I’m so honored to share with you the birth story of one of my dearest friends, Ashley Mclaughlin.  Enjoy!!

In August of 2012 I took a pregnancy test and saw two little lines. Two lines that terrified me and also blessed me. Two lines that would forever change our family of five and my heart. You see this pregnancy came almost immediately after I lost my angel baby. The Lord had just begun healing my heart and now I was opening it up once again. I was terrified that this one could so quickly end like the last and also terrified to be hopeful that it wouldn’t. The thought of loss consumed me for the first few months and then I began to allow myself to be hopeful, and with that hope I knew I wanted something different. I wanted this pregnancy and this delivery to be different then all the others because it was already different in so many ways. I cherished my belly, I cherished the baby in it, and I cherished each day that passed with that baby still there. So, after having three routine hospital births that were fully medicated with Pitocin and epidurals, I knew I wanted to FEEL it this time, to really feel Gods miracle, to appreciate it and to be able to remember every tiny piece of it. So this is his story, Pryce’s story.  The story of the magical day that he entered this world.
I was almost 39 weeks and it was the night before mother’s day. I had been having false labor for two weeks and was just sitting on pins and needles not knowing if he was going to be early, late, or right on time. I began having contractions but once again wrote them off as false labor and went to sleep. These were different though. They continued throughout the night and into the morning. Though they weren’t strong enough to keep me awake they were regular. I didn’t mention anything to anyone because I was tired of getting everyone excited about nothing. So John and I went through the day cleaning the house and getting ready for our mother’s day barbeque. Later that afternoon I finally broke down and mentioned to John that he shouldn’t have any beer that evening because we may end up at the hospital. He looked at me and laughed but said ok, then asked how I was feeling. I just remember telling him that they didn’t stop when I was doing things around the house unlike all the other times.

Everyone came that evening and the contractions continued. Although again, I chose not to say anything because I didn’t want to get anyone excited. We went around and did a pool of when Pryce would come and I chose Monday at 8:00 pm. everyone laughed and asked how I was feeling so I FINALLY told them I had been having contractions all day. No one believed me because I hadn’t been in pain but I knew that was because it was early labor, and my early labors have ALWAYS been horribly long! The night went on and the contractions continued. I ended up being able to sleep through them until around 3 am when I was woken up by a really strong contraction. I began to get excited thinking things were finally happening. Things kept moving but I was able to fall asleep between contractions until around 6 am when all the other kids woke up. I asked to help me get the kids to school and hang close.

That’s when I felt I jinxed myself. He went into the office and I did things around the house only to feel like the contractions became less intense and further apart. I tried pumping, which only seemed to slow them more. By this point I was frustrated and thought for sure I was experiencing false labor again. I text John and told him no rush that I didn’t want him to get to excited in case they stopped but he didn’t listen of course and came home and took the kids off to school. When he got back from that I had already gone for a walk and tried to rest. After a short nap John asked if I wanted to walk again so we did. I think the nap was what my body needed. After that rest things started moving. As we were walking I had to stop every 3 or so minutes and breathe through the contractions, they still weren’t strong but they were definitely picking up. John began to get excited telling me it was time to go to the hospital and called my dad for Paisley. I WAS NOT ready to go. But he wouldn’t listen, and I was too tired to put up a fight. So I stalled as long as I could until we finally left.

We got to the hospital and got checked into triage, I knew it wasn’t time because I wasn’t in a huge amount of pain and I was still in a good excited mood. The nurse came in, and oh let me tell you she was a gift from God for sure. She hooked me up to check out the contractions and the baby and then checked me, only to tell me I was dilated to a 3. I knew I needed to inform her of our birth plan so I wouldn’t get hooked up to IV’s to “get things going”.  Once I explained to her that we wanted to do this naturally she told me how she had had all her babies naturally and loved the experience. She then told me to get as far away from the hospital as possible and to stay away as long as possible. John did not like this idea at all. We sat and talked for a while about it and she gave John specific instructions on when to return.  My contractions needed to be unable to be breathed through and like that for an hour and a half, and then we should return. John again let it be known that we should just stay.

After she called my doctor and reassured John we headed home. We laughed that we were heading back (the drive is about 30 minutes one way) and I had a snack and rested until we got home. Once we got home, around 1:30 I hopped in the bath and turned on some music.  That’s when things began to change. I noticed after a little while that my music was starting to bother me so I decided to get out and try and rest again. After I got out of the bath things really started to pick up. I began having really intense back labor and just couldn’t find relief. Finally, after we figured out some different counter pressure techniques I was able to relax into them. I labored in bed with John putting pressure on my knees to relieve the back pain for a while but eventually I couldn’t handle lying down anymore. At that point I just kept pacing the house and bending over anything I was standing by when a contraction came. They began to feel like they were coming one after another with no break in between and that’s when I knew we should start thinking about heading back to the hospital. By this time all I really remember is continually asking John how long they had been feeling intense. I felt like it had been forever and not long enough all at the same time. I kept going back and forth asking to go to the hospital then saying we should wait a little longer. John’s sister Tara was supposed to be there as a secondary labor support but was stuck at work. She finally arrived around 4 pm and as soon as she walked in the door and saw me she said it was time to go. I just wasn’t ready to commit to going back because I didn’t want to hear that I wasn’t dilated. After she got there and settled in for a minute I decided I needed to get back in the shower. As soon as I started getting ready to get in a really intense one hit me and I looked at her and said it was time. I got dressed and got out into the living room and was caught off guard by another really strong one. Tara was insisting we go but after I made it through that one I again said we should wait. Tara decided to go get some drinks for the hospital and left for the gas station. As soon as she left I knew it was time as I was beginning to feel a little bit of pressure with each contraction. She got back and I remember looking at the clock telling John I made it… it was 4:23, it had been an hour and a half of strong labor pains and I felt accomplished and at peace with leaving.

