Only the Crazy Survive!!!

Mallu Christian Weddings in Gujarat

2012-01-08T16:27:00.001+05:30

It is Mallus this time with gujjus as the chicken leg-piece! Read on before taking out the daggers!

This post has been in the Draft state for sometime now. So to end the agony of this post languishing in the confines of Draft status I am moving it to Published state. Hopefully it will feel better there.

Mallu christian weddings in Gujarat are generally a dull affair and self takes extreme measures in avoiding them. However, during the childhood stage of existence, parents exercised their veto powers against every motion of avoiding these weddings. So having gone to a handful of them, have come out with the some of the prominent features of the wedding!

Gold

The wedding reception can also be termed as a Gold Show. Ladies across all age will be heavily armed with gold all around them. The challenge for the bride is to have the heaviest artillery of gold on her. The order of magnitude by which bride should outstrip the other ladies in terms of weight of gold is comparable with Sachin's runs against WI batsmen (the current crop). This will ensure the other ladies will talk in hushed awe tones about the gold. Else the groom will be titled "Pavam*" and the bride will be termed as bringing ill-luck to the family. Alright, I exaggerated there a bit, but it is on the similar lines.

Queue

The next persistent characteristic is the queue. It never shortens and you stay rooted to the same spot although the number of people ahead of you increases in an exponential manner. Have heard that this is a typical characteristic of every wedding happening in the Indian sub-continent. Maybe it is to do with our caring nature. We just cannot fathom that a person known to us is standing so back in queue when we ourselves are soon going to gorge on the delicious looking chicken biryani. More on chicken biryani later in the post. We really want to help the poor relative / friend who is standing way behind and help him get the food almost at the same time when we get it. However this kind of care is only limited to weddings and the care vanishes soon after the wedding.

Food Counter

This is the most happening place at the reception. Mothers, grandmas, wives will scream, steal, and beg for the elusive chicken leg-piece. The perfect almost queen-like women of all ages with their stiff upper lips suddenly turn into blood lusting vampires the moment they near the food counter. Believe, the strong aroma of the biryani rice activates the release of soon-to-be-named hormone which causes them to turn into vampires just like the sight of moon turn people into werewolf. The unbearable heat, the smelly arm-pits, the jostling, screaming - nothing deters the mallus from getting their prized chicken leg-piece. It is the cherry on the cake and nobody can take away their right to this chicken leg-piece!

Chicken Biryani

Yes it is always the chicken biryani. This fascination with chicken biryani never ends. People crib about the biryani when it is not there and when it is there. Like a true cricket fan who carries all stats and match incidents in his memory, people will remember the texture, flavour, type of rice, the softness of chicken, etc they have eaten so far in their lives at wedding receptions in their convoluted mallu brain. The memory remains. Whatever the marrying parties do to make their biryani best, their biryani will never be able to match the best biryani that each of the mallu present at the wedding ever had.

Gujjus

After last post, I did not want anymore posts on them after my friend threatened with dire consequences. But then he usually does. So here I go again. Gujjus in Mallu weddings are the most clueless people in the wedding. They won't understand all the hoopla happening on the chicken biryani counter as most of them won't eat chicken. Of course some of them will be salivating after smelling the chicken but this being a public occasion and the chances of mamas, mamis, phoi et all lurking around the corner, they just give the chicken a slip. Some respite for the chicken from the blood-thirsty mallus. Additionally, Gujjus will move in groups i.e. Neighborhood group, office group or college group. They are very easier to spot as they will be the most clueless group around with question marks on each of their foreheads. They only understand two things in the entire wedding. First is the bride and groom and second is the veg good counter. They religiously attend to these two places and go home.The problem is with the hordes of Mallus around and a smattering of Malayalam happening everywhere, they suddenly forget they are still in Gujarat. Poor souls get disoriented. But they do go back with a huge smile on their faces and their orientation corrected for Gujju food is specially served at a zero queue veg counter.

* Pavam - means innocent or in this case naive. The groom gets sympathies if he gets the title of Pavam

PS: Never planned to mention chicken so many times. It just happened and so the disclaimer. No chicken was killed in writing this post.:)

Gujjus DeClassified!

2011-12-09T20:00:00.000+05:30

Caution: This post consist of sensitive information about a certain community of people most of whom occupy the western side of the country called India and in the most developed country of the world. However, if you are part of this community and your jaggery mixed blood boils, on reading criticism about your community, then the sugar in your jaggery filled blood will break-down to glucose. So cheers to your good health!

Being spent all my childhood in Gujarat, when you go out you feel most gujjus are stereotyped in most cases. So to ensure stereotyping is being done correctly, I have mentioned some of the famous and not-so famous stereotypes here!

Jack-Ass Gujju
Shimmering shirt with an equal shimmering trousers / jeans to match, gelled hair, a gold chain and multiple phones with multiple sim-cards. He is the Gujju Casanova who does not mind an occasional drink of scotch. The selection of scotch is only for display purposes. Personally he wouldn't mind the taste of cheapest alcohol available in the market. As he is the Casanova, he is bound to be surrounded by some of the smartest gujju girls around. (more on gujju girls sometime later.) For the Casanovas, every situation in life would be a larger than life scenario keeping the surrounding gujju gals wide-eyed.

Bhakt Gujju

Strictly follows religion, does not eat meat, if highly conservative type then would not eat garlic, etc. Take them to a non-veg restaurant and you would enjoy the animated discussion they have with waiter as they will be sorting out which food item they can eat. At the end of it our friend will have something that will go with Paneer.

Dhaiyo Gujju

He is a variant slight variant of Conservative Gujju. This person does all the above activities, but prods him on a bit with chicken and a small drink, he will give in. But beef and mutton remain in the Restricted category. A strict no-no. Taking him to a restaurant is like challenging your persuasion skills. You know he deep inside he yearns for the meat. Yet when asked the answer always stays no. Make him say yes and you won't need to read You can sell which is as fruitless as Bhajji trying to spin the ball.

Kalakkaar Gujju

"Jevo desh evo vesh" is their motto in life. (it translates to "When in Rome, do as Romans do.") They are the meat-eating Gujjus seen outside Gujarat. Within the border of Gujarat they will hold the lofty values of conservative gujju aloft but take them out of Gujarat and they turn back on those same values. We should never be harsh on these poor creatures. For them, their conscience bites when they have meat or alcohol. To soothe their bruised conscience, they placate themselves with this motto.

Kanjoos Gujju

They are the smartest people on earth and sometimes not so too. They have complex algorithm wired or hard-coded in their brain that does a cost-benefit analysis for any situation within a fraction of seconds. Although the return on your investments for this fraction of seconds might be a rupee or two, but it still its worth. Moreover, the result from this analysis is worth in gold. They can give the McKinseys, KPMGs and Deloittes a run for their money with their insights and analysis.

Jalebi Gujju

They are the gujju who love their fafdas jalebis, khakhras, khamans the best. You will always find them eating something. In Gujarat's dry climate you could see them sweat out oil from their chubby skin pores. But this is not their specialty. Their specialty is their confidence in knowing everything. Ask them the most difficult questions that humankind faces and they will come with prompt answers which probably only Google can beat. The flip-side is that most of the times they are incorrect. For visitors in Gujarat this is a bit disconcerting flip-side as the most reliable answer they thought they got would be the most off the mark.

Jalsa Gujju

Joi de vivre is their motto. They never say no to the sins of the world. They live to enjoy but they never take off the eye of the ball called life. However, occasionally they do take their eye off and they fall with a thud which is more comical than tragic. They first try to hide and then try to shrug it off but seeing its futility they laugh it off making it a memory. Caution need to be exercised as in company of them, you may also fall off but might not be able to laugh it off.

You may see a combination of these characters in various gujjus around you. Do not get surprised. Like the Gujju Thali in marriages, which has the aalu floating with the chunda, the gujjus also come in various flavors of the above characteristics. Do enlighten with the other stereotypes that I have missed out and leaving with a hot cutting chai that every gujju loves to serve and drink!

PS: Here the term Gujju does not apply only whose mother tongue is Gujarati. It also includes the vast majority who has been brought up in Gujarat including self.

[Politics] FDI in Multi-brand Retail

2011-11-30T09:16:00.001+05:30

Image Courtesy

Last few days, Government has been trying to pass a bill which raises the FDI limit in multi-brand retail chains to 49%. However, as usual Left has opposed which comes as no surprise. What really surprises me is the opposition by BJP as they are considered to to be the progressive right wing as far as politics of economics goes. Either ways some of the direct and indirect benefits of raising the limit is given below:

Advantages

Inflation in India is mainly a supply-side issue. The rising disposable income of middle-class is demanding more with minimal increase in efficiency from the supply-side. Government in its bill is asking the foreign retailer to invest 50% in the back-end process. Improving the efficiency will improve the farm productivity and thus increase supply reducing the inflationary pressure. The cost of important food items will reduce in the long run. This is what BJP, CPM and "common man" actually want.
Any new retail-chain creates multitude of job-opportunities at the front-end. This is clearly evident in the number of malls that we have. Even in IT/ITES services, the housekeeping and security gives a good chunk of population a regular monthly income. Additionally, the setting up of back-end infrastructure, supply chain logistics will create another set of jobs.
Currently there is no provision of cold-storage which causes around 40% of the supplies to rot. With superior technology and prior experience of foreign retail chains, this loss will be minimized. As they are partnering with Indian firms, this technology know-how will be transferred to Indian firms too.
To us consumers, apart from the cheaper food items, we will get to have more choices and thus improve our standard of living.
Big organizations can set up deals directly with farmers thus giving the farmers better deal. Additionally, big organizations will provide latest technologies and best practices which will ensure more yield per area of irrigation. The best example here is Amul which leverages farm produce across Gujarat and thus help give the cattle-owners good deal.

Disadvantages

The major chunk of people losing out here will be the small kirana stores and the middle-men. However, as with other industries, the smartest of them will find ways to survive under changing business scenario.
The second argument is building up the cold storage and infrastructure is government business. Do we really need another 2G proportional scam where tax payers as usual are looted of their money or better invite private sector which already has the tech know-how and experience in implementing it?
Another argument is the Wal-mart and Tesco taking over the entire supply-chain. Well, if the bill is debated in the parliament, I do not see a way, by which government cannot impose certain curbs to prevent taking over of entire supply chain.

