Old Time Family Baseball

A Ballplayer's Got To Eat

michaelclair — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 15:14:29 -0700

Ever wonder why a ballplayer has such a high salary? I mean, sure, they’re a highly skilled individual in an exclusive and demanding profession. And sure, teams essentially have a license to print money, and so the ballplayers certainly deserve their share. But it turns out that the players actually need the high salary, simply to cover their minibar expenses.

USA Today, when surveying Major League tastes in travel, discovered things like people actually purchasing $6 bottled water. Or, in fits of extreme excess, David Freese says:

“There’s nothing wrong with waking up in the middle of the night, going to the bathroom and grabbing those peanut M&Ms on your way back to bed.”

I mean, you do that a couple of times a week, that sets you back, what, $3,000-$4,000? At least, that’s been my experience.

So the next time someone tells you they’re angry at ballplayer salaries, you look them dead in the eye and you tell them, “Hey! Do you want them not to eat that can of mixed nuts?”

(h/t HBT)

"Machado leads the league in doubles. I’m second in doubles—double vodkas, double scotches…"

michaelclair — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 14:47:21 -0700

“Machado leads the league in doubles. I’m second in doubles—double vodkas, double scotches…”

- Jim Leyland

(via @jonmorosi)

I still don’t know why there isn’t a “Collected Wisdom of Jim Leyland” book.

Things You May Have Missed While You Were Living Your Life

michaelclair — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 08:01:00 -0700

While you were spending most of your time debating the merits, or lack thereof, of Man of Steel (I, very sadly, belong in the latter camp), baseball things still happened.

What you may have missed:

Wil Myers is coming Tampa Bay. Let’s leave the second ‘L’ off of al of our words!

Or, we can add them to words!

Baseball players grew up idolizing Ken Griffey Jr! And other things they think!

Hiroshima Toyo Carp sign Kila Ka’aihue. May all his singles be homers.

Jurickson Profar: “Water is for sharks.”

Baseball in the year 1749! Craig Calcaterra collects all the relevant data.

A very scary moment this weekend. Alex Cobb took a line drive off his head. Fortunately, it’s only a mild concussion when it could have been much worse.

I’m guessing this is the result of Zod’s terraforming World Engine?

MLB on pace for most extra inning games ever. Nothing to not like about that. Unless you’re a beat writer on deadline. Or someone who likes to watch baseball, but then get up in the morning.

Democrats beat the Republicans 22-0 in the annual baseball game. INSERT INANE POLITICAL JOKE HERE.

Ballplayers play worse as they get tired over the course of the season. It makes sense, but now science kind of proves it!

Pedro Strop would kindly like the Orioles fans to stop, or should that be ‘strop’ booing him. Said Strop:

“I heard it when I was walking from the mound. Booing somebody like that–I was giving everything I’ve got to help the team win and to give a good show. … They don’t care about players. They care about good results.

It’s not a big deal. I know they just want to see good results, but at the same time, they don’t know what it takes, what hard work and dedication it takes to perform well. So that’s why they boo, because they don’t know.”

I’ve never understood the appeal of booing the players you want to succeed, perhaps because I’m a hippie-dippie ‘positive reinforcement’ guy and find booing mean. Anyway, maybe lighten up. A little?

Boog City, a poetry publication, has their baseball issue out for your enjoyment!

productiveouts: While we were recording PRODcast 50, Riley...

michaelclair — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 10:59:02 -0700

productiveouts:

While we were recording PRODcast 50, Riley tossed off a joke about a grindcore band called PUIG DESTROYER. We both laughed, and them kinda went hmmmmm…

The next night he sent me drum tracks for our first song.

Nine days later we posted the first track off our debut EP.

We hope you enjoy the results and take them in the spirit in which they were intended. We’ll post the rest of the EP as we get it finished up, hopefully in the next week or so.

This is one of the funnest things I’ve ever been a part of. Huge thanks to Riley for getting the ball rolling, to Mike for sacrificing his throat for the greater good, Jon for bringing his guitar wizardry to the party, and to Scott for working his mixing magic on our basics.

xo,

ian

Listen/purchase: PUIG DESTROYER by Puig Destroyer

A turning point in man kind.