We got in the car and let me tell you I will forever remember the craziness of the car ride. I realize now I was definitely in transition while we were in the car. Contractions were unbearable because I was stuck sitting. If only I could’ve been standing up I think I would have been in more control. With each contraction I would push myself up off the seat and lean back, anything to get off my butt. I just kept telling John that I couldn’t wrap my mind around them anymore because they were so close together, I wasn’t getting any rest in between and I was in the most uncomfortable position to be laboring. We FINALLY made it to the hospital. As soon as I got out of the car I was hit with one that was so different than the rest. After that I made it halfway down the hallway only to be hit with another right next to a couple and their baby (what a sight I must have been)! We finally made it to the check in desk and the man asked what we were there for. I looked at him then had yet another crazy intense contraction that brought me to tears; the pressure was just becoming unbearable at that point. He asked if it was my first and John said no our fourth and he directed us straight back without any other questions. I made it about two feet only to have another one as we were being checked into the nurses’ station, they commented about just having sent me home, only to look at me and say head right back to room 1. The sweetest triage nurse came in and asked if she could ask me a few questions and hook me up to the monitors. I begged not to have to lie down because at this point anything touching my butt killed. John answered the questions (which she rushed through as she was watching me labor) and then she asked to check me. I was then told I was only at a 6. A SIX! I asked if it was fast from a 6 to a 10 because these contractions were so intense. We told her we wanted to deliver naturally and she then asked if that meant we didn’t want my water broken, we answered no to the breaking of my water because we wanted that to happen when it was supposed to. She then stepped out to call my doctor and I had a contraction and felt almost a bubble and then a BURST. My water broke, but it was crazy because it honestly felt and looked like an explosion. John called for the nurse and that’s when I began to feel him move down. With each contraction a gush of water would squirt out and I could feel him drop lower. The nurse ran back in and said it’s time to move to the delivery room. She asked if I wanted a wheelchair and I said no way, because the thought of sitting down terrified me, I told her I would walk. She so sweetly told me she didn’t want my baby to drop to the floor so she would push me in the bed if that was okay.  I climbed up and she proceeded to run down the hallway to the delivery room. That must have been a sight because I was definitely becoming a little more vocal with each contraction. We made it to the delivery room and I had a brief break in my contractions, it was surreal, just like everything I had read, my body was taking a brief rest before the grand finale;) The sweet nurse that had seen us earlier that day in triage (the one that sent us home) was still on shift and came into our room and said she knew she would see me and she was so proud of me. I looked up and asked her if it would hurt. Pushing is what I was the most scared of. The thought of feeling him coming out scared me. She said that was the easy part and that my body would just do it for me. I immediately had another contraction and with that one my stomach began pushing him out, I heard everyone yell she’s pushing, then heard everyone tell me to stop. I kept saying I’m not pushing I can’t stop; my body was literally pushing him out on its own. That’s when John said he could already see his head. They began to move me down and I kept on pushing, or I should say my body did. I didn’t start pushing myself until I felt his head was out and then I did one big push and my baby was born. They immediately put him up on my chest and he stopped crying instantly. It was the most beautiful thing to see my baby just so alert and looking right at me.  They left the cord intact until it stopped pulsing and John cut it. They also left him skin to skin with me until I delivered the placenta. All these things I had told the first triage nurse I wanted but didn’t have time to tell anyone else, so I know she relayed all this information quickly to everyone, what a blessing she really was. My birth plan, even though it wasn’t discussed with anyone because of how fast everything went, was followed more perfectly then I could have imagined.

To give you an idea of how fast everything truly went, we arrived at the hospital a few minutes after 5, we were checked into triage and my water broke at 5:18, and Pryce was born at 5:26. We were also told that if my water had broke in the car I would have delivered him before we could have ever made it to the hospital. Crazy, but beautiful. I had a completely drug free natural childbirth where I labored 95% of the time at home. This birth was more perfect then I ever could have planned for.  Pryce and this experience have truly healed my heart. Our family is now complete and I got to experience childbirth the way I wanted to. I hope if any of you are interested in natural childbirth that you truly give it a shot. It will be an experience that you will never ever forget.

To my love,

How?  How has it been FIVE years since we promised forever?

These past five years we have moved countless times, over 3 states and had 3 adorable babies.

We’ve struggled through financial hardship, new jobs, and new passions.

My love for you is so deep, and old- yet so new.

It’s familiar and homey, but it’s also exciting and fun.

I love those moments where I learn something new about you.  And then I realize, that even though we know each other better then anyone else, there is still so much to learn.

I love the way you pursue me- always chasing me around the house, never letting me escape your unending affection.

I love that when I find something funny, I know you will think it’s funny too.  And when I find something heartbreaking, or shocking, or sad, or kind- you will see it that way too.

I love that in this journey of marriage I am challenged and sharpened and grown through you, and because of our relationship- more then I ever, ever expected.  I saw marriage as the opportunity to be with the one I love forever, and I never knew how much it would change me and grow me as a person.

I love seeing you as a father- it’s your greatest strength, and such a privilege to watch, and the best gift I ever gave my children- to have you as their daddy.

I miss you all the time.  It’s never changed.  I miss you when you leave for an hour, the same way I missed you when I had not seen you in months and we lived an entire country distance away from each other.

You are sexy and handsome and oh so attractive (which also translates into giving me BEAUTIFUL babies).

You are the best choice I ever made.

I adore you.

Thank you for the infinite amounts of sacrifices you make each day for us- and being so good at your special roles as father and husband.

Love you.

Read about our wedding day HERE

See a little picture story of our honeymoon HERE

Woke up this morning to baby cries.  I don’t remember ever being this tired before.

I remember being home schooled in high school and sleeping 12 hours every single night.

I think I was preparing for this time right now- where the sleep deprivation is so intense.

We are moving {on Saturday}.

God just hand picked the most perfect little 50′s ranch home for us, with 5 bedrooms, priced way under market value, in the most perfect area.

We knew our rent was up, and we knew we had outgrown our home, and needed more…. but we’ve been looking for months, and the reality was that our price range was not matching up to the size of home and location we wanted.

It all sort of happened so fast, all in a day, such a whirlwind.

Right now we are in that stage of extreme discomfort, yet pure joy.

Husband is working non-stop, and so I’ve been staying up until 2ish every night packing, then having a teething baby that wakes up every single hour until 6am when the big kids and the whole house gets up.