So at the most, the loss will be limited only to the kirana store owners and middle-men. So not sure, what the opposition is opposing here. Are they opposing the welfare of the citizens over selected kirana store owners and middle-men?

PS: I have given a bit simplistic view here. Getting hard core numbers would have resulted in similar conclusion. However, in interest of sleep and a bout of laziness has prevented me from doing so.

P.PS: Extensive analysis available here

[Online Marketing] Twitter Tips from User Perpective

2011-11-02T09:47:00.000+05:30

With every other organization jumping on the twitter band-wagon, it becomes intimidating for an organization to join on twitter. Many of them simply don’t join in as it is a new medium and they want to keep things as is. However, once the competition start leveraging the power of twitter, the reality dawns and then it is just too late. So given here are few of tips that can help in reducing some of the initial jitters:

Twitter is a medium of communication. That is the most important concept that needs to be understood for any organization. Whatever the organization tweets, it becomes a press statement. As just as for any other medium of communication (digital, print, etc), you need to ensure the communication remains consistent with your values and mission.
The initial set of users is the set with whom you are very closely associated with. You need to nurture them as they become your voice moving forward and they become the cause for the newer set of users.
The depth of all relationships depends on the extent of mutual respect. Honestly appreciate your suppliers or customers on any improvement in process or any implementation of good strategy. Even a slightly better product from them should not go unappreciated.
It is a communication medium. So you need to engage your followers. Some of the organizations that I have observed tend to only promote their brand and only post promotional news. This turns off your followers. Occasional branding is fine though. Your users are reading your tweets in their timeline. That is a sacred space. They want something useful for them in their timeline. It also shows your respect for their timeline. Spamming with tweets is an absolutely no-no. For example, if you are mobile manufacturer having Android as the OS you can post the tips and tricks of using the phone to the users. Users will like these kinds of update and they will do Re-Tweet (RT). The tweet and your brand spread.
@<Your Handle> is the only way users can send their feedback. This is the simplest form of getting feedback about your product / service. Monitor this. A prompt response to the feedback makes the user feel valued and will post more such feedback and thus helping you improve your product / service as per customer needs.
Get the twitter stream mentioning your organization’s name on to your website. This will help your future customers know the kind of chatting happening on the twitter about your organization. You future customers will get a sense of security when they can see what people are saying about you on the net. Do this only if you are managing each of the feedback actively. Also getting this done will require some development effort, although very minimal.
Twitter gives “Follow” button and “Tweet” button. Follow button helps the new customers read about your new posts. If properly managed, this helps in building trust. If you are publishing any insightful articles about your product or the industry in general, the tweet button will help you increase your reach substantially. There are others from Google (g+), Facebook. But none can compare with the reach Twitter has.
Do Re-Tweet the posts where you have been appreciated. These appreciations are more valuable as they come from your customers or industry peers and thus resonate with your current and future customers.
If it is a small organization, you can give your employees the freedom to tweet about you. Good and happy feedback from them shows the culture that you have as an organization. Transparency will be the first and most important quality will be show-cased which will help in building trust. This on the other hand challenges you to listen to both your customer as well as your employees. If taken positively, it can transform your organizational culture and thus increase your brand-value among your customers. However, caution must be exercised as this can act as a double-edged sword and can backfire. Start-ups where people are dedicated for the success of it can implement this strategy easily.
Ensure you have only one twitter handle. People have short memories. They cannot remember different handles for each of your different product line. They want to give feedback and quick. Having a single handle helps them in remembering your twitter and in turn will help you in getting timely feedback.

To summarize, tweeting is a form of communication with your customers, employees, and stakeholders all at once. So all the principles of communication apply and you need to be sure what you want to communicate to them. If managed well, it can become the most powerful tool to increase your business.

To get more information on twitter please refer the link here. For a detail on twitter words, please refer the twitter glossary.

This post was first published here.

10 Travelling Tips for a Vacation

2011-11-01T11:00:00.000+05:30

Considerable part of my last two years was spent on travelling. All only for pleasure, though lot of them were trips to home. So have gone through the pains which come from being on vacation. Generally, unless going for a bike-rides or long drives, going to a vacation is generally reaching a place and then start enjoying once there.

Of course you will be in the vacation mood even before you start the travel. Yet, the big draw will always be the vacation place. So obviously for most of us travelling, is a bit of a tough part of going to a vacation. Here are some of the tips that made this pain part a bit easier to handle it better:

When travelling together, never go near your iPads, iPods, androids, books, or mobiles. Better stil don’t take them in the first place. These are the things that we wanted to get away from in the first place. Talk, sing, joke, prank with those around you. The laughs that you have are more important than those status updates that go to facebook streams to get those likes. Or when you want to have a moment of your silence for yourself, look out at the wide open spaces, the green nature, the idle bucolic life, that start appearing as you move out away from the cities. On the other hand, if you are a writer, having a notepad to jot down your thoughts is not a very bad idea.
If you are going for a planned trip, have a buffer time in your itinerary for the travel delays or unintended stops. Sometimes these stops might be just the stops where you spend time to enjoy the nature or want to enjoy an extended lunch. Having these buffer will help you not rush through these moments as sometimes at the end of vacation, these moments might as well turn out to be the best ones.
Travel Light. Except the bare essentials, anything else is a burden. Of course, you want to have a backup for all kinds of emergencies. So research the place and find out things that will be available in case of emergencies. You can skip them if the travel time is less. Moreover, if you are going as a group, you can have one set or maximum of two sets of essentials. Essentials include tooth-pastes, deodorants, shampoos, conditioners, etc. Do ensure each one have their own first-aid medical kit. That is not to be shared.
Things can and most often do happen which is not supposed to happen. It is important to take this with a shrug of a shoulder, a laugh and then move on. Be cautious enough to avoid such kind of situations. But not all situations can be avoided. Face the situation and do not panic. Once you are through with it, you will remember it for all the wrong reasons. So cheer up, you will crack up when remembering these moments later.
Ensure your senses are at a higher level of caution and you are looking out for your things. Living things unattended may ruin your entire vacation. On the other hand, do not be paranoid. You will forget to enjoy the travel if you become paranoid. One way of maintaining this balance, is to have a periodic check of your belongings.
If it is long travel, ensure you start the day with a light breakfast and good amount of water. In case, the night before had a binge drinking session, a strong coffee, with loads of water will lighten up the head along with the breakfast.
Keep stock of dry fruits, water and fresh fruits for the whole journey. Periodic consumption of these will keep your energy level high throughout the journey and reduce the tiredness at the end of the journey. Avoid chips and burgers. They are water guzzlers, difficult to digest and provide you with little usable energy.
Do have the usual stock of medicines you generally take and some which you know you might need while travelling. For example a bad stomach, a slight fever are the most common travelling ailment you can get due to variety of reasons. So medicines for those are absolutely essential.
In your plan, do visualize all the things that can go wrong and at least have one solution to tackle the thing that went wrong. This will help you not freeze up when something goes wrong and enable you to take rational decisions.
Last point is suggested in the first paragraph of this post itself. Do not consider vacation as the part that starts after the travel part is over. It starts with the travel. So enjoy the vacation including the travel and have a great vacation!

This post was first published here.

[Guest Blog] The Cubicle Mouse

2011-10-25T20:30:00.000+05:30

After an old man and a word, now we have the mouse from the cubicle as the next guest blogger. It has been showing up more than what it used to. So on inquiring about the increased visitations, it said it was sad. As the blog is generally bereft of new posts I gave him the opportunity to write his heart out here!

Hi There!

I live close to those lonely souls called wires. Poor things communicate daily people's conversation but have themselves no one to talk to except me. So I get to hear the entire official grapevine. I know all the mother-in-law issues, wife issues, the location of night-outs, boyfriend/girlfriend issues, courtesy these wires. Don't ask me details now. There will be time for details but not in this post. So from this source I got to know about blogging. The author of this post generally likes to post from office and we get the sneak-preview before it gets published. Anyways it never is that interesting, but being privy to information in information age is to be powerful. I wanted to start a blog but guess this blog is anyway unused so I might well use it more often. So that is the background story.

Now, I like to give my introduction. I am part of the author's team unknown to most team members. I have been there before there was any team in the first place. In the official counting, I am never included as I never fill time-sheets. I don't believe in filling my time for a duty which I consider my birth-right. More on this birth-right will come later in the email. The rest on me you will come to know from my planned series of emails.

Now, I will talk about my smaller friend who died an untimely death in the bin of the person whom I used to hate and left me alone in this world. Yes I still have my wire friends but as the jingle go Har Friend Zaroori Hota Hai. I hated my friend's executioner much before that and from all the overheard conversations the author here also does not like him. He is after all author's manager. This manager flicks all the chocolates, biscuits and whatever eatable before I could even smell it. The dust-like crumbs left after this manager had his fill were the only proofs of the presence of those delicious foods. Yet he was just the person whom I hated before his bin claimed my friend's life. But now he is my enemy and I will extract my revenge in good time and in kind.

Now about birth-right I was talking about. We clean-up the dirt of the society. Very few people of your kind ever understand the importance of this duty. We are what the classifiers call the scavengers. Without us, those big crumbs will rot and spread diseases. My friend was doing this duty to society. Yet the same society never understands this. But the good part is the satisfaction that he died a death in the line of duty as a martyr. He did not die by running away and getting beaten to death or by getting trapped. He died in the line of duty of eating away the food in the bin. Moreover, before dying he had his share of limelight.

He was spotted first doing his duty in author's bin. Seeing the awe and excitement that came with his sighting, my proud friend's heart swelled and probably must have heard victory drums being played in the background. Under this spell, he bravely and slowly like a man in control with his surroundings, moved from one bin to my enemy's bin with a single graceful leap that would have done any ballad dancer proud. Unfortunately that was the last leap he ever made. For as he was doing his duty, the mouth of the bin closed and he was thrown into Malad creek, never to be seen again. Please observe a minute of silence to pray for his soul. On this sad note, I take your leave. But I will be back and the next time with some juicy office gossip. Till then Adios!

