It’s that time of the year when parents of pre-school kids to start thinking about the end of the school year and the decisions they need to make about pre-K or Kindergarten. Many questions come to mind: Will my child be ready to start in a classroom with a different routine? Is she learning everything she needs for Kindergarten readiness? Should I hold him back a year and wait for him to mature some more?

Many parents worry about their child’s first day in kindergarten, because they are concerned that the child might feel scared or lost, or that learning to get along with a group of new children might be overwhelming. Most children do just fine and are excited about entering into this new phase of their learning!

Here are 3 simple ideas to help you prepare for the transition:

1. Be Sensitive. Validate your child’s fears and reassure him or her. Point out how he or she has succeeded in new challenges in the past, and will be fine with this challenge too. Point out that you, too, have felt nervous about starting something new, such as a new job. Give specific examples when your child might have felt jitters before and how they handled it well, such as performing in a dance recital or ballgame.
2. Stay Positive. Keeping the topic of school positive and exciting is important. Don’t let your own emotions influence your child’s feelings about starting school.
3. Adjust Schedules Early. Don’t wait until the day before school starts to give your child an earlier bedtime or wake up call. If your child knows the routine of what is expected on a school morning in advance, it definitely will make school mornings less stressful.

It is also very helpful to meet his teacher before school starts and to walk the halls of his new school in mid-August . It will make both of you more comfortable and off to a great start!!!

Like every other parent, my schedule is filled with work, kids’ activities, homework, and just the general everyday duties of managing a household like meal planning, grocery shopping, housecleaning, and laundry.  So I am always on the hunt for a new way to save time and simplify my life with these things, so that I have more time for the fun stuff.  One tool that I have been trying out lately is the online shopping service, Alice. Named after the happy maid on The Brady Bunch (because we all need an Alice), Alice.com is an online shopping service that lets you buy all the household essentials online and eliminate shopping trips from your schedule.

Things I love about Alice

Automatically Clips Coupons – I have never been able to get into the habit of clipping coupons.  It has always been something I knew I should try and do, but just never managed to find the time or energy to do.  Now with Alice, I don’t have to because they automatically apply any manufacturer coupons available to your order.

Free Shipping – The free shipping not only makes me feel good about saving money, but makes me feel a lot less guilty about using a service like Alice.

Fun Packaging - Everything arrives is a beautiful blue box!  This is probably more of a testament of my boring life, but the girls and I really got excited over opening the bright blue box even if it only contained laundry detergent, toilet paper, and soap.

Less Impulse Buys - Target has mastered the art of getting customers to make impulse buys and I can NEVER get out of that store without at least one item that was never on my list.  With Alice, I find it much easier to just quickly add the things to my cart that I need and don’t feel the temptation to browse around for things I don’t need.

Saved Shopping Lists – Alice saves your regular items on your shelf so that when you need to reorder, there is no hunting, remembering, or searching for the regular items you buy.

Things I Don’t Like about Alice

Need to Plan in Advance – Because Alice is only online, if you run out of shampoo or cat food Alice can’t get it to you right away. Typical shipping times are 1 – 6 business days, so you need to come up with a good system of keeping track of what you need and make sure you have enough on hand in case you run out.

Smaller Product Line – Alice doesn’t carry everything I would typically buy at my local Target for instance cat litter and Gold Fish Crackers.  I have to now buy these things at my grocery store which often charges a higher price than my local Target. The upside though is that they are adding new items all the time and there is an easy way to let Alice know what favorite items you want added.

Prices Less Competitive – When I compared prices of the items I bought on Alice to the same items at my local Target (where I normally shop for these items), I found Alice to be more expensive (before coupons) on most items.  On some items like deodorant, I found Alice to be less expensive, but on other items like cat food and granola bars, I found Alice to be more expensive. This may not be the case if you live in a higher cost of living area than I do, so at least take a look for yourself and compare the prices on Alice to your local store.

So to sum this up, I highly recommend you at least give Alice a try.   It costs nothing to set up an account and with the free shipping, giving Alice a try is even more affordable. You can learn more about them at their website, on Facebook, or on Twitter.

Good luck!

No one said parenting was easy. Today more people are realizing that parenting is so much more than providing food, clothing, shelter and a decent education. We want to give our children the best chance to grow up healthy, strong and safe. We may have different approaches to achieving these goals: different techniques, values or priorities. One thing I find consistent across cultural differences is parents’ need for support from peers as they walk this crazy journey called parenting!