I don’t think that counts as a night sleep, nope. More like a couple of short naps in a row.

In between nodding off to sleep at any given moment, I’m on my knees thanking the Lord for how He has provided for us.  It’s been a million tiny ways that make you just stand up and say, “Oh my gosh, that is SO good.”.  And, he’s been loving on us through our friends too.

Just wanted to write and say life is pretty hard (can someone tell the baby she needs to read the memo about not teething this week, because mama has a lot of things to do!) but also so so good, and we are so much more wealthy, so much more blessed, and have so much more given to us then we can even understand {and by “we” I mean all of us. }

Can’t wait to tell you more!

Oh hello there!

Gosh I’ve missed this space.  Life with three kids has been amazing, but it has also caused some things (this blog) to take a back seat while we I figure out a flow to the home and family life.  Had to put my family, and my home first- but sheesh I miss writing!

Inching my way back in, I’ve been wanting to share with you my most favorite discovery since becoming a mother.

As a mom to three small children, I am honestly sleep deprived.  If it’s not the baby, it’s the toddler waking up in the middle of the night, or my oldest waking up at dawn.  Obviously this level of poor sleep is not great for health, but I think the Lord blesses us with the ability to go on each day for this season when our littles need their needs met at night.

I never was a coffee drinker before becoming a parent- and then my daughter was born and she loved the 5am wake up time since she was a baby- and guess what?!  I became a coffee addict!  It was just a necessity.  I drank it at first when I did not even like the taste!

Coffee did not come without its side effects though, but I was a slave to the energy benefits.

THEN, I discovered something different!

Shaklee Energy Chews

Before I get into all the amazing awesomeness in these- let me just share with you how I FEEL!

-I eat two sweet chews in the morning after breakfast- it gives me energy that lasts ALL DAY.

-I never feel jittery or high, but calm and focused.

-I don’t experience any crash later in the day.

-It is like my anti-depressant! It lifts my mood so much!

Now, let me tell you about what is IN these things!

-Green Tea (natural caffeine)

-Vitamin D3

-2 Amino Acids

-All 8 energizing B vitamins

It improves your immune system, reduces anxiety, blood pressure, it supports your glandular and hormonal productions.

Did you know these facts about coffee?

Coffee provides energy, but irritates brain function (giving you that wired feeling). Coffee irritates the nervous system and causes anxiety.  Coffee stresses the immune system.  Coffee interferes with hormone function (especially the thyroid).  Coffee flushes B vitamins from the system.  Coffee stresses the adrenals, pancreas and bladder.  Coffee flushes calcium from your system.  Coffee is very acidic (challenges PH levels).

Eeek, I honestly didn’t know these things when I was drinking it.

I’m so happy I found a solution!  Go ahead, join me and make the switch from coffee (or energy drinks- don’t even get me started!) to these amazing chews!

Oh, and did I mention I’m going to give a packet away to three winners?  YES!

To enter, just go “like” this Shaklee Facebook page….

and then come back and comment letting me know you liked it, and if you are taking the dive (or want to) off coffee/energy drinks!

3 winners will be chosen, and you have until noon on Friday, March 2nd to enter.

I’m feeling SO much joy lately.

Every pregnancy brought with it fears of being good enough.  With my first I had so many questions and wondered if I would make the right choices, and if I would be a good mom.  It seemed overwhelming, that I had SO much to learn.  Then I had Capri and learned that the Lord had created me with an instinct to do this thing called mothering- and I was already good at it, if I just listened to that voice.

With my second pregnancy I feared the balancing act of two, and how I would rock one baby and nurse another and how did other mothers do it?! I was overwhelmed with ONE baby- how did women go on to have many children?  Then I had Thatcher and realized… I can do this too.

I can rock two babies at once, I can tackle any situation, I can go to the grocery store with both of them, and most importantly I started to believe in myself as a mother.

Then with the third pregnancy I no longer feared how I would manage as a mother to all of them, but I feared how I would do anything else in life. On days where I was feeling lazy and maybe let the dishes go a little too long, I wondered, “When I have THREE kids, how will I ever keep up, if I’m overwhelmed with house work NOW?”  I feared the third thinking that I would be so overwhelmed I would never find time to get myself dressed in the morning, and I just concluded that I would probably never…ever…leave the house.

Now with three the Lord is teaching me that I CAN do all these things.  I can do way more then I ever thought I could.  Housework seemed so overwhelming before, and I knew looking forward that I would just have to GET BETTER at everything, and I was so fearful about HOW I was going to make that happen.  Then, suddenly I have to do it- and guess what?  I AM.  I’m just doing it.  I have no idea how, and no idea what changed.  I just adapted like every other time.

It’s amazing how motherhood can all at once make us feel completely inadequate, and yet be the most empowering journey of all time.

In the same day I can feel like I am failing in every way, and then BAM, I nurse, do the dishes, make lunch and hear my daughter say “You’re the best Mommy” and all of the sudden I feel like I can do ANYTHING.

Yesterday things got crazy after I picked up Capri from school.  She was throwing a fit because we didn’t go OUT to eat for lunch (even though we never do, and I never said anything about going out to eat), Thatcher was crying because Capri hit him in her anger (he happen to be standing too close), and Bea was crying to nurse because she woke up from a 4 hr nap right before I had to get Capri from school and so she had to wait to eat until after we picked her up and- OH the torture, poor thing!  All three kids screaming at me- lunch needed to be made- naps then needed to be had.

This sounds like a small moment, but these are the moments that would make me FREAK OUT before.  I would either scream or cry, and when it was all over, and my heart stopped racing and my panic went away I would want my husband to come home immediately and just hold me.

This time, I just said to myself “It’s okay!” and I just stayed calm, did what I was already doing (a million things at once), and guess what?  I was FINE.

It was my AHA moment- I didn’t have to let these crazy times overwhelm me- fear isn’t real, ya know?

Each baby has brought a new big lesson in motherhood and God is totally shaping me through it.

