Faithfully Fit

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Wed, 28 Dec 2016 12:35:00 +0000

........We took the time to move the last of our personal items from our NYC apartment this past week. There wasn't a ton inside, as we had rented the big stuff; but there was enough to make a full morning of it.........

.......When we moved out 4 years ago and rented the place to a tenant, we were leaving life as we knew it. We said goodbye to friends and our urban life that we had known for a decade and headed for suburbia. The decision to move has been great and we love our life in CT. However, there was a part of us that still considered ourselves "city people" since we still owned our place and knew we always had the option to go back. However, our family isn't at a phase we can go back, so when we left the apartment this week; we left it for good.......

.......This time, we also said goodbye to all of the memories those walls held. That was our home as newly weds. It was the place that housed reunions when Stefan moved to Europe for 6 months and we each took turns commuting for bi-weekly visits. That was the apartment that held tons and tons of flowers after we lost our first baby and we were the saddest we have ever been. That was the apartment that housed hundreds and when I say hundreds, YES- hundreds of visitors that came to stay with us over the course of 10 years.....so many feasts and dinners and tons of laughter with old and new friends......the apartment walls are where I brought home my first three babies and learned how to be a parent on the fly.....sleepless nights, playdates, birthday parties, potty training, etc.....it also reminds me of bedbugs, lost mice and dead rats inside the walls, too......all NYC commonalities I can never move far enough away from........

......I pray that the new owners have as much love and as much fun in the apartment as we had. It truly is the end of the an era and we are so blessed that for the last several months, we have had a place to take our kids as a staycation and experience some fun weekends in the city! The timing is perfection, as God's timing can only be.......old doors closed with the hope and possibility of new roads to be paved.....new year ahead, new chapters to be opened, new pages to be turned.....so long, NYC. You gave us an experience we will forever be grateful for...........

Xx

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Mon, 07 Nov 2016 19:27:00 +0000

.......Mae, oh Mae......she's three!.......

As mamas I think we can all agree that with every child comes growth, change and our hearts are burst wider, taller and deeper than they were just seconds before we placed our new baby on our bare skin......

.....today, my Mae is three......and I really must attribute the growth I have had in my walk with Christ the last few years to her......she is the baby that I prayed for before we were really even sure if we would be expanding our family.......and she is the one who reminds me every day that God is good and His love endures all things.......she is the one who taught me more about faith and hope than anyone else probably will in my lifetime......

.....the last three years have been fuller, more joyous, happier (and busier) than I ever thought possible.....it has been a gift to watch your siblings interact with you and you with them......

......you are the one who watches and takes everything all in so that you understand your surroundings.....and you never want to be left out......

.....you want inclusion in everything and you demand it.......it's one of the things I love most about you......you know what you want and you fight for it.....you cherish the times that our entire family is together and it makes sense because you completed us the day you were born.....

....each of my children are uniquely special to me for their own reasons, but today we celebrate Mae......joyful, bright, boundless, thoughtful, Mae.....and because of you, this family is complete.....

We love you to the moon and back, sweet Mae! Xx

.....A tribute to mamas........

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Fri, 06 May 2016 11:11:00 +0000

I found this picture that was archived on my blog and had to re-post considering Mother's Day weekend is ahead of us. This picture was taken on our honeymoon, somewhere off the coast of St. John's in September of 2004. I love this picture because I love the day that we had that lead up to this sunset cruise. I loved the way our life was back then. Easy. We had great careers, we traveled a ton, and we had endless nights of quality tim. We had lazy mid day brunches on the weekends after rolling out of bed whenever we wanted. It was what we refer to now as "our old life" and back then; we couldn't imagine anything better than what we had.

Fast forward 11.5 years. We have 4 children that all love to wake up early. We don't go to brunch or have endless quality time. On the contrary, there are some days that we don't really talk much due to scheduling. We still roll out of bed, but not in a way that you do when you know you're going to brunch. It's more of a roll and stumble to the coffee maker, all while listening to 4 orders of what the littles want for breakfast

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I am sure tons of you can relate to the life before and the life after children. Here's the truth.

In this picture, I had no idea that my heart could grow so big. I had no idea that I would gladly stay up all night with a sick child or that my heart would break on their first day of Kindergarten. I had no idea how much work being a parent is; no clue about the amount of things you have to remember when they are babies and toddlers. I was clueless to the amount of laundry that comes with each child, had no idea that being a parent also means that you are a doctor, activities coordinator, mediator, maid, chef, driver, comedian, negotiator, judge, crafter, actor, singer, hair stylist, and a human pillow for many nights of child hosting in our bed.

It never even occurred to me that getting out of the house as a married couple would sometimes mean moving boulders in order to escape; and in the earlier years, screaming children would be pounding at the door after our departure because we were in a phase of severe separation anxiety. In fact, I didn't even know what the term "separation anxiety" meant when this circa 2004 picture was taken.

I didn't know that little girls start to have boy crushes at the age of 7 or that they would start slamming doors at me this young either. I also didn't know how much it would hurt my feelings, but now I fully understand why my Mom took my bedroom door off the hinges as a teen.

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I didn't understand the special bond a mother and son have, nor did I understand the special one a mother and daughter can have too. I could not have imagined inconspicuously recording my son talking about his day during bedtime, only because I want to have a permanent record of the way his 5 year old voice sounds. It's the only way I know how to capture it before I forget what it sounds like.

I had no idea what it would feel like to will time to stand still, but also experience so much joy to see my children growing. I didn't understand so much back then, but it all becomes clearer to me every single day.

To my own mama on Mother's Day weekend, please know how deeply I love you and how grateful I am for every single memory we've shared in 41 years. You sacrificed so much for us and now I understand how much joy we gave you. Your encouraging words ring true in my heart every single day.

To my other mom on Mother's Day, you raised a son who is a treasure in our home. He is everything I want Brody to be and I thank you for all of the love and devotion you put into raising him. I can only hope that if and when Brody marries that I can love his wife as beautifully as you have loved me.

Happy Mother's Day to every mama out there who cannot even imagine what life was like before becoming a mama. And here's hoping that you get a small glimpse this weekend of what life was like when you weren't one.

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Cheers to pampering and not lifting a finger, mamas!

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Enjoy your Mother's Day weekends!

......Fall for Math and Raz Kids......do I love you or hate you?

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Thu, 14 Jan 2016 17:46:00 +0000

I am fully aware that the future of our children's homework is moving to the computer. I'm not against that notion, but I think old fashioned ways of learning are being ruled out too quickly.

With that being said, I have a love-hate relationship with the family laptop that our children use. As much as I think there are beneficial programs and do reinforce class lessons, the laptop causes a lot of arguing in our household. Here's what usually goes down:

Mae butts in and pounds the keyboard for a turn, just as you'd expect a 2 year old to do. The sister trying to do her assignment is frustrated and nudges (pushes) Mae away and she immediately starts screaming and wants to be held.

Brody is frustrated because he doesn't have a log in or password for "Fall for Math" or "Raz" and whines that ABC Mouse is for babies. I am pretty sure he throws some "it's not fairs" in there and a "I'm never gonna get to Kindergarten." I am not sure what he's saying because Mae is still screaming in my ear.

Both of the big girls will count the exact minute on how long the other sister got to use the computer and if one gets more time than the other, there is an argument. Usually the sister who is spending time talking to me about how we treat others in our home (not pushing Mae) gets the least time on her homework since we are re-visiting the family rule of keeping our hands on our own body. So now she's upset because I wouldn't "let her do her homework."

Today, we shut down the laptop for the rest of the week and our math homework was finding and counting all the loose change in drawers and odd places.

Mae has no interest in what the big girls are doing, Brody played with legos and the big girls found $17 in change while doing their homework. They may have even smiled at each other too 👭

Win for the Balderach house tonight.

Freedom

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Fri, 06 Nov 2015 02:29:00 +0000

I came across this old picture today in a memory pop up alert. This was 2010 and I was 4 months pregnant with Brody. Elsie still wasn't even three yet and this might be the only picture I have of Callie at this age sitting still. She was (and still is) quite the mover and shaker. My glasses are on so you can't see Mae. She is the twinkle in my eye still yet to make her grand entrance into this world, so technically she's present in this picture too.

This day reminds me of the phase of child rearing that was physically challenging. Three under three and a half was tough. Four babes all under kindergarten was tougher. But the hardest part on most days were some of the low points of wondering if what I was doing was enough? I remember nights of trying to string together what I actually "accomplished" that day and finding little to show for my time at home when it was all said and done. I am not sure when I created this expectation I had somehow placed on myself that I was supposed to be doing something more than wiping noses, fixing booboos, managing time outs and trying to teach a please and thank you every once and a while.

Times are different now. Elementary school has brought more activity, more hustle and bustle, more driving, more social events and more discussions with my big girls that feel meaningful. It's easier for me to check off "accomplishments" at the end of the day because there are things like homework, discussions with my girls about friendship, or brainstorming show and tell projects that actually feel more significant.....in the last year, these interactions have balanced out my time with Brody or Mae doing a puzzle, reading the shape book for the 20th time or spending several minutes during the day on my hands and knees wiping up the food Mae has thrown she refuses to eat. My big girl interaction has given me tangible things to check off my imaginary list of accomplishing something more "worthy."

Are there any mamas out there that can relate to any of this?

I attend a Bible study on Thursdays and this morning, there was a local pastor who did our opening. He talked about his mother and the godly example she left as a legacy to him. I am pretty sure there wasn't a dry eye in the room, although there could have been a few that I couldn't see through my own tears. I was moved today and I know I won't ever be the same. Something in me shifted. For the first time in my 7 years of motherhood, I am free from the "expectation" cloud that has hovered over my head. A cloud that I self admittedly placed there myself and one that has been heavier in some phases than others. But it's always been there.

Whether we are cleaning food off floors, struggling with personal demons that have nothing to do with motherhood, making pretend food out of play-doh, packing lunches, managing our own extended families or balancing work on top of running a family; it's how we handle ourselves and the example we set that truly matters in the grand picture.

Do I choose to grumble and complain about a stressful situation or handle it with grace? Do I lean into my faith when my heart hurts or do I try to handle it on my own and allow those emotions to dictate my mood and the way I treat my family? Do I treat others who are rude or unkind to me the same way in return or do I choose to show them love with my response?

