One Short Lifetime

Transported in Place

2009-07-20T11:47:00.005+12:00

In the weekend I listened to two beautiful stories from devotees not long back from Naitauba. In an instant I was transported to my hearthome by their devotional love and understanding of the Way of Adi Da and I had this juxtaposition of experiences that were interesting in their own way.

I was reminded of when I used to teach Contact Improvisation, a form of body movement in which you use another persons weight to rise and fall and rotate thru space. We also used the walls and cupboards and ceilings and pretty much anything you could lean up against, to provide momentum and push/pull. Its an intimate thing and there are a couple of halls where I live, that I profess to know almost every kinesthetic inch of. The space is big and full to me.

And that is how the Island of Naitauba is. It is boundless and yet terrifying. A beauty and a demand. A frustration and a pull. I have only been there twice and yet as the men told their stories of the journey there, my body and being stepped every step of the way like a well worn glove. Enda talked about the rock at the Matrix between Cowcatchers and the entrance at Samraj Mahal and he talked about the stillness and presence and power of the place. John talked about Divine World Teacher and meditating there. I was on the veranda looking in towards Bhagavans bedroom and at the sacred fire sites on the Island. There are many times I wish to be able to easily go to Naitauba and yet in the telling of these stories there is a transmission of the Place Itself that is so tangible you can almost taste and smell It. You just know that Bhagavan Adi Da is there in every word and gesture and you are entirely taken in His Form. Devotees become transparent to His Light in the telling of their stories. They are not a memory of the past. Now time is the only time. The Island Itself is so obviously Him, an infusion of sacredness that has the power to ride across the seas and mountains and into the loungeroom where I listen to His Revelation. The distance is vanished and the body is washed in Grace without moving an inch.

This is the power of a love, and an intimacy I feel frequently blown open at heart in. Correspondingly there is a deep well of emotion at Beloved no longer walking Naitauba in the flesh, a human desire to see Him, rising from this deep wound. The flood of Him makes it so obvious, that He is not gone, His Presence growing in Fullness, Roundness, most crystal clear and Bright at Heart.

Seahorse Stance

2009-07-12T10:52:00.007+12:00

When I went to bed last night I said of little prayer, asking Bhagavan for quidance in a distubance I was experiencing.

I woke up this morning thinking about seahorses. I'm not sure if I was dreaming about them but I was certainly feeling one. Visions of Bhagavan's word sprung to mind and I felt disturbingly rested in the inherent shape of my being as the seahorse. Can you feel it?...the whole being curled in the asana of the seahorse. I can feel it in this apparent permanent shape that is perpetually playing out in the form of a question.

I remember watching a DVD in which Bhagavan addressed this 'question being' very directly. A devotee had a concern about some problem in his life. As was always the case, Bhagavan did not answer the question. He asked the questioner to consider his very self sense of 'I' in the question - the seahorse. The accepted habit of life that presents as a neverending problem in the form of a question. A question that requires an answer to a problem that believes that in the answer there will be release from the seahorse shape of contracted self.

And so I smile a little wryly at this answer to the 'problem', feeling blessed at heart by the constant demand from Bhagavan to consider what I am doing that is separation and the avoidance of relationship....the very existence of the shape of inward curl back inside, centered in the middle of a vital shock of protection. The self sense is always the same, regardless of the myriad of countless forms of appearance - forms of motion - layers of association in the curl of suffering.

Avatar Adi Da Samraj (from He-And-She Is Me)

The basic point of view of the seeker is: "I am not yet Realized"' "I am not yet experienced", "I am not yet here". From this point of view, the seeker must do something, or go somewhere, or acheive an alternative position in order to enter into Divine Communion, or Divine Realization.

The act of egoity generates the experiential presumption that gross psycho-physical embodiment is inherently dissociated from the Divine Condition. Therefore, until My Avartaric-Incarnation-Appearance here, it has been universally presumed that a search is required in order to attain the Divine Condition, or the Divine Domain. That very point of view is the ego speaking, the ego proposing, the self contraction making the "Way". Such is not the characteristic of Adidam.

A Story of Bhagavan's Impact

2009-07-05T16:51:00.004+12:00

This was one of the first stories (leelas) I ever read about Bhagavan. It touched my deeply at the time and still does...I wanted to know this man with all my heart when I read this.

'I was in a group of people, and we were all sitting in front of him. He would look into each of our eyes, one person at a time. When he looked into my eyes, I immediately wanted to kill him. Visions of stabbing him, cutting him open, dismembering him, and eviscerating him continued to arise as I gazed into his eyes.

His face did not move. He sat, wide open, staring into my eyes. After many minutes these horrific visions passed. He looked into my eyes as if he was I. There was no sense of another person looking into my eyes, only love loving love. I relaxed completely. My entire being opened, like a vast sheet that had seemed forever crinkled, finally relaxing wide, as it always had been in truth, love without a crease.

He was this love. I was this love. All things, everyone, appeared as transparent forms in this ocean of love. I felt I was enlightened.

And instantly his face grimaced in pain. His body remained perfectly motionless, but his face contorted in an agonized scowl, which I felt in my heart. I had creased the sheet of love, and he felt it acutely. I was the creasing in the sheet, proud of my realization, curling back on myself, smugly, to know my own achievement.

Were it not for the pained scowl on his face, I wouldn't have noticed that I was folding love in needful tension, pinching infinity's heart, creasing openness to make an event of noticing myself. I wouldn't have felt the suffering I created by needing to feel myself feeling myself, reflectively knowing my own achievement. But his face so visibly reflected my curling self that I could easily notice it, feel what I was doing, and relax open.

I was in awe of this magnificently vulnerable man. He seemed perfectly open and at ease, and yet more sensitive to my heart's response than I was.

As I opened without needing to feel the event of accomplishment, his face relaxed. His gaze was love without the slightest separation. I felt alive as love, as his love, as openness without end. Everything was the living openness of love. I felt that finally I had achieved spiritual realization. I couldn't wait to tell Gia. And again his face contorted in pain.

This went on for about 15 minutes of excruciating precision. I would relax open as love without difference, alive as the unbroken body of reality, and he was that love. Then, I would try to claim achievement, curling back onto myself to notice that I had opened, and he would scowl, his heart seemingly crushed by my self-curl. He was more susceptible to my most intimate doings than I was!.....'

AVATAR ADI DA SAMRAJ:

I want you to become sensitive to your actual state.
I want you to know very well what you are always up to.
I want you to become capable of observing yourself under all kinds of conditions.
I want you to notice the machine of your ordinary activity.

Momentous Moments

2009-06-20T18:44:00.003+12:00

I was just musing on momentous moments because there are alot of people feeling into the significance of the Solstice, new paradigms and energy shifting. I'm taken to the place of everything changing and nothing changing, and the moment when I heard that Bhagavan Adi Da was having a medical emergency and to start the devotional prayer of changes in service to Him. At the time I was up in the North Island at our local Adidam Centre where I go every 3/4 months for a weekend retreat. I had been gardening with another devotee and we were all sitting outside beginning to munch on our salads. Our discussion was around food getting to Naitauba and Bhagavans diet. I was just saying that when I was on the Island in September there was a quirky thing going on with tomatoes as organic heirloom ones were being flown from the States and Bhagavan was leaving them on His plate. We were chuckling and wondering about it as Sharon told me about Bhagavans sensitivity to many foods. Dean then came out and told us the message. It was serious and although I had never been present to any of Bhagavan's yogic events I was aware that the general feeling was that this could be what was occurring. I just wanted to go to the Hall and I did. We all just dropped instantaneously into our own form of heart communion with Beloved, invoking and feeling Him through the next 24 hours as it became obvious that He had taken His Mahasmadhi. I could feel Him tangibly and profoundly in the place beyond the body and mind. Things were quiet and still. It was a paradox as it always is with Bhagavan. Everything had changed and nothing had changed and we were shocked and also somehow unshocked.