Yours Friendly,

The Cubicle Mouse

Obituary: Dennis Ritchie

2011-10-22T23:38:00.000+05:30

#include <stdio.h>

#include <conio.h>

void main(){

int i;
int year[10]={1964,1969,1970,1973,1978,1983,1985,1991,2011,0};
clrscr();
printf("\n\n\t\tHello World");
for(i=0;i<10;i++){
switch(year[i]){

case 1964:
printf("\n\n\t\tYear:%d\n\t",year[i]);
printf("Ancestors of C - Combined Programming Language & BASIC CPL (BCPL) came into being");
getch();
clrscr();
break;

case 1969:
printf("\n\n\t\tYear:%d\n\t",year[i]);
printf("First version of Unix came into being not written in C");
getch();
clrscr();
break;

case 1970:
printf("\n\n\t\tYear:%d\n\t",year[i]);
printf("The epoch time in all computers to calculate the time was marked");
getch();
clrscr();
break;

case 1973:
printf("\n\n\t\tYear:%d\n\t",year[i]);
printf("UNIX completely written in C came into being. It was one of its kind as it was portable just as C");
getch();
clrscr();
break;

case 1978:
printf("\n\n\t\tYear:%d\n\t",year[i]);
printf("Ritchie & Brian Kernighan published the book - \" The C programming Language \"");
getch();
clrscr();
break;

case 1983:
printf("\n\n\t\tYear:%d\n\t",year[i]);
printf("Ritchie & Thompson receives Turing Award of Association of Computing Machinery - Dubbed as Nobel prize for computing");
getch();
clrscr();
break;

case 1985:
printf("\n\n\t\tYear:%d\n\t",year[i]);
printf("Steve Jobs - Unix Devotee makes Unix as basis for NeXT workstation");
getch();
clrscr();
break;

case 1991:
printf("\n\n\t\tYear:%d\n\t",year[i]);
printf("Birth of Open Source - Linus Trovalds created Linux based on Unix & C");
getch();
clrscr();
break;

case 2011:
printf("\n\n\t\tYear:%d\n\t",year[i]);
printf("Dennis Ritchie - Father of C Passes away but he leaves his legacy on the millions of Apple, Andriod and Unix devices.");
getch();
clrscr();
break;

default:
printf("\n\t\t
Learning Software Engineering? - Baptism by C");
printf("\n\t\tWriting First Program in any language? - Learn to print \"Hello World\"");
}
}
getch();
}

Wanted to give tribute in the words he created! It is simply amazing that all the javas, .NET, perl, python, etc share their origins to C. It is something like the first vertebrate within the animal kingdom, if my biology serves me right.

For all the non-geeks - To understand the post please go to this link which I have used as a reference to get my facts straight.

PS: btw the above code compiles without warning and errors. :)

10 Secrets to Appear Busy in Office

2011-09-12T20:00:00.000+05:30

Lot of times we get those blocks of time where we do have nothing to do yet boss hovers around like a vulture circling over a prey. In those case we sincerely wish that the boss sees we are working on something. However, we are in one of those blocks and before we know, a mail pops up with a new task and that little block of time is lost. This list is specifically for these situations where you can ensure you are perceived busy for the mutual satisfaction of both you and your boss.

Disclaimer Alert:These tasks are being performed by professionals in wasting time and yet appear busy. However, author is not responsible for any loss of job, loss of pay or any other untoward consequences arising out of following these steps.

Have at least 30 applications open. Have it in a prime number of combinations such as 5 excel spreadsheets, 7 word documents , 3 powerpoint presentation, 2 other business applications, 13 notepad. Then use Alt + Tab to switch between windows as often as possible. Do claim periodically that your machine (workstation) is slow and hindering your productivity.
Select all mails and "Mark them as Unread" Then go and individually mark them as "Read". If ever asked, just reply - "I am ensuring to be on top of things." Better still keep them unread after the activity. Anyone pouring over the screen and seeing your unread mail list will understand the amount of work your are loaded with.
Open any file which has lots of data and charts in it. If you have two screens, better move the charts to bigger screen. This will not only make you look busy but also get you the intellectual tag.
Book a conference room, sit facing the door and call your own cell from the conference phone. Meanwhile, you can then continue do whatever you want on your machine. Have at least one business application open which will be helpful in case of any uninvited visitors coming to your conference room.
Call a meeting to discuss a new initiative which you know will never be implemented in another 5 years. Let the team brainstorm while you sit back and enjoy the discussion. Do have projectors and decks on to give the formality to the initiative.
Reach office early before anybody can everyday. You don't have to leave late. Coming early itself signifies, that you care for the work and you are going the extra mile by coming in early, while you spend the time gossiping about everything under the sky with your friend.
Ask your friends to call up your cell phone so that you can disconnect it. This signifies your devotion to your work and raises your esteem in the eyes of your bosses. On the contrary never go out and chat on your mobile phone in front of your manager. You are only asking for more work.
Keep formatting and re-formatting different cells in an excel sheet. Nobody pouring over your screen can detect your lack of work. Using of shortcuts will baffle and make the hovering vulture leave quickly.
Put 6-7 cups of coffee in the waste-box near you. Cups will tell all the stress going through your mind because of work. You do not need to drink coffee. The sight of crushed cups will do the trick.
Even when you are posting a blog during your office hours, ensure every time you press Enter key, the sound reverberates in your manager's cubicle. The sound indicates pressure, frustration and your high fidelity towards work. Most managers are sadists and become happy when they see/hear/feel their directs slog it out even if no work is done. All that matters is manager must know that you are slogging.

Do let out other secrets of being perceived busy in office in the comments. It will help the author here ;)

Not an Insane Thought!

2011-08-31T12:01:00.000+05:30

There is a thin line separating sanity from insanity, he thought. But the picture of saneness just appeared with two weights called "sane thoughts" and "insane thoughts" suspended by a pulley in his mind. He was on his way home and the train gave a perfect surrounding where he can calmly contemplate on his theory of insanity. Yet he knew, there was more that would drive a person on the paths to insanity. There was circumstance on which many of the origins of insanity is attributed. However, he somehow could not include circumstances in his "Insanity Model" of saneness suspended by weights. Moreover, circumstances have limitations. Similar circumstances evoke different reactions in different people. So whether circumstances should be there in the model is a question in itself.

Jolted out of his reverie by the halting train, he realized he has reached his destination. He had just enough time to dump his open book into his bag and rush out before train started moving. Later he recalled, the only thing he remembered during this getting down was a smiling grey-haired gentleman with a baggage as big as his.

Once on the platform, a walk of 2 minutes he knew was where his home was and he had ennui for company. So he decided to go back to his thoughts but was interrupted by a hand asking for ticket. It was not in his pockets. His started looking into his bag which had remained open from the time he alighted. Fortunately he remembered his latest bookmark which was his ticket and proceeded to retrieve for it. A glint of metal caught his eye before falling in to his open bag. He jumped for it and before he knew in his hand he had a pistol .

The metal was cold and it sat heavily in his hand. A feeling of being powerful swept through and he simply pointed the gun at the person who had dropped it. The ticket examiner (T.T.E) a portly fellow terrified, started screaming "Terrorists Terrorists". The gun owner was standing calmly. He now had both ennui and the gun for company. Still he wanted to explain, but the screaming remained unabated. A shot followed. Silence. A single hole in the middle of the forehead with blood trickling out and policemen running towards him was all he could remember. Probably boredom must be added as a factor to his pulley model, he thought sitting in the lonely cell. The only challenge now is how?

PS: Trying my hand at story-writing....hopefully it comes out sane :P

Stop Abusing Me!! - Fvck

2011-07-13T22:20:00.000+05:30

I have here today a guest-blogger who is a bit peeved after release of the movie - Delhi Belly. To give a vent to his frustrations, I have invited him on my blog. So ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to this famous guest - "FVCK". The one word which is gaining popularity by the day and is capturing the market share of the word "GOD". But it seems it is not very happy with it. So now let's hear from the horse's mouth!

Disclaimer Alert! - This blog contains words that are inappropriate for certain audiences. Other set of audience might feel this post as offensive.If you are in either of these highly sensitive category, I advice you to stop reading and go and continue watching facebook videos!

Delhi Belly - Nothing surpasses the pain, that Delhi Belly has given me. Almost every second line in the movie, my prowess was being used, yet I am not happy. You see, I have a job to do. My job is express profanity or to negatively characterize anything that can be dismissed, disdained, defiled or destroyed. There is nothing good in me. Even when used with the most noblest intention, I just cannot be good and I am proud of that. You can compare me with the garbage collectors. Even when they are doing their job, it is a dirty job. Remember the song - sab gandha hai par dhandha hai yeh! That is what I am all about.

Let me give you a bit more background before coming to the main issue. In our nether world of profanities, I am the one perched high up, way above the others. My peers - ass-holes, shit, hell, goddamn, damn although good can never match my versatility. I can be used in multiple situations to express most of the negative expressions. My peers remain in awe of this versatility.

Now with the release of Delhi Belly, my usage has surged as I am now considered to be part of the pop culture. Although I always feel good about that, but the way it is being used, my standing among my peers has diminished. They are all laughing at me when they hear some of the usage mainly by some teeny-weeny gals and so-called dudes (read duds) who are out there to impress these teeny-weeny gals. Here are some sample usage

Fvckingly funny - overheard a gal on mobile after watching Delhi Belly - Don't I just hate Delhi Belly?
You know fvck......I was there fvck...I went to fvck movie...I caught cab fvck..Guy-talk they say - But like the pot-holes on the mumbai road, you do not want them, yet you cannot avoid them and by the time you finish a journey, you just want to say to the roads and these guys - Fvck Off!
What a fvck!- A gal describing a beautiful natural scenery - nothing related to me! - Go read Word Power to increase your vocabulary, you dumb creature.
Oh fvck oh fvck oh fvck! - again by a gal - this is expressing happiness unfortunately my verb form is not being used! - Happiness and me without my verb form is an oxymoron, you morons!

Probably I am over-reacting but this is humiliation. I wanted to sue Aamir Khan Productions. However, being a word, I cannot be a litigant and do not have any legal standing. After all how can an abusive word be abused? I need something like Prevention of Abuse of Words (PAW) backed by leading celebrities to take my cause. Meanwhile, you can do your bit by not abusing me and creating awareness on this. However, after reading this, if you exclaim - I don't give a fvck! I will find solace that you did not abuse me there.

So signing off with a heavy heart -

Yours Sincerely,

FVCK!

PS: I could not even sign my name with my correct spelling to escape being tagged as spam by the search filters. Sigh!

