My point is this.  The world has changed in a mere eleven years, and he missed it, all of it.  He missed the good and the bad, the absurd and the amusing.  He will always be thirty five and he’ll never have a chance to eat a hot dog crust pizza or at least make fun of it.

So lets talk about suicide.  The CDC compiles the information about it and the latest data is from 2013, you can peruse it yourself at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention here’s a quick overview.

Suicide is overwhelmingly committed by males.  78% of all suicides are male, and while females are three times more likely than males to attempt suicide they account for less than a quarter of actual suicides, that’s pretty staggering facts.  Just let that sink in a bit.  Just by being male you are four times more likely than a female to commit suicide, and if you are a white male in America you account for 70% of all suicides.

Age and location is also a big factor, the highest rates of suicide are grouped between 45 and 64 (the highest) and 85 and up (second highest).  Montana has the highest suicide rate of any state at 23.7 per 100,000 and the District of Columbia the lowest at 5.8 per 100,000.

There is even data on how people commit suicide, in the U.S. firearms account for the majority of suicides at 51.5% which is 27 percentage points higher than the next method which is suffocation.  In countries where firearms are inconveniently not available suffocation takes their place such as in the UK.

My point is this.  It doesn’t matter.  All the facts and the figures, all the prevention methods, all of it, meaningless.  This isn’t a popular stance I know, but it’s realistic.  We cannot prevent most suicides by talking to people.  Anyone that can be talked out of suicide most likely wasn’t going to do it in the first place.  Typically suicide is not a spontaneous action.  For the most part it is very well planned out and executed.  There is always exceptions to the rules, but that’s exactly what they are, exceptions.  Suicide is not going to be cured by talking.  Suicides will be eliminated when we figure out how to cure the underlying cause, not the result.  The result is suicide, the cause is mental illness.  Cure one and the other goes away.

In the meantime lets concentrate on working with people who have been effected by a suicide and helping promote mental health.  We can effect change in these areas.  I’m not saying we should get rid of suicide hotlines and support because there are people out there that still need them.  What I’m saying is lets concentrate on being effective and curing the root of the problem.

That’s just my two cents.

Brad.

No matter how many books we read, what time management systems we try, or how aware we are of the amount of time we are spending away from the things that really matter to us, inevitably we all find ourselves in the time crunch at some time or another.

For me this came this last month, my daughter Finley was born on the 19^th of June, I had to be out of my place by the 17^th of July while my new place wasn’t ready until August 1^st, and it’s the busiest time of year for me at work.

When it gets like this you feel like you are jumping from one little fire to another, nothing very major but it all piles up and combine that with a serious lack of sleep and being disconnected from your partner and you have a serious strain.

There’s lots of people out there with advice, slow down, take it easy, stop and smell the flowers.  I’m always suspicious of people with this type of advice, mainly because for the most part they aren’t wearing pants.  It’s hard to take someone in a robe seriously, I mean what’s going on under there?  What are the rules for wearing robes?  Are they wearing robes because they can’t afford pants?  Are those actually curtains?  This makes it hard to concentrate on the subject on hand.  Self help guru’s really don’t seem to be on the same level as the rest of us, they are either some hard core business fanatic who sleeps in an oxygen chamber for three hours a night with five assistants and a smile like a shark, or a washed out hippy amiably chasing his eighteen year old interns around his hookah.  They don’t connect with real people and they don’t have real world problems.

So my advice is going to be simple.  I try to stick to these two rules and forget everything else.

First on my mind

1. Whatever it is you are doing, make sure it is in the best interests of your family, I think of the two girls above first then I think about my partner.

2. Don’t feel guilty.

There are going to be times in life when you have to spend time away from your family or pick and choose what you are going to do.  Be fair but be firm, you’re going to catch a lot of flak when you are away.  Just make sure what you are doing is in the best interests of your family.  Drinking beer at the local watering hole until 3am is great to blow off some steam and reset yourself but if it’s taking away time from your family, causing strife, and not adding to the overall wellbeing of your family, then it has to wait.

I frankly am not stopping to smell the flowers and I refuse to “take it easy”.  That’s not who I am.  I can’t rest easy until the things that need to be done for my family are done and that’s okay.  I have balance in my life but when the chips are down and there’s a deadline, you can’t slack off.

My final bit of advice is this.  Be prepared for the guilt trip.  Don’t get mad or angry at your spouse, it’s part of the deal.  They aren’t going to like it, don’t argue with them, don’t remind them of the losers that they could be with.  Just do what you have to do and let the actions speak for you.  As long as you are following rule one you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Be who you are and make it count.

Brad.

Last week I took my seven year old to see inside out, it didn’t have the impact with her that Frozen had last year (what possibly could compete with frozen? I have all the songs memorized), but it had an impact with me.  Without throwing out any spoilers the overall message was that every emotion is essential to create a real human and secondly, sadness is an essential part of being an adult.  

What a great message, it’s only when one emotion takes over that we have real problems.  Each part of our psyche has an important part to play in keeping us safe and healthy.  

Just a thought, have a happy weekend!

Brad.

I ran across this the other day and thought I would share.  Take a quick look.

Project Semicolon

Post holiday blues aren’t just for Thanksgiving and Christmas, if you’re anything like me you spent the July 4^th weekend surrounded by family and friends, enjoying the great summer weather, barbecuing, and maybe having a few drinks.  Then it all goes away and you have to go back to work on Monday and face the prospect of a full week of mind numbing drudgery, or at least it feels that way after vacation.  Everyone is back to their lives and you’re feeling a little bit let down.  If so you aren’t alone.

Here’s a few tips for minimizing the letdown.

Limit Alcohol consumption.  Studies have shown that moderate intake isn’t all that bad, but excessive intake is actually linked to depression.  So have a few with your friends but don’t overdo it.  You’ll be happier the week after and there will be less stories that start with “Remember July 4^th?  I’ve never seen anything like it. . . “   On a side note this is how most of my friends start conversations with me.

Prepare yourself.  You know it’s coming, you’ve been here before, so you can either choose the path of least resistance, Netflix binge and junk food, or plan ahead and give yourself something to do the week after.  As tempting as 100 episodes of Futurama or Departures and greasy pizza is, get out and do something.  Make plans to try something new, maybe a cooking class so you can make your own greasy pizza.  Anything to get you out of the house and into something new.

Exercise and Nutrition.  It’s a lot easier to feel good when you actually physically feel good, plan to exercise and eat right the week after, with your body feeling good, your mind will find it a lot easier to feel good too.  This is great advice that I never seem to be able to follow through with so don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t happen, just try again next time!

Surround yourself with people.  It’s hard to get out the week after a holiday, but make a big effort, make plans with your friends, go see a movie, have dinner (ahem. . . a healthy one right?  Right.), go for a walk and mark two things off your list.  Just do something to get out of your space and expose yourself to a new experience.

Hopefully if you do it right you’ll be too busy to be that let down after the holiday.

Sigourney Weaver== The Hirschfeld Century: The Art of Al Hirschfeld exhibition opening at the New-York Historical Society== New York Historical Society, NYC== May 20, 2015== ©Patrick McMullan== Photo – Sean Zanni/PatrickMcMullan.com== ==

Page Six has a short blurb on HBO’s upcoming short on depression.

Fireworks behind statue of liberty

Since it is the 4th of July, I feel this is a good time to talk about Veterans.

I love this country but the truth is, our military is not good at taking care of the men and women who fight for us.  It’s shameful that they can’t get absolutely everything that they need to adjust to being back home.  An estimated 11-20% of returning veterans will suffer from PTSD. Many Veterans become homeless and suffer from substance abuse.  But there are organizations trying to help.

Here are some disturbing facts from the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs and The National Coalition for Homeless Veterans

Between 529,000 and 840,000 veterans are homeless at some point every single year.

33% of homeless males in the U.S. are veterans, and while veterans make up 11% of the U.S. population they account for 26% of the homeless population.

Veterans are twice as likely to become chronically homeless.  Twice as likely.

The number of homeless Vietnam-era veterans is greater than the number of soldiers who died during the war.

The National Alliance to End Homelessness cites several reasons why, including Combat-related mental health issues and disabilities, substance abuse, and lack of services.  We can’t control what happens while they are gone but there isn’t any reason that any veteran should lack for support and services.

There’s a lot of soldiers out there that need help during their tours and after, I would encourage you to check out The National Alliance to End Homelessness and The National Coalition for Homeless Veterans for more information, also this site great nonprofits, has a list of Veteran specific non-profits.

Go out and have a happy 4th, just don’t forget, there are people out there who need us.  We asked everything from them, now it’s our turn.

Brad.

I’m not Episcopalian and I’m not gay so I can’t really say much about this specifically, but Episcopalians sure did, the voted 129-26 with only 5 abstaining votes.  That’s a pretty clear majority.  Good for them, this is a church that appears to care more about people than legalism.  We have come a long way as a society, it wasn’t that long ago that being homosexual was considered a mental disease.

The Rev. Cynthia Black, left, and the Rev. Bonnie Perry, right, hug after Episcopalians overwhelmingly voted to allow religious weddings for same-sex couples Wednesday, July 1, 2015, in Salt Lake City. AP / RICK BOWMER *Brad – They look pretty damn happy about it to me

The American Psychiatric Association was the first to declassify homosexuality as a mental disorder in 1973 followed by many organizations, but, and this astounds me, the World Health Organization did not follow until 1990.  1990, that’s the same year that The Simpsons first aired on TV, the first Mcdonald’s opened in Moscow, Russia, Voyager 1 took a picture of the entire solar system, and the best movie of all time came out, Goodfellas.

Funny ha, ha? Like a clown?

My point is this, 1990 was not that long ago, there is still a long ways to go in the Psychiatric field, it’s pretty hard to believe that in modern times there was extremely large and respected organization that still had homosexuality listed as a mental disorder.  The brain is a pretty complicated thing, it’s hard to keep all those Goodfellas lines memorized while still being able talk, walk, drive a motor vehicle, and more importantly text your friends using the latest bastardized english (For example my seven year old says “whatevs”, I despair), my point being it takes a lot of processing to do all of that.  We really don’t know what the future holds for mental health, but it’s going to get a lot better.

Gay marriage has nothing directly to do with mental health it’s a social decision and a legal decision that we made.  We founded this country on the idea that everyone would be equal and have an opportunity to find happiness, the founding fathers had no idea what that would mean for the future, they put the laws and a foundation in place so that our legal system would grow with us.  That’s what we’ve done.

So here’s the whole point of this article, as little as 25 years ago the World Health Organization still had homosexuality listed as a mental disorder, today you’d be hard pressed to find anyone who would think there was any validity to that.  So.  What else do they have wrong?

Brad.

Out of all the interviews two in particular stand out.  The first was an interview I filmed with Derek Humphries in 2005, he is the author of Final Exit and very instrumental in the assisted suicide law that is in place in Oregon.  In the interview he talks about the day he helped his wife die, even after all these years he was overcome with emotion.  Whatever side you come out on this issue I feel it is so important to understand where it comes from and why.

The second interview was with the Pastor of La Sierra Adventist College Church, Dan Smith.  I set up this interview because religion plays such an important role in the stigma surrounding suicide, and in the 400 plus page document that governs the church there is no mention of what the church believes about suicide, it does cover assisted suicide so this is not an oversight, it is a deliberate void.  The interview was not what I expected at all, and I will be eternally thankful to Dan Smith for opening up as much as he did.

I recently pulled the audio of these two interviews out and listened to them. Even after 10 years I feel like they have something to offer listeners.  So I have decided to ask Derek Humphries and Dan Smith if I can post parts of the audio on this site for people to listen too, and then I will edit and post parts of the audio for people to listen too.  It may also take me a bit to get the audio off of the minidisc to a format I can work with, so bear with me.

I’m looking forward to being able to share this with you.

Brad.

Find more information here:   Summit Website

The biggest mistake most of us make is to think that we have a curable disease.  We don’t.  For whatever reason, chemical imbalance, childhood trauma, bad 70’s TV, we are afflicted with a variety of ailments that make life different, sometimes very exciting for brief periods of time, followed by long periods of depression, but whatever it is we control it with therapy and medication.  For most of us the therapy is painful or flat out annoying, I always suspect my friends who talk about great therapy sessions, what are they talking about in there?  The meds are a different story, there is no perfect medication.  Sometimes they work great but you feel flattened out, you lose your edge and for most of us it’s the edge that gives us what we feel is our uniqueness.  But what the meds do the best is make you feel normal and once you feel normal you think that you don’t need the meds and you stop taking them.  Then you start the cycle all over and you don’t realize how bad it is until you are on the meds again. For a lot of us that’s a pretty depressing reality, but I feel like we should own it, after all at least we have the option to medicate and be, if not ecstatically happy, level and in control.

The older I get the more I like this option, this will allow me to enjoy things like this goat beauty contest in Lithuania.  That’s a real thing.  That’s the point really.  Yes it never ends and a lot of us may be on medication possibly for the rest of our life, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy the life that we do have.  We have to make a conscious decision to enjoy the level of life we have when we are on medication instead of worrying about losing our edge.

I’m smitten

Let’s spend more time exploring the world around us, If you don’t happen to have a goat beauty contest locally I’m sure there is something else to do, maybe not as fun, but you get my meaning.  Accept the fact that you are ill.  If you had an incurable non-life threatening disease you’d have the support you needed, I think we overlook it when we talk about mental illness.  We spend a lot of time talking about treatment and therapy, but what about the day to day.

When we first started onetosix it was to educate people, but I think over time it’s evolved and our focus has changed.  This community should be about maintaining a healthy lifestyle in the face of mental illness, for both the ill and their friends and family.  Let’s focus on our future.  I haven’t been very active on this site, even though the original idea was mine, but I have a great friend in Nora who has kept it alive for years, she reminded me last night I have a responsibility here.  So lets make onetosix more of a community for people to share and grow together.  We can be a positive force and a voice for mental health.  It’s a long hill, but it’s worth the climb.

Just my two cents.

Brad.

I look up to the stars at night
And know you’re looking down
I’d like to think you’re proud of me
But I’m just stumbling round

I crawl in bed and close my eyes
And realize that you’re gone
Then comes the fears and then the tears
And life just seems so wrong

I glance up at the heavens
And I know you’re flying by
My Angel’s watching over me
I’m happy as I cry

“There are no goodbyes for us.  Wherever you are, you will always be in our hearts.” ~Mahatma Ghandi

“It doesn’t matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was.” ~Anne Sexton

“There is a sacredness in tears.  They are not the mark of weakness, but of power.  They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.  They are messengers of overwhelming grief…and of unspeakable love.” ~Washington Irving

“I’ve had a hard life, but my hardships are nothing against the hardships that my father went through in order to get me to where I started.” ~Bartrand Hubbard

“I may not get to feel your warm hug or hear your loud laughter.
I may not able to hand this personally to you.
But deep inside my heart, I want to say I love you.
I really do. I also miss you so much.
Happy fathers’ day from thousand miles apart!” ~Unknown 

Happy Father’s Day

What Is A Dad?

A dad is someone who
wants to catch you before you fall
but instead picks you up,
brushes you off,
and lets you try again.

A dad is someone who
wants to keep you from making mistakes
but instead lets you find your own way,
even though his heart breaks in silence
when you get hurt.

A dad is someone who
holds you when you cry,
scolds you when you break the rules,
shines with pride when you succeed,
and has faith in you even when you fail…

Hope you all enjoyed. Ironically, holidays annoy my father. But I’ll call him anyway. He’ll wonder why and brush me off, and I’ll smile thinking,  oy, what a grudge! But I love him and I’ll think of the quote, “A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life” ~Nora

And of course, last but certainly not least, for My Michael:

When A Friend Bids Goodbye

My dear friend, I must leave.
The world no longer needs me.
It’s my time to be gone, until we meet again someday.
Don’t you cry now, I know I’ll be okay.
Trust that I’ll never forget you.
Don’t be sad now, just close your eyes until it’s through.
Hold my hand, don’t open your eyes yet…
wait when I no longer whisper..

My dear friend, you’ll be fine.
I’ll be up there watching over you.
For the times I’ll be gone, don’t ever forget
the words I whispered to you.

God calls on my name… and I have to let go of your hand now…
Please don’t cry… and smile for me..
because I’m with the one who made us friends.

Remember, I’ll always love you.
so come, wave me goodbye…
It’ll be painful but we have to…
Hug me, hug me tight, feel the words I can no longer say.

My dear friend, I’m going to miss you.
just pray because I’ll always listen.
and one day, when it’s your time,
I’ll be there for you…
Just like the way I used to.
…I love you…

For Every Dad. . .

With loving support,

Inner Wise Self  

(Shayna Schachtman, thank you-you’re beautiful.)

Related articles

• Loving Yourself Unconditionally (returningtohouse.wordpress.com)
• Imperfection (webbfarm.wordpress.com)
• Loving Yourself Unconditionally (findinghealthafterillness.wordpress.com)

You Learn

After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,

And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn…
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure…

That you really are strong

And you really do have worth…

And you learn and learn…

With every good-bye you learn.

~Jorge Luis Borges

Once you learn how to be happy, you won’t tolerate being around people who make you feel anything less.

Related articles

• Reflections on Readings #3 – Jorge Luis Borges (cleanboard.wordpress.com)
• Book of a lifetime: Ficciones, By Jorge Luis Borges (independent.co.uk)
• Borges on Love and Loss (theatlantic.com)

Hug Your Mom Tight For Me by Cindy Adams

I have reprised this column every Mother’s Day since springtime of 2000. That’s when I lost my own mom. It was akin to losing my whole world. Each year this special weekend is my only way of touching her.

I’m a mother lover. I print this annual tribute because I never loved any creature, big or small, man or woman, old or young, human or animal, the way I loved my mother. And not in this life nor in those the Spirits say I may pass through, will I ever love anyone more.

My grandmother, who came over from the old country, Russia, was a janitress in the New World. Cleaned stoops. Took in boarders. Made chicken soup so thick you broke your wrist lifting the spoon. And once washed my mom’s only party dress — pretend satin, trimmed with fake fur — then stuck it on a radiator to dry. The thing turned stiff. Grandpa never made a living. He was a tailor but couldn’t save mom’s only party dress.

They had five children. My mother Jessica, the baby, was born in Liverpool. Mother married a dentist but liked nothing about him including his teeth. She divorced him after I was born. An executive secretary, she was a single parent.

I was always sickly. But, no matter what, she was always there. She’d pawn things because we needed other things. She then married a dear man who loved me and sold insurance. Mostly I remember that she was always, always there for me.

She dug up my birth father when I was 12 so we could meet because he’d never once seen nor supported me. We met. I was distinctly ungood-looking at 12. He continued to not care to see me again. Years later as life changed for me, he then reached out. Mom and I both then told him what he could do with his reach.

Mother was beautiful. I was not. She had my nose fixed. Improved my hair line. Made me diet. Fed me little green Feosol tablets because I was always anemic. Gave me speech, posture and acting lessons. Took me to a modeling agent and announced: “My daughter is going to become somebody.” Underwhelmed, they said, “Maybe, but not here.”

At age 8, my class had a May 1 Maypole Dance in the park. We each bobbed and weaved, over and under, braiding our streamers into the Maypole. It was a chilly morning. Only my mother alone came bearing a sweater. I was mortified. Was I not a grown-up? No other mothers were babying their children. I hissed at her, “Go away.” She blinked at me. She went away. But there were tears in her eyes.

That happened civilizations ago, but I still cannot wipe that image from my mind.

Yearly readers request I reprise this Mother’s Day Valentine. Last week, again, a copy of 2007’s column was sent to me as a reminder. I think this is the part they want:

I can’t believe my mother is gone. Even in my heart the word is capitalized. Every winter she was in Palm Beach with an army of aides. Every summer in the Hamptons. Even when she lay unfocussed and unspeaking in the hospital bed in the country home I provided for her, she was in my life.

Even in those years when she didn’t know who I was, I knew who she was. I knew somewhere inside that shell was the stunning, bright, sassy, verbal, vibrant, witty, dynamic, fun-loving, killer lady who had forever been my everything, the core of my being.

The last time I hugged her an icy stab of fear sliced through me. I sensed an increased fragility. I wanted to crawl into that bed alongside her, but there was no way. No room. Besides, I was terrified I’d frighten her or, worse, the bed would collapse.

And so I pressed up close, my body flat against the protective side bars. All I could do was stroke that small head. And place against the cold steel railings of the hospital bed a stuffed teddy bear so those curled fingers might touch something soft.

I remember that gorgeous head when it was full of information. When it ruled worlds. When it was big and strong and knowledgeable and featured that powerful mane of thick red hair. It seemed tiny now. The hair white. Sparse. Shiny.

I was an only child. I married in my teens. So we were four. Then dad went, and we were three. Next, my husband, who was the same age as my mother. And then we were two. And now I’m one. And my only family are two yappy Yorkshire terriers — but at least they come from England as she did.

It’s tough. Tough to lose your mother. It is now a dozen years since I’ve lost my mother. It’s still tough. I’d give up everything to give her a gentle, easy, slow-moving hug today. Just one. One that wouldn’t alarm her. One that couldn’t be returned. Or even understood.

I’m aware that each Mother’s Day, for whatever reasons, families become aware there are wide gaps between many a mother and child. Not for me to sit in judgment.

It’s just that — if it’s within your ability — call. Buy flowers. Send a gift. Write a note. Tell your mother you love her.

I wish I could.

I can’t anymore.

Read more: If you still can, please tell your mother you love her – NYPOST.com.

A week before Mother’s Day; I have lamented on what to say to all mothers who have lost their children on this occasion. Alas, I realized that I do not have the words as I have never yet had children of my own. Who am I to bring words of wisdom on a subject regarding feelings that I cannot begin to comprehend? Still, one of the reasons for the articles written on this blog is to bring solace to those who are seeking a brief reprieve from their grief. With this in mind, I decided to post poems by those who have expressed the loss of a child.

;

Here are the poems I chose in dedication to every mom missing their child. Please read and enjoy, or cry, or yell, or smile. . .or whatever feels right in your heart. I wish I could hug each one of you to know that someone out there cares. As long as I shall exist, this blog will always be here and I hope it brings you some relief to know that you will never be alone in your grief.

A Peak Into Heaven
by Callie Sanders Thornton

;

Just one little peek into heaven,
Is all I’m asking for today.
I just want to know how she’s doing,
And heaven seems so far away.

Is she playing on the clouds with angels?
Is she laughing and running today?
Does she miss me?
I guess only she knows.
Oh why does heaven seem so far away?

If you just let me look for a moment,
To catch a glimpse of her sweet smiling face,
I promise I won’t try to take her,
I know, she’s in a better place.

Just one little peek into heaven,
Is all I’m asking for today.
I just want to know how she’s doing,
And heaven seems so far away…

Just For Today For Bereived Parents
by Vicki Tushingham

;

Just for today I will try to live through the next 24 hours
and not expect to get over my child’s death,
but instead learn to live with it, just one day at a time.
Just for today I will remember my child’s life, not just her death,
and bask in the comfort of all those treasured days
and moments we shared.
Just for today I will forgive all the family and friends
who didn’t help or comfort me the way I needed them to.
They truly did not know how.
Just for today I will smile no matter how much I hurt on the inside,
for maybe if I smile a little,
my heart will soften and I will begin to heal.
Just for today I will reach out to comfort a relative or friend of my child,
for they are hurting too,
and perhaps we can help each other.
Just for today I will free myself from my self-inflicted burden of guilt,
for deep in my heart I know if there was anything in this world
I could of done to save my child from death,
I would of done it.
Just for today I will honor my child’s memory

by doing something with another child
because I know that would make my own child proud.
Just for today I will offer my hand in friendship
to another bereaved parent
for I do know how they feel.
Just for today when my heart feels like breaking,
I will stop and remember that grief is the price we pay for loving
and the only reason I hurt is because
I had the privilege of loving so much
Just for today I will not compare myself with others.
I am fortunate to be who I am
and have had my child for as long as I did.
Just for today I will allow myself to be happy,
for I know that I am not deserting her by living on.
Just for today I will accept that I did not die when my child did,
my life did go on,
and I am the only one who can make that life worthwhile once more.

For All Parents
by Edgar Guest

;

It may be six or seven years,
Or twenty two or three.
But will you , ’till I call him back,
Take care of him for me?

He’ll bring his charms to gladden you,
And shall his stay be brief.
You’ll have his lovely memories,
As solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from Earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there,
I want this child to learn.

I’ve searched the wide world over,
In my search for teachers true.
And from the throngs that crowd life’s lanes,
I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
Nor think the labor vain.
Nor hate me when I come to call
To take him back again?

I fancied that I heard them say,
Dear Lord, thy will be done.
For all the joy thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we’ll run.

We’ll shelter him with tenderness,
We’ll love him while we may
And for the happiness we’ve known
Forever grateful stay.

But shall the angels call for him
Much sooner than we’ve planned,
We’ll brave the bitter grief that comes
and try to understand.

• On International Bereaved Mother’s Day – How To Be A Friend To A Bereaved Mother (sharonannevanwyk.wordpress.com)
• Bereaved Parent Support – 40 (bereavedparentsupport.wordpress.com)
• A Few Things I’ve Learned in the 10 Years Since Jason Died (griefsupportnh.wordpress.com)

Happy Mother’s Day mom. I love you.

BOSTON (CBS) – The national health care reform law requires insurance companies to cover 100% of the cost of screening tests for dozens of potentially deadly diseases. But thousands of patients are finding out the hard way that free doesn’t always mean free.

When Jim Dungee had his first colonoscopy, doctors found several polyps, which are a precursor to colon cancer. “Therefore, I had to come back in three years,” he said. The three year mark was back in December. Knowing the test could save his life, Jim did not hesitate to make an appointment. He even called his insurance company to make sure it was covered. “I was told as long as it was put in as a preventive procedure, it was covered 100%,” he recalled.

Here is what happened. Doctors found more polyps during Jim’s second colonoscopy and removed them during the procedure. That, according to gastroenterologist Giancarlo Mercogliano, changed everything. “When we do the procedure and we find something, it’s no longer considered preventative. It becomes diagnostic,” he said.

That distinction left Jim on the hook for all kinds of co-payments and deductibles. He got one bill for $388 dollars and another for $64. “While you’re under anesthesia, they are actually changing the way you are going to be billed,” he said.

These surprise bills are not isolated to colonoscopies according to breast surgeon, Dr. Jennifer Sabol. She sees it happening to patients who are called back when their screening mammogram turns up something suspicious. “You have to come back on a separate day for that. That procedure is then called a diagnostic test,” she said.

Some insurance plans will cover the entire cost, but many of the more affordable plans with high deductibles, will not. “It’s been a big problem because patients are going to the less expensive insurance plans,” Dr. Sabol explained.

“It’s sort of an unintended consequence,” explained MIT professor John Gruber, who advised President Obama on health care reform. According to Gruber, the plan is not perfect but it does provide free access to screening tests that many patients might not get if they had to pay for them. “It used to be it cost money no matter what. Now, it might be free and it might cost money,” he said.

Jim Dungee believes doctors need to be upfront about all the potential fees, particularly when it comes to test patients assume will be free. “I just feel so, you know, ripped off,” he said.

When a CBS producer contacted Jim’s insurance company they agreed to waive his fees, but under the rules, they didn’t have to. If you are having a screening test, talk with your doctor to make sure you understand all the potential costs involved.

Watch WBZ-TV’s Joe Shortsleeve here: Angry Patients Stuck With Big Medical Bills After “Bait And Switch” « CBS Boston.

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• Colonoscopies – The Bait and Switch on Screenings – If Polyps Are Found You Get A Bill-Some Other Screenings Too – Killer Algorithms Part 12 – Medical Billing Codes Style (ducknetweb.blogspot.com)
• Patients charged for screenings they thought were free (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
• Preventive Care Is Free — Except For When It’s Not (huffingtonpost.com)