One House of Peace

Tender Holding — the Grace of Being with Pain

Caverly — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 03:59:02 +0000

We are deeply conditioned to shy away from pain – or at least attempt to. We forget that if we avoid it we miss a great opportunity. In allowing ourselves to fully experience pain, in being with it with presence and compassion, we embrace the lessons we are here to learn. We grow. Rarely do we stop to ask ourselves what’s so terrible about pain in the first place. As children, when we experienced hurt, we created mechanisms (like being strong and independent) to ‘protect us’. The mechanisms, or coping behaviors, served us. They don’t any longer. While we might understand this intellectually, in the face of a painful circumstance it can be difficult to move forward toward and into the experience, rather than away. In truth, when identified with the conditioned mind, the fear of the pain is what drives us, not the pain itself. In fully giving over to the pain, to the hurt we experience in life, we give ourselves to a full and rich experience of interconnection. We are deeply moved by each other. We are affected by our circumstances. We are shaped by thoughts – our own and those of others. In shirking away from this truth we create a defended illusory reality in which we feel isolated and alone. In that shirking, we completely miss the sweetness that comes when we are fully present to our own experience of pain – whether disappointment, sadness, heartbreak or a closely related cousin. We miss the tenderness that’s there when we can hold our own experience of pain the same way we’d hold that of our closest friend or a child we love. Our fear of pain informs our relationship with it, as if constantly nagging in our ear that we must be careful, on guard, vigilantly watching for its possible entrance. Meanwhile, an opening to be fully and wholly human is missed. An opportunity to not only feel intimately connected to our experience of the moment, but to the experience of being alive. In fearing and avoiding pain we are agreeing to relive the same experience – one in which the conditioned mind can call ‘known’ – over and over. We don’t grow. We don’t learn. In surrendering to the experience of our own heartache, we surrender the attempt to avoid that, which, in the end, can’t actually be avoided – only feared rather than fully felt.

Mauricio’s Moment of Joy

Caverly — Thu, 28 Feb 2013 06:15:50 +0000

Only glimpses of their personal stories are revealed. The general ones are more prominent. Some have fled their country in order to make money for their families. Some have been sold into the sex trade. Some are coming to the States to be reunited with those they love who have found a way to make it work ‘on the other side.’ Some are running away. What they all have in common: Being undocumented. Months ago, ‘Peace in Schools’ began an ongoing weekly program at a residential program for undocumented youth. Because minors can only be detained in immigration for 48 hours, these 13-17 year old boys are housed at the shelter until the next steps can be taken. The next steps: Locating their families, sometimes finding foster care, ensuring they are safe as they journey back into the world. When ‘Peace in Schools’ first received the request to serve this community, we were told that the students were “sweet, wonderful, and very traumatized.” Most spoke no English. We were informed that they "face the reality of coming from homes with poverty and scarce resources." The administrator believed that “they could benefit greatly from Awareness Practice.” Allyson and I didn’t take long to deliberate. It was clear that this was the next direction in which to move. While we entered the shelter with no expectations, on some level I felt prepared for cantankerous resistance. In my mind, they were teenagers – it comes with the territory. But this was an erroneous assumption. Delightfully erroneous. Forever I will cherish the experience of ‘Mauricio’ lighting up, shining, after guiding us in walking meditation. We had seen him for months, and while he had never been resistant in the surly way I might have expected from a teen, his participation in the class had been minimal. He always showed up, but sometimes he chose to lie on his mat and sleep rather than move through the yoga poses with us. And though he usually participated in the meditation, it was hard to discern his level of engagement. His sadness was palpable. Recently the sun came out and it was warm enough to hold our class outside. Cause for celebration in Portland during February! ‘Mauricio’ took his familiar role of being somewhat distanced, yet observatory. On this rare but sunny morning, he was invited to guide the group. As I handed him the bell, he gazed in disbelief – as if perhaps I had the wrong person. And then a smile broke forth – and a somewhat sweetly devilish one at that! He clarified that he ‘could lead the group anywhere?’ Yes. That he ‘could go any pace that he wished?’ Yes. That ‘we’d follow him wherever he led?’ Yes, yes and yes. And so he began. First cautiously. Consistently checking over his shoulder as if to say, ‘Are you guys really still behind me?’ We all kept our eyes gazing downward, attention on the breath, following him. And then his playfulness erupted. Remember, this is from a boy who likely doesn’t know where Portland is on a map. Who doesn’t speak English. Who’s had an unbelievably difficult journey and who has been separated from his family for months. This is from a boy who has very likely experienced trauma in his travels that we’d struggle to imagine, and likely wouldn’t care to. He sped up. With short steps, his pace quickened. All behind him stayed in stride. He quickened again. As he felt our steadfast commitment to follow, to stick with him, a quiet giggle escaped. And as if we had all been commanded to follow more than merely his footsteps and our own breath, the giggle spread through the line. Now, like a giant caterpillar, we moved through the field with chuckles trailing. He was virtually running. We all were. Shocked that he wasn’t being reprimanded, with invigorated breath he began to weave in and out of the swing sets. We followed our fearless guide. He veered left; we veered left. He came to a momentary halt, we all halted. He inhaled; we exhaled. He began again. It became difficult to tell where the chuckles were originating. He couldn’t shake us, and we couldn’t shake him. What most significantly couldn’t be shaken: Love. Afterwards, when we formed our usual circle to share about our experience, he glowed. “Realmente pude sentir mi aliento! Se sentía tan bien sentir realmente mi aliento!” “I could really feel my breath! It felt so good to really feel my breath!” We all smiled. We all understood. ‘Mauricio’ was alive. We were alive. Life was alive. It struck me that this is one of the great gifts of Awareness Practice. The gift of touching in with who we authentically are. Underneath our stories. Underneath our pain. Underneath the illusion that we are separate from each other and from life – this sweet, vulnerable, authenticity shines through. And even if it’s only for one moment that we tap in, that’s one moment that we were truly present to what is. One moment that we see clearly. One moment that we remember. And if there can be one, in spite of all else, in spite of the myriad of difficulties that face us, how would it be possible that there could not be more? I offer this story about ‘Mauricio’ as this month’s blog post so that you might have a glimpse into the impact of this transformative work. Please help us maintain and expand our ‘Peace in Schools’ programs. Help us share this work with youth. One House of Peace has received another $154 per month in sponsorship since our last call for support. That means that we’re now at $348 per month in pledges. We’ve reached 35% of our goal. For those new to our mailing list, click here to read more about our vision of sustainability and growth. To donate: click here. As always, thank you for your participation. And, for your Love.

