East Coast Times

AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

2008-10-31T11:30:00.003+13:00

I really don't care to point out all the reasons why Liz is wrong, because (1) its too easy (2) there are too many. So I'll just post this image.

Liz Shaw doesn't know anything about anything

2008-08-16T14:34:00.004+12:00

With Liz Shaw back in Auckland, the world is returned to rights. She has found gainful full-time employment, and as a taxpayer is therefore once again worthy of our respect as a fellow human being. Perhaps we should criticise her most recent blogging efforts for once again sliding towards shameless self-indulgence, rather than the Australia media watch we were promised, but then again, maybe it would be churlish to do so.

But dumb is dumb, and it’s impossible not to start judging her when she starts speaking authoritatively on the “The job market at present in Australasia.” In effect, she blames the global recession on media hype. I’m pretty sure the good people of Haiti who have taken to eating mud because they can’t afford now-expensive food would be forced to disagree.

And then there’s the business regarding the interview process. Like democracy itself, the hiring process is an imperfect tool to find the right people for a given job, but as it stands, it’s the best tool we’ve got. I shudder to think what would happen if any company actually began taking her suggestions seriously, and allowed everyone who made the interview process to work for a week without proper training. Police? Bus drivers? School teachers? Chief executives? Accountants? Coming from someone in the top 4% of graduates from Australia, we expected better.

“Secondly I find it ridiculous that employers tell candidates they are underqualified and lack experience and then that person applies for different positions and they are told that they are overqualified.”

Poor Liz. Too smart to work checkouts, not clever enough to work reception. Where’s the justice in the world? I’m sorry this blog doesn’t provide answers, only more questions. Will Liz ever get back to Australia? Is she a libertarian or an authoritarian socialist? Is “the media” really always to blame?

These are the questions which haunt us, and more importantly, her.

P.S
For all you readers from Auckland University, portfolio elections are being held this coming week. You should probably vote for Matt and Val for Craccum editors, since I'm reliably informed they're better than the opposition.

Not Nationals Policy announcements

2008-08-06T15:01:00.003+12:00

Yet again, Liz shows that she has a childlike understanding of politics, one easily corrected by intellectual luminaries such as adults with severe learning disabilities.

Settle down by the fire, and let’s have a look at her latest masterpiece.

I support all of them, especially the ones about changing Kiwisaver, selling off TVNZ, selling off Kiwibank.

None of these are National party policy, unless Liz has some kind of access to thet secret thoughts of the National caucus. In fact, Bilbo English, the angry wee man who recently suggested that National was looking at selling Kiwibank, has publically stated that they won't be. In any case, why sell it? It's running a profit, and has introduced competition into THE MARKET. Or is that not a good thing?

Also: "National has no plan to sell all or part of TVNZ. We have made that clear, but neither Mr Norris nor Trevor Mallard appear to accept this."

I also support the policies about the EFA repeal and the MMP referendum.

And what would you suggest MMP be replaced with? This is a serious question: FPP was a retarded system.

I'm very much in favour with the policies to revamp employment laws and allow employees to trade in one of their 4 annual leave weeks for cash

Ah yes, the old libertarian trait of supporting policies that will directly harm you.

and the 3 month trial idea (as how much can you really tell about a person's ability to do a job from a 15 minute interview of asking them questions - seeing them in action is much better).

Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. When done properly, structured interviews have close to a .3 correlation with work place performance. Add in other predictive measures and you can get very accurate predictions of work place performance.
The reason why employers in Australia wouldn't, and employers in New Zealand won't give you a chance to prove yourself in the work place isn’t because they can't fire you within 90 days. It's because you have faded purple hair, and that's not a very professional look.

Also this

Three things need to be said. First, there is no obvious correlation between such flexibility and improved economic performance. If there were, the years of the ECA would, presumably, have been bonanza years for the economy.

Second, such measures are often less comprehensive than current National thinking. Third, many of these countries have a substantially stronger employment and social protections and stronger active labour markets.

The $64,000 question is: What would the 90-day proposal contribute to improved productivity and economic performance? The answer is: Not much.

The economy is marked by high labour utilisation, an underspend on capital, a relatively poor productivity performance, low wages, a training system in recuperation after the depredations of the 1990s, and a need to rethink dramatically how we organise our workplaces.

The 90-day proposal will not address productivity challenges facing our economy and may, if implemented, promote the short-term, "flexible" use of labour by businesses wedded to the low-wage, low-tech approach.

For two decades, this has been the default position for many businesses. Why would New Zealand introduce a measure likely to confirm such practices?

And to top it all off, Liz ends on a more bizarre note, more disconnected from reality than normal.

Enough said, I only wish the general public felt the same way.

For someone who bragged about being in the "top 4% of graduates in Australia", your understanding of the subject you majored in is laughably bad.

2008-07-28T22:43:00.003+12:00

Hey youse guyse. I've been hard at work writing a short storie. It's all the in style of a diary. Hope you enjoy them :) I'd like some feedback on the character if you can think anything.

If you're gonna play the game you gotta learn to play it right (July 4th 1:52am)
"I could blog about this but I will next week instead, it's effing good news though, effing effing effing good news:-)

Oh screw it, I can't wait until next week to talk about it and I don't care that it's not strictly related to the Australian Media.

On Tuesday I successfully obtained a job but it was a shit job (taking courier bookings - not my cup of tea or where I see my life going), well 5 minutes after I resigned from it (which was on the first day) I got a phone call. I was on the bus home thinking "fuck, what am I going to do?" It's kind of stressful when you're short on money and have no job. The phone call was from a company and they wanted to invite me along for the graduate assessment day. I had to prepare a speech before the day. That was the only requirement. I'm not sure if I have mentioned this online in the past. I probably have, but in 6th form there was an inter-regional debating competition - MUNA (Model United Nations Assembly) and I expected to be working in a team, but at the last minute one of the teams pulled out because there was a teachers' strike going on at the time. I took on the role of Russia by myself and at the end of the day won best delegate speaker for the day despite having done no preparation - which indicated that speeches and presentations are a strength of mine. Lord knows they should be, I've spent $1000s getting lessons on how to entertain and deliver speeches etc.

Well on Tuesday night I wrote my speech and read it to a few people who absolutely loved it. I won't go into the details of what was in the speech because I don't want to give away any trade secrets but it was a damn good speech. I then edited it yesterday as required and the changes made it even better.

Today was the assessment day, 40 people are invited to attend this day where the company puts you through a few gruelling exercises. It starts with a psychometric test and then some introductions before you go off on a team exercise. After that team exercise feedback is given and we then have another group exercise at which point everyone is called one by one into the room where we were to deliver our speeches. I was lucky, I was called into the little room with only 4 people having to listen to my speech, others had a panel of about 20 in front of them. I was nervous but confident when I delivered my speech. I gave good eye contact, excellent body language, appropriate pauses and most importantly, I got through the speech. After the speeches we are called back into the room to complete the exercise and for some feedback.

At the end of the day, some names are called out and mine was one of them. We are all asked to go into a room and we stand in a circle. Three of the panelists come into the room and the room is filled with silence. They then tell us that we are lucky because out of 1000 people we made it into the top 40 who attend the assessment day, which they say is an achievement in itself. I then look through the glass window and see others from the people who stayed in the other room leaving and at that point I know that we have made it through the assessment day, and it is at that point they say that we have all made it through the assessment day. There would have been about 15 of us. The 15 of us are in the top 4% of graduates in Australia.

That's right, I'm one of them, one of the top 4% of graduates in Australia and will be placed in a graduate job within a week."

Will *expletive deleted* be a journo by lunchtime? (July 9th 11:39pm)
"As you're all aware this week I've had some interviews including two journo positions. One of these positions is a B2B Grad Journalist and the other is B2B online journalist. I am not willing to disclose any further information on the companies.

I am announcing that my interview for the B2B grad journalist position went very well today and I have been called in for a second interview tomorrow afternoon.

Will Liz Shaw be a journalist by lunch time? Stay tuned for further updates."

Outcome: Sitting, Wishing, Waiting... (July 11th 4:18am)
"I hate Jack Johnson so I have no idea why I've chosen that title for this blog. It's the most relevant I guess.

I haven't yet found out if I have the position. I'll know Tuesday at the latest but my recruitment consultant told me that "they were really impressed", and "want to interview at least one other candidate to make sure". I've also been told that I "have the right skills", and "would fit into the team".

Hmmm, so what will I do if I DON'T get one of these jobs? (July 14th 11:05pm)
"You're probably wondering that yourself actually.

Surely you're running out of money?
How are you supporting yourself?
Surely you could take any job?

These are questions that my friends have asked me and questions that I've been asking myself, but to be completely honest, the answer is, some people just have luck and I'm quite a lucky person but eventually that luck has to run out.

Before I get to answering those questions, I have booked a return ticket back to Auckland. As we all know, I have a habit of changing my plans at the last minute, sometimes quite literally. As you'll remember, when I was in Auckland and decided to go back to Sydney there were 4 hours before I had to leave for the airport.

