The Orange Wit

I'm With Stupid

2013-05-20T03:17:00.002+08:00

Can you remember the day when you are nothing but stupid? My version of stupidity is plastered in my head like beer cans glued together to create a sword.

Rizal Day. I arrived at Talipayong at two o clock in the afternoon carrying a bag of clothes good for two days. It was a barangay forty minutes via tricycle from Baliguag, Bulacan’s town proper. The place was pretty rural. Lots of rice fields, plenty of fresh air from the luscious trees, and all the farm animals you can think of. I went there because my ex invited me to celebrate New Year’s Eve with his family, and when I arrived there, I found out that that I wasn’t the only one he invited, he also invited his current. I started feeling that it will be a long 24 hours.

There was a nipa house outside their house. It stands beside the outside kitchen where my ex’s mom and I chatted about all the nonsensical things that can possibly talk out. I avoided my ex too much because (1) I am still bitter (2) I haven’t moved on and (3) I’m starting to feel stupid. Night came. After dinner I sat at the porch in front of the hut, smoking my lungs out to stop the awkward feeling. His current doesn’t know that I was the ex. My ex just told me that I was a friend from the boarding house.

When I started preparing myself to sleep, I went to the bedroom at the main house to find that my ex’s brother and his family are sleeping at the room. I looked at the sofa and another brother was sleeping there. I don’t need my ex to tell me that three of us will sleep together in one place – unfortunately, it was the nipa house outside. I loathed myself more when I went inside the hut and saw only one bed. Oh yeah, it will be messy.

We never slept early. First we chatted about random things. I acted my way so I will just get use to the three of us being together. We will sleep in the same place, anyways. But after they freshen up, I lie down at the bed side nearest the door and pretended to be busy with my phone. My ex then lies down beside me followed by his current. I force myself to sleep, forcing my head to stop thinking how impossible the three of us can get. However, they kept on talking. You will hear them kissing. And all their hugging makes sleeping with a couple on the same bed nothing but ultimately stupid. Hey, he is my ex by the way! Then the plan started running on my head. Definitely, this will not continue.

I checked my phone when the farm started to become quiet. It was two in the morning. I stood up as quietly as possible and when my ex saw me, I just told him that I need to pee. I quietly descended the hut, enter the back door near the kitchen, proceeded as quietly as possible to the room where my bag was placed, passed the sofa afraid that his brother will woke up, tried to open the door house, succeeded, then without turning back, I left.

What have I gotten myself into? I ask myself this question as I transverse the rough road on my way to town. Hugging my bag in my chest while my left hand carries my phone to light my path, I noticed that there was nothing safe in what I am doing. I am some 22 year old stranger from Manila, in my house clothes walking past dark rice fields praying that no snake will suddenly cross the street, no dogs will bark and chase the hell out of me, no supernatural being will block my path and most especially no bad guys with deadly weapon will try to rob or rape me. I was gratuitous enough to realize that I didn’t wear any sneakers because that will be another problem. Haha. I never walked that fast in my entire life. Adrenaline took over my body because basically I don’t want anything either my ex or anything else catching me. He will find out eventually that I left.

And I was correct. I was walking for thirty minutes when I received his text asking me where I am. “I’m on my way home,” I replied. He started texting that it was not safe leaving at this hour (which I know), that I could have stayed until morning (which is not an option), and if there is anything wrong. Some people can really get more stupid compared to other people. I never replied his messages because I can. Then I was sure he started getting pissed because the tone of his text was starting to get nasty. I never replied until he told me to stay where I was and he will go there to get his clothes. Then there was flashback. When I left for manila he kept on texting me to bring him clothes because he was so excited to go home that he didn’t bring anything. Smiling wickedly, I replied, “ay sorry, wala kang damit dito. Don’t get me wrong, I have clothes for both of us pero they are all my clothes. Im sure you’ll figure something out.”

Another 20 minutes of walking and my savior came. Seeing a tricycle was the happiest thing that happened to me that morning. I was so happy that I paid the driver a hundred bucks when he dropped me off the bus terminal. Leaving for Manila never felt that well.

Though these happened eons ago, this stupidity still makes me smile. I always believe that it is okay to be stupid sometimes. When you became stupid, you learn. When you took the wrong curves, it will make you reflect on the things that you mistakenly commit and then you’ll start hoping that you can still make things right. Without stupidity, life will be dull and boring. I’m not saying that we all become stupid. Let’s just try not making the same mistakes again. And in case you did, don’t fret; I am still rooting for you.

Thank you for reading this super duper long post. Haha!

A Boy Named Leech

2013-05-13T01:42:00.002+08:00

Leech is only a code name.

I met Leech years ago. The first time I saw him was when I first live in Pateros. Since we were clan mates, he sent a group message telling everyone that he was on his way to Taguig. During that time, I was walking Pasig Park on my way to the jeepney stop where all the vehicles bound to Pateros and Taguig pass.

We were at the same place, at the same time, so it became inevitable that we should meet up.

That was the start. Since our areas were near each other, we started drinking together, and every moment was fun. He sang well, while I sang okay, so our favorite bonding moment was singing in a cheap videoke place in Rotonda.

Leech is awesome. You will really want him as your friend. He is your typical alpha gay but he doesn't consider him as such. He knows what he have but you will never feel that he brags about him. Yes, you will hear stories about him, the things he does and all, but you have to transcend through all the stories to fully understand him.

But things always happen. I left the clan that he used to lead then we lost communication.

God knows how I tried my best to find him. It is really my nature that when someone starts to mean something to me, specially if that person became my friend, I will do my best to keep you. But when you start to realize that the only information you have is his first name left my hopes in finding him on FB flush on the drain. I ask our common friends and found out that he was not on our clan before. Leech was really a slimy thing to catch.

But I found him. Just a while ago. And I cannot be more ecstatic about it. Nothing beats looking for something you missed terribly.

And that is why I am writing again. Because I am not just happy, I feel splendid. :D

So, how you've been? Let's catch up. :)

Ang Landas Tungo sa Liwanag

2013-05-06T00:54:00.001+08:00

Sa totoo lang, ayaw ko talaga munang isulat ang mga nararamdaman ko. Ayaw kong isipin ng mundo na puro ako emo at rants. Pero sabi nga nila, the first step to letting go is acceptance. You accept your faults, acknowldege your weaknesses, admit defeat and then you start moving on.

