Our Adventure in Bipolarland

A Trip to Little Rock

2012-05-22T13:51:00.000-06:00

The actual little rock that was a landmark for early river men.

I've been finishing up stories from my trip to Little Rock. I enjoyed meeting with and interviewing some of the LDS teens in the area. They are delightful, intelligent, well-spoken leaders in their schools and with their friends. I've said it before: meeting with this rising generation gives me hope for the future as they wrestle with issues and situations far more complex than what I had to deal with while growing up. We talked about the importance of staying true to their beliefs even when others criticize them. They know that when others are doing something they feel uncomfortable with that it's important to find something else to do, even when that means leaving the crowd.

One of the leaders who helped me set up interviews arranged for me to see the Clinton Library as well as a have a tour with the principal of Little_Rock_Central_High_School. They were great! I especially appreciated the tour of the high school and learning more about the Little Rock Nine. I was too young to remember that event, but I do remember the civil rights movement of the 1960s. I admire their strength and courage in persevering against tremendous odds for something that they believed in.

I also had the pleasure of meeting a family who have been able to work together through issues of severe chronic pain and bipolar disorder that their husband and father struggles with. I admired their spirit and appreciated the reminder that prayer and faith are an indispensable part of managing the disorder. He also talked about the importance of humor, talking through issues, forgiveness, and letting others help: "it's good for everyone, both giver and receiver, when help is offered and accepted."

I had some time to take in a few of the sites around downtown Little Rock.

Arkansas River

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Steamboat Arkansas

A view of the hotel and the sculpture garden

The Peabody Hotel Ducks

These sculptures are part of a sculpture garden along the river front

One of my favorites

The first state capitol, now a museum with a great exhibit about the role of women on the Arkansas frontier

These fun sculptures were near a park featuring old log houses

At sunset

At the riverfront open air market

Little Rock will never be just another dot on a map to me again.

Happy Spring!

2012-04-22T16:55:00.001-06:00

I hadn't intended on taking such a long break from this blog. It seems that days melt into each other, and before I know it, one month passes, and a new season is here.

So, a quick update on what we've been doing:

December: I went to Little Rock, Arkansas, on assignment (an account of that trip will follow. No, really. I promise). I had a wonderful time and met some great people. The downside was that I had a hard time getting things done for the Christmas season, and David had a hard time with me being gone during the winter. Note to self: avoid scheduling work trips in December if at all possible.

January: David had carpal tunnel surgery on his right wrist. He came through it with flying colors, and his mood was bearable with a hint of more depression coming.

Unfortunately I came down with a case of bronchitis at the same time. I'm not a great nurse anyway, but I wasn't able to take care of him as much as I wanted to. We decided to have a Harry Potter marathan while we recovering from our ailments and ended up spending most of the week in our pjs watching all of the Harry Potter movies. I liked Dumbledore's comment to Harry at the very end of the series, "Don't pity the dead; pity those who live without love."

March: Remember the Highway Patrol incident last June? Yes, the one where David was pulled over for reckless driving and taken to jail. We had to go to court to answer the charges of 1) DUI, 2) Possession of a controlled substance, and 3) reckless driving. We hired a good attorney to help us, and he was able to get the court to drop the DUI (because there was nothing in his bloodstream except for his meds) and the possession of a controlled substance (because it was just a small amount of his prescription meds). However they wanted to change the reckless driving charge to "impaired driving." We go to court in June to see if we can get that last charge dropped. It wasn't the meds that caused the problem; it was a bipolar episode, and he hasn't had any problems since then.

April: David had surgery on his left wrist two weeks ago. He's recovering from the surgery well, but depression and anxiety is taking a toll on him. His part-time job ended, and he worries excessively about finding another job and related issues.

On the family front: Soldier Brian came home from Afghanistan in January, and we're so glad to have him stateside again.

Celebrating Our Silver Anniversary

2011-11-23T11:33:00.002-07:00

David and I recently celebrated our 25th anniversary. We are quite proud of ourselves for reaching this milestone and feel grateful for our family and our life together, even with all of its ups and downs over the years.

Wedding photo

Our children at the wedding

I've been thinking all fall about the first time we went camping. It was Labor Day weekend, and Shannon's 4th birthday. He had his children for the weekend, and offered to watch mine while I went to get my hair cut. When we got to his house, he was busily preparing to go camping for the weekend and invited us to go. We hadn't been dating for very long so while I was getting my hair cut I thought of all the reasons why we shouldn't go. But when I got back I couldn't resist the pleas of six children and David.

"But I don't have any camping equipment," I said at one point.
"Doesn't matter," he said, "I have everything all packed. All you need are some pillows and blankets for you and your kids." He had borrowed his roommate's truck and pop-up tent trailer for the weekend. So after a stop at my apartment, and a quick trip to the grocery store for some last minute items, we headed to a nearby canyon.

While the children were having fun playing together and running around the campsite, David and I started setting up camp. Then we made a horrifying discovery: he forgot the key to the trailer! That meant that everything in the trailer (all the food, the beds, etc.) were safely locked away and we couldn't get to them. We discussed what we should do, including going back home, but the kids begged us to stay. We decided we could make it work . . . until we realized that we didn't have any matches for a fire! Fortunately some people were camping nearby and graciously let us have some matches when we explained our predicament.

We had fun sitting around the campfire, which was something new for my children, telling stories and roasting hot dogs and marshmallows. When it came time for bed, we decided to have the 3 boys sleep together under a tree with 2 of the blankets and pillows. David and I put the 3 little girls between us and tried to get comfortable in the back of the pickup. It was icy! We eventually gave that up. The girls and I ended up sleeping in the cab, and David slept on the ground by the campfire. It was a long, cold night.

I liked David's sense of adventure and willingness to make the best out of a bad situation. Our children also had a good time together (it was our first joint outing). After that memorable trip we dated more seriously and ended up marrying two months later. It was the beginning of many camping adventures together.

We had a small wedding ceremony with just a few friends and family in attendance. I don't suppose that any one who was there really believed that we could make this family work. We had so many strikes against us, including very little money, broken and blended family issues, as well as David's health problems that included bad knees not to mention the undiagnosed bipolar disorder.

So often our life together has resembled that camping trip. There were many times when we wondered if we would make it, but quitting never seemed like the right thing to do. We have had our share of unexpected events that have demanded some creative solutions to the problems.

And so here we are: David is doing much better at controlling his disorder, our relationship is better than it has ever been, and our children are happy, healthy, productive adults raising their own families. We are proud of each of them and our 18 grandchildren.

The words of the Thanksgiving hymn come to mind:

Now thank we all our God
With hearts and hands and voices,
Who wondrous things hath done,
In whom his earth rejoices;
Who, from our mother's arms,
Hath blessed us on our way
With countless gifts of love,
And still is ours today.

Oh, may our bounteous God
Through all our life be near us,
With ever joyful hearts
And blessed peace to cheer us,
And keep us in his love,
And guide us day and night,
And free us from all ills,
Protect us by his might.

Our family through the years:

Our first family portrait

With all the children

Just before the oldest left home

At Jeff's wedding in 2008

At Katie's wedding in 2009

A Fishing Trip Observation

2011-10-31T13:21:00.000-06:00

David and I went fishing one last time for the season. Although it was overcast and chilly, and the fishing was slow, David was more relaxed and able to enjoy the peaceful day. The depression that has had him in its grip all summer and fall is finally loosening its hold. We don't know why exactly, but we're grateful that it is and that David can find more enjoyment in life.
The dogs had a good time running around and kept us entertained. When Sunny, our toy poodle, get tired of the running he likes to curl up in my bag for a nap.

Sunny napping

Lucy, our lab/pointer mix, is still afraid of the water. We thought she'd outgrow her fear and take to the water as her breed is known to do. But no; she still refuses to get wet above her knees.

She and David were playing a game of fetch when the stick landed in the water, just outside of her comfort zone. She wanted that stick!

Pacing and whining

She stood on the rocks at the shoreline and stretched as far as she could. She went in up to her knees and tried to reach for it, but no luck. The stick was within easy reach if she would go just a little further in, but she wouldn't do it. Instead, she paced along the shore and whined and paced again.

So close but so far away

Stretching as far as possible

Even though the stick was moving closer to shore, she wouldn't reach for it. I finally coaxed her, and sweet success!

Finally!

She retrieved it and pranced around happily.

Lucy enjoying her stick

Isn't that how we behave on occasion? So often a goal is within reach if we'll just stretch a little and move outside our comfort zone. That's when we need encouragement and support from those who can see what's ahead better than we can.
I also spent some time reading a new book about the history and purpose of Relief Society. I enjoyed reading about this organization and liked what Eliza R. Snow, an early leader, had to say, "Let them seek for wisdom instead of power and they will have all the power they have wisdom to exercise." The book also discussed the importance of unity and cooperation. I appreciated this excerpt from the Proclamation on the Family: "Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." David and I have found that using these principles are absolutely vital in our efforts to understand and keep this disorder under control.
Like Lucy and her stick, it was only when we finally put aside our fears and pride that we were able to work together much more effectively to reach our goal of stability and peace.

