When I travel, one of the most frequently asked questions I get is, "Is Portland really like Portlandia?" Yes, yes it is. Portland is an odd little city; in fact, I don't see it as much a city as I do the biggest town in America. Portland is intimately connected with other parts of the country (we seem to have something of an affair going on with Brooklyn), and yet at the same time we're fairly isolated. People think we're close to Seattle, but those same people have never made the schlep up the I-5 – it isn't close. 

The Portland depicted in Portlandia really draws from the heart and the soul of the city and amplifies it cartoon style. You'd think by watching Portlandia that the city is filled with tattooed hipsters who care more about where their food comes from than what they are wearing, who spend their days in coffee shops comparing who is more well read, who obsess over TV shows like Battle Star Galactica, who are allergic to everything, and who frequent bars with drinks so complex and absurd that they need hyphens in their names.

Well, you'd be right. Only, of course, that's just a slice of the city. Portland is simultaneously weird and wired. We're home to Intel, Nike, Columbia Sportswear, Jive Software, Powell’s Books, and Stumptown Coffee. Many of the major iPhone apps get developed in Portland, including ones for Starbucks and Obama. More people are wired and connected here, and technology companies like Google often test market their wares here before rolling them out to the rest of the country.

Yes, Voodoo Doughnuts is cool, but so are the hundreds of other independent restaurants and businesses that exist in the place of the big chains. I dare you to find a TGIFridays within the city limits. It’s just not there.

Portland is an amazing city filled with people who have moved here to find a better life. Yes, we do have our fair share of couch-surfing hipsters, but honestly, they’re here for the same reason, to find a better way.

For a long time I cringed at the jokes at Portlandia, worried that the rest of the world would get the wrong idea about our city, but then I realized it was the right idea: we are a little strange, but only in the best of ways.

Got Pho?

One of the great things about living in Portland is the absolute abundance of fantastic pho restaurants. While Portland gets a lot of attention nationally for places like Pok Pok and Nong's Khao Man Gai (both of which are excellent), it's Portland’s pho that can quickly and easily become a weekly ritual.

Pho is the perfect choice for the long rainy days that accompany the end of winter. Pho also works just about as well as Grandma's chicken soup for squashing those change of season colds.

With so many pho restaurants in Portland, I thought I'd make my way through the major ones in a series of meals I could only call Pho-A-Palooza.

One of my first stops is Got Pho? on NE Sandy Blvd. It's one block up from where NE Sandy and NE Broadway intersect, and if you weren't looking for Got Pho? you'd easily miss it. It's located in a tiny strip mall right across from the I-84 freeway on-ramp.

The restaurant is very spacious and can easily accommodate large parties. The pho here is on the lighter side than some of the other pho options in Portland. The quality of meat is always excellent and the amount of meat they give you is fairly good. Large bowls are $7.75 but I’ve always found their small bowl, priced at $6.75, to do the trick. One of the things that really stands out about Got Pho? is their extremely affordable kids options. For $2, your kids can get a big bowl of broth and noodles, which is an absolute steal and it means you don’t have to share.

Got Pho? also serves complimentary tea with the meal, something I always appreciate. In addition to pho they have excellent bahn mi, also very well priced at just $3.99 a sandwich.

Got Pho? is one of my "go to" pho spots, thanks to their great tasting, lighter broth pho with good quality meat in a nice light and open restaurant. When people ask, Got Pho?, my answer is always a resounding YES!

gotphoonline.com/
3634 NE Sandy Blvd.
Portland, OR 97232
(503) 232-4888

Pantera Cello Project

File this under "Things that make Portland great." The Portland Cello Project has made a name for themselves by mixing classical cello music with cello compositions of modern and pop music. They've toured with groups you'd never associate with cellos, including Buckethead, Alexi Murdoch, and Thao with the Get Down Stay Down.

On February 27th, the Portland Cello Project became the Pantera Cello Project for a single night to celebrate the 20th anniversary of Pantera's iconic album, Vulgar Display of Power. The Cello Project arranged the entire Vulgar Display of Power album for cellos and then played it live in its entirety to a packed house at the Wonder Ballroom.

It's mind-blowing to think that a group of cellists could translate the power chords of Pantera to be played on cellos, but the Portland Cello Project did it amazingly. Perhaps the most difficult to translate are the solos from Darrell "Dimebag" Abbott, a task which was tackled by several different soloists throughout the night.

The evening moved between the project replicating the intensity of Pantera's better known songs from the album, including Walk, This Love, and F'ing Hostile and finding its own voice with some of Pantera’s more melodic songs like By Demons Be Driven, and Hollow, which was simply haunting.

The Portland Cello Project stated that they won't repeat the performance and that it was a one time event, although they've been known to play "Mouth for War" at some of their other performances.

The Portland Cello Project has posted their dates for their national tour, which includes shows on April 13 & 14th in Portland. I will absolutely not miss it.

Here's the Pantera Cello Project doing "Fucking Hostile" by Pantera

Float On Portland (photo: Aaron Cushman)

One of the great things about Portland is the abundance of wellness options available.  Portland has an incredibly high ratio of acupuncturists, massage therapists, and naturopaths per capita than almost any other city. It's in this wellness-rich enviroment that a business like Float On could not only exist, but thrive.

Float On provides flotation tanks that let you float weightlessly on a high concentration of epsom salt water (more than 3x the density of the Dead Sea) in an environment that is complete dark and silent. As you walk into the lobby of Float On, there are huge piles of epsom salt, stacked almost like sandbags at the edge of a river. Christopher Messer, one of the owners of Float On, points to a large pile and says, "It takes all this salt to fill one tank."

Flotation tanks aren't a new concept and there have been a number of them in Portland, but Float On is one of the few places that focus exclusively on these flotation tanks. Float On has been open in its SE Hawthorne location for over a year, and I had been aware of it for some time. But to be quite honest, dark, tight spaces scare the crap out of me, so even though I was curious to give it a try, I was reticent to actually take the plunge.

After perusing their site and hearing some very positive feedback from friends, I decided that it was time to set my fears of small spaces aside and go see what floating is all about. My only real exposure to flotation tanks was via the movie "Altered States" (something that almost always gets sited when talking about flotation tanks). The Float On site even makes reference to the film in their faq. I can safely say that "Altered States" is a wonderful piece of sci-fi and has absolutely nothing to do with the floating experience.

I made my float appointment online about a week in advance. Float On is so popular that they tend to be booked at least three days out, so walk-in appointments are very hard to come by. When I arrived I was met by co-owner Ashkahn Jahromi, who happily greeted me by name and welcomed me to Float On. Float On has a number of different kinds of tanks and I booked the "Ocean Tank," which is taller and more spacious than the other tanks.