Naging mahirap ang nakaraang buwan sa akin. Simula ng umalis ako ng Makati, tinanggap ko na sa sarili ko na may mga bagay na kailangan akong gawin. Naplano ko na ang mga susunod na buwan, nilatag lahat ng baraha't umasa na kahit papaano kakabig din ng malaki sa huli. Pero mapaglaro talaga ang kapalaran, minsan yamado ka na, bigla ka namang matatalo agad agad.

Lumipat ako sa Pateros na mataas ang paniniwala sa sarili ko. Alam ko kakayanin ko uling harapin ang mundo na magisa, makakayanan ang mga bagay na maaring harapin, at magigiging matatag sa lahat ng pagsubok na maaring ibigay ng Maykapal. Pero dahil sa sobrang init ng bahay ko sa tanghali, sumuko na ako. Haha. Nakakatawang isipin pero mas inuna ko ang kalusugan ko kesa sa mga hangarin ko. Paano ako mangangarap kung hindi malusog ang katawan ko? Paano ako mananaginip ng maganda kung hindi naman ako makatulog ng maayos? Paano lilinaw ang pananaw ko sa mga bagay bagay kung parating masakit ang mata ko dahil sa kulang ako sa tulog?

Kaya ito ako ngayon, nakatira na naman sa bahay ng Nanay ko.

Wala namang problema. Sobra akong masaya kasi kahit papaano alam kong may sumusuporta sa akin sa lahat ng mga pinagdadaanan ko. Mahirap man ang biyahe, masarap naman ang pakiramdam kapag nakauwi ka na. Sobrang gaan sa pakiramdam. Kung ito ang pakiramdam ng nakadrugs, naku, magiging adik talaga ako.

Pero alam ko hindi rin magtatagal at kailangan ko na ring bumalik sa Maynila - para maghanap ng bagong trabaho, bagong bahay, magsimula ng bagong buhay. Ngayon, kinakabahan ulet ako. Alam niyo yung pakiramdam na alam ko mahohomesick ako ulet at mamimiss ang luto ng nanay ko. Bukod pa doon, kinakabahan ako na magumpisa ulet kasi sa tagal kong magisa sa lungsod (walong taon), kinakabahan ako na magkamali ulet. Natatakot akong mabigo. At higit sa lahat, ayaw kong umuwi ulet sa bahay ng Nanay ko na isang talunan. Isang Prodigal Son.

Sa ngayon, na alam ko na madaming oras na akong nasayang, hindi ko na kakayaning gawin ulet ang mga bagay na nagawa ko na dati. Hindi na ako papayag. Hindi ko na iyon pahihintulutan.

Kaya kahit nakakapagod maguwian, kakayanin kong magtiis. Ihahanda ko muna ulet ang sarili ko na mas maging matatag para mas maging matapang na harapin lahat ng bagay na pwedeng ilatag ng buhay para sa akin. Panahon lang ang kailangan ko. Sa ngayon, umaasa akong hindi na iyong magtatagal.

Pangako, ito na ang huling pagkakataon na isusulat ko ito. Sa susunod na magsulat ako, sana mas masaya na, mas kaenga enganyong basahin, at higit sa lahat, hindi na madilim.

Kaya, pansamantala, hangga't hindi ko nakikita ang liwanag sa kadilimang bumabalot sa akin, iiwan ko muna ang kahel kong mundo.

Sana mahintay niyo ako. Aasa ako. Kailangan ko ang tiwala niyo. :D

Magdalene

2013-04-20T10:41:00.000+08:00

When The Company started printing and reading our YM conversations to ensure that all stuff being talked about over messenger are work related, everyone was aghast!

I was loathing.Well, who wouldn't be?

Things got more interesting when one of my supervisor was tasked to read all conversations and make a report about it. Imagine your the supervisor and you have to read your subordinates talking things about you. And they are not pretty. Haha. It made my Sup so stressed that she never talked to us weeks after it happened.

Among all the Christmas greetings, the HIs and Hellos, and all the gossips that circulated through the YM conversations, there were talks about one office mate who flirted with people while at work. Haha. It was crazy. She really proved that our senior officers were correct.

Mommy, being diplomatic and caring about all of her employees, just told us that whatever was talked about in YM and all the things personal will remain confidential. What she also said amazed me, like when we talked about our office mate who were chatting with men while working. She just said that, "lahat ng tao may landi, lahat tayo may ginagawang mali, so wala tayong dapat iworry, kasi kung ano man ang kanya, kanya lang yun."

I always remember those words in moments where I feel that I committed something unforgivable. Specially when you are faced with situations that are too out of your control. All of us have our own share of bad attitude, probably some of us committed something that we are not proud of. There are things I am not proud of, but I acknowledge all the bad things I've done in my life and I am trying my best to make things right.

And I guess, if people will judge you because of all the faults you made, hmm, I will tell them to check themselves first. :D

*image from here

Oh My, Orange Mist!

2013-04-18T22:05:00.003+08:00

this is how it looks like. :)

Four hours after my shift, I was at the Computer Shop maximizing the X3 experience buff thas was given by NCSOFT to all AION players becuase its their anniversary. Then, it happened. My eyes hurt because of the glare and the lack of sleep but I was still able to see Orangemist (My Character's Name) transparent wings signalling that I advance another level. What made it more exciting was it will be the last time you will see those wings, for now, because my character's level reached it maximum. Yes, my toon just turned level 60.

The feeling was superb. Its like graduating college and the only thing you will be left to do is to reflect all those years spent studying. It was exhilerating. As the congratulatory messages started pouring in from all over the world, I remember how difficult things have been for me. Starting the game not even knowing anything, using W, A, S and D to move, getting bullied by the other race because they are too afraid that you might beat the hell out of them, trying to avoid aerial battles because you're not good at flying, all those bosses that made your head aches becuase you need to learn how to handle them, and maximizing your level not focusing on your gears, damn, I am really proud of myself! Haha.