To the Geeks: Marriage Explained

2011-06-26T19:00:00.000+05:30

With couple of friends getting married, some looking out for their better halves and my own family asking for my plans, marriage has become recurring theme of discussion in most conversations. Personally I feel like playing the first session of test match under swinging conditions on each of my visit home. Once that part of discussion is negotiated, rest of the weekends pass without much of a fuss. So realizing the impending need for some of my most geeky friends who would soon establish a new hopefully permanent connection with a server, I have jotted down some important differences between a machine server and a human server.

All your near and far relatives, a consequence of you being born in an Indian family, are the DNS (Domain Name System resolution service) servers. They will look-up your request against a matching IP to find the correct server. However, these servers use a complex algorithm to find the correct match for your innocent request. It depends on certain key-words like engineer, doctor, fair-looking, 6ft tall, working in MNC, IAS, IPS, six figure salary, religious, god-fearing and a simple family. Moreover, your valuations also depend on current trends in technology. If IT is in recession, DNS server tend to return "No match found". Pray for a boom if you have started looking out.
Once a match is found a complex set of handshakes happen between the server firewalls (parents and relatives of the server) and your DNS servers, your own firewalls which springs to life which till then acted as a harmless software running in the background of your life. If there is a packet loss between these handshakes or a NACK message was received for any of the handshakes, you will never to get to know what the server was.
Now the servers are very selective just like you. So servers can and will reject your first incoming connection requests if they feel anything wrong with you. The reasons can be weird like your requests are too short or too long or it is just right. There is no right or wrong requests. Only your match decieds based on your requests. In that event, your DNS servers, double up their resolve to find the correct match and these goes on until a connection is established. It is an infinite loop which breaks only on two conditions.

A connection is established
You throw up your hands and say you have decided to become a "Brahmachari".

Once a connection is established, you are given the name of the server and that is your password for any future connections. Unlike the machine servers, there is no option of "Forgot Password". Though you can devise an alternate password, like a secret pass-phrase. In any event of forgetting the password or the secret pass-phrase will lead to temporary/permanent disconnection from the server. Of course, you still have the option of connecting to a new server, but at that stage you may get incompatibility issues, as unknown to you, server reprograms your source code with each passing day ensuring you become incompatible with every server that you would wish to connect.
One good thing about this server connection is that it establishes a session which has no time-out. There is another subtle difference though. Server does not store any cookies on you. You need to send cookies (gift) periodically in different formats ensuring that each cookie surprises the server. This would ensure server does not terminate session due to any other unforeseen reasons.
The earlier firewalls transform themselves into System administrators after the connection is established. System administrators need to be treated with respect, care and caution. They have the power to tune the server as they wish. They help you to re-establish connection if somehow you forget your password and the server breaks the connection.
The earlier DNS servers transforms themselves into spammers who regularly send tips and tricks on server management, improving connections, new patches for you and the server. Be cautious if you are using any of the tips, as sometimes they can lead to disastrous consequences. You also need to protect the server from these spammers, as they are affected more than you can even imagine.
Production servers do not like to stay in test labs like you stay with your peers. They need dedicated data centers. It is your responsibility to get a data center where you and your server can co-exist. Absence of a data-center in the long run can lead to termination of the connection.
In case of any deadlock arising over any data or process, it is advisable to release the lock from your end immediately and push your thread to sleep or suspended state. An angry server throws only unhandled, unmanageable exceptions or windows style error messages.
Finally, all your activities are logged in the inexhaustible log files along with the timestamp, location and circumstances within the server. The reverse is true in your case. You will experience frequent Garbage Collections (GC) keeping only the faint traces of phantom references in your memory. Frequent GCs reduce you response times but keep you a bit happier and help you get over lot of frustrations that you experience within the confines of data center.

PS: A bit of server space on the blogger servers was used up in writing this post. However, no servers were harmed in writing this post :P

Rest of the PS:

This post is specifically for the geeks who rack up more than 16 hours a day within the confines of their cubicle. Apologies to the rest of the readers, if they could not make head or tails of it.
To all the die-hard feminists - I could not find a proper place to put this earlier in the post. So your blood might have boiled when reading this. Don't worry it will soon cool down :P

Osama Bin Laden's Last Message

2011-05-14T20:05:00.001+05:30

OBL’s original message given to Maacha was about 3 hours long, which Maacha interrupted twice both due to his girlfriend’s calls. Later Maacha told him OBL had put his relationships on the rocks. He could only talk to her after 24 disconnected calls and 30 begging for forgiveness messages. Wouldn’t fault her,as she doesn’t believe him when he says he is with his friends and so believing OBL and his message was just too much for her. Btw, you can get the story of the visit and other details here. Anyways, the star of this post is OBL. This is OBL’s mesage to the “Next Most Wanted Man”. On a different note, OBL should have been in IT. His diligence in adhering to process and enthusiasm in giving the KT (knowledge transition) even after he was out of the project must be commended. Now back to the business of this post - Abridged version of his message:

Pakistan is not safe. Try India. Kasab is still living and eating mutton biryani.
Don't trust Pakistani generals. We Indians had some bitter experiences and now OBL got one. Unfortunately for him it was his last one.
You can stay away from technology, but technology eventually finds you. (Author putting on his technical smirk.)
Praying to multitudes of Gods help diversify the risk. You never know which God is on leave as they do not have a habit of setting up OOO. See Indian politicians.
You need to have humility. You cannot be sitting on an elephant, surrounded by crocodiles and yet expect none of the crocodiles to see you, because you are so up there. Occasionally a monkey will jump on you to send you straight into the waiting jaws even before you could say "aiyo".
If the requirement is for high walls, you should always go for The Great Wall of China. You will just disappear. The trouble is then you will have hard time convincing people you are alive.
Letting your friend talk to his sweet-heart while you are playing hide and seek can be fatal.
Repeatedly saying "Mind it" to all the western powers and India from a recorded tape does not make you a Rajnikant. Mind it!
In the end, even Rajni needed a blade to split the bullet coming his way. Dammn I never shaved. (Gillete - "Are you listening? OBL can be your first posthumous brand ambassador.")
Trust all your n wives to babble out all your dark/dirty/intimate secrets, the moment you are dead/never-to-be-seen/any other forms of out of her life scenario.

That was it. So any takers to be the Next Most Wanted Man(MWM)? You have the KT document from the former MWM himself now. Moreover, not to mention about the Maacha’s 72 gfs to look forward to, if the plan A does not work. Other benefits include – ‘n’ number of wives, a million dollar mansion and herbal medicines (Maacha had made an earnest plea to get the last item. However, OBL was firm that he will only give it to the Next- MWM.)

Maacha called, OBL and other Bakwaas!

2011-05-11T15:21:00.000+05:30

Couple of days back my friend - Maachi (a.k.a Maacha) pinged me up on my Gtalk. True to his gujju nature, he never calls on mobile and believes in giving missed calls and true to my pseudo-gujju nature, I also do the same. So was happy a bit that he at least has an internet connection these days.

But he was disturbed a bit. So after intense prodding he opened up and the ensuing conversation followed:

Maacha - I had a dream in which Osama appeared and said something…

Me - what?

Maacha - Yes. OBL wanted me to send some message.

Me – What did you reply?

Maacha – aama hu kyathi aayo? (how did I get involved in this?

Me – For the first time in life, even I didn’t understand how you got involved..

Maacha - He replied some virgin up there gave him my name.

Me - What? When did you send a virgin up there?

Maacha - Even I became tensed. I told I only remain friends with my gfs.Also I cannot send anybody. It is I who get sent to Bihar, Ethiopia, and all other god-forsaken places.

Me - What did OBL say?

Maacha - he says it seems one of my virgin gfs remained virgin because I refused to marry her.

Me - Dude, how many virgins you sent up there?

Maacha – According to OBL, all 72 are my former gfs.

Me (ROFL) - So you mean to say OBL’s 72 virgins are all gujjus?

Maacha - Don’t laugh. He was very angry with me as none of them were beautiful.

Me (consoling) - No Maachi. Gujju girls are beautiful and who said your gfs are not beautiful? (A true friend here! :P )

Maacha - He was also angry that none of them were from his caste. Worse still, he did not know which caste he belonged to nor his rashi.

Me - Don’t think OBL believe in caste systems.

Maacha - Well, he doesn’t but all my gujju gfs seems to have made OBL aware that he also has a caste. And they won’t marry him until him until he finds his correct caste.

Me - but why does he needs to marry them?

Maacha - My 72 gfs said that when their maasa, mausi, mama, mami, nana, nani, bhaiya, bhabhi (relatives), and all others come up there what will they say? Then OBL will have to elope and find a new hiding place. And from where he is now, he has very few left.

Me - I see. It is difficult to be the most-wanted man in both the lives.

Maacha – So now he thinks that to learn more about his caste, he needs to do some good deed which is the first step for him to discover his caste and this good deed is the message.

Me - What is it about?

Maacha - Well, it is guideline sort of thing for the Next Most Wanted Man.

Me - So why are you telling it to me?

Maacha - Dishit, I know you blog and I want you to post this.

Me - Dude - Are you crazy? Next thing I know, there will be bloody navy seals jumping out around my building, taking a head-shot and I will be dead without even a single tweet about it on twitter.

Maacha – Well if you don’t I will be blown out from Ahmedabad forever.

Me – That makes sense. Btw, this is the classic deadlock which we love to discover but not resolve. :P

Maacha – I have a solution.

Me – aaha (a small smirk appeared before it soon disappeared)

Maacha – Maanas ne olakhtha sikho. (Learn to understand a person)

Me – Always have at least in your case. But tell me about your solution.

Maacha - Osama showed me a video which he recently made up there. Poor soul he still believes he is living in the $1mn house in Pakistan. So he is sending the tape which says his message will be spread not through his followers but some innocent gujju. You are not a gujju so you are safe, the message will be spread and it will save my life from OxAMAs.

Me – I knew your solution will always be far away from any thing called logic. However, for you I will do it albeit for a small charge. Since you are a gujju and claim to not eat non-vegan food, and many other You-Know-What things, I would only ask you to give me call.

Maacha - Sure.

Me - Not missed call. (That was the maximum I ever can get out from him. I have principles of not doing anything for free. My reputation of being an pseudo-gujju will be in tatters, if I do not get any profit out of this transaction.)