I felt like the earth had turned on its axis as there was huge significance in the completion of the Avartaric Appearance of the Great One. It seemed we were so unprepared to be without His Bodily Being Here. Bhagavan had spoken many times about His going and the timing of it being unpredictable, yet many of us now feel conjunctions and a settling of the perfection of all of Bhagavans movements in time, space and beyond.

There was the suggestion that Bhagavan had a massive heart attack, but as it was, he simply dropped the body and was gone from the physical realm, in an instant. In one of Bhagavans writings He talks about His Physical Being Here is 'a devotional afternoon' and whenever I hear it there is a tearing and fullness at the heart, a blend of sweeping love feeling across the expanse of my being that softens and rips a little hole into which I fall forward into Him. I was truly honoured to have spent a nanosecond in the Company of the Great Adept in His Physical Form and that Blessed Afternoon is the fattest and fullest Bright space of time, chocked with leelas and dances, profundity and Gifts.

I don't sit in defined expectation at the conjunctions of time. Its all far to mysterious in the sliding of doors open and closed. My Heart Master died on a Thursday and I was sitting at His Vigil three days later in Naitauba. I blinked and it arose. I had my passport with me and I never take my passport on domestic flights. Mysteriously I could just go. Do I feel it "was meant to be"(with the inference of 'me')...nope...I don't quite understand that phrase when people say it. I nod as if I do but I don't really. I am not so sure about the set predetermination of anything. Its all possible in the web of happening. More deeply than the instances of "meant to be's" is a constant perpetual play of the Divine, arising from the space of 'no separation', beyond the body-mind perception of incidents having a personal nature.

Thats where I feel Bhagavan now, just as I did before. Nothing has changed and yet I am flushed with the Brightness of that beautiful afternoon. I know the unchanged was not possible to truly know without that brief time of Magnificent Form. I have much to say about it and yet its always the same, the same feeling and the same Revelation at heart. One is ultimately silenced in it.

Sorrow and Beyond

2009-06-09T16:36:00.007+12:00

I was reading Bill's beautiful blogpost leela yesterday. All the way thru his story I was right there with him and Beloved Adi Da and by the end I just had a wave of overwhelming sadness (and corresponding heart fullness) that I did not get to spend time with Beloved during His time here on earth. I know and feel His presence often in my day but sometimes this sorrow just hits me. I have been feeling it more lately as devotees are sharing the magnificence of His Revelation in community groups that I am involved with. I feel a turning of the tide within Adidam, as we settle down to life without the daily demand of supporting Bhagavan physically in His Outpouring. Something is now required to manifest that was all bound up in the breathlessness of keeping pace with Beloved in his Physical Incarnation and prolific Gift giving to the world. The Revelation is complete. Bhagavan gave it all. He gave it all from the beginning and yet I can feel how I somehow often required more, some other something as a hit in the searching egoic position of the separate self.

'Yes it's all here....but....give me more of 'you' and that super yum feeling of lovebliss.'

The 'but' and beyond transcended is my and all devotees full responsibility now. It always has been but it is starkly so with Bhagavan's Mahasamadhi State in permanence. We are required to complete the circle of which we are entirely incapable as the separate self. From a certain perspective there is an extreme unbalance that is currently reflected in the cosmic domain. It is truly time to return the Gifts in service, devotion and fullest recognition of the Divine Master present here.

I know I often feel at a loss to share Bhagavan's Revelation. I have a fantasy that I should have more leelas, some magic formula that can transmit the Revelation to others. I want a cyber lazer that blasts the heart to smithereens, instantaneously grapples the separate one into mist and we all fall in instant enlightenment, into the Great Ones Bright State. I love stories like Bill's. I recognize the process as similar to my own - in hindsight it is very evident that Adi Da was always coincident and pressing into ones separate miserable existence, plying and sacrificing at the heart in the prior position that the mind cannot fathom. The innocence of the process drops a resistance to feeling the mystery itself, trusting the magnificence of it while still serving others in their own heartful desire of communion with the Divine.

Adi Da admonishes us all to feel everything fully, feel it to the beyond-beyond, that is Him, opened and vulnerable at the hole in the universe where He stands, Free and Full Bright, letting oneself be drawn into His Light of Radiant Happiness Itself.

HOME - a virus worth catching

2009-06-07T13:10:00.012+12:00

HOME movie link

HOME is an ode to the planet's beauty and its delicate harmony. Through the landscapes of 54 countries captured from above, Yann Arthus-Bertrand takes us on an unique journey all around the planet, to contemplate it and to understand it. But HOME is more than a documentary with a message, it is a magnificent movie in its own right. Every breathtaking shot shows the Earth - our Earth - as we have never seen it before. Every image shows the Earth's treasures we are destroying and all the wonders we can still preserve. "From the sky, there's less need for explanations". Our vision becomes more immediate, intuitive and emotional. HOME has an impact on anyone who sees it. It awakens in us the awareness that is needed to change the way we see the world. (HOME embraces the major ecological issues that confront us and shows how everything on our planet is interconnected.)

I watched this stunning movie last night and it has sat with me all day. I think I will watch it again tomorrow and have been telling friends and family about it. The images are stunning and at times heartbreaking. The dialogue is straight to the core and if this movie doesn't sit us on on our arse I don't know what will. Its a virus we want to catch and not get immunized against at any time. At some point I felt quite some despair about the unconscious state we have to take responsibility for having created but the final 15 minutes are inspirational and I felt myself rise out of a dark hole.

What is so magic about technology is that the global patterning can be broadcast wide and far very quickly. The movie talks about time speeding up and why...faster, faster and faster...We have maybe 10 years at most to reverse the severe damage we are wrecking on our Mother Earth.

I experienced several big 'YES's' during the viewing. I felt Bhagavan Adi Da all over it. Much He has said was being displayed in live footage and the movie captured the macrocosim of interconnected humankind and worldkind in an undeniable way. This move IS about the neccessity for what Adi Da calls 'Prior Unity', the recognition of the unity that exists prior to all apparent differences and conflicts in the world. It is commonplace to hear 'we are all one' but this movie proves it. It also proves that we don't know it and until we do, and quick smart, we are going to continue to rape our very own arms and legs and fingers and toes.

After the viewing I read some of Adi Da's essay called 'Reality-Humanity' from 'Not-Two Is Peace'

"Unless they are specifically prevented from doing so, all systems will spontaneously righten themselves. the universe is a self-organizing, self-correcting and self-rightening process.....The current power-structures in the human world are actually preventing the self-organizing, self correcting, and self rightening process of humankind from happening.....The Global Cooperative Forum I propose represents an approach that is entirely different from all past or present efforts to reduce conflict and acheive real peace. The Global Cooperative forum I propose represents the emergence of a truely-all-at-once political, social, economic and cultural force - which will allow and enable humankind to exercise its inherent right and necessity to function as a self-organizing, self-correcting, and self-rightening global cooperative collective......Humankind must now be in the position of presumed prior unity - but humankind will not realize its inherent prior unity by exercising the voices that are already separate. There must be a bypassing of the voices that are already separate - whether they are "big" voices or "little" voices. It is the everybody-all-at-once voice that must now speak and act. This understanding of what must occur is very different from all other efforts that are currently being pursued for the sake of establishing peace in the world.....It is commonly presumed that speaking virtuously about great principles is sufficient to bring about a unity of humankind. However, such virtuous speaking is exactly how unity does not come about....the priorly unified force of humankind must function...egoity undermines all of that"

The main sense I am left with in all this is the absolute necessity for myself and all to transcend our own separate opinion and position and dive into the common humanity and feeling place of this prior unity that we all know if we shake ourselves awake enough to lean into the mystery of the whole. We are at the pivotal point where separate self will die, either its own self exiled unconscious never awoken sleep or transcended in a victory that is the Real Truth of humanity knowing this prior unity.