I have always been striving for legacy when it comes to my children. I think it's fair to say that most of us want our children to look back on us and use us as an example of how they want to play the role of mama, right? I wish I would have had more of this wisdom when I was the mama in this picture. I clearly remember thinking that this fun memory was a good day because I could check off the box of "fun activity" for that day. I had trucked the gang out of NYC to a farm in NJ and made a 6 hour home school field trip out of it. Surely a good mama day in my old way of thinking. But tonight with the light rain and no after school activities, I tried my best to show grace when the milk spilled from too much goofing off at the dinner table. I let Elsa stay up past her bedtime because she wanted to talk in detail about the story of Moses. I tried not to complain when I had to refold the clothes that Mae pulled out of drawers when we left the room for two seconds. I counted to 10 before I responded to a child who sneaked Halloween candy for the third time today.

No check list needed. No expectations set. Each and every encounter is teaching and showing examples to our children. I am not always going to get it right, but at the end of my time with these babes under my roof, I hope they will remember the fun activities we did and laugh at the goofiness in our home. But more importantly, I want them to say that I walked the walk and talked the talk.

She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come.

She speaks with wisdom,

and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

Proverbs 31:25-26

......bloom where you are today.......

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Thu, 20 Aug 2015 01:30:00 +0000

.....I have always loved big adventures with my children. Some of my greatest memories of NYC when we just had three little ones, was corralling together a bunch of neighbors and we'd go grand.....We'd throw all of our gear in our double strollers, strap on back packs, load our real cameras to get awesome photos and we were off.....most people looked at us as if we were crazy......usually it was a minimum of 5 children, sometimes more......that number of little people sure seemed like a lot to us back then......today, I had 6 children in my house for several hours and I hardly batted an eye........until I found glue all over my brand new furniture......

....but those NYC adventures......

......we'd bounce our strollers down subway stairs, push ourselves onto trains and travel to far away places on the island.....we explored old bridges and tunnels, we traveled to neighboring boroughs, we toured museums like visitors, and we hit the top rated playgrounds in NYC no matter where they were.......we showed our children Fleet Week, Lady Liberty and every ferry ride around the island that was possible......all of those adventures were hard, but at the end of the night I was so, so full with gratitude and adventure......

....today was not crazy adventurous like the NYC days, but it was an amazing adventure with my little tribe......stress of our fall schedule and back to school to do lists are starting to nip at me.....my Beachbody business is incredibly busy right now......but all I can think about is that I don't have much of this summer left with my children......in a week and half, this summer will be over and as so many mamas know, there are a lot of mixed emotions that go with that......

.....so we packed up and drove to the fruit fields......we picked apples and peaches and fed a ton of dirty animals at the petting zoo.....we had the entire field of fruit trees to ourselves......Mae sat in the grass and studied each of the many apples she devoured.......Elsie and I found trees that had the best hidden fruit......Callie and I held hands in the shade.......Brody begged for more quarters and I gladly obliged just so I could hear him giggle again when the llama or the goat licked his hand full of corn meal......it was a perfect day......there were beautiful moments weaved in between the girls cat fighting and Brody crying over the heat; all while I changed a dirty diaper on my lap, balancing on one leg in the parking lot......I would do these types of days that require a lot of effort any day of the week, because as my children get older, they get harder to plan......and that has me longing back to those NYC days when we complained about how hard it was to have small children in the city......

.....savor where you are because some day, you will wish you were right back where you are today.......

......the last IT.......

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Wed, 12 Aug 2015 23:48:00 +0000

Just having a moment of mama reflection tonight.

.....do you ever look at your child and wonder when "it" will be the last time?......."It" can come in many forms or fashions......."it" can be the last time that you are on your hands and knees cleaning food off the kitchen floor because sooner or later, your child does stop throwing food......it can be the last time you nurse your baby, the last time you strap your baby into a bucket seat or the last time you get to push your toddler on the swing..........because one day you wake up and that little baby has grown immensely over night and no longer fits in the bucket.......just as one day, your 3 year old hops on the swing to show you that they can pump themselves into a high soar on the play ground alllll byyyyy themselves......

.....there have been countless moments for me as a mother when I had no idea that "it" was my last.....

......I had forgotten this until this past summer......most recently, my "it" was Mae's wave......she does the cutest hello and goodbye wave......she waves vertically, instead of horizontally......she thrusts her little hand up and down, up and down......and it can stop me in my tracks......I can be stressed, tired, or ridden with anxiety about something I shouldn't be worried about; but when I see that wave, I am engulfed with endearment and laughter......

......days and weeks passed and each day I said to myself that I needed to capture it on video because I wanted to archive this little gesture of hers for the years to come......so I went to capture it on video while we were in Texas, begging her to wave to her cousins and you know what?.....she waves the "correct" way now.......no more vertical shimmy......no more up and down jostling.....no more stopping me in my tracks to laugh with her about the cutest wave I had ever seen......

......and the last time she did that sweet little wave, I had no idea it would be "the last time".......

.....all the mamas of the world can be worn down by summer........there is a lack of schedule, bedtimes are off, the days can be long, the children all seem to have boundless energy and we can get tired, fatigued, and weary......so weary that we have thoughts of summer needing to end quickly and desires of getting back to a school schedule, opposed to a lack of one......

......try this perspective......look at your babes in a different light.....recognize something they do today that they may not do in a week, a month, 6 months from now or next year......focus on it, inhale it, cherish it, love it and love them.......they are changing by the second and once that second has past, we won't get that moment back because it will have been the last of "it"......

.....and then you'll be wishing for the days of summer to be back again.....

Xx

.....shining star.........

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Wed, 24 Jun 2015 19:56:00 +0000

Since Monday, Callie has been asking me for a swim cap so she could be like Elsa who just started the swim team. After the tenth request for a swim cap over a day and a half, I stooped down and looked her in the eye and asked, "What's with the swim cap question over and over again? Mama already told you she would get you a swim cap the first time you asked."

I knew what she wanted without her telling me, but I asked her if she wanted me to see if she could do a late try out for the swim team. I struggled with the question because I knew I was potentially setting her up to fail. She doesn't have as much stamina as the bigger kids. Her stroke is still a bit uncontrolled. She pops her head up instead of doing side breathing. But she has the desire and the passion; and when our babes have these intrinsic emotions, we've got to rally around them.....

So I watched her jump in and swim with the team today. My heart pounded the whole time and I watched her swim well and I watched her struggle. I watched the coaches who were watching her. And the whole time I relived the conversation in my head we had last night about success and courage and bravery. Those virtues can come in the form of "you still are not ready to swim with the team. Keep practicing." Those virtues do not always come in the form of what we would normally perceive as "success."

For today, though, those virtues arrived in a resounding, "Congratulations!" Today, the coach told her she was fantastic because sometimes it is desire that is way more important than form. It's such a blessing that our children can be such shining reminders to us that life without risk is a life without pure, good, unique, joy filled celebration. I don't know if I have ever seen you this proud, Callie Anne. I am so proud of you for jumping in head first, even though you knew there was risk in trying.

What a blessing that our little people can teach us such great lessons! I was prepared for failure today because you are the littlest one on the team. But regardless of the outcome, there would not have been any failure whatsoever. You were a shining star just for putting yourself out there!

So proud of you!

.....colorful eating- BBQ style......

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Wed, 15 Apr 2015 16:16:00 +0000

BBQ is a staple in our lives. I married a Texan who contemplated for days who was going to be the lucky one to inherit his smoker when we were preparing to move from Texas to NYC. To me, the old smoker looked like a hunk of black metal junk with a rusty pipe attached to it and it was a mortal sin to repeat my opinion out loud. Fast forward 11 years since we moved to the northeast and I have gladly accepted the role of determining where and how to find creative recipes to consume all of the meat that Stefan pulls off his (new and improved) smoker. There are plenty of benefits to being in the burbs!

It has been close to a year that I have been keen on trying to find ways to change our eating habits in my family. We have made a lifestyle change to fresh, colorful meals. Sometimes it's a big win for me and the kids to eat color.....

Sometimes it's a huge miss.

See the hot pink and bright yellow?

(Both colorful ideas were fun eating projects at Bambi's house).

We believe just about anything tastes good with a little BBQ sauce on it or a special BBQ rub that Stefan has yet to share the actual spices he mixes with even me. This past weekend was the first beautiful spring day we have had, so it was no surprise that Stefan was preparing his smoker to kick off the season. When he smokes, he goes big; so three pounds of pork shoulder later and I was searching for recipes that would help us keep our eating this week clean and appealing to our tribe.

So behold: a creamy, cheesy casserole full of tangy, ooey-gooey goodness.

Cheesy BBQ Pork Pasta Bake

Servings: 4

Container count per serving: 1 red, 1/8 green, 1/2 purple, 2 yellow, 1 blue, 1 tsp.

INGREDIENTS

4 tsp olive oil
2 tbsp. flour
1 1/3 cup shredded 2% sharp cheddar cheese
1 cup unsweetened almond milk
3 cups cooked whole grain pasta (I used rotini)
1/4 cup green onion, chopped, plus more for topping (optional)
1/4 cup red onion, chopped
3 cups cooked pork, shredded
3/4 cup clean BBQ sauce (no sugar or corn syrup. If you can’t find any at the store you can make your own (other recipes for this casserole bake call for 3 cups. I went very light and figured we would add our own if we wanted more. The amount I used was the perfect amount for our taste)
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. ground mustard
1/4 tsp. pepper

DIRECTIONS

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Heat 2 tsp. of the oil in a medium saucepan on medium heat. When the oil is hot, whisk in the flour until it becomes a paste. Cook until the flour becomes a caramel color, about 2 minutes, stirring occasionally so it doesn’t burn.
Add the almond milk slowly, whisking until it thickens. Mix in the salt, pepper, and ground mustard. Next, add 1 cup of the cheese and whisk until melted and well combined.
Heat a small pan over medium heat and add the remaining 2 tsp. of oil. Add the chopped red onions and green onions and cook until soft and fragrant, about 5 minutes. Add the onions to the cheese mixture.
In a casserole dish, add the cooked pasta, chicken and all of the BBQ sauce. Mix well until combined. Next, add the cheese sauce and mix well. Top with the remaining drizzle of your BBQ sauce and 1/3 cup of cheese.
Bake for 30 minutes or until cheese is melted on top. Top with more green onions, if desired.

This was a huge hit with the family and we also had enough left over for Stefan to take some to work. It was definitely a nice break from the standard pulled pork sandwiches that we were eating last spring. For those of you wondering what my serving size looked like, check this out.