On the family front: Happy Halloween!
From our party last weekend:

A Day of Fishing and Relaxation

2011-10-16T11:20:00.002-06:00

The sun was shining, the skies were blue, and the temps mild. David and I loaded up the car with fishing gear, food, and the dogs. We headed out to our favorite fishing spot at Lost Creek for a day of fishing and relaxation.

I have been frustrated with a bad case of writers block and hoped a change of scenery would help. While David set up his fishing gear, the dogs and I took a long walk in the surrounding foothills. The weather and lighting was just right to play around with photography. I feel my muse returning.

Golden Aspens

Sagebrush

A little sign I saw among the sagebrush and trees

scrub oak leaves

The fishing has been really slow all summer and fall. We think it's because the spring and summer were so wet that there was an abundance of feed, and the fish were interested in bait and worms. Whatever the reason, David was a bit frustrated because he only had a few nibbles and one catch. I took a sip of juice and met up with a bee who had the same idea. OWWW!

David contemplating where to throw in his line

A little thicket with the beginning of fall colors

Lucy among some weeds

David is still working through some depression, but he's taking the right dosage of medicine, avoiding triggers as much as possible, and working hard to keep it from overrunning his life. He recently started working at a condominium where he does light maintenance work and can set his own time and pace. We're grateful for it.

On the family front:

We visited our son Ben and his family for my birthday in September. David had a bad case of travel anxiety before we left, to the point where I seriously considered leaving him home. Fortunately, once we were on our way he calmed down, and we had a nice three hour drive north. I forgot my camera in my haste to get going! We enjoyed a relaxing visit, were excited to see their new home, and had fun playing with the grandchildren (ages 5, 4, 2, and 6 months). When four-year-old Hailee found out it was my birthday, she said, "Where are your presents? She giggled when I said, "You're my present!" I don't think she believed me, but seeing them settled and happy was the best present I could ask for.

I had a nice chat with Soldier Brian recently when he was home on mid-tour leave. He had a great time relaxing and being with his wife and three young children (3, 18 months, 7 months). "They've grown so much since I've been away!" he said. Brian puts in long hours, but he says it helps the time pass quickly. We'll be glad when he's back home to stay.

Our Mexican branch of the family are also doing very well. I've been able to call them regularly. I'm so grateful they now have cell phone service. They recently began attending their local ward, and they all tell me how much happier they are. Thirteen-year-old Zachary says, "It's changed our family for the better." I hear it in their voices, and I believe him.

We're having a halloween party next weekend for the family here in the valley. I can't wait!

When I get tired and discouraged I am learning to change my thinking and count my blessings instead. And, truthfully, even with our challenges, we have much to be grateful for.

Hot Fun in the Summertime

2011-09-03T13:36:00.003-06:00

Mount Timpanogos

We had a busy summer filled with short outings, family get-togethers, as well as working around the house, and on his beloved hot rod. David worked through a lot of depression this summer, but he did a great job of keeping it together especially when we went to family events.

The problem: Toward the end of June, when he was on his way to work at 6:00 a.m., he swerved in front of a highway patrolman. We don't know if he was momentarily distracted or hit something in the road. The patrolman pulled him over, called in five (5!) other troopers, and had him do a field sobriety test (even though there was no evidence of alcohol on him or in the car). He failed the test because his knees are so bad he isn't able to walk in a straight line. But he did volunteer to a blood test. Then, when they looked in the car they found a small bottle with a few of his prescription meds. He has a hard time pronouncing the names under the best of circumstances, and since he was talking slowly and slurring his words a little (he does that when he's extra stressed), they accused him of being in possession of controlled substances. David told them he was bipolar and what the medications were for, but that didn't stop them from handcuffing him and taking him to the highway patrol headquarters for three (3!) hours. Eventually they took him to the county jail where the intake officer (who knows him from the gym) helped get him released in as short a time as possible. Oh, and our car was towed and impounded, which cost us a bundle of money. Fortunately he was able to get his drivers license back without any problem, and they have yet to file a complaint. But it has been hanging over our heads, wondering what is going to happen with this episode.
David was so good during the episode and cooperated with the patrolmen, but it took a real toll on his emotional health. "I didn't even swear!" he said. He knew he had to stay calm to keep the situation from escalating. The aftermath, though, was a deep depression because he was afraid to take more than the bare minimum of his medicine.
Am I mad? Oh, yes! Even though he wasn't "acting out," they made no effort to take his bipolar into consideration. David managed to stay calm and in control of himself, with no thanks to the patrolmen. But so often with this disorder, that doesn't happen and tragedy results. I told the local NAMI chapter about what happened; they were sympathetic, but there wasn't much they could do except refer me to a lawyer in case we need it. This episode is exactly why more highway patrolmen, police officers, and other public servants need to know how to interact with those who have mental health issues and take the crisis intervention team training. I don't care if it costs the department extra money; field officers need to know how to help the people they come in contact with, including those with mental illness. Sometimes when I think about this experience I shudder to think about how easily it could have turned bad.

David has also had severe knee problems, and his hands have been hurting badly. I'm sure his part-time job aggravates the problems he's having. He went to the dr. and found that he has arthritis in both of his knees and carpal tunnel in both of his wrists. The dr. gave him some cortisone shots in both areas, and while it has helped, he still hurts.

What helped: He had a check-up with his dr., who made it clear he needed to take all of his medicine, including zyprexa, lithium, and his sleeping medicine temazepam. Since then, he's slowly coming out of the depression. Another thing that helped was a visit with some friends from our ward who let him know they understand and care about him. They also left him with a priesthood blessing. It was just what he needed to give him extra strength to fight this disorder. After that, David made the deliberate decision to go to family, ward, and work parties and to socialize as much as he was able. I admire his determination.

Summer highlights: One of the highlights was a weekend trip to Manti, Utah for my nephew's wedding at the end of July. We decided to make a weekend of it, and enjoyed the drive there that took us through mountainous and rural countryside. We found the last available motel room in town, which happily coincided with being the same one my sister and her family were at. It had originally been a small apartment, separate from the rest of the motel, and still had the feel of being from an earlier era; we loved the solitude of it. The wedding was beautiful, and the officiator gave the bridal couple some great counsel about the importance of working together.

Even though I was limping badly (the week before this trip I had jumped into the shallow end of a pool with too much enthusiasm, and severely bruised my heel), we had a good time exploring Main Street and its local vendors. One of our finds was a small restaurant that featured an in-store bakery as well as ice cream treats. The pastries were melt-in-the-mouth fresh. And so good we decided we'll take another trip there just for the donuts. David does so much better in a small town atmosphere that I wish we could move to one for his sake. We liked the area, and he kept saying, "Can we move here?" On the way home we took a back road through the mountains and enjoyed the vista.

We also had several family get-togethers, went to a family reunion, ward campout, and a (partial) family campout. While he enjoyed these experiences, he didn't really get the full measure of fun and satisfaction from them. We're hoping he has turned the corner from this latest round of depression.

Mount Timp

Currant Creek Reservoir

Currant Creek

Grandchildren

Manti, Utah

Manti Temple

Manti Temple at night

Looking Back, Looking Forward

2011-08-12T14:01:00.003-06:00

A few weeks ago we took two of our grandchildren on an overnight fishing trip to Lost Creek Reservoir, a favorite place when our children were young. When the reservoir was drained and strengthened a number of years ago, they did away with overnight camping and campfires. It was the end of an era for our family. However, below the dam is a campground that is still open, even though fires are prohibited. We were delighted to discover that we had the whole campground to ourselves.

When we walked around the campground, I thought of past camping trips to the area. One episode that happened before David was diagnosed stood out in my memory. There had been a family reunion scheduled nearby, and at the last minute David had a major anxiety attack and refused to go. I was not going to miss out on the chance to visit with my family members, so I repacked my car (instead of the truck and camper we were going to use), gathered up my four children who were going, and left David at home for the weekend. I have to admit it was a frightening thing to do, I'm grateful David was more or less OK when we came home, and I'm glad I went. After the reunion (and a good cry when everyone else had gone home), we decided we wanted to camp out another night and ended up at Lost Creek. That's when we discovered the reservoir had been drained. It was only a marginally successful experience because I was so worried about David's state of mind and didn't know what to do.

Fast forward more than ten years later. The reservoir is clean, quiet, and restored to its former beauty. David has accepted his diagnosis, adjusted to his medicine, and courageously and valiantly learned how to control his disorder. The four children I had with me that day are now married with families of their own.

I keep thinking about this episode because so often when we are in the middle of a trial, we wonder if it will ever end, and we expect the worst. But if we will keep doing our best and take it one day at a time, things work out. And often, it turns out that our darkest fears never materialize. For instance, a friend commented recently about the fears we faced as a society during the Cold War when bomb shelters were being built and we had drills in school about what to do if there was a nuclear blast. Happily, much of the hysteria of the time has ended, and although the theme of fear still exists in different ways, I believe that we will find our fears to be groundless even though it doesn't seem so right now.

When I find myself starting to fret and worry about David, family, society, the government, etc., I need to remember that there really is a loving Father who sees the beginning from the end and who will guide us if we let Him.

Faith of My Fathers

2011-07-26T11:35:00.149-06:00

Last weekend we spent the day at Bear Lake helping to launch Katie and Kevin and his parents' new boat. We enjoyed the company, the boat, and the lake. Bear Lake County, Idaho, is where some of my ancestors settled in the 1860s. I thought of them as we played.

