Grocery shopping, putting away clean laundry, and cleaning my house are probably at the bottom of  my fun list.  I love to cook and though I do enjoy planning the meals and having fresh ingredients on hand to prepare them, the actual shopping is something I could do without.  So over the years, I have learned how to streamline the  shopping process and now I have it down to only requiring about two to three hours each week.  I have tried to get away with less time and some weeks I can, but for the most part I have to allow at least two hours.  Here is how I manage the shopping in my home.

I keep lists separate, visible, and easily accessible

First of all, I always use a list!  I find that when I shop without a list, I always end up buying things we don’t need and having to make a follow up trip back to the store for something I forgot.  I also spend more time in the store itself because I am less focused and more distracted.

On average I shop at four stores regularly throughout the month.  I shop at two grocery stores that I hit every week, Target that I try to keep to once every other week, and Costco which I only shop at once per month.

The grocery stores I limit to just food and I use two different grocery stores because I like the fresh produce and meat selection better at one of them.  My husband also stops about twice a week at our grocery stores to pick up fresh fruit.  He is a BIG fruit eater and I learned early on that I could never learn to pick a peach that would pass his inspection so I gave up and now he does it.

For shopping at these two stores I use the grocery shopping checklist included in this meal planning eBook.  I keep it hanging on my refrigerator door and just check off items throughout the week as I realize we need them.  The day before I go grocery shopping, I make my meal plan for the week, add the items I need to the grocery list, and head out to the stores to shop.  This entire process (meal planning, list making, and shopping at two stores) takes me about two hours or less.  I can usually plan my menus in less than fifteen minutes because I rely on the monthly meal plan I created and because my list keeps me focused, I can get in and out of both stores in about ninety minutes.

The other advantage to keeping my grocery list on the refrigerator as opposed to online or on a smart phone app, is that everyone in the family can see it and add items to the list themselves.  I am slowly but surely teaching them to stop telling me and to just write it down.  I also think just carrying around a paper grocery list in the store is easier than having to have my phone out and reading it from there.  I can’t tell you how many times I have dropped my phone (I have a crack in it to prove it) and I always seem to have a hard time of finding a place to put it down safely while I reach for something off the shelf.  So for me, paper is just easier.

The other hour or so I spend on shopping comes from time I spend at Target, Costco, and running small errands.

In regards to Target, I also keep a list for things I need at Target (cat food, birthday gifts, toothpaste, etc.) on my refrigerator.  I also keep a small dry erase white board on the mirror in my bathroom so that we can remember to add it to the list.  If we wait until we are downstairs to add it to the list, it usually gets forgotten.  And just like the grocery list, I am teaching the kids to write down the things they need rather than rely on my memory.  I try very hard to keep Target shopping to an every other week trip rather than a weekly shopping trip in order to save both time and money.

I also shop at Costco about once a month and if I can get away with it, I stretch it to every six weeks.  I keep the Costco list on this dry erase do list and note board.

And when it comes time to go shopping, I take a picture of the list with my phone and set it as the wall paper, so that I can easily see it.  This is the only non-paper based shopping list I use.  Sometimes, if my husband is going to do the Costco shopping, I will send the picture to him and he can read it directly off his phone.  When the shopping is done, we erase it from the board and start over.

Schedule it on my calendar

Every week I schedule grocery shopping and errands on my calendar (usually after working on Thursdays) and do everything I can to keep it to the same schedule and day every week.  I really do not like shopping on the weekends because the stores are so much busier and no one seems happy to be there, so I very rarely go to the stores then.  I also allow time in my calendar to do some errands and can usually get all shopping and errands done at once.  Only when I have a lot of errands  (like when I am planning a birthday party or getting ready for a vacation), do I sometimes need to allow for extra time.  For the most part, errands for me consist of dropping books off at the library, stopping at the bank, or picking up something that I can’t get at my regular stores.

Shop once per week

I also work really hard to only shop once per week and avoid having to make extra stops throughout the week because I forgot something.  I am usually able to pull this off by making sure I take time to meal plan and from time to time asking my husband to pick something up while he is at the store picking out his perfect peach.

How do you manage grocery shopping and errands in your home?  You can share your strategies in the comments below.

When I was a new mom I very much wanted to be an involved parent.  I wanted to be the parent who embraced their children’s interests, got them involved in extracurricular activities, made sure their homework was done, planned family activities, volunteered in their classes, and cheered them on at every soccer game, band concert, and school play.  To me time/energy/attention=involved parent=good parent.

My involvement showed my children that I cared and supported them.  My involvement and support helped to build their self-confidence, helped them learn life skills, and helped make them feel more secure.  And even though my involvement came from a place of love and a desire to do the right thing, I’m not entirely sure that it was in the moments of my cheers from the sideline that my children felt most loved and accepted.

Now that my kids are older, I find myself striving to be more engaged rather than just involved.  I have found that it is in the moments of pure unscripted, unplanned engagement I am best able to show my kids (and they are better able to receive) how much they are loved and accepted.

It’s more about knowing and less about doing

Being an engaged parent is about knowing your kids and being fully present emotionally and physically in your life together.  It is about being checked in to what is going on in your children’s life, understanding their fears and aspirations, knowing when they have a bad day, knowing what brings them happiness, and what makes them cry.  It’s about being committed to understanding your children on a very deep level.  It’s about understanding their soul.

It’s less about time and more about presence, commitment, and vulnerability

Of course children need our time.  You can’t have any relationship built on love and trust if you aren’t willing to put in the time.  But being engaged with your children is also about being fully present, committed, and vulnerable.   It’s about turning off the distractions and leaving work at the office.  It is about truly wanting a relationship with your kids that is more than just movie nights and soccer games.  And it is about letting your children see you joyful, see you cry, and see you fearful.  It’s about letting your children see the real you.

It’s also about you

Being an engaged parent is also about being engaged in life.  Not living day to day just to get through, but about embracing life and making the most of your talents, strengths, and ambitions.  It is about waking up every day excited to live, excited to be their mom, and excited about your future.  It’s about embracing the real you, working toward your goals and dreams, and being the person you want your children to be each and every day.