After a quick tour and orientation, I showered off, stepped into the tank, and hit the little button on the wall that turned off a small blue light that illuminates the tank between floats.  The tank is situated in a private room with a shower. You're given the option of wearing ear plugs (which they provide), but there's nothing you really need to bring or do to float. When I first turned off the light switch, I was struck by the sheer darkness. We are so rarely in a space that is truly pitch black, so the experience can be slightly disorienting.

The physicality of floating is very easy: you don't really need to do anything, you just lie back and float. The water is so dense with salt that it could be better described as liquid salt than water. At first I was aware that I could hear people out in the lobby talking and other ambient noise. Then I realized that I was keeping my head up and ears above the water.  My heart was beating pretty quickly and my breathing was pretty heavy, but as I lay my head back and reminded myself that the door was inches away from my hand, I began to relax.

Once my head was fully back, water came into my ears, obliterating all the ambient noise I was hearing. All I could hear was my heart beating (and it was beating fast). It took about five minutes to really settle in and stop worrying. Once I did, my float really began.

Our day-to-day lives are so full of stimulation and thought. From our iPhones, laptops, computers, televisions, coffee shops, grocery stores, and restaurants, there are few places where we aren't immersed in some form of stimulation. Inside the flotation tank, all that stimulation is gone. It's like watching a loud action film on a big screen TV and having the power go out. There's a moment where you can feel the lingering impact of the stimulation as it begins to fade from your system. This is what happens inside the tank.

As you float, there's absolutely nothing to do. You don't need to think about anything, do anything, or say anything. There's no one there to share the experience with or "like" on Facebook. It's just you and the darkness, which honestly, after getting used it, feels pretty damned good. I had heard some anecdotal stories of other people's experience inside the tanks, but for me it wasn't some sort of grand head trip. I didn't have demons to excise or anything more than just enjoy being completely relaxed and relieved of the burden of everything in my life.

I did have a few interesting experiences in the tank. About midway through (I say that as an approximation, as there's no way to mark the time in the tank), I felt like I had floated in a direction opposite to the way the tank is. I knew intellectually it was impossible, but it still felt that way. I also had a lot of random thoughts float by. In the tank it's easy not to feel like you've got to pay attention to anything, so when a thought about a good friend who does tea popped in my head, I noted it and it moved along.

In all, the floating experience was marked by its uneventfulness, and blissfully so. The end of my time was marked by soft music piped into the tank, a gentle way to return from the nothingness. As I got out of the tank, I realized how relaxed every piece of my body had become and it took a little while for me to get stable footing and get into the shower. After showering off the salt, I dried off and got dressed. I was greeted in the lobby by Ashkahn and Christopher, both of whom asked me about my float and made sure everything was to my liking. I was invited to have some tea and chill in the lobby, munching on some fresh baked goods.

After my float I needed a short bit of time to slowly re-enter life. It was great to sit and sip tea as a buffer between the flotation tank and the outside world. As I was about to leave, Christopher remarked, "You should feel the effect of the float for a few days, so enjoy the rest of your float." He was right. The rest of the day I was more relaxed than I had been in years, and that night I slept better than I can remember. I found for a few days after I was more relaxed and less stressed about the things in my life that are stressful.

Ultimately I found that nothing is really something, and Float On delivers this nothingness better than anyone.

Float On – 4530 Southeast Hawthorne Boulevard Portland, OR 97215 (503) 384-2620

Rob Zombie in Portland Hell on Earth Tour

Metal has really languished as a category over the past few years, as the heyday of metal has seemingly come and gone.   After the death of Dimebag Darryl from Pantera and Metallica's overly touchy feely "metal bands have relationship issues, too" docu-drama, the golden era of metal ended with both a bang and a wimper.

While metal may not enjoy the popularity it once had, loyal fans still head bang and spin around the mosh pit to their favorite band. As with a lot of other music genres, major acts come together and tour in shows that bring together some of the best bands in the genre for an evening of entertainment. Thus is the Hell on Earth Tour with Exodus, Rob Zombie, and Slayer, which made one of its final stops at the Memorial Coliseum. While the coliseum wasn't packed, the energy and enthusiasm of the crowd (especially for Slayer) made up for the less-than-full auditorium.

Opening act Exodus was a sonic assault (in a good way) from the start. With two base guitarists, lead guitarist, and drummer, Exodus pumped it out so hard that the coliseum shook to its foundation.  Exodus barely let up with their deep power chords, pounding beats, and shrieking vocals. Lead singer Rob Dukes tried to direct the crowd into an enormous mosh pit. The result was a whirlpool of people in the center of the coliseum.  After the standout performance of The Toxic Waltz, Dukes divided the floor into two, yelling, "I want everyone on this side to fucking kill everyone on that side. Hold…, hold…, hold…, GO!" The floor exploded.  It was a short but solid set from Exodus.

Next up was Rob Zombie who put on a set with probably the biggest use of fire I've seen in a concert. He began his set by emerging from a giant burning robot and never let up.  Zombie used almost every form of pyrotechnic possible, from fire jets, explosions, fireworks, pillars of fire – any and every way you could present fire.  All this fire was mixed with an array of video screens, including a strip across the front of the stage that Rob Zombie performed on.

Zombie has a unique sensibility that is decidedly cinematic.  His numbers are often backed by old horror flicks, Japanese anime, serial killers, and just odd imagery. Zombie also seems to love gigantic dancing robots and skeletons.  During More Human Than Human, a giant robot boogied on stage and a trio of Grim Reapers danced their way through several numbers.

Just when you think Rob Zombie has pulled out all the stops, he does more . On the standout number Pussy Liquor, the stage is covered in bubbles. Zombie's music ranges from the full throttle assault to a more southern twang infused metal. These two come together best in Thunder Kiss ’65, Rob Zombie's standout hit. Like most artists who have to play a song over and over and over for years, Rob Zombie didn't seem as enthusiastic about Thunder Kiss as he did some of his other songs, but it still was a high point of the night.  Zombie's set ended with his Werewolf Women of The SS trailer that he did for Grindhouse.

Compared to Rob Zombie's elaborate staging, Slayer seemed extremely stripped down. Instead of a wall of video screens, they were backed by a huge wall of amplifiers. Where Rob Zombie delivered visually, Slayer delivered sonically with a bone shaking assault. Rather than constantly interacting with the audience, like Rob Zombie did, Tom Araya only occasionally interrupted Slayer's wall of sound to briefly say a word or two to the audience.

Slayer quintessentially defines ultra hard rock with unbelievably fast beats and chords. They are considered one of the Big Four  thrash metal acts (along with Metallica, Megadeth, and Anthrax) who have defined the category. Slayer is the music that head banging was invented for. If heavy metal is long past its golden years, Slayer never got the memo. Playing as hard and fast as ever, Slayer barely paused during their set to take a breath.  It's almost unfathomable that a band that has been around this long could rock so hard and fast, and mind blowing that at 50, Tom Araya can still play and sing with the speed and intensity that he does.

