Some days I wish there were more of me to go around. One pulling me in this direction. Someone else in another. Most days I maintain the balance, but then stress gets added  and I wish I were more and could do more.

But I can’t. It’s on these days I really don’t need to be more or do more. On these days, no really every day, I simply need to ask for more. Not more as in material things, but more as in focus and words and strength and grace. I’ve learned when I don’t feel there is enough of me to do all I need to do to take care of my family or enough of me to spend time doing the things that feed my spirit or the work I need to do, those days I ask and He never fails to give me more. More of His grace so I can accomplish what I need to accomplish.

So I slow down and give thanks. And breathe. Knowing that when I am not enough He is always more.

In photography or any type of creative endeavor you are taught certain rules. In writing we learn grammatical rules. In photography you learn rules of composition, how to meter for proper exposure so that the photo isn’t too dark or too bright and many others. In most situations you learn to trust these rules. You learn to trust the settings your camera tells you will make a proper exposure.

Eventually, though, you encounter situations and you have to ignore the ingrained pull to trust the rules. Artists learn when the rules need to be broken to achieve the effect they desire.

Or perhaps the rules that always worked for you begin to suffocate you and you realize they do not bring about the image you visualize for your art.

Rules and Laws

What about rules made by humans? I’m not speaking of government laws or even guidelines such as school dress codes. There are reasons those are in place especially for our safety.

Perhaps a better way to define these would be the unspoken yet understood rules a community or organization has. I wonder if perhaps we would do well to measure these unspoken rules against what Christ says sums up the law.

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:36-40 NIV)

There are people who allow man made rules to completely define their worth. They may shun you if you break their rules.

There are those who have listened and followed rules defined by others for so long they can’t understand why you would break the rules. They aren’t sure what to make of your rebelliousness.

Then there are those who God uses to work within those rules yet they aren’t defined by the rules. These will understand and support you.

There are rules God wants us to live by. There are laws of the cities, states and country where we live that we have to follow for our well being and the well being of others.

Then there are rules that reek of pharasiacal judgement. Rules that seek to destroy our value instead of giving life. Rules that pounce judgement on the offender when one is broken. If we measure each of our actions against the first and greatest commandment and the second then we no longer have to be defined by rules we cannot hope to keep.

Sometimes we have to know when rules need to be broken.

I’m apt to forget about the flowers that bring color to my porch during the winter. I like winter, but as cold natured as I am I don’t spend the hours out there that I do during spring and fall.

As our winter that forgot it was winter meshed into spring I find myself enjoying my porch again. Book in hand, smelling gardenia’s fragrance enjoying the days before summer humidity sets in. The dead mums being the only plants still there. Other pots empty and waiting for new life.

How often are we surprised by the blooms of a plant we once thought dead?

Sometimes, though, God nudges us to throw away the plant asking us to give up the hope we have leaving the blooms for someone else to see.

But that’s a story for another day. So today I will be thankful for blooms on a plant I once thought dead.

Continuing to Count the Gifts
948. For an afternoon of writing. (4.29.12)
949. For focus. (5.1.12)
950. For Stacy’s phone call & catching up. (5.1.12)
951. For Stacey texting me sky & sunset photos. (5.3.12)
952. For the glimpse of a blue jay and a cardinal. (5.5.12)
953. For blooms on flowers long thought dead. (5.6.12)

“Why?” I ask.

“Because,” he says in exasperation. “I don’t want them to know what I’m sketching!”

“Why does it matter? Why do you care what those other kids think? It doesn’t matter what they think about your art.”

“Yes it does.”

“No it doesn’t.”

“Yes it does. What others think of you determines how successful you are in life,” he replies.

My mouth drops open. My mind wondering how to teach him balance. How do we teach him that what others think does not determine his success? That our purpose is not to please others.

For we speak as messengers approved by God to be entrusted with the Good News. Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts. (1 Thessalonians 2:4 NLT)

We all long to fit in. Even the most introverted want a community of friends (albeit very small) in which to belong.

Yet we can’t define our success by what others think. When we do all we will find is emptiness. Learning this truth is a process though. We can’t magically snap our fingers and not care what others think of our actions, our decisions, or our art.

For artists especially our art, whether it be writing, painting, photography, or music, makes up so much of who we are.

We all need encouragement. Words that spur us on offering hope that we are good at something.

Our struggle is not allowing our art to define us. Our worth cannot be found in what we create.

Allowing the opinions of others to dictate our success, especially as artists and creatives, suffocates our ability to find our worth in our creator.

I understand how my son can form this opinion of success. What people think of businesses does determine success to a degree. At least success defined by most people. I am learning, though, that defining success by what others think will exhaust us. Defining our success by what others think is nothing more than fear.

But it’s a lot easier to tell my son and myself to not care what others think than it is to actually not care. Too often I allow the opinion and approval of others to determine my worth. I find myself apologizing for how God made me.

Success and worth are defined by our creator And honestly I’m tired of feeling like an apology is needed when someone doesn’t approve of my art or even my actions.

When we value others because of their worth in their creator and not their success we give them permission to be who they were created to be.

I’ve had so much fun photographing these senior girls this year. Beautiful, confident, intelligent girls. So thankful I was able to capture them at this exciting time in their lives.

I read this verse as the pastor reads aloud and catch myself. Reading it once again I pause and wonder.

How many times have I read this passage and never truly read this verse. In the midst of this passage which defines our faith I pause and wonder.

Wait. What?

But Michael the archangel, when he disputed with the devil and argues about the body of Moses, did not dare pronounce against him a railing judgement, but said, “The Lord rebuke you!” Jude 1:9 (NASB)

Again I wonder. Thinking to myself, “wait. What?” Michael the archangel only mentioned a handful of times yet in one he is arguing with Satan over the body of Moses.

Some days the passages speak softly, slowly seeping into my spirit. Some days gleaning nothing it seems. Yet then there are days like these when the words jump from page and shake my thoughts.

These verses that make me wonder. That catch my breath. Once again reminding me of the mystery of faith. How many times will I read and once again stop and pause.

We are told His ways are higher than our ways. The difficulty lies in resting in this. Especially when it comes to life.

We want to be in control. We want to know the next step. But we can’t always know. So how do we learn to rest in spite of the not knowing?

I don’t have an answer really. Clichés and trite answers do not always help.

I wonder if we are to truly embrace the mystery of our faith means to rest in the unknowing.

Paradox

Faith can seem a paradox at times. Learning that He is sufficient has meant resting in the unknowing. Resting in this mystery knowing I will not always understand life happening around me. Even when circumstances would dictate discontent I am learning more and more to rest in the mystery.

For there is beauty to be found in it all. In passages that shake me and ones that slowly speak truth.

By embracing the mysteries of faith our hearts learns just how much He loves us.

Continuing to count the gifts:
942. For unexpected grace via text. (4.23.12)
943. For sleep. (4.24.12)
944. For a beautiful sunrise. (4.24.12)
945. For cardinals in the yard. (4.24.12)
946. For encouragement from online friends. (4.26.12)
947. For a morning exploring with my camera. (4.27.12)

Maybe a little closer.

I’ve mentioned before how my chiropractor is always on the look out for photo opportunities for me. I’m glad he mentioned this one found amidst the rubble of an old mill being torn down before it disappeared.