Now that I am level sixty, maybe you are thinking what is left to do in AION, right? Maybe my Gamer friends will say that you can just get rich or start all over again with another character. Well, you can reallly do that. But right now, there are still a lot of things to do with Orangemist. The first thing I am working on is my gear (clothes you wear in the game). Then I am trying to enter as many instance (dungeons in other games) as possible, that way, you will only be called noob once. Haha. And finally, I am just improving my character so the moment the new patch of the game is released in June, I have nothing to fear.

The reason why online games is so addicting is the fulfillment you get every time you achieve something in the game. An online game is like life - you will be given skills needed to survive but it will be up to you what type of attack combination you will use to excel. There will be obstacles and people that may block your way, however, as long as you're ready, every thing will be okay. You will reach your limit at some point, but that must not stop you from improving.

I started AION clueless if I will ever reach max. And now that I just did, I feel that I can face anything in the game. I feel amazed.

Just like real life - you will doubt yourself, get scared, struggle, fight, bleeed and even lost something, but at the end of the day, its still the experience you gained and the lessons learned that matters.

Random Orange Part 4

2013-04-15T21:39:00.000+08:00

Okay. Okay. Random Post! :D

Paumanhin naman. Actually, hindi naman talaga ako sabaw, ayaw ko lang mawala nalang ang mga tumatakbo sa isip ko na hindi ko man lang naisusulat sa kung saan. Haha. Since my blog ako, dito nalang po. Pwede naman siguro diba? Haha.

* Ayun, ang pinakahighlight ng linggo ko ay ang pagbalik ko sa manila. Dala dala ang isang bag ng mga damit at ang sobrang tiwala ko sa aking sarili. Nakakuha ako ng room worth PHP 2,800. Okay naman siya - malaki para sa akin, medyo tahimik ang place at ang higit sa lahat walang pakialam ang may-ari sa mga ginawa, ginagawa at gagawin mo. Pero siyempre lahat ng bagay may kaukulang responsibilidad. At kapag mangungupahan ka, ang pinaka mahirap ay ang papakiramdaman mo kung parehas ba kayo ng saltik sa utak ng mga kasama mo sa bahay.

Nasabi ko na ba na magjowang tomboy ang may ari ng tinitirhan ko ngayon? Haha. Serious.Pero baka iniisip niyo na yung magpartner ay isang super gandang babae at isang sobrang gwapo na babae, sorry, mali. Dahil ang nakakaaliw sa kanila, parehas silang mas lalaki pang kumilos sa akin. Astig diba?

Isa lang ang problema ko sa bahay ko ngayon. WALA AKONG BINTANA! Haha! 'Tragis talaga. Kung kailan nakapagbayad na ako ng advance, nakabili na ng mga kagamitan saka ko mapapansin na walang nilalabasan ang init sa kwarto. And good luck naman sa napakamasalimuot na global warning diba. Iniisip ko nalang na nauubos ang taba ko pag natutulog, haha.

*Ang dami kong nababasa recently. Haha. Hindi naman siya mga libro, mga threads sa PEX, mga emo post ng mga bloggers, at sa ngayon, iniisip ko ang mga blind items ni Senyor. May isang part din sa mga nakapost na napapagisip ako. May idea ako, pero ayaw ko lang itolerate ang thought. Kung ano man yun? Secret. Walang Clue.

At nawala na ang mga bagay na nasa isip ko. Sabi ko na nga ba, mawawala ang mga ito kapag nailabas na. Haha.

Thank you for wasting your time with me. Ingat parati. :D

AkoSiOrange

Homecoming

2013-04-11T21:09:00.002+08:00

I left the province with a bag of clothes and nothing else but my faith in the Lord and myself. It was tough - leaving your family, becoming independent again, starting out (all over again) in the big city hoping thing will turn out well this time.

Inhale. Exhale.

If I have a choice, I will just stay in the province. However, there are things in life where you don't make your own choice. You just let them happen because if you don't, things will be more difficult.

Manila, welcome me back!

Its Me, Your Prince

2013-04-09T03:07:00.003+08:00

Father, Its me, your Prince.

And Father, I am weak.

I am ruthless, rude, sarcastic, and horrible.

Father, I am a monster, in my own little ways.

Not realizing how gigantic little things can get.

Father, I am always tempted to do bad things.

My ambition sometimes forced me to concentrate on loving myself

Than being selfless and start caring for others

Moments happened where I don’t recognize myself anymore

Questioning, who I am? Is this the son you created?

Am I what you wanted?

In the middle of all the harsh things, you always blind me.

By your presence, by your love, and by the things you teach.

You remind me that I am still your prince in my own little ways.

Because you know that a thousand mile starts from a single step.

And in that stretch, though I sometimes let go of your hands,

You are still beside me.

Holding me, protecting me, and loving me.

Father, I know sometimes I am not worth it of your love.

A monster doesn’t deserve your love.

And in days where I am so confuse, you cover me with your blood.

Cleansing me, renewing me, and loving me.

Father, I will always be sorry for my sins.

I will always promise to try my best to never commit them again.

And in days where I break such,

Forgive me. Forgive me if I cannot forgive myself.

My lord, I lift all my burdens to you,

All the things I am scared of and all the things that disappoints you.

Just never let go, because I won’t.

Just never lose faith in me, because I will always have faith in you.

Just be there, as always.

And I will be eternally grateful.

You are the reason why I am alive.

You, my Lord, are the reason why I change.

You are the reason why I forgive myself.

And you are the reason why I became fearless.

You are bigger than everything.

And knowing that you are my father makes me feel

Greater than all things

This is my official entry to Joy's Letter To God Contest

I Am The Only Catholic In the Family

2013-04-06T19:56:00.002+08:00

I posted this on PEX a week ago, and to my surprise, it created a buzz in the whole Realm of Thought world. Which is why I am posting it here now. Let me know your thoughts. :D

I was baptized and grew up Catholic -- Going to church on Sundays, fasting during lent, etc. Basically, my family practice what normal Catholic does.

