On 100 Things

After Debt, Prepare for Emergencies

2012-01-31T13:12:00.000-07:00

Back in December 2011, we became completely debt-free! We resolved that we wouldn't take on debt again, except a mortgage. However, we know that most people acquire debt because of unexpected and unplanned expenses (emergencies). Rather than maintain a credit card for emergencies like many others do, we decided we'd be proactive and have actual money instead.

An emergency fund is composed of a cash portion (liquid money you can get to quickly) and a reservoir (a bank account with the rest of the funds). Whenever you use any emergency money, you make it a top priority to replenish it quickly. The ideal situation regarding emergencies is to dip into savings first before you must reach for emergency funds.

What is considered an emergency varies widely, but it usually will be urgent, costly, and unexpected. Generally if you can save for it or it can wait a while, it is not an emergency. As a family, we decided our emergencies would be (1) 4 months basic living expenses, (2) our maximum out-of-pocket copay for medical insurance, (3) miscellaneous major car breakdowns, (4) renters insurance deductible, (5) automobile insurance deductible, and (6) airfare for one of us to travel anywhere in the US on short notice. We can't prepare for everything unknown, but we'll have peace of mind when shit happens.

Plug: my little financial application Geldzin does provide a facility to manage emergencies. The distribution algorithm takes emergency readiness into account when suggesting how you should use your income. If you follow the suggestions, you will achieve a sufficient emergency fund quickly and sensibly. Check it out (quick start guide at http://strive-ltd.com/geldzin/info/help.htm).

Picture Project, Pt. I

2012-01-28T05:20:00.000-07:00

Our January project was to decorate a little and put up some wall pictures. Although we did not quite finish the whole apartment, we managed to enhance the living room and master bedroom. The process is a little harder than it seems: it is easy to end up with mismatched picture print sizes to frames, or frame color schemes and styles that looked good at the store but don't gel at home. The most annoying problem is finding wall studs that allow a great arrangement of the pictures (you'll most likely end up with rectangular or straight arrangements even if you had other ideas). As usual, home decoration is not cheap, so plan accordingly.

Since we didn't finish the project, we'll use some of February to work on some additional decoration ideas. We do small projects like this to help us find common things to do together, since our hobbies are so varied (I have more of these that she doesn't do).

8 Roots of Marital Conflict

2012-01-20T11:00:00.002-07:00

Couples disagree and fight about various things throughout their union, but I think some of the biggest root causes are these:

Violating the constitution: as in, everyone has reasons why they got married and why they chose who they married. If any of those reasons are betrayed, expect major strife. For example, marrying to start a family and later discovering that your spouse does not really want kids is major betrayal. The constitution is established during mate selection.
Preferences: everyone has them, and they do not have to match your spouses. Working with and learning to accept the differences is part of the deal. The good news is that differing preferences can co-exist in a marriage through sensible compromises.
Money: because it is a necessary ingredient for a livelihood. This topic covers differences in spending and saving habits, leverage issues for those that bring in more dough, planning, and shared (scarce) resources.
Intimacy: covers issues with sex, attraction, and commitment. Obviously infidelity springs from this cause. Unless you have been promiscuous or engaged in premarital sex, this whole topic is a discovery project within the marriage. Mishaps and frustrations can occur.
Beliefs: if you have widely varied beliefs about major life issues, it will be incredibly difficult to maintain a smooth marriage. Although people can change habits and preferences, belief are the last thing you should expect your spouse to change. The Bible warns us about this root cause by encouraging us to be "equally yoked", and it makes much sense.
External forces: things that happen to you from outside the marriage just because you are married. These include hauntings from each partner's past, racism for those in interracial unions, in-laws, etc.
Expectations: you will need to go through a period of adjusting your expectations from marriage, spouse, and yourself. We all enter marriage with expectations that may turn out to not be realistic.
Roles: who is responsible for what and how reliable they are in performing their responsibilities. Division of responsibilities is practical for smooth operation of any relationship. With this comes accountability and dependence.

Knowing which category any issue belongs to helps tremendously to come up with a reasonable resolution. Nothing is non-negotiable, except violating the constitution, because it encompasses factors that led to selecting the spouse and eventually marrying them. The constitution is foundational to the marriage.

