Opening My Eye

See How Far We've Come?

2012-11-14T10:07:00.001-05:00

Today is November 14, 2012. Four days before my 24th birthday. A little over a year ago, I started going to school for massage therapy. I didn't know it then, but I would be spending the next year with a few interesting people who would be keeping each other afloat through the worst times and flying high through the best times.

J-Dawg, K-Pitts, Jo-el, Falacia, Skizzle and I have been through thick and thin at this point. We've been there to help each other through everything the others have been through so far. At some point since we started school, we all have been homeless, jobless, tired, etc. and just didn't care to do what we had to do. Now the end is in sight and we have learned that we can count on each other and ourselves to pull us up when we have tripped or fallen. Though our methods may be considered crude, brash and unnecessarily vulgar, we haven't been afraid to tell the truth straightforwardly with no sugar coating at all.

I'm not going to give all the credit to ourselves like that, though. We've had a fair share of support from the classes that came before us and even those that come after us. People like Tylor, Dyane, Shannon, Yanvier, Carmen, Karen and so many more have been there to share their experiences with us and to support and be supported by us.

Above that, there have been teachers to help us along the way. Help to keep us on the path and be there when we need an administrative ear. Ms. R, Mrs. W, Mrs. B, Mr. C, Mr. H and yes, even Ms. C. You know who you are. They have been there since day 1 to help us in the right direction. Especially with the therapeutic discussions during Mrs. B's classes. Now, we are scarred for life. Not a maiming scar. More like a tattoo. One that has a meaning much deeper than the colours and shapes you can see with your eyes.

I almost forgot to mention the students in the other departments that have provided a much needed distraction from the classrooms we got so comfortable in.

All-in-all, I'm now living in my 5th place since I started school and working my 5th job. Almost all of the others have been through similar things. Me, not having my blood family nearby, some having their family shun their decisions and forcing them to move out. Two of us have brought new people into the world and still haven't missed too much because of that. And the last is still fresh out of high school and learning to have a head start on her future while dealing with problems all across the board.

If you put all our experiences of the past year together, this has been the most complicated year of any part of our lives thus far. It's all the year that we all took the initiative to move forward in a big way and to pursue the future we all want for ourselves.

Here I sit in the laundry room at school with the dryer humming in my right ear, waiting for my next client to arrive. I've settled my mind just a little more and now I'm ready to get back on track for the next month. If you hear from me, good. If you don't, just know I'm here strengthening the foundation on which I'll be building the rest of my life.

Don't forget that on January 27 @ 3pm EST, we will be walking the stage with a few of our favourite people. Please join us. It would mean the world to me.

Time to get back to my grind with my new-found family.

Peace

Harmony

2012-09-27T17:17:00.000-04:00

Everything in existence has a vibration. Sometimes the vibrations complement each other and they strengthen each other. This is particularly evident in art, music and nature. The easiest of these for most to understand is music. The vibrations within a certain range become audible to creatures. All of these tones(sounds) vibrate at variations of others. When two or more tones are heard at the same time, they create harmony. Sometimes, this harmony isn't pleasing to the ear, but it is still a form of harmony. The closer these frequencies are, the more times they cross eachother on a plane of perception, the closer they are to being the exact same frequency. Every time the frequencies meet on that plane, they reinforce each other, essentially more than doubling in intensity. That is how a rhythm is formed. Essentially, every sound's frequency strikes the plane at exactly the same time, reinforcing the "boom" or "tick"

Octaves are a little funny because they are two distinctly different tones. What sets them apart is that they are roots and squares of each other, so they sound like "the same note, but higher or lower."

This is all a game of energy. Frequencies playing and interacting with themselves either strengthening or weakening as time/instances go by.

There are many people that I have met in my life thus far. Some of which, my energy doesn't vibe with very well, but others seem to reinforce my own and mine theirs. These are the people that I tend to get closer to.

Something to think about. Are you investing energy in the vibes that empower/strengthen/fortify you, or are you letting the energies of others drag you down? I've made my decision...

A Little Venting, A Little Moving on

2012-09-06T11:53:00.001-04:00

These past few days/weeks have been rough on my mind, body and spirit.
1)Someone who I just met moved away.
2)I started a new job that doesn't seem to have proper business practices designed to support it's workers.
3)My living situation as a whole has pretty much fallen to pieces.

Other than that, I'm okay. There is food in my belly, gas in my car, and a warm place to sleep at night. Things are looking up.

Bad news first. Here we go.

I just met D. Fell madly in love, too. That was two months ago. We seem alike in many ways and different in just as many. Kinda like a yin and yang approach to life. You know how it is. Pretty much a perfect match. She met me right after I lost a well-paying job that was slowly killing me. You know, that slave mill aka Volkswagen. I was on my downward slope and into relaxing and detoxing before my next job and she popped up into my life and helped to support my basic needs as I recovered from six months of torture. That was awesome. She also tipped me off on a new job that I promptly too up as she departed to search out new avenues for "self" in Cali.

During this time that I wasn't making any money, I had lo let my lease go on the duplex, so now I'm moving to a friends' apartment, and, being who I am, I started to help them with their problems, which got myself stuck in the middle. Now, I'm getting myself unstuck from involvement with that since that kind of stuff is bad for my health with everything else that's been weighing me down. You know, with me missing D and all. That part hurts all the time, but we're learning to work with our distance. It's the greatest distance I've had to work with so far. Hopefully, we'll be able to survive this. I have faith.

And now for this new job. Tips are cool. Being supplemented with wages is cool. Not being sure how I'm going to be treated from day to day or if I'm going to be able to put gas in my tank when I need it is not a way to live. I'm getting better and my success reate is increasing with every shift, but this learning curve is pretty steep. Cash in hand is a major plus, though.

Positive.

So this D chick. Lovely. Beautiful. Short. Smart. Wise. Fantastic. Supportive. Listening. Always there to hear me out when I just need to vent. Best of all, she doesn't mind my driving when it's time to put the pedal to the metal, or in this case, carpet. I'm actually one of the few people she trusts enough to ride with when it's time to drive like that. It's good to know that she sees beyond the outward appearance and knows that I will not make a decision that will hurt anyone and that Every motion has a purpose. Oh, and did I mention that she's an LMT? Yeah. She is where I'm headed and almost leading me in the field though I'm certain that my personal route will differ greatly. Yeah, I'll say it. I love and adore her. Period.

The house situation. Living with my friends will free up some of my budget for debt reduction. That will make it easier for me to get back to center with all of this stuff. I appreciate it. Thanks, people.

This job. Now I can eat every day. Nuff said.

Now, I'm going to regain my focus and convictions and all that and move forward with my life even if I have to go day-by-day until I graduate and can see my bigger picture a little clearer.

Now somebody hug me and grab onto my coat tails. It's still the year of the dragon, and my Scorpius is getting ready to frequent the night sky.

Peace

Ventilation

2012-08-19T09:20:00.000-04:00

<p>That's it. Today, I throw my hands in the air and let loose my real thoughts. Right now, life really sucks for me. I barely have a job. My rent is due. My power is off. My phone is almost off. My water is in the same boat. I finally get some food in the house and I can't cook it due to lack of power. God help me if I take ill. I use that term very loosely because as you read that as the Christian God, I see it as some thing much bigger. Back to the negative. I have a negative bank account. All my debts are piling up. No gas in my car. A battery on the edge of death. In desperate need of an oil change. Broke my shifter rod. Need new tires. Still not a lick of furniture. This really has me so down you have no idea. Trust me. This kid is getting evicted. That's right. Technically homeless. </p>
<p>I guess on the flip side to that, I've met a few amazing individuals and groups of individuals that have been able to help me immensely through this so far whether it has been money, time, massage, distractions, refreshes, food. Thank you to those that have helped me out even if you hadn't known it.

I never prepared myself to be back in this position. I can't even turn of my mind to meditate at this point.

I just has to let that all out...

Peace.