My grandmother's parents were Mormon emigrants who came from Switzerland. They left everything they had for their beliefs. Her father died when she was very young, leaving her mother to raise the family alone. She endured a great many trials, including the death of two of her children, but she found solace by serving in the temple. I admire her faithfulness even during heartbreaking trials.

My grandfather's parents were Danish emigrants who came to the area after crossing the plains as part of the Mormon exodus. My great-grandmother was 16 years old when she crossed the plains and left us a detailed account of her experience. One of my favorite stories was about a prairie fire that came close to the wagon train. She wrote that they offered a prayer, and then unyoked the oxen and drove them in the opposite direction so they wouldn't stampede, then the leader of the pioneer company stood on a wagon tongue and said, "We are not here to be destroyed." He pointed to a small cloud not much bigger than a man's hand and said, "there is our deliverance." She said, "At that same moment there was a terrific peal of thunder and flash of lightning, and rain poured down. We thanked the Lord for our deliverance, and went on our way rejoicing."

They knew they were being watched over and protected, and so often I have felt that same loving watchcare.

Recently words from her journal were quoted on "Music and the Spoken Word" where she described the journey: "Every day was about the same, only the farther we got, the more rough and rocky the road seemed to be. Sometimes we would find some old Indian sandals and tied them under our shoes to ease our feet a little. Sometimes we would sing a verse or two of "Come, Come Ye Saints."
I appreciate the reminder that though "rough and rocky the road," strength and comfort will come.

I love the words to the hymn:
"Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard?
Tis not so, all is right.
Why should we think to earn a great reward,
If we now shun the fight?
Gird up your loins; fresh courage take;
Our God will never us forsake,
And soon we'll have this tale to tell,
All is well! All is well!"

Because of its high elevation the winters are long and cold. During the first winter the settlers nearly starved, and many left. My great-grandfather chose to stay and help build the community. I appreciate his perseverance and the sacrifices he made to raise his family in that beautiful mountain valley.

Granddaughter Jenna

David and Jon

David and I

Katie's family

Granddaughter Sierra

Jon's family

Taking Some R&R

2011-07-01T08:04:00.076-06:00

Sometimes when I start to feel stressed, the words to a poem by William Wordsworth come to mind:
The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers:
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!

Earlier this week I had the privilege of going with the managing editor to a meeting with the magazine's General Authority advisor, Elder Kikuchi. A very kind and intelligent man, he gave us great direction and counsel for the magazine. Then he said, "I think we hurry too much, and it isn't good for us. Take the time to slow down, appreciate nature more, and meditate." It was a good reminder.

We have had a busy summer so far, with David adjusting to working part-time and fussing with his beloved hot rod.

Helping David with his hot rod

And I have been busy with work, cub scouts (so much fun!), and working on various and sundry projects, including some more knitting, and planting a garden. We also had great visits with my sisters and a niece, and with my nephew. When my sisters were here over Memorial Day weekend we met up and reconnected with one of our cousins, and also went to a "Music and the Spoken Word" broadcast.

At the Tabernacle on Temple Square

We took our annual visit to the red rock country of central and southern Utah the weekend before Memorial Day. We went to the San Rafael Swell and enjoyed spectacular scenery. The weather had been cool and wet all through the spring, but the desert was just right, even with a few rain showers thrown in for good measure. We hiked, relaxed, and thought of those people who had lived in the area centuries before.

The rain showers refreshed the land and brought the flowers into bloom.

And so it is with us. We need both sunshine and rain in our lives in order to grow and flourish.

Trips to the desert always puts life into perspective for me.

Calf Canyon

Petroglyphs at Buckhorn Wash

The Wedge overlooking the San Rafael River also known as the Little Grand Canyon

Sunset in the San Rafael Swell

After the rain

Desert flowers after a rain

Reconnecting with My Mother

2011-05-09T13:40:00.000-06:00

Mothers Day is always a bittersweet day for me, with tender memories of my mother coming to the surface. This year my sister's comment about our mom's hamburger patties that resembled "hockey pucks" brought back happy memories of long-forgotten family dinners and made me laugh. For some reason, none of her daughters can cook decent hamburger patties, either. We think it's genetic.

My mother died unexpectedly of a stroke when she was 53 years old and just starting to experience an empty nest. I was 21, engaged to be married, and figuring out my life away from her. Although deeply saddened by the loss, I didn’t take much time to mourn, and went on with my activities, including marriage a few months later. I became a mother myself within a year of her passing.

My daughter was born on the third anniversary of her death, and oh, how I wanted my mother then! I slipped into post-partum depression, complicated by unresolved grief and other factors. I eventually recovered from the depression but was not able to talk much about her for another 15 years.

The years flew by filled with life’s unexpected twists and turns and the joys and sorrows of raising children. Often, when perplexed by my children’s behavior, I pondered the question, “What would Mom do or say?” I tried to follow her example in raising my children and missed not having her here to enjoy her grandchildren. She would be so proud of them!

Then I found some long-forgotten letters that she wrote to me when I was in college. When I held the creased letters with fading ink, written in my mother’s familiar, difficult-to-decipher writing, I felt warmed by memories of a home long gone. I pictured her sitting at a table, writing letters on whatever paper was available. I could even hear her voice in my mind. I read them through and enjoyed remembering the carefree, exciting time when I first left home.

I am now a few years older than she was when she wrote them, but I face some of the same challenges. Even though I want my children to progress, sometimes it's difficult seeing them move in different directions. She also had trouble dealing with an emptying nest: “We missed you on Thanksgiving. It’s the first Thanksgiving you have not been home. It’s hard to see the family pulling apart; not being able to spend holidays together. I hope you won’t get too homesick.”

There’s something about the motherhood role that makes us want to give advice to our children, and she was no exception. I appreciate now her gentle reminders, and her wish to have me at home with her:

“Please take care of yourself and don’t get run down. Get plenty of rest.”

“Be sure to budget the money you earn so that you will have enough to pay your bills at the end of the month. It is so easy to spend as you make it.”

“When will you be coming home? I did 14 pints of peaches for you, and froze 20 pints for us. Otherwise, life is dull, but we keep busy.”

All through the letters are expressions of love and confidence: “We are all looking forward to your summer at home as we love you and miss you very much. I’m so glad you enjoy your school and have learned so much about being independent, and taking care of yourself. We are proud of you.”

She frequently asked about the well-being of my roommates and friends, and her spirit shines through in this warm welcome to a friend:

“It was so good to talk with you again. We get lonely, but that is okay; then we appreciate everyone more. Your friend is welcome for Thanksgiving. We’ll borrow some cots from the neighbors so no one need sleep on the floor.”

Some of my favorite letters are descriptions of what she saw around her: “February 2. We have had two weeks of beautiful sunshine. Every weekend we have noisy snowmobiles running up and down the lake in front of our house. So we have driven to Riggins (on the Salmon River) for the last two Saturdays. Mild and warm down there; buttercups out all over the place.”

She also liked following current events, and one of the last letters she wrote was on Election Day 1976, just two months before she died: “Did you vote today? By the time you get this all the hullabaloo will be over, and we will settle down into what? Who knows?”

Finding these letters was better than finding treasure. I miss my mother and probably always will, but now I feel reconnected to her. I am healed.

Musings on My Son's Deployment

2011-05-02T10:25:00.001-06:00

During the past eight years, I have often had a computer screensaver filled with pictures of soldiers, sailors, ships, and helicopters. I also have a growing collection of military pins, stickers, hats, and shirts. I have been known to tell complete strangers about my children’s service. I am a military mother. Three of our eight children left home within a few years of each other. Jonathan chose to join the Marines, Brian served a mission, then joined the Army, and Ben worked full-time before his mission and schooling. Later, one of our sons-in-law, Wes, served in the Army, and our youngest son, Jeff, chose the Navy.

I am proud of my sons who serve in the military, even though deployments are so very stressful for all involved. When our sons have been deployed I sometimes feel alone in my concern about their safety, and I don't fully relax until they come home. During those times, prayer becomes a lifeline, as does Sunday meeting and temple attendance, along with reading the scriptures. I often feel great peace and reassurance when I need it, and I know the Lord is aware of what is happening and that He is in charge. I am so grateful for an understanding of the eternal nature of families, and the realization that life continues beyond this time on earth.

We also have supportive friends, family, and ward members who prop us up when we need it. They love our boys, and we appreciate their kind words and all the prayers offered in behalf of those serving in the military. Those prayers, including those offered in the temple, are important, and we know they are being answered. Halfway through Brian’s second deployment I found an online support group for military parents. It has been a great blessing to discuss feelings and share information with other military parents.

I hadn’t anticipated my children choosing to serve in the military, but we have watched them grow and gain strength and confidence in their abilities. We are proud of them and those they serve with. When I heard the news about bin Laden's death this morning I felt relief that an evil man who caused so much suffering has been removed, thought of those who have lost their lives because of his teachings and actions, pride in those serving in the military who sacrifice so much for us, followed by concern for the well-being of those who are serving in harm's way.