So what do you think?  Is there any difference between being involved and being engaged?  What does being engaged mean to you?  You can leave your comments, thoughts, and suggestions in the comments below.

How do you simplify your busy week?? Easy, you simplify systems and do them once weekly, instead of daily! With this in mind, my week starts by getting organized on Sunday. Here are some of the things that make my life easier and I believe they will do the same for you!

Breakfast

On Sunday I like to prepare an easy, but healthful breakfast that will last the week. My favorites are quiche and egg cups (that I can fill with fresh herbs & veggies).  They are great in the refrigerator and they only need 30-60 seconds in the microwave to warm them up! It’s a super-fast and yummy way to start each day.

Lunch

While the quiche is baking, I find it helpful to hard boil some eggs. Then I chop up a head of lettuce, carrots, and onions. Now I know in a pinch I have a healthy lunch to count on. I also chop up our favorite fruits and make a quick fruit salad. This is great to add to any meal, or as a snack. You could even pre-package some pretzels or chips into individual servings to make quick work of lunch prep!

Clothes

Sunday evening I check the weekly forecast, and then help my son pick out clothes for the week. We make little “packets” of everything he needs. I just fold a pair of pants around a shirt, socks, and undies. It sits on a shelf in his closet (but you can also get hanging weekly sorters). Each morning he grabs the “packet” and can quickly get dressed. Since he is involved in the process he is fine with the outfits each day (hooray for no arguing in the morning)! For girls, you could even add the accessories (hair ties, barrettes, jewelry) into the “packet”.

Unfortunately there will still be some things you have to address each morning, but if you prepare them the night before your morning will go smoother.

Moms run on Java (ok, at least I do): So, every night I like to set up my coffeemaker for the next morning. I get the coffee, mug (or travel mug depending on my schedule), and spoon all set out. In the morning it is ready for me (which is great because I can’t process too many thoughts before my first cuppa joe)!

Breakfast & Lunch: It’s really nice to enter the kitchen in the morning and have the table pre-set for breakfast. Take a few minutes the night before to do this, and you’ll feel a new sense of calm in the morning (and get to enjoy a few more minutes of family time during breakfast). The same goes for lunch, pack the lunch bags at night (use the snacks & things you made on Sunday to cut down on time), add a freezer pack in the morning, and you’re ready to jet!

Backpacks & Shoes: A good habit to teach your children is to prepare their school items (backpack, shoes, jacket) for the following day after they complete their homework. No more running around looking for a left sneaker while worrying about missing the bus!

Breakfast & Lunch: It’s really nice to enter the kitchen in the morning and have the table pre-set for breakfast. Take a few minutes the night before to do this, and you’ll feel a new sense of calm in the morning (and get to enjoy a few more minutes of family time during breakfast). The same goes for lunch, pack the lunch bags at night (use the snacks & things you made on Sunday to cut down on time), add a freezer pack in the morning, and you’re ready to jet!

Taking the time on Sunday and in the evenings to get organized will surely make your weekdays easier!!  What else could you “automate” in this way? I’d love to hear what you do to make your life easier!

Bobbie Friedman is a Professional Organizer, Home Management Consultant, and the owner of Simplified by Bobbie located in Pennsylvania.  She is dedicated to helping individuals and families simplify their lives!  Through personalized organizing services, hands-on help, and knowledgeable guidance she’ll help you establish effective ways to manage your schedule and home; turning CoMpLiCaTeD into Simplified.

Visit www.simplifiedbybobbie.com to learn more, view before & after photos, and read helpful organizing tips.  Contact Bobbie for your FREE phone consultation, and make your space & time work for you

Photo and craft idea compliments of Whimsy Love

Spring has sprung and it’s time to get your garden ready with these budget friendly crafts.

Cupcake Planter

This idea comes from bloggy mom, Nikki, whose blog, http://whimsy-girl.blogspot.com is chock full of fantastic ideas.

You will need:

Terra cotta pots (Nikki recommends using short, stubby pots for a more authentic “cupcake” look.)

Indoor /outdoor spray-paint or acrylic paint.

Wooden dowel and ball

Clear spray paint sealant

Directions: 

• Paint flowerpot with spray paint or acrylic paint.
• Drill a hole at the bottom of your wooden ball with a drill or electric screwdriver.
• Paint the wooden ball red and the dowel brown.
• Paint vertical brown stripes on your planter to resemble a cupcake holder.
• Weatherproof the planter, dowel and ball with clear paint sealant.
• When dry, insert dowel into ball.
• Plant your flowers in the pot and add the cherry in the center to top your sweet craft!

Mosaic Stepping Stone

You will need:

Concrete mix

Water

Plastic mold

Disposable knife or wood paint mixer

Bucket

Colorful pebbles or stones

Directions:

• Mix concrete according to directions in an old bucket.
• Carefully pour concrete into mold and use a plastic knife (or paint mixer) to even the surface. Add colorful stones in any pattern you desire.
• Allow 48 hours to dry before removing from mold.
• Use a toothbrush and water to clean concrete residue off stepping-stone before placing in garden.

NOTE: Be sure to clean your bucket outside with a garden hose!  NEVER pour concrete down the drain as it will likely cause damage to you pipes!

Fairy Doors and Message Boxes

Turn your garden into a fairy paradise with fairy doors and message boxes.  According to folklore, garden fairies are known to hide behind miniature doors housed in colorful parks and backyard gardens.   When night falls, the fairies emerge from their hiding spots so they can bask in the beauty of their favorite gardens.  These fairies also look for hidden boxes where they often find treasures such as shells, rocks or flowers.  Sounds intriguing? Work with your children to create their very own fairy doors and message boxes.  Your kids can fill the boxes with items they’ve collected or handwritten notes.  Who knows, maybe the fairies will return the favor with a note or trinket of their own.

You Need:

• Small Wooden Boxes and Plaques (available at craft stores)
• Non-toxic Acrylic Paint
• Sticks, Rocks, Shells and other “Natural Treasures”
• Strong Adhesive
• Beads, Sequins and other Decorative Items
• Indoor / Outdoor Varnish

Directions:

1. Paint boxes and plaques as desired.
2. Once the paint is dry, glue on leaves, sticks, beads and other decorative items.
3. Top with a layer or two of indoor/outdoor varnish and allow to dry.