A Letter from Caverly: Moving into the Spirit of 2013

Alex Luchini — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 08:07:44 +0000

One House of Peace has been growing and expanding rapidly. It’s become extraordinarily clear that there is a need for what this small nonprofit offers the world. People around the globe are responding. They hear the call to wake up, to end suffering, to live in peace. I’m writing to you with a full heart to report on our accomplishments over the last year. For such a small entity, we seem to have moved the equivalent of the proverbial mountain. I’m also writing to invite you to participate in our sustainability and growth. Since our inception, One House of Peace has been based on the offerings of regular classes as well as private consultations. Our growth encompasses the expansion of those activities as well as our outreach program – ‘Peace in Schools’. In addition, we now offer workshops in Sacramento, Berkeley, and Soquel, California; Penland, North Carolina; Charlottesville, Virginia; and Portland, Oregon and are in the development stage of planning events in Seattle, Washington. Our Facebook page, where we post daily Awareness Practice thoughts and encouragement for Practice, has grown to over 1,050 fans from around the globe. Our mailing list has increased by a third over the last year. We also have a blog about practice, enhanced by the participation of regular followers. Weekly, through ‘Peace in Schools,’ we are now bringing our program of mindfulness through Yoga and Awareness Practice into a shelter for undocumented youth in Portland. Later this month we’ll be serving 5th through 8th graders in a charter school, as well working with high school students in another Portland public school. And that’s just the beginning. We’ve been in communication with other organizations, including a drug rehabilitation center, as well as a center for grieving children. It’s clear that, with continued support, ‘Peace in Schools’ will soon be able to reach beyond the school setting and serve even more fully. I know there’s no need for me to climb on a soapbox about the importance of bringing this work to our young people. Consider the ages of those who committed the recent shootings near Denver, at the Portland mall, and in Connecticut. Enough said. In the category of workshops, our 2012 four-day retreat at Land of Medicine Buddha in Soquel, California, had such enthusiastic response that our 2013 retreat is already on the books and, by popular demand, expanding to a 5-day gathering. We hope to have registration live by next week. The demand for private consultations has also grown and continues to include consultations via Skype as well as our new, soon to be launched program (via the Internet) which will facilitate Awareness Practice calls that anyone, anywhere in the world, will be able to access. These calls will be on the last Sunday of each month. Details forthcoming. So, with the turn of the year, new requests and challenges spill forth. In Sacramento, for example, our terrific team of volunteer meditation guides has been invited by the YMCA to bring Practice to their community. We’ll begin doing so later this month – at no cost. Our recent workshop in Berkeley, a new venue for us, was a terrific success. In March, the weeklong workshop in North Carolina with artist, author and deep-ecologist, Paulus Berensohn has, for weeks, been filled to maximum capacity. Now we’ve been invited to consider expanding our workshop offerings into Seattle. As we respond to these calls and opportunities for Awareness Practice, as we expand, so does our internal need for infrastructure. There, too, we have made progress. Last year we created a new website that allows us to manage events seamlessly using PayPal. We also hired a fantastic part-time bookkeeper, as well as a part-time office administrator. I affectionately refer to them as our ‘administrative rock-stars.’ For me, personally, their coming aboard has been a small miracle since, prior to mid-2012, I wore every hat in the organization. Having this part-time staff allows me to deepen the work and reach further into the community. It allows me to focus on teaching and being the visionary of the organization, and spares me from getting bogged down attempting to manifest skills I actually don’t have! It is the commitment of One House of Peace to continue all of the offerings mentioned at the lowest possible cost to the participant. In this effort, many volunteers have responded to our call for need with their support and services. We currently have donated graphic design su pport, flyer distribution help, grant research assistance, editing services, social media support and more. But, many expenses are actual. Bookkeepers need to be paid. Meditation cushions are costly. Space rental expense is terribly real, as is insurance. These costs only increase as we expand. Having been sheltered from dealings with money for eight years while a monk, I’ve been humbled and shocked to learn what it costs to run an organization – even a small one such as ours. The monthly costs to keep our doors open are sobering. And, as we expand, as we move forward with our mission, let’s face it – we are inviting our budget to get larger. As you know, the fundamental teaching of One House of Peace is that we are interconnected. In terms of our interconnection, it’s become extraordinarily clear that we can only move forward and thrive as a team. This is true on the largest universal scale, and also regarding the life of the nonprofit. We can only share this practice of consciousness more widely and more fully with a strong base of support. Today, I invite you to become part of the fabric of this vision. Our sustainability and expansion are only possible through donor support – specifically, monthly sponsorship. In fact, this is the only way we will be able to continue. There’s a reason we are a nonprofit. We live up to its definition. We belong to the community. We serve the community. We are yours. Were it otherwise, we’d be a business. To meet the requests already received for 2013, we need to raise a minimum of $833.33 a month. If every one on our mailing list gave $12 a month in 2013, we’d raise $8,964.00 monthly to put towards our plan of expansion. If every one of our Facebook friends offered $12 a month, we’d have another $12,636.00 a month. This is huge. You can see, when working together, it takes very little for us to make a difference. We’ve created sponsorship levels to make this available to all. We invite you to participate however you can. Become a monthly donor:

Fan for $12 a month
Friend for $25 a month
Supporter for $50 a month
Sponsor for $75 a month
Founder for $100 a month
Hero for $200 a month
Angel for $300 a month

I invite you to join in the sustainability and growth of One House of Peace. Will you be part of the fabric of this nonprofit? Will you stand with us as we expand our vision to end suffering, as we answer the call to create peace? Contributions can be made through PayPal, direct deposits into our account, and/or checks sent to our PO Box. And of course one-time donations are always welcome if that is best for you. And, just a reminder, our organization has been recognized as exempt from federal income tax under Section 501 (c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code and, is eligible to receive tax-deductible contributions.

Thank you. Thank you for your support in whatever way it is expressed. Most of all, thank you for being someone who cares about bringing a peaceful practice of consciousness to the world, at a time when it is so desperately needed. February update - as reported in our monthly newsletter: We've received $194 in monthly sponsorships to date! Our ideal goal is to have $1000 a month in community support, allowing us to expand programs like "Peace in Schools." We need $833 each month simply to maintain the programs we currently have in place. This, then, means that, as of now, we've reached 20% of our goal! Please know that we truly can't exist without your support. March update - as reported in our monthly newsletter: We' re so grateful to now be receiving $850 in monthly sponsorships, and we're thrilled to be so close to our goal of having $1000 a month in community support! Remember that $833 a month ensures that the basic operations of One House of Peace are in place and functioning. Meeting our goal would allow us to focus on outreach and long-term sustainability. Please consider joining us today and helping us to serve. Thank you!