Death Is a Living Process

2009-05-29T09:32:00.005+12:00

Avatar Adi Da Samraj - The "secret" or Law of the death process is the same that applies to existence during one's born lifetime: the right relationship to the process is that of love-surrender, not recoil or with drawl. The death process is simply another form of participation in the mystery and Universal Unity of existence.

Being intimately involved in the dying of someone you love changes things. I am still in the process of consideration and feeling around dying and I hope the consideration doesn't ever end. Something in death, if one is not recoiled in it, takes one to the deep mystery of being itself. I didn't really know much of my grandmother's life story. I learnt more about her at her funeral and also tangibly felt (for the first time) the love our family have for each other, regardless of distance apart and not being particularly demonstrative. A veil opened and its still the case at present. I value silence at the moment. I can feel into what Adi Da calls 'the feeling domain' without effort, simply by turning my attention to others. Its enough and more than words can explain.

As I was meditating yesterday I sensed my grandmother at some point and as the feeling of her arose there was no difference between her and Beloved Adi Da, none whatsoever. Something is becoming obvious in the arising of things that means the words of my Guru have meaning in reality itself. I'm not feeling abstracted from life and the continuous process of rise and fall.

Adi Da talked about the metaphor of waves upon the sea and how our presumed state of separation as individual beings is akin to each person being a separate wave in the ocean and yet each wave is actually just an arising in the great body of water. In fact, there are no separate waters in the sea. This really is true and death can face one up against it as very separate waves or a falling into the depth of the sea itself.

All this is true of this moment but there has also been a corresponding process going on amongst it that has glimpsed me into my fear of death. I have begun to prepare a 'living will' that outlines my wishes in relation to my own death process and dealing with this body. Every time I do a little more and share it with friends I have a moment of resistance that I have to step beyond. There is a very real sense that I am inviting my own ending by giving attention to the fact of it and I don't like that. It balls in the belly. I get flashes of those stories where people share about a dead ones premonition of their passing in acts that preceded the time. Some part of me feels the invitation of my own death and shivers......

And yet....It is entirely a mystery, all this arising of layers in awareness and feeling. I can feel my hearts desire for a world that is content to just be in the presence of love feeling, beyond the stories and linear surface of things. This is part of why the Realizer is so attractive. When felt, it is obvious that the enlightened one is already dead in almost every sense. And this death is not an ending but a full reality without form. The Realizer lives in and as the feeling domain of mystery in which all arising is a cape.

Avatar Adi Da Samraj - from "What, Where, When, How, Why and Who To Remember To Be Happy

Some say, everybody has what they look like go to sleep and not wake up. Then they forget that part, and they go on to someplace else and look different. nobody knows what they will look like after what they look like now goes to sleep forever. When you go to sleep at night, you forget what you looked like all day. And when somebody dies, or lets the body go to sleep for the last time, they forget what they looked like when they were alive and awake. It is a Mystery - like going to sleep, or dreaming, or waking up.

Patterns Washed Clean In Dying

2009-05-15T18:57:00.009+12:00

My 96 year old Grandma is in the dying process at the moment. Its been a full day of feeling her presence and my mums who is spending most of her time with her. It is all very peaceful. My Grandma has been in a resthome for many years, quite affected by dementia, very dependent but healthy otherwise. I was very much in her life up till about 10 and then we moved and it all drifted apart. My mum and gran have had a cordial but somewhat strained relationship with my gran being quite withdrawn and depressed most of her life. My mum has never really had much to say about gran. Shes been disappointed in their relationship and not really able to deal with the depression at all.

I spoke with mum this afternoon and she is open, energetic and free, almost to the point of an ecstatic happiness. She has entirely transcended herself in service to gran. She was saying that all the years of stuff have dropped away. Gran is quiet, eyes closed, but very aware when she is spoken to. Mum and gran are simply in the feeling domain together. Simple things are all that are needed and everything is being transmitted at heart.

I have gone to the meditation hall a number of times and sat in contemplation of Bhagavan. There is a candle burning for gran. I am drifting in the space between worlds. It is easy to sense the crossing over of my gran. This is not as I imagined it. I was always told that gran had shut down at some point in her life and she was essentially scared of dying. Mum said she can feel a little resistance to the letting go but its a kind of fear associated with the body only, of falling and not being able to grab a rail on the way down. Gran's gross body is experiencing some fear but her mind has miraculously become free. She is enjoying the drugs and the sense of floating but there is something crystalline.

I have experienced this before with friends in the dying process. A sense of great clarity in the consciousness of the being, regardless of drugs, pain and disorientation in the body. Patterns are washed and purified. I know this is not always the case but it is what I have witnessed and felt. There is incredible beauty. Two lifetimes of pattern are simply washed clean in my mum and gran and something is washed clean in me. I feel Bhagavan in all of it, His All Pervading Presence of Brightness flooding our lives.

I am due to drive down to Christchurch on Wednesday for an Adidam death and dying retreat weekend and here is the real deal before me in synchronistic timing. Adi Da wrote alot about the death process, accounting for every aspect of it. I have read a little today as I wondered if I could serve my gran more but my main sense is just to sit with her and continue to invoke the Great One in her process. He is so obviously present. I am just quiet with it and bow my head at Beloveds Feet.

Operas and Flying High

2009-05-12T12:44:00.009+12:00

(pic of my sis - the face of modern opera)
I attended the Opera for the first time, in the weekend. It was very cool and moving and particularly so as my sister was the leading role. She is an international opera singer, still young in that world and I am super proud of her efforts to date. She had a dream from the age of 9 to get where she has and she simply disciplined her life to make it so. The integrity of one pointedness comes through in her performance and I praise her highly for that. It was interesting to look at my sisters life and where she is, having achieved her goal.

When I was coming home on the plane I had a familiar flying experience of 'birds eye view' in which my own insignificance is magnified in the speed and distance from the world below. All of a sudden I found myself wanting to be in a plane when Adi Da entered and simultaneously I experienced just that. The Presence and State of Adi Da is entirely a felt matter, washing the being with His transmission. I was left, yet again, with the absolute embodied certainty of His Divinity. He rides in the bones somehow in a way I can't describe. I try to use the body as a descriptor because He can be felt there but it is also obvious that Beloved Bhagavan Adi Da is Prior to all that I can sense. His entrance is all here in the turning awareness, attention, full being to Him.

I was left in thought about His Life of utterly being given over as the Divine Person. It is in many way, incomprehensible that the human form can be an adequate vehicle to serve as the Divine Vehicle and yet this has been proven to be so. There was never a single moment in the life of Adi Da in which He was not giving His Gift to humankind. Every moment was intentional, energy out, Conscious Light manifested. Never a day off. Never a word spoken in unconscious throwing away of energy.

I remember this in moments when I want to take rest and collapse from the practices Adi Da has given. I understand more over time why there is necessity to conform the body and mind through simple life disciplines with food, exercise, breathing, meditation and relationships. Its not about reaching some goal as my sister has, although I do this in areas where this is required. The disciplines that Adi Da has given devotees, ultimately deal with body and mind equanimity, simple life functioning that makes the spiritual process possible. They are not a means to Truth in themselves.

In many ways Adi Da's body hung like a loose, vibrant, energetic garment around His Being, entirely coincident with His Revelation. His Body slung with ease on the end of All Arising, only necessary so we could locate Him beyond our own imaginings.

But what He did and gave thru that Body is an immensity that, when felt for real, has me doubtlessly given in service to Him.

Can one really fathom what it took through eons of time to make it possible for Him to incarnate here. It astounds me at heart, the incomprehensible nature of it all.

It also hurts at heart that He is only recognized by a few in a world gone quite mad in many ways. It really does take conjunctions of mysterious moments in time for the Revelation of the Divine to be felt and recognized in the heart of individual human beings. That mystery is a glimpse into all that is prior to the apparent separate doings in the world and self. That mystery is the Source Itself, hung in splendour for all spacetime until such point as it simply is not any more...

