Old Sailor 2007

Autumn is finally here

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Thu, 01 Oct 2026 19:09:26 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

Last night, the wind finally howled around the house, singing its dramatic, ghostly tunes through the open windows. It took its sweet time, but old man autumn has officially arrived. The temperature has taken an absolute dive at least during the nightly hours, and it’s finally time to zip those heavy winter coats right up to our chins. Inside, it’s all brilliantly warm and cozy as the heating is back on during the evening and cold morning hours; outside, it’s a beautifully wild, grey, and stormy mess. Honestly, what more could an old sailor ask for? Pop the kettle on, I would say! And enjoy a warm cup of coffee or tea.

A nice cup of shut the f.ck up

Right now, I am thoroughly enjoying the grand national symphony of people whining and groaning. The Dutch public can finally return to their absolute favorite pastime: aggressively complaining about the weather! I do wonder sometimes, is their worldview really that tiny? Or does a bit of a breeze genuinely ruin their day? To me, a proper downpour is just a minor inconvenience, not the end of the world. But if you listen to some of these folks on the bus or in the supermarket queue, you'd think a bit of drizzle was a fatal diagnosis! My dear lord are they that far away from nature and is their life that empty that they not even can enjoy the change of seasons.

Not a single roof tile has actually touched the pavement yet, but people are already gossiping over the fence as if we’ve just survived a category 5 hurricane. It makes me laugh. Imagine the absolute meltdown if a proper storm hits! Trees ripped out by their roots, tiles flying through the air like frisbees, and public transport gets completely paralyzed. Though, let’s be honest, we shouldn't count National Rail in that—the trains already suffer from "square wheels" and existential dread the second a single, stray autumn leaf touches the tracks! Dutch railways are something special I guess!

The Met Office will undoubtedly issue a "Severe Weather Warning" and tell everyone to stay indoors because, god forbid, a bit of weather is happening outside. Our once so down-to-earth, stiff-upper-lip nation now gets completely stressed out, plunging into blind panic the moment a dark cloud appears. "Oh no, dear, we might be twenty minutes late for tea!" Instantly, every weather app crashes under the pressure and the rail timetable website goes completely dark. On the Television the explain about “Code Red“. Oh come on It is a bit rough out there and yes at sea nature tosses you around like a bouncing ball. Just enjoy the beautiful skies and the rouge waves this is also what nature is.

Life used to be so wonderfully simple, but we've gone and made it terribly complicated. The exact second modern humans can't text, WhatsApp, or scroll through their phones, their entire world comes to a grinding halt. They are left stranded, bewildered, and utterly lonely and mostly because actual, face-to-face human contact seems to have gone completely out of fashion. Mind you, a good old-fashioned storm is the perfect excuse to ignore everyone anyway! Just pick up yourself and go on what life is giving you and yes in most cases you will survive this severe conditions.

Enjoy the stormy weather and have a nice warm beverage when you come home.

The Old Sailor,

September is calling again

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Tue, 01 Sep 2026 06:51:37 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

September has arrived, and it has brought a little suitcase of changing weather with it. The mornings are cooler, the days are getting shorter, and autumn is standing just around the corner, waiting patiently to make an entrance.

This morning, the rain was hammering against my windows while the wind threw itself about outside. Naturally, the dogs decided this was the perfect time for a walk. Dogs, as we all know, have no understanding of bad weather, sensible clothing or the phrase “perhaps tomorrow.”

So out we went, with me wrapped up like a sailor in a storm and the dogs happily splashing through every puddle they could find.

September has always held a special place in my heart. It is summer’s final wave goodbye before autumn arrives with its chilly mornings, damp afternoons and impressive collection of scarves. It is also a month of balance. Nature gives us a little bit of everything: crisp mornings, warm afternoons, golden evenings and the occasional downpour to remind us who is really in charge.

The cooler mornings are perfect for energetic walks, jogs or outdoor adventures. Later, when the sun warms everything up, it is time to slow down, relax and enjoy the last generous handfuls of summer.

Boosting Your Mood and Making Time for Mental Wellbeing

September is a good time to look after our mental wellbeing. The busy summer season begins to wind down, the evenings grow darker and some of us may feel a little sad that the long, bright days are disappearing. But there is no need to surrender to the post-summer blues just yet.

Getting outside and staying active can work wonders for our mood. Even a little sunshine can make the day feel brighter, and natural daylight helps our bodies produce vitamin D. More importantly, fresh air, movement and a change of scenery can give our minds a welcome lift.

So, whether you go for a brisk morning walk, take a weekend hike or simply sit in the park with a good book, make the most of the daylight.

Breathe in the fresh air, enjoy the sunshine and imagine that you are filling your pockets with positive energy for the darker months ahead. Just remember to empty them before putting your trousers in the washing machine.

Enjoying Some of the Best Weather of the Year

I don’t know about you, but I love a September day that begins with a light sweater and trousers and ends with a T-shirt and shorts.

The morning may start with a cool breeze and a cup of tea held firmly between both hands. By afternoon, the sun has warmed everything up, and suddenly you are wondering why you wore the sweater in the first place.

Then comes the early evening, when the sunlight turns golden and the whole world seems to glow. The sun slowly sinks lower, painting the landscape with warm colours and creating the perfect conditions for photographs.

Some of my favourite pictures are taken during those magical moments when daylight fades gently away. Even an ordinary field can look like a scene from a film when the evening light gets involved.

This is one of September’s greatest tricks: cool enough to feel fresh, warm enough to be enjoyable and unpredictable enough to keep us guessing.

The crisp mornings are ideal for brisk walks, invigorating jogs or a refreshing yoga session. As the day warms up, we can head outside for cycling, gardening, canoeing or perhaps one last swim before the water becomes suitable only for penguins.

And why not invite friends and family along? Shared adventures create wonderful memories and make the change into the colder months feel much less gloomy. Besides, everything is more enjoyable when there is someone else to blame for getting lost.

Preparing for the Change of Season

Although September encourages us to enjoy the present, it also gives us a gentle nudge to prepare for the season ahead. As summer turns into autumn, a few small changes to our routines can help us adjust. Regular exercise keeps our bodies strong, supports our energy levels and helps us feel healthier.

When the weather becomes colder, I tend to swap some of my more energetic outdoor activities for slower forms of exercise indoors. Of course, my daily morning walks will continue. I’m not sure the dogs would accept any other arrangement. They are very good at reminding me that rain, wind and cold are merely minor details.

I especially enjoy walking early in the morning and watching the sun rise over the misty fields. There is something wonderfully peaceful about being outside at that time of day, particularly when the seasons are changing. The dogs enjoy the smells, the puddles and the opportunity to inspect every blade of grass. I enjoy the quiet, the fresh air and pretending that I am a character in a nature documentary.

Staying active in September also helps us maintain a routine throughout autumn and winter. Once the colder, shorter days arrive, it is much easier to stay motivated if we have already built good habits.

September is also when I begin wearing more autumnal colours. The warm browns, oranges and deep reds seem to announce that autumn is on its way. They also make it look as though I have been thoughtfully coordinated with the leaves, which is always a bonus.

Our meals begin to change too. Cooler evenings call for warm, comforting food, and the darker nights seem to make a good bowl of soup taste even better. And, of course, the holiday season is now less than 100 days away. That may sound like plenty of time, but we all know how quickly those days disappear. One moment it is September, and the next someone is asking where the Christmas decorations are.

There is plenty to look forward to.

Embrace September

So, let’s embrace September and enjoy everything it has to offer.

Let’s keep moving, but remember to slow down as well. Take time to breathe, relax and enjoy the final rays of summer sunshine. Make the most of the crisp mornings, warm afternoons and beautiful golden evenings. Wear a sweater in the morning, a T-shirt by lunchtime and carry an umbrella just in case. September likes to keep us prepared.

Let us hope for those perfect days when the skies are clear, the air is warm and the spirit of summer lingers just a little longer.

And if it rains, put on your coat, grab the lead and take the dogs out anyway. They will be waiting by the door.

The Old Sailor,

The Outburst

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Thu, 13 Aug 2026 22:45:55 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

It is difficult for me to broach this subject, but right now, my world has come to a standstill, and I have little hope for a bright future. No, I don’t want to play the victim, but I do feel very lonely at the moment. Lately, more and more people around me have either left or passed away.

My past is starting to catch up with me; I am receiving help from specialists, and I find myself thinking that if God exists, He is putting me to the test once again. I am still a father to my children, but our relationship has grown rather distant; this makes me feel as though my only remaining function is to ensure there is money coming in to live on. Am I truly a bad person? Is there anything good left for me to do in this life?

No, I am not becoming depressed. My outlook remains clear, and my spirit is still positive and full of humor. I’m just a stupid bastard who is no longer good for anything. Yet she keeps making plans for the future, and sometimes I just don't get it anymore. The agreement was that we would grow old together, and I remain loyal to that.

For years, I have lived with the stark reality that life can end at any moment, for any reason whatsoever. Whether you get gunned down, contract a fatal illness, or suffer a heart attack—these are all factors beyond your control. I embraced these thoughts years ago, and they are increasingly becoming my reality.

After a weekend outing with the family—including an overnight stay at a hotel abroad—irritation suddenly flares up, and I find myself being grilled about a particular issue. Due to exhaustion and cracks in my armor—something from the past getting in the way—an enormous outburst of rage followed on my part, during which I grabbed her in anger; something I have been unable to set right to this day. And now she is actually afraid of me as a person; I’ve destroyed everything.

The house had been quiet for days. Ever since the evening I lost my temper, an invisible wall had stood between us. The argument itself hadn't been about anything major—just my behavior and the fact that I was spending more time with one of the children than with her. But my sudden outburst of anger had set the tone. The look of shock on her face was still seared into my memory.

In the days that followed, we kept a low profile. No more big fights, but no intimacy either. We were living like friendly strangers under the same roof.

She was sitting at the kitchen table, looking at the half-empty cups. I walked into the room, grabbed my backpack, and gave her a brief, cautious nod. No kiss, no "have a good day at work"—just the bare minimum. Her posture was defensive, as if she were constantly bracing for another storm. God, the workday felt endless, and I had no desire to go home. But where else was there to go?

When I got home, I felt the urge to go straight on the defensive. *It was only one time, after all,* I thought. But seeing her tired eyes, I realized the impact was far greater than the cause. The quiet in the house wasn't peaceful; it was the silence following an earthquake, where everyone fears a massive aftershock. How could I turn this around? It dragged on for days.

One evening, I decided to break the pattern—not with a grand gesture, but with calm. When she was sitting on the sofa reading, I sat down next to her. I deliberately kept my voice low and my hands open.

"Listen," I said softly. She looked up immediately, her muscles tensing for a moment. "I just want to say I’m sorry about the other day. I shouldn’t have raised my voice or lashed out at you. You’re safe with me here, and I’m going to make sure this doesn’t happen again."

At first, she said nothing. She looked at her phone, took a deep breath, and then let her shoulders drop. The wall didn’t crumble immediately, but the tension in the air eased noticeably. The process of quietly mending things had begun—albeit slowly, cautiously, and step by step. I can only hope I’m on the right track and that things will go back to the way they were.

The Old Sailor,

Fathersday is not so special

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Wed, 01 Jul 2026 20:42:37 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

This year we celebrated Father's Day on Sunday the 21st of June It’s not like Mother's Day when my wife is getting gifts and breakfast in bed. Most of the time I get a phone call. When I am lucky, I might get a new T-shirt with a funny print.

At the moment there are some men that have been crazed by their country and they bring their idiotic ideologies to our countries. And they are not the kind of man that you want as a father or a spouse. If raping young women is normal in your home country, you should not be here. I don’t like this kind of medieval and primate behavior.

In a world where many men still try to dominate women and see them as mere responsibilities, my dad has always been different. He taught us to dream big and that no one can tell us what girls can’t do.

“Learn to drive so you don’t have to depend on anyone to get around, and you’ll be safer,” my dad advised. I replied, “None of my friends know how to drive, and I can always get a ride or ask you or a male friend to drive me.”

My dad insisted, “Women should be independent. Your independence will empower you.” This wasn’t a typical conversation between a father and daughter at that time. My dad was truly one of a kind! This is what I have taken from him for my own girls. One such example is when I enrolled them for higher education coaching, despite people around him questioning why so much effort was needed when all girls supposedly need is to find a small job and eventually have a family. I don’t think that girls should think in that kind of old-fashioned ways.

Let me go back to my own youth. After my army days, I was lost and trying hard to find jobs that would pay my bills. I didn’t care much for being part of a family and I went with a good friend to start a life in Australia. I was traveling alone to an unknown country where I didn’t know anyone. My friend traveled with me to the last point in the country. I was traveling from Perth to Melbourne and to Sydney in Australia. He could have dropped me off at the train station like most parents, but he took the extra effort to come as far as he could, knowing he would need a visa to go further. His presence gave me the courage to face the new challenges ahead. He dropped us off at the airport.

An example of his dedication happened when I was still living at home and I had to join the army. Respect every person that has achieved more than you and treat them with the same respect as you respect me. I got a dad who was not my friend and also not my enemy. He was tough as nails and caring for the weaker ones in society. I was just there and did many stupid things in my life. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, as my dad told me. So the Army would solve a lot of my chimeras and my attitude being fearless. And yes he was right. I served my time and yes, the enemy shoots back with real ammo.

We had not that many ladies in the army (40 years ago this was an exception as a girl to be in the army), although the ones we had were in office jobs. When we went on trainings in the field, they joined us in parts of the operations. For the first time, I realized that women are as normal to be in the army as they were in my youth, in between the horses and driving the tractor at my dad's pony farm.

