one hot mess

i'm back, bunnies

2011-01-02T17:52:00.004-06:00

i think that maybe i'm not as big of a fan of tumblr as i wanted and hoped for.

i much prefer blogger, actually.

shhh, don't spread that around. it makes me seem terribly unhip.

the beauty of age

2010-09-15T13:31:00.002-05:00

these two ladies hobbled in with canes.
one of them said, "oh, what's she having?"
and the bartender said, "she's having the special."
he began to list what was in it.
"you can stop at vodka. i only drink gin. i'm old."
then she said, "but anyway, i'd like some gin. she'll take her vodka."
then these two marines walked by, and the sassy one followed them out with her eyes. she turned back around, smiled, and faced the bartender and said, "make it a double. but anyway..."

snow, here i come.

2010-03-16T16:10:00.000-05:00

i'm taking a real vacation. not the fake one where i just take off work and edit from coffee shops.

like, i'm actually driving out of state and hitting the slopes! i'm so very excited to be a snow bunny.

i'm also very excited that my handsome bear of a boyfriend is joining me.

i hope i don't fall down and break my noggin!

current addiction(s): classical music, vanilla yougurt raisins, and white wines (who knew?)

i just want to play it right

2010-03-11T15:26:00.000-06:00

last time i consulted the calendar, the year was 2010.

it amazes me how the idea of a modern, forward-moving society seems a facade, at best, when dealing with repugnant issues.

i can only assert the basis for some decisions made by people, and entertaining the idea that my gender might have any clout in a professional situation seems a tired and upsetting consideration.

however, the old adage rings true. actions are louder than words. so, there's your dose of antiquation for the day.

shout out to all you men out there who don't run and buy a pompously gigantic monster truck the second you realize a women might be better at something or feel it necessary to emotionally bully at an attempt to remind the world you are carrying around more weight in your trousers.

i can see all other worlds

2010-03-10T13:54:00.000-06:00

today is one of those days i'm extra sassy. back on track with my morning workouts, so that's always fun.

robbi is such a pistol, so it's quite the fun time, even though i have trouble taking off my clothes after a workout with her.

i wore the wrong knickers with my dress today, so once i arrived at work i just simply popped them off, tucked them away in my purse, and now i'm flying commando. so that's always a little awkward/liberating.

as of late i've felt this urge to define my style and look. for quite some time last year i rocked the red lipstick and bangs, but have you ever tried to wear red lipstick EVERY day, at EVERY social occasion? well, you certainly tire of the upkeep, that's for sure. and, what if one night you just feel like wearing gloss?

as the new year rolled in, i actually sat down and put pen to paper as far as what i wanted to see in my wardrobe for the year.

it didn't really occur to me until today that i've been caught in a horrible trap! i've been branding myself. once i realized what i was doing--the amount of pressure i was putting on myself because of it--a huge relief flooded in.

now, i think it's imperative for everyone to have a style or "look", if you will, but i find it highly unnecessary (and stressful) to expect that 24/7.

that being said, my personal style choices as of late tend to lean toward urban funk. i'm using grays, blacks, and jenn bunny fancy blue (that name is credited to the ever talented and beautiful taniya). aside from that, i'm pretty much going to do what i want. always keeping in mind, of course, i'd like to be classy and edgy.

and now for some things i find to be quite fantastic:

now that's a campaign.

gorgeous. it literally took my breath away.

hmmm, a pinup and a table. why not?

i'm sure i can get a few people to agree with me....

current jam of the day:

current obsession: tiny oranges, eating healthy, fancy blue.

the art of obsession

2010-03-09T12:00:00.002-06:00

i just love having stalkers.

i feel as if i've had one a year since 2003. how neat.

my current obsession? tiny oranges.

i feel that's a pretty healthy one.

dont' want nobody else.