Maacha - chokas! (sure)

The message - coming up in the next post! Stay tuned!

PS: To the real Maacha - after reading this do not exlclaim - aama hu kyathi aayo? :)
P.PS: All the above conversation happened in the urban version of gujarati. So any errors in translation is purely an error.
P.P.PS: No OBL was killed when writing this post.

Is Lokpal Bill enough to tackle corruption in India?

2011-04-24T21:54:00.000+05:30

Image Source

Over the past couple of weeks, India as a nation has witnessed the powers of one determined Gandhian. Joining with him in his quest for stronger Lokpal bill, were thousands of Indians which included both netizens and citizens whom the aristocratic political class term as "Aam admi". Government or rather PM Manmohan Singh did a good job in defusing the entire agitation by giving in to the demands as any further delay would have caused a revolution leading to his government's downfall. At the heart of the issue is the Lokpal Bill aimed to fight corruption in India which was first conceived in 1969 but still waiting to be passed in the parliament.

Though I completely respect Anna Hazare's effort to bring this issue to the fore, I am more inclined to agree with Kapil Sibal's view that the bill's scope in tackling corruption is limited. The main reason is that at the end of the day, it is only a bill. And a bill like many others can only go so far in addressing the tackling corruption. Moreover, loopholes always exist in any law and most scamsters are intelligent enough to exploit these or at least drag the case till they are old and frail when it would eventually not matter. I believe a similar story would be play out with the Lokpal Bill. Of course, it can be argued this is an important step forward. No doubt on that. The point I am trying to make is corruption exists mainly due to the systemic inefficiencies and creating laws or acts can only deter corruption as much.

These systemic inefficiencies create an incentive to be corrupt. Or in other words it rewards the corrupt and punishes the honest. Thus to remove corruption, these systemic inefficiencies have to be removed which can only be achieved through better governance and not by creating more laws. One of the most proven weapons in improving governance is the use of technology. The other two weapons would be the people in the government and Aam Admi.

Technology
Yes I am in technology and technology rocks when you want transparency and accountability. System takes care of that. Many state governments have invested in technology at various fronts to improve the governance. Even the central government, has tried to implement wherever, it sees limited opposition. Examples which I am aware of are e-filings of tax return, the generation of PAN card and the most ambitious project taken up so far is UID (Unique Identification System). The most important aspect of technology is that it reduces human intervention. For example for PAN card, anyone with an internet connection can go and lookup the site for information on how to fill the form and then fill, print and post it to the concerned department. The entire process can take at most 3-4 hours which can be done from the comfort of your home. (Discounting the trip to the post office :) ). Moreover, you can track the application status online and rectify the form if needed. This has removed the need of bribing

someone to learn how to fill the form

to track the status

to move the application if it gets stuck anywhere.

The second example where technology can be greatly useful is ensuring traffic rules compliance. Any reason why traffic policemen encourage bribes? Some of them are given below:

He does not have to create a receipt for the offense.

He does not have to listen to the offender's defense stories and his constraints which caused him to break the rule.

A traffic chaos may happen during the time he was creating a receipt and thus have to work harder.

So how can technology reduce corruption? Jumping of signals, riding in the wrong lane or over-speeding can all be captured through a camera which captures the registration number and send the ticket to the offender's home. At the same time, an entry can be made against the driver's license card, to ensure tracking of the number of offense and also auto-debit the fine amount from the offender's bank or credit card account. Believe this is already implemented in some countries. Additionally, if a policeman catches an offender, he can simply swipe the driver's license card and the system will do the rest for him. Although this looks like a pipe-dream, they are inherently doable. Believe some developed countries have this system already in place.

People in the Government
Consider a clichéd government employee's job profile. He is assigned a task which he has to do for years. Only if the person above him retires or dies, does he have any chance of growth. Naturally boredom sets in and the absence of future growth makes him neglect his current duties. The only incentive for him to work is the bribes from people who want to get things done a bit quicker as there is no enforceable SLA for the government employee to work. The situation can only be improved if there is change in this culture.
The peer pressure tactic is the best option to effect a culture change. A strong leader who can influence 10 % of his direct reports can bring about this change. By making this 10 % influence another 10 % and so on, can radically change the DNA of the government office. The change will be gradual but will be effective. Ricardo Semler's effort at Semco SA can be taken as an example for this.
Thus if as a team, they decide to get things done within the SLA and without taking bribe, even the most lazy person would have to work. In a way it can be be looked at as an HR issue. In the end, the government needs leaders who can bring about the change in the minds of the people within departments.

Aam Admi
How can a "Aam Admi" say no to corruption? He is under pressure virtually from everywhere. Pollution, oppressive heat, potholed laden roads, and public commute make the daily trudging to the office a bigger ordeal than it already is. Apart from this he has to work under abusive bosses, handle intrusive neighbors and demanding relatives. In all this, if a government process takes too long, he cannot afford to keep his life aside till the government process is completed. He has to complete that as well in the melee that his life is in. Yet not taking the easier path may not make it easier to get it done. This happened to my friend who needed to get a No Objection Certificate (NoC) to transfer his bike from Mumbai to Bangalore. He chose the easier route. He called up an agent who asked him Rs. 1500 to get everything done in 3 days. Fortunately the agent failed to turn up when my friend went to get the NoC done. Out of desperation he tried to get it done the right way. Eventually he got it done within 2 days itself and the cost - Rs. 200.

Probably our demand to get it done easier is far more than the demand to get it done by the correct process. Due to this sometimes the time saved by the shortcut method may be actually time lost in the overall equation. A bit of patience and a bit of effort in understanding the process may just well be the solution to reduce the corruption. Additionally an emphatic NO can also do the trick to a large extent.

Presented some of my thoughts based on the drama that has been unfolding around LokPal for past few weeks now. Do post your valuable feedback and solutions in the comments section.

PS: Just thought of focusing on the bigger picture rather than just the Lokpal Bill. Also on a personal front too have bribed my way out quite a few times. Thats a change that I need to bring in within myself :P

The Decade Gone By...Happy New Decade!

2011-01-01T13:33:00.000+05:30

This is intended to be funny. So I expect lolz, rofl and all their derivatives in the comment section. Failing to do so would imply that you are hurtling through the depths of despair and darkness. ;)

Before the decade started I was just an un-germinated seed whose aim was not to become a tree but a juicy fruit like an apple. Darn, I should have been a leaf then. I would have modified myself into a full-grown onion. I would be now priceless. Only later would I understand the repercussions of dreaming of an apple which you will too soon find out.

1.Sparkling School Days

Anyways, the decade started with a bang. A mix of improbable physics, concentrated chemistry, bilious biology and 13 girls. Yes 13 girls. That was the first time when I had to spend time in a single room with 13 girls along with 46 other guys who were more or less on the same page. Most of the 47 of us were from all-guys-and-no-girls-classes till then. The result - I learnt two important lessons.

You can never understand any of the three subjects. They are supposed to be mugged up. The teachers don't tell you this secret directly but to their credit they do throw ample hints like writing illegibly on the frame of the blackboard or by drawing larger-than-life size figure of a frog's digestive systems or by whispering during the lecture.
The previously believed assumption that in presence of opposite-gender, you tend to score more was burnt to ashes and the urn was thrown in Sabarmati Tiver to ensure there are no future ashes contests in this regard.

2. Out to be an engineer

The first thing that they tried when I entered college was try to teach me drawing. Of course they did not say it upfront. They called it Engineering Drawing. Unfortunately they didn't know that I was incapable of any kind of drawing. Bet a third grader can still beat me in drawing. Yet they wanted me to draw something more complex and more intelligible which was simply out of scope for me. However, they never lost hope. I responded in kind, scoring an improbable 2 out of 40 in spite of drawing on both sides of the drawing sheet given to me. Might have let the sheet alone and they would have given more for cleanliness. Yet, they persevered and finally they taught me to draw straight line an incredible achievement after 12 months of training.

3. Journey in Electronics

They still hadn't given up on me. So then they tried teaching me electronics. I started enthusiastically dreaming about having a small shack with all colors bulbs creating strange sounds and radio transmitter similar to the one seen in old Hindi movies. However fate had other plans. Whenever I tried building anything, the only output I would get was an eerie silence. Now a civil engineer can see a building that he is building, a mechanical engineer can see what is going wrong. An electrical engineer would either see a smoke like that after a pope is selected indicating something went wrong or he gets electrocuted. A computer engineer gets an error message or the blue screen of death as a last resort. But for an electronics engineer, nothing. Only an eerie silence. Nothing blowing-up, no shocks as maximum voltage only go up to 5V. So I did the next best thing. I took up projects where you just need to give presentations and stayed an two arm's length from the soldering iron.

4. First job in Reliance

Despite the utter failure in engineering, Reliance somehow thought I was just an unpolished diamond and picked me up. Once there, they again started teaching me a new philosophy. They said -

"customer ne baatli ma utarvu aavu joiye"

That literally translates to "learn to insert a customer into a bottle". It is more nearer to pulling a fast one on the customer to get your work done. I started working on acquiring on this skill. But instead of me putting the customer into a bottle, it was the customers who put me in hole, not once but twice by sending e-mails to Mr. Anil Ambani. :( . That was the beginning of a great friendship between us as teams from Mumbai headquarters, bosses of Gujarat state, and my boss all started asking for my well-being. So when it came to third time, instead of trying to put a customer into a bottle, I challenged the customer to put me in hole. :). After all I had Anilbhai's backing. But the next morning, my boss called me and told me - Dude, I guess you enjoy digging up a grave for yourself. But pal, why are you digging my and my boss' grave alongside yours? Well I got the drift, and jumped ship from there.

5. In Cognizant, Chennai

Well here again they wanted to teach me. It now started getting on my nerves then. But they promised, this is different and this is JAVA. So I learnt and I learnt well. I learnt how to appreciate a good coffee, even if it comes from a dumb machine. Don't roll your eyes. The java logo always shows a hot coffee and they always talked about java beans which I took it for coffee beans. You can't blame me here. This was as good as I did anywhere before.