I was one of the guys that didn’t see her as something special and she was just one of us. Many blokes could not handle that a woman was in their surroundings, pretty old-fashioned thinking I would say. One day we had a so-called family day for the parents and the loved ones. Our lady corporal was present on the exercition platform and marched with us. My dad saw that and, while I was on the way to them, he told me to tell her that she was doing a great job. He believed this would encourage more women to join the army, to enter the male-dominated war industry, and to help women earn respect. His thoughtful gesture showed his continuous support for women’s empowerment. He believed in a new world.

Nowadays I am the dad; mine has passed away several years ago, and I try to be a better dad to my two daughters. I hope that they will say: At every step of life’s hard choices, my dad stood by me silently, never boasting about the sacrifices he made. He is a silent warrior who never saw me as any less because I am a girl and always built me up to face life head-on.

We need more fathers who take that extra step to empower their daughters in every way possible and more male allies who believe that empowering women is not just a choice, but a duty. A little extra support can change one’s life beyond our imagination.

"What I'd give if I could say, 'Hello Dad' in the same old way. "To hear his voice and see his smile, to sit with him and chat for a while."

The Old Sailor,

The Summer is here again

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Sun, 07 Jun 2026 12:09:52 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

Summer is just around the corner, bringing with it the sun and the anticipation of holiday adventures. Like many, I was all set for a getaway—seven nights at an all-inclusive seaside resort, where I imagined leisurely days by the pool or on the beach, endless ice cream, and exploring the local sights. After almost a year of planning, I could hardly wait to bask in the sun.

However, life had other plans. We faced unexpected financial strain due to issues with the Tax Office, which ultimately wiped out our savings, including my pension. It pushed us to a point where we had to sell our home to avoid eviction. The situation was bewildering; we received little explanation, just a stern warning to pay up or risk heading into deeper trouble. Reluctantly, we decided to relocate—not just to safeguard our remaining funds, but also to be nearer to my wife’s medical facilities, which were so crucial for her recovery. She'd been through a really tough patch, and I was committed to supporting her through it.

With the costs of relocating and securing a new mortgage, the idea of a holiday abroad suddenly felt unfeasible. My wife wasn’t up for travel, and our kids understood the situation all too well. So, I made the decision to cancel our trip.

But rather than allowing it to dampen our summer spirit, we opted for local adventures instead, which turned out to be just as fulfilling. We’re planning visits to the nearby fun park, train rides to local towns, lakeside picnics, and even camping in the garden. Surprisingly, canceling our holiday gave me the opportunity to fully explore the treasures right in our own backyard. I’ve come to realize that you don’t have to venture far to create wonderful memories.

So, don’t feel sorry for me as I juggle the stresses of moving—experiencing a house move firsthand really puts it on the list of life’s biggest challenges—but I’m confident that my family and I will enjoy an incredible summer right here in the Frisian Lake District.

We’re still knee-deep in remodels at our new place, but we're feeling optimistic. Who knows? Maybe we’ll even find some financial breathing space for a little getaway later in the year.

“Don't let the shadows of yesterday spoil the sunshine of tomorrow. Live for today.” (Nandina Morris)

The Old Sailor,

When PTSD occurs later in your life

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Sun, 10 May 2026 14:35:40 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

First of all I should apoligize for being late again this month with my little bit of writing. It is not that I want to make an excuse for it. I am a bit occupied with some law suits against the state involving the tax office. It is a hectic time and the point is that I am diagnosed with so called delayed-onset PTSD or Late-Onset Stress Symptomatology (LOSS) And i can tell it is having quite a rollercoaster ride with ups and downs.

All of a sudden I can be bitter, happy and fully emotinal and in tears about absolutly nothing. My head is spinning in the strangest circles and at some moments I am out there again just triggered by daily situations that occur in my life.

Onset Delayed PTSD is typically viewed as PTSD that begins to develop at least six months after an initial traumatic incident occurs. PTSD symptoms can include flashbacks, nightmares, emotional numbness, detachment, sleeplessness, lack of focus, and more. Treatment options for both PTSD and delayed-onset PTSD generally consist of therapy, medication, or a combination of both. Online therapy, particularly cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), may be a helpful way to cope with and manage PTSD symptoms.

What is post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)?

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a condition that may develop following a terrifying or harrowing experience, especially an event during which a person has feared personal harm or death. It may be more common among military veterans, rescue workers, and survivors of violent or dangerous situations. They could also be prone to developing delayed-onset PTSD.

Delayed-onset PTSD and traumatic event

Whether post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) occurs immediately following the trauma or the traumatic stress is delayed, it is the same mental illness and affects a person’s health in the same way. Mine is from fourty years back in time. It can be possible to overcome delayed-onset PTSD symptoms.

The connection between a traumatic event and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

Traumatic events known to contribute to PTSD can include military combat trauma, serious vehicular or workplace accidents, and natural disasters like tornados and earthquakes. Physical violence, such as assault, rape, and child abuse, are also usually high on the list of contributing factors to this traumatic stress disorder. Delayed-onset PTSD was introduced in 1980 in the third edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-III), as soldiers often do not begin to see signs of PTSD until they return home from combat.

According to the Dutch Veterans Affairs, due to combat trauma, assault, or military trauma while in the military. At least 10 out of every 100 veterans who fought in the wars like Iraq and Afghanistan have been diagnosed with PTSD, and it’s estimated that seven out of every 100 veterans will have PTSD during their lifetime.

PTSD can affect anyone, even children, but research shows that it may occur more frequently in women than in men and in young adults more often than in children or older adults. Physical assault and rape are often the most common causes of PTSD in women, while war and combat may be the most common causes in men. This disorder may have some roots in genetics, as there is some evidence suggesting that PTSD may run in families.

PTSD often affects people in conjunction with other stressors and conditions, such as depression, substance use, and anxiety, so it may be more likely to affect people with a history of these conditions.

What causes PTSD and delayed-onset PTSD?

The exact reason that some people develop PTSD is currently undetermined, but several factors may contribute to the disorder.

Traumatic stress and its causes

Experiencing a traumatic event may not always lead to PTSD. There can also be a disparity between the trauma experience and the severity of the delayed-onset PTSD symptoms. A person can experience a mild form of PTSD symptom onset resulting from a horrific previous traumatic experience, while another may live with extreme PTSD symptoms from a less severe stressor.

Certain people may be at greater risk of developing PTSD when confronted with a traumatic event. Someone who has experienced previous traumatic events or additional trauma, especially as a child, or someone who has additional life stressors may also be more likely to develop delayed-onset PTSD.

What are the symptoms of PTSD?

A number of stress disorders are identified in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), but are distinct from post-traumatic stress disorder.

Post-traumatic stress symptoms

Symptoms of PTSD usually fall into three main categories:

Flashbacks, nightmares, and realistic recollections of the traumatic event
Emotional numbness and avoidance of thoughts, feelings, people, places, or activities that serve as reminders of the traumatic event
Increased arousal, as evidenced by sleeplessness, lack of focus, and/or a short temper

Within these categories, a variety of symptoms may occur:

Loss of current awareness
Intense physical sensations
Memory loss regarding the traumatic event
Lack of interest in social activities
Negative focus and outlook
Trouble falling asleep or staying asleep
Angry outbursts
Hypervigilance
A tendency to feel jumpy or easily triggered by sounds or sights
Depersonalization
A tendency to blame yourself or feel guilty
Physical symptoms like chest pain and dizziness (i blame Diabetes for it)

PTSD can also be marked by significant mood swings or changes in behavior. Feelings of hopelessness, negativity, guilt, shame, and anger, as well as thinking badly about yourself or others, can all be signs of this disorder. At its worst, PTSD can include thoughts of suicide, and suicide attempts.

Impact of traumatic stress on daily life

Those who live with PTSD may have trouble maintaining friendships and relationships, experience difficulty holding down jobs, and find day-to-day life challenging. Self-care may also be negatively impacted.

PTSD isn't always easy to identify or diagnose, especially because it can often mimic or be accompanied by other mental health concerns, such as depression. There can also be a stigma surrounding PTSD. Some people may make the unfair assumption that someone who has PTSD is just dwelling on a bad experience. However, PTSD is a disorder recognized in the DSM-5 and is generally not something that a person can just “get over.” However, there are evidence-based treatments available for PTSD, and many people have experienced improvement with treatment (see Treatment Options section below).

What is delayed-onset PTSD after a traumatic event?

What makes delayed-onset post-traumatic stress disorder different from PTSD that occurs immediately following the trauma is generally the amount of time elapsed between the traumatic event and the point at which symptoms begin to materialize. PTSD is often diagnosed fairly soon after a traumatic event, while delayed-onset PTSD is usually diagnosed when symptoms begin six months or more after a traumatic event.

Unlike PTSD, which may affect young adults more often than individuals of other age groups, delayed-onset PTSD can be more common among the elderly, possibly due to a traumatic experience from when they were much younger.

Delayed-onset PTSD: Recognizing the symptoms

Research suggests that the occurrence of delayed-onset PTSD without any previous symptoms during the first year may be rare. Instead, most diagnoses may be marked by additional, worsening, or reoccurring symptoms.

The Veterans Administration has also identified a similar, but less severe condition known as late-onset stress symptomatology (LOSS), which seems to primarily affect older combat veterans during the aging process.

Treatment options for delayed-onset PTSD

The first step in treatment and recovery is typically to see a mental health care provider, preferably one who has experience treating PTSD. Treatment typically includes psychotherapy, medication, or a combination of the two. This may include prolonged exposure therapy, which may help people mitigate the negative power of their experience by helping them to revisit the memory more safely.

Effective treatments for traumatic stress disorder

CBT may also involve cognitive restructuring, allowing participants to see the experience from a different perspective. This can be conducive to the process of making sense of their memories and experiences. Stress inoculation training may also be utilized. This form of treatment may help individuals cope with stressful situations and potential triggers in healthier ways.

EMDR is another potential treatment for PTSD symptoms. EMDR usually involves concentrating reflectively on your traumatic experience while making rhythmic eye movements based on the guidance of a mental health professional. Watching your therapist do something like moving their hands or flashing a light may allow for positive thoughts while remembering your traumatic experience.

Tailoring treatment options to you

Treatments often vary from individual to individual because of the nature of PTSD and delayed-onset PTSD; everyone's experiences and situations can be different. There may also be several things you can do on your own that may alleviate PTSD symptoms. Below are several suggestions:

Eat regularly and nutritiously
Try to get some exercise on a regular basis
Give yourself time and grace
Talk to someone, such as a friend, a family member, a mental health professional, or someone at a support helpline
Avoid drugs and alcohol
Spend time outdoors
Engage in social activities whenever possible

It may be beneficial to consult a mental health professional if you’ve lived through a traumatic experience that could potentially lead to PTSD at some point. It may provide some preparation if and when symptoms arise. Even though you might not meet all the criteria for a PTSD diagnosis, symptoms can still interfere with your daily life. Seeing a doctor or therapist may help you manage symptoms and develop effective coping strategies.

Takeaway

When PTSD symptoms don’t develop until six months or more have passed since an initial traumatic incident, you may receive a diagnosis of delayed-onset PTSD. Symptoms may include sleeplessness, detachment, lack of focus, emotional numbness, nightmares, and flashbacks, among others. Often, delayed-onset PTSD can be treated with therapy, medication, or a combination of both.

If you don’t feel comfortable visiting a therapy practice, you might benefit from online therapy, which you can try from the comfort of your own home.

Hans Christian Anderson made this for me as a life qoute: "Just living is not enough... one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower,"

The Old Sailor,

How music and weather impacts our mental health

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Fri, 03 Apr 2026 22:06:00 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

Many people notice their mood shift with the weather. A sunny morning might bring a sense of ease, while a grey, wet afternoon can feel heavier than usual.

These changes are more than just passing feelings. A growing body of research shows that weather can meaningfully affect mental health, especially for people already living with anxiety, depression or unresolved grief.

In my country, where conditions can swing from intense sunny weather to flooding rainshowers and heavy windgusts, understanding how the climate interacts with emotional wellbeing is important. Recognising your own patterns is the first step toward managing the way you respond to different weather conditions and preparing for the times when your mood feels more vulnerable.

Weather and mood: What’s the connection?

Most of us respond to the weather on some level, but for some, those shifts go deeper. Whether it’s increased anxiety in the heat or lower mood on gloomy days, understanding your emotional patterns is key to managing your wellbeing.

Sunlight and mood support

Exposure to sunlight increases the brain’s production of serotonin, a chemical that helps regulate mood. On clear, sunny days, people often feel more alert and motivated.

Rain, cloud cover, and seasonal changes

When skies are grey and rain lingers, some people experience a dip in energy or motivation. These shifts may feel more intense for those with existing mental health conditions or anyone going through a period of grief or emotional exhaustion.

People respond to weather in different ways depending on their mental health history, current stress levels, and even memories associated with certain conditions.

A thunderstorm might feel calming to one person and unsettling to another.

Music’s Impact On Our Mental Health

Music is a great part of our lives. Personally, I can’t even imagine a life without music because it brings me such joy and helps me communicate with myself in a totally different way. Let’s take a deeper look at how music positively impacts our mental health.

Let me start with the most known benefit of music: stress reduction. Research has shown that music has a positive impact on our autonomic nervous system, helping us manage stress and respond more constructively when in moments of stress. We know that there will be stressors present in our lives pretty much all the time. So, one thing we can do is try to understand these stressful situations so that we can learn to live with them rather than trying to eliminate them entirely. And this is where music can play a very important role. Listening to music can help us organize our thoughts and approach our problems with a balanced perspective. I find music very valuable because it’s often widely-accessible, making it easier to experience almost anywhere.

So many of us have had that moment when we put on our headphones and get lost in the music, alone with ourselves in a moment of reverie. We can begin to understand the music when this is a more dance-centered event, let’s say, or one wherein the music is meant to convey a vibe rather than be the focus. Going to a concert of our favorite singer and singing the same song together with thousands of people can be a very powerful feeling, right? Music can help us feel part of a community.