There is a Choice – There is Love

Caverly — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 16:47:42 +0000

The suffering that a person must be in when deciding to enter an elementary school with intent to kill ... With tears, I recommit to my life's mission again and again. Sending prayers and love to all involved. *** I posted this on my Facebook page just after hearing the news of the tragedy in Connecticut. And now, days later, I find myself consistently deeply affected. Again and again I commit to my life’s mission to end suffering. The temptation is great, in the wake of such events, to blame, to judge, to hate. Or perhaps to simply curl up in a heap of sorrow. We must remember, though, that those who commit hideous crimes are caught in just that – self-hatred and excruciating pain. It is not possible to be awake and commit calculated harm at the same time. While I think the conversation about gun control is an extremely valuable one to be having, people pull triggers. I do not believe that real and lasting transformation will come merely from removing people’s weapons. In sitting with the darkness of what has occurred, I believe our answer lies in addressing the source. The people pulling triggers are people who are suffering. This is our opportunity to commit to a life without hatred. It is an opportunity to wake up from the dream we’ve been living in – the dream that asserts that we are isolated, separate, and alone. *** Anyone who knows me intimately will tell you that I can be demanding, pushy, strong-willed, and bull-headed. I would be a fool to argue. Hopefully, they will also tell you that I am committed, and that, for better or worse, I can be like a terrier with a bone when it comes to my life’s mission. I do believe that it is possible to end suffering. I don’t plan on letting go of that focus this go-round. I’m willing to be buried with my bone. At this point, it’s simply the only thing I know to do. In facing the darkness of our suffering, Awareness Practice is the only thing, in my experience, that works. In a world of madness created by hatred, greed and delusion, in a world in which such massive amounts of misery abound, I am indescribably grateful that there is a way to end suffering. *** At dawn, I woke to this phrase: Mind your tender heart with care. Your love matters. During my morning meditation, I found myself called to the Zen practice of full prostrations. Bowing deeply, with the whole body, lifting my hands in the air as my face touched the mat. Allowing myself to be broken open by the pain of the world and humbling myself to what is. In spite of all my wishing that things were different, they are not. I surrender. Again and again I stood, bowed, came to the floor, raised my hands. It is a time to care. To love. And that is what we have to offer that is different. By being with the pain of what is and through tending to our loving commitment to wake up and end suffering, we offer something different. We offer peace. *** As individuals and as a society we come up against things that defy understanding. Acts of cruelty. Violence. Hatred. It’s the nature of cruelty to break the heart. That experience brings opening. As painful as it is, it opens our eyes. It offers us a mirror. It provides a call to wake up. We are grossly inept in our time with tools to do this on a mass scale. The media is busy. Exploitation ignites. Blaming words fly. Anger rages. Ideals collapse. Little suggests that it is a time to be still, to allow ourselves to fully experience and be with this pain – as difficult as it is, to embrace our pain and trust that it as an opportunity to wake up. We can’t step out of tragedy, but we can learn to truly be with it. We can let our pain and our broken-open hearts affect us. We can let our tender vulnerability affect the world as we recommit to peace. *** Volcanoes erupt. Hurricanes tear. Rivers flood. When tragedy is seen as an act from God, we have a different way to process it. When tragedy is an act of the human hand, it throws us back against ourselves. It makes us look in the mirror. As devastating as such tragedy is, in terms of waking up, this process of reflection can assist us. The very moment in which it’s easy for hatred to erupt is the very moment that we are called to awaken. *** There is a way to wake up. We don’t have to wait for a miracle. We don’t have to hope and pray to be other than we are – to be better, to be more holy, to be more pure. We can learn to be conscious. It’s not magic. It’s structured. There’s a practice that can be taught. We have the grand and glorious ability to learn how to get out of the mess that we’ve created. In becoming conscious, the Truth is revealed: the truth of our interconnection, the truth of the strength of love. When we awaken to the realization of our interconnection, we awaken to the realization that we are not separate from each other and that we are not separate from love. We must turn our attention to this interconnection. We must turn to love. There is solace to be had. No one is going to say anything that is going to make a tragedy okay. We can, however, turn our attention to ending suffering. To being awake in the world. To peace. *** I part with words from a recent One House of Peace Facebook post. I invite you to join us in offering this prayer to the world: In the web of interconnectedness in which we live, it is not possible to be unaffected by 'the other.' There is no other. Practice extending compassion to those in pain. Include your own heavy heart. As I inhale I accept what is. As I exhale I offer love and compassion to the world. Repeat.