Dragons, Scorpions, Crocodiles, Phoenixes, Water, and Vapour

2012-07-10T01:22:00.000-04:00

For a while, I've considered myself a Dragon of sorts. As if I have a soul that's been around for a while.

For even longer I've considered myself a water type, though at times I've been a pot of boiling water.

I suppose that my view of my self has changed with where my life has taken me, but as I sit here with this Djarum slowly burning between my fingertips,watching the smoke slowly curl towards the night sky, I have to wonder: have I evolved as a person? What am I taking away from my everyday experiences and the people that I meet?

Since early November of last year, I've been swamped with things to do.

I'm a full-time student.

I worked over 40 hours most weeks.

I've neglected my body and mind.

I've missed countless hours of sleep.

I've missed countless meals.

I've lost contact with so many people.

Relationships with others have grown and weakened.

All since my birthday last year.

At this point, it seems that I have become steam.

This is the first cool night in a while, and I think it's allowing my thoughts to flow. I really do appreciate this breeze across my uncovered skin. Too bad the law requires me to wear some sort of covering in public... I feel refreshed.

As I sat pondering this whole "steam" thing, I remembered what I was doing before I stepped outside. I was knee-deep in Facebook and Twitter and the games I had downloaded onto my phone. My thumbs and mind hadn't stopped moving.

My mind ran straight to a post a friend (yes, I consider her a friend at this point even though we hardly ever spoke until recently) had put up.

"I want to be madly in love with myself"

The first thing that came to mind was "you already are"

"oh yeah?"

"Yeah. All you have to do is believe it."

I left it at that. There was more that came to mind before the conversation was hijacked, so I let it sit in my mind to be refined.

You have everything you want. All you have to do is believe that it is there. When you wake up and you find it missing, you will automatically take steps to correct it.

It kinda leans back to my posts from the end of last summer. You know, back when I was actively selling Cutco.

Live life like water. It always adapts to every situation you put it into. Which reminds me of another post from the previously mentioned friend that included the idea of relationships and why some people just don't seem to need a romantic, sexual, intimate, etc., one and others seem to die without one. Judging by how long I've been single, I feel like I fit into both of those categories simultaneously. Yeah, that's right. I'm riding the fence on this one. In fact, I'm considering just building a home right here on the border. If you know me, this shouldn't surprise you at all.

At this point, go back through here and replace every "steam" with "vapour."

So, once you mix heat (pressure) with water, you get vapour after some time. vapour mixes, separates, gathers, diffuses, all that good stuff. you know how it acts. Kind of like how I've been behaving these few months. Doing what I have to do while still finding some time for enjoyment. Ebbing in and out of people's lives without much warning.

Now for some research. Remember the water/dragon reference from the beginning? A few weeks ago, I was curious as to what my Mayan zodiac sign is. After cross-referencing several sites, I found out that I'm a crocodile. You know, an underwater dragon. Nice, huh?

Let's recap all the signs that have lead me this year so far:

2012 is the year of the dragon. The same sign I was born under except this year is the water dragon.

I'm a Scorpio, which is a water sign and can be interpreted as the phoenix which, again leans towards rebirth.

As far as the Mayans are concerned, I'm a crocodile. Nurturing (massage therapist) and protective.

Factor these all in with the water-type Squirtle and you get a nice fluid individual. Vapour.

You can take this as a coarse rationalizing of a fantasy that has taken over me or as me describing myself, but as the description hints, this is the logging of findings that I happen upon on my journey through life and self-discovery. I suppose I'll branch out on the finer points of this article at a later point. For now, my extra-long fingers are getting tired of typing on this tiny netbook keyboard.

Here's to hoping we learn more about ourselves and each other every time we are granted an opportunity to do so.

Peace.

Time Passes and Things Change

2012-03-26T09:58:00.001-04:00

Time passes and things change.

Lately, I have made myself subject to a bit of pain in the form of new piercings. Specifically, my tongue and septum. Since then, I have been asked many times why I decided to do that. I've also been called many names.

Who knew that having a tongue piercing automatically meant that you enjoy are a homosexual or at least enjoy sucking dick? Passing premature judgement on others based on social biases passed down through generations is not the way to go. Funny thing is that not too much was said about the piercing that everyone can see. The most anyone had to say was (in a country accent) "Why would you do that? You know you look like a damn bull, right?"

All this ridicule caused me to do a little soul-searching as to what lead to these decisions. I'm not masochistic, so it wasn't because I enjoy the pain. They have been on my "to-do" list, but I really should have dug myself a little more out of debt before I did them.

[soul search]

^After that, I realized that I haven't taken the time to take care of myself the way I need to. I've been working a new job at around 72 hours a week, plus the amount of time I have to invest into school, plus the amount of time invested in assembling some sort of furniture situation with the new place. It's all catching up to me. I'm fighting to find time for sleep and eating. I've missed so much sleep that if I take a nap, I might not wake up in time for work/school. I don't make time to stretch, exercise, eat, sleep, be with friends, etc. Essentially, my "me" is deteriorating.

I realize that I was proving to myself that I still exist.

That I am still alive.

That I can still feel.

That I can still bleed.

That I.

Am.

Not.

Machine.

I'm still here. I realize this. I also realize that for this season of my life, it is where I have to be to reform my foundation. I've made a few decision in life that have built up and are all affecting me now. This is why I work so much. I also have a plan for the future. This is why I'm in school.

While the work I do is mindless, it gives me time to plan my way out of the hole That I've dug for myself.

That being said, I want to propose a lifestyle.

No, I'm not about to tell everyone to go out and get inked and pierced.

Let this be a petition to simply respect the decisions of others. If you read the bible, you understand that our bodies are temples. Just like different cultures decorated their temples differently, we all have our own sense of feng shui about ourselves. Some prefer short, coloured hair, others prefer long, monochromatic hair. Some like to work out, others like to eat. Some like to make sure they never get so much as a cut, others appreciate the glistening light of steel and other materials perforating the skin.

Respect the decisions of others as long as they aren't detrimental to that individual's personal health or the health of the people and other creatures that surround him/her. Live outside of the superstitions of yesteryear and grow as an individual in this now-global world.

Make an effort to understand the differences between individuals before you pass your own individual brand of judgement on him/her. There may be a deeper reason that can only be explained through a long conversation.

That's all I have to say about that... for now...

Confidence From Within, Support From Without

2012-01-17T16:00:00.000-05:00

Another Sunday come and gone, and the message was about confidence. Approach every challenge with confidence and you will succeed. Something like that. It's been a few days since then. Here's my take on what was said.

Confidence comes from within your being. Support comes from those you surround yourself with.

Now it's my turn.

Confidence can often be confused with arrogance. The only difference is the motive of the individual. With confidence, one only seeks to overcome the challenge. It is usually accompanied with humility. With arrogance, one seeks to put on a show for others. Pride is usually on the line.

That's that.

This week, I decided on a change that I posted online and it was met with mixed responses. Some supportive, some trying to convince me that I would be wromg.

For a few years now, I've noticed that every time I go to a conventional Christian church, the message is incomplete and/or covers a subject that I have already been through.

I am told that sometimes it is good to hear an old message again as a reminder, but what if you don't need a reminder because you have already applied this change to your life? What if your feel like it's time to move forward instead of walking the same old path over and over again?

This is where I am.

There are a few personal beliefs that I hold close to my heart and will share with anyone who wants to know what they are. One of these beliefs is that if you are going to invest youself in something, there must be some progressive stimulation. Basically, a sense of forward momentum.

I earlier blogged about how this is the year of the dragon and how those that want to move forward should find a dragon to follow. I was born in the year of the dragon, and I plan on always moving forward throughout the year. This means only that I will not look back or stay in the same place for long.

I will be extending my arm behind me to pull along anyone that wants to move forward with me and I will pull along anyone who wants to come.

My personal journey is going to take me away from the traditional worship center and I will search for a path that will move my existence forward.

Now for those that want to convince me that I simply haven't found the right Christian church or I just need to hear it again or whatever else you want to tell me to rope me back in.