It is all part of the beauty I find. What appears as glimpses is seated as Only One in Reality. Adi Da is separate and there are 'two', a you and a Him until such point as his Revelation is known as the Reality of One Only. From the beginning of relationship with Him this is the Revelation He gives. And so it was on the plane, 'One Only' until it became a 'kind of moment', morphed into a glimpse but seated at heart in an eternity.....a paradox beyond words. I feel forced by His force to squeeze a great love thru the funnel of the invisible net here although it can feel so meager in Light of what He Reveals.

Adi Da was a great opera singer Himself...I just found this lovely story from Da-vid, a devotee who lives on Naitauba, not about Beloved's singing but His Gifts that spontaneously arise when in His Company or turned at heart to Him....Chris just sent me this link to another operatic leela

Love Celebration

2009-05-08T08:21:00.000+12:00

Guru Grace and experience of 'me'

2009-05-05T09:39:00.009+12:00

This morning when I woke up and was still in the state between full wake and sleep (dream shall we say, but vertical) there was an obvious arising. I had memories of my teen years in which I prayed each morning for the continuation of my recovery from anorexia, knelt with hands clasped leaning on my bed. And it was obvious that the God of my growing up years was the very same God whom I was to sit before in meditation this morning. Suddenly there was the simple awareness that everything I do is placed on top of a simple arising of The One. All interpretation, longing, desire, story, change, shift, appearance was felt as an arising from the Divine Itself. It was obvious that all was arising in the Only and that my very self was arising as a shape in all the shapes, shifting, merging, changing. Every sense of anything had a shape and there was a beauty in it that is hard to describe. The beauty was not the shape itself but the lack of differentiation from The One Itself.

As I sat to meditate thoughts arose yet they just were a shape, nothing of interest at all. I don't know how the awareness of my body was really. I have had experiences recently that are hard to explain but there is a column that is all bright through the core of my body, but its not my body and its not separate from my body. It just Is and its the entire feeling of Adi Da, bliss happiness only. Nowhere to go and nothing to do. There is no thing that is not the Divine Presence and its obviously so. The Murti of my Beloved Heart Master is suffusing the room and there is no point of view that is not Him and this is obvious. The Heart Itself is without form or location in space.

This is the Grace of the Guru. I have done nothing and yet here was this obviousness. I could feel the formation of the seeker and the separate one. It was obvious that all my perceptions, understandings and constructs of God over the years have been and are entirely my own, placed on the face of The Great One, masking the True Appearance.

I can feel the contraction of 'me' forming on the Divine Itself. The noticing is already to late. The question has formed as a 'self sense' in the arising of the Divine Itself. The arising just Is. And 'I' appear to exist as a splicing off in identification with the shapes, separate from what is simply arising.

Thus the seeker is formed. The 'I' is a self created concept that appears, from its own position of separation, to be the real.

I love my Heart Master beyond words. I look back over the years of search for God and how even though its always only ever been Him, until His Form became visible in the cosmic domain there was no way of knowing this Truth and no way of knowing that the 'I' is actually the prevention of any real relationship with Reality As It Really Is.

This morning the words 'avoiding relationship', a question Adi Da asked us to consider during His earlier years, became obvious in a way I have never known. There was no figuring it out from the separate place of mind or memory.

Adi Da gives the Gift of His Realization to all from the start of Recognition of Him. There is no technique or method that need be applied to find Him Out. It becomes obvious that there could be no method to what is simply So. What becomes alive is the process whereby He draws one into the Light of Being Itself, wakes one from the slumber of identification with and as anything. This has a force to it. A force that keeps me in feeling contemplation of Him. I feel the drawing in. It is entirely mysterious but there is nothing vague about it whatsoever.

All praise to The Great One who lives us All.

Keep seeking till the seeking runs out

2009-05-02T21:34:00.010+12:00

If you are reading this, feel into what lead you here. You may be a devotee staying in relationship. You may have simply strayed this way. You may be interested in Adi Da and the culture of Adidam. However you got here, notice the place of seeking in your being.

Were you seeking anything in coming to this blog?

If you got here because you desire to find God, or communion with the Divine, then this is a good thing. Feel how this seeking denotes the current position of not being in communion with God. Otherwise you would not feel the need to seek. Being in the company and near vicinity of Adi Da Samraj brings to light the seeker, a sensitivity to desire and lack, a sensitivity to the endless round and find and lose, dissatisfaction and temporary moments of satisfaction that never quite hit the mark.

This sensitivity is one of the first Gifts from the Guru.

One's vulnerable and separate condition begins to become visible and ones need for help in the Form of the Spiritual Master who is Truth itself, begins to become evident.

Let the sense of desolation of seeking come to the fore and show itself as a lifetime of endless cycle and pattern. Feel the tiredness and boredom in it. Let the agitation bring you to honesty and let it strip you of false bravado and the veil of eternal life hope held dear by the optimistic but separate sense of egoic power and success.

Adi Da's Spiritual Transmission is often expressed in radiant terms, as experiences of bliss in the body. But there are other levels to His Blessing and one of them is a constant light that shows up the separate self, shivering in its own desire and endless search. This Blessing is of the Greatest Kind. If you stick close it gets only Brighter. It does not feel good. It does not feel Bliss. But there is an undertone of true gratitude at the Heart. A sense of some Prior place that is not seeking when turned to the Guru. A sense of Truth that is washing the being awake from ignorance and endless cycle.

A new desire awakens...the desire to simply be with the Guru. Just sitting with Him. Nothing else. Nowhere to go and nothing to do. He is enough. One feels the more subtle forms of the search but one also feel the lessening of the desire for anything in particular.

The Guru is sufficient as the Heart is truly satisfied.

The relationship with Adi Da proves the Truth of His Words.

Adi Da's simple Words below are proving themselves to me...

You are always looking for that which is ultimately and inherently satisfactory - and when you find it you devote your life to it

Humankind is Literally One Family

2009-04-28T16:22:00.008+12:00

As concerns about the swine flu have spread over the last couple of days I have been struck by Adi Da's message to everyone concerning the need for awakening to the fact that we are no longer single tribes, isolated by distance and time. If the quick spread of viruses (etc) isn't proof of that then I don't know what is.

Avatar Adi Da Samraj from .Not-Two Is Peace

It is important for everyone to understand that humankind as a species (and as a whole),is(and always has been)characterized by a constant and global process of diaspora. All of humankind is wandering all over the Earth. Humankind (and even life itself, as a singular whole) is, historically and characteristically, dispersed (or scattered). However, in its fragmentation(as many and separate everythings) humankind is, now, acting as if it is not one thing, but, rather, as if it were many different and separate somethings.....The diaspora of all humankind must be re-acculturated, to accept and embrace a universal "homeland of everywhere". ....The genetic unity of humankind is inherent. That unity is scientifically known to be so. Yet, the "difference-makers" speak and act as if there were superior humans and inferior humans, superior nationalisms and inferior nationalisms, and so on-as if merely incidental differences were of immense significance. To make much of incidental differences is merely to argue about old stories. Instead of all that, everyone must be exercised anew-toward (and in, and As)Truth in always present time.

In this present time it seems the viruses know no difference and jump the species barrier without a second thought.

Maybe they get to wake up humanity.

Somehow that appeals to me. Intelligence is not always what we imagine it to be.

My prayer is that as the viruses of the world go about their natural business of merging with humankind, and we are all potentially called to isolate from each other, we don't isolate at heart.

May the media be honest and true and peoples everywhere serve each other prolifically as one species scattered everywhere.

May the All Pervading Grace of Bhagavan Adi Da be felt and trusted at heart, resting humanity beyond the focus on self. May common sense lead beyond mass panic and lead to cooperative community and the ability of all to find strength of body and peace of mind beyond fear

Gratitude For Gifts

2009-04-24T10:56:00.009+12:00

I was just in my blogger dashboard and I have 11 draft blog pages that are started and not finished. There are a number of reasons for this, one being that sometimes I start to write something and at some point I am vividly struck by the fact that to a large degree I am speaking 'martian language' that needs some explanation before I say whatever I am saying.