Cultivating A Heart of Gratitude

amylbotula — Wed, 14 Nov 2012 19:23:14 +0000

Greetings, I am delighted to introduce you to Amy Botula! Amy is our new office administrator and all around right hand gal. Her enthusiasm and dedication have been inspiring. In particular, she's been instrumental in assisting us with the expansion of our 'Peace in Schools' program. Details about that program, and more, in a letter from Amy below! In Peace, Caverly As we settle into the month of November and details from the devastation of Hurricane Sandy continue to dominate the news, we are offered no better reminder about the importance of gratitude - not because we may have dodged the storm or because we may have adequate home insurance, rather because we are here, together. Awareness Practice teaches us that we are all interconnected and even in our most challenging moments, we are never alone. And while on the subject of gratitude, all of us at One House of Peace are delighted to share our exciting news. Portland artist Lisa Kummer invited Caverly to write an essay for her design project My PLANet, a yearly planner filled with beautiful photographs and reminders about presence, consciousness, and intention. Even more exciting is Lisa's generous offer to donate a part of the calendar's proceeds to One House of Peace's 'Peace in Schools' program. The calendar will be available throughout the Northwest - in local stores like New Seasons and nationwide chains like Whole Foods. It can also be purchased on-line here coloryourpath.com. Please use the affiliate ID “onehouseofpeace,” when purchasing the calendar, and 15% of your purchase will go directly to 'Peace in Schools.' We are just as humbled and grateful that our long-time collaborator Lily Dupont Leedum from Bendala Yoga also donates a portion of the proceeds made from their sales to 'Peace in Schools.' The change in season is always a good time to recycle your old yoga mat and pick up a new all-natural, toxin-free one. Click here bendalayoga.com to check out Bendala's great 100% cotton yoga mats. Use the code onehouseofpeace and not only will Bendala donate a portion of the proceeds but you will get 25% off your purchase. Fall has been good to One House of Peace. Word is spreading about 'Peace in Schools,' and much of our time is devoted to meeting with interested school faculty and planning curriculum that brings Awareness Practice and yoga to students while meeting the needs specific to each school's population. Your donations not only help to sustain the program, they help us to reach schools where the funding is so limited that outreach is discouraged. It should be no surprise that these are the schools where 'Peace in Schools' is most needed. One such school is a residential program for undocumented youth in Portland where students originally from Mexico and Central America study and live until their families are located. Caverly and her 'Peace in Schools' partner, Allyson Copacino, founder and director of Moveyoga, are grateful to have been called to share their practice with the young men in this program. Last Thursday, our weekly program at the shelter began. We look forward to keeping you posted about its evolution. You can read more about 'Peace in Schools,' as well as download our new brochure about the program, here. And, if you would like to support our program, you can donate here. We move toward Thanksgiving with open hearts and tremendous gratitude for all of you - your time, dedication, and generosity of spirit. Thank you for being part of One House of Peace and enjoy the beginning of this holiday season. Lastly, Caverly wanted me to offer a special thanks to all who made 'Cultivating A Heart of Gratitude' such a great workshop in Sacramento last weekend. For those in Portland, we'll be offering it again at Yoga Shala on Saturday. Click here for more info and/or to register: yogashalapdx.com/workshops.html We look forward to practicing with you soon! In Peace, Amy

