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Tears are welling in my eyes and my hands are trembling as I scroll down my computer screen at four in the morning.

1…2…3…

I scroll down the list of scholars and there it is: my name listed on number 9.

A screenshot of the B-School Scholarship winners announcement at MarieForleo.com on May 17

I stare at the list for a few more minutes, a smile slowly spreading across my face.

It feels just as I had imagined a few days ago. Awe. Excitement. Happiness. Gratitude.

I shake my husband still sleeping on our bed, I feel like I have to tell somebody or I’m gonna explode.

He stirs and opens his eyes just a little. I hug him tight, tears streaming down my face.

I whisper in his ear, “I got in. We did it.”

Have you ever wanted something so much, you knew you just had to get it?

More than two weeks ago, I found myself at another crossroads in my life.

I was on break from my teaching stint in the university and I had no schedules for training.

And while it was fun to be a stay at home mom in the meantime, I felt a strong need to do something about my work and career.

I wanted to help my husband to provide for our family. So my choices were, either I get a job or I figure out a way to make money doing what I love.

Of course, getting a job looks like the responsible thing to do, but my inner self struggled with it.

Even as I asked for openings from the previous company I worked for, I was half-hearted about it because I knew a job would take me away again from my children and force me to leave them with the help.

I just love moments like this!

I’ve been through that road before.

And I knew there had to be a better way to balance being a mother, providing for my children and fulfilling my passions.

I retreated to my journal and wrote about all the things I am passionate about and I wanted to do.

I am passionate about writing, parenting and personal development.
I love blogging.
I love connecting with people.
I love inspiring people to live better and happier.
I love helping them to become more positive and proactive about their goals in life.

By the end of the page, I had finally made a decision.

I want to be a mompreneur with an Enlightened Business.

I want to be the Chief Inspiration Officer of Optimommy.com — a community that inspires and empowers moms to become intentional parents and happier women. I want a community of moms who can balance raising a loving family while living the life of their dreams.

My *Unique Soulful Proposition* (USP) is to use inspiration and empowerment to help make the world a happier place, one mom at a time.

This may all sound confident now but truth was, I was scared of making the move. I knew nothing about business and even less about making money from doing creative work that is not in an office.

But I had a purpose and what I lacked in know how, I more than made up for with the intense desire to be a present mother to my children and to live my dream.

Besides I already have an idea and a blog to start with. All I needed was someone who was already doing what I wanted to do.

Someone who can teach me about how to have a thriving online business.

Once I made the decision, everything fell into place

When I found my way to Marie Forleo and Rich, Happy and Hot B-School, I knew it was exactly what I needed. Everything she said in the video resonated with me. At first, my goal was: “Make money, be present for my kids.”

For B-School, it was “Make money, change the world.”

It challenged me to think bigger. And I wanted in.

They say when a student is ready, the teacher will appear.

I was ready and I had found my teacher.

I watched the free videos, over and over and over. I scoured Marie’s blog for every single nugget of business wisdom that I could find.

I already knew something as comprehensive as B-School would have a steep price. And while I know it’s worth it, I had to be realistic. I didn’t have that much money yet.

So I made it a goal to get into B-School. For free.

A journal entry I wrote on May 7, 2012 after I read about B-School

When Marie announced the scholarship, my heart was racing with excitement. I knew it was my chance and I won’t just try, I will give it my damn best shot.

My TV producer instincts kicked in. I wrote my 2 minute script, made my shot list, asked my best friend to be my videographer and scheduled our pre-production meeting and shoot. I talked to my husband, my video editor, and I told him I just had to do it.

I know two minutes was far from a grand production, but I felt that it was one of the most important productions of my life.

Everything was all set. We would shoot on Friday, edit on Saturday and upload on Sunday.

But I had to face the gremlins

On Friday morning, the gremlins started talking. No, they started bashing me.

What do you think you’re doing? You can’t possibly make the cut. You’re just a mom.

But I was ready to hit back.

I am a mom and I have something to contribute to this world. And I will do what it takes to live my dream and still be here for my kids. I will make the cut. Watch me.

