A couple of years ago, I knew it was time to consider moving from California. I felt a movement in my soul for more settling and quietude – literally.

In June of 2009, I traveled to Petoskey, Michigan for my niece’s wedding. After spending a Saturday morning at Roast & Toast, Petoskey Health & Fitness and Horizon Books, I found myself on East Mitchell Street in Petoskey, MI and felt a deep sigh, an ahhhhh in my heart, soul, mind and body. I thought – this could be a great place to hang out for the next decade or so.

I returned to Petoskey 4 times in the following 12 months – twice to check out winter. I was hoping Mother Nature would throw some vicious winter weather my way so I could assess where I was with the notion of winter. After 4 years in California, I wasn’t sure I would welcome the cold and snow – even after 13 years in Park City, Utah where I had 3 snow blowers to deal with the 15 feet or more of snow we received each winter.

I was a little disappointed in the 2009/2010 winter in Petoskey – at least the part of it I enjoyed. I think it only got to about 18 degrees when I was there and even with the 20 knot winds, it did not dissuade me from further exploration.

As I write this, I am in Naperville, IL on my way to a home in Petoskey. The other night in Rock Springs, Wy. and again the following night in Shelby, Iowa, I had a few moments of – Am I doing the right thing? What am I getting myself into? As I drove from Shelby, IA to Naperville, IL, I was listening to an interview with Mitchell May that my friend Holly had given me. I share some of Mitchell’s orientation toward the mystery of life. As I listened to the interview, I again felt the certainty in my soul about the move and Petoskey.

My mind wants to worry about the future and finances, but my observation is that 40 years of such worry, concern and uncertainty haven’t accomplished much – especially in regards to increasing a sense of certainty and security in a constantly changing world.

I notice a certainty and security in my heart. The sense of a turning in my soul has morphed into a sense of settling – like an enormous soft spaceship touching down.

My 84-year old father is moving with me to Petoskey. I notice that spending more time with him is a real support for practicing Total Being – an evolution of Realization as Practice. As I slow my walking pace to dad’s, I bring more attention and awareness to total being.

There seem to be no coincidences. Back-to-back retreats on NonConceptual Realty and then the Fulcrum Practicum seem to have prepared me to move slower with more attention and awareness.

Where will life in Petoskey lead me? Certainly to more moments of uncertainty and certainty.

Certainly or Not

Links of Interest

My first real experience with death was when a dear friend of mine died from ovarian cancer about 10 years ago. As I grieved, I learned a very interesting thing – my grief spoke to depth of the love. It was fascinating to discover that grieving actually helped to maintain ego structure and identity, but attending to the love would absolutely disappear me. That continues to be an enlightening realization.

A couple of years ago, I became very interested in pain – what exactly is pain? Not physical pain, but emotional, or psychological, or existential pain. I can place all kinds of labels and understanding on pain – sadness, angst, terror, raw, sharp, dull, intense, etc. But none of the defining addressed my basic question. As I probed deeper into this over the course of many months, what I finally arrived at was this – pain is separation from being. I continue to explore this thread of interest as it arises, but, so far, I always wind up at – ultimately (fundamentally), pain is separation from being.

When I am in a state of being, I notice that emotional, psychological and existential pain seem to disappear. I say seem, because events are still happening, but my relationship to them and my reaction to them changes profoundly – my experience of my experience transforms. The Sufis say the journey is only one step – you step out and IT steps in.

My exploration into pain also led me to the observation that only the past can hurt me. What I notice is that whenever I am experiencing pain, I am always in the past. I may seem to be in the present, in a situation with someone in current time, but in my psyche, the present situation is reminding me of the past – pulling past pain and trauma into the present. In actuality, I am dancing with the past not the present moment. Engaging the projection of the past onto the present always leads me to a state of deeper being and being in the moment always seems to be pain free.

For the past year or so, my primary thread of interest has shifted to ME, the “I.” It is becoming more and more curious to me that I am always in the center of my experience. This “I” I am speaking of has a consistent sense of familiarity through time. There are constellations of attitudes and beliefs that are part and parcel of this sense of self. I am extremely curious as to why I am so addicted to this sense of self. Why does “my” experience revolve around this me?