Becoming the Detective in Your Own Life

Caverly — Tue, 23 Oct 2012 04:51:39 +0000

Our experience of life completely shifts when we become clear that the voice inside our heads criticizing us, is not us. Sound crazy? What’s crazy is that we don’t find it terribly odd, even frighteningly wacky, that there’s a voice in our head calling you ‘you.’ Without consciousness, its validity goes unquestioned. “You shouldn’t have said that.” “You are stupid.” “You should know better.” “You deserve that.” “You _________________” (fill in the blank with something judgmental and critical.) How often do we stand back and ask: “Who is this talking to me and why is it referring to me as ‘you?’ Who is this living inside my head?" That we assume because WE thought it, it must be true, is one of our most fundamental human errors. We tend neither to question the nature of where these thoughts arise, nor their validity. If we want to be free, we must change our relationship with the conditioned mind. To begin, we can focus on the voice of shame. Why start there? Because when we are caught in self-hatred we can’t see what else is going on. It’s like a cloud that fogs our vision and keeps us from being able to do anything except feel bad. In jettisoning the ‘feeling bad’ part, we can start to get a sense of what’s going on underneath the self-hatred. We can then ask: what leads towards an experience of connection? What leads towards isolation? HOW does the process of feeling separate from life happen? When not caught in self-hate, our obstructed view clears and we begin to see. The PROCESS of suffering is revealed. I frequently get asked if the phrase ‘self-hatred’ is perhaps ‘a little strong.’ In my experience, it is not at all. If you had someone in your house, following you around, watching your every move, criticizing you, judging you, you’d be undeniably clear that this person hates you. You’d kick them out. When it’s in your head, however, you believe it. You buy the story. It’s not a nagging and cruel voice with no validity – it’s presenting 'TRUTH.' Should we value liberation, it is paramount that we shift our relationship with the voice full of hatred in our heads. In order to shift this relationship, we must recognize that this voice isn’t US. We must see that this ‘self-hatred’ isn’t a part of our self at all. It is a voice. It is a phantom without a body. So, while I don’t believe it’s too strong to call it ‘self-hatred,’ I do believe it could potentially be misleading to use the word ‘self’ at all when referring to this disembodied voice. Should we wish to end suffering, we must step back from the voice of shame, the inner critic, the phantom full of hatred, and see it as something to keep a close eye on rather than something to believe. If we witnessed this voice from a place of consciousness – from a place of deep curiosity regarding how self-hatred operates – that distanced perspective in and of itself would be the start of changing our relationship with it. Picture that everyday your house is robbed at 4pm. For most of us, our habitual reaction would be to live in fear. For those on a spiritual path, we are given the opportunity to plop down in the middle of the living room and wait. We know it’s going to happen. The masked man is going to come. We wait. With eyes open, we wait. To be clear, this is not the same as, ‘we invite the thief in.’ It simply suggests that to shift our relationship with self-hate, we must begin by being deeply fascinated by how it operates rather than continually getting caught taking everything it says personally. We must stop believing that just because we heard this voice that hates us inside our heads, it’s true. So there you are in your living room. It’s 3:39pm. You see the guy heading towards the house. This time you are paying attention. You notice that he always comes from the East. He always carries a bag and wears dark colors. He approaches the window on the West side, which you’ve habitually left unlocked for years. You see HOW this guy does what he does. With me? In paying attention in this way, at what point would you lock the window?! At what point would you call the police and tell them exactly what this guy is doing and how? When believing the voice of shame within us, it’s as though we are saying that we deserve to be robbed. In fearing the thief, we become powerless. It is through stepping back and changing our relationship with self-hatred that we access what’s actually possible for our lives. It is through realizing that this thief has nothing to do with us that we begin to taste freedom. We must become the detectives in our own lives. We must question what’s going on and not waiver in our commitment to see clearly. It is in paying attention that all is revealed and the Truth is realized.