2010-03-08T15:14:00.000-06:00

i've been remiss!

it's not that i've been uninspired as of late. quite the opposite, actually.

so, this is my effort to hop back in.

well, relationships aren't easy, even when they are. merging two people's lives can be quite tricky.

part of my absence can be credited to the oh-so-blissful first few months of a wonderful relationship. the kind where you don't want to spend a second apart or take your eyes of one another.

the kind where you sit in bed entire weekends and watch DVDs. your bedside table fills up with cups and takeout containers, and you slowly build a new, more exciting daily (and nightly) routine.

you aren't afraid to say things like "we would love to come!" or "we loved that movie!"

it's silly and adorable, and i must say i've never really experienced this kind of relationship euphoria. sure, i've been giddy and wanted to spend oodles of time with another, but i guess i never really got around to it. or, if i did get around to it, then i drove the person crazy/they drove me crazy.

yesterday was one of my favorite days. i spent it in bed reading with my partner in crime. that's always a good day. drug my lovvi with me to the grocery store. i adore grocery shopping, and i'm quite pleased he's learning to love it as well.

"um, you know what we need?" he asked.
"no... what do we need?" i said cautiously. i've learned i can never guess what he'll say next.
"stuff to make root beer floats."

a second's thought made me realize he was exactly right. so, amid the fresh fruits, veggies, and whole wheat bread, we tucked in some ice cream and root beer.

we returned to the BGP (aka my abode) and prepared the root beer floats, only to retreat back to bed and watch TV, laugh, and generally be ridiculous.

later that night after dinner and a short watch of the oscars to see what everyone was wearing, we discussed how trivial and amazing our day had been.

and isn't that what it's about? having one of the best days while doing things like grocery shopping and reading?

needless to say, i have a good one. one who, aside from his horrible memory, remembers that i love to keep movie ticket stubs and stores them in his wallet until he sees me next.

so, maybe it's not always easy to open up to another person, and maybe it's not easy to adjust life patterns to include another into your daily routine. i'm learning to be better at it, because the truth is, i've never had so much fun grocery shopping.

a new gem i'm in love, love with.

my name is jenn, and i am a dating urban legend.

2010-01-27T15:44:00.001-06:00

out with the new and in with the vintage

2010-01-07T10:50:00.000-06:00

i plan for 2010 to be classy.

i've been doing quite a bit of thinking and projecting, and have landed at a pretty good idea of where i'd like to see myself in the coming years.

for one, i'm going to spend more time with myself. i don't do enough of that, and it's for no other reason than i'm massively blessed, uber social, and a classic extrovert.

i love those bits about myself, but lately i've been running myself into the ground when it comes to social engagements, and i've committed to at least two days per calendar week at home.

also, and this may sound silly to some, but i'm going to start working on my wardrobe. i'd like to drive it in a much more vintage and tailored direction. i am, after all, in my late 20s now. i deserve a properly fitting wardrobe.

i found a spectacular little etsy shop where i've made my first purchase.

also, i plan to expand my hat and scarf collection quite a bit. so, if you have any stellar stores you'd like to share, please do pass them along.

that's all for now, lovvis.

current addiction: jazz and cherries

perplexed by figgy pudding and such

2009-12-19T17:07:00.002-06:00

usually i'm not the girl making resolutions one time a year. i generally try to make myself a better person constantly. however, in 2010 i am making one big change. i am consciously cutting out things that are bad for me.

those little vices that turn into bigger emotional wrecks are going to be phased out. this year i've learned the hard way that i'm a bit masochistic. perpetuating decisions that encourage behaviors fraught with disrespect, convoluted intentions, or generally cause mass amounts of emotional turmoil and hysteria in my life will be kicked to the curb.

i'm actually going to begin trusting my instincts a bit more. it's not always realistic, and it's not always something i can plan, but i'm generally always right.

as most of you know, i spent a fantastic chunk of my 2009 enamored with men who'll never love me back the way i want.

i'll be leaving that in 2009.

so, that's just a little thing i'm getting together in december. i'm preparing for the jump to really let go of those feelings that are one sided in reality. sure when they're reciprocated out of curiosity they're fantastic and wonderful. but you can't build a relationship on sometimes. you can't communicate with sporadic. and you most certainly can't establish trust through semi-reciprocated curiosity.

