Recently I was enduring and doing my best to ignore a day of verbal text message abuse. At the end of my working day I met my partner in town and calmly but firmly confronted her on her behaviour. She lost her temper and hit me – once. I was unhurt and unharmed – I walked away, shaken and upset.

The incident is unfortunately something I have experienced several times now. This time she had been drinking, I was scared she would turn violent towards me through the night, something that has happened before and caused me to run away. She turned up at home angry and I smelled trouble. Upset, lost and stuck with no friends to turn and talk to I ran away. I went to the nearby police station, I thought I'd find someone willing to listen and just share a kind word to get me back on my feet. Goodness me I wish I had not done this now.

I have learned the police are evidently unable and unwilling to support someone like me who just wanted to talk through their difficulties and make a plan to resolve things at home. They are evidently tasked with proving by numbers their effectiveness at bringing DV perpetrators to justice. While I was upset they simply probed me using a checklist until they had enough information to go find CCTV evidence of my partner striking me and – the next day when my partner and I were enjoying our evening dinner police arrived at the doorstep to arrest her and lay criminal assault charges. In spite of my insistence I was making no complaint nor statement to claim an assault had been made on me. This was not the outcome I wanted at all – the police only seem interested in gathering statistics for their own benefit.

Now I face the absurd and costly challenge of defending my partner in court for charges I have no wish to bring on her. The world has gone completely mad.

On January 25th, Fairfax blog Daily Life published an article by Jane Gilmore titled "Fact or fiction: Every third victim of intimate partner violence is a male". The article was the latest in a series of attacks upon male victims of domestic violence by the publication.

The article contains two serious errors.

Firstly Gilmore claimed that “women's reports of partner violence increased from 1.9 to 3.2 [between 2005 and 2016]”. Actually, the 2016 ABS PSS found that women’s reports of partner violence increased from 1.5% to 1.7% (Table 2.1) - a 13% increase that the ABS says is not statistically significant.

Secondly, the author claims that “women are four times more likely to experience partner violence than men”. The 2016 PSS found that 211,700 women and 113,900 men (Table 1.1) experienced violence by an intimate partner in the last 12 months. That’s not even twice as many - nowhere near four times.

Our Watch (who should have immediately picked up these obvious errors) re-published Gilmore’s article on their Facebook page with the note “Journalist Jane Gilmore discusses the data surrounding male victims of domestic violence and the importance of reporting the facts.”

Here are the facts. Over the past decade, partner violence against women has remained relatively stable. By contrast, partner violence against men has doubled (and current partner violence has increased five-fold).

The One in Three Campaign has written an in-depth analysis of the claims made in Gilmore's article. It is available here.

My wife has become to boss me around, and it was becoming increasing obvious that her personality was changing.

Before we got married, we never had one single argument, but she was no longer the sweet innocent woman that I once knew. She never ever told me that she loved me of her own account, and only ever said it in return, if I said it to her first.

After building and moving into our new home, which I helped build, she began to shows signs of behaviour that I did like. Even while we were engaged, she showed extreme sign of Selfishness on one account, and was a side of her that I didn’t like.

She would show signs and Traits of:--

Selfishness, Moodiness, and Frequent Tantrums which I found difficult to deal with.

She would often bite my head off, if I happened to say one word out of place and I thought and felt that she was quite inconsiderate when she would often say what she thought, regardless of whether it hurt my feelings or not, which she often did on a frequent basis and it felt like her stabbing me, because she would often be nasty for no particular reason. But I would just bite my tongue and not retaliate.

I would often get the silent treatment, if she cracked the shits, which was quite frequent; and I seriously began to think that I had married the wrong woman, because she was never acted or behaved this prior to getting married.

Also, not long after we moved into our new house, my wife talked me into selling our Both cars and having just one car, to save costs. This was a decision that I long regretted as from the day we went down to one car, I lost my independence, and we frequently had arguments about me using the car when I needed it. I had to use Public Transport for most of the time, while she had use of the car, which Begrudged me.

Despite my wife’s attitude and behaviour, I stayed with her out of loyalty and also the fact that I was scared of getting a divorce.

Our Sex life was Pathetic and she frustrated me something Chronic, from the day we got married, with her extreme Prudish attitude. She would only have sex under the blankets and would complain if I left a bedside light on and she totally disapproved on Oral Sex.

I had always dreamed of being a father, but after trying to conceive for some time I went to my local GP and decided to get tested. As a result of this, the tests were inconclusive, and so we enrolled into The IVF Program, so that we would have a better chance of becoming parents.

After several attempts, my wife finally fell pregnant, but it was a difficult pregnancy as my wife developed Pre-eclampsia. As the years past, my wife continued to treat me like crap with her foul mouth tongue, by belittling me, biting my head off and continued to have little consideration as to what she said to me, as she continued to hurt my feelings deeply. If I tried to voice my Opinions on any topic, she would put me down and make me feel that my opinions weren’t valued, but regarded her opinions more important.

As a father, I was a Doting Dad, as I had always wanted to be a father, and I was totally stoked that I had a beautiful baby Son; but my feelings and emotions were mixed. I loved my son, but I was having doubts about the love for my wife, as I did not like the person that she had become.

We tried to have more children, but it was not to be. Whilst I would have loved to have had more children, I felt that I did not want to have more children with my wife.

In my early 40’s, (1999) I had a midlife crisis, which led me to seek Counselling. This was a direct result of my sheer frustration with my wife and Marriage. I went to Counselling in order to seek help, not only for myself, but for marriage counselling as well. This Counselling helped me greatly at the time, and went for approximately 18 months, and was a great help to me at the time.

Despite this Counselling being to assist and help my relationship with my Wife, My wife bluntly refused to take any part of it, which I found hard to believe. But then my wife has never really been to a GP for any personal visits for herself that I know of. She only went to the doctor when she required help for our son.

My wife has always complained that I talked in my sleep, and that I used to tell her off when I was fast asleep. The only knowledge I have of this, was if she told me, and frequently did, and I was made to feel guilty for this, but I had no recollection about it. Only that she told me.

If she did not saying anything, I would have been completely oblivious about it. This annoyed me something Chronic, as I only had her word for it, and could not prove it.

Over the years, my wife’s behaviour and attitude have had a profound effect on my personality. Where I was once quite happy and outgoing, I now had gone back into my shell and kept my feeling and emotions bottled up. She often put words into my mouth and I thought that she often played mind games with me and could be quite manipulating with her behaviour, as she would frequently tell me how I should feel?

She also frequently tells me, that I say to her in my sleep that she does nothing around the house and this aggravates my feelings and belief into thinking that my love for her is slowly dying, as she is so far removed from the person that I married.

She is so negative and the mood is Toxic. She constantly complains about anything and everything to the point that I just switch off in order to cope with her constant negativity. For over ten years, her weight has fluctuated like a Yo-Yo, and I put this down to her insecurity. She constantly complains about anything and everything. Her attitude is so bitter and Negative and that I have become emotionally detached from her. When I lost my lost standing Career with The State Government as a Locomotive Driver with The Public Transport System, after serving close to 37 continuous years service, where I was working for V/Line Passenger at the time, she did not show any sign of Empathy or concern or compassion as to my personal well being or mental state as I was suffering from stress and anxiety. I was completely devastated, and had a complete loss of appetite, had difficulty sleeping, and a complete loss of interest in my hobbies.

All that my wife could do was complain about our financial situation, and even to this day, she will often complain that I did nothing around the house during the time that I was out of work. I could have been on the verge of depression, but she was too absorbed with herself and I felt that she had little disregard for my well being after losing my Career.

Since losing my Career at V/Line in 2013, our relationship has deteriorated even further. To make things worse her Aging mother moved in with us in about 2014, and has done nothing but ride my back ever since.

Her mother is Dominating, Speaks her mind even more so that my Wife and continues to scrutinize and criticize everything I do. Her Mother has even brought tears to her eyes with her acid tongue, and I have told her once that she is a Bitch. It being a case of Like Mother, like Daughter.

My wife does not makes things easy for herself, and is her own worst enemy. She tells her mother every single thing that goes on in the house, and her mother takes everything on board. Then will use this as ammunition against me or my wife which annoys me something Chronic.

Her mother makes out that she is a lady and that butter would not melt in her mouth. Reality Check: I have never experienced such nastiness and bitchiness from a woman as her; despite her old Age.

She does NOT respect any boundaries, she voices her opinions openly and says exactly what is on her mind without fear or favour.

I firmly believe that she is an absolute Trouble maker and has been a driving wedge between my wife and Myself, and is being a disturbing and unwanted Influence with our household ever since she moved in.

If I try and stand up to her, my wife takes her side and backs her up and they both gang up on me. But it is a completely different story when her mother says something that upsets her

On one occasion when I was trying to stand up for myself, Her mother tried to bait me, by inviting me to hit her so that she could call the Police, and have me arrested for Domestic Violence. I was completely shocked by her attitude. Over the last 5 years I have felt sorry for my Son. As I have noticed that his personality has changed also, as he has also gone into his shell and hardly talks at all.

When he was in Primary School, he used to be so out going, but since he started year 7 at Secondary School, my wife has constantly been on his back. Yelling and screaming at him over his Homework, etc. Like me, he talks to my wife even less than I do; and this frustrates my wife and her mother even more; which is a vicious circle.

Her Tantrums have been intolerable and demonstrates how hot tempered she can be. She often slams the door on my son’s bedroom door at him, so hard that the door stop within the jamb is loose.

This last twelve months, I have clammed up so much that I talk to The Monster in law as little as possible. Both my wife and her mother cannot see or understand why, both me and my son feel disconnected and reluctant to talk, because when we do, we both get howled down and made to look Stupid or feel like Idiots.

This infuriates both my wife and her mum even more.

Her mother is like a Jekyll and Hyde. She can be nice as pie one day and slash My throat with her razor sharp tongue the next. (Being an Ex Nursing Matron) She is such a Bossy Boots. This past year [2017] I feel like that our marriage has never been at such a low Point, and I have never been so unhappy, and is a living Hell. I could get a Divorce, but I think that knowing my wife the way I do, she would So nasty and vindictive that she would want to get every last cent out of me That she could and our Divorce would NOT be Amicable. This is why I have not taken this step.

My wife’s mother continues to be nasty with her acid tongue and since moving In with us, she has displayed the following Characteristics:

Judgemental. Unforgiving. Two Faced. Double Standards. Hypocritical.

Likes to Keep Score. Intimidating. Over Bearing. Highly Opinionated.

Inconsiderate. Doesn’t respect any Boundaries. Viciously Nasty in her

Comments which are Un-provoked.

My wife always has an uncanny habit of misplacing either her car keys or her Mobile phone. When she cannot find them, she will ALWAYS blame it on the House, that the house is too big, or it’s because there is too much Junk around And that she can’t find them. And will state that she is Sick of it. She never blames herself, but always makes out, that it is because of some other excuse. And quite Frankly I am sick to death of it.

MY WIFE’S ATTITUDE & BEHAVIOUR:

• Prior to getting Engaged we never had any disagreements.

• After we got engaged, my wife exhibited extreme selfishness, by preventing her parents dreams to retire to Geelong. I felt stuck. I would have called off the engagement, but I was living in her house, and it would have made the situation very awkward.

• In the early stages of our relationship my wife was Sweet, Demure, Shy and Innocent.

• After we got married, Within twelve months of being married, I sensed that our marriage lacked Intimacy, which is something that I most dearly needed. There was no passionate kissing, No Loving Hugs or Cuddles and my wife did not appear to show any affection towards me.

• I also noted that when it came to expressing herself, not once would she tell me that she loved me, I would often say it to her but she would only say this, after I said it. After some time, I stopped telling her. So NOT once would she tell me that she loved me spontaneously. But would only tell me, after I had said it.

• Within Two Years of us getting Married, my wife’s Father was diagnosed with Terminal Cancer. My Wife waited with Baited Breath, for her parents to tell her that they were glad that they didn’t go to Geelong. Finally after several Months, my wife got her wish. As her parents told her that they were glad that they didn’t move to Geelong as Planned. My wife, couldn’t tell me quick enough, as I could tell that my wife, only felt Vindicated for her Selfishness, I was totally disgusted with her.

• We always have had two lounges, in the lounge. Whenever we sat down to watch any TV or a Movie, my wife would ALWAYS sit on the other Lounge, and never next to me, as if to keep her distance. Which I found it hard to understand, Why?

• My wife NEVER ever gave me any encouragement whatsoEver; but was always quick to put me down or criticise me, which hurt my feelings.

• My wife frequently bit my head off, if I happened to say one word out of place, to her disliking. I never ever retaliated in verbal put downs or Violence, but wondered what I had done to deserve this? I just bit my tongue and over time learned to keep my feelings to myself because I felt that she did not respect my Opinions, or what I had to say.

• In the early years of marriage, I used to hate Sundays, if I we were home together, as we would nearly always end up having a argument at some point during the day because of something that was insignificant; and then I would get the Silent Treatment.

• Because of Shift work, sometimes both my wife and I would not see much of each other during the day, because she had gone off to work, and I would leave for work before she got home, and when I did get home, she would be in bed. So we be like ships in the night.

• All through our marriage, my wife has never ever been backwards in coming forwards when it came to expressing her feelings of displeasure towards me when it came to being Critical, as she was never very Tactful or considerate as she always said what she thought, without considering my feelings. As a result, my wife consistently hurt my feelings and every time that she did, it felt like a dagger in my heart, so every time that she hurt my feelings, I would just bite my tongue and take one step back. So over the years, I have taken so many steps backwards from her that I feel that I am no longer connected to her emotionally.

• All through our marriage, I have always felt sexually frustrated because my wife made it so difficult for me to be able to feel sexually fulfilled or satisfied because of her Prudish and reserved attitude towards sex. Very rarely did I get to see her completely naked; unless I walked in the Ensuite while she was having a shower. She would never have sex unless we were under the blankets and would even complain if I left a bedside light on, to the point that she would not engage, unless I turned the light off.

• After the birth of our Son, thru IVF (which I instigated) we attempted to have more, but when my wife had her ovulation period, I would get criticised for going to bed early when I was required to start work at 03.0am – 04-00am in the morning. My work involved being safety critical and it was important to my job to get sufficient sleep.