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I hope those in Sacramento will join us for ‘Releasing Self-Hatred, Returning to Compassion’ on November 4^th. If there were one workshop I offer that I could require all who I work with to take, it would be this one. It strengthens foundational building blocks to the Awareness Practice that One House of Peace shares. All welcome. (Other upcoming events in Sacramento can be found here. We look forward to practicing with you soon.)

The Gift of Silence

Caverly — Tue, 25 Sep 2012 04:21:21 +0000

Silence. It is in silence that we remember who we authentically are – even if that silence is the stillness within amidst great external noise. After our August retreat, which was a silent one, aside from the hours spent in workshop, I received a touching account from a participant who was moved by her experience of silence. I think it’s one all will relate to. Enjoy! I had been home from my very first silent retreat for approximately 22 hours, and all I could think was, “I want to go back.” The excitement of reuniting with my beautiful and supportive family had worn off. The calm and loving voice that I had learned to use with myself, and others, was slowly reverting to the irritated and exhausted tone of a frazzled mom. I desperately wanted to hold on to the feeling of an open heart, but I could feel it growing weaker with every moment. Then, finally, after half of a day caring for my kids, it was gone. Gone! The 4 days of beautiful silence became like a dream, and I was back to being identified with my usual crabby self. Desperately trying to keep my cool while dealing with the joys, frustrations, and often boredom of being a full time Mom. Things got pretty rough on my second morning home. I walked downstairs and joined my family for breakfast. Within 2 minutes, we were all talking at the same time, each struggling to be heard. The baby was crying and I’m pretty sure my cat was meowing as well. I could feel my frustration welling up inside of me. I wanted to tell everyone to be quiet. I wanted to turn on the TV for my daughter so that I could talk to my partner without being interrupted. I wanted to fix the morning scene so that it never would be repeated. Really, I just wanted to leave. Leaving wasn’t an option. I thought about how wonderful it was to eat breakfast in silence while on retreat. People were not even supposed to look at each other! (This was a challenge). What a glorious experience. Suddenly, I had a realization. I can’t control anything in this situation. I can choose silence for myself. I made an announcement to the family, “I’m feeling like things are too loud and crazy for me right now. I’m going to be quiet for 5 minutes. I see you, I hear you, I love you, and I can even try and help you, but I am not talking for the next 5 minutes.” I sat down. My silence was magical. 5 minutes turned into 50. Everyone settled into their morning activities with ease. They were calm. I was calm. I was silent. I then realized that retreat isn’t about the place, people, activities, or food (although they were all wonderful). Retreat gave me the space to appreciate the power and beauty of silence. This silence is definitely quiet…but also soothing, nourishing, energizing. It almost feels like a deep warm bath for both the mind and body. I imagine it as a balm for the soul. I don’t think I had ever really experienced such silence before. I tend to think of myself as a really busy person. The kind of busy where you are constantly organizing, making lists of things to do and buy, and of course checking in with email, texts, Facebook and Pinterest multiple times during the day. Most of any “free time” is spent shopping, reading, or just trying to escape from the daily grind. There is no silence in this life. Silence is your breath, noticing your thoughts, and then your breath again. We can’t all lead a life in which we follow the path of silence. But we can remember, especially in times of stress, anger, or pain, to return to the silence that already exists inside of us. We can tap into it when we need it most. Practice it on the cushion. We don’t have to do anything special, be in a different place, or even change our ways. I will continue to cultivate this practice and use these little nuggets of silence as a tool in my daily life. I strive to spend a bit less time with my iphone and a little more time dedicated to staying present. Only then can I listen to my heart. This is one of the many gifts I received while on retreat. ~ Stephanie, full time mother