Until I went to Manila to work and while I was at the city, I found out that my family change religion. My mom and my sisters are now born again Christians. I really have no problem with it however every time I go home to the province it feels weird going to church (which used to be a family thing) alone.

I really don't want to get converted, however my Mom started introducing me to their church by having bible studies at home when I am there, she also introduced me to their pastor, and sometimes she quotes the bible when we have dinner.

Anyone else in the same boat?

Hitlist

2013-04-01T00:05:00.004+08:00

A Round Table Challenge

A midst the obstacles and the reasons,

We learn to hang on to the things we love

And we lost all the things we worked hard for.

As I start to rewrite our story

The words started to not make sense.

It was messy. It lacked cohesion, and it was ugly.

A heart shaped wreckage floating in the wind.

Still, we need to continue.

Though inaudible, the songs will blast our ears.

We may not be in the same pace

And our worlds may be universe apart

But the melodies brought us here

Safe and sound, with eyes wide open,

And In a state of grace.

The story of us may end with death

But death is just a phase

What happens next is the big finale

And I cannot be more excited

For Forever and always.

Where, there, I will hear your voices in my dreams.

10. Death

citybuoy | ♔ıǝɹɯɐı♔ | Leader of the Opposition | ןıuǝ oɟ ɟןıƃɥʇ | Spiral Prince

Home

2013-03-28T18:57:00.001+08:00

Isn't it fascinating how complicated an individual can get?

10 days ago, I ate my pride and left my boarding house to live with my Mom and my niece only to realize that I miss Manila too much that I want to live there again.

Honestly, being with my Mom isn't that bad. It has its perks. I wake up knowing that someone will cook for me, I can sleep all day knowing that my clothes are already laundried and pressed, and the fact that she is always there for me makes me grin. Cheers for all the Mothers that we all love!

However, I miss the city. Though I don't have the comfort of having someone beside me, and I am alone most of the time, I guess I will never be used to living a provincial life. I've been independent since I was 19. Working my hardest in order to not starve in the city. Haha. I miss the challenges and the struggles of the city.

I also miss my friends and the things we do together. I miss all the activities, both sane and insane, that we shared. I miss you.

The whole time that I am here in the province, I realized that I am in my comfort zone every time that I am all by myself. Probably, I am no longer used to having someone tend to my needs and take care of me. Being here can get boring you know. Aside from that, the idea that you are so far from all the things that you get used to like playing AION, blogging at a net cafe, bonding with your friends, meeting new people, joining PBO (Oh hi there, my PBO friends!), flirting with people makes me frustrated.

Now, every thing will be back to square one. And in God's time, Manila, I am coming home. Hopefully in two weeks time. :D

Konohagakure

2013-03-22T09:28:00.000+08:00

I checked on the things that I will bring - all my important documents, my uniform from work, clothes, shoes, and a lot of guts.

Manila has been a part of me. It opened a lot of opportunities and challenges that really taught me to become who I really am. If not better, definitely stronger. I will miss the city.

But right now, its time to go home.

AION on My Mind

2013-03-17T00:02:00.002+08:00

There are two things that I am busy with - work and AION Ascencion.

I won't dwell on how miserable things have become with work. Probably, my previous posts have reiterated that too much so right now, we will just talk about the good stuff. Haha!

AION is created by NCSoft and the game that I played is the one played in the U.S. Yes, it is a MMORPG that allows you to interact with people around the world. I have legion mates (guild, if you're on Ragna and RAN) coming from Mexico, Canada, United States, and of course the Philippines. The current software has a max level (highest level) of 60, my Chanter is now level 55, haha! The updated version will be available soon where the new max level is 65.

My character is a Chanter. It is a class that can support and attack. Support because it has skills that boost you team's skills and characteristics. It can heal in cases where a Cleric is not capable of healing because it is in a altered state or dead. It has skills that can damage an opponent tremendously and my character can be tough on PVP because it wont die easily because of its healing skills.

AION will not bore you. Seriously, if I don't work, I can stay in front of the PC and play for hours. You can do a lot of things. The game is pretty intense it can get addicting.

How will you get busy with AION? Like any other online games, of course you need to improve your character's level. You can achieve this by doing quests. Quests in AION are the two birds you hit with one stone. Aside from it rewards you EXP points, Kinah (money in AION), and items that you need in the game. Quests also allows you to kill mobs where you get more EXP points.

If you get fed up with killing mobs and running or flying (yes, there are aerial battles and wings) from one place to another - you can do Instances. Instance is a map that you can do alone, with a group of six players, or an alliance composed of 24 people. Basically, it is an activity where you have to kill several boss. If you think that all you have to do in an instance is to make sure that the DPS (damage per second) is high, its not. Instances can get pretty complicated that you have to know what your character does in a particular map.

The video below is one of the most irritating boss I ever met on AION. See how he needs to be killed by watching the video

Since mine is a Chanter, my role in an instance is to ensure that I will support the tank (person who lures the mob) and the Cleric (healer). Now I know my role, will I just stick to that? Definitely not. Instances in AION have levels of difficulties. Every boss is different. Most of the time, I research (watch in youtube and read guides onlines) a particular map/boss first before entering them just to make sure you will do the right things. That way, your team will survive the entire activity. Instances are fun. You will get amazing loots and level as well because the mobs provides greater EXP points.

In every online game you also have to consider your weapon and your gear (what your character wears). AION has a lot of sources for this things. You can buy them using Abyss Points, Special Coins, medals and killing bosses in instances. I am now working on this things because I don't want my character to be as soft as paper once it reached level 60. Haha!

PVP also makes AION fun. In the game you need to choose a race (Elyos or Asmodians, my character is an Elyos), and there are locations where you have no choice but to kill rather than get killed. This makes the game hard because there are moments where, while you are doing a quest, you just get killed because a member of the opposing race passed by the road that you are in. There are maps where you the only thing that you will do is just chase an Asmodian and make sure that you will get his Abyss Points by killing him. Haha.

Right now, I cannot wait to play again and reach the max level. I hope that this post sparks your interest to try playing the game. Once you tried, please take note that my character is part of the Elyos Race under Siel's server.

Take Care and Have a Great Sunday!

