Yes, it was incredibly hot and I was a sweaty mess pretty much 24/7 – make-up very quickly fell by the wayside.

Yes, I was pinching my pennies till they howled.

But…

I went on leave!  It was just over a week, but it was heaven on earth.  I really needed the rest.

And rest I did.  I read, napped, read, napped and somehow managed to get to the pool every day for a workout.

Speaking of workouts, I did quite a few in January.  With the heat wave, the pool was one of the better places to be.  I also managed to walk quite a bit – shopping and sightseeing.

Towards the end of my holiday I finally got my eating sorted out.  Once you manage to pull yourself back from the abyss once – just once – you open up a world of possibility.  I spent a lot of time bargaining with myself, but eventually I had one successful day.  And I didn’t die.  So, I can do another, and another.

There are four factors that propelled me towards this breakthrough:

1.  The realization that I am still recovering from adrenal exhaustion and that my fatigue is normal.  I’m allowed to be tired.  I don’t have to fight it – I just need to deal with it.  Adequate rest and excellent nutrition are the mechanisms that will allow me to heal.  Exercise must happen when and if feasible.  Weight loss is not even close to being a priority right now.

2.  The Mel Robbins video I posted here literally changed my life.  She blew all my rationalizations out the water and made me see this enormous task – of healing, getting fit, and eventually losing weight – in a whole new way.  I’m never going to feel like it.  I will have to force myself.  And it’s okay!  The people who’ve been there and done it didn’t feel like it either and they had to force themselves every single day.  I can do that.  She empowered me.

3.  The Hate Loss Challenge.  It really challenged me – in a good way, of course.  Among other things it helped me see that my father’s criticism and know-it-all ways have nothing to do with me.  He’s like that with everybody!  This from someone who still uses the Yellow Pages!  I should pity him, not fear him.  Having said that, I think for now it’s just easier to love my family from afar.

4.  I bought a brilliant e-book From Fat to Fabulous:  The Smart Girl’s Guide to Raw Food Diet Weight Loss.  It explains how to lose weight on the 80-10-10 diet (which is a high performance diet), but only after the body has recovered from years of feast and famine and other eating disorders.  You can read the first 40 pages by clicking on the link.  The book reminded me once again that we all start from where we are and that there is no schedule or finish line.  We just need to be consistent and trust the process, even when it looks as if nothing is happening – yet!

I also treated myself to a Swedish Massage and was actually stiff afterward!

On Saturday Craig treated me to something I’d been coveting for a long time – a high speed eco-adventure boat trip.  This was the most fun I’d had in years!  The dolphins were swimming around the boat and showing off.  The whole experience was magic!

After being frozen and inert for so long, I took some great strides forward in January.  I actually started doing and applying.

And I love how that makes me feel!

How was your January?  Did you make any progress?

Today I had a Swedish Massage.  My first massage in over four years.  Money’s been tight these last four years with the global recession and I have neglected to pamper myself.  Sure, I get regular waxes and pedicures, but those aren’t really treats – they’re maintenance.  Yes, even the pedicures – I can’t reach my feet to do it myself.

I further justified the expense of the massage by telling myself that this week is my annual holiday and I’m not going anywhere – apart from the movies and the gym.  I deserve this.

On top of that, I’ve been going to gym every day this week for aqua aerobics and I’m quite stiff.  So, a massage is just what the doctor ordered.

It was heaven.  And a little bit of hell.  But mostly heaven.  It left me feeling languid and sleepy.

I’m already figuring out how I can afford this once a month.  If I stop spending money on things that harm me – a cup of coffee here, a drink there, a convenience meal here, a little “treat” there – I will not only be helping my weight loss efforts, but I will be able to afford myself this little luxury, this nurturing.

I also bought myself two other “treats” today – a new mascara and a battery for my guitar tuner.

I feel goooooood!

This is the last week of the Hate Loss Challenge, and I want to thank Ellen for hosting it and coming up with such worthwhile and edifying exercises.  I’ve learned and grown throughout this challenge and feel much more grounded and resourceful as a result.  It was an excellent way to kick off 2012!

So, I decided to do it again this morning.  It turns out I’m ISTP – Introvert (no big surprise there!) Sensing Thinking Perceiving (I’ve often called myself an “observer”).