I am quite aware that the body can continue on in good health without me in the picture, so what’s up with me always having to be here in this familiar way – historical identity?

Death & Dying – Life & Living… Who lives? Who Dies? What is life? What is Death?

These simple questions are so engrossing!

Soon The Wisdom of Life & Death will be available.

A perspective on living:

Life, Death or Both?

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Links of Interest

The theme of the week seems to be family dynamics. I went to see The Kids are All Right and thoroughly enjoyed it. I laughed, I cried and mostly, I enjoyed watching a movie with more emphasis on character and relationships than pyrotechnics.

Watching the family dynamics in this modern alternative family situation reaffirmed the notion that – people are people. No matter what the family situation, we can’t seem to escape the trials and tribulations of parenting and growing up. I’m giving The Kids are All Right a thumbs up for entertainment, a heart for heart, a star for intellectual stimulation and a snort for comedic relief.

A day later, I watched Biography on A&E. The segment was on Rodney Dangerfield. To learn about Rodney Dangerfield’s childhood is a real heartbreak. Amazing that with all that baggage, he didn’t suicide. The biography is a real insight into how a traumatic childhood continues to play itself out over time and the difficulty involved in resolving deep emotional scars.

Watching The Kids are All Right and Rodney Dangerfield make me aware of the challenges presented to each and everyone of us when it comes to experiencing what is truly real in us.

Great Characters

Links of Interest

Psychodynamics are at the root of family dynamics.

The other night I watched The Private Lives of Pippa Lee. I thought this movie did a pretty good job of reflecting how emotional baggage and issues can be passed down from one generation to the next. I’m sure the book was much better at fleshing out the characters and issues, but given the time constraints, the movie gives a good taste of how family dynamics can drive us a little psycho.

As they say, we don’t get to choose our family – unless you subscribe to the notion that the soul initiates some sort of choice in incarnating – a notion that seems particularly anthropomorphic to me in the ways it is generally related.

As I observe and work with myself and others, psychodynamics and family dynamics account for a great deal of the content presented to explore and work with. Many people fail to appreciate the depth and subtlety of how psychodynamics and family dynamics bind the soul and occlude awareness of our deeper nature.

Intellectual understanding alone will do little to free our psyche from the patterns and conditioning formulated in our early experience. The roots of these patterns exist at a pre-verbal level of development and the only way to free the consciousness of the pattern is through re-experiencing the affective state in a manner that allows a process of disidentification to occur.

An understanding of the self which would include perspectives from depth psychology, object relations psychology and the spiritual perspective (true self, soul, being) is a great help in supporting the process of disidentification.

Psycho Family Dynamics

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Links of Interest

It is better to remain ignorant than to pretend knowledge. If you know that you are ignorant and don’t pretend otherwise, there is a question that stays alive and continues to burn in you, a deep hunger for the truth. A. H. Almaas – Diamond Heart Book III: Being and the Meaning of Life

Every once in a while, I like to pick a random image and see what it inspires me to write. I found this image of a flame at (where else) RandomImages.com.

Human beings are curious, we have an innate curiosity and our behavior is certainly curious to observe. Many believe that curiosity is an aspect of the mind – to some degree it is, but it’s deeper nature resides in the heart and deeper still in the soul.

One of the mysterious elements of THE MYSTERY is knowing. Awareness and consciousness beget knowing – and it appears that deep in the nature of consciousness is a desire, or at least a natural dynamism to know. And, fundamentally, what is there to know but the manifested side of reality.

So, we can say that God, True Nature, The Mystery seeks to know itself or it is constantly revealing itself to itself via awareness and consciousness.

All of this gets reflected in us human beings as desire, longing, passion, curiosity, etc. to know. Of course there are many who have issues and resistance to knowing and curiosity due to childhood conditioning.

The Flame of the Search is fuel for the soul for the journey home. This fuel is not external, it is of the soul – it’s very dynamic nature. The journey home can be very difficult, with much pain and suffering. A bright flame is needed to meet and move through the obstacles and inertia of ego structure and misplaced identity.

The Mystery has another dynamic quality that serves the soul – magnetism. The soul longs to know, the Mystery draws it home and True Nature reveals, reveals, reveals.