• Finally with my wife’s erratic Behaviour and Attitude, I decided that I no longer wanted to have another child with this woman.

• In the Early stages of our marriage, I found my wife to be very Moody as she would fly off the handle very easily and would have Tantrums; which I found difficult to deal with.

• My wife’s attitude has nearly always been negative and pessimistic, to the point where she is Toxic. She constantly complains Non Stop and whinges about anything and everything and my coping mechanism has been to just switch off, or leave the room and find some quiet time to myself.

• For the whole time of our marriage, my wife has never ever said to me of her own free will that she loves me, Never given me a loving Hug or Cuddle of her own free will, and I am of the opinion that she is emotionally cold to me.

• In 2013, when I lost my long time career in The Public Transport Industry after 35 years continuous service; I was completely devastated after I was forced into Early Retirement after being shafted by a high ranking Union Official. I lost all Self Confidence and Self Esteem and was suffering from Acute Stress and Anxiety. I could have easily sunk into depression, but thankfully I didn’t. For the best part of six to seven months of the year I concentrated on working on my Unfair Dismissal case, so that I could get re-instated thru’ Unfair Dismissal, but it was all in vain. Even today, my wife frequently remarks that I did nothing around the house, while I was out of work. This felt like a complete betrayal, as I never once felt any support or compassion from her or empathy on her part; as she obviously did not comprehend that I was suffering mentally.

• Roughly about 12 months after I lost my Job, my wife asked about her Aging mother moving in with us; (which I had concerns about) but reluctantly agreed as I thought that this would help my wife in being less hectic, and having to run around for her mother.

• Ever since her mother move in, She has been an absolute Bitch towards me, riding my back constantly, and it has mentally wore me down. She is an Ex Nursing Matron and is very Outspoken, Judgemental, Sarcastic, and Over bearing. She does NOT respect any boundaries as to her place in the household. Is Highly Opinionated. Bombastic. Bossy. Two faced. Hypocritical. Exhibits Double Standards between my wife and Myself. Domineering and Above all, is Just a nasty Old Bitch.

• After having to put up with her mother’s Toxic Attitude towards me, I can now fully understand why my wife is the way she is. Like Mother like daughter.

• Since 2013, these past years has been mentally trying for me, I have had to put up with so much Crap, particularly at Home with my wife’s Toxic Negativity and Bitterness. Her constant complaining from both her and her mother that I have clammed up and gone into my shell, because it doesn’t matter what I say or do, nothing is going to satisfy either my wife or her mother, so nothing is ever going to be good enough.

• Both my wife and particularly her mother’s attitude and behaviour towards me borders on domestic Violence in terms of the Psychological abuse, that I Feel is directed at me. Even to the point of her mother, inviting me to physically hit her, just so that she could call the police on Me is unbelievable.

• My 19 year old son has also suffered with my wife’s behaviour. When he was in Primary school, he used to be quite Out going in his personality; but once he started Secondary school, I have noticed his personality has changed so much. He hardly speaks to his mother at all, unless he needs something. They often have heated arguments, to the point where my wife will slam his bedroom door in a Rage, to the point where the door stop within the jam has come loose.

• My Son, often goes out of a weekend and stays overnight with friends, and I think that this is a way for him to escape the Toxic environment in our house, as the atmosphere can be cut with a knife for most of the time.

• Since the mother-in-law moved in, I feel that I am no longer a King in my own home, as I feel like I am treading on egg shells everyday, as I never ever feel relaxed anymore, as both my wife and her mother are always criticising me every single day. I very rarely get any good quality time to myself, or to find time spending on my hobbies , without either, or both women voicing their criticism against me, and being accused of not doing anything around the house.

• If I do, do anything around the house, I get accuse of only doing it because I have to, so it is a case of dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t.

• Of the times that I have stood up to the Mother-in-law and tried to put her back in her place, it is like water off a ducks back. And now my wife will take her mother side and go to her defence and support her, instead of me, which I feel like this is a complete betrayal, and it cuts deep as they both gang up on me; even though her mother has been a disruptive influence in the house, and has upset her own daughter at times, when she first moved in, and brought her daughter to tears because of her acid tongue.

• Both my wife and her mother are alike. They are both Negative and Toxic towards me, and have razor sharp tongues and can be quite nasty.

• My wife has very few personal friends, because of different reasons, and now, her mother is the only person that she uses as a friend. My wife will tell her every single thing that goes on in the house, and her mother takes this all on board, Most of which is none of her business.

• If my son ever decides to move out, and If I ever decide that I have had enough and want a divorce, my wife will be one very lonely bitter woman, and she will only have herself to blame. And I will be quite happy if I never saw her ever again.

• I have often thought of Divorcing her for a very long time, but I have been scared of the Unknown and getting a divorce this late in life is scary; but I have always been scared that Knowing my wife as I do. I have seen how very nasty and Vindictive that my wife can be, when she has fallen out with some of her friends of past over the years, so I know that if we separated, or divorced; it would NOT be Amicable, and I firmly believe that she would try and screw me, for every cent that she could.

• For most of this year [2017] when working afternoon shift, I have been getting to bed between 02.00am and 04.00am depending on how busy we were at work. My wife gets up anytime between 06.30am and 07.00am. each morning as is so inconsiderate that when she goes to the Ensuite, my wife would not close the door quietly. But would close the door loudly, which disturbs my sleep. I am firmly convinced that she does this deliberately.

• In 2005, I took the family on a Holiday to The Gold Coast, where we went to The Theme Parks for our young Son. We also invited my wife’s mother, as she was no problem at the time. We stayed in Apartments. On night my wife got upset over something Trivial, [which was not unusual] Her mother tried to Mediate and my wife was upset, and I couldn’t understand why. In the Process, my wife’s mother admitted to me, that my wife has said some nasty things to me over the years. This not only proved to me that this was an admission that my wife said some nasty things to me; but it also demonstrated that her mother had double standards, as this showed that If my wife said anything nasty, nothing would be said. But if I said anything to my wife was wasn’t nice, Her mother would have a go at me.

• On Sunday the 17/09/2017, I had a big row with my wife’s mother. She expects everyone to be perfect like her, and I am just so sick to death of her always being on my back about something. Her relentless criticism and sarcasm and constant nit picking and Negativity towards me is harrowing and is never ending. It doesn’t matter what I do or say, nothing would be ever Good enough for her. I left to go to work shortly after.

• Monday 18/09/2017. This morning my wife cracked the shits with me, regarding her mother. I said to her that she was being nasty to me; and her response was that she doesn’t care. Which says it all. She supports her mother, but Not Me.

• Ever since her Mother moved into our house permanently, our marriage and relationship has deteriorated downhill sharply, and Home is Not Home anymore, as I cannot relax and I always feeling anxious and uneasy ever since she moved in.

• I feel Totally Unconnected with my wife. Her constant put downs and criticism and Negativity and complaining has only increased my need to switch off from her.

• Not since our Courting days has there been any intimacy between us. I would NOT consider my wife, my Friend as I feel betrayed by her constant back stabbing and for not supporting me since 2013.

• I have not opened up to her about my feelings and emotions for a very long time, because I firmly believe and feel that I can NOT TRUST her with these because I no longer respect her and I sense that the feeling towards me is Mutual. 2017 has been the worst year of our Marriage. My wife has been SO Negative and Bitchy towards me, always complaining and making me feel Guilty about anything that she chooses to. I complained to The Council about the Barking dog next dogs, which she also hates barking, but she cracks the shits at me, and tries to make me feel guilty for doing it, instead of agreeing with me.

And went on about it for over a week. She is just so Hypocritical, just like her Mother.

On Friday she was trawling my mobile phone searching for any evidence she could find that I might have someone else. To her great delight she found a short selfie video I had made while walking home from work. At the edge of the screen a short flash-frame of my hand could be seen as I was likely moving to grab something from my pocket. She insisted this was not my hand. It was taken as conclusive proof I was not alone at this time and I must be fooling around with someone else. In the hours of rowing that followed she punched me in the stomach where I now have a large purple bruise.

On the weekend we were discussing plans for the week ahead when she said she wanted to stay in my apartment alone while I was needed to work away interstate. I said to her I did not want her to use my apartment because I feared she would betray me as she had done before, going out and picking up another man. In the explosive hours that followed she took to screaming nearly all night, only stopping to punch herself repeatedly in the face. I could not believe the scene that was playing out in front of me, I did my very best to stop her but was terrified to make any contact in case she turned it into some fake assault. She seemed to want to cause herself injuries that she could later show to others – the next morning her face was swollen and blue at the edges of her eyes. I simply do not know how to handle this. I just broke down in terror of what might come my way. I'm still really scared.

Three, maybe four times now there have been incidents where the police were called. Each time no matter how hard she tried – and to their great credit – the police could see she was the one with the fierce temper and the one causing all the trouble. Each time they have recorded me as the victim of the incident – thank heavens. I want to share this part to help others understand the police are not bound to take the woman's side. The police I have dealt with at least could see how terrified I was of becoming falsely accused of violence and I could clearly demonstrate how it was me taking defensive action against being attacked. The advice I offer to you all is lean on the services. Call the helplines. Call the police. Just make sure you call them before you get pushed too hard or something really nasty happens.

For years I have been accused by her of infidelity and everything I do monitored closely to look for opportunities to justify a launch into attack. If I'm at work she calls me 6 times or more daily. If I do not pick up or respond immediately with a personalised message she starts harassing me – calling me over and over again until I am forced to disrupt my duties. Most recently she has even taken to playing and singing a song with lyrics “liar liar liar liar” and so on, playing it over and over. It's clear she is doing this just to cause me annoyance or hurt or provoke me. The problem is it does hurt me. She frequently tells me I am a liar – I do not lie or have guilty secrets to hide.

Yet she somehow flips back and draws me back in using the charm that drew me to her in the first place. I give in, continue and the cycle plays out again. Heaven help me.

Women being sexually harassed in record numbers. Sexual violence against women on the rise. These were the headlines late last year when the Australian Bureau of Statistics revealed the latest Personal Safety Survey. The media stories were all about women as victims of dangerous men.

Yet they left out the real news – a dramatic increase in men being attacked and abused by their partners. Since 2005 the proportion of men reporting violence in the last year from their current partners has risen more than five-fold while the proportion experiencing emotional abuse has more than doubled.

 “We don’t know whether more men are being abused by their partners or whether men are finally willing to admit to being victims of violence instead of being shamed into silence,” says Greg Millan from Men’s Health Services who runs Australia’s only training course for working with male victims of family violence.

In either case, the true extent of women’s violence against their partners is now emerging. The biggest leap in sexual harassment involves men being harassed by women. The survey shows growing numbers reporting their partners are depriving them of basic needs such as food and shelter and contact with their children.

Every third victim of intimate partner violence is a male. Almost half the people being emotionally abused by their partners are male. These latest statistics show domestic violence is not just about violent men – increasingly males are victims of abuse from their partners. So how come our media chooses not to report the whole story?

Here is the other side of that story, the facts the media won’t tell you about the 2016 Personal Safety Survey results (more details in attached infographic, also at 1in3.com.au/infographic):

• The proportion of men experiencing current partner violence in the last 12 months between the 2005 and 2016 ABS Personal Safety Surveys rose more than five-fold (a 552% increase), while the proportion of men experiencing emotional abuse from a current partner in the last 12 months more than doubled (a 223% increase).
• During the last 12 months, more than one in three people who experienced violence from an intimate partner were male (35%) and almost half the people who experienced emotional abuse by a partner were male (46%).
• 14% of men who experienced emotional abuse by a current partner were deprived of basic needs such as food, shelter or sleep, compared to 6% of women.
• 9% of men reporting emotional abuse by a current partner experienced threats to take their child/ren away from them, compared to 5% of women.
• 39% of men who reported emotional abuse by a previous partner had that partner lie to their child/ren with the intent of turning them against them, compared to 25% of women.
• More than 1 in 3 persons who experienced sexual harassment were male (34%) – usually involving a female perpetrator (72%).
• The biggest increase in sexual harassment between 2012 and 2016 was males harassed by a female, which rose by a massive 68% (females harassed by a male rose by 15%).
• Almost 1 in 3 persons who experienced sexual assault were male (28%), with females the most likely perpetrators of sexual violence against men (83%).
• Male victims of domestic violence were far more likely than women to have never sought advice or support, less likely to have contacted police, and far less likely to have had a restraining order issued against the perpetrator.

The latest homicide figures from the Australian Institute of Criminology paint a similar picture, with 75 males killed in domestic homicide incidents between 2012-2014, an average of one every ten days.

“With these official statistics revealing this complex picture of both men and women as victims and perpetrators of domestic and sexual violence, surely it is time for governments to stop pretending the cause of domestic violence is the lack of respect for women,” said Millan.

The One in Three Campaign is calling on the Federal Government to include male victims of violence in the National Plan to Reduce Violence against Women and their Children, and to heed the findings of the recent state and federal inquiries and royal commissions recommending more services and support for male victims of family violence.

MEDIA CONTACTS

Greg Andresen, Senior Researcher, One in Three Campaign, 0403 813 925 or info@oneinthree.com.au. See Greg Andresen discussing this news with Bettina Arndt on her latest YouTube video.

Greg Millan, Director, Men’s Health Services, 0417 772 390 or greg@menshealthservices.com.au.

Download media release as PDF.

I will start by mentioning that I am writing this because he is still ASHAMED, EMBARRASSED and still being FINANCIALLY ABUSED.

Financial abuse is not spoken about enough. Not only did she use finances to manipulate him, but she used it to get back at him if she wasn't happy with him doing something. An example of this is he went to a family function that she could not attend, therefore she blew their $2500 of savings while he was gone. She also had 100% control over the money that he earned (she did not work) and did not allow him to spend any of his own money.

Physical abuse… how does a 6'8 male make a case against a 6'0 female? That is what my husband told himself, and continues to tell himself. He would never dream of laying a finger on another person, he is far too gentle, but she told him that if he tried to tell anyone about the abuse she would harm herself, and claim that he abuses HER! She held him against the wall by the throat and pushed her thumbs into his windpipe until he passed out or was on the verge. She punched him in the leg and slapped him across the face, both in public and private, if he contradicted her or didn't do what she wanted. She pulled him away from his family when they spoke up, so they stopped, in order to keep him in their life. She threw a knife at his head towards the end, because he knocked a plate. He managed to bring his arm up in time for the knife to wedge itself into his forearm instead of his forehead. This is just the abuse that I have managed to squeeze out of a man who wants to shelter me from the nitty gritty details of his abuse.