Most of the ISTP traits were spot-on for me, but I struggled to recognize some of the others. The more I thought about it though, the more I realized that they have been suppressed by external forces.

ISTPs have a compelling drive to understand the way things work. They’re good at logical analysis, and like to use it on practical concerns. They typically have strong powers of reasoning, although they’re not interested in theories or concepts unless they can see a practical application.  This is definitely true for me.  It explains why I was so bored at university – my courses were far too theoretical and general.  And I’ve been accused of over-analyzing things many a time!

ISTPs are fiercely independent, needing to have the space to make their own decisions about their next step. They do not believe in or follow rules and regulations, as this would prohibit their ability to “do their own thing”. Their sense of adventure and desire for constant action makes ISTPs prone to becoming bored rather quickly. Now this is where it gets interesting.  I haven’t been adventurous or exhibited a desire for action in a long time.  In fact, I have been inert – frozen.  Yet, I recognize the traits in myself from way back.  To me this indicates a disconnect from my authentic self – not a huge surprise, since I’ve known for a while that I’m not living congruently.

They are usually patient individuals, although they may be prone to occasional emotional outbursts due to their inattention to their own feelings .  Yup!

ISTPs are optimistic, full of good cheer, loyal to their equals, uncomplicated in their desires, generous, trusting and receptive people who want no part in confining commitments.  Spot on!

Do not function well in regimented, structured environments; they will either feel stifled or become intensely bored.  Check.

Learn best “hands-on”.  Usually able to master theory and abstract thinking, but don’t particularly like dealing with it unless they see a practical application.   Action-oriented “doers”. True, but once again, I’m bemused by the “action-orientated” aspect – that part of me has been suppressed for a long time.  In some ways I think I’ve veered a little towards INTP – they live in their heads most of the time.

Focused on living in the present, rather than the future.  I find this interesting, since I’ve really had to work on bringing myself back to the present.  I think it’s true for me, but at some point in my life the present became unacceptable and I learned to avoid it.

Love variety and new experiences.  Until I got sick of being criticized for it!  I was expected to settle, like everybody else.

Excellent “trouble-shooters”, able to quickly find solutions to a wide variety of practical problems.  I’ve often referred to myself as a trouble-shooter, especially in my working environment.  One of my biggest frustrations in life is that I can see what’s wrong, and how to fix it, but people are generally not prepared to listen to me, or risk the changes.  Maybe I haven’t “sold” myself in the right way and to the right people.

Results-oriented; they like to see immediate results for their efforts.  Yes, which is probably why the idea of losing 200 pounds over an extended period of time is so daunting.

Independent and determined – usually dislike committing themselves.  Sigh.  Yes.  I used to think everybody else had commitment issues, but I’ve recently realized that it’s me.

Usually quite self-confident.  Yes, even now.

The ISTP needs to lead a lifestyle which offers a great deal of autonomy and does not include much external enforcement of structure. ISTPs will do best working for themselves, or working in very flexible environments.  I still haven’t found what I’m looking for…  Interestingly enough, they also say that ISTP should not be stuck behind a desk and accounting is not one of the optimal career choices.

Not naturally good at expressing feelings and emotions. Tendency to be overly private and hold back part of themselves.  I have come to understand this about myself and I was shocked at first – I’d thought that I was an open book.

Need a lot of personal space, which they don’t like to have invaded. Duh!  I love my husband, but am happier living on my own.  Now we know why.  It’s absolutely not about him.

They have a tendency to hold back their own views on things. They like to listen to other people’s views, but are generally non-commital about expressing their own opinions.  This is so me!  I have very strong opinions, but I rarely air them and then only with my most trusted inner-circle.

Most ISTPs are afraid of having to deal with their deeper feelings.  You think?  I have become a master at the art of distraction.

Their habit of keeping part of themselves hidden may also serve the purpose of keeping a protective wall around their hearts.  Or a few layers of fat…

The ISTP  can get “stuck in a rut” and only do those things that are known and comfortable.  Helloooooo!

They may become overly paranoid about people, social organizations and institutions trying to control them.  Well, in my case, I actually was an over-controlled child.  I don’t think I’m paranoid, although I am rebellious.