I am not denouncing any religion.
I'm not going to turn into a satanist.
I'm not saying the bible is wrong.
I'm still the same person I've always been.
Nothing has changed.
This is not negative.
Trust me.

This is the next step for me.

I've spent over twenty years as a Christian and have been deeply rooted in it with a lack of exposure to any other way of life. My personal beliefs don't quite line up with what I've been surrounded in so far. I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm just saying that there is more than one road from point A to point B.

There are many more ways of life that are far more ancient than this and that not only teach about what to think and how to treat others, but how to treat the planet that we all live on. How to treat your own body other than simply to respect it. There are ways to create healthy communities that value the state of the world as a whole rather than just the state of the heart.

You must take care of yourself in order to be able to think clearly, reason, care and be able to behave in a wholesome manner. My soul has been taken care of as well as it can be, but there is more to me than that. It is time to better understand the world around me and my self on a whole new level.

I've shown the courage. Now I'll find those who support me as I walk through my daily life.

Things Are Changing

2012-01-08T12:23:00.003-05:00

Every time I go to a Christian church, I hear a message. This message always seems to be a day late with me. This is not a problem. This lets me know that I'm on the right track.
At the beginning of the year, I found out that this year is the year of the dragon. I was born under this sign. Automatically, I've been set up for success from the start.
I believe in a little bit of everything...or so I choose to believe.
Before the turn of the year, I saw that those that look to the stars are not hopeless. The stars don't tell you what will happen, but are more like a map; they give us a map. Like any map, you don't have to follow the printed route. You can take whatever route you want. The map just shows you the best route if you know.where to look or how to read it.
This was during a time when I was starting to arm myself with knowledge so that I can know and understand what I was fighting for by backing the movement. Now I've begun to see the things that have happened around me.
Now back to my point.

This service began by telling everyone that 2012 is their year. This is a year for change.
I just want to let you know that change is here. Right now, things are changing.
There is an awakening happening among the people of the world. We see that we aren't living a life that is beneficial to the race as a whole.
I saw this before, but now I'm staring directly at the sun. there is no way to ignore it for me. I want to see a world in which the individual values the wellbeing of other individuals more than the wellbeing of their accounts. We have been legally enslaved for too long now to "the American dream." Working hard isn't working if you work so hard that your body is wrecked by the time you're 35.
We are not followers. We are all leaders in our own way.
Go back and think about what you wanted to do with your life. Why are you not there now, and what are you doing about it? I ask myself this every day and take steps in the right direction after mapping out my course.
Next question: who is on the same road as you and how are you helping each other along?
That last question is directed at every aspect of my life.
Every aspect.
We are all humans on this earth.
We all have the same needs.
We all have a destination.
We all have resources.
We all can love.
We all have been hurt.
We all want to rise from the ashes of where we were.
We all need a hand sometimes and don't know where to reach out to.
This is the beginning of the rest of the world.
A kid I know once said that God is a part of nature and nature is a part of us. So we all are a part of God.
Replace "God" with whatever you believe and you will see the truth.
There is so much more to be said, but today will stop here.
Peace

Even the Healers Need Healing Sometimes

2011-10-14T00:34:00.001-04:00

**acknowledges the lack of blogging lately***

During these past few months, I've been more and more obsessed with the well-being of others. This is a constant threat to my personal health. I have this affinity for helping others with every last breath and resource that I have. You can ask anyone that knows me well. I have been know to offer (unprofessionally), since I was a wee lad, psychological/relationship counselling and a bit of physical therapy. I make sure that I know as much as possible about whatever anyone asks me about so that I can give the most sound advice possible. Always.

This has been my method for my whole life. I know that if there are any professionals of the healing arts reading this, you're probably shaking your heads in shame for me doing all that stuff without licensing and proper technique and all that, but let me ask you this: how do you think this all got started? None of the true firsts had a text book to read...

Back to my point. Today, I hit a personal low point. That encompasses all of the details I need to include about that here. Just know that for the first time in a while, I can see the bottom of the chasm, and it's not a pretty place to be. Granted that's where all the feathers of those who fly high have landed, the walls are smoothe and damp.

After reaching this point, I tweeted a not-so-subtle plea for an ear to listen to what was on my mind. Within moments, I was actively communicating with 4 or 5 people. This allowed me to get the heaviest stuff off of my chest. I thank these quick responders for this. These conversations all helped in their own little way, but during the last one, I sent something that resonated with me like nothing else did. We were talking about how we both love to help others but we rarely can find anyone to listen to our own discomforts/problems. Then I instinctively mentioned the phrase that is the title of today's message.

"Even the healers need healing sometimes."

Think about it. We are all human. We all have things that stretch us thin, but who do you think is more inclined to find a quick release for stress? No, not the person who was cheated on. Not the one who has work problems. Not the one who had a troubled past. Not the one enduring a midlife crisis. Not the one whose car broke down or whose boyfriend broke up with them. Not the one with a dying family member. Not the one who just got fired. Not the one with a double-crossing best friend.

It's the one who has listened to the pleas of all of these individuals and now carries all of those stones on his or her back. All of them.

This person is the healer. He sits there and offers to take that load off of you and shoulder it for you. He lets them collect around his house until there is nowhere to put anything else. Now that you don't have to worry about what you've left with him, you can go on your merry way and come back when you have another load to drop off, but who is there to help carry his load?

This thought seldom crosses my mind due to the fact that my back is considerably strong. In fact, I can carry others' problems and deal with them quite well. The only thing that I may need is an outlet.

Being single makes this a very sizeable task. For a few years, I had someone who, at the end of my day, was there to hear me out when I needed it whether it was 8pm or 3am. I was there for her and she was there for me. No matter what. This was a constant in my life for a significant amount of time. Since I've been single, I have yet to find a suitable release for the things that I carry day-to-day. Part of that is attributed to the fact that I am very particular about who I let into my own little circle. I'm just not a fan of having my personal details available to the world. Every thing needs to be juuuuust right.

Most of the people who ever get to know me will only see who I am on the surface. They may never get to know what gets my wheels to turn.

This is the truth.

This is not to say that my smiles aren't real. Every moment that I smile is real. I express how I really feel about any situation. I give my honest opinion about everything. I am real... but there is always more.

Think... Iceberg

Yeah.

I digress.

Consider your healer every once in a while.

I guess this is a PSA for those that need healing. If you keep coming back for the same reason, try and figure out what you can do to change. The greatest reward for a healer is for the healed to stay that way. We make you better for a reason. Take a moment and grow from your experiences rather than dwell in the same place. And to the healers: don't fear confiding in each other. We are a like-minded group. Different approaches to the same result.

1+1=2

14+(-)12=2

((7^(2)-4)/5)-7=2

I suppose that my point, again, is that even the healers need healing, sometimes.

You can now let your lives resume from where they left off. I feel better now.

Unbreakable bonds

2011-10-05T21:53:00.000-04:00

There is one thing that, at this point, I'm absolutely certain of: existence consists of an intricately interconnected web of beings. If an idea is felt strongly enough, It will resound with the core of your being long before your mind can even begin to fathom why.

Within the past few years, a few of the loved ones in my life have left this plane. According to what you believe, they're either back on this planet in another form, still here, gone to heaven/hell, etc. The point here is that their souls are no longer here in the form that they took or the vessels they kept.

A finer detail is that I was aware of both of their passings at around the times they happened and it woke me up. I remember, vividly, the thoughts that I had at those moments. The flood of emotion when I finally broke. The hole in my heart when I realized the truth.

There are instances within my family of the same thing and around the world of the same thing. I'll admit that I've had messages for others and myself brought to me in my sleep. That stuff really happens.

A more recent instance: today, Steve Jobs passed away. I can admit that I was fairly aware when it happened. He's not, by any means, in my extended family. I have no close ties to him, but there are people that are close to me that feel strongly towards him. No lie, he revolutionized technology as we see it, and I'll give him credit for that. He's influenced many lives including my own.