This is another of the beauties of Adi Da and His Revelation. Its new. Its young. Its never been offered before. I think I 'get' something and in the very writing of it I am instructed that I don't have a clue. The languaging is all different and the ground on which it rests can't be simply taken as a philosophy and put on with the ease of a new coat.

I am endlessly struck by how alive the Revelation is. It is a constant process in which one is totally involved and being agitated in. Adi Da called us to begin our relationship with Him with consideration of what He has written and said. Its a huge body of work that does not let you rest. I have not been able to lie low since I became a devotee. I am at once drawn to pick up the dharma and also variously thrown into more consideration of Truth Itself with confrontation in what "ego-I" is up to.

This is part of the beauty and mystery of the Living Divine Person, no longer here in his Body but alive through His Word and obvious relationship as the transmission of His Force on the page and directly into the heart.

In meditation I feel the gentle swoon of sitting in 'The Brightness' field, the Place in which Beloved's Body is interred. It is Real and Here Now, obvious that He is Ever Present. All the Gifts He gave in His Human Form vibrate with His Life Force still. This gives me understanding in why he had to come in our likeness, to give Gifts that we know as familiar. And yet they invoke a very different response in my being. I have read very few books, bar Beloved's Word, in the last couple of years. I don't recommend that. Its good to be informed via all sorts of literature. It's just that I am attracted constantly into the consideration and feeling of Him and the process of closeness to Him is kept alive through staying in constant touch with the Gifts He Gave, the books being one of these. There is also so much, such a prolific outpouring, that my short lifetime doesn't seem sufficient, in time, to behold it all.

And still, much is martian. I don't want to just be a martian translator, untouched and unaffected by the most revolutionary dharma to land here on planet earth. It seems I am mostly not, so that's okay, but it also means quite a few articles in the 'draft box'. Waiting till a time when consideration flows to understanding of at least a beginning embodied heartknown kind.

Adi Da, the Divine Being dances in the round with all of us. Sometimes I feel like I am being taken on a swing dance only to be swung around into a tango. All around me people dance in another form with the Master. It is a raucous of Sound with Beloved holding Court, swooning one into a dip here and another caught in some complicated move that defies gravity. I hear His laughter and delight at the chaos and unfolding of it All.

I bow at the Feet of the Holy One, at least in understanding of the great attraction, the pull to be in His embrace for all the dances, willingness to surrender the hold as he waltzes by leaving a perfume so sweet that it dissolves the room altogether.

Easy Death

2009-04-23T12:40:00.009+12:00

I have worked on and off with pregnant woman, having trained in a method that teaches woman to get to know their own body and specifically their own pelvis so that when they are in labour, they can remain open and conscious in their pelvis, creating space for their babies to enter the world.

Something that is fascinating about birth is that most people assume that a woman will just naturally know what to do. After all, her body is designed to have babies and they all come out one way or another. There is generally a major disconnect, especially for first time mums (understandably) between this assumed 'natural' belief and the frequent reality in which a very often painful and extended labour overwhelms a women in the process and she becomes resistant and unconsciously closed in her body, thus holding in the baby. About 30% of babies are born via cesarean these days, often for the above reason, not because it was 'likely' the baby would die. Even those who give birth naturally often feel 'blown out' by the intensity and effort required.

My point here is that, in my observation, birth and also death seem to be events in our lives, that we don't seem to understand the need to prepare for. There is a general amnesia around coming in and going out. And regardless of the amnesia, it is generally not easy at either end, especially if going on a wing and a prayer, rather than preparation of an extensive kind.

I have always been interested in both these ends of the spectrum of life, probably more so than the middle bit in some ways. A beautiful local lady here is due to give birth to her second child in 10 weeks and she has just been diagnosed with terminal melanoma that the baby may well have. There is no knowing if she will even survive till the birth and she is currently in Australia at a Centre which teaches meditation and raw diet to aid in the process she is going through. This type of scenario could be any of us at any time. We are all going to have to deal with sudden confrontation with the end. Its not going to be any different than this moment now. It begs the question of what is being done with all the 'this moment now'

I am intent on being prepared when I die. Every moment of life can be purposed as preparation for death and I often have that sense in this relationship to Bhagavan Adi Da.

In taking the eternal vow to Beloved Bhagavan, it stands in perpetuity, not just this lifetime. The taking of the vow is the recognition that Adi Da Stands and Is As the Place before life and death. My true heart is as and at His heart in the Divine Self and Source Position....and then there is this body and mind that function in the conditional realm that begins and ends. The practice of turning to Him through this body and mind moment by moment is, like the birth preparation I undertook before my kids were born, a necessity for locating Him when I pop out of this plane into the beyond it. Just like unprepared women can struggle with labour, Adi Da has been very clear that lack of preparation for death will lead straight back to another evolution of exactly what we went out with, different form, same shit, with a whole bunch of mind in between. Now, I'm expecting that. I don't expect this is the last round, (given that we dont have fully realized beings popping up every 5 minutes, five years or even 50 years) but I am purposed on being able to locate Bhagavan in the next lifetime, not entirely distracted by attention into some unconscious slumber. I'm preparing by sticking close to Him by conforming attention and energy to the One who is entirely transparent to and as Conscious Light Itself, moment by moment.

True Realization is a paradox, as it is fully given and complete always already from the moment of true Recognition of Bhagavan and it also is a process over life times in which the mind and body are purified and conformed to the Source Position Itself.

It seems foolish to feel that something miraculous will happen at death that jettisons one into a different level of realization about anything. Death is like a curtain and just as attention is on one side, so attention is on the other, just without a body to attach to. Still searching, seeking and gloaming onto the potential hope for happiness. The only way to be free in death is to be conformed to the Divine Itself, prior to the scared and separate body and mind that wanders in its own creation

It is endless, and that might not seem so bad (from the egoic self fulfilling position), but forever of ignorance is a hell of a long time.

Adi Da has written much about Death and the process and its significance. From a talk titled Easy Death

Reality, Truth, or the Very Divine is not afraid of death. Therefore, if you Commune with the Divine Person-if you are really intimate with the Divine Person in this present moment then the body-mind's reactivity to death relaxes.....

Death should be (and in general, can be) easy-natural, in this sense. But if death is to be (thus) easy, you must be linked to the Divine Reality That Inherently transcends the bodymind. Otherwise, if you are simply identified with the body-mind and contraction, you are (as a matter of course) going to be beset by many other emotions and reactions that will determine your destiny after death....

Just as annual plants self-destruct in one cycle of the seasons, so death is built into the bodymind. But the Divine Self-Condition is not afraid of this program. The Divine Self-Condition is completely free of all implications of this dying.

The persona that is constructed upon the basis of identifying with the body-mind, contracting as the body-mind, is not in tune with the Divine Freedom and purpose. And, so, this persona is afraid. There is the Divine Self-Condition, and there is the body-mind in all the mechanics of cosmic Nature - and, then, there is this persona, this ego-"I", which is totally out of sync with both the body-mind and the Divine Self-Condition. You , as the ego-"I" (or persona), are not only out of sync with the Divine Self-Condition. You are also out of sync with the body-mind, because the body-mind does not want to live forever. You want to live forever. The persona wants to love forever.

The Way of Adidam, Which I have revealed and Given, is not the Way to get in sync with the body-mind. Rather, the Way of Adidam is the Way to get in sync with the Divine Being (or Reality Itself). To do so will also cause the persona (or the reactive ego) to integrate with the body in equanimity - the sattvic condition that expresses heart-Communion with the Divine Self-Condition. Then you will go through the life-cycle in a balanced state-with the reactive ego calmed, and the body-mind in a state of equanimity. Fewer and fewer of the characteristics of the reactive ego will appear. Over time, those characteristics will gradually disappear, and the body-mind will go through its inevitable destiny naturally - free of its changes while alive, and free also in the death process, as in going to sleep or in meditation. You will simply be entering into a profound State of Communion with the Divine Being.