Research shows healthy and supportive relationships reduce stress and improve your overall health & sense of well-being (How to Create Truly Supportive Friend­ships-Make the Most of Your Social Circle-By Elizabeth Scott, M.S). This is especially important for parents! I have been blessed to belong to a play­group of moms who have been meeting since our daughter was 9 months old. We have shared the raising of our children, the challenges of motherhood and partnerships and we have been there for the fun times and the ones that have truly challenged us deeply.

The rise of internet communities has helped bridge the distance and unite people of similar interests from coast to coast. One thing that I continue to see, however, is the sense of isolation and despair that many moms still feel, wondering in secret if their child’s behavior and development is normal without anyone with whom to check ideas and concerns.

Cultivating a circle of truly supportive peers can make a huge dif­ference in how you handle the inevitable stress that comes with the job of raising our children. I know that being able to hear from my friends who have children the same age as our daughter was crucial. Learning about their own struggles on anything from get­ting their kids to eat their vegetables to figuring out how to deal with back talk has saved my sanity and soothed my wildest concerns, when I feared I was possibly raising some juvenile delinquent!

There are so many great places to start looking for your support network in your local area: MOPS groups, story time at the local library, Mommy and Me classes, Co-op Preschools, Gymboree classes, www.meetup.com and even the local park. I invite you to consider finding your own “tribe”: the journey is a lot more fun when you have others to share it with!

Planning is important. You already know that, but sometime snow happens, literally. The heavy snow many have experienced over the last couple weeks have caused problems. We have great plans, but for many different reasons, our plans fall apart. Maybe the kids did not have school and you did not have back up day-care, you could not make it to the store, were late for work or had to shovel all weekend. Whatever the reason, heavy snow is likely to cause unexpected changes to our plans.

Don’t despair! Keep the following tips in mind to help you regroup and continue making forward progress.

Kids can help…

…Shovel

Even if your kids are young, get them involved in the shoveling by buying a shovel their size and taking them outside with you. At first it might not seem like much help if they end up playing more than shoveling. Just remember, you will be teaching them responsibility, getting them exercise and maybe getting a little bit of help. As they grow older, you can delegate more of the job directly to them.

…Make Dinner

Use the snow day as a way to get your kids more involved in making dinner. In the morning, hand them some cookbooks to select the night’s menu. During lunch, make the preparation plan and decide if you need to make a grocery store run. Of course When dinner-time arrives, get the kids involved and start cooking!

Prioritize

So you arrived a work late because you had to find alternate day care arrangements and the roads were terrible. You probably have a great planner from Families With Purpose and planned your day yesterday. Now, you don’t feel like you can get it all done with a shortened work day. Look at your to do list and pick your highest priority task. Delay everything else until tomorrow when you have time to regroup and focus on the highest priority - you might make more progress than you think!

Get Organized

If you haven’t had time to make a plan to attack your clutter, today will be the perfect day. Make your plan and start working it today. Getting the kids involved can have the same benefits I mentioned in the shoveling example. The earlier you start, the easier this will be as they get older.

Have Fun

Sometimes we need to relish in the idea of a snow day. It can be a built-in reason to have fun and let all of our other responsibilities slide! There is a reason that kids love them so much (even more than weekends!). Make it your mission to discover what makes it so fun. You will make some great memories with your kids!

No matter what your challenge when your plans get interrupted, take a deep breath and give yourself a chance to re-group. You just might enjoy yourself!

Ever met one of those moms who seems like they have it all together, isn’t questioning her every move and decision and knows what’s for dinner? She is often the mom who’s children aren’t embarrassing her at the grocery store (well, at least most of the time!) she is wearing jeans and a t-shirt when she drops her children off at preschool rather than sweats and last night’s dinner on her t-shirt and has a positive outlook. Is she unrealistic? I don’t think so; in fact I know she is a reality for every mom out there! You can awaken the “Confident Mom” inside you too.

Let me share with you just a few traits that I feel are in every mom and sometimes they just need to be brought out and nurtured. I have a true belief that all moms have what it takes to be the best mom they can be, but unfortunately for us in today’s society – there will be messages sent to you everyday telling you that you are not doing it right, your kids will grow up warped, or you need “this” technique to succeed. I believe you already have what it takes; you just need to believe you do!

