Family and Life

A Response to "An Open Letter to the Person Who Left This Sweet Dog at the Kill Shelter"

2013-09-16T12:34:00.000-07:00

Today, I saw this posted at Huffington Post: "An Open Letter to the Person Who Left This Sweet Dog at the Kill Shelter." While I understand the Ms. White's feelings, I think perhaps she is judging too quickly and to harshly.

Before I get into it, let me tell you who I am with regard to animals. I have had many hamsters (14-ish), one rabbit, three turtles, one dog (two if you count partial responsibility for one at Dad's house), and several fish in my lifetime. I am from a middle class background and have never had a huge amount of money. I have college loan debt. I love animals to the extent that I have had two hamsters for whom I paid to have surgery. One of those hamsters was also treated for rodent lice he picked up in the pet store and was on phenobarbital for his entire lifespan in my care for seizures--a hamster that frequently bit, and when he bit during a seizure could not let go on his own, and I loved him. I've spent the money to have hamsters who were very ill put to sleep. My dog had a heart condition, and I spent a lot of money on him because of it, though I had to draw the line at certain chest x-rays that would have cost more than we could afford and did not necessarily have a high probability of helping prolong his already good, long life. When he was going downhill, I took him to the vet. I watched them give him his last meal. I held him while my husband and young daughter came to say goodbye. I held him and told him how much I loved him and said my goodbyes and continued petting him as they administered the medicine to stop his heart. I know animals, and I love them, and they are part of the family.

Back to the Huff Post article. First off, I applaud Ms. White for taking in this dog and taking such good care of it. Thanks to her, Cocoa got the end of life she deserved. That being said, I think Ms. White needs to take the time to think about what might have led to a family to give their dog up to animal control. She says that the intake sheet said the family was moving to a no pets apartment and had limited means:

"Because the people at Animal Control gave me Cocoa's intake sheet. You know, the one you filled out. The one that said Cocoa was 12 years old and you'd had her all those years. The one that said you were moving to a pet-free apartment and couldn't take your faithful companion of 12 years. You know, the one that you said was a "sweet old girl -- a wonderful companion." The one that said you had limited funds."

Ms. White takes this information and decides that these people are simply cold-hearted. How does she know? Does she wonder if they are moving to that apartment because they have lost employment and are under or unemployed? Does it occur to her that their hearts may have been breaking when they did this? That they may have felt they had no other choice? When you take on a pet, of course you expect to be able to care for it no matter what. However, unforeseen circumstances can change all of that, especially in an economy like ours today.

The author adopted this dog and found she was very ill--she was incontinent; she had pancreatitis, and she had cancer. (I believe this was not found out where she got the dog because it was Animal Control rather than an actual shelter.) The Humane Society definitely does (more on that later). She belittles the family for not paying for the medications and the special dog food and for not having the dog euthanized. She ASSUMES they knew how bad the dog was. I agree that if they knew how sick Cocoa was, it would have been best for them to euthanize her and have her die in their arms. But does it ever occur to Ms. White that maybe they didn't know what medical conditions she had because they couldn't take her to the vet because they were having to penny pinch because of unemployment or other dire financial circumstances? No, she doesn't. She just judges without any compassion or thought about what the other family may have been going through. She doesn't give them the benefit of the doubt.

At one point, she says, "What upset me so much is that you couldn't be bothered to drive the extra 20 minutes to take her to the Humane Society, a no-kill shelter." This surprised me greatly since all of the chapters of the Humane Society I'm familiar with would have euthanized this dog. I checked into Humane Society websites from several states, including Minnesota and Arizona, and found that they do medical exams of incoming dogs and they do euthanize those who are extremely sick. So, unless her local Humane Society runs very differently, she's very much mistaken about it being a "no-kill" shelter.

So, in short, my message to Ms. White is this: don't assume you understand other people's circumstances because of a short intake questionnaire. Learn to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Survey Makers: Get a Clue

2013-09-11T11:05:00.001-07:00

I don't know about you, but I take Internet surveys on a regular basis. Yougov.com allows you to trade in points for goods or gift cards. E-rewards.com allows you to add money to your Upromise account (kids' college savings--yay!). And e-miles.com allows you to earn airline miles so you don't have to keep shopping to keep your miles active (I can't say I've been flying as much as before kids, but I want to keep them active). I don't mind taking these surveys. They can provide useful information to companies and government. However, when they are poorly thought out/written, the data they gather isn't going to be that useful. I suspect the people writing these surveys are just too homogeneous a group to think outside their box. Maybe, they'll stumble upon this and learn a little more about their survey takers. Or maybe not. At any rate, yougov.com does the best job on their surveys BECAUSE they allow you to evaluate the survey at the end, including a comment section, and they frequently will allow you to leave an item blank. But anyway, onto the problems.

In my experience, there are a few areas where survey developers frequently fail. The number one thing is early in the survey: they show their sexism. Seriously. At least 90% (probably closer to 95%) of the surveys I see list "male" before "female." You would think they would try to make questions neutral, such as doing things alphabetically (which they frequently do on race questions, though a few years ago they weren't as good about it). In that case, it would be the opposite or they could use man and woman alphabetically. Another neutral way to do it would to make it randomly alternate with each survey you develop. But if they were doing it this way, about 50% of the surveys should list male before female. If you want to do it by adult population (which should be those taking the surveys), the last census data I looked at showed that there is a slightly higher percentage of females living in the U.S., where most of the surveys are based, so again, "female" should come first if you're going to base it on a neutral way. Instead, they base it on what comes to their mind first: men. It's sexist. Find a better way to do it.

The other big thing is they often don't have an option for "don't know" or "none of the above." Usually, survey developers aren't so perfect as to think of every possible answer. They should acknowledge this by giving an "out" option. Especially when they just asked a question to which your answer said that the next question clearly wouldn't apply to the first. Also, they rarely seem to acknowledge that some questions just aren't applicable to everyone. Not everyone has a favorite sports team. Some people hate all sports. Give people the option to be honest.

Which leads to the problem of inconsistency within the survey. If a person just told you they don't have _____, and your next question is about their _____, then you need to either have a "doesn't apply" option or to program your survey to skip that question. Most of these surveys do not allow you to move on until you've answered. So, unless you want people to just insert random answers, you should have a way to answer the question if it doesn't apply.

Another problem: poorly worded questions. I've had some of the vaguest questions asked of me in surveys. Often, context would change my answer. So when you ask me a vague question and don't even give me a "not sure" or similar answer, my answer will either give you inaccurate data or I will quit your survey, depending on how strongly I feel or on how aggravating your survey has been.

Meandering Thoughts on Entertainment

2013-09-07T12:37:00.001-07:00

So, I was blogging in my head in the shower again. And as usual, my thoughts went all over the place. I believe it all started with watching The Avengers with my son today. He asked who the "guy" was that was talking with Loki. So, I had to go to IMDB.com to figure it out. And there, right next to the character name "The Other," is "Alexis Denisof." The Buffy/Angel fan girl in me was all "OMG." Of course, I should have expected something like this from Joss Whedon. He tends to enjoy bringing in actors he's worked with before (as do many in Hollywood).

Later, as I was getting ready for bed and such, my thoughts wandered to another actor from Buffy: Nicholas Brendon. A short while back, I rented Kitchen Confidential from Netflix. The star was Bradley Cooper from Alias, and getting NB was a side bonus. I really wanted to love it but figured that if it was truly lovable, it probably would have lasted more than one season. I was right. It wasn't lovable, but I did enjoy it. It had some fun moments, including a guest star spot for Michael Vartan who was on Alias with Cooper. Yeah, that was probably a publicity stunt. It was mid-season on a flailing show. But it was still kind of fun to see them together, even if both of their characters were very big caricatures. I'm actually pretty sure that's why the series failed. There was very little depth in the characters.