I didn't feel this in the same way as I felt my family members go. I knew and understood that a great number of people felt sad, but I didn't know why until I saw the news.

We are all connected through an unseen force. Every religion has its name for it. I'm not going to get into that, but I'll use my favourite depiction of the idea. The Yggdrasil. The world tree.

Again, depending on what you believe about it, it holds everything together.

The nutrients that feed it are the essence of the ideas that were conceived by those that came before us. These ideas feed the creative geniuses of "our time." These geniuses are the biggest, brightest leaves. They harness as much of the "nutrients" as they possibly can. The smaller leaves, of course, are those that take life as it's handed to them. Never asking that all-important question, "Why?" or more importantly, "Why not?" All of these leaves, however, are connected to the same source with the same roots and the same branches and are fed through the same trunk.

Did you know that even the largest of trees communicates with itself just like your hands and feet communicate with your brain?

And then there's the cycle: The leaves die and become the soil which enriches the roots which feed the tree to keep growing more leaves. We all are leaves on this tree. We are connected by the limbs, twigs, branches, trunk, roots. When we die, everything that we were is turned into the foundation of whatever else sprouts from our essence. Think "Phoenix + Butterfly Effect = Everything."

A few things to consider:
Those times you called an ex just because you felt like it and it turned out that he/she really needed you.
That time you saw something happen on tv or in a move and felt like you were going through it.
When you had a dream that felt so real, but you were seeing the world through someone else's eyes.

Same idea.

I just want to leave you thinking about that. Consider the depth to which your connections with others go.

I'm going to ponder on what the moon would look like if I didn't have to use corrective lenses to see it clearly and what a different place my world would be.

Selah

Change is in the air... Kinda

2011-10-03T23:16:00.002-04:00

I know it's been a while, but here is the latest in the ramblings of a madman:

Another year has passed. How different are you now from how you were a year ago? The holiday season is back. This means another Halloween. Another Thanksgiving. Another Black Friday, Another Kwanzaa. Another Hanukkah. Another Christmas. Another New Year's celebration.

What has changed about you since the last time this season came around. Think of ten different ways you, personally, have changed. Out of those ten things, how many of them do you immediately think of as positive changes. Be honest. I'm not going to force you to put your answers in the comment box.

A friend of mine has a signature that reads "Life = Risk." Whenever I get a text from her, I remember to step back onto the edge. Risk it all and in everything that you do. Put everything on the line so that when you get your returns, they will be maximized. Like going all in all the time. I know it doesn't sound like sound advice, but look at it this way:

I have a dream. Any true dream compels the dreamer to turn this dream into a reality as quickly as possible and by any means necessary. You can keep this idea right here or twist it into some dark story riddled with insanity and being forced to makes some evil decision. I like to keep this on the brighter route. Let's relate this to money since we all understand it very clearly and, unfortunately, it's how most people measure success.

Consider the double payout. $10 becomes $20 or $100 becomes $200. At 4x payout, $10 becomes $40 and $100 becomes $400. Basically, the more you invest in something, the higher the payout. Then you can reinvest what you have and come out equally on top. On the other side of that coin, you can fail, but let's not let that be an option. Just like when you sit down in a chair, you don't question whether or not it will hold you up... unless you're heavy enough to consider the structural strengths and weaknesses of chairs...or if you have a mischievous member of your family that likes to sabotage chairs.

Let's bring it back.

Change.

Every day, week, month, year, something about us seems to change. A lot of people who have been out of my life for an extended period of time come back and see me years later when I am in a comfortable environment that I created for me. This also happened recently. Someone who knew me from a few years ago met up with me a few weeks ago and her perception of me was shattered. Nothing major had changed about me on the inside. There was just more of the "me" from the inside showing on the surface.

When I was growing up, I expressed myself within the boundaries of the, then, governing bodies in my life. As I grew older and discovered more about the kind of world I wanted to live in, I gave way to more personalized forms of expression. I'm still, overall, a very collected person on the outside. I'm also always running a million thoughts through my head at any point in time. If you got to watch me grow up, you would have easily realized that my brother and I were always bouncing ideas off of each other whether they were fictional or not. We would always expand every idea to the point that someone on the outside could no longer grasp what we were talking about. It was even better when we got our entire family unit in on it. Then, at the end of the conversation, we would trace our thoughts back to the original idea... if we could.

[Throws out a lasso and brings the point back in]

I'm still that same thinker. I just make my own rules to live be now. I'm living under my own roof... almost. But I choose where every dollar I get goes, where and how my clothing is organised, which shoes I wear today, how late I come home, whether or not I wear underwear today, how long my hair is, etc...

The more freedom I get (in any sense of the word), the more my self expression changes.

[Pulls lasso in closer]

Last year at this time, I didn't have a 100% steady place to live. I didn't even know if I would have to move on a weekly basis. So I changed. I worked more and now I'm locked into a 1 year lease, and the only thing I have to do is come up with the money every month. Sooner or later, I'll change to the point where I won't have to pay a monthly fee for a place to live, but I'll have my very own home.

That being said, nothing and everything has changed.
When I was "little" (ask my family, I was never really little... at least not for long) I wanted to have my own place/family/stuff.

Here I am today and I still am moving towards the same goal. The difference is how far along I am. The only difference is what is considered "time." I call it life. Stuff happens, then more stuff happens. There are even points during which stuff used to happen.

The most important thing to keep in mind to make sure you're always moving forward can be boiled down into a simple saying that I used a few days ago. It just came to me:

Today is. Yesterday was. Tomorrow will be. Live today. Remember yesterday. Exist tomorrow.

You can't push a string. -- JH

The importance of words

2011-09-30T00:26:00.000-04:00

Today, I was informed that I did very well last week as far as our office's sales report is concerned. This felt good. I know that in the grand scheme of Vector, it wasn't much more than a drop in the ocean, but there was that sense of pride and fulfillment that welled up a little. I know that it wasn't enough to solve all of my problems, but this was definitely a sizeable step in the right direction. **Pats self on back**

Now that I've got that out of the way, I was looking for something to take away from the meeting we had this evening. I didn't find anything in my usual places, so I decided to give up on that particular source. Then, I was told something. I don't remember what was said, but I do remember it feeling important to me. I believe the essence of the statement is now buried deep inside my being and will resurface in a later post. I'm not really even going to dwell on this idea very long.

At this point, I simply want to acknowledge the fact that the specific words that are used are unimportant. What really matter are the ideas presented. Language is just a way to relay ideas from one person to the next. Spoken. Written. Signs. Touch. Any form of communication is an expression of ideas. Now, you can either pad the truth or you can get straight to the point and let someone else know what's really going on in your mind.

A Reminder...

2011-09-28T23:48:00.001-04:00

In dissecting the world around me, I have forgotten why I began living as a minimalist.

I saw a link to an acquaintance's blog. Slowly sifting through the pages, I stumbled upon this video. No. I didn't stumble. I was very much in control. I came to this video...

First, I just want to thank T for putting this somewhere I was more likely to find it. It reminded me of why I chose to live the life I do. It's to find peace. I've been so caught up in what I was doing that I forgot to consider why I was doing it. I remembered that peace within myself is why I began this leg of my journey. The blog was just a way for me to share what I had learned.

I live in a minimal fashion not to prove anything to anyone, but to make sure I am reminded to stay grounded.

The roots of a tree are what bind it to the ground and what feeds it nutrients. The branches bask in the sunlight and digest the nutrients. The trunk connects the two.

Fairy Tales and A Child's World

2011-09-28T22:11:00.000-04:00

I used to believe that the world of fairy tales was just that: a world of fairy tales. A plane of existence where anything is possible as long as you dreamed hard enough.

Not so.

The world of fairy tales is a very true place. I'm not writing, today, about dragons and monsters and unicorns. No, not today. Today, I write about the part of the world where all you have to do is believe and your dreams will come true. I believe this wholeheartedly... modified. What I believe can almost be contained in a couple of quotes.

"When the 'why' is strong enough, the 'how' will present itself."

"Faith without action is dead."