Disclaimer:  I wrote this like a journal, so that I could remember every detail.  It’s VERY long, filled with graphic details and images.  If that makes you squirmy, then skip this one!

I woke up at 3am with a big contraction.  I knew this was different then the normal braxton hicks I was used to having.  At the same time Thatcher woke up and decided it was time to play and so I was awake with him from 3-5AM.  My contractions were about 5 minutes apart and still pretty mild.  I went back to sleep and when I woke up at 7:30 they were still going.  I text family and midwife and decided to get the kids ready to go to my in-laws in hopes that I would labor throughout the day.  I spent the morning packing bags and snacks, making breakfast, cleaning, getting everyone bathed, dressed, hair braided etc… I would stop every five minutes and just sway my hips and breathe through the contractions that were about 30 seconds long.
The kids left with family around 10 and I decided to rub castor oil on my belly and pump in hopes of encouraging active labor to start.  I didn’t really see a change- just 5 minutes apart, mild contractions.  Wade and I decided to go for a walk.  It was the most gorgeous, perfect day!  I just wanted to stay outside.  It was sunny but not too bright, and probably between 75-80 degrees with a nice little breeze.  With the other two kids we took this same little labor walk, but with the other two it was in the middle of snow storms.  We had to load up in boots and coats to go outside, and then had to walk through 2 feet of snow and slippery ice in freezing temperatures!  Let’s just say I was SO thankful to be living in Arizona this time around!  We just spent the walk talking about our family, being so thankful to the Lord for how far we’ve come in the past few years, and all the ways he has blessed us.
When I got home my Midwife Anne Marie, asked me if I wanted her to come over and I was hesitant.  I am always worried about “crying wolf”, and since I tend to have long early labor periods, I feel so bad for getting everyone excited and then having DAYS of labor.  Finally, I just asked for her to come and check on the baby, and then to come back when I was in active labor.

Around 2PM, she checked the baby, and all was great, and then asked if I wanted to be checked.  I normally would have said no, but I wanted her to confirm what I thought- that it was still “early”.  If it was, then I was planning on taking a trip to Target to distract myself from contractions, and maybe take a nap.  She checked me, and I was 80% effaced, and 4, stretching to 5 centimeters along!  I was shocked!  I was expecting to hear I was at a 3.  I think those herbs I took helped- I remember one of the benefits to them was early dilation without pain!  For a girl that had very long and very painful early labors with the other two, this was just the greatest thing ever!  Anne Marie decided to stay near by, saying that she thought things were happening… so she went to Target across the street and shortly after she left my contractions became REALLY strong and I got in the tub.

This labor was different then my last two in a few ways.  The first being that I decided to MOVE through my contractions.  Before, I managed my pain by completely relaxing from head to toe, similar to hypnosis, and I didn’t want to move AT ALL.  This time, I relaxed and surrendered but I also moved.  I would sit on the ball and sway my hips, or sit in the pool and move in circles.  I changed positions often, not being afraid of getting stuck in something uncomfortable when a contraction came, but trusting my body to move in the way that it needed to.  I not only surrendered to the pain, but I surrendered to my body, it’s power and however I needed to move.

Contractions were difficult and I sort of felt like my “transition” lasted for hours.  Ya know the contractions that are intense, close together, and make you want to scream “I can’t do this anymore!  I’m done!”?  In some ways this felt like my hardest labor, and in others it felt like my easiest.  I guess I just coped better then before.  Although, I did not have back labor- and that made all the difference!  Wade didn’t have to sit in the tub and push my hips together with each contraction (poor thing was sort of bored!), I didn’t need the water high and boiling hot, and it was easier to move.  Good little girl stayed anterior the whole labor and never went posterior.  I was so thankful!  Around 4PM I threw up with a HUGE contraction and it was pretty memorable since Wade had followed me around with a pot, and then I asked him to get me water and as he took a step away I yelled “Pot!” and he ran to me and missed me by a half second.  After this I could feel her move down quite a bit (one of my favorite parts of laboring naturally- although painful- SO cool!).

My amazing Doula/Midwife Assistant Amara helped me so much through my labor.  Early on I asked her to read me my birth affirmations.  She whispered them softly in my ear as I lay over the tub.  I just focused on her words.  Then she started taking a washcloth and dipping it in the water and rubbing it around my neck, down my arms, over my face etc.. She would fan me with it too.  If you would have asked me ahead of time if I would have liked this, I would have told you a big fat NO.  I can’t believe I liked it, but it was AMAZING, and I wish she was at all my births.  It is the benefit of having a great Doula- that they can be intuitive enough to know what you need when you need it.  She is an experienced massage therapist too, so the way she moved and rubbed the wash cloth was so soothing.  She also did some EFT tapping the whole time, and I KNOW that it helped me emotionally.

The other part of my labor that was very different was that before, each time a contraction came I fearfully anticipated the pain.  I could relax a half of a second later, but I never could enter a contraction surrendered and relaxed.  That tension and fear in the beginning of the contraction caused me pain until I could let it go.  This time, instead of focusing on relaxing I focused on the baby.  Each contraction I visualized her moving down, and I kept talking to her in my head saying things like “Come to me baby girl”, “I want to meet you”, “Come down and out sweetheart”.  I repeatedly talked to her through the whole contraction and visualized my body opening up and pushing her down.  Because of this I embraced the pain of the contraction instead of fearing it.  I could FEEL everything and when it was painful it was because my body was opening and she was moving down.  I was actually disappointed when I would have a weak contraction that didn’t hurt!  The whole time my biggest frustration was patience.  I just couldn’t wait to meet her, and I wanted to see her face NOW.  I didn’t think of laboring this way ahead of time, it was just instinct.  Because of this, I didn’t have fear or tension when entering a contraction, I was relaxed from the beginning so the pain was so manageable.

A few times my midwife showed me how to “check” myself.  I really didn’t have any idea what I was feeling, but I did it again another two times and could totally tell the difference between the first time.  That was such a cool experience!