Random Orange Part 3

2013-03-11T03:28:00.000+08:00

Okay, hindi naman talaga ako sabaw. Haha. May mga dapat akong ipost kaso since medyo busy ako sa mga bagay bagay na hindi dapat pinagkakaabalahan (online games, lols), gagawa nalang ako ng random post. Hello Hello pala sa mga bagong dating sa blog ko! Masaya akong nandito kayo at naappreciate ang mga ~~kaartehan ko~~ sinusulat ko. Hindi man ako nakakapagreply agad sa mga comments niyo, asahan niyo na binabasa ko silang lahat ~~sa office.~~ Nakakataba sila ng puso, pero hindi nakaka high blood. :D

Random Post pala ito.

* After ng resignation ni Mommy, maraming mas masalimuot na kaganapan sa team namin. Namatay ang nanay ng office mate ko dahil sa motorcycle accident, nakunan ang isa kong team mate at kasalukuyang nakaleave na ng two months, kaya ito, 11 nalang kami sa team ngayon. Nagbabadya na naman ang "paalam summer post," pero umpisa palang naman ng March kaya I am still hoping for the best.

* Nagbabadya na talaga ang pagreresign ko sa company. Hindi ko palang ma point out ang exact date. Alam niyo ngayon, kinakabahan na akong mag risk ulet. Three years in a company is really good for your resume, pero siyempre tinitignan ko pa din ang possibility na makakita ng company where I will stay forever. Siguro ganoon naman talaga kapag ~~tumatanda~~ nagmamature na.

* Masaya ako na marami na akong bloggers na nakakachat sa FB, hehe. Alam niyo yun, pakiramdam ko nawawalan na ako ng anonymity (wow, lols). Pasensiya na sa mga nagtatatangkang makita ako sa facebook, masyadong twisted ang privacy settings ko at hindi ko na siya maayos ulet. Haha! Bopols lang talaga ako sa facebook.

* Level 54 na ang nagmamaganda kong Chanter (Class Name) sa AION. Haha! Anim na levels nalang max level na. Konting panahon nalang, makakatulog na rin ako ng husto.

* Alam ko madalang akong nakakapagcomment sa mga post niyo. Wag po kayong magtatampo, maniwala man kayo at sa hindi, lahat ng blogs niyo asa Google Reader ko at binabasa ko kapag may updates kayo. Pakiusap lang pala sa may mga "read more" sa page, patanggal po. lols. Intro lang kasi ang nakikita sa Reader. lels.

* Kahit na ang harot harot ng Bubbles. Nalulungkot akong dahil bading si Sebastian Castro. *insert sad face*

* Pwede naman pala akong mag blog ng tagalog kahit hindi sasali sa contest ng Damuhan, haha! Mema lang. :D

Ano pa ba? Un nalang siguro muna.

Salamat sa pagsasayang ng oras niyo sa page ko, mga Idol!

Sixth

2013-03-07T15:44:00.000+08:00

Finally, a post made sense. Haha! :D

Kay Bino at sa lahat ng readers ng Damuhan, Maraming Salamat po. :D

No This Is Not A Moving On Post

2013-03-05T23:25:00.001+08:00

I will never understand goodbyes.

In a corporate set-up, we all understand that people leave because (1) the company they are working for sucks, (2) they receive a better offer in a different company, (3) they never see any growth with their present company, and (4) just because. When I worked in a call center before, I've seen people leave like airplanes up in the sky. You don't know where they are heading. All you know is that they are heading somewhere. Worst, you will just find out that they are already gone. I know I am used to this. I should be used to this. But, what I am feeling right now is really foreign.

Probably, the person leaving has been so dear to me. For the purpose of this blog, let me tell you something about Mommy. Mommy is one of my supervisors here in the office. She was the first person I met, she trained me when I started, and 30 minutes ago, Mommy just told me that she is resigning.

Knowing how painful I can get as a subordinate, Mommy always believed in me the way she believe in her kids. There were moments where I was closed to doing AWOL and the first thing she did was to talk to me about it. Mommy listened well. She never judged. You can tell her personal stuff without even being scared that it will leak up. Unlike some people in our team, all things confidential will remain confidential. Her motherly approach will always makes you sane. In times where the stress in the office is too much to handle, seeing her deal with everything as graceful as she always is, everything will seem like a breeze.

Mommy told me that I matured a lot in The Company. True enough. My tenacity has been tested a lot of times. I was challenged with situations that seems too impossible to endure. Yet, I am still here. One of the reason is because of Mommy. I choose not to be dictated by my other supervisors, however, when Mommy told me something, my defenses will falter. If Mommy will request something from me, that is beyond my responsibility for a day, I will gladly comply. That is how much I respect her.

That is why the news is too painful to handle. I don't know who will I ran to if I have a problem with something. Who will listen to all of my nonsensical thoughts? Who will keep me sane if work is burning the hell out of me? Just realizing that I have to rely on myself more already scares me.

Do no get me wrong. I am happy for her because I know how hard it is to work where I am working now. I also see myself leaving this company but not as immediate as what she did. However, seeing how miserable things will turn out to be now that she will no loger be there stress me. I don't even want to think about it.

I will never understand goodbyes. But because I adore her too much, I guess I will give it a try.

Like Ever

2013-03-01T00:18:00.001+08:00

A Round Table Challenge

“I thought what happened will never separate us. Why are you doing this now?” The boy said as he stared at the crowd below. He cannot look at her teary eyes, he doesn't want to hear the words that will come from the lips that she loves to kiss; he doesn't want to end this.

It was three months after her miscarriage. Both of them suffered tremendously when the baby went away.

“You are aware of what we both been through, right? We were closed to stopping school because we need to give way for the baby. My father still doesn't talk to me. Your mom is still disappointed with us. How do you act like everything seems okay when both of us are hurting?” The girl said.

This is really happening, he thought. Clouds started to cover the sky. It was like a bad omen informing him that of the tougher things that he needs to face. Losing your first kid was unbearable. Being left behind is hell. Dreams started to falter in his head. A garden wedding after they pass the board exam, a Victorian house somewhere in Makati, kids who will carry his name, a family that he will work hard for and protect, and a fairy tale ending where everyone will have a happily ever after. They all vanish in thin air.