Yes, even optimists get gremlins too but I tell them to shut their mouth and kiss my… cheek.

For the next three hours, my kids and I played, painted and sang songs while my bestfriend clicked and recorded every moment.

My two – minute interview was shot for almost two hours because every now and then, someone would tug at me, “Mommy can I go to the bathroom?” “Mommy, can I take your picture?” “Mommy, are we done yet?”

At the end of the day, I was poofed but I felt good. I felt inspired.

My dream team on shooting day: my girls Jamaine and Kalia and my best friend A.

On Mother’s Day, my husband and I set up shop on the dining table. The Mother’s Day treat had to wait. We spent the whole day editing my video and polishing it as best as we could.

As I was about to upload my video, my heart sank a little as I saw hundreds of B-School submissions in Youtube.

Can I really make it?

Thankfully, my inner cheerleader took charge.

You’re already at the home stretch, Just keep going.

I uploaded my video to Youtube and before the anxiety could kick in, I decided to let go and do something that felt good. I went back to my computer and made a Mother’s Day slideshow for my Mama.

In the true spirit of letting go, I tried not to think about my video or check Marie’s blog, Twitter and Facebook for the announcement. Emphasis on tried because I failed a lot of times during the days that followed.

My inner cheerleader chimed in again: Who knows, maybe she’ll pick two or three? You may have a chance.

By Wednesday, I asked myself, what would I be doing if I knew I was going to B-School?

I came up with a list:

• I would tidy up my blog
• Write more content
• Arrange my social media plan
• Brainstorm ideas for products and services
• Connect with other moms

I read the B-School curriculum and imagined watching the videos and soaking it all in.

I imagined the community of moms I am  gathering, the friendships and connections we are building, and the thriving abundance that comes from doing your work of heart.

It felt good.

I had just finished writing a blog post that Friday morning when I read Marie’s update that the winners have been announced.

Some would probably think it was luck. Coincidence.

I would like to think of it as deliberate creation. The magic that happens when you take inspired action.

Do you have a dream that you’ve always wanted to come true?

I am here to tell you that it can come true.

I believe you have that dream because God, the Universe, Higher Power knew you can do it.

I believe that whatever you want in your life, you can create it.

As you were reading this story, did you see the crucial turning points that happened along the way?

Follow these five steps to create whatever you want in your life:

1. Decide. Know what it is you want to achieve and commit to it. Not sure about what it is you want to do? As my mentor Marie Forleo said, “Clarity comes from engagement not thought.” So yes, think about what it is you love to do and want to do, then DO IT.

I had to go through nine years of TV work, two years of a regular job and a few months into teaching to get clear about what I wanted to do. And I’m clear now that this is what I am meant to be doing.

2. Write down your goal and believe you can achieve it. There is tremendous power in the written word and even the words that you tell yourself.

When I decided to join the run for the scholarship, I wrote it down in my journal, tweeted about it and posted about in Facebook, not to earn bonus points, but because I wanted to reinforce my belief in myself.

An affirmation I sent to the Universe via Twitter on May 9. 2012

Oh the gremlins will come, you can be sure of that. But you can get rid of them. Squish them, squash them, silence them, kick them out the door. They won’t go back if you don’t let them in.

3. Take inspired action. I love taking inspired action because it makes work effortless. And when I say effortless, it doesn’t mean you won’t do the work.

I didn’t lie down in bed the whole day and think “I’m getting into B school. I’m getting into B-School.”

I did the work, I wrote the script, we spent hours shooting and editing. Yes at some point it was physically tiring, but it always, always felt so good to do it. It felt easy. It felt natural. I felt that it was the thing I am meant to do.

Have you ever had a job that seemed relatively easy but you feel like dragging yourself to work each day and you come home drained both physically and emotionally?  That is how you know you’re working too hard.

What would you rather choose: hard draining work or inspired fulfilling action?

4.  Act as if. What would you be doing every day if you were already a business woman, coach, yoga instructor,  (fill in your dream here) __________?

How would you organize your schedule? What tasks will you be doing every day? How would you dress up? How would you communicate with other people?

Do those things and feel it. Go after those feel good moments that your dream is coming true. And it is.

