On a Joyful Journey

Finding My Voice - A Journey with Selective Mutism

2013-03-25T15:56:00.001-05:00

What does a young child do when the world around her is hostile and punitive?

What if she perceives that no one is listening?

What if she discerns that no one really cares?

Anxiety creeps in

It becomes too painful to speak and she turns inward

Inward where the love of God lives

She talks only to Him

He listens

He cares

She grows in His love

As His beloved child

Her young mind ponders His promises

And hangs on tight to His Word

Years pass

She endures many trials

Her faith unflagging

As He walks by her side

He sends her many to love

And is loved in return

She learns to use her voice

To nurture as she was nurtured

By the heavenly Father

Love

Affirmation

Truth

To bury the sins of the earthly father

Gifts

2013-03-18T10:18:00.000-05:00

Reagan has many gifts. Most of the world will only see her disability but there are so many good, kind and decent souls who recognize her gifts and engage her.

I have countless stories I could tell about the way Reagan moves through the world - the way she moves others and the way she moves this mama's heart. She attracts special people and people who need what she has to offer.

They see her ability to love others unconditionally.

They see her generosity in the way she gives love away.

They see her sensitivity to where they are in the moment.

They see her nonjudgmental heart.

They see her joy.

If only we could open the eyes of all to that deep love that can only come from the Father.

The most recent story...

Reagan and I were out looking for a little birthday present for a young friend so we stopped at the local Christian book/gift shop. As we were paying for our gift, the lady helping us noticed Reagan and began to engage her in conversation. Reagan introduced herself and the woman, Louise, noted and complimented Reagan on her t-shirt. Her favorite shirt right now is a brilliantly colored tie-dyed shirt with a huge pink heart over her chest. I commented that it was the perfect shirt for her since she is all about love. Louise hesitated, then reached over the counter to touch Reagan's arm and said, "Reagan, will you pray for me - I need love..."

Now, I've got tears rolling down my cheeks while Reagan is quite solemn and nodding in the affirmative and responds with, "I will."

And she does. Louise has a prayer warrior lifting her up to our Heavenly Father.

The Father doesn't see Down syndrome. He sees her heart and soul. He created Reagan intentionally in love with a purpose. She is working to fulfill His will for her and she will be known by the fruits of her labor.

The temple where the Holy Spirit resides in her has its door wide open and I believe God finds His work through her quite pleasing.

I get to live in the shadow of this missionary who spreads the love of God wherever we go.

I am in awe of the power of the Holy Spirit working through Reagan. My heart is so full of gratitude - thankful to be her mom.

It really doesn't get any better than this...

Prayer Journals - Finding Peace on the Journey

2013-03-14T10:37:00.000-05:00

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

Those of us who are raising children with special needs know many places that those who are raising typically developing children cannot know. We have many more worries and concerns for our children. We spend an enormous amount of time in physician’s offices, deal with multiple health crises, interact with insurance companies, see that our children receive therapies they need, deal with challenging behaviors, IEPs…

The list goes on and on.

Friends and acquaintances often wonder how we do it all. I know you know the downward glance and the lateral shaking of heads – and sometimes wonder the same thing.

How do we do it?

We do - we do it as best we can at any given moment.

Not one of us is SuperMom. You might be wearing your SuperMom mask and cape but I know your heart. I understand your struggles. I wear the mask and cape too.

We wring our hands in worry.

We tend to ruminate about our present circumstances and about future unknowns.

We often have trouble sleeping.

We may suffer bouts of depression.

We often stumble, fall and weep in our weakness.

But you won’t see it. It usually happens when no one is watching.

In our struggles, we often forget that we are not alone. We forget to consult the One who walks with us every moment of every day.

In our weary, overwhelmed state, we cannot see, hear or feel our Lord’s presence.

We are blind to the One who longs to offer us comfort in the midst of our suffering and the chaos that swirls around us.

Rest assured, He waits for you. He longs to carry your burden.

In love, He wants you to give it all to Him.

People often wonder just how to accomplish such a task. I admit I found it a daunting task too. But I have a tool that I use which has really helped me to see that it is possible.

Mine is a small spiral notebook which goes everywhere with me. You won’t know it is special. You won’t know it carries much of my heart unless I divulge its secret.

I call this little notebook my prayer journal. The contents are what I have given over to God. It is a tangible reminder that I am never alone. It is immediately available just like our Lord is and it waits to hear my heart just like He does.

