Last week, in a six hour span, this happened.

My oldest son and I exchanged several texts and then within seconds he drove up the driveway. I was speechless. We had a long conversation, watched some videos on death and texting destruction and he swore he wouldn’t do it again. And? He is a teenager, he thinks he’s invincible and I knew he would do it again.

Eleven teen deaths happen everyday from texting and drivng – Ins. Institute for Hwy Safety Fatality Facts

Hours later we were on our way back from a lacrosse game. My husband and I left in our car about five minutes before he and his brother. About 20 minutes into the drive a very familiar looking car went speeding by us.

“Oh my f%*K,” I shouted to my husband. “Was that our child?”

Why yes…yes it was our child.

My husband hit the gas so we could catch up to them and I text my son who was a passenger in the car, “Tell Keenan to slow his a** down right now.” Then watched as the brakes were slammed on ahead of me.

I know…my mouth is atrocious in crisis.

That night, my son and I had another conversation where I used words like, disapointed, reckless, disregard for safety and well being of himself and others and I reminded him of what my life would look like if something happened to him and then I went to bed and didn’t sleep all night because I knew one thing for sure. This wouldn’t be the last time.

Teen Driving Deaths are an Epidemic

My husband insisted we just take everything away from him. And? While tempting, it wouldn’t solve the problem, only provide a temporary fix.

So I got out my computer and started doing some research. The solution for me was to help him learn to better navigate the waters and the only way to do that was to be armed…WITH AN APP.

My son has an iPhone which made it a fairly exhausting process. With an Android there are many options. Apple does not allow any app to access texts therefore there is not a product on the market (in my research, feel free to correct me below if you have found one) that can tell you when your child is texting and driving.

However, The Canary Project comes pretty close. It is an amazing app and I am LOVING it’s reporting and the awareness it is bringing to both myself and my son. While it can’t detect an actual text, it can detect when your child unlocks his or her phone thus letting you know when they are driving and using their phone. The key here is that you need to make sure the kids have a password on their iPhone, you know, to protect it from strangers. *wink wink* The Canary Project also has a GPS system, so when they say they are going to be someplace, you can make sure they are.

Texting and driving is the same as driving blind for 5 seconds at a time – VA. Tech Transportation Institute

It’s easy to install. You simply download the app on your phone and then on your child’s. Once on your child’s phone, you will set up a password so they can’t open or remove the app. It looks like this when they try >>

The first couple of days I received reports like this…

That call infraction was from me…

*ring ring ring*

Him: Yeah? (in his grouchiest most annoyed voice)

Me: That’s a nice way to answer your mom’s call.

Him: Well you told me I couldn’t use the phone when I’m driving and you’re calling me.

Me: Wait, are you driving?

Him: YES.

Me: Then why did you answer your phone?

Him: Because it’s you.

*face palm*

The good news is that the updates are no longer coming my way because he has been infraction free.

Get the Canary Project app or one similar to it. Our teens clearly need it. And if you think your child is the exception, I sincerely hope you are right, but the numbers say you aren’t.

This is not a paid post. In fact, The Canary Project has no idea who I am. But I am SO VERY grateful to know who they are.

Keenan’s First Driving Lesson

Last Thursday, after three weeks of watching Keenan look at his hair in the mirror all the way to school and complain NON STOP about how it sucked, I took him to get it cut. I scheduled an appointment with my hairdresser.

Knowing Keenan the way I do, I had a long conversation with him on the drive over.

“Remember this year when school started and I took you shopping. I wanted you to try on the jeans because, you know, I didn’t want to waste my money?”

“I know mom. I know,” he interrupted with an eye roll.

“NO,” I said. “You don’t know. Also you are stuck in the car with me so I am going to finish what I was saying.” At which point, he rolled his eyes again and I became white noise, but that didn’t stop me.

“Remember you didn’t want to try them on because all the girls that worked in the store were getting you all flustered? So you got all clammed up and we just bought them and then we got home and you took all the tags off of them and then hated them and we couldn’t take them back, so you had one pair of jeans all year and I wasted my money?”

Silence. I looked over and he was staring out the window. I cleared my throat and he gave an obligatory, “Yeah.”

“Well. You didn’t learn from that lesson. I know this because this year, I have also bought you not one, but two pairs of cleats and you are still wearing the old ones that are too small. Am I right here?”

Silence. I looked over and saw that he had his headset in. “Are you listening to your ipod?” I asked in horror.

“No mom. I just have the ear pieces in so that as soon as this is over, I can turn it on. I know, I know about the cleats. I’m sorry. The first ones were FOOTBALL cleats. I play Lacrosse.”

“YOU were the one that picked them out,” I all but yelled.

Silence. I strained my ears to make sure there was no music coming from his headset.

“How about the other cleats? They are the exact same ones as you own, just one size bigger. WHY AREN’T YOU WEARING THOSE?” I asked incredulous.