There were a few standouts to the Slayer set, one being War Ensemble, which sounded so perfect and powerful live that it stands as the answer to the question 'why go see heavy metal live'.   The guitar work on Dead Skin Mask was also a real stand out, as the song shows off the real range of Slayer, and of course Raining Blood sounded as amazing as always. I'm always blown away that anyone can actually play Raining Blood as it's so fast and complex that it's a feat to see it performed.

I can understand why Metal Gods Slayer headlined the Hell on Earth Tour, but perhaps switching the order around and having Rob Zombie finish off the night may have been a better choice.  Musically, Slayer ruled the night, but Rob Zombie's stage show was beyond impressive.  Slayer's stripped down staging was prefect for them but suffered in contrast with Zombie.

In all it was a great night of entertainment, and a yelling, screaming, bone-shaking reminder that even though metal may not be in its golden age, it isn't dead yet.

Mary Poppins Broadway Musical in Portland

Mary Poppins is one of Disney's most successful and iconic movie musicals, featuring a number of unforgettable songs and a story that has easily withstood the test of time.  It's slightly head-scratching given this that Cameron Macintosh, famed producer of mega hits like Cats, Les Miserables and Phantom of The Opera, would want to mess with something that already works so well.

The stage adaptation of Mary Poppins is one part re-imaging and one part preserving the classic film. It's a mix of the elements from the film we know and love, and new songs and material that has been added in to expand the film into a Broadway musical.  The problem, though, is that the film didn't really need much expanding; running close to two and a half hours, if the movie version of Mary Poppins ever had any real issue, it was that it's a little long for younger kids.

The Broadway musical rendition of Mary Poppins expands to nearly three hours (with an intermission), with songs and scenes that just aren't necessary.  I'm not a 'Mary Poppins purist', and recognize that some elements simply have to change in the adaptation. Perhaps the subplot of Winifred Banks and her push for the woman's suffrage movement might be more lost on modern audiences than when the movie first premiered.  Yet some of the things which are added to the mix do very little to improve the Mary Poppins experience, and two songs in particular, "Playing The Game" and "Brimstone and Treacle," actually do a slight disservice to the show.

Only one of the new songs, "Practically Perfect", an expansion of the famous way in which Mary Poppins refers to herself, really seems to feel like it could have come from the same source as the original movie.  In addition to the new songs, a few significant changes have been made that just don't work.  One of the most famous songs from Mary Poppins, "A Spoon Full of Sugar," gets pulled completely out of the context of the story and placed into a scene that is extraordinarily cartoony.  While the scene itself was fun, the whole context for the song is lost and it's meaning gets extremely diluted.

Aside from "A Spoon Full of Sugar", most of the classic Mary Poppins songs do find new life and energy on stage.  The segment for "Jolly Holiday" (where statues stand in for the film's animated penguins), is an absolute spectacle. The crescendo of the number is exceptional and shows the real possibility for adapting this beloved movie musical to the stage. The same rings true for "Supercalifragisticexpialidocious" which gets the most benefit from the re-imaging than any other number in the show. It's transformed into an absolute show stopper and highlight of the production.

I also really enjoyed how Bert's role was expanded and recast as a narrator. He is the real glue that holds everything together, even when the show gets off course.  The show really seems to get off course at the end of the first act with the number "The Game", a clunky and slightly mean segment where Jane and Michael's toys come to life and complain about being mistreated. It's a fairly dark number and the tone just doesn't match the core of Mary Poppins. It's also one of the few things in the show that younger kids might find fairly disturbing – something that simply wasn't a part of the movie.

The start of the second act also has some serious issues with the addition of an 'evil' nanny called Miss Andrews.  Aside from the fact that using the name "Miss Andrews" associated with Mary Poppins is extremely loaded, the character of Miss Andrews is simply awful and the number that finds her trying to force feed the kids some nasty medicine while singing "Brimstone and Treacle" just plain sucks. The end of the scene also finds Mary Poppins acting in a very un-Mary Poppins way. The entire sub-plot could have been easily dropped and the show would have only benefitted from its absence.

By the time we reach "Step in Time", all the shows faults and mis-steps are forgotten and forgiven. The number is a grand spectacle in the film, and it's energy and excitement are captured and enhanced on stage. If you've ever wondered why people love Mary Poppins, a few minutes of "Step in Time" will quickly show you why. It's everything a great musical number should be, and with a few nice surprises it feels as fresh and new as when the movie first premiered.

The staging for Mary Poppins is pretty spectacular. The sets and transition between scenes are so well crafted and executed that it raises the bar for what's possible on stage with a touring company. The production as a whole felt more like an actual Broadway show rather than a lesser touring version. While some performers play multiple rolls, there never felt like a shortage of people on stage and the ensemble numbers filled the stage from end to end. I don't know how they did it, but the production also managed to overcome the long standing acoustical issues of the Keller. Every note was perfectly clear, and it rates by far the best sounding thing I've seen in the venue.

The performances in Mary Poppins The Broadway Musical were also top notch.  Dick Van Dyke's shoes are impossible to fill as Bert and I appreciate that Nicholas Dromard doesn't try. Instead he manages to make the role his own and gives a very strong performance rather than a strong imitation. On the evening I saw the performance, Michael Dean Morgan played the role of George Banks. Morgan is the understudy for the role, but he gives one of the strongest performances of the night. Morgan captures the essence of George Banks both in words and in song, and it doesn't hurt that he looks and sounds a lot like David Tomlinson.

While I thought Blythe Wilson did a solid job in her performance, I didn't like the tone she brought to the role of Winifred Banks. In the film, Winifred is slightly loopy and even a little ditzy. This helps lighten some of the more tense scenes between George and the children. Blythe Wilson plays the role dead seriously and this brings a weight and almost morose seriousness to some of the more dramatic scenes, a note that just doesn't fit well with the production. Of the children, Tyler Merna as Michael is the much stronger performer of the two and does an excellent job with the role.

When it comes to Mary Poppins The Broadway Musical, it's lead actress Steffanie Leigh who is practically perfect in every way. Her performance of Mary Poppins is one of the strongest of any Broadway touring company and perhaps any performer I've seen on stage in Portland. Leigh is simply captivating. Of all the original movie performers, it would be Julie Andrews, who is so closely associated with the role of Mary Poppins, whose shoes would be the most difficult to fill. Steffanie Leigh tackles this challenge with ease, and instead of trying to live in Julie Andrews' shadow, she captures the absolute essence of Mary Poppins and performs it….perfectly. Mary Poppins The Broadway Musical is worth seeing if for no other reason than to see Steffanie Leigh perform.