It is a tool that I can refer back to and see just how God is working in my life, the lives of my husband and children and in the lives of those I pray for every day.

I also find it helps me seek better ways to glorify Him along the journey. It makes me thoughtful about my words and actions for in the end, I must be held accountable.

In my prayer journal, I record the ways in which my children with and without special needs minister to others, make a difference in this world and glorify God in the process.

It holds my failings too. It is my safe place to pour out my mistakes, my grievances, and my pain.

The beauty of this prayer journaling is that as I write I know He hears and I can then let go.

My burden is lightened, if not lifted, and I am free to take on whatever comes my way.

I started quite simply with three columns in my journal - a simple plan for a simple girl. The first column was a date for the initial petition, the second for the petition and the third for thanksgivings. As I really began to see the works of God in my life it grew. My prayer life began to expand along with a deepening awareness of the Lord’s presence in my daily walk.

My prayer journal started out as a tool and has become a gift. What started out as a way to a more focused prayer life has become the way to give the Lord my burdens and my sins. It has become a place where I know profound gratitude for all I am blessed with and by in relationship with Him.

A little nondescript notebook transformed to a place where I know the love and mercy that springs from an ever-growing intimacy with Christ. This anxious mother and wife transformed into one who trusts the Lord in all things, has confidence in His plan and knows the peace which passes all understanding.

I walk in amazing grace - to God be the glory.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Phil 4:6-7

He is Enough

2013-02-27T09:30:00.000-06:00

‘Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy

abundant peace and security.'

Jeremiah 33:6

When I wake in the morning

He is enough

Throughout our day

He is enough

When no one is there

He is enough

In every trial

He is enough

Lost on the journey

He is enough

When tears fall

He is enough

Overcome with grief

He is enough

When the pain is unbearable

He is enough

When I close my eyes at night

He is enough

In all things

He is enough

Home Education and Down Syndrome

2013-02-26T13:51:00.000-06:00

I've spent a great deal of time over the years researching how children with Down syndrome learn. As I read and researched, I began to collect information and slowly begin to put the pieces all together. Learning in children with Ds is a complex interaction between strengths and weaknesses, motivation and learned helplessness, errorless learning and targeted interventions.

I have shared most of what I know in an easy to use, easy to read format in my free e-book, Homeschooling Children with Down Syndrome.

Now, I would like to share the paper that contains the research behind the e-book. It is found on the best site for information about Down syndrome - the Riverbend Down Syndrome Association website:

Home Education and Children with Down Syndrome - The Primary Years

If research is your thing, you'll love the reference section!

Life Beyond Homeschooling

2013-02-25T11:15:00.001-06:00

No, I am not retiring from our homeschooling lifestyle as of yet. We will continue this homeschooling journey until I know in my heart that we need to seek a new direction. Reagan is in a prime learning period. She is picking much up at a rapid pace so we will continue on learning together.

I am encouraged (but not surprised) by studies that show that cognitive skills continue to develop with increasing age in individuals with Down syndrome and, in fact, they may be more developmentally ready to learn when they reach young adulthood. (Down Syndrome Across the Lifespan, Chapter 7)

So, for right now, we will continue on this path.

Sometimes, my mind travels beyond homeschooling. I have so loved this period in my life. What will I do when I do retire?

What will I do with that big hole in my heart left by the passion of living and learning with my girls?

I must admit to some trepidation when my thoughts move to the future. But not to fear.

New, strange, exciting things are coming into my life. For most of my life, I did not believe I had an artsy bone in my body.

Now, I am driven to write. In the past, I have written many informational kind of pieces. I have written much about my passion for homeschooling children with down syndrome. My free e-book Homeschooling Children with Down Syndrome has been read by over 16,000 people in the various places it is available.

So very grateful for the journey!

I have written many pieces for our regional homeschooling association creating awareness for those of us homeschooling children with special needs. It has worked. For the first time in a long time, we will have workshops at our local convention targeting those of us homeschooling children with significant special needs.

Now, I am driven to write stuff that is kind of off the wall for me - creative writing and something akin to poetry.

Now, I am obsessed with my camera and photos - some of which I share here.

All I know is I must create.

I know my work isn't all that good but a new phase has begun and a new path is forming!

Seeking beauty and spreading hope have become my passion. Perhaps it always has been but now I am driven in a different way.

I want people to know that hope and healing are inevitable. No matter what the crisis you face - God waits for you to bring Him your heart and soul, your tears and your pain - to give it all to Him. He will create something new and beautiful of all that we endure here on earth.