He looked at me, squinted his eyes in a way that said, are you for real here, and responded, “They aren’t broken in yet.”

I put my hand to my forehead, rubbed the wrinkles and took a deep breathe. Get back on track I told myself.

“The point of this whole conversation, and I will make it quick,” I said at which point he gave me a sideways glance and then again rolled his eyes again.

I continued, “The point is, you need to start paying attention. You are in charge of your needs. If you don’t want black skinny jeans, DON”T BUY THEM. If you don’t want football cleats, buy lacrosse cleats. When you sit down in her chair today, tell her exactly what you want. Tell her what you don’t like about your hair and what you want to see happen. Like, I hate how this part stands up and I want to keep this part long. Understand?”

I looked over and he was actually looking at me. His face focused. OMG. He was getting it. He was really REALLY getting it.

“Ok mom. I will. Is that all?” He asked.

“Yes. You can do this. I know you can,” I said with a smile and a fist pump.

He smiled at me as he pushed the play button on his iPod.

Minutes later we pulled up. He walked in and sat down in the chair. Colton tugged at my arm and said he had to go to the bathroom. I started to walk away as I heard her ask him, “Now what would you like to do today?”

I stopped in my tracks, turned around, gave him an encouraging nod and a smile and said, “Remember. Tell her exactly what you want.”

I came back ten minutes later, because guess who had to go number two in public as usual, and the haircut was nearly finished. Keenan was silent and had an odd look on his face.

She finished the haircut, we walked out to the car without speaking a word. I put on my chipper mom voice and said, “Your hair looks great. Are you happy with it?” Please say yes, please say yes.

“It looks like crap,” he responded.

My head dropped back against the seat. “What did you tell her to do,” I asked.

“I didn’t. Isn’t she supposed to know what to do?” He asked.

I started gently beating my head against the back of my seat. No. No. No. I said silently in my head over and over and over.

“Did you not hear a word I said earlier?” I asked, still staring at the ceiling, with a calmness that I did not feel.

“Yes. But how was I supposed to know what I wanted?” He asked.

Cocktail please.

How do I get my kids to talk to me?

Listening and talking are learned behaviors. How your children will communicate with others and you is something they are learning from you.

Are you talking with and listening to them every day? About things that don’t matter, not just peppering them with questions? Is your homework done? Is your room clean? Did you do what I asked you to do?

Start young and create an “atmosphere of conversation” in your home.

When they are teens it is UNBELIEVABLY important that they trust you to listen when they talk. They need to be able to come to you and talk about both the meaningless and the meaningful.

I am 17 years into parenting and my teenagers talk with me. Often and about all topics. The reason they do is because I have been talking, asking and listening to them for years. Talk with your kids, do it often, you will reap the rewards when it matters most.

It’s always a good time to talk with your tweens and teens about giving back, however there is something about the holiday season that makes it even more important. This week on Ooph you will be provided with a couple of ways to help your kids give back to others. These questions are a good way to get started. Enjoy getting to know your kids.

To get Table Talk in your mailbox every Tuesday morning sign up for the newsletter on the right! >>>

CLICK ME FOR MORE TABLE TALK QUESTIONS

I came across this video last week and felt compelled to share it. First it is unbelievable technology and I am floored by the brilliant minds that live amongst us. Second, because it is an incredible tool for the sweet little souls who are being harmed. Most children don’t know blame themselves and don’t realize there is a way out. This tells them there is help and exactly how to get it.

Nine years ago I walked into my sweet Noah’s 1st grade classroom for the Mother’s Day festivities. He had been telling me about this “poem” he had written for me all week. “I can’t wait to read it to you in class mom,” he said at least 65 times a day for a week.

The big day finally came and as I walked into the classroom both the teacher and the room mom separately came over and said, “I can’t wait for Noah to read you his poem.” Now, being a writer and a slightly narcissistic one at that, I couldn’t help but think how proud I was that my son clearly got my writing gene. There was something special in the room moms smile I had never seen directed my way before. I’m not one of those moms the room moms tend to smile at. I was beaming with pride from ear to ear as I patiently listened to all of the other kids and their blah blah blah poems. Clearly their moms weren’t writers. Then it was Noah’s turn. He approached the front of the classroom, cleared his throat like a pro, and as he sweetly read his poem to me while shifting back and forth from leg to leg, it became quickly clear why the room mom and teacher couldn’t wait for his poem to be read.

The fourth line is the money spot.

This will be my 18th Mother’s Day. A little advice. You’re welcome.

I try to read books that are written for teens and tweens so I can stay current both for yours and mine. I am approached often by PR agencies asking me if I would be interested in reading a book and interviewing the author. These are my favorite emails because reading is of HUGE importance in my house.