Music impacts almost every part of our lives even including our quality of sleep. One study shows that a group of students who listened to classical music for 45 minutes before going to bed had better sleep quality compared to the group who didn’t listen to music.

And the next question is popping up in my brain: How do different types of music can impact our mood? Several studies claim that each type of music can potentially trigger different emotions. Calming melodies, for example, can have a soothing effect that works to lower blood pressure and slow the heart rate as we listen. On the other hand, “Grunge“ music (a sub-category which is a combination of punk and heavy metal) can sometimes trigger feelings of hostility, sadness, and tension. And, as we’ve seen, classical music can work to calm us down and fill us with a sense of peace. It’s thought that the structure of the music, the sounds and melodies, can have an impact on our mind and body. Because calming or classical types of music can reduce anxiety, they can also help us balance our mood. How does music impact you? Take a moment to reflect on your own experiences to see what bubbles to the surface.

Most of the time, the type of music we gravitate toward is related to our current mood. Music can be a fantastic tool through which to process and express our emotions. Maybe you’ve experienced a moment in which you can’t put into words how you’re feeling, that words are just not enough. In such moments, music saves us. Remember the times you’ve said: “That’s exactly how I feel!” while listening to a song? Perhaps that song expresses how you’re feeling or reflects what you’ve been through. By listening to such songs, we remember that there are other people navigating similar feelings and we don’t feel so alone. In fact, this further demonstrates that music is more than just melodies. Music can help us feel better through creative expression and communication.

Now, let’s consider a different emotion through music: Happy songs... People often prefer listening to joyful and exciting music when they feel good because this increases their enjoyment. For example, imagine that you’re going on a vacation with your friends. You’ve finished all your work and you deserve that holiday. What’s the first thing that you turn to when you get in the car to head out on that much needed vacation? Of course, music! Because sometimes those melodies describe our mood better than we can. The good thing is, wherever we are, we can experience unity across time and space through music.

We may feel moments of happiness and sadness from time to time, but there may also be periods where certain feelings stay with us for a long time. For example, in cases of anxiety and depression experts think that music therapy can be an important tool to help express and process feelings. Among the techniques used in music therapy there are activities like lyric analysis, improvising, listening to music, and writing a song.

There are some special songs that just make us feel joyful. Do you recall such a song? A song that brightens your day, or one in which you get lost in the rhythm or the lyrics and you can’t help but think “How did they make such a beautiful song?”

Why do such songs make us feel more peaceful? Perhaps the most significant factor is that they trigger the reward center of our brain called the dopamine system, making you feel happy or excited. Your partner’s smell, the bright colors of a flower, getting a good night’s sleep, exercising, listening to music, or any situation that you associate with pleasure can all be examples of stimuli that activate the reward center of the brain.

In fact, while listening to a song, our brain starts to work in such a way that it can predict the next pattern in the melody. According to one theory, one of the reasons why we like listening to music is this desire or impulse to predict the next musical pattern. Our brain wants to predict future events based on the past and by attempting to do so, we reduce our perception of uncertainty and increase our feeling of being in control. Therefore, if we notice that we can guess the next musical pattern, this can create a rewarding feeling or a sense of security.

So, where does music stand in your life? Which emotions make you feel like listening to music? Do your feelings and the types of music you listen to match? Or, are they different? Which types of music trigger which emotions for you? Do certain people and environments encourage you to listen to music? How does your body respond while listening to your favorite song? What does it tell you about you? You’ll have a chance to know yourself better while searching for the answers to these questions, I’m sure.

And we shall overcome as we done before {Nothing but Thieves song.}

The Old Sailor,

the light is getting different, Spring is coming

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Sun, 01 Mar 2026 09:37:00 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

Do you recognise that feeling? Every year around this time, when it's sunny one day, the crocuses are still awkwardly opening their limp calyxes to catch the first rays of sunshine, and you can enjoy the feeling that spring is coming so intensely?

I certainly do. It can make me feel completely euphoric. The air is clear and clean, the light feels different and the birds are singing again. Last Friday, I walked the dogs and did my round in the village; sun on my face and wind at my back, with a hint of chill still in the air. In addition to the crocuses in the parks, I also saw the bright yellow flowers of coltsfoot popping up. Everything was fresh, new and beautiful.

On the way back, it was dark, with thick clouds full of rain and the wind blowing hard in my face. The euphoric feeling was gone.

That's what I love about this time of year: the new that is tentatively and cautiously becoming tangible and visible, and the old that is still there, shaking me awake and bringing me back to the here and now.

This is similar to my process of developing a new story. Just like the many flower bulbs that have been waiting invisibly in the earth since summer, I sit behind the screen all that time, my brain working hard.

Now the time has come for the first shoots to cautiously peek above the ground. I find that exciting, because the shoots are still thin and fragile. But I also know that this can grow into something very beautiful. This is pretty much everything I have with nature.

And yet I have learned to enjoy everything that grows and blooms during my walks through the woods and nature reserves. These walks also give your mind a sense of peace and you have to learn to see by really looking. I walked a lot because my wife was in a very bad way and I needed to escape from it all. Walking helped me to keep my thoughts and pain under control. It was a bit of relaxation at a time of financial worries and a family that demanded a lot of attention.

Writing about everyday things is also a help in this world filled with disasters and wars. We hear very few positive things, which sometimes makes it difficult to write a story.

Just like plants, I need good seeds to sow a story and wait for the first shoots to emerge from the ground.

I could also use some help in spreading my “seeds”.

So that things can return to normal and the old-fashioned idea of letting children play in nature slowly but surely becomes the norm again. And we let children grow up in contact with nature, instead of glued to their screens. So, parents of today, put your stuff and worries aside for a moment and enjoy the lovely spring sunshine.

Everybody needs a bit of Sunshine and a little flower

The Old Sailor,

What if it is .........

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Mon, 02 Feb 2026 15:45:00 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

It's been a while since my last blog post, and it's been a turbulent few weeks.

For me, at least. Life isn't going the way I want it to, and that's causing some resistance. Nothing new, really, and it gives me another chance to dive into myself and discover what all this means to me. Things aren't going smoothly at work either, and to make matters worse, our trusty old Volvo broke down. Repairing it would be far to expensive, so we had to look for a replacement. Fortunately, I'm not a pessimist and I'm not in a hurry when it comes to buying a car.

Remember when I wrote about flow and designing beautiful journeys? Well, flow and budget are out the window, so that will have to wait. I also wrote about the exciting decision my partner made to change course. It's a little too exciting now that she's doing things independently again and going out in her own car.

I was recently studying Thai Chi on the net, a slow form of movement that feels like a kind of dance. A form of movement in which you should slowly sink into the resistance. Now I was in a position with only resistance, I wasn't sinking anywhere. And suddenly something popped into my brain. It was the following.

I'm actually quite tired.

Tired of fighting with myself every day. Tired of working hard, doing my best to keep up with my surroundings. Tired of the expectations I place on myself. Tired of dreaming of financial freedom, a good pension, and wanting things to be different.

Writing this down and sharing it is a bit of a thing. Because hey, I was in a flow. I had planned wonderful trips for my wife and myself. The year didn't start off great, but we came up with some great projects and had plenty of new plans.

And now it's February and suddenly my world has come to a standstill. Okay, it just seems to be standing still. Everything is on hold. Everything has been sown and now we're waiting to see which plant will sprout first. And which plant won't. And no, that's not my favorite moment in the creative process.

Yesterday, I spoke to a friend who understood me and said he didn't want it anymore either. I'm just done with waiting and uncertainty. And after all my wanderings, I've finally settled down in a nice house for 15 years now and have a steady job, which gave me peace of mind.

And as tempting as that sounds, I know deep down that what I'm doing is right, at least for me. I've experienced wonderful things at work and at home over the past few months.

And when I travel to Australia or here in the Netherlands and stroll through the woods with my dogs and my wife, I feel so at home. So in tune. So right. And so I carry on.

And while I wait for better times, I write about these new creative creations. I discover how much fun it is to travel the world. Simply because it makes me happy and I can. Maybe it's precisely because I'm staying in the moment and experiencing what this whole process is doing to me.

The tax authorities haven't broken me. Although I do worry unconsciously and try to live consciously. And so I don't rush past the less pleasant things. That I finally feel what is there and that it's okay. I'm allowed to be tired. I'm allowed to be fed up. I'm allowed to just not know for a while. I don't have to go anywhere. Of course, my brain has very different ideas about this.

My brain hates not knowing. To admit that I am sometimes fed up. Horrible. And it looks for all kinds of excuses and maneuvers to get out of this situation. But it is what it is. And as long as I stay in the moment, there is actually nothing wrong. The unrest comes from all kinds of thoughts and beliefs that have little to do with where I am now.

Whether or not my trip goes ahead, deep down it doesn't matter at all. Deep down, nothing in me is changing. So my thoughts can think and fill in all kinds of things, but I don't have to attach any truth to them. So for now, it's unsettling. I accept it. It will remain turbulent for me for a while, but just as the flow was temporary, this is also temporary.

And in the meantime, I'm going to consciously enjoy spring, all those buds that are about to burst open again. And I'll see what blooms for me this summer. I wrote this blog last night, and when I went to bed, I felt happier and calmer. It's as if writing this down gave me a pat on the head. A kind of pat on the back. Come on, boy, it's okay.

The Old Sailor,

Lets go to 2026

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Thu, 01 Jan 2026 20:14:00 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

First of all a happy and great 2026

I wrote this story a couple of days ago and no I did not succeed to place it on my blog page as I had to do my job as well. Therefor i did not manage to produce the story yet. And now is that time here. Not that bad I would say. Enjoy reading.

The end of the year is approaching. The days are shorter and the evenings are longer. We look back on what has been. However, as we turn the page, a new year full of possibilities awaits us. What will you do with it?

Let's be honest, December is a busy month. With the holidays, gifts, family and friends, it's as if we're always 'on'. But right now, it's important to take a moment of silence. Take a deep breath. Did you know that conscious breathing can help you to let go of things that no longer serve you? Breathe in deeply, breathe out, and let go.

Set your intention for the day each morning and reflect on what you're grateful for each evening. This way, even busy and 'obligatory' days can be meaningful.

Reflect on what you will take with you and what you will leave behind.

Somehow there is a plan for everyone to go on in your life you have to find out what kind of plan is fitting in your life. Is there another way for you to live your life in a different way. At least i think there is a new path that I need to take and get some help to get the ducks in a row again.

With the New Year approaching, now is the perfect time to look back. What were your biggest lessons? What successes can you celebrate? And perhaps more importantly, what do you want to leave behind?

We believe that real growth starts with meaning. It's not just about 'what' you do, but 'why' you do it. Through our techniques and exercises, we encourage you to look deeper.

What do your heart, head, and gut want to tell you? What is your autonomic nervous system alerting you to?

The new year brings a world of possibilities.

2026 is just around the corner. A new year means a fresh start.

Perhaps you already have some New Year's resolutions. Lose weight? Exercise more? Reduce stress?

But what if, this year, you chose something more meaningful? For yourself? Ask yourself, 'How do I want to feel in 2026?'

With our tools, you will discover what is truly important to you. These powerful methods help you make choices based on alignment, bringing all your intelligences into harmony. Because when these intelligences work together, something magical happens. You will feel secure, strong, and confident. Who wouldn't want that?

The Old Sailor,

Christmas Magic is still here on budget.

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Fri, 05 Dec 2025 00:25:00 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

Christmas is such a lovely time of year—full of warmth, joy, and a bit of sparkle—but it can also be really expensive. Between presents, food, decorations, and all those little extras, the costs soon start to get out of hand. Add the pressure to make everything perfect, and it’s easy to lose sight of what really matters. The truth is, a special Christmas doesn’t have to cost a fortune. The best parts are usually the ones that don’t cost much. A bit of laughter, cozy nights in, and those little traditions that mean something to your family. A homemade gift, a shared meal, or a night of board games and hot chocolate can feel every bit as magical as anything you could buy. This year, let’s make it about doing more with less. Just creating moments, not getting in debt. Set a Christmas budget, and you should actually stick to it.

Before you even think about shopping, decide how much you can really afford. Write it all down, break it into categories like gifts, food, and decorations, and then stick to it. Add just a small 10% buffer for some unexpected bits (because there’s always something!), and it’ll help you avoid panic spending. And yes, a PlayStation or whatever is not a realistic gift even if you have a bigger budget. I was happy with a nice and warm sweater or a pair of gloves and a hat. Once you’ve got your budget sorted, keep track as you go shopping. It doesn’t need to be fancy; making a list on a notebook, app, or simple spreadsheet will do. Try not to fall into the “it’s only a few euros” trap because those little extras soon add up.

If you struggle with willpower, try the envelope method: put your money in cash for each category in its own envelope, and when it’s gone, it’s gone. And if you’re shopping online, don’t hit the buying button directly, and just leave your basket for 24 hours before you buy. You’ll be surprised how many things you suddenly don’t want the next day. Or you might even find them cheaper somewhere else. Think before you buy anything.

Give Thoughtful Gifts That Mean More

You don’t need to spend loads of money to show someone you care. The best gifts are the ones that come from the heart. Write a little poetry; it does not have to rhyme, and make it personal. If you are not a writer but a craftsman or woman, develop something handmade, useful, or personal. At least put your heart in it. That’s what I think is Christmas magic.

A tin of homemade biscuits, a framed photo, or a ticket to the movies in a gift bag all make lovely presents. For families, suggest a set budget and be a Secret Santa for one of your family, and yes, it’s fun, fair, and saves everyone money somehow. And if you want to give something a bit different, try gifting your time instead with a lunch date, a high tea or a coffee catch-up, or a day out together. It is a gift from the heart. People remember how you made them feel, not how much you spent.