5. Let go and feel good. Somewhere along the way, you’ll find yourself  wanting too bad to make it happen and that may do more harm than good.

Abraham said, “You may not always know what to do next, but you’ll always know how you want to feel.” And most of the time, we want something because we think it will make us feel good.

If the goal is to feel good, then what can you do right now that will make you feel that way?

Go for a walk. Take a nap. Write a blog. Call a friend.

Ultimately, decide that you will take charge of your own happiness.

Before you know it, your dream is manifesting into reality right before your very eyes.

What do you believe in?

But Jayme, that’s easy for you to say. You have a husband who has a job and friends who support you.

I have no job. I have no one to support me. I have no money. I have no talent. I have no _________.

For a long time, I didn’t think I could do business. I was raised in an employee culture: study – get a degree – get a job. My parents were employees. We grew up with very little money. I thought businesses are just for rich people.

I had to stop making excuses that were preventing me from success.

I had to start believing that it is indeed possible to live your passions and be rich, happy and hot while you’re at it.

I’ve seen so many people suffer from their excuses and waste their potential.

But I’ve seen more people who are living proof that when you believe in yourself, you can do anything.

Remember that whatever you believe in is true for you.

If you think you can, you are right. If you think you can’t, you are right too.

What do you choose?

Now here’s what I want you to do next….

Focus and practice deliberately creating your dreams.

I can already see you coming back here and telling me three words I would so love to hear:

“I did it!”

Are you ready to make you dream come true?

In the comments below, share with us your biggest, most passionate creative dream.

As I have experienced, there’s great power in the written word and releasing your dreams to the Universe.

So let’s start now and create the life you’ve always dreamed of.

I’m so excited to hear the amazing things you are meant to do and create.

I believe in you!

Has it really been five years?

My first born Liana Jamaine

My firstborn, the miracle who made me a mother.

My eyes move to the long haired big girl building blocks in front of me. And the memories, rewind, play and fast forward all at once.

Oh how she has grown.

Then there’s the little one with chubby cheeks and wispy hair. She came to us as a surprise, I discovered I was pregnant with her, well into the first trimester.

My baby girl Jan Kalia a few weeks old

The screensaver on my husband’s laptop continues to play: a slideshow of our life, one photograph at a time.

It’s amazing how one image can bring a flood of memories. And even if those moments were not as picture perfect as they seem to be, everything else has faded away.

And all I remember is love.

Do you remember what it was like when your kids were young?

I remember those sleepless nights when I cradled my daughters in my arms, I would wish they would grow up so we can do things together.

Tell stories, go on walks, make art, and sing together.

And now here they are. We are doing all those things and so much more.

My girls and me during our Baguio getaway

And yet, sometimes, when the bickering starts and the moodiness strikes, I wish they would be babies again when a soothing lullaby or a musical toy could keep the peace.

Have you ever felt this way?

Oftentimes, it’s easy to forget love when your mind is clouded by stress, frustrations and fears.

The adorable little bundles of joy now seem like noisy and demanding kids who want everything to go their way.

And then it becomes easy to snap, to shout, to throw dagger stares when the tension is high and patience is running low.

Do you want to be more patient? Remember this…

As within, so without.

Whatever you are thinking about will come out in your emotions, your words and your actions.

Want to be more patient? Think about love. Focus on love and see how patience immediately takes its place in your awareness.

Remember how it is defined? Love is patient.

When your children are bickering, fighting or having a tantrum, remember that they are good kids having a bad day.

Play a slideshow in your head of your happy moments together. When you try to rewind them, there will be more than you can possibly count.

Remember that they are your little miracles, teachers who are showing you how to grow your heart so big, it overflows with love.

Can it really be that simple?

Yes, it can be that simple and it’s also not that easy.

There is no secret formula or magic pill that can make you more patient in an instant.

Patience is something that you practice every moment of every day.

You might slip and snap sometimes, and that’s okay.

When you find yourself in a trying situation, remember your intentions, close your eyes, breathe, envision your children as the angels that they truly are.

And most of all, think of love.