I'm hoping that my having that ticket I will be tempting fate and saying, "this is what will happen", and I'm hoping that my track record will continue. I always change plans. I'm known as the plan changer amongst my group of friends and it annoys them sometimes.

I'm actually expecting to hear about the jobs, that I've got one as I'm on my way to the airport or just as I've made my way through Customs and Immigration, and then I"ll end up getting detained.

What can I say? I like drama.

So the question remains, if I do go back to Auckland this Friday night what will I do when I return?

University is out of the question. I can't face university again, getting through it once was annoying enough, and in the end I was only there because I wanted to finish what I'd started. I won't be living a life of unemployment - it's forbidden, being unemployed for 3 weeks is like the end of the world for me. I hate it. I hate not having regular money coming in.

No, if I come back to Auckland I'm thinking of doing stand up comedy and setting up a speech writing enterprise. You may laugh but that's the purpose of comedy, it's designed to make people laugh.

I'm gonna have to make my own opportunities.

Then in 6 months time when I've saved up enough money I'll move back to Sydney for take two of Liz's adventures in Australia.

I can't believe how much I actually like this place now."

I'll post more when I know. I'm hoping I'll know this afternoon (Friday) but it's unlikely."

Advance Australia Fair? (16th July 2:21pm)
"I'm still waiting to hear back about one job, the one job where the interview went very very well. I'm hoping I hear back today, well actually I wanted an answer last week but to quote the Rolling Stones, you can't always get what you ant.

The question is, will I stay or will I go? I doubt I'll actually decide until Friday, this is assuming the worst case scenario.

Of course, if I get offered a job today, that job then the problem is solved and I'll definitely be staying and changing my stupid plane ticket.

I really don't want to go back to Auckland. Though I'm looking for a job still I have a much better life here. I don't think I want to give that up."

The irony in this post is enormous (July 16th 4:18pm)
"If you remember a few months ago I left Auckland to pursue acting in Sydney but all I've had done are my headshots and that was on Sunday. I can't wait to see them, it will probably be 3 weeks before I do.

If you recall I did 2 short films in 2007 and 1 the week before I moved to Sydney. I played a housemaid in one, a bully in another before securing the role of the blind punk in the one before I moved to Sydney.

Well it's quite funny in a good way because this week a presenters gig came up in Auckland and despite not knowing 100% if I was returning, I applied for it and I have an audition for it next Wednesday.

I may suck at interviews, or do well but still not get hired, but I'm good at auditions and it is where my passion lies.

So the irony in this post is that the reason I left Auckland is actually the reason I will be staging my return at Auckland International Airport on Friday night:-)

The decision is irreversable now."

Australians all let us rejoice, for we are young & free (July 17th 10:40pm)
"For all you know my audition could be an auctioneer's position. I could be auditioning to work in a shop and do demonstrations of how to use products. I could be auditioning for a promotional role.

Or maybe I've simply changed the wording and it's not an audition, maybe it's actually an interview. Some people call auditions interviews and some people call interviews auditions. It could be an audition for a cooking job, or it could be an audition for a secret new reality tv show that's going to screen in NZ.

Of course, I may very well be auditioning for Tony Veitch's position. I might be auditioning for Shortland Street (how did that one happen). I might be auditioning for a parade in the city or something else.

I might be auditioning someone else, as in I might be the one behind the camera. I might have sent out one of my many generic CVs.

In short, you're getting nothing out of me, but I'm able to prepare over the next week."

My life back in Auckland (21st July 1:11pm)
"It's good to be back in Auckland.

I know I complained about my life in Auckland before I moved to Sydney, but honestly, Auckland is the easiest city to live in EVER. No wonder it consistently ranks highly on quality of life studies.

Since I've been back I've enrolled in post graduate study. Can you guess the topic? I'm doing post graduate study in Politics. I'm only doing it part time because of work committments and the fact I want to spread it out, rather than go back to full time study.

Yesterday I had a job interview and tonight I have my trial so if all goes according to plan and I do well then I'll be working full time probably from Wednesday. I'm not looking at call centre or office jobs. I cannot handle call centres anymore. I've done that for far too long and it's just not me anymore. I also don't want the structure and rigidity of an office job. I'm doing bar work because of the customer service, person to person contact and because the hours will change week to week. It will end up being full time, and I'm really happy about that. It's also going to fit in with acting and my post graduate study.

Speaking of acting, tomorrow morning I am having a private lesson in order to prepare for my audition on Wednesday and I have acting class tomorrow night:-)

It's good to be back...but next year I'm planning to head back across the ditch to either Perth or Brisbane. I'm thinking it will be 12 months before I move back and it will be 3 months in each place. The difference this time is that I'm going to go for a holiday to both before the end of the year. There is no way I am moving cities without going to them first or saving $10k."

*Expletive Deleted* tells: Why I came home! (July 22nd)
"Today I was reflecting on my time in Sydney and my decision for moving back to Auckland. I was actually going to blog about it but had decided against, however, seeing as people would like to know my reasons I am willing to share them. I had more than one reason for why I decided to come back home to Auckland, quite a few actually, which I'd actually been looking for before I moved overseas.

I'm very glad I had the experience of living in a world city, very glad I had that experience, but it wasn't smooth sailing.

I look back on my time in Sydney, and I actually think, "what the hell was I thinking?" and, "how did I get through those 3 months?"

We all know I had trouble finding a job in Sydney and that I moved from job to job. I couldn't stick to anything. That's not because I have trouble keeping jobs. It's probably because something wasn't right. I don't know what wasn't right, maybe a number of things in all honesty. I had the sales job for one week, then the Department of Housing job for 6 weeks and the telemarketing job for 5 weeks before quitting. I then had a job taking courier bookings for one day before quitting that.

My accommodation was stable the whole time. I was staying in a backpackers hostel in Kings Cross in my own room paying ridiculous rates, which are equivalent to $520 NZ.

I did have friends over in Sydney and I had some good times, but they weren't good friends. I won't keep in contact with them.

I did enjoy the beaches and I really liked that public transport in Sydney was amazing compared to Auckland. I loved the warmer climate and I did have some new head shots done.

There's a lot of things that weren't right though.

Without going into too much detail, I'm the type of person who sees my friends on a very regular basis, pretty much daily, if not daily, since I've been back it's been daily so to live without my friends being in the same city was very hard. I actually look back on it and am amazed I made it 3 months in Sydney, not because I'm weak, but because of what I put myself through.

But I knew I had to come back to Auckland because there was a part of me that never left Auckland despite what I've said in previous blogs. On my last night in Auckland before I moved to Sydney in the first place my friends said that I was looking for reasons to stay but didn't find any. I also knew I had to come back to Auckland because I was getting seriously unfit and my eating disorder returned the worst it's been in 5 years. I wasn't happy with that and knew something had to change. Well needless to say, the eating disorder (bulimia) has disappeared since Thursday and have been eating healthily and walking everywhere. I've also seen my friends every day, and I've got a life again.

I've been back for 3 days and I have a job already (in a bar - which fits in with acting and part time post grad study) and am back in post graduate study. I have an audition on Wednesday too and acting class tomorrow night.

I think I took my life in Auckland for granted before I left and I am so much happier being back in Auckland. Yes, it would have been nice if Sydney had worked out for me, but in some ways it did. I mean I've come back to Auckland with a whole new perspective and getting some real life experience was probably good for me, as tough as it was, it was good for me.

To sum up in one sentence, money was only a small factor in my decision to move back. I didn't have a lot of things in Sydney:

- Good friends
- Acting
- Uni
- Work

And oddly enough, it appears that since I've been back things have significantly changed and there are more opportunities for me here and despite what I've said, I actually really like this place and already feel more settled despite only having been back since Friday night, technically Saturday morning.

I've never been able to leave Auckland, so the fact I lasted 3 months, though because of my holiday back to Auckland in June it was only really 2 months straight.

Auckland IS my city."

Sometimes you have to go backwards to go fowards... (July 24th)
"I came back to Auckland on Friday night after a lack of success in finding a job and a lack of money amongst other reasons. I'm enrolled in post graduate study, with a specialisation in politics of course.

I have a new plan and this is how it goes:

Study in Auckland for the next 6 months. I was inititally thinking 12 months but I don't think I could handle that.
Work a minimum of 30 hours per week and put away $50 - $100 a week.
Suss out jobs in Brisbane, Perth, Adelaide and Sydney. I haven't 100% decided which one I want to go to next but I'm leaning towards Brisbane or Perth.
Get a flat straight away rather than living in a hostel at ridiculous rates.
Enrol in acting classes straight away.

I definitely was not prepared the first time I moved to Australia and that's part of why I had to come back to Auckland, but next time around, "Take Two" as I like to call it, I will be prepared.

Ultimately I would like to save around $3000 - $5000 before I move back again.

I figure that this time back in Auckland isn't going to be wasted. It's necessary to go fowards when I go back to Australia."

Where's the logic? (24th July)

"I worked my ass off trying to get a job in Sydney and went to interviews prepared and in suits yet I didn't get a job no matter how hard I tried, which was so much harder than I tried in Auckland.