I know God is at work in me. As I transition into a walk on a different path, I find I am not lost but only finding a new direction.

And I find that exciting!

Journey to Acceptance

2013-02-23T10:36:00.000-06:00

"The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord?" Exodus 4:11

Some parents have difficulty with the miracle before them.

A miracle imperfect in their eyes

But a miracle made perfect in the eyes of God

Most come immediately

Recognizing Love

In the miracle

Many find

Grief swiftly descends

Then rapidly departs

Only to reappear periodically

Some come slowly

Their grief intense

Gradually fading

With sporadic resurfacing

A few struggle

Grief unabating

Wrestling with societal demons

Refusing to accept

What their heart sees

As imperfect

In the end

Most will know

As Purpose revealed

Finding Grace sufficient

Love wins

The imperfect

Reaches perfection

In Love

Joy Lifts My Soul

2013-02-21T14:54:00.001-06:00

Joy lifts my soul

And makes my heart sing

A dark, bitterly cold morn

Cannot steal it away

A new day

Snow gently falling

Greeted by beauty

Before me and around me

The past is distant

Given to the Great Physician

Coming to this day

Healed and whole

To approach what lies before me

In Love

Without fear

Safely resting in Him

I walk in the Light

Knowing grace surrounds me

Light flows from broken places

Peace settles into my soul

Confident the day before me

Will know Love

In the ebb and flow

Of all I give and receive

Everyday Heroes

2013-02-19T17:06:00.000-06:00

Who are the people you admire and respect?

Those on the cover of People Magazine?

Those who obtain financial success?

Those who boast of their wonderful deeds and service as they ladle soup into bowls?

We live in a culture which has a star mentality.

Nobody really wants to hear the stories of everyday heroes.

Few can tolerate the reality that many families face.

A reality that knows great suffering

Yet knows greater love

How about those parents who tend to their precious little ones receiving chemotherapy?

How about the parents who labor in love with their child who cannot talk, walk or feed themselves?

How about the parents who advocate over and over and over for the child who has no voice.

How about the parents who adopt and rescue children from poverty, sickness and despair?

How about the parents who must hand their child back to the Creator after serious illness?

Parents who struggle

Parents who weep

Because they love

And understand the call before them

Heroes who give beyond their own brokenness

Who walk in grace

Infused with Divine strength

Few will have their story told or make the cover of any magazine.

They will never receive a medal for their service

Heroes just the same

Lent

2013-02-13T14:06:00.001-06:00

Sometimes I think I take myself too seriously during penitential season. I'm very serious about my spiritual growth. I put a great deal of effort into it. My personality leads me to a more contemplative lifestyle.

This year I'm going to make it a different experience. I will still read my Bible and the devotionals I've collected for Lent. I'm also going to study George Herbert's work. His poetry moves me so. This is one of my favorites:

The Altar

A broken ALTAR, Lord thy servant rears,
Made of a heart, and cemented with teares:
Whose parts are as thy hand did frame;
No workmans tool hath touch'd the same
A HEART alone
Is such a stone,
As nothing but
Thy pow'r doth cut.
Wherefore each part
Of my hard heart
Meets in this frame,
To praise thy Name:
That if I chance to hold my peace,
These stones to praise thee may not cease.
O let thy blessed SACRIFICE be mine,
And sanctifie this ALTAR to be thine.

I won't go into great detail about the rest of my devotions in Lent, but I intend to reach outside of my own private study and reach out to others. I am such an introvert that it does take great effort for me to go beyond the regular rhythm of my days. I feel called to reach out to those who are considered shut-ins a part of this Lenten journey.

So, I'm leaning on God to give me the strength and grace to do the work He has called me to do.

My your Lent be blessed and may the power of the Holy Spirit do great works in you and those who surround you!

Finding Joy in the Journey...

2013-02-12T13:52:00.002-06:00

....when we find ourselves in the desert - times where we experience physical, emotional and/or spiritual dryness.

It is common this time of year to find homeschool burnout rampant. Grey skies, inclement weather, deep questions as to how we are fulfilling God's will and the call to homeschool all contribute.

The role we have raising children and homeschooling may come to seem a drudgery at times. A veil lowers over our hearts and we see little joy in our days.

I know - I've been there, done that. I've been formally homeschooling for 18 years...

It is not all a bed of roses.

I want to assure you that the joy remains but perhaps muted by our state of mind and heart. It takes effort for our eyes to see and our hearts to move.