As with any conflict, have these in your toolbox: forgiveness, understanding, loving confrontation, and patience. Choose your words carefully, and seek to be a peacemaker. Always work to a solution that keeps you both in the game, even if one or both might lose some "rights" (compromise). But also know you can agree to disagree, and there are options for individual pursuits without losing the marriage.

I'm sure there are many other categories (such as family background and culture), but the above 8 are what we have either experienced or seen in a majority marriages around us that we thought were important. Knowing where the attacks will come from is a battle half-won.

Our Own Christmas Tradition

2012-01-09T11:03:00.002-07:00

Being it is our first Christmas married, we took opportunity to set expectations on what the Christmas season should be in our household going forward. At issue was our difference in expectation and meaning of the season: I find value in volunteering and actively helping others during the Christmas season; she esteems baking and gift exchanges. The compromise (and manifesto for the season):

Save for gifts and Christmas expenses in Oct and November. (September if we will be traveling out of state because you often get good deal on Christmas season tickets if bought in October or early November).
Buy gifts after Thanksgiving (Nov) and early December. Send gift packages to the families we are not spending the holiday with. We always buy a gift for each other.
Send Christmas cards to friends, family, close relatives, and mentors in December. These are people we've kept in close contact with throughout the year.
Find and get involved in volunteering opportunities. Also find needy families to directly help during the season through street ministry.
Christmas baking and giveaway. She does make some mean bake!
Setup Christmas tree and decorations early December, have them down the first week of January. She would prefer a longer display, of course.
Attend a local Christmas festivity (play, concert, etc).
Spend every other Christmas with her family in Washington state, otherwise here in Colorado.
On Christmas eve: Christmas story by pops, family dinner, gift opening, and games.
On Christmas day: church, we host a big brunch (usually for family or close friends), movies and hanging out, start work on a 1000+ piece puzzle. Perhaps more games and partying.

Not really far-fetched from the typical American Christmas, but we wanted to simplify the season and clarify expectations, as well as begin practicing what our own family should always expect around the Christmas season.

Our Dec-2011 Projects

2011-12-12T10:00:00.000-07:00

This month I will continue with learning/polishing up my drumming skills. I enjoy drums more than playing bass guitar, so I'll take any excuse to do it. I'm also continuing with work on my financial app (Geldzin), driving it towards final release. It is now in beta, although we started using it this week to manage our personal finances. In tandem with that, I'll finish studying Ext JS 3.x (a web UI framework) and incorporate as much of the newly-attained knowledge into the app as possible.

My wife, on the other hand, is very much into the Christmas spirit. Baking, setting up the home for Christmas, and giving gifts are her preoccupations this month. We still don't have a project we would do together, although we really wanted to get into volunteering at local non-profit or social organizations. Perhaps next year we'll be better organized to make these things happen.

We Are Debt-Free

2011-12-08T09:24:00.001-07:00

As of last week, we are debt-free! For 7 months we sacrificed and struggled to pay off the car and some debt incurred from the wedding, and we are excited it has happened on schedule. What does it feel like owing nothing at all? Total freedom! Our financial plans are very much on track.

We incurred wedding debt because The Pinery (who hosted our wedding) required full payment a month before the wedding. Additionally, we decided late in the planning process to have a videographer record the wedding. The second debt is a car loan for Norah (my Subaru), a 5-year high-interest loan from Security Service Federal Credit Union. With what I now know about how loans and some lines of credit work, this was a very bad loan. I got it in a time of desperation -- Christmas season, car dead.

After the wedding, we resolved to pay off all debt as quickly as possible, and to remain debt-free from then on. The plan is to save for everything we need, and have a healthy emergency fund. In fact, a little planning (budget) goes a long way in keeping things in order. We keep around a couple of credit cards (mostly for the perks and credit rating), which we pay off every month. The next debt we anticipate at this point is a mortgage. Even with that, we want to have a reasonable down-payment, and will try to pay it all off in 15 years. We hate debt and love being in control of our finances.