I came back to Auckland on Friday night and have had two interviews this week. I don't think I did get the bar job, even though the trial went well.

I had another interview today and I ended up getting the job. Okay, it is in market research, but it isn't just telephone interviewing and recruiting for paid market research. It's also going to involve face to face interviewing across Auckland, so it's basically 3 jobs rolled into one, and the best part, I start tonight. I guess I'm slowly moving up. Getting this job means I'll be in Auckland for another 12 months.

But where is the logic? I tried so hard to get a job in Sydney, yet I haven't been trying as hard in Auckland and I've managed to within a week of being back."

Advance Australia Fair (July 25th)
"No prizes for guessing which rugby team I'm going to be supporting this weekend. It is of course going to be Deans' Wallabies and that's because I'm more Australian than I am Kiwi.

I seriously miss Australia. I just have 99.98% to of what I need to save to go and then I can move back there, and it is of course going to be Sydney.

I'm going to be there again in Either October or January but I'm leaning more towards January because that's when employers are likely to be hiring again and it also gives me more of a chance to save exactly what I need."

Advance Australia Fucking Fair (July 26th)
"I've got a unique and slightly disturbing habit of listening to the Australian National Anthem on repeat on You Tube. I don't know why I love this anthem so much. I'm only 1/4 Australian by blood.

Okay, so I've been to-ing and fro-ing a lot lately: Auckland - Sydney - Auckland - Sydney - Auckland, but I'm so unfulfilled here in Auckland, I just want to get back to Sydney as soon as possible. I've got $2k to save. Last time I did it in two months.

I've been discussing my plan of attack over the last few days in my blog. First I was going to go to Sydney in 12 months, then it was going to be in January, then October but I've brought it forward. It will be sometime in September. I don't have a departure date. It is all dependent upon how fast I can save $2k.

That ultimately means that I have to make sacrifices in order to do so:

No acting - that's an extra $50 - $75 I can save per week. It will be hard but I gotta do what I gotta do.
Phase out smoking or limit myself to three packs a week - that's a saving of $35.
Move into cheaper accommodation - probably not feasible in Auckland due to not wanting to get a flat for two months.
Get another job in Auckland in order to be able to increase my savings dramatically. I want to save $200 per week, and funnily enough, that's what I have to save in order to meet my target.

When I get to Sydney the new plan of attack:

Pay for 4 weeks in a dormitory sharing with other people. I may not want to, but it means that my money will go further when I am in Australia. (people who suggested this before, you know who you are, don't even say, I told you so, coz I know and I'm stubborn as you also know). I may not want to stay in a dorm but I want to stay in the cold even less and I certainly don't want to stay in a job where I'm over qualified and under paid - that's my weakness, I get bored when I'm not being challenged.
Take on ANY work in Australia if I really need to until I get the RIGHT job.
Buy groceries from the supermarket rather than eating out.

In short, when I put my fucking mind to something, I normally go hard out, and I want to be back across the Tasman in September at the latest. That gives me 2 months exactly to save.

EDIT: Change of plan, I'm looking for cheap accommodation that has my own private room."

For we are young and free... (26th July)
"I've decided on a departure date. I move back to Sydney on the 5th of October. I have booked my accommmodation and will be living in Bondi and it is significantly cheaper than where I was living in Kings Cross. It is my own private room like I had previously which is fricken great.

I now know how much I need to save. I have to save $3500 which will last me exactly one month in Sydney."

Minimum Wage (27th July)
"Imagine this scenario if you will: You finish high school thinking, "well what should I do now?" and you've got your dream career in mind so you decide to study that at university and three years down the track, or however long it took, you graduate with your Bachelor of Arts or whatever degree you decided to do. You begin the job interview process only to be told, "we decided to go with someone who had more experience". If I had a dollar for every time I've heard that phrase I'd have enough money for my one way ticket to Australia and probably enough to buy a fair chunk of property over there. Unfortunately you end up taking a position, any old position because you don't believe in unemployment, and for the first time in your life, you find yourself on MINIMUM WAGE despite your extensive experience, and you feel that this is beneath you so you decide to quit the job. You'd rather be unemployed than demean yourself to a) a position that you are overqualified for and b) to minimum wage when you've got more experience than anyone else in that job.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm normally one of those people who says there shouldn't be a minimum wage, that the market should decide what people get paid. I'm also anti unions and I'm anti state intervention. HOWEVER, it is unreasonable to expect someone with a university qualification and several years experience to work on minimum wage. That equates to $350 a week after tax in Auckland which is pittence:
- Rent: $200 (if you're frugal, and that's on the cheap side, depending on where you want to live).
- Phone: $20 (if you're the type of person who only has a mobile and makes regular calls).
- Internet - $50
- Transport - $35

Then there are the expenses like food, clothing, personal items, going out etc.I find it quite disgusting that someone in the same job can get paid $20 per hour in Australia = $560 after tax. That's an extra disposable income of around $200 per week which is quite significant when you add all your weekly expenses up. You see, $12 in NZ actually translates to $9.60 AUD. Doesn't that picture disturb you just a little bit? It makes my blood boil and I'm hot-headed enough as it is, without boiling blood.

I'm not suggesting the Government intervenes. I'm suggesting employers abolish collective agreements and allow people to negotiate their pay individually based on the level of experience they will bring to the role.

For the first time ever today, I found myself resigning from a job because it wasn't paying enough, and that's exactly what I told the supervisor (I guess I've become more willing to say my opinion again, since that time in Australia). Some people may be willing to demean themselves and work for minimum wage, but I'm not one of those people and if employers aren't careful more and more people are going to cross the ditch.

I'm already plotting my return to Aus in the next fortnight. This time I'm taking on Brisbane because it's Australia where wages are higher and yet Brisbane's cost of living is significantly lower than Sydney's. That cost of living in Brisbane is for a private room in a backpackers. It is 125% cheaper than Sydney."

In which we learn about a sexually transmitted parasite.

2008-07-21T22:11:00.005+12:00

Crab louse

The pubic or crab louse (Phthirus pubis) is a parasitic insect which spends its entire life on human hair and feeds exclusively on blood. Humans are the only known host of this parasite. Humans can also be infested with body lice (Pediculus humanus humanus) and with head lice (Pediculus humanus capitis).

Contents

1 Morphology

2 Biology

3 Epidemiology

4 Diagnosis

5 Clinical Information

6 Treatment

7 See also

8 References

9 External links

Morphology

The dorso-ventrally flattened body of the louse is divided into head, thorax and abdomen. A pair of eyes and a pair of antennae are clearly visible on the head. The mouthparts are adapted to piercing the skin and sucking blood. The second and third pair of legs, with their terminal claws are adapted to holding the hair-shaft, while the first pair of leg holds the skin during feeding. Abdominal protuberances on the side of the body are characteristic of this species. Males are slightly smaller than females. The eggs are oval-shaped and ca. 0.8 mm in length. Immediately after oviposition they are shiny, round, and transparent. Pubic lice are 1-2- mm in size, varying according to the stage of their development. They are usually whitish-grayish in color though they become reddish-brown for some time after a blood-meal.

Biology

Pubic lice are insect parasites, spending their entire life on the host's hair and skin and feeding exclusively on blood, 4-5 times daily. The life-cycle from egg to adult is 22-27 days. The egg hatches producing the first nymphal stage, which after three moltings develops to nymph 2, nymph 3 and subsequently to either a male or female louse. The incubation period of the egg is 7-8 days, while the rest of the cycle is taken up with the development of nymphal stages. The average adult female lives for 17 and the male for 22 days. ^[1] ^[2].

Epidemiology

Pubic lice usually infect a new host only by close contact between individuals, making sexual contacts among adults. Parent to child infestations are more likely to occur through routes of shared towels, clothing, beds or closets. Adults are more frequently infested than children ^[3].

Diagnosis

A pubic louse infestation is usually diagnosed by carefully examining pubic hair for nits, nymphs and adults. Lice and nits could be removed either with forceps or by cutting the infested hair with scissors (with the exception of the eye area). A magnifying glass or a stereo-microscope can be used for the exact identification. If lice are detected in one family member, the entire family needs to be checked and only those who are infested with living lice should be treated.