It is an effort worth making!

For the sake of our loved ones, I want to encourage you in the little things which will lead to the big things. The joy is there waiting for eyes that see and hearts uplifted!

Baby steps, my friends!

A grateful heart

Start the day counting your blessings. At first it may take some practice if it is not your nature as your body wakes but an invaluable exercise in seeking joy. I've face some devastating events in my life and I will say I had to "practice" much but that practice lead me to where I am today.

I wake up these days gleeful and grateful that I have another day with my family to seek God's will and live in His grace and mercy.

Pray

Keep the communication open between you and the Lord. He knows your heart and wants what is best for you and your family. He is your strength in weakness.

Keep your Bible close

Everything you need to know for the journey is there! Memorize verses that keep you focused on the Lord and the goal you have set for your family. My favorite verse this time of year is:

^"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Philipians 4:8

You've been called to homeschool your children - this verse says it all about the call, the beauty of living in the call and God's will for your family.

Include your spouse

Share your journey with all its ups and downs. Pray together. Seek strength together. You were both called to this lifestyle - be there for one another.

Go through the motions

Keep the structure of your days. There is comfort in structure.

A counselor once told me to "act as if" and the feelings with follow. There is so much truth to this! Mothers are often called to "act" beyond what our human nature has to offer. At times, we are weary, patience tested, sleep deprived and yet we continue to respond lovingly to the little ones looking to us for care and nurturing.

Sometimes we just need to put on a smile on as we greet the day and so very often the feelings will follow.

Take a break

Sometimes, a short break is needed for a hard working, homeschooling mom's spiritual and mental health. We school year-round so that we can take breaks as necessary.

Time filled with escaping from the routine can be conducive to improving your quality of life when in the throes of burnout. Sometimes a cup of hot tea and ten minutes uninterrupted will do and, at times, a day or two (or perhaps more) will help you get a better perspective.

Devotionals

I keep a variety of devotionals close at hand for encouragement. I have two favorites right now.

Jesus Calling by Sarah Young has very short entries for a busy homeschooling mom. From today's entry:

"I am ever so near you...Let Me be your positive focus. when you look to Me, knowing Me as God with you, you experience Joy."

Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman. A book for those of us who tend to spend more time in the desert - especially those of us who homeschool children with special needs. From the book cover:

"Filled with insight into the richness of God's provision and the purpose of His plan, this enduring classic has encouraged and inspired generations of Christians.

From today's entry in regard to those who struggle:

"Your heavenly Father knows. (Matthew 6:32)"

"Yes, Father, for this was your pleasure (Matthew 11:26)

to "claim an eternal truth upon which the most mature believer, and even the youngest child of God, may securely rest - the truth that God is your Father."

...a loving Father who knows and seeks only good for you...

Journal

Busy homeschooling moms may not have time to journal but expressing your thoughts and feelings in a journal but it is one I highly recommend. Having a place to give to expression to your joys and trials is so helpful. Sometimes we need a very safe place to do some soul searching, let go of our burdens, work out our feelings, make forward progress in things that tug at our hearts and minds.

My only advice is to keep God in your journaling so it may be free of things that may be toxic to your heart and soul.

Seek spiritual direction

Your spiritual health is important! When one feels they have been in a place of spiritual dryness for way too long and finding it is affecting our relationships, we might consider looking for specialized help. Sometimes we need to seek some clarity in the form of a spiritual director/mentor or a pastor.

Good friends

God intends us to live in community with others. Hopefully, we have a community with others traveling a similar journey. Reach out and share your burdens and your joys. What a blessing friends can be!

So, my friends, be encouraged today. The joy is there. Take those baby steps to lift the veil that hides it from you.

More than I ever dreamed...

2013-02-04T16:06:00.000-06:00

This gift is now eighteen!

I often look at her and wonder just where the time went. Not all that long ago a sweet newborn, then a charming little girl and now a beautiful young lady.

So many ways I am blessed...

She is a wonderful friend and companion. She listen's, hears and sometimes reads the hearts of others with an uncanny, intuitive ear.

She is grateful in the little things as well as the big things. Where gratitude lives, joy flows and it flows deep and wide here.

She has a beautiful spirit - filled with love and charity. She has always been the first to respond to another's needs whether it be a kind word, a hug or a prayer.

Her love is unconditional and freely given. Whether it be a friend, the cashier at the grocery store or a the homeless man on the curb, she sees, she hears, she responds in love.

