After being out of work for over two months this summer, my husband finally got a job offer. The bad news was that we would have to move fairly soon. We have since worked out the details, and won't be moving for the foreseeable future, but we didn't know that at the time. The hardest part was gearing up to tell School Girl's birth family. We don't see her birthmother all that often, but we do stay in touch with her and have become close to her parents. For the... more]]> Leave a comment http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/naming-oab-roundtable-6 Mon, 31 Aug 2009 17:35:30 +0000 Karen M Open Adoption Concerns Issues that Arise 23524@http://www.adoptionblogs.com/ The next Open Adoption Bloggers Roundtable is another tough one. It's about the huge minefield some of us like to call Naming Your Child. As the social worker conducting our pre-adoption classes said, "Naming is claiming." Certainly one of the ways that we say "this is my child" is to give them their name. In a lot of cases, naming is changing. Obscuring. Or not. Some families choose to keep their child's name as it was at birth. Dawn has written eloquently about their family's decision to keep the name her daughter's birthmother gave her. Some people change it completely. I do know of at least one older child who requested to have a name... [...] Read more! The next Open Adoption Bloggers Roundtable is another tough one. It's about the huge minefield some of us like to call Naming Your Child. As the social worker conducting our pre-adoption classes said, "Naming is claiming." Certainly one of the ways that we say "this is my child" is to give them their name. In a lot of cases, naming is changing. Obscuring. Or not.

Some families choose to keep their child's name as it was at birth. Dawn has written eloquently about their family's decision to keep the name her daughter's birthmother gave her. Some people change it completely. I do know of at least one older child who requested to have... more]]> Leave a comment http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/how-i-m-different-now-open-adoption-blog-5 Mon, 24 Aug 2009 13:45:44 +0000 Karen M Emotional Ramblings Parenting/Birthparenting Stories and Situations 23509@http://www.adoptionblogs.com/ NOTE: Just as a point of reference: My daughter, School Girl, has two families all mixed together. The members of her birth/first family are M, her birthmother, S, her birthfather, and C & J, M's parents and School Girl's birthgrandparents. Neither S nor S's family are currently in contact with us at this time. For the Open Adoption Bloggers Roundtable #5, Heather picked another tough question: How has open adoption changed you? In what ways are you different because the presence of open adoption in your life? I should say from the outset that ours... [...] Read more! NOTE: Just as a point of reference: My daughter, School Girl, has two families all mixed together. The members of her birth/first family are M, her birthmother, S, her birthfather, and C & J, M's parents and School Girl's birthgrandparents. Neither S nor S's family are currently in contact with us at this time.

For the Open Adoption Bloggers Roundtable #5, Heather picked another tough question:

How has open adoption changed you? In what ways are you different because the presence of open adoption in your life?

I should say from the... more]]> Leave a comment http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/how-we-started Thu, 20 Aug 2009 20:57:00 +0000 Karen M Visits Stories and Situations Ongoing Contact in Open Adoptions Child's Adoptive Parents Child's Birthparents Benefits Of 23502@http://www.adoptionblogs.com/ I thought I'd write a bit today about how our open adoption started. It didn't start quite as open as others' adoptions have, but it's gradually gotten more so with time. It's also involved our daughter's birthmom's parents as well. When we signed up with our agency, we were told that we'd have an "open adoption", as all of their adoptions were "open". Yes, there's a reason I put that in quotation marks... Open adoptions can be many different things, depending on the people involved. It can mean anything from "we've met our child's birthfamily" to "we send letters and pictures every year" to annual or semi-annual visits. What our agency considered an open adoption many people would consider... [...] Read more! I thought I'd write a bit today about how our open adoption started. It didn't start quite as open as others' adoptions have, but it's gradually gotten more so with time. It's also involved our daughter's birthmom's parents as well.

When we signed up with our agency, we were told that we'd have an "open adoption", as all of their adoptions were "open". Yes, there's a reason I put that in quotation marks... Open adoptions can be many different things, depending on the people involved. It can mean anything from "we've met our child's birthfamily" to "we send letters and pictures every year" to annual or semi-annual visits. What our agency considered an open adoption many people... more]]> 2 comments http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/hello-world-i-m-new Tue, 11 Aug 2009 15:30:48 +0000 Karen M Adoptive Parents 23481@http://www.adoptionblogs.com/ Good morning! My name is Karen, and I'm one of the new bloggers at AdoptionBlogs.com. I'll be writing about open adoption and domestic infant adoption - specifically our adoption, but not only our experiences. First, though, a little bit about me and my family. My husband and I started looking at adoption after we had struggled with primary infertility. He had always talked about adopting, but then wanted to wait "until we had tried everything else". So we did. Just about everything else short of IVF. We had also talked about adopting an older child or a child with medical needs (I have some special ed. teaching credits, but also have been a bit reluctant to "bring my work home"). ... [...] Read more! Good morning! My name is Karen, and I'm one of the new bloggers at AdoptionBlogs.com. I'll be writing about open adoption and domestic infant adoption - specifically our adoption, but not only our experiences. First, though, a little bit about me and my family.