Strategically place doors against tree trunks, posts or along a wooden fence. Message boxes can be hidden anywhere in the garden.

Jenna Riggs and Beth Engelman are the creative talents and owners of Mommy on a Shoestring, a website and weekly radio show chock full of ideas on how families can live creatively and large on a small budget.

With the start of summer approaching rapidly, many working moms are scrambling to come up with child care options. Many child-care centers reach capacity very quickly in the summer, leaving many moms to seek alternate options for summer child-care. It is crucial to ensure that your children are cared for during the summer, kept safe, and loved to enjoy the beautiful moments of summer.

Flexible Schedule for Mom

If possible, talk with your employer about the possibility of working a more flexible summer schedule. For instance, many employers may allow moms to work from home, work a couple of very long days per week instead of five 8-hour days, or even alternate days at the office with another worker (for part-time employees). Consider talking with your employer to educate yourself on what options are available.

Family

Do you have parents who live out of town or even those in town who would love to spend a little more time with your children? Kids love to visit grandparents — almost as much as grandparents enjoy seeing the grand kids! For a win-win situation, consider employing the help of your parents to provide child-care in the summer. The memories made during this time will be invaluable! Also, if you have parents on a fixed income, this is a great way to help boost their summer income!

Summer Camps

There are so many options available for summer camps. Check with your local newspaper, church, and even school to research available camps. Be sure to check references and know that the camp is safe for your child. This is a great experience for children, and also does “double-duty” in providing child-care for a week!

Take a Vacation!

Summer is a great time to use all of the vacation time you have saved up! Go out and make some beautiful memories with your children! They will enjoy having you all to themselves and mom, you really do need a vacation!

What do you do for child-care in the summer? Perhaps one of these solutions will work for you, or even a combination of solutions. I would love to hear your ideas as I plan my summer child-care too!

Melanie writes at “Only A Breath” about life as a small-town, southern, girly-girl mommy of two rough and rowdy little boys. She is so thankful for a wonderful, hard-working husband who makes her laugh and is a wonderful daddy. She works full-time as an industrial software developer (“computer geek”) and offers practical tips and encouragement for moms who work outside the home. Her heart’s desire is to encourage others to celebrate life and cherish each breath of this journey.

A couple of weeks ago, I talked about how we manage our family schedule and the tools we use to keep on top of everything, so this week I thought I would talk a little bit about how I keep track of all the things (minus housekeeping and chores) that need to get done in my home and work.

My basic approach to keeping track of all the non-recurring things that need done is to keep the list manageable, keep work and home separate, make it visible, and share ownership.  Here is how I do it.

I don’t write everything down

In the past I used to keep a master list of every little thing that needed done.  Whether it was something critical and urgent or just something that should be done someday, I would write it down.  But I was beginning to feel bad about all the things I wasn’t getting done and it was stressing me and my family out, so I stopped.  Now I only write down things that either are critical or important, or have a specific due date.  Things like “buy birthday gift for party on the 16^th” or “return library book due on the 23^rd” automatically get written down.  But things like, “repair nick in the wall” or “clean tile grout” don’t get written down unless they are something that I consider really important that need to get done.

I also don’t write down things that are just a regular part of my daily routine.  Things like “make dinner” or “grocery shopping” never make it on my list of things to do.  I do block of time on my calendar for things like this, but I never write them down on my list of things to do.

I keep my work do list separate from the home do list

I also like keeping my home do list separate from my work list because it is just less overwhelming and easier to manage.  When I am at home I don’t want to be distracted with everything I need to get done for work and when I am working I don’t want to be distracted with things that I need to do for the family.

I keep track of my things to do for work primarily with the task manager in Microsoft Outlook and Evernote.  And I keep track of my home do list with this dry erase board.  It hangs on the side of my refrigerator.

Recently, I have been playing around with Remember the Milk to keep track of everything, but I am still in the early phases of seeing if it will work for me.

I keep the do list visible and easily updated

For me to keep on top of things and not feel overwhelmed, I have to keep my list of things to do in front of me where I can see it frequently and easily.  If the list is tucked away in a notebook or isn’t easily accessible, I forget about it and end up forgetting things.  Most of the daily activity for my family happens in our kitchen, so this is where I keep my do list for home.  This organizer is used to collect all the paper that comes home in the kids’ backpacks and in the mail.  And just about every day I go through the paper and mail and if it requires me to do something I just write it down on the dry erase note board which is right next to the organizer.

In regards to work, most of the items that drive me to add things to my do list either come from specific project plans I am working on or electronically in the form of email which is why I use Outlook and Evernote to keep track of my work list.

I share ownership with the family

One thing I try really hard to do is share ownership with my family for adding things to our do list.  They have a tendency to just tell me things and rely on me to remember them and though this may have worked when I was younger and my mind was sharper, it is a much less reliable approach now.  So when they come home from school and tell me that something needs to get done, I encourage them to add it to the list themselves.  For example the other day, my daughter came home asking if we could donate socks to a sock drive that her school was doing for children in need, so rather than me add ‘buy socks for sock drive” to the list, I asked her to do it herself.  Getting everyone involved in adding things to the list is still a work in process and I am still pretty much the owner of the list, but it is something we continue to work on and improve.

So how do you manage and keep track of the do lists in your life?  You can leave a comment or suggestion in the comments below.

It is a custom in our church to refrain from saying Alleluia during the Lenten season as a way of building anticipation and excitement for Easter Sunday as well as marking Lent as a period of self-reflection and sacrifice.  So to make this meaningful and better understood by the children in our church, our Children’s Ministries director arranged for the children to bury their Alleluias (they were simply pieces of paper with the word Alleluia printed on them) in a large clay pot during one of the Children’s sermons.  She explained to them that the Alleluias would return along with joy and happiness on Easter Sunday.  And on Easter Sunday when the children returned to church, the Alleluias had exploded from the clay pot and were hung throughout the church for the children and their parents to find.  My kids had a blast trying to find the Alleluias throughout the church and came home with a lot of them that were stuffed inside the eggs from the Easter egg hunt.