Here are a few characteristics/traits that I like to nurture when I work with moms I coach and who participate in my workshops.

1) She does not live by comparison

This is a biggie – if you are always looking at “supermom” next door and wondering about your decisions, second guessing yourself and questioning your ability who do you think this affects? It does affect you, but I can tell you that your children can see right through that insecurity or unsure persona. You know what is right for you and your family, so it is up to you to do it and make the right decisions without continuing to doubt or question your ability. This does not mean you do not seek other’s opinions at times or ask advice, but when you get set with a plan stick with it. Don’t act like a “wishy-washy” mom.

2) She displays Courage

Courage and confidence go hand-in-hand. When you feel confident in your decisions, it’s not hard to muster up courage to explore new things. Whether you are struggling with a new parenting challenge, need to find support of other moms, or want to try a new exercise program, taking the first step is a very courageous move. This is how you continue to grow in your journey as a mom, as a woman beyond who you are as a mom too. By not allowing yourself to get in a rut you will build new skills that will help your family but will probably be helpful to other moms in your circle.

3) She is Adaptable

Do you freak out when you get thrown a curve ball in your day? Or can you go with the flow and manage to change things fairly quickly to accommodate unseen circumstances? This has been a hard one for me to become more versed in, but I have made considerable progress! Being a mom means that you have to be willing or able to change to fit in with different situations, planned & most importantly unplanned! Change is constant and never ending, so by learning the best ways for you to “go with the flow” you will be blessing your family as well as helping to keep your stress level down.

4) She has a sense of Humor

Another really attractive trait that I’ve found in mom’s who cope remarkably well is a sense of humor. And let’s face it - study after study has proven the power of laughter is a healing aid to all sorts of ills - from cancer to grief. In fact, researchers say that because of all the facial muscles pulled into place when you muster a smile, physiological changes occur that provide a sense of well being. When your brain is happy, so are you. I have found that when I am struggling with a challenging parenting issue, sometimes I just have to use humor to deal with it, and wouldn’t you know – it usually works to get my kids to behave or cooperate. I think it is because they are often caught off guard and then find the fun in seeing mom have fun. Why wouldn’t they want to cooperate? So laugh - with and without your children - a little each day – it really does make a difference.

5) She takes care of herself

The topic of “self-care” is the HOT topic for mom’s these days – no question about it. The fact remains, if you are not taking care of yourself and filling yourself up – who will? It is certainly not your kids who have that responsibility and not your partner’s either, if you have one. It ultimately is yours alone. I use this term common to those who have taken my ScreamFree Workshop, “Putting on Your Own Oxygen Mask,” the airlines have it right, giving you great wisdom in their pre-flight briefing telling you to place your oxygen mask on first before helping others. The same is true for you - you cannot help anyone if you are out of breath! So find simple pleasures that will help boost your energy throughout the day. It doesn’t have to be the big elaborate day at the spa (although that works!) but how about a cup of tea and sitting down for 10 minutes, or lighting a candle in your kitchen while you prepare dinner, or taking a shower BEFORE your kids start running you ragged and you cannot find a minute to break away to do it later. Be proactive and create a space to nurture yourself so you can be the best you can be for you and your family.

Remember, you don’t have to be brave or funny or even wise all the time. But by adopting these five traits, you can organize your life around the realities and strengths that you have, and not around others’ expectations of who you are and who you should be. Becoming a “Confident Mom” is a reality for all moms!

School, work, hobbies, family, friends, volunteering, after-school activities, homeschooling and more — there’s no doubt that today’s mom has more than enough on her plate to keep her busy. Sometimes the many obligations vying for our attention become too much and we need to take a step back and reprioritize, choosing which activities are worth our attention and which we need to let go of. Other times, what we really need is to come up with a plan to better manage our obligations and activities with grace and ease.

Although I don’t always manage to pull it off myself, here are five traits of a frazzle-free mom to help you balance everything on your plate:

1. She’s organized.

Organizing your day as well as your physical surroundings means you won’t be wasting time or energy trying to remember what is on your calendar or to-do list or trying to find something you need. We’ve all had those days where the schedule is full and everything needs to run smoothly, only to realize we’ve forgotten to write down an obligation. Trying to remember everything that needs your attention or wasting time searching for your car keys and wallet is a surefire way to send your day into a tailspin.