She is the first to say I am sorry when she has done wrong and the first to try to make a situation better - just because it is the right thing to do. Mending wrongs and weaving forgiveness into every situation that calls for it.

This image-bearer gets it right. Love is all that matters.

She lives in love, loves, and reflects love.

Do I grieve for who she is not in the eyes of this world?

I cannot.

Because who she is, is more than I ever dreamed.

Living Dreams in Fleeting Moments

2013-02-04T12:53:00.000-06:00

What did you dream for your unborn children?

Most people think about gender, hair/eye color, the nursery...

They may pray the baby they carry is healthy.

What did you do of when your child safely entered the world?

Most get a beautiful healthy child on delivery

Marvel at the perfection of the gift before them.

They cry tears of joy

And share their wonderful news.

Then they move on dreaming typical dreams

Play dates, dance lessons, t-ball practice, schools...

Their children grow and develop as typical children do.

What if...

...your child is born with a severe heart defect?

...your child is born with Trisomy 18?

...your child is born anacephaly?

Grief envelops your heart

Dreams evaporate

Prayers change

A new reality forms

You learn to live in the moment

Because the next might not come

Every moment is the dream

Making it last as long as it can

Imprinting precious memories

Of fleeting life and love

On your heart

To carry with you to eternity

Where hope lives

Hope and Healing

2013-01-30T14:53:00.000-06:00

Some suffer much

Fresh tragedy

Love gone

Lost and alone

Awash with tears

Wretched pain

Constricts the heart

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Some suffer long

Some by choice

Nurturing their wounds

Living in the past

Refusing to let go

Of days of old

Deeply scarred

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Hope hidden

Hope forgotten

Haunted by grief

Heart turned to stone

Lost in bitterness

Impervious to Love

The soul withers

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A distant knock

A fluttering of the heart

Slight movement of the soul

Touched by Word or Spirit

Aware or not

Of the Father waiting

To enter in

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Then a whisper

An inkling of hope

Light floods the darkness

Hope and healing enter in

Worked by the Holy Spirit

Sight restored, Truth revealed

The soul transformed

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A child of God emerges

Healed and whole

Knowing his heritage

Is not of this life

But found in Eternity

Heart Overflowing

Basking in Grace

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Ransomed, redeemed

Cleansed by the blood of the Lamb

Walking in the Light

Where fear cannot live

The past irrelevant

In communion with the Father

Consumed by Love

He Waits - Encouragement in Sorrow

2013-01-27T17:16:00.000-06:00

This I know as truth

As well as I know adversity

I know the road less traveled

Is never traveled alone

Even in my most solitary moments

I know He waits

I feel His presence

I know His healing touch

He waits with great longing

For me

Me - His beloved

With my big sorrows and little sorrows

He waits...

With love enough to heal

Just as He waits for you

With deep longing

He calls you by name

A still, small voice

Come to me, my child

I am the source of all

Which is called Love

I came

To take away all sorrow

To dry your tears

To envelop you in comfort

Heal you in union

With me

Filling the place of sorrow

With love

And a promise that what is lost

Will be found again

In a reunion in Heaven

Heart Work

2013-01-11T13:09:00.000-06:00

As I sat with other moms who have children with special needs last night, I pondered how our lives were different from those raising typically developing children. Specifically, about the extraordinary heart work that burdens us at times.

They ponder difficult questions - questions that most parents do not have to entertain for our children of significant intellectual disabilities.

Our children:

Most likely will never live alone.

Most won’t drive a car.

They are more susceptible to others who would take advantage of them in evil ways.

The list goes on and on…

We still have dreams and hold on to the dreams of our children.

…and fears for their future.

As a group we ponder the questions:

What am I going to do when…

How will I handle this…

What about those who do not understand…

Tough questions with nebulous answers if any. We will do our best with what we have to work with and the hope that the hand of God is displayed in our response.

We understand what the future holds to a certain degree. We grieve and rejoice. There are tears and laughter.

We are secure in knowing that the Lord will provide what He desires for our loved ones to complete their ministry on earth.

Yet our fears remain out of our own brokenness and the brokenness of the world.

I am honored to know these women. I am blessed by their transparency and their profound faith.

For the reader who is isolated and feeling alone on this journey as the parent or caretaker of an individual with special needs please find a community in which you can share and be encouraged and strengthened for the journey.