Read This Comic: That Time Clark Kent Nearly Bungled Away the Little League World Series

michaelclair — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 07:47:14 -0700

With The Man of Steel coming out tonight, returning Krypton’s Last Son to his rightful place in pop culture, it’s time that we look back at Clark Kent, newsanchor and boob around town, as nearly bungles away the Little League town championship in 1982’s Superman Family #215.

The story opens with Clark anchoring the nightly WGBS news. He passes the mic to Steve Lombard for sports who announces that there’s going to be a new member of the Hall of Fame, but first, it’s time for the all-important Little League bulletin:

If you thought the news being filled with human interest pieces was a new phenomena, you clearly weren’t paying attention.

After a breaking down the Metropolis Planeteers’ (Sadly, having nothing to do with Captain Planet) chances in the Little League World Series, Lombard gives us the lowdown on Franklin Pierce Jackson, a .359 hitter in the Negro Leagues, who is finally getting elected to the Hall of Fame. Shame that Buck O’Neill never got the same treatment while he was alive.

Clark Kent then heads home and, proving that he has extremely poor facial recognition skills, doesn’t realize that Frank, his doorman and co-manager of the Little League team, is Franklin Pierce Jackson, the Hall of Famer. I know, a man with X-Ray vision who routinely saves the planet doesn’t recognize his doorman as the Hall of Fame ballplayer that was covered on the news that very evening?

You know, maybe Lex Luthor is right not to trust Superman’s judgement.

With Frank begging out of the World Series game due to a variety of imaginary ailments, Clark Kent is put in charge of managing the team, admitting he doesn’t know the difference between a single and a sacrifice bunt. At least he gives one of the least rousing pep talks ever:

How the hell did this guy get on the Justice League?

Finally, and only after Steve Lombard shows up to interview Frank, does Clark Kent, crack news reporter AND superhero, realize that Frank the Doorman is also Frank the Hall of Fame Baseball Player. Even then, he needs to do some PRISM-level spying to put it all together.

With Kent managing, surely begging the team to “bunt their way to victory”, the Planeteers somehow head to the top of the ninth, clinging to a 4-3 lead as the Comets stage a comeback. Kent, because he can’t be bothered to learn people’s names, faces, or the rules of the game, has no idea what to do.

But then Clark, proving that he’s the king of convoluted plans, decides to, wait for it, give the kids bad advice, hoping that Frank will read his lips and leap from the stands to right the ship.

Insane, right? Seems like it would never work, right? Maybe a better plan would be to, I don’t know, go get Frank?

And that’s why you’re not Superman.

Franklin Pierce Jackson: Hall of Famer and run expectancy chart carrier? Be still my heart. Sadly, my hopes are quickly dashed:

Since this issue came out after the 1981 season, and assuming that Little League baseball follows Major League patterns, and without knowing anything about the Comets lineup or the Planeteers bullpen, it’s actually NOT the percentage play.

Baseball Prospectus’ Run Expectancy charts tell us that in ‘81, a runner at second and third with two outs nets .57 runs while the bases loaded with two outs sees .69 runs come across the plate.

In the end, Jackson’s decision to walk the batter doesn’t matter as the team gets the ground ball and they leap about in celebration as Frank tries to slip away undetected. Clark then tells Frank he knows his secret with Frank admitting that he was ashamed of his fall from grace into his current occupation. Much the way Clark Kent should be ashamed that despite having X-Ray vision and seeing this man every day for years, he had no idea what his true identity was.

The team doesn’t give a hoot about Jackson’s day job though, lifting him on their shoulders and shouting with glee, surely hurting their backs because children shouldn’t carry adults except after plane crashes.

We then flash ahead to after the Cooperstown induction ceremony, getting some great local press coverage from the nearly brain-dead Clark Kent whose anchoring success is surely the result of the teleprompter:

After the ceremony, we find Frank, back to his doorman duties, surely overwhelmed by the amount of attention his induction has drawn:

In the end, everything works out for the best, I guess. Except that Clark Kent really isn’t fit to protect the planet.