This led me to thinking about Arrested Development. The characters there aren't very deep either, but they're extremely quirky. Quirky makes the lack of depth tolerable and even funny. That's why they built a strong fan base that allowed them to last more seasons and come back through Netflix after they were cancelled. However, I did not stick with them when they were on network TV. Why? Because once my kids were born, I had a hard time keeping up with much of anything on TV. When I found out Netflix had new episodes, I couldn't remember where I left off so I started with Season 2. Eventually, I'll be caught up and watching new episodes with the rest of the world.

This, of course, led me to thinking about the silly lawsuit the band Arrested Development brought against the show, saying they were infringing on the name. I liked the band in college, but the lawsuit irritated me. Anyone familiar with psychology knows it's a psychology term, and to say anyone has sole use of the name is silly, IMO. They settled the lawsuit, but I'm sure that was more about not wanting to prolong the proceedings than any admission of anything.

And what does all of this have to do with anything? Nothing, really. Like Seinfeld, it is solely for entertainment purposes. Thank you for bothering to read it, and I hope you have a nice day.

No Land Line and a Child Who Starts Talking on the Phone a Lot--What to Do?

2013-06-29T22:37:00.000-07:00

Lately my daughter has started talking on the phone. This would be less surprising if she were a teenager, but she just turned nine. At any rate, this has prompted several conversations with friends who only have cell phones and are wondering what they will do when their daughter starts talking on the phone a lot. They are concerned about radiation from the phone affecting their growing children. So, what is a parent in this situation to do?

Well, one simple solution is to put the phone on speaker so it's not next to the girl's head. However, as she probably wants her conversations to be more private than that, especially as she grows older, this is probably not a great solution.

There are actually other solutions out there, though they didn't occur to me when I was having my conversations with my friends. A while back, the hubby and I wanted to turn off our long distance and only use the cells, but I didn't want the hot cell against my head every time I wanted to call long distance. So, we got a little box device that hooked our cell phone to our land phone via blue tooth. I can't find the exact model we have, but here are links to three of the ones I found at Amazon:

Cobra PhoneLynx

Siemens Gigaset Bluetooth Gateway

Xtreme Technologies XLink

They work so simply. The one we have simply requires that we plug the phone into it. When we want to use it, we connect the cell to it via blue tooth. Then we pick up the regular phone and dial in a short code before dialing the number we want. I was even able to insert the code in front of the stored phone numbers on the regular phone and have it work perfectly. You can have your cell phone plugged into the charger while you use it so the battery doesn't run down.

However, while I was looking for these devices, I found phones that actually have the blue tooth in them. Best Buy actually has a section for them in their webstore. I haven't tried them, but I'm sure they work largely the same way as the other device. So, if you don't have your land-line anymore or are thinking about cutting your service, there are ways to cut down on your cell to ear time!

Things that Help Me Keep my Sanity

2013-05-28T15:30:00.000-07:00

As with most people these days, my life tends to feel more than a little insane at times. We get so busy and it can make us feel frantic and chaotic, to say the least. So, I have developed a few strategies that help me keep a little more sane, that help me feel a little more in control. Here, in no particular order, are the ones I can think of off the top of my head:

Notebook and Pen at my Bedside. Seriously. This helps me in a couple of ways. (A) I am the type who will stay up for hours worrying over something. And if I lose sleep worrying, I find it much harder to get those things I was so worried about done. So, I have pen and paper beside me at night so I can jot down things that I worry I will forget in the morning. If I do this, I am usually able to get to sleep. I may not remember to look first thing in the morning but when that feeling that I forgot some eventually starts creeping up on me, I will go to my room and look to see what I've forgotten. It makes life much easier. (B) I often get creative urges in the middle of the night. It'd be really nice if I could get up and just go create, but usually that makes me a grumpy, unpleasant Mommy in the morning, and I really don't want to be that kind of mom. If I can write my creative ideas down, I usually (but not always) can recapture that thought/idea/etc. at a later time IF I can remember it. Which is what my pen and paper are for. I can write down thoughts I want to flesh out later or I can do a very rough sketch of something I want to draw or paint.
Lists. My husband laughs at my lists, but really, they are how I relate best to things I need to do. I feel very satisfied when I can check items off my "to do" list. While I know upkeep on my lists takes some additional time during my day, having a list does help me keep on track and remember all it is that I have to remember.
Spot Cleaning. Ideally, every other week (if not every week), I would dust, sweep, vacuum, mop, and rub down every inch of the house to keep it spotless. The reality is that with two children and busy schedules, I'm lucky to get it all done once a month. However, there are certain areas that get especially dirty/germy. The rooms we spend the most time in get a lot more "yuck" going on than the rooms we wander into (and often store things in) but rarely sit down in. So, I concentrate my cleaning efforts on the kitchen, the bathrooms, the beds (we don't spend a lot of time in other areas of the bedrooms), the dining area, and the family room. Yes, other rooms get my attention, just not as frequently. In this way, I keep the most important areas from becoming too grimy without going insane trying to keep on top of everything.

What about you? What tips do you have to try to keep on top of your hectic life?

A Reminder to Be Present (or, Why One Shouldn't "Blog" in the Shower)

2013-04-15T21:45:00.000-07:00

I know that being "present" is a good thing. And that I should try to be in the present more often. However, it's not uncommon for anyone with a creative bent to let their mind wander on a frequent basis. They may be doing dishes and painting in their minds. Or they may be inventing the next great thing while washing the car. Or they might be writing a blog in their head while taking a shower.

Tonight, I was guilty of the last one. I was in the shower, thinking about blogging about some of the skin conditions I have. I had just washed my face and hair, and I squirted conditioner into my hands. Next thing I knew, I was rinsing my face and thinking, "Wait, did I just condition my face?!" Yep, folks, I conditioned my face. So, that was my little reminder today not to allow my thoughts to wander too far from what I'm actually doing. I really hope I don't wind up with another huge breakout because of it!

What about you? Have you ever been creating in your head and wound up doing something completely goofy?

Attention Internet Advertisers: You're Annoying Me

2013-02-01T11:41:00.000-07:00

Frequently, when I'm surfing the net, I find that certain pages are much slower to load and navigate than others. This is EXTREMELY frustrating. Almost 100% of the time, it's because of some "moving" item on them, usually in an advertisement.

Now, I understand the philosophy behind these moving ads--the movement will catch your eye, making you more likely to notice the ad. Perhaps when these ads first became available, it did make me notice them. However, as I've gotten more used to them, I no longer notice them any more than any other ad, except in annoyance. Sometimes, I will look to see whose ad is slowing down my progress in getting things done on the Internet so that I can make sure to AVOID the product as I'm ticked at the company for slowing my journey through cyberspace. In this vein, I will make a suggestion: go for eye-catching pictures. If you need to impart more information than a picture will allow, perhaps you could opt for an ad with a play button inserted so once the pretty picture with a short catch-phrase catches my eye, I can chose to view the ad if it seems like something I'll find interesting. Because, really, do you want me looking at your ad only so I know who NOT to purchase from? Or do you want me to look at your ad and think "gee, I want to find out more"?

A Cleaning Goal for the New Year

2013-01-16T14:20:00.002-07:00

My goal (I'm not calling it a resolution since those tend to be broken easily) for the year is to try to get more organized and more regularly work on the "other household cleaning/projects" that I often put off--you know, things like vacuuming the stairs, filing, mending, etc. I do pretty well with laundry and the dishes and other things that really need to be done regularly. My kitchen counters and tables may not get a thorough cleaning as often as ideal but they do get cleaned fairly regularly. But there is plenty else around here that I have been pretty bad about procrastinating on.