So after Easter was over and I was making my kids go through their eggs from the church egg hunt to empty out the candy, I had a pile of Alleluias on my kitchen table.  I was just getting ready to scoop them up and toss them when Lilly said “Stop!  What are you going to do with those?”  That was my first sign that she already had plans for those fifteen little pieces of paper.  You see Lilly LOVES creating projects, organizing activities, and planning events.  She is an extremely busy kid that is always creating new games for us to play, making sure we are meeting our family night goals, and organizing parties and celebrations.  Last summer she stood on the sidewalk with a sign inviting perfect strangers to a competition she was holding.  I think she will make a great cruise director someday.

So, after I confessed that I was going to throw them out, she pleaded with me to save them because she had a new game for us to play and she needed the Alleluias.  In Lilly’s world this is code for “I am going to make a mess”.  I could see the sincerity and excitement in her face, so I relented.  And now  I have 15 little Alleluias taped all over my house.

Here is one on our foyer floor

Here is one taped to a picture frame (please pretend you don’t see the dust)

And here is one taped to the carpet at the top of our stairs.  There used to be two taped at the top of the stairs, but one came loose when it got stuck to the bottom of my foot….

She had this elaborate game along with elaborate rules (she can over think things at times) planned where we would break into teams and see who could find them the fastest.  It was a game spread out over THREE DAYS.  And two weeks later most of the Alleluias are still hung throughout my house (she is working on her follow through skills).  I don’t have the heart to take them down just yet.

To me these fifteen little pieces of paper were just another mess for me to clean and clutter in my home, but to Lilly they were much more.  Lilly saw these fifteen little pieces of paper as a creative expression.  She took those little Alleluias and used them to express all those big thoughts and plans in her head.   It makes me a little sad that I didn’t see it at first and that I almost said no, but in the end her enthusiasm won and she had a lot of fun creating, planning, and decorating our home .

Over the years my husband and I have at times struggled with the dilemma of knowing how much is too much for our girls and whether or not we are expecting too much of them.  We tend to set the bar high and see if they can reach it and more often than not they have come through with shining colors.  But as parents who have high expectations for our kids we also have to ask ourselves, at what cost?   Are the rewards and benefits of working hard and going above and beyond, coming at the cost of our children’s emotional wellbeing, friendships, or relationship with us?  Through trial and error, we have learned what works for our girls and what doesn’t and now when we face a new decision that may be a stretch for our kids we ask ourselves the following questions.

What’s the worst thing that could REALISTICALLY happen?

Taking the time to understand what is really at stake will help you get more comfortable with asking your kids to take on new challenges.  When the stakes are high, you need to be really sure the risks are worth it. Asking your child to give the violin a try and asking your teenager to take an Advanced Placement class are two different things.  The worst that could happen in the first scenario is they learn they don’t like the violin and you lose a few bucks on rentals and lessons.  And the worst that could happen in the second is that the class is too hard for them, they don’t do well, and they jeopardize their opportunity for the college of their dreams.  Or even worse, they struggle with the pressure and turn to less than healthy ways of dealing with the stress.

How will I know if it isn’t working?

When you ask your child to take on something they are not ready for, there will be warning signs though they may not be apparent at first.

Meltdowns, arguing, and whining are the most obvious signs that your child isn’t ready for what you are asking them to do.  These responses are your child’s way of trying to maintain control and communicate to you that they aren’t on board with whatever it is you are asking them to do.  Remember, children (especially young children) may not have the verbal skills or the language to express their frustrations, so they show you their frustrations in more physical and emotional ways.

The less apparent warning sign is that they will quietly sabotage, fail, or do substandard work.  This one is a little harder to spot and as parents we may not catch it until it’s too late.  It is often the first choice of rebellion in those kids who don’t like to disappoint their parents or know that meltdowns or arguing won’t work.  They try and maintain some control and stage their protest by forgetting to turn in their homework, not studying for tests, or striking out every time they are at bat.

How can we make them feel more secure?

It is perfectly normal for anyone including kids to feel apprehensive about trying something new, so be sure to give your kids the freedom to express their worries and apprehensions with you.   Sometimes all it takes to help them feel less anxious is just a matter of talking it through, helping them see the benefits, and sharing your reasons why.

Do they know how to tell me it’s too much?  Am I prepared to let them quit?

One thing kids worry about is how to get out of something that isn’t working.  When they don’t understand how to get out of something (or know that they can), they tend to get much more anxious and resistant to trying new opportunities.  So when you are asking your child to try a new challenge, be sure to talk about how to handle difficulties and how to know when to call it quits.  For example, my now ten year old daughter was a very picky eater when she was young.  It took a long time for her to embrace new foods and whenever we sat down to eat she would immediately get defensive and give us a hard time about trying new things.  It suddenly dawned on me that she was worried about being forced to eat a lot of something she didn’t like, so we implemented the one “daddy sized” bite rule.  She had to try a decent sized bite of everything new on the table.  If she liked it, she could have more.  If she didn’t like it we congratulated her for trying, didn’t force her to eat any more, and let it go.  She is now probably my best eater.

What are my reasons why?

Sometimes we ask our kids to take on new challenges because it is something we value, we think they need, or something that brought us great pleasure as a kid.  These reasons aren’t necessarily bad reasons for setting high expectations and asking them to try new things, but they shouldn’t be the only reasons.  In the end, your high expectations should be about what is best for your child.  Ask yourself questions like “What do I think she will gain by learning to play the violin?” or “What will he learn by taking a part-time job?”  Make sure your reasons are rooted in your child’s well-being and not your ego or fears.

Do I know my child?

Honestly I probably should have started with this one because if you do a good job of really knowing your child all the other points I made will be much easier.  Your child will tell you every day through little comments, their play, and their actions who they are and what they are capable of.  It is just a matter of whether or not you are listening.  Take time every day to connect with your children whether it is over a family meal, bedtime prayers, or the short car ride to soccer practice.  Do this often and do this well and life will be so much easier.