Couch Vs. Bed

2011-11-21T11:52:00.001-07:00

One thing my wife does not understand about me is my sleep habits. She's come to terms with my need for only 4-5 hours of sleep, but the habit of crushing on the carpet or couch is still slightly puzzling. The truth: it is comfortable, and I've had some of my best quality sleep there. It's unconventional and random. Once in a while, I also like to sleep on a harder surface (carpet). The bed is sometimes too comfortable.

So while she is out of town this week, the sleep choice has been clear: couch! If I ever get in trouble for something, she has limited options of where my "doghouse" ought to be; she won't get the satisfaction of punishing me by kicking me out of bed -- I like the usual places husbands would be sent.

WTR#4: Cultivating a God-Centered Marriage

2011-11-16T10:58:00.001-07:00

From the days when we were engaged, we always knew we wanted our marriage to be God-centered. So we committed to doing Bible study/devotionals together every morning during breakfast, attend church regularly, and ensure that we are growing individually in our journey with Christ. In the future, we also want to be involved in a couples/newly-married small group where we can learn and share experiences from others in the same boat.

While all that sounds great, to put the ideas in practice has not been easy. We still need to find or start the couples small group, and find good studies that will deliver a more-indepth study. We've been going through John Piper's This Momentary Marriage, highly recommended. He explains a lot of things you'll normally hear mentioned in marriage conferences and such. [Get the PDF here: http://cdn.desiringgod.org/pdf/books_bmm/bmm.pdf].

You cannot have a God-centered marriage unless you are a Christian and believer. The individual relationship with God is the highest aspiration, even above that of the husband and wife. In fact, factors in the individual relationship with God highly affect the harmony and goodness of the husband-wife relationship. So if anything is wrong in the marriage, the first area to consider is the state of the husband's or wife's relationship with God.

WTR#3: Our Responsibilities In Marriage

2011-11-11T09:50:00.001-07:00

Gen.2:24 spells them out:

Establish independence from parents: should be done in the context of honor, and allows your spouse to become your primary relationship. Beware of financial or emotional dependency on parents.
Establish commitment to one another: we must choose to receive our spouse as God's perfect provision for us. In Gen.2:18-23, God saw Adam's need (alone-ness) and provided Eve. Receiving our spouse is not based on their performance, but "as is". To reject our spouse is to reject God's provision for us.
Establish intimacy with one another: physical intimacy is the ultimate expression of oneness (becoming one flesh).

These three are the main responsibilities both husband and wife are charged with, and they are all processes that will last the rest of the marriage (although the first two were symbolically instituted on the wedding day). Executing these responsibilities can be difficult because of our natural differences, weaknesses, and self-centeredness.

WTR#2: God's Purposes for Marriage

2011-11-10T10:53:00.001-07:00

Why marry at all? And why adopt the biblical model of marriage? Three reasons were highlighted at a recent Weekend To Remember conference that we attended:

To mirror God's image (Gen.1:27).
To mutually complete one another, experience companionship.
To multiply a [godly] legacy (Gen.1:28a). In other words, have babies you raise in a godly manner.

Non-Christian marriages miss out on #1 and #3, providing only companionship and a legal framework for cohabitation. Children from such marriages inherit a legacy, but it is hardly godly. Gay "marriages" also only satisfy #2, with extraneous effort to fulfill #3. In this age, some are seeking to redefine marriage as only about companionship, love, and happiness. Marriage transcends these.

At 7 months in, I'm beginning to understand how these 3 purposes work. Before we got married, we had discussed why we wanted to get married and all the reasons we came up with point to one or more of the above purposes, though humanly conceived.

Family Annual Spending

2011-11-09T10:37:00.000-07:00

Knowing how much you spend monthly or annually is the first step to taming family finances. After 7 months of tracking our expenses, our number comes to about $34,000 annually (or about $2800 per month), outside of debt payments or charity/giving. This is how much money my wife and I need to maintain our current livelihood reasonably, and it includes all the usual expenses. What is also says is:

We can live on one of our incomes if need be, such as when kids come along or one of us loses their job.
We are well-positioned to save more, give more, or invest more.
Our choices of work are not restricted to only the highest-paying jobs -- we can get by with low-paying jobs as long as they cover that number.
We really do not need credit cards. Since we can save, we'll plan and save for whatever we need that isn't a core budgeted expense.
We are not poor. The 2011 poverty rate is $23,000/year for a family of 4. But we don't spend like the rich either, who on average spend $50,000 or more annually for a family of 4 (most middle-class families fall in this category).

