Open Jokes

what an answer

guest — 2009-12-21 14:43:10

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop; with them are their 8 children…

A blind man joins them after a few minutes.

When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and her eight children are able to fit in the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk..
After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that
ticking sound is driving me crazy!!

The blind man replies:

"If you would've put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be sitting in the bus! So shut up and keep walking!!!!"

Issued in Public Interest by Ministry of Family Welfare...!!!!!!!

why men shouldn t write advice columns - Picture Joke

guest — 2009-12-19 01:52:53

Why men shouldn't write advice columns

score board

guest — 2009-12-14 13:45:57

A couple has a male friend who's visiting from out-of-state, when an unexpected blizzard blows in, and keeps him from traveling.

Since the couple has no guest room, he states his intention to find a nearby hotel, and be on his way in the morning.

"Nonsense," says the wife. "Our bed is plenty big enough for all three of us, and we're all friends here."

The husband concurs, and before long they're settled in: husband in the middle, wife on his left, friend on his right.

After a while, the husband begins snoring, and the wife sneaks over to the friend's side of the bed, and invites him to have sex with her.

Naturally, he'd like to, but he's reluctant.

"We're in the same bed with your husband! He'll wake up, and he'll kill me."

"Don't worry about it," she says, "he's such a sound sleeper, he'll never notice. If you don't believe me, just yank a hair off of his butt. He won't even wake up."

So the friend yanks a hair off the husband's anus, and sure enough, she's right.
So, she and the friend have sex, and then she goes back to her side of the bed.

After about twenty minutes, though, she's back on his side of the bed, asking him to do it again.

The same argument follows, another hair is yanked from the husband's corn hole, and again they have sex.

This keeps up for about half the night, until after about the sixth time, when the wife goes back to her side.

Then the husband rolls over, and whispers to his friend, "I don't mind that you're shagging my wife, but do you really have to use my butthole as your scoreboard?"

actual call center conversations part 2

guest — 2009-12-11 13:36:54

This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared'
Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? '
Caller: 'No.'
Operator:'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer..'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'
Caller: 'No..'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'
Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark?'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not?'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power ...... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'
Operator:'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!'

actual call center conversations

guest — 2009-12-11 13:35:18

tennis match vs stock market - Picture Joke

guest — 2009-12-09 14:12:17

Tennis Match vs. Stock Market

technical support - Picture Joke

guest — 2009-12-09 14:08:15

Technical Support

the divorce lift - Picture Joke

guest — 2009-12-09 13:58:58

The Divorce Lift

3 tongue twister ndash it rsquo s fun

guest — 2009-12-02 11:03:34

Try to read them all…

(1) If you understand, say “understand”. If you don’t understand, say “don’t understand”. But if you understand and say “don’t understand”, how do I understand that you understand? Understand!

(2) I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch whishes, I won’t wish the wish you wish to wish.

(3) Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.

(4) A sailor went to sea to see what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.

(5) If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which watch?

(6) I thought a thought. But the thought I thought wasn’t the thought. If the thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn’t have thought so much.

(7) Once a fellow met a fellow in a field of beans. Said a fellow to a fellow, “If a fellow asks a fellow, can a fellow tell a fellow what a fellow means?”

(8) Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside. Mr Inside stood outside and called to Mr Outside inside. Mr Outside answered Mr Inside from inside and told Mr Inside to come inside. Mr Inside said “No”, and told Mr Outside to come outside. Mr Outside and Mr Inside argued from inside and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr Outside coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr Outside and Mr Inside went outside to the riverside.

(9) She sells sea shells on the sea shore. But the sea shells that she sells, on the sea shore are not the real ones.

(10) The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.

(11) If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctors the doctor the way the doctor he’s doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctors the way the doctor who doctors doctors?
When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor’s the doctor. Is the doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or is the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor’s way.

(12) We surely shall see the sun shine shortly. Whether the weather be fine, or wether the weather be not, whether the weather be cold or whether the weather be hot, we’ll weather the weather whatever the weather. Whether we like it or not. Watch? Whether the weather is hot. Whether the weather is cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It is whether we like it or not.

(13) Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.

(14) A flea and a fly in a flue said the fly “oh what should we do” said the flea. “Let us fly” said the fly. “Let us flee”. So the flew though a flaw in the flue.

(15) If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be twisted as tongue-twister twists tongues.

(16) Mr See owned a saw. And Mr Soar owned a seesaw. Now See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw before Soar saw See, which made Soar sore. Had Soar seen See’s saw before See sawed Soar’s seesaw? See’s saw wouldn’t have sawed Soar’s seesaw. So See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw. But it was sad to see Soar so sore just because See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw

organism speedometer - Picture Joke

guest — 2009-11-30 15:30:41

Organism Speedometer

the wheel of life - Picture Joke

guest — 2009-11-30 15:21:13

The Wheel of Life

dirty under wear bus ads - Picture Joke

guest — 2009-11-30 15:16:06

Dirty Under wear Bus Ads

osama bin laden was tagged in an album - Picture Joke

guest — 2009-11-19 14:55:29

Osama bin Laden was tagged in an album