Over the years, we have provided our girls with opportunities to try new things, experience new adventures, and challenge themselves in whole new ways.  Some of the opportunities the girls asked for themselves and some of the opportunities were ones strongly suggested by us.  And the reality is that we really didn’t know which opportunity was too much for our girls until we gave it a try to see what happened.  We have learned something new about ourselves and our girls with every opportunity and have learned to approach new opportunities and challenges for the girls with much less worry and guilt.

How do you know if you are expecting too much from your children?  You can share your thoughts, comments and ideas in the comments below.

A couple weeks ago I talked about the philosophy and habits of how the family schedule is managed in my home, so this week I thought I would take some time to talk about the specific tools we use for managing the schedule.

In our family, we use a combination of paper and electronic calendars to manage our schedule.  Each has its advantages and disadvantages which is why I use a combination of the two.  I like the ease of use and accessibility of my electronic calendar, but I also like the ability to see each month in its entirety on my paper calendar.  I have yet to find an electronic calendar that does this well.  Also, the wall calendar is just easier for the entire family to see and update.  If we just had an electronic calendar, only I or my husband could see it easily.  I have learned that if it is too much hassle for my kids to use something, they won’t bother.

We use Microsoft Outlook to manage our calendar electronically

Both my husband and I use Microsoft Outlook to manage our email and calendars.  I like that Outlook collects both my email, calendar, tasks, and contacts all in one place for me which is why I continue to use it even though it is pricey.  I have thought about switching to Google Calendar, but I don’t like that I would have to switch back and forth between the calendar function and email function and frankly I just don’t think it is designed as well.  It is free though and a great option if you don’t want to spend the money on Outlook.

 I am the master keeper so to speak of the schedule in our home and when an event or commitment comes up that my husband has to have on his calendar, I just create a meeting and send him the invitation.  Since he uses Outlook too, he just simply responds and adds it to his calendar.  This works REALLY well for us.  He likes the simplicity of having everything (his work and personal) on one calendar for himself.

We then both sync our Outlook calendars with our phones (I use an iPhone and he uses a Droid), so that we can reference them easily when we are away from our computers.

We use a wall calendar too

Our electronic Outlook calendars are great when we are on the go and for making sure that my husband and I have everything in one place, but I still prefer to use a monthly family calendar at home.  The family calendar is kept on our refrigerator and we use it to keep the individual schedules for all of us.  I like that I can see the entire month at a time as well as past and future months.  And I like that everyone in the family can see our schedule too.  The kids have learned to check the family calendar before making plans and to add things as well.  This way they learn some time management skills and share in ownership for their schedule.    It’s just easier for us to manage and update especially when we are in the throes of our evening routines or morning rush.

At the beginning of every month, I go through the calendar and write in all of our family commitments using the calendar stored on my phone (which was synced with Outlook).   And then at the start of each week, I make sure both the electronic and paper calendars are updated with anything new added.  Sometimes things will be on the electronic calendar (usually appointments made outside the home or via email) that aren’t on the wall calendar and sometimes things will be on the wall calendar (usually added by the kids themselves or that came home in the backpacks) that aren’t on the electronic calendar.  It takes about 5 minutes to sync them up and make sure both are up to date.

It took a little trial and error to figure out what works best for us and our system isn’t perfect, but it does keep us on track 98% of the time, so we are sticking with it for now.

What tools do you use to manage your family schedule?  You can share your suggestions and ideas in the comments below.

Making change is hard.  Making change that involves the entire family is really hard.  For many years I thought the best way to make change in my life and my family’s life was to do it all at once and be done with it.   “Life is hard, suck it up, and move on” was my mantra for many years.  I envisioned change a little like ripping a band aid off.  Thinking it best to get it over with one swift and painful yank rather than nursing the band aid off a little at a time.  At times I had used this approach with getting my kids to sleep on their own, potty training, and making changes to our family meals.  And all I can say is that every time I tried making change with one swift yank, it was one of the most incredibly difficult and frustrating times in my and my family’s life.

So over the years, I learned to be more patient about making changes.  And rather feeling pressure to make change in one fell swoop (or yank), I have found that I am more successful at making lasting change when I visualize the change more like jumping across a stream from one side to the other  using one stone at a time to get me across.  It may take me a little longer to get to the other side, but I can see the stones and the path they will lead me on and know that I will get there eventually.

And when it comes to making changes that involve the entire family, this really is the best way because they feel less threatened, have more time to adjust, and frankly notice it less.

Small change is less threatening

Having lack of control or power can be really frightening to anyone, but to a child it can be overwhelming.  And when a parent swoops in with changes to their normal comfortable life, they are threatened.  They like anyone will react by being resistant, complaining, and by finding ways to sabotage your efforts.  Small changes help children feel more in control, gives them more time to adjust, and makes them feel like they have options.

It’s easier to make adjustments and corrections

When you are jumping from stone to stone as you cross the stream, you are also learning along the way.  Learning which stone is wobbly, which stone is bigger than you realized, and which stone is really slippery.  The small changes you make in your life are like each stone.  Every little change helps you learn a little more about yourself, your kids, and what is really involved in getting to the other side.  Each small change gives you time to change direction because the stone is just too unstable, change your mind because the slipperiness of the stone makes it too unreliable, or just stop and rest because the stone is bigger than you realized.

They notice it less

Big swooping changes are almost always noticed, but when you make small changes over the course of many weeks or months, they are less noticeable and tend to be less painful.  I am not saying you should set out to deceive your family and if they ask you about some of the changes you have implemented, you need to be honest because trust in any family is a really big deal.

But I also don’t thing every change has to be negotiated and agreed on as a family.  As the parent, we are responsible for the well-being of our children and sometimes that means we have to make changes that they may not like.

I have found that when I make small changes in a quiet way, they tend to notice them less and accept them more.

How do you make changes in your family?  Please share your thoughts and ideas in the comments below.

It can get mundane – the daily tasks of motherhood.  A lot of what we do is the same nearly every day, grocery shopping, making dinner, helping with homework and rounding up kids.