They are highly tuned into their immediate environment, and driven to interact with it in a hands-on fashion.  ISTPs are natural mechanics, athletes, musicians, technicians, and engineers. They excel at tasks that require a great deal of tactile mastery, as well as quick, logic-based action.  I have to admit, this part came as a huge surprise to me!  Some sites refer to ISTP’s as “Craftsmen” while others use the term “Mechanics” yet I am the most hands-off person you can imagine.   But once again, I didn’t use to be like that.  I learned to sew as a young child and made my own (fancy) dolls’ clothes long before I went to school.  My mom is an accomplished life-long seamstress and until recently she made most of my clothes.  I think I stopped sewing in my pre-teen years in an attempt to distance myself from her.  Seems to me I stopped “doing” altogether.  You know when you visit a friend and she’s preparing a meal in the kitchen?  I’ll sit with her and chat, but I’ll never offer to help.  I remember being shouted at for doing things “wrong” as a child – dishes, cleaning, whatever.  It was just never good enough.  So I stopped.  And I haven’t thought of myself as a doer ever since.  I’ve certainly never thought of myself as an athlete, or a musician.  I might have to haul out my guitar this week while I’m on leave.  Do something!

They offer some advice to ISTP’s for living a happy life.  I’ll just mention a few, as I think they’re very relevant to where I am right now:

• Feed Your Strengths! Realize your gift at mastering your physical environment, and give yourself plenty of opportunities to exercise your abilities. Ride, play, paint, work it. Much of your sense of well-being will come from these experiences.
• Face Your Weaknesses! Face your fear of the unknown, and get yourself into new situations. Experience new activities and people with new perspectives. Don’t isolate yourself into a narrow and lonely existence.  
• It’s OK to Get Out of your Comfort Zone. Understand that the only way to grow is to get outside of your comfort zone. If you’re uncomfortable with an idea or situation because you’re not sure how to act, that’s good! That’s an opportunity for growth.
  
• Don’t fear the unknown. You can handle it.

I almost feel like having a good cry after doing this.  It’s been a revelation.  And in many ways it’s been liberating.  And reassuring.

I will probably think about it a lot in the days to come and will definitely share any further thoughts with you.

Thought for the Day:   Stepping outside our comfort zone can be extremely difficult because we feel strongly influenced by how other will see us.  How would I look to these people if I do that?  Don’t let the opinions of strangers rule your life when it’s your life you’re living.

The one thing that would greatly challenge my comfort zone is to make a vlog.

So I did.

Enjoy!  Or not.

Okay, can I breathe now?

Phew!

That was hard. I certainly feel stretched!  I apologize for being two days late with this post, but it took a lot of courage to do this and I was kind of resistant.

I practiced a lot, but I still sounded tentative and I think I tend to swallow some of my words.  So, I’ll practice more.

While I was watching it, I wanted to explain that we’re in the middle of a heat wave, which is why I look kind of washed out and why my mascara is running a bit.  That was the extent of the criticism regarding my looks.  My eyes are definitely kinder when I look at myself.

Overall, I didn’t beat myself up over this attempt.  I’m pretty happy with it.  I can see that there’s room for improvement, but I’m pleased that I managed to keep it relatively short and that I only said “um” a few times.

I’ve had to call on my affirmations a few times this week, and fortunately they saved the day.  It’s working.

In other news, I’m currently on leave and I have lots planned.  You’ll read all about it right here, so stay tuned.

Watermelon Smoothie

• half a watermelon
• 1 cup strawberries
• 2 kiwi fruit
• flesh of a small lime
• 4 bananas
• a cup of water
• a few ice cubes

Simply blend together and enjoy!  You don’t have to add the banana, but I like my smoothies creamy.

To understand the emergency brake reference, you’ll have to watch this excellent TEDxSF video (embedded).

I saw this video on Naturally Curvy and it stopped me from crucifying myself for being a failure.  I realized that I hadn’t committed a mortal sin – I had just slipped back into the old, familiar groove.

And I know I can get out of that again.

And again.

As many times as I need to.

Even when I don’t feel like it.  Which, as the video explains, is natural.

It wasn’t all bad though.  I continued to use the stairs at work.  I ate better.  I did my affirmations.  And I’m being accountable.

This was also the week that someone maxed out my credit card with online purchases.  Yup, I got defrauded.  I’ll get my money back, but I suspect that this contributed greatly to my slide into victim-mode.  I’m pleased that I can see the connection.

If you choose to be aware, even a few steps backwards can count as progress.