We've made a commitment to live according to our means, avoid debt at all costs, and avoid competing with the Joneses. We'll just get what we need when we need it, and be content with what we have. Most importantly, we will be thankful for the means we have and the jobs that earn us an income.

I've observed an interesting perspective on finances: it no longer feels like living paycheck-to-paycheck if there is $2800 (plus some buffer for over-budget situations) in the account at the beginning of the month. I don't worry about when the paychecks will be deposited, a certain feeling of freedom.

"Weekend To Remember" Part I

2011-11-05T04:53:00.000-06:00

For the weekend, we are attending the "Weekend to Remember" marriage conference in Estes Park, CO. These conferences are hosted by FamilyLife Ministries for the benefit of engaged, married or re-married couples. This was a wedding gift we needed to use before it expired, and it has turned out to be a refreshing weekend away together.

On this first day, discussions revolve around:

Why marriages fail: difficult adjustments (culture that drives people towards isolation, contrasting backgrounds, superficial motivations, differing expectations); cultural patterns (50/50 performance relationships); inevitable difficulties (and how we respond); extramarital affairs (things we do to escape from reality and search for fulfillment outside the marriage); and selfishness.
Communication: the variety of ways we communicate (land-the-plane vs. enjoy-the-ride, share-your-feelings vs. just-the-facts, think-out-loud vs. take-turns), how to listen well (focused attention, acceptance and understanding, clarifying questions, what is said vs. how it is said), and how to express yourself well (carefully chosen words, think before you speak, not everything you feel needs to be expressed, ask questions to ensure understanding, speak in a way that encourages).

There are probably 4 premarital couples in the conference and one that's been married only about 2 weeks. The longest marriage attending is 53 years. There are couples from as far away as Florida, and many others who attend these conferences annually. This is our first time.

November 2011 Projects

2011-11-01T12:27:00.001-06:00

The things that keep me buzzing are the small projects I engage in. This month, my personal focus turns to two things: drums and Geldzin.
For drums, I'd like to spend time polishing my chops and learning new techniques on the drum kit. The goal is to confidently say I am a drummer, and be able to play most grooves I encounter.
For Geldzin, I'd like to produce a beta 2.0 version this month, with most features in the alpha 1.x version ported over. If all goes well, we'll switch our personal financial management to the new app. A weekly build can be previewed at http://jubilee.homeip.net:84/geldzin2/. (Log in as guest/geldzin for username/password) or your regular credentials on the old app (since I import data from there with each new build).

As usual, any leisure time will be filled up with activities related to these projects. Even so, I'll specifically allocate time each day for the projects -- drums for an hour each evening, and Geldzin2 programming for a couple of hours each morning. I might get involved in one more project if I'll be able to do it with my wife, since she cannot participate in my projects this month.

Married: "How Is It Going?"

2011-10-10T12:57:00.002-06:00

The question we've been asked the most is: "how is married life"? We hated it though because everyone expects the answer "good!" and no one really cares about the details. If we were to be honest, we'd say: "the majority of married life is awesome!", because there will always be pockets of friction and difference and conflict through which you must work for a solution or compromise. While the non-awesome part may be only about 15% of the time, it's effects seem to overshadow the whole marriage. That is where the hard work in marriage is, balancing the personalities and aspirations of two individuals into one nexus.

At 6 months in, my advice is this: develop your conflict resolution skills, lose your ego, and learn to see the other's perspective on things (before you bombard them with yours). That's how you win/win these battles.

Married: Lifelong Commitment

2011-09-21T10:09:00.000-06:00

For most of us, the intent in getting married is to stay in it for the rest of our lives. This is also the Biblical ideal (Rom.7:2). It goes beyond merely living and doing things together for a long time, but implies a separation, bonding, intimacy, and identity spoken of in Gen.2:24-25.

While our society allows all kinds of reasons to dissolve marriages, the only circumstances that would cause separation for us are: abuse, sexual infidelity, and matters of aggravated physical safety. Even before divorce and separation are considered, we would pursue counseling and therapy to save the marriage. We don't expect to ever get in this situation, but it is right to talk it over and set an expectation.