Then there is the emotional abuse. I feel like this is a broad area which my husband was greatly affected by. It ranges from her breaking his belongings when she was angry to her telling him that she speaks to his mother and sister in law daily, and they agree with her on whatever topic she was telling at him about. She pulled him away from his family, who live 4 hours from where he was living, and convinced him that they did not like him. She constantly commented that he is sexually inadequate, which has been a difficult one to overcome.

Now my husband and I were very close friends (no infidelity, I feel the need to point that out) when he started the process of leaving her, and we managed to find love once he was divorced. He now has a family and a daughter, he has love in his life. Not all men get this second chance. He was ready to take his own life on multiple occasions, because he was pulled away from his family and lead to believe that no one cared about him. He has admitted to me that he had accepted that his life was destined to be this miserable, and he could do nothing about it. He didn't think any professionals would take him seriously, as a woman abusing a man ‘must seem laughable’, he certainly couldn't pay someone for legal advice, and he didn't think anyone in his life cared enough for him to confide in them.

Domestic abuse against men is not spoken about enough, if at all, and it infuriates me. Men need just as much support as women.

youtube.com/watch?v=8hvB_45zKXA

Bettina Arndt talks to Greg Andresen from the One in Three Campaign about the latest Australian domestic violence statistics showing the increasing numbers of male victims.

The One in Three campaign aims to raise public awareness of the existence and needs of male victims of family violence and abuse, and to reduce the incidence and impacts of family violence on Australian men, women and children. One in Three is a diverse group of male and female professionals – academics, researchers, social workers, psychologists, counsellors, lawyers, health promotion workers, trainers and survivor/advocates – who work as volunteers for the organisation which receives no government or corporate funding.

http://www.oneinthree.com.au/
http://www.oneinthree.com.au/infograp...

http://www.bettinaarndt.com.au/news/f...
Website: http://www.bettinaarndt.com.au/
Paypal: https://www.paypal.me/bettinaarndt
Support: https://www.patreon.com/BettinaArndt

References:

Bettina Arndt – Silent Victims
http://www.bettinaarndt.com.au/wp-con...

Bettina Arndt – Always Beating Up on Men
http://www.bettinaarndt.com.au/wp-con...

UK Helpline's 'discriminatory' policy against males changed
https://www.pressreader.com/uk/wester...

NSW's first men‘s telephone counselling and referral Service to reduce domestic violence
https://www.women.nsw.gov.au/news/201...

Independent Man's videos on the Domestic Violence statistics
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45zXQ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8YRu...

One in Three Take Action letter
http://www.oneinthree.com.au/action/

Credits:

Production and editing – Scott Korman https://www.facebook.com/talkhub/
Additional research - Irene Komen https://www.facebook.com/irene.smith....

The results have just been published in the form of a new infographic available at oneinthree.com.au/infographic. The infographic also includes the latest 2012-14 data from the Australian Institute of Criminology's (AIC) National Homicide Monitoring Program.

All the data in the infographic has been checked with senior staff at the ABS and AIC.

Highlights from the latest data include: 

• The proportion of men experiencing current partner violence in the last 12 months between the 2005 and 2016 ABS Personal Safety Surveys rose more than five-fold (a 552% increase), while the proportion of men experiencing emotional abuse from a current partner in the last 12 months more than doubled (a 223% increase).
• During the last 12 months, more than one in three people who experienced violence from an intimate partner were male (35%) and almost half the people who experienced emotional abuse by a partner were male (46%).
• 14% of men who experienced emotional abuse by a current partner were deprived of basic needs such as food, shelter or sleep, compared to 6% of women.
• 9% of men reporting emotional abuse by a current partner experienced threats to take their child/ren away from them, compared to 5% of women.
• 39% of men who reported emotional abuse by a previous partner had that partner lie to their child/ren with the intent of turning them against them, compared to 25% of women.
• More than 1 in 3 persons who experienced sexual harassment were male (34%) – usually involving a female perpetrator (72%).
• The biggest increase in sexual harassment between 2012 and 2016 was males harassed by a female, which rose by a massive 68% (females harassed by a male rose by 15%).
• Almost 1 in 3 persons who experienced sexual assault were male (28%), with females the most likely perpetrators of sexual violence against men (83%).
• Male victims of domestic violence were far more likely than women to have never sought advice or support, less likely to have contacted police, and far less likely to have had a restraining order issued against the perpetrator. 
• 75 males were killed in domestic homicide incidents between 2012-2014, an average of one every ten days.

We have been contacted by Michael Rayment, a freelance photographer, who writes:

I am passionate about men's issues and rights, in particular issues surrounding men who have been victims of family violence. I am undertaking a personal project called Silenced photographing and interviewing male victims of family violence to raise awareness of this issue. This would consist of text from the interview and faceless portraits for those that wish to remain anonymous. That is, images that do not identify the person such as hand shots, silhouettes or blurred background shots as an example. Images taken will appear on social media, websites, entered into international awards and exhibitions. Each participant will be required to sign a release form. There is no payment for this as the intention is to be used for community education in which I receive no payment.

I am seeking 10 men to participate in interviews and a photo session which generally takes about 1 hour. I am based in the Hunter Valley but happy to travel to the Central Coast and Sydney. If you are interested in participating, please contact me at michael@michaelrayment.com.au.

You can check out Michael's work at www.michaelrayment.com.au.

The first year of the Safer Pathway trial scheme at Waverley and Orange (NSW) saw 1,758 male and 4,180 female victims of domestic violence referred to the sites. Almost one in three victims (29.6%) were male. 308 males were assessed as having a "serious threat" to their lives as a result of domestic violence.

Source: Statistics Reveal Hidden Violence. Sydney Morning Herald, September 26-27, 2015, p6.

Recently Yahoo discontinued their Yahoo Pipes service which we used to help send out our daily emails to subscribers. As a result, we have had to find a replacement service to do the work. Because of this, subscribers may receive a very large email today, containing a lot of old content. Please ignore this - it should be a one-off occurrence. Our apologies for any inconvenience caused!

New One in Three Campaign Supporters:

Mr Jamie Mathieu, Advanced Care Paramedic, Queensland Ambulance Service

“Some of the saddest cases I have attended have involved male victims of domestic violence and most victims of violence that I see are male. I think violence against female or male, young or old is a scourge that should be wholeheartedly addressed. Unfortunately, the way that the issue is currently being addressed is by characterising it as exclusively a problem of male perpetrators and female and child victims. I think this reflects a conscious and unconscious cheapening of the seriousness of violence against males, which I think is neatly captured in the mindlessly repeated phrase in news reports of mass violence against groups of people - “including the women and children...” - as if it doesn't matter about the men that were also killed. Good luck with the campaign!”

Ms Sue Moses

“I work in an industry whereby I speak to too many males affected by DV, including my very own son. I can not comprehend how women can systematically emasculate and destroy a man's personality and manhood by such controlling brainwashing and abusive actions both physically and emotionally, to then turn it all around back onto the man as his own fault and therefore, responsibility to face up to. Indeed I will support your cause because I do believe that yes, it goes both ways, not just privy to females. I am a victim of domestic violence all my life, however I can not morally stand by and witness, work with, the injustices and inequity of these presented cases anymore, I have a duty of care that I take on board seriously.”

Ms Melanie Singh, Psychologist

“ I have had many male clients who have felt unable to tell anyone about their experiences for fear of not being believed or being laughed at.”

Mr Greg Marcar

“The double standard towards the domestic violence issue is deplorable. I fear the situation can only get worse as film and television are being saturated with female violence on men and often seen as a big joke. As long as the violence issue is presented as a female problem with lip service to the male victims the violence problem will continue to escalate. No good can come from the flagrant double standard that now exists and one has to wonder who and what is behind such a one eyed view in our society. Your organisation is to be applauded and I look forward to wider coverage of this problem in the media.”

Ms Jacqui Collie

“I have become very interested in this area. I have witnessed over many years some very bad behaviours by females to men in the areas of emotional abuse, physical violence, alienating children from their fathers and using them as blackmail to get what they want, undiagnosed mental health challenges, insecurities, over use of prescription drugs (i.e. antidepressants) that cause unrealistic ideologies, unreal expectations, false and exaggerated fear, AVO's etc. I have known many males to have their whole reason for existence destroyed that has resulted in unemployment, addictions, homelessness, depression and suicide. Many years ago I wanted to develop a life strategy farm that taught many areas of coping strategies, conflict resolution, intimacy, life skills, communication skills etc and would love to see some models that really concentrate on the preventative model not just trying to address the areas once all the damage has been done.”

Mr Greg Gibbens

“I came across the 1 in 3 website today. Thank goodness! I and my children have been the victim of family violence at the hands of my now former spouse and children's mother for the past 11 years and counting. I am again today entering the Family Court (unrepresented of course) while the mother seeks a family court order to override the VRO that now protects me. I am so encouraged to see women speaking up for this side of the family violence issue. We need you. And vice versa.”

Ms Stephanie Lindsay

“I watched a kind, intelligent, funny devoted family man who happens to be my brother morph into a serious, isolated depleted human being who was eventually cut off from all of his birth family. Sadly only one example of men I have loved that have been victims of DV. This space where men are abused must be heard and all of us who are part of the caring professions must be accountable for speaking about this silent epidemic.”

Miss Rita Iagoe, Dispute Resolution Practitioner/Psychotherapist, Western Mediation & Counselling Services

“I work with men on a daily basis who have described abusive behaviour by their ex partners/wives and believe that DV is a two way street.”

Mr Ross Kassebaum

“I am a victim / survivor, and now a thriver of Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA) including mother CSA. My anecdotal advice is 1 in 25 men are victims of mother CSA. I am pleased that this is being researched. I know how shameful (misappropriated shame) this is and the ramifications of that abuse can be until emotional recovery can take place. All those suffering please note with the right treatment you will recover.”

Ms Nikola Pathmanathan

“As someone who experienced family and intimate partner violence, I want to lend my voice and be proactive in reaching out to help others avoiding the debilitating effects that all forms of abuse can impact on all victims, regardless of gender, ethnicity and age group. I want to learn more about finding out the actual facts on family violence in order to tackle the core roots of the problem. I sincerely wish that no one else have to go through the pain and suffering caused by abuse and somehow stop the vicious cycle, or at least bring out proper change in society's stance. One of the worst things that comes from abuse is when it's projected in the victim's behaviour and attitude, they themselves can end up inflicting similar abuse towards someone close to them without realising it. I always figured that there must be male victims of abuse, but the media and government tended to solely focus on women and sometimes children of family violence, that the messages of ‘men are responsible for violence’ keep being perpetuated even to this day. It needs to change.”

Dr Mathew Shultz, Doctor

“Good work.”

Click here to go to the Supporters page.

If you would like to support the campaign, please contact us here.

“It is so sad to hear that in this day and age, that gender discrimination still exists. Especially since this inequality is one of such that receives very little attention by the public, of which many members blatantly refuse to believe it exists. It is inspiring to see this campaign being formed to raise this issue, and I really hope to see it expand to a global scale.”

Miss Willimina Campbell

“I am a genuinely concerned business owner looking to promote awareness for violence against men. In having seen snap shots at the cold face within the mining industry and having seen the impact, self harm and loss of a fellow worker who had taken his life due to mental abuse. Abuse comes in different forms for men and have seen my fair share over the years within the construction industry.”

Miss Jessalea Williams, Violence Against Men Australia (Facebook Page)

“ I'm a 20 year old woman from NSW who has seen enough of violence against men. I am trying to form a campaign of my own and I came across yours. I am very supportive of what you are doing and hope we can make a difference. Please take this as far as you can. Men should have a day of awareness for them as well. Men are the reason this economy is still standing. I know I am a woman, and I am saying all this about myself. But if I can give up my rights, to let an innocent man who doesn't get recognised as the victim a voice against an indecent women, who is in the wrong, yet still gets away with everything, then there must be more then just me in Australia that feels the same way. I would love to one day become as big as your team has gotten, but as long as we are all in it for the same thing then we're all helping.”

Ms L Thomas, PhD Candidate, University of Canberra

“ I fully support the 1 in 3 initiative, and the assistance it provides to male victims of female violence. My research on mothers abusing their sons suggests this field is very underreported - I encourage men and boys to speak out, and use this excellent website to assist them through their experiences of abuse.”

Miss Alicia Rush, Artist

“I live in central Queensland and would love to help out in any way possible... I have many friends (males) that suffer in silence from domestic violence and abuse because society doesn't accept it as an issue and there is nobody to help them!”

Miss Carina Fisk Charlton, Student

“The fact that so many people ignore this issue disgusts me. I intend to use the resources from this site to provide information to my peers and teachers at my school. Thank you.”

Miss Grace Dewis, Enrolled Nurse

“We hear a lot about violence against women, but hardly ever hear about violence against men. It's time there's a bit more coverage of the topic, in my opinion.”

Anonymous

“ I have tried several times to write my story for you on this site. I'm sorry I can't. I so wish I could. My full support.”

Miss Kerri Brown, Family Support Worker/Psychologist, Whitsunday Community Centre

“I am looking to increase awareness of violence toward men in the community and I am looking for assistance for ideas or things that are already organised that I can support. There are so many days and events for women and children but not enough for men. I am also wanting to include the emotional abuse associated with the woman withholding visitation of children without good reason and no other reason but to hurt the other party. I have seen some horrific false accusations women will make and the effect this has. The men I know personally and clients have told me that very few men will stand up and say it happened to me but organising a day of awareness would be supported by all men, e.g. White Ribbon Day, etc. Thanks.”

Mr Neil Lightfoot, Change Management Consultant

“Thankyou for getting the message out there. It's an important and much needed one to address the bias and easily manipulated perception that women are the 'only' victims of domestic violence. Many beautiful and charismatic women are narcissistic monsters who destroy lives.”