Get Creative with Decorations

You can make your home feel festive without spending a fortune. Start with what you already have from earlier times, like old baubles, ribbons, jars, or bits of fabric, which can easily be reused or upcycled. I upcycled an old wreath with some baubles a few years ago, and it’s one of my favorite decorations each year. It still is hanging on my front door. Not yet this year, as we get a new front door in the first half of December. My decorations might come up after this date.

Add a few natural touches like pinecones and some greenery for a simple rustic look, stick it in a mug or a bowl, add a candle to it, and build your own Christmas arrangement. Candles and fairy lights instantly make any space feel cozy and warm. And if you fancy some fun, grab matching Christmas clothing for the family or have a themed night with hot chocolate and a Christmas film.

It’s not about perfection at all—it’s about warmth and personality.

Host Without the Hefty Price Tag

Hosting Christmas doesn’t need to mean an expensive feast. Keep it simple and focus on time together rather than stress and spending. At our place our daughters make the menu together with me. One makes the entree and the other one the dessert. My job is making the main dish, and yes, we stick to easy, budget-friendly recipes that everyone loves. During the day we start with some music and burning candles. We add a few things every year and reuse what we have already for table settings. It’s the laughter and shared stories that make a day memorable, not the price of the meat we are consuming.

Enjoy the Simple Christmas Moments.

Some of the best festive memories come from the simplest things. Wrap up warm and go for a walk or a ride to look at the Christmas lights, have a baking day and let the kids go wild with the decorations, or what we do is snuggle up for a Christmas movie marathon with blankets and hot chocolate. We have at least one night where we all have on our Christmas clothing, which is not one of my favorite nights every year! These are the moments that stick around long after the wrapping paper’s gone.

Shop Smart and Start Early

The earlier you start, the easier it is to stay in control. Spreading the cost means you can grab offers and cashback deals without the December panic. Compare prices online and keep an eye out for pre-loved bargains; they’re good for your wallet and the planet. And when it’s all over, think ahead. The January sales are perfect for stocking up on next year’s bits at a fraction of the cost.

The Real Magic of Christmas

When the lights come down and the leftovers are gone, it’s the little things that stay with you. They stick in your head. You still hear and feel the laughter, the hugs, and the feeling of being together. A budget-friendly Christmas isn’t about cutting corners; it’s about slowing down and focusing on what really matters. When you stop chasing perfection, you’ll find the holidays become calmer, simpler, and so much more meaningful.

Because at the end of the day, the best Christmas magic comes for free, and your beloved moments don’t cost a thing. You're celebrating the warmth of a family and togetherness.

A Merry Christmas to you all.

The Old Sailor,

A story of moral injury

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Sun, 02 Nov 2025 09:37:00 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

I knew the guy who is a combat veteran who returned home and never spoke about the war. Yet, he experienced a healing throughout his life by walking his daily walk and “he was getting lost” during his walks in the neighbourhood during the day. As a combat veteran and military man, I think this was a sign that he was able to reconcile the things that tore him apart. For about forty years he held back and did not talk about what he expereinced during his service days. Now his shield starts to crack slowly. In a way, the quiet he experienced outdoors and the community he experienced in our little village that helped him to reconnect “what mattered” with “who mattered” in ways “that mattered.” To understand what this means for people who are living with moral injury, we need to reflect and act upon our foundational understandings. Somehow your moral Compass might be a bit off after some heavy moments.

Moral injuries begin with violations of core values

These violations occur along a spectrum of traumatic events that influence whether people react and heal as:

Moral victims: At one end of the spectrum are the moral victims who experience changes in life meaning from abuses, assaults, and actions done to them.
Moral participants: In the middle of the spectrum are moral participants such as first responders, medical personnel, teachers, counselors, and militairy personel who experience changes in life meaning from their efforts to help others during traumatic events.
Moral agents: At the opposite end of the spectrum are moral agents such as warfighters and police who experience life changes from harms they perform.

Moral dissonance changes life’s meaning

The separation of our moral values from life practices creates a moral dissonance that can change our life’s meaning. The more our moral values are integrated with our ethical practices, the less moral dissonance we experience. Conversely, the greater the dis-integration between our moral values and ethical practices, the greater the level of moral dissonance we experience. Sometimes moral dissonance is inflicted by others; other times moral dissonance is self-inflicted.

Furthermore, the greater our moral dissonance, the greater the potential for persistent moral injury. Moral dissonance is the primary mechanism of injury that leads to secondary, maladaptive behaviors that can range from suicide and addiction to anger and isolation.

Post-Traumatic growth depends upon the reconciliation of moral dissonance

Moral injuries do not end until the moral dissonance that is the source of the care seeker’s thoughts and emotional reactions is addressed. In essence, care providers need to help people with moral injuries co-create new life meaning from the rubble caused by their moral dissonance. Sometimes their dissonance comes from betrayels and other times it is from moral judgments over what they’ve done, failed to do, or witnessed.

Just as traumatic experiences place moral victims and participants in a type of wilderness, so too moral agents live in a post-traumatic wilderness imposed by consequences from their moral agency.

However, there is also the space in this wilderness to construct new life meanings. Different therapies provide ways for doing this, and their effectiveness depends upon the care provider’s professional orientation and the quality of their relationships with morally injured people. These therapies range from:

· cognitive-behavioral processing of traumatic events and core values

· analysis of deep-seated meanings derived from events

· adaptive disclosure to process traumatic events and empower forgiveness

· acceptance-commitment therapies that focus upon reconnecting specific personal challenges to meaningful behaviors.

Healing strategies for care-takers

People who suffer from moral injuries can benefit from every one of these healing therapies. However, there is one last element. Awareness of the post-traumatic wilderness caused by moral dissonance invites mindfulness in quiet spaces. To find the person in those who suffer with moral injuries can be trickey. Post-traumatic growth can be a long-term healing process. It will not take away the shattering of values and the “shaking of foundations” that accompany traumatic events.

Healing strategies for moral injuries do not require repeated resolution of traumatic events. However they must include pathways for moral victims, moral participants, and moral agents to reconcile their moral dissonance by:

· non-judgmental and active listening to narratives of moral injury

· identifying the specific sources and the consequences of spiritual struggles

· participating in reflective practices that support self-care, compassion, and forgiveness

· reconnecting meaningful life values with meaningful life practices and relationships.

Identify ways your congregation already creates space for this kind of healing. What else might you intentionally do? Do you know the answer to this? If not don’t feel bad and at least act normal to this person as the injuries are not always visable but they are there.

The Old Sailor,

Why You feel like You can't do anything right

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Sun, 19 Oct 2025 14:12:00 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

My apologies for writing my story late again. Things are a bit more difficult at the moment, as my is catching up with me and I’m not quite myself. And yes, that’s affecting my inspiration.

If you've ever felt like you can't do anything right, you might think you're the only one who has experienced that feeling. The truth, though, is that it's perfectly common to feel this way, and it happens to most of us at one time or another.

In a world where so much of how we experience other people in our digital world, it's easy to forget that the version we view of our friends, colleagues, and loved ones is the one they want us to see. Most people share photos and stories about the good times in their lives. And most do not share about when they're having a hard time in life.

There are different reasons why you might experience this feeling, and many assorted actions you can take to help alleviate it. Read on to learn why you might be feeling this way, and how to turn things around in your mind.

Why You Feel Like You Can't Do Anything Right

There are endless reasons why you might experience the thoughts and feelings that nothing you do in life is right; these are some of the most common reasons. Feeling Overwhelmed by Stress.

It's a common motif in our culture, especially since a pandemic began years ago. Stress makes life feel overwhelming, and it can impact our ability to think clearly. If you're feeling nervous, worried, anxious, or depressed, and you don't have a chronic condition involving those feelings, chances are that you're stressed.It might feel like it doesn't make sense to you that a simple task or project feels like too much, but it's important to understand that our brains, nervous systems, and hearts have really been through the wringer since 2024.

When you're feeling overwhelmed, your mind can slip into a tricky pattern where it feels like you aren't doing anything right. Fortunately, you can learn how to manage stress.

Self-Worth

We all have to be our own biggest champions in life. That's because having good self-esteem may boost your happiness. Having high self-esteem doesn't mean that you think you do everything right all the time, but it does mean that you think you're a person who is capable of doing things right quite often. It also means you know you aren't perfect, and sometimes you make mistakes just like every other imperfect human on earth.
Low self-esteem manifests in different ways, such as not feeling in control of life, having a hard time asking for help, being afraid of failure, not having good boundaries, and not speaking kindly to yourself.

Do you feel like a bully is living inside your head sometimes?

Boosting your self-esteem can help keep your thoughts from sliding down the slippery slope of self-loathing.

How do you Cope With Feeling Like You Never Do Anything Right

While it's normal to sometimes feel like you can't do anything right, that doesn't mean you have to just live with the feeling. Instead, there are a lot of different actions you can take that can help quell this notion and put you back on a positive path in your mind. Don’t let Yourself feel this way. Running away from our problems never makes them go away, and running away from our feelings doesn't allow us to move through them. Sometimes, all you have to do to get past a feeling is stop trying to fight it. When you're feeling like you can't do anything right, take a moment and just let yourself feel that. Once you're feeling a little calmer, try to delve deeper into where the feeling is coming from. This can lead you to understand if there is a larger issue at play that you need to deal with. If you have made a mistake, missed a deadline, burnt dinner, cut your bangs too short, etc. have some grace for yourself. We all make mistakes or miss the mark, and that is how we learn valuable lessons, gain skills, and grow emotionally.

How to achieve Self-acceptance?

Prove Yourself wrong by reviewing what You've done right. This simple task lets you know you're wrong about never doing anything right. In a journal, on your phone, or in a computer document, make a list of things you've accomplished, succeeded at, or done well at in life. It doesn't have to be complicated! Were you a good babysitter for a younger sibling at one time? Did you graduate from high school or college? Have you made a friend laugh recently? All those are things you've done right. And you will find that the good stuff outweighs your less-than-proud moments. We sometimes have to remind ourselves of these things to have a more accurate view of our reality.

Journaling is useful for stress management. It also is a way to visualize that you have, in fact, done many things right in life. Speak to Yourself the way You speak to others. Positive self-talk can get you through tough situations, and can also improve your self-esteem. When you're feeling like you can't do anything right, turn the table on yourself and imagine a friend or loved one saying that to you. What would you say to them? Chances are, you certainly wouldn't agree!

Instead, you'd point out everything you've seen them do right. You'd tell them they are a great person, worthy of thinking highly of themself. When it's hard to speak kindly to ourselves, a way to work around that is to pretend we're speaking to someone else.

Go for a Walk

Not only does walking reduce stress and improve your health, but a change of environment can also help you get out of your negative mind space. Going for a walk is a great way to clear your head of negative thoughts. Stop and smell the flowers, feel the sunshine on your arms, notice the breeze against your face, or say "hi" to a neighbor as you pass them. As you walk, let your thoughts wander away from the idea that you can't do anything right. When you get home, you just might feel a bit better.

Talk to a Friend Or Loved One

Holding your feelings inside isn't conducive to letting them go or, even better, helping them shift into more positive feelings. Talking to others and having connections is vital to human happiness, so even if you're feeling like you don't want to share about this issue, you'll probably feel better once you do.If it seems like there just isn't anyone to talk to, follow these guidelines to get started making and enhancing the human connections in your life.

If you want to talk to someone about this feeling but you're worried, nervous, or embarrassed, you can always text or email first. Asking a friend or loved one if they have the emotional availability to help you work through a difficult feeling is a great way to practice boundaries, and if they say "yes," you'll likely feel safer discussing it, knowing that they have the emotional space held for you.

Practice Self-Care

Self-care is a great stress reliever, and it also helps you feel more positively about yourself. Self-care is anything you do for yourself that makes you feel good. It can be physical, such as taking a bath, or emotional, like laying down and listening to relaxing music.

Do a Good Deed

Science has proven that performing kind acts for others helps us feel better ourselves. It's called prosocial behavior, and even if you don't necessarily understand why helping others will make you feel better, know that it does. Acts of kindness toward others aid our emotional well-being, and when you're feeling more positive, chances are your mind won't gravitate toward those self-defeating thoughts. Additionally, a kind act is also something you did right! Everyone wins when you practice being charitable toward other people.

Take a Break

It's not a failure in life if you just need a break. We all need breaks, and we all benefit from taking them! Taking a break reduces stress, makes us more productive overall and clears our heads.

That last benefit is key when you're feeling like you can't do anything right. Taking a break doesn't need to be complicated, and there isn't any specific task you have to perform for it to count. Just pause, ask yourself if you'd like to take a few minutes off, and see where that leads you. If it leads you straight to the couch with your favorite book in hand, that's totally fine! If you want to pet your dog, that's great! If you want to close your eyes for a few minutes, there is nothing wrong with that.

Taking a break is supposed to be enjoyable and unproductive.

When to Seek Professional Help

After trying these suggestions, if you find you are still struggling to reign in those negative thought patterns, you might want to consider seeking professional help. There is a specific type of therapy known as cognitive behavioral therapy that is designed to help you work through your maladaptive thought life and help you find better ways to cope with the stress in your life.

Take care of yourself and your loved ones they are your team mates now

The Old Sailor,

The ways expectation can sabotage your peace of mind

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Wed, 03 Sep 2025 15:49:00 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

Do you ever find yourself feeling disappointed or angry because things haven’t worked out as you had expected? Maybe you recently expected your partner to do something and are annoyed that she didn’t do it. Perhaps you formed an expectation of achieving a life goal by this stage of your life and are feeling frustrated that things haven’t worked out as you planned.