In Truth, death is such a Samadhi. But, if you live (or die) death as the ego, the persona, the "I", then you do not feel it to be Samadhi. You do not feel that its implications are the same as those of profound meditation and Divine Samadhi. You feel death is an ending, a loss, a threat. Such a disposition only expresses dissociation from real God.

adidablogs.org announcement

2009-04-22T11:36:00.015+12:00

Chris Tong, friend and fellow devotee has created a page where you can get all the latest postings from Adi Da devotees who currently blog. We are a varied bunch with emphasis on different aspects of practice at different times but the fundamental heart connection with our spiritual master is the same.

The list can be found here at adidablogs.org and it updates as the latest are added, so that makes it super easy to track.

I have added it to my sidebar as well.

Thanks Chris :-))

BTW...Chris is founder of a number of websites related to Adi Da and the spiritual path beyond traditional methods. He is a longtime devotee with an extensive knowledge and understanding of the dharma and a down to earth, loving approach to making it understandable for all.....

*I recommend this site, adidaupclose for answering any questions you may have about Adi Da. It is updated regularly and is very full of heart and information in a way that makes sense.

*Another recommendation,This is an award winning site with many
articles to invoke consideration and deeper understanding of Adi Da and Adidam

Here are some of the other ventures Chris has developed or been on the team of, including The Practical Spirituality Press and Institute For Real God sites, aimed at providing bridges to the Divine...

*Overview of what Chris is currently offering and plans for the future. Join mail list here at realgod.org

*ebooks that guide you through understanding the need for a spiritual practice and teacher at practical-spirituality.com

*Five minutes out to consider what is truly important at heart to YOU...Consider This

*The Coteda Institute works towards creating global progress, global agreements and global harmony inspired by the teachings of Adi Da

*Extensive Readings from Adi Da's book 'Not-Two Is Peace. This book is Adi Da's address to humankind as a whole

FIRM — The Foundation against Intolerance of Religious Minorities (FIRM) advocates the human, social, and civil rights of all religious and spiritual groups, large and small. FIRM provides education on all the varieties of prejudice, both overt and subtle, that are currently being practiced openly against many religious minorities. FIRM also chronicles the history of persecution throughout the ages of religious minorities and their spiritual leaders (including persecution of Christianity in its infancy, leading to the deaths of Jesus and many of his disciples), and it examines the origins of (and the motivations behind) such persecution.

Sex won't get you to God

2009-04-19T22:05:00.005+12:00

There is a funny little coincidence going around. I just plugged the search 'What Is Enlightenment' into Google because I was curious to find out what would come up. In pretty short measure I was taken to 'EnlightenNext' Magazine which I am not really familiar with but I was struck by the latest feature articles. Its all about sex and spirituality and can one lead to the other. There is also a tribute to Adi Da which I would like to read if I can get my hands on a copy.

Funny that my previous teacher, David Deida and Adi Da should be in the same magazine. I spent five years pretty involved in the sexual/spiritual practices of David Deida until I exhausted them as an avenue to happiness. I remember clearly, as I began that journey, wondering how long it would be before I ran out of enthusiasm and sunk into the familiar feeling of disappointment about another potential paths failure to really satisfy my need for fulfilment in a more than temporary sense.

I will always remain grateful for the time though. I first heard and felt Adi Da through Deida's work and something in the mysterious process of being exposed to others who loved Adi Da enabled my heart to become available to Bhagavan.

I was only ever wanting more through all of it. Great intimacy just didn't mean God. Even blown open Shakti filled orgasmic regenerative orgasms didn't mean God.

Adi Da spoke and wrote alot about the klick klack of patterned experience and the conditional universal domain as a whole. I became pretty sensitized to this endless patterning klick klack through my intense involvement with sacred sexuality. I had gone from the extreme of austere, self disciplined, God in heaven upbringing and adulthood, to down and dirty descended, of the earth promised communion with God and I felt run out of options. And all there was, was the noise of klick klack folding over and round and on top of itself and my added pattern of resistence to it all. The patterns are endless. Becoming a devotee does not wash patterned existence clean. There are just more and more subtle (and not so subtle)versions of the same thing. Coincident with it there is the hum of heart recognition of The Great One who Stands before all the reaching out for consolation in the over there God of a separate patterned one seeking.

Part of my recognition of Bhagavan as the Divine Being Himself was that He was obviously standing before all the patterning. That was part of what was so attractive about Him. I had never felt that before, the possibility of life not being about getting to the source of it all by effort and seeking, rising and falling until the goal was reached. I thought enlightenment meant a utopia here on earth and Adi Da very clearly revealed that this was not possible in the patterning everchanging appearance of things.

He came here to reveal and make it possible for all to Realize what Is Prior to all the arising stuff. He revealed that all the stuff is a simple modification of the Divine Itself but this cannot be realized from the position of the patterned stuff or any identification with it. Only in the Source Position Itself can the Divine Be Known.

Thus He offers that - a relationship with Him in which one is drawn more and more into the Source Position Itself.

Avatar Adi Da Samraj from 'My Divine Disclosure'

The Ordinary Process of "Everything Changing" Is Simply The Natural Play Of Cosmic Life, In Which the (Always) two sides of every possibility come and go, In Cycles of appearance and disappearance. Winter's cold alternates with summers heat. Pain, Likewise, Follows every pleasure. Every appearance Is (Inevitably) Followed By its disappearance. There Is No Permanent experience In The Realm Of Cosmic Nature. One whose heart-feeling Of Me Is Steady Simply Allows All Of This To Be So. Therefore, one who Truly Hears Me Ceases To Add self-contraction To This Inevitable Round Of Changes.

Happiness (or True Love-Bliss) Is Realization Of That Which Is Always Already The Case

I Am That Which Is Always Already The Case

Heart Words From Adi Da

2009-04-14T16:16:00.004+12:00

I am struggling to write on this blog at the moment. I feel all twisted up and contracted, mind fucked in my inadequacy to portray anything of any sense about my Heart Teacher. Words are defying me. But I still want to post...so until it seems to make sense to do otherwise I will fill this space with the Wisdom Teaching of Adi Da Himself.

Something must be trusted in this great process of world and beyond. I feel it. I know it. That knowing is the eternal bond with the Guru in my heart but sometimes its so damn cloudy, its like a nuclear fallout.

From 'The Incarnation Of Love'

Adi Da: The heart of every individual Stands Free. This is what must be Realized. The apparent impuruties of the feeling being are impurities in the functional Circle of the body-mind. they do not belong to the heart. Even so, the heart of the individual may seem to be confused by them.

Reactive and ordinary emotions are not the expressions of the heart, or the feeling being, but of the complex personality, the extended personality, the functional personality. The feeling heart does not exist in space. It is the free feeling dimension. The bodily locations are the extended personality, and they are peripheral to the heart, just as everything that seems objective is.

The Unspoken Law Against Happiness

2009-04-03T10:01:00.007+13:00

There is an unspoken law against happiness. To be unashamedly body full happy is be considered stark raving mad. Its okay to be a little bit happy or really happy for a wee period of time but really truly happy as blown beyond self, Open Hearted Love Bliss can be suspect.

Sometimes it seems important to try and write something of intelligence and meaning on these blog pages.... something a solid 'you' can rub up against a solid 'me' in

but in truth...

I have a fantasy... It is a world full of blown open ecstatics, falling in a swoon upon the surface of the earth, downpoured full of the Molten Liquid Fire of The Great One....shining so "Bright" that the glare ricochets All Embrace.

no face

no fame

no body

no known

Only Light

not known who what am here.

I was asked if this short life looked like salvation for the masses, presentation of a revolution for mankind

and at heart there was flicker...

But consumption seemed at last the only anything of no thing to do or be.