Mrs Beverley Crowther Whitton, Youth Support Worker

“The system is long overdue for an overhaul. The non profit organisation I work for gets frequent calls from male victims needing help. Unfortunately there are no services except phone lines in SA so we have our hands tied. I feel that statistics can only be a number as many are unreported so the actual figure is most likely to be much higher and probably equal to that of female victims. Some females I work with are definately more abusive and aggressive and often use mental and emotional abuse as a more effective option when strength isn't an option. They are also very good at looking innocent and playing the system when it comes to police or courts. More worryingly is the fact that this is beginning from teenage years, with adolescent girls playing mind games with boyfriends.

I have wanted to do something about this for some time now but have been unable to find many links. I will help in any way I can.”

Mr J W, Manager

“This is an excellent cause and an issue that I continue to struggle with. Stay strong gents.”

Anonymous

“I am a male and a victim of domestic violence. I don't know what to do and where to get help.”

Mr Nigel Curtis

“Female abuse against males is very REAL... It is ridiculously not understood and swept under the carpet... Abuse is abuse!”

Click here to go to the Supporters page.

If you would like to support the campaign, please contact us here.

“I am the 1 in your 1 in 3. I learnt so much from your website. I thank you so much. It is difficult for men in my situation to speak out, to receive empathy, to get help. If I can help in anyway I can, but I am poor for now, have no transport about to lose my children so cannot do much in the short term. But if I can help in raising awareness, I will.”

Rachel Kunicki

“I am in full support of your cause. Keep up the good work. xox”

Paul Kenna, Family Law and Intervention Order Barrister and Solicitor, Kenna Law Barristers & Solicitors / Mediation Institute

“As a family law & intervention order barrister & solicitor I find the current spin that family violence is a women's issue all wrong. I continue to have male clients who are victims of Domestic Violence.  As managing director of a training company training Graduate Cert in Family Dispute Resolution I'm keen not to perpetuate the biased approach that my competitors peddle.

I'm very interested in your work. Unfortunately too many in the 'mens rights' movement are so rar off the planet in fighting their cause it is refreshing to see a middle ground.”

Mr Kamilan Naicker, Reliability Engineer

“Not only is the statistical data alarming - I for one believe Westernised society has cultivated a culture that trivialises, minimises and marginalises men’s issues. We as a society are conditioned to be attentive to females’ emotional and mental wellbeing while neglecting that males require the same awareness and support.”

Robert Brockway, former Police Officer

“As a former police officer I was already aware that a significant proportion of domestic violence was against men and that in many cases the male and female domestic partners perpetrated domestic violence against each other.  I also often observed the lack of regard shown by police officers for male victims of domestic violence.  I was looking for hard data on rates of domestic violence against men for research I am doing and was pleased to find your site.  I full support the prevention of domestic violence (and indeed all forms of violence) against all humans regardless of the gender of the perpetrator or the victim. I am troubled by how often problems that impact both genders are painted in the mass media and public consciousness as gender issues, impacting only one gender.”

Kaye Richardson, student/mother/survivor

“I believe in equality and that everyone should have a fair go and a voice. I am a survivor of abuse and know the hardships from both sides as my brother is a victim of spousal abuse. I do not condone violence of any type and support the One in Three Campaign.”

Graham Lantzke, Policy Analyst/Writer and Engineer

“Thank you for providing a voice of reason.”

Tadeusz Krzak, Retired

“A big 'Thank you' to all the people who started this campaign. I waited for this for 23 years. It is too late for me, for my first born son (he turned to drugs and died of suicide), and probably for my second son who helps himself with drugs too. But there is my third son, now 3 years old, from the second marriage, and there are many other young boys in Australia for whom this action might bring better chances in case they were involved in the family violence as victims.”

Arman Arciaga

“I agree to all the testimonies here but in my case is more mental issues. I think its about time to review the law where the kids will end up.”

Joseph Tigani

“I have been a victim of DV by my wife.”

Geoff Ogden

“It's about time that domestic violence was seen with a more balanced view.”

Mark Vernal, Accountant

“About time! I thought I would never see the day male victims were recognised.”

Click here to go to the Supporters page.

Part 5 of the Panel Session features Dr Elizabeth Celi, psychologist, author and media commentator, hosting a panel comprised of Toni Mclean, Greg Andresen and Greg Millan, taking questions from the floor.

 Listen now (MP3) |  Watch presentation

Elizabeth Celi: Thank you to all of our speakers today. Time certainly has moved on as we now come to the question time. So in starting to raise some of this discussion with our panel members and amongst the audience members I’ll just remind you of some of the myths and assumptions and misperceptions that have developed to date. And having worked in this field, all of us in our various capacities are very clear that male victims are there, they’re in dire need of the support and we also know the blocks in resources that they face. And we do our best in our capacity to help them on that one-on-one level.

Clearly social awareness, community awareness and various service provider awareness is required so that re-victimisation or misjudgements don’t inadvertently occur. There’s still the shock and surprise that a male could experience this and how that could possibly occur.

As I open it up to any questions, given we’ve got short time left, we’d be certainly interested in everyone having a chance to ask a question. Please keep any commentary as brief as possible as you get to your question and we’ll aim to have some good discussion with you. So I saw a hand up the back there.

Q: Hi. Thanks for the speeches. I just wanted to ask, you know, one of the main things that you pinpointed is that men are scared to lose their kids, and access to their kids. I've got lots of friends who are not in abusive relationship but when it comes to the family court it's very hard for them even as good fathers not in a domestic situation to get access to their children. Is there any sort of progress in the family courts to, I guess, take note of these domestic situations and how do they perceive it?

Elizabeth Celi: (to the panel) Any of you  want to take that? The same kind of barriers and blocks are happening there. The system being able to assist female victims in this area may have the same kind of paradigm and perception, but nonetheless they’re still male victims as well. What we’ve found in work we’ve done is to keep on informing men about these difficulties they may face in that sphere and being aware, it’s another layer that they’re needing to deal with, whilst also being distressed, going through these difficult times and incredibly concerned for their children in the mere fact of protecting them. His thinking “If I leave or if I don’t really do my best for this situation, they’ll be exposed to the same abuse and violence”. So they’re incredibly protective and loyal, obviously to their kids, and loyal to their partner in that they don’t really want to go through that system anyhow. They’ll be the last to really bring up any slander toward their ex-partner.

I think it’s slow, but steady. There’s a service up in Queensland, Men’s Rights Agency, that assists in this process and is certainly more informed of the details of that, so if you want to look up their website.

Greg Andresen: Dad’s in Distress as well.

Elizabeth Celi: And Dad’s in Distress certainly looks specifically at the legal system with that. It (law system) is a very slow system as we all know. Yeah.

Q: Thank you.

Elizabeth Celi: You’re welcome. Were there any other questions? Comments? Should I take this as shock?!! Go for it.

Q: I think it was Greg Andresen mentioned the research, sorry I wrote it down, I've got a bad memory… predictability. The greatest predictor of perpetration down the track was the female to male violence. I didn't write down the study but it did sound interesting. Can you tell me the name of it or where I would look that up?

Greg Andresen: Absolutely. If you go to oneinthree.com.au it’s linked to there, but I will give it to you again here. So it was the National Crime Prevention Study (2001), and the title was Young People and Domestic Violence. It was produced by the Attorney General’s Department in Canberra. Because of the change of government, they’ve archived their document from their website, but there’s an active link from the One in Three website to the full PDF of that.

Elizabeth Celi: Okay, other questions? Greg, perhaps you can let us know about some of the outcomes and achievements that have come since One in Three was launched 18 months ago.

Greg Andresen: Okay, well the public response has been overwhelmingly positive. We’ve had many emails of support from around Australia and across the globe. Many supporters have joined the campaign and they’re listed on the website, many high profile supporters. We’ve got a lot of media coverage, in the print press, radio and online. I just talked about three-quarters of a million dollars recently committed to Mensline Australia to support male victims of family violence. I can’t say we’re directly responsible for that, but these things have been happening since we started, so we hoped we’ve played a part in that.

The New South Wales Government domestic violence website now has a page for male victims. They’ve never had a page previously and we think that’s a big step forward. There is, as I mentioned, Mensline Australia now has tip sheets for male victims of domestic violence on their website, which they didn't before. We’ve commissioned some new data from the ABS from the Personal Safety Survey that was done in 2005, which shows there’s no significant difference between the levels of physical assault experienced by men and women in the home or from persons known to them, so that wasn’t teased out in the published report, so we had to commission some data for that.

We’ve lodged submissions with a number of inquiries including family law inquiries to try to make sure that the family law system is responsive to the needs of male victims and their children. We’ve attended consultation processes around the National Plan to Reduce Violence Against Women and Their Children and around the New South Wales Domestic Violence Behaviour Change Programs. And I’ve been assisting Greg where I can with some information and resources for his training program.

We’re collaborating with an organisation in Western Australia you may not be aware of called the Global Good Foundation, which is a charity that works in the area of domestic and family violence. And we’re working together with them so that their domestic violence campaigns and resources include the voices of both men and women. And we’ve assisted with the program I mentioned that’s running in the Hawkesbury region of Sydney, where Windsor police are referring male victims to the Hawkesbury District Health Service for phone counselling. We’ve established a data collection program with them so that we can actually keep tabs on the data around these men.

So a number of things. It’s a slow, steady process of chipping away, but we feel that things are changing and it’s going to be a long road. And of course, none of that would ever take away from the need for services for women.

Elizabeth Celi: So one of the key things that we’ve often found along the way, and having done several radio and TV interviews on this topic, one of the things that never ceases to amaze me is, shortly after, the myriad of phone calls and emails that come in from men absolutely relieved that someone’s spoken about it. Just relieved – in tears. And just there listening if they’ve called, or reading their emails sharing their story and offering (to me) “…if you need more information or if you need this for somewhere else, please let m know”.

To be able to receive non-judgmental support and some initial understanding, knowing that they won’t be ridiculed or judged by unfortunate misconceptions that many have unfortunately received just by unawareness of people working in the field and needing to come to grips with this level of information, the dynamics involved and that men aren’t likely to tell you anytime soon.

So in our capacity, in our working levels, the screening and the questioning is important. Asking the questions we may not feel comfortable to ask, or haven’t even been alerted to ask, which hopefully today has given you some thoughts of other questions to consider. Not only of men, in terms of ‘do you experience certain types of abuse’. Typically a starting point would be the verbal abuse. The level of criticism, insults, being demeaned, being belittled and the pattern or frequency of that over time and the psychological impact that can have on anyone, in particular masculine thinking, normal manhood strengths being demeaned, if not their fatherhood role or their sexual performance. And unfortunately, in this case, women’s increased verbal literacy can most certainly maim with a “sugar-coated viper-tongue”. Often men can relate to that description when you’re asking them about this kind of experience or they just start to bring it up themselves.

And similarly asking women about their patterns of potential abuse or if they use any physical means. For example; “Do you throw a pan, do you threaten, do you scratch, do you throw insults or criticisms?” The kind of things that even unconsciously happen for women because of frustration or anger or the various reasons that Greg mentioned earlier, and don’t realise that, over time it creates an abusive pattern and a difficult situation in their partnerships. It’s certainly not helping them develop a respectful relationship and one where they can generate more satisfaction and fulfilment with each other. So these are very important questions to keep in mind for yourselves.

Just prior to us closing up, we’d be interested to hear, in terms of your working capacity or chatting with other colleagues about this topic, what you’ve tended to come across or any thoughts, questions, uncertainties and opinions that you may have come across, if you’re willing to share.

Q: I would really like to ask a question about how effective Victim Services have been in responding to the needs of male victims of domestic violence.

Elizabeth Celi: What we’ve encountered so far is the shock that Greg Millan had initially mentioned. It’s initially a bit of a jaw drop, initially, of ‘oh, how do I handle this?’

Q: From Victim Services, not from...

Elizabeth Celi: From Victim Services, yeah from Victim Services. And unfortunately at times, through many anecdotes and clients I’ve worked with and perhaps the others may comment as well, of unfortunately certain comments like, “What did you do to deserve it? You must have done something wrong.” Or “Come on, man up.” or “Suck it up, she couldn’t possibly hurt you that much.” So flippant comments that have come out that, unfortunately, re-victimise. And the silence is then encouraged. He’s taken a step to come out, already in a psychologically abused state, if not socially abused, financially abused and so on, and that unfortunately perpetuates him to just go back into the cave again.

Similarly though, depending on the services, they have also gained some support. When people have been able to overcome some of the initial thoughts of shock and surprise, of going, “oh okay, it’s a human issue. We need to help you regain your strength and your resilience.” So there’s anecdotes and evidence on various sides.

Q: I think some of the strengths have been where services have networked together and it's more the relationship of the expertise of the counsellor he's being referred to, the social worker, the psychologist, the victim services support group, and then you get a very close clique, and you know that client is going to be supported, male or female.

Elizabeth Celi: And that’s why on this level we want to keep raising this social awareness on the worker level, on the service provider level so that we can be the beacons of light for the men so they don’t have to face too many barriers beyond what we face systemically anyway, in knowing what our work’s about. And being able to network and knowing he may need to be in touch with the court system somehow or a lawyer or other counsellors. Greg?

Greg Millan: Sorry, I just neglected to say. I mentioned my training program: there’s some postcards here at the front if people what to know more about the training program and how you contact me. The program’s been run here in Sydney and Perth and up in the Hunter region. Every time we run a program for about 25 people, they form a network, which is what you’re saying, which is great. So they can support each other and share information and that’s how it works.

There’ll be another one in Perth in September and we’re planning… I’m planning, if there’s interest, Brisbane and Melbourne. So if you live in an area where you’d like the program run, we can do it if you contact me. So there’s some information up here if you’d like that.

Elizabeth Celi: Thanks Greg. Greg or Tony, do you want to make any final comments before I wrap up? Okay, well, we won’t hold you up from afternoon tea, it is the second day! So just in wrapping up with you, we do hope that your awareness is raised on variable levels as you return in to your professional capacities and hopefully open up these discussions with your colleagues in raising awareness and understanding.

Please bear in mind: he’s not likely to tell you any time soon, so if we can invite you to consider the questions that I’ll put up in a moment in your own context. Just before that, each of us are happy to have a chat with you during the tea break if you’d like further information or our contact details again. So please feel free to approach us with any questions or discussion points.