Whether you use a physical planner, an online calendar or just a simple pad of paper, write everything down. Storing it all in your brain will inevitably result in a stressed out mama and forgotten tasks.

If your home or office is unorganized and chaotic, you’re wasting time and energy on stuff – finding it, moving it, thinking about it — instead of being able to focus on the important things. I know figuring out where to start can be overwhelming, so start by decluttering. Take two trash bags or boxes and fill one with things that can be thrown away and one with things to be given away. Try not to overanalyze each decision too much, but make it a game to see how quickly you can fill up the boxes.

Once you’ve decluttered, start by organizing a small area, such as a desk drawer or a shelf in a closet. Continue organizing one small area at a time until you feel good about your space and then work on maintaining it by putting things back where they belong after using them.

2. She’s prepared.

My motto in life is, “Expect the best but prepare for the worst.” Life with kids is unpredictable at best, but you can be prepared for those unexpected moments when the baby spits up all over herself (and you) or when your preschooler has an accident after being fully potty trained for years or when you’re stuck in traffic and everyone is hungry and antsy.

Keep your diaper bag stocked and ready to go by the door so that you’re not stuffing things in it on your way to a play date or lesson. Plan your menu ahead of time so that you’re not staring blankly into your pantry at 5:30. Obviously “unexpected” means you can’t anticipate every situation, but the better prepared you are in general, the more likely you’ll be able to come up with some way to handle whatever comes your way.

3. She prioritizes.

There are only so many hours in a day, and sometimes we just have to choose from among a list of “good” activities to ensure the “best” ones are getting our attention. Think about what your priorities are as a mother so that you can make sure you’re focusing on the most important ones first. I know I end up frazzled and unhappy when my priorities get out of whack and I let the most important things slip. Your priorities may be mothering and homemaking, but they also may include running a business, writing a book or volunteering. The important part is listing your priorities and making decisions based on them rather than getting caught up in the “tyranny of the urgent”.

4. She knows her pressure points.

What little things drive you nuts? Fly Lady says to always go to bed with a clean sink, and it’s something I strive for in my own life as well, but even more importantly, I make my bed every morning. It only takes a minute or two, but it’s amazing how big of an impact such a simple activity has on my day. When it’s not done, I feel overwhelmed, stressed out and out of control, but when it is done, it feels like I can face anything.

Your pressure points may be different than mine, but the key is figuring out which things impact your mood and stress level so that you can give those things priority even when you don’t have time for the rest.

5. She strives for excellence but NOT perfection.

There is no such thing as a perfect mother, and trying to live up to impossible standards will leave you discouraged and frustrated. However, this doesn’t mean that you should throw all standards out the window or never strive to do better. Rather, do everything with excellence so that you’re less likely to have to redo something a second time. Whether it’s keeping house, volunteering on a committee or running a business, do your best at every task. It doesn’t mean you’ll be perfect, so don’t beat yourself up when you make mistakes, but rather look at each mistake or failure as a learning opportunity and a chance to do better next time.

Mandi Ehman is a work-at-home mom to four spunky little girls. She believes that organizing only lasts if you do it your way – to fit your needs, your preferences and your lifestyle – and she shares organizing and time management tips at Organizing Your Way.

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The only person you can control is you. You can guide your child in the right direction and they will make the choices that would bring them closer or farther from that goal. Your job as a parent is to break the cycle of provocation, overreaction and regret by taking charge of the one thing you can: your own behavior. Recognizing what pushes your buttons, what gets you hot under the collar will allow you to have a plan of action in place way before you get to the anger face. Mastering your responses makes your discipline more effective, models good stress management techniques for your child, and leaves you feeling calm and in control. Here are some ways to make it happen:

