So here is the Recipe for Homemade Play-Dough (dye free).

1/2 cup flour, 1/2 cup of water, 2 TBSP salt, 1 tsp cream of tartar, & spice of your choice.

Spice options;

• 1 tsp vanilla – off white
• 1 TBSP cinnamon – light brown
• 2 TBSP Cocoa – dark brown
• 2 tsp paprika – orange
• 1 1/2 turmeric – yellow
• 1/2 tsp – 2TBSP ground dried elderberry – purple*

Combine all of the ingredients in a saucepan, cook over medium low heat, stirring continuously until a ball is formed. Then knead to be sure all is combined smoothly.

(Please ignore my dirty stove top…)

I had fun experimenting with colour I used about 2 TBSP of ground dill to make the green, it did not turn out as bright as I had hoped. I wonder if you had spirulina how that might work. I thought ground rose petals might give a nice pink. If you had other dried berries you might get some interesting colours. I believe the last time I made play-dough I had smoked paprika it gave me a brighter orange. You can play with the amount you add to get various shades. The two purples are both from the ground elderberries the lighter being just 1/2 tsp and the dark 1 or 2 TBSP’s.

This stuff smells so nice too. It gives you a really nice soft play-dough.

We have had a lot of fun playing with it. One thing Moriah and I have been doing lately is making letters out of play-dough. It has been helpful for her with seeing the difference between a b and a d. Of course, it is also fun just to create with it. She has made a soccer ball, teapots and cups, snakes and snails, the fun is endless. As a Momma I have no worries about toxins or ingredients that I have to go googling to find out what it is. I can’t remember how long it lasts so I will update when I decide it is time to turf it. I know it lasts a few weeks for sure but I think we have had them last longer than that. Lastly, if it seems to be drying out a bit, I just really lightly wet one hand and work in the moisture. Have fun! If you make some let me know how it goes. If you think of another colour idea I would love to see it. Feel free to comment or tag me on instagram @cherylontheoldpath

Then wee Freyja. Freyja was rejected by her mother and was weak it was very touch and go in the beginning, but within a week or so she was much stronger and had started to skip around the house. We were starting to give her more time outside with the other goats. She was doing quite well and with her we joked that she thought she was human. She was outside frolicking around one morning and by late afternoon she was going down hill fast. What a shock to us all, she passed in the early hours of the morning.

Today. This was a day that we all knew was coming and we were dreading it, all hoping for a little more time. Mocha, over the last year, we have seen a great decline, sight going, hearing going, and a tumour that the vet felt was an outward sign of a whole lot more. We knew that when the tumour split we would need to put her down. Today she was bleeding and it was too much to not do something about it.

It was heart wrenching seeing my children some who have known her their whole lives saying good bye to this constant in their lives. She has been with us through some of are very darkest days as a family when Joel’s life hung in the balance. When he came home and was in a wheelchair and had to learn to walk all over again she was patient and gentle with him.

She served as a constant watch dog always alerting us to any coming or going on our property. She was a playmate, someone to snuggle up with, and a friend. I find it hard to imagine that any dog could have been more loved but for those of you who have loved a dog you will know what I mean.

Even as I write these words I have one of my children curled up beside me quietly crying, feeling the deep loss of this day.

Already the house seems too quiet knowing she will no longer bark the alarm, even if in the last few months it was a bit delayed.

She really was the best dog we could have ever asked for. Mocha truly was part of our family.

There is truth in Lord Tennyson’s words, “Tis better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all.” Although we are so very sad, we would not trade relief from this pain for a life without Mocha. She did enrich our lives.

Unfortunately, before I had the thought to take pictures with Mocha before she left us Elijah had already gone back to work. What a hard day this was.

Mocha was born August 1, 2009 and she will forever be loved by our family.

So we all need to get creative with our time. Hannah has been asking for a haircut for awhile, but we had planned on waiting until after her recital and the Highland games, so I could still easily braid it. However with each new announcement of non essential work being locked down longer and longer those two events seem more and more unlikely.

I have cut my boys hair for years since Elijah was just a wee lad, even Dave joined in. Dave’s first haircut was not the best and he was a bit shy about me cutting it again, but years and years ago he finally let me have a second go at it and I have been cutting his ever since. However when it came to my girl’s hair I was only ever brave enough to trim the ends.

