ol' memoirs...

ON HIS FALL..

2010-06-27T00:19:00.000-07:00

India is a ‘Land of various religions,
Castes and creeds’
With Gandhi & Pigeon
As the symbols of Peace.

Then why politicians & republicans
With their sinful deeds,
In the name of Religion
Profane and make the existence of unity, cease?

Truth replies: All
Religions preach to
Practice brotherhood, love & peace.

The Almighty gives a call:
‘Love thy neighbour & I’ll love you;
Prevent my world -- from a fall -– meant for ease.

LIFE'S VOW

2010-04-20T23:24:00.000-07:00

Life is to love.
Life is to be praised.
Life is to hate.
Life is to be condemned.

Life begins with birth;
Life ends with death.
Life is lived. How?
I can’t tell you now!

Life is an ocean;
I am at the shore.
Life is to be lived;
I have no oar.

Life, thou art reposeful,
With honey-dew and grass, too cool.
Life, thou art mysterious,
With, situations joyous and serious.
Life, thou have merry,
With wine and Cherry.
Life, thou have worry,
With bread and curry.

Life, thou art what?
For me and the rout?
Life, thou art why?
To make us sob and cry?
Life, thou art how?
By making them poise & we to bow?
Life, why He gave birth to you?
To make us pray for death, lick the dirt, or woo?

If that be so,
I take a Vow –
To solve the mystery,
Shed off the misery.
To sometimes but repose:
None close, except a Rose.
To leave the shore,
Make hands my oar.
To live life lively, have merry,
No Wine, only Cherry.
To never worry,
But when the world is scary & weary.
To live with the clergy and the scout,
Often with the rout.
To fly up & high in the sky,
Never allow them to wry.
To stand erect,
Make their posture perfect.
To live till the end,
Whatever be the trend.
To try my Best,
And ‘Leave the Rest’.

WHENEVER I BEGIN TO FEEL...

2010-03-12T03:47:00.000-08:00

Whenever I begin to feel you are mine,
You make me realise you're not..
They pierce your heart. Believe me,
Expectations hurt a lot.

Spent blood as oil asks
"What did I get?"
"Only weak bonds, an empty heart,
And eyes that are shyly wet?"

I know you would say,"Its not true!
Now and always you'll be mine.."
But we know it well.. Lives change.
Life, later, might be just fine.

Your starlit face, honey laden dew,
Your beauty, your innocence, your charm
Makes the present better than ever;
Me, my sleep, my pace could never be more calm.

Eternal pleasures in ephemeral lives
Make love eternal & living worthwhile.
I owe you now my heart, my soul,
My smiles, my tears & my very life agile.

YOU CAN..

2010-02-17T00:01:00.000-08:00

You can choose your friends,
But not your relations.
You can choose your wives,
But not your sons.

You can have a good day,
But a bad noon.
You can have a long life,
But a bad boon.

You can have a past without a future,
But not a future without a past.
You can have a day without me,
But not me without a day.

You can cry to lighten your heart,
But not lighten your heart to cry.
You can recall our days to smile,
But not smile to recall our days.

You can have me in your last days,
But not your last days in me.
You can have a known one to degrade,
But not degrade to a “known one”.

I feel the sun from both sides,
But I don’t burn.
I shower all love on you,
But I don’t dry.

You may wonder who am I,
It’s ‘me’,
Who will strive to be ‘me’,
Not to reason why!

SAID NEVER BEFORE

2010-02-08T23:17:00.000-08:00

Have you e'er wondered
Why I keep alone?
Or have you e'er wondered
Why I trope a tone?

Have you e'er quarried
Where I loiter about?
Or have you e'er quarried
Where do my emotions sprout?

Have you e'er bothered
From whence I kin you?
Have you e'er bothered
From whence I've tried to woo?

Has it e'er dawned:
You're one of the Three?
Or has it e'er dawned:
I'm never on a spree?

Have you e'er pinched:
I was never a hurt?
Or have you e'er pinched:
I was serious: not a flirt?

Have you e'er cared
There was someone 'no other' ?
Or have you e'er cared
One day he'd be your incognito brother ?

DREDGING A DREAM

2010-02-06T05:24:00.000-08:00

Above this half-lit sky,
In the radiance of your face,
A dewy smile, in my thoughtful eye
Beholds the brilliance of your witty grace!

Against dreary nights & tiny days,
I run. To keep bathing
In the cool crimson rays,
I bow my head while praying.

Sailing on warm icy memories
Beautiful Hope will reach you soon.
This Promise won’t take centuries:
For even you chirp is a boon!

The charm, the beauty &
the soothing palm
The kindness, the oneness & the feelings true
Shall make us long for your caring arm
And reasons, yet unknown, will leave us missing you.