Now it’s your turn: What other techniques do you have to maintain your patience and happy vibes? I’d love to hear about them in the comments below.

“You’re not playing with me!”

Her right foot was poised to throw a front kick at her big sister’s back.

I saw it from the corner of my eye but I wasn’t quick enough to block it.

Good thing the little one was, well, little, her kick hardly moved her big sister in place. I don’t think she even felt it.

But that still didn’t make it right.

I was controlled enough to keep my mouth shut but my hand involuntarily slammed my table.

The little one looked at me as tears started welling in her eyes. She walked out of the bedroom and slammed the door with all her might. Bam!

For a few seconds, I forgot to do one small thing that could have made a big difference to how I handle this situation.

Breathe.

Do you forget to breathe?

I know that sounds silly, if you forgot to breathe for a very long time, you will die.

But during times of stress, do you notice how your breathing becomes shallow and irregular? Sometimes it’s so shallow, it’s like you’re barely breathing.

We forget the deep kind of breath that brings so much good to our body. Because according to this, “oxygen purifies our blood and removes poisonous waste products from our system.”

Now try this with me: Straighten your posture, inhale deeply, hold it in for about three seconds then exhale slowly.

How did that feel?

Now try that again.

And as you breathe in, imagine the air cleansing your mind, your heart, and everything else inside you. It’s like positive energy, patience and love filling you up.

And as you exhale slowly, try to really empty your lungs and imagine yourself pushing out all the negative vibes, frustrations and stress inside you.

Ah that feels good.

Note to self: Breathe

Enter the sanctuary

Pressure. Stress. Worry.

The feelings were mounting, my head was hurting and I felt like I was gonna explode.

I got up from my chair, shook my hands to break my state and walked to my fortress.

The vibranium steel structure reached the sky. It was shimmering in the sun in the middle of a field of roses.

It is my sanctuary. When I am inside, nothing can disturb me.

I entered the fortress and closed the door shut.

Serenity. Love. Patience.

I am safe. I am at peace.

How do you become at peace?

Create your own sanctuary.

The sanctuary is one of the techniques I learned when I trained in NLP. And just as the word suggests, it’s a place you can go to (or run to) when you need to feel positive again.

And since it’s imaginary, you can build it with anything you like and you can find it or bring it with you anywhere you want.

Thanks to the Captain America movie for the idea of vibranium, that’s what I used to build my fortress. It’s the strongest steel in the world and negative energy cannot penetrate it.

You can make your fortress with bricks, stones, steel… whatever you can imagine. Remember that this sanctuary is filled with everything that is good. Know and believe that this sanctuary is strong enough to protect you.

Another thing to remember is enter your sanctuary when you’re in a neutral state.

So if you’re feeling bad, shake the feeling off of you to break the negative state and breathe deeply before you enter your sanctuary.

And while you’re inside, continue to breathe deeply until you are feeling relaxed.

This can happen in all of ten seconds but if you want to stay in your sanctuary a bit longer, feel free to do so.

But isn’t that just in your imagination? How can that work?

I can hear the objection of your logical self. And that’s understandable.

Just know that whatever situation you are in, you always have a choice. And your mind is your most powerful ally to help you make those choices.

In this case, you can choose to continue feeling negative or you can choose to use your body plus your mind’s natural ability to heal you and give you peace.

So what’s your choice?

The end

She peeped through the door, eyes sad and just a little bit hopeful.

“Mommy, is mad at me…”

“Come here baby…”

“But you’re mad at me.”

“I’m just upset at what happened. I want you and your big sister to care for each other.”

She stayed behind the door, like she’s pondering what I said.

And I let her be, waiting for the message to sink in. Hoping she would understand that, even if I get impatient sometimes, I still love her. I always love her.

After a few minutes, there’s a gentle tap on my arm.

“I’m sorry Mommy.”

Then she turns to her sister, “I’m sorry Jamaine.”

I scooped her in my arms and hugged her tight. I knew she understood.

Other Posts in the “Practicing Patience” Series

1. How to be patient with your children
2. Three reasons intentions can help you become more patient
3. Want to be patient? Close your eyes

If you found this article helpful, remember to subscribe to the Optimommy newsletter to get future updates.