Clinical Information

Although any part of the body may be colonized, crab lice favor the hairs of the genital (Fig. 1) and peri-anal region. Especially in male patients, pubic lice and eggs can also be found in hair on the abdomen (Fig. 2) and under the armpits as well as on the beard and mustache, while in children they are usually found in eye-lashes (Fig. 3). Infestation with pubic lice is called Phthiriasis or Pediculosis pubis, while infestation of eye-lashes with pubic lice is called Phthriasis palpebrarum ^[4]. The main symptom is itching, usually in the pubic hair area. It results from hypersensitivity to louse saliva, and it becomes strong enough two or more weeks following initial infestation. In the majority of infestations a characteristic grey-blue or slate coloration appears (maculae caeruleae) at the feeding site, which may last for days and is also characteristic for the infestation. Pubic lice are primarily spread through sweat and body contact or sexual contact. Therefore, all partners with whom the patient has had sexual contact within the previous 30 days should be evaluated and treated, and sexual contact should be avoided until all partners have successfully completed treatment and are thought to be cured. Because of the strong association between the presence of pubic lice and classic sexually transmitted diseases (STD), patients diagnosed with pubic lice should undergo evaluation for other STDs. Infection in a young child or teenager may indicate sexual abuse.^[5]^[6]

Fig.1 Pubic lice in genital area

Fig.2 Pubic lice in abdomen

Fig.3 Pubic lice on eye-lashes

Treatment

Crab lice can be treated with Permethrin 1% cream rinse and pyrethrins can be used for this purpose and are the drugs of choice for pregnant or lactating women. These agents should be applied to the affected areas and washed off after 10 minutes. Shaving off or grooming any hair in the affected areas with a fine-toothed comb is necessary to ensure full removal of the dead lice and / or nits, though it does not suffice as treatment on its own. Resistance of pubic lice to pyrethroids must be if at all very rare. A second treatment after 10 days is recommended. Pubic lice on the eyelashes can be treated with a permethrin formulation by applying the solution to the infested hair with an applicator. It is dangerous to remove lice or eggs in the eyelashes by plucking or cutting the hairs.

Lindane shampoo (1%), a pediculocide, is FDA approved as safe and effective when used as directed for the second-line treatment of pubic lice (crabs). While serious side effects have been reported, they are considered to be rare and have almost always resulted from misuse of medication, such as excessive application and oral ingestion. To minimize this risk, Lindane medications are now dispensed in small single-use bottles. ^[7] ^[8] The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) notes that lindane should not be used immediately after a bath or shower, and it should not be used by persons who have extensive dermatitis, women who are pregnant or lactating or children aged under 2 years. ^[9] The FDA similarly warns against use in patients with a history of uncontrolled seizures disorders and premature infants, and recommends cautious use in infants, children, the elderly, and individuals with other skin conditions (e.g., atopic dermatitis, psoriasis) and in those who weigh less than 110 lbs (50 kg). ^[7]

This blog will mostly consist of blogs

2008-07-05T16:15:00.002+12:00

I’m really sorry about being absent from blogging for so long, but I’ve got great news, really really really freakin good news. It’s not strictly related to Liz Shaw but I don’t care, I can’t wait until next week to talk about it.

Anyway as some of you may know, I’ve had a really hard time trying to find a job lately (maybe because of my ridiculous standards and unwillingness to compromise LOL) but I was walking home when I got a call from a recruitment company wanting to interview me for a certain position. When I heard about it I was really really excited so I raced home and began typing up a practice email like they said I had to do. This was the only requirement. I’m not sure I mentioned this in the past but in Intermediate school I was in a writing competition when I had to write a poem about how I felt that the class rabbit died and I won and I even got a sticker and a certificate from the school principle when I went on stage at school assembly. This indicated that writing is a strength of mine – spaghetti monster knows it should be, I’ve spent years blogging about Liz Shaw.

Well anyway I wrote out the draft email (the company said it should be about 300 words long, and it should be about convincing someone to buy something) and everyone who read it said it was PERFECT and that it couldn’t get any better. But then I saw some spelling and grammar errors so I fixed them up and made the person read it again and they actually cried RAINBOW TEARS it was so good.

So yesterday was assessment day, and it was actually a lot more scary than I thought it would be. For a start, the company was out in an abandoned warehouse in Papatoetoe and there was graffiti all over the walls and stuff but the staff there was really nice, and it was very professional. First off we had group interviews, where they asked us individually what motivated us and stuff like that, and then we had psychometric tests which I think I did really well at. It turned out I’m something called a “Neurotic Extrovert” which I think sums up my personality pretty well.

After the test we had the one on one interviews where they asked to see our email templates. Mine went really well, even if the guy didn’t cry RAINBOW TEARS like my friend I could still tell he was really impressed. Then after everyone had had their interviews, they separated us into two groups, and my group was a lot smaller so I thought I had failed but no, it turns out those others were being dismissed. We who were left were told that we were the top 8% of university graduates from Sweden, which I found a bit strange because I got my degree in New Zealand, not Sweden, and anyway how could they tell that just from two hours of tests and group activities when my degree took three years to earn? But anyway that’s probably not important, I’m in the top 8% of graduates and that’s awesome, I’m awesome, hooray.

Then today we all came back to start our new jobs, and it turns out mostly I’ll be writing personalised email, creating fictitious fantasylands that people can subscribe to online. My character is a Nigerian Prince who is being persecuted by stringent laws imposed by his government, and so I have to think up creative ways to send money offshore. It’s a really exciting and challenging job, and it’s so much better than all the other jobs I’ve had in my life up to this point, bar none.

Don’t Come Around Here No More.

2008-06-07T16:11:00.002+12:00

When people move countries and find themselves immersed new culture, they tend to follow a fairly standard processes of adjustment and integration. First, they’re very excited about being there, seeing and experiencing so many new things. Later though, they begin to really realise how different things are. They begin to feel alone, cut off, from their home, friends, family and culture. They make cultural faux-pars, and fail to understand why everyone looks at them strangely, or is so seemingly hostile or rude. They start to hate the new culture, and the people within it. Some may ride it out, and eventually learn the nuances of the culture and integrate themselves within it. Others however, will take their misunderstandings as representative of a horrible culture, filled with rude and terrible people. So they leave the new culture, and return to somewhere they understand.

Naturally, it was quite interesting to see that Liz has more or less followed this process of sojourning. Had she moved to a significantly different culture, this would be expected.

However Liz moved to Sydney.

Amazing. Truly amazing.

Not surprisingly, Liz has found herself in conflict with not only the people of Sydney, but her (now former) workmates. Claiming that she “learns by making mistakes”, Liz no doubt made a lot of mistakes. However, this is clearly incorrect since Liz has made a great deal of mistakes throughout her years in the public eye and doesn’t appear to have had learnt to stop making them. More concerning is that she seems to use this as an excuse for making mistakes in the first place. I wonder if she realises that “learning by making mistakes” is a really, really bad idea when your job involves the general public and peoples lives.

But Liz has all that behind her now, and is going to move back to Auckland. Lucky us. On a positive note, she is planning to run in the General Election which should prove to be amusing for all involved. This will be for a couple of reasons. 1: Her past will come back to haunt her. 2: Liz will have a public meltdown because she can’t take the criticism and ‘bullying’ that goes along with being involved with politics and the public.

As some of you may have noticed, Liz doesn’t believe in mental illness, or any of those other meddlesome concepts of science such as gravity, the periodic table, the theory of evolution and germ theory.

For example:

“I just think that you guys try to justify my behaviour and my uniqueness but
maybe you heave to accept there is no justification and I'm normal. I just have
a unique way of thinking, just as we have to accept sometimes murderers kill for
no rational reason.”

Jesus Christ. Liz, if you have a unique way of thinking, this means you are not normal.
Your entire retarded and childlike anti-psychology position is going to cause a great deal of harm to people if you ever get involved with social work. Honestly, what would you do if you were working with someone with severe depression, and the only thing stopping them from killing themselves was a high dosage of SSRIs? Tell them to stop because you don’t believe they have an effect, and that they need to embrace their unique way of thinking? God forbid you ever have anything to do with schizophrenics.

To end my tangential and incoherent rant, here is an observation for Liz that I know she will fail to absorb, understand, or act on.

There is a common thread in all your misadventures. An underlying problem perhaps. Something that is the root of all your troubles.

It’s you Liz. And I don’t mean this in a derogatory and condescending fashion. It really is you.

You are the problem.

Sure, you can keep doing the whole “NO BODY CAN TELL ME HOW TO ACTAND HOW TYO LIVE” shit, but you’re only going to find yourself despised and ridiculed.

P.S: Since you’ve since lost your job, it can’t help telling you now. It really wasn’t a very smart move on your part to write on your blog about how you update and read it from work. And about how you were hung-over at work. And writing defamatory statements about someone. And about how you were going to get revenge on someone. Because if that person had wanted to, it would have been very easy to use that information against you. Before start developing a conspiracy theory, I, nor Byron didn’t do anything along those lines. Sure we may make fun of you, but we draw the line at belittling.

Right round, baby. right round

2008-06-01T18:29:00.007+12:00

Fret not fellow Shawnauts, we're still in business. I gave up on waiting for Bertie to post something (apparently writing about pigeons is a more "rational" use of his time than criticising Liz Shaw online. Hah!), so you'll have to settle with me in the meantime.

It's been a long month. Liz kicked it off by berating some fellow online, hurling shards of glass from the remnants of her own shattered house. My amusement segued quickly into uncomfortable-ness when she started talking about the poor dude getting raped and various other unpleasantries, especially when a few days later the REAL culprit was found to be someone else entirely. To Liz's credit, she moved quickly to take down the slurs regarding the first guy... and post a new list of slurs relating to the second. Once again Liz plays Israel to the internets unwitting Palestine.

