ends in jealousy. All over the ability to lick you're own Johnson. Do guys really wish they could?

Him:

No hell no!
I never wish I could do that to myself! Now, my room mate. Yes. I wish I could do that to him all the time!
So what? I aint no homo chondriac!
I don't have enough cigarettes for this shit.

Her:

Isn't it easier to just say go fuck yourself? Besides if someone could do that I'd be amazed!

Culinary Curiosity

2011-05-01T12:11:00.000-07:00

Him:

Whoa! Hottie hottie hottie hottie hottie hottie hottie hottie hottie hottie!
You're so damn good looking!
You make me think of that song I like while I'm eatin some eggs with bacon and sausage and hash browns and orange juice and grits and toast and pancakes and bacon and sausage and ham and grits and muffins and blue berry muffins and jelly and toast and coffee and tomatoes that's all sliced up and strawberries and sugar and eggs!

Her:

Hey!!! Thanks for your complement :) I think you're really hot too!! aaand you seem like someone I'd like to hang with... I'm on my way out but just wanted to write back and say hellooooww. Hope all is going pretty alright.

Him:

All is going very pretty alright!
Pretty alright like hell!
Educate me. What else qualifies as Gypsy-punk besides Gogol Bordello?
You play alot of instruments yeah?
I used to play the recorder back in elementary school. Ever heard of it? It's pretty complex. Fingers- here, blow-here sort of thing. Like a really awesome flute.
Holy holy shit! You have done quite a bit ya? You're more traveled than that pack of goats my Uncle's got on his farm. They just walk back and forth a lot, but they put up a ton of miles doing that! Plus they stand on shit all the time.

Her:

Hi [omitted]! does that mean you wear tacos as trousers or that you have a taco in your trousers? Hmmm gypsy punk... yeah, there are several bands, Balkan Beat Box, Dorlene Love, Kal, Kagero, etc... There's a link on my profile to a post related to that - generally the music aesthetics has the raucousness of punk and the usage of Roma instruments/sounds (fiddles, accordions), then there's the attitude that comes with it... blah blah blah... ok, I can go on forever. Yooo, I remember the recorder!!! I forgot they exist lol, I like your sarcasm :) So where do you live/hang out? Where are you from?

Him:

What the? What are you talking about? It's just jibberish you saexy thang! I live in my mommas basement fool! It's outta sight! and dark. I hang out in attic with twelve pollacks in Greenpoint. PLaying the accordian and kazoo mostly. I think theyr in the mafia, sometimes they hang me out of the window while i smoke a cigar and laughs.
Sorry it took so long to message back, I'll try to do a better time next time, i dont think your dogs very happy with me.

On Irony

2011-04-28T11:36:00.000-07:00

Her:
I wanted to send you a message but your profile is just so ironic I didn't know where to start. So here goes nothin'!

Him:
How's it fuckin ironic? And what's ironic about it?
This aint no something that's just a show, this is real life! And we're all characters in each other's story, and durin something just to do it is dumb. The story my friend is life and you do it... to it. Penis lick. That's what I say.
If it makes you feel good do it.
Pancakes are good. I touch myself way too much when Im thinking of you.
I don't dance as much as I should.
Just dance, always dance. Being naked is awesome.
Facebook status update: "Good things are awesome! Bad things suck! :("
Everything poops and birds are awesome.
Getting dog hairs in my mouth doesn't even bother me... Just get it.
Weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner!
Once I ate some dum dum pops and then ate some smarties to balance it out.
Fuck your backwards baseball cap you douche!
Milky milky milky milky milky milky milky milky milky milky milky milky milk milky milky waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! It is what you think it is that is what it could be. Reach that fuckin potential! God!
Never again you dang flip flaps!
"Why is there never any fuckin' beer?"
Real is real is real. I'm the realest. Remember, who cares how you spell cucumber?
An old man turned ninety-eight. He won the lottery and died the next day.
Now that's ironic...

Her:
Still trying to figure out how to respond to a message like this. Hmmm. I imagine it just would straight up scare off most ladies..

The Use of Superlatives

2011-04-19T11:52:00.000-07:00

Him:

Awww man! You won of the mostest beautifulest womens I'd seen up here yet! You way hotter than my momma's friends back home!

Her:

you look kinda familiar

Him:

Oh no, hells no! You don't know me unless you have me mistaken for someone else... Then it might be possible I'll be familiar to you.
I give myself pony tails for fun!

Going Global

2011-04-10T16:25:00.000-07:00

Her:

Him:

Oh god. You make me feel all tingly like!
And the way you smile...
You need s'more pictures gal! A purdy face like don't need to be no hidin'.
By the way I love s'mores.
Oh goddamn. Denver? Well fuck.
Will you marry me because?

Her:

awww <3

I know, I know. I just joined this thing, I will add more.

s'mores are delicious. lets make some?

denver for nowww, who knows, ya know?

ok, why not.

Him:

So i hear it's legal in denver. By IT i mean riding horses. If you have horse that is. I was there once. Went and saw a The Band tribute with a bunch of hippies.
OK, so BIG question, besides the one which I asked you to marry me (which you said yes and Im going to hold you to it), why's a fine thing like you on a dating site?
What's going on in Denver to warrant that, or not going on?
I don't really actually dig s'mores. I dont like chocolate. They say it's an afrodidimack, but I've eaten plenty of chocolate and never made me want to make it with a chick. I just think aw this is some tastey shit that's going to make my spit brown later. I even tried it at the same time. Nuthin'.

Her:

It totally is legal, and enjoyed by all. Oh, horses to. I had a horse up until a year ago, I love them.

You better hold me to it, promise you will, ok? I am on this site out of sheer boredom and curiosity. My friend got me hooked on the quiz/test things, it's fun. I have never met anyone off of this site. Denver is great, but it's still fun to play around on here.

I like dark chocolate, but the milk chocolate kind of tastes gross. I don't like it very much. I love toasty graham crackers though, I think they make s'mores good.

we don't have to eat chocolate, pretty sure I'd still want you.