Expectation is defined as “a strong belief that something will happen or be the case.” We may place expectations on others or impose them on ourselves. You may find yourself making rules for yourself, starting with “I should…” - this is a clue that you have set an expectation for yourself. I set some life goals for myself in my early years that at the age of 65, I would be able to retire and would live free, as our home was paid for and there was nothing to worry about. The question is whether this expectation was healthy and realistic, or unhealthy and maybe even irrational. It became strange as the tax office took everything away from us. As they claimed all our money so I could not pay of our mortgage. When other people place expectations upon you and you do not meet them, you might find yourself feeling guilty. At certain points you thik that you are just a loser. It doesn’t surprise me that some became suicidal.

The expectations we make as humans are future-based predications of an outcome. This is flawed, as we cannot ever predict the future. Furthermore, we may consult the past and gather evidence of events that happened previously to inform our future expectations. Just because something happened a certain way before, doesn’t mean that’s how it will turn out this time around. This can be disappointing at best and life debilitating at worst; as mental health disorders such as anxiety, phobias and panic disorder can be defined as expectation disorders.

Most of your expectations will be formed from your own values, perspective or frame of reference. For example, you might feel disappointment after having expected to be given a leaving card by colleagues, because you have always arranged leaving cards for colleagues in the past. However, you did this from your valuing system - your colleagues might not value giving cards. If you judge the actions of others and form expectations based on what you would have done, you may regularly end up disappointed.

There is a way forward from this

The good news is, once you understand how your expectations are impacting your life, this gives you the power to adjust them if necessary. The first thing to do is spend some time reflecting on your expectations during past adverse events, in your relationships and life goals. This is a healthy way to use the past to inform your awareness, rather than to make predictions or underpin fears. Journaling is a useful self-reflection tool, or you could make mind maps or notes on your phone - find something that works for you.

Once you have identified your expectations and how they have informed past outcomes, you might recognise some patterns. When you become aware of patterns, you have the power to break them. It is pretty hard to break out of it sometimes.

To help inspire your reflections, let us consider some examples of how expectations can negatively impact different areas of your life:

In marriage/relationships

My wife is feeling angry and resentful. She cooks dinner every day and I, her partner, never offers to wash up. When my wife was growing up, if one parent cooked, the other washed up. Her silent resentment of me getting to sit down while she’s still in the kitchen, builds and she starts being snappy with him. I had no idea what I have done wrong or what her ‘problem is’. Now I know it’s me. Her expectation that I should wash up as that was formed by her past experiences. Her resentment is building because he is not acting in the way which she expects, but she has not communicated this expectation to me. I am just a simple man.

Here communication and explanation of her feelings of resentment could result in a change in my behaviour. If she continues keeping quiet, things will stay the same and her resentment will remain. It comes to escalation.

When i was about to turn 40. I always expected to be settled with a family and our own house by this stage in life. Instead I had to sell our house and buy something lived out and a lot smaller. And I find myself stuck in a lifetime with no prospects, after all those years being haunted by the tax office, I still have a little motivation to change it. For years I have not been aware that this is the reason for all our sadness. As the law suit against the tax office approaches, My mood dips lower and Iam still feeling hopeless about the future. To numb and escape from this feeling, I have started to join Facebook groups with fellow victims of this scandal.

Here I could benefit from working with a therapist to reflect on his low mood and hopefully realise that not meeting his expected goals by this point in his life, may be responsible for his low moods.

I am likely to have more enthusiasm to make the first steps to changing my life. Reframing my thoughts around the expectations I had, it will hopefully help me to realise he is not a failure. Feeling like a failure is often at the root of low self-esteem and low self-worth.

I have had many friends but due to the survival mode, I’ve lost many of them out of sight. There was no money to spend to arrange something; without communicating this to the rest of the world. We just stayed away from a birthday and all kinds of other parties as we could not afford anything. Furthermore, I was laid off at work, so I had to find a new job having no money for whatsoever even getting food on the table was a hassle, feeling let down by most of our friends. Some of them dropped off a box of groceries. Others never came by. Our kids helped providing food with their jobs and pocket money.

All of this could have been avoided if the Tax office had communicated with us about wat their intentions were. Instead, they made an assumption and set expectations based upon past salaries, when they decided to take everything from us, even our dignity. Furthermore, if they had spoken to us, it would’ve provided opportunity for us to explain how things were. That I worked under certain systems taxwise for a Danisch company. We could’ve made other plans and negosiations based upon this information. These examples show how important communication is in the real world the same goes for relationships and friendships. You cannot place expectations upon somebody, without even communicating this to the person. Although in the army there was only basic orders and low communication, only if something really happened you could ask them for help. It doesn’t matter how well you believe they know you, it doesn’t mean they can read your mind or pre-empt your expectations.

Similarly, it’s important to spend time reflecting on the expectations you have set for yourself. These may be from an internalised critical parent or authority figure from your own past; ask yourself is that “I should” your voice or somebody else's? Do you really expect this from yourself, or does somebody else? Perfectionism is underpinned by a fear of failure and can be so debilitating that a person can get into patterns of avoidance and procrastination; preferring to avoid, than risk getting it ‘wrong’ from their perspective.

Are all expectations unhealthy?

So far expectation has got a bad name in this blog, but not all expectations are unhealthy. Some are necessary and form boundaries in our relationships. For example, expecting your partner to remain faithful to you in a committed relationship is a healthy expectation.

Setting expectations in relationships and friendships collaboratively is a healthy way to ensure misunderstandings and resentment are less likely to occur.

Setting life goals can be motivating and end up as positive outcomes, but the way you react if you do not meet these life goals could be detrimental. Don’t aim to high and set your goals as possible ones and approach them with an attitude of patience. Be kind to yourself and flexible rather than fixed on a certain outcome by a certain time. Sometimes things don’t work out as you might’ve planned or expected, it can turn out to be the best thing.

It’s okay to hope that things will work out the way you would like and having future plans. Hoping is not the same as expecting.

If you have a painful life expectation that has not worked out, please seek the help of a therapist to work through this and grieve for your loss. Your feelings are still valid, even if you had set an unhealthy expectation, and you deserve space to work through them.

Understanding how ‘expectation’ can impact your peace of mind.

The Old Sailor,

Not everyone is getting old

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Sun, 10 Aug 2025 09:08:00 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

I’ve done a steady stream of things in life after not being the nicest bloke during my schooldays, I was called by the government to fulfill my Army time at the engineers after that I was assigned to a group that was helping special forces to set people free as they needed our help. After my time was due I started working in the hotel service business during the summerseason, during the wintertime I worked in several factories, After a few years I started sailing with ups and downs down ther I found my life usefull and I was earning a bit of money to built a bit of pension for my old days, and we got married and started our adult life having two lovely daughters. It’s been exciting, frustrating, fun, exhausting, and deeply fulfilling. I am now at the age going towards my pension although in at least 15 years it should be there. But as we all know that life can stop at any moment it is not a choice were having.

At this very moment im at the end of it all, I feel empty. Drained. In need of quiet, rest, and reflection. When I realized I didn’t have the time or the energy to write a new post this month and also last month, I waded through some of the hundreds of posts I’ve written over the last six years. Then today I walked the dogs, I past the cemetry and went there to visit my late parents grave All of a sudden it spoke to me, maybe because the thought of lying down for a long time sounds very appealing right now. I hope it helps you take another step toward becoming myself

I love cemeteries. That might sound odd, even morbid. I’m not insensitive to the memories of pain and loss that they hold for so many. I deeply respect that. But to me, they are special places that nurture my personal development in ways few others do. I have lost quite a few during the years and not all of them were old. Some were in the bloom of there lives and loved living it.

Cemeteries invite quiet reflection. They encourage me to slow down, to ponder, to contemplate. What do I want my life to be about? How do I want to be remembered? There are many questions running around my brain as i realise that there will be one day that it will all end. Cemetries have an atmosphere of reverence and respect, rare qualities in a time often marked by mockery and disunity A stroll through a cemetery reminds me of what I believe is important: Relationships. Character. Purpose. Lust for life.

I love how my perspective is sharpened by reading tombstones. I’m reminded that all of these people were once like me. And most of them here I have known in my earlier years. That one day a grave marker will have my name. Soon after, I’ll probably be remembered only by loved ones and then, over time, by no one at all. It is a strange process of realizing that you are just one of them that will be fogotten after several years. Reading those names reminds me that life is a breath, and I am small. I’m not as important to the world as I sometimes think I am. That’s a healthy dose of modesty. As humans think life is preciuos althoug most of us are struggling to keep our heads up. Many of us are depressed or not being happy what they have achieved in their life.

Yet being in a cemetery also makes me feel cherished, prized, special. Not to a fame infatuated world but to One whom I believe made me, knows me, and desires me. I think of a cemetery as a transition point, a way station, a gate that leads from one season to the next. It’s a passageway connecting us from existence to another. The end of one journey and the start of a far greater adventure. Nobody knows for sure at least that is my way of thinking.

I could be wrong. Maybe death is the end. Perhaps nothing waits for me and everything that I am will be snuffed out like the flame of a candle. But I don’t think so. I have subjective reasons, things I’ve felt and heard and seen that point to something greater, something beyond this life. And there are more objective arguments that appeal to my rational mind as well. So for reasons of both the head and the heart, I believe and find hope.

So if you need some perspective on life, if the thought of some quiet reflection sounds like water for your thirsty soul, if you’re looking for a little hope, I encourage you to slip away for an hour. Stroll thoughtfully through a cemetery. If you do, you’ll take another step toward becoming You.

“Try to be a rainbow in someone else's cloud.”

The Old Sailor,

New challenges

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Sat, 14 Jun 2025 20:13:00 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

First of all, I would like to apologise to my readers for not writing the last couple of times. I have been busy learning the new routes and transforming our bedroom as an exam for our youngest daughter, who is studying to become a stylist for homes and businesses. A large amount of work and putting in loads of new knowledge.

A couple of times a week, I drive the commuter bus as my full-time job in Lemmer. I just switched from Groningen and Drenthe, and now I am driving the buses in Fryslân province. Sometimes I drove a bus out here, but now I have to learn the new routes for me and know as much as possible. I like to drive around here, as this is like home to me; this is the part of the country where I grew up. I start by driving by car to the bus stand in the industry park in Lemmer, parking the car and logging in for duty and then starting up the bus that is on my duty sheet. The first trip takes about 5 minutes or a bit more, depending on where you start your part. I finish my commute bus ride by the next bus station, and sometimes you have to switch vehicles after the coffee break. Nothing is new to me in that way; only the vehicles are something I have to get used to.

By riding my second bus, which I pick up from the buffer place parked at the station, through the historic centre of Bolsward, one of the small cities in my province. (Fact: this is one of the eleven cities known by the ice skating tour.) Through the front and side windows, the scenery is beautiful: pancake flat, usually green, and dotted with rural farms. I have time to appreciate the passing images, and occasionally I think to snap a picture or two. Usually I don’t have my camera with me, so I use my phone. The bus windows can’t be opened and are varying degrees of dirty, which adds a slightly grey patina to the photos.

To me, it matches the weather: grey, more often than not. a rainy day somewhere between Lemmer and Leeuwarden. Notice that fields here are not defined by fences but rather by water-filled ditches. It occurred to me yesterday on my way home, as I gazed absently out the window of my car, that I’ve taken lots of pictures of these passing scenes, yet I’ve never shown them to anyone. I decided it was time to go ahead and show you some of them. As you can see, they’re not the highest quality because I used my phone’s camera, the window was dirty, and we don’t have that much time. Nevertheless, to me they have a certain atmosphere: a muted quality that matches my meditative mood as I am at the job.

It’s time to pause, a moment of suspension, and a time to think between two buses and a lot of new driving activity. I can tell you that I love it.

Speaking of bicycles, the photo below was taken at one of the stations along the way. (Another fact: there are more bicycles than people in our country, the Netherlands.)

The sun does occasionally shine, however, and on those days the mood on the bus is always more lively.

How do you get to work? What is your commute like? Do you see beauty along the way?

Add a comment below!

Drive safely.

The Old Sailor,

Spring is on her way

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Mon, 31 Mar 2025 08:22:00 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

This morning I was taking the dogs out for their morning walk. Walking the paths that my father walked so many times and I think back to walks in gardens, admiring trees and flowers. And I remember the park with the tall trees. Recall hikes with colourful wildflowers. How about the scents of flowers at a nursery? Or fresh grass in your garden? Many of those things have gone as the village needed to grow and the tourist industries are income for many here.

What happens when you really start to look? You see new buds and growth, focusing on the good. You take it all in. You speak with love and joy for the beauty around you. You don't see ugly flowers. Instead, you want to shout out about their beauty.

We naturally love beauty. We cherish and protect it.

Spring reminds us of new life. New blooms appear. Growth happens all around us. Plants and trees bloom in their own time. They follow their natural cycles.

Like I said last year, spring is a good time to check in with yourself. Weeding out what stops you from being happy is key. It's a chance to refresh and fix things, to see if you're where you hoped to be.

Checking in helps us know the truth. We can then take charge of changes we need to make.

So, are you becoming friends with your true self? Are you blooming with your own beauty? Are you leading your life how you planned it? Does your home feel like the garden you love?

We should often ask ourselves if we're living our own way. Are we showing our full potential? We're like flowers and trees. We should use our gifts every day. We must cherish and nurture them to live on purpose.

Don't compare yourself or your loved ones to others. Don't dim a child's, friend's, or anyone's potential. Don't stop their bloom as you find your own. A flower doesn't worry about the flower next to it. A tree stands tall without concern.

We can all reach our potential. We can bloom without stopping others from blooming too.

Respect your own timing. Help others bloom, but don't force it. Be patient with yourself and others. Understand our own life cycles.

As spring unfolds, reflect on how we help each other grow. Think about our purpose and teamwork. How can we work better at home and at work? Let’s support each other. We all deserve to bloom.