More recently, Liz has been comparing Sydney to Auckland with a series of increasingly banal juxtapositions. Eventually this will culminate in a detailed comparison of the local microclimates and how they correlate to gang culture. Personally, I cannot wait.

Liz has also been out drinking! And then updating her blog from work, hungover, the next day. She is a study in common sense and responsibility, but we all knew this already.

Apart from this, she's been following the Elliott murder trial with some closeness, but I always skip these posts, because I fear they might bore me. Liz Shaw is many things, but boring she has not yet become, and I don't want to let her. I implore you Liz, stick to what you know: casual assumptions based on normative common sense, extrapolated to things like the economy and gravity.

I'm not going to say anything else, so as to leave my bastard co-blogger room to maneuverer when he's done fondling pigeons.

Our Mutual Friend

2008-04-28T21:14:00.004+12:00

You may have noticed already that this blog has changed its name to “Our Mutual Friend.” This is appropriate for several reasons, chief among them being that we are, admittedly, mindlessly derivative Liz Shaw fanboys. And I’m just fine with that.

Secondly, I love talking about what Liz Shaw thinks. Her opinions are like some sort of delicious cocaine, and I can’t help greedily eating my fill, sometimes three or four times a day. Something to be a little bit wary about, however, is ad hominem attacks against her. I’m all for calling her ideas retarded, but cyber-bullying isn’t really my thing. It’s a fine line, I know, and I realise it’s a little hypocritical coming from the co-creator of the one-stop, top-rated Liz Shaw fansite, but that’s just how I roll. That said, it’s not like we’re going to start moderating comments or anything. Just play nice, I guess.

Meanwhile! Liz has found herself gainfully employed at last. Working for the guv’ment, no less. One might anticipate this clashes somewhat with her libertarian ideals and values – it sounds as if she is becoming some minor-level bureaucrat – but at least she can fall back on Australia’s superior national anthem to balm her troubled ideology.

Speaking of which, Liz’s discussion of New Zealand and Australian national anthems has to be the most fatuous comparison since the terrorist leader in American Tigers said that killing cops was “like icing… on the cake, my friend.” Liz seems to be under the misapprehension that the national anthem of a country in some way defines, or is defined by, the country itself. People in New Zealand are lazy, she says, and therefore rely on God to save them. People in Australia on the other hand are hard-working and accepting, a land where even new Australians can advance themselves.

Obviously those refugees from the Tampa throwing their children into the ocean were under some kind of terrible mistaken belief that the Australian government wasn’t going to take them in otherwise, and they’d have to return home to surely starve. And that time locals in Sydney began rioting against Middle Eastern people – why, surely that was simply some anthem-illiterate yahoos. And the generational abuse of the Aborigine people and culture for over a hundred years – well, um. I’m struggling to rationalise this one, guys. They deserved it?

It’s all well and good to criticise the New Zealand work ethos – she wouldn’t be the first – but to justify it by referring back to the national anthem… Liz Shaw sets a precedent, not for the first time daring to go where mere mortals fear tread. Laurie Anderson would be turning in her grave, if she were dead.

On Lolbertarianism.

2008-04-22T11:18:00.002+12:00

Wow.

What a chaotic couple of weeks it’s been for Liz. First she moves to Sydney, gets a job working for a dodgy pseudo-pyramid scheme company, claims their dodgy recruitment process is somehow representative of some bizarre Australian attitude towards hiring processes, quits her job after two days, and begins planning to suck on the cock of the Australian taxpayer. This is slightly different from sucking on the teat of the taxpayer, like some kind of welfare queen. I assume that she will be doing something that warrants being paid money.

Hopefully the irony of a libertarian temping for a government department does not escape any of you.

Although this suggests that Liz is either not a libertarian, doesn’t understand what libertarianism actually is, or would sell out her principles for dollar. I suspect it is a combination of the above.
For example she’s been raving about the quality of the Sydney rail network. The same rail network that receives a $1.8 billion surplus each year, three times the amount they receive in fares, and has been widely slammed for being overcomplicated, unsafe, untimely, and a gigantic sinkhole of public funds. Clearly Liz is in favour of fiat money funded nanny-statism when it’s convenient.

Interestingly, Liz somehow conflates her experiences over the past few weeks with “Tall Poppy Syndrome”.

“It basically means that New Zealanders are serious and not fun loving or as
confident as people from other regions, they don't know how to have a laugh.”

No. This is not it all at.

I don’t particularly care to write much more, since it would not be a rational use of my time.

At least I don’t plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt.

2008-04-08T23:11:00.003+12:00

When deciding on a title for this update, I had a few ideas:

Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead.

New Zealanders who leave for Australia raise the IQ of both countries

I settled on the McCain quote, because it perfectly sums up Liz Shaw. Don't take this to mean that I'm comparing her to John McCains wife, heaven forbid. Zil is however, a trollop, and certainly seems to wear increasing layers of makeup in lieu of washing.

Don't take this at my word though. We have pictures.

Like everything Liz does, she unknowingly makes an idiot of herself for our amusement. Thanks Liz.

So there you have it. That’s just a small sample of the horrors available on her Facebook.

Some of you may notice that Liz is now a "Scienationist". This is highly amusing, since Liz has demonstrated a total absence of the most basic critical thinking, research and reading comprehension skills. Perhaps it is not surprising then that when you google "Science and Creation", the two words "Scienation" is a portmanteau of, you get pages about Creationism.

Thank Christ you won't be able to pollute Auckland with your foul, ignorant, misguided, irrational, illogical, Lolbertianism and Creationism any longer.

So it goes

2008-03-29T16:39:00.004+13:00

Firstly, apologies for the long time between updates. The delay does however provide for rich pickings in the form of this blog’s evil twin, Right Political Passion.

So what’s up with the comment feature on her blog? Apparently now only approved comments will show up (“Soon we'll end up having our mouths literally zipped and will have to eat through an IV tube or something. What is happening to this country and it's values?” – Liz), but it seems that even innocuous comments aren’t getting through. I made one to the effect of “Hey, don’t hassle BA degrees, I’m doing one,” or something similarly banal, and it disappeared into the ether. Possibly she’s still sore with me after the earlier Zil fanfiction, perhaps not realising it wasn’t about her, but rather a fictional character from the distant future.

“And no, that is not me acting like a dictator. This is my personal blog and I shall run it how I see fit.” – Liz. You can’t buy that kind of satire, people. My co-blogger Bertie, reading her post over my shoulder, is shaking his head in shocked astonishment, muttering, “It’s almost Strangelove-ian…”

Meanwhile, the comments that do get through are somewhat entertaining. Recently Liz, in a rare return to blogging about issues rather than herself, deigned to enlighten us on her views on breast feeding in the workplace (BAD) and shops closing during the Easter holidays (BAD also). Woman should be organised enough, she argues, to express breast milk before going to work, and then find somebody to feed it to their brat(s). She went on to complain that she personally was put at an inconvenience due to Easter trading regulations. Bonnie, a commenter on Liz’s blog, amusingly pointed out the hypocrisy of Liz wanting mothers to be organised enough to daily plan ahead to express milk for their babies, while Liz herself was so unorganised as to be unable to cope without the shops open for a day.

Obviously, Liz didn’t respond to this comment.

Just like she hasn’t responded coherently when taken to task with her research skills, regarding the naked news, soon to begin on Alt TV. Full of shocked and righteous feminist indignation (“I’m not a feminist…” – Liz), she was quick to condemn the smutty show (the hypocrisy here is enough to make a Catholic Priest blush), little realising the naked male weatherman also part of the show. She was quickly corrected by eager fellow-bloggers, who pointed out her research skills left something to be desired. Liz had this to say: “I did research it and don't make it out like I can't research because it's one of my fortes.” Mmm. One can well imagine her other fortes being acting and pornography. Not that one has to imagine all that hard, actually.

Anyhow, her research skills suffer further malignment in the form of her general ignorance regarding the company that conducted the poll on approval of Easter trading hours, namely Research New Zealand. Quick to assert some sort of bizarre Easter conspiracy, Liz concludes that because she hasn’t heard of this company, it’s a case of the media “pushing their own agenda once again.” In actual fact, Research New Zealand has been around for 18 years, and has conducted surveys for various Ministries and other organizations. The intense irony of Liz having not done her research on a company which conducts research, while obviously being employed in some sort of market-research company, is verging on painful. If Liz Shaw isn’t the pen-name for some sort of satirical mastermind, the likes of which New Zealand has never seen, I’ll eat my hat. After the market has supplied me with one, of course.

Liz also continues her vendetta against busses, and more specifically, bus drivers. While talking with a cellphone on the bus, the driver apparently told her to shut up, which she took offence to, called him a “retard,” and disembarked immediately. If I were driving a bus, I’d probably tell Liz Shaw to shut up too, even if she wasn’t talking (unlikely). While I can’t comment on the veracity of the events described above, I can suggest that perhaps a more appropriate response from the Queen of Sheba would have been to have prepared a list of riddles for the bus driver to answer, perhaps slowly absorbing him into herself if he answered incorrectly, like some sort of demented Sphinx. So it goes.