Here is a great place to start

Not Alone - Where Special Parents Find Community

Homeschooling Children with Down Syndrome

2012-09-07T13:46:00.002-05:00

I don't go around promoting my e-book, Homeschooling Children with Down Syndrome, so I thought I would remind you that it is still out there and still FREE. It amazes me that it has had almost 13, 000 reads on Scribd.

If you haven't looked at it yet, I can tell you that it is based on what researchers tell us about how children with Down syndrome learn and is packed with suggestions on how to promote learning in our children. My book is not only for homeschooling families but for all parents with an interest in how children with Down syndrome learn. You will see my passion for homeschooling in the book but I hope you will also see my passion for all children with Down syndrome. We all advocate in different ways for our children and this is what my advocacy has grown into. This book has been my mission and ministry for almost 18 years now. I didn't know it would grow into a book but with the prompting of the Holy Spirit it has and I hope you will find it useful in growing your children into the best that they can be!

We took a little time off this summer from formal learning but we are now happily back at work. Reagan comes with joy to the learning table and thrives in her learning environment. I feel hugely blessed to grow with her as the years go by. One can only be humbled and grateful when set on this road less traveled...

Research - Targeted Intervention in Children with Down Syndrome

2012-07-16T10:44:00.000-05:00

If you follow this blog and have read my free e-book, Homeschooling Children with Down Syndrome you know I am passionate about sharing what I've learned about how children with Down syndrome learn. Much of my research has led me to believe that targeted intervention is the key to learning success in children with Down syndrome. New evidence in coming out in support of the research of many:

Landmark research study shows targeted intervention improves the reading and language skills of children with Down syndrome

If you are interested in following the research into how we can improve the lives of those with Down syndrome, you can find the RSS feed from Down Syndrome Education International on their website. You can also follow them on twitter and facebook

I think soon I'll make public the summary of what I have learned about education and Down syndrome. It is much more comprehensive than my e-book!

Righting Wrongs - Healing from Adversity

2012-07-16T10:33:00.001-05:00

In my last post, Loving My Life, I shared briefly much of the adversity I have faced and how a grateful heart turns sadness into contentment - even joy! As I ponder the path I've taken, the person I've become and the life I'm blessed with, I look at the lessons I've learned along the way.

The greatest lesson I've learned is to look for the lesson! There is always something to learn from our circumstances and work to make something good come out of adversity. This introspective self (me) ponders circumstances naturally. I was born that way and can't seem to shake it.

Yes, I had a difficult childhood. My children only know safety, stability, love and affection. My childhood made me determined not to repeat history. A wrong righted!

In my experience, righting wrongs brings healing. To remain a victim of circumstances may possibly perpetuate the cycle of abuse and contribute to depression.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not a perfect parent. I get tired, distracted, cranky. I even raise my voice on occasion - mostly because of my own state of mind. But my intention and focus is on not repeating the mistakes of my parents, and their parents, and their parents...

My parents had multiple affairs during my childhood and young adult stages. The ripples of pain flowing out of adultery affected me deeply. I've made my marriage a priority. I vowed early on to making my home a home where faithfulness is true and love and peace reign. A place that is to be an escape from the madness that the rest of the world has become. I know the sweetness of a good marriage, to a good man who shares my love for the Lord. I find that an amazing gift - for our whole family.

We don't live perfect lives. I and aware of and understand much of my brokenness in the little things and the big things. We are called to live and serve in a broken world. It is impossible to serve effectively unless we understand our own brokenness. Otherwise, we place ourselves above the broken and are unable to truly serve.

I've known devastation in the death of my children - but therein lies my strength. What God put together in me as a new creation, reborn from devastation, was woven in Him and by Him. I am, not by my own strength, but by His. I faced the worst with Him and have been healed through Him. God is good. All that flows from Him is good and because of that I know a miracle!

I am the miracle.

My husband, children on earth and my children in heaven would want me to be healed and whole - and to tell the story of God's love for them and our family. Perhaps I didn't get my prayers answered as Michelle was dying or for the wee one I only knew in the love and anticipation of another child growing in my womb but God loved us through all the joyful as well as the pain, sadness and healing.

I am a better mother, wife and friend because of adversity.

God is not the cause of pain and suffering. A sinful, fallen world is the cause of all pain and suffering. Our God, The Great Physician, is the source of healing.

I am assured of His continuous presence and know that He loves me in my angst and in my contented state. An ever faithful God who loves unconditionally, heals without hesitation and bestows grace and mercy to all. He calls us beyond our circumstances tell His story. Love, healing and miracles require a response beyond gratitude. I would love to hear your story!