1. Know your child: This may be the easiest one of the strategies because I believe that parents normally know their kids better than anyone. We are truly the experts on our own kids. We know that if little Mary doesn’t get a nap before 3:00 p.m. the rest of the day will crumble. We know that when little Ronnie doesn’t eat breakfast, the minute he gets in the car he will say he’s hungry.  Having this simple information will allow us to plan and be prepared, so only one of us is having a meltdown!
2. Know your limits: Our reactions to our children’s actions are often determined as much by the way we feel and the kind of day we’ve had as by what our children actually do. They are also determined in part by the way we were parented. Whether we choose to do things completely different from our own parents, or find ourselves uttering the same words that we heard as children, the fact remains that our reactions to our children are based on very complex set of circumstances, present and past. When you find yourself under “fire” and feeling like the situation can only get worse from where you stand, it’s perfectly reasonable and even desirable for you to safely remove yourself from the situation and take your own “time-out”. Not only will it give you an opportunity to cool off: it will also be teaching your kids the value of taking a moment to calm down and regroup.
3. Keep calm: It all boils down to our ability to interact with our children without losing our heads. Yet, that’s the tool that demands the most inner work because it is based on the concept that our children are counting on us remaining calm when they push the boundaries. That makes them feel safe and it allows them to learn. Our job is to be prepared and respond before the situation gets out hand and we are more likely to react in a negative way. Remember, your children may be pushing your buttons, but they didn’t install the system!

The parenting role is vast and often daunting. Requirements shift constantly as children, each with individual needs and personalities, change and grow.

In the end it’s not a matter of knowing what to do, it’s a matter of doing what you know.”  Russell Barkley, Ph.D

Sandra is the “soul” and “coach” behind the Soulful Parent. She has worked in Early Intervention, Special Education and has supported many families in the road to successful parenting. She became a PCI Certified Parent Coach® because she’s deeply passionate about changing the world, one family at a time. Sandra believes that life becomes a more enjoyable journey when you lead from your strengths! She can be contacted Sandra {at} thesoulfulparent(.)com and www.thesoulfulparent.com for more information about seminars, presentations and individual coaching services.

• Hold a family meeting to gather ideas on destinations, activities, and scheduling.
• Take some time to discuss with your spouse the vacation budget before the family meeting so that you can set the appropriate expectations for the kids.
• Get your older kids involved by letting them do research online for fun activities or airfare rates.
• Save money for the family vacation with a Family Vacation Jar
• Use these sites to help you plan and organize your vacation
  • Family Travel Tips from Our Blog - Use these articles to help you cope, laugh, and plan
  • Evernote - Use this site to help you keep track of interesting activities, hotels, and sites to see
  • Airfarewatchdog and Yapta - For airline rates and price alerts
  • WeJustGotBack.com - Use this site for family vacation deals, guides, and tips
  • Mousesavers and Touring Plans - Use these sites for all things Disney.
  • TravelWithYourKids.com - Use this site for travel and packing tips

• Take everything out and toss all food that has expired or leftovers that have been in the refrigerator for more than a week. Use online resources like StillTasty to help you decide when to throw something out.
• Wipe down and clean off all of the shelves, drawers, and door bins. Also consider cleaning the tray and coils underneath your refrigerator. You will most likely need your refrigerator manual to do this.
• Once the refrigerator is cleaned out, group similar food items together on shelves and to help you and your kids remember where to put things label each shelf.
• Implement these preventative measures to help you get control of the refrigerator clutter and save money:

-        Skip obscure or infrequently used food items in your recipes and find a food substitute instead

-        Minimize or reuse leftovers

-        Before grocery shopping always check to see what you have on hand and only add the items you do need to your grocery shopping list.

Good luck!

Let me give you an example of how I recently did this with our household bills.  Every month we would get a stack of household bills delivered to our home and I would have to sort through them, pay them, and then file them away in our home files.  The paper bills not only added clutter to our home but they also added clutter to my mind and schedule.  So to eliminate this Should Do, I went online created online accounts, set up automatic payments of the bills, and stopped paper statements for just about every one of our regular monthly bills.  I now get maybe one or two monthly bills where in the past I was getting at least ten.  I save a lot of time by eliminating the writing and mailing of checks and the filing of the bills.  Now whenever I need to see a bill I simply go online and look at it rather than sort through home files.

So your Fresh Start task for today is to make a list of the Should Do’s in your life and create a plan to either eliminate or significantly streamline one of them.  To help you do this, ask yourself these questions:

• What would happen if I didn’t do this?
• Who counts on me to do this? How would my stopping this Should Do affect them?
• What specific things must I do to eliminate or streamline this Should Do?
• Is there a way I can delegate or get help with this Should Do? How can my family help?

Good luck!