How do you stay positive and truly enjoy each and every day?

I’ve changed seasons over the past year, going from parenting older children to now having a toddler in the home and realized there are certain things that I can do to make my days more enjoyable. My own mothering weaknesses have surfaced once again for me and have become very apparent.  I lose my patience, lack enthusiasm and even get downright grumpy!  Can you relate?

I hope the suggestions below are helpful in turning your days around and putting you on a path to enjoy the journey.  Don’t let it slip by.

Find Value

One of the first steps to being a happier mom is to value what you do.  Motherhood is no ordinary task — we are in a unique position to help our children reach for their dreams and to achieve their full potential and live the life they were born to.

“The woman who creates and sustains a home and under whose hands children grow up to be strong and pure men and women, is a creator second only to God.”   Helen Hunt Jackson

What you do everyday, all the little things add up to a much bigger puzzle.  How you train, teach and mold your children will matter.  You are doing so much more than you realize.  When I stop to truly think of the important job I have, I am often in awe of what is expected of me.  But doing this allows me to grasp the importance of all the loads of laundry I do, meals I prepare or homework I correct.  You matter and what you contribute truly matters.

Get enough sleep

We are a sleep starve generation and us moms are right at the top of burning the candle at both ends.  Ladies, we cannot do it!  There are only so many hours in a day and you have to use at least 8 of those to recharge your body.

Instead of pushing through tasks in the late evening, take the time to prioritize tasks and make sure you are in bed with enough time to get a good 8 hours.  I know for myself, if I get that sleep I am definitely more productive with the tasks left on my list than if I were to push through and give me body less than 8 hours to recharge.

When you wake up rested everyone in your family benefits.

Savor the moment

Consider slowing down and enjoying the moments throughout the day instead of just pushing through them as fast as you can.  Our to-do lists are long and we can get into an automatic mode of going from one task to the next without stopping to enjoy what may be happening around us.

I found this to be the case when I would be pushing to get through my list and I missed some fun activity time with my little one.  Instead of plowing ahead, I now will intentionally stop and take time to read a book or build blocks with him instead of just expecting him to play on his own.  I find that I get a little kick of energy by doing this and it also helps me feel valuable in my role as a mom.

Do the Unexpected

When you are about ready to lose it, switch directions!  Hug your child when you’re ready to yell or reactive negatively.  This takes self-control for sure, but the more you practice certain behavior on your end, the easier it will become.  If you can stop the train of destruction from rolling along, you will save time and energy for both of you.

When you give hugs and get them in return that can fill up our mom love tanks immensely, creating an environment where we can enjoy our time at home more.  If you take a few minutes to hug and share some time together, it will make each of you feel better.

Susan Heid loves inspiring Christian moms to make small changes managing their home and family life giving them more time, order and less stress! As a Certified Parent Coach and Family Manager Coach she enjoys sharing her expertise with moms through workshops, teleseminars, public speaking, and individual and group coaching.  She is a proud mom, step-mom and foster mom to 3, married to her very own prince charming, loves coffee, cloudy days, and does think the “bluest skies you’ve ever seen are in Seattle.”  Her FREE 5 part mini series: “The Opening Act” is helping moms worldwide become the calm mom they want to be!

One of the nice things about having all girls is that I can hand down from one girl to the next a lot of the clothes.   One of the downsides of having all girls though, is that there are a lot of clothes to hand down and store.  I mean what girl doesn’t like clothes?  Anyway, so over the years I have worked out this system to keep them stored, somewhat organized, and out of the way.  There is nothing special or original about this approach. I just seem to get quite a few questions from other parents about how I store and organize their clothes, so I thought I would share it here on the blog.

How I sort the clothes

I use a simple system of sorting the clothes by size.  Right now they are broken down into groups of sizes 6/6x, 7, 8, 10, 12, 14, and a generic teen size.  I am lucky that I have all girls, because if I had a mixture of girls and boys, then I would have to probably sort them by size and by sex.  I also don’t do any differentiation of the teen sizes.  I have found that as they become teenagers, they grow less and hold onto clothes longer.   The two teenagers have a lot of clothes in their bedrooms and when they grow tired of something or grow out of something they either give it to each other or toss it in the teen box.  Once my youngest grows out of the smallest size I have, I donate them to our church rummage sale.

I also do not do any sorting by season.  All clothes regardless of season are stored together by size.  I try and separate them in the bins by seasons, but more often than not, they just get lumped in together and we sort them out at the start of a new season.

How I store the clothes

All of the clothes are stored in plastic bins in my basement on shelves.  I mark the lid of each box with masking tape and write the size of each one.  If Bobbie were here she would tell me to also mark the sides of the bins as well so that I could see the size by all angles, but I haven’t managed to find the motivation to do that.  She would probably also tell me to use clear bins, so that I can more easily see what is inside, but I haven’t done that either.

I am also fortunate to have a full size basement and plenty of room to store them.  If I didn’t have a big basement then I would probably still store them in bins, but keep them in the girls’ closets.  After Lilly grows out of the smallest size we have, I just reuse the bin for another size or something else.

How I manage the switch between seasons

Right now we are in the process of switching out clothes between winter and spring/summer.  It gets hard between seasons because it isn’t warm enough to switch completely to the spring/summer clothes, so we still need to have some winter clothes handy as well.  Right now the bins for my two youngest are at the foot of my bed and because my 10 year old is wearing a winter size 10, but will need a spring/summer size 12, I have an extra bin.  Basically all we do is go through the clothes, find things that fit and that they like, hang the new clothes in their bedroom, and store most of last season’s clothes in the bins.  We still keep a few things from last season on hand in their closet, so that they are available on cold days.  I also keep the bins at the bottom of my bed for a few weeks, so that I can quickly store the remaining clothes from last season.  If I put all the bins away in the basement, then I would have a pile of clothes that looks like this

sitting on the table at the top of my stairs all summer long until the fall rolled around and we go through the process again.  This way I can quickly store the clothes and have all of the winter clothes back in the basement by Memorial Day.