Fast forward to present day self isolation…not going anywhere…who is going to see it anyway…? Hannah and I decided it was time!

It took longer than the average hair cut, but the end result is something she loves. I think it looks pretty cute on her too! It looks a little longer on one side in these pictures but it is because some of the hair is falling forward. I know this because I kept thinking one side was longer, I would straighten her head, pull the hair on both sides down and they were the same length. Interestingly, we have noticed that her natural resting place for her head is slightly tilted to that one side. Not sure if she wants y’all to know that but there it is.

There will be no career changes in my future. We had fun cutting it and the crazy conversations that ensued as we spent the time together. I mentioned when this is all over her returning to Suzie at Total Look in Alexandria for a proper haircut. Hannah said she was sure I did as good a job as Suzie. I on the other hand am quite confident that Suzie is the superior with scissors.

How are y’all spending this extra time at home? Doesn’t she look cute?

I could never have guessed that on the 10 year anniversary of Joel’s brain surgery that our world would be so turned upside down. These are uncertain times for so many people. 10 years ago today the world I knew came crashing down around me, just as it has for so many presently. I had hopes and dreams for the future and the startling truth that I was not the one holding the future hit me smack in the face.

I had always known this to a degree, but we dream, we envision the future, we plan. 10 years ago today I realised that while I thought that I might know what tomorrow would bring, I had become very aware that what I had was ‘right here and now, this moment’…nothing more. It is not a bad thing to plan for the future, I am not saying that dreaming is wrong either, it is just that the future is so very uncertain.

10 years ago today my mind was racing ahead, when would Joel be more like himself again, when would he be able to sit up ok, when could we go home. As the days turned in to weeks I continued to look ahead when will he talk, when will he be able to speak normally, when will he walk again when… when… when…

As I sat in the hospital observing those around me I noticed something very different about the little children in comparison to myself. They were not grieving the past and they were not fearing the future. They were right there in the moment. If it was a painful or scary moment then that was what they expressed but once it was over they went back to colouring or skipping down the hall, because they were in that new moment.

Today I know many people are asking, ‘when.’ When will things go back to normal? When will this be over? When can I go back to work or school? When can we visit friends and family? There is a gift in learning to be present in this moment… in the right now. No dwelling on the past, no fearing the future. Focusing in on those around you right now in this very moment. Enjoying the slower pace because everything is cancelled so we are all home now. Taking time to do something on your to do list, or building a couch cushion fort, read a book aloud together, or even writing a letter.

God holds our future, we do not see the whole picture. I 100% guarantee you that in this world there will be things, hard things that happen that we cannot make sense of here…but GOD… He sees, He hears, He knows, and He holds it all, seeing the whole picture. We have this moment, but He has eternity.

10 years ago today, I could not understand how there was a tumour in my little boys brain. All I could do was lay that sweet little boy at my Saviour’s feet and trust that He knew, He saw, He understood, and that He held the future, the future beyond the second I was living in. He holds your future. He holds my future, and He continues to hold Joel’s future.

I cannot even begin to imagine what the next 10 years will bring, and I am not so sure I even want to. I am too busy living in the right here and now.

God has been showing me things that need work in my life, it is a good place to find yourself, but not necessarily an easy place. I think the details of all that could be a whole other post, and maybe one day I will write it.  One area I felt that I was being called to let go of some picture perfect ideals was in our homeschool.  That was hard because some of it was beautiful, but it wasn’t working for us.  I am on Instagram and I read other blogs, and I  was looking at all these families where it was working amazingly.  Some of the Moms made it look effortless and flawless.  Yet in our home we were failing I wanted the pretty Instagram picture with the beautiful outcome. I couldn’t see how me pushing for something that looked so good was actually hurting my family, until I could see it.  That was a painful realisation.  There is a verse that I have clung to over the years, Joel 2:25 “I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten…”  However more than once I have had to face the difficult truth that at times I have been the locust.  In this case it was me chasing a dream that perhaps wasn’t mine to chase.  Maybe if I had stopped to pray and seek what was the answer for my family we would have found the path we are currently on sooner.