I added a side salad, but next time I think I would add a side of cucumber, tomato, onion and a splash of balsamic vinaigrette.

Have it, fellow BBQ lovers!

......Yummy (CLEAN) Quinoa Chicken Enchilada Casserole.......

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Thu, 09 Apr 2015 02:37:00 +0000

After coming off a week of splurging in Florida, I was in search of comfort food (because it's still cold up here) that was healthy and delicious. Our family needs to get back into clean eating ASAP! This meal is so easy to make, it hardly requires a recipe. I purchased an antibiotic free range rotisserie chicken, pulled off the meat, mixed in the ingredients and it was done! In less than 30 minutes you’re enjoying a healthy and filling meal that’s perfect for a busy weeknight or weekend lunch.

Quinoa Chicken Enchilada Casserole

Container count per serving (for you 21 day fixers): 2 yellow, 1 blue, 1 green, 1 red

INGREDIENTS

2 cups cooked quinoa (I used organic, non gmo pre-cooked, but any kind is fine)
3 cups cooked and shredded chicken, seasoned with Southwest Seasoning
1 3oz. can of green chiles (I skip these because my kids won't eat them, but Stefan and I add them to our individual bowl)
1 cup corn
1/2 onion, chopped (I like to use a purple onion for this recipe)
1 1/3 cups shredded cheese
1 can enchilada sauce

DIRECTIONS

Heat a large skillet on medium heat and add chicken, quinoa, green chiles (mine is missing them, but the green color would be pretty in this dish), corn, onion, and enchilada sauce. Mix well and cook for 5 minutes. Heat the oven to 400 degrees.

2. Transfer the mixture to a casserole dish and top with cheese, and bake for 15 minutes or until cheese is melted. Top with fresh cilantro.

.....the kids were excited to try a new casserole and I am thrilled that they are getting a good dose of healthy food groups.....

.....I served tomatoes, whole wheat tortillas, avocado and strawberries on the side for the kids and it was a hit with the girls.......Brody, on the other hand, ate an apple for dinner, but that is our new normal these days......

....Enjoy the clean eats!.....

If you are looking for a cleaner way of eating and getting your nutrition back on track, email me at thebalderachs@aol.com or click here.

.....for every season change, change, change, change........

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Sun, 08 Feb 2015 22:58:00 +0000

.....some of you may or may not know that over the last 9 months I have somehow found myself spending anywhere from 10-20 hours per week "working"......it wasn't intentional to add "something else" to the family agenda, as life with four little ones already keeps us movin' and shakin'......but when I decided to change my fitness routine and overall nutrition 9 months ago, this beautiful pebble was thrown into a huge body of water and the ripple effect has caused waves......lots and lots of waves....

.....I somehow found myself as a Beachbody coach and the name does not even begin articulate all that is entailed in this role......I will save that for another day; but I will tell you that every time I prayed about it as the opportunities were arising; seeking God's will, asking for direction.......another door was opened.......another life was changed.......so I have been walking through multiple doors with my eyes fixed on Him......seeking for more reassurance because I did not think that starting something like this was a good idea for a new mother of four.....but, God's plans for me were different......

.....It is God's light that has lead me down this path the last 9 months and He continues to provide more opportunity for me to use my gifts for His glory......my blog posts have been few and far between and I have a lot of catching up to do.....but part of the delay has been because we have been working on a make over......

.....very soon, this blog will have a new look, a new feel and a new vibe......the focus will always be on my family, as this is an archive for them......but it will also include this journey I am on, too.....I am looking forward to spending more time here in the near future combining my family, faith and fitness journey and hope it will inspire you too.....

....stay tuned......

......lucky seven, Elsa Grace.....

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Wed, 26 Nov 2014 03:25:00 +0000

.....I didn't intend for it to happen, but as I was gathering photos for this blog post, I came across a "recovered file" on my MAC......as I sorted through it, I found all sorts of old videos and pictures off an iphone that I used to have when both girls were one and two......I got lost in the pictures and videos; simultaneously longing for those days when the girls were so little and also appreciating the conversation and enjoyment I have with them now......and then the videos appeared when sweet Brody joined us......the snapshots and video clips quickly reminded me how living in such small NYC quarters in that phase of life was a blessing and a stress at the same time.....so now I am back to the present and enjoying it five years later.....

....the timing of finding this "recovered file" was perfect, as it brought me back to the days when motherhood was still so new.....and here we are, seven years into it and both Stefan and I are still learning, still in awe at this incredible responsibility of parenthood and are even more joy filled then we were when the days were much simpler and slower paced......

......this past weekend and all day yesterday, we celebrated our fist born turning seven.....

.....she wanted pink, she wanted a pony and she wanted a petting zoo.....so we turned our backyard into a little haven for 18 of her best girl friends and we had a little show down that surely did not disappoint......

....I heard the rustling around upstairs before 6am when I was having my coffee with Mae.....and the duo emerged all geared up and ready to go.....the countdown for Elsa's fall fest was on......the joy and excitement about parties, cake, friends, goody bags, and holidays is contagious and I love the buzz that it creates it our house.......I could use a little less craziness with the running and jumping and yelling, but we are learning that's all part of it too.....so we take the it all in stride......

....the day was on the frigid side, but it was gorgeous......we had abundant sunshine and the children were dressed to play.......they are immune to temperatures below 40 degrees.......it made the animals a little livelier and the hot chocolate tasted that much sweeter.....

......friends were reunited, farm animals were dotted on, old school games were brought outside, we had dear friends stay and help us man the party and the girls were saying good bye in no time at all......

....and it dawned on me as we were setting up for the party that this very well could be the last "birthday party" we throw for Elsie......granted, we have not thrown 7 of them since we do the parties on the odd years......so technically this is our fourth one we have thrown......but will she want a party at age nine?.....when she is on the verge of tweendom?......probably not.....I am guessing she will opt for a sleep over with close friends or another event that isn't all about inviting your entire class.....so there was a part of me that lost track of details that no one would have noticed otherwise......and letting those go; like handing out bandanas or fussing over the craft that flopped, went to the wayside just so I could be still, step back and watch it all fully present.....

....I could be wrong......this very well may not be the last party she has in our backyard, but I have a strong suspicion that it was.....and so I irritated several little girls to stop what they were doing around half time just so I could capture the group at our Farm Fest.....the first grade wonder......the sweetness that all of these girls had toward one another......

.....it was such a great group of girls......all playing with one another, all including each other in events and games and all encouraging each other.....

.......my heart was happy and so, so full......

(and sweet Mae was napping by this time)

......and so as we came off the high of this weekend and celebrating you in a grand way, Elsa Grace; the timing of finding these old pictures was remarkable.....

.....you have always had a special sparkle in your eyes.....I so clearly remember this day at the park with you, as it was late summer and I was planning your first birthday with other friends in our building.....your eyes have gleamed with sheer joy since the day you were born and even as a bright seven year old, you still find excitement and wonder in all things.......

....you have aways loved being outside, exploring God's creation......and of course, you have always had such a dear affection for your Daddy......

.....you can be serious, goofy, inquisitive and silly all in one breath......

(and your resemblance to baby Mae is astounding- so I had to add a picture of the two of you at the same age!)

.....Elsa, 12 months.....

.....Mae, 12 months......

......you have set such an incredible example to your siblings on how to show love to others, how to be compassionate, how to laugh at mistakes, and how to find the wonder in all things......

......I know that God created you to be someone He has already intended you to be......He has a future paved out for you and has given you gifts and talents that are specific to you......

.....there are people in your life you will impact......there are people in your little 7 years you have already made better by just being you......you are loyal, loving and considerate......

.....and you love to have fun.....

.....we have loved every phase of parenting you, Elsa....and I only hope that we can help you grow into the person that God made you to be.....I hope we can encourage you, comfort you, love you, discipline you, teach you and protect you as best as we can......it is those things that I pray for when I seek wisdom on how to ensure we give you all that you need.....our love for you is so bountiful, so deep and will never waver.....

....and our heart bursts just as much for your siblings; as you are all so incredibly special and unique in your own ways.....

.....happy lucky seven, Elsie.....

(and can't wait to hear what the tooth fairy leaves you, too)

.....you will forever be the one who made me a mama.....

.....thank you for being you.....

.....I love you to the moon and back.....

Xx Mama

......our beautiful, Mae......welcome to one.....

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Mon, 10 Nov 2014 04:08:00 +0000

.....why, hello my beloved blog.....boy, have I neglected you........it hasn't been purposeful.....life with four has been a juggle and then you add Beachbody, social activities, Stefan's travel and homework; just to name a few, and the days slip by without many visits.......but November was just what I needed- a milestone family event that has brought me back to you with an open mind and a clean white slate of virtual paper so I can capture the feelings of the here and now in our bustling home.....

.....our last addition to the family turned one on Friday and we celebrated her all weekend.....honestly, we celebrate her everyday.....her bright, loving, charming, sweet and peaceful disposition have most people stopping in their tracks to admire her and we don't mind it.....we all agree that she is the most precious baby who has every existed (except my other 3 children, of course) and the other five of us in the family are all love struck to the core......every single one of us......

......deep, deep love is what we all have for this child......she has made our family complete and I think each and every one of us appreciate that fact......

.....and so, Mae Elizabeth, I will do my best to capture the emotion of the here and now.....I will try to wrap up the last 12 months the best that I can because I want you to know how truly special you have been to our family.......

.....Mae, I prayed for you for months before we even knew you were coming......and my pregnancy with you taught both mommy and daddy a lot of about faith and love and trust and hope......you, my beloved baby girl, taught me more in 9 months than I learned in years of adulthood......you were knitted together perfectly in my womb and although God knew of your innermost being, we waited anxiously to know you too......

......when you arrived looking splendid and pink and perfect, it took our breath away.....you were everything and more we had ever dreamed of and your disposition was apparent from the very beginning......you were peaceful, affectionate, bright eyed and wanted to be in the center of the family action......

.....your siblings were ecstatic for your arrival and I will never forget your birthday afternoon when the troop rolled in to meet you......I could hear the squeals down the hallway 2 minutes before they arrived in our room......

.....and since I knew you would be our last baby, I savored every second alone with you......I studied your features, smelled your skin, watched your chest rise and fall over and over again.....I could have stayed at the hospital for several days just to have you all to myself, but I knew there were others who were chomping at the bit for you to come home.....