And this is what the image inspires today.

Curiosities

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Links of Interest

One day while in a downcast mood

I walked in mountain solitude

Absorbed within deep heartache

Particular paths I did not take

Late the hour on that day

Recalling not footstep’s way

When open eyes I could not keep

Dreamlessly did I sleep

Awakened by morning’s light

Untold beauty awed my sight

Alpine meadow sweet and fair

Surely God’s very lair

On every blade dew did glisten

Choral birds bade me listen

Such majesty in that place

Heart’s response flushed my face

Deep inner rhythms stirred my soul

I lived complete within a whole

The sun climbed high upon the sky

Before my tears began to dry

And as I rose to take my leave

Once again, did I grieve

To leave such beauty far behind

Made no sense to the mind

It begged a flower me to take

Wanting one such small keepsake

Gently from within my breast

Loving words from the Guest

To cast a ripple on this pool

Would be the act of a fool

True contact won’t fit a sack

To be carried on your back

Mind’s desire for history

Is the living death of me

Tomorrow today will be the past

Your memory can’t make it last

This moment holds a choice for you

The options are only two

Going back from whence you came

Or heart’s desire if you’re game

Though walking now on unknown ground

A joyful magic I have found

The mystery of that lair

Heart reveals everywhere

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Links of Interest

I was at Esin Restaurant in Danville, CA last night having a glass of wine when Esin joined my dad and me. We got to sharing history and stories. I mentioned Rumi to Esin (she is from Turkey) and she said her mother read Rumi. Esin remembers her mother reciting these lines:

Come, come, whoever you are.

Wonderer, worshipper, lover of leaving.

It doesn’t matter.

Ours is not a caravan of despair.

Come, even if you have broken your vow

a thousand times

Come, yet again, come, come.

I asked Esin if she knew of Yunus Emre. She did and wanted to know how I knew of him.

Don’t all lovers of the divine know of Yunus, Rumi, Hafiz, Rabia?

Mystical Poets

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Links of Interest

In the blink of an eye it can all be gone – our sight, our friends or children, our homes or health, our life. Even so, it is all grace, magic and miraculous – and some of it gets posted on YouTube.

The longest and one of the most complex poems I have written is titled – The Mountain. The mountain is used to help describe my relationship to my self, the world and my superego (inner critic). The poem has three sections – The Day Face, The Night Face and The Crucible of the Heart. Each section has two parts. The first part describes my relationship to the mountain from a certain perspective and the second part describes a journey of revelation and growth that opens up the perspective.

The Mountain

always the mountain
soaring up from earth
stretching far beyond eagle’s reach
noble aristocrat, Olympian presence
empyrean sovereign bows to none
head high in tempest or tranquility
inspires, reassures
prodigious seduction from afar
and I
pretender to the throne
emulate such grandiosity
rock solid, I stand aloof
with pretentious dignity
one cool remove away
from the world and its ailment
man – humankind
me

Read the entire poem – The Mountain

Mountain Interests

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I’m working my way through Women, Food & God by Geneen Roth. Geneen has written a best-seller in my opinion. Her knowledge, experience and wisdom of what drives us to eat is exceptional. Her insights and stories are humorous and challenging.

As I was walking thorough the Detroit airport the other day, I saw this book stand facing the concourse. I loved the fact that Geneen’s book is sitting right next to Laura Bush’s. Geneen  deserves a best-seller, not only because what she has to offer is so valuable and needed by so many, but she is also on the rebound from being victimized by the Bernie Madoff scam.

A day after returning to California, I was in Borders Books in San Ramon and there, too, Women, Food, & God is sitting next to Laura Bush. I guess it may be part of the marketing plan. I notice that these two books are also at eye-level – giving them even greater exposure to passing eyes.

Being the number one recommend book in Oprah’s newsletter a couple of months ago, probably helped to propel Women, Food and God into the stratosphere as well.

I am on a wellness journey myself and have started a blog AgeLESSing – Anti-Aging to serve as my accountability partner. So far, I’m down 12 pounds and three belt notches. Instead of dieting, I am changing my lifestyle – focusing more on health & wellness.

Satisfy Your Hunger for Knowledge

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Links of Interest