I had to face the reality that I have a child with brain damage, and that all of my children have dyslexia (not sure about Moriah yet) some of them have dysgraphia too, I have severe insomnia among other issues I am dealing with.  I needed to cut out some things and focus on other things.  I needed to pick curriculums that would fit their specific needs.  As I write that I realise that for some of you that must sound like a no brainer.  It should have been, and in some ways I had added in things to help meet their individual needs yet I was still trying to make it fit into my crazy ideal.  Last June when I had decided what I was going to do this school year I was feeling like a failure, like there would be some that would judge or think I was taken the easy path. Time is amazing though, as I peeled back the calendar and I saw those letters S E P T E M B E R, I felt hope.  A new year, a new approach, a new chance, a new beginning.

We started school on Monday.  Oh boy, did we have glitches leading up to our first day of school.  Our first day started with sparks and a few flames.  A cord was sitting on a plug that had come loose yet was still plugged in, at first I thought the flame was coming from the socket and was worried there was a wiring issue.  I was relieved that it was just a cord.  The online Math program I had decided to go with wouldn’t let me login two of my kids.  Our last lesson ended at 5pm and then we watched a school related movie, officially ending our school day at 7 pm-ish.  Not exactly how I pictured our first day, but that is alright, we are moving forward, eyes set on our goals.

Sometimes it is painful to let go of a dream or how you pictured something to be, but when it is the wrong path and you come to that conclusion it is freeing to let it go. “When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.”  – Alexander Graham Bell. I don’t want to fix my eyes on closed doors, I want to rush through the door that is laid wide open for me.

I wanted to do First Day of School Pictures. Umm, well, my big kiddos and even a small one was not interested in posing in front of the camera.  However little Moriah was over the top excited about starting school and gladly had her picture taken as you have had the pleasure of seeing.  Hannah had fun with it too. I managed to sneak up on a game of Breakfast Uno and caught all but one.  Joel managed to elude the camera completely.  I will have to try to catch him at some point soon. 

I had to throw this one in too, it is blurry but totally catches her excitement.

Lighting isn’t the best in all the pictures, first day of school was very overcast.

“I don’t know what I think until I write it down.” ~Joan Didion

“I write to find out what I think.”  ~Stephen King

I was asked to write a ‘Bio’ for my church’s website.  As I type this I still have not submitted it.  It isn’t laziness, nor procrastination as much as not having a clue what to write. It needs to be short, to the point, and about me.  I didn’t know until I was asked to do this how hard it is for me to write about myself.

Over the years I have shared my thoughts and struggles here, some victories too, so this seemed like a safe place to come and write.  I don’t lump myself in calibre wise with the above writers but I do write for the same reason.  It is how I work out what I am truly thinking on a topic.  Today that topic is me.

Oh my I rarely share pictures of me…

Lets begin… First thing that comes to mind is a broken mess of a person.  That sounds harsh, but in reality aren’t we all a bit broken and messy sometimes?  When I think of something that can be broken, the image of something that is delicate or vulnerable comes to mind.  A flower blowing in the wind is delicate and vulnerable to the elements yet often survives the downpour of the rain, and the pressure of the wind.  It may bend under it but when the sun returns it stretches back up to receive the warmth. It has its own strength that can often be overlooked.

Frequently we will put up the front that we are strong and unmoving like a mountain.  While seeming impenetrable a mountain can be chipped away at and in time a tunnel made through it. Even a mountain is not unbreakable. I am both a mountain and a flower all at the same time.  I am fragile and vulnerable, yet strong and steady.

I said, ‘broken’ when I started, but the word mended also comes to mind. Over the years I have been broken many times but God in His faithfulness has never left me there.  He has mended the brokenness.  I looked up the synonyms for mended, here are just a few: refreshed, corrected, bettered, revived, renewed, helped, the list goes on.  I would use each of these words to describe me and the journey to wholeness I have been on with Yeshua.

He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.  ~Psalm 147:3

Mess defined, 1) a dirty or untidy state of things or of a place. or 2) a situation or state of affairs that is confused or full of difficulties.  I am referring to the latter definition.  I am talking chaotic, tangled, a mishmash of muddles, jumbles, and quandaries. I definitely do not feel like I have it all together, there are loose ends everywhere. I have said more than once that I feel like I am failing at…. I am not sure why I feel like I should be succeeding at everything I put my hand to.  Truth is, most of the time I live with 8 other people, (I say most of the time because Taliah is currently out of the country), and that adds to the chaos.  I add to their chaos when we add people into our lives.  Chaos just happens, mess happens, but I embrace this mishmash of a chaotic mess with my whole heart!  It is beautiful, not perfect, but oh so beautiful.  In the chaos and mess is where we fall down, and get back up.  Where we make mistakes and learn from them, where the lightbulb goes on and we finally get it!  Where we laugh, cry, stumble and soar.