.....your first day at the house you fit in perfectly.....you went with the flow for every event we took you to and you we probably said you were the easiest baby in the world 10,000 times in your first 12 months of life......if you needed to sleep, you slept.......if you were hungry, you would politely let me know.......if you were bored, well, actually in this house I don't think you have ever been bored.....and when you have had enough of the crew, you let me know too and we make sure to give you some space to decompress......

.....you love to be silly, you love attention, you love to explore, you love independence and you love to be on the move......

.....we took a lot of photos of you.....gave you lots of hugs and kisses and I am pretty sure at the ripe age of 12 months, you know full well that you are completely and utterly adored......

.....and it just hasn't been your parents and your siblings who have loved spending time with you......you are doted on by the whole extended family, too.....

......and so when your birthday weekend arrived, we were ready to celebrate the beautiful first year of your life.....

.....so we planned a gathering with the Schallers.....the family whose four children all align up with ours.......all 10 of us planned a party to celebrate both you and Gracie.......the baby who slept next to you in the hospital nursery your first few hours of life......

......and the baby who would be your little sidekick for many months and years to come......

......around 7 months you two started to recognize and show interest in one another.......

.....and it is easy to tell that you are both fourth children because on spontaneous play dates in October, both of your mommies have you dressed in Christmas hand me down PJs at lunchtime.......you two didn't seem to care......

.....we celebrated big......lots of cake, lots of good food and lots of family......

.....and Michele and I did not miss a beat acknowledging that she and I made it though the first year as new mamas of four, too......

......Mae, you are an absolute joy.....I hope you know that everything we do as a family is so much fuller because you are here.....I wish I could capture you laugh, your little snort when you are proud of something you have done, your smile, your coos, your sweet voice, and your expressions......the time has slipped through my fingers so very quickly; but I promise you that I have inhaled every last second of you being such a little baby.....I am anticipating so much joy in getting to unwrap your little personality that emerges more and more each day......toddlerhood will hold so many other firsts for you, which will also be our lasts; but I am loving each moment of being a family of six.....

.....thank you for blessing each and every one of us.....we love you to the moon and back, sweet girl......

.....Happy first birthday......

......back to school with Stuck on You.......

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 03:11:00 +0000

.....the preparation for school is so exciting.....I remember it clearly when I was younger and it may be even more fun for me now that I have my own children....the difference is that in this day and age, you electronically purchase the school supplies months before the first day and they go directly to the classroom....so it is less shopping for rulers, glue sticks and pencils and more shopping for trendy and fun gear.....

......this is my third round of partnering with Stuck on You and I am thrilled each season we have come together because I love their products!.......my children tear open the bag of goodies and every time we receive incredible items that also become great ideas for gifts, favors, stocking stuffers or birthdays......

.....With my oldest child just beginning first grade, I have learned that there is a certain "cool" element to having bag tags for your backpack......all of the girls have a multitude of souvenirs dangling off their bags and Elsa loves her new keychain style bag tag......

.....she also loves that it is personalized because for the past several months, her name has been a popular ice breaker......(and if you don't know why the name Elsa is a hit, go see the movie Frozen).......

......Callie loves her junior messenger bag, which is a nice break from the oversized backpacks......this is perfect for Kindergarten because it is large enough to hold her folder and snack, but is still small enough to be portable on the bus and easy to carry......

.....it also has a front pocket for emergency cards, sunglasses, a sunblock stick, a favorite bracelet, a random coin, a half eaten bagel, a rock, a broken Barbie or whatever other knick knack carry items your little likes to cart around......

.....there is also a great selection of icons to choose from, so these bags can be personalized in several different styles.....

......nursery school still has another two weeks to go until Brody has his first day.....there has been a lot of hustle and bustle around here as we have been getting the girls ready for elementary school; and he has been anxious to have his turn......

.....my little man typically will not pose without bribes for pictures; however I think he was so excited it was his turn to break out the school gear that he made the exception......not to mention, this junior backpack is amazing.......it's made well, it's stylish and Brody loves the design......

.....the best part about it is the insulated snack compartment.......it is easily accessible for them and it lightens the load in my purse since he can carry his own snacks and water bottle........

......every mama has to love a product that fosters independence.......

.....Stuck on You has fantastic products that are unique and made to last.....many of their back to school items are on sale and they are also generously offering two readers a $25 gift certificate to use for purchase toward their products........

......good luck and happy back to school shopping.......

a Rafflecopter giveaway

.....two at Holmes school......

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Wed, 27 Aug 2014 03:03:00 +0000

.....the days are long, but the years are flying by.....

.....we certainly felt like that during Elsie's first year of Kindergarten.....she grew so much in that year.....socially, academically, emotionally and certainly physically.....she even looks so much older in the picture of her last day of school.....I remember that day so clearly because it was only 9 weeks ago......and here we are celebrating a week where all of our friends are back to school......the new backpacks, the supplies, the shiny shoes and the butterflies of excitement in the belly......

......Elsa (she has preferred Elsa over Elsie since Frozen was released) has been gung ho and ready for first grade all summer and Callie has been hot and cold about starting elementary school.....

......the first day for Kindergartners is actually an orientation......they tour the school with their new teacher, the parents get to see the classroom and mingle with one another and then we go home and continue on with the routine of summer......we play outside, have some snacks, and play with the neighbors.......life is good......

......so our first morning was really a run through, but for Elsie, it was the real deal.....

.....and Brody asked several times when it will be his turn.....he doesn't like to miss any of the fun......

......we raced to school to meet Elsa when she got off the bus......

.....and she posed for a snapshot, but was determined to go about her own way.......she had friends waiting for her that lead to conversations about bus rides and lunch boxes......

......and with sweaty palms, but a brave face; it was Callie's turn to head into her new classroom and see where she would start her love for learning.....

.....and then her anxiety began about the bus ride......the same bus that she waved to every single day last year......the bus that she was dying to get on with her sister and watched it drive away down our street for 9 months......all of a sudden when it was her turn, she decided, "I am NOT gettin' on that bus tomorrow" the eve before her first full day......

.......we hugged, we talked, we reasoned, we listened.....

.....she sobbed......

.....she woke up this morning and I gave her one of my necklaces.....it is an old necklace, but it is green; my favorite color and it has a big stone in the center......I asked her to hold it and close her eyes anytime she felt scared or lonely and to think about how much she is loved.....

......I fastened it.....she touched it.....she smiled and she slowly started to come around as the morning progressed.....

......she sprinted toward the bus the instant she heard it coming up the street and I had to ask both girls to come back off to give me big hugs and kisses.......

.....she rocked that bus ride......and sister kept such good care of her......I was so proud of Callie for her bravery and Elsie for her compassion and adoration for her sister......the other mamas at school were crying because they missed their babes; running off and beginning a new world of independence......I was holding back the tears because the girls made me so proud.....their sisterhood is such a gift to me and one of my greatest joys has been watching it unfold......I am so happy to see them enjoy this experience together.....of course I miss them and have the fleeting feeling that time with little kids in the house is running low.....but more than the sorrow of that chapter being closed, I am so joyful watching them enjoy this time in their young, little lives......

.....they will have as many memories this school year as they did this past summer.....there are too many to list, but we played and we played hard......

.....we had friends visit from near and far, lots of days of glorious sunshine, swim lessons, beach days, fruit picking, pool days, BBQs, holiday parades, and enough ice cream to start our own parlor......

.....we came 8 short of hitting our summer bucket list to full capacity......Bowling and apple picking will have to be picked up during a chilly fall day in our near future......

......and we will suck the life out of those days, too.......so long summer......from here on out, I will await you with two arms open, waiting to have my oldest little ones back at home when they are all mine again......

......but for this season, we are celebrating structure, excited about learning, anticipating newness and expanding our comfort zones......

.....and it feels so, so good......

......so proud of you Elsa and Callie......

……the me I want to be…...

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Tue, 08 Jul 2014 04:00:00 +0000

…..I share so much about the children on this blog…..after all, this space was intended and designed for them…..certainly, it has been an outlet for me to write and journal life with young children……it has been a creative space for me, a virtual slate of white paper, a journal, an inspiration board to attach all of my favorite pictures of the ones I love……it has also been the place I come to for my mind to be set on grace and blessings…….it allows me to step away from the minutia of the day to day and rise above the life I am living….from the aerial view I am able to see a wider and more splendid picture……it is the place I come to for reflection and gratitude……

…..very rarely have I blogged about anything other than the children and I have toyed around with the idea of posting this essay simply because I want to keep the blog pure of child focus…..but eight months ago today, I had my fourth baby in under 6 years and there have been some really, really hard days……I prayed for a fourth child, I wept for a fourth child and I would have a fifth baby if I was younger…..truly….we are beyond blessed with our family of six, but the months following Mae's birth were emotional…...I did not swing back after Mae was born like I did with the others……

…..if you know our family well or have been reading this blog, you are fully aware that our family likes to get out and experience life emphatically…..so it wasn't surprising that we decided to drive an hour away to pick and chop down our own Christmas tree three weeks after having a baby…..the entire excursion ended up taking several hours since Mae was still eating every 2 hours, the kids needed to be bundled from the gusty wind that day and that we would have to take breaks to change the passengers in the red wagon that I pulled…….all while shielding Mae from the wind, coaching the remaining child on foot who cried the entire time that the walk was too far and they were too cold as Stefan dragged our 6 foot beauty in from the forest……once the tree was tied to the top of the suburban and all 4 babes were warm and full bellied, we laughed at the quest we took on that day…..I definitely remember feeling exhausted, but with that kind of adventure, plus the physical excursion and a newborn; it was to be expected…...

…..Christmas rolled around a few weeks later and my Dad came to visit for two weeks…..his birthday is Dec. 27, so it seemed like a great year for him to spend the holiday with us, meet baby Mae and celebrate his birthday……we visited, we prepped for Christmas, we ate and ate and ate and then celebrated some more…..I still felt exhausted, but that is to be expected with a 6 week old, Christmas plus three other kids running around, right?…….

…..for the record, I may be the only nursing woman on the planet who GAINS weight post baby…..

…..we always do some sort of special feast for New Years……to ring in 2014, our theme was surf and turf…..we dined on crab legs, lobster and filet and it was decadent……my Dad was there to assist Stefan in pulling the meal together because I remember thinking in between the nursing and the other 3 kids, how am I ever going to have time to cook dinner again?…..I ran around with the four kids from mid afternoon until dinnertime and didn't have a second to even throw salt in the boiling water on the stove…..

…..we did make it til midnight, but again I remember feeling so, so, so tired…..