When you want balance, focus on your center because it gives you power.

I am on all fours on the black gym mat, waiting for the yoga instructor’s next cue. I’m imagining I’m a table with delicate cup on my back.

I must balance or it will fall apart.

“Now raise your right arm straight in front of you, and your left leg straight behind you. Both should be parallel to your body,” he says.

Now I’m a table with a flying arm and leg. It sounds relatively easy and yet I am wobbling, trying to find my balance.

“Whenever you need balance, focus on your core because it gives your limbs power. Don’t get balance from your limbs, they are unstable and you will fall. Always focus on your center.”

I harden my middle. I stay still. I breathe.

I realize my yoga instructor just taught me a valuable lesson without him even knowing.

The key to patience is calmness

I am sitting in my corner desk, reflecting on my patience practice for the past week.

Since I started my daily patience intention, the outbursts have been very few and far between.

And as I recall my unexpected lesson from the gym, I rediscovered something more I can do to reinforce my patience.

Focus on your center…

Patience needs a high degree of calmness at its core. It’s hard to have an outburst when you’re feeling peaceful to begin with.

But when you start out the day agitated, stressed, worried, _____________ (add your adjective here), impatience is a given. Even just tripping over the stray Strawberry Shortcake doll on the floor can feel like you’re tipping over the edge.

How do you become calm?

I click and rummage through my laptop’s folders, looking for an old mp3 I used for meditation before.

Meditation. It sounds like a big word. Like something only spiritual and artistic people would do. But hey, if it’s going to make me a more patient mom, it’s worth another try.

I used to do it more to clear my mind than anything else. Now I’m doing it for a more specific purpose: to achieve calmness that can last me the whole day.

I popped the buds in my ear, clicked play and sat back on my chair.

Ah, this feels good. I hear a lot of noises on any given day and the soothing sound of a flowing stream is caressing my ear.

I empty my mind and I imagine myself being transported to one of the most peaceful places I’ve ever seen.

The beach is my sanctuary of choice.

As within, so without

“Can I play with your action figures?”

The little one was referring to a motley crew made of Mickey Mouse and other Disney characters, Woody and his friends from Toy Story, the Chipettes and Spongebobs. Lots of Spongebobs.

“But they’re my action figures!”

“But I can’t find mine. You’re not sharing!”

Poor Mickey gets tossed behind the door while Spongebob gets thrown at the closet. It’s a tough time for the action figures tonight.

And it should have been tough for me too.

But there’s something about meditating early in the morning that filled my patience cup to overflowing.

I was calm.

I picked up the toys on the floor one by one.

“You know what, Mickey said he’d love to play with both of you. You can have a tea party.”

My girls seemed to have a lightbbulb moment and started to arrange their cups and cakes on a table.

“Would you like to have a tea party with us Mommy?”

And just like that, our bedroom was at peace again.

I’ve read it before that your vibrations affect the people around you, especially your children. So when you radiate peace and calm, they sense it and imbibe it. Simply put, they behave.

I realized, the more I practiced being calm, the less conflict happened.

And at the end of the day, my cup is still half full.

Resources

• Happy for No Reason Paraliminal – a relaxing meditation MP3 focused on happiness
• Feel the Joy – a collection of happiness quotes at Oprah.com.

Other Posts in the “Practicing Patience” Series

1. How to be patient with your children
2. Three reasons intentions can help you become more patient
3. How to be patient in 10 seconds

I’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas in the comments. And if you enjoyed this post, I’d love to have you in the Optimommy community, just enter your name and email address below.

You know how when you’re cruising the web, you’re clicking on links until you chance upon something fun, beautiful or cool?

That’s how I landed on the Ultimate Blog Party 2012 at 5 Minutes for Mom. I can’t remember how I got there but I’m glad I did.

If you’re dropping by from the party, welcome and and thank you for being here.

Would you care for a cup of coffee or hot coco?

I love chocolate. I also love pink.

I am Jayme and I’m thirty years young. I am married to the love of my life and I am mom to two beautiful angels aged five and four. Here’s my little family during a recent trip to Baguio, the summer capital in the northern part of the Philippines.