He still doesn’t say a word. He was not sure where to begin their ending. Finally, the words started pouring in.

“You promised. We promised. We promised that we will be strong. We swore that no matter what people say, we will hang on to what we have.We told each other that no matter how hard things turn out to be, we will just remain together and believe in what we shared. Babe, I am also upset. My heart breaks every day since he was taken away. If you just know how prepared I was to give up school just for both of you. If you just know that I will sacrifice everything to make you more comfortable. I just want you to believe in me. Please, don’t do this.”

Silence.

Tears started to fall on the accounting book in front of her. She still doesn’t look at him. He knew that she was avoiding him. Hope started to surround him. He started believing that what they have can still be saved.

She closed her book, wiped her eyes and started fixing her things. “I love you. I always do. However, love will never be enough for me. I know you have bigger dreams and I really don’t want you wasting them. I also don’t want to waste mine. A lot of people believe in us, and right now, I don’t want the two of us failing them all over again. Love can wait, babe.”

He tried to interrupt however the girl was quick to place his index finger at his lips.

“I want you to be happy. I will forever apologize for this day. If you just know how I despise myself because I cannot even keep our promise. But, please understand that I am too exhausted in believing in the promises that we keep. We are both young. There are still a lot in store for us. Right now, it is best that we concentrate on our dreams first before even believing in us. We have our share of defeat. Let us try to listen to what people say. It is time to give up now. We can always be friends, right?”

Irritated, the boy walked away leaving the girl with her books and her dreams. He knew he was young. Probably the girl was correct. But what she never saw was she was also part of his dreams. Loving her was the epitome of all the things he wanted. Still, she threw it all away.

He continued walking. No turning back now. Adjusting his pace, he walked without even understanding where he was going. All he knew was that moment, he was not happy, and he will not ran back after her.

All the things that he hoped for the two of them suddenly appeared. A garden wedding after they pass the board exam, a Victorian house somewhere in Makati, kids who will carry his name, a family that he will work hard for and protect, and a fairy tale ending where everyone will have a happily ever after.

The odds with happily ever after is it even things out. They were both happy at some point. Challenged most of the time. And devastated when it all ended. Fair enough.

citybuoy | Leader of the Opposition | ןıuǝ oɟ ɟןıƃɥʇ | Orange Wit | Spiral Prince

Nothing to Fright, A Sonnet

2013-02-27T01:00:00.002+08:00

When I lost all reason to believe in you.
I find myself believing you more.
And then all my faith has been renew.
And I am no longer unsure.
Wishing that you will keep me under you protection
Featured you in all of my actions
Desiring that you will guide all of my decision
With your unconditional love so sweet like lemons
Yet, Father God, I still let go of your hand
Haply you still give me your mercy
Like how the sun brighten up the land
From a storm which tremors the sea
For you are the reason that I live, sing and write
That because of your love, I have nothing to fright.

Book 4 of 2013: On Great Perhaps and Inescapable Labyrinths

2013-02-18T13:15:00.001+08:00

Thoughts on Looking for Alaska by John Green

I finished reading Looking for Alaska last week. Apologies for not writing about it right away. I was busy. :)

Also, I really don’t plan on writing a review about it. You guys can read PM’s review about it. She forced me to read it last year; however I was stuck with so many books to read, and work and schedule has been too mayhem to even consider opening its PDF file (Thanks, PM!). Hence, believe me, this book is so worth it reading I disgust myself for not reading it right away.

As stated, no review this time. We will just talk about two ideas presented in the book and how it affected me in ways I never expected it to be.

The Great Perhaps – the lead in the book is in search for this, the same way we believe in what ifs and will this work. I see The Great Perhaps as the risks we face each day, the decisions we made, and the probabilities of attaining something with nothing. The Great Perhaps can be a great trick, depending on how you see it. It draws a thin line of being optimistic and delusional. I use it for the optimistic side.

How will I get out of this Labyrinth? Alaska Young said. Labyrinth represents suffering in all forms and degree. Alaska’s Labyrinth comes from the things that happened to her when she was a kid. Obviously she never got out of it because she died, whether it was suicide or not, no one can tell. Sadly, Alaska’s labyrinth ended in an ugly manner.

Looking for Alaska entered my life while I am still searching my own great perhaps and while I am trying to find ways to lessen the labyrinths that drowns me. It was perfect timing. I understand that the great perhaps may take time, definitely it will take a lot of effort but the outcome will be sweet. In cases where labyrinths happen, there is nothing you can do but to get out of it, never let it cloud you forever. A perfect advise if start a prayer.

The book is a story about hope – finding it and never losing it. I was close to believing that Alaska and I were the same, but if I will think about it, we are different in a lot of aspects. I don’t feel the need to get out of the labyrinths which trapped me. Definitely, challenges happen, but I will just let it pass. En route to my Great Perhaps.

Gay Gamer

2013-02-14T02:05:00.002+08:00

Being the boring person that I am, there is one thing that I always do for fun. Online games!

It started back in college. My friends played Ragnarok back then. That time, the vacant moments in between classes may take up to four and a half hours. And since I don’t want to be a loser who stays outside the PUP chapel or sat at the tiled floors of our school south wing, I started playing. Let me tell you first how expensive Ragnarok that time, you have to buy a card in order to play, and you also have to rent computers. Have I told you how long our vacant moments can get? Haha. I don’t even understand what is so addicting with Ragnarok (shoot me, Elmer). I never even got a character who reached a second job class. I guess what makes it difficult was my fingers were not that quick that time. In Ragna, I remember that you have to be the first person to kill the mobs in order to gain more experience, and if you are in a map that has roughly 80 characters. Good luck!

I then played RAN Online. Why is it cold RAN Online? I don’t know. It was introduced by my roommate who brought his PC in Sta Mesa. We have broadband and since I got too exhausted with Friendster (nagkakaalaman na ng edad, haha), I tried playing it. RAN Online is a walk in a park compared to Ragnarok. It doesn’t have complicated quests, it has skills that can kill 10 mobs at a time, and you really work together with fellow players if you are in a party. It is also easy to understand. In RAN, all you have to do is just walk north, because the farther you go north, the tougher the mobs to kill and the greater the experience you gain. Certified Ranatic here.