……January called for a special trip to see my Aunt Allison……Mae and I flew to St. Louis and spent the weekend visiting with family…….I got to see an old friend, too but I still did not have any energy……I am half asleep in this picture and it wasn't even dinnertime yet…..plus I only had Mae to take care of……that should have been a slam dunk….

…..Stefan's birthday rolled around late winter and by this time, Mae was only waking up 1-2 times per night…..I can usually handle that kind of schedule for a few months because at least I can plan to get two 4 hour chunks of sleep if I time it right……Stefan wanted to ski for his birthday, so the whole family went to Vermont to grant his wish…..we had a ball….I arranged for a sitter from one of the local churches to come to the hotel room to watch the kids so Stefan and I could ski alone…..I was physically unable to do more than a few hours and I required a lot of rest in between runs…..Mae was 4 months at this point and as much as I had intended on getting to the gym to start to get back into shape, it just hadn't happened…..

…..at Callie's 5th birthday party two of these little girls asked me if there was another baby in my belly….oh boy….

…..so I deleted every picture that showed me from the waist down after those two innocent questions……

……days after Callie's birthday, I was standing in front of our kitchen sink post lunch time……I had been up a few times the night before feeding Mae, stayed in bed as long as Mae would allow me to the next morning, and then slammed some coffee as I was packing lunches and getting the kids ready for school…….I nursed Mae as I got Elsie on the bus, took the other two kids to nursery school, and then drank some more coffee…….I took Mae to a well check, ran into the grocery store for some staples, drank more coffee, nursed the baby again in a parking lot, picked the two nursery school kids up, drove home, made their lunch and then nursed again…..more coffee…..got Mae down for a nap and put the other two in their rooms with books so I could have some quiet time…..

….at the kitchen sink as I was scanning the snow filled front yard, I saw my reflection in our kitchen window……I was inhaling a cake pop and it was 2pm……not eating it…..I was inhaling it, leaning over the sink and jamming the sweet into my mouth furiously because it was the first time I had eaten all day…..it was a pivotal moment for me because in that instant, I knew I had to make a change…..

….sure the exhaustion was from a newborn and three other young children in the house, but it was also because my body was not getting what it needed……I needed to eat clean, I needed to move my body and get my heart rate up, I needed more energy in order to be the best version of myself…..the exhaustion was taking a toll and I was not only the tired one all the time, but I was cranky with my kids and my husband…..I was supposed to be relishing in the fact this would be our last newborn but I was constantly walking around in this lethargic fog snapping at my kids or pouring coffee to make it through the next household or parental chore……I was also carrying around an extra 18 pounds that my body needed to shed…...this wasn't the way I had envisioned it…..

…..I called my friends Kelly and Allison who had been doing Team Beachbody workout programs……they had also been drinking these nutritional and protein filled shakes called Shakeology and raved about the energy it gave them…….it was time for me to put my excuses away……

…….I have a 5 month old who is still waking up 1-3 times per night, I never have time alone to do a workout, I won't respond well to an at home DVD workout program, I need the energy of a gym, I need to be in a fitness class with other people for motivation, I make my own protein shakes, I can get healthy with cutting portions, I can't justify the additional cost to my gym membership, I don't need a program, I don't need to be in any sort of group on Facebook for support and motivation, I am not working out in my basement every day……..no, no, no…..no way……

…..but something had to change…..

……so I pushed the excuses aside this past April, five months after having my fourth baby; and I made the leap…..I committed to drink Shakeology every day and also committed to Focus T25 workouts……T25 is only 25 minutes a day and who can't carve out 25 minutes?……surely I could find less than a half of an hour…..

…..I took my before pictures…..reluctantly and with the expectation that I would never show another soul the photos……I also measured all the parts of me that were about to get movin'…….I couldn't believe the work I had ahead of me…..

…..I wasn't necessarily fat or over weight, but I certainly wasn't in good shape or good health……I was soft and mushy……I was sleep walking most of the time, going through the motions of life…….my family deserved the best of me and I was wasting time not giving them the version of me that I like best……

……I started to push play…..I would truck on down to the basement, bring my water bottle, half dread it, but got it done……and slowly, slowly, slowly I felt like the cloud was lifting……I was cranking out my 25 minutes before the kids woke, so I could run through my day feeling so good that my work out was done…..

…..my energy came back almost instantly after drinking shakeology…..I stopped craving the sugar after my meals…..Stefan brought home a box of chocolates from Germany a few days after I started T25 and my shakes……the old Tracy would have eaten the entire box in a few seatings, munching on the chocolate throughout the day, even as early as breakfast……the Tracy who was in the process of being transformed did not even bat an eye at the chocolate……in fact, the thought of sweets turned my stomach…..instead I was craving fruits, salads, and crisp veggies……

…..with my energy back, I was the old me…..open to adventure, more patient with my family, emotionally available and not in a fog…..

…..my children watch me push play 6 days per week and know I am taking care of my body from the inside out……they love to see me sweat, try to join in if they are awake for my workouts and drink shakeology too…...we have good discussions about health…...they are learning what clean eating is because we are eliminating the stuff that got me in my funk in the first place…….

……the physical transformation has been a bonus…..I can fit in my pre baby clothes again…..when I look in the mirror, I can focus on the changes in my body that I do like instead of the negative talk in my head about the areas of my body that I didn't like……but the best benefit for me has been the change from the inside……the confidence of knowing I am taking good care of myself so I can be the best for the ones I love…...

….shortly after starting T25 and Shakeology, I also made the commitment to be a Team Beachbody coach…..my past career was managing people and building teams with a common goal…..when the products started to change me, close friends and family started to notice change and asked questions…..without much effort, five of my closest friends and family members started drinking shakeology and doing a Beachbody workout program…...they were ecstatic about their results and I got to share their excitement with them.…..not only was my life being transformed, but the lives of others who I love were also being positively impacted too…..weight was coming off, cravings were being diminished, inner lights were shining bright just because we were now a team trying to make good, wise, healthy choices together……It was as if my past career experience had collided with the passion I was feeling about adapting a healthier lifestyle……combing the two not only has helped other people, but it has provided me with something to focus on outside of motherhood……tapping into those past skills has felt really good and it has been a lot of fun…..

….I have taken it day by day, prayed for God's will to be revealed and organically, the team has been growing…..we are The Balderach Babes and lives are changing, people are getting healthy and I am trying to show my children that setting aside excuses and taking responsibility for change is a choice…..

……it is work in progress, but I am getting stronger every day……

……when I make healthy choices, I can truly enjoy my blessings because I am fully present……there is no more fog, there is no more chronic exhaustion, and there is no more hiding behind clothes…...

….I am open for the adventures that have given our family so many fun memories…..I am a better listener, I don't get agitated as easily, I can be more gentle, patient, compassionate and loving because I am treating my body well and fueling it with what it needs…..

…..I want to live a long and healthy life serving my family and seeking God's will……I want to help other people do the same……I want to surround myself with joy seekers, life lovers and people who want to be happy on purpose…..

…..and as a result, these little loves will get the best version of the me I want to be…...

…..if you are someone who has found yourself in a funk and want to live a healthier life, email me at thebalderachs@aol.com…..I would love to help you……

…..the update.....

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Wed, 18 Jun 2014 03:08:00 +0000

…..I am not really sure how so much time goes by in between my blog posts…..we are livin', we are busy, we are chasin' one another down around our house…….and at the end of the night when mama used to sit down to blog; I am opting for sleep instead……but as I have always written in years past, one of the best things about this blog is the fact that I can reflect on my children, my family, my circumstances and humbly become more grateful……this is my place that I come to in order to slow the pace down and reflect……and I love it more each time I come back……

…….here is a conglomeration of my favorite pics over the last few months and a a snippet of who is doing what right now……..

…..Brody...….he's growing…..not just in size, but emotionally……he is needing me less, running off without holding my hand more frequently and at times forgetting to say goodbye when he gets to a friend's house and is off for a play date…….growth is a good thing……we want our children to grow and thrive and we want to see them flourish……we NEED to see them become independent after many long days caring for our young……but it is still bitter sweet…..

……right now he still loves Olaf and the Frozen soundtrack, loves to be with friends of the same sex, is the loudest talker in our home, has boundless energy, dislikes walking into crowded rooms, could eat hummus every meal of the day, enjoys imaginary play with Callie, is ending his love affair with Spiderman and moving on to Batman, loves to discuss lions, sharks and dinosaurs, loves to color, color, color and color some more and strongly detests haircuts……he is quick tempered and can get angry at the drop of a hat…...

…..but he gets over it quickly…..he has a gentle spirit, but also has a fire within that can be channeled to fuel is life's passions…..

…..Callie is on the brink of Kindergarten…...

……she loved her 4s class……she had two amazing teachers and made great friends…..she came home with great adventures under her belt, beautiful art that she created and friendships that were so enjoyable to see flourish this past school year…...

…..she was so proud and excited on graduation day…..my shy little one who thrives in smaller groups and dislikes large crowds shined on her special day…...

…..she was sad to say goodbye, but she is awfully excited to jump on that yellow bus next year with Elsa…...

……right now, she has about 8 stuffed animals surrounding her in bed…..she has a name for each one and spends time throughout her day talking and playing with them……she loves to collect things outside, put them in a bucket and make "potions"; she is still deciding if she wants to be a magician or a scientist since both jobs require potion making……she is affectionate, funny, witty, sensitive and charming…..she loves her scooter, loves art, loves to sing, loves doting on baby Mae and only wears dresses…...

….Elsie now prefers to go by Elsa thanks to Disney's hit movie, Frozen and the star of the movie who happens to share her name…...

…..Elsa has taken joy in losing two teeth over the last few months and spends a lot of time wiggling the remaining teeth to determine which one might be next…….

…..her maturity and growth amazed me this year……she learned how to read over night, writes beautiful and educational stories in her free time, made sweet new friendships, had a few setbacks but learned how to over come them and really enjoyed spending time as a family since it was an adjustment to all of us with her being gone so many hours during the week……

…..our girl is fiercely competitive……she is good at bowling, just finished tennis and golf lessons and is learning how to play the Frozen soundtrack on the piano……Field Day at school last week was right up her ally…….

…..right now Elsa loves to swim, she loves to read and write stories, and she also loves to dote on baby Mae…...she is extremely helpful around the house, loves to imagine, takes her time in everything she does, is a night owl, loves to give big hugs, is a good friend, has become very social, is a helper to all and a curious and inquisitive deep thinker…..