The musical adaptation of Mary Poppins isn't perfect – many of the new songs and numbers don't work, and it feels a little long especially for the youngest fans. But what does work, works extremely well. In an era where so many existing movies are getting adapted into Broadway musicals, the adaptation of Mary Poppins actually makes sense. Numbers like "Supercalifragisticexpialidocious" and "Step in Time" are strong arguments for bringing the magic off the screen and onto the stage. Had Cameron Macintosh and company stuck with the original material and this staging, they could have had one of the best productions to hit Broadway in years. As it stands, warts and all, it's still an extraordinarily enjoyable and entertaining show that will undoubtedly make a star out of Steffanie Leigh.

Mary Poppins The Broadway Musical in Portland runs at The Keller Auditorium June 22 – July 10th. Tickets start at $26 and can be purchased here.

I'm Britney, Bitch!

"I'm Britney, bitch." Yeah, but is that enough?

After a very full evening of entertainment, including a fantastic set by Nicki Minaj, I find myself wondering if a grand spectacle is reason enough to go see someone live in concert.

Nervo

The evening began with two cute blonde Australian girls who together make up the duo Nervo.  They spent twenty minutes behind a mixing deck, playing extremely well mixed songs.  The simplicity of the duo was a stark contrast to the absolute spectacle which would ultimately follow. It seemed odd to have a DJ duo open for such a major tour, but the two were so infectiously cute and happy that it was a delight to watch them as they spun.

The same unfortunately couldn't be said for Jessie and The Toy Boys, who thankfully only played for fifteen minutes. Jessie and The Toy Boys is a group of one blonde gal and two awkward dancers who painfully lip-synched to absolutely un-original and completely derivative music, with songs like "We Own The Night", "Money Makes The Girl Go" and "Push It".  The set was a little bit of a train wreck that had nothing to really anchor it.

Nicki Minaj

The evening really got going with Nicki Minaj, who took the stage and treated it like she was the headliner. Minaj's hour-long set traversed the wide range of musical styles that Nicki Minaj is capable of.  From the sharp rap in "Did It On'em" to the more lyrical and ballady "Save Me", Minaj showed her immense versatility. This versatility makes her a frequent collaborator of many of the top pop acts recording now (including Britney Spears, but we'll get to that later).  While Minaj is extremely strong on stage, there often feels like there's something missing.  On the song "Fly," we hear more of Rihanna pre-recorded than we do of Minaj, and the same is true for the Flo Rida / David Guetta song "Where Them Girls At".  But Nicki Minaj seems unfazed singing along to these tracks and manages to transition from these sing-alongs to songs where she is the main focus with ease.

On stage Nicki Minaj is absolutely dynamic. Her playful manner and bright smile permeate throughout all she does.  With her set she creates a futuristic world with an arch rival named Nemesis.  This theme is the glue between her songs and elevates her set to an 'experience' and not just a performance.  One of the things that is so impressive about Nicki Minaj is that she manages to throw down some serious raps without being so damn serious. There's a quiet confidence that she seems to have that elevates her rap and makes it much more fun and approachable.  This was most palpable with her performance of "Moment 4 Life" which really showcases her absolute raw talent.  She closed her set with "Super Bass", her current hit, which was extremely well received and showed her massive crossover potential. I doubt we'll see Nicki Minaj be an opener again – she's clearly destined to be a feature performer and destined for great success.

After Nicki Minaj's set there was a sizable break (a whopping 45 minute intermission), which ended up being a good thing as Minaj's set was so full that it would have been too much to then roll right into Britney Spears' set.

The Grand Spectacle of Britney Spears Femme Fatale Tour

Britney Spears Femme Fatale set started with a bang. Huge video screens showed high definition clips of Britney breaking out of prison and being chased by cops.  The production values of the clips were top notch and it built to a grand entrance by Britney who flew in on a platform (one of many times she'd be flown, wheeled, carted and pushed around the stage). Her opening number "Hold it Against Me" was a full-on assault of lights, smoke and sound.  This level of high octane staging and lighting would continue the entire set, and so would Britney Spears' lip-synching.

From a staging point of view, this song, like many which followed it, was outstanding.  With fifteen or so dancers, huge video screens which moved and shifted and more props than you could imagine being crammed into an evening of music, Britney's set was nothing short of a grand spectacle.  The only problem was that Britney wasn't much more than a prop herself.

Britney established herself over twelve years ago with a very specific 'jail bait' sexual brand that she has tried to maintain over the years. She managed to maintain this image through about 2003 (which came to an apex with her legendary kiss with Madonna  at the 2003 Video Music Awards).  In 2004 she got married (a couple of times), messed up her knee, and settled down to have a family.  Now in 2011, the person who used to be that young, sexy teen idol is gone, and what's in her place is a thirty year old mom who has been through a lot of personal trials and come out the other side.  Unfortunately Britney doesn't seem to quite embrace who she has become, and the result is difficult to watch.

One Unfortunate Costume, MILF Trying To Look Like A Teen

From jailbait, Britney has transitioned into MILF, but onstage she tries very hard to look, dance and move like she is still that younger version of herself. Her outfits are nothing short of unflattering and only enhance the womanly changes that time and having children will bring.  Britney is extremely stiff and stilted through many of her dance numbers, all of which seem to want to suggest something that's no longer there.  The toughest aspect of Britney's performance, though, is the pervasive lip synching that permeates almost every number of the show. The lip synching is so bad, at one point Britney mistakenly synchs the chorus of a song rather than the lead vocal.

Britney does actually sing for one song during her set, as she grabs a microphone and tries to belt out "Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know." It's an absolute train wreck of a song with Britney being slightly off key.

At this point you'd think the entire purpose of this review was to criticize Britney, but that's not so.  Rather than rooting against her, I found myself rooting for her, hoping that in the next number somehow she'd find her rhythm, or embrace who she now is, but in many ways that seems to be out of her hands. Britney spends most of the concert being carted around, lifted in the air or even carried. She seems like a prop because she's treated like one.  The producers of this spectacular show always seem to want to have Britney sit, perch or strap in to some sort of contraption.

As many issues as Britney has, the show itself somehow almost manages to transcend them.  Each song is supported by a stage show that is so wonderfully over the top, you can't help but be entranced. From lifting and spinning sections of the stage, to driving cars and motorcycles in for songs, the stakes for what could happen on stage kept getting bigger and bigger.  This was alway accompanied with lighting and video screens that were absolutely top notch.

With the song "Big Fat Bass," the integration between Britney and Will.I.Am (who appears and sings on high def video screens) was one of the best solutions to the common problem of songs that feature artists who simply can't be live in concert to sing along.  "Big Fat Bass" was an absolute high point of the show and hinted at what's possible when you artfully marry live performance with pre-recorded video.