I will do better in the week to come.

Books read this week:

• The Dark River – John Twelve Hawks (not as good as the first book in the series – The Traveler)
• Silent Predator – Tony Park  (a new-to-me author – great read!)
• The Redeemer – Jo Nesbo (Nesbo never disappoints)
• Safari – Tony Park
• Black Ice – Michael Connelly

Movies seen this week:

• Ides of March – excellent!

How was your week?

Exercise for the week: Do this at some point before Thursday so you can write about the experience.

Think about the answers to these esteem-deflating questions.  How often do you carry these thought around with you on a daily basis?

My life would be so much better if I were only:  Thinner.  I know that we’re not supposed to think like that, but my weight has seriously affected my quality of life.  It’s not a value judgment.  There are very few places we can go, because I can’t walk very far, or stand for more than a few minutes.  I literally feel physically handicapped.  This comes up often. 

I’d be so much happier if I had a better:  Nothing comes to mind here.  I know deep down that I have all I need.

I wish I weighed: A lot less.

When I look in the mirror, the first thing I criticize about myself is my:  I’ve worked hard at not criticizing my appearance and for the most part I get it right.  My weight is not so much an esthetic problem as a practical problem.

The one negative word that I use about myself over and over again is:  Inadequate.  This doesn’t come up as often as it used to – I’ve done a lot of work in this area.

Now, answer these questions so that they can be seen by everyone reading your update:

I often receive the most compliments on my eyes.

What I admire most about myself when I look at my reflection is my hair.

I take pride in my progress.

I love the fact that I can change and grow.

My greatest quality is my positive outlook.

Study your answers for as long as you feel comfortable.  Now, take a mini-vacation from your current self.  Set a timer if you have to.  Spend at least 10 minutes going about your life believing that you are perfect exactly as you are right at this moment.  Forget about your job.  Forget about your husband. Forget about your wife; your children.  Allow thoughts of your relationships, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear and the unfinished items on your ‘to-do’ list temporarily slip from your mind. Just for now, be present; be aware in these few moments of what it feels like to be the ‘perfect’ you that you keep longing for.

If you find negative and/or unpleasant thoughts drifting into your mind during this time, acknowledge the thoughts but allow them to pass by like clouds in the sky and then focus on the answers to the above questions. Continue on with your exercise until your time is up.  Notice how it felt in those moments, knowing that you were enough; also notice the control you had over these thoughts.

Were you able to do the exercise for the given amount of time?  If not, were you able to redirect your thoughts back to the present?

Yes, I could do the exercise without too many negative thoughts intruding. 

Did it feel any different knowing that you weren’t relying on outside sources to challenge your beliefs – that you trusted yourself to be content with the things you knew to be true about yourself?

Yes, I felt empowered!  It’s a good feeling.

Finally, discuss how things are coming along with the Positive Reinforcement Sheet.  You will be almost half-way through the Challenge by Thursday.  Where are you still struggling?  Where are you succeeding?

I’m doing well with the affirmations.  It’s becoming much more natural for me to do than in the beginning, when it felt kind of stilted.  Now I can even manage a smile and a wink.  I’m definitely more patient, compassionate and loving towards myself in my daily routine.  I also find that I’m not trying to deceive myself so often – you can’t when you’re gazing into your own eyes.  I think I look happier!

I can’t believe we’re already halfway through the month!  Thank you, Ellen, for hosting an excellent challenge.

(I didn’t really know this until recently, but now that I do, so much about myself and my life makes perfect sense to me.  That’s another day’s navel-gazing, though.)

A hippie is a person who opposes and rejects many of the conventional standards and customs of society.  The hippie philosophy is peace, love, freedom and cooperation.  And as I’m emerging from my closet of cultural indoctrination and parental over-control, these are the concepts I’m most strongly drawn to.

I rebel against a society that wants me to wage war against my body, wrinkles, blemishes, fat, flab, hair, scent, cellulite – against my very self.

I refuse to accept that I should hate myself for falling short of the unattainable airbrushed standards we are bombarded with on a daily basis.

I reject words and imagery of war and competition.  It’s not about victory, winning or conquering.  There are no enemies or opponents, winners or losers.  This is not a battle or a struggle.

I’m a lover, not a fighter. I’m a soul, not a soldier.

I will love and accept myself, no matter what anybody else thinks or says. 