Check in with yourself. Stop any gloom that stops you from blooming. Be your best self. Watch your actions and words. Don't put others down. Think of your garden. See how you want each flower to shine. We can all shine without dimming others. Imagine what we could do together if we all bloomed.

When we're true to ourselves, blooming is easy. Our lives have stories, like gardens and forests. Learn from your stories. Align with your bloom cycles. Don't let stories stop you. They can teach you to be brave, transform, and be yourself.

Let go of worries and let others be themselves. Connect with your dreams to bloom. This can help us reach our full potential together.

The Old Sailor,

Why did I become more emotional and cry more as I get older?

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Sun, 02 Mar 2025 21:28:00 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

I have noticed that as I have aged (now 56), I cry so much more easily than I did when I was younger. I wonder why this is, as in my teenage years, not to mention my twenties, I could watch the most depressing programs, and although I cared, I was rarely inclined to break down in tears.

As a child, I would watch the Lassie films, and yes, I did cry to those, (especially "Lassie Come Home"), but apart from that, and the normal things children cry over, such as falling over and cutting open their knees, or getting in trouble with my Mum, I seldom cried at all. It was only when I hit my fifties I suddenly seemed to undergo some kind of metamorphosis, and now I can easily end up in floods of tears over a sad movie, or a murder case on Forensic Detectives. Does this mean I am losing the plot, or is this normal?

These days I can cry over the silliest things, such as watching an episode of "Undercover Boss", (where the Ceo of a company goes undercover in a part of his company to find out what is going on on the work floor, Where he finds good employees, that have their heartbreaking life stories and at the end of a week or so, he or she will reveal who he or she is and donates sometimes large sums of money or a family holiday to the stories he or she felt the most deserving of his or her help).

I break down in tears over people dying in a great movie for Christ's sake, yet this is not logical when I know it is only an actor, who undergoes a rapid recovery as soon as the cameras are switched off.

Even watching programs such as "Extreme Makeover Home Edition", can leave me in the right state, as I feel so touched by the people who put in the money, time, and effort to build these people a new home that is far nicer than any home most of us could hope for.

Does this mean something is wrong with me? If so, what? I mean, this never used to happen to me, I’ve always been that tough guy who wasn’t able to show the outside world his emotional side, but now I seem to have suddenly become a changed person, and I don't even mind the fact I cry so easily, as to me it shows I have compassion and care about others, The first time that I broke up was when a young girlfriend all of sudden was ripped out of our lives. I had never known emotions like this before and it was unfair to me and the rest of the world. When my parents passed away there were some tears but not that many somehow I became numb to this kind of thing. My so-called military brain was not allowing it to have any feelings. (not to say I didn't before, but now it makes me break down in tears in a way I never felt the need to before).

Hell, I even cry over seeing mistreated, starved dogs being brought back to health and being re-homed in programs like "The Dog Whisperer" with Ceasar Milan.

I can cry over "The X Factor" when I hear the story of someone who has suffered such great hardship in their lives and is also a fantastic singer, and now is their chance to make something of themselves. When they get through I feel their emotion as if it were my own, and so want them to do well in the following rounds.

If someone shows me kindness or empathizes with a situation I am in, like the situation I am in with the Dutch Tax Office as they f**ked up my family's lives by doing us wrong and left us broke, I end up tearful. If I see someone else lose a loved one I cry. If I even contemplate the ultimate death of my currently living friends, I can break down and cry. Even if I know that there is no future left to live. It is still something sad when you remember the good old days out at sea.

So is it something about getting older, and if so, what, hormones? Seen too much? Learned living the hard way? I don't know the answer, but I think I like myself better for being this way as it proves to me I do have feelings that matter and that I care for everyone and everything.

The Old Sailor,

Gloominess

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Wed, 05 Feb 2025 10:18:00 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

I have been working late the past few weeks and it is slowly but surely breaking me. Yes, I know, I am getting older and nothing in my life is going smoothly anymore. I curse at everyone because I have become extremely tired and this is a side of myself that I know less about. In the years that I sailed I was also tired, the long days at sea are the most normal thing in the world. And yes, the salary made up for a lot. The fourteen days off also helped me to recharge for the next shift. I have been in public transport since 2010 and as a driver you encounter more and more crazy situations and the fact that a number of colleagues have gone to work elsewhere in the country does not really help. The flu epidemic is also making a lot of victims and the new generation thinks very differently about work and would rather not do it anymore. Because of all the things that go wrong, such as not delivering equipment or delivering it too late and the failure of new vehicles that in my opinion had to be built too quickly, there are a lot of negative reactions from passengers.Yet I can’t do anything about it and staying positive is an art in itself.

There is a word for that dull feeling with which I drag myself through the day: boredom. The things that need to be done, and there aren’t that many, I can do right away or postpone. Should I put the breakfast things in the dishwasher now or later? Should I watch the news now or should I save it for dessert after vacuuming? Besides, why would I vacuum? I did that yesterday, didn’t I? Or was it the day before yesterday? Everything can be done later, or this afternoon, or tomorrow, or not at all for that matter. First, coffee then. I sit at the kitchen table with a warm cup between my hands and look at the garden, which looks just as bleak as I feel. Boredom doesn’t suit me, I almost always have something to do. If I don’t have anything practical to do, I retreat with a book, nice and comfy in my lazy chair. How is it possible that that chair and that exciting book suddenly have no appeal anymore? I feel restless and lethargic at the same time. There is a word for that too, and I have felt that way before, when I was out of work for a while: useless. Keeping the house in order is a piece of cake without the care of children and pets.

Especially if, like me, you have no eye for dust. “Couldn’t you find the dust cloths?” Trientsje asked last week, while she wrote her name on the television cabinet with her index finger. “You know where they are, don’t you?”, I had snapped at her indignantly. Now I would have all the time in the world to dust the house from top to bottom. Today, tomorrow, every day from now on. The only thing is that I don’t feel like it at all. I get up, pour my cup full of coffee again, and try not to think about the dozens of cups that I used to fill every day until recently. And then suddenly the phone rings, I startle out of my daze of gloom and pick up. The number seems familiar to me somehow. Afterwards I just daydream about the long-gone times when I was at sea and yes, despite everything, I still enjoy what I do every day. I try to imagine how such a phone call would go?

“If you think I’m calling you because we can’t live without you, you better push me away right now!” I blink. I recognize her voice out of thousands. Am I just talking to my old boss on the phone? We’ve had a kind of love-hate relationship for years, but in a humorous way. “Did you hear what I said?” The voice on the other end again. No, I’m not mistaken. The woman who had to send me packing a few years ago because of a financial crisis in 2009 is calling me now. “Say something,” she says. “I have no idea what to say,” I answer. There’s a moment of silence. Then she continues: “You could say that you miss us........ Aren’t you terribly bored now that you’re on the bus? Or have you already looked for another job?” “No,” I say. “And now I have to figure out what question my ‘no’ is for?” Doubt strikes in my head. I don't miss the uncertainty, but I still miss the turbulent water. When it storms, I still long for the wild sea and I also cherish the somewhat scarier moments in my memory. "No," I answer again. I hear her sigh on the other side. "Okay, Jacob, the point is: we do miss you. So would you like to put on your coat and pack your bag now? Uh... please? It's quite busy and yes, we miss your cheerful and positive approach." I sink into a chair, my mobile still against my ear. "Are you still there?" I hear the impatience in her voice. "Yes," I say, "and what's more, I'm staying here too." I'm ready to spend the rest of my days on shore. Doing my rounds on the bus and being home every day also has its charm. My love for seafaring has cooled somewhat over the years and there is still a bit of 'brackish' water running through my veins. I like it here and I am still an old sailor but returning to the 'moving floor' those days are behind me.

The phone really rings our youngest daughter calls that her bus has not been showing up but the next one is already on its way so I don't have to come and get her anymore. Long live public transport.

The Old Sailor,

When Trauma takes over your Brain

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Wed, 01 Jan 2025 12:38:00 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

First of all let me begin I wish you a happy 2025.

New Year's Eve hasn't been much of a celebration for me for more than a decade now, because my partner has severe problems dealing with fireworks and this usually degenerates into a trip in the car to escape the light and noise. At some point it becomes too intense and we flee the village where we live.

The high screeching of some fireworks causes anxiety and panic attacks because the brain can no longer process it. So I can't take stitches by having a drink for example. And no don't get me wrong we also enjoy the beautiful colors of ornamental fireworks. And even though my spouse's brain gets overstimulated she too finds it beautiful to watch. We try to enjoy it every year by watching it and hoping it will go well this year.

Trauma, something that can be caused in an instant and with all its consequences. Trauma can be life-changing. But what exactly is this? What are its consequences and how does it relate to Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? In this article you will read what trauma means, the similarities and differences with PTSD and how trauma-related symptoms can be seen in relation to PTSD.

Trauma

The word “trauma” is often used to indicate that someone has experienced an event that has not yet been properly processed, causing someone to suffer from it in everyday life. Sometimes it is a single event, such as a fire, accident, death, rape or robbery. This is called single trauma. When there has been a series of traumatic events (for example, sexual abuse, assault, bullying, medical procedures) it is called multiple trauma.

A traumatic event can cause intense symptoms. Often the memory forces itself on you, while you are trying so hard not to think about it. This can take the form of nightmares or re-experiences, among other things. The memory brings intense anxiety and stress, which makes you try to avoid anything that might bring that memory back to the surface. Continuously elevated stress levels make you irritable, overly alert or startle easily. You have many complex thoughts and you no longer enjoy the things you used to enjoy. Because everywhere, someone is lurking on you who wants to harm you. Recurrent and intrusive memories, startle reactions, avoidance and intense emotions after a traumatic event are appropriate for post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD.

PTSD or Autism

Autism and PTSD are two completely different things, but there are several similarities in their manifestation. This makes there a risk of misdiagnosis (for example, PTSD instead of autism, or vice versa) or missing one of the diagnoses even though both are present.

One well-known commonality is stimulus sensitivity. Both people with autism and people with PTSD are extra sensitive to stimuli. Fear of loud noises or finding physical touch unpleasant are well-known hypersensitivities that occur frequently in both diagnoses.

Other similarities include rigidity and social withdrawal. Also, symptoms such as sleep problems, gloominess and anxiety are common in both diagnoses.

Some of the difference is in the nature of the symptoms. For example, sensitivity to stimuli in PTSD is often linked to stimuli reminiscent of the trauma, whereas in autism there is a more general sensitivity to stimuli. Another example is that sleep problems in autism are more likely to arise from overstimulation, difficulty with transition or a lack of structure, and in PTSD it is mainly from nightmares or fears. It is therefore incredibly important in diagnosis to look beyond the symptoms and have an eye for underlying processes.

Another difference can be seen in the duration of the symptoms. With autism we assume that it is congenital and symptoms can therefore already be seen in (early) childhood. PTSD you can develop at any time in your life, so a clear difference can usually be seen in functioning before and after the traumatic event. Unfortunately, there are also those who experienced (multiple) trauma in early childhood, making this difference more difficult to discern. Again, a careful diagnostic process is in order

All your knowledge and memories with associated thoughts and feelings, are stored in so called drawers and your brain is a kind of chest of drawers. You can compare this to your computer: all your documents and images with information are stored in folders, so they don't disappear as soon as you close it.

When you need information from a folder, this folder opens in your brain. For example: you are at work. The “work” folder is then open because you need this knowledge to do your job. Ideally, this folder closes when you go home again. But if you are still mulling over your work, for example, the folder remains open. Or you talk about what you did that day at home, which also requires the folder to be opened again.

What we often see with autism is that a folder remains open when associated things are not clear, logical or unfinished. You keep having thoughts about the subject and it is not easy to let it go (i.e. close the folder).

Thus, a drawer in your head may also remain open that has to do with a loss or a drastic event. As a result, you keep thinking about it. You may also be experiencing the feelings you had during the loss or major event over and over again.

Because the folder remains open, you may experience symptoms appropriate to stalled grief or PTSD. The difference between open folders and stagnant grief or PTSD is that the core problem is not the disturbed processing, but the inability to puzzle all the pieces of information into a logical and meaningful whole.

Wrong links

During the processing of stimuli in your brain, information that belongs together is categorized and transported together. However, it can happen that pieces of information are transported further together when they don't actually belong together. This is what I call a wrong document in the wrong drawer, and this makes retrieval a lot more difficult. There is a piece of information missing for the linking together.

A simple example of this is not eating food that once made you feel sick. Suppose you ate fish one evening, after which you became ill that same evening-a severe allergic reaction in my case. Your brain can then link the piece of information about eating fish in general to the piece of information about getting sick. The result is that every time you think about eating fish, say because someone suggests going to a seafood restaurant, that linkage pops up. You probably won't get another bite down your throat because you're afraid it will make you sick again. And even though rationally you may know that that need not be the case (because possibly you happened to have bad or the wrong fish that night, which says nothing about all the other kinds of fish, or the getting sick had nothing to do with it and it was coincidental that it followed each other), I no longer get nauseous at the idea of eating fish. Just having it researched what you can and cannot eat and then that does feel like truth.

Everyone's brain makes these mismatches from time to time, including the brains of neurotypical people. However, the likelihood of a mismatch in autism is higher, because in the autistic brain information comes in fragmented (i.e. in separate pieces a kind of dustpan and brush effect. All the pieces are there but in a shattered order).

Now the link between a specific type of food and getting sick is not a world catastrophe, but it can just happen to create a link that has much bigger implications for your daily life. An example: during an evening walk, fireworks were set off. In your startle reaction you heard a high whistling sound which gave you even more panic also the flashes of light all around gave excessive excitement and as soon as you hear a bang you want to crawl away. Since then you feel intense fear when you hear bangs outside or if someone just after New Year's Eve someone sets off a piece of fireworks.