How to Support to Military Parents and Other Family Members:
• Do not tell us to get over it when they’re away, or give us a look of horror (or sympathy) when we tell you that our children have joined the military. Serving in the military is an honorable occupation. Many of them come through the experience as stronger people who are able to reach out and help others.
• Offer a listening ear and an open heart. One of my friends put it this way, “Even when time has passed, and he/she has been gone for a while, don’t think that Mom and Dad have stopped worrying. They have not.” Please ask us about our loved ones who are serving in the military, and be willing to listen without judgement even when we go into great detail.
• Offer to write to our children.

How to Support Those Serving in the Military:
• Military training and service are very demanding. Tell them how proud you are of them and their willingness to serve. Even if you don’t agree with their decision, they need to know that they are loved and supported.
• Soldiers need and want letters and care packages. E-mails and phone calls are appreciated, but they are also fleeting. The father of a soldier says, “My son told me that letters weigh next to nothing, and if he got lonely he would take out a letter to calm himself.” Sadly, some don’t receive any mail. Consider finding a serviceman or woman who needs support and write to them.
• Pray for them.
• When you see a serviceman or woman express your gratitude.

Update on the family: We welcomed a new grandson, Carson, on the 27th of April; it would have been my mother's 88th birthday.

David has had a lot of depression this winter and spring, along with some bouts of mania, but the meds do a good job at keeping him reasonably level. I'm grateful for that, but sometimes I feel that he's leveled out in keeping the disorder under control. And there certainly are days when it can be difficult to be with him. I'm glad the days are starting to warm up, which means he can get out of the house more often and work on his projects.

Easter Thoughts

2011-04-22T15:29:00.012-06:00

I was happy to see these orchids bloom after a long winter. My son Jeff and his wife gave them to me last year for Mother's Day. I wondered if they would flower again, but sure enough, with the coming of spring, they did.

I love seeing new life come in the spring; something that never fails to delight and amaze me. Sometimes, in the dead of winter, I wonder if the days will ever warm up again, or if the trees and flowers will ever blossom again. But they always do.

And so it is with life. Sometimes, in spite of best efforts, life can seem dark and dreary, but always there is light at the end of the tunnel. I had one of "those dark days" yesterday when I questioned everything about my life. But today the sun is shining and I can see more clearly. It helped that I was able to enjoy a long lunch with longtime friends; the conversations and their encouragement helped put my life back in perspective again. And this statement on the life of Jesus Christ brings light to my life.

Some of my favorite verses are found in the book of John, and I am touched by Jesus' words to his Apostles on the eve of His crucifixion:

"But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
KJV, John 14:26–27

On the family front: Solder Brian deployed in April, and son-in-law Wes is working on Warrant Officer training in Georgia. We are proud of them and their service. It's at times like this that I appreciate words of comfort found in the scriptures. Joshua 1:9 reminds me that they are in God's care. I also find comfort in listening to hymns. This one, Our Savior's Love, helps when I start to worry: "Our Savior's love Shines like the sun with perfect light,/As from above, It breaks thru clouds of strife./Lighting our way, It leads us back into his sight,/Where we may stay To share eternal life."

Women's Month

2011-03-21T19:53:00.002-06:00

I noticed that March is designated as Womens Month. It seems appropriate, since that is also the month of the founding of the Relief Society, the women's organization in the Church that focuses on serving others. It made me think about the women who have been influential in my life: friends, coworkers, leaders, teachers, aunts, cousins, sisters, sisters-in-law, my mothers-in-law and grandmothers-in-law. All have enriched and blessed my life. I am thankful for them.

So much could (and probably should) be written about them, but lately I've been thinking of the women in my family who came before me. I am fortunate to have a number of their stories and journals, and have learned much from them; not only about their lives, but also about how to manage the challenges that come from living. I also learn more about who I am from reading about their experiences.

Kitty lived on the plains of Canada during the Great Depression and kept a daily log of what she was doing. When I was going through my divorce and dealing with being a single mother, my dad gave me a copy of his paternal grandmother's daily log. I loved reading about her day-to-day life in a time and place that is so different from my own. I also found great comfort in realizing that seasons come and seasons go, even during times of great difficulty. One of my favorite entries is her description of going to her daughter-in-law's funeral in 1935. She writes: "Montana and North Dakota, these are the landmarks I saw: fire brakes, gravel pits, wind mills, russian thistles, small buildings, sick-looking trees, alkali ponds. Poor fields and late grain--many hardships I am sure. Many barbwire fences, very poor feed for many miles. Barren and drifting soil, wide open spaces. Lilac time--3 shades white, pink & lavender (lovely). Rode all night of the 6th of June, and all day the 7th."

Clara grew up in the Boston area, raised by her aunt after her mother died in childbirth. She came west to join her older sister when she was a young lady, and eventually married and raised her family. I don't have any of her written words, but from my dad I know she attended Washington State University as one of the first female students and firmly believed in being actively involved in community life.

Clara's daughter, Margery, was my paternal grandmother. Sadly, she died when my father was still a young boy. I do, however, have a diary she kept for several months that gives me a glimpse into her life and reveals her personality. I love this description of a walk: "April 15, 1932: Made a hurry-up trip to town, went to Burtenshaw's and, after school, for a walk to the park and back, picking flowers."

Margery's 1932 diary

I recently found the obituary of Hester, one of my great-great-grandmothers, and was excited to learn more about her. She was from Indiana, and with her husband and children gradually moved west, settling in the Wallowa area of Oregon when it was in its pioneer period.

All of these women suffered from loss, and disappointment, and hard times, but they also believed in hard work and perseverance. Kitty, Clara, Margery, and Hester came through their challenges with flying colors and it gives me the courage to keep trying.

On the family front: My oldest brother, Mike, and his wife are living and teaching in Tokyo, Japan. They came through the earthquake all right. But, like the rest of the world, our hearts are saddened by the tragedy.

Cub Scout Adventures

2011-03-07T18:21:00.014-07:00

At the beginning of the year I was asked to help with the cub scout program in my ward. We live in an older neighborhood, and right now we only have 2 boys in the program. They are delightful, and I am enjoying this assignment. We started out with a pinewood derby, and since we have so few boys, there wasn't a lot of competition, but they and their younger siblings and dads had fun racing their cars.

Pinewood Derby

At the fire station

Then, a few weeks ago, we visited a local fire station. Fireman Gary showed us around the station, taught us the difference between fire trucks and engines (engines have water tanks), showed us his gear, let the boys try them on, and talked about fire prevention. Just as he finished putting his gear away, they received an emergency call and had to leave. The boys watched with wide eyes as the firefighters sprang into action, and left the station with sirens blaring. It was a good reminder about how important it is to be prepared for emergencies.
Fireman Gary also talked at some length about working together with other firefighters and fire stations to put out fires. As he put it, "we can't put out a fire alone. We work as a team to control fires and to help those who need help." And so it is with mental health issues. We have learned how important it is to work with each other and the doctors to control David's illness. It's important to have a mental health team to maintain mental health.

Update on the family: We've been happy that David hasn't had a serious psychotic episode this winter, but he has had his share of ups and downs. Right now he is working through a mixed episode, likely triggered by worrying about money and my health (I've been fighting a nasty sinus infection for the last several weeks).
His doctor prescribed Perphenazine toward the end of January. An anti-psychotic drug, it seems to be doing its job. David says his dreams and moods aren't as dark since he's been using it, and he's sleeping better. However, as with most medicines, it also has possible side effects, which is why it is so important that he keep seeing his dr. and having his blood checked.
Soldier Brian and his family welcomed their new baby, Henry this week. We also had grandchildren Brad and Gabby spend a weekend with us, and had fun taking them on a walk along the river, and having some neighbor children over. Our house felt alive again with the noise of children laughing and running around. I find that we are more patient with the grandchildren than we were with their parents. I suppose because we don't have the day-to-day responsibility for them, but also because we're aware of how fast children grow up, and this time with them is precious.

Gray on our wings

2011-02-25T15:48:00.001-07:00

One day last week I spent some time wandering through the Museum of Church History and Art. I enjoyed a collection of children's drawings, and then this one caught my eye:

It reminded me of the story that President Thomas S. Monson has told of a widow who wanted him to take her canary when she passed away. She wrote to him: "In the kitchen are my three precious canaries. Two of them are beautiful, yellow-gold in color and are perfectly marked. On their cages I have noted the names of friends to whom they are to be given. In the third cage is 'Billie.' He is my favorite. Billie looks a bit scrubby, and his yellow hue is marred by gray on his wings. Will you and your family make a home for him? He isn't the prettiest, but his song is the best."

Don't we all have imperfections, or a little gray on our wings? I certainly have a lot of gray on my wings.

"The world is filled with yellow canaries with gray on their wings. The pity is that so precious few of them have learned to sing. Perhaps the clear notes of proper example have not sounded in their ears or found lodgment in their hearts."

What we do about the gray on our wings makes all the difference in the world in our lives, as well as in the lives of those around us.

President Monson continues: "Can we not appreciate that our very business in life is not to get ahead of others, but to get ahead of ourselves? To break our own records, to outstrip our yesterdays by our todays, to bear our trials more beautifully than we ever dreamed we could, to give as we have never given, to do our work with more force and a finer finish than ever—this is the true idea: to get ahead of ourselves."