FOR A TRUE FRIEND..

2010-02-05T22:28:00.000-08:00

Friends will be friends,
True friends will be memories precious.
For the world changes its trends,
It is very treacherous.

True friends are not easily found.
If you have one, you'd know,
How he can heal your wound.
And to have him you'll say "Wow!"

You'll not be able to find me one
Day, nor will I be able to find You:
Be it the moon or the sun .
We'll not be found what'er we do.

But...we'll have memories
Of these wonderful days,
In which we make centuries
In thousand beautiful ways!

NOON: AFTER AND BEFORE

2010-01-20T06:59:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, in the afternoon,
I thought & thought till moon
About our future(s)
--In the starlight, a dumb typhoon.

"Our future is wild!"
Whispered my heart -- kind & mild,
"We've to live with the thorns
And bushes & scrapers or be exiled!"

How misty our future is!
And our Present too, Miss,
Is an eel in white waters.
Now, you're mine & lo! Now you're his!

"It's cozy to float in the river
-- All unidirectional", must think the beaver,
"But now I've to intrude the ocean linoleum,
Where one wants to lynch being a juror!"

When these thoughts came
The stars became dim & the moon lame
In some faint light.
Violets & lilacs giggled with the sparkling dew.

It was today, a changed day.
Todays have never been so!
It was as new as the first morning of a bride
-- All love around & crimson face!

Some Fresh beams of memoirs
Refracted into my room,
As would some more names enter
Later, in some more new days.

Many would be mates-- at Park & Streets.
Few would be friends.
A new world around; of light & fame
But none like you; so simple & mine!

...My words have borne me this high
-- It'd be noon soon. My hands should
Carry me now till dusk;
I want to sleep with the moon!

A SOLITARY EVENING

2010-01-20T06:33:00.000-08:00

I'm in my home
I'm alone:
Missing you.
What do I do?

...I close my eyes and see:
An evening for friends
An evening of innocence
An evening for trends
An evening of presence.
We are disciples:
Complete children,
Cracking crucibles
Like jokes. That's Fun...

...I open them forcibly
Unwilling to see: this evening
For friends? No. For travelers
Who are busy, preparing
To detach. Worse than strangers.
We are students:
Few book-worms; others -- pitiable creatures.
To feelings we give no vents.
To be miles apart from you is torture.

INDIFESO

2009-11-13T02:35:00.000-08:00

You don’t need to take a person’s
Advice to make him feel good
– Just ask for it.
But I did!
I didn’t want to make you feel good.
I know you feel good
– About your family & friends – and not me.
I know blood has been spilled
And dust settled by tears:
My hands can’t see,
They’re deaf and innocent
To feel what sword they hold.
I know I could ne’er harbour a will
Which would dare to harm you.
Yet, I repent,
Ere half my days,
For you feel hurt.
My stoicism is all washed only to fear
To incur your displeasure.
I don’t even dare
To trouble your thoughts.
How could I trouble you?
Yet my guilty heart pleads forgiveness.
Please do forgive.
I can’t assure it’ll occur never again.
The many things I’ve learnt from you
Doesn’t comprise this,
But I kindled my courage, from your fire,
To stand erect and poise
Even with the sun on my palms.
With this diligence and faith
I once again request
Your kindness.
For it has been told
To please a noble and gentle soul
A thousand times as a bead of pearls
Even at the cost of your ...
I cannot write between the lines any more.
I’m a man and plain
Or a boy, if you so call.
I’d be delighted if you call, call me.

THREE SIDES OF A ROAD

2009-11-09T02:40:00.001-08:00

Once again I’m in two minds!
I see myself staring at a long road
With my back at the winds,
The green wastes near the betrothed.

It’s a long and lonely one.
I can have a rear view.
I know what I’ve done,
Still I dire to scream, “Adieu! ”

The white Is bend, at far:
I cannot see farther than that.
“Would it be intelligent to be at War
For something you can’t even look at? ”

Now, on this side of the divide
I feel own-ness, I sense oneness
In face of the dark brown trees – Vide
And far they spread – Am part of this mess.

Just opposite and confronting me
Are small birds chirping in the green.
Its noon now in my territory
By crawling the salty barbs, at my back will be the crimson clean.

Mauled I collapse in the mid—to die.
It’s easier with no mind, to go.
Betrayed shoulders will follow death or a life of a lie.
I’ll sit until I’m swept by a strong wind blow!