As I write it gets easier to think of words and phrases I would use to describe myself.  I am a person with too many interests to ever possibly pursue them all.  I am crazy about my family, passionate about my Lord and totally in love with both.  I want to serve those around me.  I love opening my home to others.  I have an incredible desire to see people in community.  We were never made to go it alone.  People need people.  If I can help someone connect in somewhere, that gives me great joy. Lastly, I love to learn; I enjoy studying God’s Word, it is endless in what it teaches, it does not grow old.

Now it is time for me to go and write my actual bio, thanks for listening.

I sat down with most of my children a few days ago and talked GOALS, and even hopes and dreams.  As we got closer and closer to our start date my anticipation grew. I had a very picturesque ‘first day back’ in my mind, however reality was slightly different.  I had already told myself that we would ease into school and hopefully be at full capacity (so to speak) in a week or two. Yet, I was still disappointed when today started late and then did not run as smoothly as I had hoped.  At the end of the day…some school did happen.

So a very quick recap of the day, this wee one was up early and ready for school.  (She does not know that she is technically not school age, and yes that is oatmeal on her face.)Hannah was also up early and very much ready for school.  She is 10 years old now and is interested in so many things.  She was fascinated as she was looking over my shoulder this morning at all the back to school pictures.  She wanted a back to school picture too and decided she should have a book in hand for her picture. Truly she melts my heart on a daily basis.

Hannah told Samuel he needed to have a picture too!  He totally looks like he is posing for school photos.  He is such a ham.

I was able to snap a picture of Joel too.  Personally, I am really looking forward to this school year with Joel.  I am trying out some new programs with him and am feeling quite hopefully about this school year for the first time in a long time.  I will probably write in more detail about that in the near future.  As you can see by the look on Joel’s face he is still undecided about this school year.

We settled in and hit the books, well some of them.  I can say for sure that some of my crew are excited about this school year, one or two are feeling a wee bit unsure. I just can’t shake this feeling that is going to be a really amazing year and I guess I don’t want to shake it.  We are juggling getting Elijah to work, and Dave is working days after working nights for 10 years, so our family schedule has seen some big changes too.

Taliah and Joshua are still Homeschooling too, but I did not make them pose for a back to school picture.  We did get to capture Josh at work outside in the afternoon.  Blacksmith in the making.

Josh went back out to his forge in the evening and the sun is setting earlier now and he was losing daylight fast.  Taliah went out and caught this funky image of him at work.

I did not get a picture of Taliah today.  I did ask her if she could paint me an Autumn themed picture to go in my little card holder.  So while I do not have a picture of her I have a picture of her creativity.  Her whimsical Artwork brings me so much joy.  Such a gifted generous young lady.

Okay, you know I had to sneak one more Moriah picture in because, well, she is a cutie.  Outside with the big kids getting in some P.E. (do they still call it that?) Tomorrow is a new day, (actually it is already tomorrow because I am staying up late to get this blog post done.) hopefully we will accomplish a wee bit more than um, yesterday. 

Did you do back to school pictures with your children?  For my Homeschool friends, have you started back to school?  Hope for tomorrow, Lamentations 3:22-23 says, “The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.” Ah, new every morning and with that I will crawl into bed on this very, very new morning, so I can get up later this morning….

I like to sit and talk to each of my children in the days leading up to the 1st of January about all the things they are hoping to accomplish, learn, or even change in the new year.  Moriah is yet to set goals for herself (well at least that we are aware of), Dave and I on the other hand are hoping she will choose 2017 as the year she sleeps through the night, preferably early in the year.

Dave suggested that in 2017 we could read through the Bible, so we found a nice free printable schedule on the website She Reads Truth. We are only a few days into it but everyone seems to be enjoying it.  Our big kids have the list and are reading (mostly) independently, and I am reading it aloud to Joel, Hannah, Samuel, and Moriah, however there was one day where we read it together as a family.  We have already had some great conversations together.  I am excited to see what kind of things we learn together as we read through it .