When I heard about a high school dance company using an inaccurate and frightening stereotype in their dance routine, I felt even more strongly that we need to learn how to lessen the hurtful stigmas that wound so many, especially in the mental illness community. How best to do this? One idea is to look beyond the obvious differences and see the person, instead of the disorder. To appreciate the gray on the wings. To listen and learn from others. To give them the help and understanding they often so desperately need. To not look away from them in horror or disgust.

President Monson makes this conclusion: "The Master could be found mingling with the poor, the downtrodden, the oppressed, and the afflicted. He brought hope to the hopeless, strength to the weak, and freedom to the captive. He taught of the better life to come—even eternal life. . . . We all have received the divine injunction: 'Follow thou me.' It guided Peter. It motivated Paul. It can determine our personal destiny. Can we make the decision to follow in righteousness and truth the Redeemer of the world? With his help, a rebellious boy can become an obedient man, a wayward girl can cast aside the old self and begin anew."

And when we put aside fears and misunderstandings about the trials other human beings are facing, we can begin to become the compassionate society that so many of us yearn for.

Words Matter

2011-01-31T14:03:00.000-07:00

With all the focus lately on the need for civility going on in the national dialogue, I've been thinking about the power of words. Pundits from both sides claim that violent metaphors used to describe political and social conflict don't really matter because "they are just words." It reminds me of the old childhood rhyme: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me." But words do matter, and names can hurt. Words are what we use to convey thoughts, ideas, and emotions. What we say to others can build them up or destroy them. Elisa Brinton, a young writer I interviewed last summer put it this way: "It has often been said that the pen in mightier than the sword, and that’s very true. You can change the world with words. For example, the Declaration of Independence was just words, but look what it led to."

I like the words to the hymn "Let Us Oft Speak Kind Words to Another":

Let us oft speak kind words to each other
At home or where'er we may be;
Like the warblings of birds on the heather,
The tones will be welcome and free.
They'll gladden the heart that's repining,
Give courage and hope from above,
And where the dark clouds hide the shining,
Let in the bright sunlight of love."
Hymns, 232

Or in the immortal words of John Lennon:
"You say you've got a real solution
Well, you know
We'd all love to see the plan
You ask me for a contribution
Well, you know
We are doing what we can
But if you want money for people with minds that hate
All I can tell is, brother, you'll have to wait."

And what we say to ourselves also matters; it influences our feelings of self-worth. For instance, when I get discouraged and down on myself, my whole attitude suffers. But when I say to myself, "I can get through this crisis," I feel confidence returning, and I can work through my problems better.

One of the recent threads at Spouses of Bipolar in an Active Relationship was on the subject of what we love about our spouses. It was a great exercise to list some of the things that I appreciate about David, and helps me keep things in perspective, especially when he's being cross. Here is my list:
* Hard-working.
* Creative and innovative, especially around the house or when he wants to try cooking something. It can be a bad thing, but he's come up with good things, too.
* Honest and sincere.
* Adventurous; we love going on short drives and taking off down unexplored and sometimes little-travelled roads.
* Funny.
* Really good with children. I love watching him interact with our grandchildren as well as children in our ward and neighborhood.
* Plain-spoken; says what he thinks.
* Caring, especially to those who are older and need help.
* Takes his disorder seriously; works hard to manage it.
* Muscular (all those workout sessions at the gym).
* Quiet; he knows the value of companionable silence.
* Willingly helps around the house, doing dishes, laundry, etc.

David's moods have been reasonably steady, but the cold, overcast weather is taking a toll on his spirits. I think that one of the reasons he gets depressed is that he doesn't have enough to do. He really needs a part-time job, but we're having trouble lining one up, and he's having a hard time motivating himself to really look. He also still doesn't sleep enough. His dr. prescribed another sleeping pill for him so we'll see if that will help him get some more rest.

The weather gets me down, too. I'm looking forward to the return of warmer weather. A recent highlight: I saw the layout for the story I wrote on leadership for the magazine. I'm excited to see it in print in another few months. That's what I love about my job: getting to work with words!

Tucson tragedy

2011-01-14T16:37:00.000-07:00

Along with the rest of the country I have been saddened by the shooting tragedy in Tucson. The President's speech helped heal some of the wounds, but so many questions and conflicts remain to be resolved. I especially liked it when he said, "Already we've seen a national conversation commence, not only about the motivations behind these killings, but about everything from the merits of gun safety laws to the adequacy of our mental health system. And much of this process, of debating what might be done to prevent such tragedies in the future, is an essential ingredient in our exercise of self-government.
"But at a time when our discourse has become so sharply polarized — at a time when we are far too eager to lay the blame for all that ails the world at the feet of those who happen to think differently than we do — it's important for us to pause for a moment and make sure that we're talking with each other in a way that heals, not in a way that wounds."

Too often mental health issues doesn't hit the radar until a tragedy happens like that in Arizona and other places, and even then some of the stories are filled with old stereotypes and fear that fuels the stigma about mental illness and makes it that much harder for those who are suffering from it to feel comfortable about getting help. I wish we could have a rational, productive national dialogue on the subject without hysteria and finger pointing. So much more needs to be done to really understand mental health issues.

I remembered the last paper I wrote when I was in school on the subject, and decided, even though it's long, to post it here.

When my husband, David, was diagnosed with severe bipolar disorder two years ago, I knew very little about the disease. All I knew was that he had wide mood swings and anxiety attacks that made it nearly impossible for him to function normally. Receiving the diagnosis was both heartbreaking and overwhelming, and I had far more questions than answers. We were fortunate to find a psychiatrist who works well with David in managing his symptoms. When I asked him for information about the disease and how best to help David work through it, he handed me a three-page article with a general description and a few vague suggestions on how to cope with bipolar disorder. I discovered then that there needs to be more information about mental health that is easily accessible to the general public as well as to family members, clergy, and law enforcement officers.

The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) is an organization that focuses on understanding and treating mental illness through research. They estimate that about one in four adults, 18 and over, have a diagnosable mental disorder. In a press release dated May 7, 2008, they report that a study conducted by the World Health Organization, the World Bank, and Harvard University, found that “mental illness, including suicide, accounts for over 15 percent of the burden of disease in established market economies, such as the United States. This is more than the disease burden caused by all cancers.”

Mentally ill people are found in all walks of life, and in all classes of society. They are found in the jail population, homeless shelters, and hospitals. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services estimates that almost 7.6 million hospitalizations in 2004 were related to mental health or substance abuse disorders.

A report on the United States public mental health care system that was conducted by the National Alliance on Mental Illness in 2009 is sobering. They found that the national average grade, based on 65 specific criteria, is a D. The economic crisis leads to budget cuts in mental health services and that causes “a vicious cycle that destroys lives and creates more significant financial troubles for states and the federal government in the long run.”

The cost to society as a whole is staggering. NIMH estimates that “major mental disorders cost the nation at least $193 billion annually in lost earnings alone.” And that number does not include the cost of medicine or doctor and hospital visits. For those afflicted with mental health concerns, finding affordable health care has long been a burden with many insurances covering mental illness at a lower rate than physical illnesses.

Statistics alone don’t tell the whole story. Behind each number is an individual who also has friends and loved ones. Mental illness doesn’t just affect the person who has the disorder; it also affects family members, friends, and coworkers. Mental and emotional disorders take a big toll on spouses, and these marriages often end in divorce. In an abstract on “Couples and Mental Illness,” Michael Crowe writes: “This is an under researched area in the mental health field, despite the fact that a large number of patients suffer from psychiatric problems and many of them are in relationships with a partner. There is typically a change in the relationship involving extra responsibilities being taken by the partner. The partner may indeed become depressed as a result of the stresses experienced. . . . Professionals need to increase their awareness of this issue, to treat the partner with understanding and to consider the stability of the relationship as part of their management.”

There has been a long history of myths and harmful stereotypes about mental illness that have caused others to misunderstand and mistreat those who struggle with mental problems. Society, as a whole, is slowly becoming more accepting, but more work needs to be done to bring it to the general public’s attention.

David J. Miklowitz, a professor of psychology at the University of Colorado, noticed the need for more mental health education and wrote a book about bipolar disorder. In the preface to his book, The Bipolar Survival Guide, he said, “I wrote this book to respond to a need voiced by virtually everyone with whom I have worked, along with their family members. People with the disorder wish for more understanding from relatives, friends, and coworkers. Their family members, in turn, want to know how best to help their bipolar relative without becoming angry, controlling, or overprotective.”

Sandy Naiman, who blogs at “Coming Out Crazy,” has suffered from the stigma associated with mental illness from the time she was a young teen. When discussing depression, she wrote, “It’s frightening. Steeped in negative stereotypes, prejudices and discrimination. “By far, the biggest barrier to gaining help with our emotional and/or mental health needs, is that we, women and men, find it so difficult to face our emotional pain and talk about it. Not only is it painful to process, it’s complicated by deeply-rooted fears about how our words and our feelings and our problems will be received. The real repercussions—like being ostracized or isolated or abandoned or losing our jobs and our security. Our connections to the people we depend on and love.”

Too often, mental health issues are only talked about when someone has a tragedy, such as what happened to Brian Cardall in June 2009. Brian had recently been diagnosed with a mood disorder, and was taking medication for it when he had a psychotic break. His wife called 911 for help. When the police officer who responded to the call tasered him, he lost consciousness and died. NAMI-UT said that Utah has a 40-hour training program on mental crisis, but that more officers need to be trained, including those in rural areas. The director of NAMI-Utah, Sherri Witwer, said “this training really does help officers identify the behaviors connected with mental illness and to adapt their approach with those people.”