So far this year, I have been doing better. I've gotten a lot of the filing done. Over the past few days, I have mended a bunch of things that needed mending. I've vacuumed the stairs, and while I was vacuuming, I realized that lack of a decent stair tool was the big reason I always put this off, so I added that to my Amazon wish list. I am in the middle of cleaning my drain rack (it's soaking as I type). I have hemmed my son's tux pants for the wedding in a week. We are all working on teaching the 3-1/2-year-old to pick up after himself (which will help all of us keep areas clean). Overall, I think I'm doing pretty well for someone who really hates cleaning. I hope I can really keep this up because it will make me feel so much better to have my house cleaner.

So, here's looking forward to a cleaner year!

Does anyone else have any goals for 2013? How are they shaping up?

Contemplating Wedding Attire

2012-12-30T23:16:00.000-07:00

As I was thinking about the wedding I need to find a dress for tonight, my mind wandered into the territory of weddings I've been in. I have been in four, and despite the way Hollywood frequently shows women having to wear horrendous frocks as bridesmaids, I have not had to wear one that I didn't like. I would have actually have liked to have worn all of them at least once again. Unfortunately, I did not manage to wear more than one again before I gained too much weight to fit into it again.

I do not know if my good wedding attire run has to do with luck or with friends with really good taste. Or maybe Hollywood over-blows the whole "horrendous dress" stereotype (highly possible). I cannot really think of any bridesmaids dresses at any wedding I've been to that were horrendous, but it's entirely possible I've forgotten. After all, I was there to see the bride and groom, not their wedding party (plus I haven't taken pictures at every wedding I've been to).

I happen to have a few of the dresses I've worn as a bridesmaid on my hard drive, so I thought I'd share.

Dress 1, 1996

It's not obvious form the picture because of my friend's hand, but it has an empire waistline. That little bit of white you see on the sleeve is actually a rhinestone button embellishment. It was either tea length or floor length and my favorite color. I loved this dress. I also love the bride's dress. Yeah, she has good taste. :)

Dress 2, 1996

I thought I had a picture of this one on my computer, but I cannot find it. Maybe I'll have to find the hard copy and scan it later. Oh, well. It was a Christmas wedding, and the dress was dark green velvet with a matching satin bow on the back. It was very basic, with a tea length skirt. It was simple and elegant.

Dress 3, 1997

I do not have a picture of this one on my computer, but it was a floor-length black dress with a white v-shaped "collar" that went down to the navel and white lace over black fabric between the edges of the collar. It was the one dress I wore for a fancy date night with my then-boyfriend, now husband, in 1998.

Dress 4, 2003

This one all the bridesmaids got to vote on. We went for something simple, and we chose this dress partly because it had an accompanying maternity version, and I was trying to get pregnant. It was a basic dress in navy blue, and it was floor-length. That's my mom with me in the picture. (I had to crop out my hubby. He's internet shy.)

So, was I extremely lucky, or have other people managed to never get a bridesmaid's dress they don't like? If you've had some horrible ones, what was so horrible about them?

It's a Small World...

2012-12-01T23:10:00.002-07:00

Apparently I wrote this in June but never posted it. Well, better late than never! LOL.

----------------------------------------------------

I touched on this topic briefly in a previous post, "Chance Run-ins," but I always am amazed at the little coincidences that show me what a small world this big world is. On my daughter's 8th birthday, there was more than one incidence that brought this to my mind.

The first incident was that I was talking to one of my Girl Scout co-leaders, and she mentioned that she used to work at the breast-feeding store that was close to our old house in another suburb, though still on this general side of town. I used to go to this store when my daughter was a baby. I only actually bought stuff a couple times, but I frequently went in to use the scale to weigh my daughter. This was at the same time my co-leader worked there. Not only that, but the mother of one of my daughter's classmates worked there at the same time, and I sort of remember someone fitting her description working there.

The second thing was a run-in at a restaurant. Early in the day we were at the mall for my daughter to get her ears pierced. A mother and her two daughters stopped to watch. When we went to Black Angus for dinner, the same family was sitting a couple tables away from us. They saw us returning from the bathroom and after both of our tables got birthday songs sung at them, the mother came over to ask if my daughter was the same girl she saw at the mall and to tell her how brave she was. When we left the restaurant, we discovered we were parked next to one another--crazy, isn't it?

Whenever I discover these kinds of coincidences, I have to wonder if they mean something or if they truly are just coincidence. After dinner, I couldn't help thinking back to other crazy coincidences in my life such as seeing a former classmate from Minnesota in a Florida airport or running into friends who lived near us at a mall an hour away from the house or meeting a girl in college who stayed at the same hotel in St. Thomas, VI, as I did approximately the same year as I went there. It truly is amazing that in such a big world, we can have these sort of things happening.

What about you? Have you ever had "small world" moments that made you wonder what it all means?

Thankfulness

2012-11-22T11:29:00.002-07:00

A lot of people on Facebook are doing 30 days of thankfulness. I like that idea, but I don’t have the dedication to list a different item every day. So, I’m making a list (in no particular order) here.

My husband. As with all humans, he’s not perfect, but he’s a wonderful father and an all-around awesome partner. Honestly, he is my rock.
My children. I have two beautiful children who give me joy every day. Even when they are driving me insane. My parents. Both have taught me much in life.
Food. Yep, that’s basic. However, there are people who have a hard time being able to afford food, and that makes me sad. So, even though it may not always be prepared as well as I’d like (and it’s usually me who screws it up), I am VERY thankful we always have food on our table.
My husband’s job. Without his job that allows us to afford everything we have and allows me to stay home, our life would not be as good as it is.
Our home. It’s just the size we wanted, and we could afford it. I’m so glad we have a nice place to raise our children in.
Other family and friends. I have a very diverse group of people in my life. Each one has added something to my life. They challenge me intellectually, support me when I’m down, and in general are all nice to have around, even when we don’t agree.
My Girl Scout Troop and Co-leaders. I never planned to be a troop leader, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I wound up with three of the most amazing co-leaders a person could ask for. We all work hard to make our troop fun and educational. I’m grateful that they are in my life.
Creativity. I’m not the best at everything I want to work on artistically, but I enjoy being creative immensely. Painting, sketching, writing, etc., all keep me sane in an insane world.
Freedom. Living in the United States, I’m entitled to have my own opinions and to express them (preferably in a kind way, though sometimes I do fail to do that—I’m working on that one).
Nature. I always feel better when I can get outside and enjoy the greenery. Flowers, trees, animals. They are all wonders to behold. (Yeah, it’s a cliché, but it’s true!)
Health. I’m thankful that, for the most part, my family and I are healthy. Yeah, we get our share of those bugs that go around, but overall, we’re doing pretty well.
Chocolate. I’m an addict. I admit it. I just love the taste of rich, dark chocolate slowly melting on my tongue. It’s not life changing, but it is very, very nice.
Arizona’s Open Enrollment Policy. This allows a child to go to any public school that has room, though parents may need to provide the transportation. When your gifted child is supposed to go to one of the worst schools in the area (especially when your state is not known for great schools), having some choice means a lot. Because of this law, she is in a great program suited to her needs.
Books. I love them. My house is full of them. They take me to other places, times, universes. They feed my imagination and my curiosity.
Movies. Ditto what I said about books.
Rainbows. They’re pretty. They feel optimistic.
Being ticklish. Most people probably think I’m weird for saying that, and that’s okay. I think it’s really fun to have a giggle fest that started as a tickle fight.

I had hoped to have at least 30 by now, but with my family, doctor's appointments, and Girl Scouts, I'm afraid that's as far as I got. Hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Just Call Me "Parent"

2012-04-18T13:42:00.000-07:00

Every stay-at-home parent probably has at least one person in his or her life who at times questions how much "work" the parent actually does. Usually, this is in the form of "why isn't the house more clean?" or "why can't you _____? I'm at work all day." I think the main problem with these people is that they focus on the "at-home" part of the "job title." In the future, I am going to tell these people they need to change their thinking because I am at work all day, and my job is: PARENT.