I have always found my labors to be an intimate experience with my husband.  Sure, there are other people in the room, but this is OUR time, bringing OUR baby into the world… a baby created out of our love.  Before, he was in the tub with me pushing on my back, holding me.  I longed to be close to him the whole labor, and he took care of me the whole time.  At the end, he held my hand, and I just loved his presence.  He is so my love and my rock.  It makes me sad for all the women a generation ago that had to labor with their husbands in the waiting room.  I don’t know what I would have done without him there.

It wasn’t long and I was squatting and feeling a little pushy.  I was expecting a break in contractions before that point, but everything was still 2 minutes apart and 1 and a half minutes long!  With the other two I never got the urge to push, and I think my body was just telling me to rest and prepare.  Instead of listening to my body I just pushed even though I didn’t want to, and had very long pushing stages.  I HATE to push, and it was the same this time!  So now that I had the urge to push, it scared me!  I voiced this to Anne Marie and Amara.  I told them that I was so used to relaxing through my contractions as a way to cope with the pain, that I was afraid to push through the contractions (instead of relax), and face that pain.  My midwife (who is also a ND and a Homeopathic doctor) gave me a couple of homeopathic remedies for fear.  At the same time Amara was surrogate tapping (EFT) and said, Carrington, I want you to say “Trixie is worth it”.  It was exactly what I needed to hear, and went right along with how I had been laboring, giving all my focus to her.  She WAS worth it.  She tapped, and I said those words.  Then Anne Marie said “Why don’t you just try a little grunt?  A little push, just to see how it feels?”.

At 6:45, with the next contraction I gave a tiny push and a grunt and all of the sudden my water just burst through…. the water!  With it came my mucus plug and bloody show- neither of which I had lost yet at all (even being a week late!).  It was so cool to me that it completely distracted me from my contractions.  I think I even said “Whoa, that was really cool.”

Two minutes later another contraction came and I thought I would try just a little push again.  I just loathe pushing, and it also scares me, but I wanted to see my baby SO bad.  When I pushed a little I was shocked at how much it moved her that I kept pushing and her head came through!  I don’t think anyone else in the room realized how close I was, or that she was coming that fast and I heard Wade exclaim, “I see her head!  I see her head!”.  I was squatting with one knee down and one leg up.  After her head came out, I wanted to be done SO bad that I just fully committed, accepting whatever tear or pain was going to happen and KEPT pushing until she came out!  The next push (and same contraction) she was out!  Oh gosh, it felt so amazing!

I had voiced that I wanted to catch her, or have Wade catch her, and so when I pushed her out so fast, I just reached down and grabbed my baby girl.  With Thatcher I delivered him behind me (standing up), and I hated the feeling of not being able to see him, or grab him.  Grabbing her as she came out was so incredible empowering and amazing.  I pulled her to my chest and she let out a big cry.  She quickly turned a little gray/blue and my midwife came up behind me because her cord was wrapped around her neck.  She was also grabbing her cord like it was her little lovie, and was refusing to let it go!  Anne Marie had to pull each little finger out of the tight grip and pulled the cord around and she instantly pinked up and let out another cry!

I kissed her, kissed my husband, kissed my mom and couldn’t believe how TINY she was.  To many other people she was probably huge, but to me?  She was soo tiny! Her brother was almost two pounds heavier!  Her tiny features!  Oh, she was so beautiful and reminded me so much of Capri and Thatcher.

We waited until the cord stopped pulsating and then clamped it and Wade cut it.  After we cut the cord, I handed her to Wade who swaddled her up and held her.  I got out of the tub and sat on the birthing stool to deliver the placenta with the midwife in front of me.  It came out fast, along with a bunch of blood clots.  She noticed the bleeding was more then she liked, so she gave me a couple of homeopathic remedies and two herbs- shepards purse, and blue cohosh.  We waited a few minutes and she kept massaging me.  It wasn’t stopping and so she decided to give me Cytotec.  With Capri I had some bleeding, and they gave me pitocin and cytotec right away (without my permission) and I still passed out after the birth trying to go to the bathroom.  The doctors never mentioned my bleeding, and so I had no idea that was why I passed out.  I just wasn’t informed, but looking back I understand what was happening.  With Thatcher, I had a lot of bleeding, and was given cytotec as well by my CNM, and after a lot of massaging clots out, and getting some food in me, I eventually felt better (although I felt like I was going to pass out).  Knowing this might be a “thing” with me, I spoke a lot with my midwife about it ahead of time to make sure she had what was needed on hand, and I took TONS of herbs to prep my body in hopes I would not have any hemmoraging.

I started to feel a little better and asked to go to the bed to lay down.  We went into the bedroom, she massaged more clots out and then I sat up and was nursing Beatrix.  We sat in there for a little over an hour, talking about the birth, nursing etc.. Then, I started to feel super weak again, and gave the baby to my mom and laid down.  I told Anne Marie I was feeling really weak and she checked my blood pressure- it had dropped drastically (sorry, I can’t remember what it was at- but let’s just say it was dangerously low).  She asked me, “Do you feel like you did with Thatcher, or worse?”  I said, “Worse”.

Then I passed out.

At that time it was just Jordan (my good friend who was there taking pictures for me), and the midwife in the room.  The midwife yelled for Amara to call 911 (Jordan just did), and Jordan yelled for Wade as my midwife ran to get one of those things you snap to wake people up, are they amonia?  I don’t know what they are called, ha!  Before she left she rolled me on my side and told Wade to talk to me and get me to wake up. It was only about 20-30 seconds that I was “out”.

I woke up on my side in my husbands arms with him yelling my name and my midwife back and yelling my name.  It was the weirdest and most confusing thing ever.  I had no idea I passed out.  It felt like I had just fallen asleep.  You know when you are up late chatting with a friend and they are talking and you accidentally fall asleep until they say your name to see if you are listening?  That’s what it felt like!  I didn’t understand why everyone was running around, etc.. Then, I felt instantly better!  Blood pressure went back up, and midwife is holding my legs up, and then people are feeding me coconut water, yogurt, broth, etc..  By this time the paramedics had already arrived (I swear, they were there in like two minutes!  Nice to know I live so close to them!)