A group of graduate students in social work at Brigham Young University noticed another need: members of the clergy who feel inadequate to help members of their congregations with mental health issues. They found that about 40 percent of those struggling with mental health concerns first go to their spiritual advisors for help. They recently published a manual to help clergy reach out to their congregations, and established a website to give them more information.

When I looked for information about my husband’s disorder I found a number of books and websites on the subject, but the information is scattered, and as one significant other of a bipolar sufferer commented, “most everything you find will be the same vague and uninformative list of symptoms or it’s get your dictionary out and try to follow along with the over-the-top medical terms while weeding theory from fact.” She believes that most people would like something that answers simple day-to-day life questions, and directs them to where to go for support and help with this disorder.

In my search for information I have come across several sites and organizations, such as DBSAlliance, NAMI, NIMH, the Copeland Center for Wellness and Recovery, WebMD, and PsychCentral, that have valuable information. These and other sites are helpful, but it takes a lot of time and effort to find them. There needs to be a central place on the web with information to direct those who are looking for help. For instance, the BBC has a page devoted to helping others understand mental health. The PBS website, probably the closest thing the United States has to the BBC, does not have anything comparable. More obvious links about mental health at popular sites like PBS, Google, or USAToday would be helpful for those seeking help on mental health issues.

I noticed that Great Britain is taking a proactive course to educate and break the stigma of mental illness. Three organizations funded by the British government and private organizations, Rethink, Mind, the Mental Health Charity, and Time to Change, work together to actively educate the public and reduce the discrimination that those who have mental illnesses struggle with.

In January 2009 they launched a campaign to bring mental health problems to the public’s attention. They did this through media advertising and coverage, online activities and websites, and a program to work with medical schools and teacher training colleges to help reduce the stigma of mental illness.

With these and other efforts, a British government report in June 2009 showed that public attitudes toward mental health are finally turning. They found, among other things, that:
* 77% agree mental illness is an illness like any other, an improvement of 3% on last year and up 6% since 1994
* 73% think that people with mental health problems have the same right to a job as everyone else, up 7% on last year
* 78% judge the best therapy for people with mental illness is to be a part of a normal community, up 8% on last year

They also discovered:
* 11% would not want to live next door to someone with a mental health problem, an increase from 8% since 1994
* 65% underestimated the actual prevalence of mental illness and only 13% were aware than 1 in 4 people will experience a mental health problem.

The Chief Executive at Mind, Paul Farmer, said, “We have seen some real improvements this year in the tolerance and empathy that people have toward mental health issues. There has finally been a decrease in the number of people who wrongly associate mental health problems and violence. We are also seeing attitudes turning on people’s right to employment but we can’t be complacent.”

More focused attention, education, and campaigns like Time to Change will help reduce the discrimination and prejudice that exists now toward those who are suffering with mental health challenges.

In the years since David’s illness was diagnosed I have spent hours researching the subject of mental health, trying to understand and help him manage his illness. I have learned that mental illness comes in all shapes and sizes and is as individual as the person who suffers from it. There are no easy answers, and much research still needs to be done to learn more about mental diseases, how best to treat them, and how to change public perceptions.

Sandy, from “Coming Out Crazy,” said it well when she wrote, “Depression [and other forms of mental illness] is a ‘human’ issue, not only a ‘health’ issue. In order to effect change in public policy, we need change in public perceptions. All of us have to own our emotional and mental health issues. Openly and honestly. They belong to all of us. Either indirectly or directly. . . .

“In order to heal, we must make peace with ourselves and accept ourselves, emotionally and mentally, as we endeavour to change public policies and perceptions for everyone.”

When that happens, more of those who silently suffer from the various forms of mental illness will be able to get past the stigma and receive the help they need to live happier, healthier lives.

Endnotes
1. Vicki Koenig, “Mental Illness—Information for Families,” Sanctuary Psychiatric Centers’ Information Network, http://www.spcsb.org/pdfs/resources/f-mental_illness.pdf.
2. National Institute of Mental Health, Statistics, http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/statistics/index.shtml. For a breakdown of specific mental illnesses included in the statistics, see http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/the-numbers-count-mental-disorders-in-america/index.shtml, accessed on July 1, 2009.
3.The Bureau of Justice, Statistics, “Mental Health Problems of Prison and Jail Inmates,” http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/abstract/mhppji.htm. In one state, Texas, “there are almost as many psychiatrically ill inmates in the Harris County Jail on psychiatric medications as there are patients in all of the Department of State Health Services hospital beds across the entire state” (Steven B. Schnee, “Mental Illness Deluging Local Jail Facilities,” Houston Chronicle, June 27, 2009, editorial section, http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/editorial/outlook/6500788.
html. Accessed on July 31, 2009.
4. National Coalition for the Homeless, “Who Is Homeless,” NCH Fact Sheet #3, June 2008, http://www.nationalhomeless.org/factsheets/who.html. Accessed on July 1, 2009.
5. Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality, Data and Surveys, Healthcare Cost and Utilization Project (HCUP), Care of Adults with Mental Health and Substance Abuse Disorders in U.S. Community Hospitals, 2004, http://www.ahrq.gov/data/hcup/factbk10/factbk10b.
6. National Alliance on Mental Illness, Grading the States 2009: Overview, http://www.nami.org/Content/NavigationMenu/Grading_the_States_2009/Grading_the_States_20091.htm, accessed on August 5, 2009.
7. NIMH, Science News, Science News from 2008, http://www.nimh.nih.gov/science-news/2008/mental-disorders-cost-society-billions-in-unearned-income.shtml. Accessed on July 1, 2009.
8. The U.S. Congress passed the Mental Health Parity bill (the Paul Wellstone-Domenici Parity Act) in November 2008. Beginning January 1, 2010, the bill will ensure that individuals with a mental illness will receive the same level of insurance coverage as those with a physical illness. The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance discussed the new bill in its November 2008 update. See Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance, eUpdate November 2008: Advocacy, “The New Parity Law—How Will It Work in 2010?” http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/media_eupdateNov2008#advocacy. Accessed July 31, 2009.
9. Michael Crowe, “Couples and Mental Illness,” Sexual and Relationship Therapy (London: Carfax Publishing, Aug. 2004), 19:3.
10. David J. Miklowitz, The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide (New York: The Guilford Press, 2002), viii.
11. The Toronto Star, http://www.thestar.blogs.com/mentalhealth. Accessed June 10, 2009.
12. Ethan Thomas, “Not All Utah Officers Get Mental-Crisis Training,” Deseret News, June 11, 2009, http://www.deseretnews.com/article/not-all-Utah-officers-get-mental-crisis-training.html. Accessed June 12, 2009.
13. Carrie A. Moore, “BYU Students Create Mental-Health Manual for Clergy,” Deseret News, April 4, 2009, http://www.mormontimes.com/
people_news/education/?id=7323. Accessed June 8, 2009. For more information, see Clergy Bridge at http://clergybridge.org.
14. MDJunction.com, http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/bipolar-in-the-family-discussions/general-support/631347-looking-for-input#63341. Comment posted on July 1, 2009.
15. BBC, “Health,” http://bbc.co.uk/health/conditions/
mental_health/index.shtml.
16. To read these organizations missions statements, go to Rethink.org, http://www.rethink.org/about_rethink/index.html; Mind.org, http://www.mind.org.uk/; Time to Change.org, htt://www.time-to-change.org.uk/home. Accessed Aug. 5, 2009.
17.http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/what-were-doing/our-campaign/about-campaign/campaign-january-2009/how-did-it-go. Accessed August 5, 2009.
18. Time to Change.com, “Attitudes Towards Mental Health Heading for Tipping Point,” June 12, 2009, http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/news/attitudes-towards-mental-health-heading-tipping point. Accessed August 5, 2009.
19. Sandy Naiman, “Coming Out Crazy,” June 10, 2009. Accessed June 12, 2009.

A Look Back at 2010

2011-01-04T16:04:00.054-07:00

We enjoyed a quiet Christmas at home this year; our first as empty-nesters. We found that by keeping holiday plans simple, and sticking to routine as much as possible helped David stay calm and enjoy the season. I was excited and touched when he surprised me with an early Christmas gift—refinishing my mother's old maple drop-leaf table. It had been one of her prized possessions, and several years after her passing, I got it. Over time it became worn out so we retired it and bought a new table. I'm so happy to have it looking good again and being able to use it.

My new/old table

Looking back at the last year, I realize that we had a lot of good things happen during 2010. The best part was watching David get progressively better at managing his moods. It's true that there were some bumps in the road, but for the most part he can sense when his moods are changing and knows how to better control them so they don't take over. I am really proud of him. I also became more involved in an online support group for spouses with bipolar. I enjoy the friendships and appreciate the insights found there.

There were a number of exciting events with our children, including two new grandbabies; Jeffrey finishing up his Navy contract, coming home, starting a new job, and buying a house; Brian and Wes moving forward in their military careers; Ben finishing up his degree, starting his new career, and moving his family into their new home.

We went on a road trip, had several fishing expeditions, and had a camping trip with the family. I went to McCall for a visit with my dad and siblings. And in May I went to Seattle with Ben and his wife to visit Brian's family.