You see, when I am parenting all day long, my primary responsibility is the kids. I spend much of my time reading to them, cuddling them, kissing boo-boos, feeding (cooking) them, helping with homework, tucking them in to sleep, and just being there. I am meeting my kids' emotional needs, which sometimes simply means I do something quietly (reading, watching TV) in the room while they play--because they wants and need to feel my presence. Of course, this applies more to my toddler son who cannot understand when I tell him I have to clean or do other things around the house the way my school-age daughter can. This means that while I may look like I'm doing "nothing" when I could be cleaning the kitchen, I am not doing nothing--I am meeting my child's needs.

Pretty much anything else I get done during a given day is secondary and, if you will, a "plus." If I also manage to get the dishes done and the bathroom clean, I am ahead of the game. If I get the toys picked up and put away, I am ahead of the game. If I take the garbage out or vacuum the living room, I am ahead of the game. You see where I'm going with this?

And as long as we're on the subject, I need to point out how incredibly emotionally draining it is to try to keep up with a young child all day, especially on "cranky" days when your child demands more patience than you know where to find within yourself. So, before you shout "nap time" as a time when I "should" be catching up on all that cleaning, please at least allow that I get some time to regain my sanity. Sometimes that means napping myself. Other times, it means a little "Mommy TV" time or time to paint or time to write or time to catch up with email or browse Facebook or Pinterest. Anything that keeps me sane makes me a better parent when nap time is over, and "parent" is, after all, my primary job.

Getting Organized

2012-01-12T13:41:00.000-07:00

Organization is one of the things I struggle with CONSTANTLY. I'm bad during normal times, but over the last three years, it has gotten WAY out of hand, and I've decided it must stop. To be fair to myself, I had my hands quite full. It's hard to do much when you're exhausted, and with pregnancy (with 8 mos. of nausea), nursing, thyroid issues, a burst eardrum, toothaches, diapering, Tink's school and friend activities, and everything else, it was really hard for me to eke out time to do much other than the "musts"--dishes, laundry, vacuuming, etc. However, things are settling down (and Pinterest is making me itch to do household stuff), so IT IS TIME.

Over the past few weeks, I've been gradually working on the organization process. I've made more room in the hall closet (simply by organizing what was there), which is allowing me to put some things that were shoved in the guest/craft room away. I've got a new sewing box (thanks, Mom!) and a wrapping paper box, both of which have helped with organizing the craft room. I'm starting to pare down some of Ace's baby toys to give to a friend with a baby. I've got 3 boxes ready to donate to Goodwill. I will get the Christmas decorations down this coming weekend. And, most important of all, I have to have the entire downstairs organized enough to host my Girl Scout troop at the end of the month, so I WILL CONTINUE until I get it done. Then I will move onto the master bedroom (you don't even want to know) and the garage (a no-man's land if ever I saw one).

Of course, once everything is done, the key is to figure how to get my family to help me keep it going. That's going to be a challenge!

Now, if any of you out there have some organizational ideas, I'd love to hear them. Nothing inspires me to organize like good ideas on how to do it!

Before You Decide You Hate Twilight, Maybe You Should Read the Books

2012-01-10T14:20:00.003-07:00

This post has brewing in my mind for some time, but it's taken me a while to organize my thoughts in order to commit them to print. I often see people posting negative things about Twlight, and I wonder "Have they actually read the books?" Based on their posts, I'd say many of them haven't because a lot of what's posted isn't really accurate. Some of them are funny, and maybe that's why they're being posted, but honestly, I think Twilight's getting a bad rap from people who may not even have read the books, and I find that very frustrating. After all, is it really fair to judge the series based on the movies alone (they came second; hence, they are NOT the definitive for the series) or, worse, on hearsay?

If you've read the books, you can say whatever you want about them, and I'll back your right to do so. And there ARE some legitimate things in the books to criticize (Meyer's writing style has some flaws; there are themes that parents of impressionable teens may find objectionable; etc.), but rarely do I find people actually attacking those elements; usually I see them attacking the full series with vague and sometimes inaccurate blanket statements.

The Movies

Like all movies made from books, the movies leave out A LOT. They also change some things. You simply cannot fit a rather long book into two hours of screen time and include the same amount of detail. If you've seen one or more of the movies and did not like them, it is certainly fair to say you didn't like the movies. If you don't really care for vampire stories or for "nice" vampires (in other words, you like them vicious), it's certainly fair of you to say you're not interested in the Twilight subject matter. If you think it's silly that they sparkle (and even I think it is), you are certainly free to say so. However, it doesn't really make you qualified to say that the books suck or to compare the four books to a movie you saw when you haven't READ the books.

"Twilight is JUST about having a boyfriend" (or some variation thereof)

Whenever I see this, I know that a person is not familiar with all four books, or if they did read them, they weren't reading very closely. Yes, Twilight is primarily a love story, but there ARE other themes, and those themes are less apparent in the first book than in the later books (more on those themes later), so if you've only read the first book, you may not see this that easily.

This statement makes it sound very much like all Bella cares about in life is having a boyfriend (as if any boy will do)--not true. Bella is the new girl in town. She's trying to figure out where she fits in. Because it's such a small town, a large number of boys are automatically attracted to her and want to date her because she's different from the girls they've known since they were tots. She doesn't want any of them. However, when she sees Edward, she's drawn to him because he seems different from other boys, but mostly, she's just concerned because he seems to take an instant dislike to her. (How many high school kids do you know that are not extremely upset when someone seems to hate them for no apparent reason?) When Edward leaves in the second book, if Bella were so obsessed with having any boyfriend, why did she not start dating Jacob? She hangs around with him, sure, but when he shows that he wants more than friendship, she doesn't want that. She doesn't care about "having a boyfriend;" she cares about Edward because she loves him.

As to the other themes, one example would be the theme of what it means to be different. Bella is different to the people of Forks because she's new and from a large city in the desert (Phoenix)--she's experienced many things other people in Forks never have and possibly never will. To Edward, she's different because he cannot read her mind as he can other humans. The Cullens are different from the people of Forks, though most people don't understand why. Bella is the only one so intrigued that she feels a need to find out. The Cullens are different from other vampires in that they don't feed on humans. This difference leads the vampire hierarchy, based in Italy, to seek reasons to destroy the entire Cullen clan (one of the sources of conflict in books 2-4).

In a smaller sense, there is a theme of good versus evil in the conflicts between the "good" vampires (the Cullens) and all of the other vampires of the world (the traveling vampires including Victoria and the Italian vampires). There are also good vs. evil elements in the wolves versus the vampires. Meyer shows the struggle of the young wolves to accept the truce their elders have established with the Cullens in light of their innate desire to hunt and destroy all vampires; they have trouble believing there can be good vampires and see all vampires as evil.

Comparisons of Bella to Hermione Granger and Other Fictional Women Who Have Been Separated from the One They Love

While I laughed at this (and perhaps even shared it on Facebook), I have to say this isn't really a fair comparison because it totally leaves out anything about circumstance. Before I get into my arguments, know that I am a far bigger fan of Harry Potter than I am of Twilight. However, to compare Bella's reaction to Edward who just last week said he loves her telling her he doesn't want her anymore and leaving town to Hermione's reaction to Ron's abandoning her and Harry in the middle of their quest against Voldemort is not a comparison of truly similar circumstances. Why? 1) Hermione and Ron have never declared themselves to be in love at this point. They've never kissed. They've never even gone on a date. Bella and Edward, however, have declared their love for one another. They've kissed. 2) Ron doesn't say he doesn't want to be with Hermione, he just can't take the way the quest is going. Hermione understands that he's not rejecting her personally. However, Edward does make the rejection personal (even though he's really doing it for her protection). 3) Bella is in a small town with very little to do. Her ONLY purpose at the moment is to get through High School, and she has very little else in her life to keep her busy. She doesn't have close friends there, really, though she does try to hang with the girls some during this period. She doesn't have school clubs or other activities (at least until she starts her bike project with Jacob) to help take her mind off things. Hermione, on the other hand, has a very important purpose to her life--stopping Voldemort. She knows she doesn't have time to wallow in misery. She can wallow later if she must, but for now, she has to push that aside.