My husband and I started looking at adoption after we had struggled with primary infertility. He had always talked about adopting, but then wanted to wait "until we had tried everything else". So we did. Just about everything else short of IVF. We had also talked about adopting an older child or a child with medical needs (I have some special ed. teaching credits, but also have been a bit reluctant to "bring my work home").... more]]> 2 comments http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/emotionally-drained Sat, 01 Aug 2009 05:04:35 +0000 Coley S. Emotions Visits 23469@http://www.adoptionblogs.com/ After each visit with my son I am left feeling emotionally drained. I feel like my emotions are on overload and I just need a little time recuperate and let my emotions settle back down. It’s worse if there is big emotional anticipation accompanying a visit like with a birthday or a special occasion such as his kindergarten graduation a few years back but nonetheless, it is always there in some form or fashion. So, how can you deal with that feeling of emotional exhaustion after a visit? I’ll share what works for me. I give myself time to recuperate and rest after a visit. Usually by the next day I’m better. Sleep always helps too. Things always seem brighter after a... [...] Read more! After each visit with my son I am left feeling emotionally drained. I feel like my emotions are on overload and I just need a little time recuperate and let my emotions settle back down. It’s worse if there is big emotional anticipation accompanying a visit like with a birthday or a special occasion such as his kindergarten graduation a few years back but nonetheless, it is always there in some form or fashion.

So, how can you deal with that feeling of emotional exhaustion after a visit? I’ll share what works for me.

I give myself time to recuperate and rest after a visit. Usually by the next day I’m better. Sleep always helps too. Things always seem brighter... more]]> 1 comment http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/moving-forward Fri, 31 Jul 2009 04:53:08 +0000 Coley S. For Birthmoms Post Adoption Healing 23457@http://www.adoptionblogs.com/ “Moving on.” Have you heard that phrase in relation to your grief as a birthmother before? I certainly have and have learned that older birthmothers from the closed era heard it even more frequently than I do now as that was the norm back then. What about the phrase “get over it?” I can’t recall an instance in which someone told me that in regards to adoption although I do have friends who have had it said to them. To me personally, moving on implies moving on and getting over it implies that you are just moving... [...] Read more! “Moving on.” Have you heard that phrase in relation to your grief as a birthmother before? I certainly have and have learned that older birthmothers from the closed era heard it even more frequently than I do now as that was the norm back then. What about the phrase “get over it?” I can’t recall an instance in which someone told me that in regards to adoption although I do have friends who have had it said to them.

To me personally, moving on implies moving on and getting over it implies that you are just... more]]> 1 comment http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/goodbye-becomes-see-you-later Thu, 30 Jul 2009 00:25:19 +0000 Coley S. Sadness in Adoption 23447@http://www.adoptionblogs.com/ In the beginning of our adoption when my son was still able a baby, I dreaded leaving or him having to leave our visits. I dreaded having to say goodbye to him. I dreaded it even before the visit actually started, even in the planning stages that dread of saying goodbye to him was always there. Each time I had to say goodbye, I was taken back to that moment leaving the hospital when I leaned down and gave my small baby boy a kiss and whispered my love for him in his ear. It was emotionally exhausting to go through that with each and every visit especially at that point in... [...] Read more! In the beginning of our adoption when my son was still able a baby, I dreaded leaving or him having to leave our visits. I dreaded having to say goodbye to him. I dreaded it even before the visit actually started, even in the planning stages that dread of saying goodbye to him was always there.

Each time I had to say goodbye, I was taken back to that moment leaving the hospital when I leaned down and gave my small baby boy a kiss and whispered my love for him in his ear. It was emotionally exhausting to go through that with each and every visit especially at that point... more]]> Leave a comment http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/missing-my-child Mon, 27 Jul 2009 21:00:07 +0000 Coley S. Feelings about Visits Sadness in Adoption 23442@http://www.adoptionblogs.com/ Every single day I think about my birthson. Not one day goes by that I don’t think of him but there are days that I think of him more than others and thus miss his presence in my life more at certain times than others. Yes, we are in an open adoption, thus a part of each other’s lives but I do miss his daily presence in my life that would occur if I were parenting him. I doubt I’m alone in this. Sometimes there are triggers for times that I miss him more such as birthdays and holidays but at other times there isn’t any special date and I just... [...] Read more! Every single day I think about my birthson. Not one day goes by that I don’t think of him but there are days that I think of him more than others and thus miss his presence in my life more at certain times than others. Yes, we are in an open adoption, thus a part of each other’s lives but I do miss his daily presence in my life that would occur if I were parenting him. I doubt I’m alone in this.

Sometimes there are triggers for times that I miss him more such as birthdays and holidays but at other times there isn’t any special date and... more]]> 2 comments http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/summer-visits Wed, 01 Jul 2009 02:14:14 +0000 Coley S. Visits 23412@http://www.adoptionblogs.com/ Summer time is an ideal time for visits for some of those participating in open adoptions. Kids are out of school. The weather is usually nice; hot but sunny and a prime time for doing things outdoors. If you haven’t made plans for your summer visits, do so now! The leaves will be falling again before you know it! Below are some ideas for summer visits but as always keep in mind that some of the ideas will vary depending on exactly how open your adoption is, the type of relationship you have with your child’s adoptive parents, the leeway you have with visits,... [...] Read more! Summer time is an ideal time for visits for some of those participating in open adoptions. Kids are out of school. The weather is usually nice; hot but sunny and a prime time for doing things outdoors. If you haven’t made plans for your summer visits, do so now! The leaves will be falling again before you know it!

Below are some ideas for summer visits but as always keep in mind that some of the ideas will vary depending on exactly how open your adoption is, the type of relationship you have with your child’s adoptive parents, the leeway you have... more]]> Leave a comment