An Indian ruin in southeastern Utah

Near Boise Idaho, from the air

Buckeye Lake in the Uintah Mountains

At the cemetery

Spokane Falls

Monroe Bridge, where Dad hung out as a boy

One of the highlights of the year for me was the trip to Spokane, Washington, for the magazine. My dad grew up in the Spokane area, so after I finished up working he joined me for a few days. I always love being with and talking to him, but those were an especially sweet two days. He showed me the important places of his childhood, including his parents' and grandparents' graves, the homes they lived in during the Depression, and the schools he attended. I took pictures and recorded the stories he told about each site we visited.

We also drove to an area two hours north, along the Columbia River, where he grandparents settled, and where his parents grew up. It is beautiful, sparsely populated country, and I understood why they were drawn there around the turn of the century.

The Columbia River near the Canadian Border

His grandparents were prominent citizens of one of the towns, which at one time had a population of nearly 5,000 people. They also planted a large orchard; unfortunately, fumes from an ore smelter upriver eventually killed the trees, the Depression hit, and the creation of Lake Roosevelt behind the Grand Coulee Dam destroyed the town. There are a few homes remaining in the area, but all that is left of the town are a pile of rotting wood from my great-grandfather's store, and one remaining apple tree loaded with ripening fruit. It was a stark reminder that nothing stays the same.

The last apple tree at Bossburg, Washington

Last remnants of Bossburg

My great-grandparents moved to the city and he became a groundskeeper for the railroad station (where my grandfather also worked), and did other gardening job that gave him satisfaction and an income. Dad says, "Grandpa chose not to dwell on the past and his difficulties. He understood that changes are a part of life and that it is important to move on to the next phase." Dad also commented that we are in constant motion between the past, present and future. The important thing is to learn from the past, enjoy the present, teach and train the next generation for the future, and then step aside for them.
At 85-years-old, he was in a philosophical frame of mind, and I loved being there with him for that glimpse into the past.

Spokane Railroad Station Tower

I appreciate their legacy of making the best of a situation, and hope to follow their example more often during this coming year.

Christmas Thoughts

2010-12-20T12:27:00.008-07:00

So far we have had a joyous Christmas season. David decided he was going to get into the spirit of it, and has worked extra hard to stay healthy. He hung up the Christmas lights both inside and outside of the house; it looks so festive!

Two of the grandchildren with their gifts in front of the tree

We helped out with the ward Christmas dinner last week, and we had a good time with it. Jeff and Katie with her family came to the party, and it was fun to watch baby Sierra (8 months) look around and take it all in. Two of our grandchildren, Brad and Gabby, stayed the weekend with us, and on Saturday night we took them, along with granddaughter Jenna, to Temple Square to see the lights. Crowd scenes are always difficult for David, but he went anyway, and we had a lot of fun watching the children run around looking at the sites.

On Temple Square

The nativity scene

One of the luminaries on the plaza

At work, we had a devotional and Christmas parties to help celebrate the season. Bishop David Burton spoke about keeping Christmas simple on a day when I really needed this message. Among other things, he said, "Simplification can help us focus on what is important. Simplification helps us to serve and distinguish between wants and needs. Simplification can be therapeutic and help us focus on our blessings and heritage. Focusing on gratitude will make a difference in our lives, and help us think of the life and ministry of Jesus Christ. Too often we look for the Savior in the big, glamorous events of life, and miss seeing Him in the small and simple experiences of life."

A young lady with bipolar on a board for spouses in a bipolar relationship said that the holidays are difficult for her because routines get stretched and changed, and can cause frustration and anxiety. I think the key to a happy holiday season for those suffering from this disorder is to keep track of moods, and adjust festivities accordingly. Besides, I get overwhelmed, too, and appreciate scaled-back celebrations, with a chance to relax and enjoy the spirit of the season, as well as to ponder on the greatest gift of all: that of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

On the family front: We were snowed out for our annual post-Thanksgiving pie party on the Sunday after Thanksgiving. So this year we had it a week later. Those who were in the area came, and we had a nice time visiting with each other. Truthfully, the food is an afterthought at these events, but I did make a cranberry cheesecake that turned out well. My favorite part is having the house full, listening to bits of conversation, and the sound of grandchildren running through the house and playing together. The remodeled room where the toys are kept was a big hit. And this week Ben and his family are moving to Idaho Falls where he will be starting a brand-new job. We are so excited for them about this next chapter of their lives.

The magazine recently published a story about a choir in South Africa. A young 20-year-old composed and conducted the beautiful music, and I wanted to share it with you.

November happenings

2010-12-06T16:48:00.002-07:00

On the Tuesday before Thanksgiving a huge blizzard was forecast for the area. The hype was so intense that we were sent home early from work (not that I minded), and the stores were crowded with people getting last minute supplies. When the storm rolled in, the clouds were impressive but the storm only dropped a relatively small amount of snow. Then, on the Sunday after Thanksgiving, a snowstorm came through the area with little warning, and dumped 15 inches where we live.

Aftermath of the storm

Isn't that the way life is? While it's a good thing to be prepared, I have found that too often I end up worrying needlessly about a crisis that doesn't happen.

For example, on the last warm fall day the week before Thanksgiving, David decided to go fishing at his favorite spot by himself. I did manage to smile and wave good-bye and to not "mother hen" him with a list of do's and don'ts, but I worried about him off and on all day at work. I had a hard time relaxing until he came home at dark, just as he said he would, happy and showing off his string of fish. He had a good time, and we enjoyed a fish fry that night. All that worry for nothing! I have to keep reminding myself that worrying, in an of itself, really doesn't accomplish much.

I took a day off for our 24th anniversary, and we chose to spend it fishing at our favorite fishing hole. Then, the next day one of our sons joined us for another fishing trip. The weather was lovely, I enjoyed the serenity of the area, and the company of David and Ben. In addition, we caught some beautiful fish.

During the Thanksgiving holiday David and I painted and rearranged our spare bedroom. It was a fun project to work on together, and nice to have it done. I'm thrilled to have quiet office space, as well as a place for the grandchildren to play with a stash of toys when they come.

David's mood has been fairly stable this fall. We've noticed that he'll have some upbeat, productive days followed by a day or two when he can't do much. When that happens, he's learned to take some his meds, and then go lay down in a quiet room by himself. He manages his disorder best when he takes steps to minimize its affect on him. It takes some mental effort, but he is able to pull himself together, and continues on with his life. I'm really proud of him.

Family update: We also went to dinner for our anniversary and were so happy to have all of the children who live in the area there. Our family keeps growing, soon to number 18 grandchildren. And our Soldier Brian was just promoted to 1st Lt.—so proud of him and his family, as well as his brothers and sisters and their families. We have much to be thankful for.

Veterans Day Musings

2010-11-11T14:38:00.013-07:00

Veterans Day has become a good time to stop and think about those who serve or who have served in the military. We read moving tributes to veterans. I think of those in my family who have served.

One of the programs at the Spokane youth conference was a tribute to those serving in the military and a service project of creating cards of thanks from the young men and women to those deployed around the world. When a ROTC chapter from one of the local high schools presented the colors in a dignified manner there was complete silence, respect and reverence in the hall. The speakers, which included a young serviceman, a gold star mother, and a colonel, spoke about the theme of the conference: Joshua 1:9 "Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest."

Col. Adams had recently returned from Iraq where he worked with senior Iraqi government and military leaders to help train the Iraqi military so they could defend their country. Among the interesting experiences that he shared, he said that regardless of what we may hear or see, there is much gratitude for the young men and women who went over there to give them freedom. One of the Iraqi generals told him, "With our freedom we are always being attacked by sharks trying to take it away. Freedom is the most precious gift we have. The Americans left their families and came half way around the world. Why would they come? They came in the name of their mission, 'Iraqi Freedom.' They came here to give us freedom. They made a difference."

The experience had an impact on those who were there. Said one young man: "I've gained a greater sense of gratitude and respect for the people who serve our country in the military." And a young lady added: "Now on patriotic holidays I will know the meaning of it and remember the troops and all that they go through." I also had the chance to visit there with a Vietnam Vet, who was so overcome with emotion at his service being remembered that he could barely speak. I'm grateful that on November 11 we have the chance to thank those who serve their country, instead of letting it get lost in the activities that come with most three-day weekend holidays. I still cry when I think of the experience.

Time Flies on Wings of Lightning

2010-11-04T15:48:00.004-06:00

We cannot call it back. It comes, then passes forward Along its onward track.

And if we are not mindful, The chance will fade away,

For life is quick in passing. 'Tis as a single day. (Hymns, no. 226)

That about sums up what's been going on with us. Before I realize it, another week, then two, then three have passed since I last wrote.

Improve the shining moments; Don't let them pass you by.

Work while the sun is radiant; Work, for the night draws nigh.

We cannot bid the sunbeams To lengthen out their stay,

Nor can we ask the shadow To ever stay away.

I took some days off a few weeks ago. We spent one day fishing at Lost Creek, and then I spent two glorious days cleaning the house. It feels so nice to have clean(er) closets that I don't have to risk life and limb to get into. I also (sort of) organized the camping gear and put it away for the season. Organization is not one of my strong points, but I feel better about the state of the house.