So, I started talking to the midwife about transferring, and asked her what they would do for me at the hospital.  She said they would give me fluids, and more cytotec and pitocin to stop bleeding.  I knew that SHE had all those things on hand as well, and since my blood pressure was stable, did I really have to go?  I didn’t want to leave my baby, and I really, really didn’t want to go to the hospital!  I had just had the most beautiful experience, I didn’t want to leave my home.  I asked her if she could stay with me through the night to monitor me, and if it got worse, we could just call the ambulance back, but I wanted to stay.  She agreed as long as my blood pressure stayed stable that we could do that.  So, they went outside and told the paramedics that we were refusing transfer.  As they were out there telling them, all of the sudden I felt weak again.  I told her to take my BP again, and AGAIN it had dropped way low.  She looked at me SO concerned and I said “I should just go in, huh?” and she said “YES.”  So then she ran outside to tell them to come BACK.  The fire department was still there but the paramedics were just leaving, so they chased them down the street and waved them down, telling them to come back.

A minute later I’m naked on my bed and there are about 8 EMT’s in my bedroom!  The first thing they did was cover me up, and I laughed- I swear all my modesty left with childbirth!  They were all SO nice.  I kind of expected attitudes, because so many people have so many beliefs about the safety of homebirth, and I figured I would get a comment from them, but they were all so nice telling me congrats, and what a gorgeous little girl I had!  They carried me out in a sling because they couldn’t get the gurney to fit through the door way.  All in a matter of minutes we figured out that Amara and Jordan would stay with my mom and the baby at home.  Jordan would pump for the baby , and my midwife and Wade would come with me to the hospital.

Off to the hospital I went, conflicted as to whether I made the right choice to leave my baby.  Feeling thankful for being taken care of, then feeling silly for causing such a scene, etc.. When we got to the county hospital, they brought me through the ER, and I was soo hoping that they would not leave me there.  It looked like a really busy night, and I didn’t want to deal with an ER doctor.  God totally answered my prayers and after listening for a few minutes to the paramedic argue with the nurse, I was brought up to L and D and brought into a room.  Again, I was expecting a lot of negativity, or comments from nurses/doctors about having a homebirth but it’s like the Lord chose these specific people for me this night.  They were all SO loving and kind and just above and beyond sweet, making the whole situation that could have been very traumatic for me, very smooth and easy.

They gave me more cytotec, pitocin and hooked me up to fluids (I got three whole bags that evening), and then gave me morphine so that they could literally DIG inside my uterus and get the rest of the clots out that were preventing my uterus to contract fully and thus be able to stop my bleeding.  Even with the morphine it was painful and the doctor pulled out a whole cluster of clots that had gotten stuck in my lower uterine cavity.

After that I was doing much better.  We had to stay for hours more as they ran tests.  It was SO hard to be away from Beatrix, but I knew she was in good hands with my mom (probably the only person I would have been comfortable leaving her with), and with Jordan there to pump, I wasn’t worried about her.  Actually, I think I had been blessed with a supernatural peace.  Being separated from my baby so soon after birth should have been way more traumatizing then it was.  My midwife came with and was able to answer all their medical questions, give them my charts and all my medical history and answer all their questions.  It was so nice to not have to do any of that, and have her there for a second opinion on things!  She was amazing!  She stayed with us until midnight and then went home to do all the newborn stuff with Beatrix!  In all the crazy, she hadn’t even been weighed or measured.  I actually was so anxious to see how much she weighed that we had Amara do it, and they text us pictures and the weight at the hospital.  8.3 pounds!  Oh my goodness! I had PRAYED for a small baby, and there she was!  Although, that weight deserves a little * by it, because she pooped like 5 times right after birth!  It’s a whole different story, in which my mom got pooped on a bunch, lol!  It was also another thing we were praising God for.  My body knew I needed to push her out right away, because I believe if I had a long pushing stage she might have had meconium in there, and that leaves risk for ingesting some, or breathing some of it in- both can be serious complications.  The Lord just had it all perfectly planned.

Wade and I spent the evening RESTING and talking.  We were giddy and couldn’t stop talking about the birth, what happened.  I loved hearing his perspective and he loved hearing mine.  It was so fun to recap the birth of our little girl.  Finally, at 6AM we were allowed to go home. Baby had been spoon fed some milk, and was doing great- sleeping.  Amara and my dad had cleaned up the tub and Amara was sleeping on my couch.  I could.not.wait. to hold her again.  Oh, it was like giving birth all over again- that moment!

I will say this- although it wasn’t perfect, and I had to transfer to the hospital- it FELT perfect to me.  I didn’t feel like my transfer experience took away from my birth experience.  I’m SO so happy I birthed at home and got an intervention free birth with a healthy baby without the need of monitoring, pain medication or surgery.  I hope my birth is an example of the awesome care I was under with my Midwife, and how the medical intervention I had was sooo wonderful, and needed and I am beyond grateful that I had it.  My hope is that her birth is not overshadowed by the transfer- that you don’t look at my homebirth and say “Look!  Homebirth is dangerous!”  This would have happened whether I was at the hospital or not, and I had great care while I was at home to take care of me while we waited for transfer. I think my birth is a great example if you are having a homebirth and you fear, “What happens if something goes wrong?”  This is what happens, and this is what you do, and this is why I love homebirth!

So, she is two weeks old now- but let me introduce you to my new best friend…

Beatrix Anne Beauchamp

Born at Home

8 pounds 3 ounces 19 inches long.

Born at 6:50 (ish)

My Support team was AMAZING.

Thank you to my husband for being such an encouragement, support, love.  He is a master birth supporter/coach, and I’m so blessed to be his wife.

Thank you to my Mom who was there doing all the little jobs no one sees, loving on me, and then being there to take care of my baby in the most crucial time!  Thank you for then taking care of me in the weeks after.  I have NO idea how I could have ever become a mother without the support and care that you have given me!