Back in 2015 we got rid of 2015 things in 2015.  I have no idea what kind of volume of things left this house in 2016, but we decided to print off the list for 2017 and see how much further we can de-clutter our house.  It is amazing to me just how much stuff nine people can accumulate. You can find the list at Nourishing Minimalism.

I know it has been some time since I have blogged let alone blogged regularly however, it is one of the items on my list for this new year to get back at it.  I have a lot of catching up to do.  I may post a few things from this past year.  Just to peak your interest did you know we have some goats, and sheep?  Taliah started a business.  Elijah has been working on and off at a local farm.  Joshua has developed an interest in Blacksmithing and has just about everything he needs to get his forge up and running, mainly thanks to Patrick the incredible Blacksmith that lives down the road. Okay my picture does not do it justice but the candle holder is one of his, check him out at Two Hammers

I think the whole family has things they want to see happen this year, and there is part of me that is looking forward to about this time next year when we look back over 2017, I could be wrong but I think this is going to be an incredible year….come join us for the ride!!

Our summer is filled with these milestones as five of them joined our family over the years in the summer.  First we celebrated Hannah turning 9 in July, next Taliah turned sweet 16, Moriah will be 1 on the 24th of this month, and then squeaking in just a bit before Fall is Joshua, starting his journey into the teen years turning 13 on the 10th of September.

Today, however, we celebrate Joel, eleven years old.

2016 has and will see my children turn 18, 16, 13, 11, 9, 5, and 1.  As Birthdays go some of those are more momentous than others; 18 marks adulthood, 16 for a girl is her sweet 16 (not to mention you can get your learners driver’s licence), 9 your last year before double digits, 5 you are now a big guy no one will mistake you for a toddler when you are a whole hand old, and 1 you have made it through your 1st year and you now have a number for your age that labels your years not your months.

Eleven, in the grand scheme of birthdays, is not a biggie.  Oh sure, it is a great day because it is your day but eleven is not anticipated the same way that 13, 16, or 18 is.

Yet today eleven seems just as remarkable.  I don’t love Joel MORE than my other children.  Joel has just had a very different journey than my other children.  When his birthday hits I can not help but remember wondering if we would see him blow out 5 candles.  So eleven is a gift just as 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 were.  Joel’s birthday helps me to reflect in a way that the other children’s birthdays don’t seem to.  As I see what an incredible gift of eleven is I am reminded that I have also been blessed with 18, 16, (almost) 13, 9, 5 and (almost) 1 wonderful years with my children.

Joel stands as a Standing Stone in my life that each day is precious and each day is a gift…don’t waste it.

Oh my sweet Joel, eleven already, you are growing up and I am so proud of how hard you fight to make gains in your life.  I won’t paint it all roses you have been given the gift of a strong will which makes you a challenge to parent some days, but you also have a tender and soft heart which melts our hearts.  Both are gifts, but some days I see these gifts wrestle inside you, each trying to come out on top; your strong will or your soft heart.  My prayer for you son, is that these gifts will grow and that they will compliment each other, so that you will always be able to stand strong with a soft and compassionate heart.

Joel often shows that softness when he is with Moriah, he loves to be with her. Here he is with a castle that he built for her.

Moments after that picture there was destruction and this wee conqueror sampled the spoils of her victory, only to have her big brother rebuild so she could yet again topple the kingdom.

This year the 3 younger boys participated in the Junior Heavyweights at the Glengarry Highland Games.  

(Crazy lighting on this picture but I love it.)

This is a challenge for any child competing, but Joel carries with him physical scars that make participating that much more of a challenge.  His strong will prevailed and he gave each event his best effort!

Eleven, a milestone for sure.  I am excited to see what things you accomplish in this coming year Joel.  Twelve may not be one of the most anticipated numbers either but I have a feeling that this time next year we will be celebrating some new major accomplishments achieved in the past year.

I feel the need to squeeze in a few posts before the end of the month.  To write about something the following month seems slightly acceptable but to flip the calendar to yet another month just seems wrong. Before April gets here I need to get these out of the way!

SO… A very belated Happy Birthday to Elijah (Samuel’s post to follow in a day or two)!

It feels impossible to write it, but, to the boy who called me “Momma” first I now call him a man! A MAN!  Yep my firstborn is 18.  I know there is far more to being a man than the number but at 18 he is seen by much of society as a man, and I daresay he is beginning to behave as a man.