BREAKING FREE

2009-11-06T03:29:00.001-08:00

A friend of mine asked me
Why I was so?
I had no answer.
Yet I explained to him.
I was afraid of happiness & joys.
I feared those happy moments
Which precede the sad ones.
I avoided those wet lips
Which welcome moist brows.
I cursed a hum
To shallow my sob.
I was never happy nor lively
To the fullest of my heart.
I smiled – no giggles;
I hummed – no songs;
I tapped – no dance;
I listened – no speech.
I led a followed life.
I inhaled a sweating air.
I dreamt of me
-- With no dreams in.
I loved myself
-- With no love being.
I knew my future only
As an elongated present.
I knew my present only
As my past’s rudiments.

But now I feel!
No answers for ‘What?’
Yet I understand
I’m changing, for I’m feeling.
Now, I shall have friends
-- For merry, not mocks.
Now, I shall love to live
And like to die.
This Second is mine.
Next is His.
I’ve to be happy
To enjoy His bliss.
My heart is all full of blood.
It beats & I hear the notes.
My mind is weightless
It seems it floats.

A thought still occupies little space.
I’m helpless.
It comes to me back.
“These lines are short
And very restless.
Some long hours will bring some long lines.
I’m not waiting; you may know.
I’m breaking chains ring by ring.
The syllables are lost; you may note.

A LONG BEGINNING

2009-11-06T03:11:00.000-08:00

I’ve opened my eyes once again!
What a beautiful dawn this is!
The sun’s still hid by some violet clouds of rain.
It was a violent night. But by His
Mercy Divine, on an eternal day, I’m resting here.
But where? It’s a quiz!

I’m standing on the same long road –
I’d always dreamed of – with my clock
And clothes and what I’d vowed.
I’ve to sweat and tear. I can’t ease my walks.
But while running, the nightingale soothes my heart.
And a gentle breeze tender-dries my locks.

I can see white darts rushing for the colours.
It’s good time with the thin gray road left far behind!

I just don’t realize the significance of significant events ..

2009-11-05T03:53:00.000-08:00

Had penned this some years back..

"One thing, one of the most important things about me & my life, which I’ve come to know, today is that I’m not emotionally dead. This startling fact was revealed (read realized) by the painstaking method of careful examination of one’s own retrospect. Self-introspection is a great tool to rectify oneself but it works only when it is used too often; else it refrains from resuscitating the reticent. The sword of an executioner ensures a facile head-off. But that of a retinue may very possibly betray the beholder. I, therefore, prefer retrospection to introspection; the latter often invites procrastination. And the former’s caravan piques.

"I learned, a few days ago, about the sad demise of one of our family friends. He was an ASP, in the district of Darjeeling, but neither his nature nor his nurture complimented his police-service. He was a man, calm & kind, pious & honest, simple and modest. He loved his family & friends,. And we were all praise for him. He was lynched – he was fasting -- on duty. He had a service revolver, but his kindness and gentleness made him abstain from firing at the mob or even in the air. My father said, “lynching”. I could not understand. It took his narration of the whole tragedy to make me realize only what had occurred. But still, I couldn’t completely believe his words. Such a confrontation with such a human was unbelievable. And even today I haven’t been able t accept the very fact that his body has been laid to rest. His simmering face still lingers in my thoughts. I vividly see the noble & innocent expressions above his mantle. He is alive, very much alive. How can he be dead?

"I was shocked to hear the news, I was speechless, and went into oblivion. After some minutes, the tragic drama was comprehended but not yet accepted. It’ll take a good portion of my life, possibly the whole of it, to believe, accept & realize that a Man is dead.

"Here are some observations and inferences of retrospection. I didn’t shed a tear. My wild thoughts were busy with my friends. My sub-conscience was possessed with him & the last rites of which I was not a part of. And this continues till date.

"I don’t say that I’m a optimist who refers to a cyclone as a breeze. I can’t do so, because I don’t know, what a cyclone is, what its impacts are. I’m just indifferent to a cyclone or a breeze or a gale or a typhoon or a vacuum. I do not know, if it’s a quality or a flaw in my character. I just let things happen and then accept them –if I cannot do much—as the Almighty’ Will. My patient faith proclaims, “Whatever happens, happens for the good!”

"The ‘good’ may take few long moments to surface. But surely, it will surface.

HUMAN TRIUMPH

2009-11-02T22:21:00.000-08:00

I’m faithful to you,
Yet I feel you are being betrayed!
I’m true to you,
Yet I feel you are being lied to!

I put into words, all my feelings,
But still remain many lines to be inked!
I hide nothing from you,
But still remain many thoughts to be disclosed!

We’ve been together for years;
A few moments, they may seem.
You may feel, you know me well.
But there’s a lot beneath the cream!

You are a person, innocent & mine
--Treating me as an Ideal.
It’s here where I look timid,
Afterall, for you, I’m only Idle.

I can’t dare to speak all.
It’s good! For, if everything’s said
And everything’s done,
With nothing else to do, we’ll be dead!