The unfortunate side is that the majority of the books I read, I wouldn’t recommend to my readers. Hating Heidi Foster is an exception. I loved this book from beginning to end.

Hating Heidi Foster is an amazing book for girls 12 and up.

The book centers around Mae McBride, a 14 year old girl whose father has just died trying to save her best friend, Heidi Foster, in a fire. Hating Heidi Foster opens with Mae’s grief, which quickly turns to anger at everyone around her. Her rage towards Heidi, her long standing best friend, is all consuming. Mae must learn to deal with and overcome these emotions before they destroy her and the relationships around her. Hating Heidi Foster is a wonderfully written book about friendship, loss and the journey of grief.

One of the things I loved most about this book is that it wasn’t a paranormal romance (I still CANNOT believe that is a bookstore category), it wasn’t about sex or even romance. It’s simply a story about real life. It reminded me of reading Judy Blume a thousand years ago when I was a young girl.

I highly recommend Hating Foster for anyone 12 and up and I ALSO highly recommend you read it with your daughter. Nothing is more fun than a dinner date with your daughter discussing a book you’ve read together.

Create an atmosphere of conversation in your home.

I will be interviewing the author, Jeffrey Blount, this Friday and will have the interview up in a couple of weeks. We will be giving away a few books so make sure you sign up for the Ooph Newsletter on the right for updates. You won’t want to miss this!

The end of the year is right around the corner and I have the prefect teacher gift idea for you.

Buy a bracelet for your kid’s teacher and educate kids by paying teacher’s salaries in Kenya. How cool is that idea? Most Massai families can only afford to send one child to school. And? That is always a boy. Their daughters go uneducated. Want to help send their daughters? By simply doing something you were already going to do anyway? Then instead of the usual teacher gift suspects, this year buy them a beautiful bracelet that gives back.

You can send a young Massai girl to school for the first time simply by buying a Leakey Collection bracelet for your teacher.

The Story:
Utilizing remnants of Zulugrass, Maasai artisans are designing one-of-a-kind bracelets to symbolize the bright futures of educated children. The Leakey Collection will donate 100% of their profits from the sales of these bracelets to pay for teachers’ salaries in rural Kenya. Purchasing 5 bracelets pays for a teacher’s salary for 1 day.

Follow this incredible company on Instagram, Pinterest, Polyvore, Facebook, Twitter and Youtube.

The Impact:
After the first year of this program, the ratio of kids to teachers in rural Kenya went from 80:1 to 40:1.  Furthermore the funds have enabled Maasai families to send a second child to school. In every single case, that second child has been a girl.

You buy for your teacher and a teacher in Kenya gets paid. Winner winner chicken dinner.

And don’t just buy the beads yourself. Have the kids pitch in. Get a few kids together and buy six strands for $64.95. If they aren’t yet old enough to have a job and have their own money, offer them a job or two around the house so they can earn their part. Imagine how good it will make them feel to work for, purchase and give away not only a gift to their own teachers, but to Massai teachers in Kenya and young girls who would otherwise never be able to get an education.

THE LEAKEY COLLECTION GIVEAWAY

Since you are going to be on the site anyway buying for a teacher, why not buy a little something for yourself too? I am giving away a $100.00 gift certificate to be used at The Leakey Collection. Go take a look at the site…The Leakey Collection…I’ll wait. What will you buy with your gift certificate? The wooden spoons and a cutting board? Their fabulous new Marula oil for your skin (one of my faves) or a beautiful piece of handmade jewelry? Leave a comment below telling me which product you would buy and you will be registered to win the $100 gift certificate. This giveaway closes at midnight PST on Sunday, May 12, 2013.

For another chance to win, head on over to RockOnMommies and enter on her site too!

I was not paid or given any product to write this post. I simply love the product and love the people who work at this amazing organization!

How do I get my kids to talk to me?

Listening and talking are learned behaviors. How your children will communicate with others and you is something they are learning from you.

Are you talking with and listening to them every day? About things that don’t matter, not just peppering them with questions? Is your homework done? Is your room clean? Did you do what I asked you to do?

Start young and create an “atmosphere of conversation” in your home.

When they are teens it is UNBELIEVABLY important that they trust you to listen when they talk. They need to be able to come to you and talk about both the meaningless and the meaningful.

I am 17 years into parenting and my teenagers talk with me. Often and about all topics. The reason they do is because I have been talking, asking and listening to them for years. Talk with your kids, do it often, you will reap the rewards when it matters most.

It’s always a good time to talk with your tweens and teens about giving back, however there is something about the holiday season that makes it even more important. This week on Ooph you will be provided with a couple of ways to help your kids give back to others. These questions are a good way to get started. Enjoy getting to know your kids.

To get Table Talk in your mailbox every Tuesday morning sign up for the newsletter on the right! >>>

CLICK ME FOR MORE TABLE TALK QUESTIONS