————————

And if you want more Superman baseball stories, be sure to check out his stint as a scout, the time he got angry at Little Leaguers, or Steve Howard’s beautiful piece imagining Superman as a Kansas City Royal.

Radical Steve Pearce

williamjhall — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 18:36:48 -0700

Via Hardball Talk comes a RichDubroff story for CSNBaltimore.comon Orioles outfielder Steve Pearce and his use of an electric skateboard to get to Camden Yards. Most of my extremely cursory knowledge of Pearce comes from the fact that, for several years, I lived with a certain Pittsburgh Pirates fan who went on to start this very blog.

While Pearce has hit .236/.311/.373 over 700 Major League at-bats, he can at least highlight the fact that he’s now literally that 30 year-old dude you see hanging on to youth and hanging out with the younger, 18 - 22 year-old skate boarders…while playing for an MLB team.

Influenced by his new found narliness, Pearce has introduced a number of new slang words into the baseball lexicon:

Bailing: when the runner abandons a stolen base attempt halfway through when it looks like failure is almost guaranteed
Shred the save wave: striking out the side to earn a save
Batting goofy: occurs when a hitter steps into the opposite side of the plate
Gnarl Carl: when a team hits back-to-back home runs off of Justin Verlander
Sweetside Method Flip: actually just the name of Buck Showalter’s cat
Ham Run: skater slang for home run
Radical ERA-: pretty self-explanatory
Stokeworthy: used to describe a Yasel Puig at-bat

Baseball Literature & Derek Jeter

williamjhall — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 17:54:37 -0700

Last week OTFB brought you the first in what could very well be a recurring series of posts dealing with baseball and literature (however forced the connection might be). Because if you look hard enough, or just happen to read something that has even a tenuous connection to baseball, why not blog about it?

While we already know that Robert Coover was prescient in how his The Universal Baseball Association, Inc., J. Henry Waugh, Prop. anticipated baseball culture and the state of the game today, today’s installment will take us to the pulpy streets of Raymond Chandler’s Los Angeles in his short story “Trouble Is My Business:”

She tipped the key of her call box again. “Have Mr. Jeeter come in, honey.”

Let me quickly set the scene. Phillip Marlowe, Chandler’s hardboiled private eye, has been called to a business acquaintance’s office. Mr. Jeeter is a wealthy investment banker looking to reign in his son, who’s wracked up $50,000 in gambling debt, and to drive off the sultry woman who has her eyes set on young Jeeter’s trust fund and inheritance. Skulking, murder, and verbal barbs follow in the next 60 odd pages.

Could the predicament that the elder Jeeter finds himself in be a comment on Derek Jeter’s cosmopolitan lifestyle and lavish farewell treatment of the women with whom he hooks up?

The answer, of course, is yes. And just in case you attribute all of this to coincidence, consider Chandler’s description of a hotel lobby several pages after the introduction of Mr. Jeeter:

A doorman opened the door for me and I went in. The lobby was not quite as big as Yankee Stadium. It was floored with blue carpet and sponge rubber underneath.

Here, Chandler opts for a Yankee Stadium reference and even carpets the lobby in what can only be imagined as “Yankee blue.” Derek Jeter’s career slash line comes in at .316/.362/.429. He’s racked up 3,304 hits and five (perhaps questionable) Gold Gloves. His playboy smile has captured countless hearts. If there’s any player whose actions could alter the very fabric of time and influence a piece of literature written in 1934, then I think it could be Jeter.

And let’s not ignore the description of Mr. Jeeter, who represents the older version of the real Jeter, who will haunt our ESPN Sunday Night Baseball telecasts and New Yorker profiles long after he’s retired from the game:

He was a tall white-blond type in pin-striped flannel of youthful cut. There was a small pink rosebud in his lapel. He had a keen frozen face, a little pouchy under the eyes, a little thick in the lips. He carried an ebony cane with a silver knob, wore spats and looked a smart sixty, but I gave him close to ten years more.

A perennially youthful fashion sense, deceptive physical looks, debonair swagger - is that not Derek Jeter at the age of 70?

bleacherbummed: Here’s your 1989 Cubs rap song of the...

michaelclair — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 09:19:49 -0700

bleacherbummed:

Here’s your 1989 Cubs rap song of the day:

Cubbies are Rockin’

From the video “The Boys of Zimmer”

The chorus sounds like they recorded bunch of people on hunger strikes in a basement.