6. Blogging

Meanwhile I started blogging. I started with a bang by writing a java code that I learnt recently. Was big show-off then :). But soon my manager called me. It seemed he didn't like the piece code that I wrote. It was something on these lines. Eventually they decided I was not meant for writing codes, so they put me in testing. Here I had to find bottlenecks. The old bottle reared up its ugly head. However, I felt good. From all the past experiences, I knew I have never built anything. At least I can break what others have built. Things finally were falling in place for me. At least it seemed so.

7. My First Project

I had received the most challenging project that was possible. I had to work 11 hours daily on it. Coffee-breaks, tea-break and lunch-break constituted 4 hours interspersed with 3 hours at cubicle and finally a continuous stress of 4 hours of table tennis with no manager's supervision for either of the activities. The bottlenecks - Well the project had many bottlenecks that I never had to look for one. Finally after 5 stressful months, the project was scrapped ending the dream run. Yet that project is still on my resume still glittering in all its inexistent glory.

8. Pune beckoned

I moved to Pune or was I moved to Pune is still a mystery. Theoretically after mutual agreement between my manager and me, I moved to Pune - is probably the politically correct way of telling it. Unfortunately here the bottles started haunting me again. I had to find the bottlenecks. That was my mission. I went after the mission with great zeal. However, they never described the catch in finding bottlenecks. This did me in. The catch is the famous - apples to apples comparison. They told me I was comparing apples with oranges and so all the necks that I was shoving were not of any bottles. Never mind, if you did not understand the above statements. In short, it means I goofed up again. Until some days after the incident, all I could see was apples, oranges, bottles, bottleneck and bottles without bottlenecks.

9. Recession

It was the biggest conspiracy hatched up by the underworld to end my blissful project-less a.k.a no-work period. My manager told me that you are committing a big crime by sitting on a bench (an IT euphemism meaning no work) during a recession. So he sent me to the Yerawada jail (not exactly but very near to that and very similar to that) for all my past deeds. Got a new manager to report to. He was a nice guy with decent expectations from me. But then again I managed to do the improbable.

The actual completion percentage (red worm) dropped off instead of trying to catch-up with the expected completion (blue worm). It was looking like a horrible run chase by the team batting second in a limited-overs cricket. My manager only told me one thing - Either the red worm should start looking up or your salary will start mirroring the red worm. I took the cue and I jumped ship again. :)

10. Mumbai

Mumbai is complex, exciting and unpredictable. The pot-holes and the mumbai rains share a special bonding. They both mirror each other in every way possible by just turning up when least expected. Later I realized there was one more thing that was mirroring these two things. It was the project I was mapped to. Every turn was a new pothole and sometimes it would be big pit. Its sole existence is to remind you off the pit stops in life as in F1 race. However, it would be the kind of pit, where you only realize that you are in a pit after you fall in. So here in Mumbai I fall in pits and potholes in search of the illusive necks, bottles and bottlenecks.

So now anticipating a more exciting journey ahead starting with the current pit in which I am in....Happy New Decade to you all (if you are still reading :P )

Hats off to a Very Very Special Win - courtesy Very Very Special Laxman

2010-10-06T03:39:00.000+05:30

Sitting on an armchair, 40 years later, when another Indian from another era wins a test match for India, we will celebrate the win just as we did today. Giving high-fives and celebrating every thing Indian about the victory. Yet when the euphoria goes down, the mind will travel back in time to another day when another mortal saved the day. The memory won't remember the runs he made, but the class he show-cased and the joy of having the privilege of watching it live.

For under the toughest conditions, he answers every challenge that is thrown at him not with a sledge-hammer but with a painter's brush. Watching him bat is poetry in making. The ball like words dance of his blade in divine rhythm. He does not play cricket. But he is an artist performing on a stage. A regal performance befit only for the kings, yet it is on display for public viewing. Batting in fourth innings is tough. Ask the other ten who were in the team. Australia was like an angry dragon. Every breath smelled of the fire within. The short-ball was their occasional fire-ball whose frequency increased as the innings progressed. They were determined and disciplined. The Indian chase started like the Chemistry practicals - effervescence of CO2 (virendra sehwag) which soon died out as during the practicals. Then the grind that a test match is began.

When he came out with India 5 down which soon became 8 down, it looked another golden opportunity lost for India except for the lone hope. The hope, that if anyone can save India against the marauding Aussies, it was him and that was a big honor which hardly any batsman can boast of in this world. Australians on their part knew their adversary very well not to lower their guard. After all he had bugged them more than any other had done before. (They call him the bugger.) Yet when you look up to see him play his shot, you don't see the past. You don't see the 167 or the 281. But only the natural order of the things. That the delivered ball had a destiny and when it hit the sweet spot of the bat it was on its way to achieve its destiny. Where is our hero in this natural order of things? Well he is there, neither to smack the ball nor to dominate the bowler. He is there to help the ball achieve its destiny. He is only the Guide.

No opposition would get intimidated by his demeanor on or off the field. The silken grace, the elegance all point towards a monk-like personality. Yet this demeanor becomes an unintended deception for the opposition. Beneath the lazy elegance lies the most disciplined warrior. A warrior hardened by the many wars he has fought, the pain he suffered (was unceremoniously dropped from ODI squad) hiding everything behind his smile. A fierce warrior, who holds his ground when the ground beneath him shakes. The opposition never gave an inch, but he drove the ball like he is driving on a 6-lane expressway.

He still misses out on lot of people's all-time best eleven even though he has saved or won test matches for India against the best in the world. But he shrugs-off it just as he would to a well-directed bouncer. After all, the Indian top-5 boasts of the bests that cricket can offer to the world. You have a butcher, who rips through bowling attacks tearing them and their plans to shreds, the wall who stone-walls everything right at his toes and the little master who is the un-official God of Cricket. Yet with all these Gods in, for his class, his big smile and his tenacity, he still remains Very Very Special. Hats off to Laxman!

The Games FB Addicts Play

2010-09-21T22:29:00.000+05:30

When I first tried out Facebook (dont remember when), the invitations and pokes overwhelmed me and I soon got tired of them. So then I just went back to the only SNS (social networking site) which was popular in India - Orkut. But thats beside the point of this post. Recently, in Jan I again revived my dead account, and now am addicted to it. Again this is not what this post is all about. :). Having observed most of my friends on it, my mind went about classifying the various traits of other fb addicts... And this is what the post is all about :) But before going further few warnings –

The post is very long so beware
Have a lump of jaggery with you as the post may leave a bitter taster in your mouth.
If reading a game you think I wrote it based on your behavior, rest assured you are not alone doing that as there are others too having similar trait probably differing in its degree and lot of us play multiple games at the same time – the multi-taskers! :P

So let the games begin -

1. The Guy Gangs Game

This is one of the games that most guys play within their group. In this game, there will be one innocent protagonist, who gives a very innocent status. This status may be completely innocent or at most it may have one innocent loophole. The next important character in this game is the Devil. He would be there waiting for this chance alone and the moment this innocent status gets posted, a sarcastic comment follows. This will be followed by a like on his comment, then a hot reply, another comment and pitched war between these guys start putting all their past, present and future dirty linen on the FB domain. The game usually ends, when the protagonist accepts defeat or deletes this post. But beware deleting may produce a child post on the devil's post which would take the war to the next level.

Although gals are never far-behind in this game, but they cannot match the low-blows that happen here. It does get real dirty here. But guys are guys. They have seen worse happening to them, caused by these same devils and yet they remain each other's best buddies.

2. The Status Game

The game is very simple. Just ensure you post a minimum of one status every hour. This includes the sleeping time as well. The status is not important here. Only the posting is important. It is said that career is not everything, and people need to take time to smell the flowers. Well this tribe of fb addicts believes in taking this adage one step further. Truly, they are one step above most other people in the ladder of spirituality! :P. But the game doesn't end here. The guy/gal will have some dedicated set of followers who find time to comment or like it. The beauty of this game is that it never ends even if the followers get tired of it.

3. The Calendar Game

This tribe is here to help the other addicts. They are the Good Samaritans here. They ensure that other addicts know what time of the day it is with good morning, zzzz, had a heavy lunch kind of messages.. They also give the day it is. For example, if as an addict you forget what day it is, just see their status - it will go like 2 days to Friday, Monday morning blues, and its weekend. The only catch here, sometime you may not be able to differentiate Saturdays and Sundays. They can take this as feedback in improving their humanitarian work.

4. The Motivation Game

This is another form of good Samaritans here. They are the enlightened souls who would post new quotes, wisdom statements, a song to listen every day, importance of friends, relationships... get the drift. Reading this will give you enough motivation to face all problems in life. The alternative to this would be to pick up a self-help book from a bookstore which is down-right boring. Again they are here to help people see the light! :) The light is too bright for you too see any shadows till far-far away.

5. The Game of Intrigue

This is mostly played by guys. I don't know why but this tribe has an uncanny ability to bewilder most of the mortal world. They leave you thinking, wondering, but even if you ask for an explanation, you get another intriguing comment. And you leave it at that as now you don't want to be seen as fool twice by other addicts at large. But for each tribe there are followers who simply like them even if they don't understand. Intriguing followers!

6. The Knowledge Game

This game is again mostly played by guys. The objective of this game is to post very useful links related to topics such as global warming, whether the world will face double-dip recession, the latest gadgets, or on the international events. They are the people for whom tons of academicians work publishing articles in journals, writing papers, etc. Their posts can give you sleepless nights if you try to read those articles unless you share the same genes ;)

7. The Ideology Game

This is one of the most dangerous games. Their numbers are less at this moment. But their posts sprout the ideologies they believe in and in which they fanatically follow. Their will be followers too but most likely they may not be fanatic. The goal of this game is to convert the moderate followers into fanatics. The ideology can take many forms. It can be your organization, your work, in some case religion too. The Techie game can be considered as a subset of this game where the fb user posts statuses based on passion for a technology.

8. The Followers Game

This game has no protagonists. The followers of most tribes fall in this category. You can easily identify them, by seeing their comments littered over most of your friend's post. They just like things and comment. Their comments are also short two words comments like - "nice one", "good one" ,"ROFL","LOL","cool" as if they are in a hurry. But they are the poor souls, the sheep who are confused of what facebook is all about. So they go about liking and commenting on most things that published on facebook. Spare a thought for them...

9. The Enjoy-Simple-Things Game

This is a tribe for whom we can learn how to appreciate life. They will have statuses like "Enjoying home made daal-khichdi" or "Shopped for groceries, bought food, cooked it and now afternoon siesta", "Listening to blaring music and working today (Saturday)". By posting it on facebook, they are showing the way to live life appreciating little things which other mortals forget about it.