Until The World Ends - 'Encore'

Also the 'encore' performance of "Till the World Ends" was a clear indication that Britney still has the capacity to produce clear hits and both captivate and engage an audience. The performance of "Till the World Ends" also showed everything that was wrong with the Femme Fatale Tour. The staging of "Till the World Ends" is so focused on flash and pyrotechnics that it completely misses the point of the song and the opportunity to really engage the audience. The song has a clear call to pull the live audience in and capture the magic of what live performance is about, but it so clearly misses it.  Then, what happens towards the end of the song is almost beyond belief. About three quarters through the song, Britney yells, "Remix, Nicki Minaj" and appropriately the crowd goes wild. Nicki Minaj then appears on the video screens behind Britney singing a pre-recorded video. What?! Huh?! Did we miss something? Wasn't Nicki Minaj just the opening act? How in the world can she not be brought on stage to sing the very thing that they are showing as pre-recorded?

And then it all becomes clear. The Britney Spears Femme Fatale Tour is not live music. It's not even really a concert. It's a very tightly controlled and highly scripted spectacle, starring Britney Spears (sort of). It's lots of lights, sounds and dancing to the pre-recorded track of Britney's music. And for some that may be enough. But it shouldn't be enough for Britney, who is clearly better than this. With "Till the World Ends" and to some extent "Hold It Against Me," Britney has shown that she still has more to offer musically, that she could embrace the fact that she's pushing thirty, been through hell and keeps on fighting. Instead, she allows herself to become a fairly stiff prop in a spectacle where she is nothing more than a bit player.

(photos courtesy of BritneySpears.com)

WeirDass: Bob Dassie and Stephnie Weir

Improvisational theater involves the art of creating live theater without preset scenes, characters, props or a script. It's a distant cousin to sketch comedy, which is written and can be seen on shows like Saturday Night Live and MADtv (although to complicate things, some sketch work starts out in improv). Improvisational theater (or improv for short) is an amazingly difficult craft, and when it's done well, the result can be some of the funniest and most 'alive' theater you can see.

WeirDass, the husband and wife team of Bob Dassie and Stephnie Weir, are extremely well known within the improv world for their dynamic, detailed and hilarious performances. Together they've performed at some of the top improv venues in the world, including the venerable Improv Olympics in both Chicago and Los Angeles, and the UCB (Uprights Citizen Brigade) Theater in New York.

Stephnie Weir is an alumni of the legendary Second City and was a cast member on MADtv from 2000-2006, and Bob Dassie worked with the Improv Olympics, performed at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe with Baby Wants Candy (a fully improvised musical) along with 30 Rock's Jack McBrayer and can be seen on HBO's "Funny or Die Presents…" starring in "Carpet Bros." along with Tim Meadows, David Spade and Will Farrell.  Needless to say, both collectively and individually, these two have extremely impressive resumes.

The Curious Comedy Theater show is a very rare Northwest appearance for WeirDass, something that hasn't happened since we've been following improv and something that probably won't happen again any time soon.  The duo have fairly young kids and so they generally perform together as WeirDass only in their home town of Los Angeles.

Since every show is completely different, it's difficult to review one night over another. We attended the Friday show where the duo worked an evening of improvisational theater off the suggestion "Don't step in dog poo", the response from an audience member for a request for advice a parent would give their kids as they grow up.   What followed was a series of thematically connected scenes that riffed mostly on the subject of relationships and dogs and everything in between.

The opening was a beautifully paced and executed faux documentary-style interview of two roommates discussing their attempts to find the right dog to fit their needs – mostly meeting men.  "If a man loves a dog, than he'll love women. We did the math and it works", proclaims Stephnie's character, "We can show you the work", instantly replies Bob. Throughout this scene, and much of the show, the duo effortlessly complement each other. The humor of WeirDass is rarely forced and often feels entirely natural, almost accidental. At times it's hard to imagine that what we're watching isn't scripted .  Stephnie and Bob seem so comfortable in their characters and the humor that they are free to pay attention to the even the tiniest of details.

One of the highlights of the show was a scene that takes place in a restaurant bathroom.  Stephnie's character is caught in a stall without toilet paper and desperately tries to convince Bob's character to help her out.  The humor in this scene comes from the finest of details as Bob's character spools mounds of paper to give to Stephnie and then Stephnie attempts to re-spool it in her stall.  There's an almost savant-like way that these two seem to be completely aware of  what the other is doing on stage and where the scene is headed.  The result is an amazing mix of physical, situational and verbal humor.

The show winds in and out of different scenes and characters, each feeling like it contains a thread from what we've seen prior. While generally playing things more down to earth and 'real' with WeirDass, Stephnie Weir did get an opportunity to play a fairly over the top and outlandish character, reminiscent of some of the work she did on MADtv. It was fun to see her play on a number of different levels, including a brief but fun, way over the top character. Bob Dassie is the master of the perfect comment and throughout the set he often said or did the tiniest thing that was simply hilarious.

What makes the WeirDass show so amazing is that in addition to an evening of top humor, you also get an evening of actual theater.  Although there's no script, Stephnie and Bob manage to create, on the spot, compelling characters, story lines and themes that are entertaining to watch outside of their humorous value.  It truly is improv at its very best.

Here's a video clip of WeirDass from the 2007 Vancouver Improv Festival, which gives you a good idea of just how amazingly funny and inventive this improv duo is.

WeirDass performs at the Curious Comedy Theater on Saturday, June 18 at 8pm. Tickets are $12 in advance or $15 at the door. This is a show not to be missed.

One Night With Janis Joplin

The concept behind Portland Center Stage's production of One Night With Janis Joplin is a good one: bring the Janis Joplin concert experience back on stage and give modern audiences a taste of what it was like to see her in concert. Unfortunately, the production, created, written and directed by Randy Johnson, is one big hot mess.  Johnson has a fairly impressive resume with a number of other stage music re-experiences including Elvis The Concert, Always Patsy Cline, and Conway Twitty – The Man The Music and The Legend. Johnson also has extensive experience directing actual concerts and tours. All this experience, however, doesn't result in a good show.

One Night With Janis Joplin suffers on a number of fronts.  The first and most serious issue with the show is an absolutely horrible script.  The play never can make up its mind if it's a singular concert experience or a journey through Janis Joplin's life. Many of the monologues that happen between or during songs are just one step up from ramblings. In the first act many of these monologues focus on "The Blues" and the other artists who influenced Joplin. Johnson seems obsessed with these influences and at times the show feels like it's more an essay on The Blues than a show about Joplin herself.  This obsession manifests itself in the creation of another character who wanders in and out of the show, 'The Blues Singer'.  This character comes on stage to represent many of the women who influenced Janis Joplin's music. The role is voiced wonderfully by Sabrina Elayne Carten, whose rendition of classic Nina Simone, Bessie Smith and Aretha Franklin songs are some of the absolute highlights of the show.Almost half the songs sung in the first act involve or are sung by The Blues Singer, and while I really enjoyed those songs, they often felt like a detour from the core show.  Another issue with The Blues Singer is that Sabrina Elayne Carten is a much better singer than Cat Stephani, who plays Janis Joplin, and the two simply don't sing well together.  In the first act the two duet at the end of the Bessie Smith song "Nobody Knows When You're Down and Out" and it's the absolute worst moment in the show.