I really should have reversed those, but everything happens for a reason...
Anyway, you have to decide what you want to do and where you want to be. Decide it with your whole heart/soul/being. When you do this, you will immediately work towards making this dream a reality. This is how it breaks down:

I'm borrowing some of this imagery from a class I've been in for the past six weeks.
When you decide something to the earlier-described depth, you almost live a waking dream. Close your eyes and see yourself where you want to be. You see yourself doing/being something/someone at the end of the road. Someone who is in a better place than you are now. When you open your eyes and see where you are, you realize that you really aren't where you want to be. Where you saw yourself a moment ago. Like when you wake up from a good dream and rush to fall back asleep so that you can finish it, but either the dream changes or you can't fall back asleep. That moment where all you desire is to finish your dream is the feeling I'm talking about. You decide to do something about the difference between the "dream" and "reality." You figure out what needs to change and do everything within your power to change it. Like the mother who's child is trapped under a vehicle.

Back to my original illustration. Now, when you "wake up," you feel that need to change what you can to be where you want to be. This includes anything that translates to spending more time in a project to improve the finished product. Job hunt. Study. Practice. Paint. Flip burgers. Anything. Let me say this again. Anything. Any conventional and/or unconventional means. Any. Thing.

The next part speaks to what comes after the "why" and "how." Now, you have two of the three necessary parts of the equation. After you figure out where you want to be and how you're going to get there, all that's left is for you to do it. You've got the map. Follow it. No matter what. Stay on course, and move forward at full speed slowing down only to pick up those who see you and want to join you on your journey and to gently let go of those who have completed their role on your course. This is a nod to the fact that I believe that others should be treated with kindness according to what each individual truly needs.

This is the common thread. The prince sees the damsel in the tower, but a dragon is in the way. What does he do? Risks his life to save her. I don't think you get this.

Risks.
His.
Life.

He puts everything on the line. His pride, body, soul, reputation, family, everything. He utilizes all of his resources to end this "glorious battle" in his favour. Do you want to know what makes this battle so glorious? It's the passion. He fights with everything he has, stopping at nothing until the obstacle is removed from his path. Everything. You know, like when a musician becomes his music, or when a child really gets into his game. The same thing. That expression that makes you smile and gives you that warm, fuzzy feeling on the inside.

Now for the truth at the end of the story.

When you move towards your goal as the protagonist in a story, you will reach it.

---
I like the two-part feeling, so I'm going with it again.
---

When a child experiences what it understands to be a great loss, you see it and have pity. You understand that Mr. Fuzzles (whatever it may be) really, in the grand scheme of things isn't that important. You understand that Mr. Fuzzles was an impulse buy at a flea market and that your or your spouse's joblessness/health/whatever is way more important.

What you may fail to realize, though, is that the child's world is much smaller than yours. Whereas you have been all over the terrestrial world, the child's world consists of daycare, the store and home. In his world, there are only a few things, all of which will be noticed at some point and (as far as he is concerned) irreplaceable.

Mr. Fuzzles : the child :: [the most important part of your life] : you

You can take this concept and apply it to anyone who is less experienced than you in anything. It could be a new hire or someone less fluent in a certain language than you. Try it. I'm certain that you'll at least think something close to "It's not a big deal" at least once.

Now, remember that you are more experienced than the other person. Let's take this a step further. Know that there is someone better than you at many things. If you find that you have a problem with something and you seek help, whoever helps you knows that there are bigger problems, but right now, this is the biggest thing in your world.

We naturally do what we can to overcome problems and get better at dealing with them.

"Life doesn't get easier; we just get better at it."

As we get better, we climb the ladder. As we climb the ladder, we either help others do the same or cut our legs out from underneath ourselves by removing those that aren't at least at our level. [I prefer the first of these... Hence this blog...] Which road are you on. Choose wisely because the greater the building, the stronger the foundation needs to be.

Be Real [and] Limitless. A Double-Blog

2011-09-26T00:01:00.000-04:00

Sunday always seems to be accompanied by a blog. Here's a start to your week. I hope this will get your Monday morning off on the right foot or at least get it to switch to the right foot.

Some of the worst speakers I know are pastors. That's funny because speaking is their profession. You would think that they would be good at it, but they tend to lack something. A real and proper expression. Expression is the deal-breaker for me. Never forget that people won't pay attention to you unless you show them that you genuinely believe what you are saying and are emotionally bound to the ideas that you are presenting. This may not seem like a topic that I can turn all philosophical like I normally do, but watch me:

Don't. Be. Fake.

That's it. Don't wast your time trying to be someone that is out of your true character. It takes at least twice as much energy as it takes to be yourself and is, at best, half as fulfilling.

If you work somewhere in the service industry, there are two types of people that I readily will recognize. The first is the person who loves what they do. They do it because it brings to them a sense of fulfillment. They leave work worn, but glad that they did what they did. It fulfills their personal desires. The other is the one that is glad to leave work because now they can finally get on with their day. They work where they do because they have to and believe that there is nothing better for them that they qualify for.

Which one are you? The dead? Or are you among the living?

----
Never believe the limitations that others pace over your head. Your potential is limitless. The only person that can hinder your growth is your self. You control how far you go.

If you think you can't learn it, you're right.
If you think you can't see it, you're right.
If you think you can't hear it, you're right.
If you think you can't run that far, you're right.
If you think you can't do it, you're right.

Now turn your pillow over. Feel the cool comfort.

If you think you can, you're right.
If you know you can, you're even better off. Now, not only do you have the motivation to attempt what you want, but you also have the motivation to keep trying even if you fail.

Now, decide for yourself which one of those you are and which one you want to be. Move in that direction. It's as simple as that. You may have to convince yourself that life outside your comfort zone is survivable, but once you do, you'll be more than willing and able to reach the stars.

Good morning. Good night. Whenever this hits you, make it a good time of day.

I've got a busy day tomorrow, so I have got to rest.

Peace.
Tranquility.
Happiness.

Morning Ritual

2011-09-24T22:39:00.001-04:00

When you wake up every morning there is one thing you should do until it becomes second nature. Before you roll out of bed. Before you sit up. Before you turn off your alarm. Before you roll over. There is one thing you should ask yourself.

"Why did you wake up today?"

Don't move a muscle until you have an honest answer for your question.

Take it a step further.

Don't move until your answer becomes your goal for the day. It can be one thing. It can be many things. The number is completely up to you. The only stipulation is that it must be worded in a positive manner. No negative words at all. They foster a negative spirit/mood.

Now you can turn off your alarm. Repeat the idea(s) to yourself.

Get out of bed. As you rise repeat the idea(s) to yourself.

Repeat it one more time before you leave the room.

There's a science behind all this. Trust me.

Have you ever wondered why a day started on the wrong foot? That decision was made when you went to bed. The human mind is the most easily influenced right before it loses consciousness and right after it regains consciousness.

The other day, someone commented on an update I posted saying they wished that they had the positive disposition that I have. There's my secret.

Remember, growing up, hearing "you are what you eat"? It's absolutely true. If you feed yourself the everyday crap of the average human being, you will become the everyday crap of the average human being. If you displace yourself from where you really are, when you realize where you are, you'll only be driven to change it.

This is the truth.

Here's the kicker: don't deceive yourself into how difficult this is. If you are really committed to this decision it will come as second nature to you. Stop and think now. Have you already decided that this is hard? Have you decided otherwise? You're right.

So here's the breakdown:

Realize how badly you want to change.
Understand that change is easy.
See that you want to change now.
Change.

It's as simple as that. In fact you can skip the third step if you want to simplify it.

That's all I have for you today, but don't take this as truth. Question everything your senses perceive and discover your own truth.

Peace

The Scorpion, the Eagle, and the Phoenix

2011-09-19T21:42:00.001-04:00

In recent history, I began talks with a semi-new individual. I say semi-new because I was introduced to this person a while ago, but we only began our true exchange of personalities a few days ago. In speaking with this person (this ambiguity of this is killing me. I'll just call her Lu). In speaking with Lu, my curiosity in the stars was rekindled.