For example, early on I realized that whining kids was one of my hot buttons, so to better handle my reaction and to try and change my kids’ behavior I began responding to whine by saying (in a calm voice), “I don’t understand whine, please ask or tell me without whining.”  They would then pause and rephrase their request so that they were asking in a non-whining manner.  They learned that in order to get a response or answer from me required they do so without whining.

I also recognized that tiredness on my part and my kids’ part also led to whining or responses of anger, so I worked hard to enforce nap and bedtime schedules for them and me as well as cut them a little slack if I recognized the whine was coming more from being tired than frustration.

So take some time today and write down those things that are your hot buttons and come up with some strategies to help you cope.  If you need help with strategies, try talking to friends or your parents for help or think about contacting Sandra directly for some insightful ideas and solutions.

Good luck!

• Love notes in their lunch box
• A hot cup of coffee in bed for your spouse
• A love message written on the bathroom mirror (see this science experiment to help make it more fun)
• Heart shaped sandwiches for lunch or pancakes for breakfast
• Love texts, voicemails, or email messages
• Plus any of these ideas: Connecting with Your Kids When You Don’t Have a lot of Time , 101 Ways to Tell Your Husband You Love Him, 101 Ways to Tell Your Kids “I Love You”, 101 Ways To Tell Your Wife, “I Love You”

Good luck!

1.       Pick a central location in your home to set up your center preferably in the same room where you spend most of your time.  For most families this will be the kitchen.  The space can be in a cupboard, counter, closet, bookcase, shelf, wall space, or any combination of these.  The outside of a refrigerator can also be a good place for hanging calendars or notes.

2.       The point of your family management center is to make your life as organized and clutter free as possible, so to make it work most efficiently for your family be sure to have these features built in:

A family calendar to keep track of everyone’s schedule

A notepad or dry erase board for phone messages, lists, or notes

An organizer like the Mail.sorter to manage everyday paper

A family organizer to keep track of important phone numbers, papers, and information

A place for everyday tools like pens, paper clips, calculators, rulers

A chore chart to keep track the kids’ chores

Magnetic clips to help post important information like the school lunch menu or babysitter notes.

An electrical outlet so that you can easily recharge cell phones.

3.       Focus first on functionality rather than cosmetics.  Sometimes we buy a lot of organizing tools and bins because they look good but they don’t really offer the functionality we need.

4.       Work to keep your family management center organized and well maintained by adding a quick cleanup to your daily routines.  In the evening while the kids are working on homework is often a good time to do this type of cleanup and purging of old papers.

Good luck!

Nothing gets a parent more exhausted and worn out than night after night of no sleep. The truth is that when we think of the idea of going to sleep, it sounds like a tempting proposition: moms rarely feel that they get enough of it. They long for a good night of deep rest as a traveler in the desert longs for fresh water! But for our young kids, the idea of getting to sleep is not nearly as appealing. It means the fun has to stop and most kids will let you know of the disappointment via tantrums and crying.

Most children are ready to start a bedtime routine as early as 6 months. It’s important to know how much sleep is necessary and age appropriate so your expectations for your children can be realistic. Also, have you noticed if your child is a natural “night owl” or an “early riser”? Some children show a preference early on.

Peace mind only comes when we have a plan of action, realizing there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Here are some simple tips to consider:

1. Make the hour before bedtime quiet, peaceful and an opportunity to slow down. Make it fun! Include things that your child loves to do: read his favorite book or tell him his favorite story or play his favorite music. Make the idea of going to bed appealing!
2. Have a clear routine that your child understands: get a warm bath, put pajamas on, brush teeth, read story. Whatever is important to you and your child should be part of a consistent routine you follow most nights.
3. Take the opportunity of closeness that bedtime affords. Our children grow so fast and need less and less of our intervention at bedtime. Until very recently, our 8-year-old would ask us to lie down in bed with her after the lights went out. She has now asked us to let her go to sleep on her own. I can’t tell you how much I miss that little “snuggling” time but I knew it wasn’t going to last forever. I am glad I enjoyed while it lasted!

The bottom line is: rest when you can even if that means chores wait. Stick to the routine you’ve created and be consistent. It may take a little time, but in the end, it will pay off.

Sandra is the “soul” and “coach” behind the Soulful Parent. She has worked in Early Intervention, Special Education and has supported many families in the road to successful parenting. She became a PCI Certified Parent Coach® because she’s deeply passionate about changing the world, one family at a time. Sandra believes that life becomes a more enjoyable journey when you lead from your strengths! She can be contacted Sandra {at} thesoulfuparent(.)com and www.thesoulfulparent.com for more information about seminars, presentations and individual coaching services.