Cat Stephani isn't horrible as Janis Joplin, she just isn't great.  For most of the show, Stephani is doing an impersonation of Joplin. With a lot of focus on her mannerisms and moves, Stephani seems very self aware while performing the role. But Stephani rarely crosses the line between impersonating Joplin to really embodying her. Vocally Stephani has solid skills, but the raspy rough notes which are a trademark of Joplin seem to really elude Stephani.  She's too clean, too polished and seems to be more comfortable with Joplin's ballad "A Woman Left Lonley" than songs like "Try (A Little Bit Harder)".  Stephani seems to lack the real passion and heart which defined Joplin, and she often mistakes being loud for being soulful.  It's kind of ironic how much time is spent with Joplin talking about the heart and soul of the blues, and Stephani's performance really lacks it.  Ironically it's in one of the songs that thrust Janis Joplin into popularity, the "Big Mama" Thorton song "Ball and Chain" which Joplin performed at the famed Monterey Pop Festival, that Stephani really nails it.  It's on this one song that we see the potential of both Stephani and the show itself. But as soon as the show feels like it's going to peak, the song is abruptly interrupted by a rambling monologue. It's a moment that exemplifies just how bad Randy Johnson's script is.

As poor and jumbled as Randy Johnson's script is, the back-up band, an eight piece blues band, is absolutely superb.  The band transitioned between songs like the high energy rock "Piece of My Heart" to the quiet and soulful "Today I Sing The Blues" without skipping a beat.  It's to the band that I give a lot of the credit for holding this mess together.

Ultimately, a show like this really depends on the person playing the iconic figure, and while Cat Stephani may physically resemble Janis Joplin at times, she really lacks the magnetism that made Joplin who she was.  Joplin was passionate, wild, unrestrained and had an extremely distinct and rough voice.  Stephani is too composed, too polished and too restrained. She seems resistant to dirtying up her high notes and giving the music the gravely texture which defined Janis Joplin's music. Even with an absolute ringer for Joplin, One Night With Janis Joplin still wouldn't be a fantastic evening of theater. Randy Johnson has lost sight of the story he's trying to tell with the piece and we come away with only a slightly greater sense of who Janis Joplin really was.  It's also a really sanitized version of who she was, as very little of the drug culture that Joplin was immersed in is ever referenced, and her tragic death at age 27 is only hinted at in the end with "I'm Gonna Rock My Way To Heaven".

One Night With Janis Joplin runs at Portland Center Stage May 24-June 26 (with the June 9, 12, 18, and 25 shows featuring the understudies in the main roles).

Louis CK

"I know that things will probably never get better than this and I'm ok with that" – it wasn't a boastful exclamation from one of the hottest contemporary comedians, but more an admission that Louis CK's popularity is unusually strong. With his self titled show a hit on FX and concert film "Louis CK: Hilarious" making the rounds online,  Louis CK has built a very strong following, putting him on par with many of the top stand-up comedians performing today. Selling out two back-to-back shows at the Aladdin Theater in Portland, Louis CK  tickets sold for hundreds of dollars on Craigslist and had people waiting in line around the block from the Aladdin Theater.

Louis CK's charm is that he simply isn't charming.  Most comedians want to connect with their audience, compliment their city and make them feel welcome.  Louis CK dispels all this pretense and simply says what he thinks and what he feels.  This naked approach results in a show that is constantly fresh and alive.   I've seen much of Louis CK's work, including his entire series and recent concert film, and the set he did at the Aladdin didn't repeat a single joke from any of it.  To have an entire show of completely new material is a real delight, and some jokes, including a riff on Sarah Palin, seemed to come right off the cuff during the set.

What I love most about Louis CK is his unflinching look at the human condition.  He never seems to feel the urge to pretty anything up; instead, he celebrates the ugly and uncomfortable, the absurdity in topics like hitting middle age, being a divorced dad, and raising children.  Louis CK hit home runs with lines like, "If you're a parent and have never given your children the finger behind their back, you aren't really a parent" and "If you are twenty, there's no possible way you have anything interesting to say. Your parents moved once and you went to school, that's about it".

Some of Louis CK's funniest material actually came at the beginning of the night from backstage as he put on a mush-mouthed voice and told people not to text or twitter during the show. It was a fun rambling bit that drew explosive laughter from the crowd.

While Louis CK might think he's at the apex of his career, I think he's still very much on the rise. Louis CK is unassuming but he pushes at boundaries in a way that really reminds me of George Carlin. He is clearly tapped into something core about how we see ourselves and others.  In many ways Louis CK helps give us permission to really laugh at ourselves in a way that celebrates just how imperfect we really all are.  For me, Louis CK goes toe to toe with Patton Oswalt for the title of best and funniest comedian performing on stage.

Oregonian

There's a point in almost any bad relationship when you know you've stuck around longer than you've should have. The moment came when you should have broken up but somehow you thought things might change, that whatever was weighing things down would dissipate if you only waited it out. This is how I feel about The Oregonian.

I first started to subscribe to The Oregonian in 1993 when I first moved to Portland. It was our first connecting point to the news of our new home. The Oregonian in 1993 was a mighty thing, with staff writers and columnists galore. The paper stood as many things in Portland do: much stronger than you'd expect for a city of its size.  Flash forward 17 years and you have a paper in absolute ruin.  Where once stood a Business section is often a single page of wire reports and cobbled-together news bits.  Where once there was insightful and award-winning investigative journalism, you now have reporters using anectodal information; my favorite was for the story Construction of downtown Portland high-rise is halted by tight credit in which "reporter" Ryan Frank says, "Real estate brokers had taken to saying that Park Avenue West would be built by the "Bank of Tom Moyer." No source, no quote, no real reporting.

The Oregonian suffered like most papers in this country as the economy faltered and news migrated online.  But I stuck it out. I tried to look past the fact that more and more of the paper was comprised of news articles that came off the news wire.  It became harder when I started to see wire articles appear in the paper that had been online for days and some times weeks in advance. Again, a sign of the economic times.

With belt tightening at The Oregonian came another clear trend: articles that were going to print without being proofed.  Over the last year we've played a game at the breakfast table, reading aloud some of the headlines and articles from The Oregonian to our two grade-schoolers to see if they could spot the glaring grammatical errors. They almost always can.