It’s great.

Cal Eldred: Baseball's Superman

michaelclair — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 07:35:56 -0700

Cal Eldred: Baseball's Superman:

Over at the Platoon Advantage, I blow the lid off the whole coverup, exposing Cal Eldred for who he really is. Which would be Superman. He’s Superman, okay?

You want some proof:

“1. Cal Eldred was born outside Cedar Rapids, Iowa, in a town named Urbana, earning the nickname “Corn Field” because of his rural roots. That doesn’t sound much different from a town called Smallville, does it?

2. Cal Eldred’s Baseball-Reference page lists him as 6’4”, 215 lbs. Superman is 6’3”, 225 lbs. And that one inch difference can probably be attributed to how Jose Altuve was supposedly 5’7” for a time.”

If you want the rest, you’ll have to click through to read it all. It’s positively illuminating.

Yasiel Puig is Unreal

michaelclair — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 04:42:25 -0700

Last night, in a Dodgers loss, Yasiel Puig went 3-for-4, not hitting a home run because he’s a no-talent hack like everyone else in Hollywood.

Also, these are his numbers since being called up on June 3rd:

.500/.515/.938, 4 HR, 5 SO, 1 BB in 33 PA.

Not counting last night’s game, he’s already been worth 0.7 WAR or roughly one Brandon Moss. Or Freddie Freeman. Or Jay Bruce. Or Elvis Andrus. And again, let me remind you, that’s in 7 days of play.

Sure, he’s only drawn one walk, but what do you want him to do? Take a pitch instead of crushing it for a home run? And while his plate discipline was one of the concerns about him in Spring Training, when he had nearly identical numbers in 58 PA, hitting .517/.500/.828, it’s yet to present any kinds of problems. Because unlike other players with hot starts that see a lot of hits surrounded with a lot of miss, Puig’s K% of 15% would put him below the league average of 20%.

It’s not like he’s seeing only fastballs either, getting them 59% of the time compared to the league average of 57.5%. He’s simply making more contact on everything thrown remotely near him. He’s making more contact and driving the ball like nobody’s business.

Yes, Puig is going to slow down at some point. Pitchers are going to adjust and find that spot in the zone that he can’t reach or start using a pitch that he doesn’t read very well. Because unless reality is a video game and Puig is a character in it with all the offensive bars adjusted and a few cheat codes thrown in, what Puig’s doing is unsustainable in every way.

One year ago, people thought the Dodgers were crazy to throw $42 million at Puig. Even after Puig cools down, they’re looking pretty damn smart now.

(Information source: Fangraphs.com)

Listen to Munenori Kawasaki sing “O Canada” and...

michaelclair — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 22:16:58 -0700

Listen to Munenori Kawasaki sing “O Canada” and admit that he is now a Canuck. It’s like watching The Voice only without Adam Levine.

And if you need further proof of how wonderful Kawasaki is, beyond the dancing, smiling, and unique pre-game exercises, then enjoy his appearance on Intentional Talk when he busts out his English phrase book. It may be one of the few times I truly enjoy Intentional Talk:

Your browser does not support iframes.

hermitologist: So here’s the deal … Puig Destroyer is actually...

michaelclair — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 16:09:24 -0700

hermitologist:

So here’s the deal …

Puig Destroyer is actually happening. It’s a baseball-themed grindcore project featuring Mike Minnick (Curl Up & Die) on vocals, Ian Miller and Jon Howell (Kowloon Walled City) and me (Riley Breckenridge - Thrice) doing drum programming (because logistics and gah … blastbeats at 220 bpm).

We’ve got basic tracking done for our debut EP, and we should have a track from said EP fairly soon. Please stay tuned for updates/tunes. The roughs I’ve heard are ridiculously awesome and fun and raw as all hell.

Kinda like Yasiel Puig.

We’re all very excited an hope that you are too.

Now, maybe I’m wrong, but I think this is why music was created.