Loving My Life

2012-07-07T13:54:00.000-05:00

I have been wearing my I love my life* t-shirt quite often these days. It brings me great joy to display my contentment with life. People will often smile at me comment on my shirt as if they understand. I often wonder about their stories but usually the opportunity doesn't present itself to take the time to converse.

I've often pondered how I would describe the breadth and depth of that which makes up this time and place in my life so wondrous and beautiful. If it were a tapestry, it would be woven with rich colors giving it a dimension that I think few know. Some will not have the life experiences I know or perhaps they feel burdened by what life has placed before them.

I understand that place too. I've been there.

I knew a childhood filled with periods of poverty, dysfunction, abuse and pain. I was never to know what childhood is.

I've plumbed the depths of grief after the devastating loss of my firstborn. A subsequent miscarriage took me back to that all too familiar place.

I understand the uncertainty of serious personal illness.

I know parenting of two children with profound disabilities. I know their struggles. I know their pain.

I could be a vastly different person from what I am today. I could feel bitter and burdened by what life has put before me. I know so many who choose that path when faced with their own personal tragedies.

Yes, choose.

I could have passively wallowed in pain and bitterness but I chose not to remain there at any stage of my life. Sure there were times when I was too weary to move forward. At times, I held on tightly to my pain because by letting go of it felt like the love I'd known would vanish forever.

Instead, I choose to be grateful for what I've known and know today.

I'm grateful for the little things like my cat gently waking me in the morning with her sandpaper tongue for no other reason than she desires my company. I'm grateful for the wagging tail of my pup that greets me in my half slumberous state when I exit my bedroom in the morning.

I'm grateful for the big things that I know in a loving husband and the sweetness of motherhood in my living children.

I'm grateful for the brief time I had with my children who now dance with angels in heaven.

I am grateful for the presence of the young lady with Down syndrome in my life and all the lessons in life that I've learned from her and through her.

I'm grateful for the daughter that has reached young adulthood, is successful in college who is wise beyond her years.

I'm grateful for the opportunity and blessings that come with our homeschooling lifestyle. That lifestyle has grown us and taught us all so many valuable lessons on loving each other and learning together.

I thank God all day long for His work in me and around me.

I'm even grateful for days when the temperature reaches 104 degrees outside.

Through all my trials, I've known the love of my heavenly Father. I've felt the embrace of my loving Savior. The gentle nudge of the Holy Spirit in my heart calling me to new wondrous places where love resides and hope never dies. I feel a little closer to heaven every day.

A tapestry will never do as a representation of the breadth and depth of the beauty in my life. Words will never fully describe what a grateful heart will know in the beauty that comes with embracing what comes, living in my Father's will and letting the Holy Spirit be my guide. I can only hope my soul will be pleasing to God when I am called home.

I do so love my life.

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*If you don't know the story of Julie and Derrick Tennant, please visit them at The Love Chromosome. You will be inspired by their story and perhaps you will get your own t-shirt!

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Linking up with A Wise Woman Builds Her Home

Which Way?

2012-06-23T19:41:00.000-05:00

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

These words are so inspiring! There are so many choices we make in life. Often we tend to take the path of least resistance, the paved path or follow the advice of others. We forget to take time to really discern what might be best for ourselves and our families.

What IF we choose to spend time in prayerful discernment?

What IF we choose to discern what is best for our family despite the external pressures?

What IF we choose the unmarked path?

When a parent enters into the world of raising a child with special needs, they receive lots of advice - some desired, most not. Parents are pressured by well-meaning folks who seem to have all the answers. The Holy Spirit may be whispering the way through the maze and confusion but we can't hear because of all the noise and pressure.

Perhaps the right path for your family is within the system - early intervention, public schools and transition/work programs into adulthood. A right path for many families. God is a work within the system too.

Perhaps the right path for your family is working with your child outside the system and targeted intervention. A path chartered by listening to what God wills for your family and a path designed by God.

Sound scary?

Perhaps, but that fear will fade to be replaced with the confidence engineered by the Holy Spirit. You will come to understand you really are your child's best teacher. You will see your child learn and grow and his/her own pace.

God has His own timing and so do our children with special needs.

When you walk in His will, you know peace...

...and your trail marked with blessings.

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Speaking of leaving a trail, if you are interested in homeschooling your child with Down syndrome please look at my free e-book Homeschooling Children with Down Syndrome. In this book I share much about how children with Down syndrome learn, methods, curriculum tips and more!