Beyond that, this year we began to notice a new trend. The Oregonian, once pointed to as "the liberal media," took a dramatic sharp turn to the right.  From taking on a cover sleeve ad for a conservative measure to article after article talking about how much Oregon Democrats love to tax and spend, The Oregonian over the past year has made no bones about its bent.  If you look at The Oregonian's coverage of the Governor's race, you'll see big pictures of Chris Dudley and tiny pictures of John Kitzhaber. You'll see big, bold, above the fold front page blurbs about the Democrats struggling to hold onto power and the Republican advance in the election. To be fair, not all the writers at The Oregonian are right wing – this direction seems to be implemented from the top, and can very much be seen in what wire stories are selected and where they appear in the paper.  But honestly, I don't need a paper that echoes my political beliefs. If something is well written, researched, fair and thoughtful, then I don't care what the bent of the publication is.

I was completely prepared to look past the new political bent of The Oregonian and just focus on the local news stories and the non-political stories. But more and more, signs reared their ugly heads that it was time to move on. A lead food writer who won't eat at most restaurants in Portland?  Okay, we get the vegan thing, we'll look past it.  Dropping the TV Guide from the Sunday paper in favor of one that you pay extra for each week? Fine, we'll deal with it. Day after day of Anna Boden's absurdly bad columns?  Okay, we'll stop reading her. The signs kept piling up and we kept trying to ignore them.

The unraveling of The Oregonian and complete lack of credibility became evident when the A&E put the story Non-foodies food guide: Dependable local chains and restaurants rank high on diners' lists on its front cover. It's not just that the paper published this laughable piece about food in Portland, it's that the editor put it on the cover.  Editors are supposed to sanity check their sections and let the cream rise to the top – in this case, what was floating at the top of the A&E wasn't cream.

What clearer message did we need that it was time to break it off with The O?  And then that message came.  Literally,  one week after this non-foodie fiasco article, a letter hit our mailbox informing us that our monthly subscription price was going to increase to $19.50 a month.  No explanation of the increase, just an effective date. This got me to do some math:

1 year of the Oregonian on Auto Bill = $234

• $234 = 1 Wifi Kindle with $95 left to spend on content.
• 2 x $234 = An iPad. In 2 years of sitting at the kitchen table reading my news on an iPad, it'll pay for itself.

For $234 a year I could get full subscriptions to: Time Magazine ($20 at Amazon), Entertainment Weekly ($15) , Rolling Stone ($19) , Sports Illustrated ($40), Smart Money ($10), Wired ($10), Real Simple ($20), Martha Stewart Living ($28), Dwell ($20), Portland Monthly ($17), Disney Family Fun ($10), Esquire ($8), and Men's Journal ($9), and still have money left over for a latte.

This doesn't even begin to consider the fact that there are a number of fantastic Portland news sources online.  I get more good information about what's happening in the neighborhoods from Neighborhood Notes, and get more event and entertainment news from PDXPipeline. Even most of The Oregonian's news is up free online at Oregon Live.

When you put all this together, it's hard not to see the writing on the wall, and honestly it's a real shame.  I've always loved sitting at the breakfast table reading my morning newspaper. It's a daily ritual that I will miss, but I just can't ignore the reality of The Oregonian, so I am cancelling my subscription.  There aren't many places where I've been a customer for 17 years, and honestly I'm probably not that important to The Oregonian.  But I'd be a fool not to break up with you.

Inner Tubing at Skibowl at Mt. Hood

It's a common misconception that if you don't ski or snowboard, there isn't a lot to do on Mt. Hood.  In fact, there are a number of places to go where you can rent inner tubes on Mt. Hood and have a fantastic experience in the snow.

This year we decided to give three of the major Mt. Hood inner tube options a try and see which one is best.  The most well known innertubing on Mt. Hood is Mt. Hood Skibowl .  Skibowl sells passes for two hour sessions which start on the hour. This can be a royal pain if you arrive on the half hour, as you either have to wait thirty minutes to hit the mountain or lose a full quarter of your time.

Consequently, pricing for Ski Bowl is the most expensive, with adults paying $20 for two hours and kids over 3 (but under 48 inches) paying $15. For our family of 5 we payed a whopping $95 for two hours of tubing (which actually ended up being an hour and forty-five minutes since we didn't get there on the hour).

Double Inner Tube at Mt. Hood Skibowl

What you get at Skibowl over the other options is a rope tow which helps get you and your tube up the hill, a full staff of at least two people on each run, and some of the best equipment on the mountain.  This year Ski Bowl added double inner tubes to their line-up which worked perfectly for our younger children to use on the runs.  The only problem was that these double tubes were in painfully short supply and we only managed to snag one at the very end of our session.

Skibowl has two runs, the main one with the rope tow to get you back to the top of the run, and a steeper challenge run which requires you to hike up to the top of the run.  The challenge run was significantly more advanced than the main run and some of the rides down the run included jumps.   Both of the runs are very enjoyable in their own right and for part of our session we split up so our youngest could ride the main run while our older kids did the challenge one.

If Skibowl would at least start their sessions on the half hour or give deeper discounts for kids, I think they'd be the one to beat. As it stands, they still have the best gear, best staff and some of the better runs on the mountain.

Summit Ski Area Mt. Hood

Further up Mt. Hood is the Summit Ski Area.  Summit is the oldest ski area on Mt. Hood and one of the smallest. With one chair lift and a connected run, Summit is a pretty tiny place.  Even though they aren't big, they have devoted a nice area for inner tubing.  Rather than selling passes in two hour shifts, they sell half day passes good from 10am – 4pm for $20 for adults and $10 for 5 and under. You're getting more bang for your buck here. What really makes it worthwhile is that you can use your pass both at Summit Ski Area and Snow Bunny (which is just 2 miles up the road from Summit Ski Area).

A smaller scale than Mt. Hood Skibowl, the inner tubing runs at Summit Ski Area are slightly shorter. Instead of a main tubing area and a more advanced one, Summit opts for a main one and a 'bunny' tube area.  This is a nice option for much younger kids as Summit requires you to ride along with anyone under the age of 5 (which can be a little difficult to maneuver).  While we liked the tubing runs at Summit, they couldn't compare to the ones at Mt. Hood Skibowl. The end of the runs at Summit were rock hard and that resulted in a few rough landings which were quite unpleasant.

Snow Bunny Snow Play Area on Mt. Hood

If you didn't know that Snow Bunny Snow Play Area existed, you'd probably miss it. At Summit, I had to ask about using the Summit passes at Snow Bunny (which you can) as there were no real signs. Snow Bunny is located 2 miles up Hwy 26 from Summit Ski Area. If it weren't for the mile marker signs on the road we probably would have missed it. Snow Bunny seems like it's even smaller than Summit. There is no lodge, no real facilites, and if you buy your passes there you need to pay cash (credit card payments are an option at Summit).