A note about shoes and a word to the wise

I have found that other than the shoes they wear on nice occasions or to church, that it is hard to hand the shoes down to the younger girls.  After a season running and playing outside, sneakers get really gross looking and well worn.  I keep all the shoes that are worthy of saving for the younger girls in one bin and we just sort through there to find something that fits.

Also, a word to the wise; teenage girls like to wear their mother’s shoes, so if you don’t want them wearing your shoes, buy ugly mom shoes.

We started the night before by setting out our Easter baskets.  I took about six or eight shots and this is the best of them all….not entirely sure what Katie is doing, but she is making her sisters laugh.

Then we left the bunny a snack, note, and some artwork.  The note says, “Take home the bunny”.

And when we woke up in the morning we found this on our front lawn.  Courtesy of our friends, John and Kristen.  They dropped it off around 1:00AM….  The eggs are made out of paper mache.  John and Kristen made and painted them.

And then we headed to church and picked up Miss Gloria along the way.  Joe volunteers a lot of his time on Sunday mornings driving 3 elderly ladies to church.  We call them “his ladies“.

This is the front of our church.  At the beginning of Lent, the kids buried the Alleluias in the clay pot, and on Easter morning they were set free and hung all over the church.  The kids (and parents) spent the morning trying to find the Alleluias throughout the church.  Very fun and inspiring idea!

We then changed into our running shoes for a quick Easter egg hunt at church.

We then came home and baked Easter bread

Decorated the driveway with the new sidewalk paint we got in our Easter baskets

Hid more eggs for another Easter egg hunt.  That is our friend John who decorated our lawn with the bunny and basket.

Hunted for the eggs

It took them a while to find this one….

Ran to catch the giant Easter basket because it blew away….

And ended our day by making the girls pose in the giant Easter basket.

These make me smile.  My two oldest daughters each have friends who are working hard to become honorary members of our family.  They have each come up with a list of things they need to complete before they “get in” and have a lot of fun checking them off as they get accomplished.  Each of these friends come from very loving close knit families, so it’s not like they feel this way because they are running from anything.  For some reason they just think that living in a house filled with sisters and having cool parents is somehow fun.  Something tells me though that after one week of having to share a bathroom or bedroom with four other girls, they would feel differently.  But it makes me happy to know that some of our quirkiness is actually viewed as coolness in the eyes of teenagers.

But what really makes me happy is that if I look more closely at each list, it reaffirms my belief that one of the keys to having a strong meaningful family life isn’t about the big things, but rather the quiet small things that happen over time.  Little traditions, quirks, or aspects of our family life that were never intended to have special meaning, but for whatever reason have held special significance for our daughters.

Sometimes as parents we get caught up in making sure the big things are checked off the list before the kids leave home.  Big things like trips to Disney or big bash birthday parties.  And forget to appreciate the small little nuances of daily life that hold the most meaning for our kids.  I know I have, but now I have these lists to remind me otherwise .

I like the predictability of a regular family schedule.  It helps keep us focused and less frazzled and when the kids were younger helped to minimize melt downs and power struggles.  Throughout the year our family schedule will change slightly around school schedules and summer breaks, but during the school year our general family schedule looks pretty much the same week after week.  Here are some of the key ways we manage and stick to our schedule.

We establish anchor points in our day

Basically an anchor point is the time our day starts and the time our day ends and we force everything to happen and get done within these anchor points.  For us, our start point anchor time is 6:00am and our end point anchor time is 10:00pm.  Before six o’clock in the morning and most definitely after ten o’clock in the evening, the house has to be quiet with little to no activity.  This doesn’t mean that everyone is in bed at ten o’clock; it just means that if you are still up you have to be quiet and respectful of those sleeping.

Plan our schedule in blocks

Whenever I am planning our schedule for the week, I think in terms of blocks of time rather than minutes or hours and try to manage our schedule to fit into each block as best I can.  For us there are basically five blocks – Work & School, Household, Fun/Family, Grocery Shopping/Errands, Activities & Sports.   As a general rule a typical day during the week will look like this for us:

6:00 – 9:00 AM – Get Ready for School & Work; Morning Routines; Light Housekeeping, Chores or Do List Stuff

9:00 AM – 4:00 PM – Work & School (For me and the kids; my husband doesn’t get home until later)

4:00 – 7:00 PM – Dinner, Homework, Household Chores, Activities & Sports, Groceries/Errands

7:00 – 10:00 PM – Evening Routines & Bed

Other than our family dinners and maybe some light reading together in the evening, we don’t do much in the way of family activities during the week.  We save family fun stuff for the weekends or Friday evenings so that we can enjoy them more.

We keep Sunday’s free

We try really hard to keep Sunday’s free of social commitments or work.  We try and make Sunday’s about relaxing, spending time together, and regrouping.  After a long week of school, work, and commitments, all of us need this time to just let our bodies and minds rest both physically and emotionally.  I minimize all household chores and responsibilities and keep dinner really simple.  For the younger kids, we try and get all homework done on Saturday and encourage the two teenagers to do so as well.

I shut down after seven

Once seven o’clock rolls around each night, I am basically spent for the day.  So I don’t plan on getting anything productive done after seven each night.  I focus on getting all the important things done earlier in the day.  The most I will get done after seven is getting the two youngest in bed, folding laundry, or putting in a load of wash, but that is about all.

Question: How do you manage your family schedule?

The clutter in my kitchen has gotten out of control lately or maybe just my effort to keep on top of the clutter has gotten lax, so I took some time this morning to get it organized because I couldn’t stand looking at it any longer.

This organizer sits on my kitchen counter and its main job is to keep track of the school papers and library books for the two youngest kids as well as be a place for us to charge our phones, hold our household organizing binder, and store hair clips and pony tail holders (in that little drawer).  I also use it to hold file folders for various committees or volunteer work I do.  This is the go to place for things and paper we need on a frequent basis, but lately it has become a dumping ground for stuff we don’t know what to do with and overrun with old papers that need tossed.

Did you know that kids bring home A LOT of paper?