Meanwhile, if you’d like to meet us bloggers this evening, we’ll be down at Danny Doolins in the Auckland Viaduct this evening, having a quiet drink. I’ve been informed that through sheerest coincidence, young Liz has chosen this evening for her farewell party, at the exact same fine establishment we plan to go drinking at. It will be truly a wonderful experience for everyone involved.

2008-03-08T15:51:00.003+13:00

So, Liz has established that she can neither read, conduct basic research, or understand very, very simple concepts of psychology. This last point shouldn’t be too much of a surprise, since Liz considers herself a scientologist, attributing all maladaptive thoughts, feelings, and behaviours to a poorly written space opera/money making scheme, designed by a man named Lafayette.

What is surprising is how shockingly bad Lizs’ reading and research skills are. While I don’t particularly care to go into too much detail, the study referred to by The Herald did not find that SSRI drugs ‘did not work’. What it found is that in isolation, in cases of mild depression, they were no more effective than placebos. However, as the severity of depression increase, so did the effectiveness of SSRI drugs, relative to placebos, and recommendations were made that SSRI drugs should be used in conjunction with therapy. In short, Liz, you are an idiot, and should refrain from commenting on subjects you are demonstrability ignorant about.

Worryingly, the poor arguments made by Zil on this blog, her blog, and on various other websites, suggest that something is rotten in the state of the University of Auckland Politics faculty. If anything Liz has made publicly viewable and available on the internet is anything to go by, then the quality and worth of the BA has to be called into question.

In other news, she-who-must-not-be-named has hinted that she has been offered some type of job. My suspicion is that if she’s not lying, which would be surprising on its own, given her track record with ‘truth’, then the ‘job’ will be something along the lines of securing a money transfer for some down-on-their-luck Ugandan Princes.

While I’m sure that the offer of $86,000 Ugandan monies and a goat of her own are highly tempting, I doubt that it’s legitimate.

Failing that, she’s going to become a drug mule.

In all seriousness though, I wonder how long it will take before the unnamed horrors barely concealed between the thighs of eLizabeth are unleashed. I refer of course to those pictures.

I read something once, about how rational it is for a woman to pose in porn, or to work as a prostitute. The argument was that if you’re to pick either of those two options, the most rational choice is prostitution. Now that might sound a bit unusual, but there’s a fairly interesting logic behind it.

Firstly, talking about porn is now relatively socially acceptable, but being in porn isn’t. So if you were to say, know of someone that had stripped off and bared their ‘assets’ in a local porn rag of dubious quality, then there isn’t much shame in referring to it, or joking about it. Doubly so for infamous Liz. This makes staring in porn rather risky, so far as it catching up with you years (or weeks) later.

Prostitution however, doesn’t really have the same risk. It’s not really kosher to, or to brag about having had paid someone for sex. And it’s certainly not something that there is published pictorial evidence of.

In conclusion Liz, you will be haunted forever by NZX. It will never escape you.

Instead of aiming to work in the second oldest profession in the world, the first might have been a better, more rational choice.

The Moon is a Cruel Mistress

2008-03-02T11:19:00.006+13:00

The moonbase of New Sydney lies in the centre of the Tycho crater complex, 800 kilometres from the lunar North Pole. It is very small and obviously could not accommodate all of the actions described. Like the setting of this story, the characters, too, are fictitious.

Zil stared excitedly out the view panel of her rocket ship as it descended quickly to touch down at the New Sydney spaceport. The lunar moonbase loomed large in front of her, a series of domes and tubes spread across her field of view. In the distance she could see the dark silhouettes of other, failed libertopian lunar moonbases, their populations all sucked screaming into the dry, dead void of space. New Sydney’s population had thrived however, and so when Zil decided to leave the Earth for bigger and better things, the Moon (or, as McDonalds had bought naming rights some years previous after a successful merger with Disney, “Walt McVacuumLand™.”) had been her obvious choice.

She had done her research before setting out, and of the seven libertopian lunar moonbases currently populated and in operation on Walt McVacuumLand™, New Sydney had the best safety record. Only thirteen oxygen leak failures and twenty nine fatal decompressions since the colony was founded, nine years ago. And she would much rather live in an unsafe but Free lunar colony than one run by the dreaded Statists, with their mandatory taxes and their screeds of unnecessary red-tape legislation. No, the Captains of Industry could not function properly in such an environment, and so had long ago established their own libertopian colonies, among which New Sydney numbered.

As her space rocket touched softly down on Walt McVacuumLand™, Zil was thrown violently around the cabin, having ignored the instruction to fasten her safety clamps. Bruised and battered, she descended the pressurised boarding tube that led into the main colony, desperately trying to ignore the short hisses of escaping air from the several holes punched in the tube’s thin skin. Once inside the central complex, Zil set about trying to locate the Halls of the Captains of Industry, the place where she haoped for an audience with the Captains.

A few hours later, she was light-headed and disorientated. She took this to be because of Walt McVacuumLand’s™ weak gravitational pull, but it was in fact a result of nine years of unplanned habitat expansion creating something of a labyrinth (outsiders referred to the effect as a “lolbertarian warren”), as well as significantly higher nitrogen levels in the atmosphere than on Earth (it was cheaper that way).

I must throw myself on the kindness of fellow Free minds, she thought to herself, and stopped to ask a passerby for directions. “Excuse me, could you direct me to the Halls of the Captains of Industry, please?”

The man looked at her momentarily and then held his hand out. “Fifteen McDollars, please.”

Zil was confused. “But what for?”

“For the information,” the man replied. “Information is valuable, you know.”

Angered, Zil exclaimed “I work in the media, of course I know that!” She paid the man, and he gave her a brief set of directions. After a few minutes, she entered the demesne of the Captains of Industry. Haunting music played softly in the long hall she found herself in, and rich carpets adorned the walls and floor. At the end of the hall, a tripartite throne was occupied by the Captains.

The one on the left was wearing an Ayn Rand mask. “I am the Captain of all that is past,” she said, then began cackling uncontrollably. The one in the middle, wearing a mask of Ron Paul, said, “I am the Captain of all that is,” and then spat tobacco into a nearby spittoon. The one on the right was wearing a Lindsay Perigo mask, and declared, “I am the Captain of all that will be. Now what can we do for you, Zil?”

Zil gasped in astonishment. “But how did you know my name?” she asked breathlessly.

Ayn Rand laughed haughtily. “The Captains know everything the Free Market knows! Where goods are exchanged, we are there. When you bartered directions to this place with that man, we were there in spirit. We know all about you, Zil.”

“Then you know why I came?”

Ayn Rand and Ron Paul looked towards Lindsay, who looked uncomfortable. “No. Your intentions are hidden to us. The Free Market cannot foresee your proposal, whatever it might be.”

At this Zil was gladdened. Her move hadn’t been a waste of time after all. She just had to convince them of her idea.

“Basically, where I come from, the news media is really bad. It doesn’t have much time for international affairs. What I’d like to do is set up a newspaper here in New Sydney, extolling the virtues of Free Market Capitalism, while also putting close focus on international matters. But to do that, I’ll need investment, in the form of printers, and an initial sum to set myself up.”

The Captains looked at each other quizzically for a moment, before Ron Paul turned to Zil and said, “You are aware of course we have neither nations nor trees on Walt McVacuumLand™.”

Zil shrugged. “Why does that matter?”

Ayn Rand leaned forward slightly. “Usually one must have nations in order to have international reports. Similarly, it is technologically challenging to make paper without trees.”

Angrily, Zil shook her head. “You don’t understand! This could be perfect! It’s never been done before! This is cutting-edge stuff!”

Ayn Rand shrugged. “I’m sorry Zil. There’s just no room on the New Sydney libertopian lunar moon base for your newspaper.”

Zil was shaking with anger and frustration, and stalked out of the Hall of the Captains of Industry, heading back to her temporary quarters in New Sydney. She had paid rent six months in advance, but it appeared it would all go to waste. She had dreamed while still on Earth that the grass would be greener up here on the moon. Unfortunately, she had discovered that no grass grew on the moon after all.

***

Back in the Hall of the Captains of Industry, they put down their masks and looked at one another. “You think she bought it?” The man who had been wearing Ayn Rand’s mask asked.

“I think so,” said the woman who had been wearing Lindsay Perigo’s. “I’ll get in contact with FedEx and have them courier up what’s left of the Amazon. You try and find some surplus printers. Without intellectual copyright law, there’s nothing to stop us taking her idea and running it into the ground! Quickly now, we’ve got a sub-par broadsheet to produce!”

***

In her closet-sized room, Zil felt despondent and unhappy. There was only one thing to cheer her up at times like these. She opened her backpack and removed the laminated copy of L. Ron Hubbard’s Dianetics, and then flipped to the back cover flap, and stared intently at L. Ron’s picture. Rubbing her penis gently, she soon achieved climax, splattering sperm across Hubbard’s face. At least her trip to the moon wouldn’t be all bad.