So a mismatch can come up when confronting some of the information (that could be seen as a trigger, reasoned from PTSD), with the accompanying conclusion, which can include intense and negative emotions. As a result, mismatch is very similar to a trauma-related disorder. For that matter, it can also be very similar to an anxiety disorder. Again, the difference here lies in the core of the problem: It is not about the disrupted processing (or about fear thoughts after conditioning, if we take a side trip to anxiety disorders), but about information stored in the brain as a mismatch. Thereby, in the case of mismatch, other PTSD symptoms are not present.

Do you recognize yourself in the above article? Then do not hesitate to seek help. For this you can contact your family doctor.

“We have calcium in our bones, iron in our veins, carbon in our souls, and nitrogen in our brains. 93 percent stardust, with souls made of flames, we are all just stars that have people names.” {qoute by Nikita Gill}

The Old Sailor,

Holidays are not fun when you are poor

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Sun, 15 Dec 2024 00:08:00 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

The holidays are approaching, the days are gretting shorter, and the temperature is dropping. December is a joyful month for many people. Regretfully, not everyone experiences this. It can be particularly difficult for children who are growing up in (hidden) poverty during this time of year.

Poverty-stricken children and youth frequently receive no presents for Christmas or Sinterklaas. One out of every twelve kids lives in poverty. It affects 1 in 9 kids in big cities. Because there is so little, it is very exciting for these kids and teens to invite friends to their houses. Sometimes there isn't enough money for a winter coat when it gets really cold.

Sometimes the funds for a winter coat are insufficient. Or occasionally there isn't a bicycle available for riding to school. In addition, they could be able to pursue further education beyond high school. Beginning in early November, we once more see storefronts brimming with gifts. Sinterklaas and Santa Claus mention gift-filled warehouses on the Sinterklaasjournaal. Once more, the gift-filled advertisements and toy guides tumble upon the doormat. Children and young people's social and emotional development is greatly impacted when a present on Christmas Eve or Sinterklaas is not at all clear. They are unable to relate to their peers since they are unable to discuss their gift in class. Exclusion results from not receiving Santa Claus or Christmas gifts.

Everybody is entitled to a worry-free upbringing. to have the same status as girlfriends and friends. with a bicycle, sports instruction, new clothes, and a Christmas gift. All Dutch children and youths aged 0 to 21 who are raised in poverty are eligible for Kinderhulp. On December 5, Children's Aid makes sure that as many kids who live in poverty as possible get a gift! You can assist, too!

Regretfully, not everyone can afford all those groceries. Better yet, not everyone owns a house. Many individuals, especially children, continue to live in poverty even in the Netherlands. Occasionally as a result of losing their employment. Additionally, they are no longer paid because they are ill. For instance, the Netherlands is wealthy in comparison to several Asian and African nations. However, 14.5% of Dutch people do not have enough money to live comfortably in this country. This may result in bad eating habits, delayed medical appointments, and an inability to participate in enjoyable activities like sports.

Therefore, we must ensure that funds are allocated more effectively. so that everyone may work, have a place to live, eat, and occasionally engage in enjoyable activities. Starting in the Netherlands, this is how we contribute to the global eradication of poverty.

The Old Sailor,

When Anger makes life difficult

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Mon, 04 Nov 2024 20:33:00 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

Accidentally I met a new person a nearly sixty-year-old man from Turkey who is already here for more than forty years. He reasonably speaks the Dutch language. The biggest problem he has is a bit of a temper when it comes to officials who write letters to him. And yes his anger issue brought him into a lot of trouble. The problem is that we do not understand a lot of all these bureaucratic things. He fled in his younger years and going to school was difficult.

Does anyone else out there have issues with their "friends" and professionals turning their backs on them and leaving them out in the cold while they are not getting treatment for PTSD? What would you do????

He told me that he had a great person who helped him manage all the paperwork and was there socially for him when suddenly the money from the county was stopped. So his guy was not paid anymore and stopped showing up. He has different people around to help him, but according to him they just are taking the money and not much is been done. Everyone who said they would support me through treatment has turned their backs on him and instead of being supportive they are "pushing his buttons" and not helping but adding to his stress.

What would you do??? I can't point it out to them cause it just starts an argument and they claim I'm using the "poor him card". My "best friend" won't even talk to some of them anymore. All I get is negative energy from them as he explains. “I feel more alone than I did before the treatments“. Which it is but as the rest of you know, you can't get through this without help and support from family and friends.

You have to do what you can live with. Nothing more, nothing less. If your professionals are adding to your stress and your illness then you need to, even temporarily, distance yourself while you heal. By the way, unless your friends have PTSD they will never 'get it'. They can't understand what's going on in your mind and your life. It's just one of those things in life that can't be changed. You have to find people who can and will support you (therapists, doctors, support groups) and not ask the same thing of your friends.

I just learned a very difficult lesson by having this person I thought of as my "best" friend quit talking to me with an outburst of anger and no explanation. I just made a phone call to his health insurance office and told me that they could not help him. I was flabbergasted by this answer and asked who should I call on this issue. This happened after I realized /remembered he was having an anger issue and they got him out of the building by police and he was not allowed to come back in. As he had verbally abused a person he had spoken to or most probably yelled at. He was not in the here-and-now reality - He was reacting as if I was still a hurt terrified young man. His best friend and helping hand had vanished. It's been over two or three years and it hurts him, but I guess that's the reason that he breaks and goes totally bananas when they put too much pressure on him. „I have to control my behavior somehow (or avoid people when I'm in that state) if I want people to stick around, even if it's incredibly difficult, “ he says to me. I tell him all the time you will get there when you ask people in a nice and friendly way. I share my life with my wife who has PTSD and is working hard on herself. I ran into this years ago myself after my army days and I kept it away from the rest but lately, I am going to therapy as well to get a better me out of it. Mine is a form of parts. I struggle with some anger and some strange feelings of failure. It’s not the end of the world for me, although I still struggle with putting myself in the spotlight when I rather go in camouflage and blend in with the rest.

Before you read what I have written please understand I am trying to offer a view from the other side of the fence. I do not wish to antagonize anyone with PTSD or invalidate their suffering. I intend to provide you with some thoughts that some of your friends may have thought. As a 'friend' of someone who has PTSD my thoughts are these - I agree that I can never understand PTSD but I can and have learned to have an appreciation for what it may be like.

Conversely, I think some PTSD sufferers forget how dramatic their reactions are sometimes and how frightening they can be sometimes to someone who has no idea of what they are dealing with. I have learned that I cannot apply logic or reason to try and understand a sufferer when they are very ill. To someone who has a history of abuse (but not PTSD etc), it can be quite daunting being lashed out at by someone who is supposed to be their friend.

What I think I need to say as a 'friend' is that a sufferer can help their friends understand them better by trying to meet them some of the way and work out what the friend relates to.

I like to read and learn so I went to the bookstore and gave me some literature to read. Some other friends may relate to the movie 'Reign Over Me' as they have trouble reading books and rather like watching TV. Of course, it goes without saying that the 'friend' has to be the type of person who is willing to make the effort and learn. I also found that as a 'friend,' I need to be really strong and definite with my boundaries so that while I may see a PTSD sufferer ill it does not become my punishment too.

Living with someone who has PTSD has taught me (although sometimes difficult) that the issue may not be about me but I may bear the brunt of the pain/frustration/illness that they feel. Luckily for me, I have not had to deal with the full-blown form of PTSD and I can only empathise with those who suffer from it.

Harsh as it may sound, friendship is a two-way street and sometimes it's just a case of meeting the right person. If I look back over my life so far my friends have changed as my circumstances did but then there are a few who have been there all the way and are still around.

I too have been through losing many friends over this. Many were because my wife isolated me from them, as she was not able to reconnect with people around her at that time. I have a few close friends. Many people seem to like me a lot and want to spend time with me, but few can connect with the world I live in.

It has been hurting for a long time, every now and then it still stings a bit but it's just the way it is. I "feel out" people by slowly giving them tidbits about my life to see if I want to invest emotionally with them in a friendship. There are very few I can talk to about the real me. I am blessed by having those few. As a matter of fact, you remind me to call them today and tell them I love them. I didn't use to do that. Now that I really know how precious friendship, true friendship is, I tell them. I try to take long hard looks in the mirror to see if I'm being a good friend to them, and initiate conversation by asking them how I can be a better friend the times when I am able to look past my own hands.

I have also looked closely at who adds to my life. I need to surround myself with love and support, not judgment. Life's hard enough, I don't need more added to my plate of battles. So, I've narrowed down my friends as well to those who aren't toxic to me but help me along my path and cherish the few I'm left with. This includes my family. I am now working on our relationship as a couple as I have been playing for too long the role of parent and caretaker, you may see a post from me later about that.

Hugs, I know this is hard stuff. And yes one thing you should learn straight away. You are beautiful exactly as you are. Cherish those who enrich your life and you will glow love, attracting others like you who can face life head-on to you.

I heard this phrase once...People come into our lives for a season, a reason, or a lifetime.

I think it is exacerbated by our PTSD but even people without PTSD have failed relationships......

The Old Sailor,

Home Defects: Sue the Seller, Agent, or Property Inspector?

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Wed, 02 Oct 2024 13:56:00 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

A few months ago, we bought us a new home and yes, we were aware of the fact that this was not a new house. In my opinion a homeowner should look after his property. This is the thing that is occurring as the former owner has laid back in his chair and keeping up with the house that needs some work was not his thing.

Our home came with some unhappy surprises like leaks, cracks, broken mechanical systems, and other defects, the fiscal responsibility might not be ours alone. According to the lawyer we have hired for this case.

What if something was wrong with your house at the time of purchase and someone, the seller, the property seller's real estate agent, or the inspector could have or should have told us about it, but didn't?

Such problems can become known days, weeks after the sale, leaving you angry and wondering whether you really must shoulder the entire financial burden.

In such cases, you might be able to ask the responsible person to pitch in and take the matter to court if they do not. Ideally, you'll be able to resolve matters without filing a lawsuit suit.

Minor Home Defects or Natural Aging Aren't Grounds for a Lawsuit. We knew when we bought the house that it wasn't in a perfect condition. Some problems, such as a crack in the front walk, A window frame that was rotten these things were obvious. Others, such as aging plumbing, the seller might have told you about in the course of the sale. (In our country laws require home sellers to disclose all "material" defects to prospective buyers.)

Our home inspector, we had to hire one to get a mortgage also told us about a few foreseeable problems.

Then after the sale, our home probably continued its normal process of aging and decaying, leaving us to deal with the consequences. None of these sorts of issues provide any grounds upon which to run back to the seller to complain.

Will your insurance company cover the damage? If so, there might be no need to act on your own.

Could the Home Seller Be Held Legally Responsible for the Undisclosed Defects?

Even if you think you've been wronged, you can't sue everyone involved in the sale of your home. The home seller is the first one to consider, of course.

As mentioned, nearly every country in Europe has laws requiring sellers to advise buyers of certain defects in the property, typically by filling out a standard disclosure form before the sale is completed. (This responsibility remains even if you bought the house "as is.")

The form usually asks the seller to tell whether the property has certain features like appliances, a roof, a foundation, systems for electricity, water, and heating, and more and then to rate or describe their condition. Disclosure laws are more comprehensive than others, and if a feature isn't on the list, the seller might not be required to speak up. Also, the seller isn't usually required to scout out problems.

If there's clearly a place on the form where the seller should have stated a problem but denied it, your job is to try to figure out whether the seller in fact knew about it. For example, if the seller patched over or hid problem areas, or if the neighbors have told you about the seller's efforts to deal with a problem, the evidence is on your side.

Could the Seller's Real Estate Agent Be Held Legally Responsible?

Sometimes' laws make sellers' real estate agents liable for failing to disclose problems they observed or were told of by the sellers, though often their duties are limited.

Could Your Home Inspector Be Held Legally Responsible?

Hopefully, we are as the bank asked us for getting a home inspection report done before buying. In theory, the inspector should have spotted problems that the seller wasn't aware of or was turning a blind eye to. If the inspector missed problems that an expert (a professional peer) should have noticed, the inspector might be on the hook; that is, legally liable.

We read over your inspection report to see what it said about the area in question. Some buyers are embarrassed to find that the problem is spelled out right in the report or falls within an area that the inspector rightfully excluded from the report (such as a blocked off or inaccessible area). In our case the crawl space was not accessible because it was full of water and gave off a fierce dank smell. As a result, the inspector could not figure out if the utilities were in working order located in the crawl space.

But in other cases, the inspector did not meet basic standards of professional competence. This is the reason our lawyer is hiring an independent building inspector and maintenance expert. And who will hopefully be able to get a clear picture of the stated defects that are being denied by the seller.

Do You Have a Solid Case?

Once you've figured out the possible responsible parties, you'll want to know whether their action or inaction might entitle you to compensation. If your situation meets the criteria below, you might have a good case. We've collapsed a few legal principles into this list, but it will apply to most situations in most U.S. states.

The defect was there before you bought the home.
It's not an obvious defect that you could have seen yourself before buying.
No one told you about the defect before the sale, or someone actually lied to you about it.
You relied on the lies or nondisclosures.
You've incurred monetary damage as a result.
You're within any appropriate deadlines.

Even if you think you meet the above criteria, remember that in an actual lawsuit, it will be your job to convince a judge. Hence the more evidence you can start gathering, the better. We are trying to avoid a lawsuit as there is quite a cost involved. Still if the seller continues to resist and deny like this then there is probably little choice but to take it to court. Writing the letters is difficult and this has been dragging on for several months now. Hopefully, the courts will provide clarity, and we can move forward with realizing our own little palace. We have not lost hope and hope for a good outcome.

You might still be responsible for paying court costs and other fees, plus expenses such as the attorney's phone calls and postage. Or the court might award reimbursement of attorney's fees as part of your damages.

Waiting for better times.