This was taken at the Mines View Park in Baguio City.

I started this blog as a journal to chronicle the stories of my girls and to share my learning experiences in positive parenting. I imagine one day they will read this blog for parenting advice when they have their own kids. Oh how I love that thought.

I also love being a mom blogger. I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember and I grew to love blogging as much I love journaling.

I’ve been blogging on and off in this space for the past years, mostly because of work. I’ve been intent on becoming a work at home mom and I’m still moving in that direction.

I resigned from my office job last year and I’ve been working freelance ever since. My next goal is to thrive as a WAHM by focusing on what I love doing the most. That’s why I am blogging regularly again and I started a new blog focused on blog building at MomBlogger.net. It’s still under construction and I hope to launch it by May.

Right now, I am doing a series on “Practicing Patience” and I’d love if you could join me.

If you feel so inspired, you can read more about me and this blog here.

You can also connect with me on Twitter: @Optimommy

And find me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/Optimommy

Thank you again for stopping by and it was so nice to meet you. Feel free to drop by my online home anytime soon!

I wrote the words carefully on the smooth cream page of my journal, maybe just maybe, the words would be marked indelibly in my mind.

I am patience.

Not I will be patient. Or I am patient. If I am practicing it, I am owning it.

I closed my eyes and repeated the words softly, like a mantra or a prayer if you will, as I started my day.

My first step to practicing patience: Start with an intention.

“Mommy, can we watch Shrek again?”

The day was winding down and my girls were fresh and clean in their pajamas. We were settling down to watch our movie for the night.

So far so good, I thought to myself.

I was reviewing our day while the opening credits rolled on the screen.

My girls and I played tents and neighbors. We had snacks together. We played blocks. All without a skirmish.

The day’s patience practice has been easy. So far.

“Mommy, can you carry me?” My little girl had been a little cranky after her shower. But I thought she was just sleepy and a little tired from playing the whole day.

As I rocked her in my arms, she started crying a little. Not the sad “I’m hurt” cry. The “I want something, give it to me now” kind of cry.

“Is there something you need baby?” I asked her.

“I want gum.”

“We don’t have one right now. We can buy one tomorrow, if you’d like.”

“But I really want it!”

Chewing gums wasn’t exactly part of our nightly ritual and I had no idea where her sudden craving came from.

Then again, there are times when I have sudden cravings too, like for popcorn and chocolate fudge brownies. You don’t need a baby in your belly to get cravings.

Maybe that’s what it’s like for her too.

“Maybe tomorrow?”

She wriggled herself out of my arms and started sulking in a corner.

My big girl walked over and hugged her trying to make her smile. But my little girl stayed put in her corner, kicking her toy basket in frustration.

“Let her be, she’s still a little upset,” I told the big sister.

But little turned into big. And she started opening and banging the door.

Thug. Thug. thug.

So this is my patience test for the day.

I could feel the heat rising in my chest again. On no you don’t. That’s me controlling myself.

This time, I scooped my little girl up, closed my eyes and remembered my little morning mantra.

I am patience.
This too shall pass.

I rocked her and swayed her from side to side just like I used to do when all of her could still fit in the groove of my right arm.

A few minutes of wriggling and crying later, she was calm, sleepy and ready to go to bed.

I heaved a sigh of relief. It is done.

As I stroked her hair and kissed my little girl good night, I remembered how strong the power of an intention is.

• Intentions help you focus. Like a spotlight on a darkened stage, it comes to your mind front and center just when you need it.
• Intentions guide your actions. Instead of automatically reacting, you stop, think and respond lovingly as the situation calls for it.
• Intentions help you to remember. Even if you can’t control what happens around you, you remember that you have power over yourself and the present moment.

When you find yourself in a trying situation, remember: This too shall pass. It always does.

In the comments below, I’d love to hear your ideas about setting intentions:

1. What intentions do you set for your day?
2. How do you set your intentions?

Let me know what you think.

Chaos inside my head. My thoughts were running around rampant as if in the midst of disaster Lists of things to do, worries of things to come, frustrations over the lack of time.