Just another night, another dream, It's like a vision of love that seems to be true

2008-02-23T15:44:00.004+13:00

So, as you’re no doubt aware, ole’ Lizo plans to leave New Zealand for the, apparently, greener pastures of Australia.

Unfortunately, this means she will be unable to run in the general elections, so we’re going to miss out on the inevitable hilarity that occurs any time she talks about politics and policy.

Now, knowing that Liz tends not to put a lot of thought into what she says and does, one might be worried that she’s just going to turn up in Sydney, and hope that someone just hands her a job, seeing her for the talented, intelligent woman she fiercely believes she is.

Don’t worry though, she won’t just arrive in Sydney, ending up living out of a cardboard box, or under a bridge.

I am, of course, referring to her BIG PLANs, the first of which is, uh, finding somewhere to live.

It certainly says something about Liz that she needs to make “don’t be homeless” a goal to focus on.

Interestingly, she feels confident about having made the decision. Why? Because of a dream.

Yes.

A dream.

Fancying herself to be a Jungian analyst, she looks deep into the dream, and identifies the symbolism buried within.

I've been thinking about my move to Australia so much the last few days that I'm even starting to dream about it. Last night I had a dream where I started outside the Karori Tunnel in Wellington, but it was the Botanic Gardens side of it. I then had a bike which I was riding but before I got to the tunnel there was a man and a parked car which was a blue Peugeot Sedan, and the guy was trying to sell it to me, but I declined and continued riding the bike through the tunnel. When I got to the other side I was in Australia and the grass was literally greener in parts and there were mountains and I had to ride the bike to get to Sydney.

This represents so many things:
*The Karori Tunnel - Karori is my birth suburb, a suburb I've spent 11.5 years in.
*The Peugeot - When I first moved to Auckland I remember we were doing a project for Peugeot at my job of the time.
*The tunnel itself - transition from one area to another.
*The greener grass - prosperity and growth.
*The mountains - Obstacles and goals.
*The bike - Independence and balance.

This was such a symbolic dream and I'm really glad I had the dream actually because it shows where I've come from and where I'm going now.

This does, of course, ignore the truth of the matter. You cannot get anything useful from dreams, and any attempts at analysis are nothing but the work of evil psychiatrists.

As a scientologist, Liz should know this.

You never count your money while you’re sitting at the table

2008-02-18T17:47:00.003+13:00

It’s with a heavy heart that I’ve been reading of late Liz Shaw’s plans to leave our country and join the diaspora of kiwis heading to that glowing beacon of liberty and economic freedom, Australia. Normally I would lament Liz’s addition to the “brain drain,” but in this case it may actually result in a net increase to New Zealand’s mean intelligence.

Perhaps most upsettingly, Liz has derailed my plans of moving into Auckland Central and attempting to vote her into office. It seems that now I must follow her to Australia, or some other far-flung and exotic locale, in order to reward the natives for taking her in by electing her to power. I would then sit safely in my underground bunker, reinforced against poorly-driven cars and trucks, laughing as Liz’s locality of choice slowly and satisfyingly disintegrated.

But in the meantime, we must treasure the precious Liz-time remaining to us. Jump on each logical inconsistency an rip it to shreds with our eager ignorance-grinding molars of justice. And because of this, perhaps we should examine why exactly Lil’ Liz is quitting NZ.

Liz is perhaps the least media-savvy person I have met, excepting the elderly, who occasionally ask me what a Paris Hilton is. Made infamous by New Zealand Idol, and terrifying by NZX magazine, Liz Shaw’s particularly open and unguarded style of discourse has made her almost universally reviled by those aware of her opinions. Oh, those ever-changing opinions. She is Liz Shaw, eater of words, if not worlds (yet). In recent months, Auckland’s public transport has gone from being the best in the world to “I'm not just talking about the North Shore anymore. Grey Lynn buses are also unrelaible [sic], some buses never come and every bus is late, that's right, every single bus is late. I am so insanely sick of it.”

This is one of the many reasons to hold out hope of Liz not going to Australia (the others including her getting fired from her job for gross negligence/incompetence, mood swings, the offer of more porn jobs, spontaneous personality improvement, frontal lobotomy – the list goes on, people). She’ll probably change her mind. And if not, may I eat these words.

Liz Shaw, you are the demons.

Rebel, Rebel

2008-02-14T10:58:00.000+13:00

Like most lolbertarians, Liz frequently expresses irrational and inconsistent views on authority figures, and what they can, and cannot tell her to do. A particular bugbear of hers’ is the “licensing system in New Zealand”.

She takes issue with the validity of licensing tests, stating that they don’t “show how they handle real life situations.” Instead of suggesting that people be required undertake additional driver training in order to get their licenses, and be allowed to legally drive on public roads, Liz suggests that we do away with the entire system.

Why? Well, as expected it’s along the lines of “SCREW YOU DAD I WONT TAKE THE RUBBISH OUT”, but in the context of driving a car on public roads.

Apparently, BIG G_VNMENT doesn’t have any right to tell her how to drive her car on our roads. Well, actually Liz, they do. If you take her incredibly inane argument to it’s next logical step, T_E G…vmeT has no right to dictate that we shouldn’t drive on the wrong side of the road, drive naked, or blindfolded, or while wearing inappropriate footwear.

She also makes the argument that she should be allowed to drive at any time she pleases. Of course, she attempts to rationalise this by explaining that driving at night is easier than driving during the day, because there are less cars on the road. This is….dumb. The human visual system processes stimuli significantly slower in dark environments. This is particularly important for inexperienced drivers, such as Liz, because they tend to focus on the wrong part of the road, meaning that their ability to react to corners, other cars, and well, pretty much anything involved in driving is hindered. But you know, ad hoc rationalisations of selfish and idiotic behaviour are cool too.

Her entire argument is as retarded as serial drink drivers claiming that a few beers makes them ‘drive betterer’, and that it ‘helps them concentrate’.

There’s also this gem.

“It isn't up to the Government to dictate to me if I can drive well, or if I
can't. It's up to experience on the road and a lack of a crash”

Okay Liz, so we should decided who can drive based on how much experience they already have driving, and how many crashes they’ve had. Unfortunetly for Liz, unless she has a fairly lax set of criteria, she’s already disqualified herself from being able to drive in Fabulous Libertopia.

“I caused my car crash two years ago. I caused it by wearing inappropriate
footwear. I was wearing boots and when I saw the light of the other vehicle, my
feet must have slipped. When I say I was wearing boots, I mean stiletto boots,
but don't worry, I have no intention of driving in anything but sneakers in the
future.”

Too bad Liz, you’ve already disqualified yourself.

In short: Liz makes a series of poorly thought out and overly simplistic arguments for letting retards drive on our roads up until the point that they kill someone.

And Liz, if you’re going to drive on our roads, you’re going to have to abide by our rules. If you don’t like them, either try to get them changed, or don’t drive.

MINIMIM WAGE AND OTHER RIDICULOUS POLICIES BROUGHT IN BY THE LIBERAL PARTY

2008-02-12T20:56:00.000+13:00

Being my debut post on Political Passion Passion (PPP) I thought it best to start with a Liz Shaw “classic of the genre.” A classic of the genre has to fit certain criteria in order to be so-classed: It must be logically inconsistent, self-defeating, use theoretical philosophical arguments no more recent than one hundred and fifty (150) years in age, contain occasional non-sequiturs, and lastly and most importantly, blame the Labour party in some way, for some thing. You may think that this combination of factors is somewhat rare to behold, but only if you’re not a regular visitor to Political Passion (pee pee).

Without further adieu then, let us begin to critically assess Liz Shaw’s argument. Needless to say, she’s not too keen on a minimum wage. She quotes a wikipedia article stating the proponents of minimum wage base their arguments on ethics and social justice. This is what she has to say about that:

“I don't know about you, but I do not see it as being a matter of ethics and social justice. I see it as being the state interfering in the market which should be free of regulation. In true capitalism, the market will achieve balance and prosperity on its own.”

That’s right, the invisible hand of the market with gently guide the destitute away from sweatshops and brothels, and towards gainful and ethical employment. Just like it has in every country in the world without strong labour laws. Like China.

“Some maintain that what people are paid is an ethical issue. I disagree, on the basis that people should earn what they deserve. Can you please explain to me why a 16 year old should get paid the same as a an adult who has a greater education, and therefore wealth of knowledge, and more work experience?”

I CAN explain why this problematic to you Liz, and will proceed to do so. Firstly, you are assuming the 16 year old is less qualified to work than a person over 18. You probably made this decision based on “common sense,” which you have a good deal of. However, what if in some crazy world, not everyone had the exact same abilities? What if some 16 year olds had higher qualifications than some 30 year olds? It’s certainly feasible. Ah, the Liz Shaws of the blogosphere protest, but the 30 year old would have more life experience. Well yes, 30 is older than 16. But what does “life experience” matter when stacking shelves, or ringing things through a supermarket checkout? You can have a very mature 16 year old, and a very moronic 30 year old – how can you judge? Why should you judge?