As for the Princess Leia comparison, puh-leaze. Leia knew Han still loved her. She went and rescued him. When Alice comes to tell a wallowing Bella that Edward is going to get the Italian vampires to kill him because he really still loves her, Bella jumps right onto that plane and goes to rescue him. So, how exactly is that different? (And again, I love Star Wars more than I love Twilight, though I am still ticked with Lucas about several things in the prequel, but that's not relevant to this conversation.)

I'm not going to go into each of the other women that are sometimes shown in relation to this argument, but I think it suffices to say, that most of these ladies are not in the same exact circumstances, and circumstances DO have a way of changing how you react to something.

The Story of the People and Their Emotions

The portrayal of the characters and their emotions is what kept me coming back as each book moved on. I like Bella. She is actually a very strong character--the strength of will it took her to not show her pain as she transformed into a vampire was immense. She's stubborn and fiery. And even though she sulks through a good part of New Moon, I see that as a very human thing to do--I can't tell you how many people I know who are otherwise really strong people who had at least one break-up that left them sulking for months. And in the end, they were stronger for having been through it.

The sexual tension between Bella and Edward is palpable. I can't help but love Edward and, to some extent, Jacob. I see good in both men, though I think she ultimately belongs with Edward. Edward frequently says exactly the right thing, which makes him a little like a fairy tale prince. We know no one can possibly be that noble and perfect, but we still find it attractive. Jacob is a moody, sulky teenager, but he's still kind and caring and good, and we love that, too.

There is emotional conflict within the story as Edward tries to come to terms with Bella's desire to become a vampire and as Bella fights Edward's insistence that they marry before they become intimate and before she becomes a vampire. There is conflict in that Bella loves Jacob as a brother while he loves her in a romantic way, and Jacob has to learn to accept that it's different for her. I could say more, but if you're really interested in the emotional range of the books, I think you ought to read them.

And a Short Note on The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner

I really enjoyed this short book--those who enjoy violent vampires might find it a bit more interesting than the actual Twilight series; knowledge of Eclipse (the movie would probably suffice) will make it easier to understand. It's about one vampire in a group of vampires created to attack the Cullens at the end of the third book of the Twilight series. It goes into some interesting details about being a new vampire and living among a group of violent vampires who often fight among one another. For those who loved the other books, it gives insight into Victoria's plan for the attack and how it all came about.

One Powerful Blog Message

2011-11-21T13:51:00.000-07:00

I read this blog today, and if you look at my other blogs, I rarely link to other content. This one HAS to be shared. It's so powerful and poignant. It's a message of love. And we so need to spread love right now. It seems everywhere I look, people are spreading hate. The media. Political candidates. People commenting on anything on the Net. We need to be spreading love. Because, honestly, hate eats you up. Hate is corrosive. But love, love is healing. Sometimes you don't even realize how healing because people rarely think to tell you. Sometimes a simple "hello" can brighten someone's day in ways you will never realize.

So, read the link blogged. Then read it's follow-up to see how it's already changed things in some people's lives. And think about what you do and how it affects others. Because even the small things can make a difference--good or bad.

"Instruction" Manual?

2011-10-11T12:59:00.000-07:00

Has anyone else noticed that what passes for an “instruction” manual lately is sorely lacking?

For example, I recently changed banks, and I received an email telling me that to find a recent transaction, I should go to the “History” section from the home screen. The thing is the word “History” appears NOWHERE on the home screen. And the only drop down menu that has the word in it does not bring you to the type of transaction I was looking for. I complained to the website about this, and they sent back the same instructions! After fiddling around, I discovered that if you click on your BALANCE, you get brought to the history screen. Now, why couldn’t they just tell me to click on my balance? Why are they telling me to click on “History” when the word does not appear there (not even when you mouse over the balance)? WTH kind of instructions are these?

I have similar feelings about my “manual” for my new cell phone. First, I should tell you, no manual came with the cell phone, and the workings are only somewhat intuitive. I had to use Google in order to download a manual, and I have mixed feelings on that. On the one hand, I think that a product ought to come with a decent set of instructions on how to use it (and the pared down instructions with my phone were rather lacking), and on the other hand, I applaud that they saved paper (and money for printing, which savings one hopes they passed on to the consumer, but who knows?) by not printing it. However, this manual tends to skip steps. It tells you “navigate to ______ and go to the settings” but does not tell you how to get to settings on that part of the phone. Turns out there is a button that will bring up the “settings” option, but if you don’t know what that button’s for, you aren’t going to know that’s what you need to press. Sure, it might tell you elsewhere in the manual, but with a 100+ page manual, you aren’t reading cover to cover—you’re searching for your topic.

Granted, I know that instruction manuals are difficult to write. I wrote one for one of my jobs and helped update the one at another job. Frequently as I was trying to use the first draft (or second or third), I found that the instructions skipped a step. Once I realized this, I would, of course, go to the manual and update it. But I rather doubt most companies take the time to actually try to use their manuals before publishing. Perhaps the makers of products need to start employing “manual” testers who can help them make sure EVERYONE can understand, not just the people who were involved in developing the item in question.

Stephen Colbert DESTROYS GOP's "class warfare" argument!

2011-09-21T22:35:00.001-07:00

Check this out: Stephen Colbert DESTROYS GOP's "Class Warfare" Argument, as transcribed by the Daily Kos (includes the video).

Most Americans agree--the rich need to pay their share. The middle class and the poor are hurting as it is.

I think Elizabeth Warren said it quite well, as quoted in her picture at Moveon.org.

Chance Run-ins

2011-06-29T13:22:00.001-07:00

I find it interesting to note the frequency with which I run into certain people. The Phoenix metro area has a large population (over 4 million, which includes two counties). Even if we narrow it down to the suburbs where I do most of my going about, there's a significant population (nearly 500,000 people). So, I find it funny when I keep running into someone I barely know. She's the mom of one of Tink's friend's friends (try saying that fast). The little girl, D., went to the same pre-school Tink did, but Tink was in the afternoon class, and D. and R. (Tink's friend from Kindergarten and 1st Grade) were in the morning class.

When I first met D.'s mom (whose name I still can't remember), Tink and I were at R.'s joint birthday party with D. She said I looked familiar, and I had just learned that the girls all went to the same preschool, so I said it must have been the trip to the zoo with the preschool she was remembering me from since both classes went at the same time.

Fast forward one year, and I'm shopping at Walmart with my toddler boy. I see D.'s mom, but can't remember who she is. She sees me and I see a light of recognition in her eyes. We pass and say hello, but I'm past her before I remember where I've met her. I don't know if she ever realized where she knew me from.

After that we saw one another briefly at another of R.'s birthday parties. We didn't talk much, and we didn't talk about the Walmart run-in. Today I was at Sprouts buying fruit, and who is two people ahead of me in line? D.'s mom. She saw me as she was getting her bags to leave and smiled. I smiled back.

I sometimes wonder at the fact that I keep seeing D.'s mom and not any of her friends' moms. It's kind of funny that we keep seeing one another on our daily errands, isn't it? I wonder if maybe one day we're actually meant to start up a conversation and become friends. Who knows? I mean, I don't run into other people more than once in the course of a year. If I run into them, it's maybe once every five years (this isn't counting planned meetings). I guess only time will tell if it means something or if it's just an odd coincidence.