Currently, I am playing AION Ascencion. It is a game created by NCSOFT and this is the most challenging game I ever played. Let me explain. In Aion world, there are two races, Elios and Asmodians, you will be on the good side of things depending on which Race you pick. You can improve yourself by doing quests. What are the two races for? It is for PVP. There are maps in AION where you will face the opposing race and definitely, try your best to beat the hell out of them. I enjoyed AION because the game interface is pretty, Campaign quests tells stories, everyone has to go through the same stuff, and the PVP part of the game will really get you motivated to improve your character’s skills and stats so you will not get killed most of the time. AION can get challenging because there are a lot of things to consider. It can get complicated sometimes, but it is fun.

I play online games to remove stress and to distract myself from thinking more depressing stuff. It has been a good diversion so far, especially now when everything seems to melt down a lot of times. And with that being said, I will bid “take care,” magpapalevel pa. LOLs.

Rants 2.0

2013-02-10T22:01:00.001+08:00

As always, the clouds above me are still in shades of gray. Staying in this part of the universe called life can get exhausting, but the last time I checked on myself, I am still breathing. I am still okay.

There are a lot of things I am exhausted about: responsibilities that kept of piling up, expectations that you always have to meet, staying on a job that is close to making you self destruct and being alone in all the battlefields you throw yourself into.

Life is tough. But, life is tougher when you are a breadwinner who wants to resign from work because you are no longer happy (aside from it doesn’t provide well) but cannot resign because you think that starting over may make things more complicated.

There were days where I miss my old life. I miss the moments where I still work in a BPO. I long for the perks and all the things that go with taking calls. Though the job can be more exhausting, the opportunity to experience more things makes it okay. It levels the playing field of stress, monotony and of course, lack of sleep.

I am still thinking about the reason which halts me to resign. Is it my three year tenure in the office? Is it my friends at work? Or, is it the lean moments where a shift will end and you will feel relieved because you hardly do anything? I don’t know.

All I know is that I am having a struggle deciding what to do in the next couple of months. My head is so confused right now.

Okay, I am ranting. I am sorry.

The Bar Brawl, A Round Table Challenge

2013-02-03T01:47:00.000+08:00

What will you have?

Lights. Yun lang ang sanay akong inumin we.

Hindi ka talaga umiinum ano?

Natuturnoff ka ba kapag ang kasama mo hindi palainum?

Hindi naman. Sanay lang kasi ako na party goers din ang mga nakakadate ko.

Well, hindi naman talaga ako party goer, pinilit mo lang ako kaya ako nandito ngayon. Isa pa, hindi ito date ano.

Ah ganun ba, anong tawag mo pag ang isang tao, niyaya ang isang tao?

Eh di nagkayayayaan. Ano ba dapat?

Sabagay, ulitin ko ang tanong, ano ang tawag kapag niyaya ng isang tao ang isa pang tao dahil gusto niya ito?

Eh 'di date. So, gusto mo ako?

Di ba sinabi ko na sa iyo na date ito?

Oh, okay.

Okay. So gusto mo din ba ako?

Ang bilis naman. Pwede bang bored lang ako kaya ako sumama sa iyo? Haha. Pero to answer your question, masasaktan ka ba kapag sinabi kong hindi?

Hindi? Sure?

Oo. Hindi. Hindi kita gusto.

O, bakit parang napanis ang laway mo? Ano bang gusto mong marinig?

Wala. Sanay lang siguro ako na halos lahat nagkakagusto sa akin. Alam mo yun. Pag pumasok ako sa isang lugar, uuwi ako ng may kasama. Pero ngayon ata, uuwi akong mag isa.

Addict. Sabay naman tayong uuwi we. Magkaibang bahay lang.

Hindi mo ako patutulugin sa inyo?

Hindi rin. Bakit kaya mo ba ako niyaya para lang matulog sa amin?

Hindi naman siguro masama ang mag assume?

So, ineexpect mo na pag uminum tayo, uuwi tayo sa isang lugar?

Am, sort of, kasi ganoon lahat ng nakakasama ko we. Alam mo yun, lahat ng tao nagkakandarapa na maikama ako.

Haha. Seryoso? Pasensiya ka na ha, hindi ako kagaya ng mga nakilala mo. Tara na, bill out na tayo.

Hala, hindi pa tayo nakakadalawang bote.

Sabi ko nga, ibahin mo ako sa mga nakilala mo. If you want to stay, okay lang naman, just text me nalang when you got home. Avoid getting used to going home to someone else's house ha.

Saglit lang. Ayaw mo ba sa akin?

Hindi naman. Pero siyempre hindi naman ako ganoong ka easy, no. Malay mo sa next date, isa na ang uuwian natin.

So, nageexpect ka din ng next date?

Ayun ay kung kapag niyaya kita, sasama ka. Sasama ka ba?

Basta ikaw, nanginginig pa. Tara na, hatid na kita.

10. The Bar Brawl

citybuoy | Leader of the Opposition | ןıuǝ oɟ ɟןıƃɥʇ | Orange Wit | Spiral Prince

I Learned from Slumdog Millionaire to...

2013-01-30T14:10:00.001+08:00

Believe in the power of experience. Though extreme, in certain cases, it will lead you to amazing things. I am still mesmerized with Slumdog Millionaire

Book 2 and 3 of 2013: The Nicholas Sparks Experience

2013-01-27T14:43:00.000+08:00

Will it be safe to say that everyone knows Nicholas Sparks?

In case you don’t, Nicholas Sparks is a romance novel writer. He wrote some of the famous love stories that were made to movies. I only watched one of his films – Dear John. It was pretty good. It features the super hot Channing Tatum. Haha.

However, I was never a fan of Nicholas Sparks. Aside from romance is really not my turf, I really don’t like the way romance stories makes me feel. But that doesn’t mean, I will not read his books, though. Books will always be fun to read, believe me.