The Best Names in the MLB Draft

michaelclair — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 14:24:00 -0700

There are those that claim your name determines your destiny. That the reason so many Berthas are big-boned is because of the name. It’s why there are very few criminals named Batman, I’d imagine. So while scouting reports and statistics can help you make sense of the 1,000+ players selected in last week’s amateur draft, are they any better of a guide than their names? I say no.

While every player can’t be promised the same future that Stone Speer or Dakota Dill have, or are lucky enough to be a clone like Michael Fish of the Angels, that doesn’t mean that a life of meaning can’t be had.

Broken down into convenient categorization, here are the best names of the 2013 draft (overall pick number and drafting team in parenthesis.)

Food

Mark Appel (1, Astros)

Dakota Dill (793, Braves)

Should have been a basketball player

Trey Ball (7, Red Sox)

Gathering of the Juggalos

Eric Jagielo (26, Yankees)

Due for a Life of Crime

Matt Krook (35, Marlins)

Narciso Crook (705, Reds)

So Said Zarathustra

Rob Zastryzny (41, Cubs)

Fun to Say

Teddy Stankiewicz (45, Red Sox)

Kevin Ziomek (58, Tigers)

Nick Vander Tuig (192, Giants)

Kyle Bartsch (204, Royals)

James Yezzo (226, Nationals)

Jimmie Sherfy (300, Diamondbacks)

Johneshwy Fargas (342, Giants)

Giuseppe Papaccio (528, Cubs)

Iolana Akau (611, Athletics)

Nelson Zulueta (652, Marlins)

Hyrum Formo (818, Rays)

Nick Zammarelli (833, Red Sox)

Federico Castagnini (909, Orioles)

1980s CBS Detective

Chance Sisco (61, Orioles)

Stone Speer (758, Rays)

Joseph Palumbo (910, Rangers)

Parker Bugg (1029, Orioles)

Wolfie Tash (1173, White Sox)

Dirty Words

Amalani Fukofuka (144, Royals)

Kevin Kuntz (834, Royals)

Already Has a Home Run Call

Akeem Bostick (62, Rangers)

Jimmy Yacabonis (399, Orioles)

Brandon Bayardi (1087, Angels)

Probably a character in an unsuccessful fantasy series

Alex Balog (70, Rockies)

Gosuke Katoh (66, Yankees)

Sicnarf Loopstok (381, Indians)

Drew Ghelfi (752, Brewers)

Lives on Skull Island

Tyler Skulina (108, Cubs)

Probably an English Gentleman in Disguise

Thaddius Lowry (153, White Sox)

Jacob Nottingham (167, Astros)

Iramis Olivencia (232, Marlins)

Lachlan Fontaine (387, Mariners)

Daniel Poncedeleon (408, Cubs)

Chase Brookshire (605, Cardinals)

Jace Chancellor (838, Padres)

Ivory Thomas (1010, Twins)

Corneilus Copeland (1078, Padres)

Probably Didn’t Hack His Parents Up with an Axe

Buddy Borden (209, Pirates)

A Future Space Wizard

Brandon Trinkwon (214, Dodgers)

Daniel Rockett (264, Royals)

Jacob Zokan (267, Mariners)

Logan Uxa (975, Reds)

That Sound When You’re Having a Quiet Conversation But Your Stomach is Sick

Nick Rumbelow (224, Yankees)

Probably a Woodsman

Forrest Allday (233, Red Sox)

JB Woodman (1196, Mets)

The Most Depressed Player in the Draft

Kendall Graveman (235, Blue Jays)

Probably Hung Up On His Sexual Development

Chris Freudenberg (243, White Sox)

Future Accountant

Donald Snelten (282, Giants)

More like Butt Wiper

Cole Wiper (310, Rangers)

Born on a Monday

Jerad Grundy (311, Athletics)

Showing Rock? Sorry, I’m Showing Paper

Erik Schoenrock (328, Padres)

If Only His Name Was Jack

Jake Drehoff (353, Red Sox)

The Touch, The Feel

Chris Cotton (407, Astros)

Dead Dove, Do Not Eat

Samuel Dove (421, Phillies)

How Good is He?