If we can leave you with these questions to consider within your own context.

Question: “Where are we at in our views and approach toward male victims of abuse and violence?”

Hopefully it’s either expanded or we’ve shifted some things for you. Importantly on the other side of the coin,

Question: “Where are we at in terms of female perpetrators?”

They need some assistance as well and both sides of the coin will help the overall dynamic for men and women and children, naturally.

So with that, please enjoy your afternoon tea and the remainder of the conference and thank you so much for being with us for this hour-and-a-half. We appreciate your attention.

Part 4 of the Panel Session features Greg Millan, director of Men's Health Services, giving an overview of his training program called Working with men affected by violence.

In Australia, up to one in three victims of intimate partner violence are male. While many services have quite rightly been established over the past three decades to support female victims of family violence, the needs of male victims remain largely unmet.

The issue of men affected by violence in intimate relationships has been reported for many years. Workers in the domestic violence, community and family relationship sectors are acknowledging this problem and seeking out training for their workers.

There is only one training program for professionals and this talk will present an overview of this program and its evaluation. ‘Working with men affected by violence’ is a specifically designed training program for health, welfare and community workers that provides information and strategies for working with men who are affected by violence in their relationships.

 Listen now (MP3) | Download PowerPoint |  Watch presentation

Elizabeth Celi: Greg Millan is a social work trained health educator with over 30 years of experience with government, non-government and private sector organisations. He is an executive member of the Australasian Men’s Health Forum, which Australia’s peak body implementing a social approach to male health. And as you may be hearing we’re very much on the social psychology and social health avenue with male victims. So for over 20 years he has been working in men’s health promotion implementing different programs and professional training services, particularly for other service providers, health service providers and otherwise. So Greg will share that with us now. Thanks Greg.

Greg Millan: Thanks a lot. Thank you very much for inviting me along today. This little slide starting my presentation actually is this rather interesting poster from Canada, which I think clearly talks to me about the fact that this whole issue has been silenced and that campaign was around working with those people that have been silenced, with men that have been silenced when we think about domestic violence.

My background in this work, yes, I have been social worker for 30 years. I guess my clinical work in supporting male victims of domestic violence over the years. I've had some past clinical group work with men who have experienced childhood sexual assault, which is a different issue. I run a number of programs for men and have for a number of years. Two of those, ‘understanding relationships’ and ‘dealing with difficult emotions’, which are men only programs, have involved men talking about domestic violence. Just a quick scenario is that I was asked by Relationships Australia in Newcastle to run an ‘Understanding Relationships’ workshop for them, which I did. Very good workshop I ran over a number of nights, five or six nights. I think on the fifth night we actually talked about destructive relationships and I bring up the issue of domestic violence and other issues, drug and alcohol issues or mental health issues that could be destructive, and we had this lovely guy in the group in his 70s. Unfortunately his wife had passed away a couple of years ago and he was obviously still grieving her passing away. He was getting a lot out of being at the group and when I started to talk about domestic violence he said, “Well you know my wife used to hit me with a frying pan once a week, but isn’t that what love is about?” And before I had a chance to say anything the other guys turned to him and said, “No, I don’t think so. No, I think we better talk more about this.” So that was a moment I've always remembered that men pop up with these things out of the blue. It was interesting.

I've been a longtime advocate for men who suffer violence and abuse in their relationships and I've worked in the men’s health area for a number of years and there is a huge growing awareness of – in both the health, welfare and in the men’s health sector of the needs of men affected by violence and in their relationships. So much so that since 2005 – we have national men’s health conferences every two years in this country. We started having papers and workshops in 2005. The last conference we had was in 2009 in Newcastle where there were 15 presentations at that conference on this issue and we’ve got our next one coming up in Perth shortly, so we’ve been tracking this for a while.

I just wanted to briefly say, and my colleague Greg went through the effects on men, but I just wanted to talk about some myths about men affected by violence. Men affected by violence come from all walks of life, social backgrounds, cultures and sexualities. They suffer society’s stigma for not protecting themselves often. They become depressed in their isolation, as Greg mentioned, feel suicidal and sometimes can take their own lives without disclosure of anything that has been going on for them.

They can be victimised because they fail to conform to the ‘macho man’ stereotype and as Greg mentioned, are often perceived as wimps or weak. They’re often disbelieved because they’re men. One of the difficulties I think, and this can be true for women as well, but when men say to their friends or it’s obvious that they’ve been the victim of some sort of violence and it’s within a relationship often their friends don’t know what to do or say. And they have very few support systems in place.

I wanted to briefly mention men affected by violence in male to male relationships. I know this is a national conference. This is a poster from the AIDS Council of New South Wales that was released in March. They’ve had an anti-violence project running here for five of six years or more, but they’ve just had a re-release of it. Australian research shows that domestic violence is as prevalent amongst gay and lesbian communities as it is in the wider community. Having said that, I’d just like to also draw your attention to what we’re talking about today is male victims of domestic violence who would be predominately heterosexual because that is the world we live in, so the numbers of gay men affected by this are much, much smaller. The problem is often underreported as the system can be oppressive and hostile towards gay men. Gay men who experience violence report being afraid and revealing their sexual orientation or the nature of their relationship to those that are trying to help them. Something specific to gay males is that outing around sexuality or HIV status can be used as a form of control by the abusive partner. The other point is telling heterosexuals about violence in a gay relationship can reinforce the myth many believe that gay relationships are abnormal and this can further cause the victim to feel isolated and unsupported.

I run a training program called ‘Working with Men Affected by Violence’ and I’ve run that here and in Perth and in a few other places. I run the only training program for workers in this country on this issue. I personally actually think that’s terrible that there is only one and I'm the person doing it and I haven’t run too many. But a typical one-day training program would include the following things:

• A background to the issues and what we need to do

• the effect of violence on a person

• what is different for men - so we’re talking about men here, what is different for men from women

• strategies for working with men from a strengths based perspective

• a model for working with men affected by violence. I actually present a model that people can use to work with these men

• men-friendly counselling and group work approaches

• building services for male victims of violence into your agency and what you need to consider and

• promoting the case for supporting male victims of violence and working with female perpetrators of violence, which is equally as important.

Why I started doing this was I had received a number of calls from workers who had no idea what to do when that phone call arrives, and they’re in the business of supporting people, and they get a male victim of DV ringing up and saying ‘how can you help me’ and they almost freeze because they don’t know what to do or say. So we desperately need training of healthcare professionals in this country to be able to adequately answer those phone calls.

These are some of the evaluation comments from past training program participants who’ve been through my program:

• “The difficulty men have in communicating to others about domestic violence.” This was what was the most positive aspect of the program

• “That domestic violence is a social problem rather than a gender problem as it is often perceived.” Now I guess to explain that, it’s my personal belief that we’re living in a far more violent world and that whatever you want to call it, domestic violence or intimate partner violence is a symptom of the fact we’re living in far more violent times and I see violence as a social problem – certainly with a gender determinate – but if I view it that way I think all violence is bad and that we should do something about all violence rather than view the whole issue as a gender problem and not a social problem.

• Another comment from a past participant: “I now realise men go through the same issues as women.”

• “Not looking at domestic violence from only a feminist perspective,” one of the participants said who came along.

• “There is a clear need for services to help men by providing information, support and referral services”

• “Networking and knowing others who are on the same page of the training.”

What have you learned from this training?

• “That the situation is similar for men as it is for women, however it’s hard for men due to socialisation and how society sees men,” and what this person means is, as Greg has elaborated, it’s very hard for men to talk about it to anybody or report it, so it’s very unreported because of all the reasons Greg gave.

• “Men have the same responses and feelings afterwards as women.” They certainly do.

•  “There is definitely a lack of services for men both in domestic violence and sexual assault areas.”

• “Men underreport understandably and this hides the real problem”

• And “The different situation for gay men affected by violence in their relationships.”

So what do we need to do? We need to raise awareness I think as we pointed out of the issue in the community and the media. I remember distinctly the One in Three Campaign that Greg’s worked so successfully on was launched in November of 2009. It’s a great campaign, a great website, but when it was launched I was one of the people that the media could have interviewed across Australia, so the ABC as they often do if it’s a men’s health issue, I live in Newcastle, rung me up and said, “Greg, come in and let’s talk about this.” The ABC, the interview I had in the morning about this was like, “Greg, tell us about this brand new problem and what has caused it.” Oh good, you know it’s not a brand new problem, that’s good, but the ABC saw it that way. They really – it was a female journalist, I’ll put this into context – had great difficulty in getting her head around this problem. Where does it come from? Why didn’t we know about it? But as colleagues have said today, it has been around for a long time. I was working as hard as I could to talk about it and we were interrupted by a phone call from a guy who rang up to talk about his own abusive relationship and what went on in that in the middle of it and so that interviewed happened. Then we came back to me talking more about it, but that changed the whole nature of the interview. It is kind of interesting, but the interesting point was: the media don’t get their head around this either. The media, like everyone else sees domestic violence as something men do to women. They see it in that context only, so we do need to do a lot of work in the community, but also with the media. We need to provide education and training for, I think, domestic violence workers, community workers, health and welfare workers and I’d also say legal workers in there as well.

We need to advocate more for resources and services for males affected by violence. We need to encourage the domestic violence area to rethink, refocus and retrain staff to provide services for male victims of violence and female perpetrators of violence as well. And we need to seek separate funding for support services for men and never, in any way, undermine the existing services for women. Thanks a lot.

Part 3 of the Panel Session features Greg Andresen, researcher and media liaison with Men's Health Australia, presenting a paper called Meeting the needs of male victims of family violence and their children.

Contrary to common beliefs, around one in three victims of family violence and abuse is male. While many services and community education programmes have quite rightly been established over the past four decades to support female victims of family violence, the needs of male victims remain largely unmet. Male victims of family violence and their children are one of the most underserved populations of victims of crime in Australia, with appropriate and tailored services being almost non-existent. This paper will present a brief overview of what is required to meet the needs of Australian male victims of family violence and their children. It will:

• Present the often unheard voices of male victims of family violence and their children
• Describe the specific experiences of male victims of family violence and their children (barriers to disclosing and finding support; different forms of abuse; impacts upon victims and their children)
• Review the scant support currently available in Australia for male victims of family violence and their children
• Outline the support required in order for the needs of male victims of family violence and their children to be met
• Discuss recent overseas and Australian support initiatives for male victims of family violence and their children that could be adopted more broadly.

 Listen now (MP3) |  Download PowerPoint |  Watch presentation

Elizabeth Celi: Greg Andresen has been working in the field of men’s health and wellbeing since 2004, both in Adelaide and in Sydney. He currently works as a researcher and a media liaison for Men’s Health Australia and as senior researcher for the One in Three Campaign which Greg will certainly give you a bit more information about. So please welcome Greg up.

Greg Andresen: Thanks very much Elizabeth. I’ll start by talking a little bit about the organisations that I work for. Men’s Health Australia is a website that’s been running since 2007. It’s Australia’s primary source of information about the psychosocial well-being of men and boys. The One in Three Campaign was launched about 18 months ago. I’m Senior Researcher with the campaign. The aim of the campaign is to raise public awareness of the existence and needs of male victims of family violence and abuse. 

What am I going to cover today? Often when this area is discussed – the area of domestic and family violence – people get lost in facts and statistics and numbers. I really wanted to let the voices of male victims and their children come through in this presentation – the human beings that are experiencing these dreadful situations. I’m going to look at the specific experiences of male victims and their children. Look at what’s happening overseas – there’s some really great initiatives that are happening overseas in terms of specific support initiatives for men and their children. I’m going to look at what’s currently happening here in Australia – what’s available. And then outline what we think is required in order to truly meet the needs of this group of victims of crime. 

I’m not going to talk about violence against women today. I’m merely talking about male victims of family violence because they are an underserved population that unfortunately receives scant attention. What we believe is that both genders need and deserve appropriate support and especially, I think we’d all agree, the number one point is if we care about stopping children from being exposed to violence, we need to focus on both men and women. 

I’m not going to be talking about intimate partner violence like Toni – I’m going to be talking about broader family violence. Of course that includes intimate partner abuse from current and ex-partners, both straight and gay, but it also includes often ignored victims of broader family violence: parents, step-parents, children, uncles, aunts, etc. Often when family violence is discussed, people assume we’re talking about intimate partner violence, but we really want to include all of those family relationships.

I’m going to start by playing a short two-minute news report from the UK that interviews a couple of male victims just to give you some of the voices of those men and what they’ve been through. 

[VIDEO]

Reporter: The majority of domestic violence is committed by men against women. But now, an increasing number of male victims are coming forward. Men who are more aware of the help available and are more prepared to talk about the issue. The Montgomeryshire Family Crisis Centre in Wales is one place which provides a refuge. This victim escaped from his partner a month ago, fleeing with their three children after years of mental and physical abuse. 

Male 1: I was threatened very aggressively by complete strangers that she had invited into the house. Alienated me from my family and my friends. I felt like I had nowhere else to go. I literally felt like I was trapped in there. 

Reporter: This victim is one of the centre’s success stories. He’s now in his own home and has custody of his daughter after three-and-a-half years of violence from his alcoholic partner. 

Male 2:  I would be asleep, she would come upstairs after she’d been out and the next thing I know I’ve got a fist being put in my face and things like that you know and that’s how the violence would erupt. The lowest point was when, you know, the baby was say a year old, the knives and things like that started coming out. I honestly believed she was going to kill me, I really did. 

Reporter: But not all men find it easy to call for help. 

Male 1: I don’t feel like a man because of what’s been done to me and what I feel I allowed to be done to me. 

Reporter: While centres like this are doing good work, the challenge now is getting society to recognise men too can be victims of domestic abuse. Jonathan Samuels, Five News.

[END VIDEO]

Greg Andresen: You can really see from those interviews some of the issues that are faced by men when they are in this situation. There was a great qualitative study done by researchers in W.A. last year called Intimate Partner Abuse of Men, and it found that abuse of men really takes the same forms as it does against women. It involves a pattern of controlling behaviour and often involves multiple different forms of abuse, but it can really include the spectrum of abusive behaviours that we are all familiar with in the literature: physical violence, sexual abuse, psychological abuse, etc. The researchers also identified what they termed Legal-Administrative abuse, which is the use of legitimate services in a way that abuses the rights of the victim. For example, taking out a false restraining order to prevent the victim having access to his children.