though i fancy gray, i'm a black and white kind of girl. and really, i'm okay with that. i have plans. i know what i don't want. essentially each day of my own growth will get me closer to those things i do want. and i'm sure when i get there i'll want something different, better, or more.

what a maddening and beautiful adventure this will be.

know (not in the bibilcal sense)

2009-12-11T14:28:00.005-06:00

so i had a date last night. i was actually nervous, which is abnormal.

the date went pretty well. we had a good time and laughed a lot.

especially when i made a highly inappropriate, accidentally erotic remark.

we were having a lovely dinner of pho, and we were discussing places we had lived/wanted to live.

i epicly delivered, "i've only lived in dallas. i tried for about 2 solid years to get my visa, though. i really wanted to move to london. but basically you have to be independently wealthy or know people. and i have tried to KNOW lots of people."

there was a brief silence before uncontainable laughter.

"okay, that didn't come out right. i'm so embarrassed. i'm so sorry i said that."

"i'm not," date said between deep breaths.

so much for breaking the ice. i still can't believe i said that. oye.

current addiction(s): little debbie christmas trees, jumping squats, and music (freelance whales and penguin prison)

she moves in like a pirate ship

2009-12-09T16:22:00.008-06:00

i'm going to go ahead and dedicate to those few faithful followers who've been waiting to learn of my menless october.

well, turns out, i'm no good at giving men up.

october 4th sort of ruined the whole month. we're still blaming it on vodka, but i ended up with a proper friend.

i also went to vegas with my on-again, off-again crush of two years. we had an amazing time, but shortly after we returned (i'm talking hours), he started doing exactly the things he does. he can't help it; it's just the way he's made. however, those specific things don't really work out for me. so, unless some sort of miracle happens, that will be off-for good.

now, from the surface this might seem a failure. that's where you are entirely wrong.

i learned something about myself in these last months of the year. i make bad decisions when it comes to protecting my emotions. i learned that also spills over into friendships.

so, simply, i'm setting higher standards and not making excuses for people anymore.

if someone isn't a good friend to me, then i don't need them around. i have plenty of friends.

if a guy says we're dating, then i run into him on a date with another girl, i probably shouldn't be dating that guy.

it's really easy. so i'm getting back to the basics. it may sound silly to you, but my overly humanistic soul gets into more trouble seeing things in people that they'll never see themselves.

i'm definitely dating, so that's always fun/interesting/boring/awful/exhausting.

last weekend my brother and his lady came to visit.

we had a swell time, and at one point he let me know that i was only allowed to date boys from church. this was my reaction...

nevertheless, i'm still here, dating, and just as sassy as always. i'll probably find someone someday, but right now i'm just enjoying the present with people i love.

incurable humanist

2009-10-17T18:11:00.003-05:00

"i've been thinking about you," he said.

i could tell he meant a kind of thinking that people long for. a kind of thinking full of possibilities and questions and adoration.

"i've been thinking of you too," i said truthfully.

but this time the thoughts weren't of possibility. they were of love and respect, but no romance.

for the first time i'm not confused about you. i know exactly how i feel. it makes me feel free and sad and encouraged and happy.

you were almost perfect, as so many of them are.

all kinds of beautiful

2009-10-06T23:43:00.003-05:00

last week/weekend was brilliant.

i had a few days off work and i spent them working from red cup and exploring the city. i don't go on enough adventures, and i got a few of those in.

one in particular was special. do you ever walk in a place and immediately know how special it is? well, that happened. it's a precious record store, ran by an older gentleman with tons of charm and stories for days. i plan to return to get some good jazz and a record player. i'm really glad i tagged along with some new friends. it just goes to show that you should never pass up an opportunity to meet someone.

i feel like my real self during the fall, so i've just been achingly happy, which is nice.