Riley Good (427, Angels)

Hever Bueno (524, Yankees)

Chris Okey (928, Padres)

Royalty

Ben Veralander (426, Tigers)

Mike Yastrzemski (429, Orioles)

Cavan Biggio (871, Phillies)

The Fart

Randolph Gassaway (489, Orioles)

The President

Matthew Whitehouse (561, Indians)

Derek Beauprez (743, Red Sox)

Are you more of a leg man or a breast man?

Morgan Earman (626, Mets)

From the Garden

Derek Toadvine (674, Yankees)

Remember the…place. Where all those people fought?

Tyler Alamo (708, Cubs)

The Calmest of Eyes

Bud Jeter (750, Diamondbacks)

Such Bright Plumage

Kyren Gilmore Parrott (782, Brewers)

Works Really Hard

Joel Effertz (832, Marlins

In the Prison Yard

Zach Shank (837, Mariners)

Was He Named after a Crate & Barrel?

Crayton Bare (844, Dodgers)

Loves to Party

Justin Livengood (298, Padres)

Rowdy Tellez (895, Blue Jays)

Jason Jester (898, Padres)

AJ Puk (1056, Tigers)

The Coolest

Guzman Michaelangelo (927, Mariners)

Wait, seriously? Have the Angels learned to clone humans?

Michael Fish (967, Angels)

The Man Who Birthed 1,000 Office Space References

Cole Stapler (1042, Marlins)

For the Kids

Tyler Toyfair (1050, Diamondbacks)

And for last year’s fun names, click here

Practice Patience Before Gerrit Cole's First MLB Start

michaelclair — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 13:48:08 -0700

Practice Patience Before Gerrit Cole's First MLB Start:

Gerrit Cole is making his big league debut tomorrow night. Considering he was the #1 overall pick and throws over 90, it’s a big night for the Pirates. You know, considering their last #1 overall pick (Bryan Bullington, cough cough.)

A sample:

“At 6 feet 4 inches and 220 pounds, the 22-year-old Cole is a veritable checklist of things you want in a pitching prospect. He’s young, he’s large, he’s got the chiseled jaw of an action hero. His fastball can reach the upper-90s; he has a wipe-out slider; and with years to go until he can rent a car, there’s still room for improvement. It’s why Baseball America ranked him as the 7th best prospect coming into the season and Baseball Prospectus had him as its third best. Cole also benefited from good timing, getting hot as Wandy Rodriguez and Jeanmar Gomez went down with injury, posting a 0.90 WHIP in May to lead AAA, and giving GM Neal Huntington a good reason to call the prospect up.”

However, there’s reason to be cautious. Those reasons are in the actual piece. It’s a tease, sorry.

mightyflynn: From “More Perfect than Perfect” by Paul Bolles...

michaelclair — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 13:33:59 -0700

mightyflynn:

From “More Perfect than Perfect” by Paul Bolles and Shawn Martinbrough

Detective Comics #783 (2003)

via comicvine

Going to the comic shop to ask them, “Why have I not been delivered daily copies of this?”

sportingnewsarchive: SPACE INVADERS Spacemen “invade” Chicago...

michaelclair — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 10:21:21 -0700

sportingnewsarchive:

SPACE INVADERS

Spacemen “invade” Chicago White Sox and Comiskey Park on May 26, 1959. (Sporting News Archives)

I knew it! I knew there was first contact and the government covered it up!

Also, is that Jose Altuve with the ray gun?

Things You May Have Missed While You Were Living Your LIfe

michaelclair — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 04:42:23 -0700

While you were out, avoiding the city by hanging at a beach that was too cold and overcast to do anything but sit huddled in a cardigan and pants, baseball things still happened. What you may have missed:

The MLB Draft went down. And a number of kids and brothers of your favorite ballplayers got picked. Nepotism, am I right? Grant Brisbee also lays out a few draftees worth rooting for.

The Diamondbacks also drafted the paralyzed Cory Hahn in the 34th round, two years after he injured himself in a slide, ending his pro dreams.

Yasiel Puig has been insane, throwing batters out and crushing home runs. It can’t last forever (can it?), but we can hopefully get this tee-shirt designed by Dave Pomerantz rushed into production:

In a very scary moment, Brandon McCarthy suffered a seizure while out to dinner stemming from his brain injury of last season. Fortunately, it’s not expected to prevent him from any physical activities in the future.