Chaos outside my head. My two girls were running around the room unaware of an impending disaster.

“Mommy, you’re supposed to carry me.”
“Mommy, can you do this for me?”

An endless string of “Mommy, mommy, mommy…”

Everything's peaceful and happy until the kids start to fight or whine.

The heat started building up in my chest, rising through my neck, crawling into my head.

The whining grew louder and louder, “Mommy!” “Mommy!”

I tried to hold it back, push the feeling farther down. To no avail. And I finally exploded. “Stop it, both of you!”

Silence. For a moment, the whole room was silent like it had never been the whole day.

My two girls were stunned at my sudden outburst, they didn’t know what hit them.

I was a disaster waiting to happen and they were the unwitting victims.

A false sense of relief came over, quickly replaced by guilt. I was angry with myself for losing control.

But I wasn’t the only one who was angry.

My big girl, her brows tied into a knot, went into one corner of the room.

My little girl, her eyes teary, retreated behind the closet door.

Have you ever lost your temper knowing you shouldn’t have?

I’ve always thought of myself as a patient person. At least, when I still didn’t have kids, my patience was as thick as rope.

Now I find my patience being worn thin every now and then. And I never like the aftermath of an outburst.

It seems like the most understandable reaction. I’m tired, I’ve got a hundred and one things to do. I hardly even have time for myself. I can be impatient.

I looked at my girls sitting quietly in their corners. One stifling sobs, the other looking out the window, both of them clearly hurt, if not just as angry.

I gathered both of them in my arms, “I’m sorry. Mommy is just tired today.”

I felt there had to be a better way.

How do you become patient?

“Think before you act, because you can never take it back.”

Echoes from my childhood. I heard it from my parents. I heard it in homeroom class. And yet, when I looked around me I saw people who acted (it seems) without thinking.

It seems so simple yet so easy to forget.

“It’s okay Mommy,” my big girl hugs me. Ah children, it’s a good thing they forgive easily.

“Do you still love me Mommy?” my little girl asks. She has always been the more emotional one.

“Of course I love you,” I say and plant a kiss on her forehead.

She must have been confused and she doesn’t need to tell me why.

I don’t read the Bible much but I remember the first two lines.

“Love is patient. Love is kind.”

The room is silent except for the soft breathing of my little ones on the bed.

Peaceful.

I am sitting in my corner desk writing in my journal. Just as I always do when I need answers to my life’s questions.

I want to be more patient.

The words are like a call to the Universe for help.

Practice it.

Sunlight is streaming through our window, bathing the bedroom in its early morning glow.

It’s another day and a new beginning. I’m grateful for the chance to start again.

Other Posts in the “Practicing Patience” Series

1. Three reasons intentions can help you become more patient
2. Want to be more patient? Close your eyes
3. How to be patient in 10 seconds
4. The only thing you need to remember if you want to be more patient

Love,

“Mommy, I really, really want this,” Jamaine said. Her eyes looked earnest, almost pleading. I felt that she meant it.

We were at the department store’s shoe section picking a pair to wear with her purple dress for the Memorial.

I spotted white ballet flats with a ribbon strap that looked perfect to me. Jamaine saw (actually it was her dad who found it and showed it to her) a pair of white sandals with three ribbons on top.

This is the story of how a pair of sandals taught me how to let go

I insisted on the ballet flats. They were made of soft material and they looked comfortable to wear and to walk in. “These look really nice. They would go perfectly with your dress,” I said.

The sandals, on the other hand, had low wedge soles and looked uncomfortable to wear. At least to me. “But these look really nice too, Mom,” Jamaine said.

Confident that I could eventually win her over to my side, I still ordered a pair of the ballet flats in her size. She tried the sandals and the flats one after the other.

Then I put one flat on her left foot and one sandal on her right foot. I hoped she would compare them and realize that I was right. The white ballet flats were the right choice. They were what I would choose if I were her.

“Mom, I really, really like this one,” Jamaine said, pointing to the sandals. She said she didn’t want her toes to be covered.