…..I snapped a few photos of my favorite notes that I have collected around the house…..I love to find her writing samples and get a further glimpse into her little stream of consciousness……

….baby Mae is a dream baby…..

….from the first few weeks, she was extremely popular around here and it has only intensified now that she is interacting more with her siblings…..

….i have had her attached to me for 7 months now and have loved every minute of holding her…….this was a terribly cold winter, but it made for great indoor time with our new babe…..

….she has been so patient sleeping on the go, adjusting to the schedules of the other three kids, she's been trucked in and out of the car several times a day and never gives us any grief…...

…..she has been my sweet, little side kick and there isn't one day that has gone by that I haven't prayed a prayer thanking God that she has completed our family…..

……right now she loves to eat solid food, still loves to nurse, loves to be at the dinner table for every meal with her siblings, lights up when any one in the family walks into the room, coos and oohs and laughs whole heartedly……has sparkling blue eyes, two bottom teeth that gave her a lot of pain when they popped out simultaneously, falls asleep anywhere and everywhere if she is tired enough, loves to be held and reinforces to us that she is just as happy to be a part of our family as we are to have her complete it…….

…..school is out tomorrow……summer will officially start and there will be good tales to tell…….adventures to write about pictures to share……and many summer nights that will beckon me to sit, reflect and be thankful…...

…..our Mae this May…….

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Wed, 21 May 2014 02:34:00 +0000

…..spring is in full force…...we still pull the hoodies and sweaters out as the sun starts to set, but there have been a few days that have cranked the heat to a place where we can pretend that summer is here…..this past week we had one of those days and we shared pops and bare feet with new friends…...

….the blooms are all in full force, although a bit later this year since winter lasted so long…….they are a constant reminder of rebirth, newness and a fresh season for me…. ..I have not taken any of the blooms for granted after the amount of snow we endured this past winter……the children love to help add color around the yard, too……being outside as we prep our house for spring has become one of my favorite family activities…...

…..and I found two pics of this same spring preparation from last year….these two pics have been flagged for a year, hoping to find their way on this blog and now their time has finally come……another reminder that with each passing year, my babes are growing up too fast…..too soon…...

…..this spring has been glorious…..our cherry blossom peaked on Easter and we found that fitting…..it is one of the most beautiful trees I have ever laid eyes on and each season brings me to tears when I take the time to stop and savor…..

…...we are carving out time to thoroughly enjoy older friends, too…..when we get together with this family, it is no joke…..the eight children among us are the exact same ages in pairs…..Elsa and Elle, Callie and Jack, Brody and Brady and Mae and Grace……in fact, Michele and I stayed at Stamford Hospital together when the baby girls were born, just 23 hours apart…….we didn't think there was anyone else in Darien as crazy as our household, but we have met our match……..all of the kids have become fast friends and I know we have many years in store sharing good times together…...

…..my Mother's Day gift has had our family talking about summer bike rides……Daddy needs a bike and Mae needs a tow, but once those two are taken care of, we'll be good to go…...

…..Stefan pulled off the training wheels this past Sunday and within minutes of each other, both girls were riding down our street…….Callie, more daring and reckless; Elsie more careful and obedient to the rules of the road……both very proud of their accomplishments…….

…..the highlight of our spring this year, however; was our sweet Mae being baptized on May 18, 2014……

…..she was in one of her usual pleasant moods the morning of the service and smiled all morning, as if she knew this was her special day…...

…….the service was beautiful and Pastor Sam prayed three virtues over her during the ceremony…..…..He prayed for salvation, faithfulness and biblical self esteem……we picked these three virtues out of a list that made it almost impossible to narrow it down, but in the end; these are the ones we want most for her…..

….and during the service, as she happily went to our pastor to have water sprinkled on her head, Pastor Sam even commented to the congregation that he might just keep Mae because she is such a peaceful baby……and she is…..she is full of joy and peace with gleaming blue eyes that melt you, lashes that flutter when she laughs and a smile where you know this child is truly one of contentment…...

…..I constantly reflect at how this little soul has taught us faithfulness, compassion, trust and love since the time of her conception…….she has filled the empty chair at our table and now the party is complete…..

…….every single one of us is smitten…...

….happy day, happy Mae……

…..savoring…..

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Wed, 07 May 2014 03:30:00 +0000

…..hello beloved blog…..

…..we have not even been home from a week at Disney World for 48 hours…..I am still swimming in laundry made by 6 people and tripping over suitcases…….usually, this type of unorderly chaos would stress me out, but I am full of gratitude and peace tonight……

…..there are a lot of sad stories out there right now…….friends who have babies in jeopardy, missing children, and babes who have had horrible accidents……I have held my children close to me the past two days……we have skipped chores to watch videos of Brody when he was a baby, Stefan and I have cooked good meals when we don't have time this week to really be in the kitchen, I have neglected paying bills to sit with Elsie on the piano and it has been lovely to be free of the anxiety of having an orderly home….I am working on the balance of it all and it isn't a straight line progression, but I am making progress…...

……Mae and I went to NYC yesterday for a few hours to visit with Judith, one of the most godly women I know…….she is here visiting from Australia and last time she was here, I was days away from delivering Mae……our visit filled my love cup, as Judith is one of the women in my life I look up to the most……her face radiates joy and grace and I love her dearly…..

…..today I spent three hours with Callie on her field trip…….it meant so much to her to have me there……I knew this by the way she looked at me, the way she held my hand and the way her eyes welled up with relief when I was the last one to board the bus……"I was so scared you were going to miss the bus, mama. I am so glad you made it……"

…..I wiped one little tear that fell through her smile….. today I was exactly where I needed to be…….not folding laundry, not paying bills, not unloading suitcases…...

…..in times when I am feeling overwhelmed, the best thing for me is to leave the markers of stress and spend time with the ones I love……it cures me every time…..

…..Callie and Stefan are already in dreamland in our bed and I don't want to miss out…..

……grateful. aware. savoring…...

….he's three…...

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Sat, 12 Apr 2014 02:11:00 +0000

…..the house played hookie for Brody's 3rd birthday…….granted, Elsie was off anyway, but by 7:30 AM I was emailing Callie's teachers letting them know we had some important business ahead of us……

…..cinnamon rolls and candles……

……chillin' out and celebrating our special boy…….

…..so he spent his morning with the ladies of the house and we showed him a good time…...

…..I watched him sleep on the eve of his birthday, just as I do every year with all of my babes……I reflect, I think, I plan and I pray……I have enjoyed everything about boys and the one I have been given is exceptionally special…….

…..If I could bottle up his voice, I would so I could hear the way he calls me Mommy……or the way he says he is sorry and genuinely means it or the way he blurts out his I love yous……..

……if I could freeze this season in our lives when he needs me so desperately I would remember in 50 years how he wants me to kiss any boo boo he has in the exact spot it hurts and the instant my lips brush his skin, he stops crying and thanks me with his sweet smile……

…..this season of life with you, Brody is so joyful…….your eyes have just changed from bright blue to green and you show me every day that your eyes are the same color as mine…….quickly charging toward me and peering so closely at my pupil to show me your new color…...we butterfly kiss with our lashes and then you laugh so hard as you fall into the crevice of my neck giggling and squirming like a typical toddler…….and I stop what I am doing to hold you for a lingering moment because I am too well aware that in this next year of your life you will gain independence and I will lose some of these precious moments that I cherish so deeply…….

…..in this season of life you love Spiderman…..we have collected things over the last 6 months for you and have been so excited to energize your passion for this super hero…..

…..you are our loudest talker, our perfectionist, our emotional and passionate force…..you love to draw and color, love your teachers and love the color blue……you do not like a crowded room or a new social scene, but you quickly warm up and then you are gone to go be busy…..you love the girls of the house, but the instant you see a boy to play with, we are all racing after you sprinting to be with your own breed……you love scooby doo, love books and puzzles, love trucks, tractors and things that move…..you could spend hours in Daddy's car pretending to drive..…..you love to choose your outfit, love a shoe that lights up and you love to talk on the phone…..

……Daddy is your best bud, but in the slivers of family time when you choose me to be your one and only, I will drop anything to be by your side……

……Happy birthday, love bug……

……you are my best boy and I love being your mama……

….uninspired and make up Monday…..

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Tue, 25 Mar 2014 01:54:00 +0000

…..this blog has brought me so much joy over the last four years……in fact, this blog will turn four in two days and I can distinctly remember clicking submit for the first post……I remember what I wrote, where I was sitting in our NYC apartment when I typed the essay and the feeling of exhilaration staring at the blank slate of virtual paper…..for me, the birth of the blog was a place to capture the beauty in the every day and provide snapshots for the future me to reflect and remember…..

…..I love to write….and I love to take pictures…..both are therapeutic for me and both help me gain new perspectives…..they are both like new lenses where I can see my life with a fresh set of eyes…..this blog has taught me things about motherhood that I have wanted to change about myself and it has also validated my role in this season of life when I have needed it most…..

….since Mae has arrived, I have blogged a mere five times……granted, I took 10 weeks off and unplugged from everything……including my responsibilities of the household, as we learned one February day that we (or I should say me); forgot to renew our homeowners insurance that had expired the week Mae was born……oops……but I have had a hard time squeezing in anything for me…..not a lot of work outs, not much time for catching up with friends, and this blog has certainly suffered; as I have been too tired to write or take pictures for that matter…..

….I love the buzz of our household and thoroughly enjoy being tied up with my family…..Stefan and I had many long conversations about the demand that four children would have on our lives…….I expected life to have me spinning in many directions managing a household of six; however one of my goals has always been to preserve my personal identity so I can thrive as my own, too……..and not just in the role as mama…..aiming for this goal, as many women do, makes me a better wife, better friend, better caregiver, better me, better everything…..

…..I am meeting with a life coach tomorrow…...not because I feel that there is anything wrong, but because I know with some intervention and godly advice, I can be better balanced……there can be time to give to my family, but also time for me to thrive and grow too…..

……recently, I have seriously contemplated shutting this blog down…..I have always maintained that if I can't give something my all, I just won't half ass it…..excuse my french……and when I think of the many important events I still have to enter into this space (Mae's milestones, Elsie's birthday, Christmas, etc) it has been more of a mental block and has deterred me from getting started……presently, when I think about this blog, there isn't any joy and it feels more like a chore…..so I avoid it, procrastinate and feel my blood pressure rise when I see there are 199 pictures I have flagged to eventually be posted…...but as I have been preparing for my appointment tomorrow, I scratched that idea of ending this blog…..I love this place……always have, always will……I just need to alter my mind set and arrive ready to give and take a small piece of life so we can both gain from one another…..