Now, on the right-hand side [of the slide] here in the blue boxes, I’ve put up some more quotes from men. These have come from the research literature or they have been left on the One in Three website. Read them if you’re comfortable with them, but once again, I really wanted those men’s voices to come through. 

The impacts of family violence upon male victims. Obviously, there’s fear and loss of feelings of safety. That can be challenging for many men because they’re often raised to feel that they shouldn’t feel scared. And so to admit that fear is very challenging for many men. Feelings of guilt and shame is another big one. Once again, if men are raised to feel that they as men should be strong and tough and independent, there’s a lot of guilt or shame in admitting the fact that they are being abused. 

Feelings of helplessness – we saw that in the video we just watched – the man feeling like he was literally trapped and had nowhere to go. Difficulties with trust, anxiety, stress, flashbacks. Unresolved anger is a big issue. Loneliness and isolation is huge for men who are victims of  social abuse and isolation. They really can lose all contact with friends and family and that’s especially debilitating for them because they feel they have nowhere to turn.

Mental health impacts... there’s a good quote there at the top, this man really feels like his life is crushed and he has really lost his dignity. Low self-esteem and/or self-hatred is another big one. There’s another good quote there from Kevin feeling vile and dirty, not only because of what had happened to him, but what he feels society says about what’s happened to him. 

And at the severe end of the spectrum we have depression, suicidal ideation, self-harm and attempted suicide. We have a number of stories that men have left on the One in Three Campaign website about their attempts to take their own lives. 

Impaired self concept: once again it’s that challenge to the sense of manhood that male victims can go through. If men are raised to feel that they’re supposed to be able to deal with whatever is thrown at them and to take it on the chin, that can get… as this guy says, “It can get pretty heavy to carry around.”

Physical injuries, illness and disability, obviously, and especially when weapons are used. Use of alcohol and other substances to self-medicate. Sexual issues. Loss of work can be a big issue. Just like with women, a lot of men who are severely abused really can no longer function in the workplace and so, for example, this guy Robin here ended up on a disability pension.

Loss of home is another one. Often if men leave the situation that they’re in, they will have to start again. As do women, of course. This was the situation that was faced by Tad here. Loss of relationships with friends and family – once again, that’s that social isolation.

Then there are the issues to fathers around their children. Many men fear that if they leave the situation they may not have access to their children – they may lose contact with their children – so many men stay for that reason. And many men have a protective instinct – they wouldn’t want to leave because their children will be left with the abuser and so they stay in the abusive situation in order to be able to protect their kids. 

And lastly, in terms of the impacts on the men themselves, some violence against women campaigns, by suggesting that men are the only perpetrators and females are the only victims of family violence, this can actually re-victimise men who watch these campaigns and increase their feelings of helplessness, isolation, low self-esteem, depression, anger and that loss of manhood. There’s a good quote there by Peter about how him and his boys feel whenever they see those ads. 

Impacts on the children of male victims: the literature is quite clear that it doesn’t matter if it’s mum hitting dad or dad hitting mum or another family relationship, if children are witnessing violence in the family, that’s abusive to the children and could cause them long term harm. And of course many children will also experience direct violence and abuse themselves.

The long-term impacts on children include immediate impacts on their behavioural, cognitive and emotional functioning, their social development, and long-term harm to their education and employment prospects.

There was a good study done, the National Crime Prevention Study – a survey of 5,000 young people nationwide – which found that in terms of predicting whether children who were exposed to violence would grow up to either be perpetrators or victims, the best predictor of perpetration was witnessing certain types of female-to-male violence. Witnessing mum hit dad was the best predictor for children growing up to use violence. The best predictor of victimisation was witnessing male to female violence. So if we’re going to break this cycle of violence, we really need to say, ‘no’ equally to violence against women and men so that boys and girls don’t grow up to either perpetrate or be victims themselves. 

I’m briefly going to look at the barriers to male victims disclosing their abuse. Like women, men face a lot of barriers to disclosing their abuse. However, men face a set of unique barriers which make them much less likely than women to report: about a third to half as likely to report being a victim. I’ve grouped them into two basic areas: external barriers refers to the fact that many barriers are created or amplified by the lack of public acknowledgement that males can also be victims and also the lack of appropriate services out there for men. Men may not know where to seek help, they may not know how to seek help, they may feel there is nowhere to escape to, they may feel they won’t be believed or understood. If they do seek help, they may feel that their experiences may be minimised or they may be blamed for the abuse. They may fear they may be falsely arrested if they call the police because they’re the man and in that case, the children will be left unprotected. 

Under internal barriers, once again, it’s those challenges to their sense of manhood. Because men are raised to feel that they should be independent and strong and be able to protect themselves, there’s a lot of shame and embarrassment about disclosing. There’s the social stigma of being unable to protect themselves. There’s the fear of being laughed at or ridiculed. The fear of being seen as weak or wimpy. And a lot of men will actually be in disbelief or denial of what’s happening to them or make excuses for it. 

What’s happening overseas? There’s been some really good work done in Western countries overseas that we’re aware of. There are now dedicated telephone support lines for male victims of family violence in the UK, Ireland, the U.S. and Canada. For example, The Men’s Advice Line in the UK. There are some great printed and electronic resources available now which are available on the web to anyone in the world, for example, The Greater London Domestic Violence Project has a great booklet called, For Men Affected by Domestic Violence, and the Alberta Children’s Services in Canada put out a booklet called, Men Abused by Women in Intimate Relationships. These are great resources that men around the world can draw from. 

There are a number of charities and support groups in the UK, Ireland, U.S. and Canada and India, for example, the Mankind Initiative in the UK. There’s some great community awareness campaigns especially in the UK. The National Centre for Domestic Violence, which is the main organisation around the issue of domestic violence in the UK, ran Male Domestic Violence Awareness Week in 2010 with lots of TV ads and media attention to the issue. And there’s an example there [on the slide] of a Scottish police campaign that was run at Christmas in 2009 with some male faces on it.

There are shelters for men and their children now in the UK, the Netherlands, Switzerland, Denmark and New Zealand. For example, in Holland, Stichting Wende provides shelters in the four largest cities of Holland – government funded shelters – and all of those are currently full. And in the U.S., it’s not so much that there are shelters specifically for men and their children, but a number of women’s shelters have started taking on men and their children as well, for example, WEAVE in Sacramento County. And recently the Parliament in Taiwan changed laws so that welfare aid – financial aid – was available to male victims as well as female victims. 

So that’s what’s happening overseas. What’s happening in Australia? There’s a fair amount of generic support available that both men and women can access: police, ambulance, legal aid, etc. However, generic support is often unaware of the unique issues faced by male victims because of the silence around this issue. So they are often unable to offer effective or appropriate help. And at the worst, some generic services may not believe men when they disclose, they may minimise their experiences or even blame them for the abuse. 

And the Western Australian Research done last year surveyed about 200 service providers around Australia and they rated themselves and their agencies as only moderately effective in overcoming those barriers to men disclosing, so there’s a lot of work to be done. 

What I’ve done here [on the slide] – I’m not expecting you to read this tiny font – but I basically went to the main domestic violence websites around Australia in all the states and territories and listed all of the services that they referred to there. So that’s a snapshot of what’s available in Australia today.

The boxes in pink are women’s only services. So men, unfortunately, can’t access them. So we can remove them from the chart. The boxes in grey are the generic services I was talking about. It’s really a lucky dip as to whether men who approach those services get the appropriate support that they need. Another issue is that individual workers in generic services may be aware of these issues and may have training and appropriate skills, but their workplace cultures often don’t support them. So let’s remove those generic services. 

What we have left are male-friendly services that are set up for men, but some of these don’t specialise in issues of family violence – they may support men around relationship breakdown or other issues. So, let’s remove those. 

This is what we’re left with [on the slide] in terms of tailored, specific resources supporting male victims of family violence in Australia. So what do we have? Mensline Australia – the national telephone counselling line. Recently, the Federal Government committed three-quarters of a million dollars for them to train their counsellors to support male victims of family violence. That’s the first federal funding for male victims that we are aware of in Australian history. However, we don’t know if the funding has been allocated or who will be conducting the training or how appropriate it will be. Also, Mensline is often the only port of call for many men, especially in regional areas, because Mensline is a referral service and there’s often no services for Mensline to refer the men on to. And until the One in Three Campaign launched 18 months ago, Mensline only provided resources for male perpetrators, not for male victims. So it’s only recently that they’ve taken this issue on. 

Men in Queensland are particularly lucky. They’ve got their own Mensline telephone counselling service. There’s also a court support service supporting men through the court process in Queensland. There’s a small service in the Hunter Valley that was established a year ago, maybe two years ago, to support male victims. Since the beginning of this year, police in Windsor in Northern Sydney have been referring men to the Hawkesbury District Health Service for counselling. 

There are some great individual counselling services and practices like Toni’s and Elizabeth’s, but they can be harder for men to find, and sometimes harder for men to afford. And the last three dot points there [on the slide] are all websites. It’s great to have websites out there, but they’re no substitute for face-to-face services.

In terms of professional development for workers in the sector, Greg’s going to talk about his program after me, so I’ll leave that to him. That’s the only training program we are aware of. 

So, what is required to meet the needs of this group of victims of crime? The Western Australian Report from last year had four key recommendations. One is government-funded public awareness campaigns to raise community awareness for this issue – that it can happen to men. And they were really, really clear to say, these campaigns need to be very carefully designed so as to complement campaigns that are stopping violence against women and not damage the effectiveness of those campaigns. So we want to support men and women here. It’s not a competition. 

The second point was to consider providing a range of publicly-funded services specifically for male victims. So, that would be a similar range of services that are available to women. Examples would be counselling, helplines, crisis response, community education programs, specialist services for different sections of the male population – gay men, Aboriginal men, CALD men, etc, financial support, legal advice. The full spectrum of services. They’re not recommending that as many services would be available for men as for women, but a similar range, so at least there are some services there for men to access. Also perpetrator programs for women which are relatively absent, and health service screening tools. In a number of states, when women come in contact with health services, they have a compulsory screening tool to see whether they have experienced domestic violence. Men aren’t screened at all and so men often fall through the gaps there. 

The third recommendation is to consider how services for men could be integrated with women’s services and generic services. Obviously, some services would be able to be integrated and others may have to stay gender specific.

The fourth recommendation was for training for workers in the sector especially around dismantling those barriers to men disclosing so men can actually come forward and tell their stories in confidence that they’re going to be trusted and supported and their experiences won’t be denied, minimised or questioned. 

What else? We’d also recommend MP’s and public servants need training because they’re the ones who are writing the laws and rolling out the programs that unfortunately have excluded men in the past. Men need to be included in the National Plan to Reduce Violence Against Women and Their Children and all the systemic reforms that are rolling out across the country. At the moment, it’s acknowledged that men can be victims, but basically that’s it. They haven’t been included in any other way.

We need better ABS and other data. The upcoming Personal Safety Survey is the gold standard of research in the country in terms of a broad community survey. There’s a new survey being planned for 2013 and it’s going to have three times the women’s sample compared to men, so the data on male victimisation is not going to be as good as for women.

Finally, we need tertiary education courses so people who are going into social work, health and other human services actually get good training so that they have the skills to support men when they are working in their professional roles.

My contact details are there [on the slide] and I’ll hand it back to you, Elizabeth. Thank you.

Elizabeth Celi: Thanks very much Greg. If we can give Greg a round of applause please. It’s his second presentation. I think he’s done a fabulous job of pulling together a whole bunch of information. And obviously in terms of looking at methodological considerations and the unique experiences of men, whilst some of their abuse may be similar to the levels of abuse women may experience, there are certainly some unique experiences from the masculinity perspective, so please prepare your questions for Greg.

Part 2 of the Panel Session features Toni McLean, counsellor with the Think Twice! Program, presenting a paper called Are men really victims of intimate partner violence?

Unlike most other victims of crime, male victims of intimate partner violence (IPV) are yet to be truly recognised by the judicial system or the larger community. There are a number of beliefs about male victims of IPV, such as that men are rarely genuine victims; if they are, they must have done something to deserve it; or they aren’t affected as much as women are by partner violence; and it is easier for them to leave their relationships. These are all myths.

This paper will:

• present evidence which shows that victimisation of husbands by wives has been documented for hundreds of years;
• present current statistics on the prevalence and nature of partner violence against men;
• explain how studies have presented contradictory and confusing pictures of partner violence perpetration;
• explore how male victimisation has not been adequately researched, with implications for the judicial system, the media, and government and community campaigns;
• offer some reasons as to why this has been the case. 

The acknowledgement of male victims has ramifications for government policy, the judicial system, and the provision of health and community services, as well as benefits for the community. We need a lot more information from and about male victims of partner violence in order to be able to meet their needs. Academics, clinicians and service providers need to be open to the possibility that a man who claims he is a victim of partner violence actually is.

 Listen now (MP3) |  Download PowerPoint |  Watch presentation

Elizabeth Celi: Now Toni has worked in her past and recently as a counsellor with high-conflict relationships and currently doing a PhD in the Department of Psychology at the University of Western Sydney having a look at counsellor perceptions of intimate partner violence. So without further ado Toni will give you a bit more detail on that, so I'll hand you over to her. Please welcome her.

Toni McLean: Thank you Elizabeth. That was a lovely introduction. I feel as though there is almost nothing more for the rest of us to say. And good afternoon everyone. Thank you for coming along to our presentation.

Are men really victims of partner violence? I've certainly heard that question asked before. I'm pleased to be able to address that question today. I hope I'll be able to persuade any skeptics here, that there are indeed men who are victims of partner violence, that there are enough of them to justify providing services for them and for their children. There are a number of reasons why we should do that and those reasons aren’t just limited to the male victims themselves.

For those of you who don’t need to be convinced then I hope that my colleagues and I will add to your knowledge and understanding of male victims today. My presentation will be focused on heterosexual victims of partner violence in particular and my colleagues will talk to you in turn on the broader issue of male victims of family violence in general and on the particular situation for gay men. Before I go any further I want to let you know that some of the slides I'm presenting here are a little different from the ones that I submitted to the AIC to go up on their website. If for any reason I'm not able to get it up there please contact me directly for a copy of the presentation if you’d like to have it.