I sat on the padded bench with two pairs of shoes before me, feeling partly annoyed, partly defeated.

An early memory flashed before my eyes. Rewind twenty-something years ago.

Mama, Papa and I were in a watch store somewhere in Manila. They were buying me my first ever timepiece.

I fell in love with a watch that had rubber pink straps. “It’s my favorite color,” I said trying to justify my choice.

Mama chose a watch with black straps. A practical choice that goes well with anything. “This won’t get dirty easily,” she said. It was what she would choose if she were me.

We discussed options inside the watch store: Mama was trying to convince me that the black watch was the best choice and I was trying to convince her that the pink watch was what I really, really wanted.

Finally, Papa intervened and told me I can choose whatever watch I want. I was the one who was going to wear it after all.

I went home happily wearing my pink watch. I knew I made the right choice.

I sighed. I gave up. And I let go.

I decided Jamaine could have the sandals if she wanted to. She was the one who was going to wear them after all.

“So this is how it feels,” I thought to myself. That moment will come when you just have to learn to let go and let your child make her own decisions. Yes, even if she’s only five years old.

I still took comfort in the fact that Kalia was happy with the shoes I chose for her. I know it won’t be long when she too would insist on making her own choices.

On the day of the Memorial, it only took half an hour before Jamaine started fidgeting in her white sandals.

“My small toe is squished,” she said.

She felt so uncomfortable, she took off her sandals and put her bare feet up on the chair for the rest of the ceremony.

“Well, next time, let’s choose a more comfortable pair,” I said reassuringly.

Wonder what happened to my pink watch?

True enough, my watch turned from pink to dirty pink in just a matter of days. I realized that the black watch was indeed the better choice. I learned that, in certain matters, it’s wise to listen to your mother.

While I don’t expect Jamaine to make the same realization now, I want to let her feel that I am allowing her to make her decisions no matter how small. Of course, I am also here to teach her how to make the right ones.

I respect her choices. And whether they turn out to be right or wrong, I would always be here to support her. Always.

Once upon a time, there was a princess who was running from a mean witch. She met a good dragon who helped her fight the mean witch. They became friends and they lived happily every after. The end.

“Do you want another story, Mommy?” my youngest daughter Kalia asked. “Sure, I’d love another story.”

I lay on the pink Disney princess mat on our bedroom floor, mesmerized by my daughter’s fairy tales. One moment, she’d be telling stories full of magical wonder. Fairies, wizards and wishes.

Then she’d growl and curl her fingers into claws. “Mommy, you’re supposed to be scared. i’m a monster!”

I look at her and I feel grateful that I have this time to spend with my daughter. In my mind, a mental note was ticking itself.

Spend more quality and quantity time with my daughter. Check.

The reason I wake up every morning

It all started with a goal.

New Year’s Eve. I was sitting on the bed with a pen and my journal. Every other minute, firecrackers would explode in the sky. I was all set to write down my goals for the year.

And when I thought about it — much as I had grand dreams of living the life in a mansion and rolling on a bed of money —my family was the one thing that mattered most to me. Everything that I wanted to have and to achieve was because of them.

I’ve seen this picture before. Parents work day in and day out. “We’re doing this to provide a better future for our children,” they say.

Children welcome them home eager to spend time with them. “Daddy / Mommy is really tired. Maybe we’ll play tomorrow, okay?”

Play today!

The same thing happens the next day. And the next. Then years have passed before you knew it, and your children don’t even want to spend time with you anymore.

Sounds familiar? I almost fell into this busy parent trap until I finally realized what I needed to do: I need to find that balance between providing for and caring for my kids.

I’ve never been good with spinning plates in the air but if there’s one thing I know my mind works best with, they’re processes and lists. And so I wrote the goal down.

Every morning, before daylight streams through our windows and the birds sing out in the trees, I flip the leather journal open and read the words again.

A daily reminder of my most important goals

“All aboard!” a voice calls out from the other room.

The fairy tale has ended and a new adventure is about to begin.

“Well, come on Mom. The pirate ship is about to sail,” my big girl Jamaine said. “Let’s go look for some hidden treasure.”

I know I’ve found mine.