Before you start developing your plan, spend some time thinking about what challenges you have regarding clutter.  By asking yourself some open ended questions, you can ensure that you are going after the right challenges.  A key consideration is that your plan will be more effective if you are working on the right challenges.

• Where does clutter impact me the most?
• Whose clutter tops my list of clutter challenges?
• How much time do I need to clear my clutter?
• What kind of system would help me over the long term?

After you understand your challenges, set a goal for getting your clutter under control.  You are probably familiar with SMART goals.  I recommend you set SMART goals to effectively tackle your clutter.  If you are not familiar, SMART goals must be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely.  Take a minute and review the following two goals and decide which one is SMARTer:

• I want to get control of my clutter this year.
• By a week from today, I will remove the clutter from my desk, file it and develop a process to maintain my clutter-free desk for the next two months.

Okay, maybe I made it too obvious, but I hope the second goal helps to illustrate the important elements of a SMART goal.  After you write your goals, review them against the SMART criteria and revise them if necessary.

When you have developed your goal, it is time for your action plan.  When developing your plan, I recommend a few key steps to apply.  Keep the steps small and simple.  After you have developed your plan, post it somewhere to remind you of what you have committed to do.

START!  Pick a day in the next week when you will start your action plan.  It does not matter when you start.  If the whole process seems too overwhelming, take one small step each day.

Stay accountable to your plan.  Chances are that it may be difficult to do this on your own.  Find a coach to help you keep on track.  Your coach can be a friend, spouse, co-worker, significant other or even a professional coach.  The point is to have someone to help you stay accountable to your plan.  If you commit to someone besides just yourself, you are more likely to complete the actions.

Good luck as you start and implement your plan.  Let me know if you have any questions.

Laura Rolands is the founder of LSR Coaching and Consulting, LLC. She is a coach whose passion is to support, lead and inspire independence and success for people who have either been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD or who are facing other attention-related challenges. Her clients include individuals with attention-related challenges and/or their parents.  You can reach her through www.MyAttentionCoach.com.

Balance Your Time

At times, blended families lose balance when their noncustodial kids are visiting.  Moms become Super Step Moms and dads become Disney Dads- trying to please the kids, every moment of the day.  But- no one is happy all of the time, and giving children everything they want, the minute they ask, does not create a happy environment.

Balance Your Family

Set up house rules for all the kids, whether visiting or living full time in the house. Make sure all children are treated equally.  If a noncustodial child is visiting- it’s fine to have parent/child one-on-one time, but this time shouldn’t take you and your child away from the family for more than a couple of hours.  Remember to include noncustodial children in family activities.  Your child is not a visitor- he is a member of a blended family and should be included in family events and activities.

Balance Your Marriage

Keeping your marriage strong is the best way to have a strong and successful stepfamily.  Take time everyday to connect with your spouse.  Plan a date night 2-4 times a month for you and your mate.

Balance Your Life

As you take care of your job, your children and your mate- don’t forget about you!  Being a stepmom or stepdad in a blended family is tough.  If you keep running and running, making sure the whole world is happy and you forget yourself, you are going to burn out and be worthless to your blended family and to yourself.

Time to Relax

How do you unwind from a busy day? Is it by taking a bath, reading a favorite novel, drinking a cup of herbal tea or a glass of red wine? Do you loosen up after a workout at the gym or a walk through the neighborhood? If you are saying to yourself that you don’t have time for these things- you’re wrong. You don’t have time to skip relaxing. Figure out what makes you calm and make room for these activities in your day.Even if you have to write them on your “to do” list- just do it.

Time to Rejuvenate

What gives you strength? Is it talking on the phone to a friend, going to a funny movie, or shopping at the mall? Figure out what activities you truly enjoy doing and make time to do these things, too. Figure out a time, at least 1-2 times a month, to schedule something special- just for you.

Time for Respect

If you are always the one saying, “Go ahead, I’ll clean up” or “Don’t worry, I didn’t want any- you can have a second helping, ” how can others respect you if you don’t respect yourself?