A Walk to Remember has been a hit. I remember my sisters crying the moment Mandy Moore and Shane West got married in the movie. I never watched the whole film though, but seeing the trailers and watching Cry and Only Hope where portions of it were shown made me understand how the whole story flow. It talks about a girl, who will die, and how the guy who never saw loving her fall in love and made her remaining time on earth extra special.

Surprisingly, the book was an easy read. I finished it in a night and I can say that the story will make you appreciate how love can change someone. The book was way different compared to the movie, though. It doesn’t have Jaime’s wishes where the movie will make you love Landon more. I also thought that A Walk to Remember was about Landon walking Jamie home, haha, the title of the book was taken from the moment Jamie walked the aisle when the two got married.

What was frustrating was the book never detailed what happened to Landon after his wife passed away. I want to know if he falls in love again, whether he got married and how he moved on. Too bad, his story never really showed.

As mentioned, I was able to watch Dear John. It was a story about army guy who falls madly in love with the girl of his dreams and got heartbroken because the girl of his dreams married her best friend. John and Savannah’s love story was way longer, it has an interesting conflict, and the letters featured were written amazingly.

Compared to A Walk to Remember, I appreciate Dear John more because things like this really happen frequently. Distance and the call of duty can really be a nightmare and Mr. Sparks maximized this stuff without making things that much complicated. It was a simple, head on realization that love can really make you feel miserable. Love will make you understand that sometimes sacrifices needs to be made in order to be happy.

Have I mentioned that the movie version is way different? Haha. If you seen the movie and became happy because the leads and the story lived happily ever after, I am sorry, they didn’t. You have to read the book to know why. :D

I know that I will never buy a Nicholas Sparks book. They are pricey and I really don’t see myself having them on my shelf. Still, I appreciate Nicholas Sparks, because he provided two books that will make you understand that love is not always sweet and star spangled, sometimes, it has to hurt though all you did was love wholeheartedly. Love can sometimes be a hopeless place.

What Nicholas Sparks book can you suggest that I should read next? :P

Pare,

2013-01-22T14:03:00.000+08:00

Naalala mo pa ba ang mga sandaling ito? Ganito ang mga gabing gusto natin: malamig, walang bituin, tahimik at higit sa lahat may isang kahang marlboro lights. Nandito ako ngayon sa paborito nating tambayan, sa ilalim ng punong mangga, at kasalukuyang pinapatay ang isang alupihan gamit ang dulo ng apoy sa aking yosi. Gumagapang kasi siya sa pwesto mo, pare. Ayaw ko kasing katihin ang kuyukot mo, haha. Ayaw ko ding katihin ako.

Alam mo, hindi na ako makatulog ng ayos dahil sa ginawa mo. Mali. Pinipilit ko palang huwag matulog dahil sa ginawa mo. Umiinom ako ng kapeng barako, kumakain ng sorbetes habang nanunuod ng Naruto, at minsan kahit Red Horse na ang tirahin ko, hindi ko pa rin magawang antukin kakaisip sa iyo. Siguro iniisip mo kung bakit ayaw kong matulog, ano? Natutulog naman ako, pero ayaw ko lang kasing palagpasin ang mga sandaling naalala kita. Mas naalala kasi kita kapag malamig, madilim, tahimik at walang bituin ang gabi. Gustong kong naalala kita, kahit kay sakit na ng mga mata ko sa pagpipilit magising, ginagawa ko ito. Dahil sa iyo. Para sa iyo.

Tarantado ka kasi, pare. Bakit mo ginawa ang mga bagay na iyon? Bakit mo ginagawa sa akin ito? Nagawa mong magpatattoo ng alupihansa kaliwang dibdib mo. Nagawa mong papintahan ng ahas ang iyong likod kahit ang sakit sakit noon. Puta ka, ginamit mo pa ang kamerako para ipangalandakan sa buong Facebook kung gaano ka katapang tapos bigla kong mababasa sa peryodiko kaninang umaga na tinalo ka ng medisina. Mahina ka tsong. At ang nakakapikon, sa mga sandaling hinang hina ka na, hindi ko nagawang maging malakas para sa iyo.

Sikat ka na pala, pare. Nasa TV Patrol ka kanina. Hindi nga lang malinaw ang kuha sa iyo. Kailangan daw iblurred kasi medyo sensitibo ang eksena mo. Nakita ko lang ang lampara na ginamit mo sa pagsusunod ng kilay, ang silyang sinipa mo para tuluyan maisakatuparan ang walang kwenta mong plano, at siyempre ikaw, parang nakalutang sa ere, parang lumilipad, may tali nga lang sa leeg.

Kung asan ka man ngayon, nawa'y masaya ka. Hindi na kita mumurahin ulet, pangako. Baka kasi murahin mo din ako. Huwag kang magalala parati kitang dadalawin, basta ako lang dapat ang dadalaw sa iyo ha, ayos lang kahit huwag ka ng dumalaw sa akin. Seryoso, wala ng sisihan, pero Pare, kung alam mo lang na hindi natatapos sa pagbagsak sa board exam ang lahat. Kung alam mo lang na mas masarap mabuhay kahit hindi ka muna magligtas ng buhay. Pero ngayon, huli na ang lahat. Huli na ako para iligtas ka. Huli ka na para iligtas ang sarili mo. Huli na tayo para ituloy pa ang mga pangarap natin.

Huwag kang magalala ayos lang ako. Pipilitin ko. Kakayanin. At gaya ng gawain natin dati, tatambay pa din ako dito, aalalahanin pa din kita, uubusin ang yosi hangga't kaya, at pipiliting kayanin ang sakit ng iyong pagkawala.

Sinulat ko ito gamit ang lapis na ginamit niya noong kumuha siya ng board exam. Ang lapis na sinasama niya sa pagnonovena sa napakadaming simbahan, ang plumang naging saksi ng kanyang pangarap maging isang dalubhasa.

Ngunit, subalit, dapatawat, hindi siya naging dalubhasa ngayon. Marahil sa susunod na buhay.

Ito ang aking lahok para sa Bagsik ng Panitik 2013 ng Damuhan: Blog ng Pinoy, Tambayan ng Pinoy