When I was in middle school, I took a deep interest understanding as much as I could about the zodiac. Since then, I've only challenged my knowledge once and that was at the end of my senior year in high school over 4 years ago. Wow. That seems so much longer than that. Now that challenge has risen again. This is just a bit of what I know and what I've learned with some Wikipedia pages attached. I use it because other source sites may not be around later on and I don't want to have to fix broken links all the time.

According to the laws governing the Zodiac, I am a Scorpio, which is one of the four fixed signs: Taurus (spring/earth), Leo (summer/fire), Scorpio (autumn/water), Aquarius (winter/air).

My parents are Tauruses. My brother is an Aquarius. I am a Scorpio. The women I feel the most attraction to seem to all be Leo's (I'm not ruling others out. I'm simply making an observation).

What I knew about my astrological sign:
Stone: Topaz
Planet: Pluto
Body Part: Groin (no lie)
Personality: Intense, Inquisitive, Caring, Jealous, Wise, Passionate, Secretive, Obstinate, Compulsive
Colour: Dark Red/Maroon
I have a way with words

What I learned thanks to my recent investigations
Dominant Gate/Chakra: Eighth (heart)
Planet: Pluto
Fun Fact: The only sign with three animal totems.

Though this is a bit of a rough summary, I really just wanted to get to that last point. Three totems? Really?
They model an evolutionary journey.
Scorpion > Eagle > Phoenix/Dove

Basically, I start small and powerful looking out at the world learning what I can about it by watching others' interactions from the safety of my home and shutting everything and every one else out. Then I venture out to the world soaring and watching everything from way up high and surveying everything with keen eyesight and insight learning and understanding more and more with every passing glance. I fly higher than most ever expected and still keep finding room to grow. Finally, I reach enlightenment. The things that bother everyone else can't even reach me, and even though the only thing that can bring me down is myself, whenever I succeed in that, I find a way to rise from the ashes.

I know that we tend to find likenesses to ourselves in things when we choose to believe that they truly represent us. If you want to take it out of the context of the zodiac, you can reference my affinity for Knuckles the Echidna. This concept dives into what is known as "self talk." Essentially, "you are what you eat" applied to your mind and how you perceive the world around you. "Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right." -Henry Ford

Let's take this a step back. I don't see myself in Scorpio. I get to see the bits of Scorpio littered through my life.

In work, I like to make sure I understand as much as possible while doing only what I have to before I show what I know and let my flowers bloom, so to speak. After that, I ascend as high as possible, taking this approach every step of the way. I do the same thing in most aspects of my life. In fact there are people that dislike the fact that I prefer to calculate every possible outcome before I make any decision at all. I prefer to remain calm on the surface while my inner being calculates and redesigns any failing situation into one that seems more profitable. I hate having a boss, and I like to make sure things are done right myself. I care what others think would rather preserve relationships than end them on a bad note. This same method can be applied to other forms of the zodiac as well.

Now, I want to acknowledge the fact that it feels as if I have strayed from one of my cardinal rules.

I don't define myself. I'll let my actions speak and allow others to see what they want in me.

Here's another rule.

In order to see yourself, you must look from the outside in or the inside out. You can never see yourself where you are right now.

According to the classification systems surrounding my birth, I am a Scorpion, an Earth Dragon, a Reed.

I can either choose to live accordingly, or I can choose to live how I see fit and just use this as a stepping stone.

I choose to do both. I accept the fact that these profiles describe, very well, the decisions I have made thus far, but I will continue my life in whatever direction I see fit. I am the sole governor of what I do and how I do it. I'm still the same person that believes that all scriptures point in the same direction. I believe that we as humans can move mountains. I believe that everything is connected through a network far more intricate than most care to think. I believe that all the answers are already here, and we just have to find them all.

I am:
Told by God. I'll let you know that God has heard you.
Truth. Lies don't make the truth any easier to bear.
A home big enough for those closest to me, and
Always at work in some way towards something better.

That is my name. I wear it every day. No matter what, I am still me. I am.

Who are you?

Stay Hungry. Stay curious.

2011-09-16T08:18:00.002-04:00

If you live each day as if it were your last, some day, most certainly, you will be right.

I don't really like leading with my main point today, but it just seems right. I find that some of the worst questions I've ever asked myself started with "What if I had..."

Don't think back to any time you've ever asked yourself that question. You'll only be reinforcing negativity. I want you to think of everything you've ever wanted to do in your life. Now decide to do it all. Take a step in every direction. All day. You've got 24 hours to have the best day ever. Even less if you sleep at all.

Don't act in fear of dying, though. It's simply acknowledging the fact that at any moment, you can be stripped of the ability to tell her you love her. To sing at the top of your lungs. To become a millionaire. To make someone smile. To start your own business. To write another editorial. To dance like no one is watching. To stare into her eyes. To give another massage. To buy a meal for someone. To show kindness. Love. Compassion. The list is conceivably endless.

If you have an opportunity to learn/observe something, do it.

If [insert action here], do it, and don't be shy about it.

Figure out what is most important for you. When you get a chance to enjoy it, get up and do it.

I dance randomly as I sit in class. I sing really loud and make people laugh as I walk down the street. I smile at everyone that looks like they need one and even those that don't. I'm working so that I can have a little surplus to get friends and strangers into shows, or to pay for some other person's meal when I go out to eat. I'm want to be that stranger that they'll remember for a long time. The guy they make fun of for being quirky. That one dude that didn't fit any mould.

What are you afraid of? Rejection?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Keep asking yourself that question until you don't have a reasonable answer. Until your answer is "I don't know." Then, when you ask yourself why you're afraid of rejection/whatever else, you can jump straight over the bullshit you already laid out for yourself and into the real answer, "I don't know." Once, you're there, look around and see that there is no [good] reason for you to not do what makes you truly happy.

People will look at you funny. People will ridicule you. But that's a part of life. When you find out who those people are, remove them from your life and surround yourself with like-minded people.

Think of anyone who reached anywhere by touting how great they were. All of the successful people you've ever seen/met can all recount some time when they stared rejection/adversity right in the face, threw up a middle finger, stuck out their tongue and blasted right through it at full speed. After that, they knew that they could overcome that very same challenge every time they faced it.

Life doesn't get easier. You just get stronger.

The highest math I've ever taken in school was Pre-Cal. In the beginning of the semester, I was learning the hardest math I had ever put my mind to. By the time I finished my mid-terms, I was learning the hardest math I had ever put my mind to. By the end of the semester, I was learning the hardest math I had ever put my mind to.

Wait, What?

That's the natural order. By the time I got to my final exam, I had gotten so used to all of the stuff I had already learned that I could use and explain those formulas in my sleep. The stuff I learned in the beginning was used as a foundation for all the newer information I received.

That's the rule of forward momentum. Apply the same amount of force all the time, and you'll always be moving faster.

1+1=2+1=3+1=4+1=5...You get the point.

Always take at least one step forward. If you're feeling froggy, take a leap. As long as you're moving forward, you're not standing still.

Life is a journey. You're not getting anywhere if you're not moving. Either you can get somewhere while showing others how to do the same, or you can die upset because you got stuck lucking at the same rock your entire life.

"It's time to take chances, make mistakes and get messy."
-Ms. Frizzle (The Magic School bus)

The Hallway

2011-09-14T23:01:00.000-04:00

Your body walks down the hallway. A soft, white glow emanating from every surface. Not bright, but present. The empty blue sky giving way to the blistering heat of the sun.

"This body of mine is worn."

The stinging rays turn the thin, slick layer of sweat into a sharp mist that seems to cut into your flesh. Your muscles slowly rolling under your skin. Feet dragging. Ribs reluctantly allowing air to fill your lungs.

You notice there are doors on the walls you're using to stabilize yourself as you meander from side to side slowly down the hallway. You touch one. A thin line of gentle, blue light runs around the edges of the door.