Wise Words

2012-06-02T15:42:00.000-05:00

As I journey on this road less traveled, I often recall these wise words of a fellow traveler:

"As parents, we trust that the Lord will provide all that is needed for His (our) children to fulfill His mission for them while on earth."

We trust He will provide for our typically developing children and, perhaps more so, for our children with special needs.

These words bring immense comfort to me as I consider my daughter's present path and future. I trust He will put all we need in our path so that Reagan's ministry on earth will be according to His will.

I have seen the Lord's work in me and my work in helping Reagan overcome obstacles in learning. He travels this path with me. He places before me all that I need and more. I trust He is at work in her and for her.

I know her heart. It projects love. Love for the Lord, love for her family and love for all she touches.

I am fascinated by her mind and how she thinks. The questions she asks are thoughtful. Her assessment of situations is often right on track.

Does she know everything that other 17 year-olds know? Absolutely not.

Academic knowledge does not define her.

Reagan does know relationships better than any other person I know. She gives and receives. She is transparent and without inhibition in sharing herself. She knows anger but harbors no grudges. Her forgiveness of the transgressions of others is genuine and immediate. She knows sadness which makes her highly sensitive to it in others.

Reagan's relationships define her. Her relationships with God and humanity. I am saddened by those who have eyes that cannot see. Eyes which do not value her and others with Down syndrome.

Somehow I doubt that St. Peter checks IQs at the gates of heaven. God does not care about how smart we are. He does care about how we love Him and each other.

So, let us learn from Reagan. Learn how to love and forgive like she does.

Let us walk in love and forgiveness for a taste of heaven on earth and joy in the journey.

A Homeschooling Mom's Heart

2012-04-16T17:07:00.000-05:00

I’ve been on this road less traveled for a long time now. It has been a beautiful journey. A journey made beautiful because of those I share it with – my children.

I’ve learned much on the way. I’ve learned much about the typical and the not quite so typical homeschooling journey. I’ve learned much about myself too.

Here is the secret of my heart…there is nothing special about me.

Others comment that it must be so because they couldn’t do it.

I wasn’t born to do this. God called me to it. He shaped me for the journey as I traveled along the path. There were many forks along the way and mountains to climb. Many times I was tired – too tired to go on.

In obedience, I marched on.

I spent much time in the desert. There were dry, arid times where I wondered if I’d taken the right path.

My resolve only grew and I continued on.

I discovered the further I traveled, the easier it became. The mountains faded away and the forks fewer. The desert became an oasis. The landscape was lush and the views magnificent. A delightful fragrance filled the air. My efforts began to bear fruit with the sweetest nectar I’ve ever known.

This journey was never about me but the fruits of my labor.

Celebrating Every Day

2012-03-21T17:01:00.000-05:00

Today is World Down Syndrome Day. The Down syndrome community is celebrating globally with a great deal of excitement in the air. Videos abound and there is much chatter over the internet about all that is positive about raising a child with Down syndrome or loving an individual with Down syndrome.

BUT it isn’t just about this one day. I live with and love someone with Down syndrome. I work every day to teach her, mold her and love her.

Because I love her, the work is easy. We work together, play together and joy springs forth.

The world doesn’t see the love we share or the joy we know.

Most just see is the common features individuals with Down syndrome share and judge that life to be without value.

Every day, around the globe, unborn babies with Down syndrome are terminated.

Words like burden, hardship, worthless, suffering, retarded are used to advise expectant parents with a prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome - tragic and inexcusable.

As we celebrate World Down Syndrome Day, we celebrate truth.

Living and loving someone with Down syndrome is knowing joy and unconditional love.

It is about finding whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things (Phil 4:8)

Think about such things and know…

...this is our life and that is worth celebrating every day.

World Down Syndrome Day IDSC for Life

2012-03-21T11:58:00.001-05:00

From International Down Syndrome Coalition for Life

"We were inspired by a video, in which mothers were asked if they could go back, and say something to themselves, before they became mothers, what would you say? So we decided we would ask all parents if they could go back before they had a baby, or adopted a baby with Down syndrome, what would you say? Their responses were beyond anything we dreamed. This video, celebrating World Down Syndrome Day, summarizes and brings to light exactly why we celebrate this day! We hope that others will see that our lives are filled with love and joy, and all things that are good and amazing."

Like IDSC for Life on Facebook!