I will love myself enough to change my habits and my circumstances.

I will celebrate the journey, instead of trying to “get this done”.   There’s no finish line.  My body will continue changing and improving long after I’ve reached a “normal” weight and I will continue to do the things that will keep it healthy and strong.  There’s no time limit – I don’t care if it takes 2 years or 5 years, as long as I feel better and can do more tomorrow than I did today.

I will remember that freedom is never free from responsibility.  In fact, the very act of freeing myself from the hypnotic spell of the food and weight loss industries places the responsibility for my health, wellbeing and vitality in my own hands – where it should be.

I will stumble, falter, flounder, lose momentum, freeze and fail often.  And I’ll find my feet again and keep going.  That’s how life works.

Are you still fighting, or are you ready to love yourself all the way to a vibrantly healthy life?

A week ago the meds for the sinus infection that had exhausted me so was just starting to kick in.  When I was getting my prescription, I also asked the pharmacist for a tonic or something just to give me a little lift.  I didn’t want a stimulant like coffee, since caffeine is actually one of the major contributors to exhaustion in our society.  So I got a vitamin/tonic/fizzy thingie – not ideal, but I was that desperate.

I really rested over the New Year’s weekend and re-introduced the 9 pm bed time. Monday was still a holiday here (when a public holiday falls on a Sunday, the Monday automatically becomes a holiday), so I managed to attend an aqua class at the gym.  That broke the ice for me for 2012!

Tuesday to Thursday I got up at 5:15 am every morning and worked out in the pool for about 25-30 minutes.  Then I spent 5-10 minutes in the steam room before hitting the shower and going home to get ready for work.

TOM arrived on Thursday evening, so I ditched the pool on Friday, but still got up at 5:15 am to fire up the iPod and dance.  Plan B, if you will.  It was hard, but great fun!

This is quite significant for me.  In the past I would not have started going to the pool at this specific time, because I would have known that TOM was on the way and I would have to stop for 5 days (my periods are very heavy) just after having started.  This year I’m living day to day though.  I do what I can today.  If I can go to the pool today, I go.  If I can’t, I don’t and I don’t fret about it.  This is one of the most valuable lessons I learned from Vickie.

Furthermore, I’ve been climbing stairs.  Previously I used to take the elevator at work, but now I make a point of climbing the two flights of stairs every time I need to.  Once again, it’s hard and my legs are like jelly half the time, but I’ll live, and it will get easier.

The other change I made this week is to get some sun and fresh air every day.  When I come home from work, I park the car, take my book and go and sit on a bench on the Promenade for at least 30 minutes.  It’s a great way to get out of work-mode and get some fresh air and sun exposure.  Such a simple thing, but so enjoyable!

The effect of these seemingly small changes has been nothing short of amazing though!  Honestly, it’s like a miracle.

I am alert and present during the day, where previously I was really struggling to stay awake at my desk – especially in the mornings.  I get very sleepy by about 8:30 pm, so there is no real problem in getting to bed on time – I’m more than ready to go and in fact, I hardly even get to read in bed before I fall asleep.

By Day 2 of being in the pool my feet were half the size.  When I showed my staff they couldn’t believe their eyes.  I wore a pair of shoes this week that I couldn’t even get on my feet for over a year.

And because I’m not carrying a reservoir of water around in my body anymore, I don’t get up every 90-120 minutes at night to go to the loo.  Which means that I’m sleeping better – much better.  I can’t begin to describe how much this means to me…

It seems that my metabolism has woken up, or something, because suddenly I’m sweating buckets.  Non-offensive, clean sweat.  Wearing make-up at this stage is clearly pointless, but fortunately my skin is looking good (even with TOM in the neighborhood).  I eat lots of fruit and stay hydrated.  Hopefully this is just temporary!

Mentally and emotionally I feel strong, grounded and even.  I’m doing my affirmations and positive self-talk and avoiding drama and conflict.  It feels like a good place to be.

On Monday I had a leg wax, eyebrow wax and tint and a pedicure.  In the heat, and especially with the excessive sweating, I nearly gave up on my hair this week – I’m still growing it – but this morning I had it trimmed and tidied and I don’t feel so much like a wookie anymore.  I’ll survive the heat.

Just back from the hairdresser this morning!