Thank you to Anne Marie, my midwife for her amazing care.  Your knowledge and expertise wow me, and I loved getting to talk to you each visit.  Thank you for giving me such a beautiful birth.  I trusted you completely, and I’m so glad the Lord led me to you.  Thank you for going with me to the hospital, staying late and taking care of me each step of the way.  You are simply the best! <3

If you live in the Phoenix area and need a midwife, a homeopathic doctor, or a naturopathic doctor (who specializes in pediatrics, so you can do your well baby check ups with her, instead of a Ped!) you need to check her out! Here is her website and her Facebook

Thank you to Amara, my “Doula”… a role that you took on, and were absolutely amazing at!  I’m so happy to have met you, to have made friends with you.  Thank you for your support during labor- my only regret is that you weren’t at all my babies birth!  You went above and beyond in every way for me, and I’m forever grateful!  Thank you so much!

If you want an amazing Doula, or need a massage from an epic massage therapist, or want someone that will do placenta encapsulation, or do you want to know more about EFT, or need help figuring out information about vaccines?  (She is a woman of many talents!)  You need to call Amara!  And, if you choose Anne Marie as your midwife, you might just get Amara as your midwife assistant and then have a built in doula like me! This is her website and this is her facebook.

And last but not least- thank you to my dear friend Jordan!  She is the one that took ALL of these amazing photos!  She is the one that fed my baby when I couldn’t!  Jordan, I told you this before, but it was like a divine appointment having you there.  You had such great energy and were so great and taking pictures of EVERY moment and yet never disturbing me.  I’m so glad I got to share this experience with you, forever grateful for the moments you captured, and so thankful for your support afterwards.  You are simply the best!

I’m now 2 days past my due date, and shockingly feeling okay about it.  I’m obviously huge and uncomfortable.  I cry when I have to roll over in bed at night, or get up to go to the bathroom.  My hips and lower back and ligaments are crying for mercy.

BUT, I feel a peace that surpasses it all. This may (and most likely will be) our last pregnancy.

The last time I will feel flutters and kicks.  The last time my belly will make crazy movements, my husband will talk to my belly and my kids will kiss it.  It’s the last time I will experience what it is like to have life inside of me.

It’s the last time we will do things together as a family of four.  That I can hold just two kids in my arms (without squishing in three).

Enjoying this time with my husband where our bed is only ours, and my body is only ours .

Every night I am feeling super strong braxton hicks that start in the evening and go throughout the night.  They are much stronger then the ones I get throughout the day, and are more consistent and constant.  I’m hoping with all the herbal prep I did that I am possibly dilating a little each night (without pain), and that I will start labor already in active labor!  That would be my dream!

This waiting period is so weird.  A LIFE CHANGING, difficult event is about to happen at any moment, and we are supposed to carry on with life until it does.  Every time I paint my nails or shave my legs I pray and hope it’s the last time before the baby comes.  Every time I bathe the kids and braid Capri’s hair, I pray it’s the last time before baby comes (so they are clean and ready for in-laws!).

I’ve never seen contentment in myself like I have right now.  Maybe it is because she is still a little high and floaty and so I’m not in SO much pain (like with the other two?) that I’m not desperate for her to come out yet?  Or maybe it’s because we came so close to losing her early on that I’m just super present and sensitive and GRATEFUL and THANKFUL for the miracle that she is.

I just want her to feel peace from me, and I want her to feel peace when she comes into this world, and loved…. so so loved….because she is.

I keep thinking that my peace and contentment is a sign that she is NOT coming for a long time!  But maybe I could be blessed enough to feel this way all the way up until she comes?  I hope so.  I so prefer this feeling, this way of living to the torturous ones I did with my other two!

If you would like to see “labor updates”, I’m going to be updating (and having a friend update for me) on my Organic Life Love Facebook page.  Just click “like” on the blue box on the top right hand side of the blog.

Oh, and hopefully “one last” belly shot?

40 wks 2 days

Hopefully next time I write it will be with a little girl in my arms!

So, a few things are going on… I’m REALLY pregnant now- 39 wks, due November 6th.

Wade and I were able to escape for a date night the other night- wanted to make sure we snuck one in before baby Beatrix showed up!

I took a picture in the bathroom at the restaurant!  I’m now noticing that my dress looks more like a tent with how big my belly is!

I’m feeling really great which is SO weird.  I find myself having energy, nesting, and in a great mood.  I normally want to just die at the end of my pregnancy, and right now I’m in no rush to see this baby!  I obviously can’t wait, but I’m not feeling the usual pressure to get her out!  This might be our last baby, who knows?  I just want to enjoy her, and feeling her crazy movement, and being pregnant!  I’ve never really felt great pregnant, and so I am enjoying it!

My mom and dad get into town on Monday though, and I’m thinking I will start wanting her to come out then!

The last two weeks I’ve been in panic mode that she might come EARLY.  Then I got really fearful about labor and my birth, and was feeling SO un-ready.  Some awesome friends just reminded me that she will come when we were both ready.  And it is so true!  I just felt so much more mentally prepared with my last two.  I was able to spend some time meditating and practicing getting to that really focused place- and this time around I have had NO time to make that happen.  Somehow though, I feel like the Lord is preparing me, washing away my fear, teaching me how to surrender in other areas of my life which I’m sure is just practice for surrendering during labor.  I’m feeling more ready each day to welcome this baby girl into my life, and instead of fearing the process I am getting really excited.  I can’t wait to have the birth I envision!  I can’t wait to feel her move through my body, to catch her, to hold her, to nurse her, and to see her beautiful face.

(I dyed my hair red btw).

Feeling beautiful pregnant for the first time ever!  It feels pretty awesome.  Now I get the women that embrace this time, and their bodies, and just feel glowing and magnificent.  I’m feeling it now!  Wish I embraced pregnancy this way before..

Tonight we took the kids to a pumpkin patch, and we managed to find a pretty awesome one near town.  This is pretty amazing since we live in a big city, a big desert city!  Last year we drove up north for the day and found one, but we couldn’t do that this year (obviously), so we were so happy to have found this place!

The kids LOVED it, and this pretty much sums up our night….

We rode a little train, jumped in a blow up jumpy thing, went down slides, climbed on hay stacks, picked pumpkins and then went through a really dark (and really long… oh gosh, kill me now) corn maze (filled with teenagers screaming and scaring my children!)