Well, it looks like the ride is finally over. The Mets DFA’d Rick Ankiel (also demoting Ike Davis to AAA) after Ankiel struck out 25 times in 66 AB. Here was our premature goodbye to Ankiel.

A beautiful catch teaches us: The world is not fair.

Gerrit Cole, the top pick in the 2011 draft, makes his MLB debut on Tuesday. I’ll be anxious in anticipation until then.

In very big news, the police cleared Jose Canseco in the sexual assault case.

I may still dislike Manny Ramirez, but I love Manny in Taiwan. The home run call here is perfect. Absolutely perfect:

Chris Perez had a marijuana delivery to his house. Man, Amazon sells everything! Thanks, folks, I’ll be here all week!

And in these necks of the woods, you may have missed Mark Appel’s stirrup issues, a look at Adam Dunn’s massive struggles, Bobby Valentine’s appearances in baseball literature, and the future of MLB’s Fourth of July caps. You should probably make sure you read those.

How will we know when you've chosen the winners of the stirrup socks?

Fri, 07 Jun 2013 17:36:38 -0700

I’ll begin contacting winners later this weekend and into next week and will have a short post up once all nine are spoken for.

Mark Appel: Stirruping Trouble

michaelclair — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 05:24:08 -0700

Mark Appel is going to make an impact. It just may be the disastrous kind.

Drafted first overall by the Houston Astros after going 10-4 with a 2.12 ERA and 130 batters in 106 innings on the strength of a plus fastball, a hard slider, and a circle change, Harold Reynolds thinks he could be up next month. Which is crazy talk. But the fact remains, he’s a very good pitcher who shouldn’t need much development and could front the Astros rotation for the next decade. But Appel does have one dirty little secret, one that, had scouts noticed, surely would have pushed him down the draft board.

No, it’s not a secret injury or a drug problem. Rather, it’s how he wears his stirrups. Tell me if you notice anything from this photo I originally saw posted by Mighty Flynn:

(Photo by Don Montague/StanfordPhoto.com)

That’s right, two stirrups slipped behind the back of his feet, up and out over his shoes.

But maybe this was a one time thing. Perhaps Appel’s legs were just too powerful and he propelled himself out of fashion’s greatest gift. Sadly, that’s just not the case.

With PRISM-like precision I scoured the internet, looking for evidence, something to tell me that this was all wrong. That some jealous teammate doctored the photo. But this goes too deep. Judge for yourself:

Kevin Johnson of The Chronicle captured this one:

Matthew Erstad snapped this one:

The Stanford Daily got this one, too:

Larry Goren of Four Seam Sports and the AP snapped this one:

Are you not convinced? Is your head not reeling, your stomach not ill?

I don’t know what Mr. Appel is thinking, maybe he doesn’t know how to wear stirrup socks and no one has taught him that the loops go under his feet. Maybe he thinks it will be the emerging fashion trend, like Ken Griffey Jr wearing his hat backwards.

Or maybe, just maybe, he knows that this small decision will be the very thing that tears apart the delicate fabric of reality. Maybe he knows that it’s just a small piece of nylon fabric that separates our world from one of darkness and chaos. Mark my words, if we let this kind of lackadaisical stirrup sock-wearing continue, our world will be overrun with creatures that even H.P. Lovecraft couldn’t fathom.

So let’s put a stop to this, right now. Because we wouldn’t want anyone to go crazy or anything, right? Heh. Heh heh.

(Original photo via Stanford Athletics)

It’s up to you, Mark. You have the power to save us…or doom us all.

———

And speaking of stirrup socks, you have until 12 PM PST to enter to win your very own pair of the official Old Time Family Baseball stirrup. Details here.

Baseball Card of the Week: Did you know that former closer was...

michaelclair — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 04:42:25 -0700

Baseball Card of the Week:

Did you know that former closer was once the captain of the US curling team? The US jheri curling team, that is! Rimshot!

(For actual facts on Mesa’s early career, check out The Greatest 21 Days)