Craig and I saw two movies this week – New Year’s Eve and Mission Impossible IV.  Both were good fun.  I’m not a fan of Tom Cruise, but every time I see him in a movie, he impresses me.

I read two books – One Last Kill by Barry Eisler and Amagansett by Mark Mills.

I cooked quinoa for the first time and used it in a salad.  It was good!  It’s quite expensive over here, so I don’t think it will be a staple, but I’ll definitely use it again.  I also bought my first grapes, litchis and mangoes for the season.  Happy days!

Overall, I’m very happy with the first week of the year.  I was positive, strong and resourceful and I feel much better than I have in a long, long time.

How did your week go?

PS.  If you’ve read my previous post – Week 1 of Group Therapy for the Hate-Loss Challenge – be sure to also check the comments, because a lot was said there.

I’m not going to lie to you – I’ve been feeling a lot of resistance about this assignment.  Which is telling, of course, since that which we most resist is exactly that which we need to address.  And the Universe conspired with all and sundry to make me realize that this week.

I’ve always felt criticized by my parents.  There is not a single moment that I can remember where I felt fully accepted and unconditionally loved while growing up.  I never felt enough.  I also felt that my sister wasn’t held to the same impossible standards that I’d been expected to reach.  As I grew older, rebellion entered into the picture, so the disapproval felt more pronounced.

I’m sure my parents wanted only the best for me.  I’m sure they wanted to set me up for a fabulous life.  The problem is that they didn’t model it – they lived lives of quiet, and not-so-quiet, desperation themselves.  And I was too clever not to spot the lies they were living (although not clever enough to spot the lies about my worthiness as a person).

On so many levels my life has been an effort to try and please my parents.  My dad told me when I was about 12 or so that “one day” I was going to be very fat – this at a time when I was lean and gangly and bearing in mind that we have no family history of obesity.  There was no basis for that statement.  Yes I loved food, but who doesn’t?  Nevertheless, I complied.  I got very fat.

It’s only in the last year or so that I’ve begun to question the fundamental “truths” that I’d allowed to shape my life.  They turned out to be false.  And I’m angry about that.  I’m hopping mad that I built my life and my self-esteem on a web of lies.

The last year I’ve been working hard at changing the way I see and appreciate myself.  It’s working.  I’m getting there.  But just because I’ve changed, doesn’t mean that the people in my life have.  They still hurt me every time.  They still deflate me.  They still derail me.  They still make me want to join the Witness Protection Program.

The answer, of course, is to set boundaries.  I just haven’t felt ready for that – I feel too vulnerable still.  I’m scared of being ridiculed and run over.  Again.  I simply can’t afford to have my feet ripped out from under me at this stage – I’m fighting for my life.

Plus, while we’re being honest, I wanted to be angry and hostile.  I wanted to punish them.  I didn’t want to forgive.  I didn’t want to let go.  I wanted to be validated in some way.  Justified.  Hello, Ego!

Until I had a chat with a friend yesterday.  His mom passed away in September and he’s still devastated.   The festive season was particularly hard for the family.  We chatted about grief and mourning and he reiterated how close he’d been to his mom.  I said, “At least you have that.  Imagine how much worse you’d have felt if you’d had a difficult relationship with her.  There would have been an additional sense of loss for something that never was and now never could be.  The what-if’s, you know?“  Where that came from I have NO IDEA!  His reply, “That is why we need to mend our rifts and heal our wounds while we still can.”

Well, touché then.

I passed a rather restless night, mulling over that truth and my resistance to it.  This morning in the pool the answer came to me.  I’m not good at confrontation – I get very defensive and that just opens the gap for people to get offensive with me and then it all turns into a shambles again.  But, I can express myself reasonably well on paper, can’t I?  So, I’m going to formulate a Boundary Statement (a.k.a The Rules of Engagement) and distribute it to the problematic people in my life, including the ones at work who dispense dietary advice at every turn.

Whateve the outcome, I feel that this is a necessary step for me on the road to recovery.  I’ve been practising positive reinforcement all week and it’s making a huge difference.  Fortunately I have experience with affirmations and mirror work, so I haven’t felt any discomfort complimenting myself.  Banishing the negative words have been a little harder sometimes – they do creep up on you!  But I’m alert and conscious and getting better at this all the time.

I can do this!

Ellen’s post for this week is here, and you will find the links to the others’ posts in her comments section.