A Rosee Point Of View on Holiday Depression

The holiday season for most people is a fun time of the year filled with parties, celebrations and social gatherings with family and friends. Most of us, at some time in our lives, have felt depressed around the holidays. For many people, this is a season filled with sadness, self-reflection, loneliness, and anxiety. This happens when our grand holiday expectations collides with the reality of squabbling in-laws, sullen teenagers, disappointing gifts and over-limit credit cards. It also happens as soon as we hear the sound of relatives resuming their old familiar, dysfunctional roles in the family.

So, I wanted to share with you a few ways to overcome holiday depression by adopting a Rosee point of view.

Let’s say you have kids who want their Nintendo Wii, but you can’t find one. Toys R Us is out, because you waited too long. Even if you knew where one was, you’re over the limit because your shopping for kids while your brother is arguing with the courts about as to weather or not those kids are really his. You’re also expected to attend seven parties and two family reunions in the next seven days.  Additionally, your eggnog addiction is making it difficult to sleep because you’re pretty sure that the person you woke up next to you is someone you couldn’t have found attractive unless you were dead drunk.

So what’s a woman to do?

Rosee Question One: What if you don’t get along with your family during the holiday season?

Just loosen your definition of family to include all the people that you can stand. Let’s say you work at a soup kitchen, and the people you serve ask for less money than your brother who only shows up when he needs money. Just assume those homeless people are your brothers for that day and your brother is the homeless man. When your brother calls: tell him, “Can, I call you back on the 26^th, I’m with family now?”

Rosee Question Two: What about over the limit credit cards?

Assume that credit card isn’t over the limit, it’s simply approaching it’s own financial puberty and ready to Discover how to Master it’s own possibilities. When you do that, you’re looking at life from a Rosee point of view.

Rosee Question Three: What if you’re stressed about waiting in lines while shopping this season?

If you’re not comfortable with waiting in lines, bring a list to get people to buy Girl Scout cookies from your daughter. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have a daughter. Just having that list will clear everyone out of the room who doesn’t want to spend $5 for a $1 box of cookies, especially if you’re in line at the grocery store at the time. Then you can move to the front of the line, because the line will be gone.

Rosee Question Four: What if you think you’re drinking too much?

Keep in mind, if everyone who drank too much cut back on the holiday’s there would be a lot work for actresses who specialize in beer commercials. And, I don’t think you can justify doing that in the economy we’re experiencing right now.

Rosee Question Five: What if you’re disappointed with a gift?

Even if it’s just a card that says, “Good for a hug and a kiss;” that gift should be accompanied with a receipt. This serves two purposes. First, it tells the gift-ee where they can trade that gift in for a newer model, or simply to trade it in cash. Everyone likes hugs and kisses; but, in the grand scheme of things, everyone also needs money to eat.

Rosee Question Six: What if you feel like the world is closing in on you?

Just look on the bright side. When the world closes in on you there isn’t as far to walk. And, the more we walk, the more the price of gas will come down. So, if the world is closing in on you, just remember, you’re saving the economy for everyone who still needs to drive.

Rosee Question Seven: What if you’re feeling overwhelmed?

You read about people that accomplish all their goals in the paper, you don’t really meet them in real life. Settle down and stop trying to be a feature news story in the evening press and become a passive reader instead.

Rosee Question Eight: What if you’re not sure if you should visit your parents or your spouses?

Then split the difference and stay home. Tell the folks that holiday sex is more likely if you know your parents are sleeping in the next room. If they argue add, “Then, I guess you don’t want any grandchildren after all.”

Rose Question Nine: What if you’re feeling unloved?

Then go to On Point For Dove dot Com and listen to all 43 episodes. We have more than enough love to go around to meet every listener’s needs. Except for that listener that gave three stars out of five to episode eighteen.

A Rosee Response To The Proof There Is No Santa

Anyhow, this ITT graduate goes on to add, “At an average census rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each house. Why does he divide by 3.5 children? I don’t know anyone who has half a child. And since Mormons and Catholics make up a good deal of the Christian population, the average number of kids per household should really be bumped up to five. Now we’re also assuming that there’s at least one good kid in each household. Doesn’t this mad scientist realize how bad behavior rubs off your siblings? Santa keeps a naughty list. He’s a disciplinarian. That means out of the 66 million homes he could visit [which you get when you divide 333 million kids by 5 kids per household], Santa visits 33 million, or half, at best.

Now, this Suma Cume Laude Scientist asserts that it works out to 967.7 visits per second. He adds that Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park his sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the presents under the tree, climb back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and move onto the next house. Do I need to tell you why this man should never be allowed to do your taxes? First off, he’s starting with the wrong numbers. If you divide 33 million homes by 31 hours, accounting for time zones you realize Santa only visits 1.06 million homes in an hour; 17,666 homes each minute; and 294 homes each second. But that’s not what matters here. Santa hires elves and mall Santas. So clearly he’s not above out sourcing. That means, assuming that Santa has 18 million employees, a number I chose because his operation must be at least as big as Wal-Mart. Of those 18 million, assuming one third are elves, one third are mall Santas and the rest of employees of UPS looking for holiday work on the side: there are six million employees to divide those 33 million visits among.

Here’s where the math guy starts to get absurd. This math a magician assumes that each of Santa’s 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth. So, we’re now talking about a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. Doesn’t this man se where he hath erred? Men don’t take bathroom breaks. I know what you’re thinking all those milk and cookies? Yeah, well Santa feeds the milk to the reindeer and re-gifts the cookies for kids who accidentally go left off his list. Now this man’s logic gets kookie as he assumes that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second or 3,000 times the speed of sound. Where do you think this man studied his aviation facts? If I use my numbers his sleigh is really moving 56 miles per second or 240 times the speed of sound. I’ve driven cars that fast! And what this guy forgets is that it’s a magic sleigh. Pulled by reindeer. That’s like 200,000 horsepower, but with antlers for a little extra kick. The normal laws of physics don’t apply.

Now this mad scientist adds: Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set weights two pounds, the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousands tons, not counting Santa himself. Don’t this man realize that’s why everybody gets gift certificates? When have you ever gotten a gift certificate that weighed two pounds? That’s why naughty kids don’t get coal any more. It weighs the sleigh down. This psychotropic physicist adds that 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second would heat up the reindeer like a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second. This man would be laughed out of any respected physics class. Isn’t it obvious why?

He’s overestimating the force of reentry because he didn’t take the reduced weight of the gift cards into his equation. If the shuttle was carrying gift cards instead of artificial satellites it could do a double back summersault before reentry and not burn up during reentry. In short, this Pulitzer Prize winner for utter nonsense adds, the reindeer would burst all into flames. So, do you see why this isn’t true? Clearly the reindeer are all wearing asbestos vests prepared by NASA. Yes it’s not goof for their lungs. And, it’s part of the reason Rudolph’s nose glows such a bright red. But, despite Osha’s objections it keeps the kids happy 365 days a year.

Finally, our Nobel dumbbell adds as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 miles per hour in .001 seconds, Santa would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. As a result, a 250-pound Santa would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4.3 million pounds of force, instantly crushing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Have you ever heard such a huge leap of logic as you heard there?