Birthdays

2011-09-17T07:03:00.001-06:00

This week we observed our birthdays on Sept-11 (for him) and Sept-16 (for her). A while back we had planned to have a big birthday bash with other friends (over 12 that could have attended) who have birthdays in September, but the plan did not work out. Perhaps next year.

He's not that much into birthday celebrations: he consider them a natural consequence of living, with as much effect as waking up the next day. She, on the other hand, enjoys the celebration and gifting. A dilemma for her: should she buy a gift for him, which he doesn't really care for or want? A no-brainer for him: buy the flowers, write a thoughtful card, and do dinner.

So what will our birthday tradition be as a married couple? One celebration for both of us since our birthdays are 5 days apart. During our morning devotionals, we pray for friends that have a birthday that day. She sends cards and gifts to family members. I send a personal message or call my friends on their birthday (as opposed to a cheesy Facebook wall message). For the children we know, we do buy a gift. We'll revisit this tradition when we have our own kids.

Simple As A Name Change

2011-05-10T07:03:00.000-06:00

One of the most honorable things my wife has done is adopt my surname fully, without hyphenations or reservations of her maiden name. In both the US and Africa, it is customary for the married woman to change her surname to a new family name, typically the man's existing surname. Beyond a gesture of unity, this milestone also brought me to the realization that I now have family all over the world - in the US, Europe, and Africa. The more imposing realization is that our kids and grand kids will have this name. That alone encourages me to keep a good family name, for legacy's sake.

The legal name-change process is relatively pain-free if done properly; it took us about 3 weeks to obtain the most important documents reflecting new names (social security card and driver license). After the wedding, the marriage license ought to be filed promptly by the officiant so that when you return from the honeymoon, a marriage certificate is awaiting you. The original certificate is required by both the Social Security Administration and the Clerk & Recorder/Department of Motor Vehicles -- the only places you must show up in person. State identification authorities require that your application at the SSA be done at least 24 hours prior to submitting name-change requests at the DMV. And while you are there, you might also update your voter information and obtain certified copies of the marriage certificate, which will be required for all other name-change applications (that can be sent by registered mail).

The list of places to update with the new name is long, including banks, credit agencies, insurance agencies, the IRS, post office, and State Department (passport), to mention but a few. Each entity has its own set of forms to fill out. I highly recommend using a name-change service (such as MissNowMrs.com, $29) to obtain all necessary forms; you fill in your information in one place and can save PDF versions to print and mail off conveniently.

The Incline Awaiteth

2011-04-27T04:40:00.001-06:00

As the weather gets warmer, we get outdoors more. The Manitou Springs incline is one of our favorite destinations nearby, a challenge worth doing every couple of weeks. In fact, I have hiked it twice already in the last couple of weeks, and as part of my exercise routine, it shall be conquered every 11 days. How well I do on the incline is an indicator of my general fitness and the effectiveness of my workout routine (P90X).

Return To Photography

2011-04-23T05:01:00.001-06:00

This week, I finally made my comeback to my favorite hobby: digital photography. Along with some friends, we found a random spot in Garden of the Gods park and spent some time shooting; the theme being "shots into the sun". Literally, what kinds of images can you obtain when you have the sun itself in your shot? We also explored some sun-related contrasts such as bright sunlight and shadow on subjects in one exposure.

I mean for this return as an opportunity to improve my skills and learn more about my camera (a Nikon D40 with all its 6.1mp resolution glory) and lenses before I purchase a new body (most likely a D7000 or a D90, which can reuse my current lenses). I also need a faster and wider-range zoom lens so that I don't have to change lenses as often as I do when I do a shoot, something like a 18-200mm f/3.5 VR (and will even consider non-Nikkor lenses from Sigma or Tamron this time). My dream lens right now would be a fast f/2.8 17-300mm zoom lens, if it exists. I just need to save up some stash for these things.