10. The Fun Game

This tribe are very serious about being on facebook. They seriously want to have fun on facebook. So they will use their wit to produce some really funny-liners, or comments etc. They will have lengthy discussions on facebook with apparently no theme in the entire discussion. Sometime the statuses are posted so as to start having fun. The discussion in all cases veer towards some topic that is not even remotely related to the status. When you read such statuses, beware of reading the comments. It may be injurious to your mental health.

11. The Smiling-Photo Game

Another simple game! You just have to take a snap yourself in as many ways as possible. It doesn't matter if you are alone or with other people who as well will be having a wider grin. The only catch is you need to be smiling always. The main idea is to ensure that people remember your smile disregarding everything else in the picture. I am one already signed up for this game so I recommend everyone to follow ;)

12. The Shared-Video Game
Believe the simplest game of all. You just share a video that was shared by someone else and thats it. You don't even have to watch it. The guy who has posted liked it and he would at least be your friend or your friend's friend. The logic goes something like this - You like you friend's choices and your friend will also like his friend's choices, which obviously means you like your friend's friend's choices. So there you go. And you share. This is to share fun so that more people like it, more people will smile after seeing that and thus what you have done is spreading smiles, which is a not a very bad thing to do.

13. The Aww-so-Cute Game

This is mostly played by gals and these gal's guy friends. The objective is to have as many awww, so cute comments and likes as possible. Mostly the subject here will be a video with a small kid, a teddy bear, teddy bear playing with kid (oops vice versa), crying kid, laughing kid, mom 'n' kid, a sad love story, a beautiful love story, etc. The main aim is to enhance the cuteness/awwness of the video, pic by having as many likes/comments possible.

Apart from this there are other games which most of you know which create known tribes such as the mafias, the farmers, people who check their day's future with numerous fortune-tellers( obviously one will be true and for the few unlucky ones none will be true so they will go to more fortune-tellers :D), finding the best friends based on likes and comments (the first game I talked about – the devil became the innocent guy's best friends J) , finding love story of their life from rom-coms and dreaming about it, finding most matching girl/boy-friends. And then there are some stray sheep, fuel-tank, goat, etc. and which will leave you scratching your head thinking about what to do with it. But the best happened recently when I saw a message in fb that 72% of your friends are farmers an you can be one too. Was just wondering, if so many wanted to be farmers, why are they on facebook?

PS: I see lot of daggers coming out, if you are still reading – you can use those in the comment section ;) Btw - no hard feelings - just plain thoughts :)

The Heart – A Tyrant

2010-09-11T04:56:00.000+05:30

After a loooooooooong time, somehow my mind stirred and brought out something from its stables something better than rubbish ramblings….A note of thanks to all the people who did push me to write something during my hibernation….

The Heart – A Tyrant

Dodging and darting around

Through life's uncertainties

He was going head-on

Challenging life as it came on

Yes he was going fast

As fast as he dreamt of going

He was proud of that for

Very few lived their dream

Yes he enjoyed the challenge

And his sucesses

Yet sometimes his heart cried,

Dampening his soaring spirits

He ignored, yet it haunted him

For the heart remained

Always in agony, Always in pain

Howling all night till it slept

Finding a mate thought he

Would appease his heart

Another howl and a secret tear later

He dropped the idea

The hollowness rang louder

Like a virus multiplying

And spreading the pain

Until he decided to listen

Yes the heart was saying something

A whisper was enough

For he became sad and afraid

Like everyone like him

The heart needed change

A new horse to ride

A new dream to chase

A new spark to begin a new fire

Fire that burns till eternity

Fire that consumes his self

A relentless fire

Burning him and his heart to ashes

To be the ashes was his heart's wish

For only through the ashes,

The Phoenix can rise and fly

The last flight to the Creator

As for him, his challenges

His enjoyment has to go

To sow the seeds of

Still undreamt dreams

For a new spark will ignite

A new un-thought passion

A passion he never had

A passion that would consume him

For a life later, the world

May forget his name

May forget all his deeds

But remember they will

His passion and his

Soaring Phoenix!

PS: Found a very convenient way to post today - Directly from MS-Word 2007! Thumbs up to Microsoft! :)

The Magic

2010-06-19T17:34:00.001+05:30

Another long poem - only the second one though;)

With the football fever on, just can't miss out writing on it. But this time central theme is shared with another topic. So hold your breath and read on to find out which topic shares the centre stage with football.

The Magic

Image

There in the dug-out he waited

For his chance to play

On the world's biggest stage

In front of the millions

Today he wanted to play
Not for the crowds
But for his childhood love
A thousand miles away

To honor the promise

Their childhood hearts had made

For that was the last time

They saw each other

And he was sure today

That she will be watching

Just like she used to

Before that fateful day

Waiting for his run with the ball

Enduring the rain and the sun

Only to see him dribble the ball

For this spark started their love

The coach barked - You are on

He jogged on the pitch knowing

A magic he will weave for whenever

She watched, the magic was on

The ball touched his feet

Snuggling around his feet

Like a dog snuggling around its master

Moving around him in circles

Playing with the defender he was

Yet waiting like a hunter he was

For the time was not yet right

And the magic happens only once

Then the moment came, the magic started

The defense frozen in shock

Like a breeze he went through

With ball leading its master

Looking up he saw

The only man still unfazed

But today was his day

His magic will beat him today

And he unleashed his pet

The ball rose moving away

Then curved and dipped

Leaving the unfazed stunned

And he knew it, she knew it

The magic had never scored

For though it produced the spark

It always doused the fire - their love...

There it is. This blog has been moving into unchartered waters for some time now. So do throw up some light on the way with your feedback. :)

On a different note, the upsets on Spain and Germany and a listless England, the world cup would miss out the attacking talent these teams have and a whole lot of goals. Hope they tighten their games and we have a great rounds of football ahead!

55 Fiction ~ 5 Micro-short stories!!

2010-06-16T03:14:00.001+05:30

55 Fiction - Fitting a story within 55 words. Call it the micro-short story which you can fit in twitter's 140 character limit if you use the the chat language. But would not advise to do so ;) . So the blog turning a new leaf here with my first attempt at short stories.. ;)

A journey cut short…

He boarded the bus and saw a girl covered in scarf waving at him. As usual he could not remember her. The girl was still waving. He was still clueless. So he gave a smile and moved towards her. The waving became frantic. He broadened his smile. The conductor shouted – “Ladies only bus, Sir”

************************************************************************************************************

We, the people

Looking across the street, he saw a nervous group of people – all looking up. This was Mumbai and he was a cop. So approaching the crowd, he saw dimly-lit place with a screen. Moving closer he caught the glimpse of the screen – It said - To win, India need 2 runs in 2 balls.

************************************************************************************************************

The Hunter

He felt hungrier today which made him come here. Right he was. For in front of him a little ahead he saw the little creature moving. He swam towards the kill, and caught it between his teeth. Suddenly, his body was lifted up and the last thing he heard was – Mom, I got another one.

************************************************************************************************************

The Six

1 run to win. Yes he will hit the winning runs with her looking. Her darling kitten which he hated was also looking from the balcony. He had decided this will be six and nothing less. The heavy tennis ball came and he smashed it out of the colony right into her darling kitten’s face.

************************************************************************************************************

World Cup Final

The world-cup final. The tournament had gone well. But people will remember him for what he does today. But nothing was happening. Both teams were playing safe. Tackle by the man who has won the golden boot before the final. This was his moment. Slowly from his back pocket, he pulled out the Red card.

************************************************************************************************************

PS: With the rains coming, at least one story should have had rain as a theme. Anyways, will take it up next time :)

The beautiful game!

2010-06-13T18:09:00.001+05:30

With the football fever on, so thought of putting some thoughts into words....

Image

The national anthem

The whistle

The passes

Running with the ball

The defense

The tackle

The foul and

The faking of the foul

The yellow card

The red card

The adamant referee

And the innocent players

The crowd

Jeering

And cheering

For every move made

The off-side trap

The free kick

The wall

The ball kissing the cross-bar

The shot saved

The goal-kick

Nervous defense

Fending off the swarming attackers

The corner

The header

The top-corner

And the goal

The ecstasy

The celebration

The shaken opposition

And the roaring crowd

The extra-time

The substitution

An all-out attempt

For the elusive goal

The hope

The despair

The frustration

Of a missed chance

The goal-keeper's smile

For a lucky break he got

The shouting coach

And finally an own goal

The brilliant footwork

The mistake

The lost chance

And finally the penalty kicks

Each shot scored

Each shot blocked

Becomes a nail driven

Into each other's heart

The nervous team

The million hopes

This is it

The world stage

The striker

The kick

The goal-keeper's dive

And the goal

That was luck

Detractors would say

But only he and the goal-keeper know

It was - the beautiful game....

Rooting for Brazil as every time - love the way they make the game beautiful to watch.... :)

Minutes of the Meeting!!!

2010-04-07T13:39:00.000+05:30

The unwavering light
The hum of the machine

The tapping of the keyboard

I stare at the screen unblinking

The frightening number of unread mails

Increasing the to-do items

The mind subdued by the routine

Let out a silent groan

The heart caged in the peaceful dullness

Lets out a prisoner's howl

The dictator mind silencing

The heart's unprofessional approach

Yet in this battle of the mind and heart

The soul and the work suffers

Increasing the inactivity as the battle rages

The precious ticks of clock pass by

O' cold-hearted manager

Why productivity chart interests you so much?

The chart show only the remnant scars of the battle

The causes of which only the soul knows.

The eyes register a pop-up

Another one of the old dull routines of the mind

That the heart has ceased to register

It is the daily status meeting reminder

The mind now roars out flashing the SOS sign

Flag of truce fluttered high and mighty

The heart acceded to the truce

Beating harder pumping blood to the mind

Gashes and slashes start appearing

To-Do items bear the brunt

A billion neurons firing simultaneously

Yet the list has been left idle far too long

The meeting begins

Unknown of the battle waged

The tip of iceberg my nervous hello betrays

Status turning red yet still amber

The manager wanted a green

But amber is still fine for the day

The soul was saved for the day

Allowed to live another day

Another day of unwavering light

Another day of hum of machine

Another day of tapping of keyboard

For the battle rages on and on...