At birthdays, when your family asks, “What can we get you?” - think about it, and give them a thoughtful list. You are a precious, unique person. Treat yourself that way!  Do you want your daughter to treat herself as someone who always comes in last place, gives up the good seats, the last bite of special food? No, of course not.

Time to Remember

Create a box, drawer or file to keep remembrances. Put cards (birthday, mother’s day, anniversary, thank-you notes) - anything you receive, into this box.  If someone gives you a compliment, write it down and put it in your remembrance box.  Periodically, go through your box and read these compliments and praises.

Time for Yourself

You’re worth it!  Make time for yourself. You will feel stronger physically, mentally and emotionally after you have regular times to renew your spirit, soul and body.  Your family will appreciate a stronger, healthier, and happier you.

Add to this list to create a better year, a more successful blended family and a healthier you!

Shirley Cress Dudley is a licensed professional counselor with a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Counseling, and a master’s degree in Education.  She is the founder of The Blended and Step Family Resource Center and author of Blended Family Advice. Shirley has a passion for helping blended and stepfamilies grow strong and be successful.  Sign up for our Free newsletter and receive a Free Report- Top Ten Worst Mistakes You Can Make in Your Blended Family, http://www.TheBlendedandStepFamilyResourceCenter.com

1.       Taking on a cause or a regular community service commitment can be a little overwhelming, so at first take it slow with small commitments and as you gain experience and knowledge  work your way into bigger efforts.

2.       Start by choosing organizations that compliment your current interests.  Do a little soul searching and focus first on those organizations or causes where your family seems to be called.

3.       If your kids are old enough give them some leadership roles by asking them to do some research, send an email, or come up with specific ideas.

4.       Choose a cause or organization that is appropriate for the age of your children.  If your children are young you may want to start with a simple giving box and use the money to buy gifts or supplies for needy children.  As they get older you can move into supporting organizations with your time.

5.       It is one thing to donate your time and money to a cause, but an entirely different thing to actually fully understand what the cause is all about.  So make it fun and educational for yourself and children by reading books or magazines, watching movies, taking trips, or planning family activities that will help build your family’s awareness and understanding of the cause.

6.       Keep the organization or cause you choose a central focus in your family life by including updates, discussions, or plans at your family meals or family meetings.

Good luck!

1.       Have garbage bags by your side so that you can easily throw things away and not be tempted to keep anything you don’t need.

2.       Plan a pick up or drop off at a local Salvation Army or Purple Heart organization either the day you clean out your closet or the day after so that you can easily donate the things you don’t need.

3.       If sorting through toys and your children are reluctant to let things go, let them place some of the items into a Maybe pile to give them time to think it over before letting it go.  This will help reduce struggles and tears.  Once they see that they still have a lot of toys left in their Keep pile they may be more willing to donate some of their toys.

4.       For additional help see our Confronting Clutter and Stop Clutter Dead in its Tracks articles.

5.       Once you get the closet cleaned out and organized, implement some maintenance habits to keep it from getting cluttered again.

Good luck!

1.       Calculate your family’s net worth by listing and totaling all of your assets (savings, property, automobiles, and investments) and subtracting your total liabilities (debt, mortgage, credit card balances, student loans, medical bills).  Make a plan to improve it by either reducing debt or increasing savings or assets.

2.       Create a simple budget to help you keep track of your spending and savings.  Keep the budget simple at first so that you don’t get overwhelmed, but detailed enough that you have a general understanding of where you are spending your money.  Some broad categories you may want to choose are Debt, Savings, Home Expenses, Groceries/Food, Household Items, Entertainment, Utilities, Auto Expenses, Medical Costs, Insurance, and Taxes.

3.       Come up with some system of keeping track of your expenses and budget.  Try a family budget planner , or electronic options like Mint.com, Quicken, or a free budget worksheet from Google Docs.

4.       If you are struggling with a lot of debt make a plan to get out of it with a debt reduction strategy.

5.       If your children are old enough, consider giving them an allowance and help them to create a savings plan using some of their allowance.

6.       If you are struggling financially consider looking for help.  There are many financial experts including Dave Ramsey, David Bach, Jean Chatzky, and Suze Orman.  If you are looking for something more personal, look for classes or a seminar in your local town.  Many libraries, community centers, and financial planners will offer classes to help get you back on your feet.

7.       Finally, make sure your financial goals are tied in with your family mission statement and family goals.

Good luck!