Meanwhile though, I am using a couple of great resources to review principles and learn new techniques: the website Digital Photography School and a book "Complete Digital Photography (6th ed)". I am still exploring the podcast situation in this regard. As time allows, weekends shall be spent reading up on stuff, and I shall practice what I learned sporadically throughout the week. From time to time, I'll meet with other photographers to glean some tips from them and share what I have learned. My goal though is not to turn pro, although I want my work to closely match what a professional would do (even with this entry-level camera).

The "Short Sleeper" Among Us

2011-04-18T11:04:00.000-06:00

How do you synchronize the sleep habits of a night owl and those of a morning person? How about those of an early sleeper and a later sleeper? How about that of someone needing 10 hours and another needing only 4? That's where we found ourselves soon after marriage, a problem by any measure. I am the night owl, the late sleeper, and the "short sleeper".

Recent research (NPR: Eight Is Too Much For Short Sleepers) indicates that this is caused by a genetic mutation somewhere, and that these people are consequently usually thin, very active, and with high metabolic rates. That couldn't describe me any better! I have tried desperately to increase how much I sleep, but can only do 5 hours per day if I am lucky. My wife, on the other hand, needs 7-9 hours. Among the things we learned from premarital counseling is the importance of synchronizing this important part of the day -- sleep.

The solution: bed time is 10:30pm, and I can wake up as early as I wish (no alarm clock needed). It has surprisingly worked better than I thought it would, although it means that I am up at 3am; I can use the time ahead of our daily devotionals to study and do personal (programming) projects. I definitely consider it a plus having this "mutation", in spite of the need to do power naps sometimes during the day.

Thanks for the Wedding Gifts

2011-04-17T05:17:00.001-06:00

We've finally completed opening all our wedding gifts, and are due to send thank-you notes in the next few days. But I wanted to thank everyone that sent or gave us anything; we really needed most of what we got, as we are starting pretty much from scratch. In fact, there are only a few things we shall return mostly because we got multiples of them. We are grateful for friends like you all. God be praised!

Devotionals Tradition

2011-04-16T06:58:00.003-06:00

We firmly believe that couples should do (religious) devotionals together daily, aside from other church-related activities they may be part of. It is an opportunity to connect spiritually and commit the day into God's hands, whatever it may bring. Started during the honeymoon, our goal is make this a family tradition that we will impart to our kids in the future.

Each morning about an hour before we leave for our respective workplaces and over breakfast, we study a chapter or two from the Bible, read a topic from whatever book we might be going through, and pray for various things and people. For Bible study, we've enjoyed using the YouVersion Mobile Bible app, which features multiple Bible translations, audio narration, and reading plans. We listen to the chapters and discuss what stood out for us as well as its application in our lives. We are currently on day 12 of The Essential 100 reading plan.

We are also back to review basic Christian doctrines using R.C. Sproul's "Essential Truths of the Christian Faith". We are currently reflecting on the attributes of God. With its bent towards apologetics, I also like it for its presentation of a Christian doctrine in just a couple of pages (yes, that's how long chapters are in this book -- like a cliff-notes edition of big topics, perfect for brief reviews). For more in-depth discussion of Christian doctrines, I recommend "Essential Teachings of the Christian Faith" (Grudem, Purswell). Going back to basics helps us review what we believe so that whatever else we tackle will always be from the same foundation.

We are grateful that this tradition is off to a good start. It would seem like a lot of things to do, but it all gets done in 30-45 minutes, leaving us some time to chat about other arbitrary topics.

A Beautiful Honeymoon

2011-04-10T04:19:00.098-06:00

Were it not for a fire alarm that went off at our hotel, we would have missed our early morning flights to the honeymoon. Somehow I had set the bedside alarm wrong (it would never have rung) in our hotel room, but a careless hotel attendant triggered the fire alarm exactly about an hour before our flights were due to leave. As we raced to the airport and hassled through baggage check-in and security, we were grateful for the rude awakening.

We spent a lavish week in Avalon, Catalina Island. To get there, all modes of transportation would need to be used: flight to a California airport, shuttle ride to a sea port, waterway express ferry to Catalina, and a short walk from the landing port to our hotel. On our way back, we stayed one day in Long Beach, CA and rented a vehicle so that we could visit Los Angeles, CA. But the stay on Catalina was perhaps the most relaxing and exhilarating time we have had thus far.