I have also been extra busy at work with some writing projects, including 2 stories about leadership from the Spokane trip. I enjoy writing, but it does take a lot of time and effort with lots and lots of revisions and rewriting. I feel good about the end product, though, and appreciate the help from coworkers on making it a stronger article.

David has, for the most part, been stable with bouts of depression thrown in for good measure. Last week we helped out with a ward halloween party, and that put him in a better frame of mind. We had a potluck dinner of soup and chili, with pie for desert. Then the children went to 4 different decorated rooms in the building for "trick-or-treating." David interacts well with friends from the ward, and our son Jeff and his wife, Nikki, came for the festivities. A good time was had by all.

I have been doing some knitting and crocheting projects; I'm definitely a beginner, but it is relaxing to work on something. I'm not brave enough (yet) to try anything more than baby blankets, but I'll get there. I think of my grandma when I knit; it was something she loved to do, and taught me the skill when I was in high school. Somewhere along the way I quit doing needle work, then picked it up again a few years ago. I like it so much I can't imagine why I put it down in the first place.

I also started work on a HUGE family history project: scanning family history photos into the computer. That's something else that I feel strongly about doing, and hope to keep working on it through the winter months.

As winter time doth follow The pleasant summer days,

So may our joys all vanish And pass far from our gaze.

Then should we not endeavor Each day some point to gain,

That we may here be useful And ev'ry wrong disdain?

I am taking tomorrow off for our upcoming 24th anniversary. We plan on going fishing again. The weather is beautiful this week, and it seems like a good idea to take advantage of the last of the good weather. Besides, a day of knitting and reading sounds really good right now.

Thoughts on Leadership

2010-10-13T15:43:00.037-06:00

Along with the rest of the world, I have been watching the rescue of the Chilean miners. I like this comment from President Piñera of Chile: "We have learned from this accident that unity, faith, hope, and courage can achieve all the goals that we can set for our country." It is true, also, in our everyday lives and relationships.

Reading about Luis Urzua, the crew leader of the trapped miners gave great insight into what a true leader is: one who loves and serves those who are in his care. "As the leader of a group that was forced to live in perpetual darkness, high humidity and hot temperatures, Urzua kept up order, spirits and solidarity among the group, by setting everyone tasks and making sure that no one was marginalized."

It reminded me of the conversation I had with some teens in Washington. When I went to Spokane in August I covered a two-day youth conference for 1,600 teens. I also interviewed several of them about the qualities of leadership, as well as what it takes to be a good follower. The conference was well-done with group activities, service projects, and a spiritual program; the adult leaders were organized, kind, and helpful; the kids were excited to be there and had a lot of fun meeting new people and participating in the event. Several of them talked to me about the feeling of unity and friendship that was there. I enjoyed the whole experience, but the best part was getting to talk to the young men and young women; they were delightful.

Some of the group scenes from the conference.

During the discussions on leadership, they shared sweet experiences with me and gave insight wise beyond their years. They often mentioned the qualities of unity, faith, and courage. Said one young man: "Part of being in a leadership position means helping those that may need an extra hand. I have found that by helping others I help myself, and I am learning to be a better friend and person."

They also understood the importance of listening to what others have to say. One young lady commented: "Part of being a good leader is knowing when to put aside what you want and give others what they want. I think knowing when to step back and compromise is important." Someone else said, "You have to know how to serve before you can be a good leader."

They know that along with learning to be good leaders they need to be good followers also, and do what is asked of them with a good attitude. Said one: "followership is active." Observed another: "I know that followers behind a leader are like links in a chain. If a follower isn't helping another follower up, like a chain holds itself together, then the chain will fall apart and the leadership will be worth nothing."

Like the example of those trapped in the mine, their counsel applies to us all. When I follow these qualities in my relationship with David as well as with the rest of the family, it all goes so much better.

Scenes from Spokane: the clock tower, falls, and river

Changing Seasons

2010-10-04T13:09:00.022-06:00

I always feel introspective around my birthday season, and this year was no exception. I had a good birthday weekend, complete with flowers and dinner from David, a family party, a happy phone call from my daughter Lara in Mexico, and two grandchildren (Gabby, 8, and Brad, 4) who spent the weekend with us. I couldn't have asked for better.

I had lunch with a friend last week. We talked about the way our lives are so different from what we envisioned when we were young. She asked me if I would change any major decisions that I have made.

It made me pause for a few minutes and think back over the years. I was very idealistic when I was young; I also didn't have a clear picture of what it was I wanted to do besides being a wife and mother. I have often thought that if I had had any idea of what was ahead for me I would have run the other way. But then I would have missed out on choice experiences; so no, I wouldn't change anything:

* Leaving school to work full-time (well, maybe that one); but that was when I met my first husband.

* Marrying my first husband. As difficult as it was because of circumstances and personality conflicts, I still learned important lessons about myself and life, and gained three amazing and precious children in the bargain.

*Divorcing that first husband. No, it needed to be that way for both of us to grow and move on. Twenty-five years later we have a good relationship. So, there again, no real regrets.

* Marrying David. I can't imagine life without him and the blended family we worked so hard to create, including the three children he came with and the two that we had together. Each one is important and loved. And while it hasn't been easy by any stretch of the imagination, the last 24 years with him have been worth it.

The first week of April and October has traditionally been incredibly hectic with preparing the conference edition of the magazine. Because of changing technology and a streamlined schedule I have been freed of post-conference work; that means my life isn't put on hold for two weeks and I can do my regular work assignments. While I am not sorry for the change (28 years of running at a breakneck pace for two weeks is plenty!), I do feel slightly displaced. It's part of a cycle of change that happens in life, and I'm seeing that cycle of change happen more and more often at work lately: A dear friend that I enjoyed working with for 27 years retired on my birthday; news came recently of health problems that a good friend and former coworker is dealing with; hearing about the unexpected passing of another respected friend and former coworker. When I went to the retirement party for my friend I saw a number of friends, and thought back over the years. I realize that I have been truly blessed to work for the magazines and have been taught by masters in the field of editing and journalism. I can only hope to be as truly talented as they are.

David took me for a long ride this last weekend to celebrate the changing season, both in nature as well as at work. I enjoyed the fall colors in the mountains, the sleepy towns that we drove through, and the quiet conversation between us. His mood has been fairly stable, although he struggled at times last week with some depression. When he was manic earlier in the month he decided that he wanted to buy a harley-davidson motorcycle. I wasn't happy with the idea, but eventually told him that I would support him if he did. I also told him that I was not willing or able to cosign on a loan for one. He was sad when he couldn't get the financing, and I did my best not to be too happy about not acquiring a motorcycle. Happily, he's working through the disappointment.

He also decided to put together a fishing pontoon made of pvc pipe and styrofoam while he was manic, and he's been working hard at finishing his project. I think that part of the problem is that he doesn't have enough to keep him busy; having something to work on helps keep him stable. I'm hoping we can find something more for him to do this fall and winter.

This week is also Mental Health Awareness Week. You might want to check out the following for more information.

Manic Season

2010-09-20T13:58:00.012-06:00

We had a great Labor Day weekend, with a four-day camping trip to the Uinta Mountains. We camped at a beautiful, serene mountain lake (interrupted on occasion with people on ATVs), hiked to several mountains lakes, David fished, and I read and knitted. I enjoyed the beautiful weather, and noticed leaves slowly changing to mark the beginning of a new season.

Unfortunately, on the way home I noticed David slipping into mania. A few days later he told me that he had been slipping out of the house to go on his midnight walks when he couldn't sleep several times for the last few weeks, and asked me to call his dr. for help. By the time I came home with a report of the concerns the dr. shared with me, David had forgotten all about what had happened, and accused me of over-reacting. It was not a pretty conversation because I felt incredibly upset, worried, and angry over his behavior, and I forgot the first rule about staying calm.

I try not to go into gory details here of all that was said until after a crisis has passed because I want to be as fair as possible to David. I also want to focus on what I have learned, instead of the crisis itself. (I have also been really busy with work and family issues lately, as well.) We managed to have a truce for several days because our Soldier Brian and his family came for a visit. It was fun to have them here, and to get better acquainted with and enjoy the grandchildren.

His mood, though, kept getting more and more manic, complete with listening to the voices in his head, no sleep, and irrational ideas. He started realizing that he was out of control and asked me again to call the dr. for help. We went to a therapist for the first time this week, and David has another appointment to see him in two weeks to work on his temper.

It was helpful to spend a few minutes talking to the therapist about my view of David's behavior, and some of the challenges that I have in dealing with his moods. He and my brother both told me that I cannot "make" David to do what is healthiest for him; it ultimately is his choice. I've been thinking about that, and I do see their point. However, I also do not have to protect him from the consequences of his actions. On the occasion when he succumbs to a desire for some alcohol I refuse to give him sympathy for the hangover that accompanies it.

Fortunately, David finally worked through the mania, and is relatively stable again. We've been able to talk about what happened and some more on what we need to do to work through these difficult cycles that come every few months. For example, my birthday is this coming weekend. At first he wanted to go on another camping trip, but I frankly am really tired of being away from home on the weekend. We were going to compromise for a one-day camp, but we both decided that we would rather just go for a drive in the mountains to see some fall color. Now that I can live with; I'm looking forward to the day.