Because it Can: An Open Letter to Those Who Grieve

Caverly — Tue, 21 Aug 2012 05:39:09 +0000

A cherished friend recently went through an extremely traumatic labor. After a week of life, her son died. This letter is to my friend, the mother, and is posted publicly for all who can understand. May it be of benefit to those who grieve.

Dear one, I hear that your foundation has been shaken. I hear that you struggle to find meaning in your days. I hear that at times it’s been hard to find the motivation to do anything. I hear that you miss your child. I hear you. I understand. I also understand that the road of healing will not be short, nor linear. I understand that you don’t know how life will look from here. I understand there’s a temptation to believe that there must be a particular way in which you should be moving through this experience. As someone who loves you, I don’t believe that there is. Yesterday, when sharing tea, it struck me deeply when you suggested that ‘there’s probably a more spiritual way to deal with this.’ I believe that notion is a slippery one. The conditioned mind’s definition of ‘more spiritual’ is often simply another set of created standards in a ‘spiritual’ cloak. That mind is forever standing outside life asserting what we ‘should be experiencing,’ what we ‘should be thinking,’ and what ‘being evolved’ looks like. It leaves no room for the experience we are actually having in this moment, and rejects the part of us having that experience. There’s nothing evolved about rejection. Being fully with the experience we are actually having, without judgment, without recrimination, IS ‘the more spiritual way to deal.’ On another yet related note, I understand that you have found yourself with the question of why. I have found myself with the same thought. Forever I will remember the experience, when your child was grasping for breath, of grasping for an answer. I was sitting in my parked car, outside my home, seemingly frozen. I heard the desperation in my voice as I cried and called out the question, ‘Why did this happen?’ The answer was clean, clear, and calm. It was matter of fact. It was direct: ‘Because it can.’ An indescribable peace enveloped me. My shoulders relaxed. The grip on the wheel loosened. ‘Because it can.’ I heard myself repeat the phrase like a child after waking from a nightmare mirroring the strong and calming voice of his mother. The conditioned mind is forever busy creating meaning; it’s constantly trying to answer ‘why?’ Its full time job resides in looking for clues and coming to conclusions. Sometimes the ego is comforted by the data – ‘everything happens for a reason’ perhaps, or sometimes the ego is dismayed, ‘was it something I did?’ The point is, all such conclusions are all created. To the conditioned mind, ‘because it can’ doesn’t sound very uplifting. To the open heart, however, there is room for life to be as life is, which is beyond uplifting. In fully accepting life as it is, versus life as we wish it were, we are inspired to fully participate. There’s no reason not to. The conditioned mind, by definition, needs to create a reality in which the ego – the illusion of a separate self – can uphold itself. The open heart doesn’t pick and choose a reality to believe in. It’s not fervently searching for ‘what is right.’ It doesn’t seek to attribute meaning to life as a way to comfort itself. The ego does. To the open heart, anything is possible – and I do mean anything. It is possible for us to end our suffering, just as it is possible for unexpected tragedy to occur. The open heart’s response to life is, ‘Yes, that can happen,’ no matter the content, no matter the circumstance. When we release our temptation to attribute meaning, and let go, we open ourselves to an infinite realm of possibility. The temptation to discriminate falls away. Inspiration is the acceptance of the world of possibility. This is the open heart. The open heart accepts what is and in this simple act is free. For while it is possible for innocent beings to die, it is also possible for us to bring compassion to the world in which such tragedy occurs. While it is possible for us to experience profound loss; it is possible for us to experience profound healing. We must be willing to keep our hearts open. We must be willing to embrace life on life’s terms, despite the deep temptation to grasp for control. And, keeping our hearts open includes keeping our hearts open to the part of us who can’t get out of bed. It means providing unconditional love to the aspect of ourselves who fears she’ll never be able to move on. It means keeping our hearts open to the part of us whose heart isn’t open. The open heart means loving in the face of not having a logical answer to the question ‘why.’ The open heart doesn’t care about why. It cares about how – how will we be with ourselves as we move through trauma? How will we offer compassion? How will we care for ourselves? How will we stay present to our experience rather than reject it? ‘Why’ is a smoke screen that takes our attention away from the important questions. In a world of infinite possibility, the open heart rests simply in ‘because it can,’ freeing us to turn our attention to the love that is there for us when we get out of our heads and surrender to compassion. This is my hope for you my friend, as it is my intention for me. The open heart sees that it’s possible to hold such a hope for the world – that the world could be a place that emphasizes less what we are conditioned to believe and focuses more on the love that exists beyond the illusion of our separation. How am I clear this is possible? Because it can. In Peace, Caverly