UPDATE (January 2012): In October, I met this mother at another (L.'s) birthday party. We got to talking about how funny it is that we keep running into one another. It was also funny that this party was for a girl at my daughter's school who went to D.'s school the year before. When D. found out that L. was going to the same new school that R. was moving to, she told L. to seek R. out to become friends. Since my daughter and R. were friends and my daughter and L. were in the same class, L. and my daughter became good friends, too.

My Barnes and Noble Saga

2011-06-21T15:09:00.011-07:00

Once upon a time, earlier this year, I went into a Barnes and Noble store with my daughter because I couldn't find a book at Borders. While there, I was told about the kids club, so I signed up on-line. In doing so, I created an account for myself, and started receiving emails with coupon codes for my first order at BN.com. I ignored these emails at first, as it wasn't worth it when I'd have to pay shipping and most books I can buy cheaper on-line at Amazon.

Last week, a coupon came that made me think I hit the jackpot. "Save 70% on your first order" it said. It also had a lot of restrictions: certain things you couldn't buy; it couldn't be from a third-party seller (duh), etc. You had to sign in using the email address where you got the discount code (easy enough--that's my account). I read all the fine print closely, and then started looking for stuff I wanted. The first several things didn't work, and I thought it might be because BN.com offered them at discounted prices rather than list prices (even though this was NOT in the exclusions list). I found a few items that did not have a "Buy at BN.com" option, so I passed them by as being from a third party. Finally, I found a paperback book at list price with the "Buy at BN.com" option. I clicked the "Add to Bag" button next to "Buy at BN.com" and added the coupon code. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. I tried several other list price items. Again, nothing. So I contacted Customer Service (CS) on Sunday June 12th.

Email 1  (copied directly from my email string, though I re-formatted it so it would look nice):

I received coupon code H8X4L4XXAHQ via email late last night. It says it is good until June 19th, but NOTHING I try to put in my cart qualifies for it. At first I could only find books that are on sale, and they didn't work. I tried several books at regular price, and still nothing works. I did not see any products as having been marked "products marked as not eligible for "coupons or promotional discounts" (one of the disqualifications), but then I wasn't sure where to look, either. Please help me figure out what I can buy with this coupon. Thank you. Corinne Yee

On Monday, June 13th, I received the following (formatted and with the CSR's name XXX'd out but otherwise un-altered)--Email 2:

Dear Corinne Yee,

Thank you for writing to us. We apologize for the difficulties you are experiencing.
We are eager to resolve your problem, but require more information. Please respond to this email with the item you wish to purchase with your coupon.
Please accept our sincere apologies for any inconvenience this may cause and we thank you for your patience.
Sincerely,

XXXXX
Customer Service Representative
Barnes & Noble
http://www.bn.com/

So, I wrote back the same day (June 13th)--Email 3:

I have not yet decided what item I wish to purchase, but if you need an example item, some of the items I tried were "Trace Fever" by Lori Foster and "Just Like Heaven" by Julia Quinn. Again, I am not saying I am going to purchase these particular items, but they are ones I tried just to try to see what the coupon would work on.
Thank you,
Corinne Yee

I never received a reply from them. I checked my junk mail before deleting it in case anything went there, but then I always do that. I did not receive a reply the next day. Or the day after. Knowing I was frustrated, my sweet husband went looking on the forums and found that many people were having trouble with this coupon code. He said a few people got it to work by following the link directly from the email before logging in. I tried that. Didn't work. He also said that people were complaining about non-response from CS on this issue. Well, at least I knew I wasn't the only one who had THAT problem. I tried off and on all week. The expiration date came and went (June 19th). Late in the evening I got really ticked off, so I decided to complain where they might find it hard to ignore--on social media. I tweeted them and posted on their FB page. They both said about the same thing, but this is my FB post: "Why is it B&N sends out e-coupons to use on-line and when they don't work, you never hear back from customer service in time to use them?"

The next morning, I got replies to both. I got a person's direct email address on my FB post and I got the 800 number via Twitter. Well, I hate calling 800 numbers and being on hold for ages. And since a non-working code is more likely a technical issue, it is going to take some time to deal with. I have two kids--I can't stay on hold all day. So, I forwarded my entire email string (including my last reply) to the CSR who answered my FB post with this preface (Monday, June 20th)--Email 4:

Hi,

I complained on Facebook about not having received resolution to a coupon problem before it expired and was told to send it to you. It expired yesterday, but as you can see from the attached below, I tried to get it resolved last Monday, long before it expired. I never heard back after the attached email. There are people complaining about THIS coupon code and non-response from B&N all over the Internet forums. You guys are getting a really bad reputation from this. I've highlighted a few of the pieces of information you will probably find important to  resolving the issue.
Corinne

I received this very long reply, which includes the terms and conditions, which I'd read and knew and a claim that they had sent a reply to the previous string with a FALSE explanation for why the code isn't working (see my reply to them as to why it is false). Nothing makes me more ticked than a CSR telling me something that I know is NOT true. I'm going to only post the part pertaining to my complaint as I'm sure those reading this blog do not care to read the entire terms and conditions of the coupon code--Email 5:

Hi Corinne,
We have responded to your email on 06/14/2011 advising that the terms and conditions of this promotion indicate that this coupon cannot be applied to purchases made from third parties accessible from the bn.com  website (e.g., used books, PC and video games, etc.). We reviewed the examples that you have provided and it fell under this category at the time.
We regret any inconvenience this matter may have caused you. Please let us know what item you would like to order so we may see if it qualified for this promotion. Also provide us the email address this promotion was sent to.
Please see below details and restrictions for the coupon that you have...
Sincerely,

XXX
Customer Service Representative
Barnes & Noble
http://www.bn.com/

My very upset reply, also on June 20th--Email 6:

First, I never received an email from B&N on 6/14. I check my junk mail for such emails routinely, and pay even more close attention when I am expecting something that could come into my Junk mailbox.

Secondly, BOTH those books on the date I tried them had "Buy from BN.com" on their listing. I clicked the "add to bag" right next to that wording. If they are not being sold by BN.com, then why do they say they are? How is a customer supposed to find anything that relates to the coupon when things are mislabeled, if that's what this case is: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Trace-of-Fever/Lori-Foster/e/9780373775750/?cds2Pid=17029 and http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Just-Like-Heaven/Julia-Quinn/e/9780061491900/?cds2Pid=17029. Again, this is EXACTLY what the listing looked like on the date I tried it. I also tried at least a dozen other items with the "Buy from BN.com" designation on them. NONE OF THEM WORKED. So, I'm asking ONCE AGAIN, give me an example of an item for which the coupon does work.

The promotion was sent to this email address, which IS my login email address, and I DID login before trying the coupon. It says it is for my FIRST order, and this would be my FIRST order. Again, the coupon has expired, so now I can't use it now. I'm very irritated about this, as are other people who have had problems with your coupon codes. For example from YOUR website: http://bookclubs.barnesandnoble.com/t5/Help-Book-Clubs-My-B-N/coupon-code-not-working/td-p/629607.

Corinne Yee

Of course, it is now late in the day on June 21st, and I have not heard back on this. I doubt I will. If I do, I will post it. I bet if I try again later this week, they'll claim they wrote me back today. Bottom line: their customer service stinks. I'm sure you have your own customer service horror stories. I have more for other companies (Qwest stories immediately come to mind). I really don't understand why companies don't have better customer service. That's their front line with the customer, and they should strive to make it as good as possible so customers will continue to come back. As for me, unless they get this code working and extend the deadline for me, I will not order anything from BN.com (ever). I will continue to shop Amazon and Borders (brick and mortar). At least Borders sends me coupons I can use in the store OR on-line, so I've never had this kind of issue with them.

Thank you for reading.