“Further to this, why should there be minimum wage? Surely this just opens up opportunities for companies to pay someone less than their worth because there is less negotiating power. This is because they may pay person a, x amount because they don't have to pay them any more than that and person b may get paid y amount, which is more than their worth. Where is there justice in that?”

Liz Shaw’s writings often touch a profound chord within me. Usually this chord is about halfway up my throat, and produces a severe gagging reflex not unlike a spasmodic vomiting. First off, if company “a” decides to pay person “x” the minimum wage because they have to by law, surely this implies if the law didn’t exist, they would pay the person as little as they could get away with and not be accused of slavery. As to why person “b” may get paid more than their worth – I have to wonder whether Liz Shaw has ever tried living by herself on minimum wage, let alone tried being married while on it, or (sweet imaginary god forbid) raising a pack of child creatures. Attempting these feats on some wage very far below the current minimum is asking for civic disobedience.

“I believe that the market will correct itself and people will determine their worth on an individual basis, not on what the Government says they are worth. I believe companies should be free to make up their own minds on how much they pay an employee…”

This paragraph is somewhat disingenuous. The government doesn’t tell companies they can’t determine the worth of their own employees: it tells companies that their employees are worth at least a certain amount, i.e., the amount required for a semblance of dignity and perhaps a grasping chance at happiness. It’s not like there’s a maximum wage limit.

Liz goes on to mention her dislike of current law which requires that in bars and restaurants, smoking be limited to outside areas. She says of the matter,

“The Government already made us smoke outside, which in practise I don't mind. It's great to go outside and get some fresh air while having a cigarette. What I do mind is being told what to do. I'm a consenting adult, as are the rest of the smokers. Nobody forces us to smoke. The non smokers have the same right to go to a place where they are not going to be affected by smoking.”

Liz’s generous offer of having us non-smokers “go someplace else” to not smoke is certainly well-intentioned, which makes it all the more ludicrous. It’s a bit like having a law against people stabbing themselves at 15-minute intervals while at a bar or restaurant. It doesn’t affect anyone else. It dramatically shortens your life. But even so, the casual restaurant-goer doesn’t really want to be subjected to your suicidal tendencies. Especially since in the case of smoking, second hand smoke ensures that any suicidal tendencies soon tend towards manslaughter. Last year 500,000 Americans died to smoking-related causes. Quite frankly, I’m looking forward to more enlightened times when people will look back and question the sanity of people who sucked desperately at tumour-sticks as if they were delicious candy, but in the meantime, please don’t give me cancer, thanks Liz. Just because you enjoy a good fag doesn’t mean I should have to find a new favourite café, you selfish and self-harming hag.

A-hrem.

Liz also states

“Another ridiculous policy as brought in by Labour is the EFA but go to www.therighttimes2008.blogspot.com for further analysis.”

This the where the blaming-Labour thing comes in. If young Ms. Shaw knew a little more NZ history, she would find that current wage laws had their beginnings in the Liberal party of New Zealand, which later lost elections to Labour. Although she enjoys using the ubiquitous wikipedia to do research, she must not have read the relevant sections of the website before beginning to rant. How terribly unusual.

Finally, Liz ends her sermon with this little paragraph, without which I doubt the post would qualify as a “classic of the genre” –

“The Government has to act morally, which they currently do not do. I'm referring to a Bill that was passed in 2003, the Prostitution Reform Act. This Act legalised the running of brothels and allowed prostitutes to keep earning a living this way.”

Although prostitution involves an act between two consenting adults and is fully regulated by NZ labour laws, Liz seems to find this trade in some way morally offensive. It’s almost like her Libertarian tendencies are fighting a battle against her morals as a reasonable human being, and the occasional gem of a non-sequitur is occasionally thrown up as a result. I suspect she employs some elaborate system of doublethink in order to hold true to her libertarian ways while at the same time remaining ignorant on the many ways she undermines them. If represented graphically, I believe it would look something like this:

As you can see, prostitutes occupy some strange middle-ground in Liz’s horrifically dated philosophy. That’s the end of the entry, anyhow. For the reasons outlined above, I hereby declare this a LIZ SHAW CLASSIC OF THE GENRE.

Functional Illiteracy.

2008-02-12T10:57:00.000+13:00

"China silences New Zealand.
dSo it appears as if the Chinese are exerting some influence over whether or not we have freedom of speech. According to the New Zealand Herald,

The New Zealand Olympic Committee has been named by a Taiwanese newspaper as
oneof three countries, including Britain and Belgium, attempting to stop
athletesfrom commenting on political and human rights issues at this year's
games inChina.

This is getting ridiculous the extent to which New Zealanders are trying to prevent others from speaking their opinion (comments have been reactivated because I don't want to be a hypocrite), and what's even more disturbing is that according to a poll on the New Zealand Herald site 43% of people have no problem with this move.

Soon we'll end up having our mouths literally zipped and will have to eat through an IV tube or something. What is happening to this country and it's values? I guess this is what happens when you seek an FTA with China, you end up having to make concessions at the expense of the average citizen and human rights.

I'd like to say I'll boycott these Olympics but I do that every time they're on. Instead I think I'll just blog about how crap they are and that I can't believe they're actually being held in China this year.
Posted by Liz Shaw at 3:11 AM "

So, China is forcing the NZOC to change their position on atheletes making political commentary. No doubt this is some kind of conspiricy involving Labour as well.

Oh wait, it's not.

"NZOC communications manager Ashley Abbott said the report was misleading and that a clause in an agreement covering athletes was a standard one for all previous Olympic Games.

A clause in the New Zealand agreement required Olympic participants to not make statements, demonstrate (whether verbally, or by any act or omission) regarding political, religious or racial matters, "as such matters are contrary to the objects and purposes of the NZOC".

Ms Abbott said the clause was "a general athlete agreement in place designed to protect the athletes, the NZOC and the Olympic Games. We do not ban athletes from speaking, athletes agree to reasonable limitations on what they can and can't say that could have a negative effect on the NZOC, the IOC or the Olympics"."

Debate the merits of such a policy as much as you want, but attributing it to it some kind of subversive 'yellow menance' is, well, dumb.

In which Liz conforms to a stereotype

2008-02-10T13:43:00.000+13:00

"Saturday, February 9, 2008
SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M TRYING TO FUCKING SLEEP.
Some people seriously need to shut the fuck up. I am sick of being woken up every fucking day. It is 9am on a fucking weekend. Where is the fucking consideration?I'll tell you where, some people have none.
Posted by Liz Shaw at 12:15 PM"

"Saturday, February 2, 2008

Most people are pretty cool
So last night I went to a farewell party, was pretty cool. It started at 4pm but I arrived around about 5pm. There were so many cool people there who I'd heard of through the net and people I hadn't seen in ages including an old workmate, and a few people from uni.

It was a good night until noise control showed up and decided that the music had to stop, and then at around 1am the police showed up. What the hell? Have people nothing better to do with their time than complain about a group of people having fun, and than to complain to noise control? And haven't the police got anything better to do with their time either?

Afterwards was cool though, even made it into town for a while before getting home at 6am trashed as hell and sleepy as hell.

The hangover was definitely worth it though:-)

This is my only blog now later on I'm sure I'll post about something that's been in the media today that has interested me.
Posted by Liz Shaw at 5:35 PM "

Well done Liz, you've yet again managed to live up to the stereotype of Libertarians being inconsiderate, self-centred and irrationally arrogant.

This is hilarious

2008-02-10T09:58:00.001+13:00

"A study has just come out which has revealed that bullying harms children's mental health. I'm laughing at the stupidity of this article. Tell us something we don't know. I mean seriously, god of course bullying harms people's mental health.

I've been a target of bullying, I'm still a target of bullying and yes, I confess that for a while it harmed my confidence but through acting/presenting classes I gained it back despire the constant critiques we received and it's probably in the best shape its ever been in.

I don't reven read negative comments anymore. If I wanted to be abused I would go to South Auckland in the middle of the night. But to get back to this article, I just can't believe the stupidity of some reporters or people in the public who believe that this doesn't have a negative impact, or who are only just starting to realise. I swear that sometimes the media is run by a pack of monkeys who have zero intelligence and no common sense.

That isn't what I was going to blog about though, I now have enough money in my bank account to buy 10% of a car. I have a make and model in mind, and a limit of what I'm willing to spend. I must admit this feels good because now I have a damn good reason to not go back to smoking ever again, okay I admit, I have a pack in my room at home, but I only had like one cigarette yesterday and none today, I'm barely a smoker, but it's not an easy habit to give up.

Oh and check out this hilarity here, apparently millions buy Valentines presents for themselves. This is just sad what the media reports and what they find interesting. This is non news. The real news is why the heck was a plane carrying 7 passengers from Blenheim to Christchurch hijacked by a Somalian woman? What did she hope to gain?

Okay I admit it, I'm just as bad as the mainstream media, but I try my best not to be:-)

Posted by Liz Shaw at 6:17 PM"

Thanks for that Liz. With your skills of 'common sense' we have no need of science or empirical evidence.