Wandered in the blaze of heart thirst all around in up and down...body still and moved

Only sensed as still existing sorrow

niggled

agitated

wormed

twisted

Then turned Upon the face of Light shone "Bright"

Heart Full of Radiant He Scent

Faded in

Da Breath

Da Feet

Da Heart

Thunder Full Shattered Head Blown Open Consumption to Ash

seems the Only Real

in moments come and go

till Reality True Is the Only All True Gone

Esotericism versus Exotericism

2009-03-30T12:29:00.004+13:00

I didn't have a clue what Esotericism and Exotericism meant before approaching Adidam and becoming a devotee. If you are in that boat and are interested then check this booklet out (along with all the others).

They offer a great breakdown for those in the wondering. Adi Da has written much on this and is quoted in the above series by fellow devotee and author Chris Tong.

Chris has also added a number of comments on this blog...well worth reading for an in depth perspective.

Is Adidam a Cult?

2009-03-30T09:42:00.003+13:00

I have been thinking about writing something in relation to the question that people wonder, asked or unasked, about whether Adidam is a 'cult'. It feels like such a mammoth task to even begin to chew on but its a really valid question and one I want to attempt to give my own feel for. I might spread this over a few posts because there are so many pieces parts...

First up from my own experience...I became a member of the 12 step group Overeaters Anonymous when I was 12 years old. My mother had joined the previous year and about that time I began secretly dieting and became what is classified as anorexic, in pretty short time. I then joined OA and began a process of recovery that was very much the foundation of my life understanding, particularly spiritual, until I was 30. Twelve step groups have been around for years and have expanded well beyond alcohol addiction into any manner of problem in this day and age. Fundamental principles of the programme involve the admittance of powerlessness over the addiction and ones whole life and surrender of the will to a Higher Power or God of your own understanding. The guiding principles of the groups are 12 steps which if followed lead to freedom from the addiction through surrender to the Higher Power.

Twelve Step groups have saved thousands of people from early deaths and miserable existences ruled by addictions of various kinds. But there are problems. Human problems.

I left 12 step groups because I came to the conclusion that I had been involved in a cult of sorts and it took me some years to really recognize that I had actually made the good principles of 12 step groups into a cult myself. It also took me another few years to see that my revolt from the 'cult' of surrender to the principles of 12 step groups meant I took on another strategy that goes something like 'I am my own best guide and therefore must turn to my own inner self for all direction'.

Regardless of these attempts the underlying disturbance has always been that no matter which way I have searched there has not been fundamental happiness ...much talk and what I would class as false bravado but always underpinned by a sense of not quite having reached ????....

I have come to see that cults are very much entangled with oedipal unconscious behaviour - attachment to forms and figures as a reaction to our first fearful separation at birth or thereabouts.

So, what made me feel OA was a cult?....There was no charismatic leader, just steps to follow. One of those steps involved getting a sponser - someone further along who guides you through the process. I got someone hard ass (my mother, in fact!) and to the point who would no holds barred keep me on track. This all lined up perfectly given my understanding that addiction was a bogeyman which would get you as soon as your guard was down. I was pretty certain, still as a child myself, that if I behaved well, and took direction perfectly I would earn my ticket from God, to heaven on earth...and so unfolded the next 18 odd years until my belated adolescent behaviour kicked in and I revolted.

It was inevitable that things unfolded as they did given that I had no understanding of my unconscious reactive patterns.

So...Is Adidam just another group of people guided by a great leader and principles that people will unconsciously trip into thru blind neediness...

I had to ask myself the question.

Right from my first connection with Adi Da I was attracted to what He said. I knew He knew things I could only begin to slightly grasp and this was a bright beacon. There is no doubt that along with my heart response to Adi Da I saw Him as a father figure who will rescue me. By habit I have played out many patterned roles with Adi Da even in the short time I have been a devotee.

I have also been frequently knocked over by what Adi Da has said about what people will do with His Work and about how cults form. This from His book 'Ruchira Avatar Gita'

Cultism Is the Beginner's Level of Human Existence

The word "cult" means, simply, a system of externals (such as beliefs, rites and ceremonies) related to the worship of a deity (or any deified person, object, place or event). Therefore, all formally organized exoteric religious institutions or communities are cults. Cults are at the root of all human cultures.

By extension, any organized gathering of people associated with a common source of enthusiasm and commitment may be called a "cult". Therefore, "cultism" is associated not only with religion, but also with politics, intellectual studies, science, the "professions", entertainment, sports, the news media, even animated and flower-breeding societies!-every area of human endeavour tends to produce centralizing phenomenon (or centripetal motion) of cultism.

The negative tendency in cultism is the tendency to forget that mere enthusiastic association with an object, an idea, a person, or whatever, is basically a superficial (or beginner's) state of mind. All mere enthusiasm, or belief, or ritualized consciousness is at the novice level of human existence-and if enthusiasm, or belief, or ritualized consciousness persists beyond its appropriate term, it inevitably becomes an expression of either childish or adolescent neurosis. (Such is true of individuals, and also of human groups, or cultures.)....

and on the direct relationship with Adi Da from 'Do Not Misunderstand Me'

The true devotional and Spiritual relationship to Me is not separative (or merely "inward"-directed), nor is it a matter of attachment to Me as a mere (and, necessarily,limited) human being (or a "man in the middle")-for, if My devotee indulges in ego-bound (or self-referring and self serving) attachment to Me as a mere human "other", My Divine Nature (and, therefore, the Divine Nature of Reality Itself) is not (as the very Basis for religious and Spiritual practice in my Company)truly devotionally acknowledged.....True Satsang with me is the true "Round Dance" of Esoteric Spirituality. I am not trapped in the "middle" of my devotees. I dance in the "Round" with each and every one of My devotees. I "Dance" in the circle-and therefore, I am not merely a "motionless man" in the "middle".....

This is one of the ways I have come to trust Adi Da as the Source Itself, beyond His Human Form and prior to any differentiated story of pieces parts as I have described above in my previous experience.

There is much more to be said about this but for now I just wanted to acknowledge and bow in gratitude for the understanding Adi Da has given around cultic behaviour in the self oriented world.

Fly in the glass

2009-03-19T10:15:00.003+13:00

Have you ever watched a fly banging its head up against a glass window that is open to the outside about an inch to the right?....I must say that I have. I even profess to having had conversations with flys in a vain attempt to corral them rightward into the free open space just beyond their senses.

I am struck by how much life can seem like banging up against the glass and how having the presence of Adi Da in this life is the opening in the window....always obviously there but entirely unseen until the fragrance of the pranic air of freedom is felt and seen.

The image of the fly, self reflected in on itself, pretty in its vagary of colours, seeking outside home is witnessed from the human perspective, as ignorant of a clue about the ease of a simple step to the right.

Surely from the 'all-at-once perspective' of the Divine Itself this world is positively fly blown,caught in one of those fun fair mazes full of mirrors, a comedy of errors.

Adi Da wrote of this state of human enclosure endlessly over His Lifetime.

To quote Adi Da's criticism, as food for considering...

It is the memory of experiences - the persistent bondage to your patterns that result from experience-that generates the goals of seeking. Experiential impressions (in the form of tendencies) continue to fascinate people and reinforce obsession with the notion that life is made of alternatives, such that the usual individual is doing nothing but continually playing the drama of alternatives. One day, a person is going towards the 'experience' of Truth - another day, toward experience itself (usually of a very 'human' variety). One day a person is pursuing samadhi - the next day, the same person is a devotee of sexual fascination. But it is always the same egoic adventure.

What appeared (in the past) to be the great moments of your life did not become wisdom. All you are left with are the modifications that reflect those moments. Truth does not appear in the form of a drama of experiences and alternatives - the entire adventure, the entire force of ordinary and extraordinary experience, the entire drama of seeking - begins to wind down, when it ceases to occupy you mightily, and you are stuck with your actual condition, your suffering

Therefore, the attempt to trace experience back in time - in order to recover the events you are suffering from - is fruitless. That attempt cannot produce Truth as a result - because truly you are not suffering the results of anything that is past. Suffering is the quality (or mood) of your present activity. Your present activity is your suffering.

Thus the fly with the headache, obviated from what is truly there until the light of day enters his awareness and he can fly free

Adi Da is a confrontation

2009-03-09T15:06:00.003+13:00

Anyone who ever gets in any way close to Bhagavan Adi Da Samraj comes up against His confrontation with the egoic self....and trust me, Bhagavans definition of the egoic self goes way beyond anything most would consider to be the ego. When Adi Da talks about ego He is referring to the whole self, any sense of self whatsoever, any fall back into a position that is looking out from behind the eyes, which is all of us most all of the time.

Its a rub and a big one. I think its probably one of the earliest things I had practice transcending in coming to be a devotee. The sense of being constantly criticized even from afar. I have learnt to see the egoic recoil in myself, as a perfectly good barometer of my own self contraction in that moment.

Adi Da is the perfect mirror and simply reflects through His many gifts, what I am doing as a separate little blob of humanity here...He is perfectly clear that the little blob is not the true Reality as It really Is.

In His Words

People are always "meditating' on the separate-self-sense. People are always tending to be one-"point"-ed in their concentration on the "point" of separate self. Every moment of life is devoted to the "creation" of this "point". Over time, the activity of self-contraction isendlessly intensified-potentially, even to the point of absolute contraction, such that there is no longer any flow of life-force. If you clench your hand tightly in a fist, increasing the tension to the point that the blood-flow is cut off, the hand will eventually wither.....When you look at something with your eyes, you are looking from this "point". When you hear something with your ears, you are concentrating on this internal "target" (or ego-center). You never "Locate" the Divine Reality That Is the Source-Condition of these perceptions. You never enter into heart-Communion with the Divine Self (or self condition) of all beings, things, and events.....

I had resistance to Adi Da talking about the constant self contraction and also about how we are "avoiding relationship". Sure, some of the time but certainly not all of the time was my stance on it...but this has changed as I have learnt to observe and feel what I am constantly doing. I'm really not in a position to kid myself anymore about what is being revealed. Adi Da as my Guru has turned all the lights up to fluorescent colours. Even when I am in apparent relationship in a loving and kind way with others and the elements there is still the self looking at this from behind these eyes of separate being. I also find that the only time I really have any great freedom from this contraction is when I am in the happiness of feeling Adi Da...Beholding Him there in front of me and also feeling his infusion into this body and place.

Criticism is anathema to this ego which is a great thing really...At least I know for certain when I am recoiling that its another affirmation of what I am always up to....going to 'sleep' is another form that shows up....cruising along with not a care in the world, patting myself on the back about how well I'm doing with this, that or the next discipline...then thwack!!...something will come along to twist my gut into the recognition of my own painful recoil from the Divine Itself.

Adi Da has always said that if your back is not up against it then your not in relationship with Him...He is the eternal fire that is burning through the knot of self contraction.

In His interactions with devotees over the years He NEVER let anything lie...every conversation was an opportunity for helping devotees and ultimatately all, recognize that the questions themselves were the contraction...every problem looking through from behind the eyes for a solution was and is the illusion of the separate self...what a Blessing and what a Curse!......

Adi Da is placing upon all of us, the burden of Truth.

Being Drawn Beyond by the Great Avatar

2009-03-02T10:17:00.004+13:00

Love-Bliss, Happiness Itself, is Truth. It is Inherent Reality, Which you
fail to inspect or know or Realize because your own act – self contraction
– dissociates you at the heart, dissociates you from feeling. You are in My
Sphere of Brightness as in a sea of fluidity. It is a Flow without
difference, it is a Brightness without limit. It is an Infinite Upwelling of
love-Bliss without differentiation. It is inherently perfumed. It is the
breath of Fullness.
What you would have in Communion with Me is a cool, watery, full moon
night, cooled of stress, and desire, and consolation, Awake to Brightness.
On that basis, visions of clarity and peace.
And then moving beyond them to Love-Bliss Itself, without the slightest
image, the slightest object, without the slightest fear, without any
“other” – not yourself as “other”.
No “other”.
No separation.
No visions.
No objects.
Only Self-Existing Being, Self Radiant without limitation.
No separate self.
No objects.
No cosmos.
No seeking.
Utterly rested.
Fearless.
Unmoved.
No place.
No going and coming.
No thing.
But fullness Itself, not objective.
Only God.
Only Brightness.
No Difference.
No Relatedness.
Only Happiness.
No un-Happiness.
No threat.
This is what there is to be Realized, not the mayhem you are
manufacturing in your fear and seeking, in your contraction into
separateness.
Devote your life to this Peace Beyond difference, this Divinity, this
Communion with Me.
All the superficial matter – temporary, not important.
Be still.
Be washed.
Be mindless.
Bodiless.
Sublime.
God only.
“We are Home now, Lord.”
That is it.
Do not leave.

The Question Of The Divine Oneness As An Intuitive Thing

2009-02-22T18:20:00.007+13:00

I often find in conversation with others interested in the spiritual or religious that the phrase 'We are all one' comes up. There is a sympathetic nod of heads as if this is fully understood somehow and everyone goes on their merry way.

There really seems to be a tacit feel of this amongst people.

Often times I wonder if we are just identifying with common experiences as feelings and body sensation...the common ground...and identifying on that level, or are we pointing to the Greater One of which we feel kinship of some kind.

I generally find myself wanting to have a deeper conversation about this matter of oneness...have people desire to know what the hell they mean by that. I want to question the 'enoughness' of the statement.

I am happy that the question is constantly being revealed in the Way of Adidam.

There is no fallback on the self in what Adi Da has given. This is one of the Divine Secrets-that in Reality Itself, the True State In Which We Abide, there is no separate self at all. The Oneness is not radiating out from a centre that feels like a 'me'. It is the obliteration of that sense into the Mystery of the Divine Itself.

One of the things that I have an ongoing sense of gratitude for is that I am not guessing at God and oneness anymore. I know that I am in relationship with that, which I always sought. This Divine Being infuses my being with a feeling of bliss when I turn towards Him.

I was listening to a talk recently given by Ruchiradam Nadikanta, one of Adi Da's closest devotees, and she talked about how when Bhagavan left His body it was as if a cloak was simply dropped on the ground. He left His physical body instantaneously and all appearance as we see it with our eyes was gone, but nothing else of Him left.

His All Pervading Spiritual Presence still fills the space and I feel Him more without my own limitation on His Bodily Form. I realize how much I have limited His Appearance Here by my own ideas about the Godman.

Bhagavans Body is a mysterious paradox in which his peripheral shell simply just fell of, outshone itself in eternal flames and yet He has left His Form in thousands of images and murti photos and footage so we can easily locate Him by simply Sighting Him.

His Image Is the Doorway to His House..the Hole in the Universe In which He appearances arise.

In all of history this is probably the hardest time for humans to believe and know the God that really Is. The tacit sense is obviously not lost but we live in an era where importance falls on individual fulfilment above all else.

Adi Da has Revealed that the apparent thing that separates individuals from Divine Realization is the egoic self, itself. The sense of 'me' and 'you' as another is a contraction on the mysterious Divine Process that then looks and feels and acts as if it is divine and true and the centre of the universe.

Realization of God is realization of not other, not realization of a deep inside of 'me' or grand outward display of 'me' in achievement or successful life management.

Quite frankly this blows me away.

To think that all these years of living I have been looking for myself to find that myself is the problem is entirely laughable. Every part of me has resisted it and every part of me has tried to prove otherwise.

But my ego cannot be consoled in itself.

There was a profound stopped moment in time on the sandy beach of Naitauba in which the Great One, Bhagavan Adi Da Samraj simply looked at me and there was no me there. I can't even find words for it because they only point to the True Heart Itself. It is beyond description that one can be so undone in a moment, have a dharma placed on oneself with no self there...woken up to find the oneself entirely displaced...

And that moment is Prior to a memory.

It Is the Always Now of Bhagavan's Touch and what I know to be the One that Is Reality Itself...