Throughout this presentation I'll be trying to be consistent with my terminology. Over the years domestic violence has become synonymous with male-perpetrated partner violence, yet, that is not the case as we know, so I prefer to use the term ‘intimate partner violence’ or shortening it to ‘partner violence’ because the word ‘domestic’ refers to all sorts of domestic relationships, not just to the intimate partner relationship and it shouldn’t be gender specific, so I will use partner violence and that will be referring to violence perpetrated by either men or women in an intimate relationship in the family.

Absolutely essential to what I have to say is my own professional journey through this field and how I came to be speaking here. Much like Elizabeth, I had no idea. I had the traditional education in partner violence or what was called ‘domestic violence’ and that obviously was the one that said men were perpetrators, women were victims, that if men were victims there was something that they had done to deserve it, and that if women were perpetrators then there was a good reason for it – that they had been victimised themselves, that it was to prevent a preemptive strike that they were expecting in the future. And probably many of you here had that same kind of education. And as you can see, looking at my background here, the emphasis has been on my working with male perpetrators and female victims. That is how I started out. That is what I saw as being a helpful thing to do.

So what happened? How come I ‘changed sides’ in a sense? Well what happened was the more that I worked in that area, the more that I worked with victims, with offenders, with couples, the more I realised that that ‘male perpetrator, female victim’ paradigm was only one snapshot in the collage that is intimate partner violence and that it has many different faces and that very often what I observed simply did not gel with this explanation. So I had no basis with which to help people.

While it seemed to be true enough some of the time in many more cases the real picture was much more complex and contradictory. Sometimes it was a case of co-perpetration and co-victimisation. Sometimes even men were victims of controlling and coercive partners, female partners who were willing to use violence to maintain their position.

So eventually I had to acknowledge that there was no way around it. Some men are indeed genuine victims of domestic violence or partner violence and many of these men have children too. I found this something of a challenge to deal with, either isolated in private practice and being fearful of making a mistake or being in an NGO where my colleagues were entrenched in the traditional paradigm. I had my own fear of getting it wrong, of falsely identifying a perpetrator as the victim. I was warned against approaching the ‘Angry Dads’ movement because they would brainwash me. I really needed to stay on track and on song with what I was doing. One of those representatives I was warned against is here today and I think you’ll find that there is probably nothing terribly scary about him when you hear him speaking.

The children though were the innocent, really innocent victims of this paradigm. Every single one of those children who is dismissed because their father is dismissed could go on to have much more serious consequences in the future.

My objectives today are to hopefully put it beyond doubt for all of you that there are male victims of partner violence and in fact, there always have been male victims of partner violence. It is nothing new. They and their children are present in sufficient numbers to justify services for them. Children suffer just as much as when their mothers are the victims and in fact, recent research shows that the consequences could even be worse for the children of male victims of domestic violence. I also want to establish that men are not only assaulted in self defence or in retaliation for their own behaviour. Their female partners are violent for a whole range of reasons just as men are and that men do suffer a range of physical and psychological injuries that can be serious.

This presentation will show evidence of the victimisation of husbands by wives for hundreds of years. This is no backlash. The existence of male victims has been demonstrated in legal and literary works for centuries. This presentation will point out the massive variability in partner violence statistics, explain why this is the case, why and how contradictory and confusing pictures of partner victimisation have arisen, will consider why male victims have been somewhat invisible for the past 40 years because they certainly weren’t invisible in the past in centuries gone by. I’ll leave it to my male colleagues on the panel to discuss the needs of the male victims themselves.

When someone raises the subject of male victims one of the first things you might hear is that it’s just a backlash against the feminist movement or against women or that men are feeling sorry for themselves or that it’s just a bunch of irate ex-husbands whinging because they’re angry with their ex-wives, but this extract you see here is from a poem that is one of many that’s littered throughout English and European literary history regarding the violence of a woman towards her husband, and as you see it dates back to the 16^th century.

It’s not only in popular literature that women’s violence has been recorded. The documentation of the victimisation of husbands is found back to at least the 13^th century in a variety of legal, parish and community records as well as in diaries, letters and in artworks. It is a myth that the emergence of male victims in the late 20^th century is just a backlash. In fact, as Elizabeth said it seems that men are in the position now that women victims were in 40 years ago.

If you can see that image clearly or clearly enough it’s a 13^th century stone carving from an English church. It shows a man down on the ground being held down by his hair while his wife swings a cheese-skimming ladle in his direction. The modern day equivalent is not rare as some of the references I've included at the end based on hospital records will attest.

Here is a frieze from Montacute House in Somerset. The particular treatment for men who allowed themselves to be abused or beaten by their wives was specifically designed to cause them a high degree of shame by making them objects of ridicule and derision. The wife was sometimes, though not always ridiculed along with her husband. Although today we would not agree with the reason for the ridicule, which was that the man was not man enough to remain in charge in his own household, nonetheless, it does demonstrate that in fact, male domination in the family home has not always been a given and some women do dominate and control their husbands and they may use violence to do that.

When a man was exposed as having had a beating or his wife found to be having an affair the village people would gather outside the house of the couple making raucous music using pots and pans and the like. Then they would drag the man out and force him to ride through the village sitting backwards on a donkey or being carried on a long pole and forced to go through the village while they followed him making this awful din. Sometimes his wife would be forced to ride back-to-back with him. This practice was called ‘riding skimmington’ or ‘riding the stain’ or ‘charivari’, the term varying with the location. It was designed to shame those couples who breached the social or moral mores of the day, in particular, those related to spousal relationships such as abuse and adultery. The term ‘skimmington’ is derived from the name for the cheese skimming ladle that we saw in the previous slide.

The first half of this frieze depicts a man holding a baby with his wife hitting him on the head with her shoe. The second half shows him being paraded through the town on a long pole and this was what was called ‘riding the skimmington.’ Throughout the history of Britain, Mainland Europe, the early days of white colonisation of the United States and in Scandinavia there is extensive evidence of this practice occurring right up until the late 19^thcentury. Although it occurred in the context of the husbands being ridiculed because they were not able to maintain their rightful position as the head of the household, a belief which I suspect few of us would have the courage to condone today, nonetheless, what these references show is that this behaviour was common enough in past centuries.

Here are just a few examples of the many records that have been found that make reference to women’s use of violence against their partners. There are court records from the early 1600s describing a skimmington. There are records from prior to the English Civil War showing anxiety over the rising violence in women, and I was struck by the similarity with the headlines we’re seeing these days of rising violence in our young women in this country.

There was legislation in the new colony of Massachusetts protecting both wives and husbands from domestic abuse. In fact, there is one quote here, “So turbulent and wild both in words and actions as he could not live with her, but in danger of his life and limb.” Evidence of restraining orders against wives being issued at the late 19^th century in England.

There are numerous literary examples as well recounting abuse by wives and riding the skimmington for husbands. Jonathan Swift, Oliver Twist, Sir Walter Scott, Ben Johnson, Samuel Pepys, Thomas Hardy all referring to these things. And a comment that Charles Dickens gave to Mr. Bumble in Oliver Twist when told it was his duty to control his wife he said, “The law is an ass. The law is a bachelor,” obviously implying that the law didn’t understand what relationships were like or at least what Mr. Bumble’s relationship was like.

Here we have a painting from the late 16^th century I think – Dawes’ “The Henpecked Husband” also riding the skimmington and wives beating him. The reason that this happened, he walked into his bedroom and found his wife in bed with her lover. Now there is a Dr. Malcolm George in the UK who gives an excellent analysis on the social processes of denial, derision and trivialisation, which are the community’s ways of avoiding the challenge of accepting the existence of men as victims of women’s violence. This is something which is not consistent with our entrenched stereotypes of strong men and gentle women and I've included some of his work in the bibliography at the end of this presentation. So from derision to denial I think we can see that there is ample evidence over seven centuries or more which speaks against the gradual emergence of the male partner violence victim as simply the backlash against the focus on women.

So statistics, how many male victims are there? How many female victims are there? This can provide ammunition to start a world war. It has generated aggression and vitriol and all sorts of threats in the academic community for 40 years or more, so I decided today I'm not going to venture into that territory. It can become a significant distraction which takes us away from the pressing needs of the victims themselves. We can all use statistics to prove the points that we want to prove. However, I do have a recollection of a study in Norway that I think was nearly 40 years ago which claimed to show a correlation between the stork population and the human birth rate. We’ll say I think the study was – the so-called ‘study’ was done to prove a point about statistics. That study showed that as the stork population increased in the previous year, so did the birthrate. Now I suspect there is a false attribution of cause and effect there or at least I hope so.

What I have done though is just to show three examples of statistics that you may find on domestic violence. The first in Santa Barbara in California taken from police records in 1983, so these are all cases where people have been found guilty of assaults in domestic violence related charges. In that study it showed 94% of the perpetrators were men and 6% were women. I've got a study done more recently from New Zealand in 2002, which is a community study, a population study of young adults, which shows 39% of the perpetrators were male and 61% were female. And then just to come down the middle, a recently released study by Professor Halford from Brisbane on Australian newlywed couples, which shows approximately equal rates of partner violence. So quoting statistics at ten paces isn’t really the way for us to proceed from here. I hope what this discrepancy will do is raise your curiosity about why there is such a discrepancy and what we can do about it.

There are very good reasons why we do have such a range of discrepancies. Michael Johnson, respected researcher in the United States is one of the first to shed some light on the past discrepancy in these statistics. He identified that different studies used different sample populations. They asked very different questions of their participants and they used different language, so different studies came up with vastly different results. Up until this time researchers and others had effectively been comparing apples and oranges or rather, they had been lumping apples and oranges together in the same bowl as though they were the same fruit.

The following slides will look at the impact of using different populations on the results. Beginning at the big end of town, if we look at United Nations surveys, obviously they’re drawn from a wide range of nations. They often include developing nations and they often include war-torn nations. When we do this it’s hard to separate out what is actually partner violence from civil violence and what are the causes. There is no way of determining the impact of the external environment on these figures. These figures also have little to do with countries like Australia, so they don’t have much validity here.

We also have national crime agency surveys. These tend to draw their figures from police records, court records, corrective services or else records from women’s shelters. These naturally focus on the more serious end of the spectrum and they tend to distort figures for partner violence as well. Also as women were rarely arrested for partner violence until the last 10 years or so and even now it’s still quite a minority their violence simply didn’t appear in these records.

We can look at national victimisation surveys, which tend to be phone surveys that are done every few years. They generally tend to be set in the context of exploring women’s violence [victimisation] and they interview a number of men as well, but the framework is already set that it is about women’s violence [victimisation]. Men aren’t primed to think of their own experience of victimisation. Studies have shown if the violence is referred to as a ‘crime’ then women are less likely to report their own use of violence. Men are also genuinely unlikely to see it as violence unless they’ve actually been seriously injured by it and that brings us to the fourth kind of study, which does give us much more reliable figures for the picture that is in the community today, so we can look at family conflict surveys and community or population studies.

These tend to be couched within a relationship conflict framework, though they investigate the same behaviours that the other surveys investigate. So they investigate criminal behaviours, but they position it in a different environment. Women are more likely to disclose their use of violence in this situation when it’s not referred to as a criminal survey and men are also more likely to disclose their own experience of violence when it is seen as a relationship issue and not a crime.

So what kinds of injuries do men receive? Men receive injuries resulting from being hit by all sorts of blunt instruments, by having objects thrown at them – glasses, saucepans, knives, whatever, by being struck with a vehicle, by being bitten, by the use of an actual weapon – a knife is a very common one, by scalding by boiling water or hot food. So all of the injuries that these can cause are the ones that men tend to suffer. That’s not to say that women don’t suffer these too, but we are here talking about male victims.

And why do women assault their partners? Well actually for much the same reasons as men do. For a need for control in some cases. It may be trying to match their partner in control or it may be to be the one in charge. Expression of negative emotions, frustrated, angry, hurt, they’re jealous. It may be in self defence, just as it may be for men. And it may be to seem tough because they don’t want to seem weak with their partner.

Which women are likely to be most violent? Interestingly the women who are likely to be most violent are those who did not report self defence, so they are the primary aggressors in the relationship. They are the partner violence perpetrators, or for the women who are genuine victims and are lashing out with violent resistance.

How is it that there is so little research on male victims? Well as Elizabeth has alluded to, when this phenomenon surfaced in that era of civil rights in the late 60s the initial focus was on women victims and it’s difficult to maintain a focus on women victims and men victims at the same time.

And as female partner violence ‘victim’ predominately implies ‘violent husband’ then it’s hard to hold the concept of a man as being a violent husband and a victimised male at the same time. Women victims were also not asked about their own use of violence. If they had been then in some cases at least it would have been seen that they were actually aggressors in their relationships. Erin Pizzey from the UK found this out. She was a champion of the cause of women victims of domestic violence, but over time she realised that it wasn’t as simple as that. If men were not asked about their experience of victimisation, nobody is going to know about it and they weren’t asked. And because male victimisation was hidden it didn’t stimulate further research. It just remained more invisible.

There have been effective public campaigns raised about the awareness of female victimisation and this has unwittingly served to keep male victimisation hidden as well. And astoundingly, in the US and perhaps in Canada as well and who knows in other countries, research into male victimisation has sometimes been actively discouraged by funding bodies. You can refer to Murray Strauss’ references. He documents that very well as I think Dr. Donald Dutton does too.

There has been an understandable fear of having to share funding with women’s services or between women’s and men’s services. However, this doesn’t help the child victims. It’s an example of faulty thinking and doesn’t provide a good solution. And the difficulty is if we acknowledge male victims we also have to acknowledge and work out how to deal with female offenders. And if we need more reasons why they’re invisible, the media focus on sensational crimes by men against women stacks the odds somewhat. It sells papers and it attracts internet readers.

We have to deal with our stereotypes. The belief that because men are bigger and do use violence perhaps more readily in some situations, that they will automatically want to assault women as well. And we make the assumption that women don’t assault men because the men are bigger. Well I can guarantee you from my own work that is not the case. There is a tendency to ridicule male victims of women’s assaults. We have trouble coming to grips with that – facing that challenge. It’s been politically incorrect to acknowledge male victims of female perpetrated violence and that may lead to many of us being a bit worried about discussing it in public. And certainly something I've had to deal with is the fear of getting it wrong in my work: what if I make a mistake? What if he is a really convincing perpetrator? But I realised a solution to that was not ignoring the problem, it was skilling myself up, becoming more knowledgeable and more proficient and more able to work through this.