Four Steps to Freedom

Caverly — Thu, 19 Jul 2012 22:04:19 +0000

We suffer when we forget who we authentically are. We suffer when we believe the internal voices of, ‘not enough, not right, something lost, something wrong.’ We suffer when we identify with the meaning-making/problem-finding machine: AKA the conditioned mind. Last night, in class, a student pointed out that Awareness Practice has allowed her to see her conditioned patterns more clearly. She can now see how the stories that her conditioned mind concocts and presents feel real and true -- and lead towards misery. Stories like, ‘People don’t like me,’ or, ‘I’m not good enough.’ She can see how to believe such stories, is to step on a slippery slide that leads to hell. “Now what?” she asked. The ego, the illusion of a separate self, would love us to believe that ‘that’s it.’ Being awake means that you have to be awake to how gruesome the reality that the conditioned mind concocts actually is. Being awake means being present to how dismal the landscape that the conditioned mind paints actually is. In a way, that’s true. When we are awake, we clearly see how corrupt and inaccurate the ‘reality’ that the conditioned mind portrays is. We see how faulty and erroneous our beliefs are. Beliefs like: ‘Life is not on my side,’ ‘There is something wrong with me,’ and ‘Whatever I do isn’t enough.’ The good news: seeing it serves us, for what we cannot see, we cannot affect. We cannot accept. We cannot let go of. What we cannot see, we cannot transform. As I’m fond of saying, what we are unconscious to silently governs us. In being conscious, we can choose to remember and live from our authenticity. We can choose to align with our true nature. The ego, conveniently, likes to forget about that part. The ego is that which stands outside life, asserting separation. It thrives in unconsciousness. It prospers in the dark. It will not/cannot experience remembrance of who we authentically are. Ever. No how. This is where being conscious comes in. This is HOW paying attention leads to freedom. In seeing the process by which we get pulled away from our own authenticity, our true nature, the door to make a different choice opens. Here’s what’s required:

We must pay attention.
We must learn to hear the voices in our heads as other than who we authentically are.
We must not believe what the voices assert.
Upon seeing the story of separation arise, we must consciously return our attention to the present moment/to our true nature.

Post these reminders on your mirror. Put them on sticky notes in your car. Go on retreat. Immerse yourself in an environment of practice that supports (we could even say lovingly demands) the remembrance of who you authentically are. * Remind yourself to practice. Your freedom depends on it. * Three spots left in our summer retreat. Just sayin’. http://onehouseofpeace.org/events/opening-the-heart-to-freedom/

The Benefits of Practice

Caverly — Fri, 29 Jun 2012 00:16:31 +0000

Recently, someone with whom I conduct private consultations sent me the words below about how establishing Awareness Practice in her life has effected her. I was struck by the thoroughness of her list and requested her permission to share it with others.

‘With every moment of practice and with every opportunity to sit, I am more and more grateful for my life and my experience and I am less and less negative and mean to myself. With that comes feelings of joy, ease, peacefulness, and strength beyond what I thought was possible for me. I am waking up. The Benefits of Awareness Practice: - It keeps me closer to center. I don't drift far when I practice and sit every day. - I am a happier person. - I experience more feelings of gratitude. - I am calmer - no emotional spikes. - I feel more responsible. - I am more capable of seeing what is true instead of my mind running away with made up stories of the past or future. I can use my creativity in different ways! - I feel connected to all that exists. - I am confident. - There is very little struggle. - I am keeping self-hate and negative self talk in check; they are no longer driving the bus. By practicing consciousness and deliberately extending compassion for myself, I am discovering self-love. I actually feel like I am worth something – I can truly see that my life has value.’ Well put, eh? Couldn’t have said it better myself. How’s practice going for you?