….so instead of spending hours recapping the past four months of photos and memories I want to share, and more importantly, moments I want my family to have from the early days of Mae's arrival; I am going to use Monday as a make up day from days past……and slowly, I think reflecting on those days will enable me to be inspired again…...to find joy in this blog and to look forward to my quiet time with this computer screen……

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

…..my oldest baby turned 6 two and a half weeks after Mae was born…..luckily, the even birthdays fall on a "no party" year, so I did not have the pressure of throwing a bash at my house or planning one anywhere else for that matter……

……I met Elsie in her school cafeteria so we could have lunch together……I was able to meet her new friends, watch her interact with other students and then she had her glory in front of her class…….she beamed as they sang to her, positioned her birthday crown just right on top of her head, read a book to the class and then presented her "All about Me" poster, leaving no detailed uncovered…...

…..her chosen date with mama and Daddy was Disney on Ice which was running in Brooklyn…...so Stefan and I packed the car with our oldest and our youngest and made an appearance back in NYC……sleep deprived and baby on the boob, yes; but we made Elsie feel like a celebrity…...

…..Mimi held the fort down with the other two and was still surviving well enough upon our return to help us arrange the crew for our Christmas card picture when we got home…..

…..we didn't use any pictures we took that day for our card, but we did capture some sweet moments trying…...

…..and a birthday isn't complete without pampering, so we indulged and made it a girls trip…….

…..and during the month of November, I can't get within 100 feet of a Starbucks and resist the pumpkin spice latte…...I think I told Elsie that every birthday girl also needed a cup of hot chocolate……it was an easy sell…...

……parties are festive and loud around here…...and we consume an insane amount of cake…...

…..and when it is all said and done, I am thrilled the celebration was fabulous; but am so relieved I have another year to prepare for the next one…..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

…..my favorite shots from our present here and now……

…..Brody is completely into his sister lately and she fancies him too…...

….looking for his pot of gold…..

…..skating sisters on the first warmish day of spring this past weekend…...

…..I am almost inspired enough to strap some skates on too…….

…..almost…..

…..my Callie girl is five…...

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Wed, 26 Feb 2014 19:36:00 +0000

…..the five year birthday is a sappy one for me……it is the transformation year of my child leaving my side and venturing into new turf filled with independence and thrilling new adventures……in another five years, my child will be brinking on tweendom…….it is the marker year of knowing there will be more time spent away from our home than in our home……bus rides, new friends and kindergarten are in the not so distant future and the days of filling the lazy morning or afternoon hours feel very, very far away……

…..today, my second born is five…..

….my runt of the bunch……

…the one who came out screaming and howling…..no one had ever heard a 6 pound, 4 oz baby make such a grand entrance…..

….from the beginning you demanded an audience and I don't see that part of you changing anytime soon…..

…..Callie, your love for life is contagious…...you stop others in their tracks, bringing smiles and forcing us to just be in the moment with you…...

….today we spent a good part of the afternoon together where I was all yours and you were all mine…..I watched you in awe and am so thankful for the joy and beauty you have added to our family…...

….you are a joy seeker, a thrill rider, a compassionate lover of animals, people, food and fun…..you are dainty, but tough and you are bold, but sometimes shy…...

….you love chocolate, fresh flowers, all things pretty, and you are the girl who stuffed animals were made for…..each of your furry friends has a name and you ensure each one has your undivided attention for at least a few minutes a day……

….you sing, you dance, and you twirl…..

….this too, you have done from the start…..

…..thank you for being you….

…..my blue eyed, kind hearted, God loving, thumb sucking little one…..

…..there is no one like you…..

…..Happy 5th birthday……you are loved beyond measure…..

…..our final birth- welcoming Mae Elizabeth…...

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Sat, 08 Feb 2014 04:37:00 +0000

….when Stefan and I were dating, he would ask me how many kids I wanted and I would always say four…..I didn't really think I wanted four, but it seemed like a good number to throw out; just so I could set the bar high…..just in case he only wanted two and I wanted three, it would seem like a compromise…...honestly, I just wanted to take it one baby at a time and after the first, I was hooked on this mommy role…..but I never thought we would actually go for the fourth baby…..

…..we made it to three, we had our first son and we gave away a lot of baby gear and clothes…..we didn't purge everything, but we purged most of it….and for at least a year, we felt complete..…..

…..it wasn't until we decided to move to the burbs that my baby thoughts began…..we would be looking for houses with our broker and I immediately would rule out a house if it didn't have room for six of us…..I began thinking about what kind of car would hold four children, plus a friend or two for carpooling…..I started to notice families with four when we were out and would stare at them, soaking in the dynamic and the behaviors of the children……I mentioned my new baby fondness to Stefan and I don't think he actually realized I was serious until the third time within a month when I brought it up…..

…...when he did realize I was serious, he turned white and just stared at me…..speechless…...

…..there were many, many discussions for several months on this topic……some light and airy, some heated and emotional, some logistical and practical……I always left those conversations with some hope that Stefan would get on board, but I also knew if he did not fully embrace the idea, it would not happen…..

….when we moved into our new house, I told Stefan someone was missing…..the thoughts of this other child were all consuming and it was to a point that if I wanted to keep my marriage in tact and healthy, I needed to drop the subject……and so I did…..and in that time I prayed and prayed and prayed some more……I changed my prayer from asking for a baby to asking that either my heart or Stefan's heart would change…..and so I sat quiet for months and waited to see how my prayers would be answered….

…..New Years Day 2013, Stefan made mimosas to accompany a huge breakfast spread that I prepared that morning……the kids were in their new basement playing, the fire was roaring and it was just the two of us after a hectic and joyful filled week celebrating Christmas…..he raised his glass for a toast to the new year and among many sweet and kind words he spoke that morning, he also attributed 2013 to the beginning of trying to add on to our family……it was a moment that I will never forget and one that brings tears to my eyes when I think of his words, their meaning and the way he looked at me while he was sharing his ideas and expectations for the year ahead…..he was sincere, he was well thought out and he had gotten himself to a place where he really wanted another baby……

….and so we did what we have done well three times before…...and the story of Mae Elizabeth was born….

….in all fairness, there was discussion about adding to our family with every pregnancy….and with each new child, the discussions became longer and more deliberate because there are more things to consider as our family grows…..adding four to the mix is an outrageous number to many, but when it came down to it; Stefan and I both have had dreams of a big family table filled with messy love, laughter and chaos…...

….I was sick for the first four months until one day I woke and the fog had cleared and the excitement of our last baby could truly be appreciated…...

….I knew that Mae was going to be one of my smaller babies…...after carrying Brody, who arrived at a healthy 8 pounds, 3 ozs; I knew Mae was going to be dainty by the way I carried…..sure, my bones ached as the pregnancy progressed, but it was definitely my age in this pregnancy and not because I was carrying a full sized turkey..….I assured Callie that she would most likely remain the "runt" of our bunch; a term that she boasts proudly after joining this world at a small 6.4 oz…...we do call her our runt with as much adoration and love as one can muster and she cherishes the role……it would be close, but I was estimating that Mae would probably be not much more than seven pounds…..

….after my Mom had arrived the night before Halloween, we did a lot of walking, enjoyed the gorgeous hues of our CT fall scenery and waited to see if the exertion induced any labor…..I definitely started to drop and knew that we were not far away from meeting our tiny blessing….two nights before my actual due date of November 8, I was tossing and turning hours after I had gone to sleep….Stefan's snoring was extra boisterous that night and in almost 10 years of marriage, I have never asked him to leave our bed due to his extravagant bedtime snores….something inside me knew I needed rest and so I leaned over and nudged him as lovingly as I could muster, and asked him to hit the road….three hours later, I woke up to contractions and knew that my power nap was a necessity to pull me through the hours to come……

….I labored at home for two and half hours, but could tell that things were progressing quickly; so we packed up our bags, kissed Mom good bye, whispered in the ears of our three sleeping children and we were off….but not before I could take my last selfie, flaunting would would be the last bump picture in the history of my own journey in child bearing…..

…….peace out bump…..

….game on…...

….I was already dilated to a six upon arrival and after birthing both girls without drugs and then trying the epidural at Brody's birth, Stefan and I opted for the epidural once again…..there are benefits to birthing each way, but Brody's birth was so calm compared to the other two and the ease of having less pain and more serenity as we welcomed our last child was how we decided we wanted to meet Mae…..

….the epidural slowed things down a bit and gave us time to enjoy the morning and savor the anticipation of the birth…..three hours after arriving at the hospital, it was time to push and I distinctly remember scanning the room…..Stefan's jaw was clenched, as it has each time I have been in labor…..his hand holds mine so tightly and I can see all of the worry and concern as he waits to make sure that all goes well with momma and baby…..the lights go on in the little bassinet that will hold our newborn in a few moments…..I repeat for the bazillionth time to the staff that I want my baby immediately…..no heat lamp, please…..the nurses give me reassuring smiles, the doctor excuses himself to dress in scrubs and I close my eyes for a few seconds to say my final prayer as a momma to be….

….and with only three pushes, she arrived…..full of red and pink color and the sticky film she had been swimming in for months……they handed her right to us, just as we wanted and and we soaked in the first few minutes of it being just three of us……..just like we had done three times before, adoring our new little baby; skin to skin, heartbeat to heartbeat…..our tears washed her head as we reveled in the joy that our family was finally complete…..

….Mae Elizabeth Balderach joined us on November 7, 2013…..

…6 pounds, 11 ozs…..

….born at 8:56 am……

…..and she reserved the runt status to remain with her big sister…..

….Callie would be over the moon…..

….there were a lot of tears from me that morning….the story leading up to her finally being here with us had me overcome with gratefulness and humility…..the Lord had given this child to us…..the one we prayed for, the one we yearned for and the baby that taught us a lot about faith…..

….there is more to the story on our faith journey with sweet Mae, but some things are saved for private thoughts and discussions apart from this blog…..God is good and He shows us His mercy in His own way, in His own timing…..

…..when Brody was born, the girls were 2 and 3…..sure, they were interested, but they also lost their zest about having a baby in the house very quickly…..

……this time at ages 2,4 and 5, there was a lot of excitement…..and at the three month mark, our girls are the ones who are especially still smitten…..but the night of her birth, all three kids were on fire and ready to celebrate their baby sister…..