The Old Sailor,

Trying to find closure

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Fri, 13 Sep 2024 20:42:00 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

“This wasn’t supposed to happen! Tell me why this has happened!” These are the spoken words of countless bereaved parents and boy or girlfriends that had a great day out in the old town of Brugge. Travelling by ship to the main land of Belgium. Townsend Thoresen was well known by lorry drivers and regular travelers that numerously crossed the channel with these ships throughout numerous years mostly foot passengers travelled for one pound due to an ad in The Sun — a never-ending and always present wound in the Souls of those who have buried their loved ones. After nearly 38 years, I returned to the place where the disaster with the Herald of Free Enterprise occurred. And the moment will never leave your brain many first responders have still some mental scars from this.

Disasters such as hurricanes, earthquakes, transportation accidents, or wildfires are typically unexpected, sudden, and overwhelming. For many people, there are no outwardly visible signs of physical injury, but there can be nonetheless an emotional toll. It is common for people who have experienced disaster to have strong emotional reactions. Understanding responses to distressing events can help you cope effectively with your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, and help you along the path to recovery. And we are easily forgetting about the rescue teams that have to live with all the things they have seen and heard. The endless sounds of sirens and alarms that are going of constantly. These memories are hard to deal with for many and some of them cannot cope afterwards and get mentally stuck and some even take their own lives.

What are common reactions and responses to disaster?

Following disaster, people frequently feel stunned, disoriented or unable to integrate distressing information. Once these initial reactions subside, people can experience a variety of thoughts and behaviors. Common responses can be:

Intense or unpredictable feelings. You may be anxious, nervous, overwhelmed, or grief-stricken. You may also feel more irritable or moody than usual.
Changes to thoughts and behavior patterns. You might have repeated and vivid memories of the event. These memories may occur for no apparent reason and may lead to physical reactions such as rapid heartbeat or sweating. It may be difficult to concentrate or make decisions. Sleep and eating patterns also can be disrupted—some people may overeat and oversleep, while others experience a loss of sleep and loss of appetite.
Sensitivity to environmental factors. Sirens, loud noises, burning smells, or other environmental sensations may stimulate memories of the disaster creating heightened anxiety. These “triggers” may be accompanied by fears that the stressful event will be repeated.
Strained interpersonal relationships. Increased conflict, such as more frequent disagreements with family members and coworkers, can occur. You might also become withdrawn, isolated, or disengaged from your usual social activities.
Stress-related physical symptoms. Headaches, nausea, and chest pain may occur and could require medical attention. Preexisting medical conditions could be affected by disaster-related stress.

How do I cope with this?

Fortunately, research shows that most people are resilient and over time are able to bounce back from tragedy. It is common for people to experience stress in the immediate aftermath, but within a few months most people are able to resume functioning as they did prior to the disaster. It is important to remember that resilience and recovery are the norm, not prolonged distress. There are a number of steps you can take to build emotional well-being and gain a sense of control following a disaster, including the following:

Give yourself time to adjust. Anticipate that this will be a difficult time in your life. Allow yourself to mourn the losses you have experienced and try to be patient with changes in your emotional state.

Ask for support from people who care about you and who will listen and empathize with your situation. Social support is a key component to disaster recovery. Family and friends can be an important resource. You can find support and common ground from those who've also survived the disaster. You may also want to reach out to others not involved who may be able to provide greater support and objectivity.

Communicate your experience. Express what you are feeling in whatever ways feel comfortable to you—such as talking with family or close friends, keeping a diary, or engaging in a creative activity (e.g., drawing, molding clay, etc.).

Find a local support group led by appropriately trained and experienced professionals. Support groups are frequently available for survivors. Group discussion can help you realize that you are not alone in your reactions and emotions. Support group meetings can be especially helpful for people with limited personal support systems.

Establish or reestablish routines. This can include eating meals at regular times, sleeping and waking on a regular cycle, or following an exercise program. Build in some positive routines to have something to look forward to during these distressing times, like pursuing a hobby, walking through an attractive park or neighborhood, or reading a good book.

When should I seek professional help?

If you notice persistent feelings of distress or hopelessness and you feel like you are barely able to get through your daily responsibilities and activities, consult with a licensed mental health professional such as a psychologist. Psychologists are trained to help people address emotional reactions to disaster such as disbelief, stress, anxiety, and grief and make a plan for moving forward. To find a psychologist in your area, I did work on myself over more than 35 years. Lately I went for psychological help and I went back to where it all happened. 37 years after there are hardly any traces left of the things that have been printed in my brain forever. The night before I went there my brain was going back to the dark and cold night on the 6^th of March.

The searchlights in he sky and the screaming and crying people in the helicopters and ambulances. The Belgian army guys and firefighters and the Red Cross people who all worked with everything in their powers. It was like a bad and totally crazy movie in my head and I was in doubt if I should go there. Somehow there was something that calmed me down and told me this will bring you towards closure.

It will still take some time before I can say this is over.

Although slowly but surely I will get there.

The Old Sailor,

Hopefully the last time that we moved house

noreply@blogger.com (Old Sailor 2007) — Sat, 10 Aug 2024 22:38:00 +0000

Dear Bloggers,

I have moved house four times in just over twenty years. You think that my family and I would be really good at moving, but there is always something that trips us up every time.

After having lived in the same house for 23 years, I left my parental home and moved in with the girl I fell in love with. She rented a little Apartment in a medium sized village. We bought our first house in the village where I was born and where I grew up. Although I was young and restless and had my challenges fulfilled as a man with tons of ideas. In the army I found that life could be tricky and some of us are not getting really old they faced death at an early stage. After that I worked in discotheques and restaurants served people with joy. Although these jobs were for the summer season and I had to work in factories during the rest of the time and it was not paying that well. I started looking for a new challenge and went sailing on a small cruise liner. Here I found joy only thing that was missing was my little miss. Being homesick I left after one cruise and picked up the old jobs again. My dearest surprised me with an application for a new starting route with Scandinavian Seaways and a job as a waiter. After getting married and our first born a financial crisis struck and I lost my job. I tried many different paths but nothing brought real satisfaction. I was so happy when I received a phone call to serve on the Hamburg to Harwich route. Difference was leaving to loves of my life behind to live my dream. We moved to another small village close to my wife’s parents so they could babysit if necessary. And we were talking about a second child as our former home was too small for it. Then the Tax office was making mistake after mistake and almost seized our home as we started to run out of money. I have the mentality of a streetfighter and don’t give up easy. We sold our house and got challenged to get a much lower mortgage and less to live in. We went from a new home to an old and lived out house and had to start all over from scratch.

I had a dream that wouldn't let me rest. I wanted to renovate our old home and turn it into the house that we wanted. My wife bought into my vision and after almost ten years we looked for a house that we could afford and that we could transform. The deadline for the sale of our beautiful home was coming closer and closer and we had a fourth night left to pack our stuff and move on.

In February 2018, we finally found it - an old, never updated in the last forty-some years. A little family home that was about to be collapsing under its conditions. It didn't have many features - except for a farmers door as a front door, floorboards that were moving with you. It had an outdoor laundry room in the shed and a very tiny toilet room and a tiny, dirty kitchen that was barely functional. Even the electricity had to be removed as it was more than forty years old. Also the plumbing had to be redone. So we took the floors out and started from scratch to remodel the intestines of the house. Fortunately, it had a bit of a yard were we could drop of all the old crap that was removed, the company having containers for all the wood, doors, drywall, bricks, concrete and whatever had been stuck in this house was located close to our house. We had several of them and if you sort it out it saves a pretty penny. After everything was renewed and brought up to todays standards. The foam concrete floor was poured and the underfloor heating was installed the next day. A week later the screed floor and the next week the tiled floor. Finally it was habitable again. In the weeks that followed, the electrical work was done and the plasterers did the walls downstairs. The upstairs was now ready for use because we lived in the middle of this construction site.

At a certain point, the ceilings were also installed and the house could be furnished with all the things that were in the garage and after almost 4 years of renovation, not all of them looked as good anymore. That night I woke up to a searing plastic smell. I looked out the window at the front and saw a bit of smoke. I had a bad feeling and went downstairs to see if everything was okay. I opened the back curtains and saw a flame dancing behind the garage window.

I raised the alarm and ran upstairs woke the children and sent them outside my wife grabbed the dogs and went out the front door. All my tools and materials burned as well as some of the furniture and all the paperwork and our other clothes. The blow was hard and complicated for someone with a trauma and two relatively young children. Yet we would overcome this too. Tough as nails they say. Even though my wife could not find her way as the city has its noises like: traffic noise. screaming sirens of fire brigade, police and ambulances. But also drunken youngsters on weekends and holidays were not uncommon. All year round some stupid guests let off firecrackers which made the dogs react rather nervously and bark out of fear. We decided to sell the property and find something more quiet again. We successfully found a house that needed a great bit of love to make it up to our standards again.

So we bought it. The pressure was then on to fix up our current house and pack up our stuff. We had to do a load of work to get the house ready for moving day. And a month is not enough to get everything up and running. Impossible is not in my vocabulary and everyone tried to be ready on the deadlines, not easy for the people that had to do the jobs. The bathroom was one of the issues as the guy that had to install it just gave up on us as he had no time left. My contractor found another plumber and the electrical work I took up for a great deal myself and another company made the new outlets for the freezer and the fridge. Still not everything is done but there is time now to do things later like painting the ceilings and walls.

Also, the garage floor needs to be demolished and then re-poured and will have underfloor heating and a tile floor put in. Furthermore, the garage will be split. the front will be my workshop and the back will be the utility room and laundry room for my wife. So still a lot to do in the coming time. Someday it will all be done and the dream will be complete. When I reach retirement I hope the chores will be over.

There is something about living in a house for a long time. You accrue a lot of things. And dare I say, my wife is most probably a hoarder. I am the one that keeps a lot of stuff if it comes to building. Tools I have average. We had quite a big garage, but the amount of stuff I had stored in there was phenomenal (that even excluded all the equipment for the garden I had stored at another location).

Planning the move took a lot of time and lots of tiny decisions. We planned on moving out the big things, the things we could see. Anything we didn't need for a couple of months we packed up and sent to our new rented storage room that we had in regional storage center. I spent countless nights boxing things. And registered all the goods in a spreadsheet. By the time we had our first open for inspection, it looked like we lived this magical, idealized life of a tidy house and lots of floor space (see photo above). It was like living in a sales folder with the perfect family.

It felt like a mirage.

When we finally moved (and had still five months) to prepare, we thought it would be easy. After all, we had most of our things in storage and we had also sold or donated a lot of things. I booked a big truck for a day.

By 2pm on moving day, it became painfully obvious things weren't going well. There were still so many boxes to get into the truck. By the time we arrived at our new house, it was dusk. We decided to stop for the night and get the rest tomorrow. The next morning we started early again and literally shoved all the furniture into our new house (so we couldn't use any rooms except the bedrooms).

Thankfully, we weren't living there on the first night. We went back to our old, clean house and slept on mattresses on the floor. We were exhausted and got a little scared of what laid ahead.

The next day was even worse. It was settlement day. I started cleaning and packing up the bits and pieces strewn around the home at 6am. By 10.30am, we were getting frantic calls from our real estate agent about when we would hand in the keys. At 11am, I had to go to the solicitor for the legal paperwork our real estate agent was not there as they were having a day out with the personnel.

We got out of there by 10am the sale had gone through. It seemed like a tiny cause for celebration.

In the end, it wasn't the big pieces of furniture that made our move so traumatic. It was all the bits of stuff we had accrued that I didn't know existed, as well as all the little things I didn't know what to do with. Random cables, pieces of plastic from unknown items, storage containers, pet toys.

Yet, what I severely underestimated was that it just wasn't our physical stuff that took a long time to sort, it was also the emotional baggage that lay trapped underneath. From exposing a hidden conflict with my spouse - her deep need to be surrounded by a lot of stuff and my need to have very little, as well as the more held back emotions of my wife as she started feeling lonely as I was not the best guy anymore as I forgot about us and was to busy with all the things to keep running our daughter (who is still traumatized by leaving her okay city home).

The annual house moves took a toll on both of us and trying to believe we were finally moving back home to a settled and easier life. The vision of a beautiful, clean and bigger house that was all ours had long lost its shine (or as our 20 year old proclaimed, "You have been promising this house to me since I was 16 and now I'm planning when I can leave home."

Yet, the whole experience has taught me a lot about when I can push people to change and when I cannot, as well as not ignoring the little things become so overwhelming and energy-zapping.

During a move, you know not to throw every family member's clothes into one big box. You sort them into individual boxes. It makes it so much easier to unpack when you get to your destination.

Change isn't something that comes naturally to humans.

A quote I heard recently "The old needs to drop away before the new can arise within you." Yet, we stubbornly hold onto the past and fear the new. Moving house is a process of allowing the old to fall away. It can be traumatic because we become so emotionally attached with where we are. Yet, sometimes there is something bigger and better waiting for us that we need to experience, in order to be the person we want to be.

Everyone evolves at their own pace. Planning a big move or change is really about giving our brains the time it needs to absorb that a new life is ahead of us. Some of us hold on tightly to where we are because it feels comforting and safe, while others jump onboard the change train gleefully and excited.

It's not until we have moved that we can finally let go of our old daily habits and behaviors. Sometimes the move is positive as we experience new things that light us up and give our lives meaning and joy. Other times, the move is negative and we find ourselves trapped in a small place that feels like our freedom and autonomy has been reduced. What I learnt is to keep the dialogue open between family members. Focusing on the dream house didn't work with one teenager. Giving them the time and space to vent and complain seemed to be what they needed, as well as not reacting negatively to things they said that were hurtful.

In years to come, I know I will look back at this time as when myself and my family transcended our limitations and stepped into a new reality. A time when we all learnt individually who we really are and how to interact better with one another during uncertainty and pressure.

The Old Sailor,