Sure Dave and I still see areas that need improvement and we are not cutting all the apron strings just yet but he is manning up in so many areas.

Tomorrow he is headed off for a ‘job interview.’  I think he is a bit nervous but terribly excited too.  It is interesting to have children that depend on you for everything (Moriah), others who are wanting to do things for themselves, and then those who are at the place where in so many ways we just need to release them to go, and if they fall, they are now at the place where they will pick themselves back up and dust themselves off.  I won’t be there to swoop in and pick him back up.  Sure as long as we are alive Dave and I will support our children prayerfully, and physically too if needed, but I think you get where I am going with this.

I am excited for this chapter in his life.  He is definitely our biggest dreamer, which has caused me to lose sleep more nights than I can count.  He always seems to have these grandiose ideas but when you ask him how he is going to accomplish it he is usually missing some steps between step 1 and 10.  Yet the world needs big dreamers too.  I have no clue where God will lead this young man of mine but I know He has a plan and a purpose for him.

Elijah may God richly bless you, may He lead you along the path He has set for you.  Keep your eyes fixed on him and He will plant your feet on firm ground.  I have prayed this for you since you were a babe and I will continue to pray this Psalm for you. “I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” ~Psalm 16:8

Love you Elijah ~Momma

I asked a friend to pray for me last night as I could already feel the weight of this weekend and knew it could be a really tough weekend if I let.  I thought about why these 2 days get to me, I have been through other hardships and I could not tell you what day of the year those things happened.  So why March 26th and 27th?

6 years ago today I buckled my smiling fearless four-year-old in the car for the last time…yet not the last time.  It would be the last time I would buckle in our Joel before cancer.  I still have Joel I just don’t have the same little guy I had before March 26th.  I think that deep down inside I have a need to remember my Joel before he changed, and it does make me sad.  There is joy there too but sadness over the loss of what was.  I am so glad I do not live 365 days a year looking back.  I think I have subconsciously held on to these two days to remember him the way he had been.  Is that wrong?

I know that if March 26th had played out like any other day 6 years later I would be looking at an entirely different Joel anyway.  Elijah, Taliah, Joshua, and Hannah have all changed so much in the past 6 years, Samuel is only 5 and Moriah 7 months, but not one of them stays locked in time.

For Joel he changed so much, for those of you who have only known him after his brain cancer I wish you could have known the boy I remember.  He was far from perfect, he was so strong-willed.  I use to say, God had given him a strong will so that when he was grown he could stand firm and not be shaken.  I had no idea he would need to stand firm so young.  If you know him today he still has his strong will and he is not the easiest boy to parent.

Joel struggles  scholastically, and his speech has never returned to ‘normal.’  It is ‘normal’ for us as we have become use to it, yet when he tries so hard to get out his thoughts there isn’t a day go by that I wish he could just express his thoughts with ease.  He has brain damage, but this does not make Joel unintelligent, he is really a very smart guy, very thought-full, he just has a lot of challenges you and I do not have.

When folks ask how he is doing now, it is a difficult question to answer.  In many ways he is like any other 10-year-old boy, in other ways he seems stuck in time.  I do see small changes, and I pray for steady improvement even if it takes 2 or 3 times as long as others.  I mentioned he is hard to parent, oh some days I feel like we are getting nowhere with him, but God has also blessed this boy with a sweetness that pops up when you least expect it and my heart turns to mush.  He is a gift.  A gift I have been allowed to keep 6 years longer than we might have.  6 years longer than other parents we know who had to say good-bye far too soon.

As much as I choose (whether consciously or sub-consciously) to remember my 4 year-old Joel, one thing I have never done is imagine what he would be like at ten had he not walked the path that was laid before him.  I think that would be pointless.  It may be pointless for me to remember my Joel as he was, yet I feel in away I am honouring the little boy that was innocent to hardship, and preparing for another year of continued healing and changes that lay ahead for Joel.  I am hopeful.  I hope one day I can look back with only joy at what was, and live fully embracing what is now, without mourning what was, be gentle, I am a work in progress …aren’t we all.  

I love you Joel, you strong, brave, melt my heart boy…  ~Momma

So much catching up to do, stay tuned more posts coming very soon!!