We didn't plan any particular activities to do on the honeymoon; we decided to bring $1000.00 cash and discover things to do while were on the island. Although most of the cool stuff was out-of-season, we did manage to spend a day biking and sight-seeing around Avalon, another day kayaking, and another day visiting the fisheries preserve off the coast. We soaked in the beach (even if the weather at times got chilly), watched movies, shopped, and just lazed around. We had excellent (but expensive) cuisine from nearby restaurants, trying anything to our heart's content. Avalon doesn't have much of a night life, so we retired to our suite and got caught up on our favorite TV shows on Hulu. Our stay at the Snug Harbor Inn was exceptional: breakfast delivered to our suite every morning, room service every day, wine and cheese provided every evening, the jacuzzi tub in our room, and very comfortable beds! Whatever we desired, we did. It was just a beautiful time, and I think we promised ourselves another trip in a couple of years.

I am grateful for one of the things I did right when we were still dating: secretly saving for the honeymoon (aside from all other wedding planning) so that we could make it memorable and be able to afford a one-of-a-kind experience. It wasn't cheap, but my wife and I agree it was well worth it.

Here Comes The Bride ...

2011-04-03T22:57:00.001-06:00

In one word, our wedding day can be described as "fantastic". Everything happened according to plan, except perhaps nature itself (it was snowing after the ceremony). As a consequence, we couldn't take pictures outdoors. The photographer was graceful enough to offer us a session after we return from the honeymoon so we can have a complete set of wedding pictures.

My morning started with prayer and thanksgiving before my best man arrived to transport me to the wedding location. On the way there, we both must have exclaimed "this is it!" dozens of times; in many ways today felt like a culmination of all my life pursuits. I wasn't nervous but was very expectant and inexplicably happy. From today on, I'd be a married man, with a wife to take care of.

The groom and groomsmen had a photo session ahead of the ceremony (the bridesmaids and bride separately had one as well). As we waited in the back room, the videographer arrived and taped "final words" from my wedding party. We drank champagne and ate delicious kebabs, prayed, and then the opening song played. Our mothers walked in first and lit candles. Soon, with my heart thumping, I was ushered into the chapel. The ceremony lasted 30 minutes, but it seemed like 10 minutes -- things happened quickly, even with unity candle-lighting and communion performed therein. And of course, she was dazzling as her dad walked her down the aisle. Her dream and his dream had been realized, and I felt it.

After the ceremony, we signed the obligatory legal paperwork and had another photo session with friends and family this time. And then the reception: great food, cash bar, lots of dancing, African music, and a slideshow video we had prepared that chronicled our lives thus far. Most of our guests attended, and we appreciate that very much. The bit of choreography we had prepared for "Save the Last Dance" (Michael Bublé), our introductory dance, went well. The speeches and toasts were touching and funny and emotional. And the sparklers at the end of the day as well left were awesome! A friend had organized for us to get-away in a '68 Dodge Charger, loud and classic, in which we scored a ride to the wedding night hotel. Norah followed us there.

So this is it, the beginnings of a life shared with another. It had been 14 months from the time I first met her. In 2 weeks we were dating (seriously?), and in 8 months we were engaged. Short and sweet. Praise God!

Day Before The Wedding

2011-04-02T04:57:00.000-06:00

In less than a day, I shall be a married man! At this point, we are as prepared as can be: all wedding costs have been paid, all tasks have been completed, and some out-of-town guests have began arriving. Throughout the week, there has been a steady increase in the flow of mailed wedding gifts. I am officially off work for the next 13 days.

I am in earnest prayer of thanksgiving to God for how far He has brought me. I have had an opportunity to reflect upon past dating relationships and see how God has matured and taught me through those experiences. I appreciate each of the young ladies that gave me a chance, but I believe God specifically chose my fiancée for me; she uniquely suits me beyond anyone else I have ever met. It is amazing how that detail stands out especially now.

There is a rehearsal planned this morning at the wedding location, and then a luncheon at a local favorite restaurant. No specific bachelor party is planned, although some groomsmen and I have already had 2 days of similar partying, and more is planned for this evening. She has had a couple of bachelorrette events with friends and bridesmaids. After the luncheon, I shall not see her again until her father walks her down the aisle tomorrow.