UPDATE 6/24/11: I started following Catherine Coulter on Twitter, and she noticed a mistake in my Tweet (which she had a question about), which set up a dialog being tweeted at BNBuzz (B&N) as well. So, I got a new person to forward the string of emails to. We shall see what happens.

Again, 6/24/11: I received a reply from my Twitter email--Email 7:

Corinne,

Thank you for your email regarding your difficulties trying to use 
coupon code H8X4L4XXAHQ. We do apologize for that. At this point, you 
would not be able to use that promotion yourself. I will, however, 
manually apply the discount to your order; should you still wish to take
advantage of it. After you place your order, please email the order 
information(#, item purchased, etc) to XXX@barnesandnoble.com and I will
make the appropriate adjustment. Below are the details of the promo...

So, I will place an order and send the details to the very nice person who emailed this to me.  I hope all goes well.  Again, I will add updates to this blog when that happens.

6/29/11 UPDATE:

Yesterday I was still confused about what I wanted to buy, so I sent another email just to clear up the question of whether it had to be list price even though the restrictions didn't say so.  The friendly customer service rep who has been helping me from my Twitter post said no.  So, today I posted my order and sent my order number back to him.  He has applied it and I got a confirmation email showing me my final price.  So, I am very grateful to him.

In the future, I must remember social networking is a friend to turn to when you don't get replies from CS in a timely fashion.

Writing in my Head

2011-04-01T12:42:00.000-07:00

How come I can always write better in my head? I often come up with these great blog entries. I come up with them while feeding the baby before bed, while I’m trying to relax to go to sleep, while I’m doing dishes or vacuuming. Yet, even if I go to write them down immediately, it seems that my fingers stumble over the words as I type, and I can never remember the exact way I said it in my head. It is soooooo frustrating, especially since what was in my head often sounded really good.

I keep wishing someone would come up with something you could strap to your head so it would translate your brainwaves to words and type them for you while you are away from your keyboard. Since I come up with some great story ideas and dialogue as I drift to sleep, this would help me out tons! I’d have to make sure to password protect it, though, as I wouldn’t want other people in my house stumbling upon and reading my every thought. And, o f course, this type of thing could be misused so it’d have to be set up with great firewalls and all. But wouldn’t it be nice to be able to get the words you “write” in your head documented immediately? Then you could edit (and delete what you wanted) later.

This could also help in other cases. For example, a woman I know who got out of bed to type in the middle of the night to write, but she didn’t want to wake her husband, so she typed with the monitor off, going by feel. Her fingers were a few keys off—she had a heck of a time trying to make out the jumble the next day. If she could just compose in her head and have the data stored on her computer, she'd have been all set!

“Cheat Proof His Love” Magazine Article—Hey, What Happened to Personal Responsibility?

2011-03-02T13:20:00.001-07:00

So, I was looking at an old Women’s Health (April 2009) that is waiting for the recycling bin, and I saw an article title on the cover: “Cheat-Proof His Love,” and of course this ticked me off because the subliminal message is “it’s your fault if he cheats,” which is total BS. I decided to peak at the article to see if it rang bells, and yes, I had read it before, and had the same thoughts before—that saying that a woman can “cheat-proof” her guy’s love is just ridiculous because it’s not up to you to “prevent” your guy’s cheating. It’s up to him to decide to stay true.

The article’s focus is on newlyweds who cheat, which apparently is a growing trend. It goes on to say that contributing factors include the fact cheating is so prevalent in the headlines and that guys want to see if they’ve made a mistake early on (before kids are involved) and when wives are least suspicious. It then analyzes the reasons men cheat early in marriage and how to “prevent” it. The article talks about issues like serial monogamy leading men to think they can jump ship when the going gets tough (sometimes as a result of cohabitating as a “trial marriage” beforehand), watching porn for the excitement (watch with him to keep him home), the Internet’s making cheating easier, a feeling of huge responsibility falling onto the man after marriage (make sure he knows he’s sexy and appreciated), stale sex (make sure you make sex a priority), and marriage not curing commitment issues (they advise not to marry such a man).

While the things they say contain some truth and have some research to back them up, the main problem I have with the article is that it doesn’t go after the real issue here: only the person who cheats is responsible for the cheating. For me, my husband and I talked before marriage about reasons why people might cheat (to get out of a relationship, because they’re missing something they need, etc.) and how we would work to talk out our problems before the issue became bad enough that we might be tempted to give up on us. We talked about how we would ask to go to couples counseling if we were feeling like our need were not being met or if we were starting to feel like we might want out.

It really bothers me that our society seems to promote the idea that we are NOT personally responsible for our own actions. I think it’s a huge problem in our society today. That magazines have articles like this that shift the blame just appalls me. I find myself very happy that I let my subscription to WH lapse, and I do not intend to renew while they’re publishing junk like this!

Being a Stay-at-Home Parent

2011-02-17T13:16:00.001-07:00

I find that many people who have never done it don’t really have a realistic idea of what being a stay-at-home parent entails. They think they know (I know I did), and in some aspects their conceptions are accurate, but there are other areas where they really have no clue. So, I thought I would share my thoughts based on my experience as a stay-at-home mom.

First, let me tell you that being a stay-at-home mom was never something I expected in life. My mother worked (she was divorced and had to), and I always assumed I’d work. And frankly, I really don’t like to do housework (though baking is great). I wasn’t sure I’d like staying at home, but we could afford it and thought it’d be the best thing for our children. So, I tried it, and, thankfully, I loved it! But there have been some times when it has been very trying. Staying at home is not for everyone. I have friends who tried it and did not like it. However, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

The Good

You set the schedule.

I am, basically, my own boss. Yes, I have to meet the demands of my children, but until my firstborn headed to school, I always got to sleep as late as my little one would let me. Aside from naptimes, I was able to decide when I would run errands. I decide when to get dressed. There is no dress code--in fact, dressing in sloppy clothes is often preferred as clothes tend to get food on them before the day is over.

Fun, fun, fun!

I get to do some REALLY fun things. We go to the pet store or the zoo to look at the animals. We can go shopping. We color and do art projects. We go for walks and go to the park. There is much fun to be had that is also good for your kids.

Those amazing kid moments.

I get to see all the little things the kids do. When you work, you are bound to miss some of the firsts: words, steps, etc. When you stay home with your kids, you get to see most of them (unless you let your spouse take over for a while when they do them). You get to see their little personalities develop; you get to see all the funny little quirks as they develop. You wind up with a lot of funny stories about what they said and did.

Teaching your kids.

You get to teach your kids a ton of little things that make so much difference when they reach school age. When reading to Tink, she would point to words and ask what they said. Or she would ask about a certain letter, and we would talk about what sounds it made. We would think of what other words start with that sound. When she was eating berries and said “I had eight, but now I have seven,” we were able to start her on the road to simple addition and subtraction. We get to play rhyming games. We get to talk about shapes. And best of all, she learns at her own pace. I don’t have to pressure her. I just have to give her opportunities. Of course, she’s in school now and learning in a different way there, but we still take advantage of educational opportunities as they arise at home.

The Bad

Staying at home is not without its drawbacks. And the drawbacks change somewhat depending on the age(s) of your child(ren).

First, there is the housework.

I had imagined I would easily be able to stay on top of the housework. However, the demands of the children make it pretty darn hard.

First, there is the time issue. With infants, if you nurse rather than using formula, they take anywhere from 20 to 45 minutes to feed. And they do this about every two hours. I don’t mean they start two hours after they stopped—they start two hours after the last start time. This means you have at most one hour and forty minutes between to do anything, and since you’re completely exhausted, you need to use at least some of this time to sleep. I tended to try to alternate between sleeping during naps and doing some housework during naps.