I know our schools have gotten much better about this over the years, but there is still a lot of paper that each kid brings home and when left unattended grows into this

The two lower spots are used to keep track of the school work and paper for the two youngest kids.  They are both still in elementary school and still need help keeping track of their school work.  The two oldest (15 and almost 14), keep track of their own things.  And if you saw their bedrooms you wouldn’t believe me, so we won’t go there….

Sometimes I just don’t feel like dealing with it all

So it gets stuffed in our household organizer and ends up looking like this

The reality is that I really DETEST filling out forms and if I have to write a check for that form, then I REALLY detest filling out that form.  So I have a tendency to put filling out forms off as long as possible and as you can see sometimes miss deadlines…  I now have a call into the art teacher to see if I can still send in our order form….sheesh….

If we know where it belongs then we should put it there the first time

My family suffers from a condition called IDontKnowWhereItGoesitis….and when it hits them the organizer ends up looking like this

I try and keep this top spot clear and open, so that we can charge our cell phones and keep the cords neatly tucked behind the organizer and to also store temporary items that we need to keep track of like this fish giving bank for church.  But as you can see, there is only one item there that technically should be there…everything else has a home of its own.

When I keep on top of it all, it looks like this

Doesn’t that look better?  It is much less emotionally draining now and makes me feel less overwhelmed.  And to keep it from getting out of control again, I have added cleaning it out to my household planner.  It is a five minute job that when done really helps to clear my mind of distractions and find things faster.

The teen years I think get a bad rap.  They are by no means easy, but they don’t have to be as horrendous as other parents will have you believe.  As a parent with two teenagers, we have had our ups and downs, but here are five things I have found most surprising and enjoyable about the teen years.

Fun becomes more adult like

Once your kids get to a certain age you can move beyond the standard kid games and play more challenging “adult” games and activities.  Games, activities, and movies are elevated to a whole new level once you have teenagers because they are emotionally and intellectually able to relate on a more adult level.  Frequently my husband and I will sit down together with our two teenagers and spend an evening playing Euchre, Clue, or Monopoly.  All games that my two youngest don’t have a lot of interest in playing or aren’t able to play just yet.    It also gives us a chance to spend some alone time with the two oldest and to give them a break from their little sisters.

They challenge you intellectually

Teenagers are able to ask harder and more thought provoking questions which leads to deeper conversations about current events, religion, politics, or just life in general.  I love hearing what they think and I love that these conversations force me to think beyond just my first impressions and really dive into the reasons behind my thinking.

They are more independent

Teenagers are able to get themselves dressed, fed, and out the door with minimal help from us and are able to spend time home alone unsupervised.   And this I find to be a big relief.  It is really nice to know I have one less thing on my “list” to do or worry about and very rewarding to know that I have raised kids who are self sufficient and independent.

They make you double check your actions

Teenagers will call you out.  And though this can be unsettling and hurtful, it has really helped me to see where my priorities and values may not be aligned.

You get to see them begin to put it all together

The teen years I think are where you really begin to see some of the fruits of your labor.  They become more independent, begin to form their own opinions, and develop a more certain sense of self.   This I think is where you as a parent can really begin to see where some of the hard choices and decisions you made in the past are starting to pay off.

Question: What do you like the most about having a teenager?  

Photo Gallery Walls

Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies

Butterfly Garden Design

A while back I wrote Simple Questions Every Family Should Ask the Night Before and since writing that piece I have realized there are a few more questions that should be added to the list.  I have recapped them all here and created a simple checklist for you to download and print to help you remember.  Keep the checklist in a very central location, refrigerator, bulletin board, etc, so that you can quickly and easily reference it.  For those of you who like to try and keep things digital, you can copy it into a note or reminder app.

What’s on our calendar and does everyone know it?  Do all family members understand what it means to THEM?

Review your family calendar and make sure everyone knows what is going on as well as the expectations and implications.  For example, sometimes I need to pick one of my kids up from school early for a doctor’s appointment, so this means

1. She needs to know she is being picked up and to have herself ready at a certain time.
2. Her sisters need to know they will be walking home alone that day.  Do they have their key?  Do they remember the rules about being home alone?
3. I need to write a note to the teacher letting her know that my child will be picked up early and at what time.
4. I need to make sure that any of the people I work with know I will be unavailable.

The goal of this question is to eliminate confusion and improve communication.  It is also a great way of teaching kids how to anticipate and manage implications.

What specific things do we need for the events or appointments on our calendar?

These are items you will need specific to the event or appointment.  It would include things like sports equipment, snacks, books/reading material, calendars, and notes/files.  The goal here is to be as prepared as possible and make the best use of our time.

What are the 3 most important MUST Do’s for tomorrow?  And who is doing them?

These are the things that really have to get done.  They should be the priority for your day.  Try and keep the list to no more than three items so that you can be effective.  The goal of this question is to help keep you focused, help you prioritize, and help keep you productive.

What specific things or information do I need to accomplish my MUST Do’s?

Think through as thoroughly as possible the things you will need to accomplish your MUST Do’s.  Go through each item and ask yourself “What do I need to accomplish this?”  Gather everything you need or at a minimum know where you will find it.  So for example, if one of my MUST Do’s is to order a replacement part for my dryer, I will need to know these things:

1. The manufacturer and model number
2. The name of the specific part
3. Who am I going to call?

The goal of this question is on improving productivity and saving time.

What’s for dinner?  Do I need to take anything out of the freezer or pick anything up from the store?

This question is all about making meal planning easier and meal time less chaotic.  Try and do as much meal prep as possible, so that you can spend less time preparing the meals or having to eat out or run through fast food drive-thrus.

What are we wearing?  Is it clean? Where is it?

This question is particularly helpful when specific outfits, school uniforms, or sports equipment is needed.  The goal of this question is to help make our mornings less rushed and crazy.

Are we buying or packing our lunches?  Do we need lunch money?

Ask the question to flush out any lunch requests early and to make sure everyone has enough money to buy.  Try and pre-pack as much as possible to help make the following morning easier.

Question:  What questions or routines do you go through every night to help make the following day easier?  You can tell me by leaving a response by clicking here.