One Year in Texas

One Week in Entertainment

noreply@blogger.com (Glenn) — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 17:00:00 +0000

By Glenn Writing about entertainment is almost as easy as being an entertainer. It takes no formal education or special skills, just a pretty face and a willingness to sink lower than any of your competitors. Every week the goal of my column is to make Perez Hilton look like The Economist in comparison. Tell me if it's working. As the most fitting segue, Kings of Leon the band were...

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Summer of Hillary

noreply@blogger.com (Keelin) — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 13:00:00 +0000

By Keelin I. After I finished my junior year of college in Paris, I packed up the English-language books I bought at W.H. Smith, my new flea market jewelry and the ten pounds I gained eating pastry every day and went back to New York City. I moved in to a rent-controlled apartment with my boyfriend at the time, who had graduated the previous year and was still vaguely trying to forge...

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The Truth About Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 18:09:00 +0000

By Jake When Katy asked me to fill in for her weekly movie preview column I was a bit hesitant. Then fate tapped me on the shoulder and handed me a ticket to an early screening of "Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore." I knew by the subtitle of this film that I was in for a wild ride, but even I could not have imagined just how crazy this movie would be. Cats and Dogs: The...

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In the Heart of the Heart of Hypothetical Combat Scenarios

noreply@blogger.com (Keelin) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 17:00:00 +0000

By Scott B. How does this piece fit in with the OYIT Guide To Summer? It’s a direct consequence of being trapped inside of a climate-controlled corporate office building. Avoiding the heat doesn’t necessarily mean avoiding crypto-fascism. Or Strangeness. The scene begins with my trainee, an older Israeli veteran with a penchant for laying vague and circuitous nuggets of wisdom about...

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Good Morning Chelsea Clinton

noreply@blogger.com (Keelin) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 12:57:00 +0000

By Keelin Good morning, Chelsea. And, OMG, I hear you're totally getting married tomorrow! First of all, congratulations. We here at OYIT have pooled our resources to send you a lovely ceramic bowl from your registry and a python. Feel free to use them together or separately. Whichever you prefer. Secondly, do not panic. Sure, these nuptials are as stressful as a raid on Fallujah circa...

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A History of Summer, Love, and Heartbreak

noreply@blogger.com (Bub) — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 19:00:00 +0000

By Bub My first kiss was in the summer. Well, not my FIRST kiss - that was in the fall of my 7th grade year at a friend's birthday party when her mom's drunk 40-something friend decided to join our game of spin the bottle and I 'won'. She didn't have all her teeth, and probably had hepatitis, but still, it was magical. Yet I don't count that as my first kiss since it was part of a game,...

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Good Morning Motorcycles

noreply@blogger.com (Maddie) — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 12:00:00 +0000

By Maddie Good morning, motorcycles. You are...okay, I guess. All I know about you is that you're fast, flashy, and the choice mode of transportation for Hells Angels and/or douche bags on reality TV. Today's Motorcycle History On this day in 1966, Bob Dylan crashed his bike near his home in Woodstock. Motorcycles: if you know anything about me, you know that I am a) uncomfortable in...

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One Year In Texas Talk 7-28-10

noreply@blogger.com (Nate) — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 20:00:00 +0000

By Nate One Year In Texas Talk is an answering machine we have set up to our OYIT hotline. Please call in and leave an anonymous message. If we deem it worthy, it will show up in this weekly piece. Tell us what's on your mind. It doesn't even have to pertain to the website! Hot dog! I have a question, I guess. In this heat, they provide places like the armory and the mall, and places...

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Sweatin' out a Heatwave? Have I got a fan for you!

noreply@blogger.com (Nate) — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 17:00:00 +0000

By Nate OYIT's Guide To Summer presents: "12 Inch, 3 Speed, Oscillatin' Fan" by Big Smith

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Good Morning Employment

sgriffard@gmail.com (Stephen) — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 13:20:00 +0000

By Stephen I'm starting two new jobs this week and saying goodbye to the bittersweet banality of unemployment, for at least a few days. If I don't screw anything up this time, I will ideally be employed until the day I die. Thanks to baby-boomers, republicans, and corporate greed this dream will almost certainly come true! Today's Frivolous Purchase No matter your station in life, it...

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Debate: "Pools vs. Oceans" vs. "Ice Cream vs. Popsicles"

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 17:00:00 +0000

By Glenn & Jake This week we wanted to debate one of the most quintessentially summer topics available. Many were suggested but they all would have been blocked by our average reader's Net Nanny. We came down to two: oceans vs. pools and ice cream vs. popsicles. From there, Jake and Glenn usually pick one topic and fight it out with all of the skill and finesse of an American Gladiator....

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Good Morning Rockaway Beach

noreply@blogger.com (Glenn) — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 12:00:00 +0000

By Glenn Good morning. This weekend I went to Rockaway Beach TWICE. This is a less famous version of the famous "Coney Island" beach in New York City. Rockaway has less trash, bigger waves and the ghosts of many drowned children. Luckily Scott's apartment has a child's coffin sitting in his foyer, so we were ready when the most recent child drowned after a giant wave. [No child...

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Life with Mikey (7-26-10)

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 20:00:00 +0000

By Mikey Why do people say things "cut the mustard"? You can't cut mustard, but you can spread it. When I say something can't "spread the mustard" people are confused. I wouldn't say it's my favorite, but I did find "Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise" very funny. Computers make people dumber. I never allow my son to use a calculator. Mother Goose & Grimm is a sub par comic...

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Tips for Staying Cool

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 17:00:00 +0000

By Jake The air hangs cool and dry, but with a choking sputter the house swelters. Now it is thick with humidity. The air conditioner has broke. While daydreams of suicide run through your head, you ought to stop and consider this: there are other ways to "beat the heat." One's first instinct might be to take a dip in a pool. There are certainly worse ways one can cool down (setting...

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Good Morning Sunshine

noreply@blogger.com (Keelin) — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 12:00:00 +0000

By Keelin Good morning, sun. It's been another week of scorchers here in America, the country God loves the most and the solar system hates the least. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration is predicting that 2010 will be the hottest year on record. Rush Limbaugh responded by pointing out that on the evening of July 13th, he felt a cool breeze -- thus totally and...

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One Week in Entertainment

noreply@blogger.com (Glenn) — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 20:00:00 +0000

By Glenn ENTERTAINMENT! This week: Jennifer Lopez, new Fox series, Justin Bieber and Casey Affleck. David Cross and Will Arnett will reunite for the Fox comedy "Running Wilde." This is a new series by Arrested Development creator Mitch Hurwitz. Why does Fox produce the highest quality comedies on television? That is a rhetorical question. Jennifer Lopez is turning 41 this week. Her...

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Should You Go See Salt?

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 19:52:00 +0000

By Jake Salt Angelina Jolie stars as a salt dealer in the postapocalyptic future. After losing her eye in a deal gone bad, Jolie tries to leave her trade behind. That is until her old friend (Liev Schreiber) tells her of a salt deal so huge that Jolie cannot pass. Jolie and Schreiber plot out the perfect salt deal that postapocalyptic America has ever seen. Unfortunately, the deal gets...

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Good Morning "Mad Men"

noreply@blogger.com (Keelin) — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 13:04:00 +0000

By Keelin Good morning. Unless you live in a custom-built dungeon that shields you from the endless prattling of the media, you are probably aware that the hit television program "Mad Men" begins its new season on Sunday. "Mad Men" is set during the 1960s and is a sequel to the much beloved sitcom "Happy Days," which took place in the 1950s. Unfortunately, Joanie and Chachi were not...

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Career Corner - Scam Bait [Job Scam Bait] Vol. 2

noreply@blogger.com (Glenn) — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 20:13:00 +0000

By Glenn [Remember last time? This is a different job offer!] Hello , I am glad to hear from you as regards the Personal Assistant position. I would love to meet up with you to talk about this job but I am currently away on a business trip but there is a test which i will like you to go through because i need a capable Personal Assistant.I am in Ireland so there will...

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Good morning Starbox

noreply@blogger.com (Glenn) — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 14:42:00 +0000

By Glenn Good morning. They are filming what you might call a "professional" movie in my neighborhood today, practically on our street. The biggest way this affects me is narrowing down the available parking spaces. I plan to walk by the director over and over again until she offers me a part in the film as the lovable yet misunderstood serial killer. I assume the film is about a...

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One Year In Texas Talk 7-21-10

noreply@blogger.com (Nate) — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 20:00:00 +0000

By Nate One Year In Texas Talk is an answering machine we have set up to our OYIT hotline. Please call in and leave an anonymous message. If we deem it worthy, it will show up in this weekly piece. Tell us what's on your mind. It doesn't even have to pertain to the website! Keep eyes on the road This is in regard to June 23rd post about texting. What an idiot you are is exactly what I...

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Good Morning Susan Smith

sgriffard@gmail.com (Stephen) — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 12:00:00 +0000

By Stephen Today's Famous Mother Today marks the 15th anniversary of the day an unidentified black male allegedly murdered Susan Smith's two young sons by driving them into a lake. This happened to me and my brother once, but our parents taught us how to swim at an early age; when the car rolled into the lake we were able to swim safely to shore. That's why I ultimately blame Susan Smith...

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Retro Debate: Is Poison Ivy 2 Worth Watching?

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 18:26:00 +0000

By Jake & Glenn Poison Ivy 2 is one of the most discussed movies in cinematic history. What was once a movie you'd give no consideration to while flipping through your cable tv channels late at night is now a topic of many watercooler conversations. In this debate we will try to settle once and for all if Poison Ivy 2 is worth watching, but something tells me that we'll never have the real...

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Good Morning Moon

noreply@blogger.com (Maddie) — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 12:00:00 +0000

By Maddie and ashlee Good morning to the moon! You've always been my favorite celestial object because I like my satellites the way I like my breasts: natural. Moon History On this day in 1969, Neil Armstrong became the first man to walk on the moon. ...OR DID HE?? Some say we never really landed. Or, as Internet commentator nasafakedit put it, "the brainwashed monkey 6 FLASE FLAGS...

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Life with Mikey (7-19-10)

noreply@blogger.com (Jake) — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 20:00:00 +0000

By Mikey The line in the post office is worse than the line for Batman: The Ride. At least you get a fun rollercoaster ride on Batman, the post office gives you a book of stamps with some jerk's face on it that you have to pay for. Painting trees seems like a bad way to waste your time. M*A*S*H is my favorite comedy about the Korean War. Pharmacies are the only place I'd go for a...

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