….I could hear the entourage 50 feet down the hallway as they approached my room to meet Mae for the first time…..the running foot steps, Stefan and my Mom asking them to slow down…..please stop running…….please stop yelling……and they all barged in like a freight train demanding to touch her, hold her and stare at her……

….it was just as I had imagined…..

…..Brody went first, picked at her eyes, laughed at her small wiggles and whimpers and within 90 seconds, he was done…...

…..Callie was next…..and as our only child who adores and pampers baby dolls, I knew this moment wold be very special to her……she has an sweet nature toward babies and animals and shows her love through affection……if it were up to Callie, she would have slept right next to me my entire stay at the hospital so she could hold Mae……her eagerness to have a little sister was a joy to witness throughout my pregnancy and her adoration with those she loves is precious…..

….this was second nature to the biggest sister…..Elsie clearly remembers meeting Brody and loves her role of being the oldest…..she does such a great job vocalizing her thoughts and spent her first moments with Mae telling her how excited she was to meet her and how long our family had waited for her to arrive….I wish I could bottle up Elsie's little voice and the kind and compassionate tone she uses with everyone…..

….while Brody played with the toys that Daddy packed, the girls took turns hopping back on my bed to dote on their little sister…...

….and it never gets old for the grandmommas, either…..we have been so lucky to have both of our moms experience the first few days and weeks with all of our babies…..not a birth has gone by when I haven't taken note several times on how lucky and privileged we are to have mommas who actively help and support us as our family has grown…..

….and this one was special because we all knew that this was the last….

….our new party of six….

…..Stefan made it a point to spend as much time with me and Mae at the hospital as he could…..we wanted to take advantage that Mom was here and we also knew we only had two days in the hospital before the baby nurses were gone and the quiet moments would be replaced with sheer craziness from three other children who would be vying for the baby and attention from us…..

…..Stefan brought great meals to my room, spent long periods of time doting on Mae and enjoyed the rare moments of having me and Mae to himself……it was almost as if we were on vacation…...

…..but before we knew it, the freight train had come back to take us home…..

….our ride was full and we were headed home to settle….

….I find it appropriate that on Mae's three month mark, I finally have published her story because we are all just coming off the roller coaster the last 12 weeks has been…..Mae's birth, Thanksgiving, Elsie's 6th birthday, preparations for Christmas, family visits, Christmas Day, potty training Brody and a new year…..all while settling, adjusting and trying to get into a new groove……

….the three month mark is always the one where I take a deep breath and think, how did I just get through that period?…..the first three months, at least for me, are the most precious, delicate, joy filled, and exhausting as a new mother…..and I would do them over and over and over with each baby because I love staring at the newness of my child…..I love exploring their newborn features…..I love to pray over them, bless them, sing to them and hold them…..time stands still and it feels so good…...

….Mae, your life has marked a new meaning of faith for us….you were born into a party and have joined it with your gorgeous smile and your blue eyes that sparkle…..you are adored, cherished and loved immensely by five of us and we constantly shower you with affection…..I know you know how much you are loved and that fills me with so much happiness that I could burst…..if the next 3 months are anything like the first three, we are in for another wild ride…..although, we will be more rested for this next set because you have already given us the gift of more sleep than we should have at this point…..

…..I still pray for you every night, just I like I did when we were deliberating four babes and just as I did when you were being woven together within me…..and you have made me the most grateful version of me I could possible be……

……Mae, you have made our family connect and grow in a beautiful way…..I can not wait to see how you continue to weave yourself into our lives in the years to come……it will undoubtedly be precious, just as you are to us…..

….we love you…...

….a ghost, a witch, a skeleton and the bump…...

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 03:31:00 +0000

……my sweet baby girl turns three months in three days; so it is only appropriate that I publish her birth story so that it is archived in this blog for her to reflect on some day in her future……

…..but before I can post about the day our family changed on November 7, 2013; I have to publish the week before she was born……my Halloween post was half complete when I went into labor, so with a few major changes to wording we will have Halloween in February……

…..my Mom arrived the day before Halloween and she quickly picked up and helped in the areas that I was too tired to tend to in my very pregnant state of mind……like carving our jack o lantern on the eve of Halloween……

….I had meant to get to it sooner, but just never could muster the energy…….so she and Stefan pulled through and I supervised…...

…..I was actually very excited to take the kids trick or treating because I had grand plans that I would walk the baby out…..my children thought they might spook the baby out considering we had a ghost, a witch and a skeleton under one roof…...

…..we added some more friends to the mix and we hit the neighborhood for our first traditional suburban Halloween…….

….Mom stayed back to tend to our front door and I walked and walked and walked and walked…..since my Mom was finally here, there weren't anymore worries about the children…..where would they go if labor began in the middle of the night?……who would take them to school, pack their snacks and help Brody if he had a tough day at nursery school?….there wasn't reason to fret anymore, so surely this mental state of relief would help initiate labor so we could meet our sweet bundle……

…..Halloween day had me hopeful…...

….and three days later when we ditched our rotting jack o lantern, I was not so hopeful……

…..the rest is history…..

…..now we know that Mae came 7 days post Halloween and added more color and more joy to the gorgeous fall we had this year…...

…..and now I can tell the story of Mae……

….stay tuned….

…..silver lining…...

noreply@blogger.com (Tracy Balderach) — Mon, 20 Jan 2014 20:27:00 +0000

…..Friday night there was electricity in my house…..Stefan lives for skiing in the winter……he absolutely loves it and everything that accompanies the event……he loves the lodge, the sound of fresh powder, the chair lifts, the gear and the first cold beer at the base of a mountain after a day of runs……he doesn't even mind the wet boots and numb fingers on the really cold days…….

…...since our dating days, he has always talked about teaching his children how to ski and how much he looked forward to family trips to the mountain……this Florida girl quickly changed the subject when it would arise every so often; as I did not like to ski, had only tried it a few times and would much rather prefer a hot day at the beach over a cold mountain…..however, I quickly realized early in our relationship that if the two of us were going to go anywhere; I had better learn to at least tolerate the mountain…..

…..so we headed to Colorado with a bunch of friends many years ago and Stefan taught me how to ski……it took my falling from a ski lift 6 feet above ground, several tumbles and rolls and numb limbs to learn how to navigate down a bunny slope, but I gave it my all……and I passed the test as to whether or not I could like it enough to fulfill his dreams of being a ski vacation type family……

…..fast forward 12 years, a move to the northeast (where there is skiing available to us) and 4 kids later……when Stefan declares he wants to do a family ski trip for the weekend, I give it my best effort because it means so much to him…..I don't complain when I pack long johns, snow bibs, hats, gloves, goggles, ski helmets, special socks, water proof liners and changes of dry clothes for four children to wear (and yes, Mae has the same water proof ski suit that Elsie and Callie wore as babies)..…..I don't get frustrated when the kids can't put their boots on by themselves or when they ask to use the bathroom just after we have already geared up and have to take it all off so they can put two drops in the toilet……

…..no, I keep the mood light, even joyful and pretend like this effort isn't a complete hassle…..I resist the urge to think of how flip flops and beach cover ups are so much easier and I do all of this because of the pure passion my husband has to take family ski trips like he has always dreamed of doing…..and because skiing has actually grown on me over the years, I now understand and get it…..it truly is a great way to have a fun activity to do as a family and I am always down with fun….heavy, wet, cold snow boots and all…...

….so Friday night arrived and after a group outing to the ski rental shop to have all of us sized and fitted, we picked up pizza for the kids, opened some vino, cranked the music and began packing…..everyone was ramped up for our Saturday hour and a half road trip…..we hit the sheets early so that we would all be rested for the next morning…..it was only 35 minutes into my slumber when Elsie sprinted into our room to scream that Callie was throw'in up everywhere……

….my heart dropped….

…..we are quickly learning that with 4 children, we have to keep things flexible…..so without much hesitation, Stefan and I decided that he would take Elsie for a day trip and that I would stay back with my sick girl…..

…..the BRAT diet tastes better on a big red tray eaten on the sick bed that used to be our family couch…..

….part of the resolution of being a flexible, make quick decisions on the fly type of family when things don't go as planned, is also the vow to find the silver lining in all things…..Elsie has been, oh how shall I say this?……sassy lately……call it Kindergarten or a new baby or the new and exciting age of being 6 years old, but we have struggled with the way of speaking to each other in our house…..here is an example of a note that was handed to me a few weeks ago after I calmly announced that I would be happy to start dinner once the girls began to clean up the playroom after a play date…...

…..this one made me turn away to chuckle, but we are focusing on the fruits of the spirit around here…..

…..our spontaneous decision for Stefan and Elsie to still press on reaped many benefits…..Stefan could fill Elsie's little love tank and practice showing her gentleness, kindness and goodness…..we have learned that focusing on the inside of our little ones who act out has proven to fix the outward behavior……and the selfie photos Stefan took from their day alone make my heart do somersaults…..

…..I was able to stay in my pjs all day and love on my littlest ones…..I had quiet feedings with Mae, loved on Callie, built Lego creations with Brody and caught up on all kinds of house projects that I haven't had the chance to begin……not to mention, I was able to sterilize every bathroom and bed sheet in the house to protect the rest of us from catching her bug……it was actually the most lovely day we could have had in lieu of spending a family day on the mountain…...

…..and the wonderful thing about long weekends is that we get an extra day….so we told the kids we would rain check the ski day until Monday morning…..the snow would be better on Monday anyway…..

…..and that was the plan, until we had to exert our flexibility once again…..

……BRAT diet take two…...

….so Stefan and both girls headed back to the mountain just over an hour away and I got another quiet day at home to spend with Brody and Mae…..

…..not only does applesauce and banana taste better on a red tray, but add a tent to the mix and being sick is actually a little exciting…..

…..being away from today's ski day may make me a bit more fond of it than I even was on Friday…..it's funny how the things we like and dislike as individuals can be so greatly influenced by the people we love….we see new sides to things, look at life from different lenses and practice empathy….

…..silver lining, baby….it's all around us….

…..my girls are turning into little snow bunnies who can actually whirl down a mountain in semi control…..and I can actually picture the proud smile on Stefan as he watches his two oldest grow as fond of the mountain as he has been for years…..

….I am hoping the virus stops with Brody, but if it doesn't; we'll be OK…..

…..here's to a healthy week of enjoying the small things…...

…..and for making changes from the inside out…..

….not exactly the note I had in mind, but we'll roll with the goodness of her gesture…..