Instead of the fancy cloth-covered inner tubes with tow ropes, Snow Bunny uses good old fashioned tire tubes.  The upside of this is that they are extremely light and easy to carry up the hill. The downside is that they are much more difficult for younger kids to ride. After spending a few runs at the hill at the entrance of Snow Bunny, we were told we could head up the path for more runs.  Between the old fashioned tubes and the windy, snowy path, Snow Bunny has a terrific 'out in the woods', wintery play vibe.

When we arrived at the first of two larger Snow Bunny runs, we were absolutely blown away.  Considerably longer than either Mt. Hood Ski Bowl or Summit, and with much better powdery snow than either Summit or Ski Bowl, the Snow Bunny runs are by far the best inner tubing runs on the mountain.

Snow Bunny Inner Tubing on Mt. Hood

Even though we were at Snow Bunny at peak times (1-4pm), there was never really a crowd. The Snow Bunny Snow Play Park seems to be one of Mt. Hood's best kept secrets.  The flip side of that is that the runs aren't staffed, which is both a good and a bad thing. On the upside, it's nice to tube at your own pace and not have to wait to be told when to go.  This gives the tubing a more free and unstructured feeling to it.  The downside is that some people do amazingly dumb and dangerous things on these courses (including walking right back up a run while someone else is going down it).

Since Snow Bunny doesn't have its own website, get pricing and directions for it from the Summit Ski Area Site. We recommend stopping at Summit to buy tickets for Snow Bunny, which also gives you a chance to get a warm drink and use the facilities before heading out to Snow Bunny.

No matter which option you chose, there is a lot of fun to be had up on Mt. Hood even if you don't snowboard or ski. For us, tubing will be an annual thing with stops at both Ski Bowl and Snow Bunny.

Radio City Christmas Spectacular

Portland is a wonderful city at Christmas, even if we don't get much snow. Our city has a little something for everyone, like walking the SE neighborhood street Peacock Lane to see the beautifully lit houses, bundling up for the train ride at Zoo Lights, or driving the Portland International Raceway track to see the lights of Winter Wonderland.

This year we are excited to add something new to the mix – the Radio City Christmas Spectacular featuring the world-famous Rockettes. This new touring production is constructed for large-scale venues like the Rose Garden, replicating the Christmas Spectacular production playing New York's Radio City Music Hall.

The 90 minute show is enchanting and beautiful, both from the set design and digital scenery on an 80 ft. LED screen, and the singing and dancing. One thing we immediately appreciated was the show's sense of timeless tradition and elegance. There are no ridiculously overblown light shows or frenetically paced dance numbers. Each vignette of dancing or storytelling is introduced by Santa, beginning with his entrance on stage in his sleigh pulled by Rockette reindeer. Our favorite performances include New York at Christmas, the glittering costumes in the closing number, and something special with a company of Santas that you have to see for yourself.

The Radio City Christmas Spectacular really appeals to the entire family. Our twelve year old daughter didn't feel like she was 'too cool' for the production, and our three and nine year olds left the production kicking and dancing their way out of the Rose Garden.  The way the production is staged, you don't have to be right up front to enjoy it – a little perspective actually helps you take in the sheer scale of this show.

If you have family members on the fence about going, I'd heartily recommend showing them the tour's promotional video. It only hints at how amazing the show really is. Radio City Christmas Spectacular is simply a delightful evening of entertainment that appeals to a wide age group. It's got something for everyone in the family and is a welcome addition to the holiday line up.

Radio City Christmas Spectacular runs December 23-26 at the Rose Garden Arena. Tickets range from $25-99 and can be purchased online or at the Rose Quarter box office.

Zoo Lights at the Oregon Zoo

Zoo Lights at the Oregon Zoo is one of the holiday activities we've always meant to do, but never managed to actually attend.  In Portland, the holiday season is so packed with holiday fairs, parties, and related activities, it's easy to put off going to things like Zoo Lights or Peacock Lane until it's too late.  This year we had the opportunity to make it to the Zoo Lights earlier in their run.  Unfortunately, we were not prepared for the massive crowds and bitter cold that we experienced at the Oregon Zoo.

There's no other way to put it: the parking situation at the Oregon Zoo is a complete mess.  There aren't enough spaces at the zoo for the crowds that the Zoo Lights attracts and the shuttle service to the overflow lots can get so crowded that we heard of people who waited for over an hour to get back to their car.  A big part of this mess is that the Oregon Zoo does a very poor job of managing their parking.  We spent over a half hour trying to get into the parking lot and get a spot and in that whole time only saw one zoo attendant helping with parking. This parking situation is so bad we strongly advise that if you are going to check out the Zoo Lights at the Oregon Zoo you should absolutely, positively take the MAX train and skip driving there altogether.

Oregon Zoo's Parking Headaches

Parking mess aside, the crowds were reasonably well handled at the ticketing gate and once you are inside the zoo, the crowds aren't much of an issue (unless, of course, you are planning on taking the train). In addition to being prepared for the traffic, it's very important to prepare for the bitter cold you may experience even on a rather mild winter night. The Oregon Zoo seems to be located in one of the coldest spots in Portland, and with the wind, a 40 degree night can feel well below freezing. Be sure to wear lots of layers, hats, scarves and gloves because you'll need them.

Exceptionally Beautiful Lights at Zoo Lights

Beyond the parking and beyond the cold, Zoo Lights at the Oregon Zoo is something rather extraordinary.  The entire zoo, and we're talking a very large zoo, is covered from head to toe in holiday lights.  From animal-themed lights to walkways with wall-to-wall holiday lights, Zoo Lights at the Oregon Zoo is a visual smorgasbord.

Animal Themed Lights at Zoo Lights

The majority of the light displays are animal themed with a small area with a gingerbread house and a Christmas tree.  We were surprised at how non-denominational Zoo Lights are and how much more focus there is on animals rather than Christmas. This focus makes Zoo Lights a truly unique experience.  In all, there are over a million lights used in the Zoo Lights exhibit.

Hour-Plus Wait for the Train

One thing we were not able to do at Zoo Lights was the train that takes you all around the zoo. The line for the train was consistently an hour or longer, even when we checked back later in our evening. This huge wait time combined with the parking issues really do make it difficult to go to Zoo Lights over the weekend. To really enjoy Zoo Lights to the fullest, we recommend going during the week and going at dusk to beat the crowds and get a shot at riding the train.

Zoo Lights on an Epic Scale

What we loved the most about Zoo Lights at the Oregon Zoo was the huge scale of the exhibit. Everywhere we turned there was something interesting to look at, and the real apex of the exhibit fills the huge green space that is used for concerts. It's pretty breathtaking. It's important to note that the focus of Zoo Lights at the Oregon Zoo are the lights and not the animals.  While we saw people walking through the exhibits, most of the animals were sleeping (or trying to sleep).

Zoo Lights at the Oregon Zoo runs through January 2nd. Tickets are $9 for adults and $7.75 for children 3-11 (for admission and the train), and it's well worth the price. More info on Zoo Lights here.