The implications of ignoring male victims of female perpetrated violence: physical and psychological impact on the men who are victimised, and my colleagues will talk more about that. There is a cost to the community. There is an impact on the children. Service providers, if they want to respond don’t know how to. The male victims themselves understandably build resentment and they can become perpetrators if they weren’t before. It makes it more difficult for women using abusive behaviour to seek help if we won’t acknowledge it. Women who use violence for whatever reason are more likely to suffer significant injury in retaliation from their male partners. If for no other reason, that’s a reason to address the problem. Services don’t know how to respond to female offenders and women are at risk of further violence in future relationships.

So: beyond the paradigm. Meeting the needs of victims of crime first requires we recognise their existence and understand their experience. For male victims we have to move beyond the paradigm that has prevailed for 40 years and which has served to minimise or deny their existence, thus compromising our ability to respond to them. The fact that there are some people who are unwilling to accept that the assault of men by women does occur, stems from our deeply held stereotypes about men and women.

Don’t take my word for all of this. There are male victims. There are enough of them. Men aren’t only assaulted in self defence and they do suffer from it. There is an extensive bibliography following this presentation if you’d like to see it.

Elizabeth Celi: Thank you very much Toni. You certainly highlighted some of the research paradigms we need to consider and the up skilling that us as professionals in our respective fields may need to consider.

General References

Hamel, J. (2010). Do we want to be politically correct, or do we want to reduce partner violence in our communities? Partner Abuse, 1(1), 82-91.

Cook, P. W. (2009). Abused men: The hidden side of domestic violence. Westport, CT: Praeger.

Straus, M.A. (2008). Bucking the tide in family violence research. Trauma, Violence and Abuse, 9(4), 191-213.

McNeely, R. et al. (2001). Is domestic violence a gender issue, or a human issue? Journal of Human Behavior in the Social Environment, 4, 227–251.

Mihalic, S.W. et al (1997). If violence is domestic, does it really count? Journal of Family Violence,12, 293-311.

McNeely, R. et al. (1987). The truth about domestic violence: a falsely framed issue. Social Work, (Nov-Dec), 485-485-490.

Fiebert, M.S. (2008). References examining assaults by women on their spouses or male partners: an annotated bibliography.

Historical references for male victimisation

George, M.J. (1994). Riding the donkey backwards: Men as the unacceptable victims of marital violence. The Journal of Men’s Studies, 3(2) 137-159.

George, M.J. (2002). Skimmington Revisited. The Journal of Men’s Studies, 10(1), 111-136.

George, M.J. (2003). Invisible touch. Aggression and Violent Behaviour, 8, 23-60.

[George also provides a good analysis of the phenomenon of deriding and minimising men as victims.]

Kelly, H.A. (1994). Rule of thumb and the folklore of the husband’s stick. Jnl of Legal Education, 44(3), 341-365. [A well researched debunking of the perpetuated myth that a man had the legal right to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.]

Recent references on prevalence of male victimisation

ABS Personal Safety Survey 2005.

Steinmetz, S. (1977-78). The battered husband syndrome. Victimology. An international journal, 2(3-4), 499-509.

Straus, M. (1988). Violence in American families: How much is there and why does it occur? In Nunnally et al, Troubled Relationships. Newbury Park, CA: Sage.

Straus, M.A. (2007). Dominance and symmetry in partner violence by male and female university students in 32 nations. Children & Youth Services Review, 30, 252-275.

Halford, W.K. et al. (2010). Relationship aggression, violence and self-regulation in Australian newlywed couples. Australian Jnl of Psychology, 62 (2), 82-92.

Bala, N. An historical perspective on family and child abuse: Comment on Moloney et al, Allegations of Family Violence, 12 June 2007. Jnl Family Studies, 14(2), 271-78.

References on how and why male victimisation is difficult to see

Detschelt, A. (2002-03). Recognizing domestic violence directed towards men. Jnl Legal & Public Policy, 249-272.

Graham-Kevan, N. (2007). The re-emergence of male victims. International Journal of Men’s Health, 6(1), 3-6.

Straus, M.A. (2007). Dominance and symmetry in partner violence by male and female university students in 32 nations. Children and Youth Services Review, 30, 252-275.

Straus, M.A. (2007). Processes explaining the concealment and distortion of evidence on gender symmetry in partner violence. European Journal of Criminal Policy Research, 13, 227-232.

Straus, M.A. (2009). Why the overwhelming evidence on partner physical violence by women has not been perceived and is often denied. Jnl Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma, 18(6), 552-571. [Read the 3 Straus papers in this order as he systematically explains: 1) the evidence of concealment of male statistics 2) the methods / processes used; 3) the reasons why.]

References on male injuries

Hines, D.A. (2007) Posttraumatic stress symptoms among men who sustain partner violence: An international multisite study of university students. Psychol of Men & Masculinity, 8(4), 225-239.

Kimberg, L. (2008). Addressing intimate partner violence with male patients: A review and introduction of pilot guidelines. Journal of General Internal Medicine, 23(2), 2071-78.

Dalsheimer, J. (1998). Battered men. A silent epidemic. Topics in Emergency Medicine, 20(4), 52-59.

Duminy, F.J. et al. (1993). Assault inflicted by hot water. Burns, 19(5), 426-438.

Krob, M.J. et al. (1986). Burned and battered adults. 18th Annual Meeting American Burns Assoc.

References on female violence

Allen-Collinson, J. (2009) A Marked Man: Female-Perpetrated Intimate Partner Abuse. Internat. Jnl Men’s Health, 8(1), 22-40.

Caldwell, J.E. et al (2009). Why I hit him: Women's reasons for intimate partner violence. Journal of Aggression, Mal-treatment  & Trauma, 18, 672-697.

Hines, D.A. et al (2009). Women’s use of intimate partner violence against men: Prevalence, implications, and consequences. Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma, 18(6), 572-586.

Hamel, J. et al, (2007). Perceptions of motives in intimate partner violence: Expressive versus coercive violence. Violence and Victims, 22(5), 563-576.

Hines, D. A., & Douglas, E. M. (2010). Intimate terrorism by women towards men: Does it exist? Journal of Aggression, Conflict, and Peace Research.

Part 1 of the Panel Session features Dr. Elizabeth Celi, a psychologist in private practice specialising in men’s mental health. Since releasing her first book in 2008, “Regular Joe vs. Mr Invincible – The battle for the True Man”, Elizabeth has grown in her own awareness of the silent phenomena of male victims of domestic abuse. Astounded at the oppressive personal impact on men and the social blind spot on this sector of our community, she now actively advocates for this much needed area of men’s mental health.

As you can imagine, Elizabeth has never been short of stimulating discussions and debates on this issue and broader issues affecting men’s identity. With regular appearances on TV, several radio interviews and keynotes in Parliament for men’s health summits, Elizabeth sheds light on misperceptions surrounding men’s psychology. She facilitated, along with the panel, some healthy and robust discussion on developing awareness, understanding and services assisting male victims and female perpetrators of intimate partner abuse and violence.

In this part of the podcast, Elizabeth introduces the topic for discussion and sets the scene for the speakers to come.

 Listen now (MP3) |  Watch presentation

Josh Sweeney: Welcome to Meeting the Needs of Male Victims of Domestic and Family Violence. My name is Josh Sweeney and I'm from the Australian Institute of Criminology. The presenters today are Dr. Elizabeth Celi and we have on the panel Toni McLean, Greg Andresen and Greg Millan.

Now Dr. Elizabeth Celi is a psychologist in private practice specialising in men’s mental health and since releasing her first book in 2008, Regular Joe Versus Mr. Invincible -- the Battle for the True Man, has grown in her own awareness of the silent phenomenon of male victims of domestic abuse. Astounded at the oppressive personal impact on men and the social blind spot on this sector of our community she now actively advocates for this much needed area of men’s mental health. As you can imagine Elizabeth has never been short of stimulating discussions and debates on this issue and broader issues effecting men’s identity and with regular appearances on TV, several radio interviews and keynotes in parliament for men’s mental health summits, Elizabeth sheds light on misperceptions surrounding men’s psychology.

She is looking forward to facilitating along with the present panel today some healthy and robust discussion on developing awareness, understanding and services assisting male victims and female perpetrators of intimate partner abuse and violence.

Dr. Elizabeth Celi: Thank you. Thanks a lot Josh. Welcome everybody and good on you for lasting the distance this second day of a two-day and after lunch, so thank you very much for joining us this afternoon for this extended panel discussion. We do hope to get into some discussion a little later on with you. I'll briefly introduce an overview of this particular area, but first I’d also like to thank the Australian Institute of Criminology and the sponsors for us being able to share this information and discussion with you today.

So as Josh mentioned, I work as a psychologist in Melbourne specialising in men’s mental health with regard to general issues and in particular, since releasing my first book, this phenomenon that even I was very ignorant and unaware of up to five years ago, male victims of domestic abuse. I now do a lot more on the social and media education level. I'm very happy to be sharing this all with you today. So for a few minutes I'll just be giving you the social psychology side of this topic, that often many of us have confronted in doing some of our own work and education in this area, so that we can set some of the scene for you.

Just so that you are aware we do have a camera recording on the panel itself for our own professional debrief and development purposes, but none of you are being recorded, so that you’re aware of that. So as Josh had mentioned, we’ve got Toni McLean, who will also be speaking to you. Each presenter will be giving a different angle on this particular topic and Toni McLean will be sharing some of the research evidence and the methodological considerations with regard to this area. Greg Andresen will then talk to you about the personal and the social experiences of male victims of family violence, its variable dimensions and interplay. Some of the barriers to them disclosing and if they do disclose, some of the difficulties they may face in receiving the kind of care and support that they need. And last but not least we’ve got Greg Millan, a men’s health consultant of over 20 years and he’ll be informing you of a training program for providers, other service providers, health providers and workers in helping men that have been affected by violence.

So we’ll ask you to hold any questions for any of us until after all of the speakers have presented their information. We’ll have about 30 to 40 minutes after all the presentations so we can really dig into some discussion with you, so please jot down your questions along the way that arise for you and we’ll be sure to attend to them as we finish the presentations.

In my growing awareness of this issue clinically and in my social advocacy endeavours, myself and other workers in this field have constantly battled with a particular overarching theme that comes up. Please excuse me if this is repeating it for many of you in here, but it’s worth repeating just so that we’re always aware of a particular perception or a paradigm of “male perpetrator, female victim 100% of the time”. Now there is obviously no denying there are male perpetrators and female victims. Of course there is a lot of important work being done in this area that needs to continue. It’s the “100% of the time” part that we keep encountering. It’s probably best expressed, having been a Rotarian for five years and meeting various Rotarians in different areas. We had a district assembly a few weeks ago and I met a man I hadn’t met before and he asked, “What do you do?”.  I responded, “I'm a psychologist and I specialise in men’s mental health and work with male victims of domestic abuse”. He straightened up with a confused look on his face. His comment was, “They exist?”. That’s a common thing that we often get and people aren’t educated about. So this is part of the social perception we’re needing to break.

So as you’re all aware, domestic violence services were initially established and rightly so, to assist female victims, of course. Over the years, over the decades with constant reinforcement of assisting female victims and male perpetrators the psychological paradigm of ‘men can only ever be perpetrators’ and ‘women can only everbe victims’ has unfortunately become engrained. Whilst we know the research shows otherwise, it’s an innocent blind spot that has been developed over the years that makes it difficult for male victims to get service, attention and help. So it’s this perceptual bias and the blind spot that we’re looking to address that has been inadvertently developed in this particular field.

So putting this in a broader social context for you, where female victims were over four decades ago in terms of the silence of their plight and experience and distress, male victims are at that place now. There is a silent phenomenon of domestic abuse or violence toward men that’s occurring, as my Rotarian friend highlighted and many others in conversations I've had. So we’re very much focused on the community and service provider awareness and education that’s required. To really ensure appropriate services are available for men and as Greg Andresen will mention, some of the blocks that men may face through service provision to just get some support.

So a key perception or factor on the other side of the coin that I’d just like to pose to you as we go through our presentations is – where are we at currently in our views and approach toward female perpetrators of abuse and violence? So we can have male victims and speak about them, but we also need to assist female perpetrators so that everyone in this intricate dynamic gets the assistance that they need.

Please let me make some things clear for you. Given our collective experience with this topic, in speaking about male victims we’re in no way diminishing the existence of female victims, their needs, and the work that is being done in this area. It’s in no way about diminishing resources toward assisting female victims and male perpetrators. It’s very important work and that obviously needs to continue. And each speaker may reiterate this along the way, but if they don’t mention it, it hasn’t been forgotten, so we do most certainly espouse to that very strongly.

Having said that, the reality of female victims can neither be a reason that we disregard male victims or their needs, and a lot of work that needs to be done for them, nor disregarding female perpetrators also being accountable to their behaviour and being able to learn some skills. So on a human level abuse is abuse and it is unacceptable.

I'll finalise on this slide before I hand over to Tony, but just take a moment to review these myths and perceptions that are out there. Some of which again, you may already be aware of, but are very much worth reiterating as we hear a lot of the detail that the presenters will now be giving to you. I'll just read them out because they pretty much speak for themselves.

• Myth 1, “That men are always aggressors or initiators in domestic violence disputes”, which is clearly false.
• “How could she possibly hurt him? It just doesn’t happen” Again, this is false.
• “Men are big and strong, therefore, he can take it” – most definitely false.
• “Men aren’t afraid of women’s violence or psychological abuse”. In helping men through their experience, this is definitely false.
• “He must have done something to deserve it” This is quite a difficult one for men to deal with when they’re experiencing the battering of abuse and violence. It is most definitely false.
• And most important, “Men don’t feel it or aren’t affected by it”. They obviously show their symptoms or their experiences and distress differently, but just because they show it differently doesn’t mean they’re not affected by it, so this myth is definitely false.

So please just keep those in mind as you hear the presenters.