Hope you have a Happy Halloween!

I have been really looking into taking some kind of herbal support to prepare me for labor.  I had never really looked into this before, and the extent of my knowledge was just to drink lots of red raspberry leaf tea.  I never ended up taking the RRL very much.  I would always buy it, and then drink it once or twice and then forget about it! Ha! Whoops.

But I KNOW there must be a reason why some women have super easy fast labors, and others don’t.  Why some women have such a hard time healing afterwards, and others do not.  I’ve had long, difficult labors, and my recovery has always been hard (even though I never had tearing)… it was just hard to walk for at least a week, how do some women seem to jump right up?

There are SO many contributing factors to these things, and most of the time we have no control, and can’t help these things.  But what if there was a way to prepare our bodies, to strengthen them nutritionally to do their “job” most effectively.

Since I had those problems, and more (like serious bleeding after Thatcher was born), my midwife suggested a labor prep combination called Gentle birth.

Here is a great description for the rationale behind these labor prep combinations:

(http://gentlebirth.org/archives/herbs.html#PN)

Rationale for Prenatal Herbal Tonics

Prenatal herbal formulations are designed to help ripen the cervix and tone the uterine muscle.  Typically, they do this by causing an increase in toning contractions in late pregnancy.  If humans lived now as we evolved, even very pregnant women would still be doing a lot of walking around, foraging for food or moving about by foot instead of by car. Those normal levels of adrenaline from daily activity caused toning contractions (archaically called Braxton-Hicks contractions), which helped move the baby into the optimal position for birth and toned the uterus for an easier labor and birth.  Moving the baby’s head down onto the cervix helped ripen the cervix so it would open more easily when the contractions of labor started.  Having a ripened cervix helped the baby to come in a timely fashion, preparing the uterus to be ready to go into labor as soon as baby threw the switch.  This meant that baby was more likely to have a nice, flexible head for easier molding and less likely to release meconium before birth.

Instead, we now see lots of women with long prodromal or early labors, which tell us that the uterus and cervix weren’t ready to go into labor when baby was ready to come.  Women can help prepare the uterus to be in synch with baby’s timing either by doing lots and lots of walking (several hours per day would be optimal), or by taking herbs which also cause toning contractions.

The herbs in these prenatal formulations are tonic herbs, meaning they are mild, and you need to take them over an extended period of time in order for the benefits to accumulate.  The capsule formulations are not a concentrated tincture or extract; they simply take the plants, chopped and dried, and put them into gelatin capsules.  This is why you end up having to take so many capsules around your due date; they’re not concentrated the way herbal tinctures are.  You could view it as a way of getting more greens every day.

Their are three main products/companies that carry these combinations- however you can take these things seperately or find a great herbal shop to blend them for you, or put them in a tonic.

Dr. Christopher’s PN-6 (however this his hard to find?), Nature’s Sunshine 5W (Standing for 5 weeks, which is how long you take it for), and Gentle Birth by Mountain Meadow Herbs.

All of them claim basically the same things, with the “strongest” formula being the PN-6, then 5W, and then Gentle Birth.

• Very little post-date babies (they come either “early” or “on time”)
• Less pain during labor and delivery
• Advanced dilation before discomfort was felt (Can I get an Amen?!)
• Shorter, easier recovery
• Very little bleeding and hemorrhaging
• Better breastfeeding
• Little to no “after pains”

I have read that they will make you have lots of braxton hicks contractions near the end, but they will actually regulate those contractions, and when you are ready for real labor (as opposed to false labor), it STARTS and then doesn’t stop.  It feels like an epidemic with my close friends that have labors that start and stop and start and stop (poor things, how awful, huh?).

If taken before 35 or 36 weeks however these can induce labor early, so it is recommended that you take them per what the bottle says of course, and under the provision of your care provider.

I was interested to learn what some of the herbs in these combinations actually did- here are a few-

Squaw vine herb: Used by Native Americans and “among the best remedies for preparing the uterus and whole body for child birth”. Recommended for use during the some weeks before one’s EDD. Also useful in the relief of painful menstruation (dysmenorrhea). When used in preparations for labor, combine with raspberry leaf.

Black cohosh root: Used by Native Americans and “has a most powerful action as a relaxant and a normalizer on the female reproductive system”. Also useful in dysmenorrhea relief. Its usefulness in labor is to “aid uterine activity whilst allaying nervousness”. That said, this herb is known to have some sedative effects in addition to its effects as a general female tonic.

Red Raspberry Leaf: Used to strengthen and tone the uterus, thereby easing labor and preventing hemorrhage. This herb should be taken regularly during pregnancy and esp. during labor.

Here are the other herbs found in some of these combinations if you wanted to look each of them up…. blessed thistle, blue cohosh, false unicorn, bayberry,ginger, scullcap, motherwort, wild yam, dong quai root , butcher’s broom root.

My midwife recommends the gentle birth formula, and my herbalist recommends the 5w, however there are many midwives that do not think these are a good idea, so check with your care provider before taking them!

I sat fascinated and in AWE of the testimonials of all three of these products through this one forum I found online- hoping I have a similar experience as these women, you MUST check out this feed…. http://www.welltellme.com/discuss/index.php?topic=15472.0

I am 36 weeks now, and I will be taking one until I have the baby!  I will let you know which one I ended up taking, and then I will obviously let you know how my labor/recovery goes!

And please tell me, have you ever tried these?  What was your experience with them?

That is my Niece!

Born at home in the water at 6:30pm October 5, 2011

9lbs 2oz 21.5 inches

She was the most waited on baby of all time… and she was soooo worth the wait.

She has brought squeals, and tears, and healing and redemption to our family.

She helps us celebrate her older Sister, and heal.

She looks so much like her three big brothers- she was always meant to be here- to fit right in.

We CANNOT be more excited about her arrival.

And her Mama?  AMAZING birth warrior.  If you want to know how to surrender anything- ask her!  She’s become a master.

So proud of my Sister.

And her Daddy?  He was so meant to be a daddy to a girl- it’s the sweetest thing seeing them together!

Praise God for babies, they are SUCH miracles, aren’t they?