The shape moves away from you and disappears into an unending void. Black is all that can be seen from where you stand. There is no sun in there. All you can feel is the faint whisper of air moving across the hairs on your skin as you stand in awe of what feels like the touch of a heavenly body in a time of great need.

It pulls you in.

Your body moves of its own free will, drawing you into a cool nothingness. Your eyes close and your arms open wide to embrace this welcome change.

Your eyes open in an azure world with no depth. The weight that was resting on your legs is no more. Your sun-burned skin is now chilling under what feels to be a fine, mentholated mist.

Focus.

As your body moves, you realize that it is no longer moving through air, but through a liquid. A deep breath. Your lungs are already full of this stuff. A coolness soothes you to the core.

"What is this? I want to scream, but I can't! I can't breathe!"

Your hands clasp at your throat, trying to remove unseen, nonexistent hands.

Stop struggling. Accept where you are and you will be fine. You are not in danger.

Your eyes close and you feel your heart beat slow down. Your body relaxes, enveloped in the soothing liquid. Your mind centers itself and you feel your lungs moving again. They fill and empty as if you were breathing air.

Your eyes open and the world around you lights up once again.

"What's that?"

You swim towards a faint object, motionless in the distance. The cooling bubbles in the liquid brush against every surface of your body taking with them tiny shreds of your clothing. The more of your body that is exposed, the more you relax. The more you feel at home.

As you approach, you realize that it is a ball. It's filled with something that allows it to move through the medium with no resistance. 0 buoyancy. You begin to play...

--------------
In an attempt to reignite my writing spirit, I've done this as opposed to my usual. This could evolve, or not. Let's see what happens.

A Special Request 1

2011-09-13T22:59:00.000-04:00

Read these next few lines then do what they say.

Stop

Turn off all sounds

Close your eyes

Slow your breathing

Focus on every breath you take

Let your heart slow down

Don't stop until you can feel your heart beat

Open your eyes

Now that you've discovered the art of calming down, take a look at your situation. There are things that are going well and things that aren't. There are things that you can control and things that you can't. It's really easy to discern the difference between the first pair. The second, often times, is blurred.

[Insert serenity prayer here]

I know you've read/said this thing hundreds of times. Here's where something changes. Instead of waiting to be "granted" the wisdom to know the difference, get your ass up and look for it. Just like everything else you've ever learned on your own.

You learned to speak by imitating those around you and perfecting the art.

You learned to walk by seeing it happen around you and working at improving your balance.

You learned to fight by learning from your losses.

You learned to be yourself by feeling the disconnect of being who others want you to be.

None of this was easy, but you committed yourself to reaching the goal that you set for yourself. You never had to actually ask for the strength to learn to walk or the patience to learn to speak. Wisdom isn't granted. It's earned.

Once you understand the world around you, you can understand what you can and cannot change. If you don't like what you cannot change, then remove it from your life. Though it doesn't change whatever it is, it changes where it is in relation to you.

The storm isn't as bad from hundreds of miles away as it is when you stand right in it's eye.

The things you can change, change them. I won't guarantee that it will be easy. I also won't guarantee that it will be difficult. One more guarantee that I won't make is that you'll immediately like where you end up or how the people currently in your life see you.

The most important part is that you change for you and no one else.

If the people near you leave, that means that they fell in love with the wrong you. Fear not, though. In time, the you that you let show through will be seen by everyone else and just the same way the others flocked to the old you, more will do so to the true you. I WILL promise that these people will be much better for you, too.

---

Problems rear their ugly heads every day. The more you deal with them, the better you will get. Life will never get easier. You will only get better at dealing with them. Just like walking. It was a beast at first to get used to, but the more you did it the better you got and now all you have to think about is where you're going.

Once you've dealt with any challenges, they'll either come back again or go away forever. If they come back, you can rely on your experiences. If they don't, then you can help others in the same way.

----

Last but not least, I'd like to acknowledge the fact that you are still only one person. If you have someone to help you through your life, you're now 1.1 persons. Not 2. Not 1 1/2, but still more than just yourself. This is because until your life is fully intertwined with the other person, you still have too many vast differences to be able to be 100% for each other. The fun part, though, is getting to that 100%. Don't rush it though.

Patience is a virtue only because without it, one is prone to make premature decisions. Those lead to a lesser quality of life.

Take your time through life. Don't rush things too quickly. Don't forget to smell the roses. The sun did come up today, and it's going to come up tomorrow. The grass is still green. The birds are still chirping. The mud is still wet. The engine is still roaring. And, no matter what, the clock is still turning.

Breathe, and when push comes to shove, go back to the top of this page and calm down.

The Next Chapter Has Just Begun

2011-09-13T21:22:00.000-04:00

As I walked into the house this evening, I bounced a thought off of the side of the house and listened to the question that I posed to myself.

Sometimes, it's good to hear yourself talk to you out loud.

I asked myself, "What's holding you back?"

It wasn't my work ethic. (I'm always willing to work towards something important to me)
Not my resources. (I can get by on little)
Not the people around me. (I haven't been talking to many people up until these last few weeks)

It turns out that, when I look back, I work the hardest when I'm working for someone else. I'm not saying a boss. By far, no. I mean someone that's a constant in my own life. One that I hold in high personal esteem. I suppose it's the same difference between a man who works to support his family and one who works to makes sure he's got what he needs.

This is my truth as of the moment I'm typing this.

Today's blog is not purposed to challenge others, but for me to voice a challenge to my self.

Now I'm taking a few personal steps to change my own understanding of the world around me. Like a new pair of glasses or taking off the shades. The cool touch of a fresh pair of contacts on a hot, tired pair of eyes. That sensation of dipping your head in the pool after playing a mean game of soccer or Ultimate in almost 100 degrees. That feeling.

I see it.

Now I need to travel on the unused path in my life. Now is the time when I start to work for me. I'm my own light at the end of the tunnel. I'm the sole beneficiary of my efforts.

Now, if you want to take this as a personal challenge, far be it for me to stop you. If you see that you are in the same place as I am, I'll actually take this moment to officially challenge you.to move in the same direction. Now is the time I liberate myself from relying on the support of others. Though it's nice, I understand that there won't always be someone else there to push me. I'm working on that, too. A few people have risen to fit that position, but I still refuse to let anyone too far into my "me" who hasn't proven him/herself through the only true court of experience. The more one is proven, the closer one gets to the ether of my existence.

By the way, I like abstract terminology.

Revelation of a Lifetime

2011-09-12T23:10:00.000-04:00

Every great achievement that has ever occurred follows a moment when an individual allows the perception of themselves to precede reality.

This is a fitting statement to properly dictate how I felt at the end of a meeting I had at work on Sunday afternoon. Essentially, I finally heard a talk that covered material that I needed to have the proper motivation and inspiration to move in the proper direction for the work that I do

[plug]

Contact me if you want to directly support my efforts

[end plug]

I realize that I haven't been putting my best foot forward in life. Growing up, I had the highest regard for every thing that I did for every moment of my day in every thing that I did. Since I moved out of my house, I had reduced my expectations for my self. I took what I could get. I lowered my head to anything that was better. I struggled through what I know I didn't deserve. I worked way too hard for what I got in return. I discounted my worth to myself and those around me. Then, from this grave that I dug for myself, I decided to fight my way outward and dig for my self an system of catacombs that in the end made a glorious infrastructure that only I could appreciate. I displayed my worth in all the wrong ways. I could just have easily taken two steps and be right above the ground.

I finally took those steps and found out slowly that my shovel is useless up here. I escaped the harsh conditions of mainstream work and reached a place where I could flourish. It was overwhelming. I didn't know what to do or where to start. I floated through this past month and some days like nothing had changed and I still had to work towards the expectations of others.

Now I see and truly realize that everything I do, though it affects everyone else, it all effects my self above all others. I mould my own existence.

Here is the challenge. It's a rewording of that opening statement.

Exist beyond now.

This is a summary of what I now understand about everything. This should be the phrase you tell yourself as you open your eyes before the crack of dawn every morning.

I really stand by this 100%.