As they age, you become less exhausted, but they sleep less and move more, so you can only do housework during their nap or when you can put them somewhere that is very baby proofed AND still in eyesight. Once they start climbing on the furniture, they need to be napping or strapped into their high chair feeding themselves in order for you to be sure they will be safe. Then they stop taking naps. At that point, they can usually be trusted not to do too much to put themselves in danger, so you can try to get things done with them in eyesight, assuming you can get them to busy themselves for a while so you can work (I always try to avoid resorting to the TV, which always works, but it’s not good for them in large doses). Sometimes that can require a good bit of cajoling or else ignoring of their whining and crying while you work. Once they start going to school, you start to get on top of things again. Of course, when I got to this point, I finally got pregnant with number two and had to start all over again. Oh, well.

Second, there is much more mess than you ever had before kids. Let’s just take a look at the kitchen: there are now baby bottles, dropped pacifiers, etc., in addition to yours and your spouse’s dishes. As they age, there are more plates, bowls, cups, and silverware. Plus, kids tend to drop things on the floor, so you may end up needing two or three of any of these items before the meal is finished. After the kids eat, the table is a mess, their chair is a mess, and the floor is probably also a mess. Factor in time to clean all of these things up three times a day. Since you are preparing meals three times a day, you also have all those additional dishes.

And we haven’t even begun to talk about the rest of the house. There is the extra laundry (and a lot of it since kids are messy and may need changing during the day). There is the fact that if you pick up your toddler’s toys, he will follow behind you and pull them all out again. If you vacuum the floor during naptime, your child is sure to find a way to track in some new dirt after naptime. Bath time frequently ends with your wiping water off the floor and nearby walls.

In short, don’t figure your house will be clean just because you stay at home with the kids. Hopefully, once they get in school, your house will truly be clean again, but until then, learn to live with doing the best you can and not having a perfect house.

Toys everywhere.

The older the kids get, the more toys they have. With a lot of diligence, you can teach them to put their toys away by the time they are three or so, but they frequently still need reminders and help with the organizational aspect from time to time. So, no matter how you cut it, you will spend plenty of time picking up toys, tripping on toys, and trying to figure out how to store all of your kids’ toys.

Vacation? Breaks? Ha ha ha ha ha

You don’t get a vacation, ever. Of course, you can have someone watch the kids for a few hours (and even as you enjoy your time away, you will miss them). However, you can’t take, say, a week-long break from your kids--unless, of course, you have someone you trust to take care of your kids 24/7 while you’re away. If your spouse is helpful and willing to take over for a short while when s/he gets home from work, that will give you a short break, but if your spouse has to work late, there goes that little bit of a break. Potty breaks can also be difficult sometimes. When they’re small enough, you can put them in a playpen or do it while they are napping, but there comes a point where your little one is into EVERYTHING and even the most baby proofed area of your house may not be safe for the time it takes you to visit the restroom. In those instances, you have to be creative. I have been known to set my son in the tub next to the shower where I can keep my eye on him. Hey, whatever works, right?

Feeling Isolated and Lacking in Adult Time

Most stay at home parents I know have gone through periods of feeling isolated or of just wanting to be around adults for a while. When you work, you take for granted the being within walking distance of another grown up to talk to about your job. When you stay at home, you have to make an effort to find this kind of interaction. When my daughter was first born, my lifeline was a friend of mine who had a one year old—she would call me at least once a week just to ask how I was doing and to listen to whatever I wanted to talk about. I will ALWAYS be grateful to her for that. Eventually, you learn to find activities where parents bring their children to interact during the day—you go to library story time; you join play groups; you make a lunch date with a friend who will understand when your baby starts fussing; you learn to call friends once in a while just to have contact with someone who knew you before you were “Mommy” (or “Daddy”) all day. But until you figure this out, you can feel so lonely. I honestly sometimes didn’t even realize how lonely and isolated I felt until a friend calls me and I realized how glad I was they did!

There is also the factor that since your family is the central point of your life, sometimes people might get irritated with you for talking about them so much. I remember telling someone close to me “Well, you talk about your family and your work. My kids are my work. Therefore, shouldn’t I get the same time to talk about my kids and parenting as you do about your family and your work combined?”

So, there you have it. Staying at home with your children is a blessing, but it’s not as easy as those who’ve never done it probably think it is. However, I definitely think it's worth it for our family.

The Gift of Parenthood

2011-02-07T16:04:00.003-07:00

To be honest, I was not sure I wanted to be a mother. I always hoped to marry some day. I thought perhaps I would have children, but there were several points in my life where I thought maybe I didn’t want them. By the time I met my husband, I thought I probably wanted one or two, but even when we were trying for our first, I thought I’d be okay if we didn’t wind up being able to have children. Of course, now that I have them, I could not imagine life without them. Funny how that works!

Being a parent has taught me an entirely new way that love manifests itself. As a child, I always knew my parents loved me a lot. Even so, I was SO unprepared for how much love I could feel for one little being! The first time I held each of my children, I was overwhelmed by the love I felt. Even when they are driving me nuts, I’m astounded by how much I love them. There are no words to describe how I feel about my children, but all those stories you hear about parents who say they’d jump in front of a train to save their child are NOT exaggerations.

The best thing about parenting is watching these little creatures who are entirely dependent on you grow and mature and learn to be independent. Every time my little girl learns something new or every time my baby boy accomplishes a new physical feat, I’m so proud and so amazed at how fast they grow.

Watching those young personalities develop is truly amazing. Children see the world through fresh eyes and show us how to appreciate the things we’ve come to take for granted. Their discoveries become my discoveries.

And you know the saying “kids say the darnedest things”? Well, it’s so true, there isn’t a week that goes by that there isn’t something my daughter says that just makes me giggle! I wouldn’t have missed this for the world!

My Doctor the English Professor?

2011-02-03T13:32:00.001-07:00

Have you ever gone to a new doctor only to find that s/he reminds you of someone else and that this resemblance is more than mildly distracting? I’ve had this happen on several occasions.

I had a gynecologist who reminded me of my sixth grade science teacher. Thankfully, the resemblance was passing. Plus, I got pregnant and had to move to an OB, so I no longer and to worry about it.

But then came the dermatologist quest: my wonderful dermatologist left her practice to join a practice closer to her home. I don’t begrudge her this move—nothing wrong with wanting to have more time with your kids, and a long commute makes that hard. However, I sure do miss her. So, I had to choose another doctor from her original practice or find another dermatologist. Since her old practice is close to my daughter’s school, it is in the perfect location. However, the first replacement doctor I chose looked almost exactly like a college English professor I had. On top of that, this doctor had the same type of quirky behavior as my English professor. Now, don’t get me wrong. I respected and admired that professor. She was a great mentor. But having her doppelganger examine my moles was a little too weird. So, I chose yet another doctor.

When I met the latest doctor, I liked her. She was a little more like a motherly type. But she also reminded me a little of my daughter’s art teacher. The resemblance is not quite as close as the previous doctor and the English professor, but it’s enough to make me wonder if my old dermatologist is still on my health plan—maybe I should go further just to avoid being weirded out. But, come to think of it, my original doctor does look a little like my friend from elementary school…

Phone Messages for Non-existent (to me) People

2011-01-20T10:26:00.001-07:00

Tell me, do you have an answering machine or voicemail that clearly states the name(s) of people using your phone number and still receive messages for persons unknown? Because we do (especially on our cell phones), and it’s definitely irritating. I can’t tell you how many times we get messages that say something like “Hi, Blaze. We’re all going to the X Club tonight. Hope to see you there!” Was “Blaze” listed on the answering message? No? Then you HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER!!!!

Are people too lazy to listen to the message? Are they driving and distracted and should not be calling anyhow? Or are they just plain dumb? What the heck? I don’t get it. I mean, if I dial a number, and the message on the other end lists names of people I am NOT calling, then I don’t leave a message, and I try again to see if I misdialed. If I get the same message, I re-check the number. How hard is that?