got to celebrate jeramy's bday, and as always, that night was not a disappointment. then, my new friend kate's birthday was on saturday. her friends are all fantastic, and i'm really looking forward to getting to know those souls a bit better.

had to go back to work this week. it definitely wasn't the highlight of my fall, but that's all right. i have a busy few weeks coming up, and i intend to properly manage my time so that i might have a glorious time in sin city.

today i asked a good friend what she thought i liked. (after she had asked me that earlier in the day.) this was her response...

wine and cucumbers! and rain and people! and all things british...

it's good to know that those are all things that i love. so, i pick observant friends, i like really cool things, and i'm pretty happy with the person i am.

a bit weird? definitely. but i wear that label proudly.

as most of you know, the whole men fast thing sort of went down in flames before October really started. good job, jenn. however, i sort of set myself up for failure. :)

it's turned into more of a "let's pick better people to be in my life" sort of thing. i like the way it's working out, and i have already made some good decisions concerning people i should or should not befriend.

i've decided i'm not dating for a while. it's just stressful, and frankly, i haven't met a guy in a really long time who's worth the time. i continually justify their actions, goals (ie. where they are at in life), and i can't do that anymore.

i'm 25. i have my act together (mostly), and i want someone who will offer me the same in return.

so, that's what i've learned so far in this. stay tuned for much more, i'm sure.

oh, juan.

2009-10-03T03:26:00.002-05:00

today was beautiful and complete.

it's about the small things for me, and i'm learning to enjoy those things to the absolute fullest. taking in every second of a moment is a new thing for me. i've struggled so long with dreaming too much, all the time.

when i finally realized the pattern i'd been living my life in, i decided to change that.

what i've found has been contentment. it's been adventure and beauty and love.

and tonight i'm going to sleep with dreams of tomorrow and the excitement that holds.

some things that i've learned about myself are that i love hats and red wine. sometimes i talk too much and don't take the time to really listen to people. i love people, so i'm really going to try and work on that.

care about that, sucka.

2009-09-29T10:15:00.002-05:00

mmm, mmm, mmmm.

a refined valley dude

2009-09-28T10:31:00.000-05:00

this makes my life right now.

shout-out to sav. good pull!

jazzy

2009-09-25T13:45:00.002-05:00

jazz is straight up rocking my world today.

okay, sliiight change.

boy fast started last night. long story that i'll explain later. anyway, yeah, fast started last night and will end October the 27th.

thanks for all the support, lovvis!

the hour is nigh

2009-09-24T07:27:00.000-05:00

well lovvis, i've gone and become radical. okay, not really. but after taking some inventory on my life, i've realized a few things, and i'm planning to re-train myself. i have developed some behaviors that i'm going to kick to the curb.

basically, in case you haven't guessed, this involves my love life. sigh.

i'm not seeking out a relationship. however, men tend to seek me out. that's fine, but when i begin to show interest, it's inevitable that they "aren't ready for a relationship" want to "see other people" or "are scared." basically, i've ended up getting hurt in the last few endeavors, and i'm really not a fan of that at all.

so, new plan.

i'm giving up men in the month of october. yep, you heard me. no, that doesn't mean i'm becoming a lesbian (sorry ladies).

basically, because i'm not actively searching out a relationship (although am open to the idea), i want to stop tarrying with folks that aren't worth my time.

i have a hard time establishing boundaries when it comes to guys as friends, especially if i can see myself with the person. so, this new guys as friends things is something that i'm going to have to work on.

i have a hard time saying that anyone isn't worth my time; however, that's really not the case. i have a lot to offer any person, and i plan to start respecting myself more.

anyway, in order to get to a point where i can establish those boundaries, i've decided to cleanse first. what better way? a fast.

so, here are the rules. i will not give out my number in the month of october. i won't hit on a guy in october. i won't text or call a guy. i won't return a text or call from a guy.

i won't accept any drinks that are bought for me while out. (man, i'm going to have to re-budget.) i will not accept any wine purchase, no matter how nice the bottle. (ugh. that one hurts, but men are trixy. especially those that know my weaknesses.)

as far as social media goes... i will not respond to any private message from guys. i will not send private messages to guys. if i am commented, unless a specific, non-flirty question is asked, they will be ignored. i will not comment any men.

(of course this does not include my gaybees or already established friendships that i have with men. if you are in question, you better ask. you've got six days.)

i've discussed this with a few close friends, and i'm quite open to any ideas you have to tighten up the guidelines. i've gotten a few accountability offers, and i'm open to more.

i'm pretty sure there are already bets of how long i will last. i think someone has already thrown in October 7th. thanks for the support. :p

but really, it's going to be very hard. i'm quite stubborn when it counts, though, and i'm looking forward to being a better person.

i hope to gain better insight of male/female relationship and dynamic. i hope to learn that it's okay to hold myself to higher standards. i'm not against dating, but i'm absolutely no good at it (apparently), so i hope to learn to be better at that.

really, i just want to be better, full stop.

when considering music at the bar

2009-09-23T08:13:00.003-05:00

"this song is spiraling me into depression," said jenn with a furrowed brow.
"i think that's what it's for," kate answered with an empathetic look.
"who sings this song anyway?" jenn whined.
matt leaned across the bar to give some input."ask the lady beside you... she looks like a die-hard fan."
jenn shifted on the hard stool and interjected herself into the somewhat drunk and trashy-looking blond's conversation. "excuse me, who sings this song?"
"gunsss n' rossses. i got 'em tattooed on my back," she slurred.

jenn heard an eruption of laughter behind her and was somewhat unsure of how to handle herself. she was sure that the look on her face gave away her true feelings. however, there was still hope that the blond's drunken haze buffered any offense.

"right. thanks, guns n' roses."

dripping in alchemy...

2009-09-21T22:06:00.003-05:00

on my way home tonight, i saw a girl beside me in her car. she was crying crocodile tears, and i couldn't help but immediately empathize with her.

it could have been the song on her radio; she might have been listening to a book on tape; she might have just broken up with her bf/gf... who really knows?

i mean, who hasn't been in their car, crying their eyes out? well, i have. in fact, just last night. it will probably happen again, and that's just the way things go.

my eternally optimistic disposition has definitely taken a hit in the past year. unfailingly, i find the silver lining and rarely miss a beat due to losing heart.

just tonight i was thinking about the moments in my day. they are all so precious. i didn't really do anything extraordinary, but every moment meant something to me. i was acknowledged and rewarded at work; i felt needed by a friend; i made a new friend; i felt unimportant; i felt blessed; i missed london; i was thankful.

each of those things tiny, tiny moments make up who i am. and i must say, i'm quite pleased with that person.

it's really a good feeling. and although i'm not quite where i would like to be, i'm making positive steps every day and am driven to be the best, happiest person that i can be.

stay tuned on that.

entirely too sexy for monday

2009-08-24T20:05:00.001-05:00

all right, i've been disgracing this blog, but i ran across my friend's and thought it was cute.

the things that make people feel sexy are always interesting. so, here are mine...

1. Being Naked. as weird as it sounds, i actually feel the most sexy when i'm allowed to roam free without the shackles of clothing. this has been pointed out as quite odd since i love fashion, and i agree, but i don't make the rules.

2. Dancing. most any kind, particularly latin or belly. i love, love, love dancing, and it brings on some sexy feelings.

3. Shoes.

boots-any kind, i always feel sexy!

pumps-oh those leg-lengthening marvels.
http://www.aldoshoes.com/us/women/pumps/platform/76381225-dreggs/97

chucks-these are a surprise sexy...but no matter when i put them on, it's instant.

4. Working Out. specifically zumba and pilates!

5. Painted Nails. no matter what color, i always feel a bit better when my nails are painted.

at least carrie got a post-it

2009-07-30T17:05:00.005-05:00

well, it's funny you should mention that, because, actually, there is. You can have the guts and the courtesy to tell a woman, to her face, that you no longer want to see her. Call me crazy, but I think that you can make a point of ending your relationship in a manner that does not include an e-mail, a doorman, or a missing persons report. I think you could all get over your fear of looking like the bad guy and actually have the uncomfortable break-up conversation. Because, here's what: avoiding that is what makes you the bad guy.

Most women aren't angry, irrational psychos. We just want an ending to a relationship that is thoughtful and decent and honors what we had together. So my point, is this: there is a good way to break-up with someone and it doesn't include a post-it! -sex and the city

so, basically, all things can be solved through respect and communication. that's all.

i hope we still aren't having this conversation when we are 40

2009-07-15T22:24:00.002-05:00

this past week i've realized there are lots of things that i don't know that i thought i did. i'm totally okay with that. i'm all about growing into a better person.

things i do know:
i love cucumbers, music, and chocolate (not together)
i am blessed to have so many friends
life is about doing the things that you love. plain and simple.
i adore people...especially the interesting souls
music has become a part of me that i can't really explain. i hope one day to have the same passion, connection, and love for a human.
i need a holiday like i need a rainy day
i hate summer more than ever
i love me some dancing
i. miss. london.

jazzy and jubilant

2009-06-25T09:51:00.003-05:00

Where was the very last place you went besides your house?
workkkkk

The last person you kissed needs you at 3am, would you help them?
of course

Last thing you did before bed last night?
re-set my alarm

Do you get mad easily?
no. it takes a lot to be on my poo list.

Do you think somebody likes the same person you do?
yes, because he's swell.

Do you care if people hate you for no reason?
not anymore. you can't win them all, lovvis.

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
talk, talk, talk. communicado es muy importante!

What's your last text say?
i love you. have a great day.

Are you happy?
mmhmm

What are you doing after this?
working some more, hitting the gym, then going to smangela's

Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
cold please

Who was the last person you were in a car with?
audra

When was the last time you had a REAL smile on your face?
just a few seconds ago

Do you like getting big hugs?
yes indeed.

Is tomorrow looking good?
i can't see tomorrow yet. but i have a feeling it will be spectacular.

What color are your eyes?
very blue

Have you ever given up on someone, but then went back to them later?
nope. once i give up i'm done. that's why it's kind of hard for me to let go initially.

Do you hate the last person you kissed?
haha noooooo. not in the very least.

Do you want to see someone right now?
eh. not really. i need to work.

Are you in a good mood?
i'm in a wonderful mood...besides being ridiculously cold. i have on two blankets.

Do you miss your past?
not at all. is that weird? i've had some great times, but i just really love my present...and my future for that matter.

Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
not on purpose

Have you ever gone out with a football player?
yes, in college.

Last person to make you smile?
my entire office. they are fun. i like them.

Who were you with at 12:00 last night?
just bailey and i. we were sleeping.

If you're sleeping and someone calls you what do you say?
i sleep heavily, so i say nothing until the next day.

Ever receive a really long apology?
sure

Are you mad at the last person who called you?
negative

Are you afraid to answer sexual questions?
haha no

Expecting something to change in the next month?
things always change. that's the only thing that stays the same.

Ready for winter to come?
oh so very much.

Were you an honor roll student in school?
indeed

How do you make your money?
i work hard for tha money! but seriously, i edit the books and write the columns and dance...wait...

What do you have planned for tonight?
working. boo. and maybe, if working gets to a steady point, heading out on the town. maybe.

Today did you kiss a person you have feelings for?
does bailey count?

Have you ever been around someone who was high?
that i have

If you could have anything right now what would it be?
cuddles!

How ticklish are you?
let's not go there

Has someone ever told you they would be with you forever?
yes.

What are you doing right now?
not working. laughing about epic fails.

Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
usually open. clothes and shoes are pretty!

Best friend?
i am blessed with many

Do you know any mechanical stuff about cars?
negative

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night?
i don't get that many hours in a row until the weekend comes around

that's me with my sort-of snuggie. it's sooooo cold!