"Perfection is not when nothing else can be added but when nothing else can be taken away." - Einstein

I want to say more, but I believe this is all that needs to be said.

[one last thing]

Know where you are. See where you want to be. Strive for the brighter future. Approach the silver lining 'til it's all you can see. Peace.

A Trip Back In Time (my first post via email)

2011-09-10T21:54:00.001-04:00

Here begins a trip into the past...

I love my family.

When I was but a wee lad in the great city now known as Miami-Dade, I wasn't the smallest member of the family. I was the youngest, but I was also the [proportionally] largest. I had a sleek, buoyant, round, jiggly figure. I know this because my family loved to *poke* fun at me for it. Not to worry. I laughed too.

You see, my fam was never malicious towards each other. If we ever had anything to say, we'd find the best way to say it without hurting anyone's feelings.

My chubby jokes were usually accompanied by a tickling or a poke (remember, I'm like 4-5 y/o).

The reason I'm sharing this in particular is to make you chuckle. Now that that's accomplished, the second reason is to let you know something else: whatever you have to communicate can be done in a positive light.
If you know me today, you'll notice that I don't really have much size to me at all. This is because I saw that something needed to change. I wasn't shamed into not liking my shape and it wasn't some reality tv style struggle that I went through. I just decided to do more.

I took up Thai Kwon Do.
I managed my portions.
I played outside more often.
I hit puberty.
I became part of the drill team at church.

Yeah. I was a little kid.

I made all those decisions myself because I understood that I could do more with myself. Of course a lot of the change could be attributed to puberty, but at this point, the upkeep is in my hands.

I've never had a therapist, nutritionist, psychologist, personal trainer, etc. I'm not discounting the value of such workers in today's world. They are very much necessary to those that would rather have someone else tell them what to do.

Essentially, all you need is the motivation to move in the right direction.

That's it. No quotes. No pictures. No emphasising fonts. Just facts.

Find your motivation and reason and go after your goal. Don't let anything stop you.

Now to get back to this bonfire I'm enjoying. Peace!

Stop dwelling on the past. Remember it and move forward

2011-09-09T21:31:00.000-04:00

I'm an avid follower of the news according to NPR. This week, they've been spending a lot of time focusing on the events of September 11, 2001. One of the points that struck me the most is the amount of time that has passed since it happened and the amount of other things that happened since then. Has it really sunk in that it was almost 10 years ago since that event/chain of events? I was about to turn 13. Sitting in my social studies class next to my friend Stephen Lorance...

[this is the part where you reminisce about where you were when you got the news and start mourning and all that stuff]

I know my perspective seems a bit insensitive, but wait til the end so you can tell what perspective I'm coming from.

Since the day that changed how America sees the Middle East, a vast many things have changed. There was the great flood of the south that evacuated/destroyed a greater portion of the Gulf Coast.

This is where the previously mentioned perspective comes in.

During my all-too-brief stay in New Orleans, I had the opportunity to work with children grades K-5/6. This was in 2008. Since then, I realized that the majority of the children I had the blessing of working with didn't remember/know what it was like to walk into an airport 30 minutes before your flight leaves and run at full speed through the checkpoints and into your seat, but very vividly remember having to watch their very own families get swept away by Mother Earth.

[There are some who honestly have no idea how they feel and can only guess]

I'm not belittling those that suffered because of the attack. I see the struggle of those who saw their family off to work that morning and never saw them again. Those who lost family, friends, lovers. Those who now worry about the next terrorist attack. I'm simply assuming the perspective of those who were forced to face the death of everyone around them and the loss of everything they had ever known (churches, schools, homes, parks, restaurants).

Face it. 9/11 has gone the way of The Cold War, the Kennedys, WWII, the Great Depression and all of the major changes that can be remembered by anyone alive today that (though they do have lasting effects) don't make a logical difference in my life because I have no memory of what life was like before then.

My travel life has changed. I know the difference between flying/driving in 1999 and 2002. Also, I've seen the abandoned Six Flags over Louisiana and entire parts of the city where nothing but foundations stood and you can still smell the rotting organic waste washing in from the Lake and the Gulf. That being said, I also have family that barely missed the Irene not too long ago and my main media source was damaged and is still recovering in Japan. [Yeah, the planet is pretty much thinning the herd starting with the places that aren't constantly at war]

Let's take a few more steps towards where we are today. Children that are being born today will not truly understand the changes that they are being born into. They'll know that America had it's first black president and the conspiracy theorists among them will know that he is mixed. The vast majority will be a few steps farther away from the racism that I know [don't tell me that I don't know racism. Though my family wasn't hung from a tree, I've still been discriminated against plenty of times]

No, the world won't be made of rainbows and butterflies, but just like the first generation born into integration, this will be a generation that will take all of the problems that are being faced today and work even more vigilantly towards a globalized culture. You think it's cool that you can Facetime with your friends and family? Try and picture the technology depicted in Farenheit 451... but better. See international monorails. Basically take everything you know about technology and communication and throw it away. That kid with a smartphone will be the least of your worries. I'll be the guy saying, "When I was a kid...[cassettes, cell phones, pagers, manual transmission, buttons, etc,]!"

I can't wait to see what the future holds.

HAHA! I did it again. I really am moving from point A to point Somewhere Else...

Moving a little closer as we walk side-by-side

2011-09-08T23:20:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure how my voice is going to sound today. I've been feeling a bit off since I donated some of that good ol' plasma yesterday afternoon... so yeah. I'm just trying to stay on track with my resolution.

The day before yesterday, I realized something truly. In my inner being. It's not about what you don't have. It's about the things you do and the people that you surround yourself with. At the end of my fantastic (for many reasons) day, I went out to a lounge with a couple friends.We spoke about a few things and laughed about more. All in all, I learned to appreciate the fact that I still have people involved in my life that can shed some light for me. That being said, I'm still working on shedding my own light on my own circumstances. As great as it is to have friends that can do that. I don't want to have to rely on others like that until I can surround myself with people that carry similar values to what I hold and who can broadcast the same light for me as I do for others.

Part of my existence is solely to help others in their walk/run/jog/crawl through life. I know my method for showing that I care is a bit awkward at times or even a touch harsh, but I assure you that anything that I do in sound mind or without explanation is done with a considerable amount of forethought.

I want to come back to the center of my railroad. There are a lot of changes going on in my life right now. Most of which are welcome, the rest of which I'm working with and turning into more positive ones. One of them is acclimating my schedule to my new work and redefining why and how I work. Others include financial planning for the rest of my college career and the rest of my life. There is a long list of things that I want to do, and now I am working steadfastly towards those things, organizing them into what I can reach now and what will have to wait for later.

Another turn. Since my last haircut, I've been working to reshape the vast negative energy in my life that I've harboured over my 22 years of life. By the way, I haven't had a haircut in seven years this month. I started by taking a look at my self and seeing how I view the world around me. It turns out that you create the world around you.

You pick who your friends are
You pick what your job is
You pick what you do
You decide when you do it
You decide what you eat
You decide how you behave...in every aspect

Most importantly:

You decide what you believe. In every aspect of your existence.

Once you truly realize this very last thing, you can begin to remould the world around you into what you want it to be. You are led to believe that the insane are delusional. No. They have created the world that they want in their own mind and, in the worst cases, their world has become warped. The outside world simply hasn't accepted their belief and behaviours based in their perception of the world around them (check out Sucker Punch). Though this is an extreme example, it still carries the same weight that a lesser one would hold.

There are many methods of achieving this state of mind. All involve some form of meditation. I'm not going to get into that subject until I work a little more in it, but know that I will bring it up again later on down the road.

Well, family, since it is now way later than I expected to still be awake, I'm going to take me leave. I hope this atones for the two days that I missed. I'll actually probably have another really long one tomorrow as well. There's a lot going on that just hasn't made it to this page yet, but I expect more to be unveiled as I get more and more comfortable with this. Soon I'll move away from elaborating on where I stand and dive deeper into my experiences. I'm looking forward to this.