This was scribbled during a hour and a half meeting where self was seen as frantically seen scribbling every word discussed. Fortunately nobody asked self to send the minutes of the meeting! :)

PS: I got an eureka moment after 3 hour struggle to add a Subscribe button on the blog so that people can get an email alert. No wonder the eureka moment sent me to a blissful state of exile from blogging.

P.PS: This is a beginner's attempt at poetry so suggestions are welcome. :)

P.P.PS: I am unconvinced of the title of the poem. I was planning to put it under "Why should all poems have a title?" meme but didn't see it fitting in completely!

Its awards galore!

2010-02-28T01:25:00.001+05:30

1 award each from Meghana and Raji whoa!

am honestly floored and am kinda basking in its glory ;)

The first one's is the Honest Scrap award from none other than Meghana
http://megzone.wordpress.com/2010/02/25/honesty-honours/

A big thank you to you!!!!

Rules to accept the award:

Thank the person giving you this award
Copy the award to your blog.
place a link to their blog
Name 7 tidbits people don’t know about you from reading your blog.
Nominate 10 Bloggers.
Place a link to those Blogger.
Leave a comment letting those Bloggers know about the award.

Here are 7 tidbits that people might not know about me from my posts

Sleep - I love sleeping. A champion when it comes to sleep.
Languages - Bad at languages. With the exception of English which is can be considered as passable, the rest gets the mix of all the languages that I know so far ;)
Movies - am not a movie buff. But make it a point to watch all the movies that my friends recommend. ;)
Poems - Would to love to compose more poems instead of the drab emails that I compose day-in and ay-out. Hope this blog sees more of poems soon!
Deadlines - Somehow I love deadlines. Not that I would be dancing with deadlines round the corner. Love the tense atmosphere just before the deadline when achieving it comes in question.
Inquisitive - Love poking my head into things that are completely useless to me. The curosity of knowing how things work or what circumstances caused a particular event always gets me. Thats where all the political news come from.
Technology - passionate about technology. But not very keen on gadgets. I would go with a gadget only if I have a requirement. So the gadgets that I have may not be the latest nor the best. It may only be just right.

Second is the Happy Blogger's award from the master of Shape Poetry - The Princess - Raji
http://destinychildosheen.blogspot.com/2010/02/of-random-rambling-and-awards.html

Rules to accept the award:

Link to the person who gave it to you
List 10 things that make you happy
Pass it on to 10 happy bloggers
Notify the nominees about this Happy Award.

10 things that make me happy -

A good deep sleep - You have to be happy to be the true champion
Sports - am always game for it
Books - love reading new things all the time
Blogs
Friends - friends anytime :)
Teaching - Even when I have to give a small KT, I would be delighted ;)
Taking people's cases - although am not very good at it but do give a try with some friends (Read Himanshu :P)
Poking around - finding new ways of looking at things
Twilights - Sunrise, sunset and the clear blue skies :)
Good old hindi songs - espescially when I am coming back from work

Whew! Now I pass on the Honesty award and the Happy Blogger award to the following bloggers.

Himanshu - http://himanshukoshe.wordpress.com/ - At par with the best when it comes to movie reviews. A thumbs-up from him brings the movie to my must-watch list.
Arun - http://arun-bohemianwanderer.blogspot.com/ - Watch out his comic stripes. He can make the dead laugh if they can see ;)
Sudhakar - http://idlivadasambar.wordpress.com/ - Home to some delicious breakfast here of a different kind ;)
Saurabh Nair - http://nairsaurabh.blogspot.com/ - Quizzes, Finance and business new - the place to be.
Nethra - http://otioseopinions.blogspot.com/ - For a dose of fiction
Farida Rizwan - http://www.chaptersfrommylife.blogspot.com/ - A story of surviving cancer
Subups - http://subups.blogspot.com/ - The bike rider riding in God's own country
Ajit - http://proclamationofsoul.blogspot.com/ Although he won't like this, but he is an honest blogger.
Merlin - http://www.merlinfrancanto.com/ - Photography - this is the place
Gary - http://somephilosophywilldonoharm.blogspot.com/ - Do blog more dude!

Happy Blogging!!!

The Star Award Winners!

2010-02-24T10:24:00.002+05:30

Megz - The poet, shayar, the music reviewer, the book reviewer and the master of BeeJays has awarded me the Star Award. This is my first award! Danke Megz!!!! I am floored!

Rules of Accepting the Award: Pass the award to those in your blog roll.
So here are my blog-rolled friends to whom I present the Award

Congrats to you all! Your blogs have made my day on countless occasions. So cheer on!
Keep Blogging! :)

Lets go to war!!

2010-02-22T01:18:00.004+05:30

Courtesy:http://whitewhaletheatre.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/nuke-war-h0011.jpg

Day 1

The recent terrorist attack on Pune coupled with the outrage felt across India, the Indian government declares a limited offensive against Pakistan

to protect India's sovereignity against the terrorists based in Pakistan
to dismantle the terror infrastructure across the border
to ensure its citizens are safe and do not have to fear the terrorists

Majority of India supported it. India calls up Obama and tells US to stay away from it as the issue is between India & Pakistan and the situation deals with the right of India's sovereignty, just as US sovereignty was attacked during the 9/11 attack.

Suddenly Pakistan wakes up from lazy confidence that India will not attack it and Pakistani PM Zilani with a brave front declares - let India attack and we will show them what Pakistan is.

Meanwhile the maulas of Pakistan calls all the people in the name of Islam to unite and fight against Hindu India. Zilani calls up Obama for his support against India. Obama says US is committed to maintain peace across the globe. China declares India as the aggressor and it declares it will protect Pakistan against any Indian aggression.

Europe declares the issue can be resolved with talks and India should not go to war. A hurried meeting of UN Security Council is held and the permanent members of the Security Council declare India cannot go to war with Pakistan.

The Pentagon simulates the different war scenarios between the two countries and declares all different scenario point out towards a nuclear war. The whole world is tensed.

Day 2

The Indian army fires the first shot across the border and shells start getting exchanged on the border. World Bank threatens India that it will stop its aid for various projects. Indian army starts advancing in the Pakistan-occupied Kashmir. Pakistan now moves its soldiers from its western front in Afghanistan towards its Indian border.

Day 5

The US army now without the backing of Pakistan army feels itself insecure. Now the war has a direct impact on US interests and it wants to avoid any conflict in this region. It threatens India with punitive action; India does not pull back its soldiers.

China with its string of Pearls against India deploys its nuclear submarine in the Indian Ocean and declares of its intention if India does not pull-back immediately. US ask India to exercise caution

Day 15

US put its own vessel targeting India. It announces that it is to prevent India attacking Karachi through the seas. Meanwhile, India's lone friend Russia threatens US of any aggression against India would result in Russia coming in.

At the home front, the prospect of bloody war, cause the Foreign Institutional Investors (FII) to flee the country tanking the sensex over a 500 points till the trading was suspended. The market loses confidence on India story and a frenetic selling starts happening. Fearing a short of essential food-items, the cost of vegetables and grains shoot through the roof.

Day 25

Expecting further deterioration of supplies, the traders started holding stock to sell at a higher rate. Government intervenes and RBI releases money from its coffers. This in turn increased inflation. With millions going towards war-effort, the other businesses will start feeling the pinch.. The economy would be impacted.

The Pakistani army general discusses a possible nuclear attack on India, if US and China does not make India retreat. Pakistani PM is under immense pressure to deploy a nuclear bomb from the Maulas for whom a nuclear bomb deter India from its advances It sends out an SOS to US and China about its intentions....

During the course of the 25 days - the following things also occurs
On TV, debates raged of the possible pros and cons of war with Government fiercely defending its decision. In the international community, India stood isolated on its stand with a possible Russia supporting it. Indian army was fast advancing through the PoK region.
International community voices concerns over and over against India
A thousand more jihadis are born seeing the war to defeat India
The neighbours get nervous. Any nuclear strike will impact millions across the sub-continent including the neighbouring countries.
Initial euphoria of the war will pass away and people will want to get over with the war soon so that they resume their normal lives.
India will become permanently hyphenated with Pakistan.
India will remain in the world's eyes the aggressor, even though India would have suffered colossal loss including the lives lost during the pre-war time
Pakistan will receive billions of aid while India will only get sanctions.
Taliban on the other hand will get a reprieve and they would re-group after the war and come at US stronger.
The Pakistan civil society will become completely anti-India and army will be back in power.

Other scenario

China will start attacking India, opening up a second front. US though reluctant will join China to thwart a nuclear war. Russia and Europe may come in, to ensure the stability of region is maintained.

Even if India captures the PoK region, a huge re-building effort will be needed. Needless to say India will have to woo back the investors and it will be some time before the pre-war era comes back. Terrorism will not end. In fact a new fresh would be formed between the two countries which can invoke thousand more jihads. Eventually this is what the terrorists want we would be playing directly into their hands.

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The above scenario can get worse or even better. The point is war is not an easy thing. It definitely will put the nation back and the probability that terror will cease to exist is zilch as terrorism does not always originate from Pakistan. There host of other places it can come. Looking at all this, it never justifies going to war. However, talks help. Not in the short run though, but definitely in the long run.

The terrorists are throwing the gauntlet at us. We can improve our internal security to an extent we can prevent such dastardly attacks. Meanwhile a continuous dialogue, will weaken the terrorist claim - that India is against Pakistan or even Islam. Probably India improving trade and helping it to grow economically may have better impacts as the number of people signing up for jihad will at least reduce seeing the economic prosperity. India cannot grow alone. It has a shared history with Pakistan and probably will have to ensure Pakistan shares the destiny it wants to have for itself.

PS: The scenario that has been played out is similar to the one that happened during the 1971 war. See References. Also the impact on economy wasn't substantial during the previous wars, yet India is now more than ever before integrated with global economy and the perception of businesses do matter.

References

String of Pearls - www.strategicstudiesinstitute.army.mil/pdffiles/PUB721.pdf
1971 War Details - http://www.expressindia.com/news/ie/daily/19990312/iex12093.html
Time magazine coverage of 1971 war - http://www.time.com/time/printout/0,8816,878970,00.html
Economic cost of war - http://